Athletico Mince - The Talksport Collection Vol. 2

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

A compilation of tapes, mp3s and WAVs acquired by Bob between November 2021 and April 2024. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Talk Sport goes from strength to strength, Andrew, as far as that. Of course it does. And there was a good one, so I recorded it. Interested? Oh, completely. All right. Jim White starts off with this recording. Okay.

Yeah. Hello and welcome back to Talk Sport with me, Jim White. It's difficult to actually express how excited I am to have the next guest on the show. I mean, put it this way. I've just thrust a metal scalpel into a plug socket to bring myself down a level of two. So here he is, ladies and gentlemen, from the BBC's Homes Under the Hammer, it's Martin Roberts. Welcome, Martin. And tell me, just how excited are you to be here today?

You know, to be honest, I wasn't that excited, but after that introduction, I have to admit, I'm a bit excited. and you know what? I like it. Oh, good man, and I'll tell you, how have you excited, and I'll tell you how excited I am to have you as a guest today. I've just swallowed a whole big tub of Greek yogurt. That's two months past its sell-by date. It tasted disgusting, but the shock of it helped balance the pure visceral excitement I'm experiencing from having you on the show.

So, Martin, your new book is called But I Like It. It's an incredibly exciting title. Just reading it out has raised my left bollock into my uterus, just from fear of the excitement that is bound to rush over me like a tsunami. What's your book about? And is it exciting? Well, it's mainly about all the experiences I've had presenting homes under the hammer and the wonderful people I've met along the way.

Do you know, on one occasion, I went into a house the her thought was a bit unusual at first, but I ended up quite liking it. Oh, steady on, Martin. You're painting a picture that's so exciting. I'm going to have to take a fart into my jar of Gherkins back after the break, folks. That's an advert coming up now, Andy.

Right, yeah, okay. Just a little bit of a pause because they had to lose out some news item. Bears are large and intimidating. Explosives are frightening. Medical conditions can be life-threatening. Extremes of weather can be ferocious. But if you buy your building supplies from knock-jones,

everything will be nice and very pleasant. So don't fight a bear or wander around a desert. Just buy your glazers putty and plasterboard. Knock Johns, where everything is perfectly pleasant and the prices won't give you a heart attack. Knock Johns is Stockport. It's as safe as the houses you will build. Welcome back, folks, and I'm afraid to say that Martin has had to leave the studio because he's left his coat under the arches at London Bridge. Simon Jordan, how exciting was that sudden departure?

I'm not kidding when I say my tits are starting emitting a low home, akin to the starter motor of a Lancaster bomber. Were you excited by that exit? Not really, Jim. The men lacks eloquence and transparency. It's typical of these media types that as soon as an argument or diatribe is sufficiently prescient for their underlying frailties, they run for cover.

I was bored stiff. Oh, God help us. Well, someone passed me the Brantston. That's the end of it. So, because it's just an extract, Andy, you know. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. It wasn't the hopeful three.

I was three-hour show? Was it no? No, no, no. No. No. No. No. No.

No. Talk Sport, right? I got old of a nice bit of audio from Jim White and Simon Jordan's deadline show from last year.

How did you get that? How did I get it? I can't tell you Andy. So if you'd like to be Simon Jordan. Right. Let's say, it's a nice little extract.

So here we go. Oh my word. How exciting is this show, Simon. It's like a roller coaster on the moon, just as an asteroid is about to hit. Do you agree, Simon? It's not really, Jim. It's just like listening to a sedated hippo underwater or having a yawn. Oh, you're so contrary, Simon. This show is where it's at. All the last minute deals as they happen exclusive to our listeners. I don't mind admitting, my descending colon is stretching to its limits,

and my privates are rotating like a Catherine wheel. That is how excited I am. I'm afraid you are facilitating an indifferent response to an inadequate premise. Like they say, a beach ball works just as well on a playing field if you've given birth to an idiot. What does that even mean, Simon? It means that we should move on from this transgression of moral perpetues. Hold on. Just hold on. How thrilling is this? It's sensational deadline day breaking news and we can reveal that according to my sources, Gillingham under 21 prospect Carl Forbes is going on a season-long loan to Sutton United.

