Athletico Mince - Ep. 29 - Sigh by Romany Distance

Episode Date: October 6, 2016

Lawro's dinner party goes with a bang, the Spurs squad gang culture, a new Greg(g) Wallace song and Steve McClaren's brand new nemesis. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Whoa, he's come back out as with a sigh. Yeah, check it out. What's that about? What's that about? Well, I've got my own life go-ro now and she's a lot more... She? Yeah, she's a lot more expensive than yours, so obviously a lot more powerful. Do you think that was more powerful? No, the effect of it's more powerful. She's called Romany Distance. She told me that that particular type of sigh will ruin the life chances of your man enemy if it's given in his presence or at least given me an enemy.

Man enemy at least give me doors of the quam so otherwise possibly nemesis. Nemesis yeah right. I'm just saying that's what Romany said. She suggested some names for you as well. Oh did she really? Yeah. Dark nectar. ominous valley. The evil coin. Of course, you know, I've got to say, rules is rules. You can just be running up dogs up to you. What was that coin one? The evil coin.

Yeah, I'll be the evil coin then. I might repel your aggression. You can try, Ron. You're Brandon Meas and Nemesis. Well, I'm wearing triple denim today. You are, yeah. Blinding has... It's not blinding. Yes, you're right. Blue is not a blend in colour.

You're like shaking Stevens' a week of twin. Exactly. The one that didn't get any of the nutrients in the wound. The one who found out what was behind the green dog. Oh, God. Right, I've got some questions for your wife, is she here? Oh, fucking hell, straight in. She's not in the room with us.

Is she here in spirit? She's here in spirit. I've got full authority to respond. All right, if you'd like a channel your wife at this point. Okay. I've got some questions. Mrs. Bob, does Bob do funny voices around the houses or we have compensatein' for having nothing of worth to see? and how irritating do you find this on a scale of 1 to 10?

Yes, he's always trying to like up his ante, you know, or knocking around with stupid voices out. What I do is I tolerate them and I don't, to be honest with with you I don't really hate them anymore so I'm not bothered Yeah, I mean the main one he does five out of ten the main one he does is he he's got the cat's voice as Quite posh. Joe to me got a little bit see I it father. He's the right fucker in the gym to me Joe to me no mother So yeah, I'd leave it, but yeah, you've correctly identified that weakness in him. Very good question too, Mrs. Bob. Whenever Bob drops on his tool belt and announces that he's going to do some DIY,

do you find it weirdly arousing? Or do you reach for your phone, ready to dial 999, assuming that he's about the slightest finger off? He hasn't got a tool belt. He's got a screwdriver. One screwdriver. Yeah, with a red handle. Where's the screwdriver? You know what? The one with the red handle. Mother!

You're right. You're right. You can never find it. He doesn't attempt DIY, but nor does he get tradesmilling. He just lets the house slowly rot around it. It just lets a good shit. Fair enough. On his answer, lets a good shit. Yeah. Fair enough. An honest answer. Question three, Mrs. Bob. What is Bob's pin number?

A. What is Bob's pin number? I don't know his pin number. She doesn't, you know, I'm just, I'm fagging. We've been here there. Yeah. I don't, Andy, I don't know his pin number. That was good to see.

What do you do with the cap? But you don't do a voice for your wife. That's quite telling. I don't know his pin number. All right. Can I have a guess of it then? Because I'm close last couple of weeks. I'm like, all right. I'm going to go. Here we go. Five nine two nine. Yeah, that's the man. Well, you've had four weeks to work it out. I've got it. Yeah, we do it. We do it. Guess a different one

Or will you take it out? Do you want us to cut that out? Yeah, obviously. I'll just do another one then five nine three three No, it's not right. Oh man. Not right. I'm gonna have to give up eventually with this one. I have to give up Eventually in fact, why don't you give up this week and eat? Maybe I'll be able to. Maybe you want. All right I'll have a quick game. When you'll guess the footballer, let's keep it snappy. Premier League footballer. Yes and no question.

Solomon Rondon. That's not a yes. Oh, you've got a question for us. No, it's not Solomon Rondon. Does he wear stripes? No. Does he wear red shirt? No.

