Athletico Mince - Ep. 67 - Garden Centre Special

Episode Date: August 10, 2018

Due to overwhelming demand, it's the GARDEN CENTRE SPECIAL, with horticultural retail input from Mince regulars – and Bob bravely recalls a chilling encounter in Homebase… Become a member at https...://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh yeah, alright there Thin Richmond. Yeah nice to see you Ronnie. Are you Ronnie Art Dogs? Ah pretty much I'm unless you've got any alternatives. Well, I did. There was one named that I thought of, and I can't find it, so it's a bit of a, oh, Jack's it, Jack's it, Johnson. I would didn't know that, I couldn't say, Jack's it, Johnson. It's a tongue twister, that, in it.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Yeah, shit, Johnson. I like that, you know. Well, he owns a carrier pigeon called John, right, that's something. He believes that Purcell was the great God of laundry, right? And he's dedicated his life to proving that to be the case. Do you want it? I do want to be Ronnie? Will you be Ronnie for me a day? I've really fancy Jack shit Johnson actually. Well, because I can't say it. Yeah, it all seems very viable. Okay. I've got three three hours and I'll turn it off. I've got no buy. Yeah, it all seems very viable. Okay, I've got three three hours of alternative to the management. I've got no buy yours for them. It's just names.
Starting point is 00:01:09 You can be bunny just enough. Okay, you can be the chief lieutenant of BMX brackets, Luftbrough North. Yeah. Or you can be the June 2019 probe to your exhibition at London Science Museum. What was the second one again? Sorry. The chief left tenant of BMX Luftbrough North or chief lieutenant, however you want to see it. What's the preferred pronunciation of that? Is lieutenant? I say lieutenant.
Starting point is 00:01:29 Is that the American way? I've got a funny feeling that an old Gadji would say it's actually left tenant. It's too strange. I find it very upsetting when it's misused. Can I? Oh, you're going to pay them. Joe Falsan Joe. He can be through Richmond. Yeah, Comba said, he, oh, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he,
Starting point is 00:01:45 he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, been stirred with company founder Raymond Baxter's brass and is that true or is it false? I'm taking that as true. His false, his cause, his false. One Raymond Baxter didn't founder the soap.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Would you like Baxter soap? I've not had Baxter soap for a while. Is it a little bit more expensive? Yeah, I'm a Heinzmann. Yeah, me too. It's a beautiful soap. And it goes tomato best chicken yeah vegetable I don't get beyond tomorrow it's been that way since I was six well I got very upset last year because they
Starting point is 00:02:35 they discontinued celery I used to love their cream of celery right I have to get the camels one now what you mix with water and Drill it's a fuck on isn't it? It's such a fuck on Do you know what I mean? And also it's not got it's got like a taste to it metallic taste to it To a false Andrew Karl Marxist the Karl Marx had a sister called on you So I'm having I'm just making this a fun part of it because that a Bedsley? Cause that sounds like a Bedsley fun fact. No, it's just a Joe Fals. It's Fals. On your marks.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Fals. Right here. It is Fals. Now, Andrew, what are we, Garbad? Is that it? Yeah. Two. Do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want,
Starting point is 00:03:18 do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, don't really, a quiz, is it? It, I never said it was a quiz. I said it was, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, do you want, You want more true? That really acquizzes it. It never said it was acquizz. I said it was doing it for fun. Right, go on.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Carry on. Oh, you want another one? Have you got one? To a false mid-leason countries where I was fighting each other and getting on each other's nerves and that... Kind of true, I knew. It is kind of true. So I was at National Cat Protection Awards this week.
