Athletico Mince - The Alderman Collection Vol. 1

Episode Date: April 7, 2020

A lip-smacking compilation of Alderman stories from the early years of Athletico Mince. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Yeah. Silky. You can't, no you can't deny that good mover. Yeah. Mm. Silky. You can't, no, you can't deny that, Andy. I don't, I'll pull along, do I? I've not seen you do stairs before. Well, when we leave this building, what behind me? All right, it's a will text book.

Right, a will. All right, but... I'll film it. With regard to the rest of it, but I refer to previous, I don't have any servants and I'm not a billionaire. How much do you charge for Bob Fest? How much do you charge the door? There How much do you charge the Dirtle?

There is no such thing as Bobfest. Ah, so it's free. There's no such thing as Bobfest. All right. Do you know how you charge? Are you finished with your charge? You need a license wouldn't you? Although you probably get that as a back-and-off

from the parish counsellor's there you let come in anyway. Yeah, because I'm so sweet with the Olderman. Yeah, the Dirtle you Olderman. No, I'm well, you just Olderman. You're sweet on. Yeah, the dirty alderman. No, I'm just alderman. You're sweet on the dirty alderman. No, I'm not sweet on him. I'm a pull-fielder swaffig. Are you saying what you're saying when they say I'm sweet

with the alderman, you're saying we're kissed, are that we correspond, are that what you say? You're saying you've kissed? I've snogged the alderman. I'm not saying snogged. I'm saying kissed, it might have just been a peck. But I think you've kissed the alderman. Well, I've kissed the old woman. Thank you.

What do you think of Nat Chose and Dips? He moved on quickly there didn't he? Well I presume you finished. Do you have Nat Chose and Dips at Bobfest? Bob, there's a million with your old weather, come quite orchard in your collection of art treasures bought from a sort of despots. When you go on holiday, do you pre-order a selection of sleeves to tent your every whim at your resort? Seeing as how your home sleeves aren't allowed to travel because they're not even supposed to be in the UK to start with?

No, I travel abroad just with my family. I don't take any slaves servants. I don't take because they're not allowed to leave the UK. I don't hire anyone. I just was to begin the UK. Where do you think I go on holiday? I don't know. I've got all the slaves. And there's the slaves there waiting for you. Well, you choose to call them slaves. I would call them a hotel staff.

Find margins, isn't it really? I suppose it is, yeah. Quite the confession that was. Bob, is a millionaire with your all-whether cum-quat-ord-chid, your collection of art treasures, but of sorts, desperats, and your diamond encrusted glass eye. When you're on holiday, do you allow your home sleeves to have time off as well? Or does the dirt the alderman come round and house it? Or sleeve sit, if you like. o'r cyflwy. O'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyfl So does the dirty old man come around your house when you're not there? The I know the old man. I kissed the old man, I haven't.

If I have kissed the old man, may I just say I am not the first to have kissed the old man, right? That doesn't make it right though. I don't comment on whether it's right or whether it's wrong. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. You've kissed the old man. I haven't kissed. I've not been around your place. Yeah. What kissed your old woman?

Is that the end of your question? Yeah, that's the end of me questions. The last time I saw the old woman, Andy, was that I went up three weeks ago to a screening of a charity film. But it was about the decline and a stalemate in the North. Or in the South. In the North, he's not. i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

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well he's because that's where he's an old man I've got connections with him and he always says that we need a so-called celebrity to open this or to come to this event and I do it for charity because it's for Daffy. You do it because you love it. I like to see the old, you know I like to kiss the old man whatever you know what? It's the old man, kiss the old man, kiss the old man. Yeah but you know take the toffee Andy, take the toffee. Bob it's the old manhamons birthday next month. Will you be buying him a book

token, be a plastic gun and badge set with NY cop on the badge, or see personalized underpants with kiss the Oldhamon written across what I'll call the calling area? I probably will be going to the Oldhamons birthday and I probably will be getting them a gift. None of those gifts sound appropriate to me for a man of his office. Will you come back and join us another time and tell us what you did by him and the future? I will do that but I don't know ruin this surprise for the old man. Is he a listener of this? The Oldhamon of the podcast? I can't be sure. I haven't mentioned it to him.

Do you want to hear about it? I saw the Old Man this week. What's the Old Man doing this week? Well, this week I went up to Stockton for charity swimming. You know, we were me and the Old Man and some of the local people. Actually, you knew it in the pool. No, we don't swim in the swimming baths there. And it was the rarest money for soft kids, you know, the death kids and the parents and

that. Draft air puts all the time. Yeah, I think that seems quite polite. They can't really do well right. Yeah. So anyway, so anyway, we're in a locker area afterwards and I'm in a shower. Yeah, finish me shower it's all nice. Just as I'm exiting the shower, the old man, the old man is coming in. Yeah, and he stops me, says hello Bob. So I love old man, nice to see you in that. And he said to me, he's sort of letting his jockey voices guy, he says, oh you look lovely and clean, you look just right for a nice kiss. Oh god, here we go. And then it's like it was like a trigger word, all the showers suddenly turned off, yeah.

