Athletico Mince - The White Harts Collection Vol.1

Episode Date: March 31, 2021

A compilation of Bob’s reports on the Spurs gang’s activities from episodes 29 to 49. Become a member at https://plus.acast.com/s/athleticomince. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you want to know if I've met a footballer? I don't know. Well, yeah, go on. I suppose you've prepared some things you might as well. But when you said prepared some, yeah, I've told you about a metaphor. Well, I just didn't like the top of your head. Yeah, go on. I suppose you've prepared some things you might as well. Get on with it. But when you said prepared some, yeah, I've told you about a metaphor. Well, it's just an anecdote off the top of your head. Yeah, go on. Well, there's not, I went at the riverside last week

to watch the Tottenham match. Yeah. That was a score. Two, one. So you're going to get relegated? I think that we're in the group of teams that might get that kid. Well, but we're going to buy a world pal.

Went to the riverside for the Tottenham match. Got it on them, I'm good. We have a beer, well, we're deppes. They're very good. They're very, very good. So I was in a, I got a hospitality afterwards. I sit with the fans singing, you know. Come on, Bura, come on, Bura. How will I add?

But then afterwards I got to get, we saw the cars. Dubai, Dubai like ten seats that you've got, like a sort of a buffer zone around where you sit So normals can get near. No, it's sold out packed out. I've said really it makes the same people I'm just next to strangers, do you? Yeah nice people Yeah, I saw what so for butter. I start again. I went to the go all right Bob All right, Bob. What we get a gonna win today I said yeah up so anyway so I'm at the toilet I'm not gonna go in the lounge afterwards so the cars have cleared and all that so went the toilet in there is Deliabee yeah I I reckon in Erick Dyer yeah they're all in the toilets

they're all wearing this weat this they're all wearing tight black polo and neck, thin, thin, tight black skinny trousers and pointy black shoes. So I started looking at them. And Ari Kern said, you want this in private club for spurs players? And then Deliali says, yeah, and even if you're a spurs player you have to have the right club clothes on and then Eric Dyer says and even if even if you're spurs with the right clothes you have to know the secret club password so I said well it's come on you spurs and they all look really fucked off Delialli says I was you know then Ari says, we were going to change it anyway so you can fuck off. And I said, oh, I'm not bothered what you get up to in you, you know,

whatever what you actually doing this club. And Delie says, we're looking at mirror mostly. And Ari says, yeah, we're sitting in each other's cars. Eric says, go shopping, snapchat, quite a lot too. So I said, like pretend, I said, oh wow, it sounds that really good fun, that, like, you know. Well done, well done to you, like come on, you suppose, no, that, really nice. Anyway, at this point, there's a bag behind me, door opens, pretty quick, incomes,

Toby Alderfield, is it? Yeah. And Vans for Tongan, they're strolling, they're both wearing like Robin Hood green traccents and Trull base rival club. Well exactly and the start you're only Are you kidding angry look on his face again? Oh, it's your club house. We really first look on his face and get out of his old clubhouse we're here first! Toby says, we are older than you so we say what happens around here, you might like to check your birth certificate, I'll ask your mom, that's what we did, Debbie at least that's crying, right? Ari puts his arm around him and then Vans for Tongan says, Vann I'll try the ladies, that's more in keeping with your general demeaness.

So Eric starts crying. So Harry puts his hands... So what gore? And starts leading them out the toilets in the... They're gone. So I said so much to Eric, to these two tourbys and vans I said what so what's your club call and Vatonga says I bet you can't guess I said Yordle how did you know that? we saw Vise and the Corridor and the dress for it so I just got lucky and I left the toilets so all I'm saying is interest it's a bit of a hint there of different factions at Spurs, so I'm playing well at the Mormon, but we'll have to see if it eventually

affects them. That could really affect them. I don't know if you remember, do you remember I met the Spurs players at the Riverside the other week? You did, yeah. Yeah. Well, there's been a further, a bit of comeback. Oh, dear. I've got myself in a bit of trouble there I'll tell us more. Well, I went to a charity dough in London, because with it being London It was to raise money as ever, daft building, you know, I mean that's been turned into a like a newer daft a building So all of London's is it glittering outie? Glittering outie? Yeah, they they were all that Shane Richie, Liz Cundie, Bruno Tully Orney Um, Len boardman, Floor West, you know the singer

Um, what? I've never heard of Floor West You never heard of Floor West No, the singer off the Oh, sorry, it's Floorey's, no I just a genuine mistake, it's Florey's, Natalie Cassidy Alex Reed, you know, quality dough and lots of football as combat. Just in fight there.

Yeah, the one who used to live in Jordan, the whole lot sort of cloud of there, so it's a proper sit down for dinner thing, so obviously it was lamb shanks from most of the courses But the time came where I need to go to the toilet of course I walk in there It's empty apart from Harry Kane and Eric Dyer the topman players Like I mean, it would be Ali no, no, no, no, no, I'm like I'm being ambushed I could do I could set could sense a word for me, the way I'd take Polo or Nex, take Black Charles as Black Globes,

big white pendants around the neck, in the shape of hearts, and it says, where are he says, we've been rushing for you, Baldi, there's Ari. You've made a big mistake coming here, you gave away the name of our secret club last week, Mae'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd or ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o which is very inconvenient. Key rings, membership cards, club ballets, the list just goes bloody on and on. But you will never get the new name

unless you have special skills like Damien Brown or Ali Bongo, and we doubt that you do have very much that you have those skills. So I shouldn't have really. I said, all right, is it the white hearts? You know what I'm gonna say? Right, at that moment Debbie

Ali bangs his way out of one of the cubicles right oh look in Elle says Debbie in your secret and the end is one of you telling so Ali says no it turns out he's got special powers like Diamond Brown what rotten up for us and we should what rotten up for us that we even met an old bloke with such power look a'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio'r ymdyn ni'n gweithio' Eric said, don't answer him, it's a trap. He is fishing for an exclusive story on our club. And Debbie chips in a really cocky like. Yeah, that means true with me. So he can tell everyone how we draw pictures of cars and swap YouTube clips of tip models.

