Athletico Mince - Reheated Mince Vol. 4

Episode Date: October 26, 2018

As Bob recovers from a mild riverbank pratfall, here's yet another selection of some of our favourite bits from the past. D'yer remember, etc etc etc... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music Alright, honky sunk. Oh, it's quite powerful, quite resigned. Quite sort of world-wearing. And I mean business this time. When you say business, you literally mean mean business like CEO of a large company Yeah, if need be yeah, if if I let the go means has become a large company since the last time we did one then yes Do you have a guard myself for the CEO? Do you have a favorite large company? I mean large company

Um the largest one I think of that I'm not asking what you got all right, so it yep Please let me finish the largest one I think think of that I'm into Nettor. You really like Nettor. Yeah. Now for people who don't live in the Northeast tell them what Nettor is. It's like Aldi, but they shut about five years ago. All right, but you've always, you're like the man. It's not a style, do you think?

It's like toffles and toffles. Hey, hey, hey, you remember Nettor? You remember Nett that from about 2011? Remember those weird trolleys they had, your brass handle would get stuck in the mechanism so you'd shit your pants. Listen, I've got some names for you this week because I'm fed up with being dictated or two. I do exactly the opposite of dictated, you actually.

I say, here is the choice of nests or or you can be running up, don't you? Yeah, but there's an inherent sort of threat there, I think. It's kind of like pick one of these names, because I've made an effort to come up with them. Do you know how once went Andy, I'm sorry, just remembering. I might have told you this before, but I've told you about when I hurt me,

I with a bit of grass. Yes, yeah. Unless that was someone else that told me that, because it sounds quite common. Oh, okay, well forget it then. Right, I won't tell you. I won't tell you. Well, I went to I was filming Randa not Kirk Seiss. I was. And I've been there for a bit. And at some point I bent down. And just a long bit of grass. You know, the ones that have the bits on the end that you can like throw. Yeah. And the stick. It is that grass. I don't know how you

grab whatever. Yeah. And it really hurt me. I, so I went to accident and emergencies. And it was a Chinese nurse and she said what's happened. And I said, I hurt my eye with a bit of grass. And she said, Bob's pointing to his eye with his fingers and saying that she said at this point, she said, glass. Right.

And to not erase the things what she said, I said, no, we're not glass. Right. Right. Grass. And then I thought, and I genuinely thought this would be easier. So I said, Nettle, right? She said, Metal. And I could see it over like, anyway, I just isn't it amusing. Like the, you know, the culture differences. Yeah. We're going to miss all that post breaks out. Aren't we? No, we'll still remain anyway. I've got four names for

it. Not three names he chose from. Oh, right. I didn't. I don't think you can. Right. You can be Colonel Piebomb. You haven't got a backstory because I can't be asked. Colonel Piebomb, you can be the hidden chest. Right. Mysterious. The lost book. Possibly a wrestler. The hidden chest. The hidden chest. Okay. Or O'Layri the hidden chest. A hidden chest, okay. Or, O'Leary and Suns. A family concern. Scrap dealers, is it?

Might be. If you want to be, oh, you can be honky-tonk. What was the first one? First one was Colonel Pipepom. You know, for one day and one day only, I'm going to be Colonel Pipepom. Right, enjoy it. Okay, now I wasn't going to offer you any,

but there's two. I'm just seeing you today. You're looking quite well, where you're going to relax, no, I wasn't going to offer you any but there's two. I'm just seeing you today. You're looking quite world We're gonna relax resigned, you know, lid back, let a bit. Let it back. So I was hinted out Maybe you would like to be called Barry Holmowner, right? You know, I mean, does that relax feeling that you get from being a Homeowner mortgage paid off or is Barry's is Barry a homeowner is something about him that makes me think it's the sweater over his shoulders knotted. Yeah So Barry homeowner or you could be I'm thinking that this person Maybe I don't know if he's Turkish or not, but I know he has a good fun. He's got a good laugh in his life

