Athletico Mince - Ep. 104 - Infinity Rocket Plastics

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

A new kettle, some poetry and monkey talk, Pearson does Taken, Bob gets chitty chatty, Casper gets musical and Roy reports from his garage.(Thanks to Club Parsnips members for agreeing to let us make this one 'public' early during the Covid-19 crisis) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome along to this episode of Athletico Pastimes with me, Antitawson. I hope you're all safe and well, and coping with the current unfortunate situation that we find ourselves in. Now imagine yourself on a video conference call with friends or family, the people you hold dearest. You'll enjoy in a quesnite, with drinks flowing and laughter aplenty as you all make the most of our temporary lockdown, with some virtual socializing. But then, the call is hacked. A short, chubby man, with weathered features and a hang dog expression appears on the screen and shouts over the top of everyone, spraying spittle all over his camera and your screen as you all freeze and horror at the arrival of this squalid little interloper. Alright, okay if I join in, are we in a quizmaster if you want?

Hey, you can't tell but I'm not actually wearing any trousers. I've got me red pants on though. Red for me, the spray. For the NHS and that. It is of course Bob Mortimer. Oh Mr Chubb Chubb. Face like a boxing glove. Oh Mr FunSize.

So much sadness in your big guys Hi, your Bob there we are. That's the song I'm doing and you're right. Yeah fine. I've got all right. Well, it was great Obviously it would great, but I want to pick a bone with you about it Joe how if he was on zoom right? Yeah, how could he spit all over the person who's watching him screen no I'm not meant that the spit appears on their screen that they can see all right there's two sides to a screen there's the side you can you can touch yeah if you go around the back that's where the person is there inside you the side the screen okay I just that makes sense to you so Andrew we we

delayed the start of this recording because you were having a kettle delivered. Did you? I was, yeah. Did you kettle, Cove? You did, Cove, yeah. I'm very happy with it. I've got a cup of tea.

What, I even we're still a bit of time making a couple of it. Also, that's the first kettle, the cup of tea from that kettle. It is, yeah. Well, nice. What, so, Tav, I give it a boil first because you know, you meant,

we supposed to give it a boil, to get the, I don't know, to get the bad era of something, and then you freaked it go. So why the need for a new kettle, did you throw one through the window, what happened? I've had mine for like about nine years now,

and I just thought enough's enough. How fucking bored are you, Andrew, that you've sat there on your fat ass and the thoughts and to see it's your mind, oh, I've had that kettle for a few years. I've better, I've better replace that. You know, you just, sometimes you just look at and implement and you just think that's at its time.

Yeah. And I saw, I like to go, there's a website, I like to go on, like, call hot UK deals. Yeah. Where you get all the bargains. Right. You must be aware of it. Everyone's right call hot UK deals where you get all the bargains right he must be aware of it everyone's aware of hot UK deals never heard of it right okay and there was an offer for a cattle from Dixons how much you pay for it let me guess let me guess 999 That well, you you paid more than that when you could just use the saucepan. Oh, I'll say it was north of 25 quid That's all I'm seeing fuck I don't want to sound like a flash bastard, but that's what appeared a little bit more than 25 quid

So as it got separate Compartment in it or something you can slip your up dogs in one compartment You pees in another It's not bad idea, is it? So but it's kind of like it's dual purpose in a way because what I can do is I've got myself a nice new kettle I'll look forward to the next nine years without walkfully. Yeah plus as well. I'll take me all cut aloud side Put it in a sack, smash it up with a bat. So that's a bit a lot there and at the time. Yeah, I think you should,

I think you should just go outside to your road. Have you got a road or is it just a dirt track or something? No, there's there's a road. It doesn't have, it doesn't have like lines up the middle or anything. Well, could you do this? No, could you do this for me? You and your lad, right? Standing in the middle of the road, throw it up as high as you can, yeah? And get on your camera, put it on slow-mo for when it hits the ground. That's a good little project, isn't it? It is. I might do that out the back. I'll do one that road. What's the matter with you? In the middle of the road. Yeah. I could do that on Thursday at What's the matter with you? In the other road. Yeah. I could tell you what I could do that on Thursday at 8 p.m. for the NHS. You could all do that. That's

beautiful. You could all do that. If we've all got all got a knackered old implement with sick of chukin in the air. Chukin in the air. And watch it fall apart for the NHS at the clock. I like to have monkey video that you've tweeted. And did yeah, Monkey burglary. It's a beauty, isn't it? It's a hit. I've been looking online for that.

