Athletico Mince - Ep. 90 - Stan Watson's Oily Wipes

Episode Date: September 13, 2019

Unidents, Talksport, quizzing, corned beef on Teesside, and Neil Hunt meets the White Harts…  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So a dinner party conversation have we started the podcast? I don't know, Andrew, one. Um, isn't it unusual? Like, you go on holiday, one week isn't enough, two weeks is always too much, and the dinner party laps. You were speaking to a man who's just returned from my 11-day holiday. And 11-day, was it enough? Sure, it's right. No, it wasn't enough. I could have done a month. So in the dinner party, you would have said.

So actually, I just did 11 days, and I think it was absolutely bang-off. I wasn't able to bang me first on the table. I got a color done a month. I wouldn't be here now. No, I think we owe dickheads. I bet you were glad to get home. You were kids weren't you? No disrespect to the kids. I was with my kids, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I'd like to say I could have done a month, not necessarily with the kids. Pastel sign this morning, Andy. Did you know, I look out for them now when I'm calling the podcast. It said, are you feeling a bit flat? Well don't have a flat white instead you know on a chalkboard it's useless in it. Are you feeling flat? I'll have a flat white

instead. I'll have something that's flat instead. Make you say more flat. What's your favourite flat thing? I think I've probably got a wallpaper wall paper piston table at a car boot sill. That's nice and flat. Full of goodies. The actually handle of the surface is flat, but it's not a flat item. What are you regarding as a flat item? All right, a 12 inch single.

12 inch single? Yeah, that's nice and flat. 12 inch single by the day of the day, Rama. Oh, please, please, I beg of you, Dodd. And it's got grooves in it. Which is nice, isn't it? They're not flat though, are they? The grooves.

So hold on. So that's not a flat item? Anyway, we should start. Flathead. Should start a podcast. So I've got a little bit of music to help us get in the mood, Andrew. Hello, my name is Bob Mortimer, and may I welcome you to Athletic Ominz. I hope today finds you in good health and with ample storage solutions around your home.

Before we commence, may I invite you to imagine you are strolling through the cobbled market of a small town in Provence. Your senses are full of the aroma emanating from the food stalls and the flowers, rosemary, cherry blossom, fragrant honey and aromatic spices. You sit at a table on the square and gently sip on a glass of local wine whilst enjoying a shakutri plate. The sky is as blue and as you recline your head to take in the sounds of the square, your face is cooled by the mist from the 18th century market square fountain. And then a coarse white shout out into interrupting your peace. It's a fat squat pale skinned Englishman waddling across the square in his football shirt.

As he passes your table, he screams, Kevin Phillips shits on Frenchman and as Spital covers your shackle to be. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my co-host, Mr Andrew Doz. Oh, Mr. Doz, Mr Andrew Dawson. Oh Mr Dawson. Mr Dawson. He thinks he's a sportsman.

Well, the sportsman. Oh Mr Dawson. Mr Dawson. He thinks he's important. I'm important. God of fests like a jing shing. Oh, he likes his drinks blue. So, there you go, Andrew.

Yeah, we are. Thank you very much for that beautiful introduction once again. Did you enjoy it? Yes, in this moment. It was alright. It felt quite realistic. I could have much of yourself doing that. As I was off, we're through it. You know, confession. I realised I'd written too many words. So, I've got to pick up.

Yeah, you're trying to come them all in just in time. Jack, come them in. Never mind. May you get it right next time. I had an unusual incident earlier, would you like to do it? What? What? Go on, let's tell us. I was sitting in me travel lunch this morning,

just minding me on business with the window up and all that. And I looked at the window and all of a sudden this huge pool came up the, it was like on an L shape, I'm on a corner, areas there's an L shape. And the opposite bit, this huge pool where the brush on the end comes up and starts rubbing the wall. It's a window cleaner.

Well, what's your rub in the wall for Bob? It's a region wash. I mean, you're obviously familiar with a region wash because, you know, it's the way you live in all of us. Because I haven't got much of a reach. It's the lifestyle. You're right now, you have to use one of those poles just to claim the cat flap. Probably. I've got to clean the underside of the cat. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're now. Really? I've got blinds. No, I've, oh, I've got a blind somewhere. No, I haven't got a blind. Just windows open on the world. I've got shut us.

