Athletico Mince - The Corbyn Collection Vol. 1

Episode Date: January 1, 2021

Here’s a compilation of Andy’s encounters with Jeremy Corbyn up to episode 65... Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I was in gear to last night, really. And I went to see the Leibor leadership debate. OK. Orn Smith versus Jeremy Corbyn. Yeah. Very interesting. But 11 or 12,000 people are wrecking so I reckon Leibh is probably nailed on her. She had to turn out where it was. Where was it in the town hall or somewhere? Yeah, just in the town hall. Yeah, but there was loads of the door at the back so like singing. So anywhere. Oh, the sliding doors and they are great big old door. Big old door. So okay, right. And with sliding doors and gears great big old oak door. Big old oak door. So, okay, right. And with sliding doors and gates it, Jesus Christ. So, yeah, I got there early, got down the front and Corbin comes on, right? Does he, 20 minutes at the start all about stuff that he hates, anything?

Right, going to see. Yeah. Good one, good ice break, there's a couple of songs, you know, then there's an interval. So, I nipped out for a fag. Yeah. Well, the interval's are on because I've started smoking again. Go around the back for a quiet fag because everywhere I go these days it's all, oh look at him, there he is, he's filled with the fat voice of the podcast, look at him,

smoking. So I'm off in a tab, mind him your business, Corbin comes out the back door, right, with his pipe. Oh he has a pipe, he has a pipe. Kendall Shag, I think he was small. Right, he's one of them. Nice, nice aroma. So yeah, it was actually, yeah, he stands next to us, lights up the pipe. He just looks across and he went there. Senior. Really? He says, all right, he says, senior, in there. Senior in there. Yeah. Fancy yourself a bit, don't you? Ooh. I mean, I do. Yeah, I know. I said, I said like, yeah, bit, yeah. He says, it's, it's, it's off. Lift his nose a bit, you know, get a bit cocky, he says,

yeah. What's the most number of times you've ever driven around around about? That's what he challenges you with. Yeah, yeah. So I says, what sort, like, mini round about? What a weird junction. Good question.

How many exits? Yeah, good question. He says four exits. Not a mini, but not a full sized town roundabout either. I know what you're saying. In between what you mean, yeah. I think the most I've done is probably three. Three times around one of them. So it's three.

He says, how many times do you reckon I've gone round? Quite a cockshell fellow, isn't it? Well he's been caught in a little bad, we tend to tell him six or seven. How many of you think so? Well I said nine. Right. He says nine. Nine. Yeah. Rick. Can I do it? He says trouble it. 27.

Oh, 27 times, around about. Around about. He says yeah. He says once you get past the first four or five, if you're fast enough, other motorists can't get on the start and notice, he says, they stop and they watch, they don't want to get on, they just want to watch you going round and round. He says, the pedestrian's there, watch as well. It's a fucking amazing rush, he says. I'm like, wow, yeah, exactly. He says,

you get locked into it. It's almost sexual. So that's his passion. That was that's what he's in there. Fucking weird, isn't it? I think we was telling the truth, but it sounded convincing. And then as they get a bit of an awkward silence after that, obviously because I didn't want to say after that. He says, anyway, I'm going back in. He says, if you can guess what I've got on my pocket, you can have it.

So I says, a tenor. I says, but you can guess what I've got on my pocket, you can have it. So I asked this. A tenor. Yeah. I said, it's tobacco pouch. I thought I was going to be a pool bowl or a tenor. Right. And it was a tenor? Well, that's it. So you give it?

Yeah. So that's the two sides of Corbin, isn't it? Yeah. You know, the like robotic fix. Minotinous. Yeah. Dairy. Well, that might be a bit.

Run dad figure. But then, when he's off the leash, 27 times around around about, the passion in his pocket, a tenor. Yeah, I was gonna say 20, but I thought he's a man of the people. He's gonna have the nominations of a tenor, isn't it? So, did you like him, if you've met him?

I mean, did you like him, or? I liked him more now. Yeah, now I want more. Yeah. I want more of that. So wherever he's on next week, they want another debate. Yeah. I'm going to go along. You can get around the back for a fact.

Hopefully, yeah. Have you seen carbon again this week? I have, yeah, I've been off to another um, Leibor leadership debate. Are you stalking him? No, I'm just interested in politics. I know you are. So this was not in them yesterday, the latest

Leibor leadership hustings. I don't know what a husting is, do you? I have no idea. So this was not in them. I know what a rustling is. Now that's a different thing. This was not in them. What's the venue? You know I like these, do you? It was the county ground, not in them counties. Cracking ground. No, no, the football stadium. Oh, not county. Not county. Not in the county. Not in them counties. The Cracking Count. No, no, the football stadium. Oh, not County. Not County. Not in County. Not in County. Yes.

And it was, and the lines were not kept. Odoers, I think they had Rihanna on their last week. So they just kept the steer job. Yeah, as they've had Corbin and Smith. So I got an early got right down the front. Wearing lots of red, you know, want to spur the lads on.

Yeah, they remind them of what it's all about. A little bit more detail. You mean red tie, red top, red tie red shirt, red trousers, red house. Did you fuck? And some lovely lipstick. All right, so you're down the front. So I'm right down the front there. This, um, obviously I got recognized from this. There's people singing, you know, get your tits out.

