Athletico Mince - Ep. 55 - Mouse on the Bonnet

Episode Date: March 21, 2018

Another trip to the British Manager's Club, a Sunderland Tourist Board anthem, Dom Littlewood's highly acclaimed 'Who's The Prick?' game, Acker Bilk, a two-stroke ambulance, Peter Beardsley, a Scottish tale and more of the usual stuff. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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See you after details. Do you get down here alright today? I did, I did. I had to do the school run and drop the dog off at me mum and dad's and all that sort of caper before I got here. I didn't have to get up at half past five in the morning, let you normally make me do. OK, so excuse me, when you say school run, school run, do you mean you run to the school? I was alongside the school. Right here. The perimeter of the school, I run around it.

It's an exercise. Because you could like in a handsel and grattle way, you could literally run out wherever you wanted and know your way back because of all the tit fat that would have dripped onto the pavements. You could just follow it back, couldn't you? Yeah, I could, but that's not what I meant. Thank you for doing the school run on behalf of me. Can we just get on with it because I've got to be out of here by half three. Okay, can I just say first before we get any further, I just want to add my sweatshirt for a minute

that you've got on. It's nice and nothing. It's lovely, I'll describe it for the listeners because obviously they can't see it. It's got a tugboat on it. on. It's nice and nothing. It's lovely, I'll describe it for the listeners, because obviously they can't see it. It's got a tugboat on it. And it's rising up out of the water. It's got big smile on his face. It might be on the bow or the stern. I'm not sure which is which. Stern.

Not a troll, man. And underneath it, it says HMS Pretty Man. Yep. Not your face. It's lovely. Well, it's fun. It's a bit nautical. It's a love, nerve-al-human, a dox-eyed human, you know what I mean?

So it includes a bit of that human. Are you saying that you're a pretty man? Is that what? Not really. You know, like I think it's a bit of irony there. I'm clearly not a pretty man. You're not, you know. It's like if you wore a sweatshirt saying slim-king or something.

Or, you know, the charute. Yeah. It's not if you wore a sweatshirt saying slim king or something or you know the charute it's not going to work because it will be a bit of a giggle. Life Simon, that's something like that on me sweatshirt. Life Simon. Life as in you know. A preferred life Simon. You like it. Was there a mouse on your train today?

Yeah, mouse on the bonnet between Darling and York York, so we got to go 30 miles an hour Yeah, and then it just jumped off when we got to York so a lot of miles You know like when you see like a little little group of miles dressed up for the night, you know They look landbags and they're out of out for the night. I patches, you know It's I always think it's like when I'm in the foreign country Mm-hmm, and you see groups of people and you think oh, I wish I knew where I'll go and I'm gonna have a right laugh I don't feel part of the city. Do you not follow them? country and you see groups of people and you think, I wish I knew where I would go and I would have a right laugh. I don't feel part of this city.

Do you not follow them? Follow the mice. Follow them around. No, I'm not. Oh, you mean the people? Are you a follower? Yeah, I'm a follower, yeah. Not a leader.

Not a leader, no. That's boring, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? Now today, we're bringing this, Andy, this podcast courtesy of aerosol. And you know, I'm very keen on this. It's Britain's most thoroughly thought out, 70s American Rarely Soul Disco.

Is it? And it's rolling stock on Kingsland Road, this Saturday the 24th. I love this stuff, and I've been privy to it. It's these records, mainly American from the late 70s. It's a sort of disco soul funk, but the records like where they only made 10 copies of or 50 copies of.

I'll be like the rarities, the Northern Soul stuff. Oh, that's beautiful. Do you have some kind of financial interest in this? Absolutely. None whatsoever. I just... Do you have an emotional interest in this? I have an emotional interest because of the music.

So I put a link on me Twitter You know, it's good, but it's all that Liverpool a lot of people like we turn the way so this is London. You're talking about this is London I want to plug something as well. I've started up a new podcast. Right and it's called top flight time machine Yeah, I do it with the the writer and broadcaster Sam Delaney. Okay. And we... Is he any good? I hope he is. He's not bad. I'm not... That's all I'm going to say. All right. It's decent. And what we do is week by week, get the sub by episode week,

cover the history of the Premier League one season at a time. And you can follow it on Twitter at T F time machine or just search top flight time machine on your usual podcast provider system. just search top flight time machine on your usual podcast provider system. Right, let's do Chris Evans quickly and you'll have to come round to be me Posse if you're all right with that. Right, Angle and then. It's not something I'm going to do again, Andy, I don't think it's as hot as it is. It's not great, I am, is it? But, so you'll be me Posse there. I'm here. I think you read out the bits there that I've put in the dark, yeah.

