Athletico Mince - Ep. 72 - Christmas Mince

Episode Date: December 21, 2018

Merry Christmas from Bob and Andy… and also Beardsley, Corbyn, Homeowner, Hodgson, Littlewood, British Gas and everyone else! Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alright, Andy. I'm just finishing a mint. I'm not ready. Well, that could be a new way of broadcasting, wouldn't it? Now I'm ready. Minty, fresh. Well, that's what I do always always is this a Christmas special or not I don't know depends on the content So the side right at the end whether it was Yeah, especially I saw a lot of felt so Ryan away in any other studio Oh, I was eating again as he gives us thumbs up. Oh, he's coming in. Well, I reckon. Oh, that'll be good

I reckon I'll be smart wouldn't it. I enjoy what he's in Christmas name for you Andrew That'll be good. I reckon, that'll be smart, wouldn't it? All right, join me. Well, Christmas name for you Andrew. Mm-hmm. I've got three to run past you. Seeping turkey hidden dippers, right? You know, cause of all the sea pitchs

but like gathers on your pillar and the chicken dippers that you hide under the tree for your kids. So that's what you know. It's like personalized for you. Yeah, it feels lovely though. Daddy chestnuts. That's nice. Yeah, I thought you'd

like that because of you, you've got tips of chestnuts. I'll say, do you get it? Yeah. Santa's fat bowl. No, I've a think, you know, because you look like a big fat bowl, right? So, you know, sorry, you look like a big fat bog, but you know, like what the hang out in the backyard, in the sun, you know, for the kids to know on. You're right, you're gonna get peckish. Is that my choices? That's your choices. Or I can be running up dogs.

I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be daddy chestnuts. You're gonna be daddy chestnuts. But when I use it, I'm not gonna use it, like with reference to me tits. I'm gonna think about it as real Hordley Roach Christmas chestnuts. I've got two for you and they're not Christmas related. So there we are bang International Anderson. His hobbies include collecting German mortar bike magazines and setting fire to German mortar bike magazines. I'm very tempted

because I am making it fair. I'm into that. And Mr. 3 for 2, he only buys stuff that's in the 3 for 2 offers in the shops. Garage is full of loads of bits of individual shit he doesn't need. Yeah well that does kind of sound like me. You can be honky-tonk as usual No, I'll be international. It's an international, I can think of me now, you know, like flying on an adapted drone across Europe. Yeah. You know, spreading goodwill, and without leaflets,

about laminate flooring, that's chipping, stopped, and took countries far and wide, far and wide, dropping stuff on people. Who is that laminate leaflet in Toronto? That's in twat, head in the ear of a Bosnia. Yeah, itowel? That's in twat. Head in ear of a Bosnia.

It's me, it's in Tinaslanderson. Can I just hark back to a song that I sang on this podcast in April? And it's turned out to be incredibly prescient. I would like to sing it again. Right, you are. Sorry, were you? Yeah, just have a little listen to this. Oh, god, it's one of those.

Drones everywhere you go. Sometimes three, sometimes four. Bloody drones. Sometimes for bloody drones, drones moving round among the cop as bad. K and April. All they did was just laugh. That's where it ends. So there we are. I sang that at the end of April. Did you sing the line about one in the copper? No, no, I didn't, I sang some British gas, I think. Yeah. So hold on a minute.

It's true, isn't it? You knew about this. I'm not saying you're drawn to that. You've got in touch with British gas. Well, I was just showing you at the Gortau. No, it's not an ombudsman for drones as yet. So I didn't know at the Gortau. I thought British gas kind of oversaw everything.

It's weird that drawing thing. I did a survey this morning on Twitter. Did you? Right, I'm nearly up to 4,000 votes. Simp on the simple question, was it the drone? Or was it not drone? You think there's no drone? I can't, well, you know, I mean with drones, Andy,

like there's hundreds of people there with a camera's yesterday trying to get a shot of it, no shot occurred. We use a big commercial drone when we're filming me fishing show. I know you love me fishing. I thought you'd mention that at some point. The racket they make, you could be a half a mile away. Are you sure that's a drawn? It's not the generator. No, it's a drawn. We use it for... So in the sky. It's in the sky. All right. So I asked and what you think the

results was, do you think the British public thinks it is a drawn or something else? I think given that we live in a climate of suspicion, our record not drawn. Not drawn, wins 55% to 45% I've got another one of them for a thousand. Another one of them results is one of them, she's Christ. Well, thank you for reminding me of that dreary song.

