Athletico Mince - The White Harts Collection Vol. 2

Episode Date: February 15, 2023

A compilation of Bob’s reports on the Spurs gang’s activities from episodes 50 to 64. (Rel: 19/10/21) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Music So I went one blay to see Spurs vs Burnley. It's a few weeks back. Yep, but it was good what happens. I couldn't get me VIP pass. Right, so I had to fork out. Did you know how much it was for a hospitality seat with dinner and watch them out? For Spurs, for Spurs. At Wembley, I'd probably be guessing about 400 quid. It's 500 quid for two to two. For Burnley, it's a category like 9 match.

It's something called the Bobby Mool lounge. Got there, got some patty, and a glass of champagne on arrival, which is a nice way to be greeted, isn't it? And patty, what like it? Patty, patty, patty, patty. Pee-it. Pee-it.

Pee-it. So that's a nice way to be greeted. Andy would like crushed, formed me under 50. It leads to be formed required, yeah, but yeah. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. So there's some legends floating about. Pat Jennings was a good one at the spot. He's still got that lovely, worthy hair.

You know, it's like a helmet, isn't it? Yeah, and soft, sporting voice. But I did notice, I mean, that as he was floating around, he was lifting credit cards. With big pockets. And bags of furniture. I was going to Paul White House. Right. And we took our after-match table, you get a little supper afterwards, right?

And next to us on the table is Darro Brian and Peter Beatsley. So that's a nice in it it Paul says hello Peter lovely to meet you all you're doing Peter says I moved it and since you've never moved in and since I moved in that nearer it's knocking it seems to be coming from the lot but since I got it and vet didn't get the stops. Paul, you know, he doesn't know what Peter's like. He says, I'm sorry, Peter, I didn't quite catch that. Peter says, you know, he follows, now, Daniel, and the summit, like that certainly,

not a lot, not like, you know, he's just funny cookin' and that, whereas we're with duct on it, he spends hours in the backyard, and we have a big accident It's my guess that you try and walk up not my figure or something like that You know it's Kimmery Jlans don't where I am and a lot of people think it's clear Paul looks really confused Oh I'm finding, I was just stepping and I say oh well Peter, so chuffed for you

Anyway are you Dara? And Dara says I like Paul poor her after paying for this. Baaaaaah! What was pushing here? Baaaaaah! I went to the toilet and the bog roll is a soft as rustle-dranded spodal. Baaaaaah! The tiling is as blue as Len Gordon's bodgie. Baaaaaah! And after you don't, a man blows the gypsum of your trumpets. Baaaaaah Then paint the seas of chance to step in, right? So I go, and I wonder if I was to do it in my cold water tank. I would conceal myself in there, early in the morning,

and if I'm not in the start of night, obviously I have to take some basics with me Tinian lunch and meat maybe a banana Fought when flask of thumb it Well just then for your announcement and it's a an mc introducing man on the match to the VIP guest Right when a little podium is it a toe? I don't doubt you man on the match comes out. So mc Is it a toe? I don't know, that way. Man of the match comes out. So MC, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to present to you the AIA, some of the Man of the

Match. Please welcome Mr. Harry Kane. Hey. Sure enough there he is. Well we see his chin first, right, reflected in the mirrored columns. Yeah. And then the man himself emerges. Wow.

Well, the MC does a little interview. It was one each the match. Right Burnley equal as really. Right at the end here. So, Harry, not really the result that you wanted. You can times that by 10 and pop sausage roll on top. The result was very frustrating and conceiving in injury time was must upsetting. The whole dressing runs in life, fluffy, fluffy. Especially Debbie, who was going to see the scary clown film tonight, but is now too fizzled to bother. MC says, they obviously came with a plan to defend and hit you on the break.

Yeah, well that's what Sean Dishaw was doing. It's very upsetting. He's a right boot smacks boiler. He stands there like his head of games and shouts her very gravely voice. Little Henry Winks was on the bench and started crying. He thought Mr. Dish was a monster Beard was blood around his mouth from eating a rock our crew. So what do you think about this wumbly curse nonsense? Definitely for real. And me and my gang are going to do something about it. So thank you for your sports trophy.

I've got you gone now. And off you went. You're a quick, like fluffery buffered. You know, you're on that chemistry teacher, like retreating from an experiment to a server. You're quite quick, like gone. Well, as you know, I'm a bourbon Aussie bastard. Yes, I like to say it like that.

Well, as you know, I'm a bourbon Aussie bastard. Yes, I like to say it like that. Well, as you know, I'm a bourbon Aussie bus And so I thought it was worth hanging about I knew Pat Jennings would have a pass to the players lounge So I went up to him. I said, look, I know you'll be is a one or one that he lifted But you just don't know this I Trumps. I thought he's I'll go I'll approach him. He'll have a pass or something So I said I know you've been nicking credit cards So take me through the players area And I'll and I'll keep me mouth shut

All right work to treat he pops his air air means access all Areas, okay passes land yard ground minneck then offy scottles look very sheepish in harming Your main cuz you're on room So that's me in the players area. Fuck this is long. I'm sorry. I got straight to the toilets because I know That's where the action is gonna be right. I settle down in a cubicle with a pint Pate again, it's in a raw chicken a whole raw chicken. Yeah, yeah, so that's a nice toilet May I lean it Andy? Obviously eating with your hands, yeah? Yeah, yeah, and there's bog roll there White guns and that trope and you can put the bonds down the pot

and you can put the bones down the pot. Pfft. Pfft. So wrong. And the after a book, five minutes in, called the White Art, Debbie, Herick and Harry. But they've got little Harry Winks with them. Oh. So that's an interesting in it.

Do you remember? So, Ari says, right, we have got to do something about the shitty curse. Herick says, feel, oh, for horses, hate. Ari said, yes, yes, very good, Eric. But I was actually speaking. Debbie says, yeah, oh for or she's hate. I said, yes, yes, very good Eric, but I was actually speaking. Debbie says, yeah Eric, that was very inappropriate interruption. I'm shaking enough for the moment without you adding your two p.s. to her already fractious atmosphere.

Harry, thank you, Debbie. Now I have been looking into how you can banish our transfer occurs. Wink says, hold on, so I should give him my voice, shouldn't I? Hold on, is that why you invited me? It's obvious. It's obvious. Watch out, he's from Baxia or something.

Hold on. I feel like I've filled him. Wink's is gonna have to be fucking children. Hold on. Is that why you invited me? So you could slit a virgin's throat. I'm the silly belly winks game. You're here as I've ever only and to hold the ball of salt.