Get your tits out. Get your tits out for the jazz. Yeah. Get your tits out for the tits out get your tits out for their jess yeah get your tits out for their jess you know and shouting yeah it could throw a whole box of eggs on them fun bags yeah not very nice but you know saying the Corbin comes on first yeah because he's open in statement he does a tight topical 10 minutes about the Olympics yeah lottery funding sport how to tax on the Pooer and how he's going to be a team GB, competing in West and Pants, you know, in the future when he's Prime Minister. So when he's Prime Minister, the British have that team will

compete in just white vest and grey pants. Not bad idea, he was it, keeps the funding down, doesn't it? Yeah, it's not bad idea. Spread the money, the lottery money among the Pooer who appeared from the first place, then he did an acoustic version of part of the Union, went off for the break. So I went outside for a fag, because I was on it now. I was gasping for one, went around the back again for a bit of privacy from the Titsau Brigade. Some they are on a tab, mine in my own business, out comes carbon with his pipe, quite a mild tobacco this week, smell like a basmati, I don't know a basmati, not a basmati, great one, nice, quite a melo, melo sort of smell, I'll stand next to him, looks across he says, senior,

it's a senior, I said do the voice, I said do the voice. I wouldn't know, he spoke, so I do. Try the voice, he goes there. Scene you, in there. So it'll scene you in there. I reckon you're the bees' neys, don't you? I'm gonna do. So, you know, fair enough, I've got this. Yeah, a bit, yeah. He says, what's the fastest you've ever climbed a tree?

So, I'm not really sure. I'm not comfortable heights. So I don't climb that many trees. I don't get petrified, like I've been unsettled, you know, anyway, perfectly natural. So I tell them this, and that says, you know, not really a final climbing trees, he throws his head back and he says, I thought that might be your Achilles heel. So what's the fastest you've ever climbed a tree then? That's just, I don't know, couple of minutes. I'm careful, you know, built in braces.

This is I see. Ask me mine, go on, ask me my fastest. Says all right, what's the fastest you've ever climbed a tree? You're three seconds. Three fucking seconds. Fucking seconds. Wow, you know. And then, when I got to the top, I jumped straight off,

straight down onto the grass. Wow, you know. And then, when I got to the top, I jumped straight off, straight down onto the grass, stunned by this, because he's wiery. He's an old fella, but he's wiery, not an answer for that one. Certainly no noticeable sign of any like tits on me. So I says, that's amazing, three seconds. So yeah, it is, isn't it?

Headspot towards the door, back to the second part of his hustings. So just before he gets back inside, he turns around these shirts. It was a bonsai tree, you fucking nub-end. Ahhhhh. You know what I mean? You don't, I don't think you like, you know. Is that the kind of man we want, is that an ex-primeist?

Well, I don't know. Well, what a man with a sense of humor. A man with... You think that's funny? Well, a man will stand up to bullies, like, yeah. You think it's funny? Well, a man will stand up to bullies, like, yeah. You think it's funny? It's not, I mean, it won't that good because,

like, you can't climb, and bonds has two small climbs in it, and it's all three seconds. Well, that's what I would have said, but he'd gone by then. Hey. That didn't stay for the next batch when all. He should have said it was, I don't know,

a little bamboo, I don't know. I don't know what to say, Andy. Well, just think carefully before you vote the next election. He's got a little strappy fellow though, I need you. I think it's me, just like me. Yeah, no, it could be you Andy, it really, really could. MUSIC Carry on, so tell me about Corbin.

I've been to another one of his rallies this week, quite a local one down in Yarm, which is where Steve McLaren lives, I believe. Yeah, of course. So, I'll have a little butter for a bowl, isn't it? That's not really relevant. So, I'll turn up God down early, down the front in Army Red Gayer,

hit the touring Red, that shirt, tie, lipstick, all of a sudden. No, you didn't. I did. No, you didn't have lipstick on then, think. Anyway, down the front, the Corbin comes on. He does a tight 10 minutes about the evils of CC TV on trains. Okay.

And how footage can be manipulated. Right. You know, quite into it. Yeah. Powerpoint thing, but you know, just a bit distracted, but never mind. Then the lights all went off and we all sang when he's too tight to mention. That's what he song. Yeah. Now it sounded at the me like, my coconut was singing it.

Yeah. But the lights were off so I couldn't say anything. I'm assuming it was carbon just doing a hook and a impression. Yeah. Anyway, then time for a break so Annette Brown the back, get a fag. Any comes out the fire exit.

Here he is, carbon stands next to me. Lights up. He's got a roll up this way. Oh lights up, he's got a roll up this week, he's got a roll up pipe, not a pipe this week, so he says, senior, you say, senior, down the front, senior, fancy yourself, don't chuck, I do, so you know I says, a little bit yeah, and he points at me red rosette that I've got on he says official rosette is it? I'm not sure I've had it for ages you know I've not worn it an official party event for years though he says hmm thought so thought as much thought it looked a bit

weathered this is well sorry should I get a new one? You know, is there any official ones that you can set me up with? I have a merchandising operation. I could get you a one reduced price if you'd be interested. That's just wow. Yeah, great. Thanks. You know, if there's anything I can do in return, you know, to help with your election. Yeah. Let us know because I'm becoming a serious convert to the Corbinister cause. And he says, well, there might be one thing you could help me with. So he pulls his tab out of his mouth and he's bottom lip, slowly parts from the top one. He reaches across and he just brushes me raw zet with the back of his hand. And, he up. Is this in a, hmm, so? And he says, he says,

it gets lonely on the campaign trail, you know? I'm always on the road and I start to miss Mrs Corbin when it's almost bedtime. Hmm. I can imagine that, yeah, yeah. So he says, do you think you could possibly proper a small kiss? Who's a kisser?

To alleviate my emotional turbulence? And I thought, well, you know, given what you and the older me get up to, you know, it's legitimized. You know, I'm bad looking for those boys. And I've started become quite a fan over the past few weeks. I thought, you know, a little kiss, not going to hurt. No, I mean, no. I moved me mouth, slowly towards his, and I just felt me chin grills against his beard as we got closer.

