Athletico Mince - Boiled Parsnips 49: Missed Spoon Opportunity

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

Country music, gift talk, an Ally Pally visit, ding dong, a llama meeting, and some interesting topics. (Originally recorded for Club Parsnips on 1/1/25 https://www.patreon.com/c/athleticomince) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello boys and girls and welcome to Parsnipsmuss. I hope your thighs are bulbous and well-oiled and that your gutters and soak-aways are running free. Imagine if you can that you're walking the streets of Sunland when you're approached by a stranger in a T-Moo-Pofer-Popper with a donkey and an Alsatian tethered to his milky arm. All right, mate, you ask? Aye, I'm arid

Do you want to pack me donkey? No, thanks It stinks as shit Do you want to ride on it? No, because I don't want my slacks covered in donkey Todd Do you want to buy it? Why would I want to buy an area

of hairy shit? Have you heard him sing? No, but what type of music does he sing? Country fucking music Oh yeah, prove it And the bloke kicks the donkey In its knackers and it begins to sing

I've been listening to that country fucking music whilst hanging pepperoni's on my tree I've been piping it directly into my bathtub because it helps to clean my ball bag of monies I've bought a new set of headphones in Aldi so I can feed that country music to my brain I bought myself some pointy shoes from Costco So I can use the toe to clear out my dreams

I'm that honky I'm that bright as a spark I'm Andy Dorsey Dawson I'm pissing on shadows Shadows Shadows In the fucking dark I'm having grits and tootsie rolls instead of turkey

I've got a belt buckle on top of my Christmas tree I bought a 12 pack of wagon wheels from farm foods stack them high that's a Christmas cake for me but I'm not honky I'm that bright

as a spark I'm Andy Do Doors Son and I'm pissing on shadows shadows in the fucking dark Hey, Merry Parsnipsmust to you, Andrew Dawson. Yeha! Merry parsnipsmust to you as well. It feels like it's a made-up holiday. It is Andy, it is Andy, but so is Christmas, Chris Dart's mouse or whatever it is?

Football Dart's Miss. Football Dartsmas. Yeah. The only one on that trailer, who seems fully convinced by the concept of Christmas, Can I guess first? Can I guess first? Yeah. Luke Humphreys?

No. Who is it? Is Jack Grilish? Oh yes, he has got a bit of a smile, aren't he? He claps his hands as well. He claps his hands because he's banging to it. So, yeah, football D' Artemis. The least convincing is, I suppose it obviously would be his cold Palmer, in it?

And I think they seem to have dropped him from the head. By the look of it. He got voted off. So, New Year's honours, we've both been snubbed once again. Oh, and it incredible. As far, I mean, we nominated each other. Yeah. Pact that we had.

I wrote to the King, I said, Ow King, now then. Oh, you do, what about Dawson for one of them? MBOs or something? NBORs, Obies, subibis, any of them. I'd probably be a subibi. I know that when you worked at HMV, you got nominated, and you turned it down,

they ain't going to come back to you, Andy. Well, I'll prove you wrong because it was our price. But yeah, I did. Tell me, answer me this, Andy. Your time at our price, happiest days of your life? Not the happiest days of your life. No. But as far as jobs go, it was a really good one.

I really enjoyed it. Yeah. Because it wasn't really a proper job. Good people. You know what I'm good people. They were good people. Music lovers. Yeah.

Music loves, good people. We just chat music all day long. Yeah. I hope the public out. It was great times. And you could just have a cup of tea behind the counter. just put it underneath the counter, I'll have your cup of tea.

Of course, and people would come and said, you mind if I put this flyer up, but my band's got a gig at the Crown on Thursday. He said, no, you can fuck off. No, I've got to run that by head office first, and they've said no, there's a blanket ban on flyers. But you get 10 months of the year, nobody in. Two months of the year, mad busy.

Yeah. Great times. You can't go back. By this train, my nearest train station, Andy, a shops just opened, which is, um, selling, what's that tough stuff, tough meat, you know, that's hardened? Jerky.