Thank you, welcome. Thank you very much indeed. I just wanted to say, you know, told you so. Wait, you're spending Christmas and at home in the fungalore down at the ship farm with your relatives. Oh, there's a phone, you know that is. It was a British gas. I promise you.

Tickets. Sure, take it. Hello. Hello! To British gas! What daislands have you got with them? They're to serve theirs to whether I'm happy with British gas. I'll get rid of it. Sorry. So, I'll down the ship farm with the relatives. No, not that. He said the Fugel. Yeah. I've got a chestnut with your chestnut. Yeah. Just oiling up your chest. Yeah. I've got a new, definitely going to be a one-off, Andrew. A little competition quiz thing. It's called bog, fen, swamp.

Oh, marsh. I like it. Yeah. So start thinking of marshland swam through all that. Yeah. Okay. Because the simple question is, is can you tell me the difference between bog, fen, swamp, marsh, and to give you a hand, they're all, they're four different types of wetland. Well, I've got to say what they are. Yeah, I want a choice. No, I won't drag it out forever. Okay, now. Well, Bog is kind of like, it's quite shallow, but it's got a bank like a river. All right. Let's see if I can.

I've seen people bog snorkeling. Can we come back to Fenn? What's the other one? Swamp. Swamp, that's very deep and it doesn't have. What's deep? I'm seeing over two-fig deep. What is deep though? What's this two feet two feet of what of water It'll be what I'm making in grass nor but there's grass and reads ah that's important. There's grass and reads yeah, and that's a that's a mom that's a

That feels like a marsh that's a man's mud So that feels like a marsh. That's a mud, a swamp predominantly mud. I tell you what Andrew, because it's such a dull item, I'm gonna end it there, but you might be interested in knowing a swamp is a wetland on which trays grow. Is it a marsh is a wetland with non-trade vegetation? So you got quite close to that. Good, what's the thing?

I've got no idea if it's a fen. It's an alkaline wetland. And a bog is a acidic wetland. Really? Is that the difference? So ladies and gentlemen, you have just been listening to bog, fen, swamp, marsh. Welcome back.

If you've just fast-forwarded through the last minute and a half of this podcast, hey, it's time to bring back the memory man your credentials need to be reconfirmed to the end of 2018. I remember everything I've ever done. Are you ready memory man? I'm always ready. Do you remember the episode of Spender starring Jimmy Nail in 1991 during which Jimmy Nail's character, Spender, chased a metro train from one station to the next, keeping up with it and catching the body afterwards. I do. Man, we're in man. So, whoa. Didn't think I'd get that one.

I didn't think he'd get that. Ronnie. It was a fantastic episode, right? He ran after a Met Rotary, and as it went from one stage to the next, like some kind of superhero, a Jordy superhero. I might have some insight to that. I once went to a meet with Jimmy now. You've mentioned it before though.

Oh, and he was podcasting. Yeah, but he had the biggest shoes. Are they the same? I mentioned that as well. Well, I didn't not well just it gives it authenticity. Don't it? Yeah, I didn't know that any human cobbler could make a pair of shoes. Well, they're really pointy. They're not particularly pointy. Well, like you would show. So I wonder if you think about it, Andy, surface area, the bouncy might get off

that. Yeah, maybe that's the secret to is Probably is I'm gonna post that clip on Twitter as well because it's superb. Thank you Andrew Pete has given me his Christmas message and yeah Very I was interested in early Peter. Let's call it an early Peter. Right. Okay. We were going I was interested in having an early Peter. Let's call it an early Peter. Right, okay, we've got them. All right, no. Well, Christmas certainly is a magical time of the year, like you know, and it's a time of goodwill and all other ladders like you know,

and the time to reflect on your life, you know and uh tantrum reflect on your life you know and you will latitude of gratitude. For example like you know I sleep on a single mattress in the spare room that yokes to me my son's bunk bed like you know and it's checking on a perfect dip in the shape of my body and I am very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you.

I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you.