Yep. So, now Pussy, hey, hello, hello Pussy. Hey! Hey Pussy, am I your best mate? Oh yeah, BFF. No, today I want you to say exactly what you want. I don't care less what you say to me, I'm a kind of guy, you know what I mean? You don't like what I'm saying, tell me, right? So as always let's start with how Interesting is this Chris yep, we all love going down the chippy and getting curry sauce and chips But what are the bits in the chip shop curry? What are they? How interesting was that about was it resting as grouting Chris? That's it. That's brilliant Just say you know get it out. Tell you feel right, so I'm interested in this.

We all spread it on our bread and make cakes with it and spread it on our pillows. But what is margarine? Concareless Milky Boy. Milky Boy, I love it, I love it. Water off a dux bag. How interesting is this, Chris? We all love popping down the barbers for a short back inside, right? But why are there so many Turkish barbers? That's their job, you know?

Alright, well that's it, you sacked. Go on, get out if I ever see you in this building again. I'll run you over on my monkey bike, alright? Go on, fuck off. Next up, found out what happened when me and Charlene's Biteri got pissed in and undertakers, but now over to Christine Whistles for the news and travel scores So that's that item you'll never have to endure it again

I think it has run its course, isn't it? Well Andrew, Andrew, Andrew After me song last week, Fondbus about the Fondbus style of Sunderland, right? Visiting numbers doubled, visiting to Sunderland, doubled to six after that song. So Sunderland too, as well. One of them was made coming back after I've done the podcast. Well they are and they asked me to write a song for them to encourage visitors

this coming month. So they're aiming for 50 visits to Sunderland this next month. It sounds achievable. So I've written a little song on the train on the way up Andrew You know what I mean just to pass the time Yeah, and stop me looking at lady shoes. Oh you know that are you? No, I'm not not in that way No, I just find that the the the shoes that lasts is strap on So hang themselves up on It's like I'm I feel I want I feel I want to grab all of them.

Are you sure you want to carry on with this? But I want to say please don't wear these, you'll wear something comfortable, why are you doing this to yourself? It's a kind of a paternal concern about the long term. Oh, the straps digging into the calves, you know, like the rim at the front of it, digging into the toes, you know, or know anyway they'll suffer when they're 50 but it stops me worrying right if I am right a little song so here it is it's for the Sunderland Tourist Board okay let's see you're at then

Contes on the land, it's so much more than a shit hole. Change your name to Calum, you can do it by deep pole. Contes on the land, you can put your dog in a pram, put your tracks on A red wire and made out of nylon Cheap howsing no lawn, the rats Go down the booze before you say go rats Take a dump straight into your bin Dose up the kids on red till end Oh mate, get out of my wheelbatter

I need it to check and nip us's to the chemist, they've got the runs. Go a KFC. Get a book for the family. And when it's all gone, use the bones for cucklory. The stadium of light. Another place you can take a shot Buy a house for a grand And ride your donkey into sun the land Chicken dip is an assassage roll A pint of bludging for your ten year old

Go down the vape shop car that helps you breathe And to the dentist to straighten your teeth I'll meet your cat pack on the hard stand And that's where my alcation does his love making Gotta know you mate, I'll be the broker Who does the doggy rides on the rig road Fancy coming in for a pint of blue The kids are down the bingo Attend the wedding to watch your fight

Go to Azda to buy some shite Down the clinic have your Douglas checked Buy some white socks with sports direct Come to Sunderland, yeah Drinked on me, oh straight from the jar Come to Sunderland, yeah Watch Andy jogging in his sports bra Teaching it's too bad

And how a smoke a cigarette Buy a selfie stick And have a photo next the last night sick Come to Sunderland There you go Andy. There we go Bob. So once again you've just basically taken a bunch of slurs against my people and our homeland. No it's like you're sitting in, you've put them to music. Do you remember kitchen sink documentaries?

We were all for it. You're not like not show it as it is. That's like that is a kitchen sink podcast. That's exactly what it is. You fucking twat. Go on, sit. Do you want a name, Andy? Can I give you a couple of of the names first? Well, of course, but I might want to be only tongue. You might want to be honky-tugged, but that's your

choice. That's your option. Here we go. Nym number one. Leslie Jeffers. Nice name. Now he's a man. Yeah. He's a man. Leslie, not that it matters. There's, there's, he's got a managerie of headlights and what's more, he's very proud of the fact. He writes a blog about imagined corruption in his local council. He's been banned from Twitter, Facebook and the question time audience because of his anti-semitism, but he claims it's because of the headlights. Okay. Leslie Jeffers. Okay. As I, as he had any stomach surgery recently, he's got some pending some pending Some pending. Okay, well, I'm a little bit hot on that. Yeah, right second one Nick price 49 permanently single is convinced the right woman's out there But he just doesn't matter yet. Yeah, he's masterminded a string of field dot com's over the past 20 years