And the mayor, the town planner, all his crawlies and all them. They don't come out of the showers as well. Yeah. Started saying, you know, kiss the old man, kiss the old man, and he goes, no! Right? And it's shit. No kiss going on there. And so I mean I'd already sort of made a move towards him, but he recoiled. He said, no! And he dropped his towel, right? He says, on my tattoo! He said, oh! Yeah, and like, he's a big fella. And like, on his flange, would you call it?

The Rowel, just above the hip. Yeah, that's what I think. He's got a tattoo. Got a tattoo, a hot dog. All right. Right, just the sausage. Not the problem. Not the problem. No, I think that is. That is the hot dog, isn't it? Or is the hot dog the old one? Yeah, and well, it was just the bottom. Not the bottom, almost. I think that is. That is the hot dog, isn't it? Or is the hot dog the old one?

Yeah, and well, it was just a sausage. Yeah. It was the hot dog sausage. Definitely a picture. Yeah, a nice tattoo, like brown tattoo. And he winked at the man or that, and they changed it to kiss the dog. Kiss the dog.

Kiss the dog. So I got down and I give the, the op dog, a little peck and a lick and just got out with it, you know, as you don't. Yeah. And we'd raise quite a lot of money for the kids as well. That's the main thing. But did you raise awareness as well?

I hope so, yeah, but funnily enough, the tattoo actually tested of hot dog. Yeah, it made me really package. You can do all sorts of things there, so tattoos. It wasn't tattooed until I had a hot dog. I kissed the old man. But in a rather unusual quirky way on the hot dog. You see, they put yourself in a position every week where you have to kiss the old man.

It's almost as if you really like it. It's da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Do you want to hear about the old one? The latest store from the old one. So I'm on Wednesday. So I opened Stockton. You can't bear a lot to hear you in the old man. Charlie, where did you get most of this? Did you know, this is something you can investigate, you can get me on. Did you know that my father was called Charles Stockton Mortimer. His father was called Charles Stockton Mortimer.

And the great great-grandfather operated the bus company, the first bus company Stockton to Dalton, right, before the trends get in. Did the name Stockton after in Musselming? Is that what you're saying? Well, no, except for this, and owned half of Stockton on Tees. Oh, and when the shit off? Yeah, the shit off. And when I was a little boy, I used to go around with me, Dad, collecting the rents. Did you?

Yeah. You like the sound of that, don't you? For sure, at all. Yeah. Landlord. Yeah. Oh, Daddy, these, yeah. Look at those ruffians playing with hoops.

Yeah. Take that money. Why are they kicking that tin can? I know that's what I was thinking about. Anyway, I just thought you were going to like to know. I was up in Stockton. I'll be using that in the future. Yes, I know. When I was out for a meal at Maddox, do you know the Country Club Maddox? In Stockton, I've never been to Stockton. Alright, I've just wondered. It's a nice player, Sandy. It's like near a golf course. You can probably picture it. And I've not even had the Oriental buffet, or you can just have menu,

or, and this is what I like about Maddox, you can just have a few bar snacks, they have a little thing that says, you know, caught mix and match, yeah? Caught dare to share. All of this pertinent to the... Yeah, yeah, no, it's typical of Maddox, that kind of attitude, you know,

it's quite a stuffy-looking place, but they're not able to make your laugh, I can't, you know, like mix and match, dare to share that sort of thing. Anyway, I was just in a, like a world of me-oh, just sat there, eating a hot dog starter from the main menu. Right, and there's a bit of a runpus in walks, and yes, done, done, done.

The older the older the older the more, the more this cronies, yeah. And it is important, so he's wearing dark blue slacks and they look a bit loose around the waist. Right. And a tight brown pull or neck. That's quite a nice look in here. Yeah.

They're all laughing, joking, filling the plates up there, wearing oriental buffet, filling the plates up at the buffet. And I've got to be honest with you, I couldn't help noticing that for a big bloke has got quite a nice, still got quite a nice, you defined us. You know, sometimes bigger fellas are losing it. Yeah, of course. It kept it tight. Yeah, not bad. And anyway, so I just kept me, I didn't come to bother with him and his cronies and all

that. And they got the big round table in the middle of the room. And the town clerk gives that little speech and the presenter gift to the old man. Yeah. Turns out it's a big leather belt with a massive like on it, buckle on it. Right.

So I wouldn't have thought it's just, it's a little bit low. So he puts it on, stands up and he says, Mortimer! Come over here lad! Oh, she's saying me. So I go over like a bit sheepish, she and I'm mumbled some about, I'm gonna butterallagely or some, just, you know,

sound like. Tilt the hate off of me or whatever. Is there something you want? Yes, and I thought, she would to be honest, because of the house, I think. I said I wouldn't say no to a kiss to be honest. Yeah, you know,

the acid picture and stuff. And something, because I said, yeah, there is that. I was like, I wouldn't say no or kiss to be honest. Yeah, you know, the acid picture and that's something because I said yeah, there is actually I wasn't mind a little kiss so I leaned in all the cronies the town clerk kissed the aldermen, kissed the aldermen, kissed the aldermen then I got the shock of my life. No! Kiss the buckle! Yeah, new belt, right? So they all chucked kiss the buckle, kiss the buckle. Yeah. New belt, right? So they all check, kiss the buckle, kiss the buckle. So I thought, oh, I wanted but I will do.