Starting point is 00:03:40 Andrew. Right, how did you end up that? So that's a nice, first thing to do, isn't it? Don't you think? Protecting cats, what you protect them from? Protecting them from, do you know what? You protect them from humans, mainly. Or castles. So that runs that was at the Savoy. Oh, that's why you went. Oh, yeah. So hi, Bob, it's the, it's the National Cat Protection people here. We're doing our rewards this week. No, I'm sorry. Where is it? It's a Savoy. Oh yeah, I'll be there. Yeah, I went six p.m. Yeah, but you know what the mail was.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Cut? No, it was chicken and mash. So Debra Meeden was there. Yeah. Just in Orkins. From the darkness. Yeah, so Debra showed me a picture, just in Orkins from the darkness. So Debra showed me a picture of a pussy obviously. I couldn't say just because he was in the darkness. To get it. Oh, Torness Soups, I've discovered an incredible soap andro.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Oh man, it's the Swedish version of Nore with its curly care, you know, Nore, P and Ham soap. A Swedish version. Yes, no, not Swedish anywhere. I don't know. It could well be, but it's like the tins in Swedish. You know, it's a Swedish product with the using utilizes the Swedish language. Right. Oh man, it's, it's sensational.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Did you get this from the post shop? Well, where do you think I got, Andrew? Up the post shop. I get it delivered via a card. Yeah, of course. But if you're an a card or person, and you take that box, I bet you're not. What box?
Starting point is 00:05:19 Do, um, does, does B&M do home deliveries? No, but I live close enough to be at the Gourmet Self. I need the exercise. Have you been caught lifting in there yet? No, yet. Do you intend to lift? I'll have you lift. I'll never be caught.
Starting point is 00:05:33 What do you think of that? I cannot be stopped. Well, I was when I was a slister. All the I used to do a lot of shoplifters, and they always still beckon. Really? Beck and slide lords are be bacon, they're overcarts. A lot of the meats, security tag now. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:05:51 The bacon, like the expensive meats, like the fillet steak and that. I think that might be just sunl and andro, to be honest with you. You know what, hey, I'm due to get the beer leaf. Oh, I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. The sunl and beer leaf? I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. The Sunland Beer Leaf? Remind me.
Starting point is 00:06:07 You asked me a long time ago when it was my turn to get the Sunland Beer Leaf and I've got it for a week in October. Are you going to pop it in your stew pot? I'm going to do it. I think I might do a bolland ears. Really? Yep. I think I know where that can get me hands on some mutton. So I'll do a bo of nears with it and maybe
Starting point is 00:06:25 spray some batches of that. Is it true that you buy your mints from the pet shop? Pet mints. What's generic mints? Oh, you just get the gray generic. Yeah. Yeah. Grimm mints, yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:36 50% liquid. 50% soap. 50% sea pitch, of course. 50% soap. Of course one is. What do you think of the block from the plusnet Adverts, Andrew? Do you find them reassuring and trustworthy? I haven't seen them. Oh, come on, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:06:53 I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, well, I wanted to talk about them and from the plusnet Adverts, so quite some time. I'll go next week. Yeah, will you have a look out for him? Yeah, my waterworks are functioning at optimum levels, it says here. Is that just just information? Is that just a label of the person? That's what I'm to throw that in.
Starting point is 00:07:11 Okay, it because you can mention you can mention yours if you want to either after. I don't want to mention them yours. Dragon my pipes into the conversation. I see you want some kind of online award. Yes. That's night for you. Fish and show on the internet? And you'll do some kind of a word. The best show on television, beating strictly come down soon, Graham Horton. Yeah, and you got it by tweeting everyone and begging them to vote for you, didn't you? Yeah. For about four hours.
Starting point is 00:07:37 What was second? Um, there we go. No, it was a very good school girls. You've denied some school girls their chance of glory because you just want to show off to your mates down the showbiz center. Yeah, no, I there's a special lunch for me at the showbiz center when I say lunch, right? It's fruit salad with carnation. You usually get that on Sundays. I just got a little tweet from the caretaker said that they're opening up the evaporated milk.