It's a done deal. That's incredible, breathtaking, dramatic. It raises the very long hairs on my shoulder, and I'm not ashamed to say it. What do you make of this bombshell, Simon? Oh, I don't know the boy, but the financial model at Gilliam is indicative of the malaise that permeates and underthrusts the current status quo. It's contradictory between efficiency and efficacy And it's not future proof or sustainability Well, that smell well maybe

But I think it's a good move for the lad Time for a brick while I hyperventilate There's an advert Building supplies from yates.net Make it easy, just click and collect Sometimes finding the right 12mm plasterboard for your job Can be like peeling a carrot with a cat's paw,

running up a mountain with a lion in your backpack, trying to extinguish a barnfire with a jiff lemon, reverse farting into a vacuum, climbing a ladder in handcuffs. But with Yates, click and collect, you're just one click away from getting the 12

millimeter you require. Don't try felling a tree with a lipstick, just click and collect from Yates. Welcome back Fawks! And yet another deadline exclusive. for you all and this one is going to blow your minds. You're hearing it here first and it's going to shake the system right away from the Premier League to grassroots.

Listen up. Stockport County have made a last minute bid for all them athletics out of favour, centreback, Josh Graham of £100,000. That's mind-boggling. It's fantasy. It's making my gallbladder vibrate so furiously there's a real danger my tie will ignite. What say you, Simon? Whoa, Jim, I think it's illustrative of the malaise in the current paradigm of thought shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the optics involved. You don't pay the ferreement of Rob Peter and then pay Paul. And remember, what goes up, we'll continue to go up until the point at which it comes down. Madness, absolute madness.

And remember, you heard it for your first. More after this message, is your face like an air-dried fig? On your hands, bulbous and powdery, is your mind? foggy and bent. Are your thoughts wayward and incoherent? Then you need the KiroxT air friar with top and bottom heat distribution fans. Blows away your grief and despondency

for just 2999 plus delivery charges. Transform your appearance and your prospects with the Kiroxti multi-fan air friar because conventional cookers are well shit. Oh, that's where it ended. I didn't trip after the advert.

All right. I listened to Talk Sport on Deadline Day, Andy. All right, yeah. I taped a bit of it, and I enjoyed it, so I thought I'd play it for you. That's a nice thing for me to do. Play it for you, in it, Andy? Yeah. Is it just on a tape?

Just on a tape. I just taped it on my little cassette, you know? What brand is it? Philip. The cassette recorder. Phillips. And what's my tape? Basf.

B-A-S-F. C-60 or C-90? It's a C-90, just in case. You know what I mean? Yeah. Don't get a C-120 though because the 5th quarter of sometimes degraded. Jim White is the first one you'll hear you speak.

Scottish God. You could do it. Welcome back and I don't mind telling you that I'm so excited. I've inserted a feeding tube into my stomach and I'm pumping it full of Dundee cake as I speak. Listen to this Simon. It's another talk spot deadline day exclusive. Maureen Finch, mother of Joey,

Finch, the young Preston ballboy, has agreed with the club that he will be allowed to continue as a ball boy until the end of next season. What do you make of that, Simon? It's quite incredible, isn't it? Simon, well, I don't know Mrs Finch, but it sounds as if she's celebrating off the passive acknowledgement that I've watched Kettle Diver boils and the outcomes will surely be judged by the optics through which they are viewified. It's great news for Preston and even better news for young Joey. How young is young these these, Simon, especially on deadline day. Well, Jim, it depends on parameters and context

and whether a piece of string has a length that can be determined without doubt or biasisation. It's a paradox to say that isn't anything other than that. Oh, thanks for that incredible and exciting analysis, Simon. More after this. There's an advert then, Andy. All right. I've absolutely no idea whatsoever

how to buy plasterboard screws and I'm a builder. What chances your average geyser got? I need two litres tin of antifungal exterior paint, but I just don't know how to purchase the stuff, and I'm a painter and decorator. God knows how Joe Public would get on. Frick a nightmare!

I need some silicon sealant for a sink installation, but for the life of me, can't think where I might buy it, and I'm a plumber. The bloke on the street must be pulling his hair out, then wondering where he can buy a bag to put it in. I just logged on to Yates.net and bought myself plasterboard screws, paint, sealant and a plaguy bag. How did I know this was the way to do it?

