Athletico Mince - The Homeowner Collection Vol. 1

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

He’s not Train Guy… or is he? Judge for yourself – here’s the best of Barry Homeowner from episodes 42 to 68… Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Yeah, yeah, it's very homeowner here. Yeah, I got one of those curts, you know, for car washing, patio cleaning. Yeah, I got all the accessories, Andy. Just wash, yeah. Yeah, it's a jet wash, it's bright yellow, and it's bright in my life, right? It cleans the grout, the concrete glass, next door, right? It's got a bucket and a mop, a fucking rent rent. Rent a room.

Yeah. Ding dong landlord. Yeah. So, ding dong landlord here, get out of my house, I'm selling it to a real man who can afford a mortgage. I've got a smart meter this week. It lets me constantly monitor my consumption. It's a service that isn't available to a rent or a whole new estate. No, no, no, no, no. Ding dong landlord here, I'm giving you one month's notice that you're a wanker.

Who can't afford a mortgage? Yeah, bloody good, isn't it? Listen, you know, halogen bulbs. Yeah, you know, super efficient. They're not though, really? You'd assume they were energy efficient. You'd assume it. Yeah, I did, I did.

But no. I'm tempted to pull the ball out, and I don't know. Send them down the food bank or something. Yeah, yeah. Fuck them. Fuck who? Red. Red.

Red. Hey, I got a new ice of this year, tax-efficient shelves and saving. Did you know the forums and researches? Yeah, just went through the forums and says, best ice, the picked ice. So it's a tax-sort of shelf for your savings and investments. The interest alone actually keeps me in... La Stagne! For the whole year it's a peach of a sister.

Imagine giving half your income, honestly, giving half your income to a landlord. You made this one just throw it in a big fire. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then for the fire out with your jet washing. Yeah, I dinged on landlord here. I want to inspect your bedding for tears.

You rent a stentacrymost at night. Well I'm at the casino! Ha ha ha! Yeah, you're very homoly here, hi. Oh, hi Barry. Oh, yeah great to see you. Pop round some time for some last sun, yeah! I know.

Yeah, I know. Oh, hello. What a bore. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh your bow, Barry, can I, can I leach off your internet for a bit so I can go online and look at some nice pictures on internet because I can't afford internet myself because the rent and me landlord says I'm not allowed to pull pictures up on me while. Yeah, that's quite right. So, so can I look at pictures on the internet? Use your internet, Barry? No, you can't, Terry. Why not, Barry? You can't because you're a renter, get a fucking life. That's not my fault, Barry. Oh, oh, ding dong landlord here.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. No way renter. Ha ha ha ha. No way renter, see ya. Can I, can I, can I, Hey, no way renter. Barry.

Yeah, Terry. Can I, can I come around later with my kids and come and stroke your rabbit? Because release says I'm not allowed to have pets and we used to have a puppy but we had to give it away with the dog shelter so we could just come around and see your rabbit for a while. No. You mean the kids?

Terry, please, please Barry. How'd you go, Renta? Oh, fuck it out of my bury. Right, your buddy. Right, I're batting. Right, I have to do all these as a run. I've got to get in on him. Do some Barry going on them.

Yeah, I've extended my patio decking to the side of the house, right? Yeah, so even if you come in from the side entrance, you're gonna see that this homeowner is well decked. Ah, ding dong! Landlord here. Landlord, just wondered if I could put some decking outside the back door. No way, Renter. The only decking you'll be getting is the one from the bailiffs

when they're victory for Renteries. Ah, ah, ah! Oh! I've got an energy saving app on my smartphone. The update's tower of monotus consumption. My oven overgaraged doors are surprisingly energy efficient even with the insitu safety cameras. I'm chuffed to fuck with them. I really am. Ding dong! Landlord here. Just came to empty the pairs you go electricity meter. I need the spare change to buy some soloing steaks for my pooch. Oh, Barry, man. Oh, I'm Barry Homo here. Hey, have you seen those new hive thermostats? You can add it word, literally, control your home from phone.

