Asmongold TV - About my dad. | Asmongold TV

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

About my dad. Asmongold podcast for all of his stream highlights, competitions, reactions & more. ----------------- --------- Keywords: asmongold, gaming community, streamer content, gaming opinions, gaming drama Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey guys, I don't really have much of a script for this one. Just going to kind of do it off the top of my head. And I guess I want to talk a little bit about my dad. One of you guys probably already know. But earlier this week, he passed away. And it was pretty traumatic, to say the least. And I was there with him the whole time. It was just me and him.

And I kind of want to talk a little bit about it and explain. kind of where I'm at and also kind of like give you guys an explanation of oh why hasn't he been on well that's the reason uh three or four days before he passed the doctors told me that well actually let me take a step back okay so ever since about 2003 his health has been on the decline and it has been on the decline despite his best efforts um he had fought against multiple uh infections he got pneumonia six times and two years basically, maybe a little bit longer than that. And one of them ended up, the most recent one ended up leaving him hospitalized. That was the one later in June.

And that's never things really, you know, kind of the temperature of things really got turned up and it started getting really bad. But for about two years now, I've been doing a lot. I've been going over his house, you know, multiple, multiple times a week, doing a lot of chores for him, doing things like, you know, anything from going shopping for him to, you know, like doing the sheets on his bed, making sure that his fours vacuumed, et cetera, right? I was basically maintaining his entire house and cleaning it because, you know, I didn't want to have to, you know, like, I guess, you know, it's in a way dishonorable, I think, to him to, like, ask for maids to come

clean up his house, especially. And so it was my responsibility, I thought, as his son, to do that for him, and I did. And so that was the reason why I was a reason why I was a of times I would in my stream at about 7 to 8 p.m. It's mainly just to call him and, you know, make sure that he has everything he needs. And this has been something I've been doing for the past two years. Ever since June of this year. And I mean, this is all, let me one more. I apologize. As I said, I don't really have like much of a internal script for this one. But when he got his pneumonia for the fourth time, before the fourth pneumonia, this is, he's 76 years old. He's been through Vietnam. He's had heat stroke before. He has, you know, again, 78. Half of one of his lungs was gone.

And he was still walking, you know, a brisk, like, 5K every single day in like 30 or 40 minutes. And this is like at 76 years old. He would do this every single day. And so, and this is after three pneumonia, but the fourth one really kind of, you know, pretty much almost got him. I mean, and, you know, we were talking about this and, you know, he was a fan of boxing. And so, you know, he was saying, you know, it was like the count was six or seven, right? And, you know, it was like four or whatever. It's like he was almost out with that fourth pneumonia. But somehow he managed to pull through and with a good type of new antibiotic and everything he had recovered pretty much, excuse me, pretty much entirely. And this was kind of like this had gone relatively well. Like he

was going back to being at the store. He lived alone pretty much his whole life. And, you know, even at the end, I would come over every single day and help him for hours, but he did live alone. Like, he would shower by himself. He would be able to take care of himself, cook himself meals, et cetera. Although that was something that I was kind of like, you know, because I could see, you know, I'm not stupid, right? And like, I could see where things are going. So I had a lot of, you know, like, you know, home care stuff, personal chef set up and everything were for whenever, whenever he thought it was time, I would be ready for it to be time. And so ever since 2003, he and I had been on relatively the same page that we were kind of living on bar of time.

And it was a miracle that he even came out of that pneumonia at all. And we ended up being able to earlier this year go to Florida. And Florida is where I was born. It's where he grew up as well. and it's where the majority of my family is. And so we went out there and, you know, I think back right now to, you know, like the fact that we were able to go out there. He was able to see everybody in the family and spend all this time with them. And at the time, I was very frustrated because I had to take time away from my stream. It was the same week that Expedition 33 came out. I was very frustrated and annoyed, also oblivion.

