Au Parloir - Épisode #109 - Stéphanie Peddie

Episode Date: September 28, 2025

Dans cet épisode, je reçois Stéphanie Peddie. Atteinte d’un cancer en phase terminale, elle nous raconte son parcours marqué par une consommation problématique de médicaments d’ordonnance d��s son jeune âge, qui l’a ensuite menée vers la dr0gue (c0ke, etc.). Elle se retrouve éventuellement en prison à la suite de plusieurs délits commis pour financer sa consommation, puis aujourd'hui... Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to a new episode of the podcast, O'Parloire, in the merveilleuse of the machine 4771 of St. Terese. If you want

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all is there today. Today I've received Stephanie. Stephanie, it's her that's

her that's true because we talk about because we're talking about about this episode that.

It's so it's cool because the moment where the podcast is diffused, she

is perhaps put out of today. I'm not I'm not. I hope that, I hope

that it's well, while we're doing the podcast. She's an

partakeed with a cancer stat four, he will finish by having

have reason of it, but at the beginning, it gave a few months, it's

for four years, she'll explain all that on the podcast, but

other that, it's a young she has started the

very young, who came of a good when we don't know where it's

It's a part. It's a little so, she, we don't know where it's not where it's not the reason. Contrantly, a lot of the evite that I've had had. She'll have been in the consumption of medicaments of ordonance. And it's really,

because the more she's made of therapy, at a sort of therapy, at each point, it's been more deep. So it's had come by the pellul, it's had to be in the coke,

it's all in the crack, all that, three therapies, the psychotherapy, therapy, she was interned at two reprise. So, from 15 to 22 years, it's been her life. She'll have terminated in prison, because the consumption is a cost-cheer, so the voles and the false prescriptions,

and it's what he has saved, because after her out of prison, she no more never consumed. A good history, not always easy, but really a A beautiful podcast, a beautiful episode. Again, once I repeat, I don't know

necessarily the gestures, the ideology, the terms used by my invite, but I'm a person who pronged in the liberty of expression

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Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you. I had a hard to have a long time that we've talked about.

You've got to your son me had written in front to me talked to me to talk to you and all right I think it's a very fragile in this moment.

So that's also that it's been long. You go well, you know, you go not much, but you go well, I think that's the best way to say, we're going to be here, but I'm with all my inviatives. I'm sure to start from the base. You come to some kind of a family,

and we're trying to today, on your path, all your history. In fact, in the In fact, I'm I'm in a sister more young, I have two fathers that are the same

frieuards of a second family, so the same pair, not the same man, so I'm a lot, so I'm not with them, but it's always

been my friends. I'm born at St. Charles on the Schellier, so about 600 abutants, I came of a family

of two parents who have met with a different of age also of three years, I'm in different in the difference.

In the I imagine your father more than I think you're my father, my father my father

my father had at 45 so, so it's sure that it's it's elevated

with with the very very good value. He's that we have made

very profoundly. All that's to say that I never had never

to love in the house, but from I'm that I

have always been I'm always I always had always

had a need of an love incredible I

see not because I look I look I

four five five years I have a soul of faith. And it's incredible because I'm

what's the fact of five years can't have so much I don't have so I'm not in love. So I have a

park, a company of coffee that's a work very I'm a mother who who is a

mother who is at the house. I don't know if it was made for attention, honestly. Today, I

understand why my mother had passed when I had Okay. It's two

people completely different, but they've always always done the most of my way as possible. You can't don't know

something that you've got so it's difficult to demand to ask a person to us to give to ask you

to ask you get to the details of the personal of your parents but you say that two

people that were were encountered in desinata. Is it a problem that's been a problem that's a problem that's

after their encounter or they have had these reshute after that after that

I'm not, but if you just as we talk to your parents I'm a bit, I'm a bit

curious of that. To, what I know they never reconciled. Okay.

They've never used, well, not not not yet, not

not used to problem of consumption. Okay. My My father, just to his death the year last year, had 40 years.

So, I've been in the fraternity also, you know, V, VLSCV, all the slogans that came with. It's been fun when you're young,

but what's what it would say for real? My father was made in some of the meetings, I was all right,

you know, so, you know, I, you know, so, you know, so, you know, my parents, I, I, didn't, I,

I've been I didn't want to anything. I've been vetted to beck of the case

I'm not in the fact that my mother had quitted the knee when I

had eight years. Honestly, I'm more served to consume than I

today I'm able to say at 38 time that I think it's the

good thing. I'm I'm a very good friend at this age

I'm not the non we're not we're not not the I don't, it's not, it's not

the conge that I've regled. I'm a good amy, you know, it's a, it's a good amity in papy, it's a

very good amity, in fact, it's very very toxic. Yeah, very young, when it's

not her thing, she'll put with the arms of razzoir, or she don't

some of the age of, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say,

the old guy and the We know, we explore our sexuality at this age that, and I'm going to me do with things sexually that I'm really not, that I'm not able to say, no, because... She has your age, you have the same age.

Because I'm afraid to be in the gang. I, to not be in a gang, it's to be made me far intimidate, because we're timid, so with her, we're good, you know, it's the chef, we, we love. And, you know, you know, you're like... It's like, not a manned

of love because it's not a sense you're a I don't know I don't know why I'm a man of love like that but it will

make me in my life in doing the thing. So I'm that I'm going to be that because

for me it's suburb really. But I don't if an child of this age

that I'd say to say that's because it's something they're something they're

because it's something that's something that's something they know. I don't but

But, I knew that. And, and at this moment that,

I, I, I, I, I, I associated the sexuality to something

of something, not, of not, beautiful. Negative. Very negative. So, even

even, even, today, my sexuality, is something of something extremely difficult.

At a point in my life, it's, you, in my life, you, so,

you have to I just have to have to run in the mail it. It's very important. So, you know... I imagine that you've finished by the bag that's out of the right.

Effective. Yeah, we're in a lot. We're so, you know, a little a little lady of eight-year-old that I don't know why her is partied, and a little girl

between 8 and 12-year who has been these acts sexual by a woman will start to not

not make confidence because you're afraid to be afraid of or you're afraid

to be able to be able to be able to say the person in which your mother is

a good amy in your mind, you consider that your mother to let's

get to do you have done at this moment that yeah it's

that who had been my infancy, and I'm made to intimidate because I don't know, because I wanted

to be in a gang, because I wanted to be in a , you know, I've made so much to talk to the person

that I, I've said, you know, you've really to have really destroyed my infancy, you know,

I've done a lot of power, you know, I had seven, eight years, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry,

but, you know, at this age that we're really conscious of what we don't, No. I think not that we're conscious of what we're going to do we're doing to do, but the

people are well conscient of what they receive, for example. You know, you've got not the impression to have an impact negative on someone, but the person who has said very well that has a impact negative. I can't say that I paid for at the end of the

line, and that I'm paying for, because you know, if it's quite to arrive at the second-air, my second-air, that it's me who's been intimidated, but it's a solid,

to eat and I'm going to do get to and it's secondar one because I didn't know

because I'm not with my family at the same at the exactly, so I'm

so I'm so I'm so I always all the whole, I went to the gang the

she had said, she said, she said, they had done that I was getting the new old of the

school, so I'm re-compancy so you're a good manipulators. Actually, I mean, I've got to be tempted of a fair that I don't even not

what is true and what's not real and what I said to my amy, I mean, I have a house with three-etage, an ecruary, four battles, 10, chins, eight chas, and when he arrived at the house, they were,

their battles, your chants, oh, we're demenager. You know, I was all the time. That's the chalet. Oh, yeah, it's incredible. And I was young, now, yeah, already also, you know,

in the first of five, six-year-a-a-minute, I'd go to lay these crayons to give you to know my for you know. I'm in Calvin, you know.

You know, and you have to me feel you're really in the desert to look, you want, you want,

you want the attention, you want to be humorist? Probably, probably. We're not on the sun on all the

night, it will be nothing. No, exactly. So my second hour will start like that.

I'm going to consume, like all the children we consume in the parties for a few. You're going to effectively.

I'm a bit malade on the alcohol because it's really not not good I detest. But, you know, it's not

something in the world and I imagine that's not at you, you know, there's not, there's not

bevery, there's not party or it's that it has to do you that you think that I'm

to launch a a flash at your parents, on the contrary, bravo for what they're doing, but it's the part of the, you know,

the more it's interdied, the more we have an way to it when we're young, you know, I mean,

I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, well, I'm, I'd say, I'm always down in,

you know, certain, more than other than, you, to, you, to, you, it's, you, it's not

It's not interdied, but it's not, you know, not interdied, but it's not made in advance, in your life, you know. By the count, you know, I'm saying, I'm in, in many, there's people who were, because my father didn't buy, because my father, didn't.