I can create a hotspot for my Japanese ha-ha tree to flourish. It's such a talking point. Is the ha-ha tree on wheels? Is it remote controlled? No, it's on a silver salver Is the har-har tree on wheels? Is it remote controlled? No, it's on a silver salver. Hey, I've got solar panels, you know, send the money back to the grid. I'm literally taking the direct piss out of the energy industry. You know what I mean? I've got that self-cleaning glass in my windows. The molecular structure so complex the water is actually repelled, you know like a magnet. Right, I'm literally bringing

the window cleaning industry to its fucking knees. I swear, now. Fucking time. Got a dinner party tonight with Jeff in Africa. We're having lasagna. Yeah, we're gonna dress a bit like Abigail's party. Oh, ironically, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's how no one dies. Hey, I've got a wireless camera giving me a 24-hour fee direct to my smartphone of the exterior of my home. I'm literally the police's number one asset on my estate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have they told you that? I think you're new certificate? They don't fucking need to. It's the looks they give me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah up goose tits. It's an incredible tittle. Nine pounds of bottle from Goosey brews in Shoreditch. I really, really highly recommend that one Andrew. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I You know plenty of fish? It's a slightly upmarket dating site. And you know what's calling a plenty of fish?

I must be quite a catch because I've had two pings already and I've only been on it six months. Yeah. I tell you what my bio was easy. I just put down homeowner, Fitbit owner, kitchen island owner, memory phone mattress owner, next-presso machine owner, I love Formula One, medium height, five foot five,

look great in my Gucci Converse. Ideal broad, right, you'll rarely look alike, but with less brains. Yup, yup, two hits, two fucking pings. Hey, Andrew, I was at an English tourist board, three crown, three crown, three crown rated hotel this week, beautiful restaurant, yeah, had a burgo there with the chips placed on top of each other like Jenga. Never seen that before, I absolutely

loved it, I loved it, I loved it, I absolutely loved it, highly recommend this place, I'll give you its name. I've asked Barry or Mona come in. I thought he might like it. Right, so if you're a whim, he's skinny saying that's hard there. Shall I get Barry or Mona anyone in the view of the web? Yeah, yeah, he's there. I'm just sitting through the door there going. Put your mic on the floor, and the right side. Yeah, that's pretty confusing. I'll get out, I'll get out. You get out, yeah?

Hi! Barry! Hi! Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's modern Georgian, and an exclusive cul de sac. Small grass front lawn, large abat garden, one third decking, two thirds lawn and borders. Room for two cars on the drive, up and over automated garage door, really sweet. The sort of place an actor or a fine art dealer might aspire to. Yep, yep, yep. Alright, so, like, Bruxide. Yeah, that kind of upmarket vibe with the Georgian twist, yeah.

All right, Georgian twist, right? Okay. Barry, if you've got a mortgage, you know, do you own the house out right? Do you own the mortgage? Yeah, got it. Yeah, I've got a fixed rate mortgage, right? That I switch your roof every two years.

Banking industry fucking hates me. If there's a hoop, I jump into it with my eyes shutting, my fucking shirt and button pal. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Barry, do you have a wife or girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Well, I mean, my wife did a leave Aruni on me about six months ago. Basically, we were in Compartor partata. Do you know what to mean? Incompatible. I love sports. I love cars, designer clothes, designer haircuts, designer furniture, she was a slob. They're a set in the fucking slob guitar to see the OCI. Oh, you're enough like Bob.

Barry, what makes your house so special? Oh, you know, I'm not sure. I think most of all is the vibe. It's like, you know, I went to a bea-ther, bottled the vibe, and painted my walls with it. Have you baked your bather? No, man, that's too busy making my money tree. You know what I mean? Yep, yep, yep.

Right, what does it do for a living, Murray? Yeah, I'm a dick model. Only jokes, yeah. I'm head of tele-sales for Britain's fifth largest electrical retailer. jokes, yeah. I'm head of tally sales for Britain's fifth largest electrical retailer. Yeah, AO. I've got so much responsibility on my shoulders that I have to wear a backpack 24-fuckin' sermon. Okay. What car do you drive, Barry? Yeah, Red Audi TT, Turbo Diesel, one of the fastest sports cars in the south of England. Brutal, if you floored at the lights or at the Car

Park exit, opposite Frankie and Benny's. Oh, I'm totally barry. Oh, I'd say medium height, medium height, medium height, medium height, around 5'5' yeah, that area. Medium, you see? Yeah, definitely, yeah. Are you sure? Yeah, well, tall is still one and one of cowboy boots, which are usually arm, yeah.

Okay, thanks, thanks for joining us today, Barry Hormon. Yeah, well, I hope you've enjoyed it. I'm just networking out there in your office. Right. If you need any more, okay? If I do, I'll let you know. Yes, Barry. Cheers. That was hilarious. Are we still on there? Yeah. I thought I was good, did you?