Because I'm not a slack prick like those other jokers. Yates.net, for all your building stuff, even rubble and hacky shite. Yates.net, just click and collect. I love Deadline Day. I really do. It's more exciting than a paragliding over a minefield, and I've been there and done that. Now, listen to this, Simon. this is incredible. It changes the whole dynamic of today and the sport of football itself.

Backwell Suari has turned down the chance to move to Luton Town, citing personal trauma as the reason. Now what do you make of that, Simon? Oh, the boy's clearly a clown. Suffice it to say that these perceived personal reasons are not going to dissipate simply by staying put and mithering like a little old lady whose clogs are too heavy and she can't be bothered to take them off. It's pre-indicative of a perception generated by false or outdated thinking.

You should have made the move. You've hit the nail on the head there, Simon. As always, and it's put a downer on what should be the most exciting, incredible and joyous day of the year. But it won't stop me pummeling that Dundee kick into my feeding tube. You can be sure of that. More after this. There's another advert.

Building supplies from Yates.net. Make it easy. Just click and collect. Sometimes finding the right 12-mill plasterboard for your job can be like peeling a carrot with a cat's paw, running up a mountain with a lion in your backpack, try to extinguish a barnfire with a jiff lemon, reverse farting into a vacuum, climbing a ladder in handcuffs, but with Yates, click and collect, you're just one click away from getting the 12-mill you require.

Don't try felling a tree with lipstick, just click and collect from dates, not yet, yet. Yates.net And that's how I ended the recording there but um... Did you end it or did it was the end of the tape? It was the end of the tape I've got a seat 15. Yeah, I've been tape

and other stuff before you've probably been typing an album or something, hadn't you? Yeah. Off one of your mates. Fleetwood Mac. Oh Andy, I was listening to Talk Sport Jim White, Simon Jordan and they had a good guest on

so I thought, oh I'll tape it. this and it was all right so I'll play it for you that's a nice thing to do with the recording to play it isn't it Andy? That's the best thing to do with it I think so yeah here we go just press play and all that

you're not going to believe who is our next guest this morning I have literally broken my ball sack into 1,000 delightful shreds to secure his presence on the shoe today to say I'm excited is the biggest understatement of the decade

I am beside myself, above myself and inside myself. And it feels good. Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, the heavy metal man, the blackburn cowboy, Mr. Gareth Ainsworth. All right, Jim. So, Gareth, what do you say? What do you actually say when you say things? Well, mainly, I say keep your jeans tight,

play guitar all night. How's that for you? That is incredible. Such a salient and perceptive insight. It makes me want to go straight out and buy some skinnies in the Fender Mustang. Screw the sport, let's rock. What's here you, Simon? Well, from the point of view of the optics suggested by the statement, it seems like an economical way of progress without disenfranchisements of the fan base. Well, said Simon, I think we can all agree with that. What about the trademark hairstyle, Gareth? It's pretty wild, and if you don't mind me saying, rebellious, what's all that about? What is it all about?

And I'm not talking to Alfie here, you know. I'm talking to you, Garthiansworth. Is it about anything other than the hairstyle? It's a point of difference, and it's what I'm used to. If I feel comfortable with it, and what's the problem? The lads take the make out of it, and I'm fine with that. I don't mind showing a bit of vulnerability if I look like a clown, then maybe people would underestimate me.

I don't know. Maybe it's just a hairstyle. What's here you, Simon? My love. My prince. My golden biscuit. My strawberries and cream. It's a hairstyle gym.

That much is self-evidenced by itself. But it's also a brand. And without a brand, there's not a shadow nor a snowball between his conscience. It's not a fan. for that reason, I approve. Oh, I think we can all agree with that, Simon, my prince. I have to ask you, Garth, about your daft, pointy boots and your satin shirts.

Is there something of the cowboy about you? Have you lost your horse and had to walk? Is the shirt dry clean only? Do you put your hand inside the boots when you clean them? Is the shirt a true satin or a man-made fabric? Might the boots explode if they overheat? So many questions for after the... the break. See you in a more after this message.