Oh, I was going to ask him what shut us next, but I didn't think I would. But really, you were going to ask about shut us. Of course, I wasn't going to ask about shut us. Have you ever got underneath a horse and have a look around and see what's under there. They don't stand still long enough for me. You're a bit scared of us is there.

Well, I'd have to like, dop it or something first. Hey, this is a potential. And I wouldn't dop a horse just to have a look underneath it. I'd fair it anyway. What animal are you most likely to look underneath? I'd be looked under. I'd be looking most likely to dop. To look underneath.

What's got your high animal, isn't it? Like a horse. I think you should be on your back, You know, like a mechanic. Yeah, on a trolley on a trolley. Yeah, go under it Nothing else never done it all the animals that size I could walk under a giraffe. Maybe if it was duped Yeah, but not too dope that it would fall over. I don't want them duped That makes puts a terrible tinge on it. I've done a cow. I've done a horse. Right. And I intend to do the Christmas beast, the reindeer. So there you go. Not a giraffe. Not elephant. Why would I want to get under an elephant?

Yes, well, the... Andrew, you need dent or not you need dent. Yeah. You're usually innocent or not. I was on me trampoline with me son this weekend and I jumped so high, not main in tow, just seemed to get the bounce and the ratio right, that I actually got above a bird's nest in a tree and I glimpsed inside and in there was a wood pigeon wearing a mill well shirt Did that happen? Of course he fucking didn't Oh you got it, I do a fuck out

Yeah Do you want me to carry on with something? Or do you just want to check? Another unit then, I've got one someone sent in Daniel Heady or Heady, other He says, is this an unusual incident unit then? Walking home to the tube from work on Monday, I saw a block with one arm.

Then about six minutes later, I saw another block with one arm. CmR was missing the right one. What do you reckon? Unident. Unident confirmed here. No, I reckon I'm you take conference. What you reckon they're like a conference. Why would not?

Everyone loves a conference. Everyone knows the conference. What's the other thing? They don't know the people that like them. Sneather, I went up to Middlesbrough for a Millwall match, Andrew. Right. Got me ticket online. Didn't interest the date, Neil. So that shows, basically, I'm like, I T.

I just arrived a bit early, so I went and have a look at me old house and that and popped into me local pub called the Endeavour. Can you tell us more about looking at your old house? Did you go in? No I didn't go in. I'd like to go in, you know I've got a lot of memories there. I looked at the Grand Zoldhouse recently. Did you?

Did you have made a lot of changes? I'm not happy. Well were you intending to burgle it? No I was going to have a look. You were carest in it. No. It's nice to go back to an old house and it changes, I'm not happy. Well, were you intending to burgle it? No, I was gonna have a look. You were caressing it. No. It's nice to go back to an old house, and it, I think I was.

No, I was changed it. The will of change, it. They've changed it. Yeah, put like a new garage in and everything. But if you went inside, you'd see, you'd see a little detail that would make you emotional, you know, like a door, no, borough, window that you used to fiddle with or something.

Yeah, don't let me in though. So I went in and I ordered a pint of some smith, quite like it, big head on it, you know, up north, and a corn beef toast because I always remember when I was young, we used to love the corn beef toasties and they still do it. I love any product or corn beef in it. It's a beautiful thing. It's a magnificent beef. So it's a really nice choice of filling the corn beef, beef, or a tortilla in it, and beef.

It gives me a corn, beef, pasta, from Greg's, and I'm a very happy man. Laura people, like in Greg's at the moment, I draw something changed. Well, Greg's is for everyone now, cause the salads are like healthy stuff as well as all the nasty shit. What do you mean?

They put something healthy inside the normal, Greg's patty. No, no, you can have, you can have like a corn, beef, pasta, but they're also, they're like, little tubs of carrot sticks and they do salads and stuff they do. The vegan sausage roll obviously, which is quite tasty, I've had one. So do you buy your carrots, you know, like for a sunda roast or something, do you buy your carrots? I buy them for Greg's, yeah. Yeah, and I glue them all together with a larger carrot shape. Yeah, if I'm having a salad at home, like a luncheon mate salad or egg salad

and I get the salad from McDonald's. Yeah. Have we tried the one from Subway? I don't understand Subway. I don't understand it. It's too complicated. It's too many questions, isn't it? I mean, I'm not having it on.

Would you do it if you could order it online? Yeah, I might get a little bit rude or something. Right. They anywhere. Anyway, so I just had my first bite of me toasty and the inside was really hot. That's the boat. I remembered instantly that it used to be a problem.