Yeah, I was probably getting the podcast actually. Yeah, I was fucking hilarious. You're really good. See you anyway. Bye. So, I was a bit of a prick he's been a bit of a prick and he fuck he's not me tall is he provided a good two minutes of content lost that was good he's not me tall is he's tiny little fella he do alright the limbo contest shit yeah and the beta if he ever went there Have you ever went there? So, I've got this song I'm just desperate to do, and because it's been sent to me by, it's sent on a tape, so I just played the tape to be honest.

All right. I can just find it. It's Barry Ommona. Okay. Okay. Yup, yup, yup. So, my name's Barry Homoona. Barry C Homoona, actually. name's Barry Homoana. Barry C. Homoana actually

What's the C for you say sailing ships in our reply? But that's only jokes only the Laffles. It's Colin Barry Colin Homoana Just to bring you up to speed Aruni and 35 recently single going incredible sense of humor There is literally off the scale big, like those they used to wait trucks, yep, yep, average height 5, 5 or there a bowley, popular at school and at work, popular on Facebook, and frequent flyer in all the buzzing chat rooms. Yeah, I'm Barry, C, homeowner, I got a beautiful house in a cul-de-sac, it's got a garden at the front, and decking round the back, it's got a garden at the front And decking round the back it's got a square front lawn

And a cherry tree and a house I'm at reads Serendipity Because once you're inside it will blow your mind It will change how you thought about art and design Yes, once you're inside, you won't want to leave You'll want to question me about all I've achieved I've got a walk through Lounge into Kitchen Diner It's in units and the kitchen, Island got a wall mounted, I-level coffee machine and an inbuilt oven that's completely self-clean.

I got an L-shaped, deep red leather setty and a curved screen 4K HDTV Wireless control for the boiler and blinds Yes, once you're inside, it's going to blow your mind Yeah, the wife did a leave a rune about five months ago No kids to complicate things, turned out I had very thin sperm She got a new fella now sometimes see them out and about in the shopping center he's taller than me had a mate of mine following once seems he owns a tap as bar stroke out gallery near the old corn exchange truth is we were in Compatata she wanted to spend

money on holidays I wanted to spend it on upgrades on the sound system I love broadband she loves broad church She like paying for thrills, I like paying the bills online and on time Do you get the picture room? So I've made my new smoothie a leave-or-une I got double glazing, the savings amazing Got a nursery room, for the kids I'm not raising I kept a key to a car and one of the bras I've got every password She ever used, she did a leveroooney She walked out on me when I was out with me, man, in beatily, I'd give a every move, and every line to keep her

in my life until we expire. So step into this empty house of mine, it would change how you thought about art and design, and what you're inside you won't want to leave Unlike that bitch with a new bloke Steve I got a queen-sized bed that feels like a tomb I've been collecting her hair from the dressing room Her new bloke Steve is a spit of DJ Spoonie. I guess that's why she did a leave a roomie. So that was Barry, that was a long song, wouldn't it? Jesus Christ. I don't think I've ever heard someone, anyone so much as Barry. So, but it's not, I mean, not a think of the wife, she's got out.

And she's copped off with someone who looks like DJ Spooning. Yeah, it's not bad, is it? I'm joined in the studio now by our special guest, this afternoon, Adams to Barry Homeowner. Hi there, Barry. Hello. Sorry, it's Barry, you're not saying like Bob Bob. How about Barry? Hello, hi, hi. It's a nice rig you've got here. Yeah, whatever. Now you describe yourself as the octopus of the business freeware, a free thing in pop up blue sky, launch pad that takes root in any community, brave enough to drink his wisdom, but we're gonna try and get under

your skin here. So you're just dead, Edgen Purry? What's that like? You're warm, yeah, obviously it's office-based, but with massive outdoor reach and interaction. Andrew, it's targets, targets, targets. If you don't hit them, it's a shit-a-ru. But when you do, it's like driving an astan martin straight at a fox, a massive Russia doodle do. Yeah, yeah. What turns you on Barry? What turns me on? It's a good question Andrew. Well, certainly design classics such as 70s habitat, 60s G

plan. Look, here's a tip of a runny. I'm pretty unsure that some of the side tables at Oak Furniture Land are going to become design classics of the future. By now, and watch that value go up, up, up into the business sky. That's free to use, sir. Barry, are you looking for a new lady in your life? Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, you're well not actively. I'm on plenty of fish, you know the dating side I'm just done there for laws really, you know my life is full of female inputs Lady at Cafe Nero who always marks my cup Barry Homo