I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that thank you. I'm very grateful for that. So on the shelf, as a shelf on the wall, you know where I keep my football box and my unusual egg-cook connection. And you know I'm out shopping and I come across an egg-cook that makes me think, oh that's unusual, then I add it to my unusual egg

cup collection. I have seven left in the moment and the favorite, like it's a camel, where the exits, where you know where the camel's hump would use it be. And I am very grateful for how unusual that egg copies. So I'll just be bothered, I'll just be having a night in a choir Christmas, looking up to the wife's last Christmas with strange rumbub. I woke up early and quite downstairs like a midnight creeper to film my wife's stockings like you know nuts tweezers for her legs like funny card bod shapes you know like a monsticehept, spear ship, track her bars you know the usual shit like tatten that you know and I put their present under the tree but I don't know

what it's like that there wasn't a present from the wife to me so it's probably just like a bluff yeah you're bluff maybe thing I'm not getting a present like oh yeah oh Oh So then I went in the kitchen like you know prepare the wife Christmas morning Nativity ex It's something that I invented like off the tally I do a nice firm Five and you're on that night, you know to represent the floor of the steer

And on top of that three-yard boilers to represent the three-wise father-in-law. Then I make a mounders, scrambled and put a little dip in the represent the manger. Then of course, by Jesus' baby, I place a nice, runny party in the dip. Oh, Bob Mann, it's a thoughtful and fantastic sighted. There you are, yes, in there. So I put my Christmas paper hat on and I got up, there's a tip, tip, tap, tap on the bedroom door and I sing, oh, in a negy manger, little leggie Jesus lay.

Shut the fuck up, way out, you little highway creeper. I'm training me, legony, and it's fucking tart. But I go in the room, I know, but I've bought Christmas nativity eggs like... I'm not fucking interested, you spooky bastard. As far as I'm concerned, Christmas can fuck off back to Israel. And that's true, it's from a sticky date, and turkey slices with it. But, Lord, you know, I spend 80, like, don't fucking talk back at me, you little shit stand, and check that for a dorsi hand off. You look like a fork and an Indian coach driving a six-wheel-tell.

Oh, you know, that's a little bit like you. So, what shall I do with that? I'd love you can fart under Ms Fazam's consent. Now, getting in your room and staring out your fork and window and came out of my fork and sight till I show that yeah. Oh, so that it looks like Christmas is like no, cancel that. That's the fucking long and short of it. There's back to back for you.

There's back to back, part of us, new fucking ceiling, don't question it. So I'm just fucking sweet thank you. So I go back in the room like she told you not and put the nautilus eggs on me bedding, start having nice Christmas stare out of the window. You know and I'm sad like about not having the proper Christmas. And then I say a little robbing on a branch, twitching and I look and back at me. And I'm very grateful in that robbing, forgiving me a nice cheer up, you know. Suddenly I, the wife, at the door like you know. Oh and the fucking window you're slacked busted. It fucking sticks of battery there. Yeah and rather not love you know it's like just do it you chord and a fucking lamb you

from here the fucking boiler balloon. Garden was here best. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I got the window and instantly I say a blue card has been nailed to the window ledge. Pull on it, you little shit bloke. I don't earn the other end, there's a big brown paper wrap parcel. Come on, you just for me, love. Well, don, you think it's fucking far? The fella from the plus-net adverts, fuck an L. Man, Joey could be his nilious, fuck and bland as you. So, I ought not the parcel, and what do you know, Bob?

It's a lovely new, black-blue, puffer, puffer jacket. Oh, Joey, this is wonderful,attin. Thank you so much. I knew you'd fork and like it. It's got a concealed hold adjustable coves and a very fork and raw bust zip. You can wear it when you go out and about staring. So check in the pocket, you're really fork. Well,, Bob would you believe it? You know, inside one pocket is a festive chicken wrap with chestnut and sage stuffing and the most lovely, numby, numby, you're so lumpy chicken

that you could ever imagine and in the other pocket is an egg cup that one knows you all, I think. And instantly I know that I will be adding it to my usual collection. This is turning out to be the best Christmas ever, love. You'll need to give that proper sleeve a wipe down. I coughed up a fucking choke when I was driving it. God, that's all, Caleb.

I'll go on and do that now. I'm not finished yet. Come and sit on the fucking bed. Bye, me. God, I'm a trouble, love. Now, you're a good, lad, Pete. Now, go on. Have a quick, go on. Me, friendly. While I took it to these eggs. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Lord.

So, that was last year and I am very grateful for that lovely memory. Well, after the chemistry and the many, you know, Christmas display, Mae'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i'n gweithio'r cymrys i' I also met the bloke who invented the window cell, absolute ledge. Have you tried that new coconut shampoo? Or it leaves your cork and it's not unfabulous, right? So, begin that long lecture, Folly Pack today! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I leave you, leave you're gone enjoy it with your family in that tub. One peater, baby, you're on your own peater, baby, One peater, baby, clean. So that's Peter. Nice Christmas Eve last year then.

