Athletico Mince - Ep. 37 - Christmas Mince... Part Two

Episode Date: December 31, 2016

The second half of our Christmas offering, with Steve & Casper, the Alderman, Corbyn, some tit and heart chat, and ambitions for 2017. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alright, part two, yeah. Okay, here we go. We'll draw a start with. We've got some DMs for me. Well, not with the other, because we're just doing this in one go. This is last week's episode. Well, this is part of our Christmas book, the special. It is, that's not lie about us. We haven't got together twice over Christmas. Why would we do that? I'm offering you one thing, which is buttery pole. Are you interested in that?

Yeah, I'll tick buttery pole, because you know, beggars can't be choosers. Yeah. Well, well, the time's rich list is just in for 2017. The Sunday time's rich list that I should have seen you're on there again, but you're not in, you know, among the company that you've been in previous years, you're alongside Curry Couton, Jeff Keepps, and Pudzie the Wonder Dog. All righty, oh.

So, full on hard times, have you bought? So what number am I? There is a number. Oh, it's just a book here. It's just like a mass, like this sort of a shape. Yeah. And it's quite a thin, ugly shape. Well, that's fair enough because I'm skinned.

You know what, I mean, that's where I expect it to be, to be honest with you. Do you think you'll ever get an award in the New Year's on as a wards list? It's very unlikely. Well, do you think you're saying that? what have I done to deserve anything from anybody? Well, I don't know, what did Tony Robinson do? He's a lord, I nearly are a lad or something.

He is, I don't know. What, black-adder? Yeah, well, he did his job, didn't he? Time table. You do your job, don't you? This is a job. Well, you do a job, don't you? I presume you work. No, I just do this.

I've never actually asked you to do your job. You've got a job, you've got a, do I presume you work? No, I just do that. I've never actually asked you to do that. Have you got a job? I've got a job. I just do this. So you're up in sun, right? I'm the benefits. Well, yeah. No, you know, you wouldn't dare do this

if you were the benefits. Well, I'm going to be it for a day or so. You know, bloody hell. It's like we're experienced. I mean, I look at you. I look at you. Yeah. And my first instinct was to say that you would have a trade. If I looked just, I don't know, yeah, I look at you. I look at you. And my first instinct was to say that you would have a trade.

If I looked just, I don't know, yeah, I'd say, I would say Plummer, well, there's something. But then it hit me. Do you know what you are? You're on the blow, who turns up to change, you know, auto screen or something when they change your windscreen. You're that blow, that's what you naturally are equipped to do.

Yeah. Because I've got the easy band there. No, no, it's just physically wet and the sort of lid back style. You're reassurance. You look quite reliable. So the bloke, he'd answer the door, right? And they say, I don't love it. So bloke from auto glass.

And she said, what'd he look like? So he looks, yeah, he looks all right, Jason. Yeah, I think he'll do a good job. Um, I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. You look a bit reliable. You look at reliable, you know, in the context of, um, windscreen replacement.

Well, that's a big thing, isn't it? Did you watch the Christmas Cockery shows or much? No, I don't, I don't go for any of that. I don't watch food on television. Why would you do that? Is that because they're never used to and stuff and do you? It's partly that, but it's also because why watch something

that you can't have. I think it's a question. I didn't use what to be a watch. I really like watching them. I want to become a TV, that's my ambition, become a TV chef. Is it? Yeah, no, I've got a plan in and the truck.

Yeah, I'm not bad. Seriously, I mean can the airy-bakeers cook, can they gel a cook, I don't know? Right, if you're on television doing a cook, you can cook, I don't know. If you're entirely doing a cookery show, you can cook out that. That's it, that's part of that that's part of me problem. You've got no idea what this shit tastes like, have you? No idea. You know, they can just be pretending to eat and enjoying it and it's

fucking horrible. I mean, I must say, Greg Wallace lets the masks lip a bit. He doesn't like it enjoying it. Sometimes he gets a bit graham. I mean, one of the cookery shows I've been on a few times is the one called Sunderbrunch. Yeah. And I can say that the stuff that Simon Rimmer gives you, it is absolutely delicious. So, all right. No, it's not. It's really delicious.

It's all above. And the, I was, I was on there one week and there was a such a lovely man. There was a chef, but he's lost one of his hands. Right. He's got a posh restaurant there was a chef, but he's lost one of his hands. Right. He's got a posh restaurant down in Devonson when he cooked like, it was such a simple thing. Like, you know when you're watching it, and so he put chicken in this, but if I did that, it would be no big deal. He hasn't done anything magical away. Yeah.