Does he wear a blue shirt? Yes. Is he play for Everton? Yes. Is he Garith Barry? No. Is he play for Everton? Yes. It's a Garth Barry. No. Is he a midfielder? No. Is he a forward? No. Is he a defender? Yes. I'm stopping you there. You're out with time. Very very there. Who would you guess? Go on. I'm Litten Binsley. It was lit. So, do you have slippers? Do you wear slippers? I know you've got quite a comfortable shoe now.

Yeah. So you obviously care about foot care. Yeah. Why are you wearing makeup by the way? All that eyeliner and shit. Because I'm in London. What is it? It's London Fashion Week, isn't it? Yeah, is it? It's always is. I just presumed it was fucking pancake there. So I'm assuming you dress up special for pancake there. What? Well, just the usual gown. Yeah, your pancake, a gown, a crown, and a frown. So I was just wondered like a leisurely guy like yo, because clearly you're a lazy fucker. The, um, do you wear slippers around your house? I don't, I can't even be asked to put slippers on, that's so lazy I am. Fucking hell. I like to go barefoot. Well I was going

to write these are the wife's questions actually. Oh, we'll just say we're straightener them, I'll tell you. But she just wondered if your carpets were too sticky for a rubber sole like you get on on slippers, but you don't wear them, so there you go. No, and my carpets are not sticky. You say, oh, as if. Actually, they might not because they're probably nylon. Look, I'm not. Your inus must take says the wife. Your inus must take one hell of a

pounding redistributing all the check and dipters and value paiders. So do you go down the local swimming bath once a week to give it a disinfecting clean or do you go at the local car wash and get the attendant to powerhors around your rear eye? I like to go to the park during the night because we look at park the very recently stopped closing the gates at night. It's a free for all now, all through the night. And I like to just generally lure it into the pond. How you liking the potty?

You don't know about it. It makes 3 a.m. rub it along the grass. Well afterwards, we had a dried off. We wanted to leave this time of year, you know. Nice, crispy leaves. I don't want to talk about Todd. So shall we just stop? Because I've got a lot to say about Todd? No, I think you should carry on.

No, let's just stop talking about Todd. Next question. Do you use tinned garden peas, tinned processed peas, or frozen peas? Do you use, and also, did you know that Petit Poha means small p in English? I use frozen peas, I wasn't aware what Petit Poha meant. Small p. Small p. Yeah. Right. I know you can't see that, they are smaller than the regular pea, aren't they? Petit Poha. Petit Poha. So I thought it was Petit Pohes. Like you know my new old potato, the footballerer just sort of like looking at himself in a mirror poised.

I think you're thinking of poise poises where you've got certain relaxed confidence. You used to have a good website on my Newell potato and I used to have a section with pictures of just him in leather goods. Leather. Leather. I like to wear leather. And he said in the opening paragraph of it, I have a passion for fashion. Yeah, I remember, you know, you had lovely long hair. You know, quite thick hair, medieval sort of hair,

like you're a withdrawn, didn't you, so I think. But I thought you were pretty ugly if you cut his hair off. If he'd been a lass, you wouldn't have gone near him. No chance man. Hey listen up man. I'm a big fan of me talking about ten vegetables of a ten potato, generally ten new potatoes. Right.

What I do is I shallow fry in olive oil, bit of rosemary and garlic. Yeah. And then I take them out the pot nice and hot, right? And then I throw them at next door's dog. Pfft. So, is that satisfying for you? Ha ha ha. It's satisfying, it's also quite affordable as well. It's an affordable weapon, yeah. Hot, potato, hot, new tin, new-

Are these literals potatoes? No, they're made by a company called Lincan. Lincan on your- To buy them in bulk. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new to new for ever. Infinite. I think that's true and I think that's true. Do you want to know if I've met a footballer? Well, yeah, go on. I suppose you've prepared some things you might as well. But when you said prepared some, yeah, I've tell you about a metaphor. Well, just then I got off the top of your head. Yeah, go on. Well, there's not, I went at the Riverside last week to watch the Tottenham match. Yeah, that was a score. 2-1.

