Athletico Mince - Ep.13 - BobFest Revealed

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

Reaction to Top Gear, a canned chicken, a song that isn’t even new, socks, and some genuine listener feedback. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Alright honky tong. Oh, side plus honky tong this week. Is it? I thought I'd bring it back. You know you say you do the say for good luck, right? This is what you say. It's good luck and it's verbal yoga. It's kind of a stress relief thing. So, do you do it? Would you just don't want to be sure? Would you do it if you were going to chat like a lasso

or are you going to make a bet at the bookies? Would you say before you do it for good luck? Yeah. If I was like about to take a left turn at some lights. You do that just to be on the safe side, yeah. So it's definitely not. Do a lot. It's definitely not done out of this respect.

It's no malice intended towards you. Okay. And honky-tonk, just fun between me. It's just nice and near minute. Just nice and near. Catchy. So what about, I was thinking what I'll call you again, like Mr. Fungalore, Mr. Onions.

That was what you like. Oh, Dogron, whatever. Whatever. You start again, so you'll go. All right, we'll classed out this time. Right, I won't do a side, because I don't want to take that from your look. All right, Dogron, all right, Tom Kitan.

Hey, let's get going. I got out much to say this week, have you Andy? I've got loads to say. All right. I'm gonna see it in alphabetical order alphabetical order. Oh, well, that's one way of organizing your life in it So in the morning for example, you only work up. You think much I scratch my in us. Yes. Yeah, then my balls Well, I went for balls. You did You want the Lord of the Belt again? So where should we start? I you know, where do you buy socks, Andy?

Well, I buy them socks. Yeah. Silk Maritob. Fair enough. Do you get a lot of shrinkage? No matter what, you know, even if you buy a size, I've got size eight feet. But if I buy a, so I buy 11 size 11 to 13.

What? But within a week, they seem to, they're like child I buy 11 size 11 to 13. What? But within a week they seem to, they're like child socks, doesn't it? No, no, mine are fine. I'll just get like size six to nine and a half. Right. And the last four months. Well, I've made some kind of nylon, I'll polyester. Cotton polyester mix usually.

When you say mix, how much cotton's in them? That's about 30%. 30% cotton. And you get them at little lowly. The Aztec. The Aztec. The Pax of Tann or something. What color did you get?

Fun ones. Just like a black ones usually. But for festive occasions like Christmas and birthday I'll get like maybe some Star Wars ones. Wallets and Grommet. So when I had swing fun. And then do you only ever wear them at a festive period? And I go show-less for the festive period.

So I'm thinking to myself, if you bought a pair of fun socks, if you only wear them for the festive period, they'll last you more or less a lifetime. That would only be 60 wears, wouldn't it? Well, would be, but fashion's changed in the world of fun. Do you know you're right? And it's very perceptive fun.

Does, you know, I mean, I'm wearing Wallace and Gromot ones for me birthday in July but you know two year ago it would have been maybe to take the care socks for enough you know you are right because that in Victorian times fun was I don't know but putting a hoop around was running around the street with a hoop or sitting a child really close to an open fire or something like that. And it's changed now. 10 year ago it used to be running up the hill really fast and then running down again.

No, it's Xbox. Xbox, yeah. Okay, well, it's just a decade. Nice little bit of insight there, Andy. I just wondered why you bought your socks. You don't have any problem with supermarket socks. No, but why are you shrinking after a week? Well, I know, you're making me

wear your feet throb or something. Well, throbbing would expand them, wouldn't it? It wouldn't week? Well, I know you're making me feel like a fake throb or something. Well, throbbing would expand them wouldn't it? Wouldn't necessarily shrink them. I don't know. Maybe they've been washed too hot or something, I don't know. I might be it. I've had it all my life though. I've been with socks, yeah.

Well, we've got off to a cracking start this week. Thank you. With that. Do you have to call a midwife when you want a dump? Just look at that, I'm wondering. No. No, okay, fine. No, I'm worried on my own, thanks.

All right, well, let's crack on. Do you want to set up your credentials at the beginning? I've got one, then people should know that. Do you memory football statistics since the year 1876? When football was invented, memory man. A lot. Bob, do you remember Euro 1984 when there was no British teams involved? And so it wasn't on the telly.

And the only way you could find out the results was by listening to them being carried on the wind directly from France. Do you remember that? Yes, yes I do. Man-boree man! Wah! Not bad eh? I thought I'd do this week. It wasn't easy, wasn't that far distant, was it? Speaking of the euros, I noticed you've had your eight-piece there, Bob. Yeah. Just the right ear. Yeah. Is that for the euros because you're going over there? Is that the right ear? Looked tough before you go over. I don't understand why the right

way would the right ear make you look tough. I don't know. I do not like it. I thought that the right ear signified something different. It's a right ear, a little ear pickot. Pottery ear pickot. Hang on for hope. Hang on for hope, and beterier pickot. Hangin' off a hoop. Hangin' off a hoop, and be right here, yeah. I like it. Do you think it makes me more French? That's spores, baby. You sure it fits in when you're over there.