Most burners was out. Yeah, no for the mouth. Well, there's almo at some point you'd say, wouldn't you? And it made me smile because I remembered it, you know, and the steam came out and so that's a nice little memory, isn't it? It is, yeah. It's like your memory bag. What's the book? it you know and the steam came out and so that's a nice little memory in it. It is yeah it's like your memory bag. What's the book? The greatest book ever written pro-st, pro-st. Is it? Remembrance of things past and it's a biscuit or something

that reminds them of this this or- I didn't already universally go back to the North. Did you not? I would for a year I got kicked out. Why did you get kicked out? Do like have attendance in appropriate behavior? No Well, if you call not turning up in a pro career Yeah, I can you turn off was awful everyone else was a bellend. Oh, right. I was the cool kid Yeah, I was the only cool kid and everyone else was a bellend what you university was there son of polytechnic Obviously What you said son of polytechnic is full of balance in 1991 it was yeah

All right, well then I became aware that someone had sat down immediately behind me Yeah, I don't look round because it's quite dodgy pub to be honest and then I hear a voice right yeah Robert Robert God, I thought I might find you here Robert you want an nostalgia chip or your Robert God I thought a map found you here Robert you want an nostalgia chip or your Robert So it's the old man of course I turn around behind me. I I turn around boy He doesn't he doesn't and I'm just looking at the back of his head. He's wearing a vest your singlet And I can't call it it's a beige It's a cannot but admire is massive shoulders. Yeah, massive shoulders.

A lot of little islands of hair. Yeah. A lot of liver spots. It's quite sight-ending. I said, oh, yeah, hello, old man. Yes, boss, I'm on a nostalgia trip. I got here a bit early for the match like, you know. He says, Robert, I want you to listen very carefully, Robert.

My SUV is in the car park, Robert. It's a black Ford S-Max and it's unlocked, Robert. I'll join you in a couple of minutes. Well, I don't know what it is, Andy, but like with the like, heady smell coming from his hair cream and his sweat, I just kind of, as far as I'd say, lost lately since. It's a little bit. It says, I said, is it okay if I finish off me combie? A toasty. Has it got onions on it, Robert? I said, yes. Lovely. No, leave it here. I'll deal with that. And don't look at me as you leave. I don't want people knowing that we've spoken, Robert. So I go out into the car park, showing off there's an S-Max max I get into the passenger seat and I kind of made it at least smell bleach.

You know what that means I'm doing, aren't you? It's the Vicka. It's the Vicka with the twitch as well as a bleach. Town Clark is in there in just a pair of football shorts and cowboy boots and the head of planning Roy Swift. Oh I don't think I've mentioned before. I don't think you have. He's about 60-year-old skinny, got a comb over, and he won the usual back story this. He lost one of his hands in the swordfighting Aldi. Up your teeth again. I said, oh, I got it.

Do you know what was the sword? Had he brought the sword in? Aldi always attacked from the crisey aisle. He was a child. The cell in them. I don't know the modern that, you attacked from the crisey aisle. He was attacked selling them. I don't know the modern, that there's an altercation. He lost his hand. I said, all right, lads, but none of them said a word.

They're just dead at me, like I'm a billboard or something. Though I do notice that the town clerk lips his lips and they're vicar, like a justice position suggests. And he might just let our little Tommy Squaker on it. So, got one for them. The driver door opens and then comes the alderman. So Robert, the gang's all here, let's party Robert. And at that point in the gang, all open cans aside, the alderman turns up the sound system.

It's playing like Croatian trance music. You know that? You know, Iggy dub, Garissa, yeah You know it well, yeah, so we drive off and we end up on an industrial state near the Riverside stadium Yeah, so as we park up the music stops and the alderman removes his vest releasing a whole Shit storm of ferragons, yeah? We can imagine. Could you say the wind has shut, and I can feel the resistance

flagging Andy, and then it's Crony. Mine's dropping down. Just hearing about us. Then his Crony's chirp up from the back, kiss the old man, kiss the old man, kiss the old man. Well, I noticed that he has a little lump of corn beef stuck to his lip. Oh God Choice really I slowly bring the lips close to the old man Oh don't and I gently lick the corn beef lump off his lip

Then roll it Roll it around his tongue Taking it for myself good Good lad, Rowling. Man, now go and enjoy the game. Go and, Rowling, get out. And the alderman and his coronies, like, laughed so hard. It was as if every supporter going to the match had just spoken the most incredible pun ever made.

