Athletico Mince - Ep.4 - Football Reinvented

Episode Date: March 31, 2016

Lifting up celebrities, mints, footballers’ houses, and some domestic appliance purchase advice. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See Alright, Bob. Alright, Andy. Here we are. You're still alive, I see. Well, you can see that I am. Yeah, I was your Easter. Alright. It's none of your business. Yeah. I just were a logisting to me. It's a private thing. Well, I'm not demeaning now. So I just wondered what it was.

I don't want you to ask anymore about my Easter. No, it's just, I wondered if any kids that approach here trying like bite you and that cause you look a bit like an egg, don't you? Do you know what I mean? Well, in the right light, yeah. Yeah. The right light being any light.

Dusk, all right. It's pretty, some of the time now, so it's less of a problem because the kids are all in bed by the time I take on me Egg shape. Yeah, well, you know form. I just wondered if they tried to know. So no, not recently That's the answer to that one. I didn't I'm not allowed to have any eggs. I'll account on me health And I know it's instantly I have to comment that you haven't mentioned me else I was gonna say it's, it's been a sad week

for football and comedy. We've lost Johan Kroef since the last time we met. Yeah, that is very sad. And we've lost Ronnie Corbert. Yeah. And yet you, Bob, you prevail. I prevail, yeah. And it's not just a series, but it's,

and for me it's not about you, it's just, is it? No, increasingly, isn't it? I mean, I did lift Ronnie up once. Did you? Yeah. In a professional capacity, I just in a celebratory capacity. Right. I was privileged enough to work with him on a sports relief or a comic relief. Yeah. One of these things. Well, Ronnie Cobbett sort of struggled both of those disciplines. Didn't he? Yeah. these things. Well, Ronnie Cobbett sort of struggled both of those disciplines, didn't he? Yeah, in the unsport. But he started a bit of laughs, a bit of golf. Anyway, so I lifted up Ronnie, got the shock of me life, one of the densest human beings. I've never been surprised

by that, you know, because he looked, especially in the last few years, yeah. It looked quite dense and almost spherical. Really? I didn't pick that up. Did you know? I worked with him on a... I worked with him on a... we trained as dog to become a... to become a trend dog. Yeah, to your own age. That's a trend dog. And very charming man, and it's very sad. I don't mean to demean his loss, but people might, when they're reflecting on his career, they might probably haven't put the weight,

the sheer mass of the man into the calculation. They're probably doing newsnight tonight. Hopefully, because they're like, they're doing a bit different on there, don't they? Well, it makes you think of them a bit differently. Ronnie, Barker, slightly bigger, you know, it's fun, isn't it? Yeah, well, a lot of fun it is to say big Ronnie doing the dances dressed up as a woman. Yeah. So when you're watching some of those songs and so on, you can also use that mindset

for Ronnie Corbett. You know, there is a bit of weight that is hefty word, I think. I don't see why not. So yes, a very sad way. It is sad, but then you've kind of overshadowed that by putting out that he had a badly trained dog. No, I didn't say it was badly trained. Is this really good? I think if you can't see anything nice about someone,

then maybe you shouldn't see anything at all. Aunt and Deck, I've lifted one of them up. I can't remember which one it was. Well, I'll stop you there. Yeah. How heavy was it? Sorry, Yeah. How heavy was it? Sorry, hey, how heavy was he? A lot, lot heavier than I'd anticipated. I'm tempted to say that I'm thinking 15, 16 stones. Is that how ragging and that's pretty heavy. Yeah. Deck, not so much. I reckon deck it they were one and. Yeah. But I think it's got a bit of weight on them.

they were one hand. Yeah. But I think it's got a bit of weight on them. You couldn't lick the left deck with one hand. Right and I could. And you just twirl around like a ballerina inside one of those jewelry boxes. Yeah, and you'd wait around just in the palm of my hand. Yeah. I've got your mind now, deck. Yeah. Your mind. So football, anything like anything to do with today's show? I think the main story in football history because it's been an international week so things have been a bit quiet. I think we've got really got a look at Rahim Sterling's house, of course, which is on the market. But he's reduced it by £300,000. And because, do you know why? Because nobody's interested. I've seen a picture of it. It's got those big columns outside. It's a jargid, yeah. I think it is, yeah, and there's a lovely plack above the door, which

has probably got the year of its creation. So I reckon probably 1780, it's between then and 1810. Regency, so I'll put it back in. It which probably owned by an Earl or Duke. Yeah, but brick or sliftrider. Yeah, it's been very asymptotically restored though. It almost looks like a brand new bazaar home, don't it, right? Yeah, and it's got a Michael Jackson room. Yeah, of course. What footballer wouldn't want to have a Michael Jackson room? I mean, it is, when you think of footballers at houses, you know, even with an open mind, you start thinking about, um, like, fur on the mantel piece, would you agree? Yeah.

Um, fur lining for the garage doors. A lot of leases. Lairs as everywhere. Fush in different colours. Yeah. Um, four poster beds, but I think a lot of them have got this. Best soul canbels got this. Four poster beds, but the posts are cobras. Yeah. Do you understand? Yeah.

Hard and cobras. The heads at the top. Yeah, hard and cobras. Wow. And the actual cobras. Yeah, but they've been hard and take cobras. No. I reckon actual cobras.

