Athletico Mince - Boiled Parsnips 22: Custard Beats Everything

Episode Date: August 19, 2022

A chucked tin of peaches, Mark visits Peter, watching a fire, socks, East Or West, and lots more. (Rec: 28/10/21) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome along to a brand new episode of Athletical Passnips with me Andrew Dawson. I trust that your contentment levels are peaking and that the sight of ultimate leaves is bringing you much aesthetic pleasure. Imagine yourself in a stately home, taking part in an overnight fundraising ghostland for a local charity. Along with some friends, your guided through the halls and large rooms is just a flickering candle to see your path ahead. Suddenly, you are startled with an inch of your life

as a goblin-esque figure jumps out of you from behind a grandfather clock. It's wearing a leather flying helmet and a pair of thermal longjons and pleads. Can you let us a quid so I can get some scampy fries from the Kurdish shop? I'm broadly all-custard when I've got no indipenit. It is of course my co-host Mr Bob Mortimer. Oh Mr Nightmare, with your last three whips of hair. Oh Mr Scampie man, what a what a with your stinking fish hand Hello, good morning Roberts, there we are. I am there. What what what were them chips that the bloat was talking about? Scampy fries Baga scampy fries Scampy fries what are they? You know scampy fries before they're like like snacks like crispy snacks

me fries before, they're like snacks, like crispy snacks. Oh, in a bag of fish, yeah. Yeah, you know, to dip in your custard. Obviously. Oh, I love custard, I mean, doesn't it? Not often available these days, you know, like, do you want to desert? I'll have a look at them. Oh, I'm really looking for a safe to have got anything with custard. No, they rarely do. They rarely do. I mean, you're probably not allowed

custard anymore. What are your health and everything? Is that right? Oh, no, I mean, I'm not that fanatical. You know, I'll take me statins. So if I, I statins keep you cholesterol down. So I say that as an excuse to eat more cholesterol. Do you know what I mean? I'll answer it out. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Can I just, can I just see how far I can chuck this tin of pig segments? Yeah, go on. Pfft! Oh shit!

Oh shit! What is this? Oh man. It sounded like a greenhouse, that dude. It's gone through the window. All right, that was just meant to go down the hall with it. Oh shit, I thought all your windows were covered in cardboard, you know, like a crack house.

Polythane. Polythane, nice. That was a well executed piece, wasn't it? Well, I took very much, I mean, you can't beat a sound effects, you know what I mean? I mean, maybe you can beat it, custom beats it. Custom beats. I had a six-course male in Devon the other day.

Did you have six? Oh. Went down walking in Devon. Was that six legitimate courses? I don't know, one or two of the courses would just let me be a slice of, I don't know, cheese or something. No, we got like a bonus one at the beginning.

So I could have said seven. It's one of them, test the menus, you know, at posh place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Best meal I ever had. There is, this is the truth, there is a test and menu available in Sunderland. And is it nice? Have you been? I haven't been, I'd been go.

It feels like too much. So what's it start off with a blow drink yeah with the multi-zer in it or something? Yeah, yeah a blow drink then a dry dalsyation tud. No that wouldn't that's not true. That's not true the blow drinks true. I suppose it'll be four puddings with it two two main puddings. The blow drinks are started then you get in me and then you get four puddings with it. Two, two men. Two puddings. Well, the blue drinks are starter, then you get in there, and then you get four puddings in between, and then you get another, another man, another seven puddings. And you get chips with the pudding.

Chips with every course, yeah, on the side. Is it, is it what, it's like the sundaille and buffet, like instead of you can go and refill your drink every time, you can go and refill your chip plates., you can go and refill your chip plates. Are you going to refill your calvary from the gravy fountain? Imagine a gravy fountain though. Fine dining in the sun and... Have you been to a tobey calvary since COVID?

Yes, once I've got a little more... Oh, that's... I mean, it's brave. And I only say that because they're so... Well, mine now, it was so popular. It's probably the most people-intensive area I could go to. So I haven't there. I haven't there. You haven't been.

