Au Parloir - Épisode #98 - Coach Dreamz

Starting point is 00:00:00 Suspense fans, get ready. The third installment of the original, audible and well-received series has arrived. Oracle III, Murder at the Grand View. After the success of the first two titles, Agent Nate Russo is back for a new investigation, as mysterious as addictive. An isolated island, a hotel, an unexplained death and a persistent doubt. Is it an accident or a murder? With the solo performance With Patrick Labé's solo performance,

Starting point is 00:00:25 which delivers an intense, captivating and acclaimed narration by the fans. Don't let your fears take over. Available now on audible.ca, in French and English. Listen to Oracle 3, Murder in the Grand View, wherever you are, whenever you want. Hey everyone, welcome to a new episode of the Podcast. Grandview, wherever you like, a comment, share it on your social media, it will take you 2 seconds. For me, it makes a big difference. cedricbergeron.com, which is my website where you have access to all the information on my social media,

Starting point is 00:01:22 the T-shirts, the hoodies in the hallways, and all the details on my humorous career, the shows, dates, tickets, and all that. Today we received Phil, Coach Dreams. I didn't know all of his journey, well, you know, as usual, I try not to know too much in advance. I knew he was a guy who had been out for a while, I knew he was a guy who had been in the street, who had been close to street gangs. But it's you because it's like two stories in one. So you have a criminal story,

Starting point is 00:01:56 but you have a story of consumption at the same time, which is a little frequent. In any case, I very little heard the gang guys and the consumerist groups. Psychosis, consumption, violence, federal provincial prison, prison in Alberta, prison in Quebec. The problem with consumption is that it's getting out. The big problem has was the speed, but again,

Starting point is 00:02:29 the last consumption was three months before the podcast was recorded. He's a guy who's about to get back on the right track, who has goals, who has dreams, and I think he's on the right track. We're going to wish him all the energy, all the efforts he's on the right track. And we're going to wish him all the energy, all the efforts he makes, that it will be fulfilled. Clearly, a guy who decided to do 180.

Starting point is 00:02:49 And you know, that's what I like in the podcast. It's the message that's been sent. It's the message that we want to spread, no matter who you were, no matter what you did. And there's a sentence that he said that I really liked. Even when it's dark, when you're really in the darkness, there's always a light. And I loved that sentence.

Starting point is 00:03:16 It's a nice meeting. It's not a guy you're used to, it's his first podcast. He was nervous. It's not always easy to follow. I try to bring him back a little. But the message is important in this podcast. Once again, I repeat myself, I don't necessarily dare to the gestures, the ideologies, the terms used by my guests. But I am a person who takes the freedom of expression.

Starting point is 00:03:38 I love frank people. I speak with their hearts. And he came to the parlour. This episode is presented by the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra White Hot de Manscape. In fact, Manscape, if you don't know Manscape, it's all you're going to get. Look, I know, I shave my head off my... ... elbow. Okay?

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Starting point is 00:05:05 Exactly. So if people want to find you, it will be easy. YouTube description, all your links will be there. Thank you for taking the time to come and meet us. It's my pleasure to have you as a guest. It's a pleasure. And listen, you approached me on Insta, and I looked at you a little bit, and I was like, I'm going to be a little bit of a d'avoir pris le temps de venir nous rencontrer. Tu m'as approché... Ça aurait pu avoir pris comme invité. Ben, c'est un plaisir.

Starting point is 00:05:25 Puis écoute, tu m'as approché sur Insta. Puis j'ai regardé un peu tes vidéos, tes trucs. Tu sembles être un gars inspiré et inspirant. Il y a ton parcours. Je pense que tu as une mentalité d'un gars qui veut améliorer sa vie et améliorer celle des autres. Exactement. C'est parce que tu sort quand même d'un coin du ghetto, tu es du Gatot de Cartierville. Je sors du ghetto de Cartierville. of a guy who wants to improve his life and improve the lives of others? Exactly. It's because I'm from the Ghetto neighborhood, I'm from the Ghetto neighborhood, and I've seen a lot of crime.

Starting point is 00:05:51 I've been in a lot of prisons. Are you sure we're going to talk about it? There are a lot of reasons for you to be here. So what I want to bring to the world is to make people understand that even if there are hard times, even if we're in the hole, there is always a way to see the light. Whether in ghetto, whether you are a prisoner, there is always any way you can go forward by letting go of the crime. Well listen, that's the podcast too, it's to show no matter who you were, no matter what you did, it doesn't end until the end of your days. There are always outings that are offered, no matter your journey.