Chen, you and hard and then. They've been been frozen and then maybe vanished. I think there's a cobra hardening oil. It's available. It's that spread on them. And then they have their little lapping tongue. Is it called lapping tongue? Lapping, darting. And that sticks out. And that's what's used to hook. You dress a girl up and stuff. Yeah, are you keys or whatever? Yeah, and lots of gold, gold corn cobs in the bathroom, instead of loafers. Moved enhancing gas?

Gas is coming out. Nothing illegal. No, you know, like these legal highs, you can get something like that. None of them do any of that business, but they do have enhancement gases and lights, yeah. I mean, it must be great, isn I mean, it's just an aroma. I mean, interestingly in the current scene, I have visited

being lucky enough to visit the house of two former Lester players. Well, one atty still is a Lester player. And this Bringer's want to be a recurring subject, have you ever met a footballer? Oh, right. Was he in? At the time, what did you do? You just visited one of them to bring up the seed's wife. One of them was spent the whole. Oh, right. Was he in the time? What did you do? Yeah, it's one of them.

And he brought the siege wife. One of them was spent the whole day there, right? He had polished the shirts he'd collected off from his European exploits. Yes, it was Stan Calimo. Stan Calimo. Stan Calimo. He did play for less than he did. He scored a hat against Sunlum once, the bastard. And what a charming fellow he was. He seemed nice on the radio.

Absolutely charming fellow. And like his house was a beautiful house, a neat house, all professional chairs would have been thrown in. It had fancy wiring and that. But there was nothing ostentatious there, luster man the other Do you reckon he touched his stuff? What do you mean by that touching his stuff?

No you know he's stuff that he had directly he touched any of it was just there for decoration did he creep around in a maybe is a pair of moccasins? I just just not want him to disturb anything just leave it I didn't I didn't get that vibe I get I from sterling's house I get that vibe, but I get, I, from Sterling's house, I get that vibe. It's not to be taught. He's never been there as he's sterling. Oh, he's having something so. Did it have a soft player area for him?

It's got a barber shop. A barber shop. Yeah, there's a barber. The barber's room and the barber's chair in it and like a sofa for people to wait on before they get their haircut. But nobody came. Nobody ever came. Anyway, the other luster play, no stand. Stand's house was, you know,

it seemed like a proper family lived in house, you know. Good, really nice. And it was a bad rap, I think. Yeah, he's had a bad rap, honey. Yeah. I mean, if you're a football presenter on the radio, it's hard to please everyone all the time. Is that correct? It's hard to please everyone all the time. Is that correct?

It's hard to please anyone. Would you like out the radio people through Talk Football? I like Steve Wright. Steve Wright, you have to know. Yeah. But he doesn't do the football that way. I must have mentioned it once.

No, I'm just a proper one. You're like Colin Murray, Alan Brasile. Alan Brasile's really good. You like Alan Brasile? I love Alan Brasile. You know what? I'd love to go and Alan Brazill's podcast. Would you?

Yeah. Well, I hope you can hear me at the hop and fave. I hope that dream is really nice for you and I bet you another list of city players as well. Who's Hayden? Dickie DeLat. What? Dickie DeLat.

Is that a real one? Dennis DeLat, Richard DeLat. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And once again, you know, it's Ender Terrace. Yeah. Humble. Perfectly humbly.

He's added to serve a few pennies. He's had that cladding pot on the outside. Not pebble dash, but you know that. Like it's slightly wavy. Yeah. I don't know what the, I don't want people to put it on. Is it anti-graffiti? It's anti-climus, isn't it?

Anti-climus. I'm sorry. Well, if you ever met of house, someone who climbs houses. What a lizard's in that yeah. Alright yeah. And anyway again every every every town's got a lizard man isn't it? That's boss. It scales the world at night. Yeah. I suppose the modern drain pipe is probably your sky system in it. They can get up the wires from your sky or they could lissue something over the sky dish. But it's not as strong as Dream Pipes though. Oh shit, man. Dream Pipes always had the weakness which was the bracket. Yeah, but you could pull a dish down in a heartbeat, wouldn't you?

You know if it's been properly sold by a sky approved by a sky approved install, you know, that shouldn't happen. If you were running Corbett and you tossed a sheet or something over it and pulled it down to try and skill wall, sorry the Leite Ronnie Corbet, you know that dish would be straight off. Well, the density you've got. Not properly installed, I'm going to shift in from that position. I'm sorry, I just point you to a great deal.

So it is intervergly interesting, on a serious note, that there's two luster players, albeit one from the slightly less successful period, with quite humble pleasant homes. They're priority, seem to be on the pitch. Do you know what I mean? And yet Raheem Sterling. Raheem Sterling. Michael Jackson Room, a barbershop, a nine-seat cinema room. Nine-seat. That's weird. An odd number. Yeah, well no, I don't know. I'm sterling Michael Jackson room a barbershop a nine seats cinema room nine

That's weird an odd number. Yeah, I know I or nine you think you've been even number wouldn't you feel like having couples around and stuff? Yeah Maybe it was the shirt numbers of some in he didn't like ten and eleven at the club open as number ten for man city Yeah, 20 book and it is it's Fuck easy stuff to it. That's, anyway, right, for each derby. It was interesting to see how a lack of taste has led to a financial, penitently for him. You know, more for him, I'm not gonna shed any tears,

not with us sideboards. They are proper lamb choppers, aren't they? They're ridiculous. Yeah. Again, it's not concentrating on the football enough, concentrating more on the facial topiary Yeah, well if you've got your own divers, you got to make use of it, yeah He's doing it from those he gets someone in I suppose so has he got stuff

Because John George Shelby had a chef, didn't he really yeah, John's a surely advertised for one of them I've got one John George Shelby was gonna pay a 60 grand a year for a chef Really yeah Well, he does he live on his own he that's you know, I'm right What about your Shelby was going to pay a 60 grand a year for a chef? Really? Yeah. Well, he does, he lives on his own, he's that proshion. No, I'm right, I don't know. Well, he lives with, I don't know, but he's domestic arrangements. He's a raw mutton, they get tangled, but he was definitely advertising for a chef.

