Athletico Mince - Boiled Parsnips 35: Fingers Of Richmond

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Doctor tactics, slipper chat, ray gun repair, a Dyche WAV, regal scatter cushions, Peter’s 2022 Christmas message, and more. (Rec: 20/12/22)Explore the entire Club Parsnips archive free for 7 days at https://www.patreon.com/athleticomince Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How are we doing alright? Yeah, but... Yeah, welcome to Past Snips everyone, should we call this Christmas occasion? Er, it's a Christmas special, I think. You're going to call it that? Well, I don don't know we'll see if we can call it up. Christmas stuff there is in it because it might not be all that Christmassy. But then I suppose that would be special because everything else is Christmassy. So those something now that's not Christmassy would buy it near to be special? I agree, what's happened to your eye?

It's a mess. It looks septic. It's a sty, do you remember them? Do you remember styes? Oh yeah. I've not had one since about 1985. You must be run down, isn't that what you're there to say?

Is that what it is? I've got a sty, M-E-I, I'd want to say, E-5. The, have you been poking your eye into, um, um, business you shouldn't have been? Are you your dogs business? Because it looks, it does look infected and pussy, you know? I don't know. I did a, I did a trip to the tip of the day and then I went to some charity shops

and then maybe I scratched my eye afterwards, I don't know. Can you catch the stives from charity shops? I think that, um, I think't know. Can you catch the stars from charity shops? I think that's, I think there's over. That's a bit of a slur, isn't it? It's charity shops. You know, I've never heard of that ever happening. So this is a Christmas or maybe not Christmas. Yeah.

You're wearing a Unident T-shirt, which I like on you under. You're very vibrant. Thank you very much. Well look, look, I've got an intro, one of the old fashioned intros yeah? Right yeah. So let's give that a go. Hello boys and girls, I hope you're in a good spirits and aware that fear is a very powerful

emotion. Imagine if you can that you are walking the streets of Sunderland in the early hours of the morning searching for a stranger to share your thoughts with. Halfway along a dark alley, beyond a row of shops the shadowy figure appears from behind the dumpster. You can't make out his features but something about him suggests his intent is benign. Alright, mate you ask. Yeah, I'll fight. He is the thing. I know exactly what it is you're looking for. He hangs you with sets of headphones that you put on your ears.

A broad smile appears in your face. This is indeed what you've been searching for for your whole life. Country, fucking music. I've been listening to that country fucking music Gives me everything I've asked to need I've been drinking it like chocolate And milk shake And adding it to my children's morning feed

I've bought a boat Time with us two long belted fingers I've attached some spurs to my washing machine Now I'm dancing in circles from a bedroom Living out the country music for a little dream I'm not hot, pound-key, I'm not bright as a spark, I'm empty door doors, and I'm pissing on shadows Shadows, in the fucking dark I've got grits and tuti rolls in my freezer, I've got bales of hay and horses shoes in my freezer I've got bails of hay and horses using my haul I wear a waistcoat and a moonstone

fucking stetson yeah I'm having myself a confian western ball I'm not hulk hulkie I'm not brightest spark I'm anti the fucking dark Y'all There you go Wow, can I just do a yeehaw YEEEAAAHHHHH That was incredible Combination intro and then An incredible feat of technical achievement Segwaying from

One song into another What you putting in your mouth now? What you got? You spotted me You having a picture? You're a little bit like a You're a little bit like a an incredible feat of technical achievement segwaying from one song into another. What are you putting in your mouth now? What you got? Are you spotted me?

You having a picture? A little bit of Christmas cake. Christmas E cake. It's not at the Attero Christmas cake. It's one that shaped like the Alps and has got ice and sugar on it. Oh, so it's not fruit cake? No, it's an introduction to the idea of Christmas cake, you know? It's a get-we-kick. Get-we-kick. A get-we-kick. No, it's an introduction to the idea of Christmas cake, you know Gateweer cake. Good. We're cake a gateweer cake

Hey, hold on Andy, was there a supermarket used to be a supermarket called gateway Safeway I think the might be the gateway, you know Yeah, that rings a battery. Oh, you know what I'm gonna have to Google that. I'm interested Be a safe way and a gateway Gateway supermarket Google app. It's interesting. Yeah, you're right and it went on to become Summerfield. Oh, that's interesting. Probably realized that Gateway was a shit in for supermarket. Yeah, Safeway, I was the better usage of

