Athletico Mince - Ep 122 - New Ray Gun

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

Plasterboard fixings, Crime Files, Roy returns, Martin visits a mouse, a showbiz centre call, the shipping forecast, and a Scottish Tale. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You just walked out of the studio there a second ago when I was sat ready to begin. I was wondering what that was about. I meant to announce the fact that I'm going to get a cup of coffee. Well, I just thought we were ready. I've got... And Andy, you were right, we were ready. Well, now, I'm not sure we are. That is a nice cup of coffee, that Andy. Is that from just the machine, I love it. Just the machine, yeah. Four sugars.

Yeah. Just half full cup. Half full cup four sugars, beautiful. Nice. Is it just thick enough to be able to hold your spoon up in it? No, Andy, people are so snobbish about cancer, yeah, about sugar. Because you know, yeah it's contributes to cancer, yeah it's full of calories, yeah it makes you fat. But it really

tests nice and nice. Well I know that's the whole point of it, that's why it's a bit like that. So why not have a bit of it? You know why you're not worried about the consequences? Well I love how that is. Live in the moment and if that moment includes an oldie and hot dog, fuck it's a good moment. Right. But if that moment then leads to a heart attack. Yeah but you'd, yeah that would be a bad moment. But the gradual obesity of that, you don't really,

there isn't a moment when the kicks in. I didn't get like this overnight, put it that way. You're looking quite tremendous. Do you think you are? No, definitely. I like your jumper, sweatshirt, jumper. It's kind of ribbed. That's a colour that suits you.

So that's nice. I'm on the 10,000 steps a day procedure. It's quite a lot of steps, 10,000 in here. It's a lot of steps, but during lockdown, I got a treadmill. That's what you did wasn't it? You got a treadmill, put in your living room. I've got my garage though but I've also got a tele and the treadmill fears as the tele. That's one of them smart tele as I got a face sticking it.

So I can watch the tele while walking at the brisk pierce. And it's better sitting on your ass watching tele telling you know, you're still watching Telly. I applaud you. You're doing some good. I applaud you. And could you happen to know, you know, this sort of guy, do you happen to know, is walking on a treadmill as, you know,

as effective as walking on pavement, so whatever. I can't see any reason at all why it wouldn't be. It's just, it's just your feet are just going on to a surface on. You think so, wouldn't you? I know what... I'm from Perambia, Leighton. I know what I do. If I was on an exercise machine or some sort,

I'd listen to country music, Andy. Oh, you couldn't re-music, are you? Yeah, you know it. Man. Still into it. My love is strong. There are country music awards in America now. Don't we? And I think... Underground, you mean? No, they're on music awards in America now. And I think that's the ground. You mean

They're on the telly and everything. I think it's as a result of the the awareness we've Risen a rose for music over the last few months, but I guess you've got a song. I'll tell you what this is vaguely Interested when I was a solicitor We had a senior partner that big guy, you know, I mean big as in statue. He was told he was a tall fella But you know the you know the boss and once a year he would come to work full full on cowboy With the cowboy hat not necessarily on but in his break case or whatever because he was on his way that evening to the country And Western music awards. He loved it, maybe that's where I get this from, but I need to sing some Andy, I gotta sing a bit of country.

Well, I'll count you in, Sean. Okay. One, two, three, four. I've been listening to that country fucking music with my little pony tethered to the stairs I've been flagging my folk records on the Ebay And filling up my mattress with some more of the horse hairs I can't get enough of this country fucking music It gets me through the night and through the day Even when my kids are mental on the blue drain

I just let them banjo's take my blues away But I'm not hot, honky, I'm not bright as a spark I'm andy-dork-b-so And I'm pissing on shadows Shadows, shadows In the spoken dark Can't pay my rent or gaspils or my Netflix My bank is on the blower all the time The dog that is festering in my backyard

but that country music keeps me feeling fine but I'm not pork on cake, I'm not brighter spot I'm Andy Dogdo, I'm pissing on shadows shadows, shadows in the fucking dark. Cut. Yeah! Yeah, indeed.

Wonderful stuff. I used the word girth earlier, I don't know if you noticed. I did need you to say good. Well, I did. And it reminded me I wanted to show you this photograph, the Hort Alastair in last night in London before we recorded it. It was one of them little Hought Alrooms hasn't got a window. All right.