Now he's considering starting up some kind of egg delivery business. I want to be Nick. I've want to be Nick. There's more. Oh, no, oh, that's could make a brilliant, could make a break. I think it'll make a break after egg delivery. Generally polite, but he can't help going overboard with the swear and whenever he has to talk to a tree, it's been plumber, winder cleaner, et cetera, et cetera, lots of effort and jeffin. Okay, I'd like to say hello, sir. My name's Nick. Oh, there we are, results. Aromatic Frankie can be, yeah. Heavily overweight, gastric band, keeps his body folds from chaffing by Ruben and Swalfiga with the shobrose. So far so very good.

Once had an affair with an Indian doctor. So that makes him a bit edgy, don't it? Just a bit. Wavy Ron Pickford. He's on the simple side of life. Do you know what I mean, Andy? Yeah. He's like on the special side of life. He waves at strangers from his bed sit window, right? And if they're way of back, he takes a quick fall of them and sends it to the RSPCA. That's a little thing. You could be Ronnie Hardducks. I'm going to be the first one. Aromatic Ken was it? I'll just check. Aromatic Frank. Aromatic Frank. I will be Aromatic Frank. With his gastric band. With his gastric band.

Hey Bob, do you reckon Tracy Chapman still got our fast car? Oh, she'll be, well, with the speed, yeah, I know, I think she's got a bit. It was 1987. So, she literally did it in, do you think? I think she's done that's the only bit of music I've got on my phone. Fast car by Tracy Chapman. Yeah, some time in the past I managed to find out how you put music on your phone and I put that track on it.

Is your choice or so? Yeah. What do you actually trying to know? I think she's got an electric. No, they're hybrid things, do you know that? Nissan Leaf. Yeah, something like that. She was almost a bit like that, wasn't she? Quickly coming up a game of yes or no behind the door. Excuse me, why did you, what was that about? That Tresy Chapman section. So we were wondering about what car is Tresy Chapman got?

No, I wondered if she's still got a fast car from the song of the same name. Well, I don't go out with her. I don't know. You knew I wasn't that. I wasn't that. I wasn't that. I wasn't that. I wasn't that.

I wasn't that. Listen, yes or no, behind the door. You see that door over there. Yeah, I see. Right, imagine there's another one next to it. Okay. If you weren't behind that one, you'd just get that corridor.

Sorry, things that I ended up doing. Like Doctor O, this isn't it? Yeah, well, just forget that door. Try and blank that one out. I'm focusing on the imaginary door. Alright, we understand. Right, behind the imaginary door is a huge Marzipan banana and there's a Muscleman ride in it like he's in a rodeo.

Okay. Would you like to go in and say that? No, I'll fuck that. He might offer you a handful of his banana. No, well that's that information has come too late. No, I'm not going through. Fair enough, second option. All of the probe tubes from one right through to 156.

No, it's just like, that's just like going into a little fucking Amazon warehouse that's something no thank you. Okay, third one, tough credit. Oh god, this three. Third one, our old friend, Akad Bilk, he's burning a bunch of German documents in an oil oil job. He bought them on a beer by mistake and he needs to get rid of them in a hurry, but he accidentally burned his hat and his flute.

Well, would you go in and say that? I wanted to say, I could build, I was quite excited because I wanted to see his hat, but you just told me, that he's burnt, is that? He shit-faced as well, other helps. All right, shit-first, I could build, yes, yes, thank you. Thank you very much, there we are. MUSIC

Wipes, questions, Andrew? OK. I mean, I'm out going too quickly we are. Wipes questions, Andrew. Okay. I mean, am I going too quickly because you're training worries? I don't know. I just tell you when to show off. Okay. Now, first off, my wife noticed

that you tutted her questions last week. So she's given me the following statement to read out. Okay. And it's simply this and I quote, go fuck yourself, you fat prick. So I'm obliged to read that out, but here's a question. Keaton, can I offer an apology or is it too late? Too late.

Andrew, is it your dream that the soon-to-be-veh-care at Toys of Rustoy in Sunderland is turned into Rolker World, where you can buy your vape juice, your kennel, dog food, dipmas, tracksuits, air fries, and blue drink all under the same roof. I wouldn't describe it as a dream, I would describe it as a a complete inevitability. It's bound to happen. You know what the saddest thing about the Toys R Us collapses for Sunderland.

