Athletico Mince - Ep. 30 – My Mantelpiece Is Marble

Episode Date: October 14, 2016

A Casper kidnap update, Corbyn’s Chadwick boasts, Bob’s latest showdown with the Spurs gangs, and skips for teens. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Are you hungry, Tonk? Hold your asses and they, please. What? I read here as a French would say. That was a side plus a gulp. Yeah. The gulp was involuntary, the side, it was a new one I'm trying out,

it's super concentrated and it's high intensity. You know them little bottles of Robinson squash, you get that are just big enough to put in your bag. Yeah. The super concentrated. Yeah. It's like one of them or the small deodorant aerosols they do now, that are half the size but they're wrecking the last twice as long.

You say you've taken the same technology on board have you? I have, yeah. Yeah, but well, how much did you pay for that knowledge? I got it downloaded it from the internet. Well, I left a guru in America. Well, I love to tell you, you guru, shite, because he hadn't done bobbin me at all. What's not supposed to bother you? It would supposed to make me feel better. All right, yeah, I believe you. All it did was remind me that you're a buffoon,

like a kind of todo character. There you go again. Dim bobbin me. You're like, as Alan Brazil would say, you're a numpty, a cheese, you're a flute. Ha, ha, ha, very good. I'll tell you know, not tea, a juice, you know, a flute. I'll tell you what, I'll assess its power, brief as it was, right? For me, it did have enough power to blow a beach ball out of a gutter.

All right. Yeah. And that is to your credit Andrew. Well, I'd agree. Thank you. But not enough to disperse a gang of angry mice that were maybe gathering in your area. So there you go. What would anger a mouse? What would a like a wonder? Like a cheese.

Death of good pal at the hands of cats, that kind of thing. Speaking of deodorant, can you spell deodorant? Yeah. Really? Go on then. Oh, I thought it was a memory man's kind of thing, well, I just saw it. No, no, no. D-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E I wouldn't fucking try and bluff me with it through. It's not a word like that. A choice of name for you this week.

Go on. And then first of all, I was wondering if you'd like to be called Henry Rhee. He's a famous American Chinese pathologist. You know, I'm, my name Henry Rhee. I can tell. I'm not familiar with him, but I like, I like the sound of him.

Charlie Buttons. I thought that was a good name for you. Sounds like a little Podgy Posh block. So I thought you might like pretend, because you're Podgy and I thought you might like to pretend to be push It's a bit of a leap. Yeah, okay sausages and laughter Because that's what I always say when I think of you and these sausages and laughter I've got to go with that one fair enough. All right sausages and laughter. Thanks, Hocky Tug Right can I establish your credentials?

Oh yeah, if you must. Because I haven't done that for a few weeks. Yes. Standards must be kept up. Oh, okay. I'm going to go films. I'm going to go films this week. All right, well, four more rounds.

I saw, I sell you Lloyd, the movies, the silver screen. Is there any, like, the pictures, any, the flicks tell tell me Andy's there any debts involved is it cinema American European cinema what I'm not done I it's it's post-war Okay, I know everything there is to know about post-war Well, we'll see memory man. Yep. Do you remember the name of the actor who played the role of Swinburne in Bednobbs and Brumsticks? Oh Bednobbs Brumsticks.

Swinburne. Oh, that's the kind of crack pipe there while you think about that. Yes, yes I do. Oh! Not bad, NDA. That's pretty good. I wasn't expecting that. I thought I'd you there. Yeah, well you didn't have me. Have you ever been in New York, Andy? Terrific town. I've never been in New York.

It's in the northeast of the kind of of America. So in a way it's very much like the Sunderland of that country. You know, I've never been in New York. It's in the northeast of America. So in a way it's very much like the Sunderland of that country. You know, right? Yeah. They've got, like, Sacks Fifth Avenue for shopping. Yeah.

