Athletico Mince - Ep. 112 - Geordie Heat

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

A new police show, Lawro’s boxes, moths, an audiobook studio experience, a call from Slaughters and a Scottish tale. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to our fletico mints. Let me start with a gentle reminder to check your guttering and drain covers for signs of blockage or deterioration following the long winter months. It could save you millions of pounds in future repair bills. Imagine if you can that you are at the counter in an American-style diner just outside Huddersfield. Aside from the retail park and council tip, you observe through the window, you really feel that you are in Riverdale, USA. You order a chili dog with fries and a doctor pepper ice cream soda and settle down at your table

to enjoy the stateside ambience. Suddenly a damp mushroomy man in an island vest and tracksuit pants dumps himself into the seat-ops at you. Arrave it! Sorry about the stench I I've just shut me pants in the lorry park. I'm a re-regular gravy-bought meer. Here gives a chip I'm busting for a spud rush. It's Andy Dawson. Oh, Mr Spud themed. Pants like, tinned meat.

Oh Andrew Andrew. Should have used the drive-druh. Oh Mr. Mushroom, with his gravy perfume, We hooked up on Grindr, Metin' an American Diner. Alright, and I messed that all up a bit, but... Yeah, I'll try and salvage it in the edit, it might sound alright. It might sound off-dancing.

Hey, have you ever seen an episode of Saturday Kitchen that has another twat on it? Andrew, that's not very nice. I'm just saying, I don't watch it very often, but when I do, there's always at least one twat on there. I think, probably the truth is, Andy, is your or was a rat grump on Saturday mornings. Oh, right, okay. Because you sat in the morning. Oh right. Because you've got the kisser or something. I say. So the world seems skew whipped here.

Yeah. I say try and not to fall out with the producers of sat in their kitchen there. I have never. You go along and you go on and get a free breakfast. I've never been on sat in the kitchen. Never been on it. I do not. No, it always looks a bit awkward to me.

Yeah, there's too much distance between the table and the kitchen area, and I think they have to kind of shout with each other a bit. Yeah, exactly. And no, I think you're absolutely right. Nice to see you, Andrew. Is it, is it though? It is nice to see you. You look quite, you don't look as pale as normal.

Have you been out jogging? I haven't had to come I came in from the garden a bit earlier on I've been picking up some Dogtods from the yard. Yeah, that was quite energetic Is your dog it might just be it might just be hybrid pressure I don't know are your dogs just like drive through in the garden? You know, it's just to free to come and go and toad off and come back in. No, no. The thing with my dog is he's got various needs which are to be fed to go out at the garden for either, you know, number one's or number two's. But what he does is he just comes and stares at us for any of the needs that he has and then I've got to try and read his mind and look at what it is that he needs and it's just a bit of pain in the ass.

Just which of the three needs? I mean, I don't suppose he'll ever decline food, so that's awkward in it because if you offer food, it will seem that that's what the need he wanted meat in. He kind of gets three different meager treats throughout the day and I spuse them out So it kind of comes in and sort of begs for one of them sometimes But just by staring at us and one of these eyes goes in a slightly different direction to the other one So it's always comical. It's probably because he's staring at your where would left it and watching it It's watching it rotate

Yeah, it's a nice t-shirt you're wearing at the day there. Just let's have a closer look. It says, it says, hoist the main seal. Yeah. And it's a little carton pirate on there. That's lovely. Yeah, I've been watching it. I've been watching it from Etsy.

I got it from, I think it was called Red Bubbles or something. I've been watching that TV show, you know, The Terror. And I wanted to something a little bit like Nautical you know is that any good? Yeah, it's okay It's okay if you've got lots of hours to fill with something in meanders along a bit, but it got a nice nice atmosphere Get round to that in 2025 probably I don't think you ever will a Andrew What well potentially good news listen up Steve Bruce yeah, I've got a new crime series coming out on Nutflix. Yeah

Yeah, the working title is Jordy heat Okay, I'm already invested and the guys at infinity rocket plus kit plastics have managed to hack me out and extract from the edits where you know where they're putting it all together. Shall I play it for you? Yeah, yeah, go for it. So this is Jordy Heat and it's a bit experimental. I mean, it's got a lovely soundtrack. I'll play a bit of that to start off. Jody Heat. Hot Jody Nights.

