Athletico Mince - The McClaren Collection Vol. 2

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

Here’s the further adventures of Steve and Casper from episode 24 to 43…  Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I'm gonna be rude as I always am and say look I left last week's podcast I left Casper lifeless on a kitchen surface having been booted by the fat lass. I would have left that little unit there. Well I'm just gonna say, can I just say for just for people that it's 50-50 but you want the fuller. Let's have it now. Let's put people over there, Missouri. Oh, you sure? Yeah, it's good. It's a lot of news. He's alive, but he's in a critical condition. I've just got off the phone from his source at the veterinary hospital where he's been treated, right?

Yeah. So let's go back to last week's events. Yeah, we left him on the kitchen surface just as the fat lass was going into a spasm or a fit. Yeah, she put him across the floor, didn't she? Right, well, she managed to shout, stay out me! So of course, Steve runs into the kitchen, assuming she's shitting

her necks and wants him to wiper with the dirty disc cloth. Yeah. You immediately say she's fully clad in a clothed in a towel and in that and struggling with a balance. So he puts his arms around her. It's all right, love. Calm down. It's just, it's just one of them, you know, one of your daft fits because of your hemoglobin content, you know. I'll say I'll get your glass of salted water, bring your blood pressure up and your sugar lump and care so it's hypercocaine, yeah. He's really got his really calm state. He's a very care and man, isn't he?

Yes, so he sits down. That comes across in his management style, I think. Yeah. He's got a hair island. He's an arm around the shoulder manager instead of a hairdryer manager. Exactly. So, sit down, she's dribbling a bit and not thinking because he's got it in his hand. He wipes a mouth with the dishcloth, leaves a little bit of cac on her lips, but she doesn't think so. Well, I'm just saying, people want to know what happened, but Steve does notice something. He knows the lifeless Casper on the kitchen surface.

Now, immediately he knows that's unusual because Casper isn't allowed on the kitchen surfaces because of his spewing and that. Let's be honest, he can't climb up, can he, unless the fat lass has got her bandages and leggings and that's drying on the clothes horse in front of the cabin. He's got the rubber up there. He can get up there. Yeah. So he goes over. What are you doing up there? Casper is selling plunk of Rodney and he picks him up but he's called and he should be and he's not moving at all. It's just like a dead weight, you know. God. Casper. Casper, what's happened? Oh my God, Casper. He puts his ear to Casper's chest, right?

Because he thinks maybe he can hear a heartbeat, but it's really difficult because the fat lass's foot is twitching and kicking the bacon trays that are slotted in a gap between the cabinets. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And he's also, she's got Chris Evans on the radio, who's making that monkey noises. That's just distracting as well, isn't it? and he's also, she's got Chris Evans on the radio, who's making like monkey noises.

That's just distracting as well as. Yeah, so much to do with it. It's that Wednesday wacky wildlife club he does or something. So Steve's speaking, I realize this is something really wrong here. All he can think to do is, because he's got to get a call, this to run him under the hot tap here, see if that helps. Turns the hot tap on, as soon as he turns turns it on he realizes it's far too hot. Is it one of them boiler taps? No, it's not boiler tap for that.

But the fat loss has been washing the bandages. Right. So it's really running hot. Sorry, Kasper, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But he swears he saw a tiny little movement around his neck like a little swallow. Yeah. Kasper, you're alive, he shouts, hang on in there and I'll get you to hospital. He wraps Kasper on his neck and he shakes, shakes fat and I love love. I've got to say it cuspids the hospital. Where the car keys but she's not

responding yeah. I'm not at all just keeping them kicking the bacon trays. So it looks for his keys, can't find them. Like fuck it he thinks I'll take the clowns car. Remember he was he was he started the clowns. He never goes out. No he says I have to set the clowns. He never even No, he says I was tough to set the clums And everybody gets at the garage Go to the clowns car typical circus clowns car, you know like slightly square wheels yellow Yeah, and red bright colors big horn on the front. Yeah, so he's on to honks the horn all the way to the wet about a mile away Honks it all up. Huh? Casper's not well

Out the way Casper's not well! Hahahaha! Out the way, Casper's not well! Hahahaha! And all the people on the pavement are singing as he goes back. As he goes back, they're saying, He's got a hair island! Right, so anyway, then, Steven will come off at the light. So, but he's going back in, smoking out the ass under the car.

When he arrives at the vet's doors fall off, Steve had the notices. He rushes in, he plunks Casper down on reception. Yeah, and he says, please, please help me. Something's wrong. I've just found him like this on the kitchen surface next to the home pride plane. Flower jar. Well that was information he didn't need to get away with. I'm not even planning to just find my else somehow. Just to shout out alone. And the vets at reception and Vets immediately picks him up. As he does so, Andy, little bit of spew. Oh! Troubles out a cast.

Sign of life. Steve, can I help or pour a big smile on? That's my cast, but come on, Kasper, you got to fight. Yeah. Vets takes him straight into a surgery with a nurse. And as they do the vet says over the shoulder looks like he's been kicked or hit with something blunt he's bleeding

he realizes Andre's breath says you bastard you large bastard you say Steve's put two until together. Yeah, you know, she was kicking. Yeah, he knocked in the kitchen all night. He was what's happened and I'll tell you next week what happens because that's a slightly separate story, but it always goes off between them. But as we speak, he's under supervision in intensive care, basically soft tissue trauma, internal bleeding, and a burst internal abscess as well. It's a scandal man. Yeah. Listeners Andy, it's basically 50-50.

I've got a little update on Steve McClaren. Do you want me to do that now or? I think we should do that now and get that out of the way because I'm sure a lot of people want to know how Casper is. Okay, so I'll be as quick as I can. I please do. Okay, so Steve's been by Casper all day and all night. This last of his life. Fidget. Sleep, he slept in the waiting room,

which incidentally it's nice, something he had some nice moments as well, because he slept quite well in the waiting room, so he thought to himself, that is yet another victory for the comfort, fit short, sleeve shirt. He thinks to himself, because a bit big Sam couldn't have slept on this bench a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymwch i'r ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn ymdwch yn yw'r ysgwyr i'n ffod. Mae'r ysgwyr i'n ffod yn yw'r ysgwyr i'n ffod yn yw'r ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysgwyr i'n ffod yn ysg she's took the car. Back to the vets, it's not good yet. It is really not good. The internal abscess is still weeping and the infection is spread to the cut where he was kicked. He hasn't been able to pass the target at all.