And it's just got everything in the unique, but all cramped in together. It's some kind of weird, they had a big fucking pillar in the middle of it though. Look at that. Oh shit. That is a big pillar. Isn't it?

Has got genuine girls, right? genuine. So you're, for the listeners at home, Andy's trying to put his arms around it, and you're getting nowhere near, right? No, nowhere near. It's a big lad, isn't it? John could sleep though.

I did. I did. And you can't look in. There's no window, there's no darkness, there's no external noise. You should be like you're inside the womb, maybe. It's interesting, Andy, I've spent nights in some of the finest hotels that Europe has to offer.

Geneva, Stockholm, Berlin, Paris, right? But many of those haven't offered me a decent night's sleep. No, I've got a pleasant tonight outside. No, noise pollution. Click, click, click, gozareed here. Bang, bang, bang, go bang bang goes the trolley down the fucking was the car with yeah it was when they started the chain of hotels didn't have that has had a sudden crap in the car with us to try and enjoy the room with blacksmith or no blacksmith sir you don't have a cobbler. Topics that you might be interested in.

You just to set it up at the beginning, we can come back to them if they interest you. Peace pudding. Peace pudding. As you've got a future, it's had a glorious past. Should it be a national side dish? Just wondering.

Second topic might get you is I have a lot of problems fixing things to plasterboard. I'd like maybe to talk around that. I'll talk about that. Oh, thank you. Do you want to talk about it now? Yeah, I don't think so. Okay, right. I can't fix things to plasterboard. I do a whole, put a roll plug in, put the screw in, and then just weeks the toilet roll, all the gets loose or the core hangar gets loose or You know, so what do you do? Hey using the right raw plug?

I use in a plasterboard one that opens out once it's in the hole. Oh, no, I don't know about that Andy Yeah, the special raw plugs for plasterboard feeling that you can Work out where the where the joists are behind the plasterboard and screw into there. Now I was kind of aware of that as a possible experience. Because I think Paul White was told me on the fishing that there always a hammer apart, a hammer's length apart. So much like that.

There's a standardised width. Yeah, but I wouldn't trust myself Andy. You can get a machine that will find them for you, or you can work just by tapping the plaster board, and the sound gets duller as you tap in where the joist is. Tap all the way along. Nice, but I don't know that I trust that. I wouldn't be interested in it.

The machine that works it out for you, Andy, I've heard rumors that it's actually the size of a bin wagon. Right. A DUS bin wagon, is that true? I would have not used one. I'd just use the tap, tap, tap, tap method. So far, it's been successful. All right.

I reach out. I want to put me toilet, roll holder there. That's not where there is a joist or wherever you call it. You know, stud partition. That's what, yeah, partition. I need a roll plug that... You need a special plasterboard or cavity I think they're called rope plug and basically they open out

What's what's the animal that's got a thing in its penis which it then opens out into like a spike Once it's been into like a spike once it's been. What's the beast Joey Baton? You know what? Is that it? Do you know what? It wasn't a great topic, Andy, but we tried. It wasn't a great topic.

I think it was something to progress. I don't think it was awful. And finally, I just wondered if you were interested in the way of you do, Vez, you know. There does vary, you know. I wondered if you had a preference, big heavy do, Vez. I like do, Vez. I like do, I like do, Vez. I thought I would win the other preference big heavy doover like I like do I like doover

I Don't have a winter doover Okay, it gets a point in winter where for a few nights. I think oh shit a winter doover. Yeah, it gets cold But it's just those few nights just a few nights not worth it Yeah, quite a hot body you say I hope you're woo yeah, yeah, so what I need to do is I need to try and keep as Cool as I can I wonder if you may not pause the do is I need to try and keep as cool as I can So I wonder if you may not pause the landing. Does that happen to fellas? Maybe so yeah, I don't know Do I know who do I see about that you see me about it? I can help you out on that

I was got me bag with me sure I like that idea All it is it's a simple landing and people out there my like was you just need to pop a roll Oh into your mouth every night before you go a bit Just let it sit there. It's said sit there and dissolve right honestly. You'll sleep like the ice queen. Oh We're good. Yeah, being an infinite irocate plastics to pick up when you're Reagan. Okay. Yeah, it's a good, that's a beautiful unit. Yeah. It's a Dromeda SPX 340. Coloured. Like that.

Whoa, what about that? Compact, powerful, human. It's an instant Stone O'Kill. You see your settings there? Yeah. Just do as your settings. Dissolves bone turns flesh into powder. Yeah.