It makes me a little bit more French-friendly, yeah. Okay. Ah, I know, welcome. And they might confuse it for a peach. Yeah. But I don't mind about our anectoring. Is the anectoring, you like anectoring? It doesn't hurt. It hurt with a piece, did it?

It's like a little crunch as it takes a little bit of flesh out. I ate a bit of flesh, I used to have a cord. Digit, well, just raw. Yeah. They're not boiled up for your first. Well, don't you eat the flesh-roan your nails? Well, yeah, but that's not me nails, that's not me here. No, the flesh-roan your nails.

It clearly isn't your nails, is it? I'm not accountable. Well, no, you're not accountable as, that's not me. No, the flesh rung your nails. It clearly isn't your nails. I'm not a cannibal. Well, no, you're not cannibalism if you eat yourself. There it is. Who said self cannibalism? All right, well, I said it. Yes, it's self-cannibalism. It's not cannibalism.

Do you watch mob, oh no, hold on, that's someone else's. Talking about France, talking about France, I was thinking to the front, do you reckon that going up to Montmartre and having your silhouette drawn by the French arts you know whether it's does it over there is probably as good as life ever gets. I couldn't tell you I've never been there Montmartre. Montmartre yeah. Is that what's that? Sootmartre? No it's a big hill at the Sacré-Cœur in overlooking Paris. I've been I've been the Paris. Yeah. I've never been I've been thelooking Paris. I've been, I've been to Paris. Yeah.

I've been to Disneyland Paris. You've been to Disneyland Paris. The only place in Paris I've been to. What, your bookie role is in supermarkets as well. Strong with Disneyland Paris. You like Disneyland Paris? Fucking terrible. Well, there you go.

You can't get your hands on any booze. No. And when you do, seven quid of pint. Well, but you get your own baguette though, can't you? Yeah, you baguette's a ten-a-penny, aren't they? Even over a year now. It's the funniest breath of all the bread, though, isn't it? And I tell you what, there's a 45-minute cue

to get on the friggin' dumb-baw ride. And half of them, half of them, have grown adults, haven't even got kids with them. Excuse me, what's the dumb-baw, what's their dumb-baw ride? It's just like a very, very, very slow-moving ride where it's two a year, and, you sit in a dumbore, you know, a dumbore, the elephant. Oh, the elephant, I thought,

well, you meant like a dumbore. You know, like, you're a dumbore for dumb, sorry. Yeah, it's an elephant. It's a slow-moving elephant. Pink elephant ride. A pink elephant, gently me and the drunken. Then you can control it and make it go up and down as you go and run slowly.

Yeah. And it's on, it lasts about two minutes. And you're and you queued for 45 minutes because after queue was like grown adults. You know what you should have done. You should have shit your pants on it so they had to stop the ride. That had taught them. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to do that next time except I'm never going back because of that. So where do you tend to go then? Do you like it? Do you go to university in America or something like that? I've been there, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I see I've dope. I just want to be like, I'm just asking, you must have booked your older for this year, where you going this year? I haven't got anything booked

for this year. Where would you have gone? Where would you have liked to have gone? Because I was told that this podcast was going to be an earner. Yeah, well I never told you. And it hasn't worked out like that, has it? So, all the different plans on hold? For what sort? Steve McLaren. Are we there already with Steve McLaren? Well, do you like to... I was ready for Steve McLaren. What is up to it the morning?

Are you reckon? Well, I reckon, this is what I'm seeing under you, right? I'm seeing the fat lass, yeah, there he's with. I think she's staring out the window, but she's eating the beans on toast, yeah. He's upstairs reading instructions for his power washer that you mentioned. Yeah.

You know, his power washer, because he can't get it to generate suds for washing his car. Right. So he's having a look at the escra Octavia, I think it is. Do you think it probably is? I'm a bit. Yeah.

You've Scorra Octavia. Well, he's not driving the mini bus service. Yeah. It's a good drive, really. I think he might be thinking to himself, I'm Stephen McLaren, and I'm going to apply for the Advanced, the Institute of Advanced Motorists. Yeah.

Because I'm careful, responsible, I look ahead, I think ahead when I'm driving. He's like, I know how good I am, but I want a certificate to short the people so that I can talk about it. Yeah, and he could, he could saw it, they'll give them a badge, yeah. Did he get a badge as well?