Well, he was at Swansea. All right, he's at Newcastle, I don't know what the arrangement is, he probably just gets that. I imagine he out a lot of footballers, don't know. Well, he wouldn't, yeah, if he could afford to well then let me know is yeah do you know I was doing the best looking footballer David Selber no you know I really like Grancy Arnold Palo so that you think he's a look at you I suppose he's almost he's almost the perfect man really I could look me mind him. I don't want you to lose your mind.

Did you go on to see... Well, that's why I keep me distance. Did you go on to see him play at Sunderland? I've honestly got no recollection of it whatsoever, which probably tells you about how good it was. He's just fainting at the Sunderland pitch. Yeah, like a beer city roller's fan. Go miss, Azo Locker, he's got beautiful eyes.

Hmm. He faints a lot though, doesn't he?, he's got beautiful eyes. Hmm. He faints a lot though, doesn't he? Does he? I fend it once. That's a buff average, isn't it? I mean, I've heard a lot of people say that they think that the Watford Managers one of the best-looking people in the game, they know what you think about that.

I don't know, he looks like he's suffering from something. I think. You reckon. Not nothing near, but just like one of them kind of flus that you can suffering from something. I think. You reckon. Not nothing near you, but just like, one of them kind of flues that you can't check off. Yeah, it's, it's, he's always got a scarf on, isn't he? The scarf.

This is trying to keep himself warm. Yeah, and the scarf is a pick pockets, is a pick pockets, what's the, you know, a tool? Do you know what I mean? Because he's got those swirly locks. And like, people can be drawn into that. But, you know, where are you going with this? Well, what I'm going is, is that, you know,

like Brian, Ferri, you still look like a charmer. Yeah. Right, no, actually, I'll just stop that one there. But that, what for the manager? That, what for the manager? You know, with this scarf. Yeah. You know, you're only a snuff box away from

like his ex-volencia successful manager or he's a pick pocket and he's never lost that love of the scarf. The scarf is used to hide your hand as you're stealing. Could you say I'm tossing it over a satellite dish of one of these sort of under 21 players and scale in the wall just to teach him a lesson. What lesson would that teach them? You are not impenetrable. I can penetrate your home. I can penetrate you. You might fail CF with your burgeoning football career. You're in my under 21s. You're on the brink of the first team, but son, I will come at you in the middle of the night. I'm penetrating you.

And penetrating you. Yeah, the butter scarf, baby, it's so underrated, you know, like it can be used for pickpocketing. So I use it usually. Yeah, it can be used as you say as a harness. It can. It can be used in icy conditions to put on your car whale so that you can get a vicar's stock. I know a fellow who's got a, it goes to Sunland

matches and he's got a really long Sunland scarf and he's had it modified so that it can get kind of bear an agent. All right. So the, the hangs down by his ankles. So it's, no one's suspect the thing. So it's ballast as well in it Yeah, so the scarf keeps neat. It's not gonna blow here No, it's gonna get a couple of cans and I'm during the match. It's just a tight ass northern and then why don't you buy it the bar? I don't know Cue's in that. Yeah, you know, you can a he can afford enhancements to his scarf, but he won't it's just it's that thing of sticking it to the man as well, isn't it? It's like a little victory.

We all need some of them, don't we? You don't know what we do. It's like sitting in the wrong seat in Premier Seaton at the cinema. Yeah. Have you seen ten cloverfield? No. I just said, good. Well, it's pretty scary.

Your first reminder to me, I was, because it's really quite scary. Ah. It's not this big stroke. It's really quite scary. Huh. Is that this thing's joke? Oh, it's a terrific film. Is it? Oh, it's fantastic. Shall we go and say it after this? And it's yeah, yes, plays.

For the bus. Yeah, and it's, and I'm saying the premier seats. No, you're all right. That's well worth seeing at the cinema as well. That one. Jumped out me seat on three occasions. Did you? Yeah, and landed on different seats.

Can you imagine that? Oh, that's a shocker, isn't it? Turn through the air. What do you have when you go to the pictures? Oh, dog, I do have the do-goals. Why would you need to sit neat when you go watch a film? Let's say two hours a day. Because it's something before you go in.

Have something afterwards. Why would you need to sit and have food and sit in the lunch popcorn and get everyone's tits at around you? Oh, they're so lovely about having hot dog when the trailers are on. Is there? Yeah, for me, there is a start. I can't, I don't know, because of my heart, you know what you don't ask about, because

I can't have hot dogs. But I'm not interested. I could tight together two things we've already talked about. All right. And mention the time that I went to see that Canton off film looking for Eric. Right. The Ken Lodge thing. Yeah. And main of few of me are, we want the the Ken Lorch thing. Yeah.