It's been retweeted by our Twitter account. I've been looking online for that for, I'm not lying, years, years and years. I've got it on VHS somewhere. Oh man. I've got one of them VHS to digital converter. So I was gonna get it sorted. Yeah.

But it's finally appeared online magnificent the thing that strikes me is is during all the chaos and the mayhem and all that is that the police Can't do anything can they the law of the land can't get involved in this you can't arrest them It's a burger. No, it's not a terrible awful burger. Yeah, can't touch him a burglar, not a terrible awful burglary. Can't touch him. You can't put a monkey in prison. You can't. I've got a- And that's why being a monkey is better than being a human. I've got an isolation poem in the Starless John Copa Clack Andrew, you interested? Have you, before you go into that while we're on the subject and

monkeys, one more little thing, it ties in with TV recommendations. I haven't watched it yet, but last night, baby, say one, new series, Primates new series primates watched it was perfect. Was it? Oh man, there you go then. Wait, will you see the little fella? Little fella getting on his dad's tits, the girl getting on his father's gorilla tits, it's a puke. You know what this should be? This should be a Netflix. There's a just got monkey documentaries on. Yeah, no bad thing. I've been sitting ten or a month for that I've been saying the one of them getting pissed on the beach that one No, I think you'll get it easy just search monkeys getting pissed

drunk monkeys Disgusting, Nick everyone's drink and then they're just Listen, I've got an isolation form in the style of John Cooper Clark Andrew. Please do it for us then all right Okay, you ready? Yeah. I sit on me so far in a pool of stale sweat. I stare at me phone at pitches of pets. I scratch at me balls with a crusty baguette.

I don't want to die, not just yet. I go to the kitchen and stare in the bin. I pick out a piece of warm chicken skin that's had heared itself to a bit, been tin. I don't want to die till I've been to the gym. I try to sleep, but the sofa's too wet. I light up the stub of me last cigarette. I watch gallic, gallic baller, sing a duet.

I don't want to die, not just yet. I go to me bed at our past eight. The mattress is buckling under me weight. I dwell on me depths and the fork that I hate. I'm ready to die. In fact, I can't wait. So I just wanted to say that I was looking off to meet John Cooper Clark about a year ago. Right. The most polite, well mannered charm in wonderful blog. Is it one of them that I've ever met again? Yeah.

Dr. John Cooper Clark, as he now calls himself a cause, because he's got a doctorate from a university. Well deserved. Is it doctor of life, I think? Yeah, you see Doctor of slimness What a very thin man. The idea of him or you go under the gym as Mentioned in that poem is laughable but good. You know Andrew. I've just bought myself exercise back, right? Yeah, but is that true? I've been noticed me me seventh day on the truck I've been on it. I've gone three times a day I tried to go out and get up 15 miles. It's not that is it?

Yeah is that alright? You don't know. You're set for down hill so you just free well? No I don't do that Andrew. I go on like scenic routes into the Grand Canyon or it sets quash one national park. Oh is it one of them where you've got, oh, it's a flash one then. So you've got like video stuff as well.

You can see where you're going. Yeah. So just imagine it in your mind. No, you can see it. It doesn't reflect what you're doing. The screw, you're doesn't speed up. But anyway, do you want to name out? I was, I was, I got, I was playing on the Xbox.

You know, there I was playing as a game called forza. I think it's forza four. Yeah. And it's set in the UK and there's loads of like sort of countryside you can drive around in. So I just went that park to both side of pub. Just sat there for a bit. Could people go in and out? There's no one. No one. Acceleration in it. Shit pub in it. Oh, it was real time. No. Do you want an airman, Joe? No. Do you want an air man Joe?

