Athletico Mince - Ep. 88 - The Gas Man Cometh

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

A brand new Crime File, a message from Peter, a meat quiz, Lawro’s top ten, an update from Barry, the return of a very nasty character, and lots more. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to our Letico Mintz with me Bob Mortimer. It's so lovely to have you on board today and we hope you're enjoying good health and happiness in your lives. Before we commence the show I would like you to imagine you're laid on a blanket in a sundap of clearing with only the sound of birds' song for company. You stretch out your legs and arms and then out of the contented side, all as well in the world. You shut your own eyes and allow the gentle breeze to flow across your face. All this peace and serenity. And then inside the breeze you smell doctored, lighter purse but then heavy and fresh in your nostrils.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my co-host, Mr Andrew Dors. Oh, that was nice. I like the way that was going. Oh, sorry. Oh, Andrew Dorsen. And she's glad he's not your son. Oh, Mr. Dorsen. He comes from the sun, ladies. Oh, Mr. Dawson, he comes from sunlight. Oh Mr. Dawson, his chicken dip is a frozen.

That's Mr. Dawson, he comes from sunlight. Alright Andrew, morning Bob, did you enjoy that really did you enjoy me it was quite a wake up really well I know it was rude personally rude it was it covered one of your favorite topics which is dog dirt all right all right I don't know I stand by you know I've done don't know what's for you Andrew. Oh yeah, good, because I did one for you, but it fell apart, literally fell apart. Yeah, everything in it was it, quid.

Well, unlike yours, of course, mine is totally fair. Yeah, right, totally. That's all right, the listeners are the arbiters of these things, they've pointed out on more than one occasion when you ripped me off with this quiz. Andrew, the thought that I should know the price of a rat viewing podium. Where are you, kid?

Anyway, you're job man. It's been instinctive. You've been on a fail for these things. Buying power, chicken. Ding Wouge, burgers, peanuts, chops, give me just a little more time. So I've been to your favourite shop and give you even more of an advantage. As that, as that, right? As that, yeah.

No, literally, but you've been on the website. And I've only got three items, which has has you nice first so I'd like you to thank me for that. Thank you Robert. And it is you've got then the chicken, no chicken, then the chops, then the burgers. What's your final answer, Andy? Chicken, most expensive. He said large, didn't he? Large whole chicken. I'm gonna go chops then chicken then burgers. And... Yay! I was there.

When it comes to others, I cannot be beaten. Thank you very much. What was that quiz called again? That quiz was called Boeing Pop Chicken Ding Wouche Burgers. Beats! Give me just a little more time. Have you ever seen four pork chops? Yeah, it's not cheap.

No, it's four quid. Yeah, large whole chicken, three pound, 28. Yeah. And four quarter pound beef burgers, one pound, 97. I was very impressed with the price of a large chicken. I would be very impressed with the quality of the burgers though. Well, you never know. Some of those cheap ones are sweet, you know.

You, you, you, talking earlier, well, what happened last night and you said you had a roast beef. Yeah. You know, of those cheap ones are sweet, you know you talk nearly a little time Well, what I've been doing last night and you said you had a roast beef. Yeah, you know when you're carving the beef Do you have to like put your foot down on the handle like to really get into it? I don't understand because you're weak. Oh Because I'm like puny. Yeah, now I just get the wife to quit Or are you I clip away at it with nail clippers? Are you I clip away it with nail clippers? Have you ever seen those videos online?

Are you people putting pork chops in Coca-Cola? I've heard of it. This is your latest thing, isn't it? Watching food stuff on YouTube. Yeah, I like to watch food. What happens? Does it explode? Or is it at mentors, isn't it?

When you put mentors in a bathroom. When you put mentors into a pork chop. Yeah, no, you put pork chop into Coca-Cola. Right. And a lot of worms come out of it. No way. You should watch it. Oh, so you're telling me that my pork chops

from Asda are lauded with worms, pre-lauded with worms. I don't know, I've put something some coke found out. I'm activated by coke. I'd fuck with, you know, they've not got worms in wouldn't they? I'll ask. I'll ask if they've got worms in. I see you wearing a lovely t-shirt there which says shift worker. Shift worker. Are you on the shifts these days? Are you working shifts? I'm not working shift, but I used to when I've kept. When you were on the bins, on the bins, I've kept the, what's your favourite shift? The night or back. I like 10 till 6. 10 till 6. Yeah.

