Athletico Mince - The White Harts Collection Vol. 3

Episode Date: December 22, 2023

A compilation of the antics of Harry Kane and his pals from episode 68 to 93. (Originally released via Club Parsnips) Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Well some at White Lions you know from the World Cup and a meet-up, preseason meet-up in Aries Mum's garage, you know, for a preseason party. You'll practice some of the dancing, check out Harry's ant farm Make there are nice lollies in the garage fridge. Mm-hmm. Watch a bit of the Flumps Tech New York Order some jewelry Order some jewelry from GMTV. Do a bit of finger pain. That's sort of thing. Sounds like a NAS part.

He's done it, Andrew. It's alright. So, Harry's there waiting with his mum and first to arrive is Jordan Anderson, yeah. Hello? Hello? Hurry, Harry's mum. Did you know it was actual Puma?

That invented screw fix, you know what? Got the India maybe packed up? Count to ten, mate, man. Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r It arrives. It's really scorchered today and it lads here. My mum says they should keep indoors and not get too excited on, not eat anything too sugary, or with fallen spices

in it. Would you like a hot dog, Philip? Says Ari's mum. Or is please. Oh, though hold on. Could I just check that the meat is blended watery. My mum's not getting on me getting a lot of taste. Bloody hell Philip! Says Ari. It's a hot dog, you're not going to get fireworks, are you? Honestly, stop being such a boot, bootamot first part. Just then Eric arrives. Hello.

Mrs. Kim. Hello. Philip. Mrs. Ken, hello Philip, hello John. Alright son, let's build a cut-frap. No, I didn't eat that. Harry, I bought you a balloon. To blow up, it's painful and it's awful. You're a droppin'.

That's very kind of you, Enic. Mum wants to know if you would like a hot dog. Can I have some time to think? Oh, just make it, Mum. think. Oh just making one mom like who wants to say my ant farm? Yes please says Philip Eric yes. 17 tens of girls names says John it's just isn't and comes Debbie he's really excited. Lance Lance Lance Lance Lance Lance Lance Lance Lance Debbie is really excited. Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads.

What's his it Debbie? You like you've got a secret burn in a hole in your pants or at the very least you've had interesting thoughts? Lads, lads, lads, lads, lads, lads. Oh come on, spit it out, you fronted busted. I've gotten your gold celebration for the new season. It's much extravagant and it really is quite something. Is it a sort of wave? Says Eric.

No. Jordan says, do you like you, oh you like your finger? You know like a bus driver when he sees a nut job. No, but it does involve my finger. Oh, says Philip, stick your finger up your ass and then suck it, you know. My mum gets regrettly with me when I do that, like. No, I'm not Northern of Philip. Harry says, do you make your fingers like you are holding a knife and fork and pretend that you're eating a fixed slice of ham? Debbie, no I can say I've got to have to show you. So Debbie does his new celebration thing you know where he makes a circle round. Oh yeah I've been trying to do it that.

I haven't bothered. No. No. You was in his stomach, his forefinger. You know like used to pretend they had a monocle or something. Debbie says what's your reckon? Pretend I had a monocle or something Debbie says what you reckon Philip says what's it to meant to represent like you know? Are you looking very strongly something of interest? You know like a very shiny button or a new coat Does it mean says Jordan you've beaten a long track with your man? No says Debbie Eric speaking much more fast than you'd normally expect that look. Is it the cheeky way of looking at Latin Bern's his ass? No, Eric, I'm not a bootsmock

ogler like you. No, I've got it, says Harry. Is it just really different and marks you out as a special player who must be taken very seriously. Debbie, yes that's it and I'm in serious with a cottage pie in a finger foot on top. Come on all of you, you try it. So they all do the circle around their eyes and just as they do, Ari's mum comes in with a player of hot dogs. Mum says, oh what's up as late and Ben's just arrived or something. Eric told you.

Debbie starts crying and Harry puts his arm around him. Don't take any notice of Mom and Debbie. It's a lovely little celebration. Debbie said, do you really think so? Yes I do. Come on. Let's get this party started and talk into mum's hot dogs. Then they all stand round and eat the hot dogs in silence. That under the end. That's the end of it? Yeah, are you glad? No, no, no, all I could have had more of that put a nice ending.