Starting point is 00:08:03 Well done on your your award last night Is that your prize? Is that all you get? Oh, look that that's an important text coming through. Was it? We're gonna read it out. Yeah, it says I'll do an update tonight mate Now listen up crucial this is a garden center special, Andrew. I thought it was. Yeah, it's a garden special centre and so my first item is some sounds of Sunderland. And these are sounds I heard from a retirement dinner for Ray, the Sandeal Pearson, from the Henley's garden centre in Sunderland.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Okay. Well, I just like to the city, you know, that I remember rare once bought. It's all seashore in the work, and let us all have a ride on its back, and use its slavet, a thick and wire soup. I was crack and rare like, I'd just like to say that whenever rare,
Starting point is 00:09:01 and I like I have a snog, you know, in the stock room, you always give us a fag in a rick-e-lint tablet after. Oh, Ray, yeah, yeah, remember Ray, I used to like work with Ray. He used to put 30 check-in, it was wrapped in foil under the bottom sheet of his prom, like, you know, saw the cap nice and warm and was honed. I'll never forget the day, a caught Ray, pissing into the feature plant pot in reception. We're all esteem rising and the foliage, he looked like foc and rambo. So that's some
Starting point is 00:09:35 sounds from a retirement do at a garden centre. That's very nice. Yeah. Have you got any other garden centre related content? Everything you've got for the entire broadcast. Yeah. From now on, it's Garden Center. I had a horrible, horrible dream last night, Bob. Yeah. I needed to share it with you. Go on then.
Starting point is 00:09:55 I was sharing a house with this fella, and he had a beard, and he was going to murder me legitimately, going to murder me, and I had no way of escaping. And it was like a proper nightmare. Okay. What do you think that's about? Oh, sorry, this one leading nowhere. I'll just don't want to tell you.
Starting point is 00:10:11 I, you got another text in there, is it the same one? Yeah, up to tonight apparently. Well, Andrew, I've had similar feelings to that. So you know what they mean? I don't know, why? I just assumed it's related to coming to see you. Oh, I see. Because I feel a little bit more dead inside every time.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Yeah. We do this. Do you think it's your, it's like the part of you saying, just don't go. You know, it's like that conflict, but I don't want to go and do this podcast with Bob. I don't know, maybe. Look into it, Andrew.
Starting point is 00:10:43 I mean, I never have proper nightmares because I'm pretty basic. Gonna bet you get swathered. And watchin'ly. I did wanna walk, my bees. Look into it, Andrew. I mean, I never have proper nightmares because I'm pretty basic. Gonna bet you guess, what you're on. And watch them. I did when I woke up, yeah. Bet you sweated. What are you gonna do with your shades, Burnham? I'll show them what you're gonna do.
Starting point is 00:10:54 They must be fricking soggy. Hahaha. Hey, Peter Beads has been touched, you wanna hear? Yeah. Hang on. No, mate. Come. It's about five in the morning here and I'm still on the toilet board, you know, staring out at a little window towards the rear of my house, you know.
Starting point is 00:11:24 I've been here, but I'm reckonin' about 10 minutes late and it's proven to be a little cracker of a staring session. I can see right into the Albanian fella next door's garden from here and now you can see he's got a couple of tomato-like gr grow bags that he hasn't even bothered planting up. More of that litter-bub. He's got a little trampettino, positioned to jumpy-jumpy, trampett-jumpy, you know. And he's positioned it like towards the rear of his lawn,
Starting point is 00:12:00 near the entrance to his shed. I will imagine you know he glances down at it every time he exits the shed. Inau'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i' wife went to Ganthan a week and you know it's just a bit out of town so it's a nice drive for the brothers. Even though you know it's been freaking hot at it but you know but the wife still likes to put a picnic blanket on a lap night you know so she can get a bit of an egg sweat on. Well but we're off you there, she asks if she can have her boilers. Pay that, I feel the need for a couple of fucking travel boilers. Can you pull over please? Sorry, lul, I can't just yet you know, we're on the motorway and the hard shoulder is for emergency-tone.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Well, this is a fucking emergency, you fucking dial. Pull over me for a fucking lump, yeah. Okay, Lord. I'm sorry that the chores are not the way, Rook. And I'm sorry about the hard shoulder restrictions. Ah, shut up, you funny basket and pull over! So, you know, I pull over and my wife took the air box with three boilers in it. She pails them all one by one and starts getting tucked in. To magnify up in the window love, the boiler films are getting Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith long. Well, what's the daily cause? Just a that moment, but you know, I see some blue flashing lights, you know, behind us. Oh, I love it, it's a coppers. Ah, fuck them! We've done nothing now. Oh, yeah. Well, if you do remember love, I did tell you that the hard shoulder, you know, is by emergency
Starting point is 00:14:25 you're only like. Well, cut the tabs on the window and indicate for me to open it. So, may I ask why you've stopped? Oh my, there's what's that stunch? Are you carrying a cargo of tons for the Sutherland Tud Market? No officer. I'm sorry officer, that's me, I suffered terribly from the quicks**t. I had to pull over and evacuate, as I suspected it was very fucking runny. I've had three boilers to bind me up so it will be an all-weir presently lake.