But, you know, I look back on that and I'm just so proud and happy that I ended up making that decision. this point, right? Because he was able to see everybody, and he saw them in good health, too. Like, he was, I don't know how this even happened, but he was 78 at the time, and he was still walking around and, you know, like, going from like 9 a.m. to like 2 a.m. every single day. And so he had an incredible amount of energy, had like multiple, multiple, multiple jobs. And so now, I guess now I can finally go to the recent period of time, which, is whenever I kind of started being very intermittent, my streaming, you can look at my graph, and, you know, like my stream hours had went way down, right? And this was the reason. It was because

my dad had been to the hospital four times, or sorry, three times. And the third time was obviously the time that didn't leave. But the first time, he had pneumonia, and he called me and, you know, things just progressively got worse. The second time, he called me, and I'm on the phone with him. and he calls me in the morning he says hey i don't want to get freak out okay like you always do but uh i've got a cute liver failure and i need to go to the emergency room right now and i'm like i i was like so in shock i was like i didn't know what to say and so i asked him i said are you are you cooked and he's like what does that mean i'm like are you dead and he's like i don't know let's go find out and I'm like okay and so we go over there and um you know like he turned out

long story short had pancreatic cancer not a good day worse cancer to have and I remember telling him that he had pancreatic cancer and somehow he didn't get the memo that he had pancreatic cancer I was the one that was called and told before he was and so he didn't get the memo that he had pancreatic cancer I was the one that was called and told before he was and so he called me and he's complaining about the nurses because the nurses are waking him up at night and he's in the middle of a rant and I interrupt him and I say pa just real quick did the doctor talk to you he says no he says what's going on I said you've got pancreatic cancer he's okay well so anyway so it's like four in the morning and this bitch comes in here and he didn't even he didn't even care they can give a fuck

and so and it was honestly like I've never met a person in my entire life who gave less of a fuck than my dad. It's honestly been inspiring to me and, you know, hopefully I try to embody that as as much as I can. But it was really astonishing. And so he was in the hospital for that. And he came out of that. And obviously we went to the oncology place and guys, I hate to say it. Man, like, I've been to hotels that are worse and that don't look as good as these oncology fucking, you know, places, these like clinics, everything. Never curing cancer. bro like this is like they've got like fucking like everything is wood like you know like polished oak and you know like you go into the bathroom and it's got like almost like a golden fucking

toilet so yeah guys I don't know about this whole cancer cure thing you've got going on a little bit a little bit unlikely but anyway so my dad um you know he and I went there and you know he got along really well with the doctor and you know he's he's walking in there by the way this is like after he's supposed to be on oxygen and he had recovered so much that he would be walking around, this is like literally, like at this exact time, right? More than about two weeks ago, he was walking around the local grocery store here, H.E.B. He was walking around with no oxygen, the whole store, just talking to people, shopping like normal, right? And then, you know, it was really the chemotherapy, I think really

was what got him, is that he had his first, I think it was chemotherapy. And then this is like the same week that he was actually walking around the store. So like he had even got chemo. He was still walking around, no oxygen and everything. After the pneumonia, after the pancreatic cancer diagnosis, he was stage 2A with pancreatic cancer. So we were talking about like maybe, you know, like they were able to do a procedure to remove it. In retrospect, this procedure, you know, if I think back on like, what do they really do?

This is like something that they would do in like Game of Thrones, right? It's like a, this isn't a surgery. This is like a procedure done by a medieval alchemist. And I don't really think that he would have probably enjoyed that. And it's, you know, like, realistically, I talked to my aunt about this. And she said, like, just do not get this procedure. It's really, really bad. It's actually worse.

You know, the treatment is worse than the disease. You know, just enjoy your last year and a half to two, three years. And, you know, like, trust me, it's going to be better. Because also, whenever you remove it, there's a chance. that on a microbiology molecular level that cancer does end up spreading anyway. And so, but there have been no metastasizing, et cetera. And my dad wanted to go through the chemotherapy. And he said, all right, let's fuck it.

Let's just do it. And I said, okay, all right, well, this is what you want to do? We're going to do it, right? It's his life. And so anyway, we went through it. Second chemo, the day of his second chemo, like, he had been feeling like kind of not really great, but I kind of chalked that up to the first time he had gone out and done all that stuff that one day. And it's like you haven't gone out or done anything for an entire month.

He's even driven a car for a month and you do all of this and you go to the bank too after this. And a big surprise, you know, you're not really doing super great after that. But anyway, this is like maybe about like a week and a half ago. Like we go to the second chemo appointment and he comes home and he's like talking, talking, talking like he told, oh my God, it's talking in odd stuff, right? And so on the way home and then halfway through the way home, he was just like, right he was tired and like i get it like because he's done this before right i didn't really think much of it but he comes back home and he just collapses on the bed and he's like after that he's like super like cold he's shivering the house by the way like we forgot to turn on the ac it's like 90 degrees

