Au Parloir - Épisode #133 - Abel

Episode Date: March 15, 2026

Dans cet épisode, je reçois Abel, un ami cher à moi, au parcours aussi atypique que sincère. Un chemin marqué par des hauts, des bas et des remises en question sans filtre. Aujourd’hui, on tourne une page importante. Abel nous partage son nouveau projet, mais surtout le chemin intérieur qui l’a mené vers la médecine ancestrale. On parle de transformation, de vérité, de chute, de renaissance… et de ce moment précis où la vie nous oblige à changer de direction. Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

Hello, everyone. This is Sidrick Bergeron in the studio of the machine 4771 at St. Terese. I don't see in my

decor. This podcast that does do not in my decor. This podcast that's in the

show the podcast The Veil that is the podcast of a friend to me to

a boy that I wanted to have seen long time. He wanted he wanted to do some

proper podcast as an invite and we know that it made

that it was a episode on in the decor of the Eveille. Abel, it's an

ami to me to me for 20 years. And he has a podcast

The Veils he's talks of medicine ancestral and of spirituality. And you will

understand the man of me, I'm totally astoned, I'm totally

fabler galasty. It's not the name that we say, but it

even, I'm the of some partour, we we're

more but it's a cheminement that merits to be understood with the podcast. Again one once, I'm repeat, I don't

not necessarily the gestures, the words, the term used by my invoities, but I'm a person who

prone the liberty of expression. I like the people who talk with their heart, and have been at the

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If you me know I'm called Sir Rick Bergeron, I'm I'm even an animator

the podcast of the podcast on the to talk. Before all, I'm a friend personal

of your animator habitual, Abel. And Abel wanted to do his own proper

podcast to talk about about his spirituality, how it's entering in his life, the

medicine ancestral and that because, I'm a bit of an animation of podcast,

I'm going to do it with great pleasure. My chame Abel, it's a

weird to be in in your podcast, Medll Bork. It's It's a bit of

being the invitee and the emitterer I'm sure to be a very great great chum as an event which is

never arrived but you know we're we're just more than 20 years, and when all that

it's a moment where we were just we were just away from one of the other. Yeah, it

was done like that there was there, we're not because we're doing we're doing

our things on our our our lives are like we're we're like, we're

in contact a time, but we were not close during the we're not we're not we're not

we're we're in we're in we're doing and we're seeing as well I'm I'm coming

back to after all after all of that and it for you that's a year that that I've

talked with many people I'm I'll say that you're saying that's that's what you've done

even me you've made but before to return in what I've made all that. I mean, I know especially, you know, we're

we're, you know, maybe that your auditors, you know, they're quite a lot of life, we'll say atypical, if we say, you know,

you've got to a country rough, and you, your life had been tinted of this cartier that, so you've

growny there to, I'm I'll let's talk to what you want to to say, to what you want to, what

what's what's what's going to the metions ancestral and and the spirituality bring not too

of the place, but a place in your life now, what's that's not not a

negative, that's, no, absolutely, no, I'm not, I'm going to a little

my view, how it's to come to it, I'm in the first of children, family

normal, family, family, and I'm together, and I'm at age of eight,

my father, my father, had decided to suicide, it, it's not not affected directly,

I'm, I'm not really, the day the day the day, the day, I'm at

at the house. And I'm remember, you know, it's sure, four years, it's a little bit young to have to have been,

but I'm going to have been to be content, and then he announced a new new thing, there was a thing that's what had to go to

school, I'm not on the school, she had to get to be able to get to be there and I'm Marilu, Marilu, Papa, he is

more, I'm, I'm like content to he announced the new new, yeah, and I'm said, okay,

well, it's kind of a tragic, so, you know, it's, don't, your head, to know, to announce to my

sister, who's like, literally, we're two years of difference, it was like a little my best friend, we're doing, we're doing, we're doing, so I'm not resented to the

cut to get to get to his father. And, and as well, I'm in the air like that, I'd be in the

television, the TV, the TV was all right, the young of 80, it's a normal,

we're not, we're not in the time to be in four years, I've ever I was going to listen to a TV, and it was, I'm not the title of the film, but it was, these orphans who were in a, in a, in a, in a, in a certain.

An orphanina. Exactly. He was made, like, they'd live, like, an affair, in fact. And it's like, I realized that, hey, my mother, Amar, I, I'm a, I'm a little orphan, and I, and I'm, and I'm... Subbing that. Yeah, it's, it was automatically, that, it was that, that was that, that was to be I'm going to arrive in my

head, there was what's the logic in the head of a kid of four years. Yeah, so it's like

that's like it's like an anxiety, man, I've known the anxiety at a part of four years, man, it's

I'm sorry, anxiety and insominy in fact, I'd pass my night, and I'd and get married, and at

every day, and my mom had fombe two packets per day, but it'd not

a good to be a positive to have been long, she, she had she,

she, she, she, she, she, It was a respect, and it was hard, and a respect, and at all of so far. And then, Roniq, your mother, is still in view today, and then, you know, in form, you know? Exactly. Exactly. So, yeah, it's so. So, I mean, I'd have, I'd have gone, uh, not moorre.

It's, yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's a pain, man. For real, it, it was, because I'd normally, like, I'd love. For the real, I, and I'd have all the time an anxiety in the month, extreme, man, I'd pleurred all the time. I'd have an anxiety, an anxiety. And then, well, nothing to

my anxiety, my father is deced, so if I, we've got, we're not, we're not, but poverty

extreme, when we're about the poverty extreme, it's to be, all the food,

the alimentation, has changed. One, by chance, my mare, it's, it's been a

perfect, it had been the mare perfect, I could not have a better situation that

that's, that, in the situation that I had been a better than a , you,

she, she, it didn't, it was, she, it was, But in the 80, it's not

a man monoparental in the 80, it's not like a man monoparental of today. There was not to be in campbell, we're

to stay in the town. There's been to run to the house. There, we were a poor extreme.

So, I was living in poverty, but I was not really not really that I was not over

in fact, but you know, we'd not get to eat, we'd see, you I'm in

You're in When you when you're getting to some children In fact, the first I was

to have 11 years, and it was at my friend who had invited to and I thought even that good on the coup, I was like, I was like, I didn't know, so I didn't,

so, so, so I didn't, it would be, it's a lot of, the poverty, create an anxiety, because I'd all, without me

to make, to make, to my fin, I'd be able to get to my food, but you have a ton of anxiety, and I

saw my man with the struggle, my mom, she did, she did the culture in the house,

because I'm the I was a young of four children. I was a tonne, and I'd be the worst, and I'd be a man, he'd be question that she'd face a chum, he didn't question that she'd be able to be in a house. And then she'd have to be a man. She'd have been to the kids. She was called the Kiwi. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Mom'am had fabriced that. It's that's a job. She had cussed 18 hours per day, and I think it's an history of two-pies of an hour. It could probably find the money, she's totally coming in the mod.

Yeah, exactly. But she'd be paid two-pirete-dollar. So I had an anxiety extreme, and I don't know if it was what, of an anxiety, but I had, I was like, I was always a bowl in the gorge, and I was sent to a part of all the world, because when I had to go to the linge of mark,

my mother had to make my lingerie in fact, it's a cultured, so, that's a car, but after that, we're going to come in a december, it's fitte up really that your mother to fabric a chandel

with an arcantial, you can't arrive to soundar with that, we're, and when you're, when you're part of St. St. Jacques, you've been,

St. Yeah, it's that's so, I'm right, exactly. But there, at age of six years,

there was a party at the moment at the time we had a very, it's normal, yeah, we're not

a little, but, you know, an human, yeah, an art, yeah, an art,

exactly, a party at us, I had a , I'm supposed to be, I imagine, but I'm not,

I'd be, it's the night, I'd be the time, I'd be the time, I'd be, it'd be the time that,

and it's, it was, It had done that there had the case of beer and had been in my chained. It had to be able to putt their case of beer and then, I decided to try that to buy the beer. There was plenty of beer,

the fiends, I had been in fact, at six years, I've had been in fact, to be full of beer, and I was sullied at six years, and soot had been to be able to get out of bode, but the anxiety is parted,

man. I'm sent out of, I'm feeling very, the anxiety has completely disappeared of my car. I was in bed. I'm still a baby. I'm in fact,

I was six years. It's a few when you're thinking that's a lot of six years. I'm just imagine the quantity of botch

that's in the same way. Exactly. Well, yeah, I'm not a beer with a botch but that's a

story, but it was not very but it's that's that it's been that with alcohol, I could

enlever my anxiety in cachette, we're in in the same in 40, 50, 60,

you know, the, the universe of, Moll at the house that's for a voice for the family.

You know, it's a time that's a big charge on the shoulders to say, Chris, I'm a manate, I'm

not doing it, so. So, it's a man who's, that's a lot of people, we're not, we're not, and it's for

that there's there's a alcoholists, because on the court, $4,000, I see, I'm bad.

You feel the bad, so, so, you're doing, you feel the bad on the coup, but the the landmine, it's a

long time, it's a bit it's a It's a bit of 25 years, by the reason. It's clear, at this moment, it's sure that all the way it was possible to find to the alcohol, in fact,

so I'm not alcoholic, I'd say, I'd say, my anxiety had come back if I'd find out of alcohol, but I'd love to, John, Chris, I've got to be the vodka somewhere.

No, exactly, but I had a grand friend that 10 years than more than I was than six years, he had tried because my mother had seen that I had

had been a little bit of that I had vomited to do, I was soo, and it was not a little. But my friend, he had found

that's a old. You're a 16-old, you're a dad rebel who had to have about about about 12 years.

He was very, very, very rebel, my friend, so. So, at a a minute, he said,

to do it, and he made to buy it to get to the chum, it's a droll, I,

I thought it's to be the anxiety to to get to to get, so that all all the money to be good

to me to be a it's, it's, it's, it's, To understand what's what, really, in the phone, you know, it's just that if you boise that, you feel the more, but you do not, you know, you have not a pattern in the

head, you know, it's just that when that it's arreter, so when it's a lot, so. No, I mean, the tap in the front, me had to remove the anxiety. I was just, I'd even if it's what, my word anxiety. No, no, but my body, my gorge, that, it sounded like when I was buve the alcohol, I, I'd feel more. But there's a, you know, the auto-mutilation is very present, with children because it's

that, you know, they're not going to be able to explain to explain to the fact to do you know,

physically, it's like, I'm quite that I'm to have a mal I'm not, I can't make a word on

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, because I'm trying to find something

that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I'm not, exactly, I had not

the auto-mutilation, it's sure, the fact, I'd have had been part after time, I'd have been not made

of my her had had more to have the symptoms that you feel the problem with you. Yeah,

exactly. You can't work at eight hour per day, and you have four ten nine in the house. No, no, but I

just had a matter perfect, but it was a old old I, even if I had some money, it's not just a question of

that's extremely too, you know, just to you just to put to to get in context, I live in violence, not in my

mom, my mom, my mother, it's sure, she has already cried, she, she, she,

she never , she never , she never My sister also, you know, I was the little bit stabbarned, I was a bit of criss, so I'd braced, so I'd,

and I'd have to be my friends, so, and I, and I'd rematches my friend in the time, it was my peechew I'd like that, and I was,

that's, when I was in maternal, I was, you know, we're talking, we're talking, we're in years, with the lines

blanche, and the little camisole, I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to find, the education physical,

there, I've always me to remember the group of 30 persons, I'm in a row, we're sitting in and I'm sitting in Indian, and then everyone's looking at, I'm looking at, I'm looking at, how's it, what's the world?

What's it going to be? And then, I'm poor, I'm malabia, I'm afraid, even, all the, all right, all right, all right, you know, so. So, the day, maybe, or the joe who the day

the day, yeah, the day, he wanted to, he wanted to, because of the group, well, he thought, He thought he thought that I'm backed. And then I remember of that, like, it was a year, that my man, he pleaded over his other and he looked,

and he said, they're doing, I want to do you want to leave my infant? Because my other infant, it's these friends. I can't. I can't even be able to do my own fatties. It was all to amelioring my anxiety. My anxiety, yeah, the pattern of my mother is up here. I'm not going to be right.

I'm going to direct. I'm going to direct to be a batwar to be able to be able to be able to be maltreated. And, to the way, for the way, I had a very very little life in a sense. Yes, I'm

poor, my friends my friends were in the whole. But I had, had, I had a very bad an excheery

not my un-of- person, and it's had made the person that I'm today, so,

so, so, we're in campan, at the age of, like, I said, extreme

poverty, that, you know, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, they'd, the family the most the family the most the, my calm, you know, it's in the corner. He chose

the family the most poor, and it was all the time us other. It was all the time of us the family the poor, he'd be able to do you to search, he was to come to in to Montreal, he was about to fabricate the rindge. They were not to fabricate the boathshoot, and we'd not have to fabric a mantle of show, and we'd have not to give the gang. So, we'd have to do we're going to be in New York, we'd be able, by the church, all of all, you know,

and we'd have to be in the dinner of the food, you know, at noll, we'd have not great things, we'd have not these Cados, an end up to finish, there's a year, that's not the right, that's a man who had to pay me,

it's a tutu, but for real, my tutu valet plus than any part of any point in any point out of, so it's,

it's a matter, to be able, all, all in fact, all you're doing an anxiety, extreme. So,

when you're coming, at the year, all of this, it's a, two years, because, now a minute,

it's been done in the poor, you're in the past, the past, the mom, I remember, I'd

to do you have enough to buy her and she had had been able to she had to be the push, to have the thing,

and I remember, that's a little in a calm, that's a no, no, it's an story of a

year, it's a time, she, so she, she, so she, she, she, she, she had,

she had, a little , she'd be, a, she'd be a , you've been a man, that's a person

with an person, little bit, but I'm , you're running, and I'm there, it was almost

scenario of , it was, pleura, good chance, Mama, and you know, 11 weeks later, it was full, Redmond. When I reponse at that, today, it would be traumatized

for a child, but it was still. It was a traumatic for her, also? She had been been pretty much, man. It's not that she had remained, the mare

was still, but it's just arrived that one of her own to be to be able to see, I don't know what she had, what she had,

what, she said, but now, she had passed a couple of days, she said, she, she, she, she, she, she,

she, she, she, me, she would, you know, rest, I'd I'd have I'd have she'd be sure, she'd she'd be able,

she'd she'd be able to know, she'd be sure, I'm sure, it'd be much charred, I'd imagine, in the time, yeah,

yeah, slap's like, exactly, yeah, yeah, that's sure, and that's a lot to do you, and cashette, I'd,

classic, the years, of the years, of the years, it, yeah, it'd be, yeah,

it's sure that no, it's sure that no, so it's fair, and, and, for real, and, for real,

I, I was super tranquil at at the moment, let's turn at the first second,

when I was in the camp while, super-tranke at the school, it's, it was all right.