Starting point is 00:15:02 Well the officer's gagging me the stench, he's up at the buy the story like, and so we move on. That was a close one, love. She had that, I was gonna ask if you fancy to have him quite this. So eventually you know me, I've had the gun sent there, and the wife buys a packet of Mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweithio'r ganddwl, mae'n gweww'r cymau'r plunnww'r ffw'r yw'r ffw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'r yw'ru ma'r pufwpwfr pintu'r espald. Nog cael ei ffag i'n cafio. Gia'r yw'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwpwn i'n ddwchwp No, I fucking didn't sit down, you spooky fucking clown. Am I in trouble, though? No, you're not. Now listen, you're a good lad, Peter.
Starting point is 00:16:33 And I'm very grateful to you for these nice trips outs. Check a look at this. So, it sends me a paper packet and inside it are a lovely chicken wrap or a bob. It's a proper fat one you know lonely lumpy yummy chicken with the black stripes on you know on the juices and salt right into the wrap I mean having like you know I do love you very much petting on it has been lovely day out well don't know about that now rabbit back up and get me fucking home you can eat in the driveway when we get back. Now I find slows so that
Starting point is 00:17:13 was a nice time but like I said to the like I said the Albanian fella hasn't planted up the tomato plants about food so that's a bit of a kick in me face really you know what I'm a mean bump. Anyway I do have a couple of doctor doctors from my adjoke book you know so man walks into the doctors doctor I have five painstances. Blimey says to the doctor, I would do trousers fit like a glove. I said... LAUGHTER So, I said to the doctor,
Starting point is 00:17:55 people keep taking the makeup of me, because I think I'm a cricket ball. And the doctor says, I was like, I said, don't you phone that Doctor I just can't stop my unshaking you know well, do you drink a lot sunshine? Not really I spill most of it almost a bit. So I'll see you then there, but I'll see you until next time. So one pita bae a jie, yeah don't need one pita bae a jie, one pita bae a jie, a bup. No pita there? Yeah. I'm gonna go to Old St stair. And a nice cameo appearance from Dora Gailer as well.
Starting point is 00:18:46 Oh yes. That's me go to a person of authority to keep them light. I mean, yeah, security officer. Oh Mr McLaren there. Put the music off shall it. Yeah well not. So that was a visit to the garden centre. That was nice. So that was a visit to the garden center. That was nice. It's fall and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup, maple lattes, and maple bourbon. Yes, we deliver those. Turtles? No. But turtles the dessert? Yes. Because those are groceries.
Starting point is 00:19:26 And we deliver those, too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See you at for details.