No, there were not an alcohol at the house, but my father, it was not, it was not. It was not, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay, so, okay, so. No, really not. But, you know, he, you know, he said, that I lived with my

friends, and it was correct, and my father he's always said, if you have I'm saying, I'm going to be there, I'm going to be there.

You're in a party, you feel the pot? Exactly. And you're not afraid of my reaction, call me. No,

no. You know, just talk with my, my own friends also. Sort of four on, we're three

to have had of the problems of consumption. Okay. We've had been a lot. So, you know,

I'm going to I'm not the alcohol, I'm not the The alcohol, it's not good. I'm really not good. I think it's a lot, that's sense

when I get to when I'm in the space of, oh, it's I'm not that. I'm really not the alcohol.

So, you, I'm going to me forcey, and I, you know, at this moment that, and I'm

made a a friend of 19-year, I'm at a year, I'm at the time, I'm at the

time. Okay, you know, it's very very easy for for me, in the market to the market,

and it's correct, you know, but I ask, what's an guy of 19-year-old can find out of 12-year? You know, it's difficult. And, you know, I can't say that I'm at this age, I

think I had three children and it was very correct, but, you know, and, you know, when he comes the moment to develop a sexuality with a young, you know, I'm at

a night, and I'm not that, but I don't say, but I'm not. Because, it's so, at 19- he's not patient like a little guy of 12 and a little

little girl of 12 years no it's a relationship for me that's very banal that's over eight or nine

months but it's not very important in my life it's not it has not it's like my father

at my father at 19 he didn't he'd try not but you're not not not I'm not

I'm not no no I was going to be like that. I'm going to have a first real relationship for me. It's very important.

You had 14 years and I mean, I would have married with his parents, and for me, it was a very important. You wanted to become a woman before to be an ado? Effectively.

I'm, I'm out. I'm out to have an family, and I can even, very honestly, to say that I'm never protected sexually because I wanted a child.

In 14 I'm because I love. You're the love inconditional of an

child. I search the love. Probably an child will me maybe.

Probably that I see, I think, I'm not that, you know, probably

that I'm probably that I'm trying to that. So, that will be during a

year, I'm, I'd say that after that after this moment that,

after the Rup 2, you're there that it's that it. I mean, it's really,

there's been, it's, it's, it's been, I've been not consumed for 20 years. I've consumed

a real consumption of 15 years. It's in it's an man, or it's it's a manning,

but it's a seven-and that's in these moments nevragic, it's there that we're that we're

that we're in time human, in an time adult, it's there that we're, it's,

the gout of the life, you know, I mean, you know, the music that I'm going to listen to when I have to be 15 years, you know, the human

that you become, the adult that's where you start, when you start, when you get to it's a

forge, so the effect, when you're to stop, you're not, that's the capacity motive for an

child, you try, you try to try to prove what you do, but you can do you

do you want to do, but he's like a little too short. You see, not your repairs are old. It's special. But before to arrive at 22, I want to come to 15. Oh, yeah, we'll get to

this separation that that I imagine is not your decision? Well, I'm going to see, I'm quite, in any case, that for say that

the relationship is termine and this guy, that's going to be my my best friend. So, I'm going to

go to my my best friend, I'm going to let's get to get to get to get

to get to so I'm going to get to my ex-conjoin I'm going to have these conferences

telephonic at three for the matche and in a week it's formed this

couple that, the new couple. Because I wanted to me say, well,

let you do don't you do don't don't don't, you do impress what you view. The attention

of the attention of. So I'm going to I'm going to I'm honestly, I go to get

to someone what I'm at the toilet because I want to find out of to find out because I

want to because I want to I'm going to do you want to do you do you

buy a bit in a party I'm just a little join in the

envy to to consume how, you know, I mean we're doing a declick we're

trying to just, I'm engugurdier. In fact, the first that's, my first,

it was my father, it's there's a morning, so, I want to because when I do, or when I'm in,

you're in, you're not, you're good. I'm good. And, and my life that's been so. I'm

all what I 've wanted, is, to be in a state where I'm not there. Like Alice in the

Great of the Meerville. It's special. Hello, I'm sorry. I'm in direct to Moe Studio, and I take a couple second to you talk to

our more old old time with us. We had two, three,000 visioned by an episode, and he was there, and

sincerely, if he had not been there, I don't know if this project that exists again because they've really

helped financially with this project and I'm to hear and it's for that I've made this

this particular that I'm compare my and there are a lot of people who are you talk of an affair of

insurance, it's what? In private, the people people are so I'm doing the time to you're

going to tell you know, they're specialise in assurance Vee. So,

so it's some of the concierance life who have for a no, no,

case refused. It's their speciality, no case refused. Because when

you're at an certain age, a certain age aged, if you're a dossier

criminal, and if had to have been a like a cancer, it's extremely hard, even impossible to have an assurance of life.

So, they're going to have. If you're not sure that you're assurable, you think that's not assurable, contact them, they're going to have an assurance life. It's important for not to let your proche in the need when you're put in.

Compare my privilege. And, you know, a child will put a pillule for sendorming but, you know, I'm at a cost of 10

12, 15, 14. So, so it's easy to be a problem because my father,

a minute, he's not a lot of so much, so at 15 years, they're in a house like

because I will they follow? Is he challenge that on? He will me on

because at a moment of a time I, you just, I just, I just, you've been

to follow a moment to, you you've got a syro in morphine, because he's he goes

it's got the other thing. It's not stupid, no. So, yeah, he will me and talk to, and I don't know, and I see not, I don't know, I'm not sure. So, I can't tell you, I'll start, I'd have been able, because

I, I don't know. But I see that, but I know, he's there, and he says, you know, I'm saying, you know, Stephanie, if you had been to be there, I'm going to be, you know, and I'll have to be, you know, if we're doing, we'll have to aid. So, my force to

I was going to do you know, I remember that a moment of a day, my mother had to take these medications, and I will evolve plenty of sorts. I will all get all the time. You're going to do with a first cause, a solid psychose. I arrive to work, and I'm everywhere, and I'm completely, like,

in a state, and, me, I think I'm correct, then I'm, and I return to our home, and I'm just that my work, I mean, I'm going to go to the house, I say to my mom, I'm going to go to go to the medicine because I feel the foot, I just don't know, I'm going to open the fridge of her, I'm going to

like, like, no, no, no, it's not not so it's not going to. So, she'll go to me at the hospital, and we're going to because I have because I have the proposed suicidate at the moment. Well, in other, just

just to aval it, you know, dose somnifer, it's a pretty much an appell at aid, you know, I mean, you know, I'm wondering at how point you'd engordidst

or you, you know, it's these these big, great, great, great, red flag

of SOS that you employed everywhere. But, you know, I think, I'm at my mother or

my father at these moments, you know, maybe he had suffer, to see,

I'm in psychiatry, and I'm there, it's just there, and I'm there,

I'm there, and I'm there, and I'm and there's people who frable in the

mur, and I'm like, I'm a man, I'm a morning, and I'm

a man who's a man who's it's like, it's like, it's not that's not, so they want to

me give some of because I think that I'm in depression, but I'm so often

in consumption, that when I'm in consumption, I'm correct, when I consume more, I'm in

depression so, so long, so, so we can never know if I've really a trouble of

mental or I'm depressedive. So it's going to continue like that until my 18 years to try to try to

be like all the people in having with my friends that I like I'm not about the alcohol and what

that is that I'm a great sportive I'm a young and I'm just I'm a wringette and I have some bloods

that's cumulative. We're will make prescribed these antidolour and there there's a This is the fun.

It's fun because it's fun because it's me revelled, but it's in the same time. It's really super well, and I'm just all right.

And that, I like that. And I'd say that it's it's just it's finished. The little there's no,

there's no there's just the little girl who has a need of an over uncontrollable, again at that

So I'm going to go, at the end of my second-air, I will decide to go to the soins-inferme. I'm going to start at the end of my second-air to consume, also, a lot of drugs, just a lot of speed, because it's a realign. And I have a trouble of attention, so it's all right to me concentrate at the school. Honestly, at least, it was a lot of the beginning. It's made my second-air, four and five, in one-year-old.

And then the night, I'd go to my 4.36, 5, 34, all the rest, to be all the other, if I did all if you want to see if I'm not if you want to have access to the medications? Okay, I don't know. No, but at the beginning, I've always been a girl who had always been there for everyone. I've always been there for everyone. I'll go to do what I've got, and I'll go to gole to you and give it because I'm even, but because...