So I went to the game and as you know I managed to keep that little lump of corn beef in me mouth for the whole first half. Took me, took me man of what was actually a pretty awful game and what was the score? The score was one all. I took the corn beef out and maybe wrapped it in cling film and kept it forever. In the freezer. I tried it up. Put it in for maldehyde. Something like that, yeah. It's a joke on the marketplace. What do you want to say to me? I've got nothing to say but Mark Lawrence has got a top 10 to read outdoors.

I like these. Mark Lawrence in here with my top 10 dream jobs. Ten town planner, closest thing I could imagine to play in God. Nine, lifeguard, indopu, or seaside, not first, 8, astronomer, quite low on my list due to my fear of going bon-eyed, 7, cinema projectionists, can't imagine any other job that would give pleasure to so many people at once, 6, baker, not sure why, usually despise hot rooms. Five traffic warden, not only joking, they're vermin. Four, but boil analyst, I suppose I should include this,

is that quite like it? Three, courtroom artist, beautiful fusion of art and brutality. Two pedigree rabbit breeders, all I'll say is, watch this space, lull. number one, top 10 dream jobs, pest controller, only for an established firm though, the thought of the freelance life gives me the jitters, that's me Mark Lawrenceon and those are my top 10 dream jobs. Thank you Mark. Good choices, I part. Yeah, strong. Really strong.

I do, I do seven of them myself. Yeah, which, I'm not telling you. The three I wouldn't do. Well, you look like a Berger. Well, yeah, obviously, that's a top number one. The three I wouldn't do would be traffic warden. Yeah. Cinema projectionists, you need to sit through films and lifeguard.

Yeah. I'm telling you, I tell you who needs to sit through films, someone who wants to watch the film. Just saying, you know, I thought you were going to say like barring home and I didn't think you'd see something even worse than that. I've got a couple of questions for you guys. Go on then. First of all, do you reckon you go go still too shy? I mean, you know, I reckon it was like 90. So there were young men then,

and we all be called more confident as we get all the dovetail, we get more assertive. Maybe they've been listening to one of them, Paul McKenna, hypnosis tips. Do you know, make yourself more assertive? As you think, any thoughts about that? Yes, there are.

Yes. They were referring to a third party, your two to share. They might be referring to one of the other members of the band. So, Lamar might have been seeing it about Nick Begg's, the one with the pegs in his hair. Nick Begg's was a bit shy, wasn't he? He was. And he could try to compensate by putting pegs in his hair. Well, I've got some put pegs in his hair, because I, and then Lamar left and he became the singer. Yeah. But he never pulled it off. And what's he doing now? I think he's a Christian. No, he's a radish farmer. Is he? Okay. And also what have Arsenal?

Yes. By and Munich. Yes. And Celtic. Got in common. I think they've got fuck on. Oh, they've covered Andrew. You're not going to get me with that. I'll before I drop that on it. Oh there was a good talk spot this week and you know it was so good I did was I yeah I said to it. Have you got as a waver in MP3? I got it as a waver. Yeah good. So let's have a listen to that. It was Jim White sure. Good you know. Right there you are welcome to that. It was Jim White, sure. Good, you know. Right, there you are. Welcome to Talksport with me, Jim White, and my co-host, ex-crystal, palace, chairman, Simon Jordan. How exciting is that?

I'm so excited that the hepatic duct in my gall bladder is beginning to descend. May cause bile to be released into my bloodstream, so that's just another level of excitement in my incredible show. Tell me Simon, how excited are you to be on the gym white show? Oh, I'm over the proverbial moon to be present here, I'm besides oneself with excitement in expecting a little of the currencies and personal transactions of utterances. Oh my God, you are an intelligent man. How exciting is that intelligence listeners? I tell you how exciting. I've just ruptured this prolific

specter at the base of my stomach. That's going to cause all sorts of mock to leak into Medoo Adenum. How's Bells? What of it? That's what I say. So Simon, exciting news just in from one of my contacts. Apparently the curbing, am I still Scottish? I don't know where it's drifting off to. It's not quite, is it? It's not quite, is it? Apparently the curbing on the grass parking area behind the west end at yourville town is to be raised by three inches to improve drainage.