And main a few of me, we want the smuggles and beer in, to drink during the film. So we were in the pub across the road and we tried on a few different bottles and cans in our courts before we purchased. And then smuggled them in, drank them and some of them, a couple of bottles ended up rolling down the aisle down the aisle. Yeah. And create the scene. That's the story.

That's the story. Bloody hell, man. I only said it because it's sort of tidying with doing things in the cinema. Plus smuggle and beer in there was situation. All right, you want to be a stealing. I didn't say I was a good story. Or a beer stealing story.

I steal a beer, we paid for it. Oh, a Bayer's team in the story. I still a Bayer, we paid for it. Oh, I got the impression you were in. They let us try it on. We tried it in our courts and our various crevices before we went into the cinema. And then we paid for it. But then smuggled it in, passed the fella on the door. So here we go, then.

One winter, I broke into the back area of the local social club, yeah. Yeah. And stole a barrel of beer. Whoa. Yeah. I took it home, which was about three and a half, about half a mile, et cetera.

You ruled half a mile. I rolled it. You have to, wouldn't you? But here comes the crunch, right? I took it into me garage, yeah? The following morning, those are knock on the door. It was the policeman. Now, how a decork me

Had there been a little leak in the Boroughland had been leaking all the way well in that kind of area was it snore It was snore and we drove it all away over the fields idiots, yeah We were caught so I think that's tied it in better We were caught, so I think that's tied it in better. I don't know. Anyway, if we're telling pointless stories, me wife wanted me, I've just remembered, she wanted me to say that David Seaman once stood on her foot. I think it was at King's Cross.

Right. And that's the end of the story, but I've done it now, because she's got a terrific photograph of me doing a cartwheel, and she said she wouldn't go to me, unless I told her to. Well, there used to be a Britain's top lady ice skate that was called Joanne Conway and she's from Sunderland. Right. She once stood on my foot at a cash point. Really? Fortunately she wasn't wearing her ice skates at the time, otherwise it would

have really nacked. Yeah. But that happened to me. Can Torval and Dave... That's another underwhelmed story that got here. Can Torval and Dave... I've got a lot of them. War, cotton, dry land. I think they'd go on our force, don't they? They'd go on our force. I just wondered. I just wondered.

I think we could do that with the blitz. It's easy to do it on all force, because then the tip of the front of the blitz digs into the earth. Yeah. And then you just use your, your hands as sort of usual pause. Yeah. It's a bit like they'd go on our force, Torval and Dave Yeah, it's a bit like the corner of force

tove landing. So it's a bit like stealth mode in color, do you play color, do you? No. You snobby about it. No, I'm not snobby, but I've got an 8-year-old son, so why would I play a game like that? Do you play video games at all? I play a FIFA 16. Yeah. And sometimes I get to play Skylanders. Skylanders. Yes, Skylanders. What's that then? It's a game that me some players. I've never heard of it. And you get these plastic characters

and you put them on this thing and it puts them into the game on the TV. It's a bit like something from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. All right, yo. Okay, well thank you for that. So back to football, we asked for suggestions. Have we not done the 8% football yet? We asked people for their ideas as to what would improve the game.

We did. Can I kick off, I need to just by say, because I've said this before, I think instead of a yellow card, the player who's transgressed should be made to carry a guard and spared for the next 10 minutes. Right. I think that's my suggestion. What? To dig a hole. No.

Just carry it around. No, no, no. If you're second transgression, you have to dig a hole in your own penalty area. That's more controversial. But I just think carrying a spade around, if you think it through, that's a terrific punishment. Do you think it really hurts a grown man to say,

a yellow rectangle? Not really. Not at all. But if they had really hurts a grown man to say a yellow rectangle? Not really. Not at all, but if they had to carry a spade around. How about if you get a yellow card for your first transgression or for your second one you've got a carrier toddler on your shoulders? Toddler, it's not bad, yeah. And like an arse toddler. Yeah, I've got you. Quite a long toddler. Well, yeah. I'm just thinking because then it's a little fate would be kicking it your back if it was a long one. Yeah, well it got you. It's crying. Quite a long toddler. Well, you know, I'm just thinking because then it's a little feight would be kicking it back if it was a long one. Yeah. Well, it would be obvious.

The feight would be obvious. It would be kicking inside of the face, wouldn't it? Yeah. So a knock-need toddler then? Yeah, a knock-need toddler. Yeah. Or a dwarf dressed as a toddler. Yeah.

Because the health and safety and stuff and laws. Oh, bitch, you know. It would have to be a dwarf or a reckon. So did we get any ideas from our list? We got a few, yeah. And I want to consider each of these. All right. Give them the respect that you deserve.

Okay. Instead of just reading them out and then going, you know what I'm supposed to. What we normally do. First one from IBWM Jeff. Yeah. He thinks that players should throw peanuts into the open MIRZA fans following a goal.

Instead of a goal celebration, which is quite a selfish act, isn't it, right? Yes, it is. They could share a bit and throw some peanuts into the open MIRZA fans and they get an additional goal or an additional point the further a stand that you can get one. I like it. I like it. So imagine that. I don't need this practical, but I like it. And it doesn't discriminate against people who sat right now in the back of the night and they were all teased or something or wrong. It does slightly discriminate against people

with not allergies, but I'll lower that for now. Well, you know, they've had their dear in the sun, I reckon. Okay. They're not allergy crowds. In principle, yeah. I've seen flights ruined because they're not allergy. Because they're not allergy sufferers. There isn't gentlemen. Unfortunately, we have a not allergy sufferer on the flight that they're. So what happens? They don't give you any nuts.