You've got the Big Asda. Yeah. They've got the Guggenheim Museum. And you've got that lovely mural of Bob Storker in the foyer at the leisure centre. Yeah. They've got something lovely mural of Bob Storker in the foyer at the leisure centre. Yeah. They've got something called the Brooklyn Bridge and that's a bit like the walkway over the dual carriageway to get to the council dump, you know.

Right. Also, I mean, shit, they've got some of the finest restaurants in the world that are up in Sundance. You've got that run at the retail party, you know, of KFC, Greg's, Subwear, McDonald's and SFC, Sunderland Fried Chicken, aren't you? Yeah. So Andy, basically, you live in New York, you know what I mean? Do you know what? There is actually a place near your here called New York.

Is there? It's north-town side. So you've got New York, New York then? We've actually got New York nearby, yeah. Well, up yours. I just thought would cheer you up to think that you're living in an incredible putra, I think you were taking the piss. Hey, I don't know. I was per usual.

I don't know if you remember. Do you remember I met the spurs players at the Riverside the other week? You did, yeah. Yeah, well, there's been a further, a little bit of comeback. Oh, dear. I've got myself in a bit of trouble there, right?

Oh, dear. Tell us more. Well, I went to a charity dough in London, because with it being London, it was to raise money, a set of a daft building, you know what I mean? That's been turned into a, like a newer daft of building sort of thing. Right. Yeah. So all of London's, is it glittering outy? Glittering outy? Yeah. They were all there. Shane Richie, Liz Cundee, Bruno Tullyoni, Len Bordman, Flore West, you know, the singer. What? I've never heard of Flore West.

You've never heard of Flore West? No. The singer of the... Oh, I'm sorry, it's Flore East, isn't it? No, sorry. No, I just a genuine mistake, it's Florey's, didn't it? No, sorry. No, I just a genuine mistake, it's Florey's. Natalie Cassidy, Alex Reed, you know, the quality dough and lots of football as well.

Cross dressing fighter. Yeah, yeah, the one who used to live in Jordan. The whole lot sort of clouded there, so it's a proper sit down for dinner thing. So obviously it was lamb shanks for most of the courses. But the time came where I needed to go to the toilet, of course. I walk in there, it's empty apart from Harry Kane and Eric Dyer, the Tottenham players. Would that be Ali? No, I mean I'm bushed, I could sense a word from

me, the way I'm tight, pull on the next, tight black trousers, black mean, I'm bushed, I could sense a word from me. The word tight, pull on the neck, tight black trousers, black gloves, big white pendants around the neck in the shape of hearts. And it says, where are you? It says, we've been rushing for you, Baldi. There's Ari. You've made a big mistake coming here.

You give away the name of our secret club last week, and we are furious to say the least. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r ship cards, club ballets, the list just goes bloody on and on. But you will never get some new name unless you have special skills like Damien Brown or Ali Bongo and we doubt that you do have the very much that you have those skills. So I should not really, I said alright is it the white hearts? You know what I mean talking about. Right, at that moment, Debbie Ali bangs his way out of one of the cubicles, right?

Oh, look in there, oh, so Debbie, in your secret, in the end, did you want to view telling? So, Ali says, no, it turns out he's got special powers like, down and down, what rotten look for us? And we should, what rotten look for us that we even met in old bloke with such power? Look, I said, look, they look really sad. I'n gwybod, ac mae'n gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn g is fishing for an exclusive story on our club and Debbie chips in a really cocky like. Yeah that means true with me so we can tell everyone how we draw pictures of cars and swap YouTube clips as tip models.