How exciting is that? That's a humdinger on the excitement, computation, axis. I've always said, and I said this when I was a chairman of Crystal Palace, that the ambience and functionality of the environment surrounding the ground is tantament to being paramount. I spent thousands on curbing and hard-land-skipping at's Road and regrets I overfew will one actually that I didn't spend more. Wow that's amazing! Thousands of actual pounds! Falling and tell me what's the most you've ever spent on curbing and hard landscaping! I can't wait to hear from you! Oops, Pang! There goes my gastric band! Too much excitement! Join me after this message! gastric band, too much excitement, join me after this message. Oh no my kitten has done a whoopsie on my carpet again, what am I gonna do? I can't get rid of the cut cause I love

it or Peter passes a spoon and a cloth. Luckily why don't you just buy a can of candy butter, just spray it in the areas you cut like a poop and caddy butter. Just spit on the areas your cat likes to poop and it will be turned right after very idea. It smells like lion's sod. So the cat put its woodless to its humans. Oh why didn't you tell while there's six weeks ago? Because I find pleasure in your suffering. If you can't pitch covered in kitty's batter you can't pitch covered in Kitties better, you can't go wrong with Katty better. Katty better is an unlicensed formula, various and identified chemicals. Do not spray near or directly onto your pet. Right, well back with my special guest Simon John talking about a topic that's very

close to every football supporters heart. And that's curb heights. What do you think is the ideal curb height Simon? Well, that depends on a number of isolating variables. It's, is it a jation or contiduous to a public highway? Will it need to be transgressed in an emergency or categoristic denouement? It's, is it in any way low bearing?

Could it possibly be a potential trip hazard? Do we have the where we're all for the epitude of this scenario? I didn't know there was so much involved that turning out to be such an exciting topic. You remember that hepatic valve I mentioned in my gall bladder? Well, it's just ruptured with all this excitement and I can actually feel the bile pushing up into my throat. That's excitement, they're on a plate. That's the gym white show, back in a minute, after this message. Is your mouth always dry?

Is your skin always itchy? Do your feet flare, count your socks? Do your hands feel rough and dehydrated? If this sounds like you, then you might be suffering from syphelia and Stan Watson's oily wipes could relieve your symptoms. Stan Watson's oily wipes, available from all good independent lubricant outlets. Syphelia is a yet unrecognised and unproven condition. Oh, it's got to be. Always consult your doctor before applying industrial sludge to right. Always consult your doctor before applying industry or sludge directly to your skin And I turned the tape off

Can we get some of these oily white plays stand-moves? Can you get in touch with stand-whats and get in touch? I get in touch please do TV and movies wise Andrew. You know I'm a YouTuber now You do not watch a YouTube. I can't kick up with that because I don't know where you're going Please man, I've got a recommendation for you Russian slapping competitions I'll what kind of sound it I want him going about it. Don't fucking not have a look at it. Okay. All right Russian slapping competitions Is there anything else you want to say about them? I'll just say just go and look just go

what's the look and look just putting your search for a YouTube Russian slapping competitions. Okay, and the other one on YouTube I'd give a recommendation to you search would be opening food from the 1960s, right, and they got how you find these things are you just putting these things in? You just have to think I fancy saying someone up and food from the 1960s I wonder if it's on YouTube. YouTube's clever than you think right? So I go Russian slapping because my son recommended it to me. Yeah. And then that beneath that as you flick down, that's sort of what you're looking for. Yeah, it rings your mind. Yeah, and it's frightened by that. No, that's okay, Barney, because it'll bang on. It helped me. You know, there is a positive side to it.

You're not frightened that the robots are kind of getting inside your head and telling you what to do. Well, if they're telling me to watch 1960s, tens of prunes So, I'm absolutely in favour of it, yeah. Would you want to do a little quiz? Gondon. It's a quiz I call Ringel or Marlin. OK. Now then, bunch of questions, Trowa Folls. Right.

And if they're true, I'll say, free sweeties. And who's that? At a ringel star, obviously. You know, the best thing about being in the Beatles was all the free sweeties. The worst thing about all the free sweeties was all the diabetes And if they're false I'll say more like

But will you do the laugh? I don't know if it's time gone then Let's see In Japan, they're brought square water Millens. True. Free Sweeties. True, correct. This is working well. But it's something... Sonic the Hedgehog's real name is Jason Troy Hedgehog.