I think you've got a time you visit. I think if you can go, maybe you look like, off-ten in the morning. Yeah. Or, off-night at night. It might be quieter. What could be better than a cavalry at half-night at night, just settling be quieter. What could be better than a carvery at half-nine at night, just settling, just resting on your stomach just before bed? I mean the beer's always quite nice,

because they do shift a lot of it, don't they? You know what, I'm always driving, I never have the beer. Yeah, so if you're doing early morning ones, you drink before you go, and that's someone else's drink. I've been drunk before I go, yeah, yeah, that's nice. You've got your own nice. Yeah. Drunken at yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, nice. Drunken or Toby? That's heaven, isn't it?

Hey, drunk and confused. ["Duncan Fuse"] All right, Bob. Just having a boat at the moment, you know, me make Graham told me about some flychippings, so I've come out of a good old stair like it, you know. I tell you what, but a pretty good one, a couple of washing machines, a mattress,

a old fly roll, some hardened bags that can't create, various types of timber, just not really know how I've wrecked the longest one, Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio, mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith from PVC piping ranges from about one inch to about four inch diameter. So, yeah, it's a pretty good steering and I'm really glad I made the effort, you know, to come out and have a good steering. I've got two or three hours to pass right because the wife's spoke to me out of the house again. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith prepare her eggs platini, a gondola stuffed with three soft boilers, to pickled with a sprinkle of turmeric, you know, to help the swelling and the wife's legs leg. Well, as I was just taking platini into a tv room, there was not on the door, so I put the plateini on the whole table and I said to

dog I was lovely surprised it was me old mate Matt Johnson alright Matt long time no see I was it again fine thank you you good sir just started to pop by for a quick catch up what are you up to? Oh, well, me, me, Graham, is just texting me, saying he's spotting a good fly tip to have a stare at, so, you know, I'm pretty excited by that, right? Peter, Peter, you clown show. Where am I fucking exploiting you? Yeah, sorry, love., I just chatting to Mark. Err, I'll not be a minute. Well why are you stood at the door? You're a fucking midnight creeper.

Invite him in, I'm just having a chat with a proper man. Err, okay love, Err, will do. Come on in Mark and say hello to the wife. I'll get the catlone just to be making some ex-plotini for the wife, I'll get the catlone, just to be making some expletini for the wife, like. Oh, expletini, I love them. Could I have a three egg base, two egg base? Yeah, no problem, what's the fork of the ever? Hello, Mrs. B, how's it hanging?

Oh, it's terrible, Mark. Living with him is so very very fork and tailing. It's like caring for the chimp on Ritalin. Here let me move these bandages so you can sit down with me on the fork and sofa. It's okay Mrs. Bay, I prefer to stand. I've been sat in the scowder for two hours, and although the seat's claimed to be orthopedic, I find a rake adjustment lacking in fine cheerening. I wish I'd tick the electrically adjustable option,

but I'm just too tight. Oh, what a fascinating manly story Peter never tells us out in chesting, a dumb mis-medical stimulation. Honestly Mark, I should talk to you for hour upon fork and hour. Here we go guys, two equatees, an egg for you all my love and a sweet best for you Mark. Why don't you sit down on the sofa mark, I can move the soil bandages. No, I'm better off standing. I was just explaining that the manual adjustment system on the scoured and driving seat isn't particularly sensitive. You can never really hit the sweet spot that's perfect for comfort comfort and hazard observation. Well, I wish I'd been on that conversation, it's so absolutely everything.

Yes, well you did fucking miss out. So if there's nothing else you've got to fuck an offer, then cause you ain't your platoon outside and leave me and Mac on our fucking own please. Ah, yeah, there in no problem of, you're just giving a shout if you need a bottle or anything. If it all came out, if I sit in your squad. There's a car, a affiliate boat, Peter. So Bob, I went outside to other sterile marks guy, you know. But to be honest, it was playing on me man a bit, you know, that unsatisfactory adjustment spectrum on the driver's seat, so I got inside and had a saddle on the seat make. Now I tasted them out a lumber support and the seat cushion was firm, but I comfortable here in your way, yeah. But there was no doubt in my mind that the angle of the seat back was far too acute you know for sure driving like so anyway the seat had a