Oh fucking hell Debbie says Ari can. Now we know everything you have given them the ammunition to bring this club to bloody knees. Debbie because he's being a'r amunus yn ymwch i'r cydw i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ymwch i'r amunus yn ym you're right tell enough Eric says we even discuss splashing you with water that's not fresh but then and it's technically right Ali says but we can't do anything now because we're not quiet see this one of us Debbie's gone right bang another cubicle opens outcomes to be aldevaid yeah and van van's fatongan in the green suits with robin or that song the yordle gang a'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r dweud i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith it's bad, isn't it? So I'm left with Toby and Vanz. You've never discovered the name of our secret club unless you have a machine like the one that broke the enigma code or equivalent technology. I said, is it the merry men? Because you know, they've got the outside. Ha ha ha ha no. I said, is it the hood club? Ha ha ha no you weak sausage. I I am a'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r ywyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn y llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llwyd yn yw'r llw as a powerful unit that I'm not sure it's gone on a bit but they've gone and I was just thinking

really I've done a potentially good thing I brought together the two rival factions for team harmony you know what I mean yeah and also I've like up the anti-increase that rivalry with the the Arsenal so that's not nice little tale really isn't it it's great news for spurs fans are you um are you actually working for Theo Walcott's gang? I'm not saying nothing, maybe I haven't. You wouldn't see if you were. And they do you think that story was I just wondered. Do you think it was a bit like Inglorious Bastards? What, what, what, I'm too long? No, not, no. Can I just be scouts for a minute? Yeah, cos you can. Oh cool.

Okay, I didn't know, I didn't know, golem was a little putty, but there you go. Thanks for that. Was that too, was that not scouts enough? Which is sounded like some sort of, like some sort of amphibious creature, but up to you Andy. All right, you know. That gorilla, yesterday, did you say that? Yeah, I heard about that. Yeah. Do you reckon there's a convincing argument for letting

they just go about what's business and saying what happened? What do you think they'll write the tranquilizer and catch it? Well, we all fucking wanted it to be running for aid, isn't we? Yeah. Not just within the confines of the zoo, I mean, within the confines of London. Brilliant, yeah, getting on a bus. Yeah.

Going into Costa. Who's to see that it would run wild and savage people? You know, give it the opportunity. Perhaps we'll put a reencourt on in a heart. Come and commute there. And fit in, assimilate itself. We'll never know. Maybe it was an act of God. I don't, fit in, assimilate itself. Well, never know. Maybe it was an act of God.

I don't know. Yeah, it's interesting. And I love to have seen it in a Macintosh, yeah, in a children. Good. What do you like to ask me anything, Andy? I feel quite open today, you know what I mean? I've got some questions for you. I didn't give them a lot of thought.

Be quite honest. OK, I don't know. But here we go. These are just for you. Bob, what have you got on your mantel piece? I've got a lot of awards that every see, mainly for sports and for dancing. So like athletics awards, dancing awards,

they're all figures replicating the award to tennis, athletics, javelin, that sort of thing. Not so many awards for comedy but... No, obviously. How have you got the awards arranged are they in order of height or in order of achievement? I've got the tallest in the middle and then it goes down. So I don't know, it's sort of like to a pyramid sort of thing. Right, do you hang your hat on the tallest one in the middle? No, I haven't got it. I had a surprise you'd probably want to keep the wind off that bald head. Haha.

I've got four tigrapes in between the awards. Usually, the ones with me with celebrities like with Pelle, Mahoud Ali, Null Field, and that kind of thing, you know what I mean? What ones that you've doctored yourself and i knocked up on photoshop no actual photos of me but i've enjoyed that question thank you my mantel piece is marble is it? okay second one

bob have you got a separate shower cubicle or have you got one shower that's part of the bath do you mean like you are standing the bathroom as a curtain round it? Yeah. Well I'm fucking got that. I don't live in a trust house 40 and you know what I mean. You've got a separate shower queue, are you? I've got what I think they call a shower room or a wet room or something. Oh you've got a wet room like they're having disabled things in hotels.

Yeah it's kind of like that but I'll lovely others and they. Have you got like a red cord as well, you can pull and you fall down. I've seen you fucking waddling the disurban bugs when we've been out and about, because of the comfort. Yeah, I've got, you know, like, like gray, not dark gray, big tiles, and it's, and like, you can walk around and it's a big shower and so it's a good experience. Right. Why would you want to walk around in the shower? What purpose would that serve? a'r ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod yn ddod We had to have the winters taken out of the bathroom and have it creamed in a me-room.