So, when I was when I was in the area of course, I was in the car in the

school, my mom, it's sure that's a job more conventional and we were all

to be all the problem, it's still it's still we're not the more the more

the more more than, it's not, So, let's say, all that's what I'd like to be in sports. I've never made of sport. I'd probably not pay you to hockey for four people,

you can't even, the karate, no matter. I'd say, I'd say, by quitting a family. So, you'd have to be in a house in a manor?

So, it's a kid. Yeah, it's been to be... It's been... And it's... It's been... ...in'nors, in the carty-oros, me.

So, in fact, that, you're so, I'm coming to... to Neweral. There's plus of poverty to more of the

poverty, so you're to associate more to do you know, you're not quite, you're in

a little he's not a little bit than you're in a little bit than he's his mother, he said,

he had a vows in fact, she had really a gross quantity, and he

had to all over the day, so I'm to fem a few years, at eight years.

That's it's very accessible for me, it's at all the days we were every day

It's a fool because, you know, I have four children, and I have one who will have eight-year, and I'd imagine right-and-a-half, and my two more more than the last year, you know, 24 and 19, my guy, 19-year-old, I never fume du H. I'm still, she has never been trying to, but we're probably not talking, but, you know,

there's some adult, but you're thinking to re-pens to today, even, who fume the H at all the joe, all the joe, it's... It's at 12-year-old, I'm going to come back, I can't even imagine my friends with a little pip, You're just in trying to fummed the wheel. Yeah. But it had to

an effect like the alcohol on you? Direct. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it was it was more sharp direct if we were

regal your anxiety because sometimes it could have it was a great I had not a lot of I had not a little bit more

at the home but I was that I did not I, I'd have not the practice of hockey I had nothing of that so, so I'm

the night the night. It's a It's a, it's a classic of the Cartier Pover, you know, we've got to to start a dope and to find out of and have nothing to do with, because we didn't

have to be there, not even, I had not even, there was not even, and then it's all, and then we had all right in and we had all right, so we'd defunce, and we'd doffernia, and all right, and all, and all, and all right, and all right, was, it was so, it was mejoled, and my friends, especially my friend, and my son, also, and I had,

it had two years than more than I, Yeah, but when you're eight-year-old, your frapp, it's apparent, it's apparent. So, I was very far physically. I was very enduring physically also, to manage the coup, and I'd make that, you know, we'd, so, you know,

I'd live really in violence, and it's the facility, and it's a diverticant, the violence, it's plato to say, but it's all that I'd, it's all that I'd be able to pleasure. To be sure the mrs. To cause a battle,

John? No, it's that, when, when, come, when, when, come, ton, you're good, hockey, the world to respect, when you're good, karate, the world

to respect, when you're a little bike, you're a bit of a question, you're in a question, you're to watch, that's that point,

the boot of the code of the college. He's a guy, he's a bad, he's top at hockey, but he's a man, he's,

he's a good, you know, I'm sure, and, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's the only thing, man, if I'm, man, if I'm if I was good, man, I'd just go-

hockey, had been, You're a good goon in the glass, for example, it's a good mix. Maybe not, man, because there's an affair also, you know, I'm saying, I'm ultra-meg. I'm the most big and the most megg of all the world, surely because of my own, I imagine. But it's all that I know.

It's the violence and the drug. And the alcohol, it's bizarre, I have eight years. All right, man, all the young he knows, it's that. You know, I'm very intelligent, for example, at the school. I've never had a misery at the school. And for you know, to know. Anxious, but not pure No, no, because

when you live in the mal all the time, you know, there's people who are not used to have an anxiety, they're going to arrive with what, actually, a problem,

they're going to be, hey, they're going to be and they're going to be able to choke, and I'm going to choke. I'm going to see, a morning, I was anxiety

that, so if you're if you're to bat, you're at, you're going to be all right, you've been fed, all my friends, so it's all right,

so it's not to be able to be bat. So, no, that's never had been in a combat. Yeah,

the power is normal, but, you see, I'm living with that all the time. So, that,

eight and, nine, 10 years, I'm down at the school, because I have been

to be a people who who's if we're if we're if we're in if we're some of the

little bit tabarnance that's not they know that's not, we've been

we're we're three year, we're a third year, we're four-eem

year, you know, you know, 3rd-A, 3rd-N-B, 8th-N-A, 8th-N-D-B, but they've made 4th year-N-A-N-D-B, they've made a class just for us

we're not, we're doing, we're doing together, they've made a class for us, and it's sure, because we're not

insuppable, we could have to get to gel at the school, at 9-a-n- it's not top. And then,

and it's sure she'd be in to have to be in the way, no, because when he had to be the there had been

the time, he'd come to the time, who had 17, 18 18, 18, in the time, he's... We're not going to

We're in fact. My friend, my mom had been in grand thing, because she had too occupied, you know, so it's going to and my more

little bit of the way that's that's functioned, it's he's he's not a other than us after the school, and he's,

okay, you can't you can't you want to he'd be done a judge, in fact, he's not, he's not gone,

he has 18 years he said, he was a few times, he said, cool. So, it's a little bit that. So you

had to get the service to get the whole yeah, exactly. It's that and I'm doing it

normally, it's a normal, but in a time it's normal. But, you know, it's a pattern that's made

in your head, you like, Chris, the H me, it makes, that makes,

it makes, it makes, it's a matter of I'm able to get to money, I can't,

yeah, yeah, and I'm, and I'm living quite with that, but with always an

extreme anxiety, you, even not had at how point, and I'd like, I'd like to aggravate my anxiety,

like I'm saying, when she said, when she'd not, she'd be able to at the school, I'd like, a minute,

he'd be there, to come back to get suspended for for a tale, this story, tell the story, it's an affair, and my mom,

she'd have never batue, I'd have ever to be able to, because my mom had always assombed at a coup of a coup of,

your man, that's the fact of what to do you cause to do you to do you, it's a question, that's bad, that you'd

your poach on the cause to do you have done with you have been in that's a bit of that's a thing that's that's made,

but you're getting to get to at the school or at the post of police that we'll come back, and she'll

just pleurry and why you do it? It's the poor, that's that's the peace of course, that's the

thing, you know, that's just my man, it's the person the most important to my eyes that I had

probably that I'm afraid and then then I'm and then, and it's, man, it's, it's a stick, I'm, I feel like, and so, often I've changed and, you know, sometimes I've seen,

and I've said, okay, well, I, I've put it, like, yeah, bleak up, so, more, because you, you know, you're, you know, because, you know, I, you know, I've, you've, you've, you know, I've ever been, you know, I'm doing, because, you know, my father, that, you know, my father, you know,

because I'm sorry, that, that's so, that, that's true, that I'm just, that's, you know, that's, you're, you're not, you, it's, you're, he was more rebel. He, he, he, he had been a little bit

tranquil, I'm always my little bit little bit more, he had already, he has been a second old, his figure paternal, I don't know.

You know, you know, you know, your father by four that's a attachment, I've been able to on the door to.

So, that my friend, he's done, he's done fucked up. Hey, man, it's so, sometimes I've

, you know, I'm still, we're up at five o'clock my son, we'd be at my son, we're futeed the borgue,

he, they'd I was going to go and the morning, with the police to the cuck of the mime. So, like, the police necogny the door because he had

a car car, of all right, he had 13, 14, 15 years. So, mom, she was, it's true, she was never,

that she had, so, she's sure, that she'd be able to that I'd be able to that I've seen, that I was, so, I'm sorry, to get to the

X XxC, excuse me to have to dokeke-al-A, I'm not. You're all due in my podcast, ma'am? I'm sure

to get to out of the school, my fourth-n-nessy because he'd have been able to control that, so he'd have been invited in Heschelago-Mason-Nove at the School Barreill in the center of Joe who were in the class specialised for young, a troupe of comportment, and then, my mother had to find out of my mom,

myrower, in Sholg of Misen, Neuf, so that we're going to be demenaged in Heslago-Mason-Nove in a little bit of course, it was really an ad-oose-moor at Schleg-Mazone. So, yeah, B, Schleg, Zone-Ove, it's the same pattern. You know, you have the most of the money that's the most of the And he's the world more poor who's trying to play and they're in the park

and who they're and they're who's... Yeah, yeah, it's a little whatever to what, you know, the difference

of Rosemond, Oshlauga, was a lot, there was a lot, there was so that I've got quite quite, and you know,

even more, you look at the five-man-n-primates when I was when I was when I'm back to Linge have come to

get to get, you, Buk, Nike, whatever, what you want, that's just that you're on your

chandel that your mother to fabric with an in a important to it's, it's sure that's it's sure that

you're not to put in you know, you're really not to be to be associated to all the person, so you

have to look at a second, a minute, you know, you're doing a bit bit to be, it's a

nice, how much, you're doing nice, how much, that's a balled a baton of hockey

and I'm, and I'll gollie the car to the linege, the night, you know, the one

that's a little more than, I'm a bit more, Valour, because I had some of the money I'm implicated these bad

values, but the poverty, you know, it makes to make to make a old, you know, to be like your chum, to have

the beau linge, the best, you know, I'm sure, I'm sorry, to have been being my parents, and be just

stressed to to crosser someone of the school, yeah, but you can't be able to get to be the village of

while, you know, it's fucked up because the first when I was the first time I was going to the village of value,

I'm, it's like, the magazine of the old culture, my chum, I'm gonna be a lot of us were in the world,

it had been able to attendable, a page of money, we had even not two piece, we'd have even like two pies, my mom, a lot of course, you had been able to,

you'd have been moorpeer, that's sure, the bad thing, the best up at Halloween because she'd be fabricated my costumes. So, like, that, well, it's so, I've had five and six-sixth in the first year, the whole,

it's been very well-inted, man. It was very bad encodered, and it was, for real, de, really, at the beginning, I was afraid of to go to, I was stressed, and, you know, I was to, you know, to gochement, in fact, and it was more structured for a young

like you. It was adapted for me, man. It was really adapted for the young like me, to trouble of comportment, because there also, that I said, at the 4th and essay,

there were two, three, he had just, um, how I'm I'm saying, a little more intelligent. So, they're all right, you know, it's a mal-adapted, so. There, at first, you know, it's a... You're, you know, you're on the suspect of the autism, but it's not so known at this time.

Yeah, it's a lot. You're not... There were... There's a lot of... It's all right. It's all right. It's a pretty much... It's pretty much...

It's really, there was really... It was too of bad-sized-and-so. It's all... ...it aggressive, that, yeah, right. ...that, yeah, but that... Exactly. It's a lot. It's a chill, no? It's a, it's it all right.

So, yeah, after that, the secondaire, the secondar is arrived. And there's always the pattern of alcohol, H, there's, more, that's, more, that's a little bit more pain? A lot, you know,

a little bit of drug, alcohol, I'd try, my mom, she'd be able to, so, I, in campaign, I don't know why, it's been, it's a bit more easy, and I'd be with my friend,

also, I'd voled a lot of alcohol to my friend, and they were, they were party, party, party, party, it's, so, so that when I was

that I was arrived I could not just as to the year in my sixth-year and my first second-secondary we've discovered

the board of Pandor me and my and my and I've discovered Notre Dame Benette

Notre Dame in the company Moulson he stored the vans of 405 of beer that literally

of berned we're called it's all the vans of yeah it's before to get to

we've got to we've got to that we colled that so the mors on the moon and we're on

we could have a pen open up to we're able to because they're they're not to think they're not as well as

I think it's I'm sorry we're doing to the beer at volonted at this time we had a time that we

met it was the time we could get without a beer like we've just had just had just a

point that I'm that my alcoholism at the end between six year and second on one it's like that the

real alcoholism has come I think, I'd say, I'd have been to be in a lot of the day gratitement, man, you know, so I'm doing. So, I'd be able to do, man. At all the days, man, at all the day. It was between six and two beers per day, which is kind of a good for a young of this age that.

