Athletico Mince - Ep. 91 - Longy Special

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

Peter Beardsley returns, Neil Hunt faces a pie-eating adversary, and there’s some singing, some quizzing, and a magical gold card… Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Athletic Omens with me, Andy Dorson. As always I hope you're all enjoying good health and happiness as you stroll through life's ups and downs. In particular I hope that your drinks are a deep deep blue and that your chicken dippers are forgiving but still packing in initial crush. Before we start imagine if you will that you are alone in a cinema, the lights are down low and you're reaching to your bag for a jar of dolmio to suck on as your body sinks ever lower to the plush premium seating. Peace had lasted a chance for so much needed, relaxing.

And then, just as a much anticipated movie commences, a fact-boulding tea-side event is the theatre wearing only a pair of football shorts and cowboys. It starts making dirty protests on the surface of the screen. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my co-host Mr. Bob Baltimore. Oh Mr. Marteman, his groovy hands in the Nicaragua. Oh Mr. Martemann, Ask COVID and call So. Oh Mr. Shortema, Why is he shows at the kid's door? Oh Mr. Shortema,

Getting his house through the cat door. Very, very well done Andrew. Yeah, there we are, a bit of retaliation at the beginning of this week's episode. That's what you call a mince. Well, you call it an itery, retaliation shows that you take it too damn personal, you know what I mean? Oh, it's just being flippant.

Don't take it seriously. Is that a character? It might be. I don't know. Well, like, this is how these things begin, isn't it? I don't know. So you've got your arms right next to your armpits. Oh, yes. Next to your armpits.

Yes. And this character thinks he's been accused of things all the time. That was nothing to do with me. That wasn't there. Would you like a quiz? No. Go on then. Well, I think you'll be happy with this one

because I've gone all the way back to your favourite store in the world, which is Azte. I've got three regular items. No, only three, items, not only three handy, not four like you do to me. Three items. I hope you nail it, you should do. You should do. Not pressure. It's called, why are you making beans's, honk, PLUT, beans, oh yeah, give me just a little more time. Right, right, okay. Three items, three very standard items from Asda, nothing under offer or any of that business.

Okay, they are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are.

They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. They are. Absolutely, Heinz Ketchup, Kellogg's Rice Krispie. What size ketchup? I was looking at it and I couldn't tell because of the weight. It's that one, Andrew. That standard sort of... That one. Not the big one, just standard. Not the tiny one, the standard.

Right. Rice Krispie's standard. Standard, right? Six pack Heinz baked beans, standard. Um, cheapest is gonna be... The the rice crispy is gonna be the most expensive I'll tell you that for note. The cheapest is gonna be, see I'm worried about the size of the ketchup here. Six beans, Heinzberg beans did you say? Yep. Heinzberg beans six. Ketchup's the cheapest beans in the middle. Oh you messed up on me!

Oh what? I'm loving my life! Catch up Chapers. Then the Rice Krispies. No way. Yeah way. Then a six pack Heinz baked beans three quid. Fuck off!

Three quid! I will not take a fuck notice. No chance. Kellogg's Rice Krispies 250, Hein's Ketchup Toad Quaid, unlucky. 6. I'll buy Branson's, you say, the cheaper and better. A lot, I've heard a lot of people recently commenting on the quality of the Oldie Bake Bean that comes in at 29 Pents.

Really? Oldies Grilla, is it? Oldies fantastic. And you get like a thriller to be a white knuckle ride because when they put your shop and through the checkout, they just rifle it out here. So you've either got your bags ready to just power bag them, or you've got the trolley or basket that you had with you and just chuck them all in, then go to the packing area. There's none of this stuff where you get a linger like you're doing as they're doing.

Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, the packing area. The pack whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa analogy there. Very good. Yeah, very good. And I was in the air Portray. And I noticed the people don't use that area very much. Oh, they are about by the over about by the if you call it the check out if you're like. Yeah. So you're using it as an analogy now, spreading that whole the whole way your goods come out of after they've been zapped and checked and everything. Are you all right? I know you can do it live shows and. Oh, I did some top flight time machine live shows that weren't very well picked or seemed to enjoy them. We did some singing in

dancing. There was some pirate techniques, some disguises. You dancing, I bet you did to get a bit chaotic. I feel good for the dancing. I tell you what as well. I've started running. What are you laughing for? Why should I? You spend about 60% of this podcast taking the piss out of me and my lifestyle and my appearance. Yeah. And I'm trying to do something proactive about it

and you're just sitting there laughing. It's just you calling it running. It's just, I imagine it's like fast-waddle with it. It's not walking, so it's in between. Yeah, is that what you said to the punters? It's just a fast-waddle. As you strive through Sunderland, you're going, you're going. Aye aye. Yeah, it's in between. Is that what you said to the punters? It's a fast one. As you strive through Sunderland going, you're going, Aya!

Yeah. It's not walking! What have you said? It's not walking. It's better than a walk. Do you want even more high-quality content from us? Are you happy to bung us less than the price of a pint once a month for it? If so, you need to sign up to Club Pass Nips. Go to ouricoMince.com slash Pass Nips now and find out more. Each month, you'll

get an episode of Athletico Pass Nips that you won't hear anywhere else. You'll get your mince episodes three years early and with all the adverts removed, you'll get an exclusive animation from the podcast done for us by the genius that is Ben Picks, and you'll get a compilation episode of the best bits from one of the characters from the podcast. There's also other occasional bits of bonus stuff such as the video for our live show from a couple of years ago. Become a parsniper now and you'll be helping to support the podcast future. Answers to all your questions should be found at atthleticoomints.com slash parsnips and you can sign up at patreon.com slash atthleticoomints. moments, past steps! Peter Beads has been in touch, what do you think about that? Um, I'm glad they're here from him.

Oh, okay. In a while. All right, Mom. I'm not allowed in the house at the moment, so I would name the nice walk Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r So I had a good thing like and I came up with some. Number one, I'm very grateful that glass is safe though,

safe to material, you know, so that I run all the stair out of the window when I'm alone in the blue, which to be honest, you know, it's most of the time. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymwch ymw Five, as winter approaches, I am very grateful to be the owner of superb sick padded double-fit reversible puffer puffer puffer jacket, you know. Whenever I wear it, I remember how safe I used to feel, you know, when my mom would give me a cuddle. Number six,

where I couldn't think of a six-month-old. Don't get freaky. Yeah, so I'm right in the bad books with a wife at the moment. You know, it's morning. We went to the gals and the g garden turned out because she wanted to buy a chick's thought and some world-fashioned sweets like you know. I pushed her roundly one of them like wheelchairs you know we're the shopmen basket to get round in. So we're going to quite a lick you know down the pestice

aisle when she shows it out all of the sudden. Stop chubby, you slack-fuck-and-dial Well, I love her, why are you seeing? Say that stuff there, buy your kill Says it gets rid of all past, stored, fuck-and-dead I should get a bottle and sprint all over you Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not fucking joking, you're the most fucking curly I've ever let me fucking bust eyes on you. What have you stopped for anyway?

Come on, we're not the four and jigsaws. We keep on going and we bump into a system. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gwed o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r cyfodd o'r attractive in a man. Are you happy with it? Err, da ben odo. Yeah, erm, I'm used to it now. We don't be bothered like you dooo. Maybe we should get together over the stout one night and chat about everything boss I related. Err, da ben odo, ya baby. Oh, hell, Peter. I used to watch you play when I was young could I have a selfie no your fucking carry also spots that cock fuck off back to the aquatic section you'll fit in better than early we find the jigsaw section does any of them catch your eye loss as said

not really shitty selection why did you fucking cover your? Err, you were, I think it was you who suggested it by darling. John fucking darling, me a spooky midnight creamer. I'll love you so much and I just sure will dislikate me fucking there. Sorry, what about this one? What about this one of a causal train station in the summer sunshine? Fuck off.