So, is yours in it as like a with examining, learnt and burnt back side? Yeah, I wasn't expecting that when I saw him do it the other way. Well, I should have said that's what Mrs. Kane. That's her interpretation. That's her interpretation. Not necessarily for legal reasons, that's not necessarily what Deli Ali is doing. What he does that. Oh, got a statement just coming on me, um, genuinely.

Oh, you faxed. Just coming on me, um, emails. It's Harry Kane. Oh, Harry Kane, just a, it's onlys just coming on me emails. It's Harry Kane. Oh, Harry Kane just a it's only a little little quick statement He says You is I would just like to make it absolutely clear that myself and Debbie are very upset by the disrespect that we shone to us By the Arsenal peaky gooeners last week Then you leader Darren Ramsey was extremely aggressive and his words

and actions were very very upsetting. Our relationship with the Peakeys is at an all-time law. I will be making a full statement on the next Athethic comments. In the meantime, he was a message for you, Darren. You are very immature and spiteful young boy and soon you will feel our ferocious hate end of statement end of statement for Darren Ramsey he's for it isn't he he's a loose cannon though because he's leaving the piqui gooners in the summer he's leaving he see I think he has changed the atmosphere there as well you know yeah so if they're gonna get

aggressive yeah they've got Eric to contend with top. You remember the year? Well, Eric sure to sign it side of himself. We hadn't seen before the night. Exactly. Yeah. Shushing the the Arsenal fans last week. Maybe the peakies have got under his skin. You know, been intercepting his male. So he hasn't been getting his what is it? Nightlife is the game they all play. Night time. Night fight. Night face. Nighttime. Nightfights. Nightfights. Like that. The idea. Alright so, Andrew, I've got a gang of the EPL. So, the... The Doctorie Music.

So, it's gangs of the EPL. So, Andrew the White Arts had got together Aries, Aries Care and's Mums garage for a new year as a party, right? Eric, Debbie, Tinky Winky, Keenan, Keenan Shipier and Son Hong Thing, yeah? Tinky Winky. Tinky Winky, Aries Mum's laid it all out nice for crisps called mates and that. And they're all wearing clothing that you use when you're handling sports equipment. You know, a white track suit, a white train, that kind of thing.

So, Harry. So what did you all get for Christmas? I hope you all got something that will last and it's not just some flippant and disposable fluffy buffery. Debbie. Sure thing, boss. On Christmas Eve, I was hurting for sure. My girlfriend Ruby played a blender

and convinced me I was getting nothing because I was undeserving in a bro. Then on Christmas Day, she gave me this. Keenan, Keenan Tripier, yeah. What a rich Debbie, look, rich redly. Hehehe. It's hot wheels, ultimate city garage and Cobra Crush fly over. Wow, it's like a road system of donkaster,

but you know, the scale that it reached down. I doubt very much they have a hungry giant Cobra in donkaster canine. Take a wrong turn and the Cobra actually digest you. I ain't got a girlfriend, but I know what they are. Says Keenan. Is you hurting something Keenan, says Debbie. Yet you're all right.

Thank you Debbie. No need to be a boot smug noxious. And I must say I'm very disappointed in your girlfriend. Ban you something so trivial and unessential. You will soon tire of it and it will just be another piece of clutter. You should donate it to a school in a poor area where the children are needy for such things. Oh okay if I must boss but can I play on it today? Yes you can Debbie but be careful handling that cobra.

It's teeth look very alarming. I feel like Jeffrey McQuizy just thinking about the potential jeopardy involved and do not put the cars in your mouth. Yes boss. So what did you get Eric? I got a Vokky now. New hat. That's a nice sensible for a hat, who got you it? My girl. Oh that's my ear. Canaan chips in. I've got to go friend, but I know what they are and that they must be treated well. So have you bought you new green hat with you for display and show, bro? You feel me

in it? No. Why not? Sorry. Lost. It. Well that is a shame Eric and I expect Maria will be very upset and out of sorts when you drop that bombshell. I suggest you sit down right away and right to her begging for her forgiveness. What about you think son? And that's thing son you know who came to the country via Dortmund. Is that relevant? Yeah maybe because I ain't doing an Orient in Laxandong and then in Mequeria. No. So what's your name as a German?