So I knelt down in front of the... Well, I know it's quite near the arse. I know, and I'll be honest with you, I wasn't going to say this, but as I was down on his buckle, I was holding on his ass. I tell you, a lot firmer than you think. Do you know when you're testing stakes and you say you press it in a different, it would be quite well done?

So you pushed your thumb into it? Yeah, I was gannos. I couldn't help but push my fingers into it. Did he react? Well, he doesn't really, he's quite a cold fish. I don't know whether that's what keeps everyone so about Anyway, so I'm down there on me knees like molding his ass like a little cat still You know what I mean and I give his buckle a really nice long kiss best as I could and

It's smelled a bit bit like me saw soap down there So finished our thanked him, you know, a bit disappointed obviously. And I thought, I really fancy some me saw soap now because of the smell from the buckle area and all that. So I swapped from the oriental menu to the, from the main menu to the oriental buffet. Can you do that? That's the fucking, that's the thing Andy, so come the end of the night. I was charged for both main menu and for the buffet because I'd swap between them What they don't just charge you for the higher one. No, I don't know So I ain't going to Maddox again. No, they're good fun. They're good fun, but

Yeah, that's a rip off that like so last I'm gonna I might sing that my last meal at Maddox There you go. I'm there again. Oh, way, baby. That's a shame. One more question. Is it true that you and the Old Man have started up a private Facebook group called Lips of a Kissing? There's some truth in that, yeah. I thought they might be. What? Well, I've seen it. Yes, I yeah. I thought that might be. What? Well, I've seen it. Yes, I've been up on your form when you went to the boghole, your own.

Okay, and what, and yes, I've... It's just lots and lots of pictures of close-ups of lips. Yeah. And pictures of various people kissing. Yeah, if you get to kiss the alderman, you can record, you take a photograph and put it on the page, yeah. He's been kissing a lot of people hasn't he, then? Yeah, he'll kiss anyone, the older one, won't he? If it moves, he'll kiss it.

Basically, do you know how I mean? Fair enough. Did you know he owns a car dealership up in Stockton, Maui? That's why you're always up in Stockton with him. No, I'm always up in Stockton with him because we do charity work together for kids. That's kids. So, those are kids. Yeah.

So, for those are kids. Yeah. Do Aussie kids. Cackandons. Yeah, do Aussie. Is any of them boss-eyed? No, no, don't be stupid. Oh, actually, I'm with them. Anyway, so he's got a deal of ships on the retail park. And he asked me to come up to launch a new model

that there's flogging. It's like a big vant thing called, I think it's called a sprinter. Have you heard of one dancing? Let me see what they call the sprinter. The new model out of it. And I was going to cut the ribbon, get a photo with the old man for the press and that.

You've been celebrating it a really good thing. Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, so I said, we've done it all. I said, I've got to get a train from Darling to get back and he said, well, I'll tell you what Bob says, the old man. He says, I'll take you. And I'll take you in the new sprinter. Oh, I'll take you from Stockton down and in the sprinter. I thought well, that's fair enough like he might want

a kiss at the end. Oh, about you do. Probably. But that's all right, for you know, why not? Yeah. So we're getting a sprinter and about half way there. He pulls off the dual carriageway into a layer by. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Here we go. So I just think, I want to just get it done. And I lean over, you know,. I think here we go. Kiss and tie, yeah. So I just think, oh, well, let's just get it done. And then lean over, you know, to have a kiss on that. And he says, no. How dare you? Not in a company vehicle, especially the new sprinter.

I think, oh, Jesus, he seemed really, he's read in the first and that and everything. Then I realized I'm not alone and eat, yeah? In the back of the sprint, you've got the town clerk, Edasaur, Sirsor, Sirsor, Eda the Parks department. All the gang. All the gang, and they start chanting as well. Not in the sprinter, not in the sprinter,

so on and so forth. So anyway, so it's going on a bit. So we get out in the layer by out of the sprinter. And his eyes look down towards the registration number, the old man's eyes, so I read it, YM16KTA. And they all start, have you guessed it? They all start chanting YMKTA, YMKTA. You must kiss the old man. What's the 16? I don't know, So obviously, I do. You got a mischitrient. I'm going to mischitrient. I'm going to get back with the joint.

So I give them a lovely little kiss actually. Nice. We had a nice kiss. I tested a bit like, do you know those party circle biscuits with the icing on them? Yeah. Like just test them like them. But with, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So obviously, I do. You got a mischitrient. I'm going to mischitrient. I'm going to get back with the joint. So I give them a lovely little kiss actually.