Christ. Fick X, the vet explains to him, look, we can have Casper put down. Are you could take him to the Royal Veterinary College Hospital? They've got an intensive care unit in North London they might be able to serve him. What do you think he does? Do you think he has a tits? Doesn't there's a tif for a second and not for one fuck is honestly like bang. Casper round his neck straight on the client. Exactly round his neck.

Funnily enough the nurse did rap Casper up in like a special padded cotton tube and Steve started to write Casper on the side of it Then he thinks I'll fuck off Steve like you don't know it's Casper It's not a main Squeezes man's not working properly Stray in a clown car, sets off honking his arm Ha ha ha, out beware you're only plunkers Gets on the M1, thinks I'm best off on the hard shoulder right people passing in

What's on the top of your head, bird? It's me, hey, Ireland It's not long of course before he's pulled over by the coppers coppers says why you've recently obviously what you doing man so I'm taking water away taking Casper at the hospital old on what's the honey fucking head says one of the coppers this man etc and what is this clown capsule that you're driving on the motorway Steve explains that it's based on the Shashi Shashi I'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith and he says, and you say you're snake, sick, and he says, yeah, fat lass booted him at this point in the copper, notice his bruises on Steve's arm. And the copper says, how's this heavy lass

been slapping you about a bit as well, sir? Steve like hesitates and he says, yeah, yeah, a little bit, yeah. And then he breaks down, Steve starts crying. She's left me. He flops down against the steering wheel and across the boot flies off because his clown self triggers it. Flies up in the end, lands on the man, carriages wearing a couple of cars, crush into each other. It's a copper reaches in to pull him up right and activates a lever and smoke starts billowing out of

the back of the car, got smokedoked drifting all across the mortarware, and he can hear cars just smashing into each other every second or so. It's like, honestly, it's like living, like something. Oh, laughing. So it's not fun at all. It's not fun at all. It's not like I would walk in the dead, I wake in the dead

or whatever it is. It's the same thing, isn't it? Anyway, Andy, I'm glad gonna have to leave it there. I think some of the listeners by this stage might be wondering what's happened with Casper, Steve McClarence, Snake, have you got anything? Oh fuck I should see you. It's on that. I'll give you an update. Yeah, but if you remember.

He's dead. No, he's not A-Andy. Sorry. No, that wasn't nice, wasn't it? No, I'll give you an update. If you remember, we left them on the motorway on the way to the Big Veterinary Hospital. Steve was pulled off by the police

and the smoke coming from his clown car was causing collisions on the road. Well, to be honest, more or less a pile up, yeah. Well, the smoke died down. Steve was still in tears because I don't know again, if you recall, because the fat lass has left him Yeah, the police had put him in him in Casper in there police car whilst they're looked after the king carnage on the road and that Suddenly he gets a terrible shot because there's a really loud bang on the roof of the car

Then his doors pulled open and a huge hand grabs him by the shoulder and yanks him right out of the car Who do you think it is? Anyway, some maladies. Well, please officer. Don't be a Rodney Plunker. I don't want any trouble But it's not a police officer and you reckon it's somehow... How old are those? No. No? It's fat lass. Oh. Steve, stop, sorry. Steve, Steve, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, I kicked Casper. I love you both so much. Please forgive me. Well, Steve's cock is a hoop, he cocks her. What? Steve is cock hoop. And anyway, he gives gives a great big up, got round as far as he could, you know, and she ruffled his air island. Then she's Steve, we need to get to Casper

to hospital quickly. So they rush with Casper in the Fatlassus car and drive off down the Ardsholda, polastin's bottom. So they arrive at the hospital, fat las parks right next to the men, doors, security block says that it says to the fat las, you can't park there love, she says I'll park my fucking size 10 in your area, and it's if you don't fuck off, she says, he says alright love, but if you could move it on as soon as you can, you know I'd be grateful, Steve rushes into the reception. Help me, help me, shout, woman on reception text, one look. I think she's got some sort of like jungle spider on her head. She's like, point says, what is it, sir, spider?

A juvenile coi pooh. Shit, it's not a wolf cub, is it? No, that's me hair, Ireland, it's my hair, Ireland. It's me hair, honest, not, it's me snake, Casper. Mae'r cyflwy yn ymwch yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn y cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn y cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn yw'r cyflwy yn y cyflwy yn yw'r cyweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio. Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio' I mean, I don't know whether he's going to insist on an explanation about a kick in the Casper. I don't know. Well, we'll see. We'll see. I mean, my thoughts are with Casper, not with you. I think that's for everyone. Yeah, everyone agrees with that. Stephen Clarone, you want to hear about things too? Well, as you know, that we're in hospital.

Casper was under intensive care, but he's in the right place and I'm pleased to be able to announce. Drum roll, yeah. That's, he's been discharged from hospital and he's now at home, on Steve and the fat lass. His abscessed all all drained skin repaired they've got this new system as well I've had to introduce to have him watch their night they have to do it for a couple of weeks because if he spews the stitches in his stomach might rupture so Mark Larson actually he's a good friend of theirs he came around and he fitted these little wireless wireless motion cameras in the men rooms where he might have got excited reduction of the Mart Lawrence into this. Yeah he did you know he's good with a little bit of it. This is like in the Beno when characters from one

comic strip would have put you in another one. I wouldn't have Lord Snowdeny turning up in the mini the minstole. There he is. Anyway, sorry he doesn't feature but his cameras do. They're those tiny little wireless cameras. They're put them like in the kitchen in the hallway and that just so that they see and their motion sense of things or their lower down and if Casper goes past it will just you know keep him on film so they can see you. Can I hold up? Anyway, Nighty came back. What a night that was only for everyone involved right?

They had a puro and disarano night. You know the the liqueur arm and liqueur. Michael Owen came round some maladies came round Casper was allowed to stay up late to watch Bear grills Bear grills Bear grills being one doing one of his bastard shows you know and the fat because the bastard shows aren't that bad. the bastard shows, aren't they? The fat lass made a massive pot of beans toasted two whole long lobs and like served the beans on toast on parvin slabs, you know like to be trendy like, oh I so it was a special night. After the beans were finished, big Sam and big Last went into the kitchen to wash the pots

and Stephen and Michael sang combo, you know, he loves singing combo. Oh, how got a brand new come boy, travelling through the night. It's too up in the cabin. Now, because Casper's gonna be all right, come boy. Casper, I tell you how they had the biggest smile on his face you've ever seen, because it was actually ages since he'd seen Steve so happy. Right. Steve gave Casper a little hug and then popped him out of the door,

so him and Michael could play this game, they've got wanted him out the way for safety. So, they played this game where Steve crouches down and Michael has to try and land a little hope directly over Steve's hair island, right? So the goal like three, two, one. On my hair island, on my hair island. Sing Steve, yeah. And as he's singing and playing the game, I tell you what happened and this is a bit of a shit and you'll see why in a month the note