Yeah! She's got a forced new fucking zeal. That's so good. Back to back as well. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, then yeah, all the force new fucking zealots Back to back as well. Yeah, you know what I mean? Have you been watching much telly and the you know what I after I haven't been watching very much telly old Bob Can I talk to you about what I thought was one of the best bits of time? I think you can because I've got now Sun until I die you know, isn't it good? What a great program? What what a great program like for reminding people

what football's about. Yeah, sincerely Andy. Yeah, it is, you know, for me, right personally, it was too raw and it was too much too soon. Because I kind of put it all up behind me because this season's been so good. I've kind of forgotten about, I've trauma, and how much of a shit you all,

I've seen, and was, but I'm okay I'm flooding back watching about, I've traumatic, and how much of a shit you all, I've seasoned was, but I came flooding back watching that. I bet. But, you know, for the neutral, like yourself, I can imagine it's a really good watch. Well, I'm surprised that, yeah, it must be raw for you, but like, it was just to, you know, reminding yourself about, you know, like,

it's not having 500 billion. No, it's not, you know, like, what it's really about, the people who work there, the people who are like, organiser, lives around it. Fans and all that. And like there's just the superb drama of it. And if drama is going to like make you elated, then you know, this is the price you prefer for it. You've got to really care. Exactly. And the good thing is that currently filming series to all brain over in this season So you know Phoenix from the flames and all that kind of thing

Well, hopefully touch wood because I think the national probably you know like as you know I've told you before the first football club ever went and say was Sunderland I'm well aware of what a magnificent club is out of Thank you all I regard myself personally responsible for parts of that the I have to the more negative thing is although I'm sure you'll agree with it, what a terrible, awful man that character called Bain. Martin Bain, oh man. He's one, like the disease that is north-east football.

I've got a theory that football is run by bluffers and chances and bullshitters. And thank you for saying it, because I was just what I was gonna say He ticks all the boxes all the boxes for all is his front and his peacock stride. Yeah, and his is Vanity. Yeah, it was all just puppies. He did not he said nothing that wasn't a cliche or a platitude or a just a said and did nothing In that documentary, but sadly those people easily exploit. Yeah, bewildered football. bewildered billionaire football players. Yeah, and you know, seeing the scout Sunday,

sorry to go on so much football, but wasn't it sad seeing the two scouts going? Yeah, you know, I'm sorry to be that, but useless out of dire dinosaurs. Yeah. Going to see a player and rejecting him because he was wearing gloves. Because he wearing gloves, yeah.

Honestly, man, that is the sickness that's, you know. Just gravy tree and shit. Wasn't it? Grave tree and shit everywhere. One of them was a former player, I think, Glinsonorden, I don't know who the guy was, but it's just like, jobs for the boys. Jobs for the boys.

You know, he used to be a player, so therefore the wrecking, it can spot a player and just driving around, just having a laugh, basically, the two with the mother. Having a laugh, right? I'm not laughing, because I to be a player, so therefore the wrecking, it can spot a player and just driving around just having a laugh Basically the two with the mother driving a laugh, because I think as he said is better than watching the tally Yeah, then that bolts some zelp, don't it? But I mean we've gone on around it for a bit, but I think just to emphasize it is really well worth watching in it It is so Netflix sit down and try I think we watch the old lot. Yeah, set aside whatever you need three hours I think it's about 40 minutes of episode.

So you need about four, one half hours. And a big up to the Welsh lad, Johnny. Johnny Williams, I didn't, Johnny Williams just need a big cuddle. Yeah, bro. Me and my boy were sitting watching it and going, oh, he saw it lonely. He could have come around hours and played Xbox

with us, he could have played FIFA. Oh, shame. But, hindsight's a wonderful thing in it. But Gary and I, Andrew. Yeah, anywhere. That's our football con end for 2008. I should I bought tightsites a wonderful thing in it, but Gary no Landry Anywhere that's our football content for 2018. Out of the way Do you remember R.E.M. 8? Hey, do you remember them? R.E.M.

They're all dead now. Greg, she's hard on it. Greg, she's hard on it. Just been serious for a second like not dead. Oh, no, sorry. All right. Do you remember you be 40? And do you remember, eh? Uh... Well, I'll dead now, you know. To fix your heart, don't it? Fix your heart, don't it. Then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then, then Good afternoon and welcome to Ooster Christmas Plick with Ray Gordy Glilwood and my guest today on this special festive edition of Ooster Plick is Faded Celebrity Bob Maulmer.