He'd do, yeah. And he could saw that onto the sleeve of a short sleeve. For when he's driving the minibus. No, just when he's out and about, it says like down at the garden center away. Yeah. By the new attachment for his horse lock, stuff and that.

People say, what's that badge? Mr McLeod, he says, oh, that, oh, that's because it's the institute of advanced motorists hoping that they'll say, then, oh, what's that? Is it, oh, it's an institute? It's just acknowledges that you're one of the the better drivers. Any other on the right hand side wouldn't he? On the right sleeve?

Yeah. So for when he's stopping at the lights, he just lifted up a little bit towards the window and whoever's in the next lean, just look across and go oh I see I'm dealing with an expert here. Oh whoops his day's here I'll let him pass. I'll let him pass yeah. I'm going to cut. I yield to Mr McClarrode. The other thing is, and I don't know whether they're the same time, you know, as yellow snake, his big yellow snake, he's got.

I can't feel it. It swallows a dog chew, like your dog chew when it's made him spew up on the toilet carpet, because I think Steve has a toilet carpet. Yeah. But you'll have a mat as well around the toilet or around the ball, even though they'll hardly ever, and hardly ever be any spillages. No, because he'll have a really fast jet

as long as he's careful as well, will he? He probably rests it on, I'm gonna say something like a half ruler. Like a plate, you know, like, he probably rests it on that, lines it up, and then bang. Yeah, that's plate, you know, like you probably rest it on that, lines it up and then bang! Yeah, that's a length of it. And that was nearly two points, yeah.

Yeah, that was nearly two points. Of course, what it does is the added bonus if he's got only, if the fat lass has left any little Todd streaks on the back of the pot, it knocks them into touch. Yeah, you'll have a good ear as well, won't you? Oh, well, I'm saying he's got this arrangement. This like, no, I've called play it, you're gonna think it didn't play. I mean, like just a flat bit of steel.

Yeah. The world works. He just rests that, lines it or. Like a pencil holder. I think what he did was, at one point, he rested his dine onto a, I'll say, a seven before steel play, yeah. He drew around it, yeah. And this just all happened kind of naturally and organically. He wasn't setting out to

make this thing. No, he was just messing about one day and stuff that was lying around and... And thought, yeah, that little off-cut would be useful for helping me with direction with me fast-bess. With clear and the fat lassas, streaks. Well, let's leave the clarin' anyway, I suppose. Well, I've got a different point of view. Okay. You're right. A half-term minute, Eric and he's out in the mini-buss and Eric and he's

took out a group of disadvantaged kids up the Scottish borders. Yeah. And the big lass, she's away in Marbella. Right. On another hen wake. It's the fifth one she's been on this year Right, and she's staying in the same resort of sam ala dice. Did you see that video of sam ala dice? I've a little bit of a dance in Marbella. I'm no lovely time, money. Yeah, and I reckon that she's just text as Steve

To tell him while he's in the Scottish borders. Yeah, she's in the same resort as Big Sam and he's pretending he's cool with it but he's saving really. So he started to get really short tempered with his disadvantaged kids and he's telling him to shut the fuck up. Oh Steve and he wouldn't like you. He only cursed when he's pushed. Absolutely. But it's going to end up with one of the kids trying to knife him in the car park, a pottery world, isn't it? You sound like that, yeah.

No, it's only when he's under extreme pressure, you get the swears out of indoor, yeah. I don't think he ever swore with his manager in Newcastle or dobs. Absolutely not. He might have done once or twice with a new Zingler manager, but. He tries his best not to, I remember once he,

standards in it, standards. Yeah, he's still got standards, thankfully. I remember once he... Standards, isn't it? Standards. Yeah, he's still got standards, thankfully. I remember once he shut the bedroom door on his snake, the last little, he thought the snake had followed him upstairs. To go to bed. For bed time. But yeah, and we shut the door and caught the snake, so I'm, fuck!

And then he caught himself in the mirror. And the snake, I'm like, wha! Like, he's filled up on his bedroom carpet. in the mirror. And the snake, I like, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa You look to me like you're a big massive, big massive fan of the Blues Brothers. Yeah. Ah, do you like it? Yeah, and I just wonder, are you actually in one of them like Tribune Blues Brothers acts? You know, and you do the Nutty Dance and all that. No, no.

No, Bob. Actually, I don't like the Blues Brothers. You look good, Bob. I think it's a hugely overrated film. What are the children's? I couldn't even... Untamed films at the bottom of the blows, brothers, off the top of me head. Name one better.

Gremlins two. Correct. Fair enough. There you go. So you're not... All right, then, in a similar vein, because this is struck me. I think it might be one of me wives' questions, actually, but... So it's on me, man.