He's on discourse Michael Jackson songs. Yeah, and all that sort of stuff. Harry Sylvester Do you think you like it? I like them both you know yeah but I'm gonna go for security I'm gonna go for Barry Hormorner. Barry Hormorner because I'm sick of renting the fungalore. I don't have to be a Hormorner Bob. This is Barry um I'd say it's a jet jet this is Barry. Yeah. Hi I'm Barry I'm a I'm a Hormorner I didn't know if you know I own my own home yeah which uh why are you mentioning that Barry that sounds like the kind of thing a prick would do. You know I didn't think at first I thought how am I going to manage these mortgage payments, especially with travel, because I live 30 miles away from work now. But actually, I have

managed, because of course I've been staying in more because it's so lovely being a home owner and having your own home to enjoy, I've been decorating, doing a bit of interior design, it's been terrific. In English from the time after all, it's castle. I mean, it's a enjoy, be decorating, doing a bit of interior design. It's been terrific. In English, from home after all, it's this castle. I mean, it's a shame, you know, a lot of pubs are closing, left, right, and centre, willing, nearly, because people just don't go out as much.

I think it's because people just want to stay in within their own environment. Yeah. And, you know, just maybe a bottle of wine. Yeah, I mean, I've had a few friends all from the office. And we've always eaten the sun, yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You saw a say, Good big chev, it. I said, Gary, hey, Gary, Kev, I've had a few friends all from the office. And we've always eaten lasagna!

You saw a say? Good big trip! I said Gary! Hey Gary Kev, do you fancy coming over to my home that I own this evening? Tantum lasagna! You know that kind of thing. That's good, yeah. Well that's me, that's me and a nut shell, Barry Hormorner.

When I think of you, sat on your pulfer watching your little tally, drinking your lager and eating your chicken dippers and your butted breads, you were one of those others who I was butted bread with everything. Well yeah. So I just have a spoonful of butter in between breads. Alright so it's a buttery life you lead, yeah? You've actually, you've got a tack, right? Yeah. What is it? A tear tater accessory kit? Yeah. A tear tater accessory kit. Accessory kit. Accessory kit, like I said. So, but it's, so that's what I

often want to bought me on, yeah. That's your visual body, isn't it? It is. You look at your tits, clean your tits, you wear your tits, you buff your tits, you hate your tits, you cool your tits, you protect your tits from frost. Yes. Just because you can say them. But what is powering my tits, Bob? What's powering your tits? My heart. Your heart, I can't tell you.

My tits would exist the product of an unhealthy heart. Look at them. I've got, I'm going to pull me short. So what are you saying? I use, oh Jesus, fucking wept. And I use what you think that those, look at them, those tits have got roots. Well, yeah, go to your heart. There's just in front of me. We heart is something. So,

obviously, they're powered by me heart. Yeah, but does, does your heart want to be spending its time powering your high maintenance tits. Would my heart be upset by power and something as aesthetically gorgeous as this? Yeah, yeah. Of course it wouldn't. If it didn't enjoy it, it would make them all wongy. It's not trying to enjoy. It's not trying to enjoy. It's trying to do its fricking job in it. It's trying to do its job. Did that for these? Yeah. You do realize that what they say is that take a look, you take it if you're a man, yeah? Yeah.

Grab one of those texts, yeah? Yeah. And that will equal the amount of fat that is surrounding your heart at the moment, restricting it and restricting the vessels around it. You see this? I say this. Just being the sub.

No, I've made it up. I'm sorry, I haven't got it. You see it originally, what's your source? Well, all right, it's probably in the British Medical Journal, but I haven't actually got me with the fucking footnote here with me. We're gonna take a break or something. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe What do you think I fear it? I don't believe it. The only thing I fear is the fucking black member. We'll see. Puff. Memory man.

Yep. Do you remember the name of the act that headlined the Lactose intolerance stage on the Friday night of the Glastonbury Festival in 2004? Just a minute. The lactose intolerance. I might have been a tent. Sorry. L lactose intolerance might be in a tent sorry

lactose intolerance is this a real thing? Yeah Well, I'm gonna be guessing it because I want to worry about it. So who headlined who headlined on the Friday night 2004 glassenbury in the lactose intolerance tent Do I remember it do you remember who it was? No, I don't. I'm sorry, I can't say I do. That's, you're going to tell me. That's disappointing. You're going to tell me it was? No. Alright, we'll move on. Well, that's the end of the podcast then. So, that's it. We've got to stop now. No, I'm not stopping.