It was between six and two beers per day, every day, and even the same, when I had not had the time to go to me, to go and whatever, then, I'd have to go, I've always been at the school, I've always had at my mind the morning, five dollars, there. a little more

more of the money. I'd pay for dinner for dinner. And I'd remember the key? I'd just my key in key,

on the point of my key to school, I'd like, I'd like, and then you're going to be there a little jeanne,

not a moustache, four-pire, nine, you know, I'd be able to my father, and especially in the hushlaga,

you know, the good man who wants the day, he's said, almost, he's basically, he's probably,

he's probably, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not, Yeah, so I've got it's a good man. I've lived a bit of the day, man. I've lived a lot of year all. I've lived a

life in a lot, absolutely not normal, but I'm a lot. But, I mean, I'd say, my friend who had better than I'd be there. So, there were no violence at the house. All righty, it's all right. But there's a lot of violence in your life. Yeah, well, you know, when you're all right, you know, the time of so, it's sure, the violence for X-reason. If you have too time of good reasons,

if you search the violence, you will have to find out of all the aspects of your life, you know, in whatever so, yeah, there were quite a lot of violence, and I had to be in

to me, the violence all the end, the rage that I care, even not where it's that rage, that's, you know,

to get your and be in the alcohol and in violence of your frere, it's a little. It's a little. It's not,

it's excuse not, it's not, it's not, so, so, so, so, a little turbulent

at some while you do the violence, all that's all the time I'm going to me remember

in second my first my friend he's, he's, hey, it's you're trying to do you

say no more fam so it's it's a tauts to do you know, I know,

I know I'm gonna get a and go back and follow and all and do you do it

and you're sure that's yeah yeah, we're not we're we go so we

we're cracker our first piol, we can't say in the so we've defunced and we've

done it and we've got done it and I'm 20 years I'm doing a lot of mental,

I think my man didn't even not that by me not long time so I know I

got the the pot of the voles so I'm so I'm really I'm really

I'm really that I'm really thought the trill the telephone so I so I'm

me to go to all the every year at pretty we're cracket, we'd have

it called it, cracket, and it was a common in the Shlago, the reason, Neve, it was very common,

everyone did so, everyone did so, it's pretty that's what, there's a event, there's a

very much, it's even to be there to be there, to beck new, or caches, in the house,

in the , you know, there's, there's not there's a long time, to, you know,

I'm not, I'm not mottottott there's, but it's not the book of the podcast today,

but, these stories of of, there's just can't and be finished. So, I've done

to doze at a little about when I'm when I'm just to find to pay you to pay,

some of it, that I would have not been to pay you and that your mom had to

get to just a stock that had not not used I'm still quite

I'm on out of I'm being of being in a way to

to change to FAC, my mom, yeah, almost. Yes, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, but we're, we're, but we're,

we're, we're, we're, we're, we're in the limousine, we, we're going to see a promenance, ah, we're doing, do you know, the first time,

I was at a class, I was in 12 years, and it's at Celsius, at the coin, of St. Clement, and five, Catherine, in Halsh,

and I'm with, my chum, Steve, that you know, that you know, and then, and then, two young,

of two years, four, no, no mustache, not anything, we're pretty bare total. In Roller Blade with our running in our sack-a-dow, we've got rid of our running, we said, in the sack-a-dow, we've made our running, and then, and then, and then, and, I'm going to, and then,

the Dorman, he me, and he made three dollars to do with what, what you do, and I did say, and then $100,000, and $1.03, it's, can't pay of the money, and he said, oh, he has left us to the bar, they had to have to go to whatever, and we, and, boy, you know, and we, and we've flobed $500 on a dancer, soire,

so, so, my first experience of dancer, so it's You know, it's not what you'd prefer with this family if it's approach, you know. And I'd have tried that lay, man. I thought that it was not as beautiful than the film, in the video, whatever, that we've seen, it was not beautiful. It's, you know, it's...

It would be able to do. No, no. So, you know, my man, it was... It was not too much that I was a man, but if ever I'd have been to be able to get a coup of police and she'd be at a coup of...

So, so I'd be... I'm... I'm... I'm... It's been... But I don't know. It's a beautiful phrase, I think. It's a bad at a cut of a bit.

Yeah. So, I reglaid my anxiety, man. I'd, I'd love it. I'd love it. I'd never, even the age. I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, I'd detest it. But it'd be times,

an offenceety, a few, it's it's a lot of time. The fact, you do it's all right? Exactly, but it's, by chance, man, probably by chance, I'd never. Because, me, I'm not,

I'm not, I'm not, you're not. No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm not. No, that's so. So, by chance, I I'm really, really, really,

really, really, really, really, so I'm I'm going, I'm in I'm in a

coiffed, I'm in my conjoin that I'm with, the mother of my two children,

I've I've been a couple at 16 years, alcoholic total, she has a

little a little girl, I abu two four in 18 in 18 years, so, so she,

she was sage she, she's a being I was in 18-year-old. I'm at that, I'd no. I had started

to buy from my stock to buy from someone. And that said, Chris Abel, you're more intelligent than that to sell,

stop, you're going to get to get to and then, it's not, it's not not interesting

for me, finally. Well, I've got to when you... When you're when you're... I'm interested, you

I've got. At the school, all the I mean, I was not. So I said, okay, I was going to try, and it was a payy-in'clock. So, that's at 16-year.

I had started to sell the pot. I'd do with money. And I'd have to be paid to all the day and I'd still. And I'd live there and I'd paymentry

of the world, why I had a TV 52-pose in 1997, a TV 52-posed. Because I was a $1,000 in $1,000 in the coup. Yeah, it's sure.

And I'd say, she, she'd, she'd, she, she'd, she'd, she'd, she'd, she'd be a bonn, she'd be a bonn, So, she, she, she, she said like, she said, and she said, and she said, and she said, she said,

at 18 years, my conjoint, my friend, my prank, she's an aunt, we said, oh, okay, he's been married, I'm a little Chris, I've put my responsibility, I've said, let's go, we're, we're going,

we'll have, part of apartment, a chance, I'd have really much of this time, so, so, we're parted in apparel, I'm supposed to be able at grandeur, parted in apartment,

and, the anxiety the fact that I had afraid that my mother to be I'm still

I'm still I'm still I'm still I'm sure to die and my my parents live and I

mean I'm living with so that's decreed five thousand Mence Cip almost to have

the responsibility you know and all that in the optics that even that if since I'm

born, but I'm after I'm after I'm after having to have understood that the

suicide is an option man, it's fucking. It's so I'm saying, it's funny, because you know, but you've been 20 years,

you know, but you've said that personal, there's not so long time than that, you know, yeah, it's so,

you know, that's, it's, that, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not,

I thought, that's a option, because I, you know, he, my father, the,

the, things are past, not correct for him, and he has decided the suicide,

and he has he, he, he has been, he, he doesn't. So, so, so, so,

me, the suicide was an option in my head, but, you, I don't have done

to do you, or whatever. So, so, what's the happened, I had, I had my,

I'd the drug, I'd be able to, I'd be, every day, but I was still a time, but I

had always at the house, I've never been violent with, with... Your family?

Yeah, exactly, we're, we're still, we're, because I'm, I imagine I'm still, you know, I mean. I know, I mean, you know, you

have a good relationship today. Yeah, exactly. I don't know how she has been, because, you know, she'll be able to say, you, she's not violent. Men, she'll have to be at 8 o'clock, and then you rest at home to, you stay at home to, shekitt, it was a lot of night, it was a table,

plenty of beer, with plenty of bodge of cigarette, and she'd ramse it, and it'd be half a year. And I mean, I'd say, when you're down, you know, when we're, I mean, when we're, you know, it's, it's, it's not so, you know, Even, I've already said something that's a lot of, you know, you've got a lot of, you know, I've been very stressed, you know,

I've been saying, you know, I'm afraid that there's a person who knows that you'll search, and he will hit on you before you come to, you know, in the sense, because, you know, you're, you're, an reputation that is, who is, today, more there because you've changed as human, but, you know, for the people of the street, you have a very, very gross reputation. The people, in this milieu, we're,

We're afraid of you because you're a gross reputation in the sense that you're not, you know, you're a guy who has always agie. Yeah, exactly. So I'm not sure that when you're your blonde, you know, I'm saying, you know, I'm saying, your point, but I'll say, your point,

against a limb, you know, you know, someone who's really, someone who's, it's more dangerous than someone who has not afraid, because someone who has been, well, he's doing, a little chien nervo, a little chien nervel who is,

a bit more dangerous than a great that's a, you know, So, so, so I'm something that's something that's a question, and I'm talking about, and I'm thinking, and I'm

thinking, you know, the police who will be in an ambulance if you're trying, you know, to be in the state, you, know, we're going to be in a

time, you know, what I'm, you know, I used to have a car chasas at my own, like, my life, that I mean,

that I'm doing that, well, that, I'm in my apartment, I'm not, in my apartment, I'm not, I'm not,

I'm not, I'm not much, I'm not, but I'm not I've always departed as the life, it's a lot of

the life, that's a view of family, the life of family. So, me, I've never made these stories of, I've never

had an arm to have a drug to show, I've never had a lot of money to get to get a family,

to be partaged the street and the house, that it's, it's, it's, I've got

some of, some people, I've been, some, I've done, I've done, my, I'm,

I've just tried a gun at my mind, I'm, No, me, that's what, it's what, it's always been in my because, I'm not viewed in terms of, you know, if my my mother had had done, she said she's not, and I think she'd be able to see.

I don't know. I mean, you know, she's not, she's not, she's not, she's not, she's not, a bit, but she had not to be a time of conscience if I was doing the life. At what point, it's at the age of 20 years? She's not, you know, in the sense, she, she's not, she's not, you know, but she's not, you know, but she's not,

But I'll pose not to question, and you're not, you're not too at all right, and you're going to do that? Yeah. It's a part of your life that pertain. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, it's so the extreme violence, it's more, it's more, it's going to work of 20 years, that I was going to travel in the center of,

again, you know, and it was to protect your sector. There, it was an extreme violence at all the whole day. Eternal commencement, it's that we're saying that's the centerville, the coin the most prolific in the vend of stupefiant, in fact, in the vandal drug, it's there that that's the plus.

So, the competition is very much, so the whole people want to come to be in your sector.

So, you have to be to be able to be able to be able to be able to get to be a more of the

gang of the word, and it was controlled more by the, we know, the motor,

things like the respect was still there's a but it still, it was still that you're

that's been to be all the time to so, so, it's sure I'm

to get to be seen sometimes to be of the men of the man, to have been

to have been to have been to have been an amateur of arms. So, so I never poignard

people, I've never to see people to person of my life, so, so at the

good thing, so, so, so, it's so, it's not nice, man. The view,

and, me, I, knew, me 20th at about, you know, and,

you know, I'm sure, that, we'd We did something, and we, you know, we're by the auto, so we're two, two, fans of Lohrider, and all the other, and, you know,

I'd, you know, I'd, you'd, you know, you'd never, your job, you're corin, you're car, you're car, you don't, you know, no, no, no, I'd like, you film, and you'd embarked with the guy in the Jeep, passenger, to film, but in a minute, I, I've got, because, you know, we'd have to do, and I'd just to search at Shoe, and you, and, it's just,

that, you know, I'd have, you, I'd have, to, you know, to, you know, to, you know, I see, you know, not how many of cases of corona that had in this van, and it it was more important. You know, today, I know, you go to do you do for amnay

four char to an event, and then, and then, and then, I got enough of beer for the end of the week, you know, it's, it was, it was, it was a, it

had a lot of your life, you did you, you did that you when, you know, in fact, when we talked, you, we're talking,

when, you, it was, my beer, the day, on the table of the table of chevee, that I finished the morning,

just, I think I'd be to be able to be able to be in a time quite a bit of time quite a lot of, you'd be able to be able to be able to be flat and show, and you'd have to be flat and hot and... Yeah, yeah, so.

I'd be able to all the days. What I'd do, but it's sure, it'd beaure not. The stress and the anxiety, it's that. It's a... It's a minute when you live there, you don't have a choice. I mean, at a pretty, after a six-pack, a dose, the anxiety to send all right. I was

I was sure that that that's what I didn't that's not that's not cave on the alcohol, I was in

the cold, but I'm that's just I'm not because I'm because I'm because it's it's been

I'm not I'm never seen the stubber I'm I'm never but I'm but I'm but I'm in

we're in front I'm saying I was a last thing in fact it's the whole thing I had an experience it's a

bottle of alcohol it's plain So, so, like, there, the years past, I'd travel in

the center of all, I'd didn't, it's not past really at event special.

At the age of 24-year, we've decided to live in a lot of for elever the children, because there

had been my second on the that you know, and I thought it was too rough,

Oshlaga, that's what you said, the, the Listern in Ruele in Rueh and Rade of Chieu

and there's a kidd there. No, no, it was not a lot of sense. You know, even if, I was a little, in terms of, quote, because I'd be and I'd, you know, I'd say, though,

maybe, I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, if I'd say, if I'd see, if I'm sure of the city, it's maybe, it's more and more than, it's a dose, it'd be 18,

it's a minute, it's maybe, it's maybe the city that, so, so I'd have to be a house at St.L. She'd have been a st. You've had a little bit engine of the mebe at this time?

It's you, it's too, you're not You're talking about, I'm afraid of it. It's me who's worth it. It's me who's going to be in a trade show. To be in a car of agent of money. No, not that's not true, that's not true, it's not that peerer at St. Lyne, and I thought that

through my problems, because in the phone, my sole problem, it was me. So, that, it's been pey. And then, you're still. Yeah, no, all the stuff I was in front, it was all right, so I was, I'd say, I'd say, well, I'd say,

I'd say, yeah. I'd say, I'd say, well, I'd say, It's a thing to to search a to the guy, to try to I'm sorry. I was very responsible.

I was never sous. You had to be able to. You said, you've been never, I've never shoved so in my life, it's not,

that's, it's that, I've always that, it was a problemat because, that, you're talking, you know, when you're in

a taxi, a si and a , so, it's a, so, it's a lot, to buy 18 by day, by year,

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm downed at two, 24 per day, steady, steady,

steady, And then, there, it's at St. Lyne, all with me and my wife, and with a few of the way to help me mentally. And my children, in the need of an infant normal, that my anxiety has been developed 5,000, and my thoughts suicidiae have started really more than more grave,

without talking. You know, you said, you said it's a long time, you know, and I've got to, and I've got to be. I see. Man, it's a, it's a fool, I went to go, man, me to be cached in the wood for cry,

pleurry, and think to how I'm sorry, man, because there was there's been there's a, there's a little little ball of anxiety

there, in the door, she's an air never, that's a, four, so it's, it's a

little bit of anxiety, that I've used to a time in time, and I've seen, with, with poor

and then, and then, and then, I'd be, well, you're the rive American, man,

you're a, you're a beautiful children, you've got a little of a day, you've got a bit of a year, you've got a lot of money, you're all, you're all in case that, never, she's on going to go, it's impossible. How much, even even again, today, it's impossible, that, that, hey, it's more than 90% of the world that I had, and I'm still, okay, well, I,

I'm, I'm sorry, man, there's nothing to do, okay, well, I'm, there, there's a bit that I'm suicide. F'all, me, the irony, is that it's that to this age that. I'm at this age that's the

that's that's been in it's a very much, but the thing that's the thing that's

that's the that's the that's the time that's it's a that's a that's that's a

that's an option. I know no, I'm it was an option, and I had been

there's there's there, he had been there's there, I'm part in my

podcast with my invite, and you know, I'm I'm, I'm, I'm,

I'm, I'm, And, you know, and especially in the milieu in which you've evolved professionally, if I can say that, to be a character a carapace, because, you know, I, you'd say,

you'd have, Chris, if we'd be four times a month, we'd never, it's not, I was probably, I'd have been more, so, you know, I'd have been, and, you know, and, you,

you know, for me, you're, you're, it's a, you're, it's a, man, it's, it's, there's a lot, man, it's, it's, it's,

it's a force mental, this guy, you, you, you're like, bang, de, you're like, you're, you're, for me, you're someone impressionant, you know, in the sense that, you know, sacraman, man, he's only, he's all,

he's nothing to, he's, psychologically, he's fond. You know, you, you'd, you'd, you'd, you'd just, you'd just, the guy the most brised to the world, man, you, you'd even not idea, there, I'm still, in fact, during these 20, 10 years, that, I'm still, that, he'd just not that ma'amor and he'd regard'd not

to mourn, at each night, and I've did that, and I did say, in the debut, especially my first of my first of I was looking

to look at when it's not a when you're to get a I'm afraid of I'm not, I can't even

imagine I'm even even imagine, hey, man, it's caved, but I'm in a little bit of a gastro, and she,

she, she had to be in the table, and there, he'll just, he'll be able to get a

to get to the chest moving, that I think it's never that, I think, it, to be 24

to At 30 I'm at St. Lain I'm a bit of drug I'm going to

I'm in a I'm in to put up by chance I don't know I'm not I'm not sure I'm not

I'm sorry to say even that's I'm even if you I think it's we're I'm really

that I'm really I'm really that's if you had been to ask your documents

to be yeah exactly exactly but that's it's too complicated You had the table of the post of the red. Yeah, no, really, man,

I was really, really, really good. And I liked that. It was, I'd pass some hours there in the plus. And then it's not

to tap your to the aisle to get to you know, there's, there's, the case, it's been,

it's been, it's a part, maybe, maybe, maybe, someone who, I'd

always the little rage or someone who's or someone who's, that's a bit time.

