Athletico Mince - The Observational Comedy Collection Vol. 1

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Some high quality observing and remembering from episodes 15-31. (Rec: 31/8/21) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know how that means observational comedy, yeah? Oh, you're a well-entered, aren't you? And the hotel rooms are being right in observational comedy want to hear a little bit of some? Yeah. So I'll do the observational voice. Is it? Oh, I've never noticed that. In the hotel, in the hotel, the lead on the kettle is so short, you have to put the kettle on the floor next to the socket, which is really difficult

with my brass hand. That's a good one, isn't it? That's a good one. Seven out of 10. Okay. Oh, if you notice, every time you go in the shower and someone set it at about 2,000 degrees and it all gets in your brass-on mechanism. Yeah. Um, you can't...

Well, how to use the stupid plug. Go on, the plugs are stupid. So you have to unscrew your brass-on and use that. You know the plug in the sink. Yeah. How do you use that? a'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith to get me through there, me brassand, and show the pigeon. You know what I mean? Do you have your other shoe, the pigeon? Andy? No, but I don't want to dump you to fall. So yeah, you like I'll be there in comedy. Can I ever go at that? Do it, Marissa. I did one last week, no, about putting some petrol in the car, and landing on the five pound exactly. You went, hey kids, you've got a future in this.

So I've done some as well. Nice one. Er, I tell you we don't see much of these days. Yeah, I agree. I tell you you don't see much of these days. Tommy Cooper, that's a good one, yeah, you don't. The landline ran the other day. I did that trick, could have been anyone, could have been the IRL. The other day, I took my time of ice came out the freezer

after that one before I want to do it so that it would be easy to scoop. That's quite good bit of advice as well. But you've lost your course, you would don't want to rephrase it. You know, you've defrosted the whole. Just enough, just enough, just enough. Just enough, just enough, just enough, just enough. I'm not trying to defrost that, I'm trying to cram my mouth. It's got, you know, like, with all the troubles in the world and there's terrible possibilities

with Brexit and that, it's nice to have a bit of observation of comedy in it. Yeah, good. So, are we shining brass and? Yeah, we have to be a little bit over the brass and. The main thing is, Andy, is being on a train for so long, of course, gave me a marvelous opportunity to do some, think about some observational comedy,

which I'm completely addicted to now. Oh, lovely. It's like pointing things out and that, yeah. So can I run some past you like their best? I'll run them on the train, obviously. Please do. Ah, don't you hate it, right? When like a mental blog gets on the train

and all the other seats are empty but he sits next to you so you have to put your brass hand case on your lap what do you reckon? I think that resonates with a lot of people yeah that's really good I've ever not on the trains that the toilet lock never works so you have to jam the mechanism with your brass hands you know it's that yeah, people will be listening to this and go, oh, that's just my life. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's on the train, the conductors hands. It's always like covered in fabric condition, a saw figure or something. It makes your brass handle tacky when you get you take it back. You notice that? Oh yeah. What, can we go check, answer that was part of the transaction.

No, it's terrible, isn't it? No, yeah. And he's a lot, right, you got the station, says you train's canceled. So you asked the fellow, why is it canceled? He says, I don't know.

You said, when's the next train? He said, I don't know. He said, can I get a ray fund? And he says, I don't know. I said, can I buy brass hand oil in the God Gods? He says, I don't know. You know, it's that. Yeah, that was the me all the time.

I bet I've got loads of them, but in the French things, they have quite a flashy buffet bar. You know what it's like with the condinentals so I said, cover cup of coffee. It says, what do you want? Capuchino, mocha, Latte, American flat wide and I said, no I just want some brass and oil. Anyway so that's a bit of trend comedy. Yeah, you seem to be specializing in the brass hand material. Well, it's because it's personal to me. I've got a brass hand. So you need to try and, you know, come up with stuff that everyone's going to identify with.

That's the power of observation comedy. The audience can say that's just exactly like my life. I've got some miracle let's have a listen a fat block set next to me on the chair of me bless and Wednesday I'll be asked no carry on let's see yours you got some all right right here we go where do I tell you listen I tell you what you don't see much of these days we're saying Jack I don't know where you said Jack sorry I can't relate to that he was the Yorkshire Ripper Hawks I oh you don't know, we're side Jack, sorry I can't relate to that.

He was the Yorkshire Ripper Hawks, huh? Oh you don't need much of him, good one. Yeah, six out with ten. I tell you he don't say much of these days, low ten and pigeon! I remember them, I'm all the old dogs. See? Yeah.

It's resonating with you isn't it? Yeah. Do you remember where you were a kid? You had the measles and your mouth would leave you all but you were the big one and you started death. Do you remember it? I a kid? You had the measles and your mom would leave you all once you were the big one and you started to death. Do you remember it? I'm real off with it. Like that.