I agree, it's Arya ball of salt. Debbie, you're keeping your mouth shut winks, see? I will rub soft hard, hand towels into face, then you'll feel like a scootsmock down pipe. Winks he says, Son of a- Hurry, we have to make a magic never. Eric says, is that a bit like a magic marker? No, Eric, a magic marker is like commercially available felt tip pen. renowned for long life and constant ink floor,

not for lifting fucking curses. Debbie said, fuck say Eric, who are you butsman really the death night from chair cover you in one party alright has our he let's not get busted and hot under our colors we've got a curse to lift dad give me your make up meather so Debbie gets out his make up me ranzitari nice it's a Gucci one right

got a mother of pearl frame, a fit bit attached to the one and a wireless shoe look here too. So that's nice for Debbie in it, I can't find his shoes. So now a magic miller works on the principle that anything reflected in it, including Hostile in tent, will be bounce back to the sender. For it to work, you need to know the identity of the person sending the bad merger or border. And I think we do, don't we, Debbie and Eric together. Kyle Walker.

Oh, and the matter, yeah, because there's trouble there, aren't there? Correct or Mundo, my sweet spurs boys. So first thing is we must consecrate the mirror by doing a special chant. Yeah, because there's trouble there, aren't there? Correct or Mundo or my sweet spurs boys? So first thing is we must consecrate the mirror by doing a special chant. Harry holds up the words, he's written them. And the old chant, we charge this mirror with the power of the ancients, guardians of the earth, wind and fire,

charge this mirror with your energies and make this mirror sacred. Then Harry says, fuck sick, I forgot to swing the black pepper on it. How fucking bouts Macdozi I've made. So Harry opens up some pepper satches from his pocket, pauses them on the mirror. They repeat the chant. Now we must place the mirror upright in a bowl of salt. Give us the bowl, thank you N.K. So the place, the mirror in the ball. Now we need to put a photo of Walker opposite the mirror in the ball. Deb says, I've got a selfie, I've been on my phone, smiling because he's got his phone to work.

Opposite the mirror, stood up in the salt to reflect the negative energy back to him. And Ari does another chant while Winky holds the ball. Oh Carl, you disagreeable nasty bitch. Take back the curse on our beloved pitch. Just at that moment Sean, this burst into the room. Alive ads. Oh sorry it didn't been turned to interrupt you. Are we breaking Winky in as it was? Oh shit it's the monster. winks in as it were. Oh shit it's the monster. You can't even fucking rear me. And with that winks he drops the ball, smashing the mirror and he runs out of the bogs. Yeah Sean Dish goes over at the sink. Yeah puts the plug in and starts having a piss in it.

Hey thanks for the point by the way Lads, Harry. Excuse me if I don't disrespect for Mr Dish. But we in the fans found your tactics very frustrating and more than tied up setting. It was black playing against 11 books, but books, but boredoms. Shane finishes his piss, right? Scoops some out and his cup tans and takes a slur. Fuck off, Harry. You're a lot of too soft. What you'll lot need to do fuck off, Harry. You're a lot too soft. What you'll all need to do is eat more dark meat pies and start drinking your own piss, clean and serve mower and dice slaves. Well, says Abby, that's made me quite wacky look crackers. What a rude and best man. Then he notices that Debbie is sobbing. What's up, Dad? If you hurting? That man frightened me with his bare voice,

and winked at his broken, the mirror which means the curse may not be lifted away, and to top it all with a hand sandwich and the snack of your choice, my fit bet is broken, and totally a completely piffy wiffled. Harry, Debbie, the chant may have sustained for long enough to lift the curse. We'll tell the next match before you pebble up. You got to believe, feel the flu or she's hate. And they all say, feel the flu or she's hate. Little post-crux. Right.

It's a long win, I get a taxi back to Charring Cross, right? Yeah, about to pay. I've got no fucking credit card. Ah! He's done yet? He's lifted it when he gave me the young. He's done yet. Hey, I'd like to take you on a net the sword of gangs of the EPL. So anyway, a lot's been going on and I'm always obviously I'm gonna keep my eye on gang problems during a transfer window, you know, because you can stir things up a bit. And one of the most significant of course has been the transfer of the boss of the most significant, of course, has been the transfer of the boss of the Peaky Gunners, Theo Walcott, who's gone to Everton.

Right. So I was lucky enough to have one of me spies at the ceremony where Theo handed over control of the Peaky's. So I can tell you how it went down. I don't know if you could do that. So Theo had issued what's called called a gumada, is it? The gumada, it's a mafia thing. And that's a demand like for all the peikes, to meet a Theord's mum and dad's garage like.

Right. And it requires other local gang leaders to be notified, right? To bear witness to the proceedings. So, you've got Harry Kane invited from the White Arts and DiCarrot from the Hamlads. He's he's Nazard from the diving bells you know the Chelsea Chelsea mob right. Whoa that world just opened right up in front of us there. So it's a bit like swimming on the sopranos where the bosses from the five burrers would come together. Yeah that's exactly what is there's a Northland. Mae'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r fwy'r f flat cap on, you know, full piggy, same as his deputy, Jack Wilshire, and his mum had done an ice-bred olope, samsam, which is ad boil eggs, and some Doritos and dips, you know,

for the foreign lads. First to arrive was Andy Carroll from the unlads, yeah, he's just in his white and purple one piece motorcycle leather's because that's the hamlads is it uniform yeah so three years mums says hello Andrew goes hello oh Mrs Walgott what a lovely guy you have and that's Fred looks delicious the others mums says can I get you a drink and snack or something Andrew I love a crumbly dough sonad well they're so I like they're all kicking foot a'r son Fynandro. O, a'r lath o'r crannu diws yn adwell deig. Flas o'r aileidol. Pichon fi'n. Well, Mrs Tee Leif, sefyll yn y bydd o'r cywyd.