Oh, you think I am Michael fucking part of it? Well, all right. What about this one? A lovely, such cottage with pretty flowers in the fun garden. Ah, again, check out fuck off, notice. Oh, you think I am Monday for a gun? Take me to the old fashioned suites. So I will go round to the suites.

So which ones do you fancy, love the Edmonton Mint, Calfcarnie, Benanne and Custie, the Anci-Balls? Oh, fuck, will you fucking shoot or will you? I can hardly think to slap me fucking chose. as you stare in the sweet I see your nose begin to twitch and sweat be to pale on her forehead Peter asked me all fucking eggs fried if I'm not mistaken. I didn't know they had a coffee in here Oh, that was gonna be my surprise Surprise don't fuck about with egg appointments you fucking clown! The shock of an unexpected egg could turn my man towards the fucking cave.

Get me to that cafe now and order me for a fucking ride. Yes, sir. And tell him to make sure the yellows are very fucking runny and the white night in rubri like a fork and hot orderly tech. So just as we get the coffee area, the manager of the garden centre approaches us with the boss I'd look into... I don't remember... Heard me, and the excellent manager of this facility, and I'm a third of a sasque to leave. I'd like to admit no problem.

Oh yeah, fuck and horses, John. I'm in the middle of an egg frenzy. I'm going nowhere. Why are you throwing us out like? I'm not a room, you. Because you directed a person to learn salt to my employer, Ralph Todd in mouth. If you don't leave immediately, I will call security. What fuck fucking insult? Ralfed. Chips in. Er, but who bird are bird?

Who bird are bird? You called me butt-eyed. Cook. No, I fucking never. That was this foul mouth fucking clung through him out. And let me get me goblins and fucking fried eggs. Er, sorry, though, but I never said a word. It was definitely you.

You fucking, troupey ass, snitch. You fucking helmet head, weasel. Get me fucking out of here. And as for this facility, I always get sold and make fuckin' Ashley for the fittings and turn into a fucking scratch-scarred sweatshirt. So, we left Sharpish and she hadn't supported me since I was a young man. My windows still see full and the leaves are starting to fall off their magnolia tree, which is a pretty good watch.

But before I go cut the jokes here from your joke, I'll know you're like eight of them. I just interviewed a blog for a job. Can you perform on the fresher I asked? No, he replied, but I do a great bohemian, I think. My son got the part in a school play as a chap that's been married 25 years. Mae'r sgwch i'r ffodd yn y ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymwch i'r ffodd yn ymw I saw this daftlide talking in November, I said, what are you doing daftlide? You know what you're thinking? He said, I'm sending a voice million yours, he bathed.

There you go. So, say your bob. One peat of beauty. The only one peat of beauty. Say your bob. So I'll that one, Pea, there. Yeah, a handful. Kirt was down at the Cheek Saws and all that. The garden centre. I like it.

She said about when Cheek Saws, I can't remember how she said about it, but it was lovely. Like lovely. Really a rocker. Like a kitten lovely. Oh, very much so. What have you got on then? On usual incident, a unident. Did it happen to you? It didn't happen to me. very much so. What have you got on then? On usual incident, a unit dent.

Did it happen to you? It happened to me. I'm going to run it by you. You can see you can be the judge of it. Well done. I arrived at me travel lodge last night at 20 to midnight. Okay. Came down on the liatrine and I got there and I got up to, I was on the third floor and I was walking along the corridor of the third floor and some of the saline tiles had collapsed in the big flood

Okay And the water was dripping down. Obviously the ceiling tiles are all over the floor one of the staff members was there And I said, you know, like what's what's been going on here? This is a flood from upstairs. I said he goes, oh, I'm not sure He says it's been raining today For the first time in a while that might have something to do with it and I thought I can't see how but yeah so is that unusual incident a collapse a collapse and sailing in a travel lodge it's a

fucking everyday tale of office and hotel life and unusual I thought it was gonna be Corbin or something is it?? I don't know, it's Andrew. So I'm standing there and I'll give this voice. It says, Oh, sorry. That's so becoming, that's so becoming. So you he says, look at your laddy go up with it.