That's sort of thing. Say you're laughing because it's happening. You got it to happen to me. Of course it did. I'm to everyone. Where till I tell you? Where till I tell you this one? Where till I tell you?

Gone then. You know, you know, all that recycling they're going about? Yeah. On the news? Well, I never know what to put in the recycling bin. So I just put anything into that I think deserves a second chance. Pffft. See?

It's got a great observation. So why did we do a football podcast when we could have done... We could have called it observation. We could have done... We could have done 35 minutes in this shit. Yeah. Perhaps I have just illustrated why the best comedy is the observation comedy, okay.

So last week, I should be doing remembering things, as well, that's so much part of it. You're stalled just massive. Yeah, read to your member, do you remember what's it? Do you know what I mean? And that sort of thing. So I've tried that line,

seek, you're not all, you're making it all about brass hands and that. So, Andy, do you remember when all the kids had to play with was a plastic football and it would get punctured with the brass hands? Do you remember that? That's good.

Yeah. I can identify with that. And the laugh is because you remembered the previosys of it you forgot. You triggered the memory. Yeah. It is another one. Hey, do you remember the 1980s when the only brass hand oil you could get was taps to the original and it would steer your shirt cough. Oh yeah, good and if funny but true. Do you remember the sitting class saying five and it was on tomorrow's world and you saw gobsmacked that you pointed at the tele and your brass unfluo off and smashed the screen. Do you remember that happened in your house? I remember every week. Hey, do you remember them two bar electric fires? You know, they'd like to make your forehead sweat. And if you put your flag through to light it,

your brass hand would shorten the electric. Do you remember that? Oh, one more. One more. Please, I've got some to do. I've got a couple of you. Do you remember? Jikuzis with the water jets and all the bits and pieces were getting to a

whirlpool you know all this shit and all the airs and that and rapper Abjibrassad remember that? No not really. Yeah it's not so good that one. It could stuff that one. I'm on a similar sort of thing like I got I tell you I'm saying what's on these days now Mickey It's all driverless cars now Do you do remember listen to remember when we were kids in the 1970s and 1970s and Fathers were coming up on you door and asking my mom how much And to tell them that come back when the kids are asleep. I think they're trying to buy stuff shouldn't it? They're so much

You know Bring it it bold back. Yeah, more topical one. I'm you saying steam. What's that about? Yeah, it's been like smoke but you know nicer it is nice if you bring it into the modern deer as well yeah it's not just no stulger is kind of like you know this stuff's happening now that we get along it so I really enjoyed it just because you reminded me of steam so that's the joke that's a big laugh in it. But that was interesting, because I felt really, because when you said steam's nicer than smoke

and compared it, that felt like you were no whole, no other level of, it didn't make me like laugh out loud, but it made me feel really warm, you know. It didn't feel comfortable, yeah. I'm really sure would, and I haven't put that in mind. No. I've just gone, do you remember that? Do you remember what's it? Yeah.

Maybe you could end your routine with that one of that steamed thing and just make people go on with a bit of a glow. What about it, so that end? Do you remember what's it? And then I could add something like, you could gently crush them on your palate. Yeah.

And then just gradually. No, it's not. Gradually absorb the water. You could sell some what's it to the water to the foyer, I still do what's it to them. Of course they do. Oh fuck sake. Have you been doing any observation comedy? I've got a little bit, yeah I've got to have a routine. Isn't it great though?

Set. Let me use it. Alright alright I've got. Do you remember, do you remember when you used to get your fish and chips wrapped in actual newspaper? Well, the EU made them stop doing it when they banned page 3 girls. There's no one the way I would leave. Leave. They'll be forced you just to get this in front of Dawking next so we don't get call-resists.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you identify with that, yeah. I tell you all, you don't see much of these days. The mobile butcher used to come around and his little van full of meat, and you'd be able to get in the back with him. And it was a tight squeeze, and he let you do the choppin' yourself,

and then you drive off together and bury the bits in the woods and he'd drop you off behind the precinct at the end. Yeah, that's my childhood, yeah. I'm trying to get a catch for his gun as well. Is that your sister, sir? Can I have it? Has it been on the floor? I'm not bothered if it has. Well, is it a bit long? It's a bit long. It's not snappy enough. Right, but shit, it's got a lot of content. There's a lot going on there, isn't there? It's at a little play.

Yeah. I know those two people already, and I feel to put, well, yeah, it's a conversation, isn't it? Yeah. You want to build on yourself? Would you do me a favour? Build on that story for me for next week. This happens next week.

