Asmongold TV - The Biggest Game | Asmongold TV

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

The Biggest Game Asmongold show for all of his stream highlights, competitions, reactions & more. -------------------------------- ---------- Keywords: gaming commentary, streaming highlights, gaming community, world of warcraft, gaming news, online gaming, reaction videos, streaming moments Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot of people want me to watch this. What the hell even is that? It's the biggest game. Yo, what's up, player? Sorry, I was just practicing my Japanese. Pips, we did it. Assassin's Creed Shadows is a hit. Our stock is zooming.

Wow. It's actually in the flea fall. Tell them we got another million players. Hell, make it 2 million more players. Fuck them. They can't prove anything. It works. Yeah, the stock is.

By the way, real quick, just in case y'all didn't know, Enzoi, the game, the Korean broken, uh, Sims game has already sold. Keep in mind, this is a very important word, sold, that means people bought the game, they didn't play it on a subscription service, they paid money for it, one million copies. Can you fucking believe that? Oh my God. I rock a ting because that's what I do. Go get yourself a snail, Pierre, you earned it. You could also have a negative $2,000 race, eat shit and die. Hi, we're fleaking over the little guy and our consultant division was hired a few years ago to help Ubisoft make Assassin's Creed Shadows the smash hit it is today.

In fact, you, you're fired. The game was too successful. We can't afford you anymore. Which actually leads me to my next point. A disturbing amount of you seem to think that this major success will allow the 19,000 people working here to keep their jobs. And unfortunately, that's just not true. Notice how that number... This is the thing, bro. Like, they actually...

Like, do you remember the first week of Assassin's Creed Shadows? where they bought advertising everywhere, and you had a bunch of these, like, morons talking about, like, oh, wow. Well, like, Assassin's Creed is actually massively successful. And then, like, three days later, Ubisoft announced that they were shutting down a studio, and they're probably selling off the Tencent, and they're making a subsidiary company to separate the IPs from the original company. Do you remember that?

That's crazy. What are the odds? Those are some good times. Yeah, exactly. And they were riding so high on them. Oh man Whenever they announced They were having to make a subcompany

That was a joint venture with Tencent God that was such a good day for me Oh my God Doesn't say number one in day one earnings That means we'll be laying off at least a couple thousand Frenchmen and we'll be replacing them with several more sweatshops And just as a little side note on all that In a way

Sweat shop business We are deeply disturbed That word got out about that Why the hell do you think people find out. We hired them because like tuck them in at five o'clock and have an office wine cooler. Well, they do get tucked in. They get tucked into the apartment building and the complex that they have to work in.

And by tucked in, I mean locked in. Like they can't leave. Tried that. And look at how that worked out for us. We got Frenchies starting a revolution every other goddamn day. You know what the nice thing is about sweatshops? They don't pay them enough to buy picket signs. Allegedly from what I hear.

People say this. I don't know. Listen, I'm in a middle with you. Thanks to the success of the game, Pien den is gonna get a two cent raise on the next one. Of course that's gonna be monthly though, not daily. The rest of that profit goes to me. I have three ex-wives to feed. Speaking of which, you're also fired.

My marriage was too successful. I'm getting a divorce. Your salary is gonna help me re-go-old. Oh, big money. Now flashing back to my years when I was working on the game, my role as chief consultant of dumb fuckery was problem solving. The first problem I noticed, too many French people. So I said, hit the snail trail pepe's.

Next order. This is it, bro. like they're firing people like crazy. Yeah, there it is. What a surprise. Enhance, so they laid off people to enhance collective efficiency? Huh.

Next order of business. We're making this one another RPG. Nothing says Assassin's Creed. Like walking into a base. Everyone's within level range. But then you get to the target and he can one shot you with a rock. This is fun. As long as you don't know what that word means or what it feels like.