I like it's John Lewis Christmas advert, dang. I'm like, I've said, I've just got it right. I just want to go to bed. It's 20 in the middle and I've got a podcast to do. I do a podcast with Bob Mortimer. I've got to do that tomorrow morning. You know, I've done it in this village or how it's happened. I don't think it was the red. Anyway, we say, sir, what's your best village? And I say, fucking thousand litres, good night. And I went off to be room, left him there. So you left him. Blowing him out. So I don't know what his best village was

But it was better than a thousand liters though. Have you actually spilled a thousand liters on? No, I like them. Well, maybe that's the best way and then I went past this morning And then there was like you know them corns that see hazardous. Yeah, let's do not tread here Yeah, and there was a handwritten sign on the wall. I said it'd been a tap left on in fifth floor Tap fifth floor tap that would would have been the red. I might do it. I might write a movie about that story. I'm late. So incredible. She's on me. I'll call it fifth floor tap. I've got a crime file, Andrew. Right. but I need your permission to do it because it's really

long. That's all right. So this is almost like a reformat in a mince because everything is like you're going to get like a couple of longies. Right. Well, I can't like it. I can't like it. Longies special, what a call is that with sort of, don't I?

Well, let's see where we get to. Do you need me to do the noise? I do, but I apologise for taking up so much fricking time. I'll just get home, will you? All right, are you ready with the noise? Fairly ready. Crime files. The small Lancashire village of Pendleton

is a close knit community where neighbors keep an eye out for each other and the local police force encounters very little crime. With its 14th century church, village pond and picture post called High Street it was a great place to live. And then Thursday the 11th of November 2018 arrived and all that was to change. arrived and all that was to change. Neil Hunt owned a small nonsense pottery at the end of the High Street next to the convenience store. It was 12.30pm as he stood outside the nonsense pottery staring at a large Mercedes car that had parked illegally on his forecourt. It had been there for over 30 minutes and the owner had still not returned. Neil needed to pop next door into the shop to purchase his Thursday lunchtime

pie and tinderice pudding. Worried that the owner of the vehicle might return whilst he was in the shop, he had pendered note to stick to the car's windscreen. It didn't pull punches might as well have fun. Yeah, we've got. To the pig ignorant owner, stroke Todd Warrior of this vehicle. My name is Neil Hunt and I own the nonsense potry that you were virtually blockaded with this vulgar ostentatious Todd chariot. Firstly, it makes it impossible for passersby to approach the beautiful display of pottery tat in my window display and secondly, it obstructs access to my pottery for other users. This is forcourt, is strictly for loading and unloading, or for parking my Nissan, not for an hour

stay while you creep around the village, eyeing up the women in your cheap business suit from fucking primark! I don't know you, but an educated guess would be that you are pig ignorant, small cocked, selfish, pretentious, peddler of Todd, yours Neil fucking hunt! Yeeees! Neil then nipped into the convenience store to purchase his pie and rice pudding but on specting the chidled cabinet all the pies were out of stock. No pies, no fucking pies! Don't they know it's Thursday, Pie Day? What the fuck is going on?

Neil approached the man behind the till. I say you, yes you! What happened to all the fucking pies? Were you rammerated by a fucking weight watchers escapee or something? Er, no the local just left bought every pie, a chicken, steak and potato, mincin' onion, steak and kidney. Yes, hold right and get it, all the fucking pies! Neil rushed out of the shop to catch up with the pie hoarder and there he was stood next to the Mercedes reading the note Neil had written.