But, but yeah. But, that's, that's just this story that, It's not, it's these things

that were going to happen if there were an eventment but it's not your, it's not your Cote violence. It's all right. And as well, and as I said, I'm not violent with my life, even not proxed. I'm not with my family. Not violent with my family. So, you know, it's all right up until it's up against you, but anxious

that had pleaded at least one a two-fold, to sell, to cry, and man, like in a film, exactly the tableo that you do you do do with a guy, and he looks at the cell, he cry, why? And he'd cry, and he cries, and he cry, it's me. One time in time, it's funny.

So, you know, it's a moment, and then I'm talking to you know, I'm not, you know, I'm going to appreciate, you're one of my grand chum, you're a guy with who I've got with who I've got the plus of fun, and you're one of the people of who I've got in the sense that, you're like, hey, I hope never that we'll, we'll have mal s'enen, or we're going to be in the sense.

And, you know, I'm going to do, you know, where's what, you know, where's what you'd feeled not, and we're, you're at a gang, mutton, we're there, And then, there were an ambiance, my guy, you know, because, you know, we're all right. We're all right at least-a-punched-of-a-prican, you know, if he's not in a... You know, a question, you know, a pair who arrived at a job the night? Yeah, but you...

No. You've got you ever seen. No, but I've never frapped a new. I'm not. I know. But it's a... No, I think it's the fact that I'm capable, plus than those. But we've seen... You know, I say, you're not trying to try, but, you know, when I'm backed, I'm

, you're bad. It's so, I said, it's in the sense that... It's all. And we're all all done, even if we're all these guys who's already pogned with

people, we know, everyone said, we know, it's a lot, you know, it's not, there's a lot,

you know, I mean, you know, if you're doing, you know, that's for that, you know, if, you know,

person, was a challenge to, you know, but you don't, but you're not, you're not, you're not,

you're not, you know, it's, because if you're if you're, then you're, then, you're trying,

well, you're, well, I want to do nothing to what I'm asking. So, you know, I think. Because, you know, I'm not, I have not so mindset that in my head to me bat with my enemies. I never, of the life.

But I don't know if it's... I don't know if you're... Like I said, it's a little... And, you know, you know, you're a leader-ne. You know, that's it. You're saying... And no, I'll just have to be... You know, I'm...

You know, like, you're... You know, it's... You're at a day, it's a dozen, more to... But the fact that it's... It's like a... ...a... So, you know, you know, it's a bit like, you know, I said, you know, the pair of family who arrived, who is in tabernac,

even if he's not violent, even if he's never batted, if your father, he's not a good-humor, you know, you know, you know, it's an ambience. So, you know, it's an affair that we sent to, you know, and it's not, you know, I'm trying to, you know, but it's never, you've never used to use the role of paper and to embraceree. But, you know, sometimes, it's the verb of someone, you know, because, you, sometimes, you feeled not, you,

it'd have been, you know, you're not a good mood of your charr-not, your char, not, and I'm, I'm going to do with the mechanic, you know, I'm going to

get to cross a dog, you're going to be to get to call, it's a thing, I'm going to get to be a

difference here to see, you know, yeah, it's very that I'm maybe, it's true, I said, there's a

mace short, or you have just no mache, there's not no mache, there's not to have been

no match, there's right, there's right, it's true, it's true, it's true, it's true, it's true,

it's true, But it's all that. It's a melting pot, an alcoholic, anxious, violent in the arm, because you're so in a lot of, you know, and you've lived in, so it's a little bit of carapace, it's a little bit of a little bit of a few,

and then you're the same thing to, I'm doing, and I'm going to, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, but when I'm not, I'm not, you know, to, you know,

to, you're creating, this violence, that, it's, it's, it's created, a stit of carapace. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I, I've, I've received a guy of the army, who was abused when he was young,

and it's been a Mr. Univar and in the army to protect him, you know, to protect, you know, it's a, it's a person who's created of musk and of, and of, you can't tear, I'm able to try to try it,

to protect him that that's really, that's a little, you know, so, so, so, you, it's an impression that's a bit soot, you,

you know, to create something to protect the little bit of, yeah, it's a, it's a, it's,

so, two 24 per joe, epitablyment. And then we were really often in this time that we're in in the main

club of a car today. And there's a guy who's that in this club that's a game changer. Yeah,

it's a yeah, I'm going to say, in fact, a good day, and like I

said, I didn't, I'd be not when I, I'd not when I used to, I, excuse me,

so, so I was, to stay at in St. Laine, I was at Moraeal for a meeting

of our club, it was 27 at the night, I had not but I had not because I had to work, because I'm arranged always for

to be able to be. So I'm arranging for a lift, whatever. Oh, yeah, I see, Chris, it's on the fact of, yeah, so. So, the day,

I was going to be in in New Year's, so I was in front of a night, I was at 10-hour, I was, you know, to be able to, say, to be able to,

with this ball of anxiety, that that I had not etufed with at at a, so, so it was a lot, and there was a guy that we'd

to know, Justin, who's called, we'd be, it was, It was a moment we'd know it. And he, he had made a six-month-threaty

intense for arreighted the alcohol and the drug. So, we had, when you had to go ahead after the meeting, and then, and I thought,

I'd like, I'd like, I'd be there to, because, like, my anxiety, he'd be able to, and he'd have been to feel the,

like, I'd say, oh, yeah, you'd have been a bit of, like, I'd have even not, it's, like,

he'd have been, he'd have been , you know, I'd be able, I'd, you know, I'd be, you'd be, the night, and we

he made to talk to his therapy, and he made to talk about I'm talking about, I'm trying to my anxiety with the beer.

You know, you're not, he said, he had said that You've never ever seen as an alcoholic at that? No, not

at all, I'm not at all right, but I'm not to be able to it. It was a too, that when I

had been my blonde to do you say, hey, you feel really not bad, I'm going to get to

actually, we're trying that's the medicament. But he mell, never to be I'd never to say,

you'd you have you we've, it's a platter. She's not, she's not, she was a person totally normal. Yeah, she said, she, she,

she, she, with her knowledge, so he, he had explained, we talked to 8 o'clock at 4 o'clock, the night, due to come,

and the alcohol was t'est, it'd be, to pay, and p. in my life, I had even had to buy, in fact,

my anxiety, of my mom, all this, oh, because it's a habit, it's an attitude, that's,

so, that you're, why, why, why, why, why, Why, at six-year-bue of the beer,

it's been doing it's not. No, without me convince, he me just said, you know, if you're at least to stop, the barred of, the bonner, will come. The real bonoer will come. He me going to do with that,

just in me saying that, the real bonoor, the real bono, the bad, I never got to go to the bono of my life. Like, I said, me, I've had all right, and I'm not, so I'm going,

I'm just, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, that, this night, let's say, at seven and a quarter, the night, you'd have never grew, and finally,

and finally, at 4 o'clock, I was at about about 15 of 24. I just had done it, and I was trying to get a beer for a while you're

until you're that's a little bit of that's, so that you're that's a little to catch a little bit about, you're going to

a little bit in the garage, a little little bit of, so probably that people who are getting to the beer that's sure,

that's certain but I'll have at least 500 beer to get to be so, I'm getting to buy, and I'm

saying, the bonnard will arrive, I'm attending, I'm I've lost 70 livres in a month. I don't know if you're to remember at what I'm going to begg, man.

Because, I mean, I've been because I'd be able to be very, but I'd totally, I'd have to be able to gym normal, I was, I'm working. I'm actually, man. I'm one of the rare that I've known. It's sure there's plenty alcoholic functional.

I was functional. I was in a same view than the sense. I've lived in the same life than all the world. It's just that I've crased my anxiety with the alcohol. So, I've lost 70 livres in a month to attend the bonoer.

like an estu d'epet who thought it was a little whole the bonner so what's what is going to get to get just with my

anxiety, man, had that had nothing to to be it to believe, to believe, to believe,

so after a month and a minute, I'm just found out that Chris, the bonner, he's more

longer than I think, I'm going to me suicidal man, it's, it's, it'll ever

the bonner, I'm going to be able to my man, my man, in the time there, she had

a chalet, she had not the I was in the second of the second of the same time. I was going to be cached at three hours

of the chalet, I'm going to be in the house, with not internet, all the there's an

old computer, and there's a system of music of the music of 70, more depressive than I

know, Phil Collins, whatever. So, I'd be not, I'm, for real, when you

get, to consume, when you don't know, whatever that you consume and to be all the

emotions, it remount like a refulment of my chum, you've even not been at how point

that's the good, as they're in vommies, you're in vommies, you're in vommies, so, so I'm,

I'm going to get to be able to so, so I'm just put in that. So, I said, I don't know

because I'm to go to me, I'm going to be to get, I'm going to get, you, you know,

why the place you're not just pendu in your garage, whatever, I don't know, so, so I'm a chance?

A chance. A chance, today, you're going to see, so, So I'm going to go, but, you know, I wanted to give them the respect to, before to me suicide, explain, like, how to do, why I'm suicide.

For not person, because it was really, I could even say I'm suicide because my conjoint is not correct, because my mom has made that, because my friend had made that. No, I'm just more capable of being in my car, even. It was not of the fault to person. I could not make the do-to-law, say, it's his fault. You know, it's easy. You know, there's people, they're going to suicid at cause of a good rupture,

a cause he was violated when he was young. No, my girl, it's just because I'm not in my car. I wanted to explain to do you. I started to make a letter of suicide that's finished in four letters of about 30 pages. I mean, I've written to my

female, to, like, eight years, that had even populated. I read to my mother. I've written to my conjoin to in the time, and to my son, and I wrote, Everyone letter, man, excuse. Your guy who had two and a minute?

Oh, yeah, but, you know, it's just like a day they're going to be able to learn. Is it? Is it that you had perhaps to have, you know, maybe it's, but, but, no, it would say, the truth, that, Big,

there's a thing, there's nothing that can't replace. No, I see, but, you know, maybe just to understand or, you know, to have something

to try to try to maybe that, if you're having to probably, I'm trying to see suicide, but I'm, but in the sense

that, you'd say, it'd be, it'd be more , it's, for us if they they'll

they're doing, like you, like you know, if you're not doing it's a way to do you, see the person, I'm doing the

psychologue to be able to. It's more. It's more. So, that's it's like, and, man, it's,

it's like, it's, and, man, it's, like I said, you've said, you've got to even, and it

maybe, perhaps, 60 pages, man, that I even, I'm, even, I, I'd, I'd, write,

the same, because I was not good, to write with all my Doe, so it's a during the week,

and finally, I'm of my friends, Steve, he's my first guy of a dancer, because I'm,

you know, you know, I'm the father of family, I'm the father of family, always, at the house,

and the job, and to jail in mind, no, no, no, no, no,

no, you can't, there, there's just disappeared, man, then. And then,

you've, you've been, well, you're in, you're, it had been, it, it had,

, Yeah, he would have been to be able to do. So, so, so, all the most, you know, to me to search, I even not even thought of it, so I'm not going to be. So, I'm going to say, man, a good journey, my chum, Steve, he has said, hey, man, all the whole lot of the church, man, what's you do? And then, I was just going to be suicid.

I was just ran to me liberate, man. Wow, hey, it's true, and all that, you know, it's just, it was just, like, you know, it's just, like, to me, like, exactly. Exactly. So, so, you, it's sure, he made directly, he had made in the house. I'd be more, my conjoined,

it's sure that the fact of of the way of my own, I'd retroved my emotions, and I've seen as long that over the years, but it's like, we've got paid two chimes, so it's, it's,

we've finished by to let's, me and she'll. I've had to be an anxiety constant, but I had after to live with, always without alcohol,

and it's, it's, it's been up and down. I've met my conjoint, after, after, the mother of my two first children,

I've metered my conjoint of my two two, the first, you know, it's sure that's a new relationship

that's the best of the world, I feeled not really an anxiety. You know, all the new

and you're in the same pattern that's financially it all right, you know, yeah, so it's,

so it's, so it's, so, no, it all had very good, my life had kind of

quite quite, anxiety one of time, but can't be, and I'm I'd have been in life also if I had

some of the project, like a podcast, not in the time, but, you know, as soon as I had a great project, it would have been to be anything, a project,

me occupied so the mental that I had not an anxiety, you know, so it's a bit a bit of a day and then, and you're a guy of success,

you know, in the sense, at every time that you had a project, an idea, that had wanted, that had always been able to,

you know, you, you've, you've, you've, you've not, you've, you've not,

you've, if I mean, let's not, let'sone, your couple, but it's I mean, it's true. I mean, it's true. I'm not quite, you're not in a lot of, it's just a...

