Athletico Mince - Ep. 98 - A Song Collection Vol. 1

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Fun Bus; Nut Job; Get Up On The Moon; Up Into The Business Sky; Slender People; Sex Robots; Dyche Motivation WAV; Come To Sunderland; Keeping Fit; Steve Picks The Team; Klopp Hop; Two Large Mangos; Mick's Song; Mid-Head Oxbow; Fake Tan; Oh Mister Fernandes; Sunderland Girl; I’d Give It Ten Minutes; Bread Song; Supermarket Song; Drones Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Here it comes. Put your sports direct and the rags on. Put your dumplings in the flask. Fill in as the bag with chipkin crisps and shout, Look, Dad, hey, it's the fun bus. Daddy, will we go to the docks? Daddy, will we stop at KFC? Daddy can we go to the dump? No you can't, kids to shout, hey it's the fun bus

Once we're on, keep your vips out of sight I brought a pan for you if you need a shite On our left is an illegal tip and over there is a crack addict on the right is the dog in a pram he's barking look dad hey it's the fun bus can you see the motorway will drive it in me clonker one day? And do you see the jumps hotel? They shouting, hey, lad! Look, it's the fun bus once you're on.

You can't get off, there's nothing to see. So it's no one's lost. Dad don't feel it really sick Dad I think I need a piss Dad how come you have tits we hate saying Hey it's the fun bus Can you see the sky TV van And the donkey by the caravan

The fat bloke by the blue drink stand the shout and Jesus wet look it's the fun bus Can you see the retail park and the factory where they render pork Where they render pork Sorry Dad, I've shit me pants It's the lack of suspension On the fucking phone bus Once you're on You can't get off There's now to see

So it's no one's lost Yeah! I'm a nutjob I'm a soft-blood I I spent six months trapped in a cat flap. I star all notes, I eat it foil, I went to Pakistan just to buy a tin of sand. Jordan, Jordan, let your fate of beauty feel the Jordy Force. You've got to find a new purpose in life and your waiting for the fur yourself have you considered trying to kick and rap.

Ah, do it, talk, soft-pity, you fucking dial. It is you get yourself in the fucking eggs, a dozen every day, fried scrambled poached, but if the poachies have been at be ready for gun-rooney! But I'm a fruitcake, I'm a crackpot, I throw all your rings and sailors, I'm a bounder, I'm a bet-spoon, I once blew a snake and pulled on my fifth face Oh dear, my friend, you seem a bit excited about the Jorn I often find that standing still staring at things like a pipe or something

I feel I was can calm me down, especially if I caught me as a stare Are you in your fucking car, dear Spooky Cow? What he fucking needs to do is get a police in the Sceptice Box set and have a good old fucking watch? Whilst he sucks on a nice corn handbiler. I pull him a nuttum, I'm a frog kick, I'm a flat bread I got seven dead pigs in the garden shed Ah, fuck now Everybody get up on the moon

Do not delay, you must get up this moon, everybody get up on the moon Everybody get up on the moon and dance, don't mess around, you have to take the chance Everybody get your ass up on a moon and dance Everybody, get up on the moon You gotta get up, gotta get up on the moon Fuckin' do it, fuckin' get up on the moon Unless you have it to be A space copper

Yup Yup magnificent Wondrous Majestic Dress taking And A homeowner YAH I won't let you down Just taking and a homeowner. Yeah.

I won't let you down. I'll just take you up, up, up, up. Up into the business guy. You'll feel. Feel like you make him love. Make him love to a golden eagle! Yeah, yeah, if you need reliability, if you need muscle, if you need a creative ping, if you need design stimulus, if you need to impress, then how about a guy that will blow

your lazy mind? How about a huge man that moves stealthily than a tram? If what you need is a friend by your side, then come fly with me. I won't let you down. I'll just take you up, up, up. Up into the business sky. You'll feel, feel like you're making love. Make it love to a giant, he's lantern! Y'all, y'all got five GCSEs, two A-levels, H&D and Business Management.

Currently, Junior Negotiator Winston's estate agents, nicknamed the Korean Fist. 75% of deals close within that crucial 48-hour window. Certificate of superb from the Valentine gym group. Move a shaker, cross off Baker. I won't let you down. I'll just take you up, up, up, up. I'll bid to the business guy. You'll feel.