All right. It's the tightest in you. In case you're getting on that flight, weren't you afraid not? In case you're having a laugh, what are the flies at your mouth? They fly into the mouth of the allergy sufferer. Yeah. This is pretty gochretinous gone mad, isn't it? It's fall and you can get anything you need with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes. Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a maple tree on Uber Eats, but maple syrup and maple lattes? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region, see after details. Next. Harry Flowers or BE. Yeah. And I believe it is a genuine or BE as well. Right. Just one of these made up ones you get from a Merrick Rough, the Internet. He says that the goalies should be the team mascots. The goalies are the team mascots.

Not the little kids that walk out called in hands with the players at the start, but you know, the things in furry costumes. All right, you all. They should be the goalkeepers for the team. And they play throughout the game. Oh, yeah, the whole thing. Yeah. That's interesting. There'd be slightly less clutter at the beginning when they're all the whole thing. Yeah. That's interesting.

There'd be slightly less clutter at the beginning when they're coming out the tunnel as well, wouldn't you? You wouldn't need all that. There'd be more focus, wouldn't there? They wouldn't be sort of walking around clapping hands and sort of trying to jig up the crowd. Yeah. Maybe you could have a goalkeeper, a proper goalkeeper as the, as the mascot.

Yeah. Don't want to highlight. Wouldn't be as exciting or as fun. No, because you wouldn't be able to see. But when you've got that gunasaurus dinosaur that Arsenal have got in Gaul instead of what a check. What if we got a chicken or something? I don't know what one would have got.

It would be a hornet, won it? A massive hornet. Yeah, it would be a hornet. Fibrating hornet. What a Liverpool, is there an animal that's sort of a live bird? So probably ever in a big toffee? I don't know, I don't know very much about these.

I tried to get some ever at the men's, I was desperate for some money. I mean, honestly, I was really desperate for a steak. What, like, you have to have some within the hour. Honestly, you couldn't get three deals from the internet. No, there's no way I could wear it, because do you know that moment when you penetrate through from mint and toffee? I just needed that hit. So I went to, you know, moment when you penetrate through from mint into toffee? I just needed that hit So I went to you know these ones that are popping up all over that I called like you all the sweet shop

Yeah, and all that now got so heritage sweet. Yeah, yeah, what crap. I got some Evidence from there sucked and sucked and sucked and sucked and sucked and that moment never came there was no fucking toffee in the middle of all Not even a slither nothing nothing. Oh man The point being that was never have happened in the oldie world. That's a very modern sweet. I tell you what Have you ever had xxx mince? What are they a tree bar? They're like tree bar, but they're not as good No, I don't think I've had them in the know. They do them in poundland and they do... No I was surprised and you shop at poundland day aren't they?

It's a problem I thought. No I just don't. Are you snobble something? I am when it comes to buying food yeah. Mint. Alright you're exhalal mint. Exxxx. Alright and I want to get some of the deer and they didn't have the peppermint ones the only other spearments though. Well, what bad could that be? Yeah. Really bad. Really bad.

It's the answer. It's a suck one for a while and it's all right. And then you get through this layer that's in the middle, which is just like, it's a state, I don't know what like. Like cod? Do it taste like cod or something? Plant food. Yeah. Probably.

It's weird that it's stratified that there's layers within a mint that... Right, I don't meet the things, but that's how it felt. I know what you mean, it's a difficult one that cause there was regularly, you know, like, a runny's come in peppermint or spieumint. Yeah. And the spieumint, the first that you don't usually get

spieumint, but you're right, you get when you think, I'll say it's quite nice, all right, that, but there's something in separate about speedmon, over the speedmon over time graph would become in satisfactory, start at a peak. Peppermint's got a solid solid, so it's not a problem, you can't go wrong with that. But speedmon, unpredictable, drop off, I think it's called a drop off suite basically. Yeah. It's very sellable.able well not on me anymore have learned me lesson we very rarely learn our lessons with sweets you know like from my old days

pineapple chunks wrecking your mouth yeah right to the modern day you know the tutti fruity wrecks your mouth it really wrecks your mouth do you still do the truth you think you've probably got people still buy and people I'd pay you know like do you know what I finished that packet of happiness did you yeah what, I finished that packet of epidemics?

Did you? Yeah. What a sucked H1, sucked H1, just in case one had all the toffee in it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Never happened. Ah well, and have you learned anything? Well, I've learned that it's the hope that kills, which we all know, and that's a kind

of a football thing. It's almost the motto of this podcast, it's the hope that kills you. Yeah. I'll tune into athletic or mince hope and it's going to of a football thing. It's almost the model of this podcast. It's the hope that kills you. Yeah. I'll tune into athletic or min's hope and it's gonna be some football content. But no, they're just talking about suites again. If you know, if we were, I'm not saying we have to change it because it's not my right to them.

If it was, it's not gonna be a theoretical parsnips, which I prefer, right? But if we were to go, I called decided that this week as well, you know? Yeah, fair enough. And I respect that. you will talk about but Athletic or men right nips nips Athletic or men nips it's athletic or men so I'm sorry carrying them right Muck says that there should be,

brisky self, an extra team on the pitch, three teams. Hold on, I'm just like, digesting that. 33 players and three goals. Circular pitch, doesn't it? Don't know. Well, where would you put the pit, you know, probably have to be. So instead of a playoff, you could put four on and have it all decided in 90 minutes, couldn't you?

