Asmongold TV - Snow White is actual dogsh*t? | Asmongold TV

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

Snow White is actual dogsh*t? Asmongold show for all of his stream highlights, competitions, reactions & more. --------------- --- Keywords: gaming opinions, gaming podcast, esports commentary, world of warcraft Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

People are not happy about Snow White. Now, why they not like Snow White? I honestly think that the reason why is that the actress that plays Snow White's a fucking bitch. There are certain fundamental truths about this world which are so universal that anyone, no matter their race, color or creed can pretty much agree on them. One, never trust a post-Vindaloo fart. Two, spreadable butter isn't. Three, any time a woman starts a sentence with a real man would. You know you're...

Not... Yep. ...about to hear some weapons grade retardation. And to that not so illustrious list, we can add that the Snow White Live Action remake was, without a doubt, one of the worst ideas in the whole history of entertainment. Possibly the most predictable of all failures, a project conceived for all the wrong reasons, starring all the wrong people, pushing all the wrong messages, and telling the entirely wrong story. After all the delays and the controversies and the speculations and the speculations, that have been swirling around it for what feels like decades now. It was actually kind of weird to finally sit down and just watch this thing.

Like meeting a celebrity after following their career for years. That's the way I felt like with Assassin's Creed Shadows. Like I actually finally got to play the game. I was like, it was bittersweet because I had farmed content about that game for years. Or actually probably about a year at that point. And now that the game is out, it's like you know that like this is the climax, right? It's like in Eldon Ring when you know you're about to walk in, like you're in front of the golden tree, and it's like, fuck, it's game's about to be over. Shit, bro, like it's over.

Yeah, I remember feeling that way walking in to watch Return to the King in 2003. Not a good kind of celebrity like. More like a Jimmy Saville kind of celebrity. The kind that you're discreetly warned never to get into a lockable room alone with. But here it is, nonetheless. And now that I've finally suffered through nearly two hours of... impressive they managed to make these dwarves even dumber than the ones in the Hobbit how is it that you could have Gimli being a dwarf and it was perfect

and that was in 2001 and did they just forget how to do that the last one yeah he this looks like Pinocchio what they fuck they got Pinocchio in here for suffered through nearly two hours of snow white I can confidently tell you that yes this film absolutely lived up to all my worst expectations and in some cases even exceeded them. A bloated, overstuffed turkey of a production weighed down by hammie acting, cheap costumes, horrendous CGI and vomit-inducing cinematography that bungles most of the elements it steals from the original anime. I'm going to be, I'm maybe have an opinion that maybe some people might not agree with.

I've seen a lot of pictures of this girl, Rachel Ziegler. I think she's actually very attractive. I think this movie did the best job that it possibly could to make her look unattractive. I think that this is like the way that they did her hair, her makeup, the lighting and everything. They did everything that they could to make her look bad. Like she's eight, yeah, I think she's like an eight or a nine, honestly. Like she might have dumb opinions, but like, fuck. Aided movie abandons its classic ideals of self-sacrifice, heral, is a heroism?

and it's weird and injects the lethal dose of the message, which is so redundant and thematically contradictory that it just gets abandoned by the ends. It's also laughably obvious where they've had to reshoot and rewrite big chunks of this movie in response to all the backlash. Entire subplots, characters and setups are introduced and then abandoned without explanation and the ending is so wildly anticlimactic and jarring that it makes world war z look like a model of cinematic efficiency. Anyway, let's get the plot summary over with so we can put this turd behind us. The basic sale for Snow White.

The reality is like, I mean, if you compare the way that like the, like the lighting, the cinematography and everything, you compare this to Maleficent, which is like kind of the same thing that had Angelina Jolie in it, it looked a thousand times better. The other one looked a thousand fucking times better. And this just looks like shit, bro. It does. Just on a baseline level, it looks like shit.

It's a solid eight out of 100. Is that it? It's broadly similar to the original film. Snow White herself is born to the benevolence. No, no, y'all try and bring up that Peter Dinklage thing about him being like the short people or whatever. Advise them to use normal-sized people. They did that and get... But like, they could have used normal-sized people and done what they did with Lord of the Rings.

But they didn't do that. So, like, how is it that you had a dwarf that was a normal-sized person? but then now you need dwarves but why can't you just do what you didn't Lord of the Rings? It's like they forgot how to do that. King and Queen of a generic medieval fantasy land

that tactfully goes unnamed. Although fuck me, they must have pretty good transportation links with the rest of the world because the population here is more ethnically diverse than Central London. Anyway, Snow White's mum dies and her dad remarries Gal Gadot who manipulates him. into going off to war where he promptly disappears and is never seen again. Oh no, guess she's gonna have to take control of everything. What a bind.