You feel like you're making love. Make it love in a saptin' job suit. Perfect dental alignment. Extreme sports are my casual indulgence. Once up sailed from the roof of Stoke Library. I love full maroonies, love interior design, love artisan produce, love really intense, mind expansion hubs with fellow travelers. Have the occasional Semolina nightmare, where an ape digest me, but they are well under control of the runies. If it's a pillow, it's going to be ducked down. If it's a river, it's going to be fast flowing. My name, my soul, is Indian. My physical self, is UK based.

My name, is Barry C. Homo, and I am part of your life story. I won't let you down. I'll just take you up, up, up. Into the business sky. Slender people, fit through gaps. Slender men, look great in fucking slacks. Slender women can kick you in the air Slender people take less room up in bed go Andy

You good, thank you very much one hand as well 100's old. The name's a real, but the bodies are not. Nack is full of wire, Nuck is full of data, a sexual trap that is coming from the future. Oh, oh no, they were there for that, when you need to have it off, you might pull down that pants But got a fucking bitch shock, sex robots, an ultimate sin, sex robots, it give in unless you happen to be a copper Alright, Scott. As pre-season beckons, it's time to remind you of the Burnley ethos, time to provide you with a mantra that will get you through what may be a difficult season. Understand the following. I am your God.

I am the path to enlightenment. My knowledge was gained in the quarries of Nottinghamshire and the pie shops of Kettering. I have spent many a night on the mowers, kicking fessence into touch and grappling with beasts on non-toman kind. I have experienced pain and embraced it. I am a man, a man of thought. A football is there to be kicked, kicked hard, and opponent is there to be kicked, kicked hard. Pies are there to be eaten, eaten hard, run hard in various directions if you have not

spewed up, where are the cup? Kick. Shit. Epie. Tackle. Kick, shit, e-pie, tackle, kick, another shit, mark that man with the point of your elbow. If there's a man up front, boot it up to immigrate height. No exceptions, no excuses, organisation, not joy, efficiency, not finesse, He carbs on the hour every hour Bread, pasta and spuds I said bread, pasta and spuds Then pie, pancakes, fudge He carbs on the hour every hour Bread, pasta, spuds, athead bread, pasta, spuds, then pie, can't cake, fudge.

Where your shorts nice and tight around your ass, fix your hair solid with gel and spray mount. Remember, a flailing elbow or forearm can be both offensive and defensive. Stakes should never be eaten without gravy. A baked onion should be served with every meal and every course. If you don't do what you told, you'll be out of the fold. Derby will have you at the drop of a hat and they are botless. And remember, kick.

Shit. A pie. Tackle. Kick. Have another shit, more pie and that's the Burnley way. Come to Sunderland, it's so much more than a shit hole. Change your name to Calum, you can do it by deep pole. Come to Sunderland, you can put your dog in a pram, put your tracksuit on A red wire and made out of nylon Cheap housing no longer rats

Go down the booze before you say go rats Take a dump straight into your bin Dose up the kids on red till end Oh mate, get out of me, wheelbatter I need it to check, and if it's to the chemist, they've got the runs Go a KFC Get a book for the family And when it's all gone

Use the bones for cup-bleary The stadium of light Another place you can take a shot, buy a house for a grand, and ride your donkey into Sunday land, chicken dip is an assassage roll, a pint of bludging for your ten year old, go down the vape shop car that helps you breathe And to the dentist to straighten your teeth I'll meet your cat pack on the hard stand and that's where my alcation does Is lovemaking, don't I know you mate, I'll be the broken Just the doggy rides on the rig road, fancy coming in for a pint of blue

The kids are down the bingo, attend the wedding to watch your fight go to Azda to buy some shite Down the clinic have your Douglas checked, buy some white socks with sports direct Come to Sunderland, yeah, drink Dolmios straight from the jar Come to Sunderland, yeah, watch Andy jogging in his sports bra Teaching it is too bad, and how a smoke is cigarette Buy a selfie stick, and have a photo next to last night's sick Come to Sunderland Come to Thunderland

I'm gonna write a song about keeping fitter Keeping fitter, keeping fitter I'm gonna write a song about pumpin' iron Pumpin' iron, pumpin' iron Reps, rips, curls and flips Sit ups, press ups, all that shit Push it to the limit on the rowing machine Sweating my tits off if you know what I mean I'm gonna write a song about keeping fitter

Keeping fitter, keeping fitter I'm gonna write a song about pumping iron Pumping iron, pumping iron Stretching, lunging, Lunging, Forward Roll, Shifting 50 ounces is my ultimate goal, Hanging with the heroes on the monkey bars, Jamming loads of steroids up me big fat ass, That was my song about keeping fit, What do you think about it, Cobbers? about it, covers. I choose the team, from the adults in the squad. I put the one with gloves into the goal.