You can go what you got. Well, you know, I've got Dean Atlas, yeah? Er, only detail I have is he's got every town in Winnipeg tattooed on his back, right? I've got backchat Gary, don't even bother talking to him, he'll just come back at you like an echo of knives. And I've got cinnamon rewards, yeah? Powdery skin that will tint you in high winds or heated conversations. Or you can be runny up dogs, you know. Quite like the idea of backpack, Gary, sounds really cool.

Yeah, he sounds like you. Well, I guess that's what it is, yeah. Well, I'll not be backpack, Gary. I'll be cinnamon, cinnamon winds, was that? I think you're right, cinnamon. You should have been, it's cinnamon rewards. I'll be that, I like your'll be Cinnamon Winds, was that? I think you're right, Cinnamon. You should have been, it's Cinnamon Rewards. I'll be that, I like your rewards game, though, and again. Would you like a quiz?

I'd love a quiz, what do you think I've been saying? It's called Honk Quack Jigsaw Penaat, Bowing Thwack Coloring. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Pop Honk Slime. Give me just a little, slime, give me just a little more time. Ends with a little pop there. That's the name. It's a nice solution special. It is three items that you might entertain yourself with while you're under lockdown and I want you

to give me them in price order if you could. Number one, a 500 piece jigsaw entitled the potting shed. Nice. Number two, raw dials, marvelous coloring book adventure. Nice. Number three, Elmer's slime starter kit. Do you know what slime is? You're aware of slime. Yeah, I know that stuff.

Yeah. You're aware of slime. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that stuff, yeah. You're a wearer slime. Yes, it's reasonably entertaining for four minutes. For four-year-olds. Yeah. So there you go, there's these three things. The jigsaw, the coloring book, and the slime kit. Proceed. Slime jigsaw coloring book. Slime most expensive. Good. What's your like to explain your thinking? Well, the slime kit sounds like it's it's get entered in that you know junior chemistry area or some it. No. So the price on that. A colouring book's got to be the cheapest and this is the shitty paper. Yeah. Well I've got it wrong, brother. No you've got it absolutely right. What a little. What a little as that we did this creature in the field recording of two Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I've got a wav, I intercept a wav. I've got some software, spy software I got from Infinity Rocket Plastics. You know, they have bastard of a company, but they're stuff's good.

So I've intercepted a wav of him just at home and the tenant himself reciting quotes from the Taken movies. You know them movies with Liam Neilsen? Who is it? Liam Leicons movies. They're called Teh Canaanne. Yeah. Who's doing the Wavthorne? Who's Wavthorne? Nigel Pearson. Oh sorry. Alright. I've missed that bit. But with me spy software I was able to, so he's just didn't turn it into something. Master company. Yeah. Alright then. Is his quote, I will look for you, I will find you and I will fight you.

If I fight your sons will come and seek revenge. When they find me, I will fight them too. I will be fine, but the guys following us are about to have a problem. I'm going to fight them and it is a fight I'm going to win. You don't remember me? We spoke on the phone two days ago. I told you then I was going to fight you. I believe you but it's not going to serve you. We are going to fight and I will win that fight. It's just business. It's not personal. I don't know who you are and I don't know what you want, but if you're looking for a fight then I do have a

very particular set of fighting skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long fighting career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that will be the end of it. I will not fight you and you will not have lost a fight. If I fight you, I will destroy you quicker than you can scratch your useless balls. And that's the worthy was just to say. What do you like? That's good. That's keeping his mind in trim, I guess, for Red football resumes, mental gymnastics for them there. Yeah, probably.

Is that what you describe as? Not with him. No. No. Yeah, probably. Is that what you describe? But as not with him. No, no, an internal scrap. I've got an item entitled Chitty Chatty with the Fatty. So I'm going to go through these, Andrew, yeah. Get over the way, yeah. It's my room. You can respond to.