Fast forward a few years and the kingdoms become a kind of... So wait a minute. This is a story about female empowerment, but everything went to shit when a woman took over? That right? How do you do this? ...opian nightmare where everyone's poor and hopeless and ruled over by an iron-fisted tyrant. It's a bit like modern-day Britain only with better sanitation and dental care. Anyway, after a confrontation with Snow White over a bandit named Jonathan who tried to steal some food from the castle, the evil queen decides the best thing to do is send her out into the forest where the huntsman can conveniently murder her. It's a bit extreme, but I'll let it slide.

Naturally, the huntsman has second thoughts and decides to let her go, and after wandering alone for a while, she runs into seven dwarves that I can only describe as the kind of thing that Cthulhu probably has nightmares about. I'm not kidding, man. The brief glimpsies that you got of these. things in the trailers are absolutely nothing compared to the existential horror. They just look, uh, they look dumb. Like, I don't even think it looks like scary or weird.

No, nah, nah, they do look weird. But they just look dumb, bro. Like, that's really the, that's the word I would use, it's just dumb. I don't know why you even do that. Of actually witnessing them on the big screen. These are nightmares made real. Like if you woke up in the the middle of the night and saw Mr. Blobby standing at the foot of your bed.

Oh. Silent, motionless, watching you with those blank lifeless eyes that bore into your very soul. Who the fuck is that? So after crashing at their house for a while, eating their food and helping herself to all of their resources, Snow White helpfully forces them to clean up their own home while she prances around like she's on some mad acid trip. Which she probably is to be fair. I would be if I was in this fucking movie. Then for some reason she gets it into her head that her dad must still be alive,

and the only way to find him is to seek So the narrative is that The guy leaves, the woman takes over, Everything turns to shit And then she gets jealous of another girl Kicks her out and tries to kill her And then the girl goes to a man's house And cleans up the man's house

And this is a story about female empowerment I see Right Is this a joke? What the fuck? What's she gonna make him sandwiches next? Count the bandits that lurk in the forests. Right.

So naturally she runs into Jonathan about five minutes after leaving the house so that the rest of the plot can happen, and he protects her from the evil queen's soldiers by taking an arrow that was meant for her, so she brings him back to the dwarves to get fixed up. Oh, yeah, you know those retarded-looking Starbucks baristas from those early set picks? So these were going to be the original dwarves?

pictures that everyone thought were the dwarves. Well, those are the bandits who are actually out-of-work actors forced to become thieves because the evil queen's taxation policies shut down their entire industry. No way. So they're out-of-work actors that have to start stealing. Is that right? And so this probably got written during the writer's strike. That's interesting.

Yeah, that's about right, isn't it? Hmm, is that a reference to something? Is that a reference to something? Is that a reference to something? Is that a reference to something? No idea. Anyway, Jonathan decides to lure the Queen's soldiers away to give Snow White time to escape, and then immediately gets captured because he's a bumbling idiot.

And the evil queen decides that she's had enough of this shit, frankly one sympathises, so she turns herself into an old hag and manipulates Snow White into eating a poisoned apple that makes her go a bit dead. But that's okay because Jonathan escapes prisons so that the rest of the plot can happen, and gives her the world's least passionate kiss, which brings her back to life so that she can begin her cunning plan to overthrow the queen and take back her kingdom. Do you want to know what that plan is? Are you ready for the fourth dimensional quantum mega-chest

that she plays here that would probably give Christopher Nolan a brain hemorrhage? Well, she push her off the ledge when she stands next to the ledge to look at the kingdom. Easy. She walks into town and then convinces the soldiers to turn against the evil queen because she can remember their names. Really? Really? I'm not kidding.

That's her plan. So the evil queen gets mad and smashes the magic mirror. This is like, dude, this is like a power fantasy of like a Walmart middle manager. Really? This is like a Walmart middle manager power fantasy. How does this happen? Oh my god. And then turns into black glass and shatters and snow white becomes the new queen and that's it.

They all live happily ever after. Wow. Now, there's a lot I want to say, but, this movie but first let us begin with the positives and as hard as it might be to believe most of them actually concern Rachel Ziegler no way what don't get me wrong she might be an obnoxious arsehole in the real world but credit where credits do here she actually isn't terrible as snow white it's not true that's impossible I mean her outfit looks like it cost like a hundred

dollars off Amazon her hair cut makes Anton Shigur like a cut-and-edge trailblazer Her performance is a bit over the top and theater kid at times, and her American accent comes and goes depending on whether or not she's in a reshoot. But I do get the impression she's at least trying to do her best with the material. I think she's probably trying to do her best. I think everybody they're trying to do their best. It's just sometimes your best not so good. I mean, there's a lot of people like, uh,

I mean, a rat tries to do its best, but it gets, it gets caught in the trap all the time. I had that happen today. Absolutely belt out the musical numbers, which, which is pretty much what you'd expect from a trained vocalist. The same cannot be said for Galgadot, however. It genuinely pains me to say this, but I think we all need to come to the acceptance that that girl cannot fucking act.