little lever on the side for a judgment so I gave it a pull and the hole over the back of the seat you went backwards sudden like I I saw more or less horizontal. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Bob, Eggie Bully is a busty little machine, so I virtually shit myself and I run into the house in a pretty dirty panic. Mac, Mac, I've spent an eggie chit-tumoric on your cat's, what am I doing? Oh, I'm checking my six pencils, get some blender wipes, quickly we need blender wipes! We haven't got any Belinda wipes. Starybites too tight to fork out on them. Oh we have his rotten bog roll. No Belinda wipes, what kind of a murder you? A tight ass. I'm sorry Mark, I was just trying to just directly, you can't see it like you know.

Nobody, have I been fucking nobody, Finals are bad with my fucking scurvy. Get out of my way. The wreck you can't see, you know? Nobody! And I'll be fucking nobody, Finals and Bout with my fucking skulls! Get out of my way! All is not lost if I can get some blender wipes in time! As you're Mark ran out of the house and screeched away in his skulls, and you know, like he was in a film trailer or something. Once again, you've turned my life into a fucking ship it. My first other company for weeks and you'll stop it short with your creepy

fucking antics. Get out of the house, get out and do a comeback and let's let's time for my ex Beckham Bauer. So I've got a couple of my hours to stare at this flat tip before I go home, so I suppose that's all really, bawa. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you a couple of jokes for me or a joke before I go, you know, you know, you like them, but, I've a'r gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r ymdyn nhw'n gweithio'r y I'm not sure but that would explain the silky-s. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So this tastes funny to you Tell me Bob right screen with one wheel Grass I would have lied about the wheel So I'll see you then Bob see you next time

One piece of B. There's only one, two, three, four, three, Bob. That was nice of me. I want it. Keep sending it. I don't ask for it, you know, Andy. No, well, it's nice that he's got an outlet, I suppose. That reminds me of the Stereon at the fly tipping. Maybe the sun was Stereon at a fire in a derelict building near the A-Stender Sondland last weekend. That was good. Nice stare, that, isn't it? I think

the building's dereg, I think it's been renovated, whoever's got it, it was like open to the element sort of thing. You could see in through where the wind would have been and they had a fire in like a courtyard, so we just watched that for a bit. He took a photograph of it, I might get it off him and tweeted or something, if anyone's interested. Sounds pretty exciting. So did the fire catch on and destroy the building or? No, no, no, it was a contained fire. It was, you know, get you with contained fire. It sounds like you're a volunteer at Sunland Fire Brigade. I'm gonna tear it somewhere in five again, I saw it. Me everyone, yeah, here it goes. ["Honestly, I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan of the song, but I'm not a fan could you how could he know he doesn't know Uh, we haven't played this for a while. Uh, I want you to imagine you're looking through a door I there's three things for you to consider going in and having a closer look at

Uh, just let me know yes or no all right if you want to say them or not number one is a local lad Can I have a backup question? Uh, one question. Yeah,. Is he wearing football shorts? No. I don't want to see him. I'm frustrated, but I don't want to see him. I'm sorry, I could have gone either way. Second thing is 91%.

Do you want to go on another look? No, thank you. Alright fair enough and Akka Bulk is the third thing but it's the 12th of July 1972 and he is of course shit first. Yeah go on see Akka, yeah see how he's getting on. He was back in 1972, like a time travel option. I wonder if he's wet himself well I'll find out if I go in. You're fine, he's wet himself well I'll find out if I go in. He's pretty proper. Well it's it's 70 to 70 to our reckon it's probably a bit more robust but then in terms of his drink and so probably wouldn't have wet himself but

that did it as the day of my birth so that adds a and a free sun to that thing. Oh right. So you're about 48 or something like that. I'm 15 next year. 15 next year. The 50s for a fella, you know heart attack decade, get your art checked, everyone out there. Thanks for that. I'm just saying. You know, it's easy enough to do. Would you like a quiz Andy?