So you're going to get relegated? I think that we're in the group of teams that might get that kid. Well, but we're going to buy a whirlpull. Went to the Riverside for the Tottenham match. God Tottenham, I'm good. We're a bit out well with depth. They're very good. They're very, very good.

So I was in a, I got a hospitality afterwards. I sit in. Oh I sit with the fans singing you know. Come on Bura, come on Bura. How will I do that? But then afterwards I go to get to see the cars. Dubai, Dubai like ten seats that you've got like a sort of a buffer zone around where you sit so that normals can get near. No it's sold out packed out. I sit really next to the same people. Next to strangers do you? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but I go in the lounge afterwards so the cars have cleared and all that. So, the toilet in there is Deliawi, yeah? Arichand and Arichdaya, they're all in the toilets. They're all wearing, this is a weird this,

they're all wearing tight black polo or necks, you know, like thin, thin. Yeah. Tight black skinny trousers and pointy black shoes. So, I started like I started started I stood still looking at them. And Ari Keren said, what do you want this is a private club for spurs players? And then Dele Alley says, yeah and even if you're a spurs player you have to have the right club clothes on. And then Arik Dyer says, and even if even if you're spurs with the right clothes, you have to know the secret club password. So I said, well, it's come on you spurs.

And they all look really fucked off. Deli, Deli, Ali says, I was, you know, then Ari says, we were going to change it. Anyway, so you can fuck off. And I said, oh, I'm not bothered what you get up to in you, you know, whatever, whatever what you actually doing this club. And Delhi says, we're looking in the mirror mostly. And now he says, yeah, we're sitting in each other's cars. Eric says, go shopping, snapchat, quite a lot too. So I said, like pretend, I said, oh, wow, it sounds like really good fun.

That, like, you know, well done, well done to you, come on you spurs, you know, a lot of millionaires. Anyway, at this point, there's a bang behind me. Door opens, pretty quick, incomes, Toby Alderfield, and Vans for Tongan. They're strolling, they're both wearing like, Robin Hood Green, Tracson's, and Trilby's rival club, well, exactly, and they start yodeling. Yodeling, yodeling, yod Well, exactly, and start y'all.

Y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all you might like to check your birth certificate, I'll ask your mum, that's what we did. Debbie Alistat is crying, right? Ari puts his arm around him and then Vanz Vatongan says, Vain, I tried the ladies, that's more in keeping with your general demeaness. Eric starts crying. So Ari puts his arms... So what gover? crying. So Harry puts his hands to walk over. Yeah and starts leading him out the toilets in that, they're gone. So I said so much to Eric, to these two tourbid and Vans. I said, what's your club called and Vatonga says? I bet you can't guess. I said, Yordle, how did you know that? How did you know that? We saw VCR and the Covey.

So I just got lucky and I left the toilets. So all I'm saying is interest, it's a bit of a hint there of different factions at Spurs. But we'll have to see if it eventually affects. That could really affect them. It's funny that the Tories are looking to kick the foreigners out when they've got such a hauled on the spur squad. Yeah, well, in not just spurs, that's not beyond furs, in that respect. So what do you want to cut work?

Can I just be scouts for a little bit? Yeah, of course you can. BEEEE for that. That was a too loud for everyone. And can I have a quick game of Yes or No with you? Yeah, all right. It's a bit new-age this week. I don't really get this. So, Freddie, just see Yes or No, I think the things are good. Yes or No?

A Roma therapy. No. Accu-punk-ture. No. Robert McGarby's Nackers. Ah, yes, all right. So, is that all you're doing? What out of three?

Dictators and then Nackers. Yes. Yes, all right. So is that all you're doing? What out of three? Dictators and then Nackers. Yes Well, thanks Laura and anyway, I tell you what shall I update you in Laura please do You might remember that Mount Lawrence and the tall drops and grain is it rubs and grain rubs and Jerome Is it what is it ending up forbson Jorom. Is it, what is it, Andy? Not for, no one knows what robson grain is. Not for, Andy. Haha. That he would invite him round for dinner so he could meet Raffa Benetus, yeah?