fahrenheit it's so fucking hot and so anyway uh you know he's sitting here and just freezing cold and his back's hurting him he can't fucking catch his breath everything is awful and i'm like thinking like, okay, well, I want to go home and get ready because, you know, I want to go live tomorrow. But, like, I couldn't do that because he was just in this situation. So, you know, one thing led to another and I ended up just sleeping on the floor next to his bed that night. And, you know, he couldn't catch his breath all night. It was just awful. The next day, we had an appointment for a pulmonology appointment. And we figured, well, I mean, instead of just going to the hospital, we might as well have them admit us to the hospital because it was

pretty evident that that's what was going to happen. And so, um, we, we go and, you know, I have to, you know, take him in on a wheelchair and, you know, everything like that. He's on his oxygen, et cetera. And, you know, like, he's not even like super really responsive. Like, you know, usually, like, you guys have seen him, like, talking, like, multiple times. Like, he's, he used to be a college professor, right? I mean, like, he was extremely sharp. And, um, you know, this is something that, like, I mean, besides, like, this last, like, week and a half, uh, he would, he'd, he'd, he'd, he'd, he'd never really lost much of his edge. And anyway, so, you know, basically like this is what happened. And, you know, he just kind of went into the hospital and obviously his blood pressure was like 70 over 50.

So that's not a very good one, is it? And he goes to the hospital, he gets admitted. And things basically are not good, but they're, you know, like, oh, we think it's this, we think it's that. the end result is that I don't think that they ever really found out entirely what was wrong with them but in my opinion it's like oh yeah you go and get chemo and then after that you collapse and have a massive fucking crash out where you can't breathe probably it was because of the chemo right I mean I can't be sure but that's pretty much it and so uh four days before he passed three days before he passed the doctors I had two doctors in there telling me that um you know it wasn't a matter of if but when he gets

out of the hospital. I'm pulling into the hospital the next day. The doctor calls me and she says that, well, we don't know if he's going to leave the hospital. So, whiplash, to say the least. And I'm like, I'm freaking out, right? I mean, like, I, it's just, just like this is just, oh my God, right? Because I'm dealing with this, by the way, primarily by myself. You know, like all my families in Florida, lucky enough, and I'll get to this, but I was able to handle all this on my own. I did all this by myself. You know, I had friends that would, you know, reach out and try to help me, et cetera. But, you know, for the most part, it was really just me doing all of this. And I'm lucky in a lot of ways. But, you know, like he had a lot of, he's had a lot of friends over

the years, obviously. And so, you know, many of them were able to, like, come see him and everything. But, you know, I think about it a lot myself. And I think to myself, like, well, Like growing up, and even, like, as an adult, there was a lot of friction between me and my dad, right? I would get very angry at him. I'd be very, very furious, angry at him for a number of reasons. Same with my mom, but especially my dad. And I had a lot of resentment for a lot of different reasons, et cetera. Like, I love my dad.

I always love my dad. But he would make me frustrated a lot, and the way that he would act sometimes would make me uncomfortable, and it would bother me a lot. And so there was a very big amount of friction there. But, you know, I remember when I was a kid, and he would always say this. He says, I'm not here to be your friend. I'm not here to hang out with you. I'm not here to be your buddy. I'm here to be your father and to raise you. So, you know, when the time comes and I'm gone, you're going to be able to keep going. And at the time, you know, he's telling me this obviously when I'm eight years old. And so this is like, I've never met anybody who is even remotely close to as much of a hard ass as my dad is. Like, it's not. It's not. It's not even remotely close. And, you know, I'll tell him something bad that would happen to me, and this would turn into a story about how his family didn't have any money growing up.

And so he had to hunt squirrels to feed the family. And so there's never a time that I could complain to him, and he wouldn't be able to want up it, which would be frustrating for me, right? And there was a lot of, again, a lot of resentment and frustration there. But at the end of the day, he was a massive fucking hard ass, and that harshness and everything, I think, is probably a lot, kind of where I get it from too. But, you know, I was thinking, and I would always resent this.

I'd be very frustrated. But I realized that, you know, like, you know, when he was dying, I was there and I was able to deal with it. And I was there the entire time. I went to the very end. And, you know, I think to myself, at the end, he did it. he I I was ready

and I mean as ready as you can be obviously right but you know I think about that a lot a lot and you know what he set out to do as a father for me I think he achieved it and you know I've had

a number of days right now just to just think about that and it's been I've a lot of very very complex feelings about that. And that's been basically what's been going on. I've obviously, you know, I had to contact all of my family members and everything and organize everything and deal with his will and everything. He's giving away most of his stuff to his friends. And we made a video of him, you know, like, oh, this is going to this guy, it's going to this guy, it's going to this guy, it's going to this guy, it's going to this guy. And I even made sure in the video,

I was like, Pa, who's the car going to? He's got a 2014 Dodge Challenger. a V8 Hemmy Performance Packaged car. Pa, pa, who's the car going to? He says, oh, it's going to you. I said, okay, all right, good. That's in the video. So I'll be getting the car. Everything else, don't give a fuck about it.