All right, yeah. At the moment, I'm saying, I've such a draw has dropped, and someone's perfectly happy to continue with the transaction. Well, it's dropped, but he's asking if it's been on the floor. So maybe he's saying it dropped and then the other first picked it up and just... Don't tell us that, oh no, let's find out. Alright, you're on under.

Correct, you're being thought you've got the wrong end of the stick. Is that your set? Is that your phone? That's it, yeah? Hey Andy, cos it's shopping special, special tonight. I thought that I'd like to do. You know I love me observational comedy. Who doesn't? I'm getting a bet, right, I think. Would you agree? Weak on week, thank you. So I've done a little bit of observation comedy like about shopping

and that. That's good. All right. And topical, thank you very much. Hey, Andy. Oh, Andy, have you ever noticed when you're in the supermarket? Do you remember supermarket, Sparrow, where really big shops? Remember them? Anyway, and you choose a tell that's only got one person, but she's got lots of vouchers. Do you remember vouchers? Do you remember vouchers? Andy, do you have the speakers?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you see, you remember vouchers? Do you remember vouchers? I've heard of the... D.S. the speakers. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you see, you remember them? So you've enjoyed that. Remember in there. Yeah, like, it's just the audience. Thank you. Oh, and it's taking forever.

But she's got one for brass-hand Shiner, right? And she gives it to you because she's seeing you've got a brass-hand, right? So you rush off to get the Shiner. You get back in the queue's a massive, gets to your turn, you find out the offers expired. But you know, you've imagined a nice shiner and so you're a powerful brace. Yay!

Y'all have an artist. Whoa! Thank you. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Have you ever noticed you park at a a supermarket, you remember supermarkets? Yeah. And the car park is empty, but a pensioner comes and parks right by your car.

Do you remember pensioners? Yeah. You enjoyed that, aren't you? And it parks right next year, and you have to squeeze out of your door, and you damage your brass handle on the other car or at best some of your hand oils, me as on the windscreen. Yeah!

Woo! You have an artist that. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I have an artist when in a supermarket, you remember them, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you always get the trolley with the squeaky wheel, you know, then you realize it's not the wheel, but it's your brass hand and it needs

oil in and they don't sell brass lubricants, you're not a sats. Yeah, you didn't let that one. No, it didn't let the snow real. Oh, Oh, you... Right. I was like, I find with it. I was even annoyed with the supermarket. Yeah. All right, well, that's good. That's quite supportive of it. Put you off your... What about Bitluck?

Because you've got BitDreild. Yeah, I'm sorry. Hey, what's the difference between a hip-hop and a zippo? I'll tell you, one's heavy, the other's a little lighter. Ah! Ah! Ah!

That's good. Ah! Yeah. I'll tell you all right, is a question for you, right? Like a brain teaser. Mary as 24 cupcakes, sheets four between nine and 11, right? A total of 13 between nine and three and six between two and five PM. What does Mary have now? Dianne Beaties! Ha ha! So, that's, I've come back in traditional jokes with observation. It's a maths and some off-collar illness humor.

Yeah. Hope you enjoyed it. Most of it. I'm going to call that my set. Right. All right. Well, can I ever go as well gone I prepared some as well all right here we go

Hey, well, I'll think it's no do you remember pop bottles like what you used to drink your pop out of You drank all the pop that you used to see it was empty Every pop bottles empty you'd say and really chugging it to a bush remember that I'm here. I've been excited before, hey? I've been here. Do you like it? Because I'm not that fussed. Ah!

Do you know what? I mean, that is gone. I want me, that is. Ha ha ha ha ha. So there's some observational comedy. Got it. Straight in with three buns. BANG.

So there would be tight set, eh? There were, wire tights, sometimes I think is best. Get rid of the, the cack. In and out. Yeah. Get the job done. You've got the jokes laid out. And even though you can convince yourself otherwise,

you know, four of them are just toads. Yeah. And you could just put them in a dishcloth, wrap them in the newspaper. Sort of an abortion, love them in a bush. But that was 100% gold onoth, wrap them in the newspaper. Sort of an abortion, love them in a bush. But that was 100% gold on it. Black. Start a finish.

And I would put on a back at your DVD, you know what, 14 second DVD. Yeah. I think I'd say, you're a whirlwind of comedy. So a bit like that, yeah. Utterly fantastic. That's a bit like a butter as well, isn't it? I'll get that caught from you, put on.

Yeah. Because you've got a bit of clout of any other It blown me mine there. Absolutely I feel a bit low now That's that you've lit because you're to the down after the high in it. Yeah Do you remember when we used to gather around the piano offering to turn? You know I mean now we only gather on road traffic accidents of free food offers. Do you know what I'm trying to do?