Just as we were about to kiss, there's a bang, and I jump back. And someone's booted the fire exit. And this voice goes, no, Andrew, no! Not during a democratic electoral process, Andrew! Jeremy, back inside and address your followers at once! Fuck! No, you're saying it is? It's the Old Man. Fuck off.

It's your Old Man. What do you mean? I mean, Yarm, aren't there? I mean, Yarm! Where were you? It's your patch. He wouldn't give a shit if you were having a case. What was it?

What, I don't understand. Well, I don't know. It happened. What, you've been sniffing around the Old Man? No, I'm sniffing around carbon. I've got nothing. I think with the aldermen. So what happened then then? Did you? Well, did you? Any, well, carbon goes back in. Don't get upset. How do you say? Just let us explain. Yeah.

Jesus. Right. So the aldermen still there. Corbin's gone back in. I'm panicking and I'm saying, sorry, don't have any near to involvement at the constituency level, I'm not up a spade with the etiquette, you know, there wasn't supposed to happen. And the Olimen says, I can teach you all about the etiquette, Andrew, especially as I'm not standing for office myself. I thought, well, it's the opportunity to learn something's a good thing, that'll be wonderful. And he says, now, it looks to me as learn something's a good thing. That'll be wonderful. And he says,

Now, it looks to me as though you're in possession of a pair of lips that just thought they were about to be kissed. Come over to me, Andrew. You did? Come now! You better not have. And he, he, he, he cupped his hands around me face. No, never. And just gently brushed his lips against mine

No, it's their family and and just held them there for a couple of seconds and then pulled away and honest Jesus Bob you kissed him You kissed him me entire body turned the jelly. Oh, you're I'm not I'm not happy with this Andy. I felt as though he's nothing to do with you the old man No, I'm off. Sorry. No, it's upset me that. No, but Bob. Bob. I obviously met you met Cobb in this week, oh. I have, yeah, I was up in the Inverness, quite a short set. It was just some Billy Bragg songs. I didn't do Billy Bragg songs.

Just tell me if you... Come on, get on with it. I'm trying to tell you what happened. All right, fair enough. Sorry, it interrupts. Right. So, anyway, 20 minutes set. Wasn't even an interval.

So, afterwards, I'm around the back, having a fag. It comes out, lights these pipes. Looks across. And he says, saying you, saying you down the front, tapping your foot, think you're a bit of a mover and a groove, I doubt you. And you know, I like the dance, as I said, yeah yeah yeah. He says how many to twos have you got? I ain't going any I'm not really in the tattoos. I think it's weird

So I just says I ain't got any actually for what's worth he says? You look the type ask me my best to Says what's your best tattoo Jeremy Cobbin hammer and sickle just above my ass says you know why it's my best, it's not really because it hurt the most. I thought well that's you know I don't understand tattoo culture I don't understand why anyone would disfigure their body like that. You know, I mean, look at me, I'm a perfect specimen. Why, why, you know, blight this canvas. So it's just like, snared and you won't come back when you've got yourself in,

right? And not anyone either, reeling. And then John McDonald, you know the Shadow of Chancellor. Yes. He pulled up on a motorbike, Corbin getting the sidecar off they went. Shit. So that was that. So he's a tats, he's got the tats, is what you call them in it. Tats is inked, yeah. I imagine he's got quite a flappy underarms, you know. I mean, his skin, I shouldn't think, says, tight as EG, the older man. Big war wings, I think they call it a dog. That kind of thing, but we shall see. Senior, he says.

Senior. Yeah. Senior. You don't know, that's his, I've noticed. No, that's what he says, isn't it? Yeah, that's his thing. I'm not telling you. Maybe there's going to be a twist in the Leibor leadership election.

Oh, have you been taken over? He's smoothly moving into Jeremy Corbyn's team. No, you've been stalking him. Upway, where he's very last, what do you call it? Raleigh. Raleigh, I mean, he's last Raleigh that he did before the Vortescaurs this week. And it was in Oxford, right, a labour stronghold.

And it started off by doing a tribute in Neil Kinnick. You remember when they had Kinnick did that thing? We're all right. We're all right. He did that exactly like I just did it there in a Kinnick voice, but then he started doing the Wanga sign. Yeah. As if to say, Kinnick's a Wanga. Who this carbon? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, usual stuff, you know, 12 minutes of mumbling and bumbling about. Yeah. I don't know.

Where are you front? Right. I'm front. I'm wearing one of them, you know, there was skin type body stock. Oh, if you're not wearing right red, with the head covered as well. All right. Everything. I'm just a red nude body right down the front. Is that a solidarity thing, red for a layer, but red for a layer, of course, where you weren't wearing it. I was.

I was. I was. Anyway, after it finished, I went out the back for a smoke, cut a mouth hole in the stock and fierce obviously. And Corbin comes out and he's got one of them VIP things like you've got. Yeah. Put everywhere. Red smoke.

Oh nice. So I'm engulfed in this cloud of red smoke. In me red body stock and it's pure liaba. Yeah. Pure liaba. So anyway, so it's a senior, here we go. So it's all right. So it's a senior down the front.

So that was me, yeah. Nice costume you've got there. Thank you very much. So great set of tips on you. Ha ha, nice one, much. Great set of tits on you. Ha ha nice one Jeremy. Which you know they are. Let's see a set. This is you reckon you're a bit of a darling don't you? Which way do you swing ladies or gents? Right. And I'm pretty much heterosexual. Right. So I said ladies. I'm I'm pretty much heterosexual. I said ladies

He says mm-hmm. How many ladies have you done it on then? Hey the sex you will act how many? I'm out I'm not completely sure because I'm 44 being around the block a couple of times. I said about 10. Yeah He says mm-hmm. You're a bit of a slag then aren't you? It was a bit, bit previous I said, uh, well not really, you know, 10, 44 years. It's not that many. He's asked me how many ladies I've done it on. I asked him so many how many ladies have you done it on Jeremy Corbyn? Five. Five. If you're very sure about that, you may know us. He says, that's ladies have you done it on Jeremy Corbyn? Five. Five. Very sure about that. That's a, a, a, a says that's fewer than you, but they were all very, very beautiful ladies.

