Au Parloir - Épisode #88 - Pascale

Episode Date: May 4, 2025

Dans cet épisode, je reçois Pascale, révolte très jeune et mise en famille d'accueil, tombe dans l'univers des g@ngs de rue, se retrouve dans un système de «p1mp» pour les jeunes filles, v1ols collectifs, tombe enceinte très jeune ayant des pères absents, enfance difficile, et plus! Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

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and enjoy a stress-free connection. Auxio is always there for you, as your favorite spot on the couch. Auxio.ca Before starting this episode, I made a personal log. The next 9th of May, 9th of May 2025, because you might be listening in 2027, and I don't want you to introduce yourself there.

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It's going to be 32 seconds, it makes a big difference for me and a great way to support the podcast. www.cédricbergeron.com, which is my website where everything is gathered in the same place. So, the information for the podcast, the podcast's chandeliers, all my social media, and the information on my humorous career. Today we have received Pascal, Pascal-le. It starts young, violent family, father gambler, all that. There is revolt on his side. Housing. There is a street gang meeting, a collective rape, a pimpage,

a 9-car-long car, young children, missing parents. She climbed the hill. Unfortunately, there are family patterns that come back. These children also had their problems. There are still some of these children, one who has mental health problems, another who is in therapy at the time we were shooting the podcast for two days. You will see that during the podcast. A lot of emotion in this podcast. There was a big hug between us at the end of this podcast.

She really needed it, and honestly, he did me good too. Once again, I repeat, I don't necessarily endorse the gestures, the ideologies, the terms used by my guests, but I'm a person who takes the freedom of expression. I like frank people who speak with their hearts. Welcome to the speaking room. The podcast is a presentation of Play Numbers Game. Play Numbers Game, what is it?

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C'est malade là, t'sais. Et en plus, si tu vas sur du site, tu t'abonnes, tu mets un montant, ils t'en donnent directement, je te dis, ils font des cadeaux. Il y a une chose super importante, You subscribe, you put a link, they give it to you directly. I tell you, they give you gifts. There's one super important thing. It's made to have fun. The game must remain a game. Play numbers game. Hi Pascal. Hi Cédric. How are you? I'm fine, Are you nervous? A little bit. That's good.

We're cool, we're relaxed. We're calm. As I told you, off camera, you want to take a break, you tell me, we stop, we relax. There's no pressure, no stress. We're both here, we're having a conversation. We forget about that big black thing, we forget about the three other patterns that film us. It's in you that it happens. First of all, thank you for being here.

It's a pleasure, thank you for having me. It's a pleasure. We have a common friend, I can't say friend, but there's someone who's already come to the podcast, who's a friend of yours, André Posé. If you haven't seen André's episode, it's a super interesting episode. So I'm going to be curious about your story. You're going to tell me a little bit about it. We're going to get to that because it's part of my story too. That's perfect.

But let's start. At the beginning, as I do with everyone, where do you come from, what kind of family do you grow up in, and we're going to explain that until today. Well, I was born... I'm the second child. I have a brother, four years older than me. I would say I'm a village girl, but I remember more from Rosemont.

I grew up in Rosemont. So you know where we are from? Yes. It's a place you know. I remember very well from Messier and Pochelaga, but before that it was Saint-Léonard, and I remember a little less. You know, I have a brother who is four years older than me, I'm 50 years old, so my brother is 54 years old. I'm... I would say I come from a family that is still quite violent.

My father was a gambler. We were in crime too. A gambler needs money. So, that's it. I would say the first assault in my life was when my mother had me. She had a cesarean. And when they cut my belly, they cut my head. So, with the recuse, I look at that.

If you have a belly, I think it out of my stomach, well, I think it's an aggression for a baby to cut his head off, you know. I understand, but it wasn't... It's not an aggression, but it's still an... It wasn't an intentional aggression, you know. No, but it's not a nice way to get into this world. It's sure that it's... It's delusional to the point that when they brought me to my mother, she said,

it's not my child. And he said, well, that's it. They cut his head off. She moved when we opened the vent. So it was me. Excuse me, I'm cutting you off already. Sorry. But it's because we often hear it, you know, we often hear, you know, a baby, even if it doesn't have any memories, it has experienced trauma, even if you're not aware of these traumas, these are things that mark, so the hospitalization, young, you know, something like that, you know, an abandonment, you know, it was abandoned at two months, you know, I had one that was abandoned at the age of two months in a wardrobe.

She wasn't aware at two months, but it's still there. Maybe that's what I should have said, plus a traumatic experience. I think you've experienced aggressions in your life. I don't consider it as a look. No, it's just that... I just put the words more... I think it's weird, an aggression on the day you were born, I was like, damn... I was like, it's going to be deep.

It's going to be deep, but not at this level. That's it. I grew up in a family where my mother didn't work, she was at home. My father, he wasn't there often. But the times I remember him being there, they were important events. I'll tell you, the first thing I remember is maybe 4 or 5 years ago, my father was attacking my mother.

He was choking her. And if my brother hadn't been there, my mother wouldn't be in this world today. I always, with reflection, I find that I always try to get attention. So I'm a child, I think, who was a bit demanding. I remember having school crises, maybe I was three or four years old, when I would go into my room. My father would buy us dolls every year. My mother would put them on the desk and I would go into my room.

I had the flash of dropping all my dolls on the floor and being angry. Without a reason? Without a reason, but at 3 or four years old, a child who has a school crisis like that, there are reasons. You know, a child doesn't express himself at that age, he can't name things. So, for me, it was the aggressiveness that I had at home. And I also remember that my father, he woke me up to listen to Hulk.

But at an older age, I still have a feeling that I had been abused when I was young, sexually. But I wasn't sure if it was my father or my grandfather. I have the feeling, I have a memory without a face. And my grandfather, he often had comments like, Oh, you, when you get older, you're going to dance naked, it's a shame. And unpleasant comments like, Oh, I'm going to be a woman, I'm going to be a woman, My father often said things like, when you grow older, you'll dance naked in your t-shirts. He said things like that,

or he had a little boy and a little girl in the street, and he described things that were not right for my age. At school, I would tell you that I was a child who had no difficulties, even though I was more advanced than some. But I was still looking for it. I'm able to identify that I was looking for attention there too, because I remember in the first year, there was the 4th grade at that time, and the books they gave us were in black and white. And I had all colored during class. The catisharist book.

And the professor had to tell me, I said, but it's not beautiful, there's no color, little Jesus, you know, he's in black and white. So I often made myself put aside. And aside. And aside. And even that year, I was the queen of babies. Queen of babies. de côté, puis de côté, puis de côté. Puis même cette année-là, j'ai été la reine des bébés. La reine des bébés? Oui, elle m'avait mon tableau, puis j'avais gagné le titre de la reine des bébés. Tu sais, au tableau, il mettait souvent les enfants qui faisaient du trouble, puis pas de trouble.

Tu sais, la gratification, mais là, ça, c'était... Le bullying des profs, tu sais, t'as sept ans de plus que moi, older than me, I'm 43, but I remember, because I was a very turbulent student, I remember the day I entered a class and the teacher said, Good, there's the teacher coming! Yeah. Today, the teacher is going to be angry, he's going to be engaged, he's going to be crazy at night, and he's going to lose his job. It's crazy how bullying was against teachers and students. It was evil. And in the end, a child who bothers in class is a child with a deficit,

a problem, something that probably doesn't go with them. And I also remember at school, maybe around the third year, my father had still assaulted my mother. I was being beaten in class to get out of class. I read it again in a research, I was trying to say something. I remember a specific day when there was violence in our home. And when I was back after dinner at school, you know, I was having dinner and I was going out of class.

And I went to the infirmary, but you know, I didn't like anything in the end. So, that, in my opinion, is the first things that affected me a lot in my life. It was the violence that was in our home. Was it a violence that only your mother was suffering? No. I can't speak for my brother because I don't remember. The strap. If you take your hands off, you start from scratch. For the young people, the strap was the belt. The belt, the hearts. The belt folded in half.

It hurt my finger and it was breaking. So, I remember that. My brother, as I told you, I can't say. It was years that went by. Wait until your father arrives, it was working. The father, the father, the father. In the end, my brother is well appreciated. But I...

And even today, there's a difference. By coming further, I'll be able to explain some things. I can understand. I'll be able to explain some things by coming further. Your brother is like the first born, the eldest son. You're like the second. I'm the child, I take the pill and I didn't want you, but I had you. I'm your grandson, you take the pill. So you always have a little feeling of... I don't think it was.

Okay. You know, I have three children. You heard it verbally. If I know it, it's because she told me. I don't remember when I was young, having to do micro-editing for my children. I can't say when I knew it, but I know I was a little bit scared.

I didn't want a second one, but I knew I was going to get a little bit of a I didn't really hang on. I swam for a long time in competitions. If I hadn't been in the swimming pool, I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to do the Olympics. I'm sure I would have made it this far. But I bought synchronized swimming trunks, water polo, diving. I didn't stay... I think it's because I didn't feel encouraged or encouraged. My brother and I were in a tense situation at the same time. My mother let my brother go out in hiding, but not me. I heard my friends playing in the street, and I was asleep.

I had already asked one of my mother's friends that I had seen a couple of years ago, pis moi j'étais couchée. Pis j'avais déjà demandé à l'une des amies à ma mère que j'aurais vu une couple d'années. J'ai dit, tu sais, je me semble que j'étais souvent couchée de bonheur chez nous, tu sais. Pis elle me dit, «Waouh, elle dit quand j'allais voir ta mère, elle dit que j'allais pas souvent, mais t'étais souvent couchée de bonheur, tu sais». Fait que, tu sais, sur le primaire, il s'est relativement bien passé, mis à part en sixième année, puisque j'avais les deux classes contre moi. It went relatively well, except in the sixth year, when I had both classes against me.

It was from a popular girl who didn't like me, and then there was a training effect, because I was really being cured by both classes. So at the end of the year, I served a popé. I served a whole... I served her all of a sudden. I don't remember her name. It's okay. We can't remember her name. I have a good example.

It really struck me. We were at the arena. There were games at the end of the year. He had a song on me and everyone was singing it. I was relatively revolted. So after a year, you got your head kicked. And the violence that was at home. I was the kind of child that when there was a child who was being bullied or who was more demunite than another, it was me. I defended him.

I said, your turn, it's you, it's me. I wasn't afraid to fight. In fact, I was so afraid of my father at home that when I got to the exit, I could hit someone, I did it. Until I defended my brother. That was the most important thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that was the only way for me to be able to, sorry, to get my aggressiveness out of it.