Yeah! Thank you. Do you remember I am? You know I'm dead, don't break your heart. Is this really good? I'm doing, I'm rather than doing the, I've never noticed, I'm doing the, do you remember one? Yeah. He's moved away from the brass and stuff as well That's not gonna go down well All right, oh done then have you ever noticed? So you were back back home. I've never noticed you know the petrol pump trying to hit exactly 30 quid

Yeah, you have an artist and your brass and falls in the fire buckets a ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym ym y Yeah, don't be mad, so it's this. Have you ever noticed the people on the near land are always staring at your brass knock-ins? Cough! To say, I'll not be editing that out, that's marvelous. Thank you very much. That's the only observation company I did have you done, Annie. I've got a few scraps of putt together, yeah? Okay.

You know what, you don't say much of these, Dears! The Titanic! You don what? You don't say much of these days! The Titanic! You don't? You know what? You don't say much of these days! The black and white minstrel show! You don't say that, are you? I-I-I tell you! I tell you you don't say much of these days!

Where to? I tell you! I tell you you don't say much of these days! Bob Mortimer! He used to be on the telly lawns back in the 1970s. What he never gets on now, he probably went to prison with all that other lot. Yeah, I'm sure it's a good one, the last one, but I don't

remember that block. No, there is another one. One more. Do you know FUNELLS? Yeah. What are you all about there? This is a story with fume rolls. They're like weddings but a bit sadder. It's great comedy, isn't it? It's just like a a bottomless well that we've got. Oh, beautiful. We could do this for years. for years. Do you remember? Do you remember Captain Pugwash in the 1970s? Do you remember all the

rude names they had? What we didn't know about because we were only little. You remember that master bedroom? Yes. Wankijak, Johnny Big Cox. Do you remember that? Do you remember 1982? Yeah. Do you remember it? It was 1981, but a bit newer. Well, yeah.

Well, that's funny. Yeah. Have you ever noticed? Right. Have you ever noticed this on the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. Mae'r yw' Remember coffins. Yeah. You never know. Yeah, you're not coughing, but you're not dead. You know one of them things, but you're in your coffin. So you tried to bang on the casket, but they've taken off your brass end, right?

So the car, yeah, yeah. You noticed that. Yeah. Thank you. I'm gonna try to kind of try to remember, do you remember one? Go on then, it's usually my turn. Oh, boy. Go on. Have a go. She mind.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Is that any good? Yeah! Is that any good? It's pretty weak to be honest. All right, is that because you didn't remember it? Or just because it wasn't that hard? Well I remember it, but it usually only happens for one deer, flying on thing. It's not a whole summer. All right. I can't come see.

If I said, do you remember, do you remember when bookies were wooden? Right. Yeah. Would that work, I was it not. That's all right. That's all right. But, you know, there's not a lot of meat on the board. There's that. You have to add a detail to it. Yeah. It's got to be something about the book. Because I didn't like it too. And said why it was funny, because it was like 90, 81, but but newer but you can't

just say remember when a thing was a thing so first and Jay don't remember when bookets were wooden right that's the first bit yeah yeah the plastic now on there yeah goody thank you thank you good. The plastic now aren't they? That could be your catchphrase that You just stick that on the end of anything. I love this observation stuff in it And it goes to what was it? What was it? What was it? What was it? Catchphrase? You're right. What was it? The plastic now is that it the plastic novel That's good that's a keeper

Being doing any observation comedy Andy I've got you have got a little bit of a routine here for you ready Of course I am here we're gonna hit you with this Do you remember do you remember remember the 40th century Remember, do you remember? Do you remember the fortyth century? I were all alike today, but everything was black and white and you couldn't get a pizza delivered for love and a money? Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh yes, right, that's right enough to be relatable. Very relatable. Here's another one. Speaking of pizza, what's the day of a vegetarian fold? It's just like proper food, but not very nice.

Ah, that's all, that's uh. Do you remember? Listen, listen, do you remember? Remember that time when them lads from the bar still got out and they nicked a motorbike and they set fire to it around the back of the precinct and they let you watch it and it was so exciting that you pissed yourself and then wanted them threw a hammer at your back. You remember that? You remember that very one. That's a nice little set. That's alright. In out to tight 10 minutes, that's not as lovely little set.

Once you factor in, factor in a little introduction at the beginning, stand the innovation at the end and some hysterics in the middle. That's 10 minutes. Do you think you're getting on core? I wouldn't do an on core. I'm not in. That sort 10 minutes. Do you think you're getting on-core? I wouldn't do an on-core. No, not. I'm not into that sort of thing you get what you get. That's it.

I'm so happy for enough. I suppose, yeah, if you buy a 10-fish thing because you get 10, you don't clap the box and get another one pop out, do you? Exactly. You know what? When you buy some fish fingers. Am I chuk that in as the on-core?