Yeah. Get a bit of a lion and then go straight the pole with six. Do you know what I mean? It's a lion. Yeah, fair enough. No one likes night shift in the house. That's a life where I live. Weirdos. I have never done an eye I've done that night filming. Night filming. Night filming. Night filming. What were your filming? Pop chops. The worms coming out of them. Randall and Hot Chop. Oh yeah. And it's interesting because there's a tradition on night shoots when you're filming. Night shoots. He's on a night shoot, sexy girl. And then there's a tradition of having corn beef hash.

Is that how that I think? The typical tradition. And then they're just cutting costs and told you there's a transition. No, it's a tradition. Okay. And you have it about four o'clock in the morning, I think the critical tradition. Or they're just cutting costs and told you was a transition. No, it's a tradition. OK. And you have about four o'clock in the morning, I think. Right. Can't be.

Fascinating. That sounds dreadful. Really? Yeah. Well, I don't know. If you're in that frame of mind, if you're on the night shift vibe, having cornbaf hash at any time, is all right? And it can't be fascist butyful in it.

Yeah. But I mean, four in the morning. Four in the morning, five in the morning. When the sun is just dawning, I'll take cold beef. Honestly, did I tell you, I'm sure I have, tell you my amusing when I was, when I was once funny, and it was on Randall and not Kirk. On the telly, yeah. Because Simon Pegg was climbing up the side of a building, yeah, on unlike those window things that suck to yeah and Selfs funny. I suppose it is a bit in it and as the director Charlie X and it was He had to on action he had to climb up. Yeah, yeah, and soon as Charlie show it action. I

Shoted suckers off What time was that about three-fifth day was very late. I was throwing off the set. Yeah The part was recast. Yeah, it missed me. Yeah come on beef speaking Italian. I've been watching your air your fishing show Oh, yeah, I saw the first one you like it It's on a weird time now. It's on at like eight o'clock Even is that but is that good time? I don't know. Was that because you target audience on the being bed by 9? That's about it.

I think it probably is. The people mind the people of the country. Are you being on kind about my show? I'm being on kind of your audience. Are you trying to get a third series of that? Well, yeah, you always want to work, don't you? That depends what it is. Yeah, I suppose so.

Good luck with that then. What, you didn't like it? No, I thought it was good. I just don't know whether I was stretching it with third series or not. There was a picture of you as a child as well. I noticed in the first episode. Yeah, one of that gorgeous. That was weird. Because I mean to me and to probably most of the listeners, you are like a man-child.

Yeah. So the CEO is an actual child. Child is a bit odd. Never mind. Barry Oman has been touched. You want to hear from him? Definitely do, yeah. Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. Yup, yup, yup. But Andrew, as if you didn't know, it's Barry C. Holmona. What's the C for my admirers ask?

Sailing ships in, I always repry, and their lives are enhanced. I've been asked by one of the normals who worship me to introduce this post-podcast and pass on to you a small segment of my nourishment. You want to touch the business sky, then give Barry C. a try. Never look back only forward, unless you're reversing your Audi into the service bay. Take your Camper Tew Tew skinny and ask for it extra hot. That way the chick behind the counter will know you can take the Heater Rooney.

Drink 3 litres of Aqua water a day minimum. I keep a water bottle attached to my bum bag like a pistol. Only this one fires hydration, not devastation and and I won't let you down, I'll just take you up. Up into the business sky. You will feel like you're making love. Make a love to a aging Frenchman. When you enter a room make yourself the center of attention. Top loudly, laugh loudly.

Adopt a wide leg stance and pull your slacks of high. So there's a noticeable lump up front. Moisturize every morning. My thighs are pretty dank chunky, so I apply a sliver to the crease. See the side of my balls. If you're chatting to a lady in the office, place your foot on a desk and hold her banana next to you and me, and that won't let you down. As long as you take you up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, And you feel, feel like you're making love.

Make it love your sewage outlet. Have your sewage outlet. At a sales conference where an open cornered, cotton shirt and buttons are the third rib, pull some chest hair through a buttonhole and twizzle it when in conversation. Maybe cut a bit off and pop it in a lady's handbag with your business card.