Flex in hair and appropriately fragrant in the sex areas. All right. Yeah. Clean as well. Not like some of yours I shouldn't wonder. That's not right. Quite nasty. So there's an uncomfortable silence. Yeah. And he says, ask me my best one. Presumably, it rains out of the fire. I'm sorry. Who was your best one then?

And I don't think I can see it on it. I'll have to whisper it there you go right I'm going to have that you kidding me yeah I said didn't you yeah that's what he said you kidding now honestly and then he just moon walked back into the door backwards through the door didn't even look around just left left it with that. Just moonwalked. Oh, so there you go. Well, so it's been very worse of him. You know, really, I like him even more now. You like him more for that, yeah.

I've used scene carbon recently, because you'd have seen him mention him or I'm wrong? Have you not seen him? Oh yeah, I've just been a few days ago, I was at a private rally that he had. Oh, private. You know after he was re-elected as a leader, he had a private rally for some of his core supporters as he calls them. You know, a KM1 did a bit of a speech and then the karaoke started. Right.

He did simply the best and I will survive. Man, I feel like a woman. Yeah. You know, all the standards. Nice to meet you. I got up and I did this town he'd be good enough for the both of us. You know, Sparks. Sparks song, yeah. I did that one because I can get very high. Go on then do it now. The story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story,

the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, the story, go around the back afterwards for a swork and it comes out with a towel around his neck. I think one of these, you know, servants are given them that, like Elvis. And he's drink

on a can of, do you remember Quattro? Quattro, no, I don't know that. Quattro, it was a fruity, sort of barely palatable soft drink from boat 1984 which ironically was Leibh's previous worst ever period. Okay as a party so he's drinking a kind of quattro. So I says hey where'd you get that from? This is Mind Your Own Business Laddy. All right then it's a senior. Why? Seeing you. Up on the stage. My stage. The winners stage. Bulk.

A bit freaky. I says, yeah, that was me, you know, Carrie O'Hee, free for all. You know, put me near him down. The song I wanted to do, got him, did it. He says, yeah. I think you're the velvet fog, don't you? He says, yeah, what? He says says it was a meltaume reference get over yourself.

Err right so I don't know if I forgot the mention this I had the red body stocking on again. Err right furlough. And he says very fetching costume there. So thanks very much here. Just show me support there, the bright red. Lea-ba. Er, he says. Must be quite tricky for when it comes to Chadwick time.

You probably don't even know what a Chadwick is. Do you sunshine? I do actually, yeah, I do. It's the last piece of the night Yeah before you go to sleep So I'm familiar with the Chadwick. Do you measure your Chadwick's? And I mean I do you know me you are in the past, doesn't we yeah, so I say yeah, of course I do yeah So so could be a place in the shadow cabinet for you here. What's your best?

What's your best Chadwick? And my best one is 13 and a half grams. Oh, you've done it in grams, right? All right. What do you do it in like, leaders? Flow it out, says, I used to do measure. I thought I thought we'd established that you wear yourself free Chadwick, then you were yourself poor Chadwick and you deduct the two weirs. Well I felt we don't seem like a very big Chadwick, and to be honest with you, 13 grams. I am as God-mead-me. Alright, fair enough. Anyway, so I said 13.5 grams.

He says you says fucking amateur. I've known babies with heavier Chadwick than their babies Asked me my best one God asked me my best Chadwick I'm getting a bit scary at this time. Yeah, so I said what's your best Chadwick? Mr. Corbin 19 grams 19 grams that's that, you know, how? How? I can only do 13 and half. Tell me, I want to learn.

It says, did you vote for me in the latest leadership election, then? I asked this right, I didn't actually, because I've got a thing for underdogs. You know, I knew you were going to win. It says, oh, well, you'll never know, then, laddie, you'll never know. Sodie you'll never know. So then John McDonald turns up in his 1982 ladder. Yeah. And I think he'd had the exhaust

on off of some of his meeting other than noise. Corbin jumps in and off the go. Off the for coffee, yeah. And I look at the ground. I look down at the ground and there's a pool of liquid. Where he's been standing. Really? Yeah. Staying in? I mean, what you're saying? Chadwick, wouldn't it? Oh, he'd left you a drop to Chadwick. He'd let one out.

Drop to Chadwick in your presence. Act of aggression, not. Mmm. So there we go. I don't know where we go from there. Interesting, Andy. Senator, quite a sinister fellow. I asked, but, you know, I know you like him,

but I think he's brilliant. Yeah. He's brilliant. Yeah. He's not for everyone. I think the cinema earlier did. Could for you, what you gonna say? I want to say that new one, that new miserable one, that I am Daniel Craig. I'm Daniel Blegg. Daniel Blegg, sorry, yes. Daniel Ble sorry, you're the socialist one, yeah.

The socialist movie, yeah, I want to say that, it was pretty, pretty miserable, pressing. And afterwards, I was a bit peckish, so I nipped in an and was, from the corner from the cinema, I thought I'd have a chicken burger, so I walked in and then sitting I thought I'd have a chicken burger or something so I walked in and then sitting in one of the booths at the side. Yeah. All he's on. Guess who? Well, erm, don't I and he's telling you. Don't you?

Don't you? Don't you remember? Oh, the Corbin, well. Don't you remember? So he'd been to see the source as film as well. Well, that's what I thought. And then I said, hey, day of Jezz. You been to see Daniel Blikman?