So I think I'll do my job. What about you, Thamesan? What about you, Thamesan? You're best present ever from my girlfriend. You so young, a disco sound hub to spit out high quality Musical fired home in the car Is it yeah, well, I would do worry and at a party it keeps me vital and sane whenever the mouse makes no sense to me whatsoever I would like a girlfriend. Where did you meet yours?

At a K-pop party in Rochester like a girlfriend, where did you meet yours? And a K-pop party in Rochester! Harry, an electrical item, a very stoked and sensible gift. I recommend you post off the warranty without delay, and it should give you years of pleasure and satisfaction. Come on son thing, fire it up! So son thing turns on his disco hub one and this is what he plays Pick me up pick me up pick me up pick me up pick me up pick me up

All right, okay, all right. That's quite enough. I didn't realize it would be so loud and run bonks Yes, Eric is trying to write his apology not, bloody hell what, cacophony, what about you, Tinky Winky, what did you get? Ari Winks. 48 gallons of pure ox piss. Everyone goes silent, you know, what? Then Debbie speaks. Is that meant to be a joke? Because if it is it's in very bad taste and makes me speculate that you was hurting brother Winky. No it's the truth. My ex girlfriend Rosie sent it me.

Cush here to me goods. Harry, it sounds like she just can't let go. She needs to move on and live in the moment not the past. Keenan, art living moment boss. That way I don't get upset about not having a girlfriend in the past and probably not having one in future. Son, think son, you should go K-pop in Rochester! Don't be daft son, it's his haircut that's holding him back.

He's a nice young man and he'll find his sweetheart once he gets his hair sorted. What present did you get, canon? Are you fucking Yorkshire? I've just been doing it. I'm not right right right. Pack a sausages and a bell. That's very nice canon Debbie, so what what did you get Christmas boss? and Debbie, so what did you get Christmas bus? I got you usual, you know some chin aisle, a chin strap to stop me teeth chattering at night, a chin prop to take the weight off me chin when I'm reading and writing,

and a chin bros to get rid of dust and grime after I've been walking through a poor area. Oh, and I almost forgot I got this letter. I never had a letter about to do understand what one is. Here Debbie you can read it out. Debbie reads it out. Her Majesty the Queen here by Grant Shoe the honor of the Order of the British Empire for services to sport. Well that that means you was at OBE, bro. Yes, it does, and I am very, very boot-smoked, chuffed. Let's get this party started.

Killed the music son thing. I want to pick me up. Pick me up, pick me up, pick me, pick me up, pick me up, pick me up, pick me up. And they're partied, right, all way through till 9pm and we're at the corner night. Kofi, a New Yorker, a few. So sorry, that was a little bit overambitious that bit. I had a bit of trouble sorting out who was who and you know, that kind of thing. It's alright, you know, it worked in the end I think.

I don't know, but we'll find out I suppose, won't we? Well, if I can clearly read worked in the end I think. I don't know, but well we'll find out I suppose won't we? Well, if I could include it in the episode, yeah? Okay, so um, Andrew, it's time to have a little take a little trip to have a look at the gangs of the E-P-L. So England squad were all in Montenegro. Oh yeah. Is Montenegro in Di Garabee? No, you think it would be. No, it's not.

It's just left of Libya. Lugaslavia or something. For the Euro-Qualifier. Now, Gareth, did you read about this that he's appointed six players to be like the senior gang, the senior players? I always put together an England guy. No.