Andi'n sef, so a'r wyda gwybod am y lieg. O, o'r wyda gwybod am. Wilfshire, sef, sef, o'r cywyd yn yw'r cywyd. A swair, ac mae'n ei'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'n eiw'r yw'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr, mae'r ysgwyr William! We have spares have. I mean ours is really new. You must be a wonder if you want

to go and play it on old stadiums like. So Theo says, let me just leave it out, Carol William. Jack says, you have to leave it out, let him out, I swear down. Your stadium's only leesore, that's the sort of thing about that for us your period and then caught to you crying Then either as I had arrived it is full Chelsea kit you know Stros in the garage and trips up over a bit of egg shell that and he's dropped So as it says did you see that did you see that? Can you cannot trip me up Mrs. Walcott Mrs.. WorldCart, the big last trip me up he needs to tell enough

I haven't thought of a accent for us out yet So Mrs. T comes back in What's going on here? Did you trip him up, Andy? No, I never, he's just been a funny. Jack says I swear down Mrs. T nothing I'm he's just doing his funny act. Mrs. T says well there's a security camera in here so I can wind it back and have a look. Of course I even Edden is it? He panicked you know

he says like he's pelting in me. Yeah. So that's just like so it's alright Mrs. T. No that's weird so Jack's. But oh Pwano, Pwano is anyway you saw alright Mrs. T. I think I'm a Merv Merv the funny move you know sorry it or bothered you like so she leaves just as Harry Kearns arriving from the White Arts, you know. Hello everyone, can I just say that this meeting has come to terribly inconvenient time for me. I was meant to be going around debbie's to watch American Pie. So forgive me if I'm in a fluffy buffery. So what's this all about? It better be boots McClure Shell. So yours go on to Evan says Jack so we have to choose in your boss. I swear down on not even lying

Harry says ever turn Harry's voice. I'm done for so long But they haven't even got a new stadium. This stadium is very old in them Kent You imagine well have gone to palace or West Damned? They'll have anyone. And he says we've got to do stadium and it's massive as well as new. Yeah but it's on the leasing it. If things go tits up when you could be facing a kick-mug leave and then where would you be being the right pick of the tips with. Think about that for a short period then cut to you socking you fun. Theaux is right come on let's just get to the point. I propose Jack as the new pit boss

of the Peaky Gunners are there any objections? Ari says. It's fine by me as long as he doesn't smoke in any meetings that would be a major worry. Smoking is a filthy habit and an insult to the good name the APL gangs. Just thinking about it gets me in a fluffer. Jack says, I swear down, I never even have smoked a single cigarette. I don't even know how to smoke. And he says, I don't know how you find me, you know. I would just say that thinking about it, the evidence is not really that new, you know what I think, it's just to put that on record like an arsehole that Sanchez went to world traffic and that's getting past its best bit, you know, anywhere, whatever yeah. So the answer is

right so if we're all agreed I would like to formally hand my very heavy and expensive woolen peaky boss hat over to well just at that point the clown car horn is heard and into the garage straw sandy gazola hey guys it's sandy I've got balloons facepigs pinnanas fantasy masks funny buddy Let's have a garage party. Oh, hi, Mrs. T. Are those the readers for me? Theo says, can't have a Santa. We were just voting. Oh, no, should be the next Paky Boss. Have you got any objections to Jack? Hey, I couldn't give a prick, guys. I'm off to Spain and June with Ozil. I'm just here to party. I love to party. You want some

black man bar? So that the hat gets handed to Jack. Santly puts his reggae reggae sun splash party sounds on and has a dance with Mrs. T. Right as I had as a dance with Theo. But he trips up over a mouse's little landbag that was on the deck and he has to leave the earths himself. Andy, as predicted, Couto is in the corner crying and sucking his thumb. And Ari, as he leaves, gives this warning to Jackie, says, Well Jack Wiltshire, now that CEO has gone, your numbers are diminished and the White Hearts have a new medical advantage. Also, you don't have to use that garbage as headquarters anymore.

So that must be very upsetting. Soon you will be feeling our philorescious hate. Jack lights up a cigarette and picks up Andy's cranberry juice. I already said, I thought you said you didn't smoke. You little tricks them up, Thibs. Jack says, oh Jack Jack fuck off, I Chalk throws the loop warm Joe's at Harry and the bulk of it hits his chin. Oh, yeah, he said not my chin My precious chin do not mean I'm the cranberry Joe's especially at the room temperature leaves a terrible stain

as especially at the room temperature, leaves a terrible stain. My chin looks like a beacon now. What is there to snipe it down? Jack picks up another glass and Ari just legs it. So Jack says, look in, look in, run away. Typical white hats. Sandy gives them a blast on his spice pipe and they're party till well after 9 p.m. Whoa, whoa. Did you find that film with a bit like Deja Vu on this spice pipe and they're party till well after 9 p.m.

Whoa! Did you think that film was a bit like Deja Vu with Denzel Washington? Yeah, whatever. Because it actually really is. Yeah, it really is. It really is. Wind River, did you see it? Yeah, Wind River.

I'll get it out. Yeah. Oh, okay, it's from a couple of weeks back right, I was up at Anfield, yeah. For Liverpool Spurs match, usual routine, after the match, go out of a RP hospitality, get a pint and a pint and go sit on a pot in the bogs. Beautiful. Really, and really nice toilets. Like more like a reception from a hotel or something. They've got a beautiful Middle Eastern rug in the centre. Yeah. Yeah, like incense candles, a sofa like with lovely elaborate design cushions and a pattern on it. So really elaborate does he take a photo of it? Picture of you.

Yeah. Oh, thank you. Well, first to come in the toilet is the white art, right, and they're all smiles, right? Yeah. Because of course, they got a last minute equalizer via slightly juby, spenny, if you remember. Yeah. And it was Harry Kane's 100s. We're here. 100s, premier ship goal. So. And it was Harry Kearn's 100th. Way! 100th!

Premier's ship goal. So he's wearing a big dressing gown with 100 up written on him. And he's wearing his new boots with 100 written on them that his team mates gave him. Did you see a little video of him giving it to him? Yeah, unfortunately. So Harry says, well I must say hello to our white hearts. I'm feeling cock-a-hop and euphoricenix in a word. I'm how he muck plowed I would like to thank you for my special boots and dressing gown

You are very kindhearted and I'm looking to have you as friends feel the first heat Debbie and Eric feel the first is hate Debbie says I Would like to say a few words if that is satisfactory. It's been a pleasure to play with you Eric Giggles. Debbie says, excuse me, what a rude boy you can be when it takes your fancy Eric, what is the big joke? You said you enjoyed playing with him. Oh, I get it, like in your window and doubled up meanings. Well, I don't think that's very appropriate when I'm making a speech. It's bad manners and I've caused a nasty blip in the atmosphere. If

I may carry on. Sorry, Debbie, says Eric. Yes, it has been an absolute pleasure playing alongside you and seeing you on the end of my long balls. Eric Sniggers. Fox here, Eric, what's going on? Is you hurting something? You said you're long balls. What is it with you and your army human today? Honestly, you've been the right spokesman at Taisam. It's very upsetting. So as I was saying, thank you, Harry.