Carry some rice cakes and unsoldered nuts and your manbag to hand out to the ladies. White socks suggest that letticism. A digital watch suggests an understanding of size. But you shake a man's hand stroke, the palm with your finger, so they know it's intentional. And this won't let you down. It will take you up up up Up to the business car Where you will feel like you make a love Make a love in a Donald duck onesy. Oh Get out come on Oh, been a Donald Duck onesie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, get out. Come on.

That's Barry. That's a Barry again. He's on form. He's on form. The best thing about being in the Beatles was all the three digital watches. That's what I gave us our understanding of science. I've got some wife. I've got some wife questions. Are you interested? Yeah. Okay. Are we entertaining your kids during the holidays Andrew? Are you just sitting around drinking and smoking watching cartoons?

Just the usual. I'm there joining in. That's me usual routine when they're at school. What they're joining in now with the Fags the Bayer and the Leninga Jones. Loney Jones. Do you enjoy the classic Sondland summer salad of cold chicken dippers with a side salad up to Malta ketchup and crisps? No, it doesn't.

What's not a love about it? Of course. It's a beautiful dish, yeah. You got texture, yeah. Yeah, you got to cook them first, they leave them, go or call, you can't eat them frozen. Yeah, where'd you leave them to get cold on the other bath?

Just out in the yard. Oh, in the yard. Dippers in the yard. Do they have a chicken dip of festival in Sunderland? You know like we're chicken dip or ice cream, chicken dip of piella, chicken dip or I. What piella like? Piella, that's Spanish rice dish, like never out of it. No, I would don't, but I might start on. You should start. Yeah, you want to come open it. Not gonna, maybe the celebrity opening. No, I don't. No, the minimum I want Well, I will I will do it. I will do it if you take me on in a dipper challenge. Right. I don't know what that is. Most of it is in ten minutes. Right? Okay. For the charities. Yeah. I for the charities. All right. Where do you stand? I'm not no huge pile of pans that you sometimes see? It's just standing in the middle. Seriously though, coming up in the DIPF festival because I used to go up to the Hurricane

Burn YMC Summer Fair and used to try a rare type of celebrity that Norledmunds came one year in his helicopter, landed in the middle of the field, signed some autographs, fought off again, Ken Dodd, we had one year. You had Ken Dodd, no, for what was it called? Herringburn YMC, just a YMCS on the fair. Ken Dodd's supporting the YMCS so vigorously. What was wrong with the YMCL? I've got stuff about them. No, I ain't heard anything about it. I just... Well, why why? Not support them.

Slightly odd choice. I'm just seeing I went, it was the early 80s, it's just what we did. I'm just saying I went like, I sometimes think I'll never go again, but yeah, I didn't think I was there. What I went, I came down, I stood in queue for Ken Dodds autograph for about 20 minutes and his hair was on flattened down at the sides, it wasn't, you know, puffed up like he did. Oh, that's interesting.

That was off stage, Dodd, and he had a flat pint of scotch on the floor next to his table, where he was doing the autographs. Bloody hell, I'd like to remember that. Remember you never met, duddy? No, I went to one of your shows once, left after about three and a half hours. Really?

Oh God. Did you tell the joke you went to here? Yeah. Oh, well, they've even had his own goal, mate. Do you want to pat me dogbub? Yeah. Just on the table, in front of you. Yeah.

Just give it a little pat on it. All right. Wait, don't understand dog, they're you fuck lady. He he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he The Lancashire Village of Dunton was a peaceful enclave in the northwest of England, well known for its Dunton pottery and its famous resident Sean Daesh, manager of the Burnley Football Club team. One thing that could be guaranteed in Dunton was a life free from petty crime. That was until the night of the 12th of February 2019 when everything changed forever. Sean Dish was sat in his study enjoying a glass of wine with local nonsense potter Neil

Hunt. Sean was busy recording the latest motivational Wav to send to his squad I can't even be far to play me tune Oh man, um Sorry, I'm doing something. I'm leaving it all in this week. You can though. You know, I suppose it's easier in it. Yeah Come on beat maker Oh, it just opened as I thought it wasn't opening Here we go. The season is about to start and our first opponent is Southampton. They are South Coast fannies with a stripy kit, they've got a foreign manager, whereas I am a Brit. They prefer

a prawnsani to a non-filled bani, tackle them hard cause they're scared a lot and remember. Barbed wire, fish heads, shit, concrete, mud and carbs and that's the Burnley way. Smiling is for clowns, no laughter at our ground. Perform without joy, your reward a Savaloy. Never enter turn the crowd. If you start doing that, I'll find you a field that you can plow. Well Andrew, at that point, at that point, stop the wav. Stop the wav there. And well at that point there's a loud bang

and the sound of breaking glass at the front of the house. It sounded like an intruder. I'll put a brightened glass sound effect in there. Thank you. Okay. And a duh. And one of them is...