The Toys R Us, we've got to only be in Houghton since fucking November. We haven't had one till then. So it's been a short party, I think. I think we've possibly triggered the demise of Toys R Us. A lack of investment. They another company that invested in so much. There's two multinationals that have just got into the Sunderland Town Centre that haven't been there either before or for a very long time. Right. And they're within fifty feet of each other. Toys R Us, she'd gone, KFC, she can't get any chicken. You can't sell any chicken.

Well, none of the KFCs are got chicken at the minute. Oh, sorry, so it's not sun-lin' thing. So the nation wide to what, so is the Toys R Us crisis? Well, I'm on bankruptcy watch at the moment, and I'm keeping a look on carpet tick, carpet right? Really?

Not sure. I've no idea what it's like, but... Just a hundred. I was in a shop called some like bargain stores the other day. And like, there seems to be increasingly a lot of these shops that just like there's a little bit of everything incredibly cheap. And I think maybe that's all that will be left of the.

Have you been in Hornboggins? That's exactly where I was. Is that the one? And it's like, it's great in it. And I bought the other. Is that B&M? Yeah, well I'm not being Hornboggins. That's exactly where I was. That's the one. And it sells, it's like, it's great in it. And I bought it. It's like a B&M. Yeah, well I'm not being a B&M. B&M with an edge.

But I thought, you know, this is the only way you're getting people out in the cars to park up and go to the shops anymore, is that go a one destination that's got, tat. Tat. It's like a seaside in the retail park, isn't it? Well, in fact, I just add a little bit more, the big and cute in Sunderland, the big one, a downskill last year, so they chopped a third of it off at the side, condensed everything into

the other two thirds. They were going to put a morocons in the vehicle pit, that fell through. Horn bargains has gone in, not Horn bargains are going in, confirmed. But so we've lost choice, R Us, we've lost KFC, we're getting the horn bargains. Well, I think you meant, you're not going to hit us. Not too bad, second question. Is it true that the biggest selling toy in Toys R Us, Sunland, was my little macum. A plastic alcation complete with saddlebags for blue, drink and dippers and a glass roofed kennel full of cannabis plants. Is that true or false? The wife asks. Tell your wife, that is untrue. Tell your wife from me. Yeah.

Untrue. Okay. Andy. Final question. When you go to the gym, do you take a book and mop with you to wash down the machines after you've covered them in tits wet I think she's showing concern for the other users there and they're probably like confirmation I again, I don't know why why I'm being targeted like this because you're a big sweaty focus Well, that's the way God made me But listen to this though. I think they call it earballism. I don't know what that means. It's when you castigate someone for the way that God made them.

Oh, well, God, look at me, fucks up. Well, exactly. I mean, you should board a hole in the piss out of you. Is that why she's very attention to me? I suppose so. Since I was ill, like what you never ask about. Since I was ill, she probably feels it's a bit cruel. You look a lot better when you're real. I'm thinking about...

Poor fans. Oh, I was thinking about a joke where someone injects the self with curry powder, the mistake that for Halloween and they get a dodgy tikka. Right. But I haven't rounded that off, you know, and put the prominent. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain-o-lice? Yes, we deliver those. Galtenders know, but chicken tenders, yes, because those are groceries, and we deliver those too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See out for details. Bob, do you reckon Martin Fry from here, bassist, still got his poison arrow?

Oh, it's got his diet enough with theme of them. No, I don't think he ever had a poison arrow. I mean, it was 1982. He's probably traded it in by now, isn't it? Yeah, I don't know. I don't think he ever had one. I think he's still got an arrow. No, it was a victory or I think it was a metaphor and the poison and game and gaming what's quite topic like there's never the Russians and all that. Hey, do you know what is interesting? What right? statistically women poison Men's stab and gouge and jump on people so men are violent and impulsive and women are predetermined and and

Make I wouldn't say that women are scheming Bob predetermined and and scheme me. I wouldn't say that women are scheming Bob. Those words just came out in the middle of general eyes like that. You introduced that. I just introduced that. I just introduced the light item about Martin Fry for me. But you see you said women are scheming. Yeah. No, I didn't. I said statistically women are more likely to poison than men. So I'm just wondering if I should pass that tip onto the, oh, he's looking into it down there, MFI. I'm not. I'm just going to put don't know off a monitor, right? Okay. Mr Bezos has been in touch again with another update, Andrew. Oh, good,