And a really nice feature. Just click that on there. With this feature I'll turn it off now because it's there to turn. You can move large items such as a fridge or a car about a foot off the ground or about six inches to the left or the right. Weird that it'll go higher in the sky than it would go sightless. Yes there you go. It's an anti-gromically. That's That's kind of drummers thing as a business. Yeah, they've worked on that in the last. It's good. It's the new lad working there, Shandy.

I haven't seen him before. He's called Hadras. I don't know, is it Harry Potter or some of his game or thrones or some of it? Some of that lad. And I got Chattin in the office to show me the new, it's called the Plasma Beast from the Najaka Industries, you know what Najaka?

Took me through to the Stockholm, there it was, it's a huge unit and like a sort of gun that Silvesta salon with a salad. To be honest with you, it would be better static mounted, you know, on the roof if you can, or on top of a building or something. But a sniper style. Yeah, but you can be carried short distance. It's nice. It's got a strong, you have to be strong. You're not.

So it's got voice activation, shit like that. So it's pretty good. And he demonstrated that this is like cube of titanium. I'd say a foot square, just solid cube of titanium. And that bang, I don't have it with me obviously, but bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap unit in his. So of course I wanted it. I said he's how much does that cost six million quiff. Fucking hell. So this is a regular question. Ah, the six million quiff. Apparently Elton John's adored that one. So you want to watch out, Matt, some carnage at Glassenbury this year. Anyway, I looked away at his ad too,

but I looked away from this ball of the purist, purist, beautiful white light. Did you find a heart to look away from it? I did find it out to look away. And I saw Hadras was pointing to Gondon me. Oh, right at me. Did you see this chord? He says, and he says, take your strides off and your knickers and lay on the floor with your arsehole pointing up towards that flask of metal soup on the shelf. So what I meant to do, Andy, I got a plasma based and a jack-a-product pointing right at my heart, so I did as I was told and he threw it like a bunch of scar leads, that made

just, so there's fell down by me, the face, but six or seven scar atleads. No, not like this. Various, yeah, really close to me face. It was, and he says, right on my lover, start feeding those leads into your aim. That's one by one, while singing,

I like it by the quote. So I said, I'll come on mate, the metal ends on these are really sharp, but I'll probably give myself a fissure. Oh, stop your mownin', what's a fissure anyway? I said, you know, like a cracker, like a split in the flesh, I couldn't be really painful. Shoot your mownin', you won't even exist if I pull this trigger.

Go on, get on with it, start feeding. So I started pushing the first leading, you know. And I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, etc. Then suddenly I remember Dandy, he had a voice activation feature. So I said, plasma beast, devour Hadrat without mercy, the beast lit up. Yeah. Bang! The beast lit up. Bang! Beautiful.

Bang! Hit her just straight in his guts and he transformed into a beautiful sphere of the brightest, whitest light you could ever imagine. Then, this light ball shot out straight through the ceiling and it landed on the fifth moon of Saturn. So, that worked closely. ball, shot out straight through the ceiling and it landed on the fifth moon of satin, so they'll work close escape, won't it Andy? Oh definitely. You imagine I've been the plasma beam director that year.

And it's nice to bring some out the spirit of the podcast as well. Yeah, thank you. Anyway, the reason I bought this up was because whilst I was there, mouse gave me an extract of a script from the upcoming Nutflix series, Jody Hate. Alright, yeah. Jody Hate. Crime on the time. Hot Jody Knights.

Jody Streets. Fuller Crime. Jody Hate. Full of crime! Jordy Heats In theory, Jordy Heats incident room, WPC Denise Welsh is man in the phones Chief Constable Amanda Stavley and Chief Inspector Eddie Howard watching succession on a laptop Eddie I did this part to find him Amanda Amanda Eddie, I hope this box of phone can't. A man.

A man, though. Yes, he's a terrible schemer. Am I right? The phone rings, didn't he? Sons of it. Hello, Jordy, Heat Emergency Hotline, WPC, well speaking. How may I help you, pet? It's Mr Sting from the Mass house with the massive gates and the massive landing strip of space blends.