The receptionist Laura at work who can't keep her eyes off my butter runny, you know Tommy Hilfilger high rider slacks, that's my secret So you're playing your ladies. Don't know what it is But if I had to guess I would say it's my physique and the great things that I say Yeah, yeah, I can say that and what card you drive when I mean a lady and the I take a three-pronged approach One I walk up to them on my tippy tippy toes with my tongue slightly out and my fly's undone. About one inch. Two, I say how to do the runie

and wet my lips with my tongue, yeah? Then I ask them if it would be okay if I brush their hair. A bit creepy. That, my friend Arunia's the first step on the left. That, my friend Arunia's the first step on the ladder of love, the stairway to melons. I'll ask you the question, I'll ask you a bit and go, what car do you drive, Barry?

Moda car. Yeah. Only the jokes, just a ruffle bomb. And between cars at the moe, wife took hours on the big split of Aruni. Probs going to back a contract hire from one of the nationals, probably a Persia, Black or Red, Must Hubs, Aircon, Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, hotspot and Auto Gearbox. So I've got one hand free to point at things as I pass them. Well, so the things do you like to point at that, Barry? Monuments, billboards, yeah, and shrubs. Billboards. Yeah.

And shrubs. Well, thanks for popping in, Barry, telling us a little bit about yourself today. Could you ask me how I'm sleeping at the moment? How are you sleeping at the Wolverbury? On my back. Soz, just a ruffle grenade with a side order of laughles. Pretty well, though, I do have the occasional semolina nightmare where an ape digests me and displays my bottle

essence in his bistro. As I've always said, you can sleep when you're dead, and by that I mean dead tired. Oh, thank you very much for there, Barry, homeowner for joining us today. No, the thanka runes are on me. Hey, is there a boot sneer by? I need some German hair shampoo and some Zoverax for my cold balls. I don't know, probably. Cheers anyway, bye! Bye, Barry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ciao to RUNY GUYS! He sent me this, you see. Right. Ciao to RUNY GUYS, I'm cocking a hoop today. Just bought myself a new set of wheels, got an end of your bonus that was sure but fountain sweet. Big surprise, didn't even found out about it until I was pinned into my online smart saver account,

owns me interest of just over half a percent and gets me a free campachino at Patisserie Valuery every day of my incredible life. So I researched all the happening coups and soft tops and my style radar landed on the Audi TT. I went hard top because it adds to chassis rigidity and when I take the helping near my favorite artists and bakers that chassis needs all the help it can get because I don't take my foot off the pedal later until I get to the T junction near maplens.

I mean I would have looked like you know know, the King of Peter Burners, soft top with a satin shirt, red burns, and my time ex-watch please, glinting on the sun. But a quick check on the Neraruni showed me that UK sun only shines average four days per month, and that's not enough display time for a peacock like Neandru. It's metallic white, 20 inch inches, 200 break-horse power and that all important Bluetooth connectivity and wireless hotspot. In my line of work if you're not plugged in then the water don't boil. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Got a

great deal. Zero, yep, zero interest for the first year. Deposit contribution of 2K and free servicing for two years. The guys at the Audi dealership were the coolest dudes I'd ever split the breeze with, hilarious and in top condition. Their lives are kind of like Wall Street but without the commute, you know? I think they really liked me, which would explain the complimentary screenwash in the boot. They said, pop in any time for a chat, a new bet I will. You know, just like Mates dropped by on a whim of runny. Anyway, I was out cruising yesterday, pull up at the lights and who's there beside me, but the X and

a new fella, the DJ Spoonie are like-y. But here this, this is the bestest ever, right? He's driving a Mazda MX5, I ask you, fucking hell, it's a tin of peaches on wheels, yeah? I swear, nothing needed to be said. I mean, there I am in this new Audi TT. And there she is in what's basically souped up head dry, yeah? I gave her a little smile, and that smile said, how's the Lou Verrouni going for you, Mamsub? Ha ha ha ha.

Hilario. Then I floored it and left Spoony eating road dust. I had a quick look in the mirror. Rooney going for you, Mesaab. Ha ha ha ha ha. Illario. Then I've floored it and let Spoony eating road dust. I had a quick look in the mirror, and I could see them both laughing. The kind of laugh you do when you're embarrassed and hurt. Barry one, Spoony nil. Awesome moment. Nearly done.