Claim, claim, claim, claim. Now, now, now, now. It's a neat idea from Hobbs and de Freer. Need to sue someone for big bucks. Yeah, well I could certainly do with the cash. How do I go about it? Just tell us who's bringing you down or messing you about. And that's it.

We issue a writ demanding compo, and you just sit back. and wait for the payout. It can't be that simple. Surely. Hey, watch it, mate. You're beginning to get on our tits. You don't want a rip-dropping through your letter box, do you? No way.

Well, then give us a name, any name, and let's get started. Let's sue the shit out of someone and go halbsies on the cash. Oh, okay, I'll do it. My boss, Alan Forbes, he's always on me back about something. sounds perfect. Let's bring Alan Forbes down into the gutter. Clebe, cleave, cleave, cleave, now, now, no, now, no, no. It's a neat idea from Hobbs and de Freer. I'd stop taping after that, Andy, I'm sorry. What happened then, did you have to get on to try and get someone sued?

Did it sound like me? In the advert. Well, I don't know. Maybe you'd heard the advert and thought that someone you fancied suing. Was it me? Do you want to sue me? I don't want to sue you, man. But if I do, I'll get on to claim, claim, claim, claim, claim. No, no, no, no. So, Andy, I was listening to Jim White, Simon Jordan Show on Talk Sport.

Right. The other day, it was a good one, so I taped it. Yeah. Taped an extract. I'll play that for you. You've got your tape recorder there, have you? Yeah, there. Press it. So Jim White,

well, you join us, just as I'm in receipt of some breaking news that it's going to change the way you think about the professional game. It's mind-boggling, earth-shattering, and believe me, you're going to want to be sat on a very absorbent surface to prepare for this. I'll just get on with it, will you, Jim, you're ruining the optics. Well, this is it. Hold on to your loved ones.

As of next season, referees have been instructed to use a Velcro strip to secure the sleeve pocket rather than the familiar press stud system. There you have it, unbelievable. You know, just as we're getting used to the Velcro system, they come out and drop this bombshell. What say you, Simon?

Has the world gone mad? Is this the end of the professional game, as we know it? It's definitely a shift, but I think it can be accommodated within the current paradigm, so long as people take a holistic viewpoint of the various manifestations it implies. you can't argue with that, but it is just change

for change sake of all the fixing systems involved in the current game. Surely the sleeve pocket press studs system is absolutely sacrosanx, Simon. Time for change, Jim, we used to fix things with safety pins but obsolescence is built into every fixing system. Just sink of no more

nails and other glues. They're developing in a place not previously deemed possible in the labyrinth of the developmentalism. That's a Great point. But will you at home be renewing your season ticket or will the demise of the pressed stud sleeve pocket be the straw that broke the camels back? I'll be taking your calls after this short message. Hey mate, your car looks shit. And that reflects badly on you and your family to be honest. Why don't you buy a new one?

Can't afford one. I've spent all my spare cash on air friars. Ever considered a fuss free loan? There's no such thing. There's always a catch. Not with David C. John's loans. Just sign and drive. It really is as simple as that. Never heard of them. Are they reliable, honest and transparent? Yes. Well, as far as I know they are. So, why delay? I won't. It's your car time, by the way. David C. John's loans? What's the C-4? Sailing ships in.

Dressed Loan Associate, dear my life. Life, thanks boss. David C. Jones. Just sign and drive. Well, we've had over a million calls already about this Velcro debacle, and I have to say it's pretty much a 50-50 split. One thing is for sure, though. It's an end of an era. Surely the game will never be the same. Your thought, Simon? Well, outcomes, this is the key word? Will it adversely or inversely affect suitable outcomes? Will those outcomes be transfigurated or reframed by the the replacement. Fixings, Jim. I told you've got to ask yourself. And that's what we all will be pondering on this momentous day. And I have to

tell you that my gallbladder is already squirt in excess acids into my upper colon due to the stress of it all. So it's all changed on the referee sleeve fixing front. Goodbye to our old friend the press stood. When will they stop meddling? Time for the news and sport

now with Melody Frank Porter. So it's quite a nice extract now. Yeah, it's very good, very informative and interesting.