And I'd like your advice. I'm just doing this because this is a pastibs You think no one's listening. No, I'm a good stuff. Chitty chatty with the fat. He's got in it I'm on you catch me is Andrew that I'm used to fighting. I'm either fighting. I never said that I'll never said that I've got a new catchphrase. I'd like to run past you and you see what you think. Yeah, all right. Yeah, it's Get quacking your her, but catchphrase I'd like to run past you Andy see what you think yeah alright yeah it's get quacking your her but is that your catchphrase well what you think I won't use it this year

yes really good get quacking your her but definitely use that a lot it's good that yeah the other one I've thought of is when you shake someone's hand or you've never met before, right? As you shake their hand, they're hand, you say, how mockham! Yeah, that's good, isn't it? Of course, we've probably never shake hands with anyone ever again after this, but you know... It would be like, not even fist bumps, it would be just like a salute, perhaps. Yeah, salute to my combat or a little bow will go oriental. Or a namaste as they do

in the yoga classes. Have you ever lifted up a horse's tail and it's given you a wink? Is this the fatty thing that we're doing now? Yes, we do. Have you haven't a cheater chat you with the thigh? Have you ever lifted up a horse's tail and it's given you a wink? Come on, no, I haven't. I haven't, I've never thought I'd do that. Scary. Tell me about the last pair of shoes you bought. Jesus Christ. Last pair of shoes I bought were a pair of Adidas Sambers. I bought them online because I know me size

and all the others fit. Have you got any shoes, that interview, funeral shoes? Oh like shoe shoes? Yeah, well, what do you think? Shoes means I didn't say training shoes It's quite intense. Yeah, I got some I got some like boots to this count Bring brown boots I think I'd add a little halo them. Yeah, I'm Cuban. Yeah

that little halo them yeah I'm Cuban here yeah height enhancement and where do you wear them when you go down butchers or I've never worn them you've never worn them just where I've never worn them I did get some funeral shows for the last funeral I went to but that was years ago yeah a bit of funeral for a while you kept them though I just gone down quite a dark route is this still the fact you think it's still the fact you think yeah do you know what after this locked it after all this palava? There might be a lot of restaurants close forever, Mike and then there might be a lot of premises available for rental If so what sort of restaurant would you open Andy? I mean, can you see an opening in Sunland? for oh god what kind of restaurant would I open?

I I Don't know one that does have dogs it can do in kettles something nice and simple. Well that's shit. I would know. It was quite a question to put us on the spot with really. I think that I think we'll get all nostalgic in that and I think it might be worth a punt on a really old fashioned you know like boiled beef steak and kidney pies. Minced Dumplings and that's maybe. Yeah, well, there's quite a bit of that already in Sunderland.

You go on the Jackie White's market and the bridges in Sunderland and you'll be at the sit down and get all that stuff already. All right. But they charge, they charge, they'll charge like 2.50 for a plate of Minson Dumplings. Could you? Whereas what you're thinking of is somewhere that the hipsters are congregate at and you'll charge them 15 quid for a plethora of minst in Dumblins. Yes, steak and steak and he put, you know, so it's pudding.

Oh, well, it was just a bit of chitty chat with the fat-y, and he got... A goblin pudding. So them in the soap marks, though, one of them just for like nine quid. Yeah, that was good. Well, we're talking about me. Would you like to let's all get inside and his lifestyle? Wow. Before the other way to remember. And I don't know. No, well, there must have gone down well and here we go again. It's about me kitchening again.

Yes. We've already touched on the kettle. You know too much about me kettle already. Let's switch to the bin. Let's switch to me kitchen bin. Oh, right. And I want you to try and guess what kind of kitchen bin Andy's got.

Here's your choices. A pedal bin. Yes. A swing top bin. Yeah. And one of them sensor bins., where you just put your hand over and it opens for you. Well, you've got a kitchen bin.

I don't think you've got a sensor because you undoubtedly got an alcation and he would kick it off too often. I think you're a pedal man because you too fucking lures it, a bend down. You're a pedal man. Pedal bin. Incorrect robots. Oh, it's a swing down. You reckon? Yeah. Pedal, mate. Yeah. Pedal, bin. Incorrect, Robert. Oh, it's a swinger, is it? Incorrect.