Well, at the moment, at that very moment in Wax, Adam Lilliana and John Milner from the Cloptops here, I love a pullgang. They go straight to the big mirror you know start doing the fair shoulder, moisturising routines and that, right? Milner says, I chef-hielding you some at Yorkshire, that's really nice, go on Ali, what's it, Marxist Spence's, BHS, no, it's Givenchy and Gala and cash me a blend your Phyllis stone and I don't think that's very funny mentioning BHS when Eric's dad lost his job when they went bust. Adam says, your skin looks awful Harry. Especially on the nub of your chin. Do you want to borrow some of my deep moisturiser with bumphiotics. In fact I fucking insist here hold your hand

out. Matching is fine thank you. It has a slight jute on it so it does take a lot of weather but my mum says soap and water is best with no upsetting chemicals thank you. Adam, suit your fucking self. I will and what's more you must be very embarrassed in the shame to be in the under 20 degrees. Adam, quite the reverse actually, Professor Chin, I take it as a compliment to my moisturizing routine that the boss sees me as fitting in with the young ones. Debbie, anywhere as I was saying to celebrate your achievement, we have bought you a bottle of fizzy wine. Eric produces a bottle of fizzy wine from his bag and pops the cork and shakes it, it goes everywhere,

all over the carpet, all over the sofa, all over the lovely and brided cushions, just at that very moment, in walks more salad. Oh. Now I've got a problem, Andy. All right. On the racists and racers and fronts. Potentially, yeah.

Um, he's Egyptian. He is? Am I alright attempting an Egyptian voice? Or do I have to give him just an English voice? If you could go for it and then if it's no good, I'll just edit this entire section out. Oh man. I'm sure it'll be fine. What have you done? A thousand curses on you.

That's alright. This upholstery is from Cairo. It's the finest Egyptian craftsmanship to delicatoury store. This a bit like Sheldon. It's virgin on a pistec. I demand 50,000 drakma. Buck me up here lads. Harry, be careful if you don't mind. Eric still had enough fizzy

wine to fire at you and cause you significant upset and grief. Well more, looks at Adam and John, Milner, but they aren't making a move. Adam says, look more, I'm halfway through my foundation base here. He can't risk getting it tainted by fizizzy Wine. John Milner, you're at the answer more, you know, in fact, I've got as far as doing Mublushia. Debbie, looks at you and you learn Salah, Eric starts shaking the bottle and the white arts surround Salah. He says, okay, okay, you win. I can't risk further damage to my beautiful pit. Debbie, ha ha, next time you come on strong like a tender hermit, you better make sure you add some backup.

Harry says, well I must say defeating the clocktops in their own toilets has made my day even more terrific. Eric raises the bottle above his head and as they leave they all say, feel our ferocious heat. Nice for Harry. Yes. 100 goals defeats the clocktops. Yep. Really nice day for him. I was thinking you know with the International Weekndy and not with the International Break and all that in the F.A. Football. In the Football Podcast, this isn't it?

Yeah and I was thinking to myself like I wonder how the gangs are all gonna line up, you know, cutting the world, cut with the England squad and that. Yeah. And I think I might have got a bit of a clue here, so it might be interesting for people, so. ["Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Dead, Dead, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Dead, Dead, Dead, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Dead, Deadly, Deadly, Deadly, Dead, Deadlyating from his ankle injury, he's been staying at his mum and dad's house, right? And Debbie, Debbie had he's been staying in the spare room whenever he can, right? You know, sir, sorry, just to look after him. Well yeah, just so the you know, play college, you try out different

products, you know, buy shit off the internet, that sort of thing. Well the day before the Italy match just gone right, Debbie got a few of the England players together to go visit him, cheer him up, you know, because he'd probably fail and left out. There's Eric Dyer, Adam Lilliana, Rahead Sterling, Jordan Henderson. So Debbie goes in first, because he wants it to be a surprise, you know, I said, all right, how are you feeling?

Harry says, I'm very frustrated and down in the dumps actually Debbie. This injury could not have come at the worst time. It's got me in a rightful free-buffly. Debbie says, yes, it's very inconvenient, but there's no good time to have an injury. Is there, Harry? At least it won't roll you out of the world cup. Harry says, yes, that's very true, Debs. Mae'n gweithio'r ymdwch i'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r ymdwch i'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny.

Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. Mae'n gweithio'r hynny. I doubt that will happen, Harry. I said, well, you just don't know, don't you?

That Southgate man has got a very big nose. He might be capable of anything. He might even drop you for that Lingard lad who coincidentally has a very big nose. Do you see where I'm coming from? Debbie says, I'll feel you boss. Hey boss, I got surprised for you. And in walks Lilliana, Adam. Alright, Ari, just throw a comment say hello. I bought you a little gift. It's a jar of

moisturiser by Latin Mayor. It's deeply penetrating and replenishing. It will completely energise your skin. How much did it cost? If you don't mind me asking out of a feeling of deep curiosity? 1,200 bone from Self-Rudges. Oh well it must be good then. I thought your copies used never yet. Fuck off Harry, we wouldn't use that cheap shit. You can buy it in boots or asda, watching we are Mugs of fucking summit. Well thank you very much Adam But don't pee don't pass to Vandy tomorrow. What was that? Ari? Nothing Would you mind putting a bit of your quim on my elbows? They're very dry and very Therkey not at all in fact, I fucking insist So he gets on with that next is in his jog and Henderson, yeah, right? He comes in

He's so suddenly Inau'r llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i'n llwysig i Alright Jordan, I bought your chest board and pieces lovely mail of oinks with gold date earlin'. Be okay playing chess against Hendo or so, Debbie. He only knows how to move sideways and backwards. That's a terrific line of banter I just said, isn't it? He says, what's the chess set, expensive? Jordan says, you're three and a half grand from Arred. All right, should be a good set then.

Put it over there next to my aunt farm and don't pass to Vardy. What was that? Nothing. Look Debbie, I'm finding all these visits. A little bit tiring and draining. Is there anyone else in Skip's Reheat Sterling? Right? You're doing full of culture, Harry. I'r yw'n dweud. Is yw'n ei wneud? I'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i'n sgwyr i Bella bro, I bought your 24-cal at farting more with an ivory lid. You know with you being bedbunned. What's the expensive? Over 50 grand bro. I already said, oh I expect that will be lovely to fart until then. Thank you very much

for having me, don't pass to Vardy. What did you see about Vardy? I didn't see anything, but Vardy why would I I only know it like in passing. I bet he wasn't even very expensive when that's the ball and so how could can he even be? Adam, he's got a magic chin on him no wait he good pointy one. I pointy you know I like which is like a lot of good look, I check fit and then the ledges, how could you? Rahim, here this is, this is Chinese, more magical, has more magical power than Messi's boss eyes. Right, that's it, all of you, get out, I'm fed up of all this chat about Vardy's chin, I'm the magic chin, his is too sharp, man, his nice and blunt and heavy, it's full of power.