Starting point is 00:06:28 And I'm going to do with you what I do with all my guests. We start from the base, youth, what kind of family, what kind of neighborhood you come from, and we go on and on until today. I hope I don't cry, but let's go. Well, listen, but hey, listen, I like that, the world likes that, it makes views. No, but listen, the emotion in this podcast is very frequent.

Starting point is 00:06:47 Listen, you let yourself go, you know, I feel like you need some time. If you need some time, tell me, you need a break. Let's go. Go with the flow, it's easy going, don't stress with that, man. Perfect. Where are you from? I grew up in Cartierville. First of all, I'm Congolese. When my mother came, technically, we came a week after. I was born a week after. You were born a week after, okay, so your mother came here. Exactly, in Saint-Pierre. Okay. We speak a lot more English. French is not really... I learned it over time.

Starting point is 00:07:26 At school, people there... It's a difficulty. I was closing myself. I don't know if you understand what I mean. But Congo, isn't it a pretty francophone country? Yes, but it's just that the family, when we came here, you know, any family will always speak their language more. They stay together. They won't really...

Starting point is 00:07:43 how can I say really explore other cultures. Saki, you're not the oldest generation. Exactly. I grew up in Cartierville. Do you know the neighborhood? Not really. I don't know Cartierville. It's near Pierfond. Pierfond, Wausserline. I went to Cartierville when I was in school. I went to school, we went to the primary school. But childhood, before, you know, what is it, being a Quebecois white, who is a Quebecois white parent, a Congolese family, is it strict or is it, I don't know?

Starting point is 00:08:17 Well yes, I'll give you an example. I don't know why, I was used to flying in a hangar. I was about 4 or 5 years old, I stole a gum when I got home. I beat myself with a belt. I put it on my knee, I lift the chair. When I couldn't even get out of the chair, I put it on my knee, I lift the chair. It's strict on the school side too, education. But I don't think that's how you learn a child how to listen to the clack. On the contrary, he will revolt.

Starting point is 00:08:40 But was violence really punitive? There was no violence, there was no, I'm not saying parenthesis, but there was no need for violence. No, it was more punitive violence, but sometimes exaggerated, but punitive. Okay, that's it. I get up in the morning and I'm making a noise with a slap. Unfortunately, it's things that a lot of people have experienced, free violence for nothing, or for an alcoholic father who is acting on his children or his wife. I've heard that too.

Starting point is 00:09:08 I think violence is useless. Would you take violence and criticize your child? Never. I have children. Never. I'm not saying I don't speak loudly, but there will never be physical violence with my children. Never. I think it's the presence and the child feeling it, how to respect his parents. Just by my face, he knows. violence physique auprès de mes enfants. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. Jamais. had crocodiles at home. Crocodiles, okay. Crocodiles, there were rats.

Starting point is 00:09:45 I ate cereal with water, technically, you know. So we were really low-level when we arrived. We didn't have a choice. It was the first family, exactly. Then, moreover, I had a cousin, he was a little older. He knew more about the street than I did. So I was more fascinated by him. It was like we were nesting in a long sentence.

Starting point is 00:10:02 He arrived before you? No, he arrived at the same time. It's just that we weren't always together, but together we before you two? No, he arrived at the same time. It's just that we weren't always together, but we moved on the same street, on the street of Cousineau. When I saw him, at his age, I think he was 16, he came in a limousine, he always had money. I was like, wow, how does he do that? Do you understand? What is his life like? That's what interested me about the street, that's what interested me about crime.

Starting point is 00:10:20 He adapted quickly to the neighborhood. Exactly. I understood. Exactly. So, after I started selling my boss, let's say, the joint marriage, I started selling at what age? After 12 years. I started selling after 12 years. And after 12 years I started drinking.

Starting point is 00:10:35 I started stealing my parents' alcohol. I was an alcoholic when I was young. I sold there, I sold there, left, right. I made debts. I started smoking too, the joint marriage. I started smoking the joint marriage for 3 years, non- there, left, right, I made debts. I started smoking too, marijuana. I started smoking marijuana for three years, non-stop, I smoked for 11 years. Then I started creating guys like the Paranoia. Those who don't believe that marijuana doesn't give you Paranoia, it gives you Paranoia.

Starting point is 00:10:55 Yes, anxiety, Paranoia, anxiety. I started to predict that my friends wanted me, I don't know why they didn't want to keep me, it was a long story, you know. Then I noticed that Marie-Joanna was making me a joint, so I stopped. I stopped, but then I started to speed up. It's a good derivative to stop doing paranoia.