But he served that up and it was the most memorable dish I've ever had in my life. Oh, really? And he's cooked it in about six minutes. How did he lose his hand? I'm not sure I'm not being funny, he's there I'm not being funny, he's a lovely fella I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, I'm not being funny, that information to say no, don't be this so fucking cynical, right? And you're thinking I bet it's a shit, I bet it's shit anyway.

How do we know whether that test is any good? I'm not saying I bet it's a shit, I'm just saying it might do. Well, we don't know. My experience is that no, we're never really good at what they do. Well, that's made put in me place once again, isn't it? I've been on Tally, says Bob, and I've eaten eaten this stuff and I can tell you that it's all nice. Who's your favourite TV chef? I got one. Oh come on Andy, don't be misted difficult. Do you prefer Oliver, Michael Rood? Oh no, hear me? Does he beat you stuff or something? I don't think he beats people up.

I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. You had a thought she would be a nice friend. Quite like, I quite imagine sitting either on or inside a rubber touch. Alright, Ferdinand. Going to the grill. I can see you're not going for it. I'm going for it. I'd quite like. I'd quite like James Martin, you know.

Do you? I imagine people do it. I've got fast cars, fast ladies. Fast lifestyle, fast lifestyle. And that, I know. He's a little bit like Simon Templer. He's the he was, he's the he was, we got the he was thinking on the chef's scene, anywhere.

Yeah, at the moment, I mean, I might sort of get on the chef's scene. You might get on the chef's scene. I'm going on the chef's scene. You're going on it. I can't miss it. Confirmed, is it? I can't give too many details about it. Can I come with you? Could I be a little psychic? I will be doing outdoor cookery, it is hard, healthy. I could gather the ingredients in maybe in a costume. I don't need an ingredient together, honestly, you

get provided the other. Can I be the Teaster? No. You can call us the freak if you want. Stop chatting again. You're feeling bad. Try to get work. Please. And also I'm brewing a new beer, which I'm going to call and kiss the alderman. Oh you. Yeah. And that's got an ingredient that is as effective as aspirin in taking the stickiness how you're blood for people to suffer from heart disease. Is it going to taste like the older man's breath. No, he'll test much worse than that. He's a beautiful breath. It's been so long since I spoke about Steve and Casper but we last left them I don't know if you remember. They were driving away from the restaurant.

Yeah, they run off the restaurant called the house of yesterday's brief curse. Yeah. He rescues Casper from the clutches of the fat lass. She's lying on the restaurant floor. I'm going to fit with her legs banging on the table, right? Yeah. So Steve realises it's not safe to drive back to the house because the big lass is going to be on the warpath.

Yeah. So he checks into a five star, you imagine that, posh country hotel, they pass on the back roads. I don't go higher than three star. I mean, why shouldn't he stay a five star? He's got Casper back, new contract with Derby. He's there. He's there one more than he thought, exactly. So the hotel is called Les Gallia de Kenneth, which means the stairs, I think the stairs, Kenneth stairs, the stairs belonging to Kenneth. It's obviously French one. A check in the receptionist is a French, she says,

Urla, la marsure, J'adore votre petite tête-wazzle. Right, that means I adore your little head, bird. And, oh, Steve, the bird, don't be daft, booze at whom Rodney Plunker unslee. That's me hair, Ireland, my hair, Ireland, Sam on Eel de Sherville! There once was a manager who had a wonderful idea to invent a type of hairstyle that others were drivier. He fed the front of his hairline with lipids and proteins till a type of hairstyle that others would revere. He fed the front of his

hairline with lipids and proteins till a horn of hair developed in the shape of new Orleans. It was his hair island, his hair island. He separated this outcrop from the rest of his main took one look in the mirror and promptly went insane it's his hair I learned it's my hair I learned honestly you plank here so the go upstairs is a lovely deluxe room I tell you what in this in this story I'm telling you now, you know, I always plant something that is used there on. I had noticed that, see if it's spot. I don't really usually listen. Fair enough, but. I kind of zorn out when you're doing your stories. I think it's a lovely direct D-looks room,