Oh, fucking hell, Debbie says, Eric, and now we know everything. You have given them the ammunition to bring this club to bloody knees. Debbie, because he's being told off by Ari, storms out the toilets, yeah. So I asked them. Yes, I said, well what, you know, if I obviously ambushed me, what did you intend to do with me? And that's Ari says, we were going to give you a light tell enough Arik says we even just go splashing you with water that's not fresh but then and it's technically right Ari says but we can't do anything now because we're not quiet see this one of us Debbie's gone

ah right bang another cubicle opens out outcomes Toby Aldeveide, yeah? And Vans Fatongan in the green suits with Robin or that song. The Urdle Gang. Well, listen on. Oh! Toby starts slowly clapping his hands, right? Bravo!

Bravo Mr Robert Mortimer, you're most efficient. Yes, says Vans, and you have saved us the job of discovering the name of these full-secret club. They will have to get new branding. Yes, that means new keyrings, mugs, membership cards, Zihol Kaboodle. Anyway, so there's a, come on, we're getting out of here. There's like a bad smell in here, that was out here. He said, come on, we're going, there's just bad smell in here. So that will just be the shit I have had, says David Semen. It was just leaving the toilets, but I'm left with Toby and Vans.

You've never discovered the name of our secret club unless you have a machine like the one that broke the enigma code or equivalent technology. I said, is it the merry men? Because you know they got the outside. They're a robot hood. Ha ha ha. No.

I said, is it the hood club? Ha ha ha. No you weak sausage. Mae'r rwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n hwy'n gwybod, mae'n gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwybod yn gwy this, we need to join forces and take on feel as a powerful unit. I know this has gone on a bit, but they have gone. I was just thinking really, I have done a potentially good thing. I have brought together the two rival factions for team harmony, you know what I mean? And also, I have like, up the anti-increase that rivalry with the Arsenal, so that is not nice little tale, really, isn't it? It is great news for Spurs fans. Are you actually working for Theo Wolcott's gang? I'm not saying nothing, maybe I haven't. You wouldn't see if you were. And they do you think that story was, I just wondered,

do you think it was a bit like Inglorious Bastards? What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, No, no, no. Gangs of the EPL! Everything's moving very quickly. At the moment, Andy and of course the big story, the big question everyone slips is, why was Harry Kane sent home from the England camp? Yeah. Well, let me tell you right now, Andrew,

you've had nothing to do with football or injuries, and it had everything to do with trouble between the Tottenham White Art Gang and a certain Mr. Theo Walcott, leader of the Arsenal Peaky Gunners gang. But the incident is so massive I'm going to have to cover that in a go to pull, go to gangs of the go to pull special next week. As I promised this week I'm going to tell you about the big pieceme in the big powwow that took place two weeks ago between the two rival spurs gangs the show was in the white hearts alright yeah

okay right so the venue was the garage is the garage of Ari's mum's house when I say a garage is on the I mean the massive right it's like got four white garage doors and then you probably fit six car and six seven cars in it you know the type of players? I've seen them on the films, yeah. Got one end, it's got a little lounge sort of area with Sophos PlayStation, sound system, fridge, got a terrible tennis table.

It's where I used to do it was caught in when he was a teenager, you know, I had out with him, he was in the soul customer, do you know what I mean? Lucky lad. Eric Dyer, Debbie Ali, get there first. They all arranged their jet black cars and like in a fan shape outside the Gallagher's, you know, to impress the show,

with Toby and Vans, like a fan shape. Harry's got a black range Rover, Eric a black Maserati Quattroporte, yeah. And Debbie's got a Fiat 500, yeah. You've all got white heart more teafs on the bonnets, a'r blaen mazor araddi'r quattroportu. 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i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r llwb i'r ll I'm a dear, I'm a dear rock me, I'm a dear And they're just standing the doorway, right? In the green tracksuits, just staring and singing

I'm a dear, I'm a dear rock me, I'm a dear So Harry, not to be beat, he uses his remote, turns his sound system on And they start singing Let me entertain you Let me entertain you So it's a like a cultural sort of standoff, do you know what I mean? Yeah a'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy o'r cyflwy and speaks up. Before we go any further I need to inform you that if we are to join forces the name of the gang must be the Sherwoods and the uniform must be green traxutes and robbing hood hats. This is not negotiable. Harasus, no wait, now Abnimbrough, it will be

the white hearts. Toby says, listen ye fool, we are older than you, so we say what will o'r ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r cyflwyth yn ymwch i'r ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn ymdyn y That's what's going to be decided, Andy, is a game of turbo tennis. Where it's best of five sets in its 2019 to Harry, yeah? Right. Match point. Okay, it's match point. Yeah. Is it going to be the white hearts or is it going to be the show? So it's a long rally without either I'm giving an inch, then suddenly Harry's feet give wear on some biscuit crumbs that Debbie spilt, right?

He falls on his arm and the bat flies out of his hand, right? Debbie's eyes start filling with tears and Eric falls to his knees, thinking this is it. And then Vance pulls back his forearm, ready to smash the winning shot, yeah. Suddenly, Harry leaps up from the floor, off the floor like a salmon, leaps up, and using his chin as a bat, he fires a winning shot, past the despair in Vatongan, and Harry's chin's won the day,

and the spurs gang will from now on for ever be the white hearts. You hang on. It can't use his chin as a butter. You can use the chin as a bat in this. Look, can't. Well, listen on, you win Harry. Now let's get down to business. Thea Wulcott and his peaky gooners must be brought to their knees. Okay, so obviously I'm just saying, Vatongan accepted the outcome. o'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith and for a moment, just in that one moment, Van's thought with the unique shape of Harry's chin that he was actually using his bat would accept that.