Starting point is 00:11:19 At first, you don't notice it like that, you don't see it directly. Even when I was doing the class, it was like I wasn't going out to the It's not on the neck. If you smoke a cigarette, you can get a little bit of anxiety that will come. The coke, if you've been smoking it for three days, you haven't slept for three days, you're drunk. You see, the eyes behind you, they stop. And you're like, everyone's looking for me. Exactly. It comes with fatigue too. And then...

Starting point is 00:12:01 But all that, you're talking about it, you started. It was in connection with your cousin, with the people in the neighborhood, you know, it was, you know, it was organized, we're talking about street gangs at that time. It's not organized yet, because the neighborhood, you know, the city was more, in this case it's Rough Riders who ran it, but it's more, it's not like Saint-Michel, Montréal, no, it's not organized like that.

Starting point is 00:12:19 After, more, it's me, we went to Saint-Laurent, there I went into the gang des Bleus, the Crips, I went with them, and even there it's not organized yet. That's why I decided, you know what, I went to Saint Laurent, I joined the Crips, the Blue Gang. I joined them, and even then it wasn't organized yet. That's why I decided to discover Montreal, I started to walk around. How old are you? I'm 38 years old. I'll be 37 years old. No, but that's because, if I'm not mistaken, today we're really talking about gangsters,

Starting point is 00:12:39 we're talking about organization. Exactly, compared to the end of the 90s, the beginning of the 2000s, it's less so. That's why the most organized, we'll say it's the mafia, and the bike is organized. The other things were not organized, it was more they do anything. So yeah, it's not really organized. If I go right, I'm done, I've had a lot of problems. Because... I'm going to slow you down because you're crazy.

Starting point is 00:12:58 It's okay, it's okay. I'm really curious, how do you go from 12, okay, I want a little weed, I smoke a little weed, I drink a little alcohol, to the point where I became an alcoholic, I made a speech, I became a Crips. There are a lot of things, but you know, your family, you talk to me about a family like that, you know, if you get caught, your parents don't realize what you're doing. I'm putting my finger in the season. I'm putting my finger in the season because I'm starting to give an influence. That's why I'm backing you up. It's important.

Starting point is 00:13:25 I had a bad influence on my little brother. So, in the past, I had a creep around 15 years old. But in the meantime, I was doing small raids. I was doing raids. I was going to the street, I was going to the shop, I was going to see everything that was moving. Even at home, I was going to see everything. Like hijackers, you know, who see someone coming out of the guichet. I would go and see everything that was moving. Even at my place, I would see everything. You understand? Like hijack, you know?

Starting point is 00:13:46 Yeah, exactly. If someone was coming out of the guichet. I would go and see what was going on. I would do that. I wanted to go there, precisely. Violence is entering your life. You know, beyond parental violence to make you... But you, becoming violent,

Starting point is 00:13:59 from what age did violence enter your life? Because you realized that thanks could get to you? I think I was 13 or 14 when I realized that I needed to take on the business I wanted. If I saw someone on the street, I would beat them up. In that case, it was the Leaf Dragon Ball. So, in 1987, you know, it's been 13 years since then. And I noticed that after that, the most serious things I did that I was forced to take,

Starting point is 00:14:32 it's more violence every time. So, I built my respect, I built my image on violence. What do I think is wrong? You see, there's something you just said, and that's something I repeat often, because people say, I built my respect, but you don't realize it at that moment, but when people are afraid of you, they don't respect you.

Starting point is 00:14:52 It's not respect. They are afraid of you. You have the impression that they respect you because they don't insult you, they show you a form of respect, but it's fear. I respect people who will have accomplished things, He doesn't insult you, he shows you a form of respect, but it's fear. Exactly. I respect people who will have accomplished things, who will help me in things. I mean, I will respect podcasters, you know, comedians, I respect their work. But someone who points a gun at me, I will be pissed off, I will call you sir, I will lick your boots, but I don't respect you.

Starting point is 00:15:21 I'm just afraid you'll hit me in the face. I have a question for you. Would you say respect is more based on love, loyalty or fear, or whatever you call it? Love and loyalty are far more than fear. Okay, perfect. I'm going back to the beginning. I've also longed for respect.

Starting point is 00:15:40 Because we think that the lack of respect... I can understand that the lack of respect brings you to violence, because you say, you owe me my respect, but... I'm telling you, where's the fuck all? Even there, exactly what I'm saying, it's a little bit of perception, because we say lack of respect, but it's not because... For us, it's a lack of respect, but necessarily for the person, it's not a lack of respect, it's his perception of things, you understand?