At North Point in that procedure, did you think yourself this is a bit f**king daft? Yeah, I... As I would, do you know what I had to have the f**king floor reinforced as well? So I thought I'd walk for a lot of time. Just for a bath. Just for a bath, yeah. I mean, you could get a bath being cured for like 90 quid, couldn't you? Probably, yeah.

Perfectly good bath. Yeah. You had your roof tucked off, you know what I mean? I can get a bath being cured for like 90 quid, couldn't you? Probably, yeah. Perfectly good bath. Yeah. You had your roof tucked off. You never even. I'd never said it. I never said me roof. I had the winder taking out.

And you know, I'd mind you, and I never have a shower, never. Or a worst of time, that was the net. Yeah, because the thermostat's bust on it. So it's fucking art. And of course, you don't fix things. You don't get anybody in, you just leave it at a rot, don't you?

Nobody can fix that. There's no pipes, there's nothing to fit, there's nothing to look at, there's no way you've had it all concreted into the walls, you can't get out of it. You can't get it, so if I try and get repaired, that was me fucking windrow, I'll have to come out again on some sort of shite. So no, I don't use it, but you know women can take higher temperatures, the wife uses it every day, the shower. Right. I use the bath. Women can take higher temperatures. We'll try and combat that another week. So, a question for you. Are you on first

near terms with your postman? No, but he does come and tell me a mucky joke every time, if I answer the door. He he always got a joke prepared for me because I'm just making it, yeah, but I should know as then, that's really done for me that. He looks like, I can't ask him next time. I'll ask him next time, and I'll tell you what, I'll tell him, can I have a joke that I'm gonna use on the, so I'll try and ask him to do a non-resist one

and what I do. One step further, could you record him seeing it into your phone, and then we can have him on the podcast. Yeah I'll give it a go if he don't mind. That's a nice, that's a very good idea, a very good idea. Have you seen carbon recently because you'd obviously been mentioning them or am I wrong have you not seen them? Oh yeah I've just been a few years ago I was at a private rally that he had. Oh private. After you know after he was reelected. Yeah. As a leader was at a private rally that he had. Oh, private.

You know, after he was re-elected as a leader, he had a private rally for some of his core supporters, as he calls them. You know, a came on, did a bit of a speech, and then the karaoke started. Right. He did, he did simply the best, and I will survive. Man, I feel like a woman. Yeah. You know, all the standards. Nice, right?

I got up and I did this town he'd be good enough for the both of us, you know, sparks. Sparks on, yeah. I did that one, because I can get very high. Oh, God, then do it now. The story of being good enough to the most. Do do do do do. I didn't tell you what was going on there. I said, you doubt it was there, didn't you? I didn't know, I'm getting dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb I think one of these servants are given them that, like Elvis.

And he's drinking a can of, do you remember Quattro? Quattro, no, I don't know that. Quattro, it was a fruity, sort of barely palatable soft drink from boat 1984, which I wonically was liabous previous worst ever period as a party. So he's drinking a kind of quattro. So I says, hey where'd you get that from? He says, mind your own business laddy.

Oh, all right then. It's a senior. Why? Senior. Up on the stage. My stage. The winners stage. Okay.

A bit freaky. I says, yeah, that was me. You know, curry, curry, I'll stage! Bok. A bit freaky, I says, yeah, that was me, you know, Crite could carry up, he free for all. You know, put me near him down, the song I wanted to do, got him, did it. He says, uh, think you're the velvet fog, don't you?

Says you what? He says, it was a meltaume reference, get over yourself. Uh, right. He says it was a meltaume reference get over yourself Right, so I don't have a forgot to mention this I had the red body stocking on again. All right, fair love and he says there It's very fetching costume there. So thanks very much. Yeah, you know, just show me support there the bright red Leber He says Must be quite tricky for when it comes to Chadwick time. You probably don't even know what a Chadwick is, do you sunshine?