You're just a... You're not, you're just a... I don't know, I'm not... I'm not... So, you know, so, you,

so, at the level, you know, personal and professional, at every time that you're... It's always, you know, it's always always, you know,

it's always always, you know, a... I've always, you're a bullet, like an... I've remarked many people who have

been dependent in the life of drugs, alcohol, or no matter. When they're when it's we're trying to, it's like,

it's more easier, because there's a little to get to be in a boulead, so we're saying, you know, I'm saying,

the alcohol will be the little ball of anxiety, but it's a depressor. So, the lampen,

hey, just pay, and you, you, you have the impression that you got to engulf,

no, you have just gonfled, and you just get to go to get, and I'm a couple

of fute a six, a 12, at 12, at 18, So the 5th, 2, 24, and I'm not going to rebuttoole at the end. I'm in good health, good affair, by example. I'm in a good health. So, yeah, my view is...

What's ironic, today is, you know, that's the problem of health, but they're not related to, you, it's sure. Part of all, I'm not. I'm pretty. I'm still, I'm sorry. I'm not. So, like, I'm with my conjoint, Dantzi, up and down,

v. You're not even criminal. I'm not too retry of the detail there. We're not there for that. We're not a criminal. Idea of suicide, in my head in my head, I'm

that they could rene quite quite it's a option that it's the option my guy, it's the

option, it's just, it's the piton off, man. Suicide, it's the piton off, man. Yeah,

exactly, it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, it's, it's, so, so, now, the day, the life

has made, that I'm in New Mexico, uh, And I was in Del Carmen, you know, where's that all the world so forth all the time.

It was a little for a time indetermined. I was there. I'm not obliged to say, I was there for a time indetermined.

I didn't know how many of time I'd rest there but it had to show in Mexico. So, I,

I, I, I'd be, I'd be, my family, and had, and, she'd

had, had, had, had, had, had, had had a, a new life in Montreal,

in the time. F'nay, to be able to get with the children, when it was I'm not, I'm not there,

you're in a play with Carmen. Everything, everything, the truth, I like that, I like that, I like that,

I like that, I'm not that, buy, and then, to be, to put it, whatever,

I, it was not my trip, there's, there's nothing of that you didn't, so,

I'm trying to make a mega depress, la bo, man, I said, I didn't that, It's a month and a minute

I was there and it's been every time my wife reparted, man, the idea of suicide to revranate

more than plus and I met with a guy who was a criminal, man that's a man, that's a criminal

I'm not not gonna he embracced in life but he was zen that you never ever ever

you never ever again I said who, oh, but it's not a guy violent but it's

a man an man of an man of in a thing, but in criminality. The guy, he was zen, all the time of good-humor. This guy, man, he had more like

of a proff of yoga than a criminal. And it was often that was in some way, and they were, and they'd like, I'd like, that, he'd be in

that, he'd matter, to this guy, that, I'd say, even not, because, not, I'm sorry. No, I'd have understood.

But there had a aura, man, that he matriere more than any than any people that I'd ever that he'd ever to ever

to say, he made, just why, why he was Zen, in mind, in life, why he had a beautiful of life, and he had a

big, in the whole, he had the same life than you, he had the same medicine ancestral, for the truth, for the reason,

it was what? The medicine ancestral, so, he had made, he had made, a retrait of that

he had had a retrait of a week, you had a yeahwaska, I had okay, you had a

whatever, you had a few Wences, Fours, Fours, M. M. M.

M. M. C. Pl, ancestral, and he, it had changed his life. But he's

still I'm sure I thought I thought weird when I'm like it's weird I'm like, I've just seen the guy that

I've ever seen in front of having to be more honest than that this guy that would have a look the guy the

guy the most the more fair to him, and yet it's a criminal

which is totally malveveue in the so. So, so it cogit

in my time every time I had to I'd ask you more questions, more of questions, and he said,

he's going to have a ceremony soon, he's going to be on a ceremony before, he's going to be in a nah,

nah, nah, and I'm trying to get to vire foe, man, I was trying to to get to it's too long before that's

then I'm, then, I thought, I'm, I'm really at the moment the moment the last of my life.

That's so, you're there's been at the point, uh, a bit, like when you're part

to party F-2, yeah, Foy 50, MEN. It's that I can't go to go to go to show,

the only difference, is that I'm just two children, I'm in a way, and it's all right,

but it's not all the time, so, we're to be separated, the coup, to be able to get, to get,

to be in that place that that's probably Karmene, and I had an appell to Mexico City, I'm sorry,

I'm going to to be able to live, it's to be the same to have been to have seen, Like we don't know, we don't know not in time, but at a moment

where you'd have not to put in our to put in to this moment, I had no to go to come to to go to New Mexico City

in vacance, I was pre a a bill of a vacation, because you've been to make sure. I've made a carmel to

get a few years. And you know, and it's not because you join a man. I had an

call to Mexico City. I know I said not because I have the call to the call to

that place I'm just pre a bill of a four years and I I remember, I'm all right, I'm just

all right, I'm doing a little bit of a little bit of city, we're on New York City, we're on the day, on the day,

or whatever, I arrive there drop my stock at the hotel, I'm sitting in back, and I'm sitting around and I'm trying to

a lot of and I'm like I'm never, I'm never sent to at this end of my life, I know

even to still not at the time. So, finally, my four years, I'm going to stay at Mexico City

for four I, with the idea, I want to do with the ayahuasca, but I'd rather than ever be able to Carmen in my life. Why I'd go to do? Because this guy, he said, hey, I've already been tauted, like, you're there. And, me, it's sure.

Like, Justin, you've opened the eyes on, you know, if you'd have to be in the bonner, you know. You're searching too much to try to try to try to something that's working for you, so I'll have to functioned for you, so, I'm going to try. Yeah, and you're a good observator, you know, of the comportment human, in fact, you know, if I saw, if you're going to

tell you, see, it's been the way to explain to the best of the way, why it would be able to work for you, because it would be able to, because it's not, for me, it's not, you know, because he made, you know, with Carmen, he had known one in the corner of Mexico City,

he could be able to try with if it could me help, or not, I'd have any of what, I, I'd say, I'd have absolutely no, I'd say, what, you'd say, if you'd say, you'd say, if you'd rather'd say, if you'd say, well, I'd say,

I don't even not how we'd that we'd know how to try it you know, you know, it's going to be able to let's go

go, let's go, let's go, let's go, you know, if you'd have to get to have a car, you'd have a

point of the that's sure, that's sure, that's that's so, so, but, you know, the guy, he's kind of,

super intelligent, you know, I'm still still this guy that, so, so, so it wasn't

for, for, for the, for the, for sure, we'd for join, to rejoin his chaman,

to call them, and they'd like they, and we'd rather than, and a good journey, I didn't even not know how it's I'm trying, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm able,

I'm at the more way, the more, the more, the more, I was at the Mexico City, I was standing at Mexico City,

I'm still at and I'm still when I'm trying to get to never the bonner, it's going to I'm trying to my bonnour,

and I'm afraid, and I'm sure, so it's a few, so, it's ever my bonnour, and a party, it's been at marketplace,

you know, MarketP, Market, the old Mexico or Mexico or so Facebook. I've created Ayahuasca

this marketplace. Hey, there were there's a ceremony of ayahuasca that's an announcement. Wow.

It's written Ayahuasca ceremonial. It's legal there, like, like that yeah,

it's tolerated. It's tolerated. It's tolerated. It's not illegal. It's tolerated. In fact, it's not illegal null

part, except two, three, three states of the United. So, ah, yeah, ayahuasca,

all this, he's written in Spanish, so, so, there, zero, the Spaniol, it's four, five, I'm

in Mexico. So, so there's a number WhatsApp, I'm going to do, yeah, you're going to do, yeah, you're going to do,

I'm going to get to do, he's an list in Spanish, I'm going to read, the list is a preparation mental and physical, so

that's, let's not a coffee, not of viand, not of alcohol, no of sugar, no, there's,

kind of a good preparation mental, in fact, it's a regime vegan. Physic, yeah,

And then a season, yeah, and more, and more, and more, not of sex, and not of

situation negative. My view is a negative. So, that we're going to keep. Yeah, but it's so.

You know, so I'm so, at this moment that, my conjoint had been my joan

in Mexico City would have been good to be in her in all this, so, so,

so, so, so, so, I'm at Mexico City. There, I'm, there,

Cue, that's what the Ayahuasca, I'm all my family, to all the whole I'm going to

say, I'm offered to the ayahuasca my mom my mom who's always always I'm always quite,

I'm sure she's right she's like she's on a thread that she had on a messenger she's

my friend, she said, my mom she had been a brewering on ayahuasca I'm very normally,

I'm going to get a long time to say it's there that it's been the processus of the

yeah she'd probably not you would be probably not you'd probably not you're a narcotic

that, we're not that, that it's a lot, now, it's a lot, it's a rough,

my man who's been to my man, she's not, my man, I'm going to say, I'm at a bad at

a coup of a coup of a question, yeah, and there's not a situation, my man

who's that's I'm gonna I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna you know, I'd be able to

yeah, I'm gonna feel like, I'm gonna have had been in the year after they're after they're

they're gonna have been, you know, if you feel, if you saw, it's a little, you see, like, no, no, I go to the Uber, it's just a lot

before the Uber I never seen that, usually, an Uber, he's never seen, a minute to arrive, 15 minutes, whatever, you know,

it's a Uber, it's a woman, I embarked in a Uber, you know, to get an auto route because it's a Teotihuacan, which is,

where's the pyramids of Teotuacan, it's a place super spiritual, in fact, it's a hour and a quarter of Chino, at Mexico City.

So, now we'll take the Uber, the Madame, she rolls at 60 km on the road, I mean, I've got to arrive at 9-hour, and then I'm calling like an hour and a minute of and then, I, she was arriving in retard, I'm sorry, I'm stressed

very red, I'm stressed, man, because my mom at trigger that, you're going to do you know, I'm going to do you know, I'm like, I'm, and, and I'm, I'm, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry, and I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, man, it's my last port of the sort of, I'm sure that if it's would be dead, I'm dead, I'm more today. I've got the show, it's at my four children. If that exists

not, it's that I'm on today. So, I'm my last year, the last year, there's no, there, there's no,

there's no, you can't be the same, you can't, you've been to do, your new blonde, you've done,

you've got, your whole time, it's all right, there's, there's, there's, there's, you know,

there's, there's, I'd say, all the art of all the world, I could, there anything that'd

there anything that there were, there, So, that it was my last, perhaps, the last door to to get, but I'm in trying to

get in time, I know it, I know how you it's okay, it's called, I'm just, I'm just, on WhatsApp,

I'm going to and then- he'd have to be an address, a point, a point, Google, man, I've got an address,

me, it's these points cardino, man, it's all the, it's all right, it's all, at nine hours Saturday,

all the time, that I'm talking, all, I'm going to, so, so I'm going to, And all what I have in life, man, is a little chaise of camping,

a sleeping bag, a roulea, and a slipper, because they've told, you know, take you know, an little glassier with a little

water, the fruit of, the friefteree, a little chair, a camping, and a stice that tardy that's a ride

on 60 km on on, I'm in, I'm stressed, man, I'm sorry, man, I'm gonna do, what's the,

I'm gonna do make, man, I mean, to me say, my man, did some of the narcotic. I'm not, I've not done of research

that's the more than she's not. But she's not not quite the best good research, she's going to go- go-go. Pee't know what

you're going to get to get to get to danger. So, I'm going to get to be there. We're in mountain, and there

the pyramid also. We've got more than more more, more, and there's more more, and then they're all right

to get to 60 kilometers, hour, and she rolls to turn to she, she'll make, she, and she doesn't

I don't speak not Spanish, man. I don't even not Spanish. No, Abla, Espanielis. I can't even not do it.

I'm like, I-oy, I'm you know, I'm not, you're not, you're not to cry, the affair, and it's not,

I'm at least, it's been, it's been, it's just, it's just the place, she'll get,

after, and I'm just, she got, to get, to my job, and she, and I was,

I'm afraid, I'm, you know, I'm a guy barbued, all, I'm old, I forget to say that. The 60

Lived 15 years. Oh, I know. I'm sorry. I was 1015 Lief. So,

yeah, I'm sorry. I was able to that I'm because you were not just gross, not just gross, you were at least, I was in front of

man, so, she had, she had me fooed out, man, so, so,

in this moment, not a radio at Totiwakan, in the noir, in the noir, man, in the noir, in the noir,

like that, I march with a chair a camping, a little sleeping roule, and then, And then I go in mind

now I'm in front of my name, now that's a little bit of a little, so I'm in a little, finally, it's a guy who's with a dozen in a little, in a drive-way, a man,

a drive-way, a lay, of ranch, or whatever, and it's six Chihuahua, I have a video to that's just to I'll just a month,

it's a show, man, man, who's a-ha-la-la-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-la and I'm, and I'm, man, hey-man, he's a man,

he's a bit, because, big, he's not he's not used, you pass not. You're not there. There's not

there. He cries, he cries, I'm like, I'm in I'm in a minute, I'm like, I'm in

a depression. Plus, than a depression has passed so far long I'm a new level of depression.

There's a man, I'm not, no, no, no, no, I'm not my glasshouse, I'm gonna

my glassette, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna like, I'm gonna be dangerous with the banning with

the man in the man in the man in the man. I'm just I'm sorry. No, no, am I go.

Amigo? At about that. I'm pretty sure. He abided his own back his man. He came,

madame, and he's he cried, and it's a little bus that he talks, and he

he's got to all the people, he's he said, he said, I'm going to my my friends,

he's, he's, he's, my name, my, I'm my name, Y, so I'm over here,

he's there there's not there's a there's not, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, I don't know, I'd even say

that I'd even say I'd say to that's a lot of, you know, so I think it's just to monitor, he'll appell finally, Giovanni, he said, ah, okay, I'm saying, and all right, so, we're going to be

to search. Like, I'm going to, there's a hour and a minute in a retard, there's nothing to really to be able to, apart that everyone 's all right,

we're at about 50 people, I'm the sole blind, it's 50 Mexican, all the whole lot, everyone is couched at , even as you, you'd be there

I'd say, you'd have never been to be able to be. You'd have to beatted to, yeah, I'm ready to, I'm ready to, if it's, it's a day

in the front, I'm gonna take the time, no, it's what, you know, you're ready to, so, you're ready to do it,

for, you're ready, and it's just that that I'm gonna, so, it's done to, that, you're in, so, exactly,

so, so, so, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, they're not,

they're not, because, I think he's not English, in fact, he says, okay, you know, I'm going to

get your own, and I'm at every time, and all the time, so I'm at least to be able to, I'm in line, the guy,

he's got an affair long as well, he's in mind, and he says, okay, he makes a, and he's soffed to what

in the knee? Meree, ah, yeah, that's so, my chum, he me has sufle to what in the

knee, there, it was, it had come but it, but calmed, but calmed, my gal,

that's what, It's a du rap. Or du hapé, if you go more than the south, I call it to Mexico, we call it a rape, because in Mexico, we're a typebord.