Oh, fucking vex the water. So anyway, Andy, you know there's been, we haven't been doing much football recently, so I've done a little observation comedy set, but it's about football, so... Oh, that's nice, you know. Get back to our roots. Give it a go.

Hey, hey, hey, I've never noticed that when you go to an aware match, the people in the town often have a different accent? Have you noticed that? Have you noticed that? Yeah. Thank you, thank you. Have you ever noticed that when you go to an aware match you never sat in the same seat you're sitting at the all matches?

You noticed that? Ooh. You noticed that. You notice that. You have an artist that when he got in a way much. You know, it was miles from home when it finishes. Miles from home. You notice that. Funny cut, it's funny, you know. Do you remember when he could stand the away matches? Now you have to sit and your brass hand keeps banging on the structure of the seat. I mean, I've done one for a long card, you want it? I know you want to.

You want to cost it? But I do, yeah. You prick. So you go on then. Shout more, more, more. More. Thank you, thank you very much. Hey, do you remember old fashioned turnstiles at a where matches where you had to push the turnstiles around manually, almost ripping your brassando for as you did it. The plastic now, aren't they? What, brassando?

No, they're turnstiles. Oh, yay. Thank you, good night. Very good that. You go down a storm with that, Eric. Are you taking that to Edinburgh? No, I don't do Edinburgh anymore. I do, I, I, I, with, I, I mean,

it's pretty eye quality stuff, and the attempt to do the Montreal Festival, Sydney comedy festival. All the big lads. All the big lads, yeah. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- I've been looking at the observational comedy roles. There are rules, are there? Yeah, and I find them a bit complicated, but I've got a new set I'd like to run past you. Come on, feel free. You feel free to critique it as well. If you don't have to be an audience, you can be like a judge.

I'll see, I would go as if I feel like I want to be an audience and jump in and participate. I will. Okay, right. Whenever I fit eight are you like me listen right whenever I put up all jays whenever I oh whenever I fill out an application in the part that says if in an emergency who should be notified I put doctor I mean what's my mother gonna do? She's got a brass hand. So that was the first one. That's good. So there's a joke in there.

Yeah, I think it'll play it. Evern artist, have you ever noticed that children can be very unruly? For example, a party sports event or family picnic, you notice that? Yeah. So I knocked that one off. Yeah, I'd leave that one.

Okay. Eight. Eight. Eight. You notice that? Yeah. So I knocked that one off. Yeah, I'd leave that one. I ate. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother in law. I mean, I ever said, you know, I'll put what I said, no, six should be enough. One of them is a brass under these fucking lethal. That's like that. That would be a loten Jock, is that what it is? Yeah, and you've just stuck a breath on and all that. Yeah, that's what I thought I would do. I'd get some observation of comedy jokes

than just love brass and proven ones from the past. Yeah, it is comedians. So it looks like my last one. Hey, why is it called alcoholics, anonymous? When the first thing you do is stand up and say, my name is Robert and I have a brass hand. Hey, hey, yeah, you've done that again, you've took a joke and you've put

a brass hand on the end, yeah. So, hey, if you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of permits on your brass hand, that's good. Yeah, it's good because that resonates so that's me set. Yeah You're not planning to Edinburgh. Yeah, this year. No, right just as well around big and Edinburgh with stuff like that You think yeah, I think it is a bit of work to be honest. Okay. Well, it'll get a bit of work Well, do you want to your mind and then you can maybe see how it's done properly? Okay, let's see you have it Lesan gentlemen Andy Dawarson with this peculiar brand of observation humor. Right, right, listen,

you've been watching the Olympics. Are you saying that? Did you say the marathon? I'll come, they don't call it the stickers. Hey, sponsorship. Yeah, it's a, I'm adding the noise, no. Yeah, listen, do you remember the proper Batman you know the proper one from the 1960s when he used to be in a good mood not like the new one was I was got come on about so much yeah that's good I don't know what is that I like that one yeah

That's good, I like that one, yeah. Hey, listen, listen to this. What's the deal with Shetland? Paul and A's, what's that all about? They're just like proper horses, but you can fit them in the back of a transit van. Or do you want to put a horse in a van for? Who's fucking idea was that? It's all right, sorry.

I think you should have gone small in the transit. Like a hatchback? Yeah, look little like maybe not to have you estate. A panel of handsome, but anyway it's alright. I can always change it. No one's gonna hear it. Is that it? That's all I've got, yeah. I'm over to you. I came across a fella called Neville last night. A young man called Neville. I came across this fella called Neville. Whoops, I said.