We've got to stop. Oh, because you've got to stop now. No, I'm not stopping. We've got to stop. I'm so cracked off. Oh, well, I'm still fucking off them. Hey, have you ever noticed? And they come back in. Shoot the door. Come on, you're with me now. You're safe. Have you ever noticed when you go to swimming baths and you do back crawl? Have you ever noticed? You invariably knock a child unconscious with your brass hand. And you're not an artist, that's... Hey. Oh, fuck you. I've been artist, there's always one Jews day, every year,

when everyone goes apes for pancakes, and you can't buy any lemon juice, to loosen the hinge on your brass hand. And I've got your daughter to start. That's with underwater. Oh, right. Do you see how I do that again? I'll cover you this way. Have you, little pnex, that?

You like it. It's all right. BELLS BELLS All right, it's Ganges of the EPL. BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS BELLS L. So it's not going back a bit now, sorry because of the shoulder being so long. So I went in the Borough Manionite. And you've been offered a month with a fictional shoulder injury.

Sorry, carry on. So I went in the Borough Manionite game, old chaffered. As usual, I call say on me VIP tickets. So I went in the players lounge. I was out of the game as well a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game.

I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game, I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game.

I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always a good game. I was always at the front. I tell us all about it. So I went to play a sound, and I got a pint of IPA, yeah, some nice cold Hammond piece pudding,

and I went to camp down in one of the cubicles in the toilet. I can't enough, mix with all the people up there. Just as I was walking in, actually, I passed, I tore Caranca, he was just coming out, so I said, oh, I tore. And he said, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, I thought there was no one in there, but I pushed it up in a little bit more. Now, what's the second name? Slatter him of it. Every him of it was in there. Now, what a sight. He had his pants down in everything. He had one, he was stood up with one leg either side of the pot, with his hands on his

hips. He stood over it, I've been a tad. Oh! That's how he does it. Really? Yeah. No, just snub-ed on it. Just bold and proud. Expel in it.

Yeah. This is when he was written for a bus. I said, I was written for the special bus. So, he said, I'm sorry mate. Sorry mate. You should have locked the door. So he got, you know what he's saying? He got, slat and do not lock door.

Yeah. I said, oh yeah, I rough, fuck yeah. I said, why not? He says, I don't know how to. So he didn't, you know, he was, I'm confident enough to image at the door. I don't know how to. I don't know how to.

So I shut the door for him and I tell him, say, get tucked into me, I'm, I'm placed put in. By the way, I'm not, I, get tucked into me am, and place put in. By the way, I'm not doing a motion, I just like the privacy, just get on with it and get some growth. Well you're a celebrity, you don't want me bothered you. Then, if someone comes in, I look over the top,

it's where it's rooney, where it's rooney, yeah? I look, it sees dressed in like a very bright crimson red jumper that has like a woolen 3D crab. Yeah, like mainly claw. I'd say I was actually crab claw, sticking out of each shoulder, a bit like epiolets, yeah? Yeah. And just sticking out, I know it's for keeping wet wipes in.

Right. Interesting, in here. Do you find that interesting? Yes. He's with Phil Jones and Mark Rushford, yeah. Right. They've got this same, jump round with the crab claws and the wet wipes, yeah. Right. They've got this same, jump round with the crab claws and the wet wipes, yeah.

Yeah. Wade has got a little robot with him, yeah. Looks a bit like, do you know like, I was gonna say Star Wars robot, Metal Mickey or something. Just a little Metal Mickey. Yeah, yeah. You're a bit all-made on cast as an app.

Functional? Remote control, functional, yeah. Yeah. And so this, I can't do scouts. I'm the can you do scouts because you can do Well, I can say a check-in That goes in the mark Lawrence and style of things. I'll do Well, I have these bits if you like. There's probably too much dialogue, but I'll not I don't bit see how you get on that says so so this is it says where this is Rudy toady this is it this is Rudy toady yeah I don't like it and he will give us an advantage against the southern gangs

and I look at us no scopes at Arsenal and Spares yeah right it's technically logical and Mae'n gweithio'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch ymwch yw'r ymwch yw'r ymwch ymwch yw'r ymwch ywch yw'r ymwch ymwch ymwch ywch yw'r ymwch y Yes, and Cholter from Cholter and the Reilly. I tell you what, I'll say that Phil Jones talks like that, but so I'll do that again. Oh, I love him, said Phil. Can I take him home so we can stack up a friendship? No, says where, like no. No! Colleen would go a spare. She likes to sleep.