Good afternoon Bob Maulmer, thanks for coming along and I believe you're playing to die to raise money for a very good cause and that is for stronger 4G signals on mountains. Yeah, yeah, very best of luck with that Bob Marmer. I just want to say as well, you're free to walk away at any time Bob Marmer. If we can learn anything at all from who's the prick, it's that we should always expect each other's personal boundaries. Fair enough. Are you happy to continue? Very happy, yeah. Right, where do we go? You know what it works? I'm gonna tell you three people. You've got to tell me which ones they're quick.

One of them's a prick, two of them ain't. And I've got more special assistant joining me the day. No, no, no, then. Joe Swosh. Hello, Joe. Joe Swosh. It's the old Joe does. Thanks, Joe.

We'll be coming back to you a little bit later on. Well, it's the three names for you, Bob Mooma. Mo Bo's. Bruce Jeffery Pardo. Beth Spooner. One of him's a prick to an amount. This one's the Christmas prick, Bob Moem. The Christmas prick is the middle one with the double-barreled name.

Bruce Jeffery Pardo, what makes you think that it's I'll be honest with you He sounds like maybe a sear up my other apposiner Perhaps that's a sort of thing I will put in making you think that that was what it would be maybe try and get inside your weed We're sitting around a bit Joe swash has actually got the answer for us. Joe, who is it? Joe Swash! Oh, fucking hell, Joe. Right, the answer is Bruce Jeffery. Yes! Thank you, John. He dressed up with Santa Claus and went on a killing swing in 2008. Whoa, John Paul Murray! True story! Wow.

My boss volunteers, a dogstress shelter, each day and best spooner will be working at an hospice this Christmas day. So, Joe, what's his prize? Joe Smash! Fucking hell, Joe! Well, well done, Bobbombable! Thanks for coming to the local play. I usually Christmas pick. I wish you a very Christmas. Thanks for having us, Tom. You're welcome. which click I wish you a very Christmas. Thanks for having us, Tom. You're welcome. Do you remember episode four of this podcast?

No, chance. Do you not? No. Well, you asked me if there was a beer leaf in Sunderland. All right. I do regularly recalibrate. And I said I was joking to get it some time in 2018. Well, I've had it.

You've had it? I had it last week. I've got it for five days it was pretty much all-cellity up together not in good condition for I know some of the listeners have been tweeting and asking as well when I'm getting this I thought I'd update it is I basically just soaked it in some pot noodle gravy overnight and then I put it in my mouth for half nice didn't suck it or anything because I would have just just didn I would have just just kept it on my tongue. Yeah.

Flavours from the pot noodle gravy and the beer life combined. Nice. Nice. Tipped it up again where it was a bit frayed and then I passed it on to the next one. Is there a time in the future, maybe 2020, 2022, maybe comes to mind when there might be replacing it and having the new barely.

There's no plans. I think they've got a grant application in but we'll Brexit it's all up in the air so it's your budget thing. I think it's a European grant so we might not get any. Oh, would that be shame? Well, it's from people of what for, isn't it? Well, if they're vote for it but you say no one mentioned the barely. No, they didn't to be fair.

But, you know, people didn't think about that, did they? Yeah, well I'm of interke, this Christmas. Do you have Yorkshire Pudding with you Sunday dinner? No, I'll be so the dinner so with your Christmas dinner rather No, no, but you do have what you're son did then I have it on boxing day because we have beef on boxing day Yeah, yeah very elaborate. Well, it's not that elaborate. It's you're doing the meeting No, but I don't know what's not it just come light in the shape of a parallelogram But joint joint a joint and mate on one day than another one the day after that's a bit flash in it Yeah, but you're sitting watching the box in the shape of a parallelogram or something. But a joint, a joint and meet on one deer than another one the deer after. That's a bit flash, isn't it? Yeah, but you're sitting watching the box, you know.

You're not just talking left overs. Tirt, you left overs. You're not like normal people. Tirt, you left overs are quite nice, no, make it something. Tirt, you're curry. Eight, I was on the trail on the way here, and deer, you know, the block next to me,

with the biggest parallelogram shaped bag in his hand, right? I mean, like, four foot by three foot. Right. And I said, I can't imagine that. Yeah, honestly. And I said, so what, actually, my mom is asking what's in your bag. And I don't think you thought I really wanted to know. So I just laughed it off. Right. And I said, you're not just like taking parallel aircrafts around, right? Yeah. And theat of the poor. Yeah, and he says, he said, yeah, it's full of paralleling arms. I'm going back up to Newton-Aircliff,

because the really need paralleling arms open Newton-Aircliff. So anyway, so then he said, I said, no, honestly, what's in it? And it was a bike, right? There's a bicycle, and he carries it round in a, should he not be riding it? Well, you know, I think he's using the bad hominemes of presents

I mean like so he he transports it between rides right in a bag a black right? Black leatherette sort of bag is it a faulty bike is it? Well, I'm sure it's a very thin though Okay, where's this going? It's going up to New York's neck No, but whatever. He's taking up the new... So anyway, I just thought so, I'd like to give a shout out to the bloat with a bag. With a power lellagrams. With a bike in the back.