Well, in nature, he's literally as. Not, I'm sure he doesn't mean to, but he's put together this six senior players that the others can look up to get advice from and that. Okay. That's helpful. By chance, look, I mean mean isn't it incredible when you think about this is what it is it's Harry Kane, Eric Dyer, Daly Ali, Kyle Walker and the additions at Rahim Sterling who would Kate got joined this week that's why it was

news and Jordan Henderson. Okay so it's all my bright lads and really the little records of it so they're spending the night before the match in the And Jordan Henderson. Okay, so it's all my bright lads. It's really, really coincidence. So they're spending the night before the match in the hotel Musclaw. Spa resort. I had a look at it on the Googles. Hi. Nice place.

Got all the facilities. Can I jump advisor? I do have a few. But it's all inclusive resort place, you know what I mean? We love them. I've expected the whole lot of it. And the senior six are like at the top table. You know what I mean? Looking at the menu and that Harry says right guys, let's do it. We are the senior six your problems. We will fix

All can you help me out here, Andrew? We are the senior six your problems. We will fix Well, I'm very pleased to see that you have all dressed very smartly for the seasonings meal. That is apart from you, Jordan. You look right, Scrupps, McCharity. What's that on your bummer jacket? Is it Thomas? You should take your jacket off. What? No! Can't do a boss like Zips. Zips up the junction out of the horse park, bud, like... Can't shift it, nah, didn't tick, vouchers like... Debbie, looks a bit like Chew'd up, Chase Caret, best to me, bus! Rahim! Oh, you asked me to polish with quite a higher amount of brown sugar mix, didn't you?

Eric Chipsin, like he always does. I think it might be vomits. After quite a set of Eric talking about vomit when we are about to eat that is very upsetting and could very possibly tend the extent about appetite. You really should consider other people before loving in an upset probe. So come on Jordan, what is it? Oh, that's my soul, that's his silly Dion. Chinwap for like a little pardon my Greek.

What the hell are you became of that lad anyway Oh, so I don't have to man's guts in this book lord I rust my kiss What is it Jordan? sick I was sick you know I saw house up most of an appiddal Well, it's not a duck to the definitely a duck in my room Well, stop, I ducked on the... definitely a duck in my room! TEEE! Oh, that really takes the biscuit.

I just told our fabric for talking about sake at the dinner table and you bring Todd talking to the equation. Where are we on manners? Back home in a locked cupboard, Mark, do not disturb if I'm not incorrect. Debbie, is she hurting us? Harry. Yes, I is. I'm right fluffery buffery. Just learn the fact not incorrect, Debbie, is you hurting us Harry? Yes I am, I'm right fluffery buffery, and the night is yet so young, it's full of possibles.

Get the farmers over and see if they can help deal with this. So Raheem asks Harry, Maguire and Jordan pick for to come over, you know the two farmers. Raheem, Jordan's has got sick on a possibly duck-toyle. All over his jacket. And we thought your farmers might know, but still. The choir, oh, you're another bit of dogbuck I do. But perfect for your sugar beet crop and sick is nature's way. You know, I've gotten poison out of your body.

If one of my cows spews up, it's a sure sign they need the veterinary. Can you not use that word, please? What veterinary? NOSPU? Oh God, I've done it myself now, I don't even hardly know where to put myself. Pickford says, well, I let me get the the nose on it, or that's the sweet sweet aroma of Dukknan since that has no mistake in that, or I love the smell of quack muck

me. On the farm we eat it straight from the malad's passage, goes lovely with a bite of turnip. Should we ask for a cloth? says right, oh, should we rip his chocolate off when pummel at you? Like, when a golf club was supposed. Well, at this point, Jordan flicks like a bit of the muckander, you know, like just as a flicker. And it lends on Ali's chin. Yeah. What's your Jordan? I've got crack-dung on me, magic chin.

What if he draws out my power? We've got to qualify tomorrow, Debbie. Without the boss in his magic chin. How do you expect lines to win? Ryan says, I'm going to bed this whole incident is making me queasy and out of sorts and I think I'm back with cry honestly I could. Jordan starts crying. Eric starts crying. The farmer's hug each other. Yeah, as the start crying. God. The farmer's huggie chother. Yeah? As the start grind. Debbie starts grinding. She'll saw how the shoes come on. Harry accidentally licks and tastes the duck splatter.