He likes to sleep, she likes him to sleep with us in our bed. You know, during the dark section of the day. Yeah. Right? Just ask him anything you want says when, so Phil says, oh it's best you'll care best, football theme. And the robot says Manchester United of course, they have more money than most and a very large stadium. Manchester United's best player is Wade Rooney. He has paired a very high wage and always gives 230%. At this point Zlatan kicks up in the door of his cubicle. You know he does those eye kicks. Yeah, smacks it open. Who dares say that eyes Latin. I'm not the best player for United that's why he doesn't lock the fucker isn't it well so they kick out Rd2d or whatever he's

called he says it is a fact get used to it big nose so as Latin boots the robot smack straight against the bog wall and it's destroyed you know how it does you know that that's kind of thing. And Slatton says, now tell me, who is the best player in the United team? And they all say, you are Slatton, correct. And then he touches his toes with his nose, he bends right over. And he says, now that thans arse Oh, and they'll go yes, Latin and they all take the little wet wipes. Oh, that's what they're for out of the crab claws And the shoulders and start working away is in us

Gently yeah at this point and they yes at this point George Clark enough from Emerson Spursus yeah he's been at the match he comes out of another cubicle and he said oh that cubicle is an amazing space then he says land bent down so he gets down to have a look at his illness and that he says wow that's an amazing space. You could get two bedrooms in a play room up there. It's amazing. And that's the end of me gangs of the Premier League. MUSIC

I've got some, some dragons, dense style ideas. All right. You want to run a patch thing and try and fleece your out of some money if I possibly can. But it's about to start to your pitch. So you're going to fleece me. Was that a bit too honest, do you think?

But still, if there's, if the idea's solid, then... Well, first of all, I've got, is the portable backpack allotment? Portable backpack allotment. It's for people who are short of time and space, but high on energy. Yeah, and it's like a backpack thing, and you can put your plant, your seeds in it. And what you do is you kind of walk at a stoop.

Right. So that it keeps it flatter, because obviously if you're walking with it as a backpack, all the stuff would fall out. So the seeds, all of that would fall out. So you've got to walk stoop forwards. Yeah. But I've done some research research and it looks a store.

Oh, I think you've done research. Yeah, I have, it looks as though that can be good for your health and nutritionally and well-being and the community. I wonder if that, can you think of an occupation that has to be stooped to all the time? Um. So when it was evolved with tunnels, are laying pipes, that's not it.

I think the tunnel walker. The tunnel walker. The tunnel walker. Tunnel walkers, yeah, sewage. Well Andy, I quite like your ideas. It's not fully formed. Why couldn't you just have a big open in and you couldn't do enough to stoop? A big open. You know, the top of its open.

Right. And it's got a big surface area when it's stooped because it covers imagine a backpack that you'd wear on your back. Yeah. The surface area of the front of the back. Right. All I'm saying is if it was just like you know the top bit it's a couple of plants coming out the top that wouldn't be as productive. I don't know if you're all as fun. I think if you like do you know those sort of bins that always make me laugh so much because they're just like dust bins but they have been offices and living rooms and that. They look like the old and a dust bin.

Well the old metal ones. Yeah. Yeah. It's such good fun in it. And if you've got one of them, about two foot. Right. It straps on it. Yeah. You could probably put three potatoes in potato plants. Well, I'm probably put three potatoes in potato plant I'm seeing the surface area you've got for I'm out I'm out All right, I've got a couple of others Christmas tree cage fighting next-speed experienced

Tell me more You know the octagon where they do the cage fighting you basically go somewhere An industrial unit on the edge of town. Yeah, you know, the Octagon where they do the case fighting, you basically go somewhere and industrial unit on the edge of town. You get in the Octagon with a Christmas tree and you just kick the shit out of it for 10 minutes. So you fight the Christmas tree. I'm out. I'm out.