right. Well, I like Bob. Another day at home with the wife, you know, and he just don't want Mae'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i' fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i' fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i'r fawr i fawr fawr i'r fawr i' fawr i' fawr i fawr i fawr i in the back window, you know. I put one of the curtains, so I'm sure that I can stare hands free, you know. It's been a really good staring session, you know, I saw a pigeon laying in a black bed and a ginger cat, you know, with a red collar, or shit, I've said black bed, that's going to get me in my brother, expect. black bear that's gonna get me my brother expect anyway it suddenly struck me like that you know flower bed had like a little divv in the center of it you know like someone had skoked up some soil and nicked it so I thought I had better go right straight out there and investigate dog dead and return the curtain yn ymwch i'n ddoddau. Mae'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddoddau'r cyrdewn i'n ddau'n ddau'n ddau'n ddau' Otherwise the wife would know and I'd that I'd been staying and I'd win the race and she's doesn't approve of it and the past time and I'd all make a shout you know for note again

you know what I mean. So I put me in wellies on it and wrapped up wrong with me on the rack and me knew Kassler's scarf and bubble hat. Oh I just even see him wrap up me, put me in wreck the mood for a chicken wrap and a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r She's very vagrant and red-collar, you know, and the wife is baddened to my house from the house because they remind her of the blood of Christ. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Inau'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio.

I'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. I'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r g Well I'm nearly detected like bud strikes me It's very suspicious that he has fresh soil through his plant and meanwhile Silent appears to have been removed from my body I got in a bar there and put me on in the little scoop out area So I can assess the amount of the soil that's being removed, you know? Just then the wife looked in the bedroom window late and she shouted at me. What the fuck are you doing in me garden when I was like, mumbling a little fucking creep, and who gave you permission to funny about in my border? So I said I'm sorry about coming in the garden without your position, no.

I'm sorry for wearing garris hat again without your permissionr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gawr i'n gwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'r ymdwch i'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n yw'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith I said, how do I go up station? Like I said, do you want to go in the aquarium? I don't care what the snow size it is. My mate is in Los Ritos school bags. He's by such a... by such a good to second I formed the logo Jim last if they could teach me now to do the splits he sent me now flexible barrage

and I said I can't, chose the first is. I went to the local videos shop and I said, can you borrow a Batman forever? Said, no, no, you have to bring it back. You have to bring it back tomorrow. They, I've got some more, they, for the graph gone out of, I've got some other things. My photograph's gone out of the long way. I went in with shop and I said,

can someone sell me a kettle? The blog said... The blog said, Ken Mood, I said, where is he? That's... One, Pete of Beat 3, there's only one Pete of Beat 3. Say it then, Bob. Only one peat is bitly K then but So that's Peter's, I always send him a message back like Do you?

It's not a one we're correspondence thing No, he needs that good He needs bringing out of himself He needs a bit of encouragement Yeah I'm gonna try and get him to go out with his garden Or maybe keep notes of what he sees and that Right, he's just my, I like him to get in a bit of fresh air

Okay or maybe keep notes of what you see and that. Right, just mate, I like him to get in a bit of fresh air. Okay. Okay. Seeing that good on Telly, Andy. At the minute, I'm pretty much hooked on watching a place in the sun on Channel 4, because I've never really seen it before, so recently in the repeat,

there's like four or five episodes a day, that's pretty much taken up the entire day. Did it on every day? It's on every day. All the channels, channel four, more four, four, seven. Oh, lots of stuff. Not E4, because it's not for teenagers. Have you ever actually seen anyone buy, buy one?

No, never. But they have a nice week abroad looking around some places and you know I'm gonna get a bit still on their back and you can't knock it again yeah well I've watched the David Brent film I enjoyed that very much yeah seriously so you're slay what can you say it's really tricky pulling off comedy films you know and no we've written five but no none of them have been taken up where have you put the shell they're on a shelf somewhere I might stare it would be easily was there but no that's a funny film and so encouraged by that I watched the Ricky Giver's live on Netflix there's's there's good as well. There's two

yeah it is good standard. I like it. He's not completely observation you know it's quite authentic like you know. What the real deal? It's not just made up shit from the 1970s. I don't know whether it's made up but it's not have you ever noticed and there's some big laughs in that some foul language from Ricky, but done very effectively. Right. Right. I don't want to give anything away, but yeah, I enjoyed it very much. Well, I can be up, we can imagine what kind of words he uses.

And have you got, like me, I'm suspecting you might want to give it a round of applause to 24 hours in police custody? Yeah. It's fair with the very best television there is. Isn't it? I mean, it's in Kane on this week's, I don't think we should talk about it because of spoilers. Don't want spoilers, but I don't think the spoiler to say, I thought the bloke that they arrested

was so unpleasant. It was a massive body, wasn't it? That I couldn't enjoy it as television. No, it was quite high. I got a bit of night, yeah. A massive body. The one about the dead body in the garden, I was super, wasn't that super?

