Athletico Mince - The Dyche Collection Vol. 2

Episode Date: November 24, 2023

A compilation of Sean Dyche’s motivational WAVs from episode 106 until September 2022. (Originally released via Club Parsnips) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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waft-oal and get through the lockdown, yeah? OK. I managed to get a copy using spyware from Sky Blast, yeah? Sky Blast Rocket Systems, yeah. It was, hey, it was a really terrifying bit of software from a quite frankly, Andrew, terrifying company. Okay.

So I'll play it for you. All right. You need to stay at home and practice on your own. Keep your ass cheeks clean and stick to my routine. Get up early half past six foot bacon fat and butter on your way to Bix. Share your thighs then put on your kit. If you shorts aren't tight then you're probably unfit. Sit on the pot till half past seven then wipe your ass with a slice of melon. It's nice and absorbent, nice and cool and if you've had a clean break you can eat it too.

Make a pot pass smoothie and your Kenwood blender then wash your hands with turkey render. At 12 o'clock on the dot, take your second visit to the pot. Never strain but don't go easy, you need to make space for your chips to the cheesy. After your chips you'll want to keep on working up white the dribble from your kit. Go into the garage once a day, catch all the insects and punch them in the face. Half past four dig a hole in your lawn, fill it with bolts and your girlfriend's corn. And half past seven eight a gammon slice, always with chips, never with rice. Bed at 10 with an evening pie of a Tommy Tank and then it's good night and remember

Gravel hardcore Screeding Drainage Dumpproofing Plaster Pie And that's the Burnley way! So that's his motivational wafer plays during lockdown, Andrew.

That's excellent. You can apply that to ourselves as well because we're all physical people these days, aren't we? Yes, that's a very nice sentiment. Yes, that's a very nice sentiment. Sean Dish, I've intercepted and been sent a copy of his preseason motivational MP3. So I thought you might like that. Sean, I'd like to hear it, Andy. You thought that I was leaving. I expect you all were grieving. How would we kill a match

done dead without the disc beard as I head? Well panic over and let's get training. The weather's perfect, it's fucking raining. We need to practice our shit hours a re and pick some fruit from the joyless tree. And diet wise, remember, tinned peaches, kebab meat, awful, dark crab meat, walnuts, multi-packed pie, and that's the Burnley way.

The season will be grueling. It's all about correct refueling. Pie at night and pie for a snack. If your belly's full, you can mount an attack. No flicks, no dribbles, no scissors kicks. If you want to get fancy, get off the pitch. Save your urine for a half-time drink. If you're running, Lord, there's some of mine in the sink. The greatest goal is a simple tapping. Score one of them and you'll get me rapping. And remember... Anvil's, Hammers,

Shit, British horses, Mould, Reclamation yards, and that's the Burnley way. That's it Andy. That's the Burnley way. That's it Andy. That's lovely. Yeah, cos it looked like DASH was gonna go up, didn't it?

Looked like he was going. He hasn't though. He hasn't. Andrew, I was really lucky in June lockdown and that cos I got hold of Infinity Rocket plastics again. It was conquer from there got it for me. Got me an MP3 of Sean Daish. He sent to all his players with advice about coping with the virus and that, yeah. Pretty good stuff makes a lot of sense actually. All right, are you going to play that now for us? Yeah, I'll do that now for you.

Yeah, I'll do that now for you The virus is a hoax the government is a joke The only thing that will make you ill is eating pork not properly grilled The best advice that I can give is wash your hands in a sink of piss Morning wine is best if the floating lumps lumpes him through your vest. If you get infected, diet is the fix-eat pie and chips with donner meat and a melted to-bar twist. Tofu and seeds will make it worse. Likewise, usually it's a fucking curse. If you wear a mask, I'll send you home. If you use a sanitizer, I'll dispose you. I'm all a doctor, you will need, a kick up the ass and a sassy of speed. And remember, boulders, tarmac, drainage, pie, road noise, shit. PIE! ROAD NOISE! SHIT!

And that's the Burnley way! And that's his advice! Very good! It's not really working out for them, is it? See with the fuck! No, not at the moment! No! I got a wav from Badger and Co. the moment. Not at the moment. No.

I got a wav from Badger and Col down at Infinity Rocket Plastics. As always, it's a role in contract I've got with them. They've intercepted a wav from Sean Dish to his playing stuff. Yeah. Let's have a listen. You saw what we did to clop. Now let's fork the rest of them off. Keep your tactics basic, old fashioned, simple and dated. Before the match, eat pie and gravy. Make sure the piss is nice and flaky.