It's good for recycling. Christmas trees. Very big in January. Recycling the community community well-begin. I'm worried that it's just such a seasonal product. A lot of aggression these days. I'm sorry, no, I'm out. Right. I value that company at one puff detard.

Right, next one. You know Tinder. That is that way you look at the company. Yeah, yeah. They're like that you look at it. Company. Yeah. Yeah. They're like that, but for people with nose bleeds. So I want to find out if someone near buyers got a nose. Yeah. If you've got a nose bleed and someone near buyers, if you suffer from chronic nose bleeds, you know, you want to be around your own kind, don't you?

Okay. And then you just mutually support each other. Yeah. I've just wondered if it's up to abuse people using it who haven't really got a nose bleed What I try and get online sex well to try and well to try and get some online nose bleed action I don't suppose it's gonna lead necessarily Maybe put that as a maybe yeah, and then I've just got a self-help program

Which I'm calling shitting for victory. Okay, that's all I've got Well, you can put me down as like a supporter of it, right? Do you know what I mean? Let a crow fun thing I put you down as an in the source here you can put me down as like a supporter of it. Right. Do you know what I mean? Like a crowed fun thing. I'll put you down as an assource you. You can put a director. I'll put you as a director of the business, yeah? No, I don't. Get a sign something at the end of this.

All right, under, yeah. Thank you. Steve McLaren, update, interested. Yes, please. It's a really quick one. I promise. You'll remember we left, we left him in a hotel with a fat lass. Yeah, yeah, badly injured in the box edge. Yeah. Do you remember that? I do. Well, what else do I do? A month on Steve and Casper the Snake have moved into a new apartment in Derby. In Derby. Yeah.

Secret location, I don't know where it is. I can't say, I don't know where it is Can't say I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis is a bus it on and so big glass He's so he's in a secret place so the big last doesn't come knocking You know, Stephen Don't want any of that so of course a new home and a new club means new carpets Also and statement cloud and loves carpets and carpets. So the first weeks of January, Iman Casper, we're going from carpetshop to carpetshop, getting samples, asking carpets questions. You're not just fucking living the carpets life dream, you know. Like you can be in the bear.

What are you about? Yeah, you've got the wad, you have any carpets you want, you know, you're not soulmates and carpets. Yeah, so the one in the carpet, right, I call it carpet tick, yeah, because it says carpet tick. And the manager recognizes him, he says, I'll almost to be glad, I'm a fellow carpet disciple, I do believe you've affirmed not mistaken. He says no mistake, my dad, I'm glad. I'm a touch track with everything beholden to the carpet. Oh, Mr McLaren, I think a small sample of curtain ties drifted on to the front of your head there.

Don't be deaf, that's me hair, island your Rodney plunker. Their once was a manager had an interesting idea to make a kitchen carpet using dormats from IKEA. He bought them individually not to give the game away, but before the job was finished he sadly went insane and grew a harye land. A harye land. Oh, I like it very much, says the car pit man. I'm John Puffin, by the way. How can I help you? Well, listen, John.

I've moved into a new apartment, and it's the blank canvas. I want something with a thick dense pile, soft and forgiving, underfoot, suitable for areas of large traffic. Probably in beige or old mail. You don't think your haul could... Ah, fucking shoulder! Ah, you don't think your haul could take a pattern, maybe something a bit 70's retro or a poly wool mix. Poly wool mix! What do you think I am a fucking anarchist? You'll be telling me to get laminate next year for phone.

And just as he said that, I noticed that Casper, with his upper part of his body erect, was looking at the hardwood and laminate samples. Alright. Casper, get away from there. I don't want you getting involved with hard flooring. Alright, well Casper turned his head, but then just turned straight back to the laminates and started to lap his tongue against a little sample

like a tiny one, old pie and darker pie and then the modern pie. Yeah. Casper, I won't tell you again, come away. But Casper just old his ground transphixed by the laminates and that. Alright, stay there, you plunker. See if I okay, I've got cow pit to order.

You're not ruining my big day. So Steve looked at some beige samples chores that I was hard wearing, smooth wool pile, 10 year guarantee, Andy. You'd want that wouldn't you for a whole? Yeah definitely. So is that at Mr Puffin's desk, you know, you have to do that bit where you're signing, you're fucking all this stuff. He's about to sign off on the deal, so how's it going at Derby? Says Mr Puffin. Oh, it's quick in an out job. Says, what did I call it before?