A little tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say a little marked by my sixth year. Then I went to the Louriel school. Then Tabarnouche, that was in school, you had no right to sing with drawings, no right to jean, no right to wear jean. You know, it was still quite strict as a school. And I was in a school where I was enriched in French and English. Moi, je suis dans une partie où j'ai été enenrichie en français et en anglais. Puis la prof de français m'appelait la garce, la petite garce.

En secondaire 1? Oui. Elle m'appelait la petite garce. Mais déjà, peu importe secondaire 5, ça se dit pas plus. Elle m'appelait la petite garce. La petite garce qui arrive. Oui. Je pense que je suis un peu confrontante avec l'autorité. I think I was a bit confrontational with the authorities. Basically, I liked my friend.

And you know, at the time, there were the Adidas shirts, which were a few bucks, and there were really big drawings. She put one on, I put one on. I was the one who was going out, and she wasn't going out. So I took it to the director's office. He was so angry. He was pushing her to the desk. He was hitting me on the back.

He tried to put me back in my place. But the problem wasn't with me. It was with me, but it was with what I lived in our house. And... At Christmas, at the exams, we went, you know, you have an exam in the morning, you're very busy, so we all went to a girl's house and we drank. Well, I drank, but they made me drink, you know,

and I was getting drunk at my exam. And I was sick, but sick. So, you know, it started already with a year, a year, a year at Rock and Roll. The 13th Heaven, at that time, it was starting to be very popular. Friday, Saturday, Sunday was a disco for the people. OK, OK, I don't know.

On Saint-Grégoire and Papineau. And, well, Sunday was at the bottom of below 18, but yeah, that was it. And on Saturday, it was 16. On Saturday, it was 16 and more. 16-18. 16-18, yeah. But with the street gangs coming on Sunday, it was still pretty... There was a lot of people. And I went to Cachette, I couldn't go. I went to Wichico Metro, which was too far away, for a few bucks,

to be able to take a ride. There was another dance I didn't like either. That was on Friday evening. That was also a place that was for rock'n'roll. Normally, it's not a normal place, but when you live in a violent house, and you have problems with behavior at school, you easily become a victim for the guys who are looking for those girls. So, as I was going through the process, I met people.

I still remember coming back to the Chandaille at 10 o'clock. I had it one Sunday at the 13th sky. And one of my friends came to see me and said, Go ahead, they want your Chandaille. I ran to the rail. It was about 30 years behind me. I ran to them in a real. They were about 30 years behind me. They ran after me to pick me up. I was under a balcony.

I stayed there. They all left. A lady who stayed there saw me come in. She asked me what I was doing. I said they wanted my shirt. My brother and his friend were making boxed shirts. Whenene? And I said, they want my shirt. And those were shirts that my brother and his friend made from the box. And when he went to New Jersey, he brought them back. So I didn't want to steal my stuff.

So in my memories, if I remember correctly, I called home and they came to pick me up and they brought me back. On Friday, the other dance, these same guys, basically, they dragged me into a ghetto, if you will, into a house. The building wasn't abandoned, but the house they took me to was abandoned and it was maybe about fifteen. I was maybe about fifteen. I remember maybe eight or nine people, and after that I lost my card.

So it was my first rape with the collective. I managed to identify four or five people They took me to court. You were 13 years old. About? I'm 13, 14, 13. 13 years old. 12, 13 years old. 12 years old. Yes, because it was my first year on the run, so I was 12 years old. You were charged? Well, not on the spot. Other things happened, you know, like if you arrived at the reception center, the police approached me and...

But wait, because you weren't at the reception center... No, not yet, I'm still at home. Okay, so wait. I'm still at home. And I don't want to... I still felt very emotional, my goal was not to go home and say... No, that's okay.

No, at that point, that event comes after. You're alone in the apartment, you leave, they leave, they leave. I woke up and there was no one left. Because you were wiped out or because you left in your mind? I think I was wiped out. I wasn't there anymore. I had a few claps too.

It's not like you say yes, yes, I want to, but at the same time, you resist when at some point the gang was there. So you say it's your first VIA. What I don't like to hear, because it's so naked, it's not the last. No. It's your first time too. Yes. I was overwhelmed in that way, completely. When you wake up, what do you think?

I think I went home. There are things I remember. It looks like the brain blocks things. I remember that. But the exact details after that. And I often lied to my mother to tell her that I didn't have the right to go. So I got angry, I was friends. And the dance ended at 10, 11 o'm. and it was 9 p.m.

In the end, it was the 42nd that called it. 9 and 42nd. In an old school, it was still there. But you don't say what happened because you're afraid to be shamed. I don't know if there are young people listening, but... Don't do that. And I try to... I tell my friends, stop being afraid that I'll be bullying you to say bullshit. Probably the result is always worse.

And that's it, to be afraid. You can't be afraid to denounce a rape, to be afraid to be bullied by your parents. I understand that you come from a family, maybe... You're afraid to report a rape, I'm not afraid to be beaten by your parents. I understand that you come from a family that's not classic. You're afraid to eat some class. My mother beat me, but maybe not more than one. I remember certain things. I don't want to go into it too much because despite everything, even if she looks at them, I don't want to do anything. I came here to count my children. It's not really...

It's their right, but I wouldn't do it on purpose. I remember a bang in the middle of the street. I can't say how old I was, but it was the first year, the second year, the third year. I had a bang in the middle of my face. I remember being on the ground and crying, because I was bleeding, and I knew there was people watching. So, you know, it's little moments where I go home late, and she slapped me, but she waited for me to get out of the bath, and the wet thighs didn't get me.

The wet thighs, the slaps, and my mom, she slapped me on the back. Not like that. So, it hurt, you know. So, that do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it.

I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it.

I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to kill myself in time. You told me about the reception center, so what's going on? It's coming. I'm just trying to help you.

I got bored at school, having these meetings, because I was coming back the same way. I didn't just say things, I kept seeing this world. You were kind of hide your face? Yes. In the crowd. I was like... You know, in adolescence, when you leave, it's your emotions and your business. Do you kind of normalize what happened to you?

No. No, OK. But you know, it's part of so many other injuries at the same time. I think that... I never asked myself that question. You're going to make me think. No, but I'm... I'm not asking you the question because, you know, it's...

I don't know if it's... I think it's going to sound bad and it's not my intention, but... The way I'm going to say it, but you know, you said you were looking for a lot of attention, you know. Is this event, although it was ultra-negative, you had a certain amount of attention. There were a lot of people interested in you, but despite the fact that it was a bit wrong... In the end, I followed one guy to find myself with a lot of other people.

So you were paying attention to a guy who attracted you to that. Yes, but an innocent attention, because I had never had anything yet. Sexuality wasn't there for me yet. Just, you're beautiful, you're nice. They're good in there. So, that's it. That happened. There was Christmas. That happened. There was Christmas, there was that.

It happened often that I went there. There was a call, at that time there was a police officer, you know. I was holding on to someone who was older than me. I had one of my friends who was the same age as my brother. And her cousin was older. So I said, I'm going to sleep at Annick's. But we walked all night in Bessac. We walked in Rosemont, and we walked down the small avenues by bike.

One year we went to Saint-Hélène, everyone in Bessac. They left me there. I was two, basically, on a bike. They left me there. I walked from Saint-Hélène to Bourg-Bagnères-Pimasson. When I arrived, Paulette Jeunesse was sitting there. My photo was out. I think they considered it a runaway.

Even if I explained my story. For us, I started my story and everything. For the others, it was like, I started being a child with a problem. You had kids, you went out, you drank at school, and you made games. Yes, it started, but it was all those events that led me to do the same things, to make myself recognize the bad side, basically. And then, a little before the end of school, if you remember the time, yeah. Listen, the timeline of the exact months is not the end of the month.

No, no, but because there are dates that I remember very well, and I have to remember. The end of school arrives, and then I met some guys, not bad, but they some guys from the gang. So... Duquarnes Joseph. When we talk about Duquarnes Joseph and the 12-year-old girl who went to prostitution, well, it's me.

She's one of the aggressors like I went through in class. For those who don't know the name, if you're interested, it's someone who died in the last few years. It was made, I think, a year or two ago. No, no, it's been six years, I think. Oh, yes, no, I mixed with someone else. I mixed with someone else, it was made, I think. It was made by someone else. But it's far away. I mixed with someone else. It's been passed through the crowd. It's been passed through the crowd.

But it was someone who was very, very high placed at the level of the Montreal Gang. Which was not the case at that time. No, I think it was his first incarceration. He spent eight months in the end. I didn't go through... In the end, he didn't have any more culprits. It was the technique of not having a trial. So that's it. I was forced to go to the prosecution,

to eat a group of thieves. But before that, we talked about it because we didn't even go through the first event's court. No, but it's a band. No, but what I'm saying is that you're just... So you're hanging out with these guys, so you're going to be less at home, I guess. Yeah, and I don't go to bed, and then, you know... And it's at that moment that you fall, it's like...

They literally force you to the position. Yeah. You go there, you eat a fly. Yeah. But in the meantime, I saw someone else who was a member of the street gang. I was sacrificed by that guy too. He was more jealous. I went to the park to join them and that's when I went to bed.

I got home late, I took my dog and I was going to walk the dog, but I didn't come back. And that's it. I was a dog lover, but I didn't come back. And that's it. I fell pregnant. I was eating in a room that was stolen. I had a false sex. How old were you? 14? I was 12 or 13. Okay, you were in the same year.

Yes, it was still the same. You said the end of school. I thought you were in the 14th grade. Towards the end of school year. Yes, June, June 6. In the form, everything went from December to August 16, 1988, until I went to the reception until August 16, 1988. They said it was quite long, but my mother was not able to take it. My mother, I was already doing it for a while.

I said, if you don't put it outside, it's going to go away. That's what happened. If you don't put it outside, it's my father. If you don't put it out there, it's my father. You know, what I hear about that and what it often makes me do, is that, you know, it's a little... it's not worth it, it saves, it holds. But you know, at the base, it's violent in your home, the atmosphere is ridiculous, you're being raped by a gang. It's normal, you know, that to be a life rebel at that age? Yes. I was going to the city center, to the Main.

At the Main, it was Duremi Mercier, the Pimp Jerric Hill, the big things. It was dangerous. A 12-13 year old child doesn't have a thing like that. I'm going to ask you a question, and it doesn't explain anything. But, you know, at 12-13, do you look like 12-13? Well, yeah. Yeah. I danced, and today I wonder how that happened. I wasn't that well-developed.