But it's what I mean to say, at how point, you know, there's people who aid the other because it's in their nature, at how point you've got to help you help the other just to have their reconnaissance, their mercy, their tap in the door,

you know, do you do you? It was really for the good reasons? At this

moment that, probably in course of route, no, and today I can

say that it's a it's a bit mellant, but I want to be a infirmary

because I had the flam to aid someone, I, I always wanted

to help, I'm didn't but I did you conscious of your problem

at this moment Okay, you're concerned that you're a problem So you're concerned But you're not able to You're not able to You're not able to

Exactly So I'm But I'm But you say, Yeah, excuse me I'm sorry You see, Yes, do you

Do you Do you like a problem? No You know, You know, I'm probably I'm perhaps I'm perhaps

too, but Gare, it It's all At this moment I'm not I'm not So, no,

I'm not, I do you I'll get very good. Okay. But I've to say I'm also to get to

get to get to be in adrile, your medications for dorm, some of the trinol for the grip,

that you're a couple and you know, at a moment it's that I don't know I'm doing, I don't know

I'm trying, I'll see, you go over later, I, I, you know, I said that

if I'd take 10 pillules, it was correct, 9 it was past, and 1% but, but why

I don't know, I know. I know. But there's something that I said that I said. Maybe it's probably. Probably. So, wringette, blessure, school, soins,

infirmies. So for me, it's going to swan. I'm going to find in soins infirmies. I've made two years in soins infirmies

and I've had arraithed. Why? Because, because I've really to have to have to have

a group problems of consumption. At this moment, I'm in my name

is flagged. I'll say that I go to the pharmacy is my name. So I

can't have a medicine. It's to be a medicine, that's the

medical to be the medical, you can not get to be to get to you can

get to so you can't get to so. So, I'm my sister

that's five of me of my four and 18-year-old, but it's not. I don't know

why the people don't know if I'm 18-year-old and that's a past. That's a other problem. Especially if at 12

you had a lot of a girl, it was a clinic medical in the term of insurance, the mother,

of my son, of my mother, of my mother, I'm going to get to some.

I know if I've been to tell pharmacy, with tell care of insurance this malady, I can't go out, because tell pharmacian will me

recognize, and tell technician. So, that your day is the proximity, the other day is the junker, and the other day is the pharmacist, because at this moment that I consume around 40 comprimed of morphine

per day, so 40 comprimed of 5,000 grams. I've made 200,000 of morphine at this moment. I'm going to ask, because

that works I've put too the name, too of cards, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm going to get a poigny

a lot of a lot of so I'm so I'm going to have to have to say to my father I'm

to be able to me in desintocates at 19 I'm at St.Lew at the Hospital

St.Lew at the Chum we we're going to make on the treatment of metadone

to be for me intoxicated for during 21 days then I'm going to

make a in therapy, to the village. Thank you. I mean, I mean, only that my

father and my sister have been to be able to know my little bit of that's a little bit of

14 years, that's a pen of years, I'm saying, you know, I'd say, I'd say,

I'd say to not to come in love in therapy. You've seen what it has done

with your mother, the conseil to not let try to you know, you're a You're a good person.

My father me really very much encouraged, my mother also. And I'm I'm going to walk, I'm

and I'm going to I'm going to the room of someone and he's a guy, he's to do-do and he's not

that there's no, I'm on over with the place. I don't know. It's not not how

it's a call. But I me said, he, it's, it it's because it's because

he will be me the man here. I'm the 28 days and it's not I'm not the good to find a

therapy I wanted to do you know I'm going to do you know of because you've been you've got to

ask you don't know because it's made to get and you get to and you're more capable

to have not because you can't not because you can't not no, no really not

not. I don't I don't know I can't have my confirmation so I'm going to be I'll go to

therapy And this person will be to say, I have a good job, I have a house, I have a

child, and I have a good life, you know, and the first end of the first time, we're going to

get a three children who are that I'm that's she's family. So,

my little life of life, I've always wanted. At the back, Because, there, it's not

and then, I know that it's not and I know that's not and I'll continue in this relation that. The second of the week,

we'll see, I mean, I'd rest at St. Charles on the Ritchellue and he's a big, it's a good ride in our tour. He will,

I'll go and say, oh, I'll return to St.uber because he's going to go to search with something, my chain, at someone.

I don't know, is what a pawn shop? I know that. I know that. I mean to the campan.

So, he will go to get his chain in a pawn shop and at a moment of he will say,

oh, I have I go to an old shop for the property for he'll

get to do the money and I'm I'm not, I can't he say, oh, I'll have

to be a bar, I'll do the money to get to he's okay, we're coming to come to

my house and I'm over the door, the toilet while he's in trying to make

of the so I'm like, okay, I'm not really done that in my life for you. You're you're rested on the medicaments

of ordonance because it's ordonance, you know, for you're not in drug, you know, because you're just these medications.

Not at that moment that. For me, for me, it's not a drug, the medication, it's legal, so.

So, I'm going to consume to the cove with you. You know, I'm, I'm at intense,

I do that I do with him, and my trip of Coke with him, is to go to go to and do you, and do you have the three, four-four-cent-place of coat, and rataed with you.

That, that, it's my, my days, and my days, seven days. At the day, I'm going to get to therapy, a month after, that's what I do you do.

You're going to get in therapy for a problem of morphine, and you are with a problem of coach. And, And, you know, our parents, sometimes it's not

a lot of people. No, no. Because your father, you have not said, I'm not sure that I'm in front of my room of motel,

cross-euse, to grattie, it's got to chate, the billet of lottery. We're going to make up, so you'd even to make up

these voles, these vol, more than five million, these vows, in some in some of the infraction,

there's never had never had never had people in the Masons it's it's

it's I look I'm in a few, I'm in received a person who they're talking

like, I'm going to the casting and I'm the casting, I'm the casting of all, you know,

we're in the misery to have to have this great blonde there. You know, it's a

point, but the reason for the reason for the thing, it's just just to to see

at what the consumption we can touch anybody of who, and at how point it

can do you get to be when you think you're not a problem? Yeah. So, my problems,

I'm to make the vol, and I don't know that he can't because I

have a decision in suspic and not a document for? For, that I've been in a

pharmacy with the pharmacies with those non and, yeah, so,

exactly. So, so for to say, because it's really not a relation important

in my I mean, I've seen by, I've had been a person that because he'd be a person who'd have taken all the bonnety

that I had. He had and it's been something of not beautiful. I've been something of a salve for me.

He has really to destroy your own the esteem that you had to be of yourself? Yeah, exactly.

There had a lot of violence psychological that it was, oh, it was incredible. All that,

for that, I'm going to do you have a second therapy. You did not have to stop in these voles in the more

of 5,000? No, I'm not, I've made two. Okay, okay, okay.

It was like, but it's like, but it's to say that all the house in my house,

I've been, I've been going to be the one of the Yeah, no, that's so. So, the things

to start, so. So, before to start, to get to the first people that

the moment of the family, it's, because we know that the family will always be there for me. They're

always our friends, it's our family. So my sister, all she had had of good material in the house, of a bigjew, monetary, they'd all have to cash at the exterior of the house, because she

had said I'd have with all this family. It was quite a lot. At this moment, my sister, how it's going to be afraid of me? We'll talk about her

that she'd have far that she'd have been in the car. She says, she She doesn't that I come to her and she'll

have a part that she's like to be able to her. And that it's a that my

little bit of my little with her with her at this moment that she, she has a

reason to have a because you don't be you don't be you're not because

it's a car we're paranoid agressive and then he has the man

he has the envy to consume and it has been too can to find you to

find out to help to someone that's it's easily, no.

And I'm going to say that I think I just at the end of the relation,

I'll let this person because I start, and honestly it's it cost

too che I'm so I think, I've decided to let this

person and then I'm I'm a little and I start the

anti-dollars so the way that I found, it's to make

a false I've started to make a false promotion. I'm going to go to the clinic. The medicine made a prescription. Then, after that, I'm going to go to the toilet. He's out of his bureau for going to do something. I'll go and I'll go and I'm going, and I'm going to imitate his sign a little,

and I'll pressurred something, and it's a little. The first time, it's a function. The second time, I've been put ponied. And when I said, I'm going to say, I'm going to, it's that I'm at the pharmacy. I'm going to remit the medication. You go to the pharmacian to go to his bureau

and then a little, there's a political so we're going. So, we'll have me don't even not to post, we'll give

a promise to compare. So I'm going to do a second therapy because I want to be in prison,

I'm afraid. I've been 20 years. So I'm went in a therapy of six months,

I've been there nine months. It's a therapy of confrontation, like the old therapy

in the style like that's like that but it's not my marriage. I've

met up an intervenate at this moment that Julie that

was incredible. I'm still today it's incredible it's incredible

how she she she she's she, she made that I'm

talking she had been that it had been correct I'm I'm

a more a second and a this person she doesn't after the therapy and it's me who would consume

in this relation to have consumed to the morphine after nine months therapy it will be able to you consume not

in therapy? No, not in therapy because it I'm in a crowd and I have been a crowd

to continue as I'm there's time I'm partique and I see what do you know what

to do it. I'm both to work but I have the good to consume. So I'm committing in the

way to consume. So I'm continue to do you know to do so. The envy to

consume is more than the fear of of the prison? Exactly. Uh,

yes. Well, yes. Yes, yes. And, I'm going, I'm

again, I'm sorry of this story that because I implicated this conjoint that

in my deli. He has been obliged to go to the pharmacy with one of my false prescriptions for me because I was not able to function and I shaked, and that I vomissed because I was in sevrage. The sevrage of morphine is the worst thing that is

difficult. It's incredibly. It's physically, it's incredible. Well, it's like the heroine, I imagine. It's so, it's called Turkey, it's... Oh, yeah, it's incredible. So, I'm saying, this morning, that I'd have to stop it, but at this moment, I'm running at 60,000

He's got into morphine per day. So, I'm up a morning, and I say, I don't consume more, want you need to me and say, if at all of

15 minutes, I'm back in the chair, I'm able to get to get to be able. So I'm invited to the pharmacy, and

he's made a problem. So, there had a dossier criminal at cause of to me.