It's my strong and ex-exit. Destroy an exit job, you know. I'm just bloodsuckin' really. But I will leave the stadium fully carpeted. Do you know Mr Puffin? It will have more carpet than the San Ciro. It's always been a dream of mine. Suddenly Casper's head appears over the side of the desk and his neck

is swollen to her about the size of a rugby ball. Yeah, and he's looking at the agreement which isn't signed yet for the carpet. Yeah, bang! He sends a swift pipe of spew into Mr Puffin's first and then all over the keyboard, more than a purple work. Right, fresh spew all over, it's all ruined. Get out of carpet, take Shouts, Mr Puffin and take that fucking disgusting snake with you. So they'll leave and on the way home Steve makes Casper sitting in the back of the Octavia. Steve is furious, but Andy, is that a little grin I say on Casper's face? Yes, could well be right. He's scuppered the plants for cut. I think what we're looking at here is start of a plant by Casper to get these new premises hardwood laminate flooring.

Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. Is that what you reckon? Did you think that was a bit like Dog Day Afternoon with Al Pacino, but with Mr Puffin playing the Al Pacino character? No, the Al Pacino was quite tightly plotted and good film, really. You didn't think much so that, then? No, I thought of me and it. Good film really you didn't think much to that. No, I thought of me and it

That that gangs of the APL thing that you do yeah, it's cute and everything but I suspect that some of it's made up Whereas with the secret soccer superstar that we we have as an occasional guest on the show. He's definitely real Well, I know that my I tell you what, it isn't made up. Are you sure? It isn't made up honestly. Right. Well the secret of Superstar doesn't make you stuff up either and he's never mentioned a gun you never said he did. All right, well he's here again this week talking about that. Okay, so have a listen.

See if we've got this here. Lots of footballers make a bit of extra money by doing sponsorship stuff for big companies. The bonus cash you get can mean the difference between just driving a car or upgrading something better like a van. I used to have a deal with me local barber. If I hung around his barber shop every Wednesday afternoon, signing autographs and giving out dribbling tips, I and get six free records every calendar year. I almost got another deal with a hack company at the same time but it would have clashed with the barbered deal so I turned it down. I was gutted.

One of my best footballer mates has got a deal with a top top high street chemist. You know the one I mean. He puts a sticker with their logo on it in the Batwindervis car and now he gets 50% off Arleys tablets and the send them blob through the post in a mark package and everything. Well, there we go. That the murky world of sponsorship. Disguises ever? We still don't know who he is. Yeah. Top top play, either.

Is it Jimmy Husband? No. No, okay. I've been an artist. Right, right. I've been an artist. I've been an artist. You've only got 1% battery left.

Whenever you phone up persons toward a brass and wax and the player message, send you on all then you're 9th in the queue for brass and oil. I have a notice. The history of the island is rife with tales of strangers making it from the mainland and visiting its shores and meeting their untimely death. The last recorded instance of a mainland visiting the island's shores was in 1976 and this is the tale of what unfolded. Young Gavin McNeill was a trainee reporter for the West Island Express, a community newspaper for Malig Morah, L'Occaleit Glenfinan, Knucktjatt and the Smaller Isles. He had particular responsibility for local and national sport. One day while strolling on the coast at Malag,

eating a note cake with a drink of powdered marvell milk dissolved in warm water, he came across a small green bottle washed up on the shore. Catching his attention, he found inside a hundred note which red as follows. To whom so ever shall receive this note, my name is young Walter Bannon. I am a sixteen-year-old, and I live on the island that can be found using the coordinates below. I am now allowed to leave the island.