So I'll just better check, because it has to be... Yeah, it's one of me wives' questions. So can I go on to the movies? You want to move it to them now, then? If I'm... Have you gone with football yet? Yeah. Yeah, it's one of my wives' questions, so can I go on to the next one? You want to move into them now then? If I'm, is that all right? I've only gone with football yet. Yeah. Oh, we did stay with my clarinet, haven't we, of course?

Wives' questions, questions. That's cool. Direct from my wife, yourself. First one's ever so simple. Andy, do you watch mobile wives? No, Bob's wife, I do not watch mob wives, I have not even heard of it. Excuse me? Well, I'm not in the crime club, am I? It's not in Bob's crime club. You don't know, mob wives.

No. The greatest single half hour of television, but you kiddin' me. No, it's the last couple of weeks watching the first series of Game of Thrones. Yeah. To try to get into that. And how did you find it? Shade. Really? Yeah.

I mean, I watched the first series left a bit of a gap, I don't know, two months till I watched the second one. I have no idea what was going on. So I had a, I, I, at the end of the first one, I did have sufficient motivation to try the second, but it's quite complicated. It seems to be, it seems to be mostly about genealogy. Yeah. No, I know what you mean.

He's right here. Yeah. Yeah, it feels a bit of fighting. It's maths. It's like medieval maths. It seems like a problem. Yeah. But you say you don't know more wives.

Right. You say that you've only recently watched game thrones Yeah, but I'm aware that for a few years now you've been able to go up game thrones. Yeah, so what's that all about? You're obviously perfectly aware of game thrones. I'm aware of it But are you doing the same on mob wives? You know you well? I'm not even aware of mob wives, but I'm prepared to give it a try Will you give it a try can I give it a try this next week? I would love to see what you think of mob wives. I think it's electric. All right, what channel is it on then? It's on ITVB. BA that is not BEE or not just BEE.

But the in between B. Yeah, so well thank you for that and I suppose if you aren't saying it you aren't saying it. It's a question. You, wife's question number two, Andy, you look like Greg Wallace. Is that, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh you hear him, do you feel his success should be yours? First of all I don't look anything like Greg Wallace. No I don't. No yes you do. No. Greg Wallace looks like Bunsen Huni Joe from the Muppets. I don't know that. The scientist doesn't have any eyes but he

wears glasses. Oh well it's a vague. Yeah that's Greg Wallace and that's not me. That's not who you're looking at right now. Well You serve that. Who do you think I look like right now? If you put my car, my Greg Wallace cardigan on and some of his design aspects. So it's a big stretch in, isn't it? I've got a dress up with them. It's not a great thing. You're cardigan in a pair of specials. Just haven't got much hair. I've got a round head. Why'd you head? I don't trust them. Why don't you trust? I don't trust these mortars. What do you think his mortives are? A televisual domination. No, that's not his mortive. Getting as many followers on Twitter as he possibly can.

That's what you... So you don't trust that mortive? No. I don't trust anybody with lots of followers on Twitter. I've got more followers than you. I know you have. Look just you either. That motive no, I don't just anybody with lots of followers on Twitter I've got more followers than you. I know you have Okay, well, it's gone. It's a bit of a blind alley. I'm with the wife there

I think your resentment is based on the fact that you think I Look like not only do I look like Greg Wallace I could sell veg better than him I could eat food better than him. Well, I cause without seeing seeing the same. So why, why? Oh, why isn't it me? Is it? That's where it will be me eventually Bob. Maybe is it will be? Maybe is this podcast going to be a springboard? Yeah. To me, being on whatever the the 2013 equivalent of MasterChef is. Well, well, yeah, I mean, you'll be dead by then, so you'll not know how it turns out, but third question from your wife, Andy, I'm aware that you fervor cheap cuts of meat, ghost flank rabbits, wings, that sort of thing. But have you ever tried tin beef burgers? I think you and your

family would flourish on them. What do you mean by flourish? What does she mean by flourish? Oh, I imagine she means the same as any English speaking person means You know that that you thrive you thrive In a nutritional sense that's what's new to you skin would glow your bones would stop creaking You might even put a bit of height on someone like that now. I've never tried tin beef burgers I don't even think there are things you're very disparaging about their beautiful You can get a chicken in a can. I love a chicken in a can.

You know in France it's considered a delicacy because it's salt. So, pardon me, what was that under your breath? You could fill your boots for them, can't you? Next month when you're over there. You hope they are ring with it's... We hope to hear it. There's a apricot hanging off it. And a tenor chicken in the me anac.

Excuse me, ma'am. Excuse me, maa. Excuse me, maa. Miss Moussier. Monte Le Fennetta. What do you mean? Le Chican de la Can. Les Galliac. Puffa Vo.