But I'm getting the car. And obviously, a few other things that, you know, growing up, you know, would have sentimental value to me. But otherwise, he's giving away a lot of the stuff to, you know, like different family members and friends, et cetera. And, you know, I've had to organize all of that and do all of that. It's been a lot of work for me, and the work is not over. but it is beginning to recede, which is good.

So, you know, I've lost my mom in 2021, lost my dad, and now it's just me. And it's a weird feeling. It certainly is, and I think to myself a lot about it. And I don't really know what to think or how to feel. I don't think there is a right way to, I don't know, like to feel this way. But, you know, my dad, at the end of the day, always really did. try to do his best for me and, you know, like you guys know, on my stream and everything, he was a part of my stream and, you know, I don't think I'll ever really be the same after, after losing him

and going through all of this. But, you know, I, to be honest, the only thing that I really felt is that I felt really sad when he passed away is because, you know, there was things that I had wanted to do for him, right? Like, for example, example, you know, he's a veteran, he's a Vietnam veteran, and I had wanted to go and have him take one of the honor flights to Washington, D.C. and see the memorial and everything. And this is something he had wanted to do, and I had agreed to go with him and to do that. And because you have like a plus one, and, you know, they take a lot of the old vets there. And, you know, I was really sad. There was that and a number of things. And to be honest, like not capitalizing and not doing more of those things, obviously like I did a lot of things with him, but I have a tremendous amount of regret for not doing more. And it's one of those things where, you know, I've had only a few of these in my life where you actually can't undo this. You can't go back and redo it or fix it or undo it or anything like that. You just simply have to live the rest of your life with the consequences of it.

and knowing that is, it, it, uh, I hope I don't make that mistake again. Uh, and I, I, I will do my best to never make that mistake again. I'll tell you that. And, uh, that's pretty much about it. Um, you know, uh, it's gonna, it's weird even now. I'll like think about it's like you know it's seven o'clock eight o'clock now right when I'm recording this and I'm like thinking like oh I should probably call my dad checking on my dad and you know there it is right and so you know I it's going to take me some time to kind of like get past it I remember this is the day that we

agreed to put him on hospice he I come in and it's like 2 p.m or like 3 p.m. I come in and it's like 3 p.m. I come into his room. And he says, well, why are you streaming? And I'm like, what do you mean? Why am I not streaming? You're fucking dying. Like, he's like, ah, whatever. Well, you need to go live. Like, what are you doing? And so, you know, this is the kind of guy he was. And I, you know, I intend to honor that wish. And I'm not going to be gone forever. I'll be back soon. It's what he would want. And I think it's what's best. I'm incredibly lucky that I was able to deal with all this by myself. My dad growing up and, you know, was like the oldest member of the family,

patriotic in a lot of ways of the family would help people with all kinds of stuff, et cetera. And I was find myself tremendously lucky and fortunate that I was able to deal with all of this by myself and nobody else had to see him in the state that he was in at the end. And, you know, they can have the memories of him. being a strong, smart, you know, nice, kind guy and funny, you know, very funny. I, you know, I'm very glad that, you know, I was able to do all that myself and nobody had to see what I saw. Not a good, not a good time.

But anyway, I will be back. I probably, I don't really have a time frame, maybe a week or so, right? I mean, I don't know, maybe a little bit less, maybe a little bit more, something like that. If it's longer, too bad. If it's shorter, surprise. So that's pretty much where I'm at. And also, for all you guys, I made a post about this on Twitter, all you guys that left positive comments and messages, you know, is in this hospital bed.

I even showed them. I was fucking scrolling. I was like, look at all these messages. everybody wants you get better. They're praying for you, everything like that. You know, like he really appreciated it even then. Like, I think he was kind of in shock that it was so many of you all. And so that's really appreciated.

And it means a lot. I meant a lot to him. It means a lot to me. And thank you. And so I'll see you soon. That's about it. I, you know, son of a bitch.

motherfucker. I just it's been a fucking crazy past five years. Oh my God. Oh my God. But that's where we're at. So I wanted to tell you guys all what happened. And that's pretty much about it. And thank you guys, everybody.

And I'll see you soon. Peace.