It's a mix of tabo ancestral, with, sometimes, these plants, of the flowers, it can be certain affairs.

When you're not used, it's a, it's, I've, I've had a one of the, so I,

have any of, I, I've been to me to do you, so, me, you've all, you know,

on the time, we've got, we've been to, we've, we, But, you know, you've got to be able to say, you know, I just have to just made it to understand, he'd just have to be happy to say, he'd say, a lot of air, but if I had to say,

a minute, he'd touch a little bit, but, you know, I'd say to what my time to tell you, he'd be in front of all, and it, and we'd say, we're going to, it's not fun. And, you know, at least, it's not a carter, and then, you, there's, you know, to see what, and I'm going to be able to becky, then, I'm sorry, man, to, you know, and I, you know, without why,

and I felt even, the anxiety at the part of the, I'm in the question, I'm not,

I'm saying to be in my mind, that's all right, so it's there's been at a toll of a role,

there's been other medicine that I'm not going to go in detail of all, so that, in fact,

the Sananga, the Changa, plenty of medicine. So, so, so, so, that we're

we're in we're we're doing DMT, the demetil triptamine so

he's arrived with the shuta they pass one by one we're every one so I'm

taking my my ayahuasca and he's okay you're not you're making you're you're

so you're so I've been to get to yeah yeah he's he'd and I'm

you're all right of I'm okay I'm not in a while in time of time, it's that I've been to get the ayahuasca, but I'm going to

hear some people to get, some people to get to be sure, okay, it's a lot, it's all right to work,

so I'm retake, then he says, no, no, fuck out, my chum, it's not, it's not not much,

it's not a second, then, no, I'd say again again, again, I'm,

I'm, I'd, I'd, I'd, and I'm, and I'm sure, the time, the time,

of the ayahuasca for all the I'm surement, I'm not sure, I'm gonna, he'd be, he'd at a while, so, yeah, he'd be, no, anything, I'm gonna, and then,

and then, I was like, still bar-made, he's all right, and then, he'd already, and then, you know, he'd be with a dub,

you know, like a guy of bar, an alcoholic, that, you know, I'm doing, tabarnac, okay, yeah, yeah,

we, there, I got paid there, so, so, yeah, I'd be able, and, and I'd be able,

and I'd be done, made, no, it's not not much I'm a because like my way it's always there's a boy a bit of a

abolita, that would say my nature. Abolita, it's a great-mama, but it's my nature. So, I mean, I said, and he's talking about my man, he said, you

have said, Abolita, came to talk, Abolita will be saved, Abolita, she, she, will be to learn, Abolita, Abolita, so I'm just cuched, and I said, well, I'm just cuched, and

Lita, she'll not be saved it, it's a way, so I'm going to try a new

to have to be to do with a lot, it's not that's not that I'm to do, I'm sure,

I'm sure I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure, and then I'm to see up and I'm sitting,

and I'm vomissed, I'mmissed, I'm because you purge with the ayahuaska also, so I'm

to be at my time, you know, to have been to be able to have been to have been to have been to

have been in the equivalent to be So it's that... No, no, no, it's not a rapport. It's just, it's just, sometimes it's just,

you know, you know, you're just a it's not a can't of Coca-Cola that's a part... It's a... Yeah, it's...

It's a brew of two plants in the center, so, so... So, it's not a science exact. So, like, I've got,

I'm-moe, and then, I'm reme, and then, I'm remember, I'm up, and then, then, all the time, even if it had been

different, Because it'll have an effect that will have an effect that's an epithecadalic we're, we're in class it like

an little hallucinogene like that. Yeah, it's, it's very similar a little more more than the

moche, by the time. So, I'm left the head, man, and I've seen all the world,

man, and there, they all look me chan, and all the people look me because when I'm

moem me, I'm not like a princess, I'm whommy like, oh, man,

it's, it's, it's, it's, It's a curcule, so it's truevantable. So, it's sure that all the world me regard, you vommies. And, in plus, when I'm

he says, you know, thank you, thank you, because you're supposed to to remercied, to do you, to have purgé, to vomit. So, I'm there

to mind, I'm left the head, and I say, I'm doing all the world who's really really weird, because they're going to, you,

the line, comes down to, and there's more demoniac, mechant, and, you know, like I said, so, so,

so I'm mad to panicky, and, I said, okay, at a minute, I said, okay, at a minute, I, there's I'd hear, like if he'd say

viola, we're 50, there's a, there's, there's, these, they're in, these, they're, they live, their, they're , yeah,

it's a cry, it, so, that, it's, it's a car, , so, it's, it's, that's, that's, I'm, and I, I'm,

, and I'm, , I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm in the, it's in the, my word, me, I, I, I'm gonna,

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, at Mexico, man. I don't know I don't know I'm not the language, I don't know, I'm even

I'm sure, even if you're even, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm thinking of this, I'm trying to be there's been like that,

it's right negative, you know, it'd be able to get to get to get rid, and you know, to find, you know, I'm sorry,

I said, I'm sorry, it's not the ayahuasca, it's a drug, it's a drug to us, they're drug for new to know,

it's, so it would be parreight, in my, in my, in my visage, a little guy, a little Mexican, 20-year, too meg, fast-dance,

gentie, gentie, he's been to me, and he's going to be, he's not, my friend, and then, it's, you're doing,

man, it's, it's too dangerous, he's safe, and he's, he's too, and he's too, he's too, man, that's just

he's the best fat of the gang. It's, and he , he doesn't, he, stop, coch to,

relax, cuched, He said, hey, he wants to just I'm just to turn the eye to me pick up, man, I'm sorry, man, I'm concerned like never, I'm saying,

they want to do you want to do you and we'll just call you, it's a cry, ah, in the rear to the month. So,

so I'm a man, and I'm sorry to make, he's serrame in, and I'm sorry, I'm just at the man, my chum, me,

it's just at the mom, and there, and I've seen in his eyes and he said, oh, shit, we're just

we're not, he's not, he's not in the case he's who's embarked, and we know in what is it? It's who you know? Yeah, because, you know,

it's a person that's a guy, that's a person that's a person violent. The violence, is the, the sole thing,

that's the only thing. It's a solution for you, direct, so, so, I, so, I'm ready in a cell. So,

that, I'm recall, he, he's, he's he's, he, he's called in Spanish, he, he appell he, they're

coming with the rap, he's sove, and it's so, and so, so, that, so, so, that,

now, You can't keep my hand. I remember he said that. You can't get my man. But I just to have to have just to have

a couple man, he's got in a little bit in the arm. He's called Marcoe. So,

okay, so I'm so that I'm Cush, the eyes closed, he says, respire,

restpe, relax. He had used that, I know, he's even not, man, that I'm really

to be relaxed, and then I'm there's part in trance with the ayahuasca, with the I'm going to be in trans, and, man,

what my chum me said all the time, oh, Boilita, will come in your car, will come to talk, man, it's, it's not a metaphor, it's not a way of

talking to talk, man, you're really someone who comes to talk, to talk to you, she comes to talk, and she comes to and the big,

you can't really really, you're not schofering, and you're not, and you're not to get into, you're really, I, there's a

person, and she's really, and she's not, docement. But I'm going to me pose some of the

question, man, she had been in me to be, she was at her way, she said all the time

why, Abel, why you do that so, why you do all the time, why you're doing all the time,

it was always to be a about the violence, why that's I'll be, excuse me, that's,

a good day, before, before, to go, an ceremony of yask. Excuse me,

by, yeah, it's your podcast. Before, to go, ceremony of ayahuasca, you have to

an intention. What's what you want to change in your life? What's your question? Why you're there? That's what

he said, it's what I've explained, Jovani, the monsieur before I was my intention was just simply

to stop, to have to get to the anxiety, man. It's all, it's all, it's all,

it's enormous, my life was based on the anxiety. So, so, my intention, and I said,

repeat to all this assignment to your intention. So, so, we're, we return,

moment, the why I said I'm so I'd have to tell to ask you Abel, why why, in part of it, it's why, why you don't know

never, why you don't know, I'm looking at all in the mirrorware, and then it's, no, you don't, you never, you're

never to be able, to see, your tattoos, your muscles, to what have to look, what you could be able to be better,

but you'd never be in the world, but you'd never to be in a mirror, why, why you'd never, why,

why you'd be able, why, you'd be been to me have to say at the point you're a mad, man. And then,

you'd have you're in you're doing to put these questions like like if you were mad that's a cut, man,

at a coup of pique, a coup of plur, the hells, whatever, whatever, yeah,

she, the, man, man, so, you know, you're at very time in plain

face, man, it's con, man, I'm just I'm just I'm just I'm never to be

never heard, I'm never to do that, why, why, why, why, And then, okay, why is?

You're going to ask, okay, why, why? You're going to, why, too, it's real, why, why, why, why? Why, so, why so. The time, comp don't, it, it can be like a week, one, one second. The time comp don't come not, it, it's just to pose the good questions. Why, why, why? I'm just posed all these questions, so, like, a cut, that, a cut, okay, it's beautiful, I've seen,

I've ever, I've ever lived my life like a marred. I've never ever seen, I've never liked, I've always been mechain that everyone. I've always I'm always cached a lot. I see, okay, it's beau, I'm fucking. I'm pretty, yeah, I'm pretty, I'm going to make, okay, it's beautiful,

well, I'm going to be able to help, seriously. I'm having to get rid of trying to understand to get into why. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, okay, it's good, I, I've got to, so, tomorrow, so, tomorrow,

and now, you're, you're, there, you know, Abel, a day, there, a day, there, a day, you know, a day, you know, a day, you know, you're married, to be

to be able to and to live like all the people. It's also stupid, Abolita me said,

there's a guy who's someone who did a name and that's a man, and you know, and you know,

and I'm talking to your name to say, it's super stupid, and I'm not even not how I'm

not really, it's not stupid, man, and I understand exactly that tone of phrase that

because, you know, I mean, now, I'm, you know, now, you know,

you're saying, Chris, you've had a few four children, big, yeah? You like, at what point you know, these people,

you know, extremely, man. You know? Your parents, you know more than you know than the case of your mother.

So, why, you know, you're not, that's the exactly, I mean, I said,

but I'm just, but you mean, that's the question, why, there's a question,

why you're, there's, you know, you're talking to that's, exactly, that person, I'm,

I'm, I'm, I'm just I'm even, but why, Why, I mean, I'm going to make the anxiety, at first, that's me that I've got to ask why, why, why.

And, that's sure, we can't go ahead in a detail, but, in general, what I've seen, in this trance, that, this night that, that duried, I'd say, around, around, to 11 o'clock,

at 7 o'clock, at a point, why, it was a violence, man? All my anxiety came to, in fact, even not of the violence, of the pain.

The aim, man, The in genre of violence. Yeah, but the inne, I've I've seen that's a night that, that's a fire that you part in the interior you, you know,

you'll all the fire the fire, the end. I'm going to pile on the leg of you, you've even, you've even been to play on the foot, you've been on the foot,

and I'm flage, that I, and I, just parted the fire of the inne, there, I'm going, and I'm frustrated, but the fire, he's parted, man,

I'm trying. is that the fire, he will sateen? And then my fire, he's in, it's been, in the chest,

sit, which he'd be in reality, in fact, he'd reallume my anxiety at every time. But I've

lived in the life, a cause of the poverty, a cause of the violence. The part of your

Yeah, the part of my father too. It's all right, you know, even if you're not,

even if you're that, you, tithe, you're that's all, you know, that's all, and that's so,

and that's, you know, it's, It's not even not had an impact direct by my father. It's not okay, he's explained. In fact, I think that, but... But not direct.

You're not on the coup? No, no. But it's sure that there has been up. Yeah. So, I've got to get a newt, man, that, man, that's... It's been... It's...

It's... It's... It's... So, I've got... ...the, maybe... Man, I've been... ...their... ...you're saying,

...are't you're saying, ...arreted d'em... ...are... ...are... Arritte d'Air. Arrithee to say, I'm trying to say, I'm talking about.

Yeah, I'm talking. Yeah, exactly. So, I've texted, man, I've called, I've been, I've been, to tell them man,

I'm saying, I'm sorry, in some situations that all my life, it's, you know, it's always that person, that's excuse,

I've been, seriously, I've been, seriously, I'm sorry, that's, it's merveue, to have a end of the sight,

with this medicine that, in fact, with this nut I've understood that the in in life, so I

have to be for a lapse of time. I've been to say to be to get to everybody, to have to be

to say, so I'm excused I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, all that, so I'm being very,

very, I'd say, I'd say, I'm, quite, a, quite, a,

quite, a, man, my own my ego is exploded the fact that I'm saying, I'm really better than everyone, because I'm

more than, I've been, I'm trying, I'd have done, you know, I'd have something you'd say, you'd have to, you know, at that's exactly that, I'm an hour at that moment, yeah, but, yeah, but I'm, and then,

I'd say, that'd have done, a bit of, that, you'd have done, a good tap, say, that'd have done a while, , hey, I'd say, that'd have done, man, I'd say, man, if you'd say, maybe,

if you'd say, you're gonna, to me, that could be, that, you'd be, man, you know, that, you'd be, you, there, I was really part of a polarity total, that's true, that he lived in violence and companies, and that there were not found.

You had not been to pass to clack at clack, you know, to an extremalote, you know. Yeah, I'm going to beauntary, my guy. It was at a tardere of my affair. But I'm happy, I think you're going to be the I think. I had to be able to go to.