Wait, you know, it hints at it hints at an ice atmosphere, friendly staff and all that, you know? Yeah, you come in here for a safe way, safe for the live. Hey Andy, if you were out in town and you needed a piss, where would you head to? What would you go like McDonald's, Starbucks, the department store, back alley, what would you do? I've got a big pub. A big pub probably. Not a one way, you just wander in, you know, a small pup where you

wander in, and the north you are going just to use the toilet because then you would fail a blight to buy at least a half. Now a big pup like a weather spoon. Good idea. Have you tried the weather spoons, Chris, Miss dinner? Because I know I recommended it to you. No, I haven't. I don't use weather spoons ever since that the hairy lion man started putting propaganda on the tier boss. How you going?

I can't be doing that. I didn't know about that. So you've had the, what, there's a Christmas dinner in there, is it? Andy, I don't go into weather spoons. I've never been in one, but I don't say that with a pride, I'm just saying it's not my cup of tea.

So we've had a pop of charity shops and weather spoons already in the first five minutes. I'm a good person. Me and my family, we watch this like seam of people on YouTube, you know, I think I've told you before, they're like in the 50s, divorced, and a lot of them review food at places, you know, like weather spoons. And I saw a couple of them had done the weather 50s, divorced, and a lot of them review food at places, you know, like, weather spoons. And I saw a couple of them had done the weather spoons, Christmas dinner, and they were very, very impressed. So, there you go. So what was the choice of meats? I don't think there wasn't a choice, it was turkey.

Or I think it was a veggie one, yeah. Right. Okay. And did you watch the World Cup? Yeah, and I did, I watched, I missed 20 minutes, actually I did, you know I missed more than 20 minutes because I didn't bother with the third, fourth playoff because I was watching the Borough Burnley match. So the only thing I missed, which was a shame, I missed the last 30 minutes of the Japan Germany match, which was a bad one to have missed, but I saw I won the match. I want to draw some kind of prior engagement then. Yeah, doctors, doctors. Ah, doctors.

And how's your health? What's the most pathetic way? You can say, doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. I got a star in my eye. Yeah, you're eating.

That's really hurting, doctor. Yeah. Do you think this serve you better if you're a bit pissy? If you go and say, Oh, doctor, my knee is really sore, doctor. Oh, do you think they're just thinking of a wanker? I think doctors are thinking of wanker if you go out that, because it's just too obvious.

I think you've got to go in there, and you've got to just lay it on the table, not literally, but just tell them what is the nails you're to just be really business-like about it. So you think I get a more chance of getting a good decent pain color if I just got? Hello doctor, I've got a pain in my knees

or anything you can do for me. Really bad, yeah, but really bad in the mornings. Effect is what on stairs, what you got, that sort of thing. I think if you go and give it all the way, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, the same thing. I mean, I'm and give it all your ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e- Don't there. Are you a doctor? Anyway, I'm not even sure. Oh yeah, but give me fuck an anodin.

What you're hoping for for a present, just name one present you're hoping for, Annie. The thing is for me, I always have to give people lists of what I want, otherwise I end up with stuff that I don't want. I know that's boring, but in my age, you know what I mean? I can't be doing my getting stuff that's no use to me So what's one present you're hoping you get it's a simple question What one of the ones I'm getting is The blue rear of that David Boyd documentary that was out of wild go moonage dead dream all right Well, I won't be watching that but enjoy it. I hope it's got some extra

I wasn't it hasn't you know what I mean? It hasn't got any extras at all. It's a note So I wasn't gonna invite you around to watch it anyway. What are you getting anywhere? Well, well, I'm hope you know I ask everyone and be children Sounds out of God's Lord's and it but I ask everyone just to buy me sweets by which I mean jelly bears are the cute chocolates But they never do because I think you think, I can't just get them that. I'm hoping to get some underpants. And you and I love a nice fresh pack of underpants for January, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I've got myself some of you slip as the other day, because I saw them on hot yokey deals. Yeah. And they were only $7.49, but they had lots of good reviews and that's like fair lined and they've got a nice hard saw, really good. You're a very very lucky man. Can I tell you about that?