How did the old Chris's see that I was a child? I started the first time and then I went to Ottawa. It wasn't in Montreal. When you run away, you don't stay in Montreal most of the time. Those guys who hire you via the agencies, who provide you with money, and they pay you bus tickets to go. Hello, you don't a child. I was a child. You see that I was a child. Even if I took myself for a woman,

because, you know, when a teenager isn't like a guy, a girl isn't like a guy, we're going to be older next, and we're going to age older. And even more so today, thank God there weren't any social networks in my time. plus vieille de suite pis on agait plus vieille pis encore plus aujourd'hui, je disais merci, y'avait pas de réseaux sociaux dans mon temps, là. Mais je comprends pas que les gens étaient à l'aise ça, comme un ducan Joseph, 30 ans plus tard, on s'ti, qui était encore à la même place, qui faisait encore les mêmes maudites affaires,

pis y'a rien que s'est passé entre temps. Y'en a touché des filles, c'te gars-là, lui parmi tant d'autres, là. He hit on girls, this guy, among many others. There was a damn gang that died or stayed in there. They were sent back, that's what they should have done from the beginning. And well, they were criminals, and you know, they shouldn't have had citizenship and everything. And I'm not racist, I have two children, but I have six out of three. But if they do this, things up, they get arrested. Put them in jail or they'll resign.

Send them to jail, send them where they come from, it's over. So that's it. And me, before going to the shelter center, I don't know how long, but there was a day day I came home and my father was hanging in front of the door when I opened the door. And I found him anyway because the first shot that missed his shot was broken. But if it hadn't broken, would he have succeeded or whatever? And now, lately, I ask my mom, I ask her, I don't remember anything. I don't remember. She wasn't there.

And I don't remember that question. I don't remember anything. I just remember that moment, but what happened before, after, I can't remember. You remember that image, but did you talk about it? Did you talk about it with him? I don't know. I don't remember very well. And then I tell myself...

Sometimes, there are things that happen that... I may have played a game in my memory, but that's impossible. It's a remarkable event. It's not from Christmas. So I remember very well. And he was crying, and that, and that. And my mother said, I don't remember the grave.

And it made me a little angry. And then, with some retreat, I said to myself, well, maybe his brain blocked some things. And I understand, you know, at the age of 40, maybe she doesn't remember the grave. Or maybe she just doesn't want to remember it. Without judgment, without anything, I let it go. I think you're well placed to understand that there are events

that we don't want to remember in life. Yes, and poor thing, it's a shitty life. I live the violence of death, but my mother, in fact, what she had with the means she had. And that's it. In 88, you find yourself in the end, she did what she could with the means she had. And that's it. In 1988, you end up in Centre d'accueil. On August 16, 1988, I go back to Centre d'accueil. At L'Escale.

We all go there first, before going anywhere. So, I have a year. If I remember correctly, it was a year. A couple of months. I spent 11 months without leaving. I went straight to Notre-Dame-de-Laval. Notre-Dame-de-Laval, at that time, was a closed center. But closed, it was high security. But you weren't a criminal, however.

It was just a call to escape all the time. Well, escape, when we proved it, but you know, with the evidence at home, you know, the meetings, I didn't speak. I hadn't said a word yet. I hadn't told anything. But why not a family of hostages more than a family of hostages? Oh my God, thank you, Mom, for not accepting it.

Mom didn't want it. And the story of the oral, I waited for hostages. There are good ones. It's for sure. I know I talk about it a lot, but I consider it a good one. I know there are some good ones, unfortunately. I hear it too often here. And that's it.

For me, to have lived with other girls who came, who had a host family, it wasn't a good story. So that's it. And when my mother, I always said, I'm a little bit of a bitch, don't put my picture in the newspaper. Because one day, I never put my picture in the newspaper, you'll never know why. And that's it. The first months, you're in the welcome unit, when you haven't had, let's say,

you haven't been to court to have a fixed time, well, and there's no place for you in the long term in Oise. So you spend a time in the welcome unit where you're under observation, and they do in the house, they were watching, and they were doing the behavior reports, and then it all came back to me. And then, Louis-George, Louis-George, my first educator, a barrack, a man, he impressed me, you know, but he was a good man. Yeah, you said his name with a...

Yeah, I keep good memories. With... I saw in your eyes and in your ears and in your ear that it wasn't a negative person. No, it's not all... it's not all not-fine. And it's because it took me a while to listen to him and make me talk. And he observed things that were open to other things, you know, like he asked my mother, are you sure that her father didn't touch her? She said, why not? I said to him, because what happened was that my mother separated from my father a month after I went to the hospital. And then she said, no, I said to him, why?

Because your daughter has behaviors of a child who lived in the SS, who was abused. She never talked to me again. I don't really know how they came to send us police, me and two or three other girls in the unit. These were police officers who called the street gang. They were investigators. So, first encounter, second encounter, I don't speak, then my nose went boom! Everything came out.

Everything, everything, everything came out. All the stories of aggression, all the stories of opposition. Dancing and all those things came out. So, the needle went in, well, they came to get me, we didn't allow it. We identified, basically, it was like two white stars, there were photos, full of guys, and you tell him, do you know him, What is his name? Identification.

And you know, I ended up going to court. I had, like, two years of trial, quite regularly. In two years, I had seven people accused. And the one who was caught the longest was 16 years old. It was a lot of pain, but he ended up being 16 years old. I wasn't the only one. And... That's it. There's one thing I want to say. It's good.

Because the amount of people who happen, who don't talk about it, who keep it, who don't complain, unfortunately, there are too many. I know the number of girls who write to me and explain what they've been through, and who say, I don't have the strength to file a complaint. And that, ladies, please find the strength. And bravo, at your age, to go to trial, to testify. And you're alone? You have everyone, because you don't have family support, I imagine. Not the reception center. It was just the police who came to get me and took me there.

And at first it was difficult because it was not yet closed as a trial, in the sense that there were guys who came and did intimidation on the floor. So they took me there, they took me to another floor. The public didn't have access. I think my need for attention took me to be able to do it too. To put words on it. At this age, today, with reflections, I'm able to see it like that today with reflections.

Because I needed someone to take care of me. Someone who listens. But you had the attention of an adult. Yes. There are people who listened to you, who believed you. Yes. I was often accused of younger things than I was doing earlier. I ran away and came back to the same place I came from. Because you were in the shelter center.

I stayed in the shelter center until I was 18. And that's where you grow up. I'll explain. Basically, I was always afraid. My mom would tell me, you were always afraid. I was afraid four times out of five years. That's not a lot. I knew there were serious escape groups.

But it was their dynamic of life. It was special. And it made me feel bad. Why did you let them out? and you don't let me out? I was obstinate, I tried to... I started to run away when I had all my privileges, when it took a long time, I was strong. And then I wanted to go back home.

No. Huh? What's the point of doing all these efforts? Fuck you. Bye. I'm leaving. It doesn't work. I don't want to be here anymore. Because I was not well at home, you're not well in the reception center. It's not fun to be in the reception center.

And I had the famous master-b regulation. A house regulation that made sure that I was not allowed to be in the presence of another girl alone. I always needed to have an educator with me. I was not allowed to who was allowed to be in the presence of another girl. I was always the only one with an indicator. I wasn't allowed to talk to other girls. I was accused of being recruited. I never recruited a girl. Never in 100 years. I had friends. I went to school abroad during my placement. I didn't want to take her with me. I had another friend.

I was always alone. I never recruited anyone. When I was a fugitive, when I was going to dance, I was going to dance on my own. You have to survive. And the position, you know, it's not something that... The dance either, but the position, I never turned around by myself after that. You were going to dance by yourself, but not position. No. So, you know, I was's for you, but not for the post. No. So, you know, I was running away, but... I'm telling you, I find it weird

because you said I was a Master B, so... The rules. It's a house rule. It's a house rule that carries this name, that if I'm not mistaken, it's a name of a gang of rascals. Well, you got it all, it's because I identified myself among those guys.

It was the people around me. It's really stupid to use the name of a gang outside MPP. And internally they put a regulation that gives you that name. Damn, sometimes... Gangs of streets, so you're... The logic they have... So in addition to having lived their violence against each other, well, in the end, we were still making sure to have lived those things against those guys.

Because, let's say, if there were outings outside, or if there was a pool in Notre-Dame-de-Lavoir, but on Sunday, let's say it was the group pool because all the units could go, but I didn't have the right. The candidates, I didn't have the right. allowed. I wasn't allowed to do anything. Because they decided to stick a tent to you? Yes. Connected to the rice fields, when you're a victim? I was doing recruitment.

I was once a girl, but we didn't go to the post office and we were there. And when we came back, she had less consequences than me. And that marked me, it made me feel bad. You didn't accuse Dorien? No. Well... But no, but to run away and... I wouldn't go home. I'd sleep. It's not criminal accusations.

You didn't beat someone, you didn't steal. You know what I mean? You didn't come in here without a reason. No, I've never been to that court. I've never been to a court. You're a victim, you've witnessed it. I know it's been a long time, but it's a story. You're there to help and support people, not just local people. I know, I have a daughter who came, who took a rape, outside the center, arrived, she didn't speak.

As a result, they isolated her for four weeks. Oh, and the Germans over there, it was terrible. The written feedback, written feedback, written feedback. And until you understand that I write what they wanted, and if they would make an impairment, let me go out. Because the retreat rooms and those things, there was a halt. It wasn't fun to be there. It was in your room all the time.

You had activities in your room. You went out to smoke. Then for lunch, you went back to your room. I stayed for two weeks on the run, doing the essays around the letters. Yeah. 11 months already, the first time without going out, it's not normal. I've been doing this for more than my aggressors. I've been doing this for a long time.

Five years. Almost five years. That's disgusting, What you just said. You don't understand what I mean. I've been doing this for a long time with my aggressors. It's disgusting that you said that. That you lived through that. What I don't like about all these stories is that it's not normal to leave me alone in the classroom. And my mom says, Why didn't you accompany me?

Why didn't you support me in there? She says, Well, when I talked to the detectives, they said I should have supported you in those things that I wouldn't have liked. Without judgment, I would have wanted to know enough. And the policemen were correct in that, because Pierre Blondin, you see, it really marked me. It's a name of an investigator who doesn't listen to me.