Well, if that's what you want to explain it as, yeah, fine. Well, your story, mate, is long, won't it? Yeah, but, you know, it was long, and you've basically just fucked it up at the end. But, you know... But there you go. Well, shall I cut it out? Gangs of the EPL! Right, well I promise to tell you about Ari Keren getting sent from the England camp last week. All the players were staying at that Posh Hotel at St George's near Burton on Trent, where they get beer water from.

You've been there, are you? To the Posh Hotel. Yeah. Now I've been burnt on trend. That's less of an impressive answer, really. Yeah, we're much in the league cup. We won two one hour one nil or two nil, I can't remember. No, I lost.

Anyway, Harry, Harry can's, he's in a room next to him. Yeah, he's got the wrong rooms now, you know. Does he not share any more? No, that's a bad thing, I think. But of course the White Arts Gang are three down, two down, aren't they? Now the three down of course, because Debbie didn't get in the squad, he's injured, and young Gotth, Vittongan are Toby, they're not there. But luckily for them, for their peace of mind, Theo Wollcott

is the only Arsenal player there. Right. So, Ari, to be honest with you, he wants to have it out, he wants to confront him whilst he's on his own. I mean, that's a bit of a shit elsewhere, but I'm just, that's the way it is, you know, I mean. So it didn't of that night, the follow Theo into the toilets, the bursting of Theo's, just stood there staring at himself in the mirror.

Ari says, if you stare at that mirror much longer for your World Cup, it will crack because you saw stupid looking like... yeah, so for your turn... yeah he says, oh if it isn't Mr. Chini and his sidekick Eric, what if you come in here for a kiss and a cuddle in the cubicles? Take a photograph while I don't, you last a lot longer. Ari says, well what a rude thing to say, that's just what I would expect from a peaky goon, but there is only one of you so you are better watch out. So you're says, so why are you going to do it? You're going to chin me to death? Harry says right. That is very upsetting thing to say, alluding to my mischief

and chin. It's not my fault and my mum says it makes my first interesting. Eric says, other than you'll be spreading the rumors that I have an undecised Johnson, that is very unfair and not necessarily accurate. You need to check your facts." The other guy says, I've heard it's like a toffee hammer handle when it's on the bonk, but at least that's better than chiny, the matchstick man. And he says, like that did, I've had enough of your gut to talk, do it Eric. So Eric gets a teaspoon when he's took off the turb that I was pocketing, he throws it, it's Theo, and it's Theo on the arm. Harry says, I have not the cocky now and you don't have your

mates to help you, do you give in? Theo says, no I don't, I didn't even hurt that much, it just sort of glanced off. And then Theo puts his hand in the sink and scoops up some water right and throws it at him. Take that white heart, that is unclean water, I've washed my hands and it, I bet that's not very nice. How he said, no it's not very nice at all, they're a bit distressing. Let's get him Eric and they start to move towards Theo right so just at that moment a cubicle opens and out comes Jack Wilcher in his peaky goners gear. He stubs out a cigarette on the floor and he says if you want to fight Theo then you have to get past me first and I am not even joking I swear don't even think about it I'm a little power pack because you'll remember

he had his deal with James Arthur that he had to work for the peaky's even noise at Bournemouth remember that? Yeah and of course Jackson the squad. Stay out of this Jack your ask is far too bulky for fighting and I am very surprised that you smoking when you know the damage you can cause to your body Jack says I wasn't even smoking a swear someone left in there was just putting it out Well, I'm not fighting both of you our gripes with Walcott We will just have to wait till you have gone to your room to phone your mom or something like that This point another cubicle opens that now comes where it's only right Where it says point, another cubicle opens, and that out comes where it rooney. Right? Word says,

I like lads, I wouldn't get this, I can't do scale. I like lads, I wouldn't go in there if I was you. I just spilled up a poor bottle of disarrano and a pack of pork pies from the wedding do. I think it's time you went to bed where you're setting a rotten example to the younger players which you're very upsetting. So so weird leaves as he's leaving he pops his head around the door he says hey what's it like the boss is coming so Eric he and that he just sits on the floor and starts rocking right Theo starts pretending to wash his face Jack just takes his trousers down and starts He's got that Squeezing a big spot on his fat ass

And Harry runs into a cubicle So Gareth comes in here Hey Walter, what's going on in your lads? Jack, absolutely nothing bossen I absolutely swear I haven't even seen I know it is to anything in the last 24 hours I promise bossen I am not even lying. Suddenly, Garith, he is the sound of someone spewing up in the queue, but the whole spewing

up on an international duty says, Garith, come out of there with your hands up. That's the correct procedure. Yeah. So it is what he means, sounds out with your hands up, outcomes Harry. Little Mr Southgate is not what you'll think. We're the roadie, he used the toilet just before me and he spew a lot of the park pies and then put a layer of quick tod on top. I couldn't stop myself spewing which is something I very rarely do

and it just upset me very much. Gareth says, I can smell smoke in here as well. And this Arana, I didn't expect this here as well. I'm Disarana. I didn't expect this of you Harry and trying to blame Wade Rooney, who's a model professional. I want you out of this squad immediately. I'll have a car ready for you in 10 minutes. Oh.

Turns to Theo. Hey Theo, you can have his place against Span and it's nice to see you keeping your first clean. Facial hygiene is very important to me, right, Garith leaves, Theo and Jack laugh their heads off, and Eric's just left there rocking on the floor. And that is the end of the, that's the story of why. Teeth, I see.