Yeah. So it's a big day. Mark and his wife, Barbara, are cleaning and up round the house and that. And Mark says, you have to do this for us, Andy. Mark says, yeah. I'll go into the loft and plump up the insulation so the house will be nice and cozy. I'll go up into the loft and plump up the insulation so the house will be nice and cozy.

I'll go up into the loft and plump up the insulation so the house will be nice and cozy. Then he says to, sorry, it's a bit more than he says to Barbara, I'll do the metal bits and pieces. You do the windows and the Hoover in Barbara. I'll do the metal bits and pieces. You do the Hoover in Barbara. And the windows. And the windows. You see, you're doing them too long. All right, I'm, I'm, right. It's like you're teaching a kid a song, you've got to break it down. Okay, well done from now on. So Mark claims, he gets, plumps up the loft installation and he cleans all the little brass ornaments and offender and a lovely metal box that they've got for keeping the collar flowers. Keeping the collar flowers and you know it's funny

about that. He's using the brass or the silver stuff and all that and everything. And Barbara ties her air back gets her apron on, takes a specks off gets on with the hoovering and the windows and that you know. When they're done Barbara says okay that's got the house all lovely mark, isn't it lovely? He says, yeah, it looks lovely. Yeah, it looks lovely. And she says, what would you like me to cook for tonight's big dinner? And he says, oh, I'll have to have a think.

Oh, I'll have to have a think. Could you wash me first with the Belinda wipes whilst I ever think. Could you wash me first with the Belinda wipes whilst I ever think could you wash me first with a Belinda wipes when I ever think Barbara so she picks up the cloth starts washing his face then after a while he says I can't think of anything Barbara I can't think of anything she says well what about fish robson likes fish doesn't he he says what if he's sick of fish what if Ra doesn't like fish? It's a bit risky, Barbara, like patting a bulldog. What if he's sick of fish?

What if Raffa doesn't like fish? It's a bit risky, Barbara, like patting a bulldog? No, don't deal with the question, let's do it like that. What it was? No, like patting a bull, come on. Like patting a bull, dog. Dog, bulldog. Barbara said, come on, like patting a bull. Dog. Dog. Bulldog. It's about what about staking chips?

Who doesn't like staking chips? And he says, just seems a bit dull. Just seems a bit dull. What about a curry? What about a curry? Raffer's for any might like curry, Barbara. Raffer's for him. He might like a curry Barbara.

With poppy doms and nands and pickles. With poppy doms, nands and pickles, with poppodoms, nands and pickles. And a nice curved banana for pud. And a nice curved banana for pud. Okay, courier is then, she says, but you'll have to in a pinch of time when you get the poppodoms. Get the poppodoms.

Okay Barbara, I'll go right now and meet her yundai. Okay Barbara, I'll go right now and meet her yundai. So Barbara goes back to cleaning the windows, right? Yeah, but the cloths started making it them a bit smeary So she's looking through the window through the smears and she says Mark leave the driveway Crash straight into the tray opposite. Yeah fuck yeah, shit Yeah So she goes out opens the door and has Mark I thought I found conscious faces bleeding fucking hell Barbara says Mark fucking

hell Barbara I couldn't see your thing I couldn't see your thing why not says Barbara because that wasn't the Belinda wipes you washed me first with because that wasn't the Belinda wipes you washed me first with it was my silver polish cloth I can't see a thing it was my silver polish cloth I can't see a thing so that's nasty in it yeah she I don't know if you were listening but she took a glasses off to do the over it right so she picked up the wrong cloth oh that's clever, that. I haven't really, yeah.

You left a little clue there, didn't you? And I haven't watched it. And so Barbara formed up Robson. He's like, oh, I have Babs. I can't wait for the night to meet Raffa Bernitas. I've been down the old let's center and bought a special jummer and all that and everything I do, I do for the tune.