Wouldn't you like to know more about those two dodgy old Scottish boys? Yeah. Their lives though. They'll pretend it'd be deaf. Honestly, that was good. And they live so far apart now as well, don't they? Yeah. Brothers. Brothers apart. Brothers in crime. Do you reckon Tina Turner still got a Stamie Windows? I mean, it was 1989. She might. She might. Do you reckon Tina Turner still got a Stemy Windows? Hmm. I mean, it was 1989. She might, she might. She knew Double Glyerson fitted by now a reckon. The way she strides about her homes, they might still be a bit stamy.

Or maybe spot a day humidity fire if it was proven to be a problem for her. In the absence of knowing whether she has purchased a day humidity fire, or increased ventilation in her home, I'm going to say, I think maybe she still does. I've seen me winters. Do we know whether the windows were in her house or whether they were in her car? I think there's no reason to not suppose that wherever she went the windows were steamy. Do you reckon? Maybe she bought Tracy Chapman's car off her.

Oh God. But what about her second hand? Is that what you're trying to get to? I'm just speculating. Well, can you get lattes in there? Son, like. Of course you can. You're fucking idiot. In a sashay? Yeah. Sashay like. What's that you do the minute? What's your favourite entrepreneur? Oh, hold on an anime, just get call as a shit for a place. Oh, you fucking shit. What's your favourite entrepreneur? You've got like Dyson, you've got Branson, you've got the Brummy block, you've got this

new super hoover's look, you know him, pick up all the tin tex off you'd Lanhamet. The J-Tech fella.TEC yeah, yeah, him sugar I'm not bothered sugar's yesterday. So is your favorite man. I reckon the JTEC he liked it He took this took what Dyson did and he's just trying to improve it He's ripped it off basically as he I don't know if you're legally allowed what your cyclonic then is it? Well, I don't know it's it's it's fucking bugless't it? I know Jim's got one, Vix got one, and he's very happy with it. Yeah, well, his talk, his tenor took what Dyson did and instead of having bright yellow, he's got bright green.

It's a completely different shirt with completely different technology, Andrew. Listen up, though, it gives you... It's bright colours, don't it? Bright colours, bright colours, bright colours, bright colours, bright colours, bright colours. I tell you what, those are the dears. I think, for next week, I think I might put them

in a gang, the entrepreneurs, what do you reckon? I reckon you've sworn a seed there think I might put them in a gang beyond entrepreneurs. What do you reckon? I reckon you've sworn a seed there. I might do that. Right, I've got some questions from my blood relative. Oh, God help us. From me quads. I'll get them quick. It's from Josh, Jack, Jake and Jeff.

Jeff with the gear. Er, they aren't go Bob. We recently read with interest that plans are a foot to phase out the 1P and 2P kinds. When was the last time you handled your small change in public? Have you become Paul Daniels? That was the voice of the children, that was the voice of my children. Did you handle your currency? Not a lot.

When was the last time you handled your small change in public? I once, he was one certain award, so I really sat next to him last chap, Jenner and last chap. Daniels. Daniels, but he can't resist to intrigues, you know and he had a rubber band And he put a rubber band around is two four thing what's them two things and he's not The two next year's thumb the very sign fingers. Yeah, and round is thumb It's an ordinary elastic band and he flicked it, maybe 20, 25 feet away from him on the floor. Right. And then it just came right, rolled all

the way back. Now let the Holland Globesauce. Straight onto his finger. Jesus. There's a very... I mean, that's a superb trick. It is. But like you see, it can't help himself. There's a very interesting passage in the Cranky's autobiography, which is a cracking read by the way, where Ian Cranky recounts the tale, I think they were on a cruise ship with Daniels and he wouldn't stop doing tricks. Yeah. And kind of Ian's expense and ended up with Ian Cranky punching him squarely in the face. I mean, he did do a lot of tricks. I suppose you want to punch him. No, no, so he can't, he can't, I'm not. No, I never did because they are fascinating for a while, but what I've reflected on more was that he gets

such a high from people's reaction that that was his addiction. Right. His addiction was doing it, doing it, getting the response from tricks. So like, I mean, the needy little content. Well, now that's something you could, that's something you could say.