Well, that's the end of the explanation of why I was sent home. Did you think that story was a little bit like Woody Allen's film, Midnight in Paris, not really? No, I'm not at all. No, it didn't have a lot of Paris Paris, like Skyrim in it. Oh, the unclean water. Unclean water. Some of that in Paris in the scene. I think that's some sort of letters for me. More of a connection, then you mentioned that. So can I change me answer the yes? Yes, I'd like to be a lot like midnight Paris. Midnight Paris, yeah. I don't think that there would be quite so much of a focus on unclean water if players

still share their room, what do you think? Yeah, and perhaps not as many illnesses as well if the other cells are more used to back theory. Yeah, if you should probably think about right now the F here about that. I mean football now it's all about child management, isn't it? Basically, yeah. It's up to me, it's up to me, it's up to me. It's up to me, it's up to me.

It's up to me, it's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me.

It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me.

It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. It's up to me. Oh. Oh. Oh. Right, so I managed to get VIP tickets for top number versus Burnley. Yeah. And was it last Saturday the one before I can't remember your bitch? I think it was a couple of weeks ago. A couple of weeks ago. Well, I've been on tour, but that was the last match.

I went to the car, there's a bitch like that. So after the match, I was was the last match I went to. You called us a bitch like that. So, after the match, I was in the players lounge, right? And I was sat on the white hearts table, right? But it was with Debbie. You were lying yourself with them, then? They tolerated me, right? You know what I mean?

Sorry, I was next to their table, but my back was to worry, but I shouldn't have said I was on their table. Other sides, Eric Lamella, you know the American sat on the table on his own, whatever. So there were only in extra pudding, right? Because the thought the pastor had very foreign flavors in it, you know what I mean? I wanted to get rid of the taste. So first one of his are he says, that starter was awful says Harry. It should have been shot at birth, and they all laugh, right? That's Eric and Debbie, laugh the reds off.

And then Harry says, listen white hearts. Debbie and Eric say, we are the white hearts, feel the ferocious heat. Yeah? No, says Harry. You don't say the motto at the beginning of the statement. You say it at the end to show your approval and club unity. Honestly, how many times? Now, I don't know about you, but I think the Burnley players were very rude bunch and some of their tackling and uncand remarks marks on the field were very very upsetting. I agree boss says Debbie. Harry says, well chant the motto then, so Eric and Debbie, we add the white hearts, feel the furorchish heat, then Debbie chips in. At one point they sent a forward Andrew Greer, claimed a throwing when it clearly got out of play

after hitting his leg last. I said to the referee that Andrew was telling lies and the referee had the audacity to tell me off and that upset me a lot. Then Eric says throughout the game I was continually getting upset. Debbie butts back in. Excuse me, am I to take it you don't agree with my point because you haven't done the motto. Fuck as I hurry in Eric. Sorry Debbie, we are the white hearts failed the ferocious heat. Eric, as I was saying, throughout the game I was continually getting upset with their player Jeff Hendrick. He has a very round face which I don't think is very sportsman like and when there was a free kick he took

ages to retreat to full ten yards it was frustrating as well as upsetting. Harry says, right, well, thank you both. So what are you just? I'm what voices I'm doing at the moment, older. Thank you both. So what are you just, Eric buttsin? Wano, Chantam, pretty sad about that. You haven't done one and I thought I'd made an excellent contribution. Story awake, we are the white hearts, fail our flourishes hate. So says, Harry. What are you just, we are the white hearts feel our ferocious heat. So says Ari. What I suggest

we do is we wear till grey and Hendrix are in the toilet and we ambush them. We can give them a piece of our mind and suggest that they are dressed there bad behaviour in future Premier League fixtures. They agree right by doing the chant, I'm not doing it anymore, and then Harry says to Lamella on the next table, A. Lamella, you little creep, we know you were listening, so go and tell Toby and Van Sattongan our plan and tell them we might need to back, we might need back up in the toilets as we're going to give Andrew Graham Hendrick to right dressing down that they won't forget for a very long time indeed. So I get a quick and rush to toilets, you know, to get ahead of the game, right? Yeah. I had an acubical. The white arts come in, Debbie starts filling

the sink and saying, I'm going to prepare some not quite clean water to throw at them if things like get unpleasant. And Harry says, I'm going to put my thumb in my throat, the pocket, and adopt like a cowboy style stance. I think that will prove quite threatening to them. Then, in comes Andre Greer, Jeff Andre, Jeff, all that spurs lads. What's going on here? Greer, start to won it. Eric says, no, it was not very nice. It had a very difficult test. we had to have loads of pudding to get rid of the test Debbie we are the white arts feel the frost you think yeah yeah Andre Greer says oh so yourselves cowboys I thought it was dishless oh look Jeff they've got the same floor tiles that you have in your walk in

dresser very nice I must say and I do say so Harry Straton shut up we are very upset and have a born to pick with you. Andre. Oh, born, is it Malakide? Tee-ee! Debbie. What the fuck? Yeah.