For my defense, I choose the tallest lad, and in midfield I put the brightest boots and then up front I put one fat one thin and the winger to take corners that we win I tell them all to pass the ball around and try their best not to damage the pitch Come on, if we lose the ball Try to get it back If we win the ball Try to mountain attack But most of all keep your jerseys clean

And no muddy boots in the changing room If Casper sees a player trying hard He notes his name and writes it down And then at the end of the match We give that man a fun and laugh the bar If we lose the ball we try to get hit back If we win the ball, we try to get hit it back. If we win the ball, we try to mount them attack. But most of all, make it look like you're trying. And if the crowd says you are, say they're lying.

Oh yeah, boot back to Bap-Bap-Bap-Bap. For Nandlafter in the chocolate cuddle. Do Bap-Bap-Bap-Bap-Bap-Badoo. The for for nand laughter in the chocolate cordle Foo-du-bap-ba, for do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba do-bap-ba-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-bap-do-do-bap-do-do-bap-do-bap-do-do-bap-do-bap-do-do-bap-do-bap- Tell it to run as fast as they can And then half time to wash their hands And at full time When we've lost again We all pretend that we're very upset What do you think Mr Fernandez?

I think it's bullshit! You got three games to get four points, or you're out on your Saggy ass! Yes, Mr. Fernandez! Of course, Mr. Fernandez! Hey, what's that on the top of your head? Is it a Kippofin? No, you're donut! That's me, Herr Island!

My hair! Oh, fuck off with the songs already, and do one! Oh, yeah! For sure! fuck up with the songs already and do one! oh yeah for sure i mean wow give me a hug come on let's smile this one out i'm yurgen klop i'm the leader of the Liverpool regime I'm the leader of the Liverpool regime. I'm Mr. Club. Plippy Plop. I'm as codly as a kitten licking cream.

But when my ass gets itchy or unclean, Oh yeah baby, come here. Put that dope cake down. Come on for sure Let's make out in the boiler house Let's do hugs Not drugs I miss the club

Plippy plop I'm the savior of this football club I miss the savior of this football club. I miss the club. I overcome all conflicts with a hawk. My train is stink, like a mixture of digestive biscuits and the gammon in the sink. Oh yeah for sure. Have you ever been to Durban? Oh wow, you'd love it! They got liberal in the 60s and never let go! It's a sexy, you silk pajamas! Oh yeah!

I'm Jurgen Klopp, blip blip plop I'm the undisputed leader of the cup I sweat a lot Just like a cheap bacon In a lukewarm pot Two large mangoes down the library Two large mangoes getting books for free Drawing some cocks and some balls in 50 shades

Two large mangoes fans of biology Two large mangoes on the microfish Two large mangoes researching family trees Locating up people with surnames like shit tits and quim Two large mangoes chucked out on the street BASTARDS BASTARDS Get out, piss off, I'm Mick McCarthy.

Fuck off, just on do what you told. Get up, sit down, keep your mouth short. You're just another bastard. Bastard! Bastard! Bastard! Get off my fucking line! Get out, piss off, I'm Mick McCurdy! Do one, do two, get out of my sight! Back off, you're gone, don't speak to me! You're just

not a bastard! I'm it, you're not, have a look at yourself Listen don't think and do as you told I'm hard, you're soft, stop shitting yourself And shut your fucking mouth BASTARD! BASTARD! BASTARD! Sting your credit car off your ass! Got that set! That's it, you bastard!

Well, that's thanks, Mick. That's it! I'm done! It separates my hair island from the mainland hair. Let me tell you all about it. Let me take you to the West Sussex Dows. Come with me, squeeze me, listen to the sounds. Well laugh, well dance, you'll pat me on the head. If you're a lady, we might just end up in my bed.

I'm a creature with a feature that will blow your gypsy mind. I have a hairstyle that you need mine that nature has designed. Mid-ped Oxford, why don't you jump on in? Mid-ped Oxford, it's perfect for a swim. Do you know what to mean? Do you feel me? It's bigger than both of us. It's a new way. Full of giant hole. It's a mid-head oxbow. Take it for a spin. It's a mid-head oxbow. It's made for natural skin. Please world, you've got to listen. Together we can end the madness. A different world where harmony costs nothing. The front bits an island full of fruit and spice.

The back lot is a country where everything is nice. On Sundays and Mondays no one goes to sleep. You can cross to the island, the water's not that deep. There's a market, it's at the street food and home a part of the apathy. There's a park and a cafe food and home apartment or anything. There's a park and a cafe where the sausage rolls are free. I'm offering you a life free from pain and skill-duggery. A self-spares where you can dream of a life without pain and hardship.