This is a no, not as my day off. I've been to see Jack Rucher, never go back. Hey, you know, he's tight-o-loat, you know, he can't be, he can't be Daniel Blik, seven years a week, can it? Besides, says, you're quite surprised to see you in age, I mean, Nando's, you know, global restaurant chain, you know, skill sort of fast food place.

Do you fucking research? I think you'll find that Nando's is a Cuban collective that is spread across the globe, proving that capitalism can be ethical and finger-looking tasty. Oh, exactly. I didn't realise that was what Nando's was, thought it was just like you know posh McDonald's and On his plate in front of him. There's a load of chicken bones Which is a surprise. Yeah, he's a veggie and he is vegetarian. Yeah, it's a vegetarian Your chicken you've been eating there Jeremy says no Billy Braggs. It's just gone for a shit

So you know, I don't know what Jeremy's been eating, but he's with Billy Bragg and sure enough And he said sure enough Bragg Comes out the the the gents couple of seconds later. All right, so he cool That's I'll give it ten minutes if all were you jazz It's what I like to call an overwhelming mandate Alright, Trichol. I'll give it 10 minutes if all were you, Jess. It's what I like to call an overwhelming mandate.

Yeah. So he sits down and he starts chewing on one of the chicken buns. Corbin says, I've reeled one in, Bill. Do your worst. I'm like, what the fuck's going on here? I don't know what that means. Well, exactly, Billy Bragg says,

can I interest you in a pamphlet? It's about the government. It falls out into a poster so you can put it in your window. There's a Communist leader word search on the back. If you've got kids in that, you know, good job. Right. And I'm like, fucking hell, you know, what's going on here? Deoff apparently. Yeah.

Still, Totten communist pamphlets. I'm like, you know, this is too much for me. So I just lied that I said that only come in here. It was the bog. Right. And seeing this, you know, a braggar just come out with a 10 minute warning. I just made me excuses and left.

Right. I went off and got a deer kebab somewhere else. Right, when deer kebab, what's that? Well, it's just like a kebab, but you have a deer in the deer. Oh, right here. It's not a different a deer Kabab, what's that? Well, it's just like a Kabab, but you have a deer in the deer. Oh, right here, it's not a different one. When you saw her.

Okay, did you get the leaflet though? No, no. Oh, you didn't take it. No, Jesus, no, I just got it as quick as I could. Yes, you. Well, that's interesting. Because that's the first time you've seen Corbin, like not at work, has it, where?

Yeah, at leisure. At leisure, and he likes a bit of Jack Richard. He likes Jack Richard and he likes his Nandos. Yeah, I bet he sees a bit of Jack Richard in him, really, you know what I mean? No, no, it doesn't. I know I do. So, we've got a Corbin you want to tell us about? Well, funnily enough, I didn't have one, but till I go off the train,

it Kings Cross this morning. So, it happened. And I decided I I was gonna go and get myself a beer sandwich So I just nipped into a cuff. Yeah, I just next to Kings Cross Who should be sat there? Jeremy Corbin sat there Play at the barbecue spare ribs. Oh, that's one of them. It's early Like like ten o'clock in the morning. Oh, that's any's of vegetarian apparently All right. Yeah, and the it wasn't the ribs.'t the ribs, it was the ribs, it was just the bones.

Right. They look like a dog would suck the meat off them or something. Right here. So I says, all right, all right, there, Jess. The ear bones there, either? He says, no. The Billy Bragg's is gone for a shit. Oh, he's with Billy again.

Yeah, he's with Billy again, so a couple Billy again so a couple of a couple of seconds later Billy brugs stomps out of the gents and he says yeah you can't take it with you can you hey no i mean to to nor body i know what he means yeah yeah it's what sort of yeah because what he's done what he's done in there he can't take it with you. Yeah. He sits down and he looks across at me. All right, trickle! So that's how I built. And there's got between the two, then there's loads of sheets of paper

and colored pencils, strewn all across the table, so they're up for something. They're working on something. So what's this in the plan in the 2020 election campaign? Corbin says, no, it's our day off! We're working on a side project today. We've launched a creative agency providing tender ethical solutions in a cruel and feeling world.

Horrible. Horrible slogans, yeah. Vision statement. So he's getting a bit agitated at the stage and he has a little tooth on a bright red inhaler that he carries around with it. What a vet thing you mean. You're not getting inhaler like you know. Well for asthma. It's got one of them.

So anyway I says, so what are you working on then? I'm broke this year. We're pitching for the John Lewis Christmas advert. Big one. Big one, yeah exactly. You know, start big and our co-opens this year. Yes, as a Cuban style workers cooperative, John Lewis is exactly the kind of friendly capitalist organisation we're aiming to break into. So it's alright, what's your pitch then? Have you got a storyline for this Christmas advert then? Yes, actually, yes we do. I will tell it to you now.

I'm Bill Susair. Can I do a bit of it, Jess? No, Bill. No, we've already been through this. You can operate the PowerPoint clicker if you can get your timing right beforehand. Yeah, all right, Jess, I'll keep practicing, Jess. I'll keep practicing. There. And then Corbin says there, okay, here we go.

And he's speaking quietly, because there's just anybody else in the cast here, you know? The cast, yeah. Because they're off the John Lewis lit or aren't the pitchers. Here we go. And he's speaking quietly because there's just nobody else in the cafe. Because they're off the John Lewis later, aren't the pitch this. Here we go. It's the morning after a nuclear holocaust. A single mother emerges from her impromptu, home-made shelter, and ventures out into the street. Death and destruction is everywhere. She looks across at the town square, and to her amazement, the Christmas tree has remained intact. Suddenly, a sleigh pulls into view. On it is dead

Morris, the Russian version of Father Christmas. I didn't know about that. I didn't know about that now. He approaches the mother and strokes her face before kissing her softly upon the lips. Billy breaks his, we might do a CGI thing at this point where our eyes turn into cartoon hearts. Corpid says, I don't think the cartoon hearts are a good idea Bill. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so what happens then then? Dead Morris removes his hood and beard to reveal that he's Vladimir Putin. Right? Shit. And thus says, yeah that's what said we just came up with it. It's amazing in it.