Debbie, you were both very rude on the pitch today, and if Jesus was watching, he'd probably be in about tempo with you. If you don't apologize and I've got a very unpleasant surprise that will make you terribly upset." Jeff Hendrick says, "'Oh yeah, what's this surprise? You're going to throw in clean water at us. It don't bother us. We got now a button clean water at Burnley because Gaffer uses water tankers a piss pot. Oh, shut up, mumfess, says Ari, at this point the toilet door opens in Stride Sean Daish. Alright, lad, Eric LaMalla, the Yankee telltale,

told me you'd be in here, you'll so get out. But we need a wee boss, there's a water tank round the back, you know what I say. So Andre and Jeff L leave. Harry, we're not scared of you Mr. Dish, even if you do have the voice of a monster from a forest. But they are scared on the ice, smell it even in the box, yeah. Then Debbie says, hey, what's happened on your face? You've been sucking tomatoes soup straight out of your bowl. The white arts laugh. We are the white arts field of foolishness. Height. Sean says, no, I've not been eating soup. That's my disc beard. There once was a football manager who had a brilliant idea to grow a circular

beard. That's all other teams would fear.'ve got a disc be a disc be a Danny did one of those moves right anyway you jump at the wall take a few steps along the wall and then flip back off and he's scissors kicked the three of them on the deck getting they're all on the ground, Debbie started crying, obviously. Yeah, he's on gun, going to tell Mr Pothin's team or your big bully. Sean starts having a piss in the sink and he says to Debbie, hey watch your hands and that's on it, man, do you some gun? And then Sean leaves. Ari bends down to Debbie, he says, don't be upset, Debbie, he's much older than us, so it wasn't a fair fight. We're going to have to get revenge on that creepy snitch, limalador.

And then they all do the chant, boy, there's not much spirit to it. We had the white house feel that the horses hate broken. Yeah. So did you think that story was a bit like Dog Day after the movie? It was a bit long, it was a bit like dog day afternoon the movie? It was a bit long a long one it yeah, sorry, sorry, it's not a problem. There's too many voices in it I can't really do them. I think I'll just see him Well, I'm trying I'm trying to make Erick's a bit more bit use a bit slower. Right. I'm trying to make Debbie's a bit higher, right, but I don't do it. It's hard to do when you

doing them all at once isn't it? That's a pull. Maybe with some actors in us for me for that next time. Yeah. I'm just back from holiday and really? Are you? Yes. Have you been Bob? I've been to the forte village in Sardinia. Oh! now that is, I've gotta be honest, it is posh posh posh, right? It's like the poshest butlins on earth. Did you see anyone famous when you were there? It's full of celebrities.

It's, the first time I went there, I didn't go in like the celebrity end of it. The first time I went there, like the football, the football courses for the kids will be run by, get this, did he a drogber? Not honestly, and perlough. Wow. So it's right up there next to the table. Okay, they get free-rollers, that's full of footballers, mainly Italian ones, but as you'll

see there's some British there because this Andrew is an episode of Gangs of the E-P-L. Right, so the really, really posh bit as it's on Swim and Pull and a little private beach and that's where I'm staying, you see. It's always the footballers are there and lots of like Russian mafia types just ignoring the kids, you know. Yeah. And it's, it's, you like, it sounds like my kids school somewhere fair. Well, it's a bit like poor adventurer, but it's just really possible. Morning everywhere. When you have your buffet, you go part adventure or where do you go? That's around that way. Yeah. And it's buffet, isn't it? Yeah, only can, yeah, only yeah, but where you go it's like No, got some chips. I'm just saying it's no guts and chips

No, but no, but that's what it is. It's what it is. Yeah, but this place genuinely it's like Lobsters snorkeled Lange stains fan of jambons cheeses wines much is it you know, it's an piano player playing and he stops, as you reach one of the lobsters, the music stops. And then as you put on your plate, it starts up again. Yeah, so anyway, so it's, I'm just saying it's posh posh posh, you know what I mean. Anyway, my kids go straight off to water sports area like they do when I go to the VIP pool, yeah. At one end, there's a little chaos selling drinks, little cute, all the VIP pool, yeah. At one end there's a little chaos telling drinks, little cute, all the worldy little chaos

you know, telling drinks and little ice creams, little snacks and I hear a very familiar voice. Quite loud. It's Harry Kane. Well that's very upsetting. I very much wanted a lemon and lime sprite. And you tell me you just saw the last one. I came here to relax and

recuperate sorry relax and recuperate and to be honest I feel quite frustrated and down in the dumps. He's very young he's wearing a spurs kit right with a white naval captain's hat it's just fun it's a lads-on all of the in it Debbie Ali walks in with his failure for Oshas hate t-shirt he's got these candy stripes shorts with LED lights on into the hem. Bright orange flip flops with gold straps and an LED watch embedded in the sole. He's got a disco ball, baseball cap and a tiger skin manbag in the shape of a pistol. So he's dressed up for his holiday right nice. Eric Di Dyer walks in he's wearing a jumper and some slacks

So what was it? So Aris, just give me a tomato juice. I'm too jittery now to take on anything fizzy Debbie says what's the matter boss? You seem a bit down in the dumpster now to sorts like you as hurting Erick says yes, you seem dejected like a grieving bull. It's nothing, guys. Just someone got the last lemon and land pop. Let's not dwell on it. It's our holidays. Come on, let's start feeling somethourishish heat. So the three sun lounges just in front of me, right? I keep me first hidden by holding my hands and wrists in front of my face. So they can't see me.

Where are you conspicuous? Eric starts playing fucking fruit ninja or some such shite on his phone. I mean, Harry takes his shirt off, I think, oh they're gonna relax. Debbie, will you up some cream on my back? My mum said I have the type of skin that burns and sun cream acts as a barrier to the very bad areas. Debbie says yes of course boss sun sunburn can be very disagreeable. Some people say it's worse than the skull from a hot tap which is very frightening and self-setting thought. So Debbie starts applying the cream. Harry says you will need to put plenty on my chin. It often juts out from under

the shadow of my cap or the sunbrolley. Mum said that once when I was young, the tip of my chin actually set on fire, which was very inconvenient. It was poking out of the sunroof, it was poking out of the sunroof on our cap when I was asleep on the back seat. Derby says, that story has really rattled me. What a crummy thing to happen. To be honest, Harry, your mum is not entirely innocent. What was she thinking? Ignoring you for so long that your chin set on fire? Then they are a big splash and commotion in the pool. It's sunny because all are