Jerky. A jerky shop, a whole shop that's over nothing but jerky. How long will you give it and I'll report back? Five months. Five, I'm giving it. Five months? I think five weeks, so that would be about... Five weeks?

Yeah. You've seen it, though, in the flesh. I'm just having a punt. Fuck it's sparse, Andy. Can I offer you some names at this point? Yeah, of course. Can you consider it off of them? First of all, you can be Kenny Spice wipes.

Spice wipes. Spice wipes. He claims to have reinvented the wet wipe by infusing it with chili. Oh, yeah. Keeping away from your eyes, I think, is the overriding message there. You can be Fattenborough. Can I just comment on spice wipes?

Yeah. If there'd been space wipes with a futuristic angle, how white have been in? Right. So like on the packaging there would be like cobbets and that. Yeah, yeah. Alternatively, if there'd been, if he'd been Peter Spice Rack, I'd have been quite tempted there, but moving on. Right, or it's still let's up for grabs, Kenny Spice Wipes or Fats Attenborough. He has the voice of Fats Domino and the curiosity of the natural world of David Attenborough, broadcasts on YouTube from a stair lift in his dad's house.

Very tempting. Fats Attenborough. You can be Prob Tube, Snow Tube, XL, the sleekest, most effective Prob Tube yet. Get Ready for Winter 2025, it says. I like that last bit. Get ready for Winter 25. I mean, that really draws you in.

That's coming up the next few weeks, I reckon you're talking about what may lie ahead. Well, just, before I choose, Andy, just one little comment. I watch a lot of food people on YouTube. I might have said this before. I know you do, yeah. Reviewing food from the shops and that. They get their food at the shops.

And I did not realize the power of Iceland or farm foods or any of them just putting the word new on the box. Really? It's extraordinary. Right. Oh, well, anyway, our new recipe. I wasn't aware of that. either, but I can completely get what you're saying.

Fuck, it really draws people in. My ears pricked up when you said it. I'm going to take a chance on Fats. Is it Rats, Domino, Domino, Attenborough? Fats Attenborough. Thank you, I'll take it. Welcome to the show, Fats Attenborough. Thanks for joining us. Thank you. Well, as it's this Christmas, I will tell you what my presents were.

It's just genuine. See, people might be interested. I'll ask you as well. I got a decent size box of Dolly mixtures. Nice. I got some lique of chocolates. I got underpants, push, you know, that I've got a name on them.

I think it's curious or something. Curious. I got some Hot Wheels track, the greatest present that anyone can get. Do you find as much curiosity as to the contents of your underpants? It feels like, was it curious question mark? It's something like curious.

It's something like that. I'll take a picture of them and send it to you. Andy. Oh, I got me best present was a borough away kit. Oh, nice. Is that shorts and socks as well? No, just the top. We've got a nice away kit this year,

blue and white, like an Argentina one. I would love to see you in a full borough away kit with a pair of, I don't know, loafers or something on your feet. It's a cowboy boots, yeah. I got a machine that does stuff that makes your life easier as well, you know. Oh, does it do readouts? It does readouts,

and it keeps a record of usage as well, so I'm very happy with that. It's got like a chip in it. Yeah, so you can have memories, you know. Yeah, brilliant. Yeah, so about yourself, what was your main present? Oh, man, what did I get? I got a bunch of books that I kind of asked for, so there wasn't all that many surprises.

I got a book about Abba. I got a book about Slade. You like a book, don't you? I love a book. When do you read your books? When do you read them? Very rarely I'm working on like three different books at once

usually And I'm just dipping and out of them But when do you read them I try to sit down in the evenings I don't watch as much television I used to I prefer to read books now But It announced to that question

Which I think was quite a dull question Thank you So there was that I've got a Billy Connolly book About his artwork that he does That's interesting I've got Have you ever noticed Jobbies!

It's done a drawing of a jobby. It's in his book. Right. It's good. And what else did I get? Some booze, obviously. Yeah. And some chocolates.