This is a, what's, it's something yeah? Corbin says, I think you'll find it's heartwarming and informative with the slightest of nods towards the vile capitalist fuck fest that is the modern British Christmas! Mmm, angry. No, a little puff on the inhaler then. Yeah. So I said, well, what's the soundtrack?

Because the soundtrack's also really important. Oh, I'm sorry, do you know what I mean? And Bill says, yeah, yeah, I'm saying that. It's the gentle, slow, down version of part of the union, but it strobes. You want me to do it for you? I'm going to go on then, he says, I got my guitar. It's at the Mendes. But I'll do it acupel. So he goes there.

Oh, you don't get me. I'm part of the union, you don't get me, I'm part of the union, you don't get me, I'm part of the song. I'll be on that one and then call him and say, we're going right to John Lewis's head office in half an hour and I know it finished coloring this bar chart. So I just made me excuses and left. I did not have the heart to tell him that John Lewis have already made this

year as Christmas advert. Do you know what? You could complete West of time. Yeah, well, but it's like they'll gain from the experience of what are are the starting of advertising agents? Looks like it. Yeah, they'll gain from the exposure doing the picture and everything. There was advertising agency or one of them creative hubs. Car creative hub, yeah, which you can cycle. So yeah. Yeah. I think the dots are right here at the alley Polly this one. Yeah. And now I was sat there in one of the tables

near the front sat next to a block dresser's a lobster. Right. A big fat block dresser's a weible. Yeah. And as a fellow dresser's a Rubik's cube, we couldn't even see his face. It's just all cube, huge cube money. Yeah. I mean the effort these people put in, it's incredible, isn't it? No, I love it. I mean, it's very much part

of the experience of watching in it So I'm outside having a smoke in the Rubik's Cube and the Webel come out One of the squares who opens up on the front of the Rubik's Cube Red one, red square Yeah Guess who it was? Oh full cough It was Jeremy Corby

He says there At the darts He says there Senior Says alright yeah Senior in there Think you're one of the ordinary folk don't you? at the darts he says there. Senior. So is that alright? Senior in there. Think you're one of the ordinary folk don't you? With your picture of UK strength lager,

holding your hand in sign up for the cameras. What did it say on your sign? It said I kissed the alderman. Hmm. Do you play darts then yourself? Because I do. This is a yeah, I've got a bought in the house, I'm not that good, but you know, I like a go. Well I am, I'm very, very good, very good indeed, because darts is the ordinary man's game and I am nothing

if not in touch with the ordinary man. Ask me my best score. Ask me God. What's your best score Jeremy? 259. 259, you do know the maximum you can get in darts with three darts. That's a good thing. 259, ask him. it points at the weibo, it's with him, and then the weibo fell us as a the dude that was down at my house in my plough room or didn't do it, 259, three darts,

my wine ginekin, pretty boy, and I recognise this weibo fella. I've recognised the voice, I'm not sure if I'll find out sorry. Well I recognised them fiercely, but I couldn't think where I've from so far so so, is that you anywhere? Corbyn says, don't you know, this is my good friend Andrew Ridgley from WAM. Ah from WAM here. Ah, of course he says, look, I was in one for four years, seven months, and twenty-three days, until it finished. I says, I was a bit of a fan, I don't remember your voice sounding like that back then, down in the interviews. It said, my often fuck-hawth since 1986.

If you've gone fuck-h 1986 you'd down that little little well. Okay so why does it sound like that? I'm at this laptop of course. 30 years? Okay, alright. So when all this is going on Corbin takes a phone call. Andrew we must dash. Billy Bragg needs our help. He tried to go for a shit but he couldn't get the lobster suit off in time. We must dash Billy Bragg needs our help. He tried to go for a shit, but he couldn't get the lobster suit off in time. We must hurry Richley goes off the fuck like So they just dashed off and then I went back in and watched the official you watch cheesy chasner There they are. That's very much one three two. So there's so two five nine

What he didn't do is he got two five nine with three dots. That's not possible. You can get one five four brick and snoker. Yeah, not a one four seven. You can get a one one five four. What was sort of false shot? Yeah, there's a trick. Yeah, but two five nine's not possible. Have double 19 and a double top, I can't remember where it was, but it's a really awesome. What were you doing down the 90s? I also do the 90s. You know you can't reach the 20s. Well, no, if you're going to, no, you don't, yeah, you get more for the 20s, but if you're more consistently going to hit the 90s, then go for the 90s, I say. You get laughed out of the pub doing that. Yeah, it was the last laugh though,

who leaves with the, who leaves with the fucking side of brisket. Not you. The victory mate, yeah, mate. Yeah. Anyway, you were at class in the middle of that. Yeah, I was at class in the middle of that. I mean, I only went because Jeremy Corbin was on,

obviously, though, it's big speech, but the rest of it was brilliant. I was right down the front for Corbyn. I'd meet me, meet me tight, red body stocking on again, but I was wearing a big red arrow on me forehead. That's nice. Straight out, pointing forwards to represent the future. That under Jeremy Corbyn is the future. Yeah, exactly. I hope he'd noticed me.