All of them say say don't worry are we won't pass to Vardy thank you very much lad and put us at sober in the run barb on top of that thank you let's just talk big nose linger there's got the message right is that it and you know it isn't it's I wonder you know let's think about it who passed to Vardy in the end of that? Lovely finish by Vardy, is that what I want to greek or? Yeah. So I'm just wondering if there's going to be a bit of a two camps at this World Cup.

Vardy's chin camp and the harry chin camp could be. I wouldn't be surprised if there was, but... GANGS OF THE E-P-O Or it could be World Cup GANGS OF THE E-P-O Even better! So shall I carry on with it now? Do it. Well the England squad apart actually from a few Liverpool lads are all best at St George's. So there's a clue in it, Andy. So the England squad apart from the Liverpool lads are all best at St George's England training facility, right? So I'm George Grim. Well anyway that's the sort of clues you're going to be given, right? They're at the England training facility near Burton. What's Burton famous for Andrew? Biscuit. Nothing. Anyway after Gareth has done his tactic to talk the lads are allowed to go into

I suppose a reception area. It's a bit like a airport lounge nice. You know what? Fucking nice. Yeah, it's class massive turbo tennis, turbo football big gaming area Big Box. No joke box. Destructing. Well, I don't know what I can't you know the FA have decided They've had a maintenance said no, no, you don't know what I can't, you know, the FA have decided, they've had a maintenance set, no, no, you don't wanna set against the afternoon. Dic-Doc-Doc-Doc! No! Big screen and all that, an official England chef there,

right, to serve very strict diet, bone broth, herbal teas, electric water, which, chia floaters, is that what they're called? And if you have anything from... Bove-a machine? What machine? Bove-a machine. Well, Bove-a machine got, but, Bove-a machine? floaters is that what they called and if you have anything from the machine, what machine, bovral machine, bovral machine got but bovral, they got a bovral machine, I doubt it, no bovral machine, it's not bovral machine, no way, so the voice of the air there,

it's a little bit, it was a little bit awkward. What you think of this idea of playoffs for the fourth place in the Premier League? Oh, I can't give a shit about the fourth place in the Premier League. The race for fourth place. I didn't ask you what you think about the fourth place. I'm asking, oh well I'll say that. Is that what they're going to do? I've heard it moat in. The race for fourth place, which is basically the race to be in a qualifying round for the Champions League in early August. That's not a race, that's not a thing. Anyway, get on with it. Alright, so there's like, there is a little like, canteen, doesn't do it justice, but there's like a, a, a, a, a chef there in the room, you know, and anything you have, if you have a

some bone broth or something, it's marked on your personal diet planner, and a copy cent of the player's individual dietitian. That was just a thought some nice insight, so that's how strict it is down at St. George's, even if you're in the recreation room having a snack, that will be that will be sent to you to put in their personal dietitian for you. No spaghetti, oops! No wifi though, because Gareth doesn't want them going on social media, right? Why? He's trying to discourage Jordan Pickford and Harry Maguire from spending all the time

looking at farm equipment, you know, on the net, and like pouring over it. So, well, the room I've found out is basically split between two camps with a few undecided. Right, you've got Ari Kahn's gang called the White Lions, their role when they score, is their motto. And Jeremy Vardy's gang called the Vardy annuals. Right, which is like a play on words.

Hardy annuals. Yeah, Vardy annuals right man-man in Harry's gang so this is a clue maybe a Phil Jones Debbie Ali Jordan Henderson and Eric Dyer right man-man in Vardy's gang a Rahim Sterling Harry Maguire Carl Walker okay Vardy's gang are all gathered around a big screen, watching Vardy play Splatoon 2. So shoot him up, Kevin. I know what Splatoon is.

What's it, what is it? If you fire paint around. But on a video screen now. Yeah, it's an Nintendo game. Is it good? I've got Splatoon 1, yeah. Well, it's Vardy's favorite game. So there you are, you'd probably be in the Vardy annuals.

Right, so, Keen's gang are all sat in the reading section, yeah, and Harry's holding for. Well, I must say that the facilities here at the FA Headquarters are beyond reproach, and Mr Southerner and in Mr Southerner's gate, we have a dynamic inspirational and sassy leader. His pet talks are really quite gripping. Harry, he is some muffled laughter coming from Vardy's area, yeah. Just ignore those income

pups. They are very disrespectful and muckflippin'. We are preparing for the world's greatest sporting event here, not a silly band dance for the burgers and boobs brigade. Right. Phil, Phil Jones. What was he? Phil Jones, Phil. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch.

Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. Fyldi hwnnwch. That's regrettably not doing it bus Jordan Anderson piped him Yeah Are you so myself patty rings much thinner like what? I'm bright a colored you know

I'm bright a colour, Moxler! And let the boss speak. Eric. Sorry. Boss. Thank you, Debbie. Now, as you know, I was the top non-Muslim scorer in the premium league this season. I give out a ferocious heat when I'm on the pitch and I'm very well thought of across the football world. Jordan, right now saw you get them sharp reds in a circle, big circle bricks in the triangles up the shops. Oh no,'s all about effort and it really. Thank you Jordan. Jesus. So I think I'm the perfect choice and I expect 100% just as he says that a large sticker celery it's

him. Right, come on let's knit this in the bud. That could have injured my scoring spot on my shoulder or were still damaged my magic chin. So the lions march over to the PS4 area where the hardies have still up forming where I would describe as a defensive, crescent arrangement. Which one, view bird brains, do you sell it at me? Fadi, all wants to know know like you know, and careful with your actual lad, I've been playing Sputon 2 and I'm really well fired up. Look not

which is Chen, says Debbie, you know very well who is asking, it's Harry Kane, you're captain, is you hurting something? I mean, Southgirds captain,, not my captain sure. That is very well then disrespectal. Are you deliberately trying to get me in a fluffy buffery? If Mr. Southgate hears about this young man you will be four at times two with a car on that one top. Debbie and that a scoop of custard on top of that cheeky fucker. Phil, yeah it costed a really lovely Mae'n gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod i'r gwybod Yeah, get just stuck in there. Oh, maybe I hear a port, yeah, you know. Raheem Sterling, chirps up. I've got two boats.

One called Raheem's boat. One called Raheem Sterling's boat. I bought them to impress a losses boat mainly, so I get to wear a captain's boat. I've never driven either of them, like, born, I might get another boat, and call it Raheem Steeleings third born.