I could do. I don't like it Andy. It's not football. Well she reckons it's the future, but you know. Yeah, well maybe it is the future, but it's not the football. It's quite hard, this isn't it. I've got another one. I've got another one.

I've got another one. Well, this one almost ties in with the last one. Phil Garlich reckons that we should have a rotating center circle. Right. How I like that. I like it. It feels right, doesn't it? It feels the right thing to do.

Like this rotating restaurant they have on the tops of high towers. They're exciting. So I can't see what it adds but I'd like to have it there but I don't. It depends on how fast it's going to rotate that doesn't it? Yeah. If it's going anything over 15 miles an hour, it becomes a null barrier. It becomes a null barrier or excitement No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean I did I was thinking about this and the only things that I thought was Carrying a spurt instead of a yellow card It's funny that's that's an idea that our tweet is you in 2013 Is it you too? Well, then it's always stuck with me. Yeah, I think it's an excellent idea. I Would like the other thing I've put is is like a minimum weight of 29 stone for a central midfielder. A minimum?

Minimum to a year. So that'll bring full stamp back in there? A big stamp here and then back in. Jimmy Pollock. An Andy Raid could come back in. I think that's not such a bad idea. I was wondering about goal. A goal is negated if the keeper can consume an entire pig before the final whistle.

Right. So you've let one in. You've let, yeah, you've let one in after 17 minutes. Typical of letting the goal in after the first 20 minutes. But if you, you, they would then give you, I can't work that out, something like an hour. You'd have to stop for half time though. Yeah, the biggest three man on the pitch. No pitch. No he could, no, the keeper stays on the pitch he didn't. Carried on through half time. Yeah. Otherwise he'd just nip out and throw up, wouldn't he? Yeah so no he's for creative all over. He stays there and it's the pig. It was just a thought. It might be the wrong size dynamal. It might be that that's impossible. It might have to be a piglet or a dog.

It might be that that's impossible. It might have to be a piglet or a dog. Yeah, you could probably be laughing if we were in the far east. No, isn't it? I would say yeah. Can we just have a little burst of our far east music again? That's the answer to that. That's something nice. Because of the dog's at this point. I'm lovely, terst of dog. Maybe we'll get some Coug dog, company sponsors. What about a red card? Not kick it in in that match, Andy. I'm being slightly serious here, but you don't mean there's your three match ban

Yeah, you're not playing in the next three matches, but you can carry on in this match. No No, no, we've committed an offense. You've got to get off There's no room for you. What kind of example does that set the kids? Well, I just say, you can be naughty, but you can stay in play. No, you're not playing in the next three matches. No. Kids don't think that far ahead. Doesn't it disappoint you sometimes when you, you know, you've paid your money to see a proper football game and then it's 10 versus 11. And I'll, you know, all right, forget it. I'm gonna, I don't, I want to see standards upheld.

All right, forget it. Neil Graham, 81, I assume the year he was born rather than his age, he says that we should bring back police dog shores at half time with police dogs running, jumping through rings of fire and catching burglars. I presume he means like, local actors dressed as burglars. I absolutely love that idea. Yeah, you know.

Did you ever see that thing where they brought it in a few years ago, where you would have a look, a fan out of the crowd and they'd get a run around around a pool. Like a dozen times, and then you'd try and score a goal. Right. And he was so dizzy that he couldn't. Right. That was funny. Why is that going to wear? Well, probably off the safety. and then he would try and score a goal. And he was so dizzy that he couldn't, that was funny. Why is that going away? Well, probably off the safety.

Probably off the safety. Do you know I was at the riverside I once did the, we were going half time. Like it was this twat that was come on. It's Bob Mortimer, like, oh, but I had to try and score from the halfway line. I didn't reach. Jesus.

I really had the infinite all. So what's the length of a footage, but 110 yards? So I didn't do 55 yards. 10 reach. And what was the reaction of the crowd? I can't remember, I think they turned off by then. Anyway, they cut them off. But you know those were everyone's, you know, it's one of those, What was the reaction of the crowd? I can't remember, I think they turned off by then anyway. They cut a little ball.

You know those were everyone's, you know, it's one of those, you need, at half time you need something that grabs attention, don't you? Like a man running around and around a pool. Exactly. You're going to want to see the outcome of that. Some of, you know, some little ball block comes out from a TV show you've never heard of. Yeah. You get back to talking about the match.

It's not even local anymore, because he's moved down south once he's got a bit of success. Yeah, because I yeah yeah exactly I did because I got a test for herbs and as you know I can't get herbs up north. Oh you can Bob. No I don't know you can. Well what do you not to cook with? Yeah. There's a beer leaf. I've got a beer leaf, there's a BLA for a BLA for the BLA for the BLA for those. There's a North East, yeah. I'm due to get it for a 6 LP reading in 2018. Other suggestions of half-time entertainment were a Falcon Redisplare. Yeah, I'll be behind that. Oh, it was a picture. It was that. An attraction engine sure. Logistically that will be tricky because they don't move very fast until you get them on. And it will turn them off again. Pitch damage.