Mario Gisondie, he became quite, but that was the investigators from Street Gang, who called Opus 51 at the time, on First Revenue Mason. It was not far from here. They came to pick me up from time to time in the centre to say, «Oh, we're going to identify this or that place. We did things like that. I knew exactly where it was. And then there was a story at the OECA.

Two years later, I had never been to the OECA. We were there last night. I was able to identify the house, exactly what it was. And then they came to pick me up, they took me to the Swiss chalet. They made me go out a couple of times, you know, like, on the side to do some good in the end. And to go further than that, winter, summer, how come all these steps were not taken?

I've never had all those things. And yet, post-traumatic, all those stories, and there was content. And Chris, there were lawsuits, accusations, and penalties. Yes, but you know, the irony is that when I tried, I don't remember how long, about ten years, because I would have maybe wanted to take a step towards Hivac or Kavac. I would have had to go to the Justice Department, get all the files out, it was two pieces per page, then, you know, the copies of files, I couldn't do that.

You know, I had time, like, I had a lot of time on my hands. And then, at 17, they gave me the opportunity to go to school abroad. And then you think about ceramics, sports, cooking, French, English, math, history, Geo, whatever, ordinary school, 11 subjects. And I never had a contract. You know, there was a school a little bit in Louriel, the first secondary school,

for the time I went to, and everything. A school in Laval. And I see a big difference between me and the others. I went to school this week, and after that I went back to the center. No story of going out, and that. And the laundry, I didn't have, they didn And the difference in behavior, I saw that I had a bump on the top, not better, but I was older, I was more mature. Because what do you go to the center, you're confronted with yourself,

in your children there. So it didn't take long. After that, they sent go to the center, you're confronted with yourself, with your children there. So it didn't take long. After that, they sent me to school, the turn, I had to have a presence every week. I had a presence every week, and I went to computer science, I think, I'm not sure. But the turn came with, it was a little bit later, and I was in a supervised apartment. At 17.

I went into a supervised apartment, which also didn't last very long, because there were girls who had been in the apartment longer than me. And then we went to see Naughty by Nature at Checkers in Montreal. I went in for an hour, and the others had to be back in four hours.

What do you think happened? I can't go back in an hour, I'm back in four hours. They put me back in the group room. Can I just make a parenthesis? You're really lucky to have been able to see Naughty By Nature. I may have said something that you didn't understand. I was like, wow! Y'a eu dans le moro pipi!

Ce que j'aurais donné pour voir Narni by Nature en live. Je me souviens, un flash niaiseux, il nous lançait des sons si c'était des capotes. Ouais, ouais, mais... Le chanteur principal, il est devenu pornstar après. Oh, je don't know. I know he did porn. I saw it in a show 15 years ago. It was old groups. EP, MD, and all that. Sorry, it was a little parody.

It was like, wow, Magic by Nature. It's been a long time since I heard it. And I'm not sure he would have accepted the whole concept, if he had all the details. I'm not sure you saw the permission in the door. It wasn't at Checkers, it was a club right next door. It was a club right next door. You could go see Notty By Nature.

He comes home at 4 a.m. and there's a plan of intervention. He goes to the supervised apartments.. You go to the supervised apartment, you go back to the group room, it was all in the same building. So... And then, recently, I got a flashback of those events because I was listening to a teacher with my chum

and he was talking about suicide and everything, and it made a bang. I tried to commit suicide after that event. I didn't get it. I have to admit that I smoked weed for 30 years. I spent 4 years in Spain and I haven't been smoking for 4 years. So there are things that show that that I really didn't know about or that I have flashbacks.

So yeah, that's it. But you have to have lived in STDs, things to forget about, an attempt to commit suicide. Yes. Because it's the proof that you lived in STDs so that it becomes almost trivial. I don't want to trivialize, far from me, trivialize the... There's a lot of shock.

But you have to, for your brain to trivialize thatalizing that, it's because there are other things that... It's never stopped in my life. I always say that my life is a therapy. And when I'm looking for help, I never need it. Call 1-866-APPEL if you ever have thoughts, you don't feel... Even if you're not sure, no, it's not worth it. Call. A call is a call. And I was in the middle, you know, in the frame. The only thing I remember is that it was so green, coal in the hospital.

And they tried to stab me before leaving, and the veins were bursting. But that's it. I can't even say which hospital. Well, it must be the city of health. I was in Laval. But it's little bits of memory that come back to me sometimes. I'm like, damn. And the emotions were strong.

My son was looking at me like I didn't know. I wanted to name him. And I ended up saying, I couldn't remember anything. It was normal not to remember. But you know, the drawer is full. My data, my data is loaded. So that's it. At the group's house, one day, I had one of my kids in the apartment.

And one day I decide that it's replacements that are there. I go with my bags. une journée je décide que c'est des remplaçants qui sont là. Je pars avec mes sacs. Elle dit, t'en vas où avec ça? Je dis, mon ami, c'était son linge, je l'ai lavé ici, fait que là j'y ramène. Elle a aucune notion ce que je suis en train de dire. Elle peut pas vérifier ça. J'ai dit, je me souviens pas.

J'ai 17 ans, moi je suis nôme d'octobre. I don't remember. I'm 17 now. I'm in October, so it's maybe... Before summer, there was a turn, so the school was on the edge of a cliff where it was over. So I left. Bye. I don't even know where I really went. I'm trying to figure out. There are so many things going on in my head. But I think I went to one of my rooms that had an apartment. Because I have another event that is more there. I got married at 17.

A paper marriage. Signed. My mother signed it. So it wasn't... To have money to be able to rent something, not to be in the street. Because when you go to the police station, you don't have money, you don't have anything. Even if I left a couple of months before my release, I have nowhere. I've heard of marriages, dad, for money. I've heard of it for school fees, things like that.

Marriages arranged so that someone can know their citizenship. Okay, perfect. So you were paid to marry someone? Well, I was paid. Listen, I didn't have much. It never happened. In fact, I went crazy. I was young, innocent, a loser, and everything you want. I probably had 2000 dollars, and I didn't have the wedding party. But the guy didn't have his papers either.

He was sent back, and that's it. I fell in five. Your mother signed that? Yes. I'll tell you frankly, when I got into the shelter, my mother moved in. And when I got there, I didn't have a room. So I went out on weekends, I didn't have a room. So I left the weekend, I didn't have a room. My brother was all alone.

Mom got married with a... Mom got married with someone who was also... You know, her case was repetitive. She fell into the same pattern. Yeah. Because I don't want to name him. I don't want to have any prejudice about nationality and everything. I didn't have a room. Well, he had a room, but he didn't have a bed. It was all desks full of stuff that were in there.

So that's it. So it's clear for me. You didn't have a place anymore. No. So if there are wedding tables, it's going to get a little more embarrassing for you. Yeah, he was in a 3.5, so she didn't need to welcome me. And because of the phase of things, she had a lot of things to do. Sometimes she didn't have the choice to get me, even with children. So that's it.

You're falling into five? I'm falling into five, but not... Okay, that's it, I was just asking a question. No, no, no. My first child. I have 3 children. I have a boy and 2 girls. 31, 30, and my youngest will be 28, the 28th. And my first two... My first two are from Jamaica.

And my last one is blonde. He's in Nantibet. You're 17 when you're 5? Yeah. I'm on 5 in June. I tried to calculate yesterday. I was 17 on the 21st, I had already done my doctorate. You started in June? Yes. So that's in the month of January. Yes, that's it. You were really borderline. You fell in the borderline at 18.

You were 18 when you were in bed. Yes, yes, yes. So you were borderline at 18. Yes. But it was done quickly. At the moment you left with your two bags, the host family, it wasn't a host family, it was a group house. When you family of the receptionist, there was only a group of people. Everything was in a chain.

It was fast. Was it a chum? It was someone that I... It's my first love. OK. He, in fact... It's another chum that came when I was 16. My chum, Jose, got shot.

And my mother, that 20th week, she didn't want to let me go out. And I always had the feeling that if I had gone out and I had been with her, it was me who would have had the ball. It was a drive-by shooting in a party. And she died. So they didn't let me go out the following week, because she knew I wasn't going to skip. And then the week after, I left. When they let me go out and I met him.

So that's it. I played a lot of other games. Was it a end? Yes, but at Jamaican, it's no game. Jamaican, it's more about the traffic and those things. It just arrived, it wasn't long ago. But with you, were you there? Well, yes.

For a short time, I was in the reception center, so when they picked me up, I went back to the center. I didn't really see him right away. And I imagine when you were in the reception center, so when they picked me up, I went back to the center. I didn't really see him right away. And I imagine when you fell in the center, you weren't wanted. Well, no. He was sure it was the guy I married, and that's it. And anyway, he laid on the left and on the right, solid. Well, a short story.

I found myself in Toronto. I followed my wife. Okay. She was going to work there. I didn't work. I followed my aunt. Ok. She was going to work there. I didn't work. I followed her. I was just a nonna. I didn't have anywhere to go.

I had nothing. I stayed at the Salute Army during my pregnancy. I don't know. She left. I don't even know where she went. I rented a room in a room house, but I didn't have any money. I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything. I went to the Salute Army.

The guy wanted to do business with me, but I didn't know anything. I was pregnant. I was pregnant until then. He put me out, so I got up there in the army of salut. I asked for help, I couldn't get it. They gave me a check to pay for the bus and come back to Montreal. I don't have enough ID cards, I can't change the check. I remember, I think it was one of my... I was visiting two people over the check. I don't remember. I was meeting two people there who helped me.

One was his conscience. I was pregnant and I was crying out of joy. He had a pregnant girl out of the couple. He was in a couple and he never took care of the baby. He was so pitiful. He helped me once in a while. He paid for my bus ticket and back. I was getting off at my mother's at the time. In Saint-Ducos-Auray, at 18, you got off.

Yeah, but not long after, my father took me to Saint-Ducos-Auray, Saint-Rése-Saint-Laurent. And I went back to Rosalie Jeter. Rosalie Jeter was a home for pregnant girls. Like, all my life. It's a show that I watch on TV, and it's a school for pregnant girls. So I started...

I went to bed. A month after I got pregnant, I went to bed. J'ai accouché. Un mois après que je suis arrivée, j'ai accouché. Hum... Ça allait bien. Mon père venait me voir. Hum... Là, je me suis mise... J'avais ma chum Tammy, puis son chum qui restait, ça aussi Laurent.