It was Sean Daish, manager of the Burnley Footballing Club. Yep. Yep. Yep. Ah, I see you got the note. Maybe you will think twice now before you park so carelessly. Yes, sure does. Yeah, definitely. It's a very powerful note. Yes, it is, isn't it? Now I noticed you bought all the pies from the shop. I was wondering if in the circumstances of your ape behavior, I could have one of those pies. You see I have one every Thursday lunch and if I don't it will make me ten towards the anxious. Yes, of course.

Why don't we go inside your shop and you not enjoy a pie together? Yes, yes we do. Sorry, sorry. Yes, we should do that. Very reasonable of you. I'm Neil Hunt by the way. Local nonsense potter. Pleased to meet you. Come on on let's get inside and tuck in. The two entered the shop and

as the door closed behind them it was immediately locked by Sean. Nice. Sit down little potterman, let's make our cells at home. Right, we can both sit here at my design table. Nice have some company actually there are so many conkers out there. I rarely leave the shop Sean picked up a roll of packaging tape. I Don't blame you now put your hands behind your fucking back and we'll have a nice little chat What the fucking whoa now? I fucking want I should have known you were a man of Todd, get out of the pottery! With that Sean Slappney will fall on the temple. Do what Mr. Dish tells you Potter, that's the burnly way.

No? Yeah. What the fuck is happening here? I mean, do you know who I am? Who are you? I'm Neil fucking hunt, not since Potter! And I should fucking warn you that my brother owns a sword shop, and my sister-in-law has an 11-year-old boy at karate school! Sean Tide Meals hands behind his back with the tape. So you want to pie, do you little Potter?? Well here is how it's going to go.

Open your mouth and prepare for pie. It's the food of the gods and the fuel of my tribe. Now I've got to, I've lost me music in Iandhi. Of you? Yeah, it was a free thing and it's disappeared. So it's a new, he's a... That's a ship. Yeah. See if I can... So... I wonder which one this is? Sorry Andy. Now that's alright.

I think it might be. I'll let it some of this bit out. Shorn then began to force a whole staking kidney pie into Niels mouth. Ah! I'm boing! You fucking... SHOAKING ME! Fucking hell!

Sean then began forcing a mince and mince and potato pie into Neil's face. What's wrong with you, man? Have you taken leave of what really nighest sense you were born with? This is England, not the fucking democratic republic of shit shovelers! Stop mithering, Potter. Now get this short, Chris chicken and leek down your neck. I've got all the flavours. Get that down your neck. Fucking stop it. Get the pie down your neck. Get the pie down your neck. Ah! Ah! It's a good tune that I like it. Now do I have your permission to park my car on your forecourt whenever I want potter? Yes, yes, yes, yes, just fucking leave!

Please just leave me alone! And with that shorn dash left the shop and drove away leaving Neil slumped on his nonsense chair, covered in fats and filling. Why? Why did it have to be lick-loaned me? I want to run a 5k for women's health and I'm a qualified first-aider. Neil was discovered in a pool of his own vomit by a customer four hours later. Since that day he's erected a line of concrete ballads in front of his shop to stop cars parking. This has reduced his already poultry trade by 50%. Oh, I tell you what, let's end with this.

There you go, that was Cramfiles Andrew. Very nice. Oh it's something in it. It's something, yeah, killed a bit of time. Oh is that right, you're not sorry. Oh it's right, yeah. Yeah, come on, get him in. Yeah, of course.

He's talking to himself. Come on, right. Come on in, mate. Any, come. Any, come. Thank you. Is this the chair? Yeah, that's it.

Sit yourself down, right? Oh, I think we're doing this. You both look bloody awful today. I hope it's not contagious. Yeah, all right. All right. You like to keep it civil for once, yeah? Is it contagious? No, no, no, it's not.. Yeah, all right. All right. You like to keep it civil for once. Yeah, is it contagious? No, no, no

It's not good right right you start the season with palace bit it and miss right? We think I don't know that you waste man Sorry, but I like it's a valid question. What are you gonna do to try and improve things? Well don't worry Because it's only then I'll be taking some tips from the prime minister for a stud city of self. Oh, yeah Yeah, I've got a pro rogue. We have to do the premier league. So pro pro pro. Sorry you're got pro pro bro or so slow. So you're going to stay with me. Okay pro rogue. It's always shut it down. What have we done in parliament? Did you see it? Yeah, I know, I think I know what you mean. So I will that work then.