So the reason why this happens is that like I actually played Assassin's Creed Shadows a pretty good amount. And so let me explain why this happens because it's really stupid. So the way this game works and the way that mechanics and damage in the game work is that pretty much the game has a hidden stat calculator that works on the back end that allows you to take a substantially higher amount of damage from a target that is a higher level. And this is a very drastically and dramatically high scaling system. So because this guy has a, a skull level, any attack that he does to the player will instantly kill them in one hit. So, and you can see also these guys, because he's in a castle, and the castles have these

characters that are locked to the level of the castle, whereas these characters scale with the level of the player. So you can go into a castle and think that it's okay, but you don't know that all of the mobs there are actually set up to one shot you completely. Is artificial progress? Yes, it is. that's how does that make it any better? No, it makes it worse. Well, I'm not, I'm not defending it. I'm just saying like, if you think it's retarded,

you don't even know how retarded it is. I'm explaining, I'm not saying, I'm not trying to explain and be like, guys, it's not retarded. No, I'm trying to say, guys, you don't even understand the extent of it. Word means are what it feels like. Now, on the point of hating our customers. Yes. In the Steam review of every Ubisoft game, people are always complaining about how we're forcing a second launcher on him.

Which is why we're going to force a third launcher on him. Fuck them. But it's only going to be- Oh, God, yes, the Assassin's Creed. Launcher for all the shitty Assassin's Creed games. I want to make a clear line in the sand. So that new play- I have to say, I'm going to give credit to Ubisoft with this just for a minute. I actually think that this system works really well inside of the context of what the Assassin's Creed universe is with the Animus. So I actually

This is one of the only circumstances Where I would forgive this Because I think that it fits really well with the lore I kind of like it I'm okay with it and I will accept it Because it works well with the war My opinion But it's still annoying

Isn't it annoying Players don't wander off to a better game We haven't monetized out the ass They monetized the black flag house They monetize Assassin's Creed Shadows You can buy a map hack in the game for $10 Great question, Pierre. I hope asking it was worth your life.

Note to self. Make the guy's ass bigger than now ways. Reminder, we are a forward-thinking company. Second reminder, settle that lawsuit for that time when we were a little too forward in our thinking. Hang on, I'm getting called. Why would you make the dude protagonist also Japanese?

We already have a Japanese. Listen, I'll tell you what you're gonna do. Everyone's talking about how they love brotherhood, right? Well, why don't you put a brother in the hood? It'll be like twins with Danny D. The fans are gonna love it. They did not. And whenever he fights, I want you to blast the loudest rap music you got.

But not in the race. I don't understand, bro. How do you just start playing rap music when the black samurai starts fighting or hip hop music? Like, like, how did this get through, like, PR? Honestly, like, you think about, how do you have this happen? Racist way we hear at Ubisoft are not racist. So in the least racist way you can. Whenever Yasuke shows up on screen, I want you to be blasting that trap music as loud as you can.

And I'm not talking yet. I'm talking straight up. Sound cloud trap beats with a harp mixed in. I want this shit to sound like little Ricefield is just off camera with an insonic ASR. And in the cut scenes, when everything should be all quiet and dramatic, I want you to play the weirdest shit you got. Yeah, it's got, yeah, it is a little bit weird. The, listen to the last boss, bro. This is the audio

This is a real game I don't know what to say boys I really don't know what to say It's an interesting game It's I can't even repeat that Is borderline filthy Frank? No This is he would have got he wouldn't even done that

Didn't fit the setting the scene or anything It's perfect God these juices are just flowing today You go fire somebody You go make something shiny You go add a million players God, I'm a genius. Now let's talk about the gameplay.