True. Marlene! False. It's actually Ogle V. Morris Hedgehog. All right, fair enough. Dogs are banned from an entire continent. True. Free Sweeties and Tartica. Dogs are banned from an entire continent. Two. Three sweeties and tautica. Dogs are banned. Tarzan's real name was John Tarzan.

Fals. Marlene. It is F! Some of them were a bit boring. Uh, one more. In 1588, there was a dancing plague for the show. Free Sweeties! There was the dance fever of 1588. It was a month-long plague that swept up a French city. People would overcome with the registered dance and several dance to liddied. True.

Wow. There you go. I suspect it wouldn't take a whole lot of scrutiny, that fact. But yeah, I don't think any witnesses are still alive to date a very fire, I don't know, I just say that. I enjoyed that quiz,

I really bring it back. I made it and then we'll go through it. Um, do you want to crime files? If that you can't do it. You do one one. Yeah. Um, so you're ready with the do ready now. Crime files. No I'm ready. Fear is irrational. Fear does not respond in a sober and measured way based on factual information. It's primal. It's animalistic. For the most part we fear things that don't make sense. Monsters in the dark waiting for their turn. We fear the depravity of man and what can happen when it's unleashed. But there are fears that are real and are actually based on fact and observed behaviour. Welcome to Crime Files.

It wasn't ready. It wasn't ready. The Hertfordshire town of Cuffley has a population of around 4,000 people, the majority of whom are law-abiding on a citizens, but in recent years, crime rates have soared due to the arrival of the phenomena known as the rural gang, and one gang in particular has caused havoc to this once peaceful, unclave. Yeah, good. Like Simon Jordan. The big word. The White Hearts gang and its leader, Mr Harry Kane. Alright, have you?

Sunday, the second of March 2019, and local nonsense potter Neil Hunt was sat in his nonsense pottery, glazing a small water jug whilst his latest, unsellable pottery whimsy pieces were firing in the kiln. Suddenly, his double barn, double barn-style doors flew open and there stood three of the notorious Whitehark angthugs. Harry Kane, Eric Dyer and Song Hong Min. Harry was the first to speak. Is this the nonsense part of a?

Yes, it is, but we're shut. Can't believe and come back tomorrow. But we need some nonsense part of it today. Debbie is bought an air rifle and we want some nonsense tipped up to fire at. My pottery pieces are not for target practice. There's hours of work goes into each piece. How dare you suggest such a use for them. What an insult, just please leave and don't bother coming back. How dare you talk to our boss like that says Debbie. Have you had an argument with your boom power? Is your hurting or something?

Excuse me, but what's in the fucking name of everything normal and civilized as a fucking boomer? It's Eric dire hips in it's Street name fucking for Street, name. Fucking hell Eric. For... girlfriend. Well, I haven't got one of them, so... No, I haven't had an argument with my fucking boom bar. Now, go will you, you morons? Excuse me, nonsense, Potter, but you are being very coarse and ill-mannered.

In fact, you are bordering on cantankerous. It's very upsetting and unpleasant to boot. Debbie, chip tin. You better watch yourself, Potter. If Harry gets into a fluffery buffery, there will be hell to pair with a cream horn on top and a cocktail sausage for Addydon'ts. Look, I don't know what you two and your slow-meter.

I don't know, sorry. Look, I don't know who you two and your slow-meter. I don't know, sorry. Look, I don't know who you and your two, your slow-meter. But I'm Neil fucking hunt. And I don't put up with your fucking time. Now leave before I phone the police. At this juncture, the three white hearts move into the workshop and start towering above Neil, sat at his glazing table. above Neil sat at his glazing table. Harry is the next to speak. Do you want to feel our fursh's hate, Potter? No, I want you to feel the breeze as you fuck

off out of here and leave me a peace. For Christ's sake, I was a church this morning taking my time to fucking pray for morons like you. Harry. Right, that's it. What you have said is very upsetting and disagreeable. I am now fully buffery fluffed. Apologize, you are intro-it. You heard the man says Debbie. Apologize, are you being very serious trouble? We might even tell your parents about your behavior! I apologise, I fucking apologise! You can stick that idea up your ass with a fucking rolling bin! I'm not scared of you, and did I tell you my brother owns a sword shop?