Puffa Vo is Mexican. Yeah, but you get your point across. That's the end of the wife's questions. They haven't led anywhere in particular. No. They haven't. I think we've tried a water with that a bit this week. Yeah, but as a recommendation, I really, really strongly recommend that tin chicken

underneath. Not more, I'm not going to say anything. Not wives, not wives and a tin chicken at the same time. Yeah, and a tin beef burger. Just one. Fill your pan with fat and you're left with a bit of leather but or a bit of tasty leather. What was your favourite bit about Topgate of the nightclub? Favorite bit about the new Topgate? The new Topgate was Christmas. The moment that we mallet. Sorry, Timmy Mallet.

Yeah. I think probably me favourite bit of it was when they saw the first shot of him of Evans full length. And he had his jeans tucked into his little booties, his little furry booties. And you know, like it was it was like he was trying to throw the audience back to the 80s, you know, look like some like Like the Wacadilla. ...sup, yeah. Some sort of like...

You know, like 1980s, Iranian, Discord, answer, took his jeans in, and he was just trying to say, look, imagine this was a... Imagine you're watching the 80s, Wacadilla. Hey, hey! Right, then you know what I mean? Yeah. The only hey! Right, then you know what I mean? Yeah. The only other alternative explanation, but what is an alternative explanation for going on television

wherein Eugene's tucked into some little lady's booties? I've never worked in television, so I don't know. You, you have. Yeah, but is it a secret code? I mean, Andy, you know, you're being difficult here. You're making your TV debut, yeah? You wouldn't be doing cars. What would you be doing?

I don't know, freaking cheap cuts or... Probably lawnmowers. No, you'd be on the TV channel, you know, TV sales. The shopping channel. The shopping channel. So you're on the shop vlogging tat. I don't think you're not like a tat, you're not a rag and bone man Andy

I think you'd be flogging electronic equipment that would last between a week and six months Yeah, with big promises. Fry your chicken, what the fuck are chicken depots? Fry your chicken depots, fry your little pizzas in the air fryer. In the air fryer. Ready in only seven minutes. Seven minutes. You're like it or not. And then voice it near you saying,

hit home the health benefits, Andy. Hit home the health benefits. And you say, and of course, by using less fat, you put on less fat. You will live for another five to six years. LAUGHTER If you could see these chicken dippers. So anyway, I have to finish it, Andy, so you're about to go on,

and now Slass comes on, comes in Rome, says, it's wardrobe. Would you like to wear these blue pepper jeans and tuck them in these fur-line little booties, Andy? Yeah. What would you say? Oh, God. Exactly.

So please don't... I don't think I'm some kind of idiot. Yeah. So don't say to me, you tell these different, you know Chris Evans chose to wear. What's he doing it? I don't know. As I say, I think it was a diversion to try and make

us remember that time when we thought, I tell you what would be good on tell you, a fucking dickhead. Mm. Ha ha ha. Anyway. And you know what I asked you that? Luminol, Andy. I just want to give you a little warning.

Yeah, please don't. You know a luminol that you spray on crime scenes, and it shows up where there's blood. I just want to give you just a little warning in case you ever get involved, is that it's... Is it getting involved? I don't know, just in some way, maybe... No, I'm not, I'm not suplexingotty that I think you're gonna murder someone or whatever,

but just putting that you're locker, that it does have its disadvantages, Luminol. And what are they? Well, CSI would have you think that it's like the Beyond End all. It's the WD-40 of forensics, yeah. But it can also show, Poe, Papa, Papa, Todd, yeah, and Wee Wee, Pess, yeah. And things like horse radish also shows up.

Does it? Yeah, really shows up. Like you think, oh this seems grizzly and then someone would hold up a part of horse radish and say, sir. Nothing to see here. Nothing to see. Simple kitchen spillage. No one died. And it also it dilutes, you know, genetic evidence, DNA evidence, right, dilutes it can make it unusable. So just things. Is this come from Bob's crime

club? I was just I mentioned last week in my crime club. I've just sat there thinking oh, wow Luminol man You know Luminol it's the criminals They all an end all so be like you know, it's as I'm saying is Pandon hand with DNA. Yeah, it's yeah, it's gonna Yeah, if the Luminol don't get you the DNA will That's the lot of Bob's crime club is just pointing out that it has got its disadvantage Okay, okay, so over to you Andy. Well I've been looking for a few reviews of the podcast online to see what the listeners

have been thinking and seeing about us. Yeah. These are all genuine. First one I found this says, thank you for this podcast. Thanks to you I'm now knocking back 10 week to Bix, slathered with white doll meal each day and I've never been more regular So that's a good thing isn't it? It's quite nice. It was that from that's from that's from