We're gonna do a brand new take on the new system where we return to form by changing nothing. Can we all agree on this? All right, nice, but we need to make these two characters feel distinct, but equal, not in a racist way. Which is why no ass Nawa will be great at everything except combat, and Yoske will be a little bitch that can't even climb a rock. Unless you don't want him to climb a rock,

then he'll be able to climb a fucking rock. I want this man to be like our expert plus difficulty, kind of like that fractured but whole difficulty system right around that i'm gonna be honest like playing this game as yoske is so easy it's not even funny it's like going into demon souls with a character from elven ring it's insane like you're like a god you can take a hit from anything you want you can uh you know tank as many guys as you want you self-heel constantly you never die, you could just block basically everything. It's insane. 15 hour mark where you're getting bored of the repetitive gameplay loop. I want to cure that

boredom by giving you even less gameplay options. You want a new mechanic? Pull out your credit card. Don't add the money. This is the reason why I stopped playing the game is that I realize that after I played the game for 15 hours, I've already beaten it. Every activity that I did is that there is to do it in the game, I have already done. And the only thing left is me to continue doing that activity against a monster that has a bigger number next to its name. Find a country with flexible labor laws, start a sweatshop, and all give you some money. Also, that Spartan kicks been our crutch for the last three games and it's getting old. That is cool.

That being said, we haven't had a new idea come out of this company in 10 years and I wouldn't want to break the streak. So just make the kick, send these rice farmers into the star. Wait, what? Listen, I've got a tee time at six. We really got to let you stop developing the combat halfway, all right? But Saul, this is a return to form. It was crazy because, like, I went and I was playing. So at the same time, I was playing Assassin's Creed Shadows.

I was also playing Rise of the Ronan. And I started playing this game. And I actually had to quit playing Assassin's Creed Shadows because this game was so challenging. And Assassin's Creed was so easy that playing Assassin's Creed and then going to play Rise of the Ronan made me bad at Rise of the Ronan. 144 hours, yeah, I beat the game. And so, yeah, I had to quit. You're not even speaking American anymore.

Listen, we don't have to worry about putting in the other half of the gameplay because it rains. There's no game point. People don't want flow. They don't want a unique identity. They want something that feels like nothing. And I don't mean unique. I want to remind them of that empty void where their soul used to be.

So they fill that void with cash shop items instead of combat. It's embarrassing, It's embarrassing, that feel big and strong. Sarah, look at me. I want them to feel small. And forget, Flo. Make it all stuttery.

I want it stuttery as hell. I've got a nephew with a stutter. He can't say yes without making it a 10-syllable word. Use that as your inspiration. I'll send you a tape later. They're not even doing anything. Let's talk about that stealth right now. I want that assassination button to only work half the time.

Whole? Half the time. I want the prompt to assassinate an assassin's creed to either not assassinate or not show up at all. Or just bug out. I want to have the encounters to play out like this. Can I just catch you trying to assassinate... What the fuck?

...the counters to play out like this. That I just catch you trying to... It's... Oh, oh, no. Actually, this makes sense. So, uh, this is a high-level monster and... or, uh, NPC, right? Because it's another fort, you can see the skull.

And so that means you can't assassinate them. Yeah, it's again, it's another just game mechanic. What's you trying to assassinate shit? Ah! I want them to stand around with their dicks in their hands waiting to assassinate an Assassin's Creed. You can assassinate when Daddy Ubisoft says you can. Jesus. We at least, and all these mechanics back from the original kings.

No, you don't understand. We let them lay down. They don't get anything else. Don't overthink this, guys. These people will buy anything. In 15 years, we'll be selling a JPEG called Assassin's Creed. Fuck you, give me your money. And these people would steal.

Yeah, it'll be an NFT. Pay us $90. for it. Reminder. The poor core is feeling stiffer than our executives when they get near the secretaries. Add more. Okay. Okay. Flips to distract. Next thing. Some guy came up to me the other day and told me we should make a great 12-hour game instead of 80 hours of pondering the rope. So I shot him. But don't worry, I shot him in the game, so it only did 10% of his help. Our games aren't meant to be enjoyed. They're meant to be endured. What are we going to do? Make a memory.