You went for the laugh with the sense of bin, when in fact you should have gone yes, that's what he love, because he's a sophisticated man. Oh, that's where I've got sense of bin. Oh, where'd you get that infinity rocket plastics? Got. Yeah. Faaast. Bastard of a company. He he he. Oh, Andy, you're probably aware that I installed some spyware at Steve McLearen's home

You know so I could get reports for you for what he's getting up to with his pets neck Cassin, yeah, yeah, they had quite a day last week Andrew I'll tell you about it shall I, I've got the recordings. So obviously they're sat in Steve's front room watching the TV, it's about eight o'clock at night when the action started yeah. Steve. Right Casper, it's time we turned off Prano and did something a bit more constructed. What would you like to do? Well Casper put on one of his like grumpy looks and let out a little bit of sick onto Steve Slippers. Well that's not very nice Casper. Now come on cheer up. What would you like to do? Make some toughy apples. We could draw a picture of some hats.

Casper, let out another little lump of spew. This time on the cover of the pyro DVD that was on the sofa. So stop that Casper, or I'll take your egg and the Christy doll off you for the day. Casper gave like a little cute bashful look, you know? That's better. Now what about we go and make some delicious

gingerbread snacks. Casper goes over to the window and stares at the outside longingly. Listen Casper, I know you want to go outside and look at all the sides but we are not allowed. If we do we might get a lot of heat from the government of the police. Casper slides under the sofa and coils himself up into a miserable circle. Oh, well, if you're going to do one of your socks, then that's it.

I'm going to iron my shorts, leave polyester shirts in my airline slacks and listen to my Gallic and Lyle record. So Steve puts his record on and starts to do his iron. You know Casper, the beauty of a short sleeve polyester shirt, is that it doesn't really need to be ironed, as long as you put it on a reasonably slow spin in the Waschidmechein 900 RPMs about perfect and then dry it on the radiator in probably less than an hour. I should make you a little polyester kit Casper. Would you like that? But Casper doesn't respond so Steve just starts singing along with his record. this record. I let myself down, and maybe I'll be a fool To spread it around, but I just want to let you know

Sometimes I find it so hard not to show I'm not to show So I sigh And I let my failing score Where my heart on my sleeve Don't count the cost If I can't live in love Then surely I'm lost Tent to get burnt I tend to get bruised, but it's my life

wherever suddenly the music stops. Casper has gone over to the turntable and smacked the needle off the record. What are you doing Casper? Honestly you're right, fucking fucking peered in the ass today. You used to love staying in hard time with sleeve with me. Oh fucking buffington, look what you've made me do. I burned the chest pocket area of my spartured. It's ruined now, that's it, get in your box.

I'm going to bed to read my book about tea towels. So Steve's stave strapped off to bed, but he couldn't really settle without Casper beside him. He turned off the bedside lamp and he just led quietly to see if he could hear any movement or sound from downstairs and then he heard it. The record player started playing and Casper started to sing. Tee! I wear my heart on my sleeve. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I said myself on, I let myself down. And the tear started to form in Steve's eyes, and he shouted down the stairs.

Oh, Casper, you deep, sweet, bockety of love and laughter, with the topping of candy floss dreams and expectations. Come on up here, all is forgiven. Casper, come upstairs, sit on the bed with Steve. And they read all about polyester, right from its manufacture and production through to world distribution statistics. So Gallagher and Lyle, that's a nice soft rock duo to feature in a story, isn't it, and they... Isn't it just, I would have them for a while of course Lyle He that the that group was an off-shed from his sugar company you remember. Oh, I think mr Yeah, it was him

Lyle from Titton Lyle so yeah, did you think that story was a bit like upstairs downstairs? You know that given that part of the action took place on a separate floor of Steve's house Completely it was yeah, it was yeah, You can almost just give that script to the upstairs downstairs people, couldn't you? Yeah, they'll do it, yeah, definitely. You've got some questions, Andy. Yeah, we've got some questions from the past and it was, I'll go through a few of them. It is one Richard Kirkwood. He says, is this a unit dent? I always like these. Yeah. This found a mouse inside a plastic bucket in my garage one morning last week I released it to some worst ground about 100 meters away

next morning guess what I found a mouse and exactly the same bucket in the exact same position please confirm if this is a unit dent is it with the same mouse do we know we don't know I don't know if there's any distinguishing features on it. We don't know. I'd like to know what was inside the book before I would confirm if that was a unit dent. If it was full of cheese or peanut butter, then no, it's not a unit dent. Yeah, or soft bedding. Just a mouse magnet in it. Well, it's just a mouse. That's it.