Denise, oh hello Mr Sting, what seems to be the problem? You're the problem, you're just too bloody slow. There should be a squad car and a fully clothed forensic squadder nearby now. Honestly, a bag of belief. It really does. Okay now come on calm down Mr Sting. And I'm calm. I'm just dragging an Indian thinking drink. Okay okay now so what is the nature of your emergency pet? Right well there's a tiny intruder in my grounds and he looks a right vicious little bugger. I'm shitting myself and intruder started gnawing on her politely straps. She's

so terrified. Okay, sounds awful though. We'll be there soon as possible. There's a number 27 buss to you in five minutes that goes past your place. Now, I'll make sure you'll bring forensics and yellow tape and them dogs and lots of cases with special equipment in them. Oh, and some new politely straps for Trudy. Go back! Cut to Stings massive drive. Eddie and Amanda are approaching Stings massive front door. They ring the bell and it plays the tune of message in the bottle. Well that's not...

I'm not saying it is it a mandipibee. Sarcasm yeah? Yeah? Am I right? Sting answers the door. Hello again Mr Sting. Oh love your boiler suit. Christian Dior. Am I right? Hello I'm mandipibee. Now shut up. And get inside and the little bastard is hauled up in the Apocrypathy. Eddie, do you mean Apocryp therapy?

Amanda, surely it's a copra therapy. Sting, it's a copra-copy-thee! God, we need to nail this for our fucking report. Mr Sting, surely it's a Pocka Pathy? I'm not sure now, I'll have to ask Shordy, but she won't come out from the re-investigable. Amanda, surely it's Vester Blue, am I right? I think it's fucking restabial, but the fuck, let's just get inside. Right, I left a loot by the way in the Apocro-Rapathery.

I think the little creep might have pissed on it. Cut to Apocrathy, Eddie slowly answers. Stud in the middle of the room, butting up his fly is dumb little wood. All right, chumps, I'll eat that wood. I'll just add a piece of the loot. I couldn't resist it. Your jersey busted. That's going to put the tuning right out of Kielter.

You're a fatter, you mate. What are you doing Mr Stings' ass? Oh, Dominic Littlewood, the Kutshima podcaster. I've got the word that some Dutchy-billy-died practices are being used. Constructing this upulography. It's a pocket-buffee, you dirty bastard. I've got the word that some Dutchy building practices are being used, constructing this opulography. It's a pocket puppy, you dirty bastard!

Okay, that's not fucking going down there again. Did you have Mr Sting's permission to enter faculty premises? No, I didn't because I had undercover. It's journalistic license, isn't it? You know, like with Walter Gaet and all that nonsense. Would you like to see a magical trick? Amanda, oh yes please little guy, magic tricks improve everything in the world. Am I right? Yeah, it's true, but I say, what a beautiful leader you are about him, like a rose between two pillars of shit. Oh, I don't know about

that. I've never spent one second worrying about my appearance. That would be so Gosh, am I right? Oh, and call me Amanda, baby. Well, Dave darling, so, a red delivery, pick a card, any card, and we're pricing it to the deck. Amanda does as she's asked. Don pulls down his trousers and underpants to reveal a playing card. They do is doggless. Grab the card and bring it to me. Tell me if it's the one you selected from the deck. No, it's not even close. I chose the four hearts. So, whatever bite, working progress, is it?

Anyway, I'll please the report that I can find that obvious bridge of the building regulations so we are good to go. Oh, you're quite, you can't fucking enter someone's parking premises. Piss on their loot, expose yourself to the parking team inspector without taking a charge or fact into. Oh, Eddie, I don't mind about the little trick. He was just trying to remove me with a summer ride. You are right, I'm ready for you. I go bless you for your support.

Well, that you missed this thing. You want to press charges regarding the urination on your fact in loot? Let me give it a strum and see what damage I've been done. Sting strum's on the load. Darty, the load seems fine and yeah, I'm happy to drop charges if the little man stays a while to listen to my new song that I've just made up. Okay well if there's nothing more I will say, my fucking goodbyes, I wish you all the fightingacking best with your future fracking endeavors.

Eddie and Amanda leave Stink to starts, who starts to sing with company buyers' loot. Oh, Mr Stink, oh Mr Stink in his acro-propacrity, oh Mr Stink, yes Mr Stink, EQ was all disease, his car is fast, his pace is hot, that Mr Stink, he's got the lot. Cut to Dom's fingernails, scratching at the walls

in his teeth, beginning to loosen. He runs out of the room to catch up with Eddie and Amanda. I can't stand it ever second, take me away. Look, we have with a big house to this bloke stuff, see? That's the end, Andy. Classic episode. Are you recording? Yeah. Ding dong.