Hot Jodies. Jody Heat. Ah, there you go. Right, here it is. Hello, this is Northumberland Police. Jody Heat Squad. Constable Denise Welch. Can I take you near and please say. Ys gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn ymwch, mae'n gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn g I said, BANK, FOR GOD SHIT! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, that's good. Now would you, Mr Sting, would you be able to come down station and give us a description of the man with the very bright hat behind the tree on your massive drive? No, I can't be bothered with that. I'll tell you I'm just buying you a new look and a new X-Sas bike. Thanks for nothing. Mike Ashley enters the incident room. Right, as you all know, our chief superintendent Mark Ashley, this meeting of the serious crime

squad sponsored by Sports Direct is brought to you by Sports Direct in a association with the Home Office and Sports Direct Enterprises. I'd now like to introduce you to your new boss at the Sports Direct, serious crime squad, she's been the Steve Bruce. Oliver, are you Steve? I'll be in the shitter if you need me. I thank you, Mike. Right, all of you's gathered round. I'd like to introduce myself, now my name's Chief Inspector Steve Bruce, and I'll be heading up the Siriuscrime division from now on. I'm hoping we can all get on and have a nice time and

that. So any questions? Yes, DC Henderson. Yeah, I like man. Could restart your nor with a crunchy chopper like, well that's still be an option. Thank you sir. I hope you enjoyed your day here at the studio. I don't worry, Hendo, no big changes are going to be made. I'm going to convert the first and second-in-a-view rooms into a fishing chip Comke Bab shop. That's probably the only big difference you'll notice. Yes, D.I. Shelby.

Welcome on board, Inspector Bruce. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say what a magnificent, bulbous and pulsating neck you have. It's quite beautiful, like a pillowcase full of slugs. I just wanted to check that I will still only be working the night shift. Or graveyard shift or some call it. Monster Mash! o grefio'r dsifr da'r sgol it, mwy'n ddum ar! A, yw'n ddod, Gerger, love to investigate in a beautiful way. I love to collect evidence with flair and individuality and to submit my police reports in the form of poetry. Can

you reassure me that my unique skills will not be shackled by a more pragmatic and boring style of investigation? Look, to be honest, he says maximum. It's time you realise that police work is not about entertainment. It's about grinding out results through good old fashioned copper in. Walk in the beat, ruffuffle up some prozzies, slip in a tent that was snitch. Stop and search blitz is sponsored by Sports Direct. The old tried and tested tactics that you know occasionally get your result. But I promise

you this maximum and I have no hesitation. In saying this, I will be getting your hat that can accommodate your sparse direct headband. Thank you, boss. Headband! When my pub is born, I'll call it headband and I want to stop to reach X-Mouth! Don't have the dead! It's not a bad movie! Yeah, yeah, I usually watch it in my purple knickers! Here here I usually watch it in my purple knickers Now I've got one more thing to do. I would like to introduce you to a new member of the team now first off I have to say it is a lady Fuck sake No, no, no, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, ac rwy'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

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gweithio'r gweithio gweithio gweithio gweithio oeddwn i'n plysor i'n aces i'n aces i'n aces i'n ni'n ni. Mae'n ddod yn cael ei ddyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o'r gydyn nhw'n ddod yn cael ei ffordd o' gydyn nhwfffithio yn y fyrdd i'r gweithio yn y fyrdd i'r gweithio yn y fyrdd i'r hynny. Mae'r gweithio yn y fyrdd i'r hynny. Mae'r gweithio yn y fyrdd i'r hynny. Mae'r gweithio yn y fyrdd i'r hynny. Mae'r gweithio yn y fyrdd i'r hynny. Mae'r gweithio yn fyrdd i'r hynny.