Puis lui, il vendait au Corée Saint-Louis. Fait que des fois, j'allais les voir, tu sais. De fin en aiguille, je rencontre le père de ma deuxième, qui était là. I was going to see them. At the end of the needle, I met the father of my second child. Oh! Something I should never have done because he was in the traffic. One day, I had a wake-up call, but I didn't pick it up. There was a descent and the police told me, You're a bastard, you're not going to say that, you're a baby,

they're going to take you away, and ba ba ba, and whew. I skipped, but we had a house, me and him. And he was selling, he left in the morning, and he came back in the evening, and with a little money, and he went back in, he went back in, he came back out, he came back in. Until I realized he was a hypocrite. And that was a business for me. down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down it, because you told me that at the beginning of high school you started drinking, but in all those years, were you ever in any kind of consumption?

No, I wasn't. I never really liked drugs. And you see, I drank so much, for a short time, while I was at home. I never stole, but I stole wine bottles at the end of the hangers. I was a little kid. I had eight sisters, andcers at 13. You have some good stomach ulcers. Life events plus wine brought me serious stomach ulcers at 13. You have more preston than a raisin in your bottle.

I'm not that kind of person. I always asked for things to borrow, but I never took. Children who didn't belong to me, I was too scared to get caught. I tried drugs like all the young people, but I was a little bit scared. My body wasn't like drugs. I was talking about speed earlier. I was two steps faster. No, but I did it when I was 42. I tried to do it when my children were younger.

We had a rave, we went to the stereo, I did an ecstasy. But not for regular people, no. The coke, it made me feel like a robot. I didn't have any tolerance. Which is what's going wrong, you could say. The first time I tried the adobe, it was a beer glass, a joint of ash, and an acid, and I was so bad at tripping my life. I never wanted to... After that, when I just got out of bed with my boyfriend, I was in Montreal,

and I was no longer in the house, everyone made me a drink at home, everyone was fucking except me. I had my boyfriend at home, and I wasn't comfortable with that. The friend came, even that came after a while, after my guy. Because I knew in the middle of the night that I was, all the twins, and the Jamaican was next to me, he wanted to smoke me and... No. No, no way. He won't let me out of the house.

I wasn't in the mood. And the times I tried, I would get up in the toilet in 15 minutes, half an hour, cold water everywhere, and I was sick. So I really couldn't stand it. And then my daughter's father, seeing that he was selling, he would give me some smoke and he would kill me. We smoked. I was so scared of getting caught by my father that sometimes he would make a surprise debate.

Even if you were a major and you were a child and you were in your apartment. I was afraid of him until the end of those days. So, that's it. I had... The father of my son... When I danced, my nickname was Cassandra. Cassandra. Cassandra. And he put my name in 5. And she called him, her daughter.

So it's all little stories of irony like that. And if I detail everything, we'll be here until the morning, okay? The father to my daughter, well, we sold, I had two fathers. You were in a condo, right? Oh yeah, I put him out there. I was cursed, I put my father in there a little bit, because I had two pairs. You were making a deal with the pub? Yes, that's it. I put it outside. I was cursed. I put my dad in there a little bit because he had a gun. He pulled a shirt up from the wardrobe and the gun fell to the ground. So I was like, what the fuck?

I took the gun, my dad took it, whatever. I didn't even know what he did with it. And then, well, that's it. I took the guy, my father took him, whatever. I don't even know what he did with him. And then... well, that's it. So you were pregnant when you discovered that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Pregnant and the day of the party, I got a call, he was at the police station, and they told me, you brought him laundry? on I was 17. It was Father's Day.

Father's Day on Sunday. So I don't want it anymore. I don't want it anymore. I don't want to do it in my belly. Did you forget that? So I kept it. I went to New York a couple of times while I was pregnant with her. And the last time I was really scared. When I went to New York, I was in Brooklyn,

and I went to what you call the HLM. The last time I went with my daughter, Yankee. But why did you go? Well, to buy some art, some clothes, and she went, and I wanted to go too. So I went there. She didn't do a little bit of research, but how can I say that? She did it the right way. She had children, but she would take her children to her mother's house on the weekend, and she organized her children. Anyway, she didn't do anything, but it worked. It's a bit ironic, but I understand. Sometimes in life, it's not what you do,

it's the way you do it. I know people who... Sometimes, there are people who don't know, and when we talk about not knowing, by the way, if people don't know, we talk about a crack. There are people who don't know. I know people who went to the crowd and wore a tie-sleeved suit.

Yeah, especially the Ryans. We needed to make a family. We would be surprised. Ford in Toronto, that's one of them. That's it. The old mayor of Toronto. The brother in the other. Anyway, that's it. Are you talking about that last time?

You said that last time in New York. And she didn't do it there. But I had the dog in my life. I didn't like seeing her. I saw the real Yankee coming out of her. Absolutely. And maybe because I was pregnant too, I was more fragile to things around me.

And where she took me the first day day she took me, she said to me, she said, you can't talk to your Quebecois accent. Say you're a white Puerto Rican. And up there, there are beds, they rape girls. Hey, look at me. You go in there, it's dirty, it doesn't smell, it doesn't smell. It smells everything. There are bars on all the windows, because people were throwing their children.

In the 70s, the big rocks of Draca... When the crack landed... They were throwing babies down there, whatever, and a pack of blood, so there are bars everywhere. So they told me that. I arrived on Friday. Well, on Monday, I called my mother in a hurry, Mom, you have to send me money. I can't stay until Friday. I'm not able to go.

So I came back. And it was there. Finished. To say that like that. The blacks, the street gangs, Haitians, Jamaicans, they all called me like crazy. It was over, I had enough. Because you, in your experience, that's it.

That's it. It's not a racist side. You don't put it in general. I don't generalize. That's why I said street gang. Whether it's Haitians, Jamaicans, street gangs, whatever, name it. It's over. I had gang members here who were also white since then.

Yes, yes. And I have two racist children. It's over. Over. Over. I had gang members here who were also white since I was there. Yeah, yeah. And I have two children in the same family. I'm not a mule, I'm a zymethist because I know the difference. I had this conversation with someone who came here and used that word. I kind of explained the reason why we use it. My children are not mules, they're not men. I understand what you you've experienced. It's enough. It was too much.

And then I was with my mom and two babies. Wait. I was in the dark. I went to bed in the middle of September. I was in the dark in the summer. I went to bed in the middle of September. I was staring at the valley. I was staring at the valley.. I stayed on the valley.

And I slept there. He was in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was a kid, she stayed on my floor. It's thanks to that that I had that house. So I slept outside. All alone. What did you live on? Social assistance. At that time, social assistance was family-based.

You could sell your business here and there. Certainly not from the money that his father gave me, because his father didn't give me any. Neither from the first nor from the second. The second one, I had to sleep in September, so I had to get there. I stayed for a year. When I went to bed, my husband came with me.

I was all alone to sleep. I slept. Since I stayed in Toronto, I didn't have my health insurance card. I had it in Toronto Toronto and someone was using it, so the health insurance gave me all the trouble in the world to get my health insurance file back. Which means that I didn't go to the hospital for my daughter, but not once. It wasn't a good thing because I had a school in Placenta when I couldn't go to bed. After three days, they told me, bye.

It's expensive, you're in the hospital, especially when you're in bed, and you're in bed by a caesarean. So I arrived home alone with a baby of 15 months, a newborn, and they called me, they reopened my belly. Basically, it's two incisions. It's seven layers of skin, you don't know anything about it. But the last one, she opened it. So what did I do? I have a baby who is in a bed.

I have her who is sleeping for three days. She wanted me to make points of approach in the mirror. So I strapped the belly in the air to stick a bunch of little points of rapprochement and let it heal like that. So that's it. His father asked me to bring it to him and I said, well, frankly, I don't really care, but I'm going to show it to you once and it's going to be once.

He asked me, can you bring me some ash in his blanket? I said, what? I didn't take it there. I found it when I was there. And I left with it. When I was there, when you do contact visits, you have rooms, and you have to put your personal stuff in the closet.

You go through the door. The door. Yeah, yeah. and you go sit down. I had to go to the bathroom, but I just went to bed, so I was all white. So I went to the bathroom because I was scared. It's not logical. I escape my clatter when I get to the toilet. I think I can pick it up. There was a set of axes behind the bowl. When I get to the You'll never see him again. And you say, what? You asked me for some ash, huh? Well, if someone is looking for his ash, then it's me who has it.

I stopped that. We never talked again. He was deported. He didn't even have his papers. He went in, back, back. So he was deported. So from the moment I came back to New York and I was at my mother's, on the third floor, we were dying like the world said, my two children.

No, not true. It's not when I'm... No, because you were in a part of the city. It's because I went to New York twice, and I think I... Well, more than twice, but in those times... You switched a little bit. Yes, yes, yes. But in any case, I rented a... I rented a flat, a three and a half. Switching up. He had a child and he was the same age as my son, so he played together. He had a brother. Ironically, some would say he was my first black, but I was my first white. I met Stéphane, my father.

He had the opportunity to go to Abitibi and open a restaurant in Rwanda with my cousin. He asked me if I was coming. It was a time of tears. I left for Rwanda at almost 4 years old. It really gave me a good boost to let go of all the dynamics that was behind me. I sold half of a bag of jewelry jewelry jewelry, so much that I had. I had teeth in gold, I had everything.

I cried when I was there. I was really in pain. When I went to NYA, it was cheap. Plus, you put gold on the scale, plus the price of gold was lower. So, I made a couple of trips the same. It was really not expensive compared to here. And today, I'm sure,

80 dollars was the price of the art today. I've never been back to NYC. Never, ever since. And Toronto, I've been back a couple of months after I met my boyfriend, and I've never been back. It was over when I left for Orlando. I had a shot like that. I was in the third.

Are you a good guy with whom you talk at least? Yes. But I didn't like him. He's not mean. It's just that... He was someone safe, not dangerous. A comfortable situation. Yes, that's it. And it wasn't a bad person. And I said to myself, give yourself a chance.

Go ahead, go for it. For the kids, you know. But I was very honest, for example. I wasn't in love. I was good. And it's a good thing we were still... We were seven together. I'm not mistaken.

Well, more or less. In any case, we had a little fight together. It's also sometimes when you try to do the... And after four years, we came back to Montreal. And Tabarouette, he rented a house. I didn't come to look for a house. I found a big five-and-a-half. Where?

Darling and St. Catherine. What? Orléans and St. Catherine. I was angry and black. We arrived the next day. The? is in the garage downstairs. I stayed upstairs in the heart of Montreal. The guy was standing on one side. He got in between. I stayed at the top of the Montreal Rocker.