Landlord, yeah. Do you want a bit of that? Is he not? Ding dong, Landlord, yeah. Oh, ding dong. Landlord, yeah. I just wanted to tell you that you're Do you want a better that? Is he not? Dig dog, lad Lord here. Oh, dig dog, lad Lord here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that your rent's going up due to my daughter's ponies

vet spills. Don't worry, I'll give you a couple of shoe horses for good luck. Dig dog, lad Lord here. Just popping you to say that after your tenetise is renewed next month, you'll be required to generate your own electricity. You'll buy yourselves a few bikes and I'll chip in 10 pounds towards the dynamos. Be careful when you wire them up to the maids though, because you still have to pay rent for two years after your debt.

Dig Dong, landlord here, just when it's confirmed, but I can't repair the toilet until pancake day next year, because the only way to fix it, strange I know, but it's by using hardened pancake batter. Dig Dong, dig dog, landlord here. Just probably get to say that I'll be dropping my dog off tomorrow for you to look after Well, I go fatty a bat in the Alps for five weeks He's 80% wolf but if you don't look at him you won't bite you much It's in a small print of your tenancy agreement. I had it at last night. Ciao

Ding dong Landlord here Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya I've decided not to install a damp proof course Because I'm turning off the water supply next week And you might need to start licking the walls Mmm And do you reckon go west till close their eyes? Oh God Yes

On May the spin 1985 was 30 years now? Yeah, it goes me go, even go west we'll have to close the eyes and the I suppose blinking classes four exas I suppose or sleeps another one that spins to mind and the Yeah, sorry, I wonder about I suppose Yeah, okay

TV, movies wise and the I've been doing a lot of zombie stuff I've done a state start off by me watching the skeptic planet Z, you know Brad Pitt's on B1? No. Good felt, I know that is a good film, Andy. I've got a mental block with a couple of zombies.

We'll give it a go because I would have said that too. Right. Planet Z, I then moved on to something called Kingdom, which is a like Korean one, zombie one on BBC iPlayer, not bad. Okay. And I'm currently listening, no, watching one called Black Summer on Nutflix, on the Nutflix. Right. That's very well done, got some interest in little twists and turns.

Okay. So, you know, that's where I'm at. Good recommendation, I've done, I've started watching succession again. I know everyone watches it. Is it all out the new series? It's not. It's a week by week trip feed.

Yeah. I don't really understand much of it, but it's stylish and I enjoy it. Yeah. It is stylish, but I will wait and I'll enjoy it. You watch it so far. I've watched it so far. It's good in it.

Yeah. It is good. I was, um, Ron Brian Cox is out the other week. Oh, we know. Logan's out. Did you take a fuck off? So hey talking to zombies. I was listening to a me favorite grand podcast sword and scale thing It's called and there was a zombie a real life zombie murder thing right that was really quite interesting I'm confused It was intriguing because I'm gonna say it was laughing. It was really quite interesting. I'm confused. No, Trink. It wasn't Triggan because I'm going to say it was a lot. It was quite recent. There's something called zombie calm, you know, one of it where and there's a town in America where all people that everyone goes, you know, zombie themes get together thing.

So actual zombies. No, do you pick you dress up as zombies? Zombie player. Zombie player, but there was 20,000 of men this town in America and the way the thing was was you were allowed to carry fake guns and all that right and the Reagan's even yeah I've got one back it's back and um suddenly a zombie as it were yeah open fire a zombie as it were, open fire, killed one injured about six, disappeared into this like 20,000 zombies and I'm probably getting dull now but you might want to look at them read up, took them two or three years to catch him because every fucker was stressed as a zombie, wow couldn't identify anyone or anyone was, people were allowed in because with these false guns, they did get him in the end and you might be interested in checking out how the court, I don't want to do no spoilers.

I'm slightly interested. Was it called? I know, I just what I listen to on a sword and scale, but I'm a plus member, I pay for sword and scale. So, but if you look at zombie cron murder, shootings, you can have a quick look at that. Yeah. So, zombie stuff, and I've also, I love Jeff Bridges, Jeff Bridges.

Jeff Bridges is an actor. And there's a Nutflix or Apple TV, I never know where I'm watching them, called the Old Man, which is very very solid. You know like a Jeff Bridges thing would be. Yeah. Very solid. I'll try that as well.