I do actually, yeah, I do. It's the last piece of the night before you go to sleep, which is oh, I'm familiar with the Chadwick. Do you measure your Chadwicks? And I mean, I do, you know me, you are. And the past, doesn't we? Yeah. So I say, yeah, of course I do, yeah. So, oh, could be a place in the Shadow Cabinet for you here. What's your best?

What's your best Chadwick? And, my best one is, one is 13 and a half grams. Oh you've done it in grams. Right. All right. What do you do it in like leaders? Flow it out says I, you still don't measure it. I thought I thought we'd establish that you wear yourself free Chadwick, then you wear yourself postadwick and you deduct the two weirs. Well I felt we don't seem like a very big Chadwick, and he, to be honest with you, 13 grams. I am as God-mead-me. Alright, fair enough.

Anyway. So I said 13.5 grams. He says, you fucking amateur. I've known babies with heavier Chadwick than their babies. Ask me my best one. Go on, ask me my best Chadwick. I'm getting a bit scary at this time this one. So I said, what's your best Chadwick, Mr Corbin? 19 grams. 19 grams, that's, you know, how? How? I can only do 13 and half. Tell me, I want to learn. He says, did you vote for me in the latest leadership election then?

I said, well, I didn't actually because I've got a thing for underdogs. You know, I knew you were going to win. Is that, well, you'll never know then, laddie, you'll never know. And then John McDonald turns up in his 1982 ladder. Yeah. And I think he'd had the exhaust on off of some mixed meeting other noise. So then John McDonald turns up in his 1982 ladder. Yeah. And I think he'd had the exhaust so-on off of some extra meat and other noise. Corbin jumps in and off the go.

F帆的4Calfeo. And I look at the ground. I look down at the ground and there's a pool of liquid. Where he's been standing. Really? Yeah. Staying in, I mean what you're saying. Chadwick, wouldn't it?

Oh, he'd left you a drop to Chadwick. He'd let one out. Drop to Chadwick, wouldn't it? Oh, he'd left you a drop to Chadwick. He'd let one out. Drop to Chadwick in your presence. Active aggression, not. So there we go. I don't know where we go from there. Well, I'm looking at the Lib Dems. I'm thinking about getting on board with Tim Farron because he seems like a nice fella.

Yeah. But I'll keep you posted. Interesting, Andy. Senator, quite a sinister fella. I asked him, but, you know, I know you like him, but I think he's brilliant. Yeah. He's not for everyone. A lot's happened, Andy. I should have what a lot has happened with Stephen Clarone.

And I'm afraid once again, it's quite a lot of information. Right. I mean I can I can just I he's had problems with the kidnap of Casper the snake and recovering Casper from the fat lass and also he's got himself a new job at Derby County. Yeah that's quite unfortunate isn't it? For Derby County? For everybody. Well, look, I'll try and get through as quick as I can. Do you want me to come? I'm sorry.

So, he's had the message from the fat last sentence, he's kidnapped Casper the snake, right? He gets home. There's a note written on home from him, written on the back of a KFC bucket lid, right? Demanding that Steve Meetser at Chaffered Retail Park and where the wix is. Steve goes in his clown car, obviously,

she's got the Octavia. So he amens it down the M62. Honk, honk, honk, honk. Get out of my way, you silly, Rodney Plunk. There's Casper's being kidnapped. Honk, honk, honk. Hair, Ireland, blowing all over the place, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'll cut the shot.

He gets in the car park, sees the car. He knows the fat lass isn't there because the windows are all steamed up with condensation, you know, he pulls up in the door. Where is he? Where's my Casper you nasty bastard? I can't damn shut up, stop acting, fucking out of the man.

Yes, love, he says. So he gets in the car. She's eating a large codden chips with a fishcake, battered sausage, mushy peas, a mince and potato pie, and a gherkin. And she says, there's a chuck at the end of love compartment for if you want it. She says, right, I'll shorten this.

This is how it's going to be. Big Sam has moved to the West Indies. She wants to be with him or at least near him. And she wants 200,000 pounds. So she can move out there. She says, don't fuck me about. I don't have that much. Exactly.