The guy was standing on one side, and he was like, «Marnes, you're going to get beaten tonight.» I wanted so much. And he was playing the game of gambling. He had played twice in Rouen, and he played in Montreal. I had started working at Étonne on the first day, the first of December, and I was buying gifts for the kids,

and I was so excited. He had always worked his whole life in the history of Rouen, la première journée, le premier décembre, puis je l'achetais des cadeaux aux enfants, puis là j'étais tannée, là. Lui, il a toujours travaillé toute sa vie, là, dans l'histoire de Roy, puis tout du moment qu'il était tombé sur le chômage, il voulait pas aller travailler. Moi, le premier décembre, j'avais un chèque qui a été déposé. Vu que c'est ma première journée de travail, j'appelais mon compte, là, et il l'entendait droper. Puis je lui ai dit, j'ai fini mon asth asti, t'es mieux d'être loin de la maison parce qu'il m'a trouvé devant une machine. J'te jure, là, j'courais dans l'chelaga,

pis j'retrais dans les bars, pis j'cherchais, pis tout qu'est-ce que j'avais dans la tête, là, c'est si j'te pagne, là, la tête va t'passer d'rête dedans. C'est pas mon père qui était gambler, pis on en a mangé de la marde. Mon père, il a la bule bonnet, il allait partout au regal. On en a manqué des affaires, pis c'est ce qui a amené la dynamique familiale, j'pense, le plus, c'était ça, là. My father had a Ça m'a fait parce que je te trouvais, je te ramassais. J'appelle mon frère, mon père, whatever. Je me souviens juste qu'eux autres débarquent chez nous

pis commencent à me faire la morale. Mon père, il me dit, là, me les dehors, là, non, non, non, non. On va s'occuper de toi. Genre, ouais. Tu vas me fouiller une fois de temps en temps aussi. Ça a vraiment sorti de même, là. T'es gambler, on a manqué de ça toute notre vie. T'as amené mon frère, il a été gambler longtemps aussi, là. T'as fait took my brother, he was a gambler for a long time too.

You did push ups, you did that, you're going to judge someone who's half-skateboard. Oh yeah, I was really insulted. So it stayed the same. It's not there we're separated. There's so many stories that I forget about. I stayed in Ville-d'Anjou. Before leaving, in Arouin-Loranda, there was a fight with the Belles Familles, Anticorguen. There were stories. It all comes back. I realize there are holes.

It's normal, It's normal. I said it in the day. My father died at the age of 57. He died of cancer. Not sad. Not sad at all. It's liberation. I don't want to be mean. It's like stopping a del mean. It's like it stopped a deliverance.

It made me what? I'm going to go into the adolescence of my daughters, because that too was rock and roll. I fell monoparental. Having been in the medical center and everything, and post-traumatic, and I was institutionalized. So I adapt easily to situations, but being marginalized is one thing,

but being socialized in everyday life, having a normal job, I'm not capable. I'm not capable, but there was the adolescence of my daughters. At one point, I worked in insertion companies, and when it wasn't one, it was the other. One, my youngest, not my youngest, my daughter from the middle, she had kleptomaniac, dyslexic. The primary was the inferno. In the first year, I was told about the myth of the Englishmen. I refused to tell stories about my mother because my daughter was dyslexic and all.

Douglas was a psychiatric hospital for children. In fact, my daughter was followed to Rivière-des-Préries for seven years, but not before the Battle of the Batailles, because in my first year, she was no longer allowed to go to school. So I had to bring her in the morning, she wasn't going to the recreation, I had to get her for lunch, take her back, and get her back. But now I have my little girl who is not very old either. She wasn't even two years old. So one day, there were groups, the CLC managed the color, maybe in the first year.

In the CLC, they put it out there. Man, you make a group for the color police and the children who have difficulty adapting. She didn't have a diagnosis yet. She liked to go outside. So she went out there to fire the alarm system. And in my head, it was like... It sounded like my alarm system was ringing, but it was also screaming for help. Did you get a look?

Probably nothing to do, but the alarm system, it's not working anymore. It can't do that, it can't do that. So I took my daughter out of school. I called the school district police officer saying, J'ai appelé la DPJ en disant, moi ma fille aujourd'hui, à partir d'aujourd'hui, elle n'aura pas la loi, elle est obligée d'envoyer des enfants à l'école. Ma fille ne va pas à l'école. L'école ne répond pas à ses besoins. Elle n'a pas de service, ça ne marche plus.

C'est une crise familiale. J'avais pas de retour. J'ai écrit à l'opposition officielle au grand complet pendant huit jours. Comme ça, au scolaire, elle m'a rencontré. the official position in the Grand Complet for eight days. The school commissioner met me. Then she started to have services. I took her for seven years to the prairie three times a week. So having a job with a child who needed as many appointments, as many things, it doesn't help.

When you're alone? Stéphane is still there. Well, it doesn't matter. Stéphane is still there. And Stéphane has a lot of them. Yes. Stéphane is still there, but it's after my father is dead that I separate from him. We left for New York, we came back.

The timeline, I tell you, sometimes it's like, where are you? So, We left for New York, we came back, and the timeline, I tell you, sometimes it's like Tokyo. So yes, I was left all alone at my nose, but my daughter, it was further away than that. I had to call my daughter, my daughter needed help, and I'm not able to give it. It doesn't work anymore. My daughter, I had to capable de se donner. Elle marche plus, là. Ma fille, il a fallu que je fasse placer ma fille.

C'était mes yeux volontaires. Mais ma fille, elle volait tout le monde. Ma fille, elle avait trois ans, elle faisait les poches du monde, man. Elle volait les affaires des professeurs. Puis là, on m'a expliqué, t'sais, and then they told me, you know, that it was her way of getting into a relationship with the teacher. I brought bags of bags, silos, everything that belonged to the teachers, you know. But it shouldn't be... You know, I understand the feeling you have, the pain you're in right now, because what you've been through, you don't want to make your daughter live it?

But do you have the impression that the resources will be better than what you can bring her? She's going to be in danger because I have two other children who don't work like that. And it's just her who has my attention. My son and my first, my second, it's night and during the day as a personality. But two girls, it was something because there are other events that will follow. The pay, it was when I was called, but it was at Dominique Savio. Madam, your daughter. We call you because we would have to need to remove the unit. I'm just going to... If you want to put yourself in the position,

just put the mic in front of you. I'm sure we can hear you well. That's why. Your daughter, we would like to remove her from the group. We would like to bring her back. But I... the volunteers, it's me who keeps her legal. So they have the obligation of call me to ask for permission. You know, my mother placed me in a place where she didn't know what it was, what the care center was, what a educator was, what the intervention was,

what a retirement room was. I knew all of that. And now I have two choices that I have to make. I say yes of that. I have two choices for myself. I say yes or no. But the logic is that my daughter is disorganizing a group in full and they don't come to the end. She needs to be put on hold. More in the frame. Yes, that's right. You can do it.

Listen, I've been struggling my whole life. It hurts so much. And you know, I've been consulting my daughter for seven years to help her. I tried to describe it to my head. It took me two days to make the letter. I manage to send it, I take all my text. Listen, I've done some things, but it doesn't work. I'm not able to help her. She doesn't want to. Not that she doesn't want to. She has difficulty.

She has a lot of issues, a lot of problems, and I can't help her with that. I did the best I could. So I say yes. The second time she reminds me of the same little thing. And my daughter, who had a pretty intense dyslexia, at the beginning of primary school, when she was reprimanding, And my daughter, who had a pretty intense dyslexia, at the beginning of her primary school, when she was in primary school, it was because she didn't understand.

She didn't understand the time, the space. You know, yesterday, today, tomorrow, forward, backward. It took her time to integrate those things. So... She came back home, I don't know how long, but I was completely in Montreal. I rented a house that was far from my house, but I did it too. I worked as a singer. But then my other daughter also started having behavioral problems.

My father's son looked like his two sisters, and he was my scientist, I called him that, because he was the computer, the planets. Today, my son's police technique is militarized, he's not in the middle. He was a civil servant, in a high position with a big security guard. The other one...

I'm going to go a little bit back in time because I can't describe it right now in the timeline. And the youngest one, that's it. My two sons were really hell. Consumption, I got on board with her, especially my youngest one, she was something. Sometimes I was worried, but I was just alone. I couldn't tell the other person, hey, get up, I'm too tired, I'm out of here, I can't go. I was working, I did a lot of things, and when it wasn't one school, it was the other school. So, there's a day when I... I think my daughter, my youngest daughter was 15, so the other one was 17.

And I always need help, I need to go can leave. I'm going to the CLSC. I have a social worker. I want help. I want stability. I know what it is. And I know I need help. I can't do it all by myself. So I had them all. There was a social worker who came home. And one day, he slapped the table.

And there was a tablecloth that broke after my two daughters. It didn't matter what I could put in there. We didn't care. It was solid. One day I called the D.P.G. I said, I'm changing all the locks in the house. My daughters, when they come back from school, can't come in, so what are you going to do? Because my daughters don't have a home anymore.

It didn't even take 30 minutes. I had the criminologist at home and all the big kit. My oldest one left on her own. She was one month old. Notre Dame de Laval. She left and it went well. She was younger, she was in the police, that's what it took, that they came to get her. Then she went into the center with a bottle of vodka and a bottle of wine. She had that with her in her bag, she thought it was okay.

And she was very different, she was in Dorval because she went to the English school. And it was mandatory that she go to the English school for the center of welcome. So it didn't last that long either, until she was 15. Maybe a big two years. It took a long time too, but after two years, maybe two and a half, she wanted it to be in the court, because she had a term at the museum for a long time. So she was in the apartment, she was also surprised. As if the story was repeating itself.

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I asked you about the I asked you about the I asked you My daughter, my other daughter, she was 17 years old. Hi, I'm Bric Bergeron, animator of the podcast. Speaking of, if you're a podcast fan, a true podcast fan, you've already heard the words Compare Ma Prime. Compare Ma Prime is a company that was one of the first to support the podcast, one of the first to order. They were there from the start. It's a bit thanks to them that I was able to keep this podcast alive.

The reason why I'm telling you this is because I have auditors who have done business with them and who gave me positive feedback. And to thank them for being there from the beginning with me, I decided to make a little video. Comparing my prize in the background and specializing in life insurance, there are no cases refused. So no matter your age, whether you are 20 or 75 years old, whether you have a disease like cancer, whether you have diabetes or a degenerative disease like sclerosis. Even if it's a criminal case, you've already been refused for life insurance.