But of course, what it means is, is like in the absence of an audience. Nice dead now. No, but you know, oh well, Andy, you've got, you just really haven't got a heart at all. So you can't take it with you. Bob, is it true? Is it true that you force your slayers to fight with plastic cards? Hold on a minute, I haven't answered your question. The last time I handled, when I'm,

I'm aware of handling the brown, do you mean the brown coins, the pennies and the totem says, is when I'm at McDonald's, I scoop the brown ones into that little slit for the daft kids, you know? That's your question, I should. I'm a second question. Bob, is it true that you force your slaves

to fight with plastic colllery and your swimming pool, the one you keep as a spare? And then, do you make them get in the back of your little two-stroke ambulance so you can treat their injuries on a Friday night? Yes. Multi-part question. Yeah. Across the board.

Yeah. Across the board. Yeah. Yeah, I've got a two. What is it? Two-Solender ambulance. Yeah, two-stroke. I've got Spir-Solender ambulance.. Would you like to attend the British Managers Club? Would I ever?

So I was lucky enough this week to be in Rules Restaurant in London exactly the same time. I mean I made sure I was. As the British Managers Lunch Club, you know, I get in the booth behind them so that I can listen in. You got the Chairman there, Sam Allardice, Alan Pardju, West Brom, Roy Hodgson from the palace, Tony Pullis from Middlesbrough David, Miles from Westam, this is a monthly meeting. First I hear, of course, he's big Sam. Order, order. Well, I will accounts for the month, for showing a healthy profit of over a million quid.

So I hope you don't mind. I've ordered a whole rossed badger served with crispy owls' feet and pilly pilly pig's tits. Here they all say and they touch their lunch club badgers, yeah? Right? So as I'm sure you've seen, I'm well into fairs one of the destruction of Everton, namely, fan disillusionment. It's gone so well, I'm moving into Fairs to a month early and negotiating in plough contracts for some of the weaker players. Hey, hey, hey, you can help me out on the ears. And we can't carry on any further without mentioning the superb job.

Mr. Pardew is doing at West Brom. 10 points adrift well ahead of schedule. So Pardew stands up. Yeah thank you Sam, yeah but I can't let that pass without thanking Mr. Poulis for the malaise he put in place before my arrival before my arrival allowing me to go straight to Phase 3 and concentrate purely on losing matches. He can rest assured that I will be selling him some stronger squad members and inflated prices come the summer. I'm Barry Oman, Anna.

And I of course will spend the cash buying any old shit off Mr. Moyles and Mr. Hodgson. Sam, sorry. I see you're in the drop so you won't don't I very near. What's your plan? Spectacular recovery and extended contract are just f**k off with a big pair there. Goy, well, I think I'm out just f**k off and leave them in the sh**. I've got his, I heard a little clip from him on YouTube that people were sending

their eyes, really foul mouthed. I was, I saw that, yeah. Really, I was really mad just f** fuck off and leave them in your shit. We'll go loud to Vingelies so it's a good excuse to read more reputation and text and get a nice new crispy contract or quite a fancy QPR, but even reading or art the hoops helps me remember which time I meant to be looking at. What about you Mr Miles? I am often to be looking at. What about you Mr. Miles? Hey well I'm off in the summer or whatever happens! So I'm hoping to take over from summer to have a fun!

I reckon they might get me back so long as I don't take the piss contract ways. I'll get a new pirouff west ham so I might need no interest loan from our caremen account to piss away over the summer. I thought it's her key! All, no problem. Oh, absolutely. What's about you, Mr. Police? What is Police?

Bristol, he's a bit Adam Lallon, aren't he? Well, thanks for Alan, to Alan for his kind words about my work at West Bram. I'm hoping to at least get middle of the playoffs, create a bit of a buzz, so I can get a few quit off the chairman and buy a load of shit from the clubs you've all destroyed. Sounds a plant, look one final motion I'd like to propose. I've been keeping an eye on young Mark Hughes, and an artist that he got the Southampton job with a multi-million signing on fee, relegation release clause and a staying up bonus. He seemed well spent and washed up so I propose we invite him to join the lunch club.

Oh, here comes the badger. Tucking lads and remember, survival of the burden of defeat is... Hey! Well, ah, there you go. MUSIC What evening! Why not just Germany, the Audible? And welcome to another edition of... ...Lose the Pric! What's special guest this week?