Hold your, hold your ass. Is that riots on outside? It is. It is. Yeah, it's, yeah. It's, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got,

I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I got, I Yeah, come on. Hey Roy. How are you doing? Yeah, now come in. Oh, I thought my car would be a bit of a pleasure. Go on, sit in my seat, I'll just go on the corner.

Oh, thanks for popping in, Roy. It's been a bit of an unusual couple of weeks for you a bit. Oh, my wicks are unusual, you ridiculous pipsquake. What are you getting at? No, I meant workwise. You know, I should congratulate I suppose on your return to Salas Park this week. Who told you about that? I don't know, it was everywhere, it was in the media, you know.

Was it? Oh, totally worth of saying, you think. Anyway, look, I'm so worried, you're plans now that you're back. Well, I'm really sorry, but we're going to work hard, Monday to Friday, I get the basics right. I'm not going to overcoat the kayfigs. Okay, so I've got lots of defensive drills and you know, tennis solid to li-de-fire your back for or something like that.

Twelves? Solidify? What a bleed out you got on a bat! You just saw an addiction in Palt! Are you a university dictionary? No, I just thought that maybe that's what you meant. Ah, don't be stupid. Back to basics. Stop cast the tunnels. Car with all over the woods. Battle for serif and star claw. Damage of knurl. You know, simple stuff.

Oh is it that the names you give your tactics kind of thing? No, you idiot. It will ever figure this. Sorry, Warma. Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, who it again. Yeah, I'm right. Okay. So what do you think went wrong on the last manager? Well, no, this is just right in the fella, but he was complicating the fuck out of everything. Too much focus on complex figures, like sisters of battle, pennying an engine, space marine, fundifier, cadet,

and K off-state space marines, the Lord Discolded. Are you trying to pay in a Lord Discold, mate? It's harder than fucking break surgery. Right, well, I believe you, Roy. But I haven't, has it happened so far. Oh, well, I'll set the lights down on my first day back and I'll say, look, it's all going to be about the easy to paint stuff from now till, mate, you know, beach claw raiders, savage orcs, that kind of stuff. You can focus on the likes of the thing you adapt this mechanism. Mechanicals, it preseasoned in the summer if you're still here, you'd bunch of useless pricks. And did that seem to motivate them?

Oh okay. Oh look, I've got a go now. I've invented a brush cleaning contraption. Oh, it got an x-endripe palace. Click the tiny mechanism to go in it. You look to talk to yourself now. Okay, oh well, but thanks, right? And good luck with the relegation battle. Oh, whatever, I'm there for war ever. All right, war, war, mama. War, mama. War, mama.

War, mama. War, mama. Oh, well, that was shot and sharp, shot and breezy. It's like he's never been aware. It did fail, do you think he'll pull it off? I don't know what it is, but yeah You know I like Martin Martin from moments and the Ames Ray show See there was a very good he goes around having the nose inside

Footballers houses and yeah It was a really good episode last week, so I managed to tape it. Oh Oh that's good. So I think I'll play that for you. Please do. It's a good one. Hello, it's Martin from Olsen to the hammer and can I just say if anyone in the Northampton area would be willing to run me a bath, I would be most grateful. So here I am outside a detached modern brick house in Washington with its own gated travel driveway. There's a pair of modern Victorian lampposts on the front lawn with these big tone news. You will but I like it. Not as much as the light leopards, but I do like them very much indeed.

Let's knock on the door and see if anyone is at home. Hello Mr. Field Mouse, how lovely to meet you. It's Tony Mowbree, by the way. That's too much. The man there is Tony, it's not Peter Fees, is it? He's Borreladdeny. Alright, later on. I'm a man there is Tony Mowbree. Yeah. Alright, later, now, now. I'm an nurse, Tony Mobley. That's what I said, isn't it?

No, you said Mr. Field Mouse, which is in collect. Well, I think you're wrong on that one. But I could have come inside and have a look at you nest. Do you mean house? Cause, er, you, it's not a nest. We'll soon find out what we... So this must be the entrance hall and an artist is better than beautiful, mellow yellow colour. But like cheese, isn't it?