That's the way I felt about this too. Like I, the thing is that, like, I, I want to go back and maybe finish Assassin's Creed Shadows eventually. But I just started, I went back and like now that I beat this game, now I'm playing Pirate Yakuza again. And so it's like, why would I go and what, like, why would I do that? Why would I want to do that? Right. I still didn't finish Kazan. Yeah, true.

Incredible short campaign sell 5 million copies in the first month and immediately get a sequel like some fucking showed? No. How does that happen? I want to lock all your abilities behind 50 fetches. This is the cock sucking bullshit that I fucking hate. Why the fuck are your talents locked behind collecting three fucking scrolls and 13 different fucking temples? How does this make the game better for anybody? How does this make anything more fun?

How does this add gameplay to anything? It's just meaningless, mindless fucking busy work that waste your fucking time and makes you spend more time in the game for no fucking reason. This adds nothing. It doesn't do anything. It doesn't help anyone.

You could take out the knowledge mechanic completely out of this game and nothing in the game would change. And I feel like that should be a new way of developers looking at different systems and whether something should be in the game or not. If I took this out of the game, would anything meaningfully change?

And if the answer is no, then you should probably take it out of the game. That's it. Meaningless, worthless busy work. And when you go to do that meditation, What a bunch of... What the fuck is this? What the fuck is this?

Are you kidding me? What a bullshit is this? Just as a break from all the fetch quest? I want it to trigger a flashback to that one time where you did a fetch quest. Ha ha ha ha ha! Eat a dick! No, no, no, not literally Yoske. Don't look at me like that.

Stop that! I want to beat the fans down with the Knob until they buy the Yossike farting Fent Clouds bundle out of some confused ideas. some confused idea that that'll bring them joy. Think about it like this. For just $20, you could help me furnish my yacht with high-end Dutch prostitutes. Nice. That no one buys a micro-transaction, one of our executive goes without a line of coke up his nose.

Wow. Then just punch in your credit card and buy any one of these bundles. Speaking of people that need help. Why do you have, dude, why does this even exist? look at this this is what the fuck is going on really this is this is a single player game and it's not even like you know like in ginschen or like hongkai star rail well like at least you can use somebody else's character in star rail or you know in ganshen you can play with your friends you can't do anything in this game with anybody there's no reason that this is this just costs

more money according to code this game is fine by the way right chat. Fine. Yeah, I think the game is fine also. It's a six. Yeah, it's fine. Great. Wow. Imagine spending $500 million, $300 million, and then, oh, it's fine. Yeah, that's okay. Yeah. And also, Co-Carnage immediately after he opened up the store, you know what he did? you could tell. I remember watching this. After he opened up that store, he ran out to a boat.

He jumped up to the top of the boat. He got to the very top where the vantage point is. He jumped off the boat. He killed himself. And then he quit the game. He never played it again. He started playing Rise of the Browna. Yep.

All of that happened within 10 minutes. So yes, it did matter to him. He saw that. map unlock and he said, ah, guys, I gotta go. Spondles. Speaking of people that need help, the enemy AI programming has been slowly degrading for the last 10 years and the dev team was asking earlier if they should spend any time fixing it.

So here's what I'm thinking. Fuck him. Isn't it weird how AI is getting better everywhere in the world except for in video games? Isn't that crazy? Fuck them. All right, I'll lay them all off. I have a secret. I have a secret belief of why that is.

The AI is stupid on purpose because they know the players are really stupid. And they can't make the AI smart because then it will be able to outthink all of the players. That's the reason. That's what I thought. Sorry, those are just some associates of mine. I thought I put that on vibrate. All right. I had some ideas for the story.

First off, my wife's had 100 rounds of Botox in our last two years of marriage. I haven't seen her a moat in years. Use that as the inspiration for the facial animations. I'll send you a tape later. But I can fight. My pain is constant and sharp. Actually, I'm already looking at a cutscene right now. I can't tell whether she's happy, sad, or needs to take a shit.