Do you remember the note the fat lass? Oh yeah, the house, well it fell out of his pocket And Michael Owen picked it up and started reading it out So this is and this is what it said it says this It's from the fat lass to stave Dear stave I used to love you but not anymore. You used to make me laugh singing about your convoy

and I was always in awe of your knowledge of carpet retail but the spark has gone. You spent so much time with Casper that you hardly seemed to notice me. I spent 20 minutes in the carzy the other day shouting for you to bring the dirty dishcloth and white me but you were too busy watching Pwaro with Casper. I'm leaving you Steve, I'm going to cop off with Big Sam, unlike you he's gorgeous, goodbye, PS, your hair island is ridiculous. Well that's Woundon Well, and as I'd act that exact moment, big Sam and the big last come into their own.

So Michael just sort of grabs Sam, tells him it's time to go, just hustles him out of there. What's wrong Steve, what have they gone? What have you said? Then Steve shows up in the North. And she says, oh, that was last week Steve, I feel sort of different now. Don't be a Rodney Plunker. But just then, the television channel changes

and there's Casper with his neck resting on the remote, right? And it's rewinding. Casper, what are you doing, my love? Steve grabs the control, press his player. And you know what it is? It's the recording from the kitchen camera that Martin put in. And now on the table is big Sam pumping away at the fat mass.

And he's got the dirty dishcloth in his mouth so no one will hear him grunting. Get out, says Steve, get out. I never want to see you again. Fuck you. Fuck you, you asshole. Like I give a fuck, she says, it's rude, innit? Nasty, but it's a nasty moment in your relationship. Suddenly Casper rears up, his throat and his chest begin to swell up and he moves his head right toward the fat lass his face, then he leans back, you know what, you know what's happening? Say I know what's coming out of you. Don't do it Casper, she's not worth it. Casper hesitates, but then he just does it anywhere.

A cub is a with two yards. He's beating us up as well, a deeply fermented spew. Bang, all over the fat mass, and she runs out. Bloody hell Casper, I'll have to take you to hospital now. Steve though, he sure he sees a big smile form on Casper's face and he says, yeah, you're right, it was worth it. Oh yeah. So what's going up next though and then? Well I wonder what is going to happen, God. I wonder what's going to happen but that's why I'm saying it. Come on didn't she? Well I think there's a deep love there on

Steve's behalf so I hope he's able to you know just end it get on with his life with Casper but I don't know I think she might turn into one of those like what do they call them? The Botherian. A bunny boiler. No yeah is that sort of thing they've got a name for a moment and they follow you and they stalker stalker. Maybe a stalker. Hardware to remember that, isn't it? So I thought we're quite a nice story, right? Yeah, we're gonna be a closure there. Or are we? Because maybe there's gonna be a twist. Yeah. So McLaren, I mean, there's been a lot going on Andy with Steve McLaren. It's a while since we've been here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean the last summer holidays

was banging away at the fat last last time. That's right. As England manager. And now look at him. Now no more. Steve's gone to university. Anyway, I'll tell you what's been happening, and you know, Fatlass has gone. So what he did, what a lot of people do, you know, when there's a big change in their life that he says, he's gonna turn over in New Leaf, and you might have heard that he's got a place to cost to study sports management at the Metropolitan University,

and Manchester, and it was his first day last week, so he wears a nice short, sleeve comfort fit shirt in powder blue. Nice brand new BHS, Nervy Blazer. Your brand new BHS, hang on a smell of rata, your BHS has gone on the wall. Yeah I went and he bought this one about three years ago. Did he stock up, do you think? Yeah, of course, because it's the one with the metal buttons, the bronze buttons. Oh yeah. Nice pair of brown airline slacks and white trainers.

So a bit student, a genormate. Yeah. And he has a nice PVC shoulder bag. That's in power of blue as well. With Stevie Mac printed on it in white lettering. Goes to his first tutor in an lecture they had, about 16 other students. They all introduce themselves, they introduce themselves.

Hi, I'm Stephen Clarin, Capit retail blogger and ex-England manager. And the two are, I'm sorry, Steve. Could you take that daft cap off? Steve says, that's not a cap you silly Rodney Plunker. It's my hair, I learned, it's my hair I learned. He says anyway, like I was saying, I'm an unpaired blogger for the retail carpet trade. Did you know that off the back of the week pound exports of 100% wool carpets have increased 20% in the last month and that is both plain and patterned.

So the two was, yeah alright, so yeah, thank you very much Thank you very much for that right. I've got a special guest coming in to give you a chat and provide some kind of on the ground wisdom both sports management In walks Sean Daish Yeah Oh yeah you're not sure yeah um it's pretty straight in it takes off his anorak puts his bookstack he's always got a lot of books to him Sean a lot of boys and girls do you remember do you remember when I didn't have a ginger disc beard? And I was known as the Jersey Royal.

Do you remember? And Steve shouts out, Do you remember when my hair island was a peninsula? Do you remember? He looks up, we says, Have you ever noticed? Hey, have you, though? Have you?

That Ben and Jerry's ice cream tub lid is the ideal size to draw around for a perfect dispute. Hey, I've been noticed that Steve comes back at him. He says, have you ever noticed? Have you though? Have you ever noticed? Have you ever noticed? You tell me if you've noticed. Have you noticed that juvenile sparrows will often land in your hair aisle and think it's their nest?

They silly Rodney Plankers. Sean's back at him. Say a wrap bottle. Yeah. Have you ever noticed? No. Come on. Have you. Think really hard. Have you ever noticed? When you're outside walking and you look down to see how many feet you've got, your disc beard sometimes gets caught in your underlax zip. Have you noticed that? Steve goes back at him. Do you remember? Do any of you Plunk of Rodney's remember 1977 when there was a big change over to mass produced compressed paper under there? Do you remember? And he says, I've got a hair island, a hair island, and even louder

right? Sean goes back, I've got a disc beard, a disc be heard oh there I'm the time of the life then he notices his phone light up on the desk Steve does some message from the fat lass and it reads hello Steven look who I've got and attached is a picture of Casper oh he runs out get out of my way Casper's been kidnapped Get out of my way. Casper's been kidnapped. Get out of my way. Out leaves a lecture theater bang. I like how you did that. So, I know what happens next. It's not nice, but so I'll leave it there for now. That might be next week. Just read that. Look who I've got. And Iached as a picture of Casper Where is she? What she doing with them?