Starting point is 00:19:42 I was, I wasn't at a garden center. I searched searched but I got some nice garden and equipment recently. I got one of them weed burners have you seen them? I have seen. Have you got one? I did buy one in the wild, a long, long time ago. I used it a couple of times and... Bind it. Bind it, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Have you been to yours yet? You're thinking of it? I've got it up the little, it was only 15 quid, and you get a spare gas canister with it. And I had a trivet, you had the deer. And it says on the box, it says, will burn weeds and light barbecues, so it's multi-perts. Ah, right. So I'm scorching away some of the weeds, you know, and the burn are quite nice. They make a nice smell, and there's a nice little fire with the burn and
Starting point is 00:20:28 I just heard this voice just soon you Oh, Corbin, don't you kind of do anything without interference and interruption from Jeremy Corbin just up to nice little garden and there you go Senior laddy with that piddling little heat wand You'd be better off breathing on them as using that with your death breath. Okay. Very nice is it? A little harsh. So he says, what's your best kill? I said, what? It says, wait, kill. What's your best kill? I said, I don't know. I've just got this thing from little. I'm just trying it out. Now, I've only done three and you've turned up. Ask me my best one.
Starting point is 00:21:06 Ask me my best kill. Sass is what you'll see best kill Jeremy. 655 weeds. Part of a community project in Tottenham. I used a homemade flame throw with instructions that were on the internet. Took out a goat as well. Collateral damage. We cooked it afterwards. Bosh! Oh I thought you were
Starting point is 00:21:29 vegetarian Jeremy. He said shit happens as we say in the label party. Is that the level part? Is the level part of the boss shit happens? So that that's his, well, right, Doug's for the advice. He says, go on, then get lost. That's his, well, I live here, Jeremy. Get lost. What do you do? So I just switched the wig burner off,
Starting point is 00:21:56 went back in the fungal law, and a couple of hours later, I looked out the window, he's still there. Hands on his hips, legs wide apart, just staring at me out. Really? Yeah? Shit happens. She's shouting shit happens over and over again. Yeah Bye, man. So that's my experience of gardening equipment. I'm not going back. Yeah Understandably
Starting point is 00:22:20 I went to on base at the weekend, right? They're shutting down. Are they? A lot of them are shutting down. And do you know why? Tell them they're... Come on, are you gonna see us, Mike? I'll have a guess. Come on. Because they haven't got that ambience of a garden center away. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:22:36 You can get Victorian sweets, cafes, pots. It doesn't feel like a day out. It just feels like going shopping, going to on-base. But a home base isn't strictly a garden center that's DIY. It's going to garden in offshore. It's not hardcore garden. But what someone was seeing was the reason is because so few people are buying houses now and doing them up and fucking bastard landlords don't bother.
Starting point is 00:22:59 So the DIY market is collapsing. Home best. Okay, you like the financial terms. I am, aren't I? A little bit. Okay, you like the financial terms, you enjoy. I am, aren't I? A little bit. Anyway, you were at Hornbiss. What happened? I was just, I was just telling you about, because I went, it was just a little store, I went to Hornbiss, because I wanted your stiff-haired bought it.
Starting point is 00:23:14 I wanted a curved, bladed pruning saw, right? Because I was cutting down this little quince-bush thing. Quincey? Yeah. I mean, I inherited it with the house handy before you start getting something back about it So it's like I was saying you know like on base it was it I didn't get there was no cafe Alcés not even a coffee wicked shit any of that it so it was quite functional you need to go to Clears Garden Center near Washington clear
Starting point is 00:23:39 Clear is that good day. I'll lovely coffee as well. Yeah proper garden center that I wonder if that was where Peter was going, is it outside of the Newcastle? Just on the search, go to Washington. Oh, it sounds like maybe that was where he was going. Yeah. So, I went to the gardens in a plant area, you know, like a massive green house, it's fucking hot in there. Yeah. So, I went in there.
Starting point is 00:24:01 Do you know how human, a bit like your toilet after you've had a really long drawn out toddler, you know, like the bit of humidity levels in the room of risen. Yeah. So it's like, do you know how sliding doors? It's big sliding doors get you in there, right? The film. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:20 And then stop working. I was in there and I wouldn't open. Right. I've tell you the truth. And there was no obvious red button called staff problems or whatever. And I was the only, I've gone really early. I was the only one in the area.