John John Windor Oh Yeah, turn the news one there Mandela. Yeah, that's what he does. It might be an alias It's the as opposed you see it in there. It might be an alias. Yeah, there's another one might not be Andy It might be though. There's another one. Might not be Andy. It might be though. There's another one here. This one says, I think Bob is cruel to the one with the fat voice. The lad probably doesn't even live in a fungal or he's only seeing it, trying to make

himself sound important. And he probably sleeps in some kind of tarp hole and covered pit. Leave him alone, Bob. He's suffered enough. Oh, that's someone on your side there. Yeah, some, some, yeah, sympathize. That's good. Michelle out. That's, that's, that's ones by John microphone. So that's, this is a new item you're introducing. These are, these are legit. These are genuine reviews. This compliments the running adult. These are real. The genuine reviews. That's a compliment to the funny adult.

That's a real. All right, you've got any more? Just one more. The one with the fat voices, the cool one. Bob is clearly some kind of dick. All right, and who's that from? I said John Mortimer. All right, well, John Mortimer, the author and barista.

Sounds like him. Your brother, I don't know. No, but the language really sounds like him. But what do you say? Some kind of dick. Hey, Andy, I don't know. No, but the language it really sounds like him But he said some kind of dick Hey Andy I always wanted to ask you. Are you any good at showing horses? No, but I told a donkey to fuck off once Yeah, that's was yorky see that's that was my joke No, don't do that. I did the punchline there Yeah, but you if I hadn't said are you only good at showing arses? Yeah.

It's I'm setting it up for you. Yeah, but it's not your joke, is it? No, it's not, man. No, it's not. So I could have said, yeah. No, well, it wasn't me joke. I don't want it in cloud, then. I could have said, I quite, quite competent at that, yeah.

Well, I don't want it in cloud one, but you know, he wasn't even funny. What did he say that for? Do you think it was funny? Cause he said, you stopped on in the F word. It stopped on in. Honestly, so the you, you rose a coming up. Just wanted to say, Paul one in the F word, stop one in, on the sleep. So the euros are coming up.

Just wanted to say, Paul and at 50 to one, Austria at 40 to one, Croatia at 35 to one, each way, that's where your money should be in it. Right, so you think one of those strokes is gonna get at the final? I think it's a very good shot. I think it represents a lot better value than nine to one on England.

For example, or as I'm going there, power example. 900, the one for England, probably. That bad. Yeah. You went to see him at some London company. I went to see him at the Sydney My Light last Friday night, and it was a mortified experience. What's your analysis?

All full. All full-less. Every once. I thought Australia was terrible. Did anyone come out with any credit? Just me son. And he spent more second half playing on my iPhone. Which was who was the best performer for the England?

For the England, yeah. I got to try, I think it was playing again. Well, I mean, it's very different watching it. But I'm telling you, I thought, I thought, well, she was all right, ruining her all right. Yeah. Rashford, you want to take a Rashford right, Rooney, all right. Yeah. Rashford, you want to take a Rashford?

Oh, no, thank you. Not for me. No. Please, no. No. Out of his depths, to be honest, he should have been the number 21s at the prestigious two long tournament.

Which we won without Rashford. Without Rashford, yeah. Imagine if we had Rashford. We'd have won it twice. We'd have won it. He he he. Did I ever tell you any of this? I'm I don't want it. Did I ever tell you any, I'm sort of proud of this. Did I ever tell you I was, I once met the bloke,

I was in Birmingham, me brothers, I can't remember, I was birthday, I was 50th of it. And I met the bloke who would have carried out the surgery on Richard Hammond if his crash had happened in Birmingham. That's quite a clear, isn't it? No, it's pretty good. I think that's stitched on the resort on some kind of batch. I know how would you chat into him when he mentioned it.

So pretty awesome, isn't it? What did he say? Pretty elaborated to how he would have handled this. No, because I mean, that's such a magnificent, you said it, and that's it. Nothing else to say. Sure. You would have, if they actually had happened to Birmingham, you would have, so he was obviously assurging or something like that.

I couldn't, as soon as he told me that I was too intimidated to... It's a lot of pressure to deal with, isn't it? I just said, I'm going to live with that. I said, it's a pleasure to have met you, the blogger would have treated you down and... If he did. He gets counselling and stuff, that he... He was technically in the terms of... Honestly, you've technically said... He wore it really well. Yeah. Obviously, it's a burden of. Honestly, he wore it really well.

Yeah. You know, obviously it's a burden for him, but he wore it really well. Well, I talked about it all the time. Or as the same phrase, Leshamis Egron. He wore it really well. I'll take you word for that.