Did you get that Dutch barn booze that Ricky Giversbrose in his garage? No, I didn't get any of that. I didn't get any of that. I got some shipyard and I got some whiskey. You're a lucky lad. You're a lucky lad. Topics of interest, Andy. Yeah.

Yeah? running past you You know If anything Absolutely shouts out We can have a chat If not Come back to them

Why don't we use warm water When we're cleaning our teeth You know What's best Straight roads Of bendy ones What's better Darts or Snooker

What would you miss most Meat or cheese All right Quite a lot of topics Yeah I remember a time, Andy, when t-shirts weren't a thing. What's the most common item you remember not being a thing? And would you rather have a bad fall in a bathroom

or when getting off a train? There they are, Andy. Okay, I'll immediately go on to the one about the fall because I did have a fall the other week. Right. Just during stormedara the other week. Do you remember that storm? No, I don't.

There's so many of them. Yeah. there's so many of them now. It was stormed our other week, and I had a fall on the way of the Sunland match. But it wasn't because of the storm that I fell over. Well, it kind of was, because it was some wet cobblestones.

Right. That were quite shiny, and I slipped. And I found myself thinking, oh, I've slipped a bit, and then I found myself thinking, I'm on the ground now. Yeah. And that second or so in between the first thought

and that second thought, it's just a blank, really. Oh, well. So it happened. No, I scrapped my knee Scrip my knee. So I was a bit Scabbled my knee for about Five days

So I had a fall, yeah So I'd rather fall What are the choices again? In your bathroom In your bathroom Or getting, when you step off a train? Getting off a train. Really? Getting off a train. Far too many hard objects To bang your head off if you're

in your bathroom. You've got your sink, you've got the bath, toilet. It's terrible, isn't it? A terrible place to fall, isn't it? It's the most lethal room. It's fucking is. I might tape mine often say it's just not worth it. I'll put tape up that says it's not worth it. Black and yellow danger tape across the door.

Condemned. Yeah, condemn your own bathroom for 2025. That's a good idea. I'll ask you to... I'll come back at them if you want later on. Well, I just want to say, just give me a one-word answer. What's better darts or snooker? Oh, it's darts.

You reckon? Darts is the best sport at all. I'm pleased to hear. I'm pleased to hear you say that. I'm going to the dots tomorrow. You're lucky fuck. I know. Quarterfinals day.

Both sessions. Get that. So do you get... New Year's day? You'll get two quarterfinals or will you or get four? Two quarterfinals in the afternoon. Two quarterfinals in the evening. Oh, you picked a hell of a day, didn't you?

Who do you want to win Rids? They don't want... Rids, no. Why not Rids? Well, I don't mind Rids, but there's that whole Newcastle thing going on, isn't it? Black and white on his shirt and everything. Come on grove. It's that professional Geordie thing.

No, I do like Rids because of his hair, mainly. Yeah, of course, yeah. Who do I want to win the whole tournament? Can I guess who you want to win? Yeah, go on, have a guess. I think you're probably one of those shameless people who wants little to win. No.

Good, good on you? Bunting, then. You might be a bunting, lad. Bunting, yeah. What's wrong with that? I'm not a fan, Andy, but there you go. No. There you go.

All right. So talking of the Alexander Palace and that, Andy. Smooth. And talking of Rayguns, because I forgot to tell you that I got a Raygun, replacement of Raygun for my Christmas. I took my Raygun into Infinity Rocket Plastics up near Ali Pally for its annual service and MOT. Andy, they've hiked the price up to 120 quid for a service.

Jesus. Incredibly. You still get the one-hour turnaround, and it does include magnet realignment and plasma top-up, but that's a price, in it. What was it before? 75, something like that? 70-75, yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, Moose was on the counter. So, hi-ah, Moose, I said, can I get a one-hour service on my raygun, please? What model are we talking about whilst we are talking about it? No, it's my Nebulae, X-150. Whoa, what a slab of bollocks! It's no better than a banana full of shit!