I'd love a quiz. It's a focus upon one particular item and I know you're very fond of. So here goes, it's called Buying Pop, So Socks Pinnas! Dying Thwag, Socks Oh yeah! Pap Yelp Socks, Gyu, me just a little more time, time, time. So I've been looking for the cheapest socks, cotton socks are Andrew, I'm just saying,

a sock that you'd wear, yeah. I've been looking for the cheapest sock. I've located three contenders, but I want you to put them in price order. You can choose from Aster, seven pack cotton with a festive emblem. with a festive emblem. Sock shop, five pair, plain cotton sock.

Sports direct, 10 pack, Donne white sports socks. Which is the most expensive, which is the cheapest. I think five from sock shops going to be the most expensive, because you'll be basically peeing for the because you'd be a city peeing for the You know you're paying for the brand name there aren't you and the cashier Of wearing a sock shop sock So that's the most expensive. I have no doubt about that. That leaves the Seven pack leaves the seven pack now the festive emblem. I think there's a premium to pay for the

fest, I guess it's a Christmas emblem. Yep, Santa Claus's Christmas tree such like seven pack for us is ten pack of fucking hell. I'm gonna go sock shop as the sports direct from expensive down the cheapest Most expensive as the Wow Seven quid right quid as pair yeah second most expensive Sports direct six Six quid our halving said that I've just thought of something that a 10 pack, that

makes them only 60 pence each, doesn't it? Yeah, 30 pence of sock. Alright, so that still makes us the most expensive, least expensive, Andrew, after all your like fluster. Blather, soft shop, the five pair, two, nineteen nine. Bull good, mate. I know, it's a good thing, isn't it? I don't think soft shops may be quite what it used to be. Yeah, maybe soft shops being bought out by, I don't know, might actually have someone like that. Yeah, well, I was confident and I feel miserable yet again, so thanks for that.

All right, some unit dense that have been sent in for adjudication and growth. Yes, yes, I've got one here from Nick Perbrick. Yeah, he says, I was walking the dog the other day when a man around 10 years older than me walked past with the same make of dogggers my one again around 10 years older. You had the same cap slash t-shirt slash shorts combo on as me. Is this a unit dent or have I just knackered space in time? So you've got a looker like plus dog plus 10 years. If it's true Andy, it's a unit dent in it. It's true it's a unit, isn't it? That's right. It's true, it's a unit, isn't it? Yeah, I'm giving it. I mean, do we just have to say we'll assume the true? We'll believe the integrity of our... I'm going to assume they're all true. There's one or two that come through where I just think they're not true. I generally filter them out and I don't present them to you. Okay. So, hard cheese if you've done that. Here's one from Andrew Close.

My wife was feeding our baby and wanted the sky channel change but couldn't reach the remote which was jammed between the soul for cushions. I had to pull the remote quite hard to get it out and in doing so the remote flew into the air. I caught it and must have pressed some buttons in the process. This resulted in the channel changing to the correct channel. My wife wanted to watch. It wasn't the next channel up or down from what we were already on and it wasn't the previous channel that had been watched. Unit down. Again, yeah, yeah. Solid gold isn't it? Absolutely you know what I've got one I don't

have I've mentioned this one before I might have done let's go back if we can to I think about 2006 yeah and the house that I was living in at the time and a UPVC front door standard at some at some point in the day, the lock malfunctioned. Right. So the handle wouldn't lift up and the lock wouldn't lock on the door. So we were insecure. Gotcha. In the front door area, later that same day, very same thing happened on the back door.

The lock wouldn't work. We were insecure front and back. The same fault on two separate doors on the same day, unit dent. Hmm. Are you got to give it? Coincidence? No, you know, how often how often does a UPVC lock door?

malfunction. Well, let's put let's have a look at it, Andrew. There were You know how often how often does a UPVC lock door malfunction? Well, let's put let's have a look at it, Andrew. There were probably purchase at a similar time. They'll have been fitted on the CMD. I think they want to bring free program to both knack on the CMD. Well, yeah, but they will have a limited. There will be a point at which they will knack. Yeah, but not a CM fucking day. Some might say it would be more unusual if one of them.