Mae'r gweithio yn fyrdd i'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna. Mae'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna. Mae'r ffordd yn yna, mae'r ffordd yn yna. Mae'r ffordd yn yna. Mae'r ffordd yn yna. looking forward to working with you. You're a good lad, Steve. Now fuck off back to your office so I can get stuck in these lads. How we're the squad? Oh, Jordy Knight. I like you. Jordy, he.

So that's a new item. You know you have an Odee Andy. What feels like a keeper? We do the Athletical Pass Dips episodes now and again. And we listen to get a chance to send in questions and requests, occasionally, and we've had one that's spilled over into this episode. It's from Michael Freyer, and he said, can you ask Mark Lohrenson is top 10 boxes, please? So I forwarded that request to Mark,

and he sent back an MP3. Good old Mark. I'll just play that and we'll just say what he says. I'm Mark Lohren, my top 10 boxes. Are you sure? My God has it come to this. Right here we go, number 10, a pizza box, number nine, a show box, some nice tan brooks inside it.

Number eight, that box at the end of the film, seven. Number seven, mystery box, number six, box of multi-zes, number five, cereal box, number four, box of boxes, boxes trousers, Number three, an egg box, number two, oh, two box. Am I said that already? No, a two box, yeah, a number one, a joke box. There, I hope that's satisfactory. Thank you, goodbye. Thank you, Mark. Yeah, go bad, list that. Well, he didn't sound a lot enthused about it, did he? To be very nervous. He never does, Andy. True.

It's a special, when it comes to football. But I liked my two favorite of his choices, was probably, I liked the trouser box. The box, yeah. Boxer trousers. The nice, isn't it? Yeah. And I liked the mystery box. I liked having a look in that.

Everyone loves the mystery box. Yeah, I liked. Until it's too late. Andrew, I'm going to do something. I haven't got your permission. We'll see mystery box. Until it's too late. Andrew, I'm gonna do something. I haven't got your permission. We'll see while you feel about it. You know, I've been writing this book. Yeah, you mentioned that.

Yeah, what's it about? Well, about things like what I did and that, you know. So that was a goal. What I did and that. I bought more. What I did and that. All right. So I thought I'd read out a little bit for mints, you know, like an exclusive

or something. And I chose a bit because it's got a pertinence, pertinence, because it's about when I met a blog who subsequently became the Olderman. Oh. Oh right okay. So it's got a slightly interesting yeah. So just to put you in the picture this was me first at work as a solicitor at the town hall and I had to have a meeting with the town clerk and this is how it went. So this is I'm reading from my book it's like audio book Andrew. So his office was rather grand old woodpanlin and Mahogany furniture, portraits of important politicians adorn in the walls, yeah. Unusually his desk was positioned on a slightly raised area, yeah, with me seated on a lower level. So he was quite a high town clerk Andrew. That's still his credit in it. Hi man. Yeah. Yeah. So this is out when.

How are you? How are you settling in Robert? Fine, thanks. Yeah, I think I'm finding my feet. Do you have any friends or family in London, Robert? No, not really, sir. It can take time to make friends. Are you confident Lad or more of a mouse Robert? Somewhere in between, I like, almost tempted to twiddle me whiskers, you know, and reach into me jacket for some pocket cheese. The council has many sporting and social clubs that might be a good place to start. What are your particular interests, Robert? Well, the law, obviously, boring.

Well, I like football. I played a lot in a support middle's bro. I thought you said you liked football. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Are you a drinker, Robert? Yeah, I like a drinker, you know, at the weekend when I haven't got any work. I drink everyday, Robert.