She says, sorry, Robson, Mark's at the car. Crash, I love to cancel. Oh, fuck, I know for the tune. She says sorry Robson, Mark's at the car crash. I love to cancel. Ah fuck I know, I'll collapse. Sometimes I think I'll never get the meat rougher beneath this. Hey, unless I'm decked and help wild. Oh. So that's interesting. I could happen there. I could be a future development. Maybe he's going to see what if I'm decked and I've got an in with rougher. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Sign the corn and nursing a half a stout with a captain full strength in one hand and a curved banana in the other That's when they weren't picking shit out of their assholes and fling it at the bar made Well, I've enjoyed some of the language in there the curved banana

The captain full strength in that book. I don't remember Monkeys setting pubs. You know So maybe your son and thing on that level. Yeah, maybe on that level. It didn't work. Okay. Okay, next one Hey, hey get this get a load of this. Here's a list of types of crisps Spaces raiders watch its quavers, sea brooks, chipsticks and hoolah hoops hola hoops. Hey, what's that about stop the clock, honey? It's not great, but I've enjoyed it cuz you know, it's you know stuff that people identify with isn't it? Yeah, I saw it list of crisps when you said say brook saffron I couldn't help the smell a bit in the Yeah, you know, I'm gonna drop the catchphrase at the end just a fucking hammer at home. Yeah, that was okay

I'll give you that one. All right. Hey, hey don't kids see the funniest things? Hey, don't they? Listen, the other day my kids came up to me and told me that I should start exercising more because I look like it's a name of fat character from modern cartoon. Oh, they finished writing that one. All right. Sorry. All right. Well, I had a nice energy though, Andy. Yeah, it did have a nice energy. Did it? Yeah. Okay. So I'm McLaren, I mean, there's been a lot going on, Andy, with Steve McLaren. It's a while since we've, you know, yeah, I mean, the last some holidays was banging away at the fat last time. That's right. As as England manager. And now look at him. Now, no more Steve's gone to university. Anyway, I'll tell you what's been happening,

and you know, Fatlass has gone. So what he did, what a lot of people do, you know, when there's a big change in their life that he says, he's gonna turn over in New Leaf, and you might have heard that he's got a place to course to study sports management at the Metropolitan University, Manchester, and it was his first day last week, so he wears a nice

short sleeve comfort fit shirt in powder blue. Nice brand new BHS, Nervy Blazer. Brand new BHS, hang on a smeller at here, BHS has gone on the wall. Yeah I went and he bought this one about three years ago. Did he stock up, do you think? Yeah of course, because it's the one with the metal buttons, the bronze buttons. Nice pair of brown airline slacks and white trainers. So a bit student, you know what I mean? Yeah. And he has a nice PVC shoulder bag. That's in powder blue as well, with Stevie Mac printed on it in white lettering. Goes to his first tutor and in an lecture they, about 16 other students.

They all introduce themselves, they introduce themselves. Hi, I'm Stephen Clarin, carpet retail blogger, an ex-England manager. And the tutor says, I'm sorry, Steve. Could you take that daft cap off? Steve says, that's not a cap you silly Rodney Plunker. It's my hair island. It's my hair island. Anyway, like I was saying, I'm an unpaired blogger for the retail carpet trade. Did you know that off the back of the week pound exports of 100% wool carpets have increased 20% in the last month and that is both plain and patterned. So the two are, yeah, alright, so yeah, thank you very much. Thank you very much for that, right?

I've got a special guest coming in to give you a chat and provide some kind of on-the-ground wisdom boat sports management. Yeah. In walks Sean Daish. Oh, yeah, you know what you're saying? Yeah. Sean Daish. Oh yeah, you know. Oh yeah. Um, it's pretty straight in it. Takes off his anorak, puts his bookstay. Because he's always got a lot of books with him.

Sean, a lot of boys and girls. Do you remember? Do you remember when I didn't have a ginger disk beard? And I was known as the Jersey Royal. Do you remember? And didn't have a ginger disc beard? And I was known as the Jersey Royal. Do you remember? And Steve shouts out, do you remember when my hair island was a peninsula? Do you remember?