four floors, little balcony. Right. Fourteen assorted cushions on the bed. The cushions? Is that the thing you've planted the cushions? No, sorry. Walk in, shower, jet spa bath on the bed. The cushions? Is that the thing you've planted the cushions? No, sorry. Walking shower, jet spa bath, night chocolates. You know all of our ban here, have you seen that sort of place? No. Well, I hope I've given you a flare of it. Steve gets this kit off, puts Casper over his shoulder,

and they're both have a lovely shower, right? They're poor mango and stilting shampoo, all over each other. Steve always has it with him, right? It's in mango and stilting shampoo all over each other. Steve always added as it with him right? It's in, do you know those? I don't know what the murder of? A spherical bottle, it's really you, look what I was used as like little china porcelain, you could lob them at someone. Yeah, but it's like a football. Yeah, it's like a football, he always has his stilting and

mango shampoo. Casper winds himself round the shower halls and swings from one side of the shower to the other. Steve draws an outline of the fat lass in the condensation, pisses all over it, having a lovely time and why not, you know what I mean? Then Steve puts on one of the luxury towel in gowns and wraps the belt round and round Casper so that he feels special to do the line. They decide to get room service. Steve orders beans on toast for three because he didn't eat the restaurant. Remember he just had she owned the fat last one he let him have custard was it. Because of the kids menu wasn't it? Yeah. So Steve orders beans on toast for three and Casper gets himself hot dog.

Steve starts talking to Casper. So I dog. Steve starts talking to Casper. So I've gone back to Derby Casper. It's an easy street gig, you know, a destroyer next it. And the chairman has great links to the carpet industry. Maybe when I'm sacked, he can set me up with a job in carpet in his part of me payoff. Hey, and he's given me 200 grand to pay for an assistant. Suddenly, Andy, there's

a loud, heavy banging on the door of his room. Yeah? Should I do that? Try it if he could. It was louder than that, sorry. Oh, shit, the panel ends come off. That's it there. Oh, shit, Casper. It's fat last. what are we going to do? Then from outside. I open up your water, it's sweat! I know you're in there! Oh, fucking hell, Casper, she's going to kill us! Boom, boom, boom! Steve answers the door, Casper goes an hour and an hour.

She rushes past him and immediately sees the beans on toast. Yeah, just what they're ducked up in ordered and she starts down in the beans on toast like one slice by slice. Oh these beans are a total fucking tonic. I felt well-ratched after that restaurant. Block said I had a fit of supper. Sorry I had to leave so suddenly, love. I got an urgent call from but she interrupt. Oh fuck off and shut it, just fuck off, shut up. Now where is that snake? Or better still, where's my 200,000 pounds?

Oh, Casper must have escaped at the restaurant. I've not seen him. I can get the money by tomorrow, I promise. Oh, believe you, he's in here, in here. You don't eat hot dogs, they fart or whatever you want to pick up. Oh, all done, I've got a right sweat on eating those in beans. She goes up the balcony door, you know, to get some air, she's got a big sweat on.

Yeah. Suddenly out of the corner of his ass, Steve says Casper coming out of the shower room he's got the football shampoo and he's using his head to play KPI with it. Then he heads it really high up into the room and as it falls he lashes his tail at it, right? Smacks it straight towards the balcony, hits the fat last plumb on the back of her head and sends a fly in over the balcony down to the ground floor below, getting cuspy a little beauty and cuspa smiles like a Steve's picking him up.

That's quite a technique you got there lad. Hey how would you feel about coaching job at Derby? Cuspa looksstee's first is if to say, I fancy it very bust in much thank you. It's if to say. So there you go, Fatlass is okay about where she fell in the top hurry, Lange or Steen or some it, just a broken leg. So Andy, yeah, I'm wondering if Casper will get that job, I don't know. Well, I think it'll be a bit of a stitch up if he does, there'll be questions asked. Yeah well it's it it's it's it's I mean it's like it's like McLaren given these Sunard, Scouton job or something

isn't it? Well that's not gonna happen is it? No. Do you think that story was a bit like Hormelon lost in New York? Ah, what like not quite as good as the story from before. The next segment was recorded before the sad death of George Michael. I think the darts. Oh right, you all. At the Ali Pali this one. Yeah. And I was sat there in one of the tearballs near the front, sat next to a block dresser as a lobster. Right. A big fat block dresser as a wabel. And as a fellow dresser as a Rubik's cube, we couldn't even see his face.