You know, if you lifted up my house on separate days, you'd find me still in it, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. It wasn't under the book, it was inside the book, so it's scaled the side of the book, get in twice. Andry. Or I think you rushed itself in from a nearby ledge.

If it's an empty book, I think we should give it. Or totally empty bucket. Richard Kirkwood, please get in touch and let us know what was in the bucket and then we'll make a decision. At the minute, it's decision pending. Anything else? George Lee S says, George Lee Everrather says, drip tree is empty immediately or let them fill up. I think he means like on coffee machines and things like that. I would let it fill up. I'd let it

fill up Andy. It can't be clean in your drip tree every time, can you? If I emptied it before it filled up, as I poured it into the sink, I'd reflect that my life had gone to shit that I need to empty that that's on me mind I'm sorry no you don't I've anything to do with it till it overflows it's it's too much of what they call life laundry they're in that all right thank you thank you so Dan Kelly says would you rather have instant cheese power whereby you can wish for cheese any cheese and it would instantly appear or the ability to say three

days into the future. It's kind of one for me not you because you're not allowed cheese anymore are you? I eat quite a decent amount of cheese. I'm allowed the matchbox size of piece of cheese a week. Right. Do you have it in one gore or do you break it down at seven pieces another bit each night? I have a massive seven matchbox like seven matchbox. Are you often speaking of Chase? Are you often really vivid dreams during this lockdown thing? Yeah, I am. I am. Yeah. The ones that wake me up. Really like more, yeah, more so than before. Is that a common thing? I don't know. I've not asked anyone else

apart from you. No, I am in the wipers as well. And the true. Yeah. I think it's a thing, isn't it? I would have, I would have the chase power, I think I'm not asked about three days in the future, let it come, I see. Well, it would be nice to be financially independent, Andy, wouldn't it? And three days of fan's notice of the football results

makes you a multi-millionaire, don't it? Yeah, but the thing is, the bookie shut you down as soon as you start winning. Really? I think so, yeah. I've heard of people who get to clever and win too much in the other country. I don't think you'd have to get to clever because you could probably put a 10p bet on every result as an accumulator and the take it off, thinking you're a dick. And that would probably bring you in, the Lavenmellus on it.

Okay. Oh, I'll do that then. Then you can buy all the cheese you want. Okay, he could probably get some kind of cheese instant machine. Well, I mean, you just got to be on top of your orders, really. I've got an interesting tale for the next, for the next, athletic or immense because something terrible's happened in Martin Lorenzons house, which all involved him not being on top of his belinda wipe supply chain Oh no, so you just got to be on top of it, you know think what cheeses you might like and get many fridge

Blimey, couple more quick one Tom Marshall says my fish munger is kind of grumpy, but he's the only one around what can you do about it? I think you should my fishmonger is kind of grumpy but he's the only one around. What can you do about it? I think you should. What can you do about it? Yeah, no, you've just got to go, that you've got to accept that it's not going to be a jolly experience when you go in, to go over with, honestly, the service, isn't it? There's nothing you can do because it's a beautiful thing of fresh fish in it, Andy. Yeah. Find you if he said, don't be fucker. I wonder just, I wonder what the quality of his fish is. I wonder. And he's thinking, hi Jane as well.

Do you think he might be in the box on the hygiene? If he's got, text no joy in his work. I wonder. But you don't want one that's too jolly either, because he might be like a psychopath. Ha, ha, ha. You want a nice calm, let's say, the filmic sense, I suppose, you want Arison for the summit.