Didn't mean to do that. Is that what you're getting at? No, no, alright That's just the end of it. I'm just pointing out that it's not a very popular name these days. No, it isn't So quasi-modal causing to a bar and ask for a glass of whiskey Bells are right says the barman Man you're a fucking business sis quasi-modalar. The parliament so shocked his brass anpholes into the sink. Ain't good. Bit of a cobs of extra coming in a good. That's alright. I offered the old lady next door ten pounds for a go on a stanna stair lift.

Hopefully she's going to take me up on it. She's got it. Hopefully she's going to take me up on it. The offer. Hopefully she's going it to me up on it. The offer. Oh yeah. Hopefully she's going to take me up on it. Right. You know, right to the top and I can rattling me brass and on the banister. Right. Right. What you've done there. So I've done something wrong, I'm not. It's well what you've done is you've returned to the the power quality joke format that you had earlier in this series of podcasts. Right. Nobody really liked. Right. You've done that in the observational comedy voice.

Yes. And then you've just chew on some kind of lazy brass hand reference onto the end. It's a fuck-up innit? Nightmare. Well look, this was the other one. I think this might be worse. What did one lawyer say to the other lawyer?

Hello, mate. I'm a lawyer. I see you use Pearson's brass hand wax just like me. We should be friends until death. Any good? Any good? It's more of a short play of that than a joke. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Combined with a disponsorship thing for Pearson's brass and oil. It's the best brass and oil oil. fine Advocate and the yeah, I've got some observation on the company. So you're reckonin' this all right Hey, hey listen listen you'll never believe what I saw yesterday Well, you're never gonna find out so piss off

No, that's it Yeah, I understand the answer. I'll Okay, there are hey listen, I tell you what you don't aim much of these days! The Fulclands War! From the 1980s! We can't be doing very well enough! They never talk about it on the news anymore! I mean, am I right? Yeah, I quite like that. I love the bit of the end there. Am I right? Ah, that's a good one. That's the current one isn't it?

It's one more. Listen, listen man, listen. I got one of them memory sticks the other day. Spent five hours saying all me memories into it. And now I can't get them out again. I take it back to the shop, but I can't remember where I go from. Hey.

That's the memory you've used to be, remember? The memory stick. Yeah. I don't have the best of the three it's the best of the three but I don't think it's observation comedy what I'm going to do next week is I'm gonna you've told me the rules I'm gonna really concentrate you know collective memories reminding people of them because that's funny and also that other little area you told me about where you just literally sort of say you know do you remember or have you have as long as you can say have you ever noticed or do you remember you know you might be on to something hey hey hey you know what that means I don't know you it's observational comedy time hey hey hey you have an artist, a sonar's as an inch, a fucking snore.

Everyone and the monkey is out and about at the local hillock, with a sledge, yeah? You notice that. And there's always one perfect family that has like a Rolls-Royce sledge and all the Austrian gay and all you have, all you have is a Papa John's Pizza Box to use. Eh? Eh? Eh? And after a couple of goals, the ink runs from the box design and all you have, all you have is a Papa John's Pizza Box to use. Eh, eh, eh. And after a couple of goals, the ink runs from the box design and stares your brass and, you notice that.

Hey. Yeah, any good? Yeah. It's a bit convoluted. Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm not very topical either. But, you know, fucking hell, man. I was not anything else. But so the observation comedy has to be topical.

But, it doesn't have to be. Well, thank you. I didn't, I've never been to, ay! Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay! Have you ever noticed? All of us fellers, like all of us fellers. We have a draw at home that's got all your bits of shit in. You know, like watch batteries, hinges, old charger cables and that.

But, but you can never find your plus hand oil in there, can you? Yeah. Don't like it. That's all right, yeah. You got any more? I've got a few more, I'll do one more. Just do one more, will you?

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, do you remember old fashioned trousers? You know, with button flies and the buttons for your braces? What a lovely funny memory. Hey boys and girls. What, what decade would that be from? Oh, right up to the 60s, right up to the 60s. Do you remember them? Do you remember the lovely funny memory? But you can never fix your braces with your brass-hand, could you? Ha! Unless you're fucking dynamo, you know, the magic Yorks, you man. It's me worth saying.

What you've done there is you've gone back to the 1960s for a memory. Yes. But then you've introduced dynamo. Yeah. It was only really come to prominence in the what the last ten years. Yeah, but I used him to illustrate me point. didn't know that I couldn't cross the eras to do that. Hey, hey, hey, what's it like? You know, what's it like when you're cooking pasta? Sometimes you cook too much. Sometimes you don't cook enough. Sometimes you don't cook

any. Yeah, are you doing observation? Are you gonna do any observation comedy? That's that's the first one. Oh, all right. Yeah, it's not so. Hey. Oh, here we go. Hey Hey, there's this though. There's this as well. I bought myself one of those calendars for the kitchen the other day to Strain me past her in. Yeah, and I'm not even calling Colin That's straight but one of them calling does. Colin does, yeah. Not bad Andy, yeah the same letters are in the same sequence so I suppose I'll give you some credit for that yeah. And it's I'm trying to go down like a pasta beast.