Yeah. Okay. That's the fun. Did you hear that, Sean? Probably a hanging basket falling or an open window smashing shut. Hanging basket to you having a laugh. I don't have flowers in sight in my garden. Just tarmac, modern vehicles. And I never leave a window open of an evening.

It hinders me getting a pie sweat on. I'd better go and investigate. Well be careful, there was an attempted breaking at my nonsense pottery last week. Good job I didn't catch them I would have chopped off their dick and roasted it in my nonsense kiln. Have these people no concept of property ownership the world is going to hell and back in a tot cart! Sean left the room to investigate the noise. Five minutes had passed when Neil heard footsteps coming along the hallway towards the study. The footsteps were loud. No sorry. The footsteps were loud and heavy. It could not be

Sean approaching as he was wearing his barnie the dynastone slip dynastone slippers when he left the room. Duh. A shadowy figure appeared at the study doorway and remained there silently staring towards Neil. Who are you? What you fucking want? What have you done to Sean? Fucking say something, will you?

But the stranger remains silent. Look what you want, what you fucking want! I'm just a nonsense, Potter! I haven't got any money! Listen, just fucking leave, leave! I won't call a police, and this whole satchel of long shits can just be forgotten, for Christ's sake, say something you fucking horse! And then the stranger spoke.

Take off your strides and andes and lie across the desk with your back fighting towards that sea out too along on the ceiling. He was South African and intent on assault. No way, no fucking way Jose, nobody, and I mean fucking nobody actually gets to see my ass apart from me and my brother, who you should know owns a sword shop. The stranger lifted his arm revealing the unmistakable shape of a baseball bat. He raised it slowly above his head. Alright, oh fucking right, Jesus, How can this be happening to lovely me? Elk, I'll have fucking church for Christ sake!

And I collect testicle club points! A percentage of which goes to some fucking charity or other! N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N right? did that... Indian? Sit there to put it right. Take that BT right of the desk and feed it into your irons. Are you off your fucking rocker? Look at the size of it! You can barely fit it inside a fucking bucket! Start with the Ethernet cable.

That should loosen things up and give you a bit of confidence. Suddenly Sean looked into the room armed with a large ceramic vase gifted to him by Neil. He brought it down in the stranger's head and he fell to the floor like a sack of wet clay. Oh thank you Sean. Oh thank fuck you are okay. The blokers are fucking nightmare! Total toddler! Sorry about your pot meal. That's okay Sean, I can always throw another nonsense pot! But you can't throw your ass in a kill!

Oh I don't know. I might do if it was Joey Bartons. And the two friends stood in the study laughing so hard. It was as if every insect in the world was currently telling a superb joke wow crime files so much together in one thing there that's a lot in here What can I do a song? Yeah, come on. Hey man, what's your name? My name is John.

Where you from? I'm from next door. What's your full name? John from next door. Hey man, what's your name? My name is John. Where you from? I'm from next door.

What's your full name? John from next door. Hey man, what's your name? My name is John, where you're from? I'm from next door. What's your full name? John from next door, John, if you like. Hey man, what's your name? My name is John, where you're from?

I'm from next door. What's your full name? John from next door. What's your full name? John from next door! And that is a song that can help you if you've got problems remembering your next door neighbours name. Just sing that song. Just sing that through your head a few times. Yeah.

If he's called John. Yeah, as good as say, only works with John, isn't it? It might work with a Ron or a Tom. Oh, that's Alan, John. Yeah, I was good to say. Only works with John, isn't it? It might work with a Ron or a Tom. Oh, that's Alan, John. Thank you. Being much out on the box. You know what? Very little. I'm trying to work me with Ro Gumora, right? Italian Mafia drama. It's on Sky Catch Up. Yes, not bad. There's five series of that weird throw because everyone says that's really good.