So, what else would we like to do? I've got some questions for you, Paul. Oh, I don't, well, you've given me the blood relatives of mine, but are they just bogus like these Twitter things? No, no, these are all real questions from blood relatives. All right. Well, let's get through them quickly if you don't mind Trying to get inside your mind and your lifestyle. Bob. Yeah, there's a millionaire living in a book in a ship pleasure dorm With your solid motor booking them, Trevor

Could you just please be quiet? I'll start again Bob as a there's a millionaire living in a book in him, should pleasure dome with your solid gold hip replacement. Do you allow your servants to have free electricity in their quarters or do you make them generate their own with exercise bikes that you picked up cheap from the Argus out lot on a beer? I don't have any servants, I don't live in Bookhamshire, next question. So how do they power the quarters? I don't have any servants, I don't live in Bookhamshire, next question. So how do the power of the quarters? I don't live in Bookhamshire. You haven't denied that you don't give them free lectures at night. I don't need to deny it, I don't need to.

So they have to use these exercise bikes to get the lights on, they get the telly to work. I don't need to, it looks very rare occasion that you let them actually have some free time for themselves. I don't have any servants, next question please. Just, excuse me. Bob, as a millionaire living in Buckinghamshire Pleasuredome with your solid gold hip replacement and your addiction flower nectar, do you allow your servants to operate under their God-given names or do you issue them with new identities once they arrive off the boat from Calier? New identities which could consist of anything from a random series of letters and numbers to a contemptuous grunting noise.

I refer you to my previous answer and I would only add that as you do like nectar. I do like nectar and I do little pieces being stripped away of the edifice. Well, I tiny little pieces. And when I'm in hotter countries, I sometimes buy a nectar thing. I don't know what you call it, and you don't pick on it, but it's to attract hummingbirds. When I'm in hotter countries, I sometimes buy a nectar thing. I don't know what you call it, and you don't pick on it, but it's to attract hummingbirds. So I refer you to my previous answer, plus I add

that I actually do like nectar. So do you refer to them as their proponyms like Carlos or a refer to my previous answer? Who are you? I prefer to refer and we prefer to be previous answer. Have you got another question? Bob, there's a million air living in a book and I'm sure pleasure's done with your solid gold o ffordd, rwy'n prifysan, syddiad, o'r wyfysio? Bob. Mae'n myllion eirlof i'n bych chi'n myllion o'r plesio'r ddung,

o'r syddiad o'r gwyllio'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, o'r ddung, around the back of your orchard, attended by the local parish counsellors and the dirt you all alderman, in which you all join hands and form a circle while your poor servants are forced to dance naked to the complete musical works of your soon-doer in a giant paddling pool filled with swarfriger. Bobfest, tell me about Bobfest.

The regard to Bobfest, it doesn't exist, I don't know if it is servants, I haven't added replacement, why you would think I've added replacement the way I move is beyond First, it doesn't exist. I don't have any servants. I haven't had it replacement. Why you would think I've had it replacement the way I move is beyond me. What, you see you're a good mover. Yeah. Silky. You can't, no, you can't deny that, Andy. I don't, I'll be along. Do I? I've not seen you do stairs before. Well, when we leave this building, what behind me? All right. It's a will text book. Right, a will. All right, but film it. With regard to the rest of it,

I refer to previous, I don't have any service and I'm not a billionaire. How much do you charge for Bob Fest? How much do you charge the deal? There is no such thing as Bob Fest. Ah, so it's free. There's no such thing as Bob Fest, all right. Do you charge?

Are you finished with each charge? You need a license license wouldn't you? Although you probably get that as a backander from the parish counsellor's area coming anywhere. Yeah because I'm so sweet with the alderman. Yeah. The dirty alderman. No I'm not. You just old. You're sweet on the dirty alderman. No I'm not sweet on him. What you said when pool filled a swaffy. Are you saying what you said when they say I'm sweet with the aldermy you said we're kissed or that we correspond or what you say? What you say you've kissed? I've snogged the aldermen. I'm just saying snogged.

I was saying kissed, it might just be in a peck. But I think you've kissed the aldermen. Well, I've kissed the aldermen. Thank you, love. What do you think of nachos and dips? He moved on quickly there, didn't he? Well, I presume you finished. Do you have nachos and dips at Bobfest?fest. What do you think of nachos and dips?

They're all right. Really? Yeah. Do you think they're a bit... What does pressy-ent main? We're struggling now. It's a kind of... The future, isn't it? That's not what I mean. It just seems to, I was just disappointed. I watched some football in the day, this playoffs, with me kids. So, such a, we get some football snacks. And to me, football snacks is like... J'aur'e d'on me, or? Well, for you, not for me, is like, you get what's it? Definitely, get some derrily triangles.