It's just all cube, huge cube money. I mean the effort they've picked up put in. It's incredible, isn't it? No, I love it. I mean, it's very much part of the experience of watching in it. So I'm outside having a smoke in the Rubik's Cube and the Webel come out. One of the squares who opens up on the front of the Rubik's Cube, the red one, red square. Yeah. Guess who it was.

Oh, fuck off. It was Jeremy Corbyn. He says there. At the darts. He says there. Senior. Says, alright. Yeah.

Senior in there. I think you're one of the ordinary folk, don't you? With your picture of UK strength lager holding your hand written sign up for the cameras. What did it say on your sign? It said I kissed the alderman. Do you play darts then yourself? Because I do. This is a yeah, I've got a board in the house, not that good, but you know, I like a gook. Well I am, I'm very, very good, very good indeed, because darts is the ordinary man's game,

and I am nothing if not in touch with the ordinary man. Ask me my best score, ask me God! So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,'s your best score Jeremy? 259. Right. 259, I says you do know the maximum you can get in darts with three darts. I was thinking you're right. You know, it's 259, ask him, it points at the weibo, it's where them, and then the weibo fell as a, the dude, it was down at my house in my plug room, what did you do it? 259, three darts, my wine, you neck in, pretty boy. And I reckon I used this weibo.

I've, I've, I've, I've, I've recognised the voice, I'm not sure, well, I'll find out, sorry. Well I recognise them fiercely, but I couldn't think where I'm from, so I said to them, are you anywhere, Corbyn says, don't you know, this is my good friend Andrew Ridgley from WAM, from WAM here. I said, oh of course he says, look, I was in WAM for four four years seven months and 23 days until it finished I says I was a bit of a fan I don't remember your voice sounding like that back then down the interviews it says my often fuck all since 1986 if you've got fuck all things 1986 you downright need a little bit of well? Okay. So why does it sound like that?

I think it's left-soft call. 30 years? Okay, I'm out of breath. Alright. So Ed, this is going on. Corbin takes a phone call. Adru, we must dash. Billy Bragg needs our help. He tried to go for a shit, but he couldn't get the lobster suit off in time. We must hurry. It literally goes off the fuck fuck. So they just dashed off and then I went back in and

watched the official cheese. You watch the cheese cheese? Yeah. There they are. It's very much 132. So there's so 259 what he didn't do is he. It's just he got 259 with three dots. That's not possible. You can get 154 brick and snoker. Yeah, not a one four seven. You can get a one one five four What was sort of false shot? Yeah, there's a tricky interview. Yeah, but two five nine's not possible Have you ever got a one eighty at that's? No, best a best our bad is a Treble 19 a double 19 and a double top, I can't remember where it was, but it's a really cool shot.

What were you doing doing the ninth? I also do the ninths. You know, you get more for the 20s. So you can't reach the 20s? Well, no, you get more for the 20s, but if you're more consistently going to hit the 19s, then go for the ninths, I say. You get laughed out of the pub doing that. Yeah. go for the night ends I say. You get laughed out of the pub doing that. Yeah, you know, as the last laugh though,

all leaves with the, all leaves with the fucking side of brisket. Not you. The victory mate. Yeah mate. I, um, you mentioned the deaf kids then. I did. You did mention deaf kids and it reminds me. I, um, was up Stockton on T's, saw the Oldham and over Christmas period. Right. Would you like to hear about that andy? I suppose it would kill a bit of time, Bob. Do you like it when it taught more northern towards you? It sounds unusual. Um, I was up in Newcastle, it was doing me tour actually, we were playing Newcastle. Tour. Tour. Tour, sorry. Two days, so I had a whole day of fill-

I'd get to see you. Did you come? Yeah, I tried ringing it to see if you wanted to meet up. I'll always accept that. I'll tell you what though, the second night in Newcastle were funny. I went the first night. Oh man it was funny. Was it? The funniest life. Better than the first one. Oh the whole of the first one was alright. Can I get a part refund on the first one now? But we lost it on the second one.

And I'd never realised because I mean I really mean we lost it for about 10 minutes we couldn't speak. Right. And I'd never, and it's so infectious so the old city all lost it as well. Right. It's like, it's very magical things. It's nice to hear and please don't miss that. Okay, so we had...