You reckon it's not bad. It's pretty good. It's good it's okay it's pretty good you know like a seven or something just a seven it's just a seven yeah I'm not gonna give it a nine I don't think so but do you think so what have you been watching on the telling well I've been watching yourself no I did watch myself see Is that weird? Watching yourself. I don't normally do it, but the fishing show. I'm just a scenery. It's a scenery, so lovely. It's just a scenery. It's quite a gentle, gentle pleasant show to watch. But what have I

been watching? I watched some day in thing with veg celebrities on it called something like dating. Let's go day in some of that. That won't very good one very good to be honest with you. I wish I hadn't watched police custody 24 hours last time because it was a good series, the repeatin' it now. Yeah, I saw it on the planner, I thought, oh it's a black book, it wasn't black, it was an old one. Because they put it on it at a time which wasn't, didn't feel like a repeat time.

There was night in the clock, yeah. There's the night, so our cops on the north finished. Final episode. For some reason, all the cops were dressed like there were ushers at a wedding. We were wearing weskets. Yeah. I didn't understand. I might have been, they might have filmed it during the World Cup during the World Cup. Yeah. I don't know. I've got a bit of beard lately. Okay. But I would like you to choose, or I've got a Steve McLaren. Well, I would like to have the Steve McLaren. Okay.

So, interesting, Andrew. It was the, last week was the day of the big lass' visitation under the court order. Big lass. To see, for it to see Casper the snake for the day, you know She hadn't turned up the last two visits, but Steve got Casper ready just in case you know He put a nice board tie around Casper's neck and Buffed up his scales with some Pearson's snakes getting reviver and polish, you know, lovely. Oh

Casper you look wonderful Like a golden trophy in the cabinet of the peacock king You know? Lovely. Oh, Casper, you look wonderful. Like a golden trophy in the cabinet of the Peacock King. You the most precious, yummy cable of pure candy flusty light in the whole wild world. And Casper smiled and licked his lips. Casper, shall we have a fun and after bar while we wait to see if she comes as a chocolate cuddle in every giggling suit.

Hey, I'm a bit nervous, I you Casper." Casper nods his head and swallowed six fun and laughter bars in quick succession. Hey, go easy Casper, we want some laughter over for when we watch the SpongeBob movie later. Well, just as Steve is dipping his fun and laughter bar into his cup of hot raabena, there's a knock on the door. It's the big glass and a new fella, Steve Evans, the Jillingham manager. Evans, right McClarin, where's the fucking sneak? We're taking it to McDonald's for a family meal. But, cack, oh, cack, oh, Caspid doesn't like McDonald's. He likes Waga Maga.

Don't care, me and the last of Boston for a double-quad the Banda Cheeseburger with bacon. I can large flies and it's strawberry milk cake. Don't forget that love. Look, I'm not sure about this Mr. Ethans. Casper's very particular about his food. And you do realise that he has a very sensitive stomach from when Brenda kicked him last year. Look, it's not up for a bit bit, mate. We've both got the sweats on so bagging up and hand him over.

Well, at this point Casper runs full-pelthup the stairs and disappears out of sight. Go and fetch him, McLaren. If we don't eat in the next 10 minutes, I'll have to cook the fucking sneak. How could you say such a thing? That would be like eating a bag of love. I would have my way of watered his shadow out fetch him.

The big lascoes upstairs. All right, she's shadowed out of it, she'm. The big glass goes upstairs. She's a wonderful woman, you lost thermoclaren. I've never known anyone who can demolish a whole turkey, like that less, then still have loom for a suit button. Yes, she's a false adnette, she isn't she? I do hope you'll be happy to get there. Do you go out much? Really, we both love trance music.

Especially the Swedish stuff. We tend to just sit at home with our headphones on listening to Auntie Luper Laguna while eating a delivery. What sort of music do you like McLaren? Casper and I tend to listen to bang. But to be honest we prefer the TV, especially Puyro and tipping point. Well at that moment there's a screen from upstairs and Brenda comes running down covered in chocolate coloured spew. It's obvious that Casper has blasted her with his sick fountain.