You know, that sort of thing. It reels traits, some my buns, for example. And then what in nachos and dips? Where does that come from? It's from Mexico, same as you. All right, I'll see. You'll see your happy with nachos and dips. Will there be your Euro snack?

The simplest is where your sleeves come from. Yorg, will you have nachos and dips for your Euro 2016 viewing? I don't particularly feel the night. I have and Snacks and that one I'm watching football. Yes you do. Look at you. Look at you. Yorg, you're a Snacker. You're a Snacker. No, I just have three meals a day. They're just definitely massive.

You don't snack in between drinks. So we play a proper footballer. Gone, then yeah, it goes first. But we're going to do it differently this way. I'm going to go on round a proper footballer. Gone then, yeah it was first. But we're gonna do it differently this way. I'm just gonna go on one round of proper footballer. All right. And it was going first. One, I am.

And who's deciding? I am. All right, well I wonder if we're gonna win this one then. Right, Phil Bardsley. Phil Bardsley, that is good. That is very, very good. He's the one who knocked Rune out, any? In his own kitchen.

Yeah. I'm afraid a suspect you've lost, even though you're deciding, because I'm gonna hit you with Kevin Nolan. Nah. Oh, come on Andy. I don't think so. Got Kevin Nolan, the chicken dance celebration. Yeah.

That's not the act of a proper footballer. Phil, that's the act of a tit. You have a Phil Bassey's a fringe proper player, and he's on the fringe. He's proper. Not but you're struggling to find proper. I mean, he's good. Well, you've got Nolan.

Kevin Nolan and Kevin Derby's high scoring proper footballers. All right then. You should have gone with Derby's, you might footballers. All right then. You should have gone with Derby's, you might have won. All right, and I decide this leg of it. Right, go on then. Proper football club. You go first. Why am I going first?

Because I went first last time. Proper football club. You didn't, but I know. Burnley. Burnley. Burnley. Oh, well, you've lost. I could say any club.

I could say any club. Well, you have say Wimbledon. Yeah. Any. Yeah, I'm a kid. Don's not, but what I'll do is I'll instantly knock it into touch by saying Evan. It's a proper football club. Third round, Andy. Well, what about proper food? Why does Evan be... Oh, I've got... Andy, let's not even go there. Burnley. Honestly, whole one that one, burn. Honestly, whole. One that one as well. The proper food. Proper food, right?

You can go first this time. And I was deciding. Hi, I'm. All right. Proper food for me, you don't have to look any further than steak and chips. Right. Right, well, I've got the oldie forebird roast.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right, well I've got the oldie forebird roost. Chicken, to eat duck and goose, each one stuffed inside the other in order of size like a Russian doll. Can you imagine? 99, from all the year Christmas. Do you imagine the carnage at the factory where they assemble it? Man, Jesus. Well, I'm going to call that one a draw. So that's three no at the May then.

Okay. Okay, I do know I thought it might be three no. She started up feeling that I wasn't, you know, that's what it would happen. I'm glad I'm getting back into it. Okay, well, do you wanna finish there, Andy? Because we're drawing on the art. Yeah, I've had enough.

I'm just even gonna stick around for your song. You're not even sticking around for it. Do you like it on Britain's Got Talent when David Williams gets up? I've never watched Britain's Got Talent for about nine years. All right, it's just well you're missing out in that sense. Well, I have got a song if you want. I can add the... Well, tell us what it's about and I'll decide if I'm gonna stay.

Well, it's an old song. That I've sung in the past. It's about being trapped in a council flat. And it does go on a bit, Andy. What are you doing old songs for? Well, I just, it was on me. I was, you know, thinking of a new one. Well, I'll do it. Maybe we should come up all on for the England squad for next week. So you don't want to hear this one. Go on and just do it. I just go on. Go on, man.

You can just turn it off, turn off the tape when you get fed up with it. Okay. So this was athletic or mince. Yeah, we're on Twitter at Athletic or mince. We're doing a live podcast in September in Kings Place in London. Kings, Kings Trust. Still get tickets for that. If you have a look at our tweets, there'll be links and that. Okay, right. Do the song, Bob. I haven't left my flat for over three months Since the council erected an eye and door An easy mistake for the council to make

But the grills on the window are an eye sore I shouted out the window, I shouted out the door I tried to turn the loud through the kitchen floor I pushed lighted paper through the letterbox, but no one saw, because of the iron door. I phoned up the council, there was no reply. Oh, I'm not doing it if you're just going to... Yes, just me.

Be back at 11? No, don't go on the phone, will you? Trap in my flash. That's just what we're doing a song. Only my memories for company. Yeah, but 11, see you then. Trap in my flat. Hoping someone will come and rescue me. There's nothing I can do and... Alright, forget it.