He's former celebrity, and star of the thick leaf show, and the camp-rease Bruce Devert. Mr. Bob Boma. Hello, dumb. How you doing, how? I'm thinking of a counter- cap-weast-proof efforts. Mr. Bob Boma. Hello dumb. How you doing? Hello. I'm thinking of a counter-on-Bob Boma. No worries. Today your playing is the prick in order of raise money for a little bit of happiness. Oh lovely. Yeah no noise. The rules Bob Boma are simple. I'm gonna give you three names. One of them's a prick and the other a tooth all right really? Now what I want you to do, Bob Mama, using your skin and judgment is to identify

ooze the prick. That's why it's called ooze the prick. Do you understand? I understand, thank you Joe. Right, free names for you to consider. Niels Bowlin, Michael Anthony Fuller and Chad Varan which one of those is the quick I think it's Chad Varan Are you reckon are you sure yeah you got five seconds to play your quick switch card if you'd like to tick tick tick tick tick Boom too like I'm happy with you. You start with Trevor. Trevor are, start up the Samaritans as a young vicar in London in the 1950s.

It is not the prick. No prick. No prick. No prick. No prick. No prick. The prick is my co-enterny fuller. He went into his local Walmart with a fake $1 million note and tried to buy goods totaling $476 with it.

That meant he expected to get back $999, $524 in charge. He's the prick-bob-mortem-a-so-you! Forget it wrong! You prick! Thank you for coming! You prick! Thanks Tom and I was fair enough. Coming! You prick! Thanks Tom and I was fair enough. Now Andrew, I've got a Scottish story I've been trying to tell for the last six years. Now we haven't got time podcasts.

We haven't got time books. Are you sure? How long is it? Well in terms of, well I don't know what it word. Shall I tell you how long it is in an A4 page? There are many pages, it's three. Fuck you now. What do you want to watch your Ecken?

Go for it. Mary McOtley was 16 years old and thereby two years away from beginning in the surface of the Laird. A carefree soul she would often wander the island in search of sights that left her spirits. On one such adventure she chanced across a hole and at her foot. On investigation she realised that was a hole under her foot. On investigation she realised that was wide enough for her to enter. And there was nothing then to hold her back. On learning herself into the hole she lost her grip and fell some twenty feet onto a soft landing of straw and feathers and bubble-com wraappers. As she took her bearings, she noticed a

hand some wadi tending a fire and cooking pot in the corner of the underground chamber. He wore tight white breeches and nothing on his top half. On his back he had a large tattoo of a tin of boxed-as-game soup and a tattoo of a tin opener. Down his arms individual tattoos of mainland sites, the Timpson Heelbaugh, the old Wi-Fi code from Costa Rcuffee. Mary, hello, Ian Sir, I am from the island at you not recognize your face nor your shapely figure. Hello to you also young lady. No, I'm not from these shores, I'm out dangerously going into the Asian area. I'm a visitor from the mainland, I visit secretly and on occasions to mind the precious zinc

ore. But if the learned what the discoverer endeavours, you'd be fed to his guards, tits a terrible chance you're taking. I, you'd be fed to his guards, tits a terrible chance you're taking. I would be, you'd realize that you're said tits then, lassay, rather than tizz. I did, yes, it's useful for a plenty of tits a spare. That's true, but can I trust you to maintain my secret? I, of course, especially if you're allowing me to visit upon year from time to time, so you could tell me your life on the mainland. Orc the mainland, that's full of delight with who to do it.

For sure, it's my dream to visit one day, tell me a tale of the mainland lady. Okieh lassie, there's a once neglected billion of shops, thatits just off the high street and has recently been gentrified toward beauty. There's a cast of coffee, a mandolin, a lute shop, a juice bar selling all the pertinent difficult juices, an artisan table tennis kit shop, and would you believe it? A shop selling wicker shit. Oh tell me about the wicker shit. Tits my favourite fancy thing. I wicker stools, wicker boxes, wicker umbrella holders, wicker magazine racks, wicker shoe dideys, wicker place mats, wicker egg cups, wicker old wicker shit. Oh stop stop please, tits too much beauty for a lust to bear. Would

that the heat in the chamber had become too much for the Mary and she removed her anna and I can jump a revealing that she possessed acres of spirtit, unoff the balance of BMX bike upon. That's a tremendous surprise I've taken you out of there lassie. I and I can't help but notice that in revealing thereof, you're the Peter Piper swollen up like the downpipes from an outdoor pantry. I, the force of it swelling has caused my house key to dig into its rim. It's quite the discomfort. They both stare and barristh at what is just past between them.

Then they hear it. Tits a snuffling of what sounds like a large pig or a bot, and then suddenly the beast trips you all and into the chamber, it's no pig, but the lyrids such and destroy Kipu, Arnold, but it's not the huge poisonous fangs and sharpened talons that do for them alien the man. No, they're day instantly upon staring at the beast for it has the face of Monty Don. The face of Monty Don. The face of Monty Don. So remember this podcast was brought to you to encourage you to attend aerosol and to listen to top flight time machine and alternative podcast.

Tits big enough to rest a BMX bike. Yeah, that big. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,