It's so, I explained. You're telling a lot, you know, I think, to go ahead. You're not going to be able to, you know. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, it's that I explain that's a lot,

I think that's a whole affair that's spiritual in the world, everyone who had did yoga, it's a nizu, everyone who did

do the, the meditation, it was, it was a medicine ancestral, only, ayahuascus, if you do you

do you do what you do, you make just a little entry, when you know, you know, to say,

we're doing, we're not, it's a lot of it's been for a lot of my wife, so my wife so,

so, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, she, She's, she knows, Abel, you know, she, so she, she, she, she, she said, Abel, barred a podcast on the spirituality, you know,

it was like, it was like, it's like, it's like to be, you know, at the point, actually, it's, it's been changing, it's, but, yeah, it's, because, there, you're, there, you're, there, there, you're at 180, you're, to be the old, you, have not found, a just a million, you, you know,

I, you know, I, you'd be more, I'd say, I'd, you'd be too, I'd too, I'd be too, so, I'm just-greyable, Gosson, man, you were made a sec. Like a guy of gym, who

started to gym, like a gym, like someone who's just a little test. You're going to get to get some of the tussler. You're going to have to be

talking to, so I'm sorry. So, so I'm just unpleasant, man, it's like, you're doing

to reaffer to do you're doing. I'm not at, I'm not, we're at we're not, we're not

we're talking on this time that, not too. I'm not so, I've got I've had

the middle, I've had in front of me. I've got a little bit of a bit of a bit of a bit. It's a lot. It's a lot. So,

so, that I met metast this morning, the little man, that's a young man. Marco. That's the last same,

Marco. The last time, but it's the only guy who is the only he's really, he has really a face

genties, it's not a crosser. I'm not, I'm not, I'm still, I'm got to do my affairs. I've got to

and I'm even, I'm and I'm just, I'm and I'm sorry, I'm just, so I'm just, with the only person who

that's all the English in the group, and I'm in the same, I'm in, he said, ah,

well, I, you know, I'm going to, because I'm, he's new, he's in, he's a new, he's a ceremony

of ayahuasca and all the other medicine ancestral, and he's there's not in there. Tristamamor

I can't say, he had come at the age, I think he was, he had a very young to come to come

to give, Chauvani, and all the tributes, because they're more habituated to to do you get to do you

get to ever do you can't even you can come we're in the other plus it's a more more more than you

get more they're more they're more they're always and I'm like I'm just a guy I'm mackerer

like I'm like it's to be to it's like I'm I'm all right I'm sure I'm sorry

yeah the next it's just the bonbon man and my question this time this time

this time Not my question, but my intention was why I had to have the aim? So, so, you know, like, okay, I'm talking to

get to get to get, it's the aim that makes an anxiety. Oh, you've been in anxiety, why I'm going to have been

there. Like, as much, my mom and trigger a little little bit before, a conversation

bad stupid and I have made that a member of my family was made when he was

more young, more young, than I'm more young, it was been, was young by a by a cousin,

not a conversation, a rapport that she said, and she said, it was a minute, so I'm going to

make that, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to a minute, I'm going to get to be in a minute,

everything, all the time, I said, hey, it's cool at the night, it's easy or easy. When I

get, he said, yeah, there, there's a meeting in-a- before a ceremony, but you're

not obliged to go to go, so you're not to try to I've tried, in a time, the Bufoil-Varrius, I said, hey, I've heard that one time. I'd say to say, and it was by my friend with Carmen, who had said

that, it would be a lot longer, but it was the best connection possible, you know, me having gained in saying, you have passed your life, to pray, at the church, for maybe to have a little, a little connection, and that's direct, you pass direct to God. It's all what I'd say, so, I'd look at

Marco, who, he was with Tony, and all the tribue, in fact, he was at all right, it's at all It's not dangerous, it's not dangerous, pantote. He says, you fume, you go, it's the best connection to your life. I'm going to, okay, I'll let's say. He's run, you know?

I'm going to, you know, so. So, there's not too bad, we're going to be, so I've got to do. So I've got, I've got, I've got, I've got any of time it's had to, I'm going to say, I'm going to be, I'm going to get, I'm going to,

I'm still, I'm still in a pen in a life, man. So I'm assy, he malume that. He, there, Marco, he can't really to my necessity, I don't know because he's more habitual, it's not quite, even to be able to explain, I'm like, oh, yeah, alarm them, so, no, no, whatever you say, I don't know what you do,

I understand anything, but I'm afraid to, I'm a, I'm a dearer in this moment, I'm a better than, allude it, so, he'll have even not finished to fume, man, it's just a-in-law, like, you know, I, don't know, I had a idea, I, you know,

I'm interested, yeah, you're really, in a lot, I, I think, I see, a, I think, I've seen, a flower, and fumble, and I went, and, you know, to come to me And then I remember I've opened my

eyes up my eyes up I'm talking I'm saying I'm not sure man, and I'm feeling more

man I'm trying to move to and I'm trying to turn to get to this moment that I'm sitting in my head, I'm not

capable of to let's get to get up I'm trying to mend you're you're in you're going to you're going

and you're and there something you're doing to be in my head well, man don't

you're not you're not so that's literally more my conscience You know, to be moorre, it's not physically. My conscience is the out of my my spirit, and I'm

partied for about a little bit of a million. I've discovered plenty of affairs. It's less personal, the Bufel-Various, the 5-M-O-D-MT. It's more, I'm going to ask you, I'll have a response.

It's more on the entire, the time, the style of... The detachment of the car, it's... You know, it's... I've been... I've been like that I've lived I've been

I've been You know, I've You know, I've You know, I'm talking You know, I'm going to You know, I'm trying to You know, you know, when I've done,

I've done, I'm saying, I've seen, I've seen, that you've seen that You've seen, you're A guy who's more than some car than that, It's a rare, but Yeah,

Yeah, well, Every person Every person, it's Yeah, the Yeah, the steps that I've been It's, hey, I'm gonna moor,

I'm moor, I'm sorry, I'm moor, I'm sorry, hey, you're dead, and then, then, I've I've already

to be able to be able to be able to understand in my mental I've really for the first time of my

life, even with the ayahuasca you know, it was in French, I made, I was asking, I was asking,

so I was that I was that I was still, you know, it was personal, that it was more gross that I'm

to touch at the universe in entire, in point zero one, a fraction of second, but in the time it had dured

me, I visited all the I had visited, and I had been able to some of the show, I've been supposed to

my life as scientifically speaking about that's personal. It's all of all in a second that you can

even not explain with these words human. Literally, you can't you explain? When it's it's been able to

explain. So I'm never been to be so a ruin of my life, and when you when the first

time, I've got to my men, I've got to, oh, you know, I'm an human,

I'm in Mexico City. Oh, there's a I regard Marco, I do that's wow, man, wow,

wow, wow, okay, there's something that's that it was after to fall to the ayahuasca, man,

now I'm because you did it after you yeah, yeah, it's so it's

it was during the meeting in the end up, we're doing, we're in it's a perfect,

it was at all right it, it's all right everything, so, so, you're like,

you're have growned before you, you know, because you said, you were to arrive at, man, I was granded, I'm better than everyone, the fact of doing the bifo before, you're doing, because, I mean, it's been so, I'm granded, you know, it's, it's, it's, it's all right, you know, it's, you're having an ego, and then,

it's got to growled, and then, you're in a mindset perfect for all right, right, right, exactly, exactly, right, I'm not, I'm not, I didn't, I'm just out, I had just out, I had to live this experience, uh, this this way,

we've got we're doing a little more than what's it's not a first time, he'd me don't

the shooter, I'm trying to get a shooter, it's not, but it's not four seconds, I don't, but you're not

until you're there, you know, again, you know, it's been, it's been, two hours

to be in two hours, men, they're not even, even again today, they're not,

we're talking not, we're talking about, we're two hours of course, there, there,

it was not of questions, it was to revive of the situations familial, I've re-vike my life,

my life, my infancy on my place, or? Oh, a bad-d-trip? Yeah,

yeah, literally, there was, there was a bough, there was, in two hours of time,

in fact, in my subconscious, my man had had talked to a person

in my family was made sexuallyly by a woman when he was when I

had been when I knew, I'm Why, my subconscious me said, I had not Abolita who

me talked. My subconscious me said, you know, your fact, your anxiety and your aggrativity does come

by the fact that you have been to be able to when you fucked up, man. So,

I've re-vue my infancy, in detail, man. I'd have re-vis at a

minute, I'd be to have a woman probably to me or whatever, someone or another

adult than my mother, proge to know if it had been and you

had in-fewy, you know. Yeah, exactly, exactly. It's so, I'm sure. And if you still, I confirm, it's arrived, like, on the number of persons that I've received at your place in my podcast. Yeah, I've re-vue even, these situations. They've got to be, you know, and I'd have been able to do, and be it, you know,

the minute, the nisery that could be able to be a man, I remember, now, our guardian, when I was pretty, I had four, five, he'd have, and we had, rebeye, and he had tried that'd have been real, and he had found that'd have been afraid, he'd have been afraid of, I'd say, oh, it's sure that, he'd be able to, 45,000

times even in the night. I'd try to pause, okay, we're avans, okay, we're in recul

at all the moment. So, finally, I've been been able to be able to because for the real,

I've been to my own life, that, for a night a night and that a year,

but it a day, so, all the I, all the that I, my

violence, came, the, it was, my violence, came to, the whole,

my violence, it's so that I can't tell you, I, it's the , It's gratu.

It was gratu. It was the only affair that I was good. So, so my violence and my inne came to the poverty, in fact,

it was going to do that so. So, I've regled it in my head very clearly but it's so. I had

to get my go with the bufo, but I've had been a little bit with the yawasca,

it's bizarre to get to get your own ego. So at the moment I had an enormous

ego spiritual. I don't even if it It's an of my family who said. It's a little three

years about about that's I'm in a little to come in to come in to be in

my old people who did it and I'm doing that that's a point, no,

no, hey, what I'm, I'm, what I'm, I'm, and you should have to

do you're to do you to come to and you would have to go to that with me and then

he's, you know, Abel, there's a thing, there's a thing is a bit

that the ego before, it's the ego spiritual. You know, you're mentally, and you think it's better than everyone because of the world because of the view something of spiritual.

And that's created some, it's a guy of sect who's, you know, I mean, you know, I mean, you know, and say, real, it's, you,

it's sure, it's these guys who have been these ego spiritual, I think, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sure, I'm sure,

I'm, you know, see me, and they, and they, they're, there, there,

Yeah, no, exactly. And, you know, in this time that, you know, I had to bring me to Fos and 5AWDMT to Quebec, and I'd did get to bring

the reason why I'd have to make that in fact, you know, I'm asking the permission to Chaman to Mexico.

I've been to because I've been to live in Mexico, I'm just, I'm going to, so I've had, you know, they've had

after my Patrick, DeVan 2 o'clock, and I'm said, when you know, when you know, when you're

he'd be able to he'd be very he'd be able to be a bit, not an cheque, but he's like, man,

he's, he's, he's rough, man, so when they've made, they've done to have to

do you know, you're really to help, man, you're being, I'm a guy mechance, and he's

and he and he's and so, so, so he wanted to be really to make, so,

they've been to come, they've been a little bit to be, how it's how it how it's,

what's, what's, so, so, I've, I, I've, had,

a little a little To all, you know, it's the medicine, man. For real, the truth, there's a lot of people who are you saying, there's a lot of people who are doing these titles or whatever, but,

you know, like I explained that you could do do you do in a garage between two clients or you could be able to work, a coup that's a commenced,

it's a matter, it's not the person, you know, those who are who said, shaman, facilitator, poor import,

who they want to administer the medicine, it's fuck, I think I'm going to do, I think I don't think that the resultor had been different, other than I was I'm in security because I was with I know someone I know.

I think it's important. With who you do for the avant and then after? You know, yeah, because the pendant, it's so, because the pendant, there would have apparently gunshot, I'd be on it would say, but the return, yeah, and the avant also, you know, and I'm just, I'll forget,

I'll forget, I'll forget, I'll forget, you know, the name the tabo, the rape, you know, I, you know, I'm, I was just super, hyper stressed because I'm a guy in a life, you know, you know, the per se.

The per se, you know, and I wanted to tell them to do it in front, I'm like, no, no, I'd want to do

have someone to do you have and then you have to do you get moucher like and the end up to get to

go, I'm, I'm going, I'm, because there there was someone there was like there who, if you're going,

if you're going, if you're doing, go see, but I'm sorry, but I'm sorry, I'm trying, you're like, In fact, the rapist, what it's

physically, in fact, the taba, it's one of the best substance to the world. It's one of the substance as a pureficatrice. Yeah, no, exactly. The utilization,

that we have made, us all the human of our joe, we, we know, we have to chemics, we're in the produce chimed, it's so, it's ultra-nossive, ultra-noisse,

you'll be it, when we line... At the base natural, it's a plant that's good. Yeah, it's, in fact,

it, it's, physically-par-lant, it, it's, your glandineal, which is to secretate to add amethyl triptamine, tamin, platonine,

and plenty of other hormones, it's not important, it's a calm. You know, there's people, there are some say, ah, I'm, it's, you know,

it's a, it's a lot, the other, it's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot of , it's, the two have done

the fact, the tabo will really to calm, but all right, it's, it's a lot of cardio, so,

so it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, It's a melting pot that's fit to

putt. And at when you're the balancier you know, enter from a bar to

you know, when you have found you have a ego spiritual that? Yeah. At the time

I was about about three four years, that my name me said, that's the ego spiritual

my chum and I was long, I'm in my in my in my in my

chaminement I was really at the first to yeah exactly

I I think of all right, but I'd have to be able to have to try and try to find out of you know, you know, you'd have to be, you know, to try and you, to see, to see, for trying, if that, that's it had, you, is there other things that can, you, I mean, I'm interested, I was, you know, I was interested in. You're an eponage, there. Oh, yeah, I, you know, I, you'd have all right, you know, I'd have two, 24 of alcohol, so, so, yeah, I'd want to bring two, 24 of spirituality per day, so,

So I wanted in the same day to do meditation, of yoga, the tentra, to learn the tantra, to learn the trough, to learn that, I'd be all in the same

time. I was too, ha, ha, ha, ha, I'd all. I'd all right, but I'd just say, but I'd say, but I'm sorry,

that's a great, anxiety, had completely disappeared, so, so, perhaps maybe it's, it's,

it's, it's the reason of your podcast, in the phone, in the fact, you, you want to, just in force

on what you're to do, it's for sure, that's just people, of spirituality different, because you want, that someone

can't listen, and say, hey, that, maybe that's, to learn what it's, before to do you, before to do you, like, I've seen,

that's a lot, okay, that's that I've seen, that's not for me, and you're doing, to get, to get to understand,

because, you know, if you're trying to try, to try, to find your other, what's what, what,

what, in fact, I, I've discovered with the time, that, you know, For me, in the case, the medicine ancestral, it's extremely far.