Should I op you a do the Tom Tick, reamerhead? What's i in your hand Maguire? What are you hiding like a snake's McDevius? Open your hand and show me, oh I'm calling the boss on my special secret captain's hotline? Maguire. What's wrong I don. Fagdy? If he's back to the boss I'm on shit street. If I get booted out I'll have to go on work and my dad's been a basically. He's actually quite high pitched. He's a big man. What shall I do Mr. Vady? If he sprags to the bottom on Shet Street.

If I get booted out of here I'll have to go to work on me Dad's farm this summer and he's growing fucking tubers. Vady, look at her mate, you know we both got magic chains and I've got a bit of eye bogging to boot you know. We both know what it's like to be ridiculed. Now take a look at soft lad McGuirey, you know, all he knows is pies, drainage and crop spraying. Don't send him back to the farm, it will be like of mice and folk and men. He'll end up strangling his brother or a sitting on the family cat.

All right, all right, I hear you. If he gives me what is in his hand, I will dispose of it sensibly and nothing else will be said, but no more muck chances after that. So Maguire hands over at Harry what was in his hand. It's in his, it's a crushed little pet mouse that Maguire bought, aware of them to keep in company. What a sad sight that is, it's very upsetting. Now listen, is there any other contraband because this amnesty ends the moment I return to the reading and reflection area? Raheed. All right then. I've got Packer Shortbread hidden on top of me last shelf. And Raheem hands it over.

Harry and the white lines return to the reading area. Right, I hope you've all seen what a fair and compassionate skipper I am. Jordan. Ah, boss, later, you know, the shortbreads come and me think, ah, you know what, we're about it, like, I mean, I'm west sensely, you know me think, ah, you know what, we're about it like, I mean, I'm blessed, it's sincerely, you know, I've written it, and he come on, let's crunch up now. Tee hee hee hee hee hee.

Oh, okay, you can each have one finger, each. All of them, thanks boss. He ends out a little finger short, bred to each of them, and then Ari says, now, say after me, how he is king, we war when he scores. And you're joining. How he is king, we war when he scores. Ari, don't pass to Vadi.

Don't pass to Vadi. There it is, that's what first report from the training camp. Yeah. That doesn't board well, I don't think for England in this world. Well, two. One, two. Can I just say it? I think I might have what's described as a man-crush

on Jimmy Vardy. Really? So cool. Cool, isn't it? Cool. But edgy as well, like an outsider. I like it. World Cup, Gangs of the EPL! So Andrew, the teams are in their hotel before the Costa Rica match in Leeds.

Yeah, look I'm stretching my mouth out like that. Do you like this? It changes my voice slightly. It's not very appealing. I'm gonna sit with it just for the interval. So our team will tell before the Costa Rica match in Leeds, what's Leeds for Emma's for Andrew? Nothing.

Right. Anyway, Jordan Anderson. Losing the dice, 73 and a big up file. Anyway, Jordan Anderson, Phil Jones, a share in a room, double on suite. So that sounds like a nice room, doesn't it? And, and, and, they shouldn't. Yeah. Jordan sat on the bed watching police interceptors and Philip is having a bath.

Right. Suddenly, Phil shouts out, can you do his shout for us? No, it's not too loud because... No, you do it for me. What are you saying? So, Phil has just fallen out of the bath. No!

Thank you. Jordan, did Charlie with him? Jordan, could you come through to the bathroom and put the non-sliply rubber mat down so I don't fall over when I get out at the bath? Yeah, says Jordan. No problem, like, and he slipped me a little and he bet he that's a lovely ross for sure, and I want to knock the lake.

Passports please, ah, yeah. Jordan goes through to the bathroom. I'm just I'm always slipping over when I don't mean to you know It's better to be safe than sorry, isn't it? Oh, yes, if you first I'm there off I'm pretty sure I'll tell you oh sexy ass you got there Phil. Thank you. It says Phil Suddenly there's a knock on the door here Right come in says Phil. Well it's Jeremy Vardy, the leader of the Vardy annuals and his sidekick Rayie is sterling and another

oh I want name, another Vardy annual I won't mention name, no. All right boss lads just wanted to have a little chat with you, you know. Shit onto the breeze, fart around on the vibe like. Our rooms much bigger than yours, says the head. And our teleface is the bed's not the window, so we don't get no reflection on the screen. Mr. Vadi insisted on that. Has your bathroom got anti-slip rubber mat? Yet as you have even, the haim, lovely safety feature,

and I was able to put my mum's man to escort, you know, so as I saw it, it's right, gradely. That was, that was not Phil Jones, that was Peter Beasley, one it. Charlie Williams, yes he does the haim. Anyway, right, very good. Our room doesn't need one. The whole bathroom is at the slip. Did you check the pat testing there on your kettle? I was his bag up to it there, very reassuring, as I often slip over when I

pour a kettle. We haven't got a kettle, we've got one of them special hot tops boiling hot water at the flick of a switch. I could not live without it. That wouldn't even be a life. Buddy, all right, he chill out, listen, I'll put some Jason Derulo on me, Spotify, and let it bleed into our psyche like a mark, rough-alos, a little acquit penetrating a cream cake. Oh, I love cream cake. Mum lets me have one Friday night in bed when she reads me a story. Jordan, cream cakes pack a tool after house last year, and I walked east.

This Jason Derulo is well-ratched. Crimcakes pack a tool after house last year and I walked east. This gearson to rule all is well-raged. Listen says Vady, you boys if it's Crimcakes and chill out biscuits you like then why not join my gang. Harry, Harry came on the downward spiral, he's out of form and out of shape, you know, 15 and a half stone. That's very fucking bulky. Yes, but, um, yeah, but Tari is a magic chin, and I expect that accounts for a lot of his weight. Magic Chins? Car live with them, car live with them. That's livener, right? Anyone seen my porridge tongs, eh?

Raheed, Mr Vahdi has a magic chin and on top of that he is slightly boggied. Hey, go easy on the bogging, shout bro. Yeah! Sorry, boss. At that moment, Harry can and Debbie Ali rush through the door linking their rooms to Jordan's the both wearing white silk pajamas and top hats and the so that's an icewear to present yourself

into definitely um Harry I've been listening at the door and picked up everything by using my chin as a sound amplifier. Mr Vardy you have been very disrespectful and on the hand asking my gag members to jump ship. I don't mind admitting that I'm in a fluffly tubence about this and if it wasn't for hotel regulations I would throw lukewarm water at you from a vessel. Listen, Cain, your two boys seem to be wavering, like, you know, the pamper's grass outside Raheem's ranch. I guess they like the weight and sharpness of my chin, rather than your blunt stump.