Find out next week TBC to be continued A lot's happened and they I should what a lot has happened with Stephen Clarone. I'm afraid, once again, it's quite a lot of information. Right. I mean, I can just... He's had problems with the kidnap of Casper the snake and recovering Casper from the fat lass. And also, he's got himself a new job at Derby County. Yeah. That's quite unfortunate, isn't it?

For Derby County? For everybody. Well, look, I'll try and get through it as quick as I can. You want me to? I'm sorry. Right. So, he's had the message from the fat last sent, she's kidnapped Casper the snake, right?

Yeah. He gets home. There's a note written on, at home for him, written on the back of a KFC bucket lid, right? Demanding that Steve Meatser at Chaffered Retail Park Mae'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith out of my way you silly, Rodney Plunk, cause Casper's been kidnapped. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hair, Ireland, blowing all over the place, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'll cut the shot. He gets in the car park, sees the car. He knows the fat lass isn't there, cause the windows are all steamed up with condensation, you know?

He pulls up in the door. Where is he? Where's my Casper, you nasty bastard? I'll count down, shut up, stop acting, fucking out of the man. Yes, love, he says. So he gets in the car. She's eating a large codden chips with a fish cake, battered sausage,

mushy peas, a mince and potato pie, and a girkin. And she says, there's a chuck at that and a glove compartment for if you want it. She says right I'll shorten this this is how it's going to be big Sam has moved to the West Indies she wants to be with him or at least near him and she wants two hundred thousand pounds so she can move out there she says don't fuck me about I don don't have that much. Exactly. I cast as a goner and he says, but I haven't got 200,000 pounds. Now I can handily leave that story. I'll tell you that next week. So he's had

this demand for 200,000 pounds, right? So now we switch, massive week for Steve. And he's going in the view, a derby County for the vacant managers job right. He gets to the eyebrow and his clowns car, gets up the car, puts the stadium wheel in the boot, winds down the ejector chair, picks the door up off the floor. There's a dorm in there, hello Mr McClaren, nice clowns car. Could I take your hatudden coat for you? Since I'm not wearing a hat, that's my hair island. It's my hair island. Felt as I must have got blown about a bit in the car.

Looks more like a hedgehog. A hedgehog. Don't be a Rodney Plunker. It's a hair island, honestly. So he's taking to the waiting room outside the board boardroom, sits by the radio to warm up. It's a bit like Alan Sugar's place in there under the LED at the desk, so far so that's not. But he's worried about his hair island, you know. So he goes to the loo to apply some island's thermal.

He's got it in the tubby mix it himself, right? Got the island's thermal. and the turbie makes it himself, right? Got the island turbie. He uses, do you know that like juice, you get on a ketchup bottle when it's dried up a bit at the top, like waxy, it's got a residue. Just stuff that makes it gag.

Yeah, he mixes that with a bit of juice from a tin and mackerel, right? But honestly, Steve's look sometimes, it's such a shame' it, but it's got a bit runny from being next to the radio and when he puts it on, it kind of brings all the hair on his island together to a point. He's our bloody, Ellie thinks, well, a bloody shirmin' but he's, you know, never mind, whatever. Well, he's in there and he sees Will Hughes about the way, sorry. Whilst he was in there, he sees Will Hughes about the way, sorry.

Whilst he was in there, he saw Will Hughes and Chris Marr in dressed in white jumpsuits. But I'll hug Andy. I'm not going to go into that at the moment because there isn't time, alright? He settles down into the way it in there, he has a nibble on his track a bar, right? Meanwhile, in the boardroomroom the chairman, Mel Morris, he's interviewing Sean Dish for the job. Uh-oh. And there's a specially commissioned carpet on the boardroom floor.

You know, like it's got a huge depiction of the Derby Ram, you know, their mascot. Yeah. So Mel is asking him what he thinks of the Ipro Stadium. Dish says, I very much like it. I like the design. I very much like the contrast between the black and white seats.

I think the Stardium very much helps to create tremendous atmosphere. The only thing I don't like is some of the fruit, fruit, you know, the pictures of the shape on the big windows. Are this daft shape carpet on the floor? It gives out very much the wrong message. Well Mel, Mel flips his lid. He says, I just had that put in last week. Go on, you can fuck off. Try to tell me, try to tell me, I'm decadent at my office. Go on, fuck yourself.

4, 4, 2 style ugly. What? He's bad as peyerson. He was a hay then as well. His baddest payerson he was a heathen as well So Daish leaves the room all red and puffed up like like a Chinese steam cleaner fully at work You know I mean oh yeah on a deadline and that give Steve you know that cutting throat motion as if to say watch out It's foot it's bad in there. All right last says mr Mr. McLaren mr. Morris will see you now. So he walks in Llyasedd, mae'r cyflwyn, mae'r cyflwyn yn ymwyr i'n gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn ymwyr i'n gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn ymwyr i'n gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn ymwyr i'n gweld.

Mae'r cyflwyn yn ymwyr i'n gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn ymwyr i'n gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn gweld. Mae'r cyflwyn yn gweld. He says, no, Mal, it's just me hair, that's a long story. So Steve, what do you think about coming back here to the eyebrow, but Andy, Steve, not listening.

He started to shake and he's having trouble breathing. Really? Yeah, he falls on the floor onto his knees and like he is a form and in his eyes, his eyes and his hands rubbing on the carpet. He says, Mel, look at it, it's hand-tuffed and knotted with a silken-wusted blended wool. I've not seen such quality. Outside the presidential suite at the Quattabarri-Bari Hotel in Dubai. Oh, look at the sheen on the ram-insert. Oh my god, Mel, look at the scrollwork on then. Ffuck me, Mel, ys y bwydw i' ymwysedd yn ymwedd yn ymwysioedd yn it like this in my office and I want to choose my own assistant. How much are you

willing to pay up front for the assistant of the my choice Mel? £200,000 says Mel. Perfect. £200,000. But the big smile on his face Steve says it's a deal Mel. It's a deal. Do you see where? I'm out of the two sections of joining together yeah yeah it's gonna get that £200,000 and he's gonna give it to the fat lass isn't he? I don't know I'm reading this wrong. What you mean and he's gonna make Casper the Snake assistant manager of the DAB company? Exactly yeah. You'll have to find out. We'll find it next week. Okay, so I'm going back in time here. So Steve's just left his interview for the job at Derby, which he got, yeah.