They actually came ten minutes before the start of the World Cup final and I had them on for the World Cup final, I think that enhanced the match. Of course it did. Do you know how I've been inkling it might have caused the match to be so good? Perhaps they will. It changed everything. I can tell you about manual slippers because they are really interesting and I just need to get one off to show you and they... Oh, when the matter is good. Do you see? Look at that. Well, now what's interesting, the bottom inch of it, half inch maybe, is that cloth that picks up dust. Do you know what I mean? So you walk around on it and as you do it, you're picking up all the dust

from the floor bars and that. Your floor, as you do it. What do you think of that, you bastard? That, that duster that's got little bits of like plastic in. I don't know what it is, it's something, it attracts the, yeah, you know. And what's the top half of them? It looks like a mop That the mop bit is the is that stuff that's that stuff that picks up the stuff Yeah, you walk and round on like mop head. Yeah material. Yeah, struggle my words to damn sorry

Well, don't worry about that Andy. I'm the style me. I I'm hoping of course that I get a new ragun but not chance of that is the and I know that you bought a Ninja F fry a double draw how's it going? You noticed that did you I didn't want to message you directly and rub it in because I think you're on a single draw you couldn't wait for the Ninja to come back in the stock yeah but what do you think? I've done all sort in it. I've done tempura prawns. I've done pigs in blankets. I've done scampy.

I've done chips. Sossages, it's a bute. It's an absolute bute. Well done, like the lighted with it. The best thing I've got in my kitchen is me hot tap. But it's all of them ones. Yeah, it seems to me like your ninjas transformed your life and the good life.

Do you not have to get a cartridge or something to power them things you have to is it going to open it I've got something under me sink it looks like a vacuum flat looks like a flask under me sink you know does that need to be updated now and again or is there a subscription service or some kind of subscription I have had it touched in eight years or something. I'm all right, okay. I think they're excellent. I mean, I don't know how people live without them, but I know that they do.

Right. So I know that they're talking about. So you've basically just come on air, you're just gonna say you've got an injure. Good luck with that, but it's not as good as my hot tub. That's absolutely. All right, I'll come clean, Andy.

I've got a casserole, one drawer, but big drawer, you can do a whole roast chicken in it, yeah? Yeah, yeah. And I'm beginning to think that that might be better than the two drawer, because sometimes, you know, could you fit two slices of bread in one of your drawers? You know what I mean?

I've you not got a capacity problem. Well, I don't know, I was gonna put small chicken in it this way, you can see it, of course I think you get a small chicken in there. Definitely. Well, if you cannot be very impressed because you are all the flaws with capacity. I could put a slice of bread in each draw. Yeah, but you're wanting to heat your dip as any other draw, aren't you? Put them on top of the bread. Oh Andrew talking of ragons yeah I took mine up to infinity rocket plastics and for its annual service in MOT the other day yet that's how I'm the earth. It is yeah

up near up near Alexander Palace. No they do a one hour turn around fixed for 80 quid to serve as MOT ory Regan and it's pretty good Andrew given that they have to replace the plasma you know and re-line the magnets, the electro magnets and I mean you of all people and you know oh dang just plasma draining can be don't you? Oh yeah I mean that all around here they just pour it in the river. Terrible. Anyway it is what happened, right?

So there was a bloke on the front counter and he had a name tag. He was called Fingers of Richmond. That's called what? It's called what? Fingers of Richmond. That's on on you, it's on there. I mean, Andy.

It says like a living resource. Fingers of Richmond. It's conversation about this. I says, I'd like a one-hour service on me Reagan please. Oh my fingers are rich. Yeah okay now okay. Oh what model is it please if you don't mind me ask it you what model is it please? No no no what is it a nebula X 150S. I'm sorry to say so, though, we don't longer stop. The plasma for that model on a kind of its volatility.