A Casper's a goner. And he says, but I haven't got 200,000 pounds. Now, I can handily leave that story, I'll tell you that next week. So he's had this demand for 200,000 pounds, right? So now we switch, massive week for Steve. And he's going interview a Derby County for the vacant managers job, right?

He gets to the eyebrow in his clowns car, gets up the car, puts the steering wheel in the boot, winds down the ejector chair, you know, picks the door up off the floor. There's a dorm in there, hello Mr McClaren, nice clowns car. Could I take your hudden coat for you? Says I'm not wearing a hat, that's my hair island, it's my hair island. Felt as I must have got blown about a bit in the car, looks more like a... Her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her the waiting room, upside the boardroom, sits by the radio to warm up. It's a bit like Alan Sugar's place in there, you know, that lady at the desk sofers and that. But he's worried about his air island, you know, so he goes to the low to apply some island

term, right, that he's got it in the tubby mix it himself, right? The island term, he uses, do you know that like juice, you get on a ketchup bottle, when it's dried up a bit, at the top like waxy sort of residue? It's stuff that makes you gag. Yeah, he mixes that with a bit of juice from a tin and mackerel, right?

But honestly, Steve's luck sometimes, it's such a shame in it. But it's got a bit runny from being next to the radio. when he puts it on it kind of brings all the hair on his island together to a point. He's our bloody early things, what a bloody shame, but he's, you know, never mind, whatever. Well, he's in there and he sees Will Hughes about the way, sorry, whilst he was in there, he saw Will Hughes and Chris Mar ingesting white jumpsuits, but I won't go. Andy, I'm not gonna go into that at the moment because there isn't time, all right?

He settles down, he settles down into the way it now as a nibble on his track, all right? Meanwhile, in the boardroom, the chairman, Mel Morris, he's interviewing Sean Dish for the job. Uh-oh. And there's a specially commissioned carpet on the boardroom, the chairman, Mel Morris, he's interviewing Sean Dice for the job. Uh-oh. And there's a specially commissioned carpet on the boardroom floor. You know, like it's got a huge depiction of the Derby Ram,

you know, their mascot. Yeah. So Mel is asking him what he thinks of the Ipro Stardium, Dice says, I very much like it. I like the design. I very much like the contrast between the black and white seats. I think the stadium very much helps to create tremendous atmosphere. The only thing I don't like is some of the fruit fruit.

You know the pictures of the shape on the big windows. Are this daft shape carpet on the floor? It gives up very much the wrong message. Well, Mel, Mel flips his lid. He says, I just had that put it in last week. Go on, you can fuck off. Try to tell me, try to tell me, I'll decadrate my office.

Go on, fuck yourself. 4, 4, 2 style ugly. What? He's bad as Pearson. He was a heathen as well. So Daesh leaves the room all red and puffed up, like a Chinese steam cleaner, fully at work, you know what I mean?

Oh yeah, yeah. On a deadline and that, give Steve, you know that cutting throat motion, as if to say, watch out, it's bad in there. All right. Last says Mr. McLaren, Mr. Morris will see you now. So he walks in, hello Mel, nice to see you. He's got you know that swagger that he puts on, Mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r ymdyn, mae'r y That's a long story. So Steve, what do you think about coming back here to the Ipro, but Andy Steve's not listening. He started to shake and he's having trouble breathing.

Really? Yeah, he falls on the floor onto his knees and like tears are forming in his eyes, his eyes and his hands rubbing on the carpet. He says, Mel, look at it. It's hand-tuffed and knotted with a silken-wasted blended wool. I've not seen such quality. Outside the presidential suite at the Quattabarri-Bari Hotel in Dubai. Oh, look at the sheen on the ram-insert. Oh, my God, Mel, look at the scrollwork on the ram's horns.