doing a dive bonk. Hey guys, hey guys, it's me Santi. Come on in, it's a pool party. I got lilos, inflatables, drink holders, crazy fucking stores, beach balls. It's an unbelievable opportunity. Harry says, you're ignoring. He clearly knows nothing about pool safety and I can even see from here that his bonk is so sour as ring

is very overinflated. Debbie says, what an idiot, look at him splashing damp water. Does he not realize it has chlorine in it and that can cause irritation to the eyes which are too vital for your sight? Erick says, can I play with Suntie please? No you cannot young man, he's a picky gooner, and our search is the personable non-gratis. Eric says, but Debbie, no it's no but, Eric, have you not even seen the film sleeping with the enemy? Then Ari spots Phil Jones, you know from Man United, on his own at the other end of the pool, and he's drinking a lemon and lime sprite, and he beckons him over. Harry says, Philip, would you like to play with Eric? Philip says, yes please. Eric, would you like to play with Philip? Yes please.

Philip says to Eric. What game it? I'm sorry, how does he speak? Oh Philip. Yeah. It's Charlie will he was good. Yeah, what game? All right, dear what game what what game at you plays it fruit ninja Do you want to get yes please So Debbie says would you like to swap your green drink for a bright red super drink? Yes, please says Philip Very well-mannered nice one Debbie. That's some first. She's heat your floyd for sure. So Harry gets his green drink because of condiments, a superstar red drink. So Harry gets his green drink. So that's a nice story, isn't it? Yeah. Just saying, now it's on your little story, but where it finishes? Well, there's a little poor script because Ari and Debbie went on the beach and left full an Eric by the pool. Yeah, right

Santi put black member in the tomato juice and Philip ended up in A&E, right But Andy and this Nasir erics up with him all night. That's lovely No, because that kind of thing can happen on all of you. Yeah, it could be a bit intimidating Yeah, but that's that's a good Denoumore. Thank you very much. Did you think it was a bit like any film at all? I'm not even gonna be specific. It was a little bit like sexy based Sexy based it is though, isn't it? Yeah, it fucking is. Yeah, so this is the swimming pool So I'm up early because I'm old. I've only the first on the VIP section of the beach handy. Sit down under a brolly, pretend to be reading a book on the subject.

Right. Yeah. What subject? No, I just pretend to be reading a book on the subject. Any subject? Yeah. I have a to be reading a book on the subject. Any subject? Yeah. I have a look around Phil Jones is there on his own under a beach umbrella. The problem is the obviously doesn't have to work it because he's not sat in the shade of the umbrella. You know, he's just near it. Idiot. So I feel sorry for him. So I go over pretending and I'm stuff and I say, oh hello sir, would you like this Broly put on the special superhero setting? So he goes yes please then I know this is bottle of sunblock his mom's written on it Phillips special sunblock boy I'm putting on Andy sort of encourage him I say wow sir you've got the special SAS in Furnal sunblocker I didn't know there was any even any supplies of that left in the world

you should use that so he likes the sound of that yes I said that oh yeah so he picks it up takes off the lid and puts it to his mouth I said no no no no so I don't drink it look would you like me would you like me to do it for you yes please so I start applying it and over to me left I see a couple of little blocks in cowboy hats opening up the boat pedal or, you know that area. And the spurs gangered with them. And they've hired a little, they're hiring a little dinghy with a little mortar on it. So I, it's like side-lover and like I have a little paddle near them.

You know, just a, I'm being nausey, Andy. Right. Basically. You know, you're wearing a Nespania, I, I, I, in 1982, top. I am, yeah. That's the spin. I was at that club.

And we were the most beautiful beach I've ever been on, which is a place called Algarta, the Big Bower. And it's come, it was a cold, completely empty beach that was just us. And so our little game was, and it was one of the nicest memories from me life, is you have to take turns, right? beach that was just us. And so our little game was, and it was one of the nicest memories from me life is you have to take turns, right, to put on these very big white underpants that one of us must have had. And then you had to run right on the shoreline, past the

all the rest of them, as we chanted, gandhi, gandhi, gandhi, gandhi. Oh, it's such a lovely memory. Anyway, so I'm at that shoreline, but you know, just listening in. Harry's got his captains that on, his spur shorts, picnic amper, and a frauds in the movie life jacket. Right, right. Debbie's wearing a little blue and white Hawaiian skirt with a bell on the end of each strand, right? He's orange, carbon fiber flip-fops with built in LED fit bit, yeah.

Blue and white waterproof chest belt with Bluetooth display and printer, yeah. Erics wearing a shirt and trousers, he's got a carrying bag, right? So, Harry, he's up to some it. Light gang, it's time for you to listen to my safety talk before we get in the boat. I know, so he's doing a talk, and he... Good for him. However strong a swimmer you are, you must remember that the ocean is very unpleasant, hidden dangerous such as strong unsettling currents,

sharp rocks, and upsettingly dangerous creatures such as jellyfish and crabs. Debbie, even the name jellyfish is upsetting and foreboding makes me feel quite jittery and sugary like a dustbin man has just walked over my grave. Harry says, are you listening, Eric? He says, slowly boss, I was looking at the sand. So is that why you're going to set the hospital when you are in A&E with a crab bite that you didn't listen to the safety talk because you were looking at the sun? Honestly it begs belief.

Debbie says, honestly Eric, it's boys like you, the two-mountain, nothing. It's almost like you was hurt and you feel me. Harry carries on. Now for this reason you must wear your life jacket in the dial time. So put them on. Now Debbie has a customized life jacket Snakeskin effect right nice next skin with like sea creature themed buckles and a strapped-sledy Spencer Seahorse buckle. Yes, he or she nice. That's sort of thing little sea snake crab

That cuts can of stuff. I'm quite expensive for each button to be different. Oh, yeah for Bollower that cuts canister. That was quite expensive for each button to be different. Oh yeah. Footballer though. Footballer. But Ericsson got into bring his life jacket. So both I only packed shirt and trouser. I didn't realise anything.