Which is an unusual reference, isn't it? Of course, unless you like cheese. I don't do like cheese, but that doesn't mean I'm a mouse like you are aware that mice can't talk, yeah? Oh yeah, tell that to dead your mouse. I see you have a big painting of an owl on the feature wall. I would have thought that might, that you might be scared of owls. No, I'm very fond of them, I particularly like it when they're hoot. So the usual sound for sure is the hoot, unusual but I like it. Right, now we're in the living room, lovely tossing links. And the feature fireplace. Oh what's that

big hole in the skirting board? Is that how you get through to your bedroom? No, it's just where we moved an electric socket there. We used to have a TV there, but we got too much glare from the window like, like a story, like it's gone through to the kitchen. Now I can see straight away that you're a serious chef, stainless steel work surfaces

and an eight-harbing duck and cooker. Very nice. But I must ask, what are all those little black bits on the floor? Oh, that's just where I dropped some black rice when I took it up the pipe. Like, drop day. So I suppose you would call them droppings. See, you know if you're a man, did to do so. Droppings on a kitchen floor.

Now, what would you associate those with? Mouser's board. I'm not a mouse. How many times I have to tell you that? In fact, I'm fed up with your mouse in its insinuations. I think it's time you went like, that's fine by me mr. Field Mouse don't call me that why what you going to do never let me fucking shot you look like a fucker in a jog and why don't you roll up into a ball like I'll kick you to get said by the air nine and eight oh actually the big mouse now are we I wouldn't say your snout is big but I've heard woodlight use it as a fucking skis low I bet you weak woodlight for a fancy dinner and burst about into the badges you did, you fucker.

Yeah, well at least I didn't piss on me scouting boards. Yeah, that's because you haven't got a cock. Get out of my house. With pleasure Mr. Field Mouse. Well, that was the home of Mr. Field Mouse, the management representative Sunderland football.org. It's the first time I've actually visited a nest, and the law is a bit unyielding while I'm good here Did I like that? I like it a lot. I thought it was a good little episode. I was very good. I'm not sure about a And I'm done with that as a till. I'm going to be looking it through different eyes. You think you might be a male? Well, I think you might possibly be.

That's what Martin's saying. Wow, well. Hey, I rang up the show percent of the other day just to see if you remember, if your application's gone through because it's been months since I put it in and it shouldn't take this long. But I rang up. Was that a tingling noise? Yeah, that was nice.

It was a text message from EE. What are they saying? Hi, we really love you. We'll upgrade some stuff. Yeah, can we have some more money? Anyway, I rang up here, and she'll be like, I recorded the call, because I think you should. Yeah, you need these things,

in case you need legal redress. Well, if you have just evidence back up, evidence back up is always good so I'll run up. I'll play the tip for you. BEEP BEEP Anyway, show up, send a reception, Milky Jackson speak and help, yeah. Oh, I just wanted to chase up the membership application. I submitted the form and the payment a while ago, I haven't

heard anything but yet. I had a check-bounce, I didn't send a check, I appeared online, yeah he did, it was a check. No, I don't think it was. Hello? Hello? Anything else Is anyone good there the sure percent of the deer who's in guys big crate that yeah fell Collins is in your I see full Collins wow

Yeah, it comes down most days cuz he hasn't got the heat none in his house anymore and he's got a boss pass Oh, I'm big fan of Phil Collins. That's amazing. Yeah. I'll put it one if you want to have a quick word when. Oh, could I? Yeah. Phil Collins, come in now! It's black, what's your word? Oh, I'm going to have Phil Collins. Oh, there. Is that Phil Collins?

Sure is. How's your day going, young man? Not bad, but what's it like down the shop is center there. Oh it's bloody great! Pink Pong, Octub, Chilna Mayo sandwiches, they take cash and chip and pin at the canteen. It's like bloody paradise in here. Oh it's incredible! Free treatment for Ed Lice if you've got that, I ain't got a problem with Ed Lice,

or my barnet. Crump that Monday on Mondays? Ah, I love crumpets. Thursday, Nick Burys coming in with a collection of bone fragments that he's been collecting from the forests of the world. What, can you get me in on a deer pass for that? No? And every other choose date is a bloke who comes round and he tries to sell us all some

heroin. But there's not much demand for heroin these days round here. Oh yeah I'm not even that either myself nor. Oh great talking to you Phil can you put milk your Jackson back on normal always gone. Joe Z. Maureen goes in and he spills his hot chocolate over one of our chocolates so Bill he's gone to clean it off. And he just put the phone down. Oh, no, no, so you met you made no progress I mean no progress. I've spoken to Phil Collins which is allegedly. Yeah It does sound like how he sings so I don't know the you know that the hunt for membership of the show

But sent the continues. I mean sometimes people don't They're speaking voices very different from their singing. Yeah, they're gonna affect the kind of a singing voice It could be him. Yeah, Morrissey Yeah, spoke to him once he's Right, it was really surprised me. Yeah, yeah But there you go. I mean I was there for Nick Barry's Bone thing it was excellent. It was really excellent. How many born fragments did he show?