Then I've floored it and let's spoon it. Yes, okay, then things are pretty done perfect at the moment. Just going to take the TT for a spinner rune out in the ring row. Hey, might even pop in for a Campitude shoe with the Audi Lads. I'll get it made right. Chalbala Farlers. I would say I'd honk there because I like Campitude shoes. That was good.

Campitude shoes. I like Campitude shoes. I thought it was good. Campuccino. I like cappuccino too. I like cappuccino too. I like cappuccino too. I thought it would be what it is, but I'll have one. Barry Homeowner here, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Just thought I'd bring you up today to Rooney on the circumstance De Muayah, so let's cover the three main life boxes, workplace, home space and leisure plane. You're for that Andrew? Yeah.

Home space first. Let's focus straight away on my kitchen island, the centre of the hill as it were. I've recently had the Korean re-burnished. It really can sing the reflections from the mix of taps now. I'm very pleased with it. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I've purchased a third bar stool stroke cabaret chair to sit at the island. To sit at the island, you know, just in case I have

a double visitor runie at, oon, at oon, make my double cream at that cappucciu-chiu-chiu. Yeah, you with me? Yeah. One major addition to the boutique hotel and home vibe is I've a two reclaimed plywood clipboards that I've hung from the lighting rig above the island using old coiled telephone flex, yeah?

Yeah, I'm decided what they are for yet, but I just know they're gonna be an inspiration somewhere down the line of Rooney. Moving box to the workspace that's very much as it was. I'm leading negotiator rentals, I'm currently riding a 6% commission average and that's including a 10k handicap handicap that's been run out across all the branches. God, her ma, who saved birthday card from the workmates last week on the occasion of my birth celebrations and I contributed to the madness with a 24 piece donut center piece. We all ate like f'ing kings that day. We were 10 minutes into our half hour lunch

break before the per-her-ly, her-ly, her-ly drifted to a fizzle. Yeah, that was per-her-ly. It's like the way I say par-ly. Jesus. That's the difference that is me. There's a chick-a-do. Yeah. A chick-a-chick-a-do. Just started and I've positioned her under my wing.

Yeah. Her family is originally from Malaysia in the far distant east of the world yeah her name's Predin, get in Predin that's what I say whenever I take her on a viewing yeah it's said in Predin that's what I say when it's been raining for a while Andrew yeah, Predin Predin that's what I say whenever a client brings their dog yeah it's great fun needless to say she's fascinated by me in my life there's a real connection developing watch this space to be continued to see every picture tells a thousand words yeah got a new regional manager Dave Tranta old school his old school totally unw. Grey M&S suit

with a pink shirt and white tie. Still called a room a room instead of a space. I know, I know, I do know. Decent motivator, terrible innovator. Rejected my idea of VR headsets, that's virtual reality. Head headsets for insitu virtual probaly tours said clients need to smell touch and breathe the probaly keep it visual give them the personal touch hey I just winked at Prattin when she when he said this and she ran into the toilet she gets it she gets me okay Andy moving into the leisure box there's no other word but mayhem yeah. Just added Netflix and Amazon Prime to me smart TV, rostra, opened an account with party

power which you just know they are going to regret Andrew. Bombersover mountain cycle, been tearing up and down the asphalt in the cul de sac. Once the seed is worn in, I'm going to ride to the town centre and make some big air over the speed bumpers. I'm not just going to turn heads, I'm going to turn hearts and minds, yeah? There was an open day at the Audi dealership last Sunday, so I took the TT up there and tuned on the breeze with the sales crew. Free glass of champagne was mooch-o appreciated and I was given a whirlwind tour of the latest models. Actually got to sit at the wheel of the all new R8. Must have been there about an hour but it felt like eight minutes. So yeah that's the box is unpacked and ready to be refilled with the incredible and the unimaginable. Going to my mums tonight for the Sania, water bore, but hey, she gave me life so that

I might make the world as special as I do. Chabella and have a cappuccutu on me. See ya. Thanks, Barry. It's Barry, yeah. It's still a shit house. You know, he's a shit house, isn't he? Well, he's harmless, though, isn't he? What is armless though, innit?