With a New York necklip on the back. With a Chris Rea, really? Yeah, driving home. Do you reckon that Chris Rea is still driving home for Christmas? Oh, no, I thought so. I mean, skip this. I mean, it was 1980, yeah, it wasn't it. I must've cost my arm the leg in pattern if he's still at it.

I think he probably is, Andrew, driving home it, I must've cost my arm the leg in pattern if you still at it. I think you probably is Andrew driving on for Christmas. What do you think he does? Do you think he sets off again on box and day and drives around for the next 364 days, eventually ending up back at home? No, I don't think so. I presume he rides those home, his recording studio, vacation. Oh you vaguely know him, could you maybe give him a ring now and ask? No, I can't, no, I'm not gonna have fun at Chris Ray and say, Why not? Do you drive home for Christmas, three inches? Why not?

Do it? I don't know him that well. You guys know him, though, haven't you? I am, I am guy's number. Have you not? Have you got anyone's firm, this is number? Just you. Just me.

Yeah, shit for you, isn't it? It's life, isn't it? Did you have me big new, new big night out, just finished, then, Lee? I haven't watched the last one yet. Um, it's, Well, I think it's got, like for me and Jim, it's got Alphionist Moment, which is the codden parsley sauce dream sequence.

Oh, right, I'm saying that. I should think it turns a lot, it turns a lot of viewers off as. Was it a bit sickin' in? No, we're not sickin' with you a bit. I've wanted to say a bit out there. A bit self-indulgent. A bit self-indulgent.

That's the word, yeah. So there'll be no second say here. But I wanted to say that it's on I-player okay and I think it's a delightful little Christmas trait yeah maybe watching back-to-back and your fishing thing still on i-player for like a year or something in it I don't know what the daily of pull there well because you know it's like it's such sort of is it's so horrific is that a word what makes you go to sleep yeah yeah it's used as a health tool. I've got some wives questions here.

Oh, let's have them. So, here we go. Hello, Andrew, she says. Hello, Bob's wife. Dear Andrew, which one of your tips do you hang your Christmas stocking from? Good question. Alton, it's a, that don't get weird down.

Are you all to net? Nice. What is your favourite member of the quality straight gang? You know, you've quality straight suites. I thought, so yeah, I know. Good question. Can't afford quality straight. I get the Sainsbury's own brand. Which is just as tasty? Andrew, which is your favourite? You're aware of quality. Orange cream. I like orange cream. Do you? And everyone leaves them, don't they? Well, not my house, no. Do you like fight over them? So you prefer to the strawberry cream? I like the strawberry cream, so I've vaguely towards the orange cream over the years though. What's your nemesis, your enemy in the quality straight-ten? Oh, anything with a nut on it. Anything with a coconut on it? You don't

need that big purple bastard. That's got a nut on it. That's going to not in it, yeah. That's all right. It's all right in it. I thought, says the wife, you were going to say the tin, because the kids can use it to spew up in after one of your Christmas platas turns them towards the quesia, you know. OK. Andrew says the wife, will you cook a Christmas dinner

or just go at the Toby Carvery and do a runner or a waddle in your case? I don't know I'll just probably get something out of the bins around the back at like Tate I'm is that what you want? You'll have a frozen turkey 12 pounder. Yeah, maybe I will maybe I will yeah I'll took me youngest quadrant a Sunday of the day into the bridges shop center Yeah, to go and see Santa because he's he's almost the age now he's not that bothered, but he still kind of want to go and say Santa. Yeah. I had me Christmas jumper on, with the Rue Dolph, on the front, and he's lovely red nose and all that.

So, cured for about 20 minutes at the Grotto, because it was busy, finally got in, into the Grotto Centre's there. He says, come and sit beside Santa and all the, you know, all the stuff. Have you been a good boy this year, Jake and all this, what do you want for Christmas? And Jake says he wanted to draw, because every woman's to draw on this Christmas, don't they? And Santa's beards start to slip off a little bit

at the side, start to fall away. So I'm like, a coughed, like, try to discreetly point at him and point at the bed and say, you know, your beards come off Santa. He goes bright red, whips the entire bed off and he goes, see you fucking Corbin. You know, I'm in there, I'm in there. I'm in there, I'm in there.