Maybe he did, couldn't be sure. Anyway, he came on, he did some stuff about the poor. Yeah, some stuff about how he wants to bring back wooden railway sleepers by 2030. He likes the poor, doesn't he? He loves the poor. Yeah. And then for a bit of light relief after that, he did war of the worlds. And it's entirely none of the whole thing. Oh, shit. I didn't show that with with Jeff Wien and his rock orchestra. Yeah. So that was good. So anyway afterwards I was

wondering around the festival site. I mean, you know, you've been, did you actually go into the site though, you do backstage all the time? No, I was at the site. Yeah, I was in the moment. Oh, it's got everything. Um, while you were at M.O. T's, yeah, Mexican food, hand jobs, I fixed skills, me. This is it. No, it's just three of the things I experienced when I was at Glastonbury. Oh, and fix skills, mate. This is it. No, it's just three of the things I experienced when I was at Glassenbury.

Anyway, I popped into the finance time job. So the hand job, while he cars, I'm in a motor. Oh, different things. It's not that small. Yeah, so I popped into the finance tent for an investment health check with a fellow from the HSBC. He he he. And I was just heading back to New York.

You know what a year it is? It's like a conical tent. It's a tight tent, a big tent, yeah. For my back there for a nap. And a couple of druids came up to us, dressed in brown robes with the hoods over their faces. I know them, yeah. And stopped right in front of me,

stopped me in me tracks really, they wouldn't let me pass. And one of them says, soon you, hold on. All right, carbon. Yeah.

Soon you down the front there in your body stocking, you are the embodiment of both festival culture and socialism, and I'd like to offer you a job. Shit. He's warm at the me now. Yeah, he's usually tricks, but like shit doesn't he?

Yeah. So then before I had the chance to see anything or reply, he just put's warm at the me now. Yeah, it's easy. He's like shit, doesn't he? Yeah. So then before I had the chance to see anything I reply, he just put his fingers up the me lips and he says, don't speak or I fucking fire you. Okay. And they've even got the job. He's going to fire me already. So he calls up a steel tiered measure. And he says, I'm taking this thing over next year. Got a rebranded as Justin Brie. Right. I need you to go round and measure up. Make me back here in three hours with all the measurements. You may now speak, but I'll leave you have something sensible to say. So I thought, well, what sort of stuff are you going to

have on during Justinbury? Jazz, is it going to be even better than this? Just during the round, to the Hall Festival. So the course will, I'm taking it old school back to how it used to be when I first came here in 1970. Spooky tooth will be headlined in the pyramid stage with Gung during the honors on the other stage. That's it, no other groups, let's dancing more thinking. Quite radical, yeah, compared to what it's like now because you know they have like 20 bands on no? Yeah. So I said what about on the non music element the team and the gesture and at the circus tend to be just to me right He says they'll be a milking stool for people to sit on and an artificial cow with a map of the world across its side

Revolos will be able to simulate the milking of mother earth and consider what we're doing to the planet As a vegan alternative to that. There'll be a piece of pathine shooting for the vegans to sit on facing some trees. All right. He was getting agitated. Excited, passionate. You could touch it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and Billy Bragg's in charge of the toilets. Oh, God. This is what he'd expect, isn't it, you know? And all the drill at this point, laws his hood. It's Billy Bragg. It's purely bragg. A braggar, prods me in the chest and he says, eh, have you ever done a shit down an old boy? You don't look the type? I don't know, I haven't to be fervent of it.

Shut down a hole. Anyway, just then there's this weird noise and this fella on a jetpack comes down out the sky. Mike Levis. Oh, the actual Mark Levis. King of Guston, but he's top on it. I'm defeated. King of Guston, right? out the sky yeah my Galievis on the actual mark a lady king of Glaston yeah top undefeated top on it he says what's all this about and Corbin boy boys tell me your plan and a take over and boy Glaston

Bri that's right Davis it's the will of the people he says you'll quaddo that it's my more fucking festival. You fucking fucker Corbin says now now Avis has done it for any unpleasantness. There'll still be a role for you at my new look Justinbury in its prison Bragg sees him Billy Bragg pulls out a tearser tears as Michael Avis yeah, drags his limp twitching body off behind a tent somewhere Yeah, and then Corbin just pushes the steel measuring tape into me hard, into me hand and says, go on, get measuring, this stupid festival isn't going to improve itself!

And I get to go off and measure Glastonbury. Right. Well, wow, it's a lot to take in, I know. It's a lot to take in. I think he's become a little bit more cocky since the election that he lost. Like, he might even consider, he might even consider being honest. You know, and...

Well, there's something in the near future. Might need something to work for, isn't it? I was life in Sunderland for young, I'm just chit chatting. I'm alright, you know, I came down on the train this morning, I had a bit of a nap because I had to be on the train at my six this morning again because of your needs and demands, about the time you can come here. I like to do the podcast around you know before 11 o'clock. So some other little snooze on the train and I just I got to walk up I just felt this kind of thing brushing against me face a little bit.

I instantly you think of Fox. I think what I know what it was out and I walk up and stare and writing me eyes about about a millimeter away from me face. Yeah. Senior of get called then Jeremy Corbyn won it. Yeah. And now so he says, uh, seeing you there, catching some zeds. Yeah.

Having 40 weeks, were you? Thinking of properly doing the rip van wink, don't you? I thought I was going to leave me go. All right, all right Jeremy, all right, yeah. And, um, he says, uh, Ask me my best sleep. Go on, ask me my best one. So ask me my best one I said I said was it was it for the entirety of the New立 of a government 1997 to 10 year old good one and it's

no good chicky little shit I spent that time providing valuable checks and balances to what was an azanine and some would say treacherous administration right okay so I says he says um ask me my best sleep I said what was an azanine and some would say treacherous administration. Right, okay, so I said, he says, um, ask me my best sleep. I said, what was your best ever sleep, Jeremy? I said, nine hours. I said, that's not much, is it? Is it? It's another nine hours.