You guys... It really is not so good, huh? It's really not that great. Nailed it. Forget what I said. Second, with the GDP of Bosnia invested into this game already? I think the voice acting is where we need to start pinching our pennies and our story-focused game. It's so bad. Have any of you ever heard of AI?

It's like a digital robot sweatshop. It's brilliant. Future Flake here. Now, I can't say whether or not we use the AI, but I will say the end result was indistinguishable from a high-end actor, such as Daniel Day Lewis and Lincoln. Check this out. Karate judo sumo samurai.

Nissan, Honda, Mishibishi, Siwu. Sorry, my bet. I had immersive mode on. I turned it off, ego. Resentment can grow quietly without much warning after a storm. Now on a re- And these are the people. that want to tell you that you can't replace them with AI?

Like, is that really it? Yeah, I don't know. Real note, I want you guys to get your lawyers ready to sue anyone that harasses UBSoft employees. I want the whole world to know that the only people who can harass UBSoft employees is UBSo. Allegianti, allegedly, allegedly, please, please, everybody. It's really unnecessary. I'm but a humble man to the people.

Oh, God. tax bracket. I put on my Prada slippers one Sudanese leather monk strap at a time, all right? And that's how I made this game the success that it is today. Casey Shadows is such a success that our 18,000 employee company just got cucked by a game developed by one. That's so sad, isn't it? Schedule 1, 400,000 players. It's really sad. It's actually shocking how bad it is. man named Tyler

It's such a success That people can't even One monster hunter wilds And they're still buying it more than Assassin's Creed shadows It's such a success We just shuddered another studio It's such a success

And we just became 10 cents bitch It's such a success that our stocks Hit in five year lows So eat a dip, chuds Wait until you see how successful we are After Assassin's Creed crazy cat lady drops Maybe strong feminine energy Can take us to new heights

Right here, Jof I swear to God if you don't give this game A. Oh, you're doing it again. He's running it back. Jesus Christ. I mean, holy shit this act Oh, oh, fuck, further than ever before! Oh, I went to the corner. You are won. I win. I win. Oh, wow.

Sunk it. If hating Nintendo was a sport It's still not going to be as fun as heating YouTube soft. It's fucking crazy. Sunk it? Yeah, this is insane. Like, I don't understand. understand how this game even got released in the state that it's in. I'm genuinely shocked.

And like the thing is they delayed it three or four times too, where it's like, I mean, you would feel like after you delay it that many times, okay, like let's go ahead and think about this. Let's be honest. Like, is this really what's going on, right? Why is it happening? I don't even know. Yeah, link the video. I will link you guys the video right now. This is fucking hilarious. Did you watch this Monster Wilds video? I think I did. Yeah. I mean, what's so insane is that nobody even is talking about the game because of just how ridiculous, especially like the audio is. Oh my God.

Like the voice acting is terrible. This is insane. Yes. Fleecozoid videos are dense with good jokes. Yeah, they're really, really fucking funny, man. It's like watching airplane, you know? Like there's like a joke every, every 20 seconds or something. And Schedule I's success is going to completely destroy the industry because it's considered,

because now it's considered stupid to have a gaming company with more than five employees. Well, the reason why is that now who hires more than 500 employees for a video game company? Cairns do. Cairns do. It's the Caren entropy. Is that once you have one or two of them at a company, then they start multiplying and dividing and then, you know, now this is the norm, right? And there's all the Cairns everywhere. And are you going to watch the worst games of 2024 video? Maybe I will. I don't know really when, but at some point I will. will. But yeah, this is really fucking funny for me to see this. I

love this and the audio like this is, let me see if I can go back to this part again. Where was it? Dude. Off ego. Resentment can grow quietly without much warning after a storm. Now on a real note,

I want you guys to get your lawyers ready to sue anyone that harasses. Man. And these people are the ones that think that they can't be replaced with AI. I would have thought they already were.