Oh, he had a lot in a case, but he talked us through about nine of them. Good. Indonesia, South America. Could you work at what animals they come from? No, we all tried. I tried to guess. Aimanomes tried to guess.

Fucking. Also a couple of politicians can't remember the names you know I love born fragments Oh, we all we're all big born fragment people Well, I mean no more than me. I don't know why you didn't invite me down and Is it for that? Of course, I'll be not a member until you get the membership And I know can do you know, cuz he's planning to do it again Nickbury Nick make no no no, they're going back. He's a bit like we do with the fish,

and he always puts some backs on. That was the only time ever. You're gonna see the good fragments. You're gonna see the good fragments. And the way when he puts them back as well. Yeah, it's us. I've got a little Scotch tail. Oh, that'll be a nice way.

It's been a long time, honey. Yeah. Young Adam McLeish was about 16 years old when he found himself a loon on an outcrupe on the rugged northern coast of the island. He placed his father's trumpet between his lips and played a rendition of my soul as yours towards the distant mainland barely visible through the descending fog. Tomorrow he would be taken to the Laird's castle, where he would start his training as an enforcer in the Laird's personal security service.

How he longed for a day, or even an hour on the mainland. He closed his eyes and laid back his head on a small grass tonic and sent his thoughts where they wished to travel. He saw himself striding purposefully into a branch of halfts and gazing upon the car-care products and aftermarket accessories. He would select a steering wheel cover, fashioned from plethora and patterned like the wings of a butterfly. Then onto home bargains, where the vast selection of coffee syrups would blow his innocent mind,

and cause him to shriek in delight. Not yet sated by the sights and sounds, he would take a seat in the Morrison's cafe, and order an all day breakfast plate, with a J20 on a bone of wettled. Shortly he would be joined by a girl of around his age who inquired of him if the seat opposite him was available. When he confirmed this to be the case, the lassie pulled her cagul above her head accidentally revealing that she had plenty bread in her basket, more than enough for a family of four on a camping trip to Leith. He became instantly aware of a simmering pulse in his personal pipe, and he helped slightly as its tip pressed

against the trumpet key he had placed in his pocket. ''What's the matter, Laddie?'' said the girl. ''Has the sight of me caused a commotion within your pipework? Would you like me to attend to your discomfort?'' He opened his eyes so startled he was by the nature of our suggestion and could sense the lassie stood right behind him. ''I said, Laddie, would you like me to attend to your petulant pipe before the layered ears of your disgusting desires? I would for I know I'd never be forgiven." He turned his head to see Noah the Lassi, but one of the layered angels of death, with

a dagger raised in her right hand. But it was not the stabbing of the dagger that killed him. It was the sight of the angel's face, for it had the face of Antoine de a band-trander back! That's the Scottish tale. A nice update there from Scotland. I think just before we go I recorded the ship in forecast of the radio for the... Alright. I am convinced the waiter from Slaughter is doing it these days. What you wouldn't think so, and they... Honestly, I've pressed plea I've listened to this.

I've listened. The area you forecast for the next 24 hours, cromity, fourth, Northly, or fucking North is to leave 4 or 5, occasionally 4 and 6 in a slight, or moderate showers, 4 and good, time, dogger,

North or North East, for a fucking five occasionally, fucking six, Lila. Moderate, occasionally, fucking rough Lila, in North, dogger, fucking showers, good. It just sound like him. It just sound like him. It just sound like him. I think it's him.

Yeah, it's got that thing you know. Yeah, I mean a lot of people use that for the sleep. No, you know, really. They'll find it so that yeah, I can imagine that would be that would work. So yeah, um, all right, and that's about it to you. Okay. Well, it's nice to be back in person as well. Yeah. Um, doing them in. Yeah thank you Andy.

Thank you Robert. Thank you listeners and yeah check out the zombie cron murders. Yeah see you.