I mean, I'd have been, I'd have been, I'd have been medit it. I don't think the abel of the 10th and he'd have been meditre. I don't think the abel of the 10th and he'd have been doing yoga. I don't think that the abelve, it was not. I mean, I'm just, no, but, me, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, yeah, I'd be the gross rock that we'd call a cost a coup of mass. So, you know, it's, I think, today, I think that

someone can completely change their life just with the meditation, just with the yoga, just, you know, who they're trying, but there's an affair that you have to understand, is that it's not for all the world, each aspect of the spirituality or the bien-height, or whatever, it's not for

all the whole world. So, it's that the view of the podcast, in fact, is that, it was, it would marches for me the medicine ancestral, and then at the beginning, there, there was just that, my head, there was just that.

Someone, someone who had got to go to go to go, I was going to go to go to get to say, hey, hey, no,

no, no, you're going to get to do. I'm going to do it. It's not true. It's not

that you're doing, it's so that it's too, so that's, so, so. But, no, but in the time, you're so

it's really, you're so, it's, I'm, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going,

you go, I'll see, my, you know, I'm not, it's so. But it's that's the so the book

of the podcast in fact, it's for to tear a little little bit, everyone who think that they're better,

it's all the better. What's the way, it's the mayor, it's the very that's the work.

When it's it doesn't because it's long time to think that the alcohol it's the

yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, and maybe maybe I'm maybe I'm that there

someone there's someone who will get someone who I'm I'm really

in this moment, and maybe that the medicine ancestral will me save, or if it will be just the Brett Work,

the guy just about it's a lot of a word of it's not a question, and it there's a lot of there's no longer,

because there's there's actually there's extremely danger, man, it's, it's it can be dangerous, the medicine ancestral.

You're not in trying to say to all, and do you, do you, do you, do it's so. And I'm in

your salon, and I, I'll say, I'm absolutely not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm saying to

have to find with the people experimented, Even, me, the ayahuasca, in this moment, I'd, you know, it's, that's, that's, that's that you know, that's, you know, that I assist at these ceremonies,

I'd add to some, and I feel even not ready to do a ceremony, my own, to come to Quebec. Because you do, you do with, but in Yawaska, you, you, you know, that's not that you're the key, on the key, it's very dangerous, man.

It's very dangerous, so, sometimes physical and mental, man, you could, if, someone would be finery in psychos. I think, I think, my momental is quite for that I'll return after my 22

hour of rush. Because it's a bad bad to get in Christ. Yeah, I've never seen, I've seen some of the

people to do do you know, I've never seen of Piscos, but I've heard of Piscos to Yahuasca. The Poufow,

you've had a fact that I don't know for a hundred of people that you've been over the last yeah,

no, exactly. Exactly. I've never seen person, not not no. The Bufo,

in fact, it's the the more pure form of the demetitil triptamine, which you're already in the core. So it's the more dangerous, in fact, of the medicine ancestral. In the whole chart of the medicines ancestral, it's the most extreme.

It's the most extreme. Yeah. It's not... It's a medium of 15 minutes. Yeah, it's so, depending on the world. More long preparation physical, it's very... And it's not long.

After, you're... You feel well, you. You feel well, you. You can't be... And you can't... And then... You're just to go to rest in a gang. And, you know, you know, and...

And, you know, you... I'd finisher today. You know, I know that you've made a lot of changement in your life also at a level professional. You know, but, you know,

like, probably, as well, I've been to be in the States, it's in Danty, when the reality,

is that it's that's been top, top, top, top, top, top, it's, it's, it's, when you go

until you go, so it's it's a lot, so, so it's it's not a baggat magic,

no, It's one of the problems that I've got to work on that I've done. I've done with the medicine ancestral,

it's that it's really top, but there's not a top, but there's not that the

meditation can end extremely the yoga, there's a lot, there's there's a there's a it's,

you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you're,

for a time, or, whatever, what you're, what you're a bit, you're a little

a little bit a problem. I know the response because that I go to-to-o-to-we, and the anew? No. How you feel, how you see?

She can re-revene, I mean, the pain, I'm going to find a churn, and, ah, the frustration, the mesh, that, it will, it's, it will, it's going to, and it's going to, you know, I'm going to, you know, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not, you're not,

I've been, you know, man, it's not, you know, I can't, you, I don't know, to do, you, it's also, It's sure that I've made some of the choice. Yeah, I've made made the choice in my life

for it's the way to be the way to be the way, because it's sure if I'd in the center in the same, maybe I'd

return in violence and it's really not... Well, I'd be in latexit there'd not really the choice. I'd have a

question, and it's not, it's really not, I'd just be with my family, man, with my family, man,

my family, and, and, uh, it's all, man, I'd, I want to be

be able to be being the world I can't confirm it because I know I know it's a few I've had a

time that I've heard of time I've got to there's a I mean there's there's a that I know who I know

who they've that they're having said the part of control was totally it's really something

and I'm I'm not the guy the most spiritual to but I'm a guy who's a guy who grew on sign

and when I did you know I'm arrived with someone, and if that someone that, it was not well, and I said, you know, and I said, you know, it's it's a fool, because I heard

the name of this person that at radio, I called, he had responded, I knew, I'm saying, you know, and I've been, you know, so, you know, to... You've seen the appeal? You know, to, you know, the sign of the life, you,

and I know, and I see that you want to help, you, I'd like that, you'd like, to rectify that, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not say, I'd, I'd, the people, you know, the people, you're just,

of them in coming it's not me that's like I'm in, like I said, it could be told you, I'm doing

my back, put in the same result of you know, I'm going to do to say, by a lot of my podcast, there's a lot,

you know, and I'm going to say the same thing and I'm saying, I'm going to say, my guests, it's my guests,

it's their people, but in the same time, it's me that's the people who don't access to the people have access to

these inveter because I'm in the in the sense that you, you know, in the sense that, you know, you know, you know,

that's an opportunity that, you know, there's a there's a lot, okay, it's correct, but not for me,

and there's, and I, you know, I've been, you know, it's been, uh, especially at the

anxiety, I've been, I've been, I've been, I'm trying, my ball, that's, I'm,

yeah, I'd say, that I, that I'd deal with with it because I'm, and then,

he'd, he'd, he'd, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

it's, It's, it's... But, like I would say, a suburb of the ball of anxiety, it would have to be maybe to understand why they're coming, and what they'd

be able to help every year, a year, every year, a year, one by year, one by year, one, yeah, I see,

do you, do you, do that, the medicine, and, you know, I'm so, I'm so,

and it's so, it'd be very more, to say, hey, if the ball, they're, they're coming, with me,

and she'll be run to do, but you're going to, but, it's the reason, the podcast. You know, it's not my episode, it's your time. But, you know, there's a couple of years that it's all right

really not bad. I was going to see. And it's for the first time of my life. After 15 minutes, I'd have you pleaded like a baby in his bureau. And I'd say, like, hey, I know my problems. I'm from where. And I'm not ready to, I'm not ready to go. Ah, yeah.

So, is what I'm at 44? Is I'm ready to the year next? Is it at 50? Is I'm never ready? I know. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I'm not ready to have to have their face again. I'd say, I'm not to get a minute to be in

the knee there for the moment. You know, that's a but I'm never, but I'm never going to get to be able

to get to when I'm getting, just to get in with a bin and I'm sitting in my bowl of

toilet and say, it's a time, that's a time that's that's been that's been

19 years, that's so, well, you're not, you're not you're not you're not you're not

to, you're not, I'm not really so long than that. So, but, but I'm,

but I'm saying, not by about to me, but thank to you, because

that's doing what you did it, you've to save a number of a man. Thank you.

For real, man. If you if you if you had not done, if you

didn't, you know, so certain. You know, in the saving, you, it's so

that I can thank, it, it's you can these decisions to say, okay, I'm trying to do it

to say, you've done the chance. I've seen my intervie and you know like you're doing, like you

like you like you man, and click, clack, poof. But no, you've decided to listen to there's a

call, you get a thing, you're letting you and you're to save a life and you thank you

thank you. Thank you to me presentate to mind I've never seen that's

never seen and you know, you're say, you're to save the father of a little

cute that I know the same, you know, when you're to save on you, you know,

I'm trying, to be going to be that's, that's, I'm really, really, really,

in my head, it's a way, to me, to think that my family,

he'd really, that's more, that, their mother would have a mayor, a man,

a man, a person who would be more depressive, that's, it's a fool when you, you know, you know, you've, you know,

you've got to pass by the end of to, after you know, even again, it's very contradictory that I'm saying, but I'm,

but I'm, it's a suicide. Again, today, man, it's, it's a fool, there, I don't not, you know,

to be able to suicide, and I think that, if you're there, man, you're trying to, man, you're not, you,

I'm not many people who are past, by ch' I'm talking about my podcast, but, you know, who are, they're going, the tentative, yeah, they're

panted, the... Yeah, they're... Yeah, the... Yeah, like, the... Yeah, they're... They're... They're going to... They've been, they're...

They're just chasteo that it's not functioned, and, you know, there's not one who said, if they've made a chance, because, today...

And, you know, that's the most message that I can really want, you know, what you see, in this moment, you think...

It's temporary. You think... You're all the time it's just worse, but you're not a question at who I'm at who you do

say, you're trying to put in you're trying to project in some you know, but in the in three years you know,

you know, you know the control on today, you don't have the control in two years, in a year, in six months,

you have not the control there's just the live, you know, you can't you can't you can't

do not to decide to what it can't there's a there's a someone who has lost

there's Sabloon, he has He has lost 100,000 in the gambling and someone he's been he's in

an anxiety and he's done he's done after 24 and he's over the it's a lot of it's not a

no, now, today, there's just this podcast that is just a way to make a

plenty of solutions. If this podcast that can save a person suicide, I'd say

to say, hey, it's a option for it's my non, no,

but I'm you're to convince that you're to make that's even, that, I'm

I mean said, because I had been to be married, I had said, you know, I would be to be able to

she, she's a realist, and I'm going to to be able to talk about, that you're going to be going to be

to be to be able to be able to to be in this life that. There, it was rendered,

she was the egoist. But we're the people to make a to say, we're the

people to get to make to make a badone in the rude. Well, yeah.

Well, I'm, I'm just to be let's be chosen and to be let's be left to be open. You're choosing to, you're trying to, you're trying to,

to be your own podcast. I've found out of your podcast. I've found out of the last time. I've had to be it. I've been a long, it's a little. I've seen, in the face of Guy, it's a bit long. He'd say, hey, that, it's not, that, that'll pass up, so.

But, thanks to have part of this project, that. I think that's that will aid to the world. Well, the goal, it's that. In fact, it's exactly the book of podcasts, the best podcast, it's for

that there's an illuminate that's not that's not that's not that's just the medicine ancestral,

and he's he's able to get to get an ayahuasca to all the world and it will be that the people are

that can be dangerous, or that the way of to come with a medicine ancestral,

direct, bang, and then with the people, they're probably with other other

aspect, And also, people who who see that like fuck-up like the Tentra who thinks, hey,

it's just these pervers, because there's the word sexual in the Tentra. You know, the Buddhist

is a sect, the Krishna is a religion is a quite a sect also, and it's totally.

I'm sure all the whole of their place, all this to have a place, but it's

not all for all the world, it's so, you know, it's true, you look at what you're,

wow, it's what you have to It's really not for all the moment. Even, me, it's important that all the people come to connect. I don't know how you do it, I don't have the chance to listen to your podcast, because they're not

not out of the moment where we enragette, but you're down to say, you know, to say, John, you, you'd leave, like one of your addresses courierle or one of your pages, that people, if they want to pose the questions, directly, to, you, there's what you know, because it's what you know the most in, you know, the world can't you'd say, hey,

there's talking to tell you, I, you know, there's a lot of you, I've seen, everyone's of your invite, I imagine, we'll let them and we'll share the radio

social. So, so the Tien are accessible to do you know, because... The time, and they're

being used. And as like, you know, I'm saying, you know, I can, you know,

I can do do you know, and it's to be able to earie, I've never made a promotion, I don't,

and you do it for the money, and at the end, it's not, but I'm didn't know,

but I'm having to get over all the business, man, it's really And it's a

time and time and the world he comes, he's not a question, it's more it's not a need to be

I'm afraid of my morning and I'm satisfied in my life, you know, if you consider that's what

to say, it's on level, you know, I'm not to whatever, the life in general

because, Chris, we've lived to everyone of each every in the you're too,

you're too, you're too can't you're too there's still to travel to far, An estuette of a step that's that's been

that's So, let's do you So, the tenders are going to be over some, it's sure,

that's sure that's going to and I think that's going to my life, it's going to never to have to be

completely, I've tried, but you understand, at the yeah, I know, I know,

it's a bit of a first, it's a good before yeah, I, yeah, I know, but the medicine,

more, the medicine, most, I'm, I've seen many other other She's very helped with

with the anxiety. She can always be in it's a human, we're doing it's going to be able

to be able to we're doing, it's not to say, it's nothing to when she's when she's going to be

when they're going to be in an anxiety to see, like she comes, she's just she's just

been there, she's just bad atue, I'm just back to say, uh, metaphorically

part-ant, I'm doing, hey, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

I'm, I'm just not how you rap that's your podcast. It's your podcast. It's my episode today. It's your own episode. Hey, well, I... It's not like, I'm going to discover it. If you're just content that, I'm just content that I'm that I've known to look at how point it's all evolu. To be with this project that, to have had the chance, there are some things that I've ever seen

ever heard of your father, so I've ever seen plenty of things on you. The last thing, we're not going to be able to talk about six hours. That's certainly, I've got to be a lot. I've got to be the chance to I've been to talk in but... Bravo this project that. Bravo for your

chum, and I'm I'm a fair to you and I'm gonna tell you one of the last time, but thank you to have saved

my chum. Thank you very much. I've never never seen that man. I've never put that