It will be like, you must get some tortoises on. I suppose the truth is, is like the cheerleader thing. I've never seen that sort of thing, but I know, but I'd probably, the truth is, if you want to stop the murmuring, yeah. And stop people going for the, have you ever been in Brighton's ground? No, I think I mentioned this before

But you they're teller their food to the region that's visiting them. Oh, all right So if it's like sunda and the love like a beer leaf did I've yeah, they'd have some I don't know they have chips rubbed with beer leaves Yeah, or you know, vaguely introduced to a Middle's probably the par more be the par more yeah Is that I find them a bit dreary now, but if you've got some spectacular, by all means, what are their suggestions? You start to say the dreary. I'm not, I've said the dreary, I'm not starting to say it.

They're all dreary. No, I don't. Are you trying to suggest that I will listen as a dreary? I really liked the idea of bringing the police dogs back at half time. Right, well, okay, then I'll move on to this one from TPE365. Okay. He's not just TPE once a year, he's TPE every day of the year. I don't know what happens in the leap years, but never mind. He says, oh, she could be a she, don't think it is though.

Each side must have a nominated villain completely with a top-part cape and a twelied moustache yeah so that's a little bit like a more refined version of the midfield enforcer but you're a master you're a catamul's your costas I suppose yeah every time it's got a bastard I'm there yeah so it was a bastard in the sun and saying well that's gonna be catamul doesn't it? All right, I'm just checking out whether this is true. I've just blurred my eyes. It was the bastard in the man United team.

For learning. Probably for any. His elbows are a discreet. His elbows and body doesn't have goblet. Yeah, and I've blurred another one. All right, so it was the villain at West Brom? Oh, I think we know, don't we? Do we? Clean clean, I suppose. Yeah.

So maybe they do all. We haven't got time. I've got the all got bastards. If you've got a team that you support and you listen to this now, tweet us at athletic on mens and tell us who your bastard is. Or if I'm a compiler directory... I'm gonna compile a directory. That you haven't got a bastard. If you haven't got a bastard, we're trying to fix your... Oh, one for the next season.

That's our... The manager says I'm looking for a bastard. I need two or three players, I need a forward, a bastard, and someone for the left path. I'll go on that podcast and find out what they've got. Do you know what the England team's gonna be for the euros? Well Roy Hutchins doesn't do that. But do you know what the England team is gonna be for the euros and it's well Roy Hutchins Doesn't does he but do you know no, I don't know

You don't know no, I think we all know really don't we it's gonna be Rooney, isn't it really ten others? Yeah But there you go I pick Rooney you pick him I pick Rooney I pick Rooney behind Harry Kane You would pick him. I'd pick Rooney. I'd pick Rooney behind Harry Kean. And it was alongside him, right? And then alongside him. Yeah. No, I'd have four in midfield and I'd have Rooney behind Harry Kean and I'd have storage and Vardy on the bench.

The prop act subs. I think the problem is, Andy, is that it's like, we're gonna be playing Debbie Alley, aren't we? Yeah. The problem is whenever Rooney plays with one of these youngsters, they're intimidated by and they don't play the natural game. You just get to know where demand in it in places where you shouldn't be having it. Right.

I think the player with a lot more freedom, the other players. Well, you're not going to bring Rune in as an impact so by you unless you look under like, drug the life out of the game. Well, that's just my opinion. I think it was lovely, it was great PR to have him as a punter on that match, the Holland match. Yeah. Because I think people were not anti-Roney,

but after the Germany match were thinking, now let's leave, let's pack in with the Roney. And we all fell in love with him again. But we kind of fell in love with him when he told us it was drinky. And yeah, I think drink what was Nicknip. Yeah, I think we all felt a bit rotten for what we'd be thinking. So we're in Rune's nickname, Rune.

I bet it's Runo. Rune, Rune, or... Wien. Wien. Wien Rune passes it. Is there any jolties? Mr Wien Rune. Um... More suggestions about how to live an up football?

Not for me Andy, but you know, not for me, but you're really... The fact that you don't want to hear any more means that I'm going to give you more. Well, can I just, can we just split them up with this question right? I think it's a bit Easter, Easter related a bit, but can you do a rabbit punch? I've never tried. Do you think you could do a rabbit? Probably. Probably on ant or deck. Yeah. Would you be willing to do a rabbit punch on one of the rabbits natural predators? Say the fox. Other, other, other. If it was like restrained, I wouldn't want to chase it down and then punch it. What I'm looking for is if you've got

any discipline. Right? If you were a tap by Fox, you just bugged it wouldn't you? You bugged me after all. Yeah. But could you ever get to a position, you know, in your life, where you would, if you were attacked by a natural predator of the rabbit, you would be a bit of a rabbit. It's a very simple question. I once killed a mouse with a next catalog, that's not an actual predator.

Who's in the house, and I caught it under a cup and it was quite a fat sluggish mouse. And it had been doing the rounds for a few weeks. And I took it outside and I dropped the next catalog on it because it's a hard back catalog the next catalog is it still hard back I don't know this is like 2005 or something no it did used to when I was wild damn beautiful catalog the next one a bit special wasn't it yeah be a 30 quid for it though didn't you you didn't I think you did wasn't free

yeah bloody yeah there was a frog in my house either there. I chased it along the corridor, I said, corridor. I don't know, there's a silent mind. I just chased it on the all way, and it hopped along, and it went under the fridge, and I thought I'll end that story there. I can't, I don't know what to do. But I can ask you that by telling you that I saw a frog on the pavement,

they would say to me, look, the cemetery recently. And I took a photograph of it, because it was just standing there, it wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't afraid of us. I got really close and I took a photograph and I put it on Instagram. So are you saying I can say that that was my frog and everything I did? No, not I'm just saying that your frog story just peaked at a weight of nothing. Yeah. And I jumped in there, leapt in if you want. Yeah. just peaked at a bit of nothing and I jumped in there, leapt in if you want.