Fuck me, Mel. Is the border detail finished in bamboo silk? It can't be. It's talking Mel's language, isn't it? a'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r amser, ffuck me, Mel, ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ysgwrl'wyr i'r ys back Steve. Someone who understands this club or appreciates carpeting is more important than football. That's what this club needs. The job's yours if you want it. Well Steve says, I do mel. Only two conditions. I want a carpet like this in my office and I want to choose my own assistant. How much are you willing to pay up front for the assistant of the my, Mel? £200,000 says Mel. Perfect. £200,000. But a big smile on his face, Steve says it's a deal, Mel. It's a deal. Do you see where I'm coming? I see where the two sections are joining together, yeah. Yeah. It's going to get that £200,000 pounds and he's gonna give it to the fat lass isn't he?

is he? I don't know, am I reading this wrong? what you mean and he's gonna make cash for the snake assistant manager? exactly yeah you'll have to find out we'll find out next week can I just pitch a couple of ideas to you to try and get some money out of your pub? Yeah, got 200,000. I want 200,000 for this one, for a 7% of the business. Skips for 10-year-olds. Tell me a little bit more.

Like a standard skip, you know, as you'd higher outside your house. But a little bit smaller because 10- you know three quarter size other rest of us but not an ordinary skips from graffiti maybe's on the sides to the kick them used maybe some pork holes looking to the skips I'd like to stop you there Andy no no I don't want you to stop me there special bits where they can do brass rubbers like garden birds on the sides. Right. So combine skips and we're supposed to look with a teenager hobby such as breast rubbing. Can I stop you there? You stop me now, yeah. Alright, no, fuck that, it's shite. The skips are for putting rubbish, they're not

living in, Andy, I think you've got an entirely wrong idea. No, they still put rubbish in, but it's a kind of a more interactive 21st century style skip that can have a look through the port rules and see what they've put in, see how it's fallen. Okay, there's a German of an idea there, but I don't like you, so I'm afraid I'm out. Erotic shipping forecasts? Yes, such as. Pay-up-of-you on the internet, like the shipping forecast, but done like,

was so that the forecasts have got underpants, will like ships on, and the losses are wearing bras, they've got waves on them. Not bad. What, how would you evaluate this company? To fund that. To fund that. I'd value that company for bottles of that Quattro drink. I've got, hang on, I've got, I've got something written down here. Outdoor cutlery. Nice. That's all I've got on that one. Oh, well, come back to me because yeah, that's paid to me interest a little bit. I'll put something. Yeah. It's all right, then. Thanks. Can we just quickly nip across to the secret superstar? Yes please.

Our correspondent has been in the national week for the last three weeks it seems now, and he wants to talk about what happens back at the club's during the national week. Nice, can't wait. Before I purify England myself I used to really enjoy it in the national bricks because all the top top players would go off and do the written national stuff and the rest of us. Well training wasn't the same as usual because there was only about 4 or 5 of us so we got to take in board games and then one deer would have a sports deer so there was a much more

relaxed atmosphere around the ground and it used to be really cool. One of the things I didn't like quite so much was you had to go around the houses of the players that were wearing it in the National Jute and you have to close the curtains on a night and then open the curtains for them on a morning. You know and sometimes you'd leave the rear deal on for them so no burglars would think they were aware. Even though there were a wear on it in the National Jute and it was like in the papers and that also as well they would leave you a list of the programs that want to tip and while they were aware because some of them couldn't program the video up recorders properly so you have to do that as well and that was quite tedious. I remember one time one of the top top players at my club he wanted us to tip the snooker for him

but there was like 15 hours of it on so I had to go out and buy a pack of four video tips and then he never give us the money back so I um... I poured some acid in his shoes Interesting Mmm Interesting, did you? Interesting. Interesting, Andy.