Oh, there's Chan. Hold on. This isn't duck best. This is caramel and peanut butter ice cream. We've all been a bunch of julie buttholes. John, I get all for her ice cream right now. That's what I'm a seed merchant, me, you know. The bus is magic, chain is safe, says Debbie. Everything is dug and dug and dug and it's in it. I read the problem is solved. We are the senior six, your problems, we will fix.

John! Oh, God, hell! And that's the end of that incident, Andrew. Sorry, I should have came in there, and the senior six, everybody had been mad at that. Yeah, but I was just mesmerised by him. Yeah, and out the window, look. I was mesmerised by the whole thing, it was fucked. I'm done here. Filling stuck on the sidelines.

You're watching, you're walking, man. When life gives you too much to tackle, I'm going to need that draft tomorrow. You know it's time to play. It's easy to find your next favorite game at bowdog.net. Get the latest sports odds and free tips to help you go all the way this football season. Visit bowdog.net today. Hashtag. Make a play.

Hey there, deal hunters. We've got deals with all the fields at selloff vacations.com. We understand that when you snag a vacation deal, you just can't help but break into your happy dance with hundreds of vacations priced to sell. You'll be riding the wave of your best vacation feels with selloff vacations.com. Oh, and Andrew, a thing. As you know, I have a spy in the Tottenham camp keeping it's not Eric Lamellas. Right. I was going to say it was not Eric Lamellas. Trippier. No, I'm not saying it's not Eric Lamellas.

Thank you. Keeping an eye on the white art gang. As you can imagine, it was all going off in the dressing room at half time, until now, looking on the way out. So the players wandered in, sit down, you know, in silence on the benches. Poshitinto, Tino, stands in the middle of the room. Poshitinto. Poshitinto? That'll do. And Jesus Perra paras as assistant starts

playing the accordion. Oh, push strikes up. What a matter you. What do you think you do? Why you look so sad? Why you play so bad? It's a big disgrace. Get out of this place. Then he goes over to the cattle area, starts making himself a chicken curry for over pot noodle. I think he's lost it too much for him. So at this point, you need a hero, don't you? He's going to be the hero. Harry Kane's going to be there. Boss. I have done it for ages. Boss, singing the whole of this song is not going to dig us out of this. We need to look deep into ourselves and try and understand our feelings. I suspect it goes without saying that I'm in the right fluffy,

but I'm in half a man to throw in clean water. I love you. Debbie Chipson. Harry, I think Mr. Poster Tino is hurting. Well, it's yours, you'll be Vex Debbie. You're wondering around the picture like a fart in a squash cart, which very upsetting, as we all know, you have such lovely long legs, which could be very effective if put to proper use.

And you, Keelan, Jepier, what's going on with you? Well, I think I've become shit at football. You could say that again, Keirin, times five and put a cream horn on top to boot. And that awful grave digger's haircut can't be helping. Put some of Debbie's product on it for the second half. It might give you a Mickey Mook boost. What have you got to say for yourself Danny Rose, so far as I can tell you're just huffing and

puffing like a huffing buff monster in a haunted piffling shed? Danny, well yeah, you know, I am, you know, running my ass off, you know, at least I'm not, you know, wondering about like Erickson, you know, he looks like, you know, at least I'm not, you know, wondering about like Ericsson, you know, he looks like, you know, thinking about his next batch of nutty shite rather than the match, you know? Don't you dare have a go at Mr. Christian, he very occasionally has the ability to change the course of the game and his face is as cute as a mouse lick in the chocolate button. What about you, something? I thought you were meant to be shit hot. I will be faster, hotter, quicker, stronger, at promise boss. Fine, can you stop fucking smiling all the time? This is a football match not a goofing tournament for slowwits. There's

only one thing for it. One of you is going to have to rub my magic chin with your nose and chance for some of my exciting abilities into themselves. I will let you choose. Well before I reconcerned another word, Lucas Mora jumps up up furiously rubs his nose against Ari's magic chin. Ari says, we are the white hearts. Feel our ferocious hate. So Andrew, the rest is history. This is history. Lucas Mora scores three. Yeah. And we're all looking forward to a bog standard. And if you to know if you like fixture for the Champions League final. And if you didn't believe in Harry's magic chin, maybe you do now. Maybe I always did, but maybe you always did.