Oh, I thought a nice chin, Vady. Pity, I'm not wearing gloves, I like the handle lit. Shushy Malfady says this is Debbie Ali. Shushy Malfady, what's the matter? Is you hurting about something that has hurt you? And you've got bog guys, that's what I said. You just drop it, Raheed, okay? I'll tell you what we will do. We will fill our top hats with water

and then me and Vady will place our chins in the water and see which one displaces the most water. Phil, oh I get you, oh, to see which is heavier chin. Exactly. So the tell filter go to the bathroom and fill up the hats with water. They're here in fall over. Vardy, all soft lads fall and over. Like a lump of cream dropping from a plumper clear. Oh jeez Vardy stop mentioning cream cakes. It's making my balls rot in. This stuff does happen, you know, yeah?

Eventually Phil comes back in with the hats full of water Him and Harry but Vardian Harry dropped the magic chin's in the measure how much water has been replaced and Andy Vardy's chin is the heavier Well, well, I suppose that's fair enough, but it does not mean that your heavier chin is actually more magic Don't forget I was the highest Christian scholar in the Premier League this season. Oh, Ari, oh man, Ari, I'm really sorry like what I think I'm gonna switch over to the Hardy annuals you know. It's heavy a chin you know on the cream cake shit in that and whether be racist I'm very disappointed in you Jordan.

Your boot smocked turncord I will in you Jordan your boot smacked turncord I will leave you with your new friends come on Debbie and they're leave right later that night Vardy's gone from the room and Ari and Debbie go back into Phil's room right well Jordan that plan worked a treat well done You're the dapland work to treat. Well done, Philip, for giving Vardy the smaller top hat. Thank you! So Jordan, you are now my eyes and ears into the Vardy annuals. Jordan, get the impression on my normal boss.

Yeah! Harry, white lines, we roar when Harry scores. All white lines. Sorry. White lines, we roar when Harry scores all white lions. Sorry white We were when Harry scores. Harry don't pass to Vady. Oh Don't pass to Vady. So that's interesting to me. Wow. I'm still very much a Vady annual fan. Really? Because of Jeremy himself. Yeah. You like Jeremy. You still got a bit of a man

crush on him. I think. Yeah yeah did you think that story was a little bit like the hotel scenes in the hangover movies yes was a bit one it yeah very much I was thinking that as I was listening to it yeah that way you just do it just enough for my liking. World Cup Gangs of the E-P-L. So the England team are on the way back to the base from the ground after the Tunisia match, yeah, in the coach. It was hard to enjoy the match, won it Andy, but I was very happy. That was an ordeal. Yeah. They left it late as Englander. I tend to do. I mean you know, Arricane. There's no words, is there? Well, the better, mate. So everyone's calmed down a little bit after celebrating the victory. at the back of the

coach. There's like a lounge area, right? Slightly separated off by the toilet and a fridge thing. And the Vardy annuals are all there. Rahim, Vardy, Maguire, Karl Walker, Alexander Armstrong, Jesse Lingard, Jason Pickford, and of course, Jordan Jordan Anderson who's spying on them. Right. So the watch in Vardy plays Splatoon 2 and passing round a half bottle of Cheek Vodka that they're poured into one of the bottles of their electric water, you know, so that they

don't get caught. At the very front of the coaches, Gary Southgate and Harry Kane and the rest of the white lions are in the seats behind them. Yeah, yeah. Garth gets on the coach microphone to address the squad. Right, right. So he gets up and he says, My name is Gary Southgate and I'm a footballer, Hollick. Harry loves a few little of the white lions join in politely. Gary, Gareth, I

wouldn't say the tune is in team Bichetes, I really wouldn't. I'm not that sort of bloke. Harry laughs, yeah, and then Gary says, as for that vast system, its performance was indifferent to say the very least, a bit like Lindgarde's finishing. All the white lions howl were laughter. Right. Right. Vardy suddenly appears stood up at the back. Hey, hey, hey, big nose. At least Jesse was in the right place at the right time. You know we're talking tiny percentages here. Quartes, halves, nothing greater than a two. On another night it could have been very fucking different. Suddenly there's a loud crash in the toilets yeah John John Anderson oh I do I do a nice song with that maybe a big cut like a ball of tone glasses this is what we actually meant the lips it's just Philip Jones he's fallen over in

the toilet trying to put his shoes back on. Maguire sawed it out, so Harry Maguire pulls the door open and outcomes fell. Thank you! I mean, it's a little adds that I left a little dummy kisk girl on the seat right. Hey Rahim, give Philip your snoo'd to clean it up with. Baaah says Raheem. Baaah, but this is me even in travelling snoo'd. It's super lightweight and has over a thousand tiny silver threaded pockets, each with a particle of moon dust inside.

It costs £33,000. Vady, the way I see it, the moon dust will be super unabsorbent, you know, like sun-baked onion skins on an artisan table in Nigel Slater's summer house. Give it to the soft lad. So Phil text the snowed off Raheem. Up pops Debbie. Debbie Ali, it's one thing sticking up for Lingard, but what about her he was running around like a half ass bugger with a final arm of his ass? Eric that's a good

one. Thanks Eric. Rahim. And do I have an alarm on me? I'm actually sure that doesn't even work as a thing to say. Garith, right, calm down, children. I don't know, I don't know. I'm not even Garith, speaks. Harry laps. Garith, I think it's time we heard from our magnificent skipper. Team game and all that, but we'd be in the shit with party. Is it? Yeah I can't want to make him like nerdy

There was just nothing to the South get voice. I think this time we heard from I don't know I think it's time we heard from our magnificent skipper team and all that, but we'd be in the shit without him. Harry can boys and girls. Harry gets up. Harry. When Harry scores, and the Lions say, the Lions roar. You could have helped me out there. I forgot what it was. When Harry scores, the Lions roar. Well, first of all, I would like to say that the Tunisia team are a light bunch of bootmock fancies. It has spent as much time learning the rules of the sport as they do applying hair products, their mic-mex and progress. Garath laughs, Vardy at the back, racist.

Now, I just want you to imagine for a moment the mood in the Tunis your coach. I bet they are right down in the dumps. What would you say to them if you were there Debbie? Alright lads, if you're hurting, I bet you is hurting to the night for the sausage slice and a portion of calamari on top. Nobody laughs. Yes, there will be in a right softly buffery, their camp will be full of disarmony and complaint. There's a scream from the toilet, Harry. Can someone please check on Philip? So Maguire pulls the door, toilet doors off its hinges, and there inside his Philip,

flapping about, you know, like a eel with hands, the toilet is full of thousands of flies that have been resting and breathing in Rahim's snowed and they've been attracted by his Tommy Kiskel. Jordan flies Russian football flies quick. Before the start shopping and that flat made me flat this way down town now later. Well everyone's running about screaming and panicking. Hurry, quick driver, pull off her to safe spot so we can open the door and encourage these flies outside and back into Russia.