It was my frog story which was funny that you said, leap in because the natural predator of a frog is probably, I don't know, I'm thinking an owl, some hurt that, some leaping, but anyway it's interesting. Frogs leap though, don't they? No, they jump the hop, do they? They hoppers.

Talking of hops, I do like beer, how about you Andy? I love beer, maybe Bob. Yeah. Okay. That's the thing. I'm just saying that words there then. Um, one more. Can we have one more? Well, I don't think you should. I think it's dangerous. It's not particularly football related. Yeah. Um, Archboldus asks, I'm thinking about getting a dishwasher any advice. Yes. Unlike with washing machines, vacuum cleaners or fridge, what does he want? A dishwasher. A fridge freezes. You're often here that you should use the German manufacturer's

Meal Air Bosch, it's rubbish. But when it comes to dishwashers, you've got to go German. Is that where the Excel is this? You've got a dishwash in Rome. You know, I think it's the long javert of the product, right? And it does text that, especially if he's I don't know if they have this said whether they've got a family or he's got all of got his archboulders. I can't really glean anything from matter, but he's given a lot of circumstances. I don't know. Anyway well so not good German.

You haven't been good German with the vacuum cleaner or? No way. Because I remember you once recommended a Phillips vacuum cleaner to me. And did you get it? I got it but it was second-hand. Yes. Because they don't meet them anymore. That particular model that you recommend. It's the Phillips 91121. I think it is. Yeah. So I got one of a beer for like 40 qu you recommend. It's the Phillips 91121. I think it is. Yeah. So I've got one of a year for like 40 quid. Yeah.

I've never looked back. Isn't it a super cool? It's a beauty. And you know where Phillips are manufactured? Holland. In Holland, yeah. So it's more northern European. Yeah.

Oh, it's a superb Hoover in it. It is. And you know, washing machine wise, I think people have really tempted to pair too much. Have you ever had a beaker? No. Beaker honestly you're getting literally 149 quid you'll get one from. Really? Yeah. And do the job. Absolutely do the job and if they do the job for two years yeah get another beaker they'll pick it up, take your old one away. I hear what you're saying, but why should we replace our washing machine every two years, Bob?

We couldn't know the others, it's a last, anyway, I'm going to go. What I'm saying is, how have we got to this? How have we got to a situation where you can't trust the washing machine in last more than 24 months? How long did it is that what you'd say for a washing machine two years? I'd want the washing machine in last for like seven or eight years. Do you know what? I've got a washing machine two years? I'd want a washing machine last for like seven or eight years. Do you know what? I've got a washing machine that's lasted that long.

And I hate to say it's German. Man, that was when the Germans knew I would make a washing machine the day anymore. Right. Hello, Juneau. Dyson Hovers. What? Just for big norbodies.

What about you? Yeah, well, the most from the German watching women What so tell me the Dyson Hover yeah yeah you're nay yay oh fuck off Please I'm strong with the Dyson I mean mom's got one And as it was yeah it was really conditioned as well, so it was cheap, but because your family tight as generations are tight as it's proud of it as well, a miserable life though, and it's been touched on your first day on this. Why are minstrel poundland? Grey, something in the minutes. How do you feel about the Dyson blade, the hand dryer?

I mean, the first time I introduced me hand to it was quite exciting. Hey, Jaded now. Well, I'll be perfectly honest with you. I mean, it's been a long, long time since I've washed my hands after I've had no way. Right. The real long time. You've got that stage where you couldn't give a monk. He's a cool careless man. And what do you mean? Yeah. Do you want the worst that can happen? Well, nothing, the world is's probably good for your immune system, actually. Exactly. A few germs. Yeah.

Well, I was going to ask you about the annuity that the football league pay every year. Oh, yes, actually. Because that's that magical thing that you've got that you came up with that could technically ruin football. Yeah. What it basically means is, is that if you are with the bug, I have to be carefully, but if you, if you have control of the ball, in the penalty box,

you can have a goal or a penalty. Right. There's nothing the, but I can't say much more than that. Right. I do want to hear about it now or? No, we'll run out of time. We'll talk about it again. Okay, we'll maybe next week.

Maybe there's a warrant. Who cares? Well, thank you very much for having me again, Andy. No, you're all right. Something to do, isn't it? It is something to do. And I'm going to bring the red set out again next week. He's been very well with you.

He's been lovely. It's really cool, but if you don't mind, I would love to bring him along. Please do? I'd love to bring him along. Yes, it is something to do. And when you're in bad health, like I am, that's not to be under-mess.

It's something to do. It's therapy, isn't it, really? Yeah, it passed the time along this sort of miserable path. It's not found in the cell phone, yeah. Yeah, well. Now off to the train station. Maybe we'll be back next week on the Spob. It's not that you want to say it.

Yeah, let's not, let's not mince a word to you. I'll try not to. I'll see you then, darling. Sorry? I'll see you, darling, anywhere. Righty. He's a... One again. He's a... He's gone. And that's the end of that.

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