You're talking about your craft there, sorry, carry on. I had a whole day at a fill up in the North East, took some falls and that and everything. Yeah. But I had arranged with the town clerk to pop down the Stockton, do a charity Christmas dinner to raise money to buy a trampoline actually, Andy, to buy a trampoline actually, Andy,

for the daft and dreary kids charity. Oh, bless them. Yeah. Now it was quite a poshortel just outside Stockton. I was at Top Terrible with Oldermann, Town Clarke, Vicar with the breath stinks of bleach, you know. Head of town planning, head of social services and biffy claros there as well. So it's a good dough, quality dough, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Now, Andrew Rue, the older man looks, he looked amazing, Andy, I ain't kidding. Instead of his usual blurs and slacks, right? He had a sort of country and western look going, yeah? He had like sky blue pepper jeans with that little kick flare. He wore them quite short on the leg though to reveal his cherry red cowboy boots underneath. And they were really figure-rugging round his ass. Honestly, I doubt you could have

slipped a credit card in there. Never mind your hands, you know what I mean? On top he was wearing tight cream, round neck cash me a jumper and a golden green silk neckerchief. I can't see in it. Nice. A lovely touch was he had a bright gold timex watch worn over the sleeve of his jumper. That's a good move in it though. It's very striking. Anyway, so at the end of the mail there was a bit of a show. Some of the daft kids did some tumbles and forward rolls, you know.

Got that all the way. Biffy Clara got up and he painted like well, drew a nativity scene on the first with his pens, you know what I mean. The vicar with the bleach breath did some close-up magic, which was fucking torture. Can I just stop you going back to Biffy Clara? Does he do this with the help of a mirror? Can you just do it? It's not very good but it's freestyle, instinctive. Sorry, Carrione. Anyway, final piece though was a gospel choir and I'll add them and they came on there and they called the Daff Kids Singers. Right. Right. When they're performing in their charity, right when they're performing in their charity. They're not deaf kids at all but the proper poker gospel singers and they did some pop tunes. Do you know a slave

to the rhythm? Slave to the rhythm. Chris Jones. Chris Jones. Yeah. This is what's the next bit slave to the rhythm. Slave to the rhythm. Oh no, it's a different word. You go slave to the rhythm! Dance! It's not slave again. Anyway, they did it, did that beautifully. And then they ended up with gospel though, it was panic on the streets of London. Birmingham, I wanted to... Yeah, blah, blah, blah.

Then I sensed, sort of, six cents, something above me head. Something's happening above me head and I look up and I say a big massive clump of missile tour being Lord from the ceiling by, he's up there by one of the most chimp like of the deaf kids. He's really had, you know, a climber. A climber, yeah, a climber. As it comes down, suddenly everybody's joining and they stand up for the chorus,

but they've changed it to, kiss the older man, kiss the older man. Kiss it, I was set on the mic. Kiss the older man, Kitten, blah, blah, blah. So, then they're singing this at you. Oh, they're swearing like gospel, kiss the older man.

What can you do? You caught up in the abortion of the moment. Don't you fucking right? So I do, I do kiss him. And it lasts right through the next verse, and chorus, right? It's saliva still to be honest with you, test is a stuffing with a little bit of sherry.

No wrong with that. Best Christmas present I could ever wish for, Andy. What, ever better than the Titmianans kid? And I've got to ask, I'll know you, don't, never go along with it. Did you think that story was a bit like the film Oliver went out last night? No. No, I've heard enough. Can I be scopes for a minute? Yeah, go on. Nid! Nice one. Change it.

Change it from... P-a-wag! Could you do a product that's called something like nicely scouts? What? See that. I know I'm just thinking like, you know, like, it kind of exploited that so that if you wanted a moment of scouts, now nicely... Like a moatsbriot that will turn your scous.

Yeah, so you could just say, it's got already matchbox you want them and it said something for you. I think you've got a, it's got to be a voice changing product, doesn't it? A voice changing spray. That will get that with 3-day printing and stuff in the future.

So you'll be able to print an accent, you'll be able to put it in a bottle and then spray it in your mouth and you'll be able to do the accent. So you'll be able to print individual words and phrases. Yeah. And then point you at it. And then liquidize them, put them into a bottle and then spray it in your mouth and you'll be able to do the accent. So you'll be able to print individual words and phrases. Yeah. And then pour and then liquidize them, put them into a bottle. Well, let's have a rare one.

And then that will make actors redundant because anyone will be able to come and act there then. It's a brave new world here in Visage. You're centurified of it. I am terrified of it. Yeah. I'll get used to it, Parker, because it's coming. NIDA!