Compare my print, no case refused. I really had positive feedback from my auditors, and that's why I'm talking to you. Go see them if you need them. Compare my print. When you went to get the criminologist... The criminologist wanted to talk to me before I left with her. And she said, Madam, I would like to tell you something.

Your daughter... When she was younger, someone abused her. That person died today. Her father? Yes. The stories are often repeated because my father took care of my son a lot, but my daughters, me. I don't know if there's a family inversion for girls here. It's my boy, my mom's son again today. It's not mean, it's not...

But it's the same, showing that my mom doesn't get along with women. I did some hard work because I didn't want to... A chance that was dead, I finished it. Really. So that's where it got to me, deep down, that maybe it wasn't my grandfather. Because my grandfather sat on my mother, he sat on a family history. And I'm not going to try to get to know my mom, try to get to know, well, you know, a family history. And I'm not going to go there either, because I could talk about one of my aunts, but you know.

We're going to stick with you a little bit. Yeah. So, that's it. I left with my daughter in that story. And there's another thing that came out in the center, is that they're at the Edict, their father had raped a 17-year-old girl. I've never heard of that. You don't need to know that. She already has enough on her mind. And there's something to know too, the dynamic in our country, diversity. Accepting the other as he is, it's very important. I have three children, different parents.

I don't care what people think, because for me, there's no half of the same. They never called me brother or sister. It's your brother, it's your sister. And no matter what happens on Earth, be there for each other. I swear my children are there. They support each other, they don't judge each other, they respect each other, they have conflicts like all children. But they are able to support each other.

I had three caesareans when I was not even four years old. And I learned the word freedom very young that it was precious. Freedom. And I never, ever, went to prison after I was 18. Never went to prison. I never came close to going to prison. I have no file. Sometimes I was a little bit borderline, but you know, I never got into anything. It was often just to get out of the way, mostly, because the family had the green thumb. But last week, I said something to my boyfriend and he said, listen, the word freedom, it seems like there's another way in my head that came.

You know, when I was really free, I was in prison. I trained my past on my back for so long, that I'm 50 now, it's been four years since I've consumed, I'm abstinent. I think I started to be free from my 46, 47 years. What I did... Whew! And what's difficult, when you stop consuming, I'm proud of myself, but sometimes it's hard because my emotions...

I've only had cold for four years. And it's not easy. But you lived in the cold for a long time. You were... You were my friend. You were telling me about the speed for four years. Four years, but still... The friend...

What was the trigger? A bad relationship that really took me to the ground. I was in a two and a half, I was like, oh fuck, I have no more children. And he was really a asshole that I tolerated for a long time, maybe too long. I didn't spend time with him, but it's when I said to him, one day, it takes me a lot of time every year, but when I wait, I wait. I said to him, take your things, you go and you never come back. He was like, I'm very serious, I'm taking a lot of time, but when I wait, I wait. I said, when you send your kids, you never come back. I'm serious, I never come back.

It's ridiculous. After a story of... a very scary story, but he was afraid of me physically, he saw that. He was afraid of me physically, he saw that. He was mean, a mean being. I pitied him. I lived all the time with others. I never lived for myself.

The pain of others is important. The troubles of others, but I'm not important. And then one year, I don't remember how it was introduced. I think it was with a neighbor, a little Cold Speed. I was in shape, it was introduced. I think it was with a neighbor. A little cold speed. Hey, I'm in shape, it gives me strength. You know, I was tired, my body is tired.

Painting, doing this, doing that. I've never really been, for four years, I've never been further than two speeds a day because I would be dead. My heart would have released me. I'm diabetic, you know, I'm not in good health. And I didn't take care of my diabetes at that time because I was very dead, my heart was relaxed, I was diabetic, I wasn't in good health. And I didn't take care of my diabetes at that time because I was afraid. In any case, it's gnawing, but it was the same. So I stopped playing the piano for five years. Because one day there was a music playing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I was singing and I'm talking about the cuckoo, but it's also cuckooing.

With all the past I've had, the shocks, I had a depression, postpartum, after my third. And when I went to bed, I had a stretch, a cup, and I was infected. It's never been easy. I'm not a victim. I'm not even a survivor. I'm a warrior. The word victim, it's a little bit in my nose. For some, I... I don't understand. You're not the first person to tell me that. I'm not a victim. I'm a warrior. I'm a fighter. I've held myself back, and I still hold myself back...

... in a different way. Two questions I want to ask you. La première, comment vont tes filles? Ouais merci d'y arriver. Ma plus jeune elle va bien. Avec la pandémie elle retourna à l'école, elle a pas d'enfant, elle a eu une relation peut-être, une relation d'expérience sa première Maybe a relationship of experience. Her first serious... Her first first time wasn't beautiful, wasn't good, violent. She went into dope, she weighed 98 pounds. She made choices that would follow her all her life on certain things. But she took it in herself to meet someone else. It was the same with Soso. Néa came out, it ended a nice relationship, they separated in good terms.

With COVID, she went back to school, so she went to study. And today, she's doing some landscaping, she's doing the winter snow, she's functional, she met someone else. It's going well. She's making friends, but there's nothing else. The friend is too familiar. She's a friend of mine, but there's nothing else. The friend is too familiar. She has a lot of things that have been repeated. It's crazy, too. She's lived her life a little bit.

Yeah, a little bit. You know? She lived your life a little bit. Yes, a little bit. You know, when I left, as I told you, my first two kids were gay. My son is gay, my daughter is lesbian. It's like that. And I have no problem with that. We have a lot of humor.

You know, I talked about diversity earlier. That was when I was coming back, but I think I was bifurcated. I'm not sure. And, you know, a gay or lesbian, adolescence is complicated. With all the other things she had, with what she lived with my father. My daughter also went to school,

and it's hard school, but she felt like she was not the same. And she went to do a class, she became a menuist, she worked all morning with her big car trunk of a metro tool. Five and a half hours, she was motivated. My daughter is massive, she's strong, she's dangerous, so strong. Until COVID, because she lost her job, left her house. She started taking a line this way, and a line that way, and... The old demons caught up with her.

Yeah. The next day, my daughter fell into a coma. It's painful. I would say it started with the smoke. A year after the beginning of COVID, she came to our house. But you know, I stayed in a bed for two and a half days. I had... I had my speed trips. Pergola, garden, fountain, there was nothing I didn't do in my life.

It kept me alive. And it brought me closer to my younger self. That's what made her want to do landscaping. She came to sleep in Pergola. I was doing my youngest, that's what made her want to do landscaping. She came to sleep in the pergola, I was doing my curtain, you know. I didn't have a place inside, I didn't have a sofa, I had my bed, you know, like, anyway. It was a straight hole, but a straight hole. What kept me there was really everything I had outside,

because I really went wild there, and it kept me alive. I remember the way the accommodation was made, my ex was there, I was there, maybe in good time. And it communicated back there, until the dryer, the hot towel, and the door was outside. The girl was sleeping there, on the floor. I couldn't get into the support of the crack consumption. I was freezing myself in the room. At that moment.

On the last day of the year, the next day, she went to look for her in the street. There was nothing I could do. She looked for her in the street. It was a story where... her last house she had, She had a collective rape. A gang of them. They had to make money or whatever. I don't minimize rape.

I raped a woman, a lesbian, a whore. Not just one, there were several. My daughter had several toxic psychosis several times. That's how I knew the police arrested her. To rape a 12-year-old girl is no better. No, no, but there's no... I know, but in my head... For me, there's no measure, there's no point.

I know, but listen... I'm not saying that a straight woman will be in the country. No, it's not valid what I'm saying, but... I'm just trying to understand her internal pain. The disgust, you understand? She was arrested, the clergy. She did a therapy for 10 months. Last year, I took her home.

I took her to the hospital, twice, three times a week, she came back. I don't have a car, but I asked for another car, she came back, she came back. She got rid of her sentence and therapy, basically, on June 28. June 30, it's not a new day. She was released the day she had her check. It was June 20th, and it was a day of news. It was the day she got her check. He was waiting for her in a house in...

Transition? No. No? In the house of the homeless. Okay. After two days, I called the patient. Yes, she came, but we didn't accept her because she was late. You remember? I didn't accept it because she was late. I said, are you kidding me?

My daughter turned back on the street. And then, at the same time, they even sent me pictures of her peeing, kicking, all that shit, man. In the village. So I walked the 100th street, the Night of the Cent-Sabris. In Laval or in Montreal? In Montreal. Okay.

In Mont-Massé, all the kids, I saw them all. No, I was invited to the Laval one. No, I did the one in Montreal. And for me, it's the loop. It's a way of saying, I'm not going to find her. The first time I found her, you know. Even when she was waiting for us on the bike, I already saw her go out. She was in a white suit, running backwards.

Mom, Mom, it's me. Sleeping backwards. But I couldn't find her, so I went to the toilet. And a rush was just a rand. And then the shame. So until the month of... she was arrested on December 25th, recently. She was in Leclerc. Why was she arrested She stopped for what? For the theft?

Well, she had 11 files. She was worried about something, thank God, that we would have to go after the son, it was an attempt, obviously. She wasn't there. She was worried about it. So it was often conditionals. The theft for money.

The theft, she didn't do prostitution, but she did it is a stud. They are misfits. They are armed thieves and armed attackers. It's the way they make money. Dangerous. Dangerous. So, until Monday, she has a damn good lawyer. Her lawyer calls me her angel. I've been going through all the files. She managed to have 30 days in Pinellas, but they don't have a place.

So she did 30 days in the evaluation, 30 days in the clerical. Who do you think has the best place to be? I was going to listen to Louise Henry. You listened to Louise Henry? Yeah. I can't remember the episode number. Episode 25. Episode 25, Louise Henry, if you want to learn about the Leclerc prison, women's prison.

It's disgusting. That's it. And I wanted to listen to it and I said to myself, don't do that. But you know, I didn't want to. There's a recourse at the moment. There are three of them. But Louise works very hard with a big collective recourse. My daughter has three.

I know she has at least one, but anyway. My daughter told me about her three. But if your daughter told you about her, is it because she's doing well? Well, yes. In January, she called me. She said, I was coming over to your place on the 25th. I didn't say it, but she didn't want to come over to our place before. The day she said that, you know, my baby told me, Mom, when she left after the therapy in Hopton, I had no news, she said, Mom, I'm going to tell you how I see the children.