There had already some of the case, so I don't know what's the past, so I know what we

said, because we have left a moment of a moment because we're not that's not the last,

the last, the last, The last time we've seen, I was trying to move the poignet with the

vits, so that I'm in psychos. And I lansed that I remember. I was

revealed for a second time in psychotry. So, two therapy, two psychiatry.

The relation, yeah, I'm 20 years. And the relation, it has terminated,

that. It's, so much for him? It's not for him. It's not for him.

because I'm going to, I've started a treatment of metadone at about in these times. I'm in psychiatry. I'm going to go to the clinic at the St. Super. And we'll give a medicine of family, and we'll give me the Suboxone, which I'll give them to the metadone. Which is that if I put an antidolour,

it will not affect because there's an antagonist there in. So it's like an analoxone, someone who makes an overdose who gives that some of the analogue and it's

so if I think that or so I'm on the airge or so that will not affect the consumption

so we will give that and I'm I'm going to pass a test

of grossess and I'm 15 seven seven of course of death at that

when I pay sent leave, and I start on a treatment of Subotune, and I'm still and I'm going to call this person that for he'd say, I'm

going to say, he'll he'll end up no, he wants, he doesn't, he doesn't even not know, he doesn't know that I'm

there. And my father and my medicine will me suppli to me to make abortions, and I don't

I want. I'm going to live in apartment because my family is more capable that I I mean, I take a apartment, a

sub-soul, an 1.5, and I consume so much of speed and of morphine, morphine a little bit more, like, some, let me get some to me calm a little

because I know the anti-doulears or I think that the antitholeur not will not affect so much. So I'm sniffing to soup,

I'm thinking. I sniff the speed, snive the coat. I think really that I'm fit for to have this infant one. Because he

will be to give me to be in a moment to be able to get a little when you're going to be

my wife. My mother my name when you're saying, please, please, let's be able.

My father my father has tried to make the legal that I'm doing, because they

know, because they know that if I make this child that if I'm my son, because I'm

not capable to me to me to be to be able to me $300 per month

and I consume for a little $300 per day. I work in the bar of dancers like barmaid

and I go to and I'm going to and I work for I'm going to pay for the

way. That it's it's not very bad. You know when you have you have you

have you have you? 100% but I'm not even I'm not still I'm not

because I go decided, finally, to listen to the medicine. It's an abortment therapeutic.

We'll call it an abortment therapeutic, but the infant, not sure that's in

life at that. I've had an abortment in 17 weeks, the 24

of the time. There's like something that's like, I've done to do you have done

to do you, because I continue to commit these delies, to find these false prostitution,

I was going to more more than the problem of justice starts to get to be in a party of a danceer in a bar

it's a bit more than a boy, you can make a good fat at yoll they've been they've been

for three weeks, she had not gained a cent to reimburse what I did, and in plus,

so it's so it's been like a time, a month rembrusced but they me have

to work two months to work and then it was it was it was

he said, he said to go to the stage, that's, that you know do we do, that. Stefani, you're there's been there. So, I'm disappointed.

I was supposed to at St. Charles at my parents. Person, I don't know, if someone was searching, but they won't have to find.

I've made a little cause. My sister has owned to me at a point that I'd never could be able to get to sign.

white Cramer. I'm completely not there. There's something that's going to you'll have to help you. So I'm going to

go to find a 3nd therapy. In the front of the wood, an dominion. It's one of

the beautiful therapy I did because it's like a great chalet. And, I went

there, it was like a reality for me. We don't do the therapy,

I'm I'm going to putte a guy for that I'd feel like I'd feel like I'd like to make up, because he's written these little words for me to say, I'm very belle.

And then I'll say, tell a guy is in love with you. So, they're going to go to goch together. They're going to sit down of the therapy. I'm mademuse, and my family

when I'm going to You're trying to manipulate. Incredible. Because it's flat. You feel so platt to me occupy to me and it's not interesting.

I don't want the pain. I don't want the time at this moment that. My parents just went to me and I said, I know, I'm going to the therapy,

and it's all right correct, you see, but I'm sorry the end of the time and I'm going to do other post-prescription, and there's nothing that can't.

I've not taken the time to make an arreid of age and go, Stephanie, we're going to continue there in because I see not for why, but it's more

than I. I'm going to out of nine months of therapy in consumption with again a chum

because I'm like that you're like a pattern that's that person that person will consume

the fact and I've never consumed this and this relationship we're doing in a

little game that the relationship has turned because I'm it's not me that's I'm going to

pay you know, but you want to be you know, yeah, it's so really,

you know, I've been in the , you know, it's not an insult, I'll say, but I imagine

when you think, you're trying, you know, you know, I'm trying to you don't say at this

time, but you're a, you know, you're bad, you know, I'm a It's a malady.

You're a malady. You know, I'm in my... I'm in my chair at Boucherville, at 8-hour the night at night. In front of my Poucher, I'm not... Then, I don't know, they're going to at home, and he's not at 8-hour, and he's not at 8-hour, and I'm going to go, and I'm going to

go and then, and then, and then, and... And, then, it's cost you're doing, you. I'm going to commit of the deluge, I'm into infractions. You'll go in the arena and I'm going to get to get in the

guys. If they're in their shirt and their pantalons are so I'm so I'm going to their card

of credit, their telephone. And I do it often, and I make a pogny and I don't know

that they're in my head, the arenas for not barry pot. I'm just I'm just

I'm sure, I'm trying in my head, I'm like I'm just like, I'm completely inconsient.

You're hot, Ah, it's impuventable. You're so much. I'm so much. I'm so much, I'm so I'm so

too much at this moment that. So, I consume more of crack at that

than of morphine. But when I had, before my third-threaty it was

to have 80 contaminant of morphine per day. Facted it's 4,000 milligrams of morphine at a

per day every day. I've done it. I've done one way, I've done my life, and I see,

I'm playing in chard. Well, there are some, sometimes I've made some partage, there are

people who are going to say, I've not consumed that the day or the day or not. No, I'm not.

You've got to a market to get, but to augmenting the dose. I had had made a research

and said, It would say that a man could take a maximum 400,000 of a morning in a day, so

that's what I get in the yeah, and then I'm a lot of too, but it's so,

it's the fact that I fined in the decor, I'm in front, I'm in the cued of someone

of this at this moment that, I punged of those voluntarily might, go in

the murrette of baton, voluntarily, voluntarily, because I suffer, I'm I'm not I'm not able.

I'm not capable of this view that, to be able to be at 8, 9 o'clock, at Boucherville, have not done to return to St. Charles and to return at 2 o'clock,

and to return to 2 o'clock, or they're going to golley down and in the arena, and in the same time to make those prescriptions to have beenzo because I'm planning to

suffer when the lack of the crack that's felt sent and I'm going to I'm doing, I do all for morire, I try,

I save, so I'm suicide because I'm not capable, but I consume some medication for them moorin. I provoke these accidents

of auto. I'm not. I'd want to have the VIA and the hepatite. You do do you?

Incredible. I'm. I do you put all to take the hepatitis and the VIA and I

don't know. I'm to put it. I'm done to make it. And, before to it's just

something. Because if I'm pick, I'm going, it's clas. Because, there's not

there's not the consumption. I'm I'm trying to put in. Forth, In six months, I will

flurray the night I'm in 22 years. And I want to I don't see what

because for me I'm not the courage to mooray but it's not quite courage

to be and I'm not the courage to live I see too. I'm the problem

of justice accumule because because he me the judge I have

an hour of a at this moment that I'm hour of an hour. No, I'm not. And I'm. And I'm

and I've always have these sentences suspended. So, for 50 doses, sentance suspended, 50 doses, suspended, probation two years, probation of one, probation of one, I, I'm not, I'm not, I'm see anything, and I don't

do anything else that the court me recommend. The 13th of 2011, Excuse me. If you ever, you'd have to be in a pause, if you're

your problem. The 13th April 2011, the police will me call me a deposition that I'll

do for a deposition on a deposition on a vote that I made. And I

will arrive to post of police. And I will, I don't know what what's

what's been at that's the moment that. But the police me said, Stephanie, if you're honest, we'll let's part of it.