I find it a joy. I'll tell Jeff Wilson to take you out for a drink. Yes, that's what I'll do. Go out for a drink with Jeff, Robert. That's the best way to oil the wheels of friendship. Have you got anywhere to live, Robert? No, I haven't. You're saying you're homeless, and it carries on.

I just thought, I should stop there. I'm indulging. That was the start of me... It was a tantalizing excerpt. I thought it was fun because that's how I imagine the old and looks as well, just like this fellow. And that's called what I did and that. Things called And Away. And Away. Is it? That's lovely. Yeah. I've been recording the audio version of it,

you know, where you speak out. Yeah, I know what you do is. Yeah. It's this, it was this place in Surrey, where a bloke I only know was Tony. He's got a studio in what would have been a stable block You know, he was in some like world music band in the 70s, you know big gates driveway and all that so I parked up and the and Round from round the back of the house came a massive I mean massive like light brown color dog. I think they're called bull mass stiffs. Oh yeah, proper dog. Yeah. And he's barking up the place and he stops about 10 foot in front of me.

I'm scared of dogs and he's making like a long growl, you know, like I mean, it's quite an intimidating growl a long one in it and the Yeah, as growls go. Yeah. Yeah, do it you think so and so I'm a quick thinker and do you know that? I always say about here And I remember that a nice lump of pocket meat in me in me jacket namely a pork farm scotch egg So I took out my pocket and I tossed it just in front of this dog. And it did that thing, what dogs do, you know,

it went down with its paws out in front of it. And it like nestled the scotch egg between its paws started licking it, and no, you know, nosing about with it. So I sort of took a really wide walk round him, just as a blow-cappeers for round the back, long-air, scruffy jumper, jeans, you know, prog rock look about it. Say hello, tells me, is this bothering you? No, it's just alright. I don't have to do much, that's fine. He tells me to follow him round to the studio. He's not totally, it turns out,

Tony, he tells me, is on a Zoom call, that's true. Yeah. Who is these room. So to get to the studio area, first of all we had to go through like an indoor swimming pool. I say, I want a nice pool, Tony's a lucky lad and this blog says to me, this prog rocker, he says you should have a swim. It's a good way to prepare for a recording session. There's lots of swimming shorts in the changing room and that and you can have a shower afterwards. Well, do you know what Andy, I thought, fuck it. I thought, fuck it, I'm gonna have a swim. Why not? I've never had a swimming in indoor pool in an house.

And when it's off at the other place, like that, I've got to do it, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah, so I kept put me in little shrugs. I looked yellow, yellow shorts there were. Yeah. I come out of the changing room and this blocs stood there by the side of the pool then he's holding a large Sort of metal model of the Chrysler building in New York in his hand Yeah, in his other hand, he's got a large shot as a shadow of glass and it's got some dirt on the end of it

The Chrysler building is pointy, isn't it? It is yeah About a foot now flowing or something like that. Yeah, of course it says Thank you trunkeys often life lot on your face on the poolside your little fat hobbit South African fella Well Andy's got the shard shard of glass with a dirty tip. What am I meant to do? You got to him, you said do it exactly as I say or split your neck with this dirty shard. I said, can I just ask him what is the dirt on the point of that shard? It's a just general dirt. It could be mad. It could be tar.

I'm not fucking now. I said it looks a little bit like furniture polish. I say he says good call. I think you're right. Now points your ass up in the air so that it's facing the industrial light fitting on the ceiling. So I do as I'm told right. Now take this model of the Chrysler building and start to slowly insert it into your buddy. It gives it to me and I manage to sort of get the pointy bit in the right position. Right feed it in very slowly and start to beat box. So I do as I'm told you know and then suddenly I hear a commotion near the door and I look up to see the bull mastiff dive at the bloke and take him to the floor and he's followed by, oh and I'll know, it'll be Tony.