Give us it. I'm not going to give it because you're out of tune. but not the same fucking day. Some might say it would be more unusual if one of them... Have a sit! I'm not gonna give it because you're out of tune. Hey, listen up though. I saw a question from one of our listeners, Chris Phillips, which I thought was a fabulous question. What was the question? It's a little bit... But whatever.

I'm just saying it really struck me not which farm animals do you think about the least on a daily basis? I thought I was a nice question. Um... Oh, which farm animal do you think about? I don't think about horse as much. Um, does a turkey count as a farm animal? I suppose so, yeah.

Oh, turkey than I think. Yeah, I'll go for horse. I think it's because you don't eat them So they don't you know, they're not feel that much part of me live Would you like to play a little game that I've devised it's called East Oh West. Oh, that sounds tricky. I'll give you a go though. Oh, thank you, Bob. Welcome along to East or West. My guest, of course, is Mr. Bob Mortimer. Bob.

Thank you for having me by the way. Yeah, you're welcome. Thanks for coming along. Here we go, Bob. Are you ready? What's the prize, can I just ask a million? Quit, somewhere like that. Yeah, million quit. Yeah.

Million quit, million pounds on the line. When you pound, east or west. Here we go. Bob. East. Or west. Oh dear. I think I've got it.

I think I've got it. What do you think? Do I just give my answer now? Just give me your answer. Yeah, you sure about it? I'm sure that I'm ever going to be home. I'm going to go with me. Go for it.

Yeah. What's your answer? East. You've gone east. Yeah. Right. I'll give you the opportunity to change your answer. East. You've gone east. Yeah. Right. I'll give you the opportunity to change your answer if you want to but you've only got five seconds to change it if you want to. Toine!

West. You've changed it. You've gone west. I've gone west, yeah. Is that your final answer? Is that your final answer? Yeah, you made changed it, you've gone west. I've gone west, yeah. Is that your final answer? Is that your... Yeah, you made me do that. Is that your final answer? West.

Final answer, West. Yeah. He's gone for West. Pop it with East. Oh, this is East. It was Quid. I knew I should have just gone with me. It was the Squays album East Side Story from 1981. And West was the serial killer Fred West.

Right. Let's go through some questions now, shall we? Okay. The parsnipers. Katie, mine, valgness asks, what time do you go to bed? That's an ask question. I got a bed at 10, Andy. Do you, do you got a sleep at 10, though?

No, I got a bed at 10, and then I watch maybe a couple, but probably just one real house wives or below deck Mediterranean at the moment. Below deck Mediterranean, what's up at cruise ships? Yeah, good. Is it? I'm keen to get into the real housewives scene, but I don't know where to begin. What do you like? I mean, most people would, I mean, you probably should start with, you start with New York City.

Right. Right. Okay. Was that the first one? Was it? I think New York was the first time it might have been Beverly Hills. I mean, I'm loving Patulma at the moment. Right. But I think the general advice would be to start with New York City. I feel as though there's too many. It's too late to get into it, but... No, it's not. It's not. It's like, you know those moments in your life where you think,

well, do you know what? I'm just going to watch some tally. Yeah. And you flick around. Yeah. If you're into the real housewives, you've got like a year's worth to fill that, you know, those moments. So just check out of, check out of real life for a year and just, just go through the whole lot.

You think? No, worse things to do. Do you think wasps are getting less violent asks Sam Jennings? I think there might be a bit of truth in that. I've selected that question because yes, I do believe they are. I've had no bother at all with wasps this year.

And that included a holiday in Scotland where there was a wasps test in the wall of the cottage we're staying in. And they just went about their business. Didn't bother us. Didn't come down to try and steal me beer or sugary drinks or anything like that. They were just like fine lads, you know, we're just going to do what we do, we'll leave you alone, you know, we're up here, you're down there, let's live in harmony, that was beautiful. Yeah, I mean, I was fishing right next to a wasp nest and the same thing, didn't bother me,

we just both lived our separate lives. I suppose it's a bit like you mill wall fans and your West Ham fans Aren't quite as dangerous these days, you know, I think was to just realize they've been getting a bit a lot of bad publicity over the years and they try to re-brand if you like or maybe they got satchy and or something You know the head was they're like They're like they're like some kind yeah, in set consultancy firm, and they're trying to reposition them in the air. And then that's, that's where stop biting to bite people are the face and tongue.