So he's cocking a hoop. He's got his new job. And he insisted that the chairman, do you remember, advanced him 200 grand? Yeah. Which he could use to get his SNCC Casper back by paying the ransom to the fat lass. Okay, so that's where we are. Yeah. Which he could use to get a snake Casper back by peering the ransom to the fat lass. Okay, so that's where we are. Right. So it gets outside the

eyebrows Sean Dish, it was interview before him if you remember, is waiting for a lift back into town. It is busbacked to Burnley. Sean's wearing our that's scargain or purple suit, black and white checked tie, white lawpers, leather children, do you know that stuff? Yes. Do you know that stuff? I am familiar. Do you know that stuff? Yes Bob. Do you know that stuff? Yes. We might have a catchphrase, do you know that stuff?

Do you know that stuff? Do you know what to mean? Anyway so he's waiting for a lift, Steve says, um, says him. He says, oh, have you been eating a calippo or a pumpkin soup or something? You've got orange all around your mouth. And he's saying, no, no, you are full slug. It's me dispeared. It's me dispeared. My dispeared. Hey, he says, as a squirrel just burrowed in your head, because the tip of its tail is still sticking out. No, don't be a Rodney Plunker. That's my hair island.

My hair island. Then a buff can laugh, Andy. So you do, you do Sean's laugh. One. Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Anywhere, shans says I could have a lift to the bus station Steve no problem no senior Daesh sir Steve he does that sort of comedy you know and so he's one of them that says me thinks me thinks and a

pint of you all this finest shale about your man oh that's shut yeah so no problem or senior Daesh he says thinks and a pint of your oldest finest shells. Don't you, or man? Oh, that's shut ya. So no problem or seeing your daisy, sir Steve. And so the buff getting this clown car drives driving along. Honk honk honk honk. On the clown car honk honk honk honk. Get out of me way, dipsticks.

We've got the Burnley shuttle to catch. Because you're going to get the bus to Burnley, the start chatting away. State, Sean. Hey, Steve, you see Neil Warnock's eyebrows. It's like he asked for a crack wax, and the lady thought his face was his ass. Do the laugh again.

Hee hee hee! So I'm good fun. You do that all the time for us. So Steve says, good one. Have you noticed that Mark Hughes hasn't got any lips? Looks like he asked for an anal bleaching and the lady thought his face was his ass You've been slow then weren't you? meant to come in with the lamp So shot good one quite similar to mine, but not bad.

You know why he's called Sparky, don't you? Because whenever he plugs something in, sparks fly out of his ass and spell the words Egyptian cotton. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Good one, El Maestro. You see, you see David Moise bulging eyes, yeah? It's like, it just popped a blackhead and his ball sack of, I've messed that one up. He says, think Steve, I've messed that up. He says, so try again, I'll try again. I'm just fucked up. You see David Moise bulging eyes.'s like he just popped a blackhead on his ballsack and his face got stuck. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha oeddwn i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r meet me at the Maison Valise Dogeard Wii, right? Which is a really posh restaurant. It actually translates to the house of yesterday's briefcase. Well, I know it was made you laugh because you think not Ponzi Pete, but that's a classy sound in place.

I'm laughing quite a lot of this, but it's all real, isn't it? And it's not that funny. Oh. Oh. Hahaha. Oh, the house of yesterday's briefcase, that's a right fancy drum. Here you'll need a tie.

And Sean gives him his black and white check tie to wear. Say, Andy, which is now sub-oominant, because he had the look. So Steve's the right rives outside the Mays on Valise D'Orge, your way. What does that in translate as Andy? Oh God, the house of the briefcase. House of yesterday's briefcase.

You've forgotten briefcase? Yesterday's briefcase. Yesterday's briefcase. Sorry, Bob. You can see that one of the windows in the restaurant's all steamed up so he knows the fat lass must be sat in there near the other window. Then the image of Sam Allardice pumping

a wearer on the kitchen table with her legs banging against the bacon trays and abyscate tins just like makes with shuddering off. We pulled himself together and he goes inside and the matra dee greets him. He says, hello sir, the house we've yesterday is briefcase. Can I just say the mouse on your heads and absolutely adorable thing. No that's not the mouse I mean. It's me, Helen Island, my Helen Island. So you sit down, I like quite, like that way a character, Andy.

He reminds me of the one I first did. Oh yeah the French fella. Yeah. You like him man don't you? Oh yeah sorry I'm sitting down at the table with the big glass. She's got she's obviously ready to go on a trip she's got suitcase, a ski bag, she's off to Austria skiing, someone like that you know what I mean. Hello love, you off skiing then. Oh fuck off you watery twat. And then, ah fuck off your watery trot. Ha ha ha ha ha ha haper, I miss him so much. You'll find out when you pay me, me $200,000. Yes, I know, love, I know love.

The money should be in my account by the end of the mail. Just tell me how he is and where he is. Do you know really that he needs to be warm? I'm telling you nothing, tell I get my money. Keep checking you for, then, you're custard. So Steve starts to eat his custard, right Andy? And then he sees the queerest of things.

Say that like you were Steven Fry, some of it said the queerest of things. Oh, he sees the queerest of things. Right, but it's fitting into the sense. So Steve starts to eat his custard, and then he says, the queer weirdest of things. The ski bag.

Right, behind the fat lass seems to be spulzing and moving slightly. And like the summit inside, that it pushes its head through the flap at the top, something you can see it emerging. Could it be Yanday? Could it be Casper? Is it? Yes, it is Casper. And he manages to pork himself about a foot out of the bag and his throat

begins to swell up right? Well you know what that means not Yandai. It's got a spew, a spew, a steve just wants to rush up and hug him but he knows that that is too dangerous right? With the fat last there she kick his fucking face and so he throws Casper a look to tell him don't don't you dare don't do it Casper it's just a look Andy but that's why it's no don't do it Casper and the swelling starts to go down but he can hardly he can turn his excitement but out of get Casper Andy without getting kicked in by the fat lass. What he needs to do, I think you'd agree, as he needs to, one, he could create a distraction, or two, he could disable, or could, and he

would agree with that summation. Well, either one of them will be okay. One of them wouldn't it. Then he remembers, and he's not stupid, he isn't one thing about Stevie Mac, the Mac Chasen Mac, Chasen Mac, Stevie Mac, one thing about him is he's not stupid, he isn't one thing about Stevie Mac. The Mac, Chase and Mac, Chase and Mac, Stevie Mac. One thing about him is he's not stupid. He remembers, you remember the time that Casper danced on the black and white tiles on the kitchen floor and the yellow, the yellow shirt of Casper was dancing along and it made that sub-trick of the fifth

didn't it? Yeah, what's he got around his neck, Andy? The tie. He's got the black and white tie. So thinking quickly, he lets some of the cuss, the yellow cuss to drip onto his tie, and a little bit more until the fat last notice is a fuck shick.