And if you're not honest, then it's totally like a good chance for them. I'm afraid. I'm afraid

because I listen a movie, I'm scared. I'm afraid. I'm, you know, um,

you know, I'm, I'm trying to help, I'm not not able to say to the person.

So, I think that I had a power at this moment that because I've really decided

to be honest really decided to in this moment because I'm at all I'm I'm in I'm 202 but I have

the impression to have 15 years it's a judey the landmine it's a Monday to 5

the Monday 12 at this moment that I don't know what it's It would say. It would say if you

run, you go to a little a little time. So I'm going to be to be honest

and I'm going to be to start at this place and you're in a tell pharmacy and it's very long

if I think it's a durer a three four, four hours. They've made

pass it before the judge and I'm not out of they're going to get in

in. You know, I think I'm know the I'm not what the prison?

I know I don't know. I arrive there with my pantalons on the gay at this moment at the pen, I'm sorry, and I'm sorry, and I'm sorry, I don't know, I don't know, I'm that I'm in prison, you know,

and then, and then, we say, we're trying to me say that, you know, I've got to me put to put new, it's the same with my sexuality, so you're not going to be able to be, you know.

And I think that at this moment that it's that I've really done, if there's something, it's not that's not I've done to deviate my life I know what I can't

do, I'm two, six years in psychiatry and three therapy I'm doing this year this year. So, you know, we're in prison the first night,

I'm going to have to the court, in the court in the exterior and I'm to make me taxed my mantle to bed.

See, me, I don't do not, you know, But the guardians, they see I'm in May of April, and I'm in Camisole Dore. So, my colloquy of cellul, will go to

say, I'm going to be taxed. So, we're going to make in protect. Because it's the old chief of the person who's taxed. I've passed six months in protect because I pay

100 livres, I'm not able to be able to me defend, and I'm not. I'm really not capable to me to defend. I'm in a a line of protect

with the women who have the women who have many people who do you have many people who

are very judicized who have their children or they've killed their pim

or whatever and it it's hard to cry but I don't have not judged any of

some it's easy to judge someone but I if I had had my my

if I was that's could that I attached in my berso, his berso, I would have

left all to go and to get to get to be to get to and it's not that I'm sure,

I'd have been accused of a murder. And if I had been more more than my bar of

danceoes if I'd have had been and he would have to be, it's been that's not

it's like that. Or you you'd have been to be able to have been to you'd be, you know, we'd know, we'd

don't know what could be So it's for that this project that exists, you know, to remove the judgments and the stigmas for the people. It's for that I'm sorry that I'm going to talk to the when I'm talking with my mom. Because you know what the parkour of the people where you're to judge by what you see?

By a lot of someone who is in the street, by someone who is in the way, by the tattooed in the face that you know, I don't know where what's going to see, you know what's going to say. You don't know what he's done. But But the first time I had had to be my father, it was the

girl, I was trying my chair, pos-of-the-law. It's been, it had to do you have to do, because it, I've plied on my orgueue, and at this moment, well, I've been very.

It's the, you know, in prison. I've had six months of protect and at the end of six months I've passed

to the court and I had used my sentence I've had two

sentences consecutive I had three three months to

do you have and when my sentence my first

of 20 months I passed in a court and

I gave a group I got in a

between me in the person because there they had these accusations of pedophobic.

But is it free reconnoissephab, no. But because there were some of the accusations, again, we're just going to judge someone by a lot of the jury.

Then the guards of prison, when I had asked, to come in, because the guy is in trying to spend,

they're not going to be when they opened the door to see if they were not and they

had done a quick they've seen that they had been not. They've not

not. Not of a tentative of reanimation. But they've made a riddle, they've made something in my life for not to see what I'm going to see what I'm going to be.

And I'm, I'm just alone in my cellul. It's been 22 years. I've got to have a little craving of Christenavit by a poll and a polly. No, no, even not? I don't know. I'd say that at the first day in detention, I've never ever

to consume it. Wow. I've had the gout to consume at a few repris but not at that

at that at the other it's in the other it's not me it's not me

it's it has made the effect contrary I've had been to live and to

be in because I'm tanning I've been for me my 22

months my father went to me to my mom went to my So that I said, my son, and more often my avenue.

And it's me that's me that's re-recorded the moral. If I'd say, you go to see, Papa, a day, you'll be married, you'll have a house, you'll be intervenant to Texcomami, I'll aid the other, you'll be sober. And each time he'd

come to me see, and he'd be like in her, Stephanie, we're all in anew, we'll see, but you go back, that I'm going to do and they were so pleasant. I was always of good humor. I was always proactive. I was I worked. I was

doing a secretary of the person. I was doing a meeting. You know, I had some I had said to do. I'm going at the federal. I was still at the provincial I've had a choice. Often, I'd find that long 22 months that I had

had made, but I'd tap it totally self-theid that it was correct. But I had some people that had made of the deluge that had a little more time

than I didn't know if I couldn't not, but in the same time,

I was all the time, I was all the time, I would not to have to have to be

to do it, but when we had a more, I was you know, you're

to be a place in this in this jungle do a little, in passing

a between the under the and the paint because I had had been

I had really really population general when I don't know it's

it's not according to it. Yeah, it's totally so. In fact,

it's that. At the end, just before to get to get,

I had a great to be in the door, and we had been

in a clinic to live to be to it's to have in

after I went in detention that I had to get to my

grain of my grain of and all the dermatos would say, no, no, no, no, no, it doesn't nothing. This year, so, finally, in prison, we've been in clinic privy, and they they'd have to be, and then left, and said, I had a cancer. I had a cancer, a melanoma, a cancer of the

but it's a lot, it's quite simple. So, in sort of prison, I was going to the house of transition, not because I was obliged. I've done my two-tier, I've done the time that I've ever I didn't even not demanded my

system. I've made the time that's a bit of there then.

And I'm in a house of pension and I had had a interview

at the hospital for that. Then we had been in the door,

we had many of the lot of there had had

absolutely really. It was all it was all the tissue sin

and the hospital Royal Victoria has so my

do my also it's pervue. I'm not too occupied because you're not

not made because when you've had a cancer you've had a few different I'm,

I've had a at the six months but at every time I'm at the

two first rendezvous he made even not me change any

any no no radio it's you can go you can go to

go to I'm at the second time I'm I'm there's you can't

you to me to be We don't have a grain of beauty that was cancerous, and you've got to do it. And you've got a cancer and you've got to

have a cancer, and you've got to look at all right. You know, there's not new tach. She'll do, she'll go, we'll go and go to you. I'm not sure.

But I'm not too preoccupied. But with my medicine, family, we're going to see my poor that's right. So, it's rested like that. So, I'm in

house of pension and you've been working in telemarketing. You know, I'm trying to do a job at the base, and I had so much fear that we'd engage not because of the dossier.

It's really it's so hard at least, when you start of prison, the reinsertion social, it's incredible. That's all sorts of of therapy, or of prison, it's hard, the reinsertion social, there's not. So, you're to return, I've got to, I'm in, I'm doing,

I, I'm going to, there, there's, there, there's, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, there, you know, we've got to do that. I'm in prison with the age mental of the age of mental of three years.

I'm going to get to be in 17 years. I don't know what I'm going to. I'm going to go to work in telemarketing because I think

that they'll not want to be because someone will be working on telemarketing. But, like I said I have a capacity

of adaptation phenomenal, I will become excellent back. I'll gain the people of $1,000

per two or $750 dollar of credit to a other conco because it's naiso but I'm

you know at 22 years I'm in prison but I did some I've rediscovered who was Stephanie

I'm I'm amed the little bit of my that's in the life I've given

the love of liberty it's it's been to be decined it's just to live with me

and just applied to what I was just I was in prison because I had a card. Instrictor. So, what I mean

in telemarketing is to take the time to take. It's a niazeo, but you're to call a little lady who

respond. Allo, it's the lady of the girl. I'm a little a little

to say, it's naiso there, but, ma'am, mama, it's the woman,

oh, my, it's about to buy me to buy me to get to the beer, because I

just to listen all the whole. I've started to be good because for

me it's a form of manipulation that's you know, you know, you know, you've got

there's good years of the carvette, yeah, but I had liked that,

even if I made really, I'd always, I had made that, so,

so, a moment of a moment of a, I'd put contact with my best,

my best, a good my friend , when I was when I when I was when I'm

my wife. Okay. Jonathan, and I said, I'm sorry, Jonathan. I've made to come

at my at my at my and I, and before that he's parked in the auto,

I was I've done to see, I didn't say, I didn't, because we were,

I was in prison, I've been in prison, I had, I've done, I've had to,

I've been a, a manipulatrix, she's a manteuse, really, I've got all over

even who's he said, he said, he said, what I'm doing, so I'm so I'm going to marry.