Nice. We had a nice kiss. I tested a bit like do you know those party circle biscuits with the icing on it, it just tested like them but with paparoni pizza we saw, so anyways I got on my train, the only thing I asked was the only downside was it's because of kissing the older man, I really fancy some pizza and they don't sell it on the train so there you go But sell rent and what was a beautiful story. Yeah, I've been said that you know, let's remember He got me to them. He trying on time So what do you think of the sprinter? I thought it was really nice. Yeah, I mean on reflection

I realize why he said not in the sprinter. It's company vehicle brand new vehicle. He's got a plug. It's good to have boundaries Isn't it? Yeah, yeah Michael he's got a flug. It's good to have boundaries isn't it yeah yeah. Final question, what are you doing later? Are you off out with the older man to play a Pokémon Goat round the bucket you're watching again and does he like it when you catch a hard one? Ah see now I don't know what Pokémon Goat is. You think it's funny me saying I'm Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith Draft very basic kids, you know. Yeah. And the parents and that. What side? Yeah. And I arrived,

Pitch and toured. Yeah, I mean, they're not made. Not necessarily, just, you know, just draft kids good for nothing, you know. So I arrived at the school, but everyone seems to have gone, you know, the email said three o'clock or so, it was the event,

and it was in the dining hall, but there's no one there, so I found the caretaker, seems to only person I could find a big block, but you know, really big block, but I read that he's only got a little stubby Johnson, I reckon, just, I thought I'd just start with a song, and he was a bit like avert. What does he like bulk up to go over compensate? As yeah, that's yeah. And I just have heard, he's just like pointed. Like, ooh, for the dining room. So I went in there and there's only one person

in the dining room, and yeah. Couldn't quite see what was turned around. It's the town clerk. Oh, interesting in it. Well, well, well, he says, a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith he's like, yeah, that goes. Head of social services, chief park, he chief librarian, the Vicka gang. You're all a gang, they're Vicka with the Twitch, who smells a bleach. So I think, yeah, I said, what's going on in your town clerk? And he says, maybe a bit of kiss, kiss.

Yeah. And he stands up, right? Maybe a bit of kiss, kiss. Now he's got quite tight lemon-colored denim jeans on and cowboy boots. They don't really tell a girl with his brown shirt and his tie. I said, I'm not sure what time, Clark. Not sure, I mean, I did, it was like I did fancy it on the abit. But you do when you're in the dorm, aren't you?

But he raises a thumb and his corny start chanting, Inau'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'n gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn g It's the old man, he's going to disguise, not? Ask for you Mr Duncan, I knew you were up to something to do with kissing, so I followed you and I've caught you out. Come with me Robert, there's a park over the road for this kind of thing. So obviously I'm sorry I've drawn that obviously I've followed. I've got this park not a local authority area as well. Well, it's a bit hypocritical. That's another story Andy, but I tell you, we went over and I had really lovely time

having a kiss with the older, really lovely time. So that was the older, in this week strange story though, in it strange, but a happy ending. Yeah, him dressing all the ends, like at town clocks, being put in his place. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see how he responds to that because he could come out fighting. You could, I think he's getting a bit jealous. The town clock's been put in his place. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see how he responds to that

because he could come out fighting. You could, I think, he's getting a bit jealous. I have done nothing to like egg him on or anything like that. He might spend the next week or 10 days looking his wounds and come back angry, stronger, more determined. Wanting to, for some kissing. Yeah. Wanting to get his kiss.

You want to watch out for that then. Yeah, I saw the old one this way, you know. I'm sure you did. Do you want to know about, I'm not bothered if you know. No, I caught one, let's have it. Well, I don't know if the viewers know, but I've just come back from Amurica, which is the United States of America. At all. I went to Palm Springs visiting breweries because Inau'r ysgol, ac yn ymwyr i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i'r ysgol i Yes, it is. It was the Richard Branson. No, but well, actually a full white horse.

A flu first class, that's it. And you know where you get your own bed and all that. And I tell you what was on there with me, in the same flight with Simon Pegg from Star Trek. You know, Simon Pegg. Yeah. A chap called Biffy Clire Rod. Do you know Biffy Clire Rod?

He's a rock star, pot star. Is he, I thought that was a group. No, no, I think there is a natural Biffy. One of them's called Biffy. Yeah, I think the lead singer is Biffy and for Biffy Clire Rod. I think you're Biffy McLean. That definitely not what we're playing for,

one who plays for West Brom. Anywhere, and also. I these Mike and the mechanic Mike out of Mike and the mechanics, you know Mike Rutherford Remember him so I thought I mean This is nothing to do with the old one, but I thought to myself, you know fuck me if I'm not gonna at least into I'm gonna involve myself with these three, do you know what I mean? So I sat next to him. I got it. Was the mechanics on with it?

I was the instant. No, it was just Mike. It was just Mike and he was with three women who are identical to look at, but older, you know, different, different ages. But if you cut through them, you don't only know because you have to cut into them to count the rings, do you know what I mean? Like, you're saying Dolson. a'r yw'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch So Biffy, by the way, I sat next to Simon and he told me to watch a film about some kid who had special powers and he's a bit of air-line gossip for you. He declined to have the inflight male, Simon.

Not funny there, just a little bit of gossip for you. Biffy just stood up throughout most of the flight, just drawing on himself. You know, we with a pen. It's rock stars for you, isn't it? And Mike, from Makin and Mechanix, he went to the toilet three times, Andy, but his stride pattern and speed of approach to the toilet was identical every time. And that's something. Isn't that some of the simulation in a minute? That's a well regulated man, not. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith Well, you know, I tell you what, I wouldn't mind. It makes me want to collect this to hold my down in little test tubes with with tinkering's in like Mark and the mechanics Bob Dylan.