I get, well, I don't know, I suspect you'll commit to some. You think he's gonna pop off with pretting? He'll do something there that he probably shouldn't do. But he's pretting-wise. Yeah, something like work. So he's gonna probably, something unwalk. Workplace, inappropriate activity. Yeah, workplace, not walkplace.

Barry or Mona, go on. You know, we all love him, don't we, you know, hour in a way. Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. So what's up, Barry? That's what you're all wishing you could be saying at me, don't you? Be needing a lot of skir. You know the Icelandic health slurry? It's technically a cheese, but I call it a yogurt, because I think yogurt better fits my persona

as a healthy fitness lifestyle but he co-tell smootheroonie. It's on the sour side of dreary, but delivers a sweet after punch. You can take that as a reccomendationy, onyonyony. I've discovered a little Italian artisanio cafe just behind the railway station. I think me and the young lady Barry Stark are going to become entwined and involved with each other, you know? Let's get involved press print on the invite style scenario.

She's from a European base and is as cute as a box of buttons on a lacy bed spread. Her name's Lottie, which is quite appropriate really because I recognise one the Lottery having her in my life situation. She's not actually told me a name but I saw it on the staff rotor that was visible from the corridor to the shit a do-do hut at the back of the calf. Haven't said much to it yet, she ordered my regular skinny capper chuchu every day. We exchange glances when I apple pay for the chuchu, and sometimes Andrew, a look, says more than a thousand poems. When we do get to speak properly, I'll probably tell her about

my incredible life. Once she's heard the major bullet points, kitchen island, mountain bike, nespresso rig, she'll probably be like putty in my dextrous hands, but that is the future runie. For now it's pretty frantic at work, rentals go on mental this month. I'm heading for 10% commission bag. If fruition occurs, I'm straight down the Audi dealership and buying a new set of 20 inch alloy biscuits for the TT.

Have to buy them on a Sunday, because me and the Lads at Audi tend to crackle on for up to 20 minutes. Tent to crackle on for up to 20-30 minutes once the chat starts running fluid. Got a few new gadgets or gadgets recently? All purchased online with no comeback, happy chapie or return to send the stipulation Got a dimmer control from a bedside lamp. I can take the ambience from horror to hot tub in the turn of a dial Got a machine that makes a beep and gives it reading Got a hot chocolate proper

Got a hot chocolate Brother that basically pops a cloud on top of your nighttime throat sauce. Anyway, got to move on and bring knowledge into other people's lives. I'm a precious commodity and I run my own distribution network. Have a campitude you on me, Signori, and don't ever forget that my life is the life to aspire to. Ciao, and Bella. There's Barry there, got some go himself a new gadget. I like he's machined there with a grape.

Becks of bait when it gives out a reading. Very useful. Bari Orm on her. Right. He's done what, again, it's been sent to me. He's done like a video CV. You know, like, you know, like to me. He's done like a video CV. You know, like, you know, like to try and get employment in that. Okay. This is touching go, all right?

Right. Does that mean the chances of me pulling it off of a touching go? I have no clue what's happening now. No, what does the phrase touch and go? Touch and go. Yeah, that makes it. That makes it go. So I'll click the music. Yup.

Yup, magnificent. Wondrous, majestic, breathtaking, and a homeowner. Yeah. I won't let you down. I'll just take you up, up, up, up. Up into the business guy. You'll feel... Just take you up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, need design stimulus, if you need to impress, then how about a guy that will blow your lazy mind? How about a huge man that moves stealthily than a tram?

If what you need is a friend by your side, then come fly with me. I won't let you down, I'll just take you up, up, up. Up into the business sky You'll feel Feel like you're making love Make it love to a Chinese lantern Yeah, you're got five GCSEs two A levels H&D and business management Currently junior negotiator Winston's estate agents

Make name the Korean Fist 75% of deals close within their crucial 48-hour window Certificate of superb from the Valentine Jim Group Move a shaker, cross off Baker I will let you down I'll just take you up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Mind Expansion hubs with fellow travellers Have the occasional Samaritan nightmare Where an ape digest me But they are well under control of Rooney

If it's a pillow, it's gotta be ducked down If it's a river, it's gotta be fast-flowing My name, my soul is Indian My physical self is UK-based My name is Barry C. Homeowner, and I am part of your life story. I won't let you down. I'll just take you up, up, up. Into the business sky.

Well, Lando, it was touching goal. OK, now. It's, um, it's impressive. Let's hope he gets work. I'm sure he will. you