Never shoot if you could get her throwing. Always wash behind your foreskin. Clean sheets in the bedroom. clean sheets on the pitch, blue drink on the sideline and pork grind in the fridge. And remember, dust sheets, diesel, puddings, nail guns, laminate and that's the Burnley way. Effort without purpose, exhaustion without pain. If you can breathe at the end then you're not my friend and you won't be playing again. Sensible haircuts only, especially for the goalie. Never pass a ball when it could be

clouted, never eat a spud if it's already sprouted. And remember, dire here. Horse brushes, curry, winches, shit, and that's the Burnley way! There's a good one from Shachia getting them going. That's a good one definitely. The bass and good resets, haven't they? They're not right, yeah, it's Burnley. Burnley will always be your key, because they've got Shodash. As soon as he goes, it's like the Reavans leaving the Tower of London.

That's it, the Fox, as soon as they go a spot, that can happen. I don't know if you remember on the last podcast, I asked Badger from Infinity Rock and Plastics if he could tap into hacking the CCTV from the tunnel the United Anfield, you know when Klopp and Dax had the little bar, he. Well he's only got to come good badger. My god. So shall we play that yeah? Yeah. What's your looking at? Take a photo next time it'll last longer. Oh yeah I've seen better beards on the muscles I've

bought from Aldi you ginger pig. Oh pig is it. You want to look in the mirror mate? You might get some clues on outermeg an omlet. Oh it's lucky for you that mirrors cannot talk. Huh very good son. If I'd have faced like yours that's so me parents. Oh is that right? Hey hey if I throw a stick will you leave? Ha ha ha. You know what you know what it's absolutely impossible to underestimate you. I'm jealous of all the people who've never met you. Y'all for sure, you should be so lucky. You know, the only difference between Roadkill and a ginger is that Roadkill has skid marks in front of it.

Ha, ha, ha. There's so many foreigners in your team that should have passport control in the tunnel. There are so many long balls in your team that you have to toxin them into your socks. You know that for me no prick. Are they tathin his gob? I fucking like bulbs. At least he can afford a dentist. You all get their teeth done at Timpsons to coblas. You jealous? You jealous? Is your're jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth I don't think so, you're you're made are the reason that the gene pool needs a lifeguard

Bottom line is we're gonna beat you tonight clop or clop or the clown I don't think so Davrosros. That's gonna happen. Fuck off. No, you fuck off. Ha ha. Reverse the living shit out of your death for sure. Oh, wouldn't that see end? So they had a good old bar.

I need to know. I brought a ding-dong out with it. Maybe. The lads at Rocket Plastics have managed to intercept another inspirational web that Sean Dice sent out with players and staffed up and get through the summer. Shall I play it for you? Yeah. Summer can be hard.

We tend to sweat a lot, collect it in a bucket, freeze it hard then suck it, drink water every hour and gravy twice a day. If you find that you're always pissing, keep a cloth in your pocket to catch your drippings. If you must go on a holiday, a caravan park is the only way. You can't go abroad for the travel restrictions or in your case pack for the previous convictions. Spend some time with your wife and kids, keep your emotions soft with syrupy figs. I don't want you watching the Euro games with the fancy tactics and foreign names. I don't want you watching the Euro Games with the fancy tactics and foreign names. I don't want you getting ideas. I want you eating pies and not tortillas.

And remember, great. Sharp Thang. Meat. Ballast. Tarmac. Ballast, charmac, pasties and that's the Burnley way. Very, very inspirational. You should do the rounds of travel lodges and that, you know, inspiring salesmen and the like.

Yeah. Thanks again, once again, the most down at infinity. I've got a copy of the start of season motivational WAV that Sean Dice sent out to all his squad and staff at Burnley. Okay. Interested? Very interested. Do I have music?

Or do I just do it these days? Once again we will be representing the twin forces of pie and building supplies in the premier league so listen up and comply to survive or yes. Wear your shorts tight and your shirt pull the pie. Never eat a salad unless it's dwarfed by a pie. Shine your shoes with elbow grease when you're off down the booze aware of purple fleece. No pointless dribbles of fancy backflicks, a stud to the knee, that is the sweetest of all the kicks and remember. Arraldyte, while wall, pie, joists, bog roll, and that's the burn away. I know you wanted more signings, but shut up with your whining.