Yeah. And do you know the woman from Middlesbrough does business news on the baby season mornings? I've been big, big, big staff. Staff, yeah. It's by anywhere with a tattoo. Steph, yeah, it's about anywhere with a tattoo. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r gweithio i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r i'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r gyd yn yw'r ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn ymwch yn y Mae'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith It's a fucking time clock, isn't it? Oh! It's all over the older man's patch. I said, what are you doing on the flight? No, I wasn't angry. I was like, what are you doing on the flight?

Just a bit shocked, like, well, what are you doing on the flight? Yeah, a bit. And he says, excited. Excited. Yeah, and he says, tell you what I'm doing. He says, I'm waiting for my kiss. So I said, oh, fuck, man. So I think, So I think well just get a little quick pecking keep it mapping I quite fancy it anyway, you know, yeah, I mean the town clerk is a good-looking father under

I'm not I'm saying I'm officially on his website. Yeah, you know what do you think? Very photogenic. Yeah, very very sweet skin Yeah, yeah, definitely worth a kiss. So just as I lean towards him, there's a little bit of turbulence, right? And I hate you know the tan, I, b-boo, yeah? Yeah.

So it's a bit of turbulence and b-boo. And then it goes, Ravak, sit down! Oh no! How dare you prepare to kiss mid-flight during curbulence! And I look up at him, and he wants the enormous stew with us. Was the stew with us took a wig off?

It sounded like a stew with us. Not, it's fucking old, man. Jesus, old man. And you'll say, oh yeah, this sounds a bit contrived, isn't it? So there's loads of kids in economy walk through, Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'n gweithio. Mae'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith What is going on Robert? During this flight Robert. Does not earn us nothing I can say Andy. What can I say I'm about to kiss the old him, basically. He's scurried anyway. You can't even skip, you can't even run away.

He's scurried off, right? And he sat next to Biffie, started drawing on Biffie's face for him. And he's spent the rest of the flight with Biffy I tell her a bit jealous I'm her art love right sorry I've gone on about so yet another another failed kiss incident with the old him and just thought he might like to know that I've went up to Stockton this week and they did you really? Yes I did for the old. Tell us all about that then Bob.

The Olderman's annual charity football match. And it was town hall officials, the Olderman and all his coronies and that versus minor celebrities like myself. So there's me, do you know Stephen Tomkinson? Oh yeah. Stephen Tomkinson. Sollar, doesn't it? Yeah, Steph from BBC Breakfast News, yeah.

Big business Steph. Yep, me, Mark Pidge, used to be on Radio One. Yep, Biffy Clies. All the two side stars. Yep, Biffy Clies, and it was all to raise money for the dreamy, dreary dreamy. You know, gloomy kids, what have you called them?r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r gweithio, a'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r cyflwy'r ysfair. Ysfair o'r gwybod. Ysfair o'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod.

Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod.

Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod.

Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r gwybod. Mae'r yw'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r ysgwyr i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio' Fetch, good game. Yeah, yeah, all the player for. Older man gives us the team tour. He tells Biffy to go on what his fucking face, yeah. Tell Steph to say, can you stop being quite so physical Stephs, you know what I mean? Then he turned to me and he says, Robert, what's going on Robert? You're not the Robert we were expecting Robert.

You won paste. The thugic Robert. Get a grip, Robert. I didnobbot, a'r rhobbot. Mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot, mae'r rhobbot What do you think Claire was doing? He sat down on the touch like a drawing artist. Starts drawing on his face again. I mean you're basically playing with ten men but of course... You know it's for charity but you know make an effort. If you're going to turn up, put a shift in. To be honest Andy, it's the biggest star we had sort of to get the crowds in. I know but even so.

Well I agree with you Andy right, so a couple of minutes left. I'm half hacked down by the Chief Planning Officer right. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn gweithio yn really I'm in too much pain I think I'm finished for the match. The machine melts all gradually gather around the lean-in and I look up to see Steph from BBC Breakfast doesn't mean Mark Pidge and Bernie Slayer and actually X-Bora Strayker staring down at me. Oh a ringer! Probably. Yeah yeah yeah. You know it was good. Well they had the Vicka for Christ's sake so suddenly they all separated, there he is, stood looking down at me, the Olderman, he's taken his fleece off and he's wearing the tightest mustard polo that you can imagine and a nice check-troll be right. What do the start chanting? Kiss the Olderman.

Kiss the Olderman. The Old man leans right, his first right organ, he says, help us Robert, you are our only hope Robert. Then his lips softly clasp onto mine, and he slowly moistons my mouth with his saliva. Andy, I've never been kissed like that before. It was like electricity passing through, but the honest I promised. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith breakfast before gliding past the head of child protection smashing it into the net. Final kick of the match, right? Steph from breakfast news lifted me right up above her head and I tell you what it felt as good as a victory scoring with the you know equalizer with the last kick.