And he says, well, can you clean it off from me, love? So she like yanks him over by his tie over the table. And she starts rubbing at the yellow stain right rubbing and rubbing and as she does so her eyes start to bog up and she begins to sweat sweat you know god fuck it smells like when you've just opened a tin of corn beef do you know what I mean nice or Steve winks at Casper Casper winks winks back at him the fit has now kicked in right she starts shaking dribbling at her mouth and her legs start banging on the turbo legs the Casper winks back at him. The fit has now kicked in, right? She starts shaking, dribbling at her mouth,

and her legs start banging on the terrible legs, right? Steve jumps up, grabs the ski bag, runs out to his clown car, he's bursting with happiness, right? He's got a new job at Derby, Casper's back in his arms, and he can still hear the faint banging of the fat-lasses legs. Fitting, you know, against the table and the mayors on the house of yesterday's briefcase and I hope that that name somehow is like I don't know I'm not selling dippity's the wrong word

but I hope that's a new start for Casper and Steven that's like yesterday's briefcase, you know, yesterday's business. Do you know what I mean? Right, I see, yeah, that's quite tenuous spot here. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, that brief. Is that the end of it? And that's for now? For now, when I have to go, I'll have to jump forward next time to Derby, but that just fills you in with how we managed to get Casper back, boys, brilliant, yeah, was in it. It's fantastic, it's reunited with the snake and she's a thrushing mess on the floor of a friend's dress. Yeah, well it serves a right Andy, she's really nasty to Steve I think. She's a fucker.

Thank you very much, I did it on the serve. Let's not beat her on the bush here, she's an absolute fucker. It's been so long since I spoke about Steve and Casper, but we last left them. I don't know if you remember They were driving away from the restaurant. Yeah, yeah They've run off the restaurant called the house of yesterday's briefcase. Yeah, yeah He's rescues Casper from the clutches of the fat last she's lying on the restaurant floor I'm gonna fit with her legs banging on the table right yeah so Steve realises it's not safe to drive back to the house because the big lass is going to be on the wall path yeah so he checks into a five star you imagine that

posh country or so I imagine that they pass on the back roads I don't go higher than three star I mean why shouldn't he stay a five star and? He's got Casper back, new contract with Derby. He's there one more than he thought he was there. Exactly. So the hotel is called Les Gallier de Kenneth, which means the stairs, I think the stairs, Kenneth stairs, the stairs belong to Kenneth. It's obviously French one. Check in the receptionist is a French, she says, Urla Lamasua, Jador Votre Petite Tétoisel, right? That means I adore your little head, bird. Oh, steaks, a head bird, don't be daft,

Vousette une Rodney Planca, honestly. That's me, Herr Island, my Herr Island, Sam on Eild to Sherville. Their once was a manager who had a wonderful idea to invent a type of hairstyle that others would revere. He fed the front of his hairline with lipids and proteins till a horn of hair developed in the shape of New Orleans. It was his hair island, his hair island. He separated this

outcrop from the rest of his mane, took one look in the mirror and promptly went insane, it's his hair island, it's my hair island. Honestly, you plunk here. So the gopster is I don't really usually listen. I kind of zorn out when you're doing your stories. I think it's about me directly. It's a lovely, de-lux room, fourth floor with little balcony. Right. Four floors. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same.

I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same.

I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I think it's about the same. I kind of zorn out when you're doing your stories. I think about me directly. It's a lovely directs, Deluxe Room, fourth floor with little balcony. Right. Fourteen assorted cushions on the bed. The cushions? Is that the thing you've planted the cushions? No, sorry. Walk in shower, jet spa bath, night chocolates. You know all the vibe I've planted. Have you seen that set of place? No. No, no, right. Well, I hope I've given you a flare of it. Steve gets this kit off, puts Casper over his shoulder and they're both have a lovely shower, right? They're poor mango and stilton shampoo all over each other. Steve always has it as it with him, right? It's in,

do you know those, I don't know what the med of? Sferical bottle, it's really you, look what I was used as like a little china porcelain, could lub them at someone. Yeah, but it's like a football. Yeah, it's like a football. He always has his stilten and mango shampoo. Casper winds himself around the shower halls and swings from one side to the shower of the other. Steve draws an outline of the fat lass in the condensation,

pisses all over it. I'm in a lovely town, why not you know what I mean Then Steve puts on one of the luxury town in gowns and like wraps the belt Round and round Casper saw the e-field special to do Did he start to get room service? Steve orders beans on toast for three because he didn't eat the restaurant All right, remember he just had she owned the fat lass only, let him have custard, was it something? Because of the kids menu, wasn't it?

Yeah. So Steve orders beans on toast for three and Casper gets himself hot dog. Steve starts talking to Casper. So, I've gone back to Derby Casper. It's an easy street gig, you know, destroy an exit. And the chairman has great links to the carpet industry maybe when I'm sacked he can set me up with a job in carpeting as part of me payoff. Hey and he's given me 200 grand to pay for an assistant. Suddenly Andy there's a loud heavy banging on the door

of his room. Yeah. Should I do that? Try it if you could. It was louder than that, sorry. Oh, shit, the panel ends, come off. That's it there. Right. Oh shit, Casper, it's fat last. What are we going to do? Then from outside. I open up your watchy twat.

I know you're in there. Oh, fucking hell, Casper, she's going to kill us. Boom, boom, boom. Steve answers the door, Casper goes an hour in the shower. She rushes past him and immediately says the beans on toast. Yeah, I just want the doctor to get her ordered. And she starts down in the beans on toast like one slice by slice. Oh, these beans are a total fucking tonic? I felt well-ratched after that restaurant.

Block said I had a fit of supper. Sorry I had to leave so suddenly, love. I got an urgent call from butchery interrupt. Oh fuck off and shut up, just fuck off! Shut up! Now where is that snake? Or better still, where's my £200,000? Shut up, just fuck off! Shut up! Now where is that snake? Or better still, where's my £200,000?

Our Casper must have escaped at the restaurant, I've not seen him. I can get the money by tomorrow, I promise. Oh, believe you, he's in here, in here. You don't eat hot dogs, the far too heavy for you to pick up. Oh, all done, I've got a right sweat on eating of in beans. She goes up the balcony door, do you know what I get some air? It's got a big sweat on. Yeah. Suddenly out of the corner of his eye, Steve says Casper coming out of the shower room. He's got the football shampoo and he's using it his head to play KPI with it. Yeah. Yeah. Then he

heads it really high up in the room. And as it falls, he lashes his tail at it, right? Smacks it straight towards the balcony. Hits the fat last plum on the back of her head and sends a flyen over the balcony down to the ground floor below. Kits in Caspi, a little beauty. And Caspa smiles like a Steve's picking him up.