He says, see you there with your festive red nose woolen wear on. Who do you think you are, Michael Boobley? Well, no, I'm just, I'm just having a nice Christmas experience with me son, taking it to say something. He says, what's your best Christmas? I don't know, they're all like nice, so I always have a nice Christmas different reasons each year, you know.

Is that whatever? Ask me my best one. Go on, ask me my best Christmas. This is alright, what's your best Christmas Jeremy? Labour Party, Christmas Party, 1984. I've got off with two women on the same night, both called Judith. Bush! Talk about Band-Aid! I don't know what that means. That's it, I said nothing, I don't know what that means, Jeremy.

And Jix's getting agitated now, Jix likes it. What's happening, Daddy? Why does Santa smell of earth and beetroot, Daddy? Where's the elf, Daddy? Corbin says, Billy Brad, he's gone for a shit! I had had enough of this by now I says I'll know when I go. Come on I'll pay a £5 to come and see Santa is the little present for the kid. And he just picks up a 12 inch decorative Christmas tree that was next to him, throws it at us, hits us right in the tits.

So I'm like, he goes, shit happens. So you know, jick was inconsolable. So I'll just tuck him off to the pop-up hippie crack shop and we had a bit of dinner But um, not nicely probably won't want to go and say Santa again after that. Oh, dear So that's the show. Well, you can explain to him surely. I'll try you try your best I'll try Bloody carbonate Yeah

Judith Say you know them Two Judith's Judith Han Might say you're been about that. I've been Judith Han and Judith Charm as I imagine. Judith Charm as I imagine. In 1984, they're the two Judith,

they were the two pre-Harmony Judith's of the Middle East. Yeah. Yeah. Bari Holm on it. Yes, please. Nice to marry. Busy lad. Yeah. He sent me like, you know, like Christmas, is it Christmas speech Christmas message

something like that he'd get a job as a CEO at a football club wouldn't he honestly he fricking wood especially in an off-east you know what I mean um so he's he sent me on a trip you know oh yeah so you can hear it yeah yeah yeah right so yeah you're Barry Homo no here um so listen I'm a success in all aspects of my life that I lead on behalf of the community and my life peers. You can be too if you follow my seven simple rules to make yourself an achievement magnet in the coming new year. One, drink fresh-grown coffee.

Is that his voice? Yeah. One, drink fresh grown coffee to give yourself an energy squirt when entering an important day segment. Could be a sales pitch, a client conflict resolution bout, or even a romance pitch. This is why they call me the camper Choo Choo Express and you should get on board if you want your destination to be prosperity city. 2. Stay in touch with technology advancement and development. I'm basically functioning at the level of an artificial intelligence unit at the moment. I'm at the cutting edge

of the achievement knife. Alexa, turn off the dehumidifier in the basement den, Alexa reset the burger alarm to Agent 007. Alexa subscribe me to Spotify Premium, I don't want any adverts interrupting my lady gripping sessions. Make your kitchen island the centre of your life as a non-Indian person in the United Kingdom of Happy Days. I am a big hitter. Take care of your physical appearance, hair sculpt every morning, oil your thighs after every soil drop, and make your slacks a-line every time, and your shirts loose and flirty.

Be ready and able to receive the love and adoration of others. Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, big point. And then, if you're a little bit more than a little bit more, then you're going to have to be a little bit more your shirts, loose and flirty. Be ready and able to receive the love and adoration of others. Yep, yep, yep, big point. If a lady takes your fancy, pop a banana in her shopping trolley. If the boss gives you a hug, pop a cigar in his briefcase, and if a colleague helps you, slip a pork pie in their pocket, all these gestures will be appreciated and should lead to influence and favour gestation. Finally, remember to switch mortgage provider every two years, switch

energy supplier every 12 months, and switch on to Barry Homeowner whenever I'm in your life space. Ciao Bellamonami and muchoscrashos por favor, and don't forget to fear the crackin oh that's it that was another bullshit nice tip they said then don't forget to figure the crackin don't yeah so he weirdy so sorted in his life but he fears of mythical mythical creature oh hey up are you here come by are you recording? Are you ready? Are you recording? Let me get him. It's right on time. I'll go and sit in the corner. Okay. Hey, Roy! Yeah, come in. Thank you very much. Take a seat. Oh, alright, Roy.