Brilliant. What a story. What a kiss. What a kiss yeah, yeah, and I assume that money was raised as well for the for the daffciss Yeah, we raised over nearly 200 pound that's what well worth it 189 pounds Nine yeah nice round figure that's that's beautiful. Thank you. So yeah, I great week for you then I kissed the old man and we equalized Did it look like a penalty? No, no, it wasn't a cup match.

It's just a one off. You know what you're right, you should've got a penalty, shouldn't it? It should have. If I'd gotten to that, I would've felt a bit underwhelmed at the end, walking away. Ah, I'm fucked up. No, it's cut, it was because we were so up, we celebrated. You know what, I mean, it felt like an end.

It felt like a win, yes. I see what you're seeing. There you go. And the other team probably shied a weird front panel these things. That sound like the wooden standard chance. Yeah. Because you're on such a high. Talking about the Olderman.

Oh yeah. Yeah, a good friend of mine and the Olderman died at his funeral last week. Kelly Pepper. We've known him for, I'm him for maybe nearly 50 years now. We all worked together at the steelworks in the 70s, up in Middlesbrough. Kenny was a leather operator at the foundry and it was funny. Every day a woman used to come around with a trolley, a lavender whatever, with tea, coffee and stuff. Why are you working your life?, a lever and a whatever, with tea, coffee and stuff.

Why are you working your life? Yeah, you're out of a break, you know? And she was a safety equipment. Not just at a tab-add. No, I can't remember that there was probably some bell rang and said caution, tea lady. That sounds better.

Now we had a very, very long Douglas. Did he? He really long Douglas. And it's absolutely true. Just can you pepper the kind of name for someone you think has got quite a short one, isn't it? No, yes, a little stubby thing, but not a really long one. And what he used to do, and he did this every single day, he would lay it his dongle in the center of a hot dog

bone on his bench and cover it up with a cloth. And when the tell you lad, he got to him, he'd pull the cloth off and say, what do you think would go best with this? And she would say, fuck off Kenny, you pervert, whatever, but every single day, that was Kenny, anyway, anyway, he was killed by ISIS.

Not, huh? No, I mean, I say, I, no, not really, no, he no, he was very upset when his Isis didn't give the return. No, he died. How was that? He drove. No, I'm not at all. I just shouldn't have said he'd killed by Isis. No, he fell off the cliffs at Saltburn, you know, the cliffs at Saltburn.

Yeah. Well, eating some chips is little dog Perry finished up the chips, which is nice, isn't it? Nice to be following the chips, felt that the flow and Perry up the chips which is nice isn't it? So he fell in the chips fell with the floor and Perry had the chips not knowing that down 200 or 300 feet below him was his dead owner. And you know this how? How do you know this? It's a little newspaper. Oh, I'm kidding. Kenny Pepper dies in Cliff. The heart of its true. So we went up for the funeral and it turns out that Kenny had left a note to be read it as funeral. So the read it out thanked us all for coming and then it said in the last ten years,

a great sadness had hit him because it's good friend Bob, that's me. Only seemed to have time for the Olderman and the letter specifically asked if, as a last good buy, I could give him one final kiss before he were buried like right and while I I glanced up at the olden and I sat next to him and I first was red and I'll puffed out you think he'd be alright with that wouldn't you? Well to give him credit through like his greatest teeth he says do it Robert do it so Kenny I went to the front and all the congregation and the Vicar with the Twitch and the town club were all not chanting it but just sort of like I don't know what you call it just rhythmically saying kiss the corpse, kiss the could you know what I mean? But like you know respectfully kiss Kenny's corpse,

kiss Kenny's corpse. So just as I leaned over it gave Kenny is like this final kiss I hear No Robert! Not in the Lord's house Robert! Robert, please Robert! See his wife, if he could went silent, everyone turned and stared at him, but I didn't know what to do So I just give Kenny a tiny little peck on his cheek. When I looked up the older one there was just like running out of the church but you could hear him sobbing. Yeah. It's not nice is it? So the town clerk and the Vick are great big grins on the face.

I bet they did. Yeah. I mean I got one over on them. Well I have wonder whether the letter was real, whether it was all aimed at getting one of them. Anyway they seem very pleased with themselves. I went out as quick as I could and the old man was nowhere to be seen. I've tried contacting him. Very won't pick his office phone. Right. I too bit on to be off here. Did you think I was right?

Yes, Kenny's co-op. It's the wishes of a dying man, isn't it? Or a dead man. So yeah. I mean, it just seems a bit odd. It's not like you and the old man are in any kind of relationship. You're not committed to each other. Are you? Well, that's what I mean. It's not cheating or anything. I've never said either where he's never asked me enough to cast him, but it was that open status, isn't that? So, you're free to kiss other men, other dignitaries, or corpses, whatever, yeah, he can't complain. Yeah, he either needs to commit to you properly, or, shoot his mouth. Yeah well that shit will get off the pot as they say. Yeah I can't give him that message at the moment because

he's what was the call in Communicardo. Yeah that's where he is. He's to pull himself together doesn't he? I don't know if you remember but last week the older man had a straw problem with me after I kissed Kenny Peppas corpse at his funeral Well the way back in with the old man, man But you right is always through his charity. Yeah, it's this is way to soft underbelly isn't it? Yeah, always the charity. You know when he runs for the deaf kids and parents So I wrote to him sort of formerly off You know when a formal way offering the come-up to Stockton and compare a variety show at the social club, like to raise money to