That's quite a technique you got there lad. Hey, how would you feel about coaching job at Derby? Casper lick Steve's face as if to say, I fancy it very bust in much thank you. Yeah, it's just so. So there you go, fat lassi, or care about, where she fell into a topary langle stain or something just a broken leg. So Andy, yeah, I'm wondering if Casbro get that job, I don't know.

Well, I think it'll be a bit of a stitch up if he does, there'll be questions asked. Yeah, well it's like it's like it's like my clearing, given he's sooner scouting job or something isn't it? Well, that's not going to happen is it? No, do you think that story was a bit like Hormelon lost in New York? Ah! What, like not quite as good as the story from before? All right. All right. Before. Steve McClaren updated. Interested?

Yes, please. It's a really quick one. I promise. You remember, we left, we last left him in hotel with the fat lass. Yep. Yeah, badly injured in the box edge. Yeah. Do you remember that? I do. Well, I honestly lass. Yeah, yeah, badly injured in the box edge. Yeah.

Do you remember that? I do. Well, what else I do? A month on Steve and Casper the Snake have moved in when you were apartment in Derby. In Derby. Hmm. Yeah. Secret location, I don't know where it is.

I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I can't say where it is beyond John Lewis's, I to pass it on. And so, big lass, he's in a secret place so the big lass doesn't come knocking. You know, Steven! Don't want any of that. So, of course, a new home and a new club means new carpets

and Steve McLeod and Loves carpets and carpets. So, the first weeks of January, him and Casper were going from carpetshop to carpetshop, getting samples, asking carpets questions. You know, just fucking living the carpet life dream, you know. Like you can be in the bear. Yeah, you've got the wad, you have any carpet you want, you know, you're not solving it and carpets. Yeah. So the one in the carpet, right, I call it carpet tick, yeah? Cause it says carpet tick. And the manager recognizes him, he says,

all on Mr McLean, a fellow carpet disciple, I do believe you've affirmed not mistaken. He says no mistake, Mayor Deyre Farnlad. I'm a touch-chart with everything beholden to the carpet. Oh, Mr McLean, I think a small sample of curtain ties drifted on to the front of your head there. Don't be deaf, that's me hair, Iland your Rodney Plunker. Their once was a manager had an interesting idea to make a kitchen carpet using dormats

from Ikea. He bought them individually not to give the game away, but before the job was finished, he sadly went insane and grew a hary land, a hary land. Oh, I like it very much, says the car pit man. I'm John Puffin by the way how can I help you? Well listen John I've moved into a new apartment and it's a blank canvas I want something with a thick dense pile soft and forgiving under foot suitable for areas of large traffic probably in beige or oatmeal you don't think your hall could oh fucking show that you don't think your whole could, ah fucking show that, ah, you don't think your whole could take a pattern, maybe something a bit 70s retro on a polywool mix, polywool mix! What do you think I am a fucking anarchist? You'll be telling me to get laminate next year for phone, just as he said that, I noticed that Casper

with his upper part of his body erect was looking at the hardwood and laminate samples. Casper, get away from there. I don't want you getting involved with hard flooring. Casper turned his head but then just turned straight back to the laminates and started to lap his tongue against a little sample, like a tiny one, old pie and darker pie and then the modern pie. Casper, I won't tell you again, come away. But Casper just old is ground, transfixed by the laminates and that. All right, stay there, you plunker. See if I, okay, I've got carpet to order.

You're not ruining my big day. So Steve looked at some beige samples, chores, and I was hard wearing smooth wool pile, 10 year guarantee, Andy. You'd want that, wouldn't you, for a whole year, definitely. So is that Mr. Puffin's desk, you know, you have to do that bit where you're signing and fucking all this stuff?

He's about to sign off on the deal, so how is it going at Darby, says Mr. Puffin? Oh, it's quicking, and out job. Says, what did I call it before? Smestrowing an exit? Destroy an exit job, you know, I'm just bloodsucking really, but I will leave the stadium fully carpeted. Do you know Mr Puffin? It will have more carpet than the San Ciro, that's always been a dream of mine. Suddenly Casper's head appears over the side of the desk and his neck is swollen to her about the size of a rugby ball.

And he's looking at the agreement which isn't signed yet for the carpet. Bang! He sends a swift pipe of spew into Mr Puffin's face and then all over the keyboard and a paperwork. Right. Fresh. Spew all over. It and the paperwork. Right. Fresh, spew all of it's all ruined. Get out of carpet, take shouts, Mr. Puffin

and take that fucking disgusting snake with you. So they'll leave and on the way home, Steve, makes Casper sitting in the back of the Octavia. Steve is furious, but, Andy, is that a little grin I say on Casper's face? Yes. Could well be right. He's scuppered the plans for cut.

I think what we're looking at here is start of a plan by Casper to get these new premises, hardwood laminate flooring. Do you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. Is that what you reckon? Did you think that was a bit like dog day after noon with Al Pacino, but with Mr. Puffin playing the Al Pacino character?

No, the Al Pacino was quite tightly plotted and good film, really. You didn't think much so that then? No, I thought of me and it's... I suppose it did. I'm sorry. Well, there you go. That's what's been happening. Should we do one of me long stories, Andy? Go on, get one of your long stories that I've got the toilet. Okay, Steve McLaren. Go on then.

Well, if you've been in the live show anyone out there, you'll know that Steve got full custody of Casper. Yes, that's nice, isn't it, Andy? I spoil it there for anyone that's going to come to the live show, which we might be doing some more of very soon. Oh, that would be good. They'll be good for you. We to announce some more of the next few deers. Well check out AthleticalMince.com. Yeah check it out. It's really cool.

On the Twitter. So we'll tweet that if that should happen. Yeah. And if you've been following the news since I last spoke about Steve you'll know that he's out of a job. He's having completed and at what I think call destroy an exit? Destroy an exit mission at Derby County. So things have been pretty slow for Steve. Spends most of his days at home with Casper, reading the carpet magazines, testing carpet samples, surfing the net for carpet related stuff, stories, videos and that, yeah. As to cookies on beans on toast now. And he was happy last week because the new potato season started.