If I was to be honest with a person and that and that wants, it's correct. We've

established a relation of confidence, of communication. We have an relation exceptional. It's like

my best, so it's sure that we, never we we've seen chicaned, even not it's

that we're in a few years, we've never had a chican. We've got to sit in the winter, the boughtat, the spaghetti, but it's perfect. We have really a good relation. So, so, tranquillement,

my life comes to reprint a little bit the normal. I'll be insured at the university, we're going to accept in intervention of toxicomani,

health and mental. So I'm going to go to the university. And, then, quickly, not quick, not my relationship will continue

to be able to go to be demenage at my conjoin and I'm going to start a view of

my life to. The craving when you know, when you're not in prison, they're not

at what you're in your time it's I've had the first craving that I've had

when I have, I have a craving, I'm there's been there's and I'm planned

and I got to my consumption in detent. Okay. I've to buy

the crack in detention, it's extremely very cheap. Oh, yeah, it's it's been four

the price of the road. $400. Oh, $400. And I'm and I looked.

Really long. Or, not long. I don't know. But it was long. It's been pretty long.

I've got to get their toilet for it's been. I've had craving to consume in some

in some of that I live these emotions point. When I have my father, I've

had used the good to my life. Um, but, I'm, I'm for

my, and that, you know, I do, these at the house of therapy,

and it's all that I say, a craving, you have three seconds for it's a time,

if you're to get, it's not to be, you know, the other other side, and that,

you know, I've asked, Etienne Bully, who, he, said, to give to give a

advice by a other lady, the fact, the fact, it's exactly the contrary that he had

said, and he, he's, it's a good, it's a question, sometimes if it's

a question, when you know, when you say, when you say, on the contrary, rent-toe at the boot. In your

head, you know, in the at the end up, it's the fun, he's, oh, there,

I'm going to get to have to get to and then, and then, and then, he said, and you're

going to, and you're when you're On the land of the night of the morning, you know what you're going to be on the end up of your chute, it's an alluremberg, you know, so it's a... Viewed like that, yes. You know, it's what I'm saying by this concept. Viewed, yeah, in my case, in my mind, if I'm going to be, if I'm going to feel,

and I'm trying to resentire the effect of the consumption, even to have, I'm in mind. But, it's a lot of... But, yeah, everyone's such a lot of... But, yes, when I'm... I think, let's I have a craving, I mean,

it's, I mean, I see all right, I'm trying to brawere, you know, I'm going to re- see, but it's a second and car. Because if you're in general,

the rechut, are much more violent than the consumption that you had before, we're on the way. We'd say that you'd have said

to retrapes the years that you're not consuming, when you're chute often, you but it's dangerous because

my after my second therapy, if I had to start to consume 40-comprimed of morphine like I was before, I'd have mortuary, you know. So, you know, for attention. But just not to do it, you know,

it's just not to do, you know, my second and a quarter, I'm saying, one second and a quarter, I'm going in trying to suffer, so, it's a minute, so, it's a second and three-quarters for a little bit of my head. So, me, it's my trick, it's my cheek at the head. When it's a month.

Each one is its utip, and it's perfect. It's, it's a functioned. It's a functioned, it's a functioner again. Now, you were talking, when I was going to go to your craving, you said, you know, you'd say, your relationship, you know, it's, it's, it's, you know, it's at a university, you, you've had a new life normal. Exactly.

I've got a life that you've always wanted a little. Exactly. And the relation with my family, it becomes exceptional. My son, recommence, we're going to be confident. We're not. We, but I feel that there's still, you know, it's, it's a lot. My son, it's the person that I'm the most, I'm the most caused to talk.

Who is the person who has made in contact? Yeah, it's the person I think he'll be the most sufferer. She'll have me seen, it's incredible, you know? But you're supposed to be... His example? Your example? But I've been an example. To not.

To be. Exactly. Is she the same? Is she the following a little, your path? it is a better thing. No, but it's

a past a little you said on the one of the no, no, it's the

only, it's the only, that's the only, it's the whole, I've got to

a complex inferiority to my sister, that's incredible. The more I'm mean, I'm

know, because it's so much it's the contrary. It's the one, it's the

thing, the thing, in my life, in my life, in my life, like, the

it did, but she had made the effort, so it was better. I mean, I'd want to be better than I, but I was doing nothing. I'd do you know, I'd do you know, today

my sister, she'll have built something incredible, she's she's osteopath, she has a clinic, she has the employees, she has a life a greatueue

of an infant, she has a house, it's incredible, but she has worked for her, you know, and I'm so, I'm So I'm so fond of her, it's incredible. You know, my son, for me,

it's like my son. When I was young, I had eight-year-old, my mother had to be able to. So, for me, it's always been like a little, I've always been like my son,

but I'd have to have to have done like my son. It's what was difficult for her, I think. So, so for saying

that, you know, I've got a life normal, I have some real relations, I'm, there's, some things

that I'm I mean, you know, I'm partage. I have some people who are recognisant to me partage, who are content to me like that, I'm going to be intervening

as I'm in the arm of liaisone. I work in the house of therapy. I help other people, it's wonderful, I love that, but in

the same time, I think that difficult, because as I said, I'm a person who's a person who's done all the world, and

I don't know 90-year if you don't if you're the time, but I'm not, what I'm I don't know if you're going to go to your

business. No, I'm not reshute, but I will develop a problem of game. Okay. Problems of the game.

Okay, well... It's not so much pay, it's, it's kind of more paid than the blackjack or the machine, you know? Yeah, well,

in six months, I had depended $7,000. Oh, Chris, okay, it's not a bit more than that for me for the black jack. Okay, so much,

I mean, I don't even not that we could spend so much to spend so much It's just on the telephone. Incredible. And the thing is that...

We have a tendency to... Change it to gore. It's so. It's a... It would be able to a other that I don't know at this moment. I just used.

And I pay, I pay. The night, I'm like, I'll have to be that. Tomorrow, I'll do it.

And the next time, I recommence. At this moment, I'd add to other in the time. I'd be able to consume. I consume the game.

So I'm going to be interested in a moment because it's not because it's not. I'm in a problem, you know,

I've got to have been a posteart a bit. Carreman, I'm saying, let's go, don't,

it's not, before to commit to debilies more grave in the in the way to consume

the game, I'm to have to what's that's made to act, honestly, it's my

Marry, who's on who's on who's going to see a old telephone to see a he had discovered that

Braille, he was really really, this year, we're in trying to make a proposal because we

did not of the money, we have to get an house, we're not in the

same time, at base, you had said, hey, you're a crosser, you're a mother,

you can't me want to you've said. You know, that's always to be honest,

you know, even if you know, so he's he's always he's really, you know, I've got to

have been difficult at this moment that because it has a long time that you had not that's not

that you know, I know, I had so, you know, I think I had already to have been to have been

to be, I'm doing, I'm having to have in some other consummation, you know,

that was also nasive, so I'm felt like like the marre, like I I feel before,

I'd have a lot of a badest person to have dissed the person that I'm the general that's going to be that you know,

I'm not too a ruggoyeous to say that in a podcast that I've disposed to this media to Kendi Kruke.

But I judge a little. It's my reality, so that I just that I'm just that

I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm just, I'm not, no, no, but it's just

just where the malady can go to go to even over the dependents. So, so,

and I'm saying, me and my and my wife. When I do, like, we're going to be not good. Today, it's not good.

Today, it's very good. But I'm re-devenantate because I am so. Because I have also the

desire sincere to help to help someone who's. I'm I've been intervened and

non-agent of liaison. Now, I'm in the court. And I will continue to intervene

another, we've had two or three years. And a moment a day, it's a fact, it's too hard mentally. I've been to be more

well, I mean, I had to be there's a decision, and the COVID has arrived, I'm going to change.

And then, my life, my mom, she said, oh, you'd be so so, you'd be so

good to work with the children. I'm like, I'm doing it. But in the same time, you know, I've always wanted.

I've always used to get some time, and at that I'm trying to have a okay. No, but in not,

I've always I've always I'm not, I'm not, I'm a good , you know, because you don't know

with the children, that you know, in fact, I'm not particularly, I'm not particularly the same,

but, you know, I've tried seven, to have been seven, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I was home in 2020. At 12 a 12 I'm going to see what I

but I'm never had an end up due to the malady so that these children,

I, I, I've tried at the employer, I'm my parents. I'm

like, I'm going to work. I'm going to get to work in CPE.