Oh thank you, thank you I say. He says, don't thank me, thank the dog. I says, yeah you're right actually, actually, yeah, what's he called? Billy Hoops pastry and tomatoes. So I say, so I say, thank you, Billy Hoops pastry and tomatoes. I say, Tony, do you think you really would have made me and sir, the Chrysler building fully up, myself, to fucking God.

Prog Rockers, you've got to fucking grot prog rockers you've got the fucking love them there you go so it wasn't a unit dent it was one of those tales absolutely yeah who could have say in that comment not me did I pull you all did I pull you a bit for about seven seconds I think for. Listen, you mentioned beatbox in there. I've been doing a bit of beatbox in as well, because I regret to inform you that I have done another one of my songs for this podcast. Oh, right, no, that's fun, buddy.

So, let's have a little listen to that. I assume it hasn't got a melody, yeah. It's just a kind of a howl of anguish, if anything. But I see what's in it. I liked you one, you know. Oh yeah, where's my shoes or something? What was it? Where's my shoes? No, it wasn't that one.

No, on my name is Stan. And what's your name? Steve from South Shields. Yeah. Yeah, I like that one. Okay, all right. Well, you might like this one just as much. It's similarly what's the word I'm looking for? Beersick.

So... Yeah. Here we go. say what you reckon. I've got a limp, I've got a limp, I've had a titsad, 89, I've got a limp, I've got a limp, and I'm feeling pretty fine, there's another problem, I just take me time. I've got a limp. I've got a limp. I've got a limp in state of mind. I've got a limp. I've got a limp. And it drives me round the bend. I've got a limp. I've got a limp. And I would not, but I'll get there in the end. There it is. Very nice, Andrew. It's National Limp Awareness Fortnite, so I've done it for that.

Is that the truth? Do you think that's the worst song I've ever done? No, oh god no. Oh, well I'll take that then. Did you have you been in touch with infinities about sloters or any finality? I have. Yeah, that was a smooth segue. I have the lads of infinity plastics the year intercepted a phone conversation between Adrian Lewis and a representative of sloters restaurant. The sender sent it to me as a non-fungible token. What's one of them?

I have got literally no idea, but I've put it in my machine here and I'll press play and we'll see what happens. Hello, Adrian Lewis here. Hello Mr Lewis, it's slot as restaurant. We're taking pre-orders for our gallery open and night in a few weeks' time. Would you like to hear the menu options? Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I mean, I'm on the pot at the moment, but yes, oh, yes, please proceed.

As you wish, sir. For your starter, your chases are soft boiled, emu-egg, with soldiers made from strips of badger jerky. Oh, yes, fuck, bang, bang, pull in the key, start the fucking car. Oh, you can have a selection of roasted cubes of links, tits, so I've done tooth picks. Oh, what did tooth picks made from? Wood, sir. Wood, wood's a vegetable fucker, half.

No, you fuck off. Alright, get rid of the vegetables. And two be three of those hot eggs with the tits. Stuffed in them, alright? Very well, sir. What about me, men? I'm cradling me belly here in me forearm, waiting for your words to provoke an eruption within it.

Oh, your first choice is locally sourced platypus chops. Could I ask, are they locally sourced? I just said the fog over. There'd be a mechanically retrieved from an abandoned holiday camp, sir. Very, very, very, very nice location. And how will they be sourced? They'll be smashed together in a bucket and and served in a heap, with gravy that's been leased with some oil from Rancrax's chapter. Oh, my knackers are pulsating so hard I can feel them bobbing on the pot water.

So, Foggan, sorry about that. No, no, no, don't be it's so good, it's so good. Also, you can have a covert secure full bat, as Pitzlow roasted in the pocket of Runch Cag's T-Nose. Oh fuck, yes, that sounds more tender than my Fulkin hernia. Do the whole lot in the bucket with extra some poil and pour it straight down my neckpipe in a Fook and brass funnel. Shall we add your dessert in with that as well sir?