Yes. And he got a bag of them. And he had them with some slices of lunch and mate. Right. So nice little meal for Steve. Tied it up with boiled potatoes boiled. He boils them up here. He boils them up is a bit of salt in the water or just... He always said he formed me up about this. and he said he uses a salted butter and he

thinks that's sufficient for the saltiness. He don't have too much salt in it. He don't like the pepper because it's foreign but it's a foreign sauce. He's tidied up his wardrobe, he's separated, now what he's done is he separated his shirts and the categories right. So he's got BHS short the shirts and the categories right so he's got BHS short sleeve comfort fit blue. Right. Yeah M&S short sleeve comfort fit blue

short sleeve comfort fit yellow Long sleeve comfort fit blue long sleeve comfort fit yellow. What a lot of options. Yeah, so got his options there. He's arranged his ties right from light brown, right through to dark brown. Yep. Yeah. All the ties. All the available ties. Yeah. His brown ties. He separated his shoes in a slip on beige, slip on grey and slip on caramel. He wears a caramel. Yeah. When he's holidays, holidays functions that sort of thing. He's been busy in himself. He's filled inamot, yeah, when he's... Holidays. Holidays functions, that sort of thing. He's been busy in himself. He's filled in with filler, poly filler, and that the holes in the bedroom wall

where the fat lass used to kick out. Yeah. He's filled them in. He's bagged up all the fat lasses, soft toys, and fun pillows, yeah. He's tucked them down the charity shop. He's cleaned a path at the side of the house and took the weeds out of all the little cracks.

You're going to see clean the fun pillars there. I'll be clean the fun pillars before I tuck them down the tree. Steve would, of yeah, definitely. He's repainted the bathroom where the big laced made of mess. Yeah. You know, he's took the leaves and muck out of his gutters, turned the mattress. Sounds like a new start, isn't it? Yeah, put the neck curtains through a wash. Yep, took his scorer for an MOT. He started putting them, is it CalPot? Washing machines last longer with... Calgon. Calgon. He started putting Calgon tablets in his dishwasher and washing machine after having been very impressed with their advert. These sounds like someone who's come out of a very dark period in their life.

And they're on the up. It's just a catch-up. He took Casper to the park the other week in his rug sack and now I add an egg sandwich. Anyway, so one day he sat on the sofa with Casper reading in the story about a magic carpet, right? He thinks to himself, where would I be without you Casper reading him a story about a magic carpet, right? He thinks to himself, e, where would I be without you, Casper? Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. F***er.

Ow! Metal ball. Steve is straight up. Oh, Casper, visit our window, that could be. Well, it turns out, and it's the man from British Gas, and he's there, a gib the the boiler a ton you will service. Is this related to my British Gas song I did last week? Have they been in touch? No, that's just so indipathy, you know, that's just something, but there is something like

British Gas in the air, isn't it? At the minute. Well, it turns out he's there and the annuals are, oh, of course, I was looking forward to that. Smashing, do come in, can I get your tea? Coffee, maybe some beans on toast. I'm having some new potatoes, it's a new season, you know. Oh, it's so lovely to see you.

Blank, yeah, alright, yeah. Just show me the boiler, sir. Steve, alright, so Worcester, Kombi-2-5, one with digital display and internal condensation, Siphon, yes, I know, sir. Nice boiler. I'm a gas engineer. Look, excuse me sir, I think you might have a large moth on your forehead. Don't be daft. It's me here, Ireland, you Rodney Plunker. Let me tell you all about it.

There once was a manager had a wonderful idea to take over a big club and bring it to its knees. He carpeted the boardroom and the club canteen. He carpeted the car park but failed to build a team. He's a head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-loan.

It's my head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-loan. It's my head-eye-, it's me head, I learned you plunker. So, you know, he sings that to women, man, just so. Right, if you could just leave me to get on, nothing that would be best sir.

So, are you interested in the story? And they watch you think, it's all right, I'm wondering where it's going. Not much happening at the moment. Not a lot. So Steve goes back in the lounge, but Casper's not there, so he just turns on the telly. What's happening is Casper's crept upstairs, and he's looking out a window, right? To his surprise, he sees the fat lass parked outside

in a corsa, and she's on a fursuit. Corsa, the Voxel. Voxel Corsa, nippy little hatchback. Texting on a phone. I know a corsa is boring. It's boring. Um, texting on a phone. I know of course, but it's not moral. So, what I don't like, look at this, it's rushes downstairs to tell Steve, thinking Steve's in the kitchen,

he rushes straight in, he sees the gasman texting on his phone. Kasper looks at his ID thing on his Lanyard and sees that it ain't British, Kasper, all, it's just like a sort of sheriffy-looking badge that it's been downloaded and laminated so that's suspicious in it just a bit yeah and Casper ain't that so just as the gasman turns round Casper leaps at him and wraps himself around his neck and

amand screams and being suffocated and drops to the floor, Steve rushes out the kitchen. What's he doing, Casper? Leave the man alone! But Casper just tightens his grip. And with his tear, he flicks the gasman's phone towards Steve. Right? Steve picks it up and reads what he was texting. And he has this text. Andy, so it's nice bonus for you

that I've got, she got the text here, isn't it? Yeah, tell us the text. My darling fat lass, good news. It's a Wuster 2.5.1, which is easy to fix, so the gas will leak and the sensor will not override. Whoa. He's in all there, so he should be done, done in for in a few hours. I haven't seen the snake. Whoa. That's serious. Dickens, what a plunk have been not checking his ID thoroughly. Get out of here before I call the rosters and Kasper will not let go of you, tell you're out. So off he goes Kasper on his neck, Kasper comes off and will shut the door behind him. What a day Kasper.

Hey Kasper, come on, let's treat ourselves to a bus ride to the new convention centre, see how the building works coming on. Well Casper forces a smile and off the go get ready for the bus ride. Did you think, Andy, did you think that was a little bit like the movie curbel guy? Yeah, kind of, isn't it? Yeah, I would see you possibly stalling some elements of curable guy. Yeah kind of, yeah I would see you possibly stolen some elements of cable guy. Yeah you might have to edit this one out. Well it's part of the consciousness cable guy in it though I didn't mean to do it deliberately I don't know if that's a defense. I also thought as well it was indicative of that lack of attention to detail. That's made Steve McLaren repeatedly feel within the

public management while he didn't check the lanyard. Exactly, didn't even check the lanyard. You know what I mean? You know these days, we had southern water around where I live the other day. Right. But it once on water, never was watch people found out. The phone's up, southern water said,

have you got any of your operatives around here at the moment? Nah. So what was the baddies? Baddies proper baddies? Shit. Thank you.