Why don't get an upgrade to a non-plasmy unit? I'm really happy with me, Nubula. I've had it for years, now I never had a problem. Well, you could say that same thing about an Excel bully, but it's just a ticking time bomb. Yeah, but all right, and why should I change? Why? You ask why? Whilst you're asking why, well, let's talk about rage, accuracy, handling, functionality, service intervals, a punch. Well, all right, Moose. That's a number of things you've mentioned there whilst mentioning them.

And none of them interests me, to be honest. I'll just take the service, thanks. Would you like a lone unit while we have your gun in case you get propositioned by a plonker or hybrid insect pig thing? Well, it's a good, nice offer. That's how I took up his offer. And I left with a Zirken 3FX dual magnet with character assessment function.

Do you know that, Madel, Andy? I've seen about it on the internet, yeah. It's a nice function to have that, in it, character assessment. Definitely. Yeah. I was in... Is that key to what's about that happen? I don't know.

I was in the area, so obviously I popped into Slaughter's restaurant. Of course. And Michael Van Goghwin and Adrian Lewis were sat at a table, so I slipped myself into the booth next to them, have a listen in. The waiter was speaking as I sat down. A thousand bagged folks A festive welcome To you both

Today our chef Ron Craggs Has knocked up a classic Christmas Awful Feast Adrian Oh fuck fuck fuck that has got me popping Come on come on spill the fucking beans No beans mate Beans have a dozy bastards

For starters we have Put roast bagpie cheeks Resting on a bed of twice pummeled mouse snouts Oh fuck fuck fuck I am just passed a long, thin strip of morning toffee. That is some festive fuckery is that. Van Goghwin chips in.

Do you have any sandwiches? Don't be fucking daft. I could serve some snouts on a crispy section of ghost chest. No, I just mean regular open sandwich with cheese or maybe luncheon meat. I'm afraid that serve very fucking sorry. Adrian puts in, oh, don't mind him,

he's foreign. Fuck's sake. So, come on, come on, what's for mains? I can feel me prostrate pulsing in anti- fucking

anticipation. Come on, what is it? For means, we have the Ron Cragg's Christmas Tower consisting of

100 seaworm marinated owl cocks or 100 bleach softened Robbins served inside a hollowed out Otters' Heed. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, what are the owlcocks marinated in?

A very dirty, fulchman, butch. I thought odds were a protected species. Ron Crags does not recognise any UK or EULars relating to wildlife. He is passionate about this oversight. Oh fuck, a Christmas tower. Oh, I am presently releasing gases that could be weaponised by eventual scientist. Fuck, whoa, fuck.

I don't want to eat otter and out cocks. Let me have a word with you, chef. I wouldn't recommend that, sir. He has a tendency to fuck up people's lives. I don't care. That's him for me. Very well, sir. Oh, fuck.

A couple of minutes later, the waiter returns to the table with Ron Craggs by his side. Ron's bleeding very badly from a gash to his stomach and it appears to have sewn a donkey's foot to the side of his face. Ron speaks. Who's this?

Who's their fallen come to asking for a fucking sandwich? If you don't like a menu, fuck off. Fuck off back of the Maltai. Sell your fucking farts to widows. You are a very rude man. All I want is a basic open sandwich. It's not a lot to ask. Well, at that,

Ron lunges forward and raises his meat cleaver in the air. He's about to bring it down on Van Gogh. When I remember the Zirken Raygun in my pocket, and I blasted a pulse wave at Ron that melts off his right arm. Ron falls on the floor. Van Gerwin walks out of the restaurant, and Ron tries to follow him crawling on his belly with his head glowing blue,

you know, with the effects of the plasma ray on his nervous system. That is a very powerful Raygun. Must be dual magnet at least. Yeah, it's a Zircon. And Jay, you know what's got a character assessment function? Oh yeah. What does it say about me then? So I press the A button. It says you're a cunt.

Bang on, very impressive. Oh, fuck. Is Ron still going to be able to cut the Christmas tower? I'm not fucking shaking with anticipation. Ron. Ron? You're still up for a cook? Ron gets up off the floor with his blue plasma dripping from his right shoulder. Yeah, everything's been plucked out. Just needs heat up. I can get my kitchen chimp to do that.