Listen. Yeah. I'm going to keep this short. it's coming. Nia da! Nia da! Nia da! Listen, I'm gonna keep this short. It's 2017, right in a minute. Okay. So it's time to start making smart decisions because 2016's been a shit.

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100,000 men Bob. That's an army. That's an army. Never run out of blades again. Never shot them for razors again. Smooth, comfortable shave It doesn't see us all here, but it's a six-blader and I reckon you could shave a pig down with that all right And that what you there's that how you judge a dress as well

They'll show it if you know the show of a pig will probably do you Is that what you say? Well, what else would you all right? Conor honestly, I mean, thank you for that information Honestly, thank you for that information. Is there anything you want to, anything after that echo of mincer related though that you want to tell me about? I've got a song this week. Yeah. Would you like to hear my song? What are we going to finish with the song you mean?

Oh, I've got some more footballers in the world that people are sending. I don't know what that means, but you know, let's have it. The footballers that they've spotted out and about. Okay. Um, follicle, Iain Mike says I saw Darryl Jan Matt with a piping bag, piping the fray is not for human consumption on the wall of Vicarage Road, with a dark green paste. Um, someone called Mr. Nastya on Twitter said I saw a John Joel Shelby juggling some eggs in the doorway of Tesco, whilst singing the theme too, we didn't know. Hot mum. Nice. egg in the door we have Tesco was singing the theme too we didn't know hot mom nice and Ian from down the houses says

I saw Adnan Yannazai killing up to get his knob paste and then bottling it at the last minute Ian says I watched him do this five times in a three and a half hour period. We can't knock him for that You're not knocking at the end. I'll go ahead with it I mean it's tempting but once you get to the front there and the fella gets the stuff out the machine. Is it a machine? What was he going to get? He's knob. Piest. Piest. What do they call it? Prince Albert. Isn't that where the slice it down in half? I don't know. I've never gotten that far from here. Have I got another front of the queue? No not me. I had none. Yannes I. It wasn't me. No no really. It wasn't me. I would like to ask you if you've got anything for the new year that you intend to do differently in your life, because I think that you should be asked that every now and then.

A resolution. I'd like to become one of them, you two, pranksters in the new year, I think. Was the fella, I know this will be old news, but I saw there was a fella saying he'd been thrown off an error. Yeah, he was one of them. Was it, was that just a lie? I think it probably was, yeah, he was sort of pissing about. He'd been pissing about and then they threw him off the plane for pissing about. Right, yeah. That's a good thing.

It's good that YouTube pranks does have been thrown off error plans. Yeah. That's good, but I want to be an ethical YouTube pranks. Yeah, but if it's ethical, it won't be worth watching. Will it, what are you going to do? And sweep the rod or something. I don't know, maybe it's like tip a car over. A couple of minutes. Well, what's ethical about that?

Is it your car? Well, it'll be like a buddy's car. Oh, if it's a buddy's car. Then that's fine, yeah. Filament put on YouTube. Yeah. And then the last laugh will be on the body. Yeah.

The body will come back and he's one of a getaway car. Exactly. So it'll be captured. Yeah. So there we are. That's why I'm fishing for 2007. Ain't nobody yourself? You got the thing lined up?

Well, I've done all the way that I've mentioned it already, but I've been tempted to become a TV chef. You did mention that, yeah. I intend to, er, a heart-friendly, larger. You know why not yeah you didn't give a shit about hearts before you actually became a little bit of you're never saw you doing any sort of charity work or any reason awareness about

heartiness but once it starts to affect you personally yeah you're all over it aren't you I didn't say I was doing charity work. It's the same thing. No, I'm not giving me heart-friendly lager away. You're not a man. Oh, right, okay. But I'd like to think, when I think of you, sit on your pulfer, watching your little tally, drink in your lager, and eat in your chicken dippers,

and your butt-ed bread. Are you one of those nalth others who has butted bread with everything? Well, yeah. Yeah. So I just have a spoonful of butter in between breads. All right, so it's a buttery life you lead, yeah? It is, yeah. Well, I mean, thinking you're hard

and you're not thinking of it so far, I couldn't help you because you could still drink this lager. It's quite hot. Right. You've been through what you've been through, right? Think about my perspective. It's quite hard to think about your heart when you can't see it. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? And that's the danger, isn't it? It's the unseen killer. Yeah. The visual you, Andy. You know, like the visual you, you clearly don't give a shit about, you're not a good man. And I look great.