The driver pulls over and they all leave the bus. In the confusion, Jordan goes over to Harry and hands him the Vardy's vodka. Jordan, skip her, look what the hardies were drinking. Shall we tell the man, you know, those are our manager? Well, the martyred talk. Don't say anything. We will wait for the best time to use this incriminating evidence against him. How irresponsible and upsetting. Later they're back in the coach, Harry's next to Southgate and Garret says, when Harry scores the lion's roar.

Sorry, is that Gary? Gary, when Harry scores the lion, Harry. So, Gary says, when Harry scores the lion's roar, Harry says, don't pass the Vadi. Garret squeezing his leg, don't pass the Vardy. Garrett, squeezing his leg, don't pass the Vardy. Oh, bit of a conspiracy there in it. Definitely. Then from the back, we're here. Fuck's it, me snowed his covered in Tommy Kiss girl, Jones. I might as well have wiped me ass with it. Philip, yeah, I know, I did. It was, gradely. Everybody laps apart from Raheem,

who stares at Debbie and gives him the slitting throw. Whoa! We don't want that in the England squad. Well, this is... I'm gonna win the World Cup. This is how it happens. That's how it unfolds. And I'm not referring to the Tommy girl.

To the Tommy girl. No. So what do you think? Go up and can patch things up. I can't even think of a film that's like. I've never heard anything like it in an army life. No scriptwriter, I've never even considered going there. You couldn't make it up. I feel a bit so for Philip now. Well, I've got it off and you're really excited about it. I'm about in the toilet. I'll inflight.

He's put a kiss-cowler on the seat. Well, maybe he shouldn't have done that. Yeah, but it's in motion, isn't it? Architectivism is on downfall, I think. I think. I'm a bit wary because they're re-roarsing that. I've been doing a gang of the APL. So I'm going back to just after the Columbia match, Andrew. You know, when we didn't know what was going to happen

Yeah, and I mean no disrespect to this, you know, I'm stupid. You're right. Well, I mean so it's World Cup gangs of the EPL So after what was frankly a wonderful victory of a Columbia who a bit dirty weren't they and oh the Colombians were fantastic. Oh you thought of fantastic. Oh the shit house where he was to die for. Oh you enjoy that sort of thing. Oh you enjoy that sort of thing. There was a lot of shit house we got did you notice? Did you see with Loveren in the W.A.

I didn't see that but I saw he should have at least two yellows. Well anyway sorry about that. Sorry about that wordless gentleman. The squad were given a day off the day after it was just a day off right quite right. The majority of them to spend the day around the pool right those who were in treatment and that Southgate wasn't there in the afternoon. He died a little small plane you, to fly over. Would it be the oorles or something? Traveler, crowned or whatever. I'll set the, it's Phil Jones is in the shallow end, yeah, of the pool on a floating, like,

inflatable hip-hop, and he's eating a hamburger and he's got a cup of tea. That's nice, in it, Andrews. The two farmers, Pickford and Maguire, they've been collecting wood from the maintenance shed to see if they can fashion their makeshift plow, you know, at a past some time. Alexander Armstrong and Marcus are trying to make a diving board out of like turbals, you know, hotel furniture and there. The white lines are sat by the shallow end and

the hardy annuals by the deep end. Eric Dyer is inside just staring through a window at the scene. Yeah. Yeah. I hope I've set that up nicely for you, Andrew. I've got it visualised on the sun is shining. Harry. Philip, have you got plenty of sun cream on? I promised your mum I'd make sure you didn't overexpose your creamy muck milk skin. Yes boss, but... Oh, the good channeling will be. So but I'll put some more on just in case as soon as I've finished me hamburger. Do you know why I like hamburgers boss because they're round like my mum's nose. Thank you Philip. Suddenly Vardi pipes up. Hey, leave the kids alone, you know, they're only expressing themselves through play. You need to value their innocence and imagination.

It shines for two brief appeared in our lives. Rejoice at their wonder. Responsibility can wait. Richard made me told me that, and a boozy do. That's all well and good, you know, if it doesn't involve damaging hotel property, talking of responsibility, where were you when the crunch came to the crunch for the penalties Vardee? Raheem shapes in. Why should Mr Vardy take a penalty? We're none of you ever passed to him, not even in training. How's he meant to be match-sharp? What you say in sterling you winks, Macchaky, that there's a conspiracy, a plot, some sort of treachery in the camp. You've been reading too many books by authors. Maybe you is hurting. Jordan chips in. Ah, whoa! Hey, listen up, ma, let's snip this in the bloodfellas. Ah, I'm so much of this, Kenneth Wood, report to W. Ed.

Will it ever get to no unions? It's not conspiracy, lay. Thank you, Jordan, for that common sense statement. Jordan, winks at Ari, just at that moment, big splash in the pool, Dyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn ymdyn yn y could somebody pop in it, I can grab me, you know, I'm afraid I have drifted into deep end. Harry, quick, farm lads, get in and say Philip. So Maguire takes a smock off and jumps in and the wave caused by the impact of his head entering the water gently pushes Philip to the shallow end and he's able to stand up. Harry says, right, I want no more talk of conspiracies and double dealings. We all very much enjoy passing to Vardy, Vardy, especially when we see the sun glinting off the sharp end of this point of cheer. Don't we boys?

All the white lines agree. Yes boss, yes boss, they all say. Well, I'll take your word for it, but I have definitely been starved of service, you know. I feel like a lone hitchhiker at a breakfast table for outcasts in a forgotten hotel in an abandoned city, you know. Like the premier in in Bolton. Don't be that fatty. Come on, let's all go inside and watch Jamie play Splatoon 2. Just at that moment Alexander Armstrong climbs into Phil's inflatable hip-hop. Alexander, bloody alpha, it wants this! Oh, sorry young, I've left a little Tommy Kiskirl in the hip-hop. Yes, you're fucking av! Harryguides vibe inside, right, and they all go into watching player. Just as they all get in, Eric stares up to the sky and he sees Garath's plane fly

by and there's a message trailing behind it. What do you think that message is, Andrew? Don't pass the party. Don't pass the party. So, hmm, they were fun times, you know. There were, that seems like a long time ago, doesn't it? Now, I was at the house over there. Can I just hear that reminded me of an episode of way other champions with Ron Picker and really? Well, they all jump in the pole at the end. Exactly. That was what I was trying to evoke. That reminded me of the way other champions with Ron Pickeron. Really?

They all jump in the pole at the end. Exactly! That was what I was trying to evoke. And... Was it? I'll jump up. Thank you.