But she was really hot in Wonder Woman, so that's okay? I didn't even know, I don't know if she's a... I don't know if she's a good actress or not. She was really hot in Wonder Woman, and so I don't have any other opinions about her besides that. I heard that she was like an Israel's military, because she's Israeli, so like people don't like her. That's basically, that's where it begins and ends.

Yeah, that's it. It's a special kind of charisma, presence and dramatic range to play a good Disney villain, and well, Gal Gadot doesn't have it. Her delivery somehow manages to be wooden and scenery chewing at the same time, and when she has to deliver a big musical number, you can pinpoint the exact moment where they swap out her voice with someone who can actually sing. heaven.

I remember, dude, y'all remember that shit during COVID where all these celebrities to be posting these videos to keep people happy and then everybody's like, we just want to be able to afford food and not go homeless. It's like, I don't need to hear you singing John, you know, a John Lennon song. Jonathan is yet another entry into the bumbling, forgettable, non-threatening male sidekick list of modern-day Disney heroes. There's brief moments where it seems like he might be displaying the tiniest bit of attitude and heroism, but then it's immediately skiskechewish.

to reinforce the idea that men are all just a bit useless. Visually, the film's an inconsistent mess. CGI-I-Cathulu nightmares aside, the color scheme ranges from bleak washed-out gray castles and towns that look like Zach Snyder. The colors suck. You know what the colors remind me of? Remember yesterday we were looking at that Plants v. Zombies video? And it was about how like the new Plants versus Zombies was like way more washed out.

And it like, it wasn't vibrant. Like, yeah, it's a PS5 piss filter. Yeah, yeah, exactly, right? And this is the way, that's the same thing, right? No artistic direction or style, yeah. To a kind of over-the-top golden yellow piss filter for the CGI woodland scenes that's so excessive and actually makes your eyes start to hurt after a while. It's funny as well because there's like one scene that was filmed on location in a real forest,

and the contrast between that and the CGI fantasy version is so jarring. I actually thought the action had shifted to a whole different country. Also, you can absolutely tell this movie's been re-shot to fuck. The kiss scene where Jonathan brings Snow White back to life was absolutely added in later to try to appease fans of the original. Snow White herself has clearly been toned down in places to make her less obnoxious, and I'd be willing to bet about 90% of the bandit's screen time has been cut. Most of them don't even get a single line of dialogue, which once again had me questioning, why the fuck are they even in this movie?

I think the biggest problem, though, is the ending. The original movie had the dwarves battle in the evil queen to save Snow White, reinforcing the idea of reciprocal kindness and redemption. But here, Snow White has to resolve everything by herself, and the result is that none of the other groups or factions have anything to do. Well, if somebody else solved it for it, would be a man-savinger, you know? So, yeah, they couldn't have that happen at all. What happened to actors acting?

It's just like a real-time animation? I mean, I just think that, like, with a lot of these, like, live action versions of shows, it's, like, really, nobody asked for this. Nobody asked for this. Nobody wanted this. Nobody thought this would be a good idea. Like, it's just, well, yeah, no one, what is going on, man? Like, I mean, I understand, like, you want to just, Disney, can they just come out,

do a press release and say, listen, we need to hold on to this IP. That's why we're doing it. Everybody be like, okay, I get it, right? Like, it is what it is. Like, yeah, it sucks, but, like, you just want to hold on the IP. But, like, it's, why do you need to, you know, do we really need to have this whole song and dance, literally in this case? And the dwarves, and even Jonathan just kind of stand around watching the whole thing play out. And I couldn't help wondering, what is the film even trying to show us here?

Snow White, as a character, seems to be all about equity and shared responsibility. Of course. What a surprise. Rather than privilege and greedy self-interest, But when it comes to the crunch, she ends up having to do basically everything herself, which negates the very point the movie's been trying to make for the past two hours. It's this fundamental inability to understand what it's even trying to say beyond the crushingly tired princess who saves herself trope that's now become... The problem is that this is what a lot of modern movies I think have an issue with,

is that they try to hold onto and push an ideal or some sort of value. that's just simply not representative of what average people think or feel. I think that's really the issue is that they have these really weird values that they try to put into movies or into shows or into media. And like average people don't like these agendas. And it's not about the agenda being in a show. Most shows have some form or some element of an agenda to them. But the problem is that these shows have an agenda and the agenda fucking sucks.