It would take a broken minute. Very fucking effective re-gun I was taken down with then. It must be a jerk on. Hey, wait to clean up that armlet as you, will you? With pleasure, Ron. Oh, fuck. Do you mind if I take a bag of that arm? I'm jelly back for me St Bernard.

Not a problem. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I love Ron Quags and his Christmas shenanigans. Happy fucking Christmas to everyone in the fucking world. So it was a nice at the end. That was very nice, yeah, very festive. Yeah, enjoyed that quite a lot. Should we, at this point, have some questions from the past nippers that have been submitted?

Yeah, go on then. Sean Roach He says Do you think Quiz Show hosts Should be required to tell everyone What they plan to do With the money they earn today

Quite like that I remember Danny Baker once said That at the end of a football match Someone should come on with wheelbarrows Full of money For the players And give them it in cash And then we can all see what they've got

For what they've just done Yeah So that would apply, I think, The quiz show host as well You've got The contestants When they have you know, real humans on instead of celebrities,

raising money for charity, which they fucking cheat anyway, when it's real people. Yeah, yeah, what's he called? Stephen Mulhern should also get a big bag of money at the end and we tell us what's going to spend it on. You're saying this, Andy, but I happen to know that you fucking try and move everyone on earth

to get into the celebrity club, don't you? Yeah, I don't like bitter or anything about it, but once I'm in there, I'd use me, you know, powers for good, I think, being an influencer. I think that Quisio hosts should be allowed to live their lives free from scrutiny. Okay. Very diplomatic. What else you got?

Michael says, if the world was exactly as it is now, except dinosaurs were still around, you think we'd farm them and eat them like chicken. I think we would ride them around and then take them to the tip when they were knackered. Yeah, but I think we'd also farm them and eat them because there's so much meat on a dinosaur. Yeah. It could solve the world's hunger crisis, I think, overnight,

if they would bring them back. Jurassic Park tried. I didn't say them, you know, get any further than the confines of Jurassic Park, which is a shame really, but a good documentary. It's a documentary, is it? I think so. Gareth Wilson says,

When you say someone that has missed a belt loop, do you feel a bit sorry for them? Over to you, Bob. Well, he is a thing, one. I used to play snooker in the Wellington and Middlesbrough in the room upstairs. There was a lad that we called the spoon. And he deliberately missed out a loop on his, on the back of his jeans.

And he'd put a spoon in it. Oh, right. Yeah. We have no idea why, but we called him the spoon because of that. So if I see a missed belt loop, I tend to think, you know, like lob a spoon in it or maybe a corn cob or some, you know, see if it brings you good luck. you see a mist belt loop

as being a missed spoon opportunity Yeah Hmm Hmm That's my answer It's fine with me Tom Ellis Says

What's your favourite method Of dividing land Mine has to be a dry stone wall But I am partial to A well kept hedge I don't know if you have any thoughts On that On dividing land up

Well the old club singer Joe Longthor Had his boundary fence made up of old council council house front doors yeah um still painted you know the paint coming off um yeah he was doing it I think

to piss off people who would complain about his fence but right could look all right old council doors I've seen there's a lotman's near here that have got the land divided by all council house doors

yeah I'm in agreement with that them not too bad is it it's a bit of history there I was going to say just Bob wire, electrified. But maybe that's a bit extreme, I don't know. Have you got any predictions, Andy, for this year coming up? No.

Nothing? I know I suggested that we should do some, and then I didn't get right to it. Oh, I have thought. Were you willing to listen to mine? Yeah, go for it. They're serious. I think these things might happen. I think referees will quite soon be told to stop fucking about before three kicks are taken into the box.

I hope so. Oh, it's a disgrace in it. they're saying to them. What are they saying, don't foul? I don't know. I don't know what they do. You know, if you take a throw-in. The players that are in the box, you mean,

without having a bit rough and tumble? Yeah, if there's a, you know, I don't know what possible point in. If you're taking a throw-in, he doesn't go over to them and say, by the way, you've got to put it behind your head and keep behind the line. Yeah.