Starting point is 00:24:33 And I waited by the fricking winder, to wave at a member of staff. But then a staff member appeared at the far end, at the back end of this, I don't know where this, where the public out allowed me. And a lot of jeopardy in this. So he beckons me to follow him out through the delivery area, you know, like storage area.
Starting point is 00:24:58 Yeah. So we're what and back there, it's like another home, this is all aisles or in four clothes, really a picture. Another one. Well, you know what I mean, it almost could be a shot, there's all the aisles, all ridden forklifts, ready to pick stuff. Another one. Well, you know what I mean? It almost could be a shot, it's all the stuff, the stocks, all that stuff. All right, good to hear.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Yeah. Well, as I'm walking through, I see the curved blade pruning shears. The ones that you're after. Yeah. And I said to the fella, I said, that's what I came for, is it all right, if I grab a pair, right?
Starting point is 00:25:20 Yeah. So he picks up the curved blade pruning saw, right? And then he turns to me, right? So he picks up a curved blade pruning saw, right? And then he turns to me, right? And he says, shout your mouth and take your chasers off your fat pig. God, so far I can follow and I'm just gangbanger. Well, what am I meant to do, Andrew? You tell me, right? He's got a curved blade pruning saw, like about two inches from my neck, right? And I'm not like a uro sort of character. No you're not here.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Right so he says, you don't need these and thrust your bathroom up towards the chicken wire. I'm sorry I'm sorry mate, I don't know where the chicken wire is. Hey yeah, you see top shelf, by the Victorian lamp I'll shaft your pick. So I point me back side right up towards the chicken wire, right? He says, feed the curved, blind, pluning soil into your irons,
Starting point is 00:26:07 handle first and sing genuinely, fabule, Bob, Bob, the Dixon. Lovely song. Yeah. So I'm singing. January, February, don't you come around
Starting point is 00:26:18 why you say you're leaving and then you turn around and before I know it, settle down, then go both feet on the foot. Sorry. Before you know it, you've settled down, you've got both feet on the foot. Sorry, before you know it, the handle has slipped in, I think it really helps to sing it. Handle first, nice touch, but I can't bring myself to feed the blood in, it's just too scary.
Starting point is 00:26:36 I said, look, mate, can I ask you, what is like your endgame, you know? What outcome we have to, do you just want me to suffer? Or is it is something more to this he says I want you to be a shined So that you will agree to be my friend on Thousand of Mars from Jowlberg here, and it's Marty fucking lonely I say mate honestly. You've got the wrong book. I've had snakes up there gravy built boats fuel tanks Honestly, it really don't bother me. It's not I'm I'm gonna be shane like a brick a brag up there. I honestly, you know you just unlucky for you mate
Starting point is 00:27:10 You just got the wrong bro. He said look look I'm good for don't die. I Says listen mate. I'm really I'm perfectly up to be your friend Why don't we get get a coffee? Have a chat talk about what we might have in common, you know, he says I'd lock that big time have a chat talk about what we might have in common you know he says I'd locked it big time so I said right well home base hasn't got a coffee it's much more functional destination you know so what say I meet you over the road at Wyvelde Garden Center in about an hour he said I have the deal bar come white so I got out from the police and I didn't arrested a so-
Starting point is 00:27:46 Z-Ride at Wileville. But Andrew Bussving was, I kept the curve proning saw up me ass. And so I got me to freebie. Nice one. It kind of worth it. I reckon, right? Yeah, definitely.
Starting point is 00:27:58 Do you think that would be like you trotting out with the bleed, so hanging out like a till? Yeah. So, you know, I suppose they might have seen, but it'd be difficult to approach a customer and say, excuse me, sir, could you remove that from your end? You know, it wouldn't want to back, would they? Oh, maybe they just didn't say,
Starting point is 00:28:14 but I don't want to back, I don't think, in that condition. Think that, sorry, was a bit like the usual suspects, you know, with like a surprise badly in that, a twist at the end. No, no, because I'd say what was coming? You knew I was going to nick it. No, I knew I was going to turn up. You knew that was a sound that I was thinking, sorry. You sent the word back and you back in real thought,
Starting point is 00:28:33 I see what's happening here. Right, you know, how many, you would have took him up to your best center, wouldn't you? So if he was a real friend, yeah, of course I would. You're allowed one guest a month. Do you think you're allowed? Isn't that a crazy role? Do you think that'll ever be me?