I think the two managers should get together and just, you know, have a pact that they're both going to fucking go for it in this final. Yeah. and not be tactical or anything and you know well I think semi-finals this should just fucking go at it. Tottenham low power and tone. I'm also um you want to cry in files? Oh god do I you do one mum? Yeah um so you're ready with the dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Fear is irrational. Fear does not respond in a sober and measured way based on factual information. It's primal, it's animalistic. For the most part we fear things that don't make sense. Monsters in the dark waiting for their turn. We fear the depravity of man and what can happen when it's unleashed. but there are fears that are real and are actually

based on fact and observed behaviour. Welcome to Crime Files. The Hertfordshire town of Cuffley has a population of around 4,000 people, the majority of whom are law-abiding on the citizens, but in recent years crime rates have soared due to the arrival of the phenomena known as the rural gang, and one gang in particular has caused havoc to this once peaceful enclave. Yeah, good. Like Simon Jordan, the big word. The White Heart gang and its leader, Mr Harry Kane. Duh, alright W! Sunday the 2nd of March 2019 and local nonsense potter Neil Hunt was sat in his nonsense pottery glazing a small water jug whilst his latest unsellable pottery whimsy pieces were firing

in the kiln. Suddenly his double barn, double barn-style doors flew open and there stood three of the notorious Whiteheart gang thugs. Harry Kane, Eric Dyer and Song Hong Min. Harry was the first to speak. Is this the Nonsense Partry? Yes, it is, but we're shut. Can't believe and come back tomorrow. But we need some Nonsense Partry to there. Debbie is bought an air rifle and we want some Nonsense tipped up to file at. My pottery pieces are not for target practice. There's hours of work goes into each piece. How dare you suggest such a use for them?

What an insult just please leave and no bother coming back How dare you talk to our boss like that says Debbie? Have you had an argument with your boom power? Is your hurting or something? Excuse me, but what's in the fucking name of everything normal and civilized as a fucking boomer? It's Eric Dyer, who keeps in. It's a street name. Fucking hell Eric. For girlfriend. Well, I haven't got one of them, so no, I haven't had an argument with my fucking boom bar.

Now go will you more runs? Excuse me nonsense Potter but you are being very coarse and ill-mannered. In fact you are bordering on cantankoos. It's very upsetting and unpleasant to boot. Debbie, chip tin. You better watch yourself Potter. If Harry gets into a fluffery buffery There would be how to pair with a cream horn on top and a cocktail sausage for added ump Look, I don't know what you two and your slow-mater. I don't know. Sorry look

I don't know who you and you're too slow-mater But I'm Neil fucking hunt and I don't put up with your fucking time now leave before I phone a police and I don't put up with your fucking time. Now leave before I phone the police. At this juncture, the three white hearts move into the workshop and start towering above Neil, sat at his glazing table. Harry is the next to speak. Do you want to feel our fursh's heat, Potter?

No, I want you to feel the breeze as you fuck off out of here and leave me in peace. For Christ's sake, I was at church this morning taking my time to fucking pray for morons like you. Harry. Right, that's it. What you have said is very upsetting and disagreeable. I am now fully buffery fluffed. Apologised are you are in for it. You heard the man says Debbie.

Apologised are you being very serious trouble. We might even tell your parents about your behaviour. Apologised are fucking apologise. You can stick that idea up your ass with a fucking rollig bin. I'm not scared of you. And did I tell you my brother owns a sword shop. Yes, a fucking sword shop. Right? with a fucking role he'd been. I'm not scared of you. And did I tell you my brother owns a sword shop?

Yes, a fucking sword shop! Right? Right? Sorry. Right, Derek, go over to that sink and fill up a jug with lukewarm water. Eric. Yes. Fucking hell out of it.