Fook yes, just blend it all up. What is it by the way? Believe it but a serve yes sir. Oh yes, yes, yes, I will take the lot. You dirty bastard sir. Oh yes, yes, yes, I will take the lot. You dirty bastard, sir. That's where it cut off. So there we go. Looking forward, he's looking forward to that opening warning. Gallery opening, it's slow.

As they imagine that, if only we could be invited to that. Maybe you'll be invited to a pub and we'll find it. What happens? Dream on, dream on. Would you'll be invited to a pub and we'll find it. What happens? Oh, that dream. Dream on dream on. Would you like a quiz? Yeah, I always take a quiz, Andrew. You know, okay. Let's have a look. I've got a quiz here. It's, it's an old format. We've done it in the past before, but I'm calling it Moth or not Moth. Oh, okay. I'll give you some names of species of Moths. I think species is the right word. I'm not sure. You've got to tell me is it a moth?

Or is it not a moth? Are you ready? I'm ready yet. Number one, chalk carpet, moth or not moth? Moth. Correct, it is a moth. Number two. Moth, six, three, four. Moth? Or not moth? Not moth. Duh. Not a moth, correct. Number three. The two armed bandit.

Moth? Or not moth? Moth. Not. Ah, fuck it. Number four. The powdered quaker. Moth. Not. No! Fuck it! Number 4. The powdered quicker. Moth. Or not moth. Moth.

Errrr. It is a moth. Yes, finally. The obscure, winsket. Moth. Or not moth. Moth. Aaaaahhh!

4 out of 5. I did alright. You did. Might bring that back next time. Moth or not moth. Moth. AHHHHH! 4 out of 5. I did alright. You did. Might bring that back next time. Moth or not moth. Well, it was pretty good, wasn't it? I've had a Scottish tale delivered to me from the island. Have you? Did that interest you, darling?

It interests me intensely, yeah. It's not too long. I wedi'r ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn was that rare breed of boy with an inquiring mind and an insesiable thirst for knowledge and learning. Frustrated by the absence of books and computing on the island, he would often visit the home of Jacob Robertson, the last headmaster of the island's school before it was destroyed on the orders of the land. Jacob was a prisoner in his home. The land had decreed that he never set foot outside it and that his own leave as it should be for the delivery unto him of his weakly supply of oats, earthinks, earthbaths, earthingers. make, earthbass, earth thingers. You would believe it's not oats. Meat slices, oatsy herrings and oats milk. Fortunately for Morgan, he had been tasked with making these deliveries and made use of those occasions to question Jacob on all matters pertaining a'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r ddwy'r d sugar. He would shuffle and comfortably as Jacob dirted of life on the island before

the Lambrethers Scoot-a-Fell from the sky. And a learnt and his dogs decided to cut the island off from regular society on the mainland. But it was of course stories of his life on the mainland that fascinated Morgan the most. Jacob would tell him of coffee and porriums with loud, wishing machines that first piping hot coffee through complicated pipes requiring the owns to charge up to £5 for a cup. He would speak of consumer disposables such as other eaters that were inserted into your shoe and were literally devoured any smells or other unpleasantness that might arise within the shoe or boot. Best of all he spoke of a stock called B&M where all manner of shambh buu's and

imported electrical fittings could be purchased side by side with pet foods and celebratory cakes. One day during such a chat there was a knock on the door. Morgan panicked for he knew that 10 doleds in discourse with Jacob was to tempt the anger of the lard. Don't worry young Morgan, it is just my daughter. It's just my daughter, Sarah. She visits me once a month to tend to the ulcers of Malua leg. You're free to stay. She would never sprag upon you to the left. Sarah entered the living room, knotted her head towards Morgan and took her heavy coat

and weatherproof boots. Stood there in her tight-gutton blouse, Morgan could immediately see that she had plenty tipped to spare. Great possibly enough to throw a shadow over an entire picnic hamper or even a couple of sleeping labyrinthos. Morgan felt the stirring within him and felt it best to leave the home, and run off his ardu on the clips of Malon Goove. As he stood to leave Sarah Glantz-Durver, a sea of personal pipework is bulging heavily, as if perhaps there is a blockage or impediment within. Morgan blushed but the lassie was right, as pipe had swollen and its tip was pressing hard