He looks up, we says, have you ever noticed? Hey, have you though? Have you? That Ben and Jerry's ice cream tub lid is the ideal size to draw round for a perfect dispute. I've noticed that. Steve comes back at him. He says, have you ever noticed? Have you though? Have you ever noticed? Have you ever noticed? You tell me if you've

noticed. Have you noticed that juvenile sparrows will often land in your hair island thinking it's their nest? They're silly Rodney Plunkers. Sean's back at him. It's like a rap battle. Yeah. Have you ever noticed? No, come on. Have you. Think really hard. Have you ever noticed? When you're outside walking and you look down to see how many feet you've got, your disc beard sometimes gets caught in your underlax zip. Have you noticed that? Steve goes back at him. Do you remember? Do any of you Plunk of Rodney's remember 1977 when there was a big change over to mass produced compressed paper underlay? Do you remember? And he says, I've got a hair island, a hair island,

and even louder, right? Sean goes back, I've got a disc be heard, a disc be heard. Oh, there I'm the time of the life. Then he notices his phone light up on the desk. Steve does some message from the fat lass and it reads, Hello, Stephen. Look who I've got. An attached is a picture of Casper. Oh, he runs out. Get out of my way, Casper's been kidnapped. Get out of my way. Leave the lecture theater, bang.

I like how you did that. So, I just feel it as you run out. I know, it happens next, it's not nice, but so I'll leave it there for now. That might be next week, just read that again. Look who I've got, touched as a picture of Casper. Where is she? What she's doing with them?

Found out next week. TBC. TBC. To be continued. Is there anything else that you need to cover? I mean, I had cauliflower cheese yesterday. And I regret that the wife made the cheese sauce quite thick. Yeah. And it was beautiful. I got a good one. You're not normally

other thick. Sometimes the wife does it quite thin. You know it's another way of doing it. Do you like cauliflower cheese? Oh, it's alright. I'll leave it really if it's there. From down the tourby carvery I'll drop a bit on the plate. You know what you choose cauliflower cheese over a hunk of mate? No, I love the hunk of mate as well. There's a big plate, it was a big plate option. You pay an extra quid, get a big plate, you get an extra option of mate, and you get a couple of chip of letters on there as well.

Yeah, what's a chip of a lot? There's a small sausage. How very fucking hell is that where I respond to that? It's like a sausage. Yeah, I thought it was potato. Small thin sausage. No, you're thinking of chips. Hey, what's the largest spice rack you'd consider acceptable?

I'd like you to tell me how many rules and how many spaces per row? Well, I can answer this quite easily. I don't consider a spice rack acceptable. Really? I think totally unacceptable, yeah. I've tried to fit in there. Well, if you're getting that with your London lifestyle and I've got it horribly wrong? That space is a bit fucking 80s in it, Andy.

Do you want to know about my, a lot of we haven't said a space, is not? I don't, why would I want to know about your life? Let me tell you, I'm not my, I get up. Right. Fuck you, though. What you do, I think I got up. I get up.

I know that you're gonna tell us, I have a cup of tea. Right, yeah. I sell it. I know that you're gonna tell us I have a cup of tea right yeah, yeah I sell some shares buy some shares Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and the early market in that order or just whatever I sell buy sell whatever I buy high sell law Yeah, sit on me leather Italian leather City yeah, and I watch telly till 10 p.m. At night Yeah, at which point I got upstairs to start my crime club, me 10pm crime club and sitting on me,

lying me bed for the next two, I was watching crime shows. That's my life. You see a life, but it's not really, is it? It's barely an existence. Well, it depends when you get to my age. It might be the sort of life you might choose. As a newcomer once a week, and you tell me all about it.

Yeah, so that's my life. All right, are we done here? Oh, what? I don't know, I think we might be. I've got a bit of a song. Oh, I didn't do a song. Have you noticed? Well, I've done one,

because it's another one from the Greg Wallace musical. All right, I was that getting on? I'm getting there. I'm getting there. This is a scene where, have you got backers? Have I got what? Backers, you know, like financial backers that we're going to pay.

When you put a wallpaper on your jodder, on your bucket, you know, the lyrics in. No, they offer, you know, they'll give you the money to put it, get... I'm going to crowdfund it, it'll be alright. Alright, you know, not be tired. You put a crowdfund on the internet, then the money comes in, then you just do it. Oh, would you back a crowdfund? My crime club. Doubt it. Okay, would you fuck a crown fund? My crown club. Doubt it.