Okay so is there another one, Rod? Hey! There we go. Hey! What's the deal with all the kinds of pasta? This fucking loads That's a good one because I have noticed that I've noticed that.

Different shapes and lengths and things. That's a different shapes, different lengths, fucking hell! That could probably end the set without that. Oh, that is a gem, that one. Drop the mic and just, you know, storm off. You got Ravioli. Spaghetti. That's a penny, penny, tangy Italian.

Full of melucci. Do you have a tangy Italian? How many do the need? You see, you can do that for a good 10 minutes. You're just listing pastas, couldn't you? I love it. I've loved you set. And they really, you know, cause of that last one thriving thriving aren't I yeah hey hey hey I tell you why you don't see much of these days

brookside I'm right the owner yeah I remember brookside I suppose that's your intention I remember it Remember it's the remember it's the fun. Did mommy laugh, but thank you for reminding me of it worked on one level Didn't hey, don't hey don't kids say the funniest things though. This is a new one. I'm doing little kids See in the funniest things don't kids say the funniest things though. Hey, don't they know hey My kids came up to me the other day. They said can we go home yet dad? My kids came up to me the other day and they said, can we go home yet dad? Barry's coming round. You know, Mum's you fella Barry. He's coming round. He's got a pre-release. Coping a fee for $17. Heartwell for me. Love so much that I cried.

Cry for hours. That's like, that's like, that's funny sad. Like the end of the series. Yeah, I don't get it. Well, I like it, you know, you mentioned FIFA, so it reminded me of FIFA. For instance, it's coming out soon. Yeah. Hey, have you seen them new 5-pound notes? Oh yeah, oh, plastic and weird apparently.

I haven't seen one yet, I don't get me gyro on the Tuesday. Ha ha ha. See, I've exaggerated it to me laugh there, cause I love it, cause that's self-effacing. Yeah. Because I presume you don't get a Jiro. Yeah, it's true. I like to think of your waddling down the what's it called the employment office?

The Leabrextian. Leabrextian, just getting the Jiro. Is that your set then? Listen! No, listen! Fucking listen! Oh no, that's all I've got, sorry. Haha. Oh,, that's all I've got, sorry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Paterson's brass underach next door, man, is a stiff as a teenager's sheets!

That's good, really. That's strong, yeah. I'm not gonna say why, but it is. I've got a notice. Have you ever noticed, no? I bet you have. I've got a notice, you're killing it at the past office. And just as it's your turn, all the windows close, apart from one.

And it's the bloke with two brass hands and a rap conviction. No, not really. No, I saw as I said that bit, I wish I embodied with it. Have you ever noticed yet swimming pool, those one pensioner, do you remember pensioners? Me and you're not in the same lane as the snail's pace and every time you get out of his way your brass hand gets caught on the filter in wet Oh, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, That's just me. It is a funny thing, because you didn't do this. I didn't finish it. It says, hey, do you remember teenagers?

You don't hear so much about them these days. And it pitted out, so I crossed it out. But you said that then. You remember, oh no, you said funny things, what kids say? They're different things together. Completely different, yeah. So you got to blind Ali with that, remember teenagers. But my don't kids see the funniest things yeah that gone for weeks

well can I will can I just say that I I thought your set was absolutely terrific who would you recommend a as an institution would you reckon has more horse pipe you know more horse I should say. Yeah. The fire brigade or Diner Rod. That's a good one. I know the both got the bus. The fire brigade's under a lot of cuts at the minute. Yeah. And Diner Rods, he stays in it.

Diner Rods. I'm gonna go Diner Rod. Okay, well I'll tell you what I'll find. I'll try and find out. Why, you don't know. No, I have no idea. I just thought it was interesting. I wonder who's got the most.

Hey! Hey! listen. Listen. Listen. I tell you what, there's this as well, no, listen. No, wait, I tell you. What do they need to call it? Sat now for. I know I'm sat. Of course I'm sat.

I'm sat in the fucking car. Oh, I thought you were going to do well, like, the mind is that you said. It's good to say tight, set this. I've got a little bit more. Go on then. Hey, listen. I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to

say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I'm going to say, I thought you were going to do well, like, the mind is that you said. It's good to say tight set this. I've got a little bit more. Go on then. Hey, listen, no, listen, hey, fucking listen, hey! I tell you what, you don't see much of these days, littering, littering. Life used to be easier when you could just chuck your empty fat packet down on the peg,

but didn't it? Stop the clock, hey, hey! No one ever got hurt, we just got on with it. Casual racism, you should bring that back as well. You know, through it my job a lot easier that did. Stop the clock, Ernie! Stop the clock, Ernie! That's all. Oh, very fucking hell. I enjoyed that set. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hmmm.