I was just pretty average. And I said, oh, and he went off and he pretended to get off at Stevenage. But I saw him get back on again in the next carriage up. Yeah. So that was the last of the story of him. So what's... That's intriguing, you know that. So, I mean, because on the first of it, that wasn't worth telling me about Andrew.

But are you thinking he's going to go in the next carriage and bother someone else and say if they're in class for nine hours late? I just think he was embarrassed. And I think he pretended he was going to go off at Stavidage so that he wouldn't have to face any further humiliation. Hey listen like last week I was work done some work on the local council elections. You know that Cassundalans always the first one and the rest of the results. The Mad Cane, right? The Mad Cane and that, so I've gotten involved. I like to volunteer,

because they need loads of volunteers to make it happen. So I was driving around the town, picking up ballot boxes from all the various polling stations and taking them back to the spot hole, where they do the main counter for the results. And I stopped off at the garage, because I was law on petrol, right? So I'm filling up me Nissan Micra,

and this black Maserati pulls up. was law on petrol right? So I'm feeling not me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me voice says, soon you, oh Joe, me, Jamie Corbin and then, Jamie Corbin. Soon you there in your Datsun, he's still calling this sounds Datsun, it's been eight and seven years or something, he says, how much petrol are you putting in that thing, laddie? Probably only holds about 19 pounds worth, doesn't it? Well that's putting 15 quid in but that's beside the point really. He says, uh, what's the most amount of petrol you've ever put in one car in one go? So I don't know, Jeremy maybe is about 60 quid for a full tank. He says, hmm, ask me my best one, go on, ask me my best petrol. All right, Jeremy, what's your best petrol? 61 pounds! Bush! Bang you beat

ya! And what's more, I always get the dial to land exactly on the amount I want first time without having to stop short and then use small incremental squeezes to reach my target amount! Get you, professional! So he's out of the car by this point and he's we're having the petrol pump around in the air. He says, give me a number and I'll land the dial right on it. He says, right, all right, then 4399. He says, right, watch this then. So he starts filling his car up with petrol pump in it in there and he's gone. 43 99, 4399. Here it comes, here it comes, 43.99. And then he releases his finger from the trigger and he goes,

BUSH, 43.99! Oh, he did it. That's 44 pound and a penny. Ah! So he's gone, shit, shit, shit! And he starts pumping more and more petrol into it. Yeah. And he's saying, when it gets to 100, it goes back

right at the zero. Give me a minute, I can do this, I can do this. So by this time the petrol is spilling out all over the four-court, he's still pumping away and I just felt it was it turned into something I really didn't want to witness. So I just drove off basically. But I looked at his Twitter later on and he tweeted, just had to call out the AA put diesel in my petrol tank by mistake again. That's what I like to call a punchline. Yeah but you like to call it that doesn't mean it is one. Doesn't mean it is one. So that's

what I got up to last week. I'd like to say I'd like to I'd never seen the magic grandad out and about Jeremy. Have you not? Never seen him. You're very lucky lad. Is he tall? He's slightly taller than you. Go on, say 5'2". 5'7 and a half, I'm 5'7 and a half. 5'7 and a half. I'm 5'7 and a ago. I like hearing about good Saturday. Good Saturday, scorching hot deer, right? And I had loads of wash in it though. Yeah. Because the world cup and everything, it all been building up.

I haven't been sort of, tendent to me domestic chores, let's see. So I thought, right, let's blow through it and I'll get as much wash as I can in one deer. Is it just tracksuits? No, it's tea towels as well. All right. So it was like 4 p. 4pm and I was just hanging out

the 6th Lord, 6th Lord already by 4pm and this fella come along, peered over me fence and he went senior, oh good, Corbin, Jeremy Corbin, senior they're laddy trying to attempt a multi wash obviously in amateur how many you up to there seven I Says well, this is the sixth one, but I didn't start at 10 o'clock this morning He says ask me my best one gone ask me my best multi wash All right, and what's your best multi wash Jeremy? 23 wow, I says 23 loads of washing in He said, yeah, I prepared for weeks in advance

Saving up my dirty laundry, locking on neighbors doors for their smalls and collecting rags from beggars So wow, are you said there? Wow, that does dedication. So shut up. I've got a four-line south-facing rig laid out in a zigzag formation And I use wooden props because you can't trust aluminium. I preset the wash and machine time of the night before, so the first loader's done and ready to hang out by the time I get up at 6am. I do everything on a 40 minute economy wash, and I've got a direct line to the metal first so I can confirm the weather forecast the night before. 16 hours later, BUSH! 28 loads, wash dried folded.

This is the most built-up of iron and for you to do, it says... I only TORRIES do ironing, laddy! I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the

I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the I'm not a big fan of the So, is it in dot at Labour Party? Dot Partix, dot code, dot UK? You'll be right there down for you. I'm not really. You're a satchel, I remember that. I said, good luck, you're a fucking needed dickhead. Oh, yeah.

And then off he went. And I only got eight lords done in the end. So, that journey, he really is the magic grandad in the... He is eight lords though, the Octo wash. Octo wash. And did you just use economies? I've got a 20 minute on mine. I thought you was a 20 minute.

It doesn't come out spun well enough. I know, but if you're chasing the numbers, you could do a 20 minute, couldn't you? But you're right, it spins at about 600 or 600, right? It's not a good spin. I know it's Jeremy's exclaimed Bosch, which is interesting, given that the Bosch is a nice German washing machine, isn't it? It is. So do you think that's what he was doing showing it a recommendation for a Washerb machine?

Maybe, like that subconscious advertising, you know what I mean? Thank you.