Okay, let's say we've got a dog. Well, this is the same word Greg has discovered that he's got a Varraka's veins. So it's quite poignant. Interesting. Pooa Greg. He's got blue lines up and down his leg. The doctor says that they're just Varraka's veins,

but he's in pain. Won't someone help a Greg? Suddenly Greg devises a swift remedy, reaching for a nearby carving knife, he hacks out his thigh, he's gone round the Why he amputeated I don't know it makes no sense I blame John to road he's a terrible influence Who a Greg lie in there covered in his own blood It's just no good. He's cut off his fucking leg It's just no good. He's cut off. He's fucking leg. He's looking like. I deviated from the tune. The Beatles tune at the end there because I copy right reasons.

Yeah, I'm just, you don't have to answer. Is this the end of the musical? Is this how it all ends? I don't know what it is. I think it might be Dream Sequence. Oh, right, Dream Sequence. I've got no idea where to put it. In the early days of when we used to propose performance stage, we did something called the Tinique Aitikerum Dream Sequence. And Charlie Egson from the fascia would climb up a step ladder, yeah, and drop a leg of lamb into a paddling pole beneath the step ladder that was full of dog, tins of dog food. Right. And not, I can't fucking remember that bit. And Paul Whitehouse would come on stage and ram mint into an acoustic guitar.

And that was the, that was the dream sequence. And you've managed to forge a quarter of a century long career on the back of things like that. Well, despite the tinnika tikka, the dream sequence was still fun. I thought the play was still fun. I can't believe, isn't it? Do you like, do you think about Elton, John, and David Furnish, mainly M or PM? OPM.

At night, actually. Really? Yeah, night thoughts, sexy thoughts about. Not sexy thoughts, romantic thoughts. I think about Elton. Soon as I jump out of bed. Right. I'm still standing.

Oh, that's what you're saying. Of course, because you've got more nights than you've been blessed with one more day. Yeah. You're jumping out of bed and saying, I'm still standing. But I've got to be honest, not meaning any, you know,

any nastiness towards David Farnish, I don't think about him that much. What do you think he's there? I think about him. Unless a partner. You know, you can't avoid it. Wherever the goal will be. Yeah, that equals other. Whatever business he starts. Yeah. He's Alton's fellow, or any. The most interesting thing about him is

probably surname in it. Furnish. Yeah. Something not right there. Okay, well I'm going to go Andy. Right. I'm going to sell some stocks and shares. Maybe buy some property. That was going to pitch another idea for you actually. For me, Ragan's Den, to think that's if I can guess some of that money out here. Well, can you be quick? Because Staxx and shares, maybe buy some property. That was going to pitch another idea for you actually, for me, Ruggins, then, think that's about going to guess some of that money out here. Well, can you be quick, because stocks and shares up and down, up and down.

Oh, right. Noil Edmonds, yeah, you know, he's got this thing with pets, so he's going to ring pets up and make them feel better about themselves. Right. It's like, Uber, if you pet's down, you do that app and Noil Edmonds comes around in 10 minutes, puts the pet in the car, drives it around

for a bit and talks it down. That's your pitch. Yeah. No, thank you. No, right. I value that company at two farts and a pair of handcuffs. Right. Tom Arles with funny faces drawn on them.

Interested, yeah? Yeah, a little bit direct debit for kids. Just come back of a little bit. Yeah. Tom Arles with faces drawn on them. Yeah. Tomah as with first is drawn. Yeah. I like it. Right.

What's the cap? Oh, I want, um, shit, 50 grand for 5% of that. No, it's not worth that much. What's the next one? Direct debit, but for kids. So what happens? The kids get direct debit. They have to pay them out of their money.

And who does the money go and while a percentage of it goes to the company obviously your company yeah because I've come up with it and where does the other percentage just however the recipient is like the council do the school mails don't know she reckon maybe he's a little bit ill advise Nick burries mix mixed berries like it yeah surprise it is not ready on the market the KM looking for for 3% of that I mean brilliant thank you very much it's been good good bye Thank you.