Oh, you look absolutely standard. Standard. Yeah. You know, but that's the visual you're, but the hidden the hidden you yeah if you ignore it and that includes your heart then the visual you will be destroyed ultimately right ethically did I say ethically I thought no would have been I think that my my words are an ethical and organic approach to your body care right does that make you feel more... You feel a bit unusual about your same body care.

Body maintenance. Oh, it's one thing. Right, Andy, you've actually, you've got a tack, right? Yeah. What is it? A tate accessory kit? Yeah. Tate... I appreciate that.

It's actually, yeah, it's accessory kit. Accessory kit, like I said. So, but see, so that's what I also went and bought me on, yeah. That's your visual body, isn't it? It is. You look at your tits, clean your tits, you wear your tits, you buff your tits, you hate your tits, you cool your tits, you protect your tits from frost.

Just because you can say them. But what is powering my tits, Bob? What's powering your tits? Me heart. Yeah, I can tell you. You can't tell my tits, Bob? What's powering your tits? Me heart. Your heart, I can't tell you. Let me tits. Would this the product of an unhealthy heart? Look at them.

I've got, I'm gonna pull this off. So what are you saying? I use, oh Jesus, fucking wept. And I use what you think that those tits, those tits have got roots. Well yeah, go to your heart. But there's just in front of me, we heart is, isn't there?

So obviously they're go to your heart. But they're just in front of me, we heart is, aren't they? So obviously they're powered by me heart. Yeah, but does does your heart want to be spending its time powering your high maintenance tits? Would my heart be upset by power and something as aesthetically gorgeous as this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course it wouldn't.

If it didn't enjoy it, it would make them all wonky. It's not trying to enjoy it. It's not trying to enjoy, it's not trying to enjoy, it's trying to do its fricking job in it. It's trying to do its job. I did not do that for these. Yeah, you do realize that what they say is is that take a look at your tits if you're a man, yeah? Yeah.

Grab one of those tits, yeah? And that will equal the amount of fat that is surrounding your heart at the moment, restricting it and restricting the vessels around it. You're sussed this? I say this. Just me and the soap. No, I've made it up.

I'm sorry, I haven't got it. You're too silly, originally, what's your sauce? Well, all right, it's probably in the British Medical Journal, but I haven't actually got me with the fucking footnote here with me. I mean, fucking take a break or something. But I intend to keep on enjoying me crime club during the new year, keep on watching the box nearly every night, bring me beer, become a TV show. Yeah, so keep on k-poping on beer, sickly, isn't it? Yeah.

So, let's see your song and let's say happy new year. I'm going to end with a song. It's still Christmas technically, isn't it? So this is a song about the beer, baby Jesus and the nativity. Yeah. But little Jimmy Jesus in the manger and it's about how he cried and cried and cried when he was born. All right. Before you sing this, I have to ask you. I would cry to about the good people here at audio boom.

Yeah. Because it's a religious thing. Would you sing the song about Muhammad? I just need to check. Would it be the song about Muhammad? I just need to check. Would it be the beer be Muhammad? I don't know, you know I haven't. Sing your song. Let's not tell this hardly any stuff here today is there? No, it's just us. Okay. Oh how I wish I was there with Jimmy Jesus in his lap, but he won't stop crying because he's sad. Gifts galore from three kings, but he's miserable as sin. Even though he's planet of most famous light. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Jimmy Jesus, just you wait and see, there's no need to queue for haircuts and your dinners

are free. Cheer up Jimmy Jesus, all your mates are fab except that Pontius Pilate is a scheming little twat. Cheer up, Jimmy Jesus. We all think you're cool because you invent a Christmas so stop acting like a toot. There you go. There you go. Yeah. See it was nice. It was a nice song wasn't it? I don't know why you're accusing me of acting like a tool I don't know. It's sad is crying in the mint. Oh, cheer up cheer up to me, Jesus So literally the little bearby you were talking about that sort of projecting into his future He's gonna get it. No, he's getting all the papers though. All the papers and on the BBC and on the BBC

That's amazing. I'll turn doing alternative version of that chorus, if you want. No. Cheer up, jibby Jesus. How good will it be to be in all the papers and on the ITV? TV. TV.

I'll cut up it out at the end. I don't know whether I'm in my deathbed if there's a, ay Bob, I know you're about to go, but they're doing a special show about you, your career, on the ITV, or whether I drive it, they're doing a special show about you on that channel five. Hmm, doing a lovely tribute here on BBC One. It's probably what you'd want in it. On the white, I'm channel five, Do an lovely tribute here on BBC One.