I tell you why you don't see any more these days smoking monkeys. Do you remember them? You used to be one in every pub, signed the con and nursing a half a start with a captain full strength in one hand and a curve banana in the other. That's when they weren't picking shit out of their assholes and flinging it at the bar maid. Well, I've enjoyed some of the language in there, the curved banana, the captain full strength in that book. I don't remember monkeys at Impubs. You know what? So maybe a son of a thing on that level. Yeah, maybe on that level. It didn't work for me. Okay, okay, next one. Hey, hey, get this. Get a load of this. He has a list of types of crisps. Speaks raiders,

watch its quavis, sea brooks, chipsticks and hoolah hoops. Hoolah hoops. Hey, what's that about? Stop the clock, aren't you? It's not great, but I've enjoyed it because you have to. But it's, you know, it's still, it's, it's, you know, stuff that people identify with, isn't it? Yeah, I saw. And it lists the crisps. When you said say, brook, I thought I couldn't help but smell a bit in the background. Yeah. And then I dropped the catchphrase at the end, just a fucking hammer at home. Yeah.

Not well, okay, I'll give you that one. All right. Hey, hey, don't kids say the funniest things, hey, don't they? Listen, the other day my kids came up to me and told me that I should start exercising more because I look like a certain name of fat character from modern cartoons I didn't finish writing that one Alright, sorry Alright, well I had a nice energy though I didn't have a nice energy

Did it? Yeah Okay Do you like going in the woods at autumn? Start a fire up, make a fire up some walls, pop, triple art Okay. Do you like going in the woods at autumn? Start a fire up. Make a fire up some walls, pop, chip, a lot. Isn't a bit of a bull mass side there? Not really. I like a barbecue with the sun up, but not on.

No, I'm very much an autumn man. I love that. Hey, oh, hey, oh. Do you remember bull mass side? Do you? Do you? Do you remember bull mass side? Oh, what did you do?

Do you? I hope you do. In the four-part flagging, you could buy it when you're only 14, as long as one of your party had a brass hand and I did. Yeah, you Bulma Sider, with a bit of observation, Homa, andro. Yeah, good. Hey, do you remember? Do you remember?

Hey, I went all you had was a two-bar electric fire? Oh, and it got too autumn or chilly, you put it on, but one bar wasn't working. So you'd pour it with your brass hand and a top and the author of a pretty bit would fall out of your illness. Do you remember that, Andrew? Yay! Yeah, you still remember him. Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen, yeah, you're still remembering hey hey Listen I tell you what you don't see any more these days check books Remember them he used to pay for everything with a check back then but I'll up up I'll just get my check book packet of two decryps. Where's my checkbook, Marion? Now it's all money. And if you say them, you five pound notes,

you can have someone's eye out, we'll want them. Yeah. That's not, do you remember them checkbooks? Yeah. Massive, weren't they? Oh, massive. You'd need two ants to carry one into the foundry, you know, if you're paying for steel goods. Do you like how I went from the past into the present with the five pound notepid? Yeah Yeah it was quite as a journey of nostalgia right up to like you

know current sorrows about electronic money. A blast of of reality. Yeah. And been the audience on its head. And is that your wife Marie? And I know it's you said, hey get that Marie in. I'm gonna introduce Marie and into it now. Yeah, hopefully all right. I've got more. I'm on his more Listen, listen Here's a list of types of all cars The Morris Marina the Vauxhall Viva the Austin and I grow they are Stemmaestro the helmet Avenger the mini Metro stop the clock And a beautiful the mini metro, stop the clock, eh? Beautiful. Beautiful idea.

I honestly, from my heart, I remember each one of them and it will be happening. Yeah. Yeah. The warm glow of nostalgia there. Absolutely. Yeah. Right. I've got more. Okay. I've got more. I've got more. Above yourself, one of those air fryer's the other day, wetting got some air from the barber down the road,

put it in the fryer. oh, the smells are endless. There you go. That's like, that's interesting because I remembered the air fryer, but like it's quite, it's almost like a sitcom, that you were marrying, got the wrong thing for the air fryer. Terrible stench. Mix up stench. You reckon there's some legs in that?

Do you, I want, here reckon there's some legs in that. So, at what end is my challenge to you Andy? I work like this gritty, like Sunderland sitcom, you and Marion, and all the mishaps and goings on that up and at two Thank you.