Starting point is 00:28:49 Don't it, Andrew, no? I've got to be honest with you. I don't consider you showbiz. Why, you said you were to tuck him and he was jamming a tool up your ass. Well, it's not showbiz. If jamming tools at my ass isn't fully show this I don't know what is under doing this room How many settings do you think the horse sprig on needs?
Starting point is 00:29:13 How many seconds only settings? Does it need yeah? What's the most settings you need on a horse sprig? It needs the sprinkle? Yeah, sprinkle sprinkle it needs the one we all enjoy, the distance one. Jet. So I put hard spur to here. Jet, sprinkle and dribble, three. Standard corn, which is the sprayer, missed. I would never use missed, I don't face. Maybe it's just what you use it clean under your tits. Yeah, well, yeah. And hard spurred. That's just three. use it clean under your tits. Yeah, well, yeah, and hard spurred That's just three some of them got eight something. They've got eight. Yeah, I might have a look at that 65 quid for it and eight setting
Starting point is 00:29:52 It's a horse a lot one so it's good. Oh, that's good yellow brand that in it. Yeah, 65 quid probably German in it can someone Remind me anyone who's listening to this can you remind me tonight to what on me hangin baskets? You've got eigen baskets. I've got eigen baskets. What we got in the soil. That's all I've got little Vile looks and candies and just some kfs a book. It's with some grass cuttings in actually that could work Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, I bet it's nice to people come from all around Is it like Christmas in Sondland? Yeah. Is the straightforward, like, fear of ownaws.
Starting point is 00:30:27 Human pyramid outside the fence. So the tick turns looking over the top. And look at that, and he's basket of grass. Yeah. Why it's really pretty in it? Someone can remind me to water that one and get back the night cause it really needs it. I went to see the Mission Impossible Phil, Manjo.
Starting point is 00:30:44 Oh, did you have a good view of you being, see it? No, I've all right. A lot of people say it's really, really exciting. But you're saying that was a great... No, do you know what I mean? It's a lovely change to go and say like a blockbuster and it isn't a Marvel film. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:59 That was nice. And yeah, it chug's a long. I'd give it a seven rather than the standard Marvel 6. Okay. You know, it's okay. I saw Mama Mia 2. Here we go again. I think I saw it on Twitter, you really enjoyed it.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. I haven't got a lady in my life but... When did you last have a lead? Well I had a dream about one. That was a while ago. That's more a lead. She had like a scratch card for you. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:31:32 A silver. And I was rubbing a 50 pens on it and I wouldn't... No that's just bullshit. That's bullshit. So what would your ideal woman be? Big lass, like you, you know, like... Cut the big old lump swoken long. Easy to just just someone who likes to laugh. Oh, you just person out
Starting point is 00:31:51 like me. Just personally. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So you want a big glass with the that's personally. With a big big laugh. Even though she's like, I don't know, like a 20 store now, whatever. Yeah. Does she like wear really pretty dresses? Yeah. This girl, you're up there. Yeah, well, like a wristband. A ribbon, a ribbon wristband. That would be nice.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Bright red shoes. You too look amazing. When you were younger, do you used to take the girls to the gold and the aggressorant? Do you remember them? No. No? That's before my time.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Oh, you ever taken a girl out? Have you ever taken a girl out? Where's the last time? You took a girl out and where did you take them? In this century. Oh, yeah, I can see you again. There's just blockies. No, I'm not going to block you,
Starting point is 00:32:35 but I've got a very, very checkered personal history that I don't want to go in. Do you want me to put a shout out for? No. Do you want me to? No. No? No. Do you want me to? No. Do you want me to? No. No.