Mid, it's a mid-headbow, not new hot for humankind. Mid head oxbow will take away your fears. Mid head oxbow will lubricate your fears. You have to believe me, it's a movement and uprising. It's got a lot going for it. Come on sign up, let's change things for the many, not just the few. You need to fake a shot Check out It could come in a bottle It could come in a spray It just must have gone over

And so gone on your way Check out 102 As high as a field Then your skin is gone And you behind the wheel Trick time Needy minds for jukebox

Go ahead and count it right All the outs of things These guys will toss the moon by the side But come higher tonight Trick time But maybe To do it I'm sending you this song, Mr Fernandez, because I don't think we had a proper chance to say goodbye. I know I didn't get you, you covered it 15th place finish, but maybe next season with some of the changes I put in place,

your dream will come true. The offices at the club have never been so beautifully carpeted. The tumble dryers are all so proficient, content to you knits now. The muffins and fancy served at halftime in the hospitality area, a gluten-free and reduced sugar. Everything's in place,

you just need a little bit of luck. Miss, yes, you just need a little bit of luck. I thought the chorus was there, but it's not. There we go. Oh, Mr. Fernandez. Oh, Mr. Fernandez. Miss you Fernandez. Because kiss you Fernandez.

Oh, Mr. Fernandez. Mr. Fernandez. Miss, because you for Nandes. Still, miss you for Nandes. Thank you for giving Casper the chance to manage an average club. He was so proud and I think that like me you realised he was a yummy fat souffle filled with happy bubbles, suds and candy thoughts. Maybe we could visit the club one day, fluff up the carpets in the areas of heavy traffic Will always remember you Mr. Fernandez

Oh Mr. Fernandez Cause you Fernandez Oh Mr. Fernandez Still miss you Fernandez Oh Mr. Fernandez Oh Mr. Fernandez, oh Mr. Fernandez, kiss Mr. Fernandez, kiss Mr. Fernandez, I met you in Sunderland on a bench at the retail park. You offered me KFC two thighs, then uncrossed your eyes You were wearing a football shirt and primarked dongle reels Your hair swells up chicken fat and stripe, you just had a shine Colleague, you were my sun-glengal We threw bones at a passing bus

You had to be in court next day For selling stolen goods I will never forget you We slept in bed next to your dad We used a chicken as a pillow In an alde carry a bag And breakfast you blew me a kiss And butter my witter base We went to the magistrates court by bus And you got 18 months Cling you are my Sunday girl, 16 stone and 466

Your babe's my Lovonians and your house of our station pass I will never forget you, nor other sights that you showed me But now you are changed to a wall Like the donkey by the KFC Son, I am your father And I want you to evade the mistakes that I have made. I'm here to tell you what you have to do. So look into my eyes and listen to me too. Son, you're at the start of your life, an innocent boy with no trouble or strife. Let me lead the way, let me show you how

you'll thank me one day and I'll tell it to you now. I would give it 10 minutes if I were you. Go watch the telly or maybe make a brew, just hold it in a while cause the stenching there is fire I'd give it 10 minutes if I were you I would give it 10 minutes if I were you just go and watch the telly you're maybe make a brew just hold it in a while I can't get enough of that wonky bread. I can't stop pushing it into my head. I say yo ho ho to facaccio, give me wonky bread. I can't get enough of that wonky bread. I can't stop forcing it into my head. A cheeseballet is the only way.

Give me wonky bread. I love a stone-baked pace and rustic roll. I are an olive and feta sour dough. People stuff your whole, this into anus. I only want wonanky bread I can't get enough of that wanky bread I can't stop pushing it into my head I say yo ho ho to fuck the catchy y'all give me wanky bread give me wanky bread I insist on wanky bread hey Keep red Hey! Tesco

Azda Waitrose Aldi Yep, you ready? I'm starting A park in the peloton toddler or disabled if it's free. I ignore the fruit and veg and headset. Headset for the package meat. I film my trolley with bacon and party sausage treats.

Next stop is the snacks and the reduce to 50 paid. When I go out shopping I never have a plan. I stride along the aisles like there's a disco in my pants, yeah, Tesco Astor Waitro I SCO that's it under fucking hell Drones, ever play on goal Sometimes three, sometimes fall Drone's Drone's Movin' round the rocks of clouds

As an ever coming dark Drone's Coke, Coke, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, hope, Thank you.