Really? I've not heard of any volatility problems with the Nabila range. Yeah, as it turns out, the one that dust is settled, you know, come the crunch. The Nabila X150 is a little better than a trumpet of shit when it comes to volatility. Oh, honey, I've had it over four years now I've never had a problem. Well that's what that woman said about her chip, the Claude face-off isn't it? I mean you just can't bury your head in the sand mate, why not upgrade? You could get a Sputnik T40, I've got one, you're still in its box, your 500 quid,

normally retails at a thousand pounds if you're interested. Well obviously I'm interested because you know the Sputnik uses the stem cell plasma as it that everyone in the reg on world's talking about so but just as I was about to take the box off of him, the door to the back office is open and fingers of Richmond jumped over the counter and scarred out of the shop. Most of the boss of Infinity Rocket blasts plastics was who came through the door. Hi, Mo, so are you? Mo's said a lot like fingers of Richmond, don't they? Go a bit deeper. All the better for regarding your support yourself, Mr. Baltimore.

Hey, as I most just before you came to, one of your colleagues, fingers of Richmond, it was up, was offering me a sputnik rag on for our price, but a scarpered one you arrived. Do you know I'm quite interested in that offer actually? Oh, good job, I arrived at the time! The fingers of Richmond as a local scallywag trying to flog and knock a thoth space guns whenever he see a thocounter as an attendant. I should lock a thoth at all really but that would be out to likeneth my workplace to a prison. Oh good fair enough. So I left me Reagan with most popped over to slaughter as restaurant to fill the time till it was ready. When I got there, I saw Adrian Lewis sat at the table with none other than

fingers of Richmond. So I sat at the table in the booth behind them so I could listen in. Oh fuck fuck, so this is a genuine sputnik is it? Pick me first, I'm big boy, you're causing this. What you wanted for it either way, you've got a never sister deal with? Oh yeah Oh yeah for fuck yeah it's um but just at that moment the waiter appeared at the table a thousand fucks of welcome to you today our chef run crags as a special menu named Kulling or the one oh fuck fuck this is gonna get me popping just here and it gone, tell us what's on off her. First Alice, we have the lungs of a peabie, odd her, re-inflated with captured thoughts of

a basket of adders, unserved, with a sad dish of grilled cod tongues. Oh, Vuk Vuk Vuk Vuk, I've just passed a long section of watery wind. That dish is just what the doctor has ordered. Oh, do you not have any soup? The dish can be liquidized and served in a hot-loatchim foot, if you require. No, I just made a regular soup, you know, like tomato or chicken. I'm afraid not. So very fucking sorry. Oh, I'll pass then.

What's the main? For me and Coss, we have the Cranx celebration sandwich, which consists of three layers of marinaded sealed tails, in a lid with mashed eagle heads. Oh, what, what, what, what, what, what, what are the sealed tails marinaded in? A very big dirty tin. Oh, I thought eagles were protected. Nothing.

This is from Ron Clagg's cleaver. Oh, what you've made me very happy. I'm presently releasing gases that have only previously been emitted by a grieving monkey. Could I just have egg and chips or something like that? Not to diss, sir. Oh, let me have a word with the chef, please. I wouldn't recommend that sir. He has a tendency to fuck people up.

I want to see him. I would call him there. I want to see him. Very well sir. Oh fuck fuck fuck. A couple of minutes later the waiter returns to the table with Ron Cragsby's side. Ron is bleeding badly from his right eye and appears to have hammered a nail into the side of his head. Ron speaks.

Oh, this is always the issue of who could. I've kept a track of treatment and I've been getting a lot to run. Could be the other one there and you don't like it, you can cook up to Western Australia and grow a question you have crack. Surely you could knock me up a plate of chips and frying egg? Well Ron lunges forward, raises his clever in the air, he's about to bring it down on fingers head when finger pulls out the sputnik ragun and gives Ron a direct hit on his arm, making it turn to a kind of glowing

jelly. Ron falls to the floor in agony as fingers scarves out of the restaurant. That was a very effective fucking rake on. Must be a sport neck. Oh, hopefully, yes it was. I was going to buy it to disable a couple of my rivals at the World Championships, specifically Pete of Hokingenright and Big Bear Be-Gurwin.

I've got a nebula X150, you could borrow, but I'm having a night-bear cat in that plasma replaced. And when he said that, that made me upset, well, fuck, no, it's okay. Oh, no, it's okay. I've heard the plasma in that model suffers a lot of volatility. I'll just rely on my ox tongue pies to fire my up, so it's cool yourself together still on. Ron, are you still gonna be able to have fucking coke? At this point Ron gets up and chops off his jelly arm with his clever level bath.

Everything has been pre-clushed. I can see it was wide under the fucking effect of leg on that one. I was taken down with then. Must be a smoothing. I'll get back to the kitchen. Clear up that arm jelly, will you son? With pleasure, Ron.

Oh, hey, do you mind if I have the arm jelly as a priest at not a problem sir. Oh for fucking lovely. And at that point I you left to the restaurant. Nice little story though. Nice story. Arm Jolly feels quite Christmasy, I think. I'd like to get older one of them to spot next. Oh well baby, maybe on Christmas Day, maybe you'll be lucky home or I've got a couple of names for you, if that's any good. Go on then. I mean obviously you can be honky-tongue. Of course, thank you. Or you could be desiccated David. Right. Or you could be Dicol Jingsbury.

What was the first one of that Dicol? Dicol Jingsbury. That feels a bit festive. It feels a bit festive but I don't want it. What was that second one? Diccated David. Yeah, he sounds a bit flaky, to be honest. Can I just be Chris and Tanki Tunk? Chris and Tanki Tunk, I don't know if he can be that, yeah. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ employment at the moment is he Andy? No, still holding out for the right job I imagine. I'm sure he's inundated with offers though. You would think. So thanks again to Infinity Rocket Plastics. God bless them. I managed to get a whav of Sean Dysius Christmas message to his family and closest friends. So I'll play that for your shallower.

Christmas is here and I'm at home all alone waiting for some good news. If I might telephone, have I in the shirts and have rodded me drains, I've eaten so many pies that has pasted me in my veins. But I'm not down and I know I'll be back, there must be a scene that per first defense to attack. But Christmas isn't just about me, it's about my advice for society. A Merry Christmas for all you fools, it's guaranteed if you follow these rules. Remember, pies, and rogue S.A.S. for your Christmas TV. If you're feeling lonely like I am, get down to the coop and buy some spam. If you pipe the frozen and your chest full of flam, go

by a sausage flat from B&N. If you've lost your job and your wi-fi's faulty, get yourself a tin estate from little or oldie. If your bedroom is cold as the course of Alaska, treat yourself to some corn beaf from Tesco or Astor. If your underpants have a whiff of piss, just put on a second pair to soften it. If like me you've fallen a stop-dring in, just imagine what Santa will be ringing. It could be... Bies... Puddings...

Shit... Concrete... Topsoil... Or a DVD of SAS Rok heroes. This message was sponsored by Kenton and Wright Building Supplies of Burnley, where all the hisibs and grouting tools are half priced this festive season. Use Kenton and Wright, all the others are shite. Thank you, Merry Christmas

So he's keeping his spirits up anyway, yeah, obviously yeah, it'll be back. Surely where'd you reckon you'll turn up? Well, I'm so surprised he hasn't got a job. It's a bit like The one from middle, Chris Wilder. They must have applied for some of these jobs. So I don't know if there's something. I know what I think, Everett and I'll bite the bullet. They'll get in the lampard and they'll bring Dachshund. They'll give him until the end of the season. That's a lampard, it's not going to last a bit. And as he, that's not going to work out for anybody.

Ludicrous. Yeah, I hear what you say, he's a classic January February destroyer exit purchase in it. Yeah. Yeah, got a written all over him. You got a branch of Dunel. No you're where you live. Hmm, I'm not sure.

Do they sell like kitchen stuff and... Kitchen stuff, home-wares? Yeah, home-wares, that's kind of... Home-wares, that's kind of... Blinds, that sort of thing, yeah, yeah. I like it in there, I was in there, you know, there. Trying to get some cut price, Christmas decorations. Nice.

And I was having a look, and they didn't have any pretty much, they'd sold out. They're... to look and they didn't have any pretty much they'd sold out. Their model is to kind of sell out the Christmas decorations by about the 10th of December and not have to reduce them. They're not pissing about, they know what they're doing, they've got a model and it works and they're sticking to it. But anywhere, I'm looking around for the Christmas decoration, nothing doing. And I had this face, it just went, Senior. Oh, God, it's carbon.

Jeremy Corbyn. Yep. In Dunl, middle of December, last thing you need. He says, Senior there, laddie, fanning about in the soft furnishings, like Lawrence Lowell and Bowen. That's his, uh, hello, hello, Jeremy.

Um, what, what are you doing? What are you doing in here? I'm after some scatter cushions. Alright, scatter cushions, what for? Is that for your house? No, I'm renting a bed sit in North London. Not to live in, just somewhere to go and hang out with my pals away from the wife and kids. I'm calling it JCHQ Good name, I hang out I guess yeah And then his pal comes around the corner

Joined them fucking King Charles in it All right Oh, you majesty What what are you up to then? That's a good question. In this GSC HQ, we're working on developing TV formats. I'm fucking hell. Charles says, here's the ID.

We've got to go around someone's house, it's falling apart. Tart it up, well nice. But we do a dead fucking quick. Call it SOS DIY. It's a world nice, but we do it dead fucking quick call it s o s d i y I Said I pretty showed that already exists. I think so it's called d i y s o s Yeah, and it's got nicknalls present knit and Charles says nicknools Is that one of the ones we had discussed getting killed GC?

Corbans is now, but we can put them on the list I said look you can't just go around nicking formats that are already well established yeah no one British television it's not gonna wash he says I'm the fucking king I'll do the fuck I like fair enough really you know he's the king um Corbin says sir what's your best HQ laddy god tell us I says well I bought a bought a house a bit of a year ago finally got somewhere with upstairs so I'm not in fungal anymore I said I've got a shed as well a bit small but it's alright so I guess that's that's me best HQ says ha that your best pathetic ask me mind oh actually ask him his point in it King Charles this is all right all

right your majesty what's what's your best HQ this is booking them fucking palaces it died beat that you little asshole! And Corbin says, BUSH! Shit happens! Um, and that was made done in completely. Yeah. No combat of that, and I just scarpered. Scarpered out of it. I'm getting decorations. I don't know if they got any scar cushions or not, but I'll come.

I'll come you bothered. I was, I was, I was thinking, I was, I was thinking you're lucky that, um, Corbin didn't ask you what your best ever scatter was. You know. Well, yeah, yeah, he didn't you didn't know your best scatterby but I'm thinking of Seeds I suppose scattering seeds on the poly bread crumbs for the ducks and like that I

Bashed up some brazil nuts the other day and scattered them. So yeah that was a good scatter. Brazil nut. Right. Who just scattered them for? I've scattered it for the birds, but that happens as you probably know, the squirrels got in there first. Yeah, is that your cord for rats because it'll have been rats, wouldn't it? No, there's no rats round the ear mate, I'm in a pack. You've got no rats round No, I was not a rat thrown lady, I mean a pack. You got no rat thrown yours have he not? No, there's probably a rat within six inches you at any one time. I would not six inches. That's stupid, isn't it? Peter, Peter Beads, they sent me a Christmas message. I don't know whether to open it. Do you want to do what Apple is you should? Yeah, can't be quite soothed after that, quite abrasive encounter with Jeremy Corbyn, so um, okay, well, I'll read it out for you All right, Bob

And then you Christmas to your in the ductile I, like, and all you listen to. I'm not in the spare room at the moment. I'm in the wife's bed box for buying a pot of recenter clothes, you know, I thought, yeah, it's always busy in the leaves of the Christmas and it's not been an exception this year like but I do enjoy it you know. Suppose that's your probably tell you the story of Erbana Pukkuri Santa really. So a couple of days ago I went to get the Christmas tree at the garden and I went with wife, you know, make a bit of a day out of it. So we got the tree, but you know, she says, now listen up, Mr.

Sock, can't eat a beard sleep. I want a 5'6 inch tree, not a centipede of organ less or more, and I want one of them that doesn't drop its horned needles. Are you capable of following these instructions? Right, yeah, no fair. Five foot six and no needle dropping. You'll better get it right or else you'll go and spend the rest of your life in the back garden getting shot on by the seagulls. Now I'm off to the calf for some mid-morning scramblers and I'll see you when you're done. I'll show you a little bit and enjoy your eggs. So I went out with a toy and started having a good old stare at the ones I'm off at. So I'll cut with a little bit about the right height you know. But I

wanted to check before committing you know. And I know it is important not to get the drop drop drop drop Once you know scan the scan the drop drop So right next to the trees, I know it was a blogging inside of open shed selling lots of pottery wildlife figures You know our old-school badgers and robins and squirrels and razors and kittens and puppies and that Inau'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ygwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr i'r ysgwyr igwyr I know it's that the bloke operating, the partnership, either retractable tape measure on his desk like so. Excuse me, sir. May I borrow your tape measure for a moment to measure a couple of these trees here in Portland,

in the Netherlands? No, you may not. Get your own tape measure, seek assistance from a member of staff. Do I look like a tool higher out fit? No, I don't. And that's because I'm Neil Hunt, nonsense potter. And if you know one thing about me, you'll know that I don't fuck about.

You know what? I mean, you're right. Why not? Did you go out of bed expecting gold, and all you got was a grout? The only thing I hope for when I awake every morning is that I won't have to deal with morons like you with bent faces and the mind of a chimp with bells palsy.

Now, step out of my shed before I call security. So, who, right, it was hard to step out of the shed. And I just chose to treat you, I guessed, a fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy' fwy'r oes yn fwy'r oes yn fwy' fwy'r oes yn fwy' here being affected by what the pressure issues are fuck off with your force sympathy you creepy dial now stand that tree up next to you so I can check its height so I stood right next to you like that tree is a good 20-stiler than you so it's at least five foot fuck and eight my instructions could not have been simpler what is the the matter with you? Is your mind so warm for clear fucking thoughts? Why didn't you measure it? I wanted to Put that puppy bloke there and you said he wouldn't borrow me his tip measure. Oh, is that fork and right?

Well the wife matches into the shed. I Know that little fucking prick will refuse to let my baby use your trip measure. Yes, I am and how dare you speak to me like that, you dreary cow. Well, what, I'll cause you an imagined bob to shit really at the piss at that point. A wife went straight up, went peaking them up,

and by the shores, I raised them above the red and paled her abdomen to the floor then she struttled him and stared and fell on in his eyes. Get off me! Do you know who I am? Do you? I'll have you know that my niece, my niece's music teacher, has a pair of shoes with knives

that pop out of the front that click at the heels. Very fricking interested, but he very fucking interesting, but he's not here, is he? The wife then started munching at him, pummeling his face with one of his properly-scented look. Why is it always little old me? I've wanted to see it once a month at the wildfire, wild life rescue centre, and I once walked and custed for a daft kid's charity. Oh, shut the fuck up, you little prick, and give me that chair. If the tree is so long, you'll ignore off the excess with your bare fork and teeth.

So the wife measured the tree and just as I thought it was just as I thought, it was bang on five foot six. I felt a bit rotten for a potry bloke now you have to be honest his face was a bit of a mess to make it up. I bought this potry santa rotting for 50 quid because he wouldn't be at the salad you know with all the blood and snut in the grove right you know. I was just about to reduce that s Santa by 50% so who's laughing now? I'll tell you who? Neil fucking hunt and I'm loving my life! Well I didn't hear that part obviously because I've left but the wife did and she called me a fucking clown for buying the Santa but you know not a bad trip really Bob and I'll

tell you what the tree looks lovely. a'r bai'n ysant er. A'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweithio'r bai'n gweith So, a fellow in the pub told me that his mate came off his motorbike, that he's got bread, damage, two broken arms, and he's buying him one eye. Blah me, I said, no, one, one, one, we came off the fucking bike. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Um... So I started a new job, you know, security card. I robust before I left to help me make sure I watched the office all night. So I'm on season two already but I don't know what else to do with security either. I don't know how to act that one. with security. I got a young level vessel remote, you know, from the birthday, this changes everything. So I'm not very good at it, but it's Christmas, so you can give me a bit of a leeway. Anyway, I'll tell you about that. One piece of beezy. There's only one piece of beezy. So there's a bit of a problem at the gans, isn't there? Yeah, but it was Christmas themed so that adds to the percentage of

Christmas content in the set. Ah, right. I think we might be agent awards. It being a legit, a Merry Christmas special. So that's good. Happy Christmas everyone. Happy Christmas, past nippers. Thank you for supporting us. See you soon, Annie. Thank you Bob.

Goodbye. Bye. I'm a woman, I'm a woman