Well, still easy, isn't it? I just shut down the rest of the Premier League. Palace Carrier played an actress for usual. We should be take boy to clear by Christmas. It's for the people who want. What people? It's for the will of the people. For the people, me and my chairman.

Steve, Mr. Smith, perish. Well, you know what, it's'm not a bad strategy that right? I think fucking very much I will down as a strategist. That's why I'm the world champion of war. Sorry I used to be a warmer. Warver. Warmer. Warmer.

Hang on, will you keep your world champion? No, we'll champion. I'll put it on the world. Oh right, you put it on the world. I'll put it on the world. Camp you will chop me down. Oh Right you That pretty much just cook stuff. Yeah, I can't stay anymore. Oh, go ahead. I'm off your off are you ready? I'm gonna privilege the pro on get oh Yeah, oh I'm out. See you later.

See you, Roy. So he's getting, it's using the cut. Well, let's see how we get on with that under you. Yeah, well I keep it out in the pre-mule table and match it the deer because it'll all be on there. I don't think people will be able to have that. We're at Barry Appey with Roy, if there's no football. Is it going to be any one stand-up room, can we?

I mean, well, champion of World War One? World War One? Because I mean, to be honest, there'd only be palace matches on. And palace is one of the matches I tend to watch the championship instead, you know what I mean? I've got to be honest. Well, it's either a narrow victory or the good bat, so it's usually one or two's interesting. I like it, you're in a sunburn, that's bad. Bad, bad.

I like hearing a sundown, that's bad. Bad, bad, bad. I've got a little song I want to sing. I haven't got any music with this song. I just made it up on the tube on the way. This morning. All right, choose music. I'll just knock it out to see what you think. I left my back door open.

I wanted some breeze. But what happened next? I could not believe. Fox in my kitchen sniffing all my empty beer cans. Fox, I'm a washing machine. Presses some buttons. He did fully understand. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do him I used words and some spray but I just could not shift him he's been in there for eleven days. Fox in my kitchen lying by my bin in his little nest.

Fox in my kitchen we've learned to get along it's father best. Fox in my kitchen. Fox Fox in my kitchen Fox Fox in my kitchen Fox in my kitchen In my kitchen There you go. I think I got the music. I wonder how that fox are you gonna live with the fox then Andrew? Got no got no way she's no where she's not going and I'm not moving out I think I would be scared if I were comparatively by a fox. Well, I was it's a mutual antipathy Yeah, he's scared of me. I'm scared of him.

Sunlin fox. Sunlin fox, he'd be kitchen. Did he ever Todd? Get a tie on. He had a tie on like what was that fox called Mr. Jinx? Mr. J. He's got loads. But he wasn't a fox the way. Did there so many ties in Sunlin? I shouldn't think there's a big call for ties as they're in Sunlin. The heart foundation's got a box. He's been shipped there from the south. So if a Sunland, if a Sunland person's invited to posh do, there's a big rush at the at the outbound. Yeah, it's first come first serve. So I'm going to. Oh, the pass it around at the do. Oh, we got more. Then pass it out a window for the next person. Next person comes in. So I just wanted to show you something Andy and there it is. You might like to read that out, isn't it?

Right, I'm looking at a gold card and it says on it Bob's Carvery. Yeah, and on the reverse end. Oh my, it's the Toby Carvery Gold card. So I'll just make you feel. Second. Second. So do you get everything free in the tour? Yeah. You're not allowed off tour be Carvery with your heart. Oh man. You're not allowed to. A little bit of what your fancy does you good, you know.