It is my belief that I am the greatest young footballing talent to have emerged from the west of Scotland since the great Willie Ball. You can find me every day practicing my skills, doing it Wilbrook's common. Above Bongo Cove has marked on the map. Intrigued by what he had read, young Gavin charted a small craft and headed for the island. I would you think he's going to get on? He's making his way across the side. I'm assuming he ended up dead. Ffff, it's found out. As the mainland disappeared from his sight, his boat was suddenly surrounded by a strange red

and grey fish that leaped around the boat causing a whisper to be heard. Turn back, turn back, they seemed to say, but Gavin ignored the police, for they were just red and grey fish, and their conversation would not hold much coath to E.J. at the ceremony, or educational seminar. Arriving at the cove, he was surprised to see a young woman resting on a rock. She wore a tight-sage nylon balls, and it was planned to see a plenty of surplus unused t-t-t. And additional supplementary folds around her mid-riff to provide for grip and comfort when on board. Has personal pipes stiffened slightly, but instantly relaxed as she spoke.

I am the gatekeeper allocated to this cove. This is your first and last chance to leave without harm occurring. Turn away. But he ignored her advice as she was just a lassie with unused set and plentiful grip and as such her advice would nearly be taken as important, for example in a bookmakers or at an engineering conference. He followed the path upward and from his vantage point could see a young boy playing football alone in the dust dumps. For sure his skills were unwildly. He would kick the ball high upward to a perfect vertical and trap it on one knee before swiveling 360 degrees and burying it in and that.

A line of five footballs were dispatched into the goal with the young man using only the very tip of his heel to propel him. Gavin walked at a pace to order him. The boy juggled three footballs upon first his head and then by a combination of his shoulder and his personal pipe. As Gavin approached he shouted, hey young Willie, how do you do? I'm Gavin! But his word stopped there and suddenly, for when the boy turned toward him, what Gavin gazed upon killed him in an instant. For Willie had the face that was a combination of Benedict Gumbabach and Nicola Stertian. The face of Benedict Stertian. The face of Benedict Stertian.

I'll do an oldman and I'll announce as I do it, this is the last ever oldman. Ah! Not doing him anymore. It's too private. I'm laughing at doing him. So I went up to Stockton, see the oldman, just after Chris receives, I'm in a garden party, is ours, right? We've got nice, I was Edward, do you think? But for the dosy kids and the parents, you know.

Big garden. It's a lovely garden, yes. It's a clear of the areas. There is, it's detached. Yeah. But you can, at the back, you can see a few houses, a few other houses. Something like, I'm laughing at that. We got Billy the pigeon in, do some magic, yeah. Biffy Clire, or did some first painting. Yeah. a fywoddiwch. Mae'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r

gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r Oh, we had sorry, and if I could, we'd enjoyed it. The town clerk did a daft dance and gave a kick in display, you know, like how to kick display. Anyway, I threw this fast, the old man came up to me and he said,

Robert, I've got something to show you, Robert. Come with me, Robert. I thought, are you up, Mark, at lucky and, you know what I mean? So, he takes me outside, points to a great, big polythene tunnel, you know what I mean. So it takes me outside, points to a great big polythene tunnel, you know like polythene tunnels for... A poly tunnel, yeah but it's a big man's size. Massive tunnel. And he's put up in his garden, he says, What do you think Robert? I said I'm, but it's very nice, I'm

I mean I'm no expert but it looks like a good one, solid, it's really tunnel it, you know, a bit like ET or something like that. Yeah. Just went there, Robert. Went to La Beccon, you're Robert. Oh, so he dissipated. For a call. Yeah, I have fun, yeah, I'll wait.

So I hang around for about five minutes. A couple of kids wonder that at one point, I tell them to fuck off. So you know, maybe he sassed me out there and then they all laugh. Yeah, fuck off, yeah. And then they know, yeah, Robert, me out there, I mean they're old masters. Yeah, fuck off of you. And then they know, Robert, come inside now Robert. I get inside and I look through,

there's a first area and then it's got one of those curtains that you might have on silent, witness or something, like the strips of a bit, they've been counsellors. For Enzo curtains. But they're all brightly coloured. Now they're thicker. Let's call them forensic curtains thank you. I've got an album by them for forensic curtains and there's a look through it and there's rope on row of these plants with quite a long fruit growing. Red fruit, long you know a cucumber, something like that. For the listeners, Bob's holding his hands apart at a long distance.