Yeah, just get on with it. Get on with it. I hope that will happen. I think it might. I think, Andy, and I don't think this will upset. I don't think you're a puff-a-puffer man, but I think the puffer, puffer jacket's going to decline this year, and I think the McIntosh is going to make a massive comeback,

maybe even the Cromby. Yeah, I can see that. That feels like a symptom of climate change, to be quite honest. The puffer. The puffer's going out the door, in comes the Macintosh. Yeah. Maybe it's with a jumper underneath just for an extra layer. Yeah, no, that's fine.

Even love a scarf on, you know. Why not? Why not? And the other thing, Darts, My final third prediction was I think Adrian Lewis he's coming back into modus in January. Is he? He is. He is. He is. And I think he will qualify for next year's Christmas starts and I think he'll get to the quarterfinals. There you go. That will be so good. I would love to say that. I'd absolutely love to say that.

It'd be great, wouldn't you? Sorry I haven't got any predictions, but there you go. Ding dong, Landlord here. Just popping it to measure up. I'll be getting the flat divided up from a two-bedder into six individual existence pods next week. Are you welcome to stay here while the renovations are ongoing, or you can relocate to my headhouse in Exeter? But if you do, I do get to keep 75% of everything you lay. Ding-dong, ladlord here. Just popping in to bring you up to speed

as per our email correspondence vis-a-vis the Wasp's Nest. I'm able to confirm I'll be getting it installed on Friday morning, Ding dog, landlord here. Just popping in to let you know that I'll be giving my brother-in-law's son-in-law Jonti a key for the flat. He's fresh out of Ford open prison. He's a casual drug user and he needs somewhere to take a shit whenever he's off his face in the local vicinity.

There. He's furious and fast. Fast, Landlord. Too fast. You know, Martin, from Homes under the hammer? Yeah. I was listening to a show on the radio, you know, where he goes around celebrities' houses and has a sneak round, as a sniff around.

It was a good one. It was with Morrissey, you know, the singer Morrissey? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm aware of his work, yeah. Yeah, so I'll play what I recorded. Is it on a tape? It's on a tape, yeah.

It's on a tape. Yeah, I hit the tip. It's here. Good afternoon, there. One and all. You join me here today in the northern town of Manchester. I'm prepared to visit another famous celebrity and have a nice folk around everywhere and see what they get up to when they're behind closed doors.

I'm outside what seems to be quite a grim little two up, two down. There hasn't even got a front garden. Can you imagine life like that? Let me first just signal my rival with a knock-knickety-knickety-knock on this miserable grey front door. Knock-knock. Oh, the door's opened. Yes, can I help you?

Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Lama, please me, I come over your threshold and examine your home or paddock or whatever you might call it. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not a llama. I'm a pop singer. Yeah, yeah, you would say that, wouldn't you? I mean, what's that on top of your head if you're not a Lama? That's my quiff. I've had it since I was born. Hmm, yes, that's not surprising, given you were born as a llama. How about I come inside and you can try to put the long-running llama method to bed once and for all? Well, you're in now, sir. Well, my first impressions are usually 100% correct and accurate,

and I say here that your whole Wayne staircase is fully carpeted in the modern plain grey style, but it's got a nice step to it, and I have to say, although it's not that unusual, I really do like it. Yes, I've just had it laid as a birthday present to myself. Anything you say, Mr. Laman. Now, my assumption here is that you've opted for a nice deep carpet in order to soften the harsh sound of your hooves as you chip-chap up and down the stairs,

thereby avoiding conflict with your next door neighbour. I don't have any neighbours. I bought the houses on either side of this one, so that I can be alone at all times. Yes, I think I might have read once that lamas are one of the most solitary our mammals, so that fits in nicely with my diagnosis. I swear to you that I'm not a llama. But do any of us truly know what we are?