Boss. Harry, Debbie takes some of that kitchen towel and dampen it with cold water. Make it really soggy and be careful not to drip it on your trainers though. What are you fucking doing? What are you fucking doing? That's my sink, my water, and my four ply paper, towering roll. How dare you, how fucking dare you? Last chance, Potter. You won't like it when you get splashed with tepid water and feel

soggy kitchen towel on your apron. I mean, who would? It's an awful thought. Hold on. You've got a fucking chin on you, haven't you? I tell you what, I apologize when you don't you co- Oh sorry, I tell you what, if I am put- I tell you what, I apologize, why don't you come over to- Right. Okay then, I tell you what, I do apologize. Why don't you come over to my kill and have a look at my latest whimsies. You could select a few for your target practice. And you would see since the threat of warm water has made him realise his error.

Neil took Harry over to the kiln door and opened it fully so that the heat from inside hit Harry in his face like a jet engine on a runway. Teeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee flames. Ha, fucking ha! You trio of fucking Todd warriors! Go on, get out! I'm Neil fucking hun! Not since Potter and Lord of the fucking kill! Come back here again and destroy that fucking chin for good! The white hearts left, Debbie and Tears. Boss, do you think your chin has lost much power, Harry? I doubt it, Debbie, because you and Emmett were very quick to respond. When I get home, I'm going to fashion bravery medals for you, but out of tin file and liban. Debbie replied, I say, Boss, you really felt the ferocious heat there, didn't you?

And all three of them laugh as if every individual poor on Harry's face was blowing a raspberry. That's crime files. Oh, there. I just got to say, Nail Hunt, I think he's customer service skills a lot to be desired. Well, I know he wasn't working for business but you know, he was a good guy. They wanted a sh- he all that work he's putting in.

Well, you know, but you know, he didn't know that first. They could have just been regular customers. I suppose. I suppose you've made a fair point. I suppose I want to draw I think. I think. Gangs of the E-P-L. So as you probably know, there seems to be some problems going on at Spurs Andrew and as often the case is often the case it's gang related. There's been a big breakdown in relations between the white hearts led by Harry Kane and

the Yordle boys led by Fattongan, Jan Fattongan, Toby and is lot. Is what are we all started right? So about three weeks ago Harry called a meeting of some of the white arts in his little captain's office at the training ground. Debbie, Eric and Harry Winks were there. So Harry. Right, guys, as you know, we will soon be making our Halloween costumes and I wanted to give you a safety talk well ahead of mech there. Mmm.

Debbie, thanks boss. Winxie. Thanks boss. Eric. Thanks. Ffff. Boss. First thing Debbie, can you hand me those scissors?

Debbie hands Harry a pair of scissors with the blades facing Harry. Right gang, what has Debbie just done wrong there? Winksy. Oh, he should have slipped them across the table. No, thank you Winksy. Absolutely not. That could scratch the surface of the valuable table and much worse they could overshoot and interfere with the tuft of the carpet.

It could be bloody orandous. Eric, he should have been an interfere with the Toft of the carpet. It could be bloody orandous! Eric, he should have thrown them. Tric says, is, have you burst a thaw tube and sent your senses to Pakistan? A sharp scissor blade could make the skin of the catch his hand on much worse scratch the surface of his rattener. That could mean eye drops, and you know how much they can unsettle a man? Debbie, what do you say? I don't know a boss, it's upsetting me, it's making me hurt.

He's so good, yes, I think. No need to get to your fluffy, buttery Debbie, this is a safety talk, not the Spanish ink and licorice board. The answer is simple, you must always hand over, not the Spanish-Hingon-Lichrish board. The answer is simple. You must always hand over scissors with the handle-facing away from you. I've got a pair of scissors for each of you to practice with. Well, as Harry handed them each a pair of scissors, there's a knock on the door. And they all say, if you want to club out seat, first you must fail our ferocious hate. So you join in that day, if you want to club out seat, first you must fail our ferocious hate.