Come on Steve we're going, fuck that poxy snail, let's get Mackey's, I wish I'd never come here. And they'll leave the house. Steve looks up the stairs and Casper poxes head around the corner with a big grin on his face. So that's why you ate so many fun and laugh the bars. Casper, that is so naughty. But Steve has a big smile on his face and soon they are both laughing so hard. It's like all the individual molecules on the stair carpet have turned into jokes. Did you think that story was a bit like the Netflix series stair case? Because that sentence... That was a stag case.

And the act of violence. Oh wow. The movie, the movie, the act of violence might be an accident. Who knows? So yeah, I'll see a half like the star come on. It's really like it and they it's not really like it It's just got a staircase and a staircase and Well didn't even happen on the staircase and that up stairs away from the staircase. Oh you've got a new theory of yeah no I need a story she'd gone upstairs because the snake had gone up. I suppose you're right

I think he was in his bedroom when he spilled on us. So I'm going to say, no, nothing like that. Nothing like that. Actually, he can't be mouse shit. Nothing at all. Do you want to hear Mark Lawrence into a top 10 rundown for us? Yeah, go on. All right.

This is Mark Lawrence sitting here with my top 10 most beautiful things to look at. Number 10, city skylines, my favourite is Preston. Number 9, the ocean, Obbs. Number 8, Solar Eclipse. But do it safely, are you mad at girl, Bungide. Seven, stars, the ones in the sky. Number 6, stars, the ones on the silver screen. Number 5, Sunset. they make me drowsy.

Number 4, mountains, the pointy at the better response I'm concerned. I like to imagine God reaching down with a giant mountain sharpener sometimes. Number 3, a little dog, any kind, not first. Number 2, Barbara's Bob resides again, obviously. And number one of my top 10 beautiful things to look at, the powerful thighs of a world-class defender at the peak of his career, AJ Palo Maldini, that has been my top 10, thank you. Wow, very good, yeah think it's turned into Alan Bennett, I think Is he still doing the commentaries? There's the BBC have released their retained list

Yeah, the day of all of their analysts and pundits and commenters now and he's just he's still on there Right, but we don't hear much and I think it's like sort of if you're cut second round and stuff like that Where he gets to stand on the pitch in November for his and his tits off. I think it's probably a shame. Godfgrux is still on the list which is good. By me. He's been at his 30-90s now as a punter. Alright Bob.

I'm just sitting in a stair room as we went to the man thumb but his gash to come down the night in, fix the gas supply. We had to turn it off last night because the wife had smelt gas in the outing room. Big problem now is I used wife's got a massive shot on because she didn't get a sup ex, her midnight porches are a morning soft boilers and you know I'm seeing this angry for a good good while you know I did go and knock on the Albanian fall asleep last night if I you see, for cut uses, Mike went to knock up some eggs, but you know, he just dared at me as if I was an advert for a while,

and then told me to fuck off. So, when the white special this morning it was like walking in, you know, to that last hour in an exorcist and more scout of the only if you are a hero. Mollin' all that, just that a text from this cast saying there will be a anytime between 8 and 12 in. Good morning. Good morning, how the fuck can I do? Good morning, when I haven't so much as I've

a fucking sniff of hot egg since tea time put on yesterday. Well you will be fixed so low and I've got three dozen downstairs already a cook. Do you actually fucking relas how reliant I am on my egg intake? How do you think I put up living with the dosy clown like you? Eggs? I use eggs to reduce the pain and their fucking shame. But I don't mean I get lonely. Just with Jonathan and Sino making you laugh.

I'll fuck off your miserable prick. Why don't you go and stare at the length of fucking tongue and groove? That's why you're fucking good for. I'r prig, mae'r ddod i'r gwa'r sted yn y lenthu ff***d, yn gwrdd, ac mae'r ff***d yn gwrddfa! Yn yna, pwyntau, gwasm yn yna, a'i'r ff***dau yn ddeith. So, yw'r llaeth bwysf ddawnstau, mae'r anedd y ddod, o'r llwysfalo, narslytandod yn yw'n rhaid, yn yw'n rhaid, mae looking nice like it is, nice gas uniform. I love British gas, come to turn you on.

Oh, hello there, you can turn me on anytime you like. It's been a while. Come through and I'll show you where the meter is. Could I get you a nice cup of an abyskic selection? No, I'm alright, Vox. What if you'd something get a bit stronger? Maybe a sexy cocktail? I'm like one called Nick as I'm fire.