Starting point is 00:32:47 No. No. Hey, you popped your neck and spanned out balia still. No. F***ing hell. I mean, it was 1981 when they did that and they're all in their 50s. I remember you really, you got your age now. So there's probably all gone to seed like you have.
Starting point is 00:33:02 And? But I mean, you know, they might still exercise But they'll be muscle bound, wouldn't they? Andrew, in the first... My memory serves me right. They were working towards the state of being muscle bound rather than Already being muscle bound. All right, then are they still working towards that state then if you want to be pedantic? Do you know what? Probably they are. I would imagine what's he called?
Starting point is 00:33:22 Gary Rihala, the sear. Kenny Kemp. Well, look, the singer, Tony Hadley. Well, he's left now, so he's gone to shit. But I reckon the probably all probably do work. It looks like the side of a house. Do you think the Kemp brothers could potentially be the dullest people on earth?
Starting point is 00:33:37 No. You think that's us? One of us, too. Ugly and dull. We'd be quite a catch, wouldn't we? So, like, I've a catch, wouldn't we? So like I've been watching, I've watched the Mission Impossible is perfectly fine for a weekend movie.
Starting point is 00:33:49 Right. I've started breaking bad again. Again. Didn't mean to. Started watching a while. What accident? Well, yeah, me tell you, you needed re-tuning and I put breaking bad on. And I haven't stopped since and I'm at the season three now.
Starting point is 00:34:07 I've gotta get into this then because I didn't get beyond season one. Well, maybe it's not your thing, you know. What you see it like? Well, I'm not sophisticated enough for breaking bad, is that what you see it? No, if you did a whole season, you've given it a good goal, and you didn't like it.
Starting point is 00:34:21 That seems perfect. I'm gonna watch it all out the spiked now. Have you got anything to recommend then? Cause've you know sadly all I've watched is breaking bad. Just Mama Mia 2 that I went to say lovely lovely Abba songs, implausible story but loads of fun and on the telly the 5 billion pound super sewer. Is it good? Yeah if you're into sewage I'll have a look at that. And major engineering projects. Do you say Todd?
Starting point is 00:34:46 No, there's talk of Todd, but you don't, there's a hint of Todd. There's a whole lot of wet wipes. Yeah, I've visited a shit farm. The wet wipes is like, yeah, yeah. Not as much fat burg as you'd think. That's like a separate documentary of fat burg, sort of something, but loads of wet wipes, few blobs.
Starting point is 00:35:05 Did you giggle every time you saw a blob? That's a blob. Yeah. Groob, man. So, and better call Saul a star, but I'm not watching it because I'm waiting till I watch him all in one, you know what I am. Are there not out in one box set?
Starting point is 00:35:18 Are there coming out in one box? Do you know what I am actually checked? I am actually checked. I think it's a drip feed situation. A bit rude. It's been a pleasure seeing you today, Andrew. It's been a... What's the word I'm looking for? An appointment? It's been a successful appointment.
Starting point is 00:35:34 Yeah. I must make an appointment with me, Dr. Erickson. But you know what works. Maybe we should ask everyone, if anyone knows if anyone knows the really obvious psychological explanation for a dream where you're very scared and someone is trying to kill you. He's trying to murder me. Be quite interesting, wouldn't it? If you believe in that sort of thing.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Kind of think I don't want to know. Well, just tell me then if there's any listeners. Tell Bob. Tell me what he's up to. Don't include me. Thanks for being with us today ladies and gentlemen. I'm off to the show, Biz Center for what he's up to. Don't include me. Thanks for being with us today ladies and gentlemen. I'm off to the show, Biz Centre for fruit salad, tin fruit salad and evaporated milk. Hurrah! You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything.
Starting point is 00:36:36 So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But ice tea and ice cream? Yes. We can deliver that. Uber Eats! Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region.
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