get PlayStation's trumpets hammers, that sort of thing for the kids. Can I just stop you there? Yeah. What's the best squeeze album player? It's not some fantastic place. Carry on. So, you know, PlayStation's trumpets hammers, that sort of thing for the kids, to keep them happy, you know, when the parents are arguing. Yeah. So, a bit immediately, he would quite formal. Yes, Robert, the town clerk will pick you up from Darlington, Station at 5.30 in the council mini bus,

but there was no head, it was very business like. Yeah. I went up there, I got there early, I like to get there a bit earlier if I'm doing a show. Dude, I'm just comparing there. There was four acts on, Hong Kong ping pong, the first act is called, Charlie's block, who does tricks, tricks ping pong balls, right? He throws them up, lands them on his nose, he like does a

like, he crouches down in the farts, then round the train track, that sort of thing, you know. Bit of a racist and he hits white people, Yeah, he blames them for VD. Don't like. Puff stepdad, I know it's corny, but he's like a white rapper from up and off. Puff stepdad. Puff stepdad, I'm just sadding it. That's his, that's all he, he's quite popular.

He's a bit like Freddie star, but he wraps his jokes to like slowed down 80s, this score tracks. Either the say he's got a million pounds stashed down, stashed down an old man somewhere, that's just, you know, that's a real, I fuck now's, God. Jocelyn Shapiro's on as well, she used to be a stripper, but now it's a good actor, Sandy, she does like swearing, music, numbs, songs from the musicals, just, she dresses as a bride. Swear, swears through them. Yes, so she goes like, the phantom of the opera's a fucking dickhead.

It's sort of thing. Why are there so many songs about wankers? Yeah, and I'm really sweary. So you're on a B-O-Wanker. It's a good fun act. Sounds a bit real, it's good fun act. And Brian Sharp, Brian Sharp, he's traditional observation comedian.

I ain't seen him before, look forward to seeing him, get some tips from the Observation Comedy. And House Band up there, as I was a fire brigade, they're all ex-fire fighters are associated with firefighting, fire and destroy. I'll wait in me, Rome. I think I'm going on a bit. I'm sorry Andy. No, it's really, it's gripping. I know it isn't. I'm waiting in the room. I just on the

yaw and think, he's not going to come the old man. The vicar came in, the one with the twitches was like bleach. I asked if he could have a tad in me shit about the, I let him. But there's no side of the old man. Sure starts. I do, I do, I do me normal like few jokes at the top. Not a single laugh. Nothing. Silence. silence, really hard crowd at least. Bit of an atmosphere there. So I introduced Hong Kong ping pong little Chinese fella, it got a little bit of belly in that. As a pastime coming on the stage actually, he whispered at me,

your white trash quick germ bolex idea, that's not really nice, is it? Now you see, if that was you, rules were reversed and you were seeing something there about your white trashed plick, germ bollocks, here we go. So he said his turn was really good. The one point he stood up, think of this Andy, and he balanced on a single ping pong, right? And then you know the spit the balls out, spit the balls out, straight in like a bucket of soapy water, oh well, oh well, I promise

you, must he's eating a pork chop. Why has he not been on Britain's Got Talent? Yeah, because of the racism I think. Probably. Then I introduce Brian Sharp, yeah, the observation comedy I stand at the bottom watch, big block, sheds like Wally Air. Yeah, Eddie large kind of eye. What? You know what I mean? Starts up. Starts up. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Have you ever noticed people would rather rip their hands to shreds, carrying ten carrier bags into the house than make two journeys to the car? Well, everyone laughs because it's true. Yeah. You know, but I say a chance and I shout out.

Yeah, and a void putting too much pressure on the brass and You did it in your voice fucking Yeah Shit anyway, he carries on Have you ever noticed a have you ever noticed the hotel showers and next to useless when it comes to temperature Regulation and thermostat sensitivity a a a a everyone laughs their heads off you know because what with it being troen that absolutely and I think he's truly Mr. Chek so I shout out yeah and your brass and sticks to the shower curtain

fucking silence oh you're honest dead stuff's not traveling isn't it I think I'll get on anyway. Anyway, Gary Memba says, do you remember, I said, do you remember, here Jack Scouring Powder, you could shift Fox Todd off a chance or all with that stuff, do you remember it? Do you remember it? They're left a fucking heads off again. And I, actually it is funny,

because I even recalled that it was a very good Scouring Powder. Yeah, and it's no longer available. Yeah. I give it a final go. Hey, and I offer Niels to get Fox shit on me, Brassand. Nothing. Absolute sound, I'm really upset. I got outside half time for a puff of me crack-up,

Brian Sharp comes out and I pull out some sort of Brian interrupt and you're act like that and everything. And he says, do you remember? Do you remember do you remember then his voice changes Robert do you remember Do you remember when it was only me you wanted to kiss Robert took his shades wig off. It's a He says I told them I told them not to laugh at Robert to teach you a lesson, Robert, about having your feelings hurt Robert. Well, I'm a bit angry, but a bit relieved, because you know, it wasn't to do with me

set being bad, and he doesn't seem that mad with me. It comes off of a rubs me tummy, then takes me inside on the stage. Whole audience are waiting for me, about 300, and they're all chanting, kiss the older them, kiss the older them, kiss the old man, kiss the old man, fire brigade, bands, the drummer, he's actually fire safety officer at Celeste's hospital, he starts up a drum roll, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, old man comes towards me, bang!