Yeah. He's one from just swindles. My boiler stopped working and appeared completely knackered. However, with the aid of a handy YouTube tutorial, I managed to fix it simply by restoring pressure with a quick twist of the boiler's two knobs. Does this make me a qualified gas engineer? My wife says it doesn't and am I entitled to some sort of metal stroke prize? My wife says I'm not

Well, I like I like the sound of Josh Josh because he's right. What he did You know what he did was it's excellent when you can mend a boiler. It's just, it doesn't make him a qualified guest in the engineer, but if it was me, I would certainly say he is a gas engineer. Right. And absolutely entitled to a medal or a prize, I would insist on one.

I think you've been incredibly generous to just, all these dunes just increase the pressure of the water pressure into the water flow into the boiler. Which if he hadn't done that, the do add to a cold in a gas engineer and paid 16. He's quite a thummit. He's got a YouTube which is obviously where you go first before you get a qualified engineer and I don't think he's a gas engineer because he didn't do anything with any gas. He just increased the water flow into the boiler. No, sorry, you've been generous with him. Helen Gillibrand says,

why won't Bob let Andy do more of his character or has Banana Ramma live in his house? Our love hearing is over the top sons and accents, just as much as Mr Sting from the massive house. I don't see a massive house. Indeed. Andy, firstly, Helen, I haven't stopped Andy doing his character. It's actually a very haunting

second-in-character and I just find it a little bit too real, you know. I feel sorry for Peter to listen to it to it's a brilliant character but it's difficult you were so relentlessly negative about it that I felt like I felt bullied almost and not doing it anymore do a bit of it and I do I might bring him back cospinion ram is moved out now I haven't got the name ram alive and others anymore I'm living with pingo now for my telly. I'm like bringing back, don't I? I might do. Well, it's nice that he hasn't trapping females, and maybe that was the key to it.

It might have been, it might have been, if it could have been a river element, that might be a future for him. Thomas Freier says, Bob, what's the cheapest meat you would put in a Sunday roast from a very poor student? I suppose, I, well, a Sunday roast. The very cheapest meat you would put in a Sunday roast. I suppose he would have as a Sunday roast.

Which is actually roast, yeah. I suppose that, you know, that lamb thing, is it a hawk or something? Yeah. What's the call, like that thing? I think, you know, I think it's hawker summit? Yeah. What's the call, like that thing? I don't know. You know that, I think it's a lamb's photosome. Lamb's neck. I'd have a pig's trotter, I suppose.

Could you not include maybe some pan-fried corn beef over tin? I know that's not your business, is it? It's not a roast, is it? Because I mean, the cheapest acceptable meat, that is like, Paul and I on the fishing show, I don't mean to be doing an advert here, but are you familiar with boiling the bag beef Andy from last year, remember it? Yeah. Well, it's quite hard to get now the birds eye one, but Iceland do one. Right.

Right, beef sliced beef and gravy. It's 29 pence fuck me that's incredible and it was delicious I used to enjoy getting a love at a hot beef sandwich from like a van yeah no a van or a hatch and that's as close as you get to recreate in that and your own home getting the birds I've frozen beef it's gravy in the bag isn't't it, as well? Yeah, that's getting hard to get though, but it's the Iceland do one. Microwave it in, I think it was six minutes.

And I did it with instant mash and tin peas. It was a lovely, and honestly, it was a lovely meal. So that's my answer. I think that might come back. What now that we're allowed to pump shit into the rivers again, I think food like that might come back I think there's been regulation stop would have survived it I reckon it's on it to me back do you want anything else Andrew are you done I reckon we're done now yeah all right then thanks everybody thanks

for indulging us as ever past nippers and we'll be back soon with more of this whatever it is yeah bye thank you. Thank you, past netmas. See you next time. you