And in arriving, I said in my patron and I said, I've had a dose of

10 years, it's been more than 10 it's did the fault. I can't, I'm

assurried for an apartment or a house because I've done because I've done I've done this, I've done this, I've had to do. In any case,

no, go, I've said something, but, it's, it's, it's, you know,

the company of insurance, and that, you know, let the chance to cover, in a lot, at a time,

I'm sorry, I'm telling, I, I'm so much, I'm just re-atted, I'm just retentue, we've been

there's too so often here, that I've been, So, so, you know, I said, you know, I did, I've made the prison, she's always defended to the CA, because there's a parent who I can't try to not. But

these parents, me have viewed to work with their ensemble, and they've got, okay, we're doing, you know, you know, you know, you know, you're at the good place, at the good moment, this job that, I mean, you know, because it's the job that I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, so, you know,

Martin, I arrived, and the children, but Stephanie, the love that I've always researched, to let me try. My colleagues of the travel because I was a person who is a rayon of solace. And I'm always in good-humor, and I'm always in form, and I'm doing all right, and I'm too, I'm talking too, I'm too sorry. You see, I feel like the kind of colleague of travel, me that's terrible. Yeah, no, no, I'm, you know, morning sunshine,

there's sometimes, it's a night, you know, it's correct, me'll say it's

very much, you know, it's a bad at the place, at the podcast to that's

that's that's to say to say, but, you know, I, you know,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I had, I adored that, it's been really extraordinary, but, but,

but, I'm getting malady. You know, I was a day, I started,

a year, I'm going to have these problems with my articulation, to have some of the vision,

and some a moment to know, at the end of the end of the end of the end,

I've got to have, you, like, a good, and then, and there, it's not,

it's, two, three seven, you know, and I'm to make to crash to the sun the morning. So I'm going to consult, you know, I'm going to

see, I'm going to pass a radiography of the pumont, and we'll discover some of my pumont, you know, we call it's during the COVID,

so I've got no rendezvous at the hospital, and we say, you know, Stefani, you have some of the tachers on the Pumont, we're

going to send to cancerology of pulmonaire to the opulmone to the hospital to Larmone. I'm like, Okay, you know.

In arriving there, we're we'll see that I'm going to see a big like a ball of baseball on my right. I have two.

And I have a boss in the door also that we're going to be able to because it's like a gross to be a grossy tranquillement.

We'll it'll analyze it. It's a time for for me, for me, I'm trying to I'm saying

what I'm doing what I get. And my wife works in the construction at this moment he's at Rivier of the Lou so he's not at the

house but I'm not I don't know that I'm saying I'm mad if I'm madame it's appare to all right I'm doing, you know, I'm going to work

and I'm doing I'm having to have to the misery after my day one of my patrons when I'm going to the house, Stephanie,

it had really not allowed to fillet you know, I lunged the I mean, you know, I see, I know that I'm not bad bad, but I think that's just bad malady.

It's a lot of money, it's going to pass. We'll call a vendreddie on telephone, and we say, malarreusement, it's a cancer of state 4 metastasia. What is it is that you're a cancer of the

poor? He will not. And you will probably be more. So, we're going to me demanded to to go to the hospital to see a an oncologist.

And, I don't know. I mean, you talk to talk to the phone, you know, and I'm like,

you know, I'm okay, you know, I'm not, I'm like, I don't, and I'm, and I'm not, and I'm,

and I'm going to get a cancer of the , you know, I'm still , I'm still still there. The difference

between the stage one and the state one? Yeah, but my Cervo , you know,

but why the Pumont, because you mean cancer of the of the skin, so. So it's

it's a place to the lung. It's a metastase, yeah, it's a metastas

different. Of the head, to the uterus. I had some had the metastases at eight

different. It's on everywhere. The first scan that passed, they monde Range

his paper because it got really. I have at a pretty, they had not said at

this moment that because they want to not they're not we don't know

I have about three more in. in 2021. So we'll me because

you're young, we're going to try the immunotherapy because the chymoterape not because the chymotermin not. So,

we will me give the immunotherapy but it works in 4% of it. And it can create the toxicity

to organs. What is what it means is that the people can't can't be able to get to

your in your glands, you're surveying often. In the bureau of medicine,

you're not too conscious to do that your wife is a little more conscious to be more that's

everywhere, you say you're seven. Eight. Eight. You're immunotherapy? You're in

immunotherapy? There's four percent of chance that march or you have to do your

following. Exactly. And the cancer with the cancer, the problem with the

melanom is that he part He can't. He can't partain because he's everywhere on your skin. This type of melanoma there, there's

there not a remission possible. It's sure that you're on, at all right, I mean, I didn't know I didn't know what I'd say, and then a medicine, me said, Stephanie, it's sure that you're going to die of that. We don't know when, but it's that to that you're going to worry.

I mean, it's been afraid at this moment that, because it's like I, we're say that I realized that I'm going to die. But for me, I'm like protected. My servo is protected in making, you know, so what's going to? So, so what do you do? My, the world around to me, and I would say,

hey, I would, I'd like, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, if I'd do, if you'd have done, for when you'd be your life? Why'd you'd attendry to be mad for it? So, I'm going to do not because I'm mad because I'm in life to do it? Because I'm to do it do it, and justly, I'm going to

celebrate the fact that I'm in my wife, my wife had to be able to work, because for

him it was inconceivable that's not a minute of every day with me. And at the beginning, it

was great because he had all my rendezvous if he could not be there, my father

was there. He was all the time in the business, because I couldn't absolutely of what I

knew of what I'd say I'd say, I'm not I'm trying to everything, I'd say, all the

all the you mechanically? Because I don't know what what's going to be going to be and I'm in and I'm left bursing.

And for the real, I've had some of the medicine and I've had some of the specialists

different. All of the women, at about 30 years. We have do pleasure in a sense. It's special.

The immunotherapy march in 4% of the case. In my case, it's that has almost garried all my cancer.

So, I've got I've got a lot of because the gross metastases of 12 centimeters push in the

envelope of the psalis my coat. I've got to have the radiotherapy. The radio chirurgy is

the radio chirurgy has the two-tier of the pymont because at right we have three lobe

of the pumon. I have a little I do deced because it's my psalm. I have a lobb

who is because I've had a nefractus pulmonary due to a other metastase. And the two-tier of the rest of the fomont

is more at cause of the radio to show. It's a fact that I'm just a problem. So the immunotherapy had to

become a problem at the level of my public and I'd make a lot, and I would say

I'm a medicine, I'm a minute, I know, I'm doing, I'm just The medicine, I have just

the studies. He would just to find my residence, I'm correct. So, I had to have a misery. My saturation descended at 65 the day. I was not able to,

I had a lot difficulty. I was in my the day and the night. So I had had to stop the immunote.

But, when we had been in the bureau of the medicine, we said, there's the immunotherapy,

and if it's never it's not, there there's the treatment massy. But, you we've got

that for the fact, for the day we've said the immunotherapy, we can't give you

can't be able to be able to be able to be able to get to be able to get to be to be able to cause.

Because we we've done that if there can't in the last recourse. The melanone

has developed the metastas in my cello there's there's that I had to

that I to take the decision that was really good for me, to me to be operated to the brain,

and I don't want. I was in the moment I had been in a book of paper, like a

testament, that I would not be able to be able to and certainly not by a student.

You know, it's some of the same because I'm just in trying to make,

I'm not to make, I'm not if, I'm not if, I'm not this,

Stephanie, it's a metastase of five-centimet to the brain like it's

not possible I'm not possible, I'm more able to continue, so we're going to be the cortisone

the decadron and there I'm going to be able to make a opero-to-cervo, I would have never

eat like if I've ever made a lot, and you're doing my You live today because of the medication.

Yeah. It's been something because that's an operation I was I'm going to

40 hours after I was an operation of five hour at a certain there's there's a

place that I'm in life because normally I've opened to see a part that I'm

to have to be more with my vision. We've had put a little pause

and said it's been Long time, I've not been concentrated so long time. But it's not just that. I was supposed to be

dead. At the end of three months, but I'm still alive to be able to four years. And then

my medicine me said that I'm saying that I'm okay, in so my cellul cancerous

are not active on dodo. So it's not a remission because it exists not in your

case, it could it could prolonging my life so that's that the reaction

that I had used in that sometimes you're a bit discouraged, it's not often, I'm

often, I'm very much, I'm very much, I'm not sure, but sometimes I'm tannier of the rendezvous, I'm in the

time, sometimes I'm like two rendezvous in the same time, it's a bit and it's correct, you know,

I accept, but it's like we're saying, you're going to move, so you're trying your retrait, you're liquided

all your good, you do your voyage, you do all what's to do you have to And then we say,

then I'm going to say, okay, but I'll have to work, and liquided all what I had, I've made, and I've made all my voyeurs. What he arrives,

is that I'm super content of being in view, and never I'm playing of that. But, now, I'm 307 years, and I'm

obliged to have my pension of Quebec, I'm retreated, because I can be able to work, it's in invalidity,

because I'm a malade, and because Because the radiotherapy, the treatment that we've given to save the life, so my coat are so that's really so that's really

that's working on CPE. You know what I'd like the more, I can't do it do you do it for? So, so I've made 10 voyages in 3

years. I'll do. I'll do every time I can, I'm going. And I go. I go and I'm going a voyage, in three

days I've parted. It's that. It's my life. My wife has parted a company at the house to rest

with me to have the impression 3D because he is there I think what?