It's probably what you'd want in it. On the white channel five, the nice one about paid burns. After they died. I think I'm going to be channel five, I'll worth. I'm trying to work up with your esphemous as paid burns, I'm not. Right now. 50, 50 or anything. 50, 50.

If you've become a TV chef, you might get the idea. If I get the TV chef, I might get the ITV mate. Maybe our ITVB might do one. Have you seen that channel? I thought that was for women. Yeah, I think I've got on a paper. And then the Latter Watch that. Yeah, I watch quite a lot.

I also watch Beverly Hills. Right. I like it. Okay. Did you not see John Bishop shone it? Is interview sure? Always the new Michael Partners. Yeah, it was quite serious. It was quite serious. Yeah, I imagine the would be with the Ben John Bishop's show on it is interview show. Oh was it like the new Michael Partners? Yeah it was quite serious.

Yeah I much in the wood bay with the Ben John Bishop. What's your favourite character of the David Mollewness Neil? Just get a show. Is there a one where there's like vomit and stuff? No I've been not watched it. Well why didn't you just say, have not watched it? I just assumed it'd be one with vomit. No, there's, well, I have...

Is the one that's a bit racist? If you haven't watched it, no, not at all. Is it good show? Eh? Is it good show? Hehehehe. I haven't seen it either. You haven't seen it either, eh?

I've been up in invite on to be the friend. No, I haven't. It's like I just say, I'm down there with'm ducked down there, and with Pete Burns now, and it's BBC One, isn't it? Yeah. So, you're not going to, they're not going to have Arjennefield. Sheridan Smith, is that someone?

Is that person? I think so, yeah. And then Pete Burns on show three other. Well, they've got Pete Burns on because he's dead. Yeah, I don't realise that, Andy, but I'm trying to make it. Well, they're not going to have to do with analogy. But when I'm that TV chef though, you're writing, you know what I mean? You've got it all to play for Bob. I might even get on children and need and dance with the

weather girls. You know what I mean? I'm hoping to do strictly come dancing this year as well. Are you putting me out there now? Yeah. That you'd like to be asked to do. I'm getting in there early, yeah. Again, I'm gonna see how I think you sort of blow that level now. Celebrity Big Brother, perhaps. Well, who was on this year? It was the ordinary Big Brother.

I mean, I watched strictly, and I didn't know many of them. Would you think no one knows who I am? They're just a nation, would just go, is that getting bold in block there. Yeah, they think either one of the professional dancers. The willow air dance, the willow air dance, I think. Does, does, um, does bed girls not do a thing,

where he takes celebrities and sort of kicks a shit at them in the woods. Yeah, watch that if you were on that. Would you? Yeah. Well, I'm not doing it for you, I'm not just doing it for you, I mean, because it could forage for ingredients for your fucking heart. Yeah, food sure that while not doing it for you, I'm not just doing it for you, Andy. Because it could forage for ingredients for your fucking heart. Yeah. Fouture while you were in the woods,

couldn't you have some burries in that? Well, Bear Girls kicks the shit out here. So that's how health is it, burries? Yeah, as you can. As you can. As you see them, so yeah. You bad out, sir, I have a burry. You'll need some burry, Rob.

What are we doing? Happy new year to you, Andy. Happy new year to all our listeners. Yeah. Happy new year to you and happy new year to all our listeners. Yeah, happy new year everyone. Oh I forgot to ask you about the fucking annuity again. Joe, actually, they've taken it seriously and they've taken it in junction out against me. It's called a Carrington in junction. And it's a weirdest thing because like, they've taken it in junction out on me.

Usually you can only get an in junction if what you're going to print or what you're going to say is untrue. Yeah, there's not the truth. They accept that it's the truth. They've already been paying me for it to keep it quiet. But there's this thing called a current injunction where if the damaged caused to the institution, even though it's true, would put that institution's existence in doubt. You can get this thing called a current and injunction, the fuck it took one out against me. Shit myself, it's those solicitors who do Princess Dye's mob, so I get a letter from them. Fuck off. No, really? I'm not putting that in the podcast. You should put that bit in and yeah, I'll put it after the

music at the end. I'm not putting that in the podcast. You should put that bit in and yeah, I'll put it after the music at the end.