The door opens and there is stood, Crispin Ericsson. When? Hi, Irene. Wonder if I could have a word with you in private. Excuse me, Crispin, barging in here like a shrill window around a pretty kite. But this is White Heart's HQ and you're a Yordleboy and therefore I was sworn enemy. I must say you've got a bloody shake! The thing is, I would like to join the White Arts. I've fallen out with Lord Fattongan and have started picking on me quite badly actually. That sounds awful, doesn't it, guys?

Yes, very upsetting, says Debbie. But it is regular action. I would like to speak with you alone Harry, for the details of the fallout are highly personal and knowledge of them, maybe tantamount to occurs. Okay, boys, gone. You wait outside for a moment and practice handing the scissors over properly to each other. Debbie, oh fuck it now, let's not fair! Come on Debbie, do what you told!

So the leave and Harry and Crispin are on their own. Right, spit it out and this better not be a Jodler's trick to try and to spy on our Halloween designs or some such other stuff and bat and burg. Oh. Now Halloween designs are some such other stuff and battenberg. Oh, last week after training, Baton can send me a message to meet him in the boiler room behind the shower block. When I got there, he was with that ape Aldeveeveld and that lunatic Oreo. I bet that was quite distressing and timidating. I'll deviate, and that lunatic Oreo. I bet that was quite distressing and timidating, especially in such a noisy confine space as a biler, though.

Yes, you've got that right. Anyway, before I had a chance to speak, Toby and Oreo grabbed me, very roughly mind, and rubbed canteen pepper into my neck and cheeks. I cried out in pain and anguish until the tongon stopped me by placing his hand across my mouth. For tongon he says. Listen up, Crispin. And don't piss your pants like you did when we went to see the Lego movie. Oreo retorted. Ha ha ha

Do we still have the wind on this one? No it's only for Christmas Ha ha, Lord Vatongan is how you say a fucking mentalist I love it Vatongan continued We don't like you anymore, Crispin We think your potential not bad So it's our intention to make your life a misery

So you leave this club. Now hand over your Yodla membership card, your Yodla gearing and your Yodla cash clip. Well what was I to do Harry? I handed them over and now I need your protection from them. I need you to take me under your wing, help me Harry, your night only hope. Well, I must say their behaviour is very alarming and very disconcerting. No wonder you have been playing like you're wearing a heavily soiled nappy. I will have to ask the rest of the gang. So Harry calls the white hearts back into the office.

Right, Crispin, tell the gang you're upsetting story that you are just told me. But before he has a chance to speak, the door of the station recovered opens and out jumps for Tongan. Her half-white hearts are have breached your security systems like a clever bastard and have heard everything. We all write about you all along, Crispin. You're a sneaky papa. For Tongan grabs Crispin by his neck and lifts him off his feet, if you think these English lads can protect you, then you really are a skateboard fan-y. Quick Debbie says, Ari, the scissors!

Debbie thrusts the scissors into a tongon's side, handled first, and nicks his own palm on the blade. Blood the outposts, that's a Pack of Shit Method! Don't Pack a Shit Me, Deborah. Winxley's the scissors. Winxley slides the scissors across the table and they fall at the Tongans' feet. Shit, Sony Boss, I forgot not to do all that. I'm just a Package Shit. Don't be so hard on yourself, Winxley. You're not a Package Shit.

You've got to believe. I'll throw your scissors at him. But you... you said. Fuck, sir, Eric, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, number Tongan's head. He collapsed into a heap on the floor. Crispin. Thank you, Harry. Thank you, White Arts. I will endeavor to serve you well if you will have me amongst your number. Well, what'd you say, gang? Can you join us? He's very much in a pickle with a cream horn on top to boot. Those who agree say aye Aye Nanaric Oh We are the white hats feel our ferocious hate

Bad way crispy. Why is that annoying noise? We hear every time you speak a bit like wind passing over a puddle's handbag Oh you speak a bit like wind passing over Poodle's handbag? Oh, Pollux, sorry. That's my feelings. Gangs of the EPL! Definitely enhanced with the wind sound effect there. Well, it needs something, didn't it? Look before the edit in all of those, Ed. Oh shit, I've a close attack, tacky problem.

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