against the midnight in his bucket. Ocno, it's just a temporary favour, caused by the fireside heat. I shall be away now and wish you fair progress with your duties. Morgan opened the door only to be immediately confronted with a hooded figure of our lords henchmen and an attack kestrel called dronine. Morgan ran us to make an escape but was soon filled by the sharp claws of dronine and the heavy boot of its marsta. Sarah and Jacob huddled together as they heard the final screams of young Morgan's demise. But dear listener, it was not the poison beak of Janine that killed him, but rather his first sight of the henchman as he

loyed his hood, for he had the face of Matt Hancock. The face of Matt Hancock, the face of Matt Hancock! Scottish tells us brought here from beyond the mainland on the island. So that's something I think. Is that everything? Did you watch salvage hunters for me? I can't remember whether you did. You kept insisting I watched it. I watched it yesterday. It was perfectly enjoyable. You enjoyed it.

Is it alright? Yeah. I watched it again. it was perfectly enjoyable. You enjoyed it. Is it alright? Yeah. Yeah, I watched it again. You'll watch it again. I don't understand why you were so insistent that I watched it, but yeah, it was pretty good. Anything else you've been watching? I tell you what, 24 hours in police custody is back on Monday.

Oh, lovely. Thank you for pointing that out. Thank you for that. Yes. You got liner duty on Sunday, I think. I mean, me and my son's been working our way through the whole thing. We're up there, a series four at the minute, so we'll have to wait. Well, that's better in it. You can watch them in a block.

We're bingeing on it, I think they say. It doesn't get any better than the wall with Danny Dyer for me on a Saturday evening. I know you do love that show. You love it, don't you? Fantastic, but a telly. Absolutely. Me make Paul Whitehouse loves it. Well, I've watched your honour with Brian Cranston, That show, you love it, don't you? Fantastic, but a telly. Absolutely. Me make Paul Whitehouse loves it. Well, I've watched your honour with Brian Krunston, you know, from Breaking Bad.

Yeah, pretty good. It's all right, you know, it's okay. It's all right. That's almost disappointing when it's just all right in. It's all right, you know. Yeah, before we go, I'm thinking of an animal's backside. Can you guess what it is? Yeah, can I just, please have is it UK worldwide or can you give me?

Worldwide. It's found in the world. Found in the UK, I believe. Can I have one more? A clue. No, I'm going to ask it. No, is it a low medium or high? medium or high. Um, that's tricky. I'm going to say medium, but I'll also say I'm glad that's moving away from me.

Okay, Doc, thank you for that. I think, oh, but it's worldwide. I think you've found around the world. Yeah. I think you're looking at a... rot wiler. Nah, it's grizzly bear. Oh, Andy, fuck off. What you get grizzly bears in the United Kingdom? You get grizzly... Scotland, don't you?

Oh, you... I would have known it was a bear. I thought it was going to be a mouse, actually. That's why I wanted... I thought I was looking be a mouse actually. That's why I wanted it. I thought I was looking at it very low. So I thought it would be a mouse. Why would I be happy that a mouse was running away from me?

Yeah, but you could bother about a mouse. Don't claim victory over that because you've misled me. You've lied to me. Grizzly bears. What do you not remember that grizzly bear call Hercules that used to live in Scotland and it went on the run? It was about 1980. Did I remember that? Hercules doesn't to live in Scotland and it went on the run. It's about 1980. You don't remember that. Hercules doesn't make the grizzly barren indigenous species.

Look, thank you for listening everyone. Thank you so much. We'll see you soon. Thanks for your lovely song Andrew. Yeah everyone stay safe and stay strong. See ya. Bye. stay from stay strong see ya bye