She said, your daughter is no longer your daughter. My sister is no longer my sister. She's a toxicomaniac. So your daughter is no longer your daughter. My sister is no longer my sister. She's a toxicoman. Valorization. You had all the cards in your hand to become what your daughter became. In Vlandis, you could have been exactly where you are now. If it was gone, I'd'd keep it for the end.

So, that's it. She got her evaluation 30 days instead of being in prison. She was already in prison, but you know, to avoid a suicide trial and being fired. Prevented. Yeah, that's it. So... I just caught a... Where were we?

I'm tired. So... 30 days, I didn't think that was right because Pinel and Leclerc, 30 days in evaluation, did you hear that it didn't have the same... It didn't have the same impact. But you know what? She managed to do her 30 days with the psychiatrist. That she did that anyway.

Between her and the psychiatrist? Yes, the psychiatrist did... I just want people who listen to the audio to know that they became close. It was a good match. It worked. She trusted him, she put her things down. She gave him a good medication that he liked. She was able to identify that it helped.

But you know, because there's always a weight gain with medication, and he's still there. She took 34 lives in three months. Medication, it's been a long time. The medication, it was long ago. No, I don't want it. Then 18 pages of the evaluation. She wants to continue to follow my daughter, even if it's not clear.

She would like to have a follow-up that continues. So Monday, my daughter, she passed the 10th in the class. Then the judge would accept her accepted her for another therapy. She went to Winnigan, and my daughter didn't want to come back to Montreal. So she had three months of therapy. My daughter, while she was in the clarion, went back to school. She started cleaning the wing, working for others. So she accepted the medication.

And yesterday, my daughter called me, Mom, Mom, I'm here for therapy. Today, before coming, my daughter called me, and she said, I'm bored of my sister. They were very, very close, but it was a little bit, the other one is protecting herself. And my youngest friend today, she put in her story, her sister, who was dancing, and everything, in time. She said, your energy is missing, you miss me so much. And then the other one who calls me today, who says to me, I'm so bored of my sister.

She said, I have half an hour this week, I'm going to talk to 15 minutes and I will call my mother in 15 minutes. I said, what are you trying to tell me? Because she said, I often fall asleep crying and I think about my mother. I said, yes. She said, well, I'm not going to tell her all this. My older daughter, who is currently in therapy, doesn't talk to her. You know, during the consumption, there were acts that the whole family did. So, you know, it's like a cold, but it will come back. My daughter did that in July. My son did a depression for about two years, which was not followed, which was not treated, and then he started to smoking a little. In the middle of October, he calls me,

Mom, I'm in trouble, I'm loaded, na na na. It's the first time I see my son like that. And my son has been living in Ottawa for a long time, and he's only been coming back to Montreal for two years, so we see each other three or four times a year. Maybe a week or two after, he called me. Like, last week in October.

I asked for a divorce. My husband cheated on me. And then, la la la la la la la. And then, I said, OK, can I come to your place? He stopped me. I don't want to go in there either. Je peux-tu venir chez vous? Attends. Il a fait arrêter en tout cas. Je veux pas trop aller là-dedans non plus. Fait que mon fils a passé la nuit en prison. Il a capoté ben red. Puis le lendemain, il s'est envenu chez vous, chez nous.

Je peux-tu rester chez vous? Puis une chance, on reste vraiment pas loin maintenant. Pendant les sept jours que mon fils a été chez nous, il a fait une petite course. During the seven days that my son was at our place, he had a little case. He was in the hospital day after day, day after day, day after day. Until he woke up, I was on my way to the hospital. I said, I need your help. He agreed to help even if he was... We went to get him. He stayed in the hospital for two weeks.

There were bad stages. All of that. He stayed in the hospital for two weeks. There were some bad stages. I was in a world after me. I don't remember everything he could tell me, but he could talk to me. Until it came back. He wrote to a lot of people in the family. My mom told me.

It was far away. That's the reason. Now, he's stabilized, it's better. It took almost the whole month of December. I would go out of the bar, I found a place, I moved the house, I moved. I'm a next help for him and I'm a close aide for my other daughter too. When my daughter left, I was currently following the transit crisis center. I was doing a group with a support group for families with relatives who live with health issues. And when my daughter left, I really dropped her.

I went to get help, including a paramedic. And the Chum clinic that welcomed my son has groups. There's a 3-year-old follow-up. Accept medication. But it's was all state. But there were groups for people who lived that. So I'm happy to listen.

So today, what I understand is that the youngest who was the most problematic young person at the moment... The adolescence crisis. It's like her getting out of it. She's doing relatively well, yes. So your daughter is currently in therapy. Yeah, since yesterday. We're 13, the 12th yesterday. Until the 28th, but she's still in class. And I...

It looks like a good start. Today I said, J'attends, but don't forget that I believe in you, and you know you can do it, and use your craft, you know where you're coming from, and I think of your mother, and I remember where she came from. Because she knows your story. Yes, yes, really. And the most beautiful thing that happened to me,

it's going to be seven years. I have someone in my life who lives in the centre, it's going to be seven years, July 21st, when I met him. One day, my friend André Paudiné came to pick me up to go do it. André, we were talking about... It was my other question. What was your relationship with André? We were doing a poker run. A poker run?

A poker run is a club's bicycle race. To go give money to a young person's house. That's what I see. And he introduced me to him. And that day, I was still having fun. And he and another friend, André and another friend, were going to have a meeting in a house, but inside. I said, are you coming?

I said, no, I'm not going there. I don't want to have a meeting, I have it. So I said no, but then he said, hey, I'm going to ask him. And I got on board. I didn't get on board with a lot of people in my life. I don't trust people, and whatever. It's dangerous. And then he introduced me to my friend Denis. He's not shy to say it. And he asked me and and took me home. When he left, I was not sure.

I have my other friend who said to me, are you okay? I said, yes, I'm stuck. I got on the same motorcycle and I was at a good distance, but I had to hold on to that one afterwards. He got to our house and said, did the artist sit down? you waiting for them to come? » « No, no, no, no. »

He was leaving my comfort zone. And then, before going home, I said, « Hey, you know what? » « Yeah? » « I'm coming with you. » So we went to the fireworks, and before the fireworks started, I said, « Oh, yeah? » « How old were you? »

He said, « I'll tell you after the fireworks. » « Okay. » I'm 50 years old and people often tell me, « Hey, you'll be like, OK. I'm 50 years old, and people often tell me, you're not 50 years old. But my son is 24 years older than me. OK. He didn't do it? No. I did the tattoo, I did the name. A good man, a family full of love, he goes to school, he goes to church on Sundays.

OK, that's it, I was like, you're so motivated, 74, you're not going to school. He goes to church on Sundays. He goes to church on Sundays. He goes to church on Sundays. He goes to church on Sundays. He's very close to his daughters. He has nine little children. It's a family that's completely different from mine. Are you a guy with a past? Not really. He's been married 33 years ago.

He's been married 33 years ago. I asked him on the knee, this person, like two weeks before I met him. I asked asked her on my knees about two weeks before I met her. And 24 years. Sometimes, it's a little bit embarrassing to say it, but it's the judgement of others. Sometimes it's the judgement of others. So, your judgement, I don't give a fuck. But often we stop at that.

I'm not going to be honest with you, Pissar. And I'm going to thank everyone who's watching the episode and listening to the episode. I have good listeners. People who listen to the full episodes. I would tell you that most of the time, the shit is under me and not on my guests. You didn't cut me off that much.

You were in the mood to listen. And you have to be someone on that. Even if it's an off that much. You were in the mood for the cut. I was in the mood for the cut. I'm the one who's in the mood. It's okay. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know what people say about me on YouTube. I stopped reading them.

Because I was like... On 800, wow, that was a big hit. That's the negative comment that doesn't come to mind, the 800 that was good, so I just... And I talked so much about you too, so write what you want, I'm a bit shy sometimes. Anyway, he was tolerant to the maximum, to know what I was consuming,

to help me sometimes, he helped me. For three years. Without judgment. Without anything. The dynamic of the family I have, sometimes I'm discouraged. Because I tell him, it's totally day and night, but he's all about love.

He's welcoming. When I said I was born... Not that he doesn't agree, but he doesn't understand. But as I told him, we don't need to be always on the same page on what we do, we don't have to think the same way. In 1974, you shouldn't be on the same page all the time. Yeah, you'd be surprised. It's a rock'n'roll like that. And it's a solid love.

He had six children. His first daughter was young, she was 54. Or 56, whatever. Basically, his daughter is older than you. Two of his daughters are older than me. So his daughters are now your girls, I imagine? Not bad, not bad. Yeah, it's a nice family. The first year, the church at Christmas,

and the Christmas party, and I was like, ah! You didn't know that, did you? Well, no, well, no. You were going to do good. Yeah, yeah. But at the same time, I compared myself. I was embarrassed at first with the other people, because I had lost my judgment. Maybe with a little reason, because I was 24 years younger.

I felt a little things, but I think after that, it was 7 years in the junior year, it went by. We were able to live beautiful things together. A month after I met her, her daughter was sleeping. I was like, oh my god, she's beautiful! She's a person who has a great sensitivity, who takes it and is not afraid. She's a nice person, full of love. I think I wouldn't be there anymore.

I imagine that having been with him, it facilitated his consumption rate. Yes. Because you were with a nice person, but you couldn't appreciate him 100% because you still had emotions. It's strong. Really, a lot. 100% because you still have emotions. Well, it's strong.

Really, a lot, a lot. You said something that I've heard a lot, you haven't been in prison, but you've been in prison practically all your life, in your head. In my heart. So it's been 4 years that you're free, when you said earlier that it was a word. Where are your children? Where is your past? I'm going to finish there.

How are you? I'm doing great. In my life today, it's great. I'm free. I understand and I respect that. I know you're going to do it anyway, and that you're going to put a lot of energy on your children. Yes. But you mustn't forget that either. No. I went back to school.

I have online material. I'm going to finish it, and I'm going to go to a relationship and I'm going to have it. I wish you the best. Pascale, thank you. You're welcome. I know it's not always easy to go through. I wish you the best. Thank you, Pascale. You're welcome. I know it's not always easy to go through.

Especially when there are things that are so fragile, I still feel it today with your daughters. But you have all my respect for what you have gone through. And all that you have been able to give to these children, and what you're still giving them, despite all your journey. And Arizona, the message there, is to give back to the next generation. That's why this podcast exists. I know, that's why I do it. It's the first question I ask people who approach me to do the podcast. Why do you want to do it? What is your motive?

And that's why you're in front of me today. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's a pleasure. Thank you for listening. To the speaking. Music you