That's the big issue here. The agenda isn't why. It's not enjoyable. Anime is going to replace shitty movies. What do you mean is going to? It already has. The very cliche, it works so hard to overturn that proves to be the film's real undoing. In short, what I don't get is if they wanted to push female empowerment this hard,

why don't they just remake a different IP? Beauty and the Beast, the princess saves the, The Prince, the Prince, I think that there's a lot of examples where you can remake things and make them make a lot more sense in different situations. You really can. And so, like, I don't understand why people can't do that either. Yeah, I don't. Like, yeah, they already did. Which one was that? Oh, they already remade it. Oh, that? No, no. I think that wasn't really the point, right? You just gave that as an example. but like I think what we're saying is like you know female empowerment stories I think the problem is that the way that they tells I think that this is what happens the way that modern Hollywood tells female stories of empowerment is they take a male

story and then they put a female in the story and that's the story of empowerment right it's basically like because the thing is that a woman's experience and a man's experience in life is going to be much different. Like your gender shades and colors, your experience with everything in your entire life. So if you don't take that into consideration and take that seriously, then, and you just act like, oh, it's interchangeable. It's not interchangeable. And so you write a story that's not relevant and it's not relatable. It's not relatable to men because it's a woman that's going through this. So there's a gender barrier to the relatability. and it's not relevant to women because it's not indicative of what they actually go through on a daily basis.

So the only people that it's really indicative to or relevant to is a small subset of like this girl boss mentality. And I don't think that's really something that's appealing to hardly anyone. It's very unpopular. It is a modern day mess. A film that's basically been a disaster from start to finish. And now that it's finally out there and I've reviewed it is something I'm very much looking forward to tossing up. on the ash heap of history. Do yourself a big old favor.

Save yourself some time and money and go watch the original instead. Weird, weird. Anyway, that's all I've got for today. Go away now. Well, there it is. Man, I'm not surprised, honestly. Like, I kind of expected this movie to be garbage,

especially after the amount of times that they probably changed it, because of like you know audience feedback etc i'll link you guys the video it's a critical drinker video this is uh this is a really good one i know i basically you know everybody was waiting to watch to see what this guy had to think about the fucking movie right especially how much he's talked about it in the past so yeah and uh space marine too isn't woke but it involves racism the problem is not so the problem is not that stories it's all just bullshit about how oh well, certain stuff, you just can't talk about certain topics. Yeah, you can. It's just that you suck at it.

That's the problem. You suck at doing it. So, yes, you can't talk about it. That doesn't mean it can't be talked about. That's it. It's so retarded. Yeah, I think everybody did. Yeah. There are plenty of, there are plenty of shows and plenty of games and plenty of media that cover topics like this and they make them relevant and realistic and relatable. And I don't think that's what happens here. It's not. Maybe you don't remake the film. It's dumb. Yeah, I think so too. For sure. You haven't seen the movie? You don't have an opinion? No, I mean, I don't have an opinion. I haven't seen a movie. Why would I watch the movie?

It looks like shit. It looks like shit. And the target audience is like, I guess like Disney adults and six-year-old girls. Why the fuck would I watch the movie? everything about it looks like crap like i mean really i'm not like yeah i mean i'm not saying like i'm not giving a review of the movie i'm just saying i think this is the problem with a lot of movies that's all i'm watching somebody else's review uh that's it and so uh yeah that target audience is man hater or butch lesbians no i don't even think it's that i think it's just a bunch of uh it's either it's young kids number one and number two it's going to be disney adults right

those are the main two groups of people that really get involved with this kind of shit right and if they had just done the regular dwarves and the lead actress from speaking in the public the film would have done just fine I don't really think that it would have like I feel like controversy in a movie

like it matters but it doesn't really matter that much if the movie's really good it doesn't like I remember there was a lot of controversy around Black Panther when it came out and Black Panther went crazy. It was so popular, right? I think that really, if you have a movie and the movie is good

and people like it, their Joker one. Yeah, there's a lot of controversy around the first Joker movie. And that was it too. And remakes are mostly retarded. Yeah, these kinds of movies are dead, nothing to see on them. Youth has lost its innocence when TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook became popular. Yeah, I don't know. I can see why people would say that. I don't know if I'd really agree with it entirely, but I see why you're saying it. And undergay views half an hour, people more interested in your review than the movie. That's Hollywood, baby, I guess so. Don't cry because it happened.

Smile because it's over. Walt Disney is competing with J.R. Tolkien of who is spinning in their grave the fastest. Oh, my fucking God. Does this seem realizing they made a movie about the kingdom was prosperous and happy with the king and then instantly destroyed when it was ruled by a queen? Yeah, exactly. This is a story about women's empowerment.

I don't know how you can do that and not realize what you. you're basically doing. It's insane.