No, it's sun. Who's you mate, by the way? He looks like a green skinned swamp goblin. It's forgotten it's aile of choke weed extract. Woo hoo hoo. That's sorry, Roy, I don't quite understand your reference, so. It's from Woo Emma. It's choke weed, it's very effective venom in Woo Emma. You prepare it by brewing choke weed roots

with the fluid from a cat's bile duct. It's fucking lethal. And you're mightier, looks glum, as if he's forgotten to take you in the battle with him. He always made that down to the urban bentekay, it's for ever getting in, it was soaked for not packing sage kill. Oh right, I've got so it's from the from Warram a game, yeah. Game, a game, are you legit, really off your rocker? It's not a gaming nobend, it's a military campaign simulation, it's as far removed from

clue, that was all similar shit, as riding a bicycle is from a space flight. Right so but he said it's not a game but is there a like a board and pieces that come in a box that can't think? No you have to create the battlefield using scale models of war and weapons, war and marine escapes, it was impossible to re-modelermer character, and weapons. And you're alright, so where do you build the battlefield then? Well, any appropriate surface will suffice for wool-ermer, kitchen table about a 6'4 x 4'4' That's ideal, Ben Tecay, who uses a wool-papered pastry table. And just towns in, uses a 5'4' circular piece of plywood, that he's mounted on, get these horses legs. And it's for Jake Amphrey's from Beaty's spot, while he uses a sheet of fold steel that

was given to him by an actual lizard man. Oh, so he says. Yeah, so he says. Yeah, where'd you buy all the models and all this stuff? Well, games works up. It's the animal, warmer. All the game is relatively inexpensive of your rich. Okay, well that's very interesting, but moving away from Warhammer.

Warhammer. Warhammer. Warhammer. What? Warhammer. Woooow. Okay, yeah, moving away from Warhammer. Whoever.

What are your plans for Christmas, right? I know it's a busy period for football managers. Whoa, you're not wrong here, Bob. I've got three matches over Christmas. Yeah, you got a card if, sit you never, and I believe. No, no, been checking in, I'm freezing on the 23rd, time's in and been checking in the 26th,

and then eight, eight will be out and make Neil Warwick on the 2nd of January, lovely. All right, war, I'm here again. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, anyway, I've got to go now, and picking up a Funder Emma and a Lightning clothoth from Games Workshop It's gonna take me all the weekend to paint them. Yeah, well, what about the city match?

Right, what about it? There's Pep got an all-con on me already found out Canon very much that it So we could piece a biscuit bit warmer. Oh, oh, yeah, no, thank you. Well, thank you very much Right, what? What? What? What? Warhammer! Warhammer! Warhammer! Warhammer! Warhammer! Say your name! Warhammer! He's got the wrong way I think. Say your name. Oh, he left his shirt. He left his chalkboard portion behind. I see. So we try it.

But he's going to be upset if he goes in. He's got three matches in no choke. He's fucked. He mentioned Neil Warnock there. Yeah. And I was wondering if I could do anything like a Neil Warnock there. Yeah. I was wondering if I could do anything like a Neil Warnock impression. So I'm gonna give it a go, right?

Are you gonna learn it over Christmas? Well, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's right, though, isn't it? You know, I mean, I'm a bit old-fashioned, but it strikes me really, is it like that? Kind of, yeah. So, strikes me, some of these top clubs out, right? Right, though, they're not right, though, isn't it? But because I'm a little denolated, a walnut.

Can't be right, you know what I mean? Did you get my own coming from? No, it's not right. 6 out of 10. Can I introduce the sound effect at this point? Yeah, go on. Oh, it's helping for a buying. Hmm, what do you think?

Well, it's quite good. It's better or worse than your walnut. It's very insistent, it's better than my walnut. Hmm, what do you think? It's quite good. It's better or worse than your Warnock. It's very insistent, it's better than me Warnock. It's very insistent, isn't it? Very annoying, very insistent. Yeah. Okay, well, happy Christmas. Yes, you're welcome.

Yeah, I'm Mary New Year. And all of that, yeah. And, uh Christmas everyone. Thanks for listening to us and enjoying our Well, no, what he said, no, you don't know they're enjoying it, Andrew But you know, thank you. Thank you for giving us a chance If you're listening to it and not enjoying it then maybe you should consider your life choices a bit more in 2019 Yeah, do you listen to the Peter Crouch on no podcast? No, I don't know do you listen to the Gary Luna come on? Once or twice you any gods better than this. They're doing a life show, you to the Gary Linnikow? No. It's one so twice, yeah. And he goes, betton this. They're doing a life show, you know?

Is it betton this? No. Be sure. So yeah, bye bye. you