It's based on an egg for a knock. No, I'm okay. Well, don't hesitate to ask if there's anything I can for good and for good. You're a man testier here on the boiler, I think. All the pipes and he said he's not getting a reading for gas, but he agreed that there was a smell of gas near the boiler. New wife says. Yeah, let me have a fucking sniff in there.

I've got a very sensitive phone back. I can sniff out a bad egg within minutes of it going on the fucking hand. Would you like me to help me? I don't want your legs swelling like a juice in up in the... No, fuck off and sit on the stairs. I don't want you creeping about when I have got a company. I okay, lawyer, I will do. Right, let me squeeze past you and I'll have a good, foggin' wrote about.

You're a, then I hear a shout. What the fuck are you up for, for puffin' jacket don'tin' that, and why you're on? Well, at this point, you know, I'm I'm a real as I might be in deep shit. I fuck and stinks! What's this in the fucking pocket? Well, I know straight away what it is. It's a selection of me pockets, I've forgotten the tag out in the purple buffer. More precisely, a club stick close to there, a chicken wrap and a corn beef slice. Mae'n gwaith i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwb i'r cylwith i'n gwaith, mae'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwaith i'n gwa You're so inclined in pleasant. Let me show you a foot dog. I should tell you

a superiors what you gentlemen you're fucking me. You're a very nice lady. Why can't you be a decent good-looking man like him? Now get in that fucking kitchen and knock me up on that egg omelette with a couple of porches on top. I don't want to see your fucking wucky face again unless it's delivering me my ho-con ex. Yeah, I will do so sorry, I'm back in the spare room waiting for you to get the concrete went so I can take the wife, but take her and punish her, but if only I'd eaten them and panor scrambled. Oh, did you finally add any lemon pocketmakes in there? Anyway, I got a couple of jokes from me, all jokes,

but in Oslo, you and I, you enjoyed them, so... I went to a pet shop in about 12 b's, the shopkeeper gave me 30, and I said, you gave me one too many he said that well that last one is a freebie I actually don't wish swallet jump string last night I shit you not did you know that you don't have any training to be a bin man? They're just pick it up as legal. Say Bob, one peat the beater, no you aren't peat the beater.

Peater that ain't trouble again. Oh man, you know what I worry about his wife, does she ever get egg bound, do you think? Well, no, I mean, it's no mention of it, is it? Is it a real thing egg bound? I don't know. Have you ever considered of it?

I've never had any, I've never had any of eggs. It's kind of sort of to be afflicted by, you know. People talk about it, don't they? People do, people say careful. Fick moon landings as well, but. I thought that happened or not. You reckon that's your conspiracy to you? You'd like to bottle us a course of moon landings up.

Oh, well, Andrew Dawson says, of course, they happened. I will blaster me at any conspiracies you want to fire up me. Oh, you've really gone into it in depth? The moon landings, yeah. Same at the telly. What about that photo of the vehicle? I don't know anything about them, like of whatever it is a Apollo something.

I don't know what you're talking about. The photo that's taken behind it with the moon, then the Apollo 11 camera on a tripod or something, and it's gonna come out, it will come out with the rocket. What, like about 900 feet? Probably, yeah. Oh, I've come with it.

I'm gonna be in a reverse zoom. I'll think it happened. Of course it happened. Of course it happened. Anyway. Well, new season started in Andrew, so we'll be getting stuck into that zone. Yeah, do you have any predictions for?

Well, I worked for me for, because I nailed it last year, I'm very much. So yeah, and spooky. I'll wait till transfer window, because I think there could be a few comments and goings in these next couple of days. I would have worked till the start of me before I met my predictions, yes. No, I'm wait till next week. I'll tell you one thing I know for sure, what is that no club will ever leave the championship that's got Pontus Jansen or Richard Keo playing the back. They're both fine players actually, but they've got that one man army approach that warps the psychology of the team. So it's good news for leads I suspect. Bad news for Brentford probably bad news for Derby if they continue to use him

I mean, I was gonna go for whole and I still might go for whole But the change the manager are the Stu really got some good young players there Okay, well Anywhere okay, see you around like thanks everyone one.