And fascinating. I feel I shouldn't say any more, but interesting. So you've due the show on the radio, Andy. I love. I've done some how. Somehow I've landed a show on Talksport called The Late Tackle on a Saturday night, 10pm till midnight. Also available as a podcast. on talk sport called the Leite Tackle and a Saturday night 10pm till midnight also available

as a podcast. Okay well all right fuck the adverts I'm just I had a point I'm asking you yeah yeah all right it's because I saw that you tweeted that you wanted to know what was the bad you're gonna try and decide what's the best service station in the UK yeah. Best motorway services yeah. Yeah well you got one. Well no it's not a kids I've ever got one it's a kid so if it's a It's a care service, a point in a set, the best service station is fleet service station. Anyone who travels the number always knows this to be true. Where's that then?

That's on the M3. It's in a woodland setting, outdoor and indoor eating. Yeah, it's got, it's the only service station the country that has, but has a KFC, a McDonald's, and the Burger King. Wow under the same roof. It had the quality triumvir, isn't it? It had the first drive through Starbucks. It's got the Greg Mills walkway. So Greg Mills, I think I don't know Greg Mills is, but that's what it's called. Is it not called the Greg Mills? Do you know I'm around here?

Do you mean the Scott Mills? Scott Mills walkway for the Radio One Feller. Yeah, it's got, do you know it also has a subway under the motorway? Right. I mean, can you imagine, Andy? Have you got a preferred side north or southbound? Well, I don't know if you know much about Flate. I've never been to Flate.

It's just the south, isn't it? It's just all a big massive Fuck all so I'm gonna say no, it's north and south. It's got it's got a it's got a subway and it's got a bridge overwards as well covered Bridge you're not gonna get wet at flight that's come when you see it's got a subway Do you mean a sandwich shop or a tunnel goes under the ground or both? It's got both and the Usually when it comes to flight services the answer is both the Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r g not allowed to go by, but because it's a private road, the road signs saying that you mustn't go down them have no legal effect. I could go on Andy, what all I'm talking about?

I've heard they've put ballads up now on that road. Yeah, but these ballads are a cares and uneffective, do you know what I mean? It depends on what you're driving, don't it? No, because they're still used, anyway, let's not go on about yet. Well, yeah, you've obviously got a soft spot for a, but in 2011, Visit England

created the Northbound services as three stars and the Southbound side as four stars. Who did? Visit England, as part of the National Trust or something. Yeah. Has it improved since then? No, well, Visit England can go and sit on the tits.

Right. Okay, well, I look forward to seeing what you decide, I'll know. If it isn't fleet, then the things are fast. Right, how long have we been going? It's going to go to a public vote anyway, so you know, just because you've got an opinion, that means no. Yeah, well I've got a block vote, all right.

I've got anything else to say to each of her? Do you think? I just want the quick game of the numbers game. Go on then, I don't understand. Increasingly popular, almost as popular as the killer clowns. Can you think of a number between 9 and 17? Yes, do I tell you it? Yes, tell me now.

14. 14, so we count back to 14 years from now, that would be 2002. And even other number between 1 and 12. I'll just go for two So that's sort second month of the year's February February 2002 and they'd another number between one and twenty eight Possibly 29. I might have been a leap. Yeah, I'm not sure so we'll just stick with 20 yet. All right. I'll say it's 22 Right, Bob on the 22nd of February 2002 Were you mostly a total bell end or a thundering shit pipe?

Um, well, on that particular day and the hours of... I was a... I was a... It's your... I was a bell end, yeah. You were a bell end? Yeah, yeah, I got to be honest. Yeah, see if to assume you would have been, isn't it? Really.

Thank you for that, Garen, to stand it, but I hope it's helped you somehow. It has, yeah, maybe feel a lot better. You've got anything else? Well, how long have we been going on? And because... Oh, we've gone off in really 40 minutes. Well, I've got a Scottish song, but I can serve it up if you want. Do you want to give us the first couple of lines from it? It's a teaser. This is the tale of Stuart MacDarnatt, a tall, wiery boy of little conversation but plenty thought, not lonely, but always on his own. Alright, that's enough. Okay, well I'll do that next week if you'd like that.

The last one next week, yeah, lovely. Thanks very much for coming along. Thanks for having us, C&J, and bye-bye! You