Yeah, just a professional. It just gets on with it and gets the job done without any emotion. Is that all the questions? Let's have another one, Claren Roberts says, would you use Toster Tongues to remove tricky items from a Toster, AJ Acrumput? Or do you favor mild electrocution

using a fork on knife to stab it and lift it out? I use me Hoover. Oh that's good. You know that I've got a dust buster woodwork as well wouldn't it? Maybe but if you know I've got a pull along Hoover not an upright one. So I just put that little thin nozzle on and just stuff that in. You don't use your regular nozzle which might be a bit mucky. You've got a specific nozzle just for it fits in

Toss the slot. Yeah, that's really clever. Yeah, nice one. Thank you. I up clear and Robert are happy with that We've had we've managed to get Roy Hodgson a journalist on the line live from his home where he's living in lockdown Are you there Roy? Hello, is this the thing? Yeah, hi, right, it's Bobby, yeah. Bob? Are you the one with the face, not the boxing glove? Sorry, right, I missed that. How are you coping with my quarantine, right?

Uh, for your enjoyable, thank you. It's allowed me to dedicate a lot more time to my main passion in life. Let me guess, um, right, it's not football, is it? No, no, it's not football is it? No, no, it's not. Wooh, wha-wha. Wooh, wha-wha. Wooh, wha-wha. No, wooh, wha-wha. Oh, whama. Wha-wha, wha-wha. Yeah. Yeah, you part-locust. Is your foot on the line of something? No, it's fine at this end, right? Are you still able to play wha-wha-whama

then, right? You know, with lockdown you're usually opponent, you're usually playing Crystal Palace players aren't you so how'd you play? Well all you're thinking now is that my war ever needs to be catered for and I'm very happy. So you've got an opponent and your wife, something like that? No, not my wife, I love her very much but she doesn't have the brittle dick still, quiet. It wouldn't give me a satisfactory war every experience. I'll be playing against myself. I must say, I'm a trickiest opponent to date. It's a very tense battle over the past few weeks. So your wife isn't involved at all? Well, so what she been doing to keep herself occupied?

Well, she's been spending most of her time with her friend Christine, who was staying with us for a long week and when the lockdown was announced. Christine has been here ever since. Well, that's nice. And that's not just the two of you, I suppose. Are they OK while you're busy with the war hammer? Whoa, yeah.

They're spending a lot of time together playing Romy Cub. Sorry, what Romy Cub? Huh, where are we, Cub? Where are we, Cub? It's a time-based game for two and four players. Can point in elements of the Cod game, Rummy and Marjom. What, Rummy? Rummy! Rummy!

Rummy! And have you... Rummy! And Marjom! Rummy, and have you not been joining in with them, right? I've never asked for it, too. Oh, would you like, would you you not been joining in with them, right? I've never asked me to. Oh, would you like, would you actually like to be playing Rumi Cub? No, no, not really.

I've got my war room, I've been dead, set up in a garage. I've got stacks, pop, I've very happy all my health, thank you. Do you not get bored, right? It'd be nice to play Rumi Cub maybe once, no? No, I don't want to play, Robert. I don't think Christy likes me. I don't care anyway. Well if you're sure look I hope you're okay right. Oh tip top yeah. Well I was all I need. I have to go now because my favorite

wall wherever you're tuber is about to do a live streaming in a minute. What's his name? Chris Fitts. Oh okay bye then right. Bye. Bye. Well I, right? Boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy. I think he's a bit upset, don't you? I think he might be, I think he's missing. I think Christine is taking those wives' attention away. Looks that way. Looks like Chris, Christine and the wife are all right. I don't know. There are a wee bit of rubby cub. Oh, right, and he's garage. Oh, well, it'll be over soon, hopefully.

I mean, it's the end of a past SNP, Andrew. So it is, you know, we must wish all our past SNP as well during this period of time. Yes, maybe it'll then soon. Maybe it won't, who knows. Yeah, again, just, you know, thanks for your continued support during these trouble times, you know, we don't know what happens next.

We just gotta keep going, do you have a way? Well, I know what happens next. We just gotta keep going day at the day I don't know what happens next for you Andrew. You'll spend your entire day boiling water in your new kettle, won't you? Well, yeah, why not? Final thing Andrew, I want to guess the color of your kettle. Give me three options. Yeah, I read white green dark green. White. white green dark green white yes it's been a good day see you and the bye bye you