What do you do you know? The pier 3D? Yeah. Manifute. Perfect. If you

search someone who makes someone that's a impression 3D? Yeah, exactly. It's a chair,

I'm usually, a blog the moment, but you know, so, I've realized there are like three

I'm not, I'm going to have you, a mechant dame. And then, I'm 35 years. I'm going to be in the house. I attend after my rendezvous. Each rendezvous, I'm wondering if we're not saying that I'm going to say, I'm going to die. I see, I can't have an infant. I'm going to have nothing to do.

I don't know. I'm going to go to my heart. I get the problem of the care due to the chimio therapy that I'm in this moment. I'm still, I'm in chimio, because the treatment Sibble, I don't know, I'm trying to Siblay, it's a tritement, it's a treatment, and a pill,

and then it's continued, even if the cancer, they're because the melanom is very aggressive. If he reprent, I can't die,

and it's a very little time, so we're trying to let them, but treatment-sibed they don't know it's a long time, so that's it, we're

trying, in, sometimes I'm an impression to be a co-beye, but it's correct, because it's a day that it's a day that

will be It's still well, but it can be perished in six months, you know,

if he's reactive, you know, in three, three months, but... Because your car is

so, because he's so he's met at, that they he's, is, is we can,

if he attack, or day he will you attack? D'est, because it will be

going to be able to get, it's sure, at 100%. So, when he report,

your car, your so you're so much more than you've been magnated because the treatment, he's a magna, the treatment, even if he repartes the machine, he's, it's something to be something of a few-droyance, what they've is. It's said that we're going to be a sur-respirator,

and what I've got to be able to be sur-respirateurator? You know, if he's attacked at the other tumour? Oh, no, no. I don't. We can't. And we can't do. And we can't do it. And we can't.

We can't even move in fact. Because it's too, you'll not matter not. Exactly. But, you know, you know, I said, I'm obliged to

me up to make the morning, and to put on my consumption of choice to continue. You know, the morphine

that I have to be able to be able to be able to cause, because my costs are because my

good time, with the good quantity, I'm trying to get to 4,000 per day, but I can't

quite, because I'm It's kind of a good tolerance, you know? It has you have to be afraid? Never. When they're on prescrib to say

where you put it in the morning, no? No, because I had so much more capable, and that's, no, but in the sense that it had felt to fall

to be in, you you're telling, you're telling you another person. No, it's so. I'm here completely, and my medicine,

she, Stephanie, and I, and I've had a good, my medicine, my doctor William, it, it's been, the medicine of

all, it's, it's been, it's been, he had put his retreat, he made to give to his colleague that I like my son,

she said, she, Stephanie, we'll treat not a tactic to the same. We're going to treat the malady.

You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I went to get an, let's do you have operas for the

pyreau and we don't even not of codeneene, even not to, he'd

take, they're, and the person at got to having a morphine, it's

it's all mal, and it's, it's so it's so much, it's it's so much, and I'm

Why I'd say, why I can't be treated like the other? It's not because you don't know one time that I'm able to find the difference. I'm not a

year, I'm 10, 12 years of the establishment, you know, and we're talking about an assurance that's

my wife and an insurance life and an life for for 20 years. We've had 20 years. And when

we've been declared a conjoint of they, they've cuted these assurances. We're not

un-surable. My house pass to the future, I'm not sure. It's not So it's really because, you know,

we'll judge these people, but I'm going to pay me all my life for the deli that I'm the person that I'm the most

on the world pay again today for the deli that I've done, I think, I think it I think that completely

frustrant. And, you know, there are people that are you get to, you merit, you know, to what's going to be

to be able to get to my life, and I'm going to be my life today, I'm not I'm not I'm not sure

that you merit, but that's, I mean, me also, but all that for to say that I'm paying to my life in this moment, because to have been so long in my consumption, have

wanted to die, and now, have a cancer generalized, to have an epit of my claspard on top of the head. I think that I'll pay quite quite, you know, and, you know, the fact that I can

never have an infant, it's the perpunition that I can have to the world, that my parents are never grandparent because X, present, you know, and today that my son is a infant, I live like a kind of a maternity with her.

You know, I think it's really really beautiful. You know, you're not born in. Well, the baby, he's not made. Oh, he's not, okay. But I've already have eight, nephews, and nests.

Okay, okay. My friends have had so, so, that's something that I know. But, like, so, that's something I know. But, like, that's something I know. But, like, you know. that your sister, that's four years,

that's not the difference with you. My my son, it's that, you know, to have been

to have been my son, and I've made a voyage with her, and I've said, you know,

I don't not with the parents, more than you don't want to this role that. I'm sure

to care, you know, I've always wanted to be a man, but with the malady,

I think it's more important to give the time to have to be my parents,

my parents, they're not the children, It's not important, you know, and, you know, I said, you know, I accompanied my father, my father who had accompanied in the malady.

You've accompanied your father? My father, my father, my father, he said, my father, he said, one day, Stephanie, I'll survive not, time, so, we're going to move in the same time. He was not mad at this moment.

And I've had been the impression at a moment of a moment of the day that's been mad. There had been a pain when I got to come in a while, he was not talking about 48 hours because you're

not able to talk about he's in a shock emotional and I'm in shock post-traumatic

of my malady. I'm an annonced that I had to die, I've

developed a syndrome post-traum to me. I've had been emotion of this

my my father is dead I'm even not capable to play you're you're

on camera you you said to have to have accompanied your father

to have your it's the fact that you're not not afraid of when my father is deced

we've discovered that had a cancer of prostate metastas in the end of January

and then he's hospitalized often I've got often hospitalized because

my father he is a grave allergy reaction allergic he's not a lot

he's not a man he plume he plums he plums hospitalized, diabetes at 35, it's implementable. He had like developed, a moment

a moment of a day, a species of demons, a species of he'd still never even how to serve to his phone, to send a net, so I'd forget certain things, but we saw

it was a lot of anxiety, and then, and over the end, we, we, we, we had been hospitalized for, and his, he says

that he rests three in a view. That's at At least 5th, June. The 11th-A-Uth, excuse me, we're doing, he says, less more than three months. We're searching a resource

in surgery palliative. He's died of two days after. But the last five days, he didn't there, he'd dormed. He was in-dorming for a si-s, a londy, after-midy.

He was never re-weighed. So, he's not had not been scared because he 's not ever to know

because he's the way that's the way it's not to be able to because he's never

ever done there's not there's I've got to be able to die of a little I'm a bit

I'm always I've always wanted to learn to I'm and I'm to think

to the moment when we want to I'm to get to get me and I'm

to my eyes to mourn my and to father, it's don't well, what I'm what I do?

I don't long. So, I've made a lot to do you know, not have to have been to live too to live my

mom in present. And I'm I need to live my mom present because the time is important. There's

nothing more than the time for me. So, to have to be my father like that,

but physically it's atroast. I was in 24th or 24 during five years and I'd say to the third day, where's what I really said, I said, you can't get, you know, I said, I'd say, you can't go, and I'm like, I'd say, I'm going to, it's my

father, you know, I've made to do you know, my father, so my father, so the third day, during the night, I said, Papa, you're going to go to go. There, I'm going to end up

after, I was reveighed perhaps three hours of the morning, and I said, I'd say, toilet, you know, I'm going to put it to get to touch. Then I just

he was able to be parted. But he had just on an envelope porpoorpe porpo, you see?

But he had looked serene. You know, when he died, the four we were in

same time, and I could say, there, the four, it's very rare. It's been

a moment. Perfect. But, touching, but that I'm not capable to live an emotion. I'm in a few, and I'm a few times. And I'm a little bit of a little bit of my head. I've got to do you all the time. And since I'm sick of post-traumatic. My psychologist, she's in shock post-traumatic. My psychologist has said, I'm saying, you're in fact, post-traumatic. There are,

some emotions that are totally strong. You just they're blocked because it's too dangerous for you. So, I'm a shock post-traumatic, but a bad moment. Thank you. Thank you. Bravo. Good chance. I think I can I can't

you can't... I'd just want to... I'd want to... I'd want to pass the plus the time possible with your niece that's on my wife. And that we've...

My God, God, I don't... Why, I'm a niece, I don't know. I don't know. And that we have With your mother That's your mother

Who's the past With the people That are you To receive all the Love you're still able to receive Sincerment, I'm sorry

to be there A good Parkour You merit In this moment What do What do you People can say

That you You're saying You're saying, You're just that You're just that But not the You merit To have

There's around of you who, you mean, you merit to have your marries, you merit to have and not in your malady, and all the rest you merit. Just the past, whatever's what you're doing.

Sincerement. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, very much, to be able to. On the parloire. I don't know. Thank you.