Get down the gym and put in some craft and drink some lager mixture at start. When eating your pies, make it full filling. Take Google Bicepites of Crust and Filling. Ketchup is fine and a portion of peas. If you side dishes of burger go easy on the cheese. Don't play FIFA it could give you fancy ideas if you must watch a match on the TV, go on lower league and follow Shoesbury. I remember. Crossed.

Rust. Peaving. Cross, rust, peving, worked-ops. That's the Burnley way. So thanks to most for, that should get them going at Burnley, isn't it? Well, I don't know. I think this could be the season when it all goes wrong for them. You reckon? No, they haven't started well. I don't know, this could be. Time could be off for Bernie. MUSIC Oh, Andy, the people at Infinity Rocket Plastics, they got older, I think it's a WAV4. Is that such a thing?

Is a WAV4 WAV? I'm not familiar with the bomb, not really. Anyway, it's one of them. And it's Sean Dacia's final motivational turn he gave to his squad before he left. Okay. So that is a sad development for me, Dacia leaving Burnley. It's like, what does it say when the Reavans leave the tower

of London or something? That's when it's all over That's when Armageddon happens something like that So you think Bernley's gone now. Yeah, I think so I think relegations imminent and then the Prado Sunland and then leg one I don't see how they can you know progress or oh But I wish I said well, maybe if they if they remember these these words from Sean, I don't think I'll see him through Let's have a listen to them. Here we go But sexiers were bain together enjoying Burnley's shitty weather

Eighteen pies and pitting in sinks bullying the likes of Harry Winks We've played it long we tackled hard we've kept clean sheets and we've eaten large. Keep your football simple, use pliers when you squeeze a pimple. Wear your shirts, ions and tight when you're out for a pint on a Saturday night. And remember, Dung, Rick work, Duck King, Pai, Fowlblitz, and that's the Burnley way. Bansy footwork's a waste of time, just like hot dogs without the brine. A backpats is worth 10 to the side, a stake is always better fried. Referees are bastards, vars are fucking joke.

If you're feeling bad at half time, then have a fucking smoke. Gribbling is for babies, smoke salmon is for the ladies. Please don't bother with fancy flicks, robona's and nutmeg's just for pricks. Make sure to remain a team to be feared, it won't be easy without be dispeared. Kick the ball high into the sky, a tackle hard, aim in for the thigh. A time-wester is a point-server and an old fashioned blade is the perfect razor. And remember, putty, dubbing,

joists, shit, that's the fernley way. God look. That's just a good final message, Andy. God lock her fuck off. Thanks for nothing. Oh, she's not in it. It really is. It is a shame because when I think what he's done for that club. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Sometimes the people in charge know what they're doing sometimes they don't and this feels

to me like it's one of them whether you haven't got a fucking clue. So good forking infinity rocket plastics, bless them, where would we be without them? There've been monitoring Sean Dysers'V outputs these past few weeks. Right. That's a nice thing to monitor, any outputs Andy. Outputs, yeah. Yeah. And they came across an interesting one he posted on his WhatsApp group for Outer Work Managers. He posted a motivational MP3. You think it's it is I'll play it for you. Yeah, I'll play it for you, I need for it Sleep until 10 30 and keep your spirits jerky You want a slab of jerky if your wife starts getting surety Put some work into your CV

been surety put some work into your CV cover your belly and look warm gain get yourself an agent smart for you be and sit in your knickers watching live grumpy if you're getting bored then eat some meat a bit of neck end goes down Ligamant, crewguile, plaster, shit, that's the shorn dashway. Apply for a job if you must do, but better wait till they come for you. Grow this beard and wear your shirt tight of curry and chips on a Friday night. Piss it in the sink if you're busting, but never in the shower that's disgusting. Take it on for a walk in the park, have a gallon of shit shit Tornicase Dush Sheets

And that's the Sean Dishway Thanks for the Infinity Rockets for intercepting that Brilliant, it's good to see that Sean's continuing his ethos I think you call it that even though he hasn't got a job anymore Hello Germany, my name is Amat Levine and I'm here to tell you about Black History Unveiled, a new podcast where we spotlight pivotal moments, influential figures and a groundbreaking movements from Black History across the globe. You'll hear about people like Anton Wilhelm Amel, who as early as the 1720s, became among the first Africans in history to receive European higher education when he enrolled in the University of Halle. Learn more about this and other historical events every week on Black History Unveiled.

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