Starting point is 00:15:59 When you come from a rough neighborhood, from a hot neighborhood, well, it's the eyes, it's to be eaten in the I understand, but you know, it's this mentality that people have, you know, I want my respect, but someone who's afraid of you, you don't respect him, he's just afraid of you. He's going to pretend to be your guy and he's not going to contradict you, not because he respects you. He's going to backstab you. I mean, if he plays poker with you, you don't win because he respects you

Starting point is 00:16:21 when he plays poker, it's because he knows when you lose, you're going to blow your lungs and you're going to see Christian Nubiel. That's totally true. That's what you're going to see in good terms. So yeah, it's true. But the brands of respect, I understand this mentality, the street mentality of I want to have my respect. Even there, I find that...

Starting point is 00:16:36 Before, I said I understood. But even there, I find that it brings problems for nothing. Because the respect group is the perception. Another person has the right to think. Another person has the right to snitch because it's the right to be snitching because it's not in those values. Understand? Only lack of respect, it's you who take things

Starting point is 00:16:49 and you have to understand others too. So much agree with you. And it's funny, in old age, how do you realize that these things are... It's futile. You're in your tent and you send me to shit. Send me to shit, man. What the...

Starting point is 00:17:01 Why? And I'm in a bad position to talk. I was the worst. I followed my instinct. I left my house. Then you beat me on the street. I don't have lessons to teach anyone. Until I get old, almost 44 years old, you realize that... Man, you send me...

Starting point is 00:17:10 You send me, it's a big deal. You didn't punch me. You didn't threaten me. You didn't threaten my kids. You made me a fuck you. Enjoy. At this time, people make me fuck you. I gave them a little kiss.

Starting point is 00:17:18 It makes them feel a lot more like that. Exactly. Because now they're waiting. You let them take your energy. You let them take your energy. You let them take your energy. You let them take your energy. You let them take your energy. You let them take your energy. You let them take your energy. You let them a fuck you. Enjoy. At this time, people make me fuck you. I gave them a little kiss. It makes them more angry.

Starting point is 00:17:27 Because now they're waiting for you. You let them take your energy. You let them enter you. You've missed me. Why do you want that person, why do you want that 38-year-old father who respects you? He doesn't know you at all. I want my wife and my children to be...

Starting point is 00:17:43 I like to have people who are proud of me and people who respect me. You don't respect my work because you don't like my podcast. I don't care. My wife and my daughters should be proud of me because I'm doing a project, because I accomplished something. That's a good image. You don't need to see violence. You don't need to see you getting angry. They just need to see the good image.

Starting point is 00:18:08 The word that inspired you. Sorry, we skipped, but that's it. That's where I try to... I understand, but I try to... I'm trying to educate people, to inspire people to understand that I understand in the street, your respect, your street cred is important,

Starting point is 00:18:25 but the amount of people I've received here, who have all lived through it, and at the end of the line, they're just like, man, don't go there, it's just shit. I also helped criminals, hurry up, I can go to the States, I have fun, find a job. My life is shit today. And how many guys have you met, how many Crips have you met, who are millionaires, who live in a beautiful house with a woman, with everything you want, the beautiful woman in bikini with the creased pool. You're not in the United States, you're not a rapper.

Starting point is 00:18:53 Now there are only 25 years old and they have to regret it because they wanted their respect. I missed respect, I put three balls in the chest. You're going to be respected in a cage for 25 years. Five or ten years later, he's like, fuck. People should think about that. So we're back, we're gonna be respected in a cage for 25 years. 50 years later, he's like, fuck. So, you know, people should think about that. So, we got there, we got there just right. We got there at the Vial-en-Mécan, 15, 16 years old.

Starting point is 00:19:11 We approached you, you were on the edge of being thrown out of your house. That's it. At the same time, I compared, at the time, the blacks, they didn't talk much. You know, I'm one of those who started doing drugs. They smoked weed. One of us made weed. Another one of us drank coke. How many more? It was drug addicts. Well, it's drug addicts anyway. So I started doing drugs.

Starting point is 00:19:32 My mom started picking up bags of coke at my place. She would give me a speed. Then one day I got really drunk. I fell in front of the building. My mom looked at me and my brother. My little brother. My little brother was starting to... He became a psychologist. He was starting to... He became a psychologist? Yes, he became a psychologist.

Starting point is 00:19:50 He took the road. He said no. Respect. He started to talk to me in blue. My mom said, Philip, it's too much. You understand. Get out. He wanted to do the hockey. He wanted to look like his big brother.

Starting point is