He plants like a full unfolded lip kiss, right on me lips, then with drawers his lips like really slowly so they can stick together and then released superb kiss and I really was. Anyway sorry I'm gonna just not for you. Rest of the announcement. No not the boredom with a rousal. I know you may it was a lovely kiss. Rest of the night went great we raised nearly a thousand quid for the doors he cades all wells and all as well and well So you've learned a lesson. I've learned how many? Yeah, I have yet I've been to another another one of his rallies this week quite a local one down in Yarm Which is best they've my current lives I believe yeah, of course all in the arm of a butter for a ball

Isn't that that's not really relevant? So I what you know turn of God down, down the front in Army Red Gayer, hit the touring Red, that shirt, tie, lipstick, all of a sudden. No you didn't. I did. No you didn't have lipstick on then, mate. Anyway, down the front, the Corbin comes on, it does a tight 10 minutes about the evils of CC TV on Trins.

OK. And how footage can be manipulated. Right. You know, quite into it. Powerpoint thing but you know, a bit distracted but never mind. Then the lights all went off and we all sang when you still take the mention. That's simply a red song. I would sound it to me like my coconut was singing it.

But the lights were off so I couldn't say anything. I'm assuming it was Corbin just doing hook and l impression. Anyway, time for a break so Annette Brown the back, get a fag. And he comes out the fire exit, here he is Corbin. It stands next to me, lights up. He's got a roll up this week. Oh, she's got a roll up pipe. I'm not a pipe this week. So he says,

senior. He says, all right. Senior, down the front, senior, fancy yourself, don't you? I do, so you know I said a little bit yeah and he points at me red rosette that I've got on, he says official rosette is it? I said well I'm not sure I've had it for ages, you know I've not worn an official party event for years though, he says I'm not sure so've had it for ages, you know, I've not worn an official party event for years though He says, hmm thought so thought as much thought a little bit weathered This is well, sorry, should I get a new one? You know, is there any official ones?

Set me up with I have a merchandising operation. I could get you a one reduced price if you'd be interested That's just wow, yeah, great. Thanks. If there's anything I can do in return, you know, to help with your election. Let us know, because I'm becoming a serious convert to the Corbinister cause. And he says, well, there might be one thing

you could help me with, where it comes. So, oh, I, so he pulls his tab out of his mouth and he's bottom lip slowly parts from the top one. He reaches across and he just brushes me raw set with the back of his hand. Oh, he up. Is this in a... And he says, he says, it gets lonely on the campaign trail, you know. I'm always on the road and I start to miss Mrs Corbin when it's almost bedtime I can imagine that yeah yeah so he says there do you think you could possibly proper a small kiss who's a kisser to alleviate my emotional turbulence and I thought well

you know given what you and the older me get up to, you know, it's legitimized. You know how bad looking fellas, but... And I've started become quite a fan over the past few weeks. I thought, you know, a little kiss, not gonna hurt. No, I mean, no. I moved me mouth, slowly towards his, and I just felt me chingris against his beard as we got closer. Yeah.

Just as we were about a kiss, there's a bang, and I jumped back, and someone's booted the fire exit. She out. And this voice goes, no, Andrew, no. Not during a democratic electoral process, Andrew. Jeremy, back inside and address your followers at once. Fuck.

No, you're saying it is? It's the old man. Fuck off. It's your old man. What's in your man? I mean, your man. I mean, your arm. Well, it's your patch. He wouldn't give a shit if you were having a case.

Well, I don't understand. Well, I don't know. It happened. What you've been sniffing around the old man. No, I'm sniffing around carbon. I've got nothing. No, nothing with the old man. So what happened then then?

Did you, well, did you, any, well, carbon goes back in. Don't get upset. How did you, just you any well Corbin goes back in don't get upset how to just let us explain yeah Jesus right so the all of them and still there Corbin's gone back in and I'm panic and I'm saying sorry look I don't have any near to involvement at constituency level I'm not up a spade with the etiquette I you know there wasn't supposed to happen and the all of them says I can teach you all about the etiquette Andrew especially as I'm not standing for office myself I thought that's the opportunity to learn something's a good thing that'll be

wonderful and he says now it looks to me as though you're in possession of a pair of lips that just thought they were about to be kissed. Come over to me Andrew. Come now. You better not of any e cup this hands around me face. No, no, and just gently brushed his lips against mine. Oh, as if and and just held them there for a couple of seconds and then pulled away. And honest Jesus Bob, you kissed him. You you kissed him me entire body turned the jelly. Oh, you're I'm not I'm not happy with this Andy I felt as though he's nothing to do with you the old man No, I'm off. Sorry. No, it's upset me that No, but Bob Bob Thank you.