Right. Well go and ask the Spanish man if he has a life jacket. But they look over to the boardier bitters and the blocks aren't anywhere to be seen. Well this has put a damper on things and made me feel quite upside down. I'm sorry, Eric, but if I let you come on the dinghy, I would be a hypocrite and that would be very burdensome for me. Debbie, I'm afraid you're going to have to play with Philip Jones. Come on.

So they march them off to where Philip is and I wonder about me of them. Harry says, hello, Philip. Would you like to play with Eric Philip? Yes please. Eric says, I'm thinking of counting the sand. Do you want to help? Phil. Yes please. So the Lee Verick were full and as the walk away, I know this Eric opened his carrier bag and pull out some beers. And also in the bag, I see a little glimpse of a life jacket. And I see that Eric has a massive grin on his face. He offers filler beer.

Yes, they. Uh-oh. So he's up to something. Any other life jacket all along? He's in your load, beer. Well, it seems like Debbie and Ari didn't see. Then suddenly, so Debbie and Ari set off in the seat. They get about 50 yards out when the engine packs up.

Debbie tries to restart it, but it's clearly out of petrol. And suddenly, out of nowhere, comes one of them banana boards, you know them. Big yellow fuckers, massive speed, and the way that creates throws Debbie out of the dinghy. Now Debbie's crocodile effect, life jacket instantly dissolves. It's just a piece of shit, yeah?

Like a deadweight round of shoulders. Debbie, help me boss, I can't swim when people are watching. Harry opens this picnic box and throws a baguette out to Debbie. Grab onto this long bread. Debbie does, but it just quickly turns to mush. You know what I've read, does. So, I read that text

of his captain sat and uses it as a little paddle right. It's just about got next to Debbie when the banana boat comes past again and it's where throws Ari into the water. He starts splashing about but his lifejack it keeps him afloat right. Grab onto me Debbie, my attention device will be our savior. Debbie grabs onto him. How upsetting is this boss? Ari says very. It's a good job, I was sensible enough to use a BSA approved life jacket and not one from CamdenfuckingMarket. Sorry boss, says Debbie.

Well as a slowly doggie puddle. Yeah. Back to the shore, the banana boat pulls up next to them. It's the two blocks from Botaia, yeah? They take off the sherds and cowboy hats. Oh, and might have guessed it's Sandi Kazzola and Mateo Nozel from the Piki Gunas. Sandi, here, guys, you feel the ferocious heat.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So sorry, your dinghy had no petrol. You wanna get unbanana bowl to have a fruity ocean party. What you say, Ozil? Y'all gooners eat my horse. Santly, you want banana party, fun trip? Debbie, yeah, that will be nice. No, thank you, says Harry.

We would rather swim than get on that picky-goon and shit bucket Santa so yourselves there's always a party on Santa's banana and off the goal then to Well, Harry's lost his cap. It's picnic the very slow Yeah, and his brother. Oh, that's all gone back to the beach when they've get there They both fall on their backs exorested with the sun beating down on them Well, you know what's going on down here. I got close. Suddenly, are these chin sets on fire? And he starts slapping at the in agony. Moments let a full an Eric and next to him pissing on his head. What are you doing? Oh shit, that's Sting's words and damn water can you stop please?

Phil says it's the best cure. No I'll just full speak Charlie William don't know it's the best cure when you have been bitten by jellyfish. Debbie he hasn't been bitten by a jellyfish you have which is chinset on fire in the hot sun. So we boss Harry right that says I'm going to the medical center to get some ointment. This is all very distressing and I feel mega crummy. Come on, Debbie. And off there, go, right? So that's nice, isn't it? It's a lovely story though. It's a little bit of a poor script. Go on, that's interesting. Eric and Phil got pissed off the tits and went into town with Samtie. Phil added off with

an old woman. Right? And Kurt Crab caught crabs which is ironic in it and it comes how ironic that I warned them about crab or crabs so that's interesting isn't it it is good story that thank you did you think it was a little bit like um dead calm if you see that film no I haven't seen that from sorry Bob oh right it is a bit well now what's that film, sorry Bob. Oh, is it? Well, let us watch that film about it. It's a film, I think it's got Nicole Kidman on it where she's on the board. And it's marooned in the middle of the ocean.

It doesn't sound very similar. Oh, well, I think it is. If you've not seen it, that's for me to say. GANGS OF THE E-P-L. So, I was in the North Face, Andy Doney Charity, like for the Old Man, you know, raising money to buy reinforced bedroom doors for the death kids. Already, it's a crossover. I'm liking it.

So, I went to the Newcastle Spurs match, you know why I'm not, I've got another look. VIP tickets, players, I'll sit down male, you know, the full shit on the six months of it, you know what I mean? Even the NUFC napkins on the table. So it says, I've been embroidered on it, didn't like your ass with this. It's for one hands and spillage, up the tune.

That's nice touch, isn't it? It's all Jordy Grubb, you know what I mean? Chicken strips, dark mate pies, not like chicken, or dark mate pies, jelly and carnation bread and butter bait, beans, that sort of thing. I'm sat, it's like a legends lounge thing, and that's lounge place. I'm sat with Peter Beadsley.

So Peter Beadsley says to me I said I'm so sorry. I didn't catch that Try to be in kiss I said, not the half thing. My man, twice from being a kiss, I'm a little bit... I saw, come on, I'm not on the wires, I don't know if you caught that. I know, I've tried a little arm.

So I just said, yeah, I agree, Peter. Are you having a nice time? He said, Tim, you know what I'm doing? Don't let me just, everyone's so telling that I'm the color's too bright. Sometimes I feel a little bothered, but you know what I'm doing? You know what I'm doing?