Yes, a fucking sword shop! Right? Sorry. Right, Derek, go over to that sink and fill up a jug with lukewarm water Eric Yes Fucking hell Harry Debbie takes some of that kitchen towel and dampen it with cold water make it really soggy and be careful not to drip it on your trainers though What are you? What are you? What are though. What are you fucking doing? That's my sink, my water,

and my four ply paper, towering roll. How dare you, how fucking dare you! Last chance, Potter, you won't like it when you don't you co- Oh, sorry. I tell you what. If I am put- I tell you what. I apologize. Why don't you come over to- Right. Okay, then I tell you what. I do apologize. Why don't you come over to... Right. OK, then I tell you what, I do apologise. Why don't you come over to my kill and have a look at my latest whimsies? You could select a few for your target practice. And you, he would see sense,

the threat of warm water has made him realise his error. Neil took Harry over to the kill endore, and opened it fully, so that the heat from inside hit Harry in his face like a jet engine on a runway. Harry's magic chin immediately ignited. Debbie help me! My magic chin is on fire!

That was it quickly! Our season will be in tatters! Erick and Debbie use the jug of water and the soggy tissue to extinguish the magic chin flames. Ha! Fucking har! You trio of fucking Todd warriors! Go on, get out! I'm Neil fucking hun! Nonsense potter and lord of the fucking kill! Come back here again and have destroy that fucking chin for good! The white hearts left, Debbie and Tears.

Boss, do you think your chin has lost much power, Harry? I doubt it, Debbie, because you and Eric were very quick to respond. When I get home, I'm going to fashion bravery medals for you both out of tin file and muheben. Debbie replied, Asabos, you really felt the ferocious hate there, didn't you? And all three of them laugh as if every individual poor on Harry's face was blowing a raspberry. That's crime files. Oh. Oh, there. I just got to say, Neil Hunt, I think, his customer service skills label ought to be desired.

Well, I know he wasn't working for business, but, you know, when he was a company... No, when he was a company. ...they wanted a sh- yeah, well, that work he's putting. Well, no, but, you know, he didn't know that first. They could have just been regular customers. I suppose, I suppose. You've made a fair point, and...

Oh, that one I draw, I think. BELL RINGS Shall I do a little, um, uh, what you call him? Sean Dache. Go on, do a little one of them. So, Andrew, Mr. Dache. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dache, Dache. So Andrew, Mr Daish, since we last convened of course Sunderland's second string, went

to Bernley in 131. In the Carabao, is it? Carabao. In the Stan Watson. Stan Watson's Sputts and Royal, Royal White Cup. Well done to Sunderland. You must be very pleased. If we rail in from that image.

Did you watch the lead's united thing on Amazon or whatever? I watched the sun, you know, like a copy of Sun and the Sun. It wasn't as good, interesting. I haven't, I haven't like examined it, but it should be else is not involved in it. Well, you're here in, and you see him, but he doesn't directly address the camera. Right, just motion about in the background. I don't know. There's something maybe

there weren't allowed the same access or something. All right. It's not as warm a friendly show. The dice won't be good. Oh, wouldn't it be good? Yeah. So, um, so I've been accepted the latest MP3 from Sean Daesh. I suppose I have to say your goals. You do. Beautiful. Right, Lads, you're on your international break and you have my permission to take a short holiday either on the east coast at Filey or just up the road here at Barrow Inferness. However, each and every day you are away, I want you to repeat the following mantra.

There's only one method that you should play, it's kick and rush the Burnleyware. Pull your shorts up nice and tight, eat liver and onions every night. Spit on every inch of the turf that Joey Bartons are fucking smearth and remember. Ambush. Assault. Pi. Kick. Hurt. Tend meat. Harm. Shit. And Wallop. And that's the HUM! SHIT! AND WALLUP! AND THAT'S THE BIRDLY WAY! HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-H A tack without intent, defend and don't relent. Don't try any overhead kicks, they're far too fancy and only for pricks. Apple without ambition, survival is our mission. dribbling is for babies, cougs cougs is for ladies. Work on your thighs so your shorts barely fit, park

it in the... park in the disabled if you're just for a shit. And remember horses, hammers, Street, Spanners, Hit, Shit, and Wallop, and that's the Burnley way. There you go, thank you, sure. Lovely stuff, thank you very much, Sean Dash. That's a burning, I reckon Well, thanks for having me. I'm going to go off. I'm going to go up Cana B Street. Yeah. Instead of down to get here. Yeah. When you go up Cana B Street. You never know what you might spy.

I'm all by all. Baba Rana Moe to bike. It's even fucking Friday. Oh yeah, thank you. Boba, see ya, thanks very much. you