Ah, that's a worst that is. It is a worst, yeah. I mean you would hit that for a ton every night. No, you're not. When I was a little bit of Bob written it. I could have had that off you. You know, I'm very pleased with it, Andrew, and I utilised the by-to-meets to get the most meat possible. Yeah. Guess what two meats are chose? Uh, you chose beef and not gammon,

because that's a bit salty. Beef and turkey. I went turkey to pork. What do you think? Good choice. No bad choice, is it? I go turkey, pork. What'd you think? Good choice. No bad choice, is it? I go turkey, pork, beef. My son, beef was dead fat the last time.

My son had a beef and gammon. I thought that were a weird combo. I'm okay, and the gammon feels like a worst. Yeah, so probably is it? I kinda, I've only introduced it, because I kinda want to be text-pressing you. It's not a burrito, it's just, I've only introduced it because I can't want to be textual. It's a barris for you to get it out. I want you to express how jealous you are. It's a curious, I'm livid.

I bet you're livid. How, are you not embarrassed when you get it out and go out and this one's for free? Well, what's the procedure if you got it like you do it when you're going? No, but you put it out, I just went to the till and under the over and they just put a... I had just gone, I'm really sorry but this one's on you. Pfft! I went to the River Y at the weekend, Penn Out, it's a lovely footbridge over the River Y there. I had to park the car a bit of away from the bridge.

Got to the bridge. I chose this spot under because it was a pub there, right? Yeah. But it wasn't open. So it had lovely tables overlooking the river. So I took a seat to take in the view of the pub to open. And then a bloke and his son came hiking past and he looked at me like, it's very carbon. It's the alderman. The bloke and his son came past and he looked at me like, it's very carbon. It's the alderman. The bloat and his sun came past and he looked at me like he knew me which often happens to me because I've been on telly. So they walk on a bit unsure what they've seen you know and wonder if they were living inside a

television all of a sudden. Yeah weird. They're obviously like climbers because the sun had a load of raw attached to his backpack and they had like shot jaws, which I often associate with climbing. Do you associate a strong jaw with a clad? Well, you've got it because you're going upwards of that and you need a strong face. Yeah. Otherwise, you'll just fall backwards.

A lot of them use their hands as well, I'm doing. But yeah, about five minute passes in the pub door, or perhaps fellow walks out comes over to me and tells me the benches are just for the customers And I said hey, I'm just waiting till you open and he says well to be honest with you mate What we open for about an hour so he suggested why don't I come over with him over the footbridge where there's a nice cafe He's going to he was lending them you know those brawlies that go in the middle of a table outdoor brawly

Yeah, he was lending them one of them because they were having a party he had some party clubber with him it was a brilliant story well so about our work across the bridge he stops me yeah just a moment they shoulder and like kicks me legs from under me feet oh so I fall under the foot bridge and then he says take your straws off and you're fucking Tony the target nickers then put your bottom at the top of the pub chimney so he's self-reflecting on day yeah well he's pointing the umbrella pull up man he's got a shot then so what am I meant to do and he stick it up there well you know what I do as he says he says

what feed the chef of the mega broly into your life. Slowly at first and really sharp like you're stoking a fire. So I begin to feed it in, you know. He says, I forgot, put this miniature top hat on and this incredible Hulk arm and start singing Bicycle by Freddie Mercury's band. So I do as I'm told, like so, I start just feeding it in. Bicycle, bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle. And suddenly I hear like a scream, followed by a big splash. Look up and there's the father

and the son of the climbers. Yeah. I said, oh thanks, lads, did you see what he was making me do there? And the fella says, I, Gank bangers, you got it, fucking love him. And we are laughed and laugh, Andy. As if every piece of weed on the riverbank was singing a comedy song by a political citizenist. It's a satirist. It's a satirist.

It's a satirist. So that's a lovely ending. And we didn't rescue him. They had ropes and everything. No, a long lasting damage. The story had got so dull I actually abandoned his rescue. So we'll just leave him in the river. All right, well that's it for this episode. It's been lovely. Thank you.

See you. Bye. you