And he says, These are my little secret Robert. Robert, they are genetically engineered cross between a cucumber and a tomato robot. I call them combatores, Robert. I sneak the seeds back from Estonia, Robert, when I was at the Apricot Festival a few years back, Robert. Then I notice he's wearing, you know those paper boilers soaps, like you get if you're in custody, the police and that, and he

ans one to me, he says, here Robert, put this on Robert, the humidity in here is terrifying. I don't want you to pass out Robert. Well, it was fucking hot. So I stripped down to me and he's held out me and for the boiler, so he says, no Robert, remove your briefs. I don't want my combatos contaminated with Todd dust. So I took them off really slow,

to make sure they didn't close like a flurry of dust. And I put the soap on. Well, it was hot in there. And you could feel the soup like clinging to your skin. And the alderman tells me to pluck a combator, give it a try. This cross between a cucumber and tomato. So just as I'm picking it,

I see these faces pressed up against the outside of the tunnel. They look a bit scary, a bit distorted, because of all the condensation. But I can make out the the tunnel. They look a bit scary, a bit distorted, because of all the condensation, but I can make out the town clerk, and I can make out Biffey, because some ink stripping off his face in the condensation, and then it starts up a bit muffled at first, kiss the alderman, kiss the alderman, kiss the alderman, or just the ald man to a crescendo, I think, well I'm one of you, Manana. Exactly. You know what I mean? It wouldn't. So I turn towards him and I say that his suit, his purpose suit, is really drenched, it's more or less transparent. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You can see all like the swirls of hair on his potbelly, yeah, and all the hair on his shoulders is all swirled and sticking to his head.y, all the hair on his shoulders is all swirled and sticking to the inside of the pepper so he can see. And there's a little ripper formed in his chest and through that you can see the scar where he had his lungs seen so no I mean and he's covering his modesty because it's all see through with one of the combatores you know, it's nice of him car and being involved with that. So he grabs me around me, where's, and he rips my soars he does so, and he starts looking at me, cheek, you know, like, like, spiral motion, like, snake, he sort of, like, circles, he's like,

oh, it was really rummages. It was really captivating, then bang! It clamped something in my mouth like a weld. And I'm transported to leads, do you know what I mean? I'm somewhere like leads. Somewhere incredibly romantic anywhere. Somewhere like leads. Yeah, no, I'm tempted. Somewhere like that, really romantic place. Then too quickly it's over and I'm hustled out with a tunnel.

And as I'm getting dressed, Andy, I notice that the aldermen's crying. Oh, yeah. So that's odd, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, I'm not bothered by his crying. I know why he was crying. No, but it struck me as unusual. It is a bit. Yeah. So I'm afraid that's where we'll have to leave the old man crying in his polytonal. It's kind of how I thought it would end up really in the very beginning. Did you think Andy that that story was a bit like the film, me, too, you know, with the tunnel and the, and the perps suits?

Valley believable. Right, I've got a song to finish this week. And it's a little bit of a soft rock anthem. Okay, so I think that went for you want me to do. Tell me if you could just wave your arms, something side to side. No, was that, well, you know, I where, man, because I'm your bad shoulder. Is that what you're trying to set me up for?

Forget it, enjoy it. It's easier. All right, but just waving a magic light in the arms. All right. Before about four and a half minutes. Whatever. Here we go. Son, I am your father,

and I want you to evade the mistakes that I have made. I'm here to tell you what you have to do. So look into my eyes and listen to me too. Son, you're at the start of your life. An innocent boy with no trouble or strife. Let me lead the way, let me show you how. You'll thank me one day. And I'll tell it to you now.

I would give it 10 minutes if I were you. Go watch the telly or maybe make a brew. Just hold it in a while, cause the stench in there is vile. I'd give it 10 minutes. If I were you I would give it ten minutes if I were you Just go and watch the telly y'all may be make it brew Just hold it in a while cuz the stench in there is fire

So I would give it ten minutes if I were you. That would be done by the Eagles maybe or to lawful something and maybe thinking meatloaf. It's got that. Jim Steinman kind of fail about that. Well, I mean, it's a little bit, I don't know what to say about that because I couldn't help laughing but I hear it myself for laughing So that's my comment on it.

Right. Alright. The appeal to the BSS part is... That's a fool. Oh well there we are and that's the end of the podcast. Join us again next week. Join? Yeah it's been a pleasure to see you next time.

Bye. It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice rank on Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get a nice drink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain-alice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too.

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