I just, I just drift off. Because see John John Selvey going into the toilets now I follow him because you know me and the arc and smell trouble yeah and you might remember in the match John John reeks of it yeah and John John stood on Debbie Ali's ankle and got sent off right so I sneak in the toilet, getting the cubicle next to J.J. So it takes off his amani jeans right and his belt buckle falls so I can just see it underneath the cubicle and it's been engraved with the words I am an adult wolf which is nice in it and

a nice personalization. That's what you don't know. Anywhere, after a lot of straining and pushing. Pushing and shoving, but John John Nice personalization. That's what you don't know. Anyway, after a lot of straining and pushing. Pushing and shoving, but. John John. He drops like physical training. He drops like a perfectly spherical lump

about the size of a tennis ball. Now I know this because he took a photo of it. I was wondering. Yeah, we took a photo of it. And by mistake, he had his air share thing on. Right. So it came up on my screen Yeah, anyway, I could hear him try to flush it, but I wouldn't shift at this point your confessing to the fact that you regularly visit gentleman's toilets with your air share turned on

Orpenter just say what you can get to get say what I can get see what see what what road that takes you down For a look carry on any he sounds is frustrated. Like you've seen things like, oh, that's awful. Oh my word, J.J. You've done it now. Cross-sakeshift, why don't you? That's he's probably a bit more, um, is he used in European? No. He really looks it. Well, he might be descended from that. Oh, I might try a bit more like, what's out of Ampai speaking? I want to suck your voice. That's awful.

Oh, my word, Jede, you're done it now. Classic, shift the wide-on tear. Anyway, he gives up Orton's is door. Their standing in front of him is the white hearts. Harry, Debbie, Eric stood there, right? Now, Debbie's got ankle bandage on. That the other players have put stickers on for him from his injury from J.J. He's got stickers of SpongeBob, Frozen the movie, Bound in the Dancer, that T'Chirium, up, right?

Harry's straight in. We are here to confront you, John, John. That tackle you made on Debbie was very upsetting and unwarranted. No matter how frustrated you were, there was no excuse for acting like boots macknoughty. He says, look, I'm sorry mate, these things happen in the heat of the moment, isn't it? And he says, excuse me, don't you try and pour fresh cream on choppy waters. Can you not figure how upset Debz is? He's in a rough, filthy, filthy, telling Debz, so Debz says, I am very upset and down in the dumps. I'm feeling quite chiefly wifly. What made you do it? It's like you was hurting. Did your mum not pay you attention when you was a kid? Because to be honest, your attitude stinks. Look mate, my mum was

an adult wolf and my dad worked for the Mr. Ones. So yes, I do have a nasty temper, I've said I'm sorry. Well I'm afraid that's not good enough young man, you will have to be punished and fail our purchase hate. Eric? Well Eric reveals that he has a jug of like toon tap water in his hand and And it's got three hot dog sausages in it, and then. So that's an ice number of sausages, isn't it? And now he says, we are going to throw this jug of warm water over you.

It's just warm, so don't panic. It has just taken a bit of warmth from the hot sausages. It won't scold you, but it won't be very present if you should co-co. Words fail enough, but can I just hang on my jacket in the cubicle? Eric says, don't let him boss. It might be a trick. It's a very good point, Eric, but I am satisfied that he is not about to play as a turnip.

Go on, go on son, hang your jacket up! Ha ha ha! So JJ goes back in the cubicle, but he emerges with his spherical tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardinous tardin tardinous tardinous Popeye had been a dirtle boot smoothing Polish. Look, lad, it's simple. You've thought that one watered me

and Debbie gets this in his face. It's four weeks of slowly digested our wing. It's not nice at the best of times, which I'm sure you all know is actually today. Well, Debbie starts crying. That is so unfair. If I get that on my first, I'm going to be waffled and gloomy.

What a crummy thing to have happened. Well there's a bit of what you might call Mexican standoff you know what I mean. The jugger-water, the the Todd then suddenly the toilet door's opened and a massive blow in a black cape and white tights blows a trumpet and announces. So it's like Bap-bap-bap-bap-bap! Howie! Howie! Mig-wi! Mig-wi and vacate the shitha! For his highness, King Raffa! Well, Raffa enters to another trumpet blast. Bap-bap-bap-bap-bap-bap! He's wearing magnificent black and white fur gown

and a crown made from magpie feathers, yeah? Yeah. So all the players know that the games up there just like shuffle shuffle out I stay in the cubicle with me door open a bit so it's the looks like it's empty that's a good tactic and the just as J.J. passes Raffa Raffa stops him he says I'll tick that nice tapas meet the ball to nibble at on the pot if you don't mind yeah no so Raffa gets in the cubicle next to me, gets on his phone. I'll just Raffa speak. I've never heard him speak.

Spanish. He's Spanish. Should I make him speak like that? I don't know. Hello, darling. It's the king here. I miss you so much. Ah, like Manuel.

Okay. All right, yeah right yeah listen no need to cook for the king tonight he's just down a very heavy tapas meatballs in a one and it's sitting very large in the King's tummy the King will see you later so that's a nice story isn't it it? That's a lovely story, yeah. Did you think it would have bit like the TV box set, Prison Break? Not really. You know what it reminded me of when

Mark peered in happy days? Right. Because it had that crossover thing from other stories that you do. I say, did you do it? You do know why he said, who's at the end, don't you? Were you listening?

Is it Owl Wing? Something? Yeah, because he'd just eaten like essence of Owl. You don't know why he said, who's host at the end? Were you listening? The owl wing? Something? Yeah, because he'd just eaten an essence of owl. And it turned him part owl. That's what happened. Yeah, that's what happened. That's what happened. Thank you.