I suspect not. Right, what's through here? Ah, some kind of small square exercise area with a lovely big feeding bowl just at the right height for you to dip your big long necky, nearing grace from. This is the kitchen and actually that's my sink, not a feeding bowl. I have to say, it does

slightly resemble what you call a kitchen, but I feel I've hit the nail right on the head with my own personal diagnosis. Allow me to celebrate that with my making a loud affirmative ping noise. Ping! Look, this is ludicrous.

Morrissey lifts up his shirt. If I was a llama, I'd be covered in fur, but as you can see, My tummy is as smooth as an eel. Martin gets out of magnifying glass and pears at Morrissey's stomach. Nice try, Mr Lama, but I'm pretty sure that by looking closely at your pallid tummy skin, I can definitely make out a three-chambered stomach.

One of the many distinctive features of your particular species. Let me ask you this. How fast can you run? I don't know. About seven miles an hour. I find athletic endeavour to be a chore. Seven, eh? Seven. which you could also be described as being up to 40 miles an hour, top speed of a llama. I am not a llama! Oh, you just spatter me there?

The evidence continues to mount up. I do not spit, I enunciate. But it went in my fucking eye. I'll put my elbow on your eye in a minute. You fucking snout, you mean? Your hairy stinking llama snout. No one would notice if I did. Your face looks like a freeze-dried dog shit.

You what? I'm going to grass you up to the... fucking doll. I haven't been on the doll since 1984. Oh, look at you, Mr. Sing Song Lama. Look, just get out, will you? It'll be my fucking pleasure, you Marty Prick. I always preferred Lloyd Cole anyway.

Martin leaves. Well, that was a bit of an unusual animal encounter, but I have to say I did like it. Never mind, I'm off down the local art gallery where there's a new exhibition of different sausages. Tata for now.

And that's where me, I turban out, I was taping over something. Well, I think that was enough. I think you got the gist. I think you might be right. Would you like a little quiz? Go on then. Is it Christmas that you should be? But I bet it isn't.

It's kind of. It's quiz-struck game. It's quite simply called, Would you like to see a large Tobleron? Okay. Now, that's the name of it. Doesn't necessarily mean that's what it's about. so don't get too cocky, but here we go.

Right. Bob, would you like to see a large Tobleron? Yes. Take your time. Take your time, please. Think about it. Yes. That's your final answer is yes.

You would like to see it. Humiliation. Ah, sorry, there isn't a large Tobleron. Oh, I go wrong. I wouldn't like to see a large Torblowerone. You wouldn't like to say one because It just simply isn't one for you to see here right now. Oh, right.

You've lost at that game. How many Cobra runs have you got in your house at the moment? I've got three. I've got one. What flavour? Normal? Standard. Standard.

And it's a big one as well. There's a thumb appearing on my screen. Do you know what that's about? Oh, that's... I'm holding my thumb up. All right. Put it down. There you are.

It makes it come up on the WhatsApp video chat that we're doing as a thumbs up. I'd do a wankers sign. as well. That might do something. No, it doesn't. Have you got a thumb now? No. No, you must have a deformed thumb. But that's all right. We're inclusive. Was there any more of the topics that you wanted to run by me again? I don't know, Andy, you know, none of them obviously grabbed you. I'll just go back up to where they are.

Why don't we use warm water when cleaning our teeth? We usually use warm water whenever we're cleaning. I kind of do. I find the cold water. too abrasive on me nerves and my teeth so I will use warm water to clean my teeth with it. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What about, would you, would you miss more meat or cheese? Oh, oh, meat. I could handle living without cheese, but meat's fucking integral. It's New Year's Eve, Andy, so let's get out into Sondland. Let's get you out into Sondland on the piss.

Yeah, but I'll be in bed by 9 o'clock because I've got to go to the dots tomorrow. All right, I'm just hearing, just as we leave, that Wayne Rooney has had his membership of the British manager's lunch club accepted. Oh, nice. She's departure from Plymouth, so we might hear more about that next time.

Pass Nippers, thank you for another year of support. Thank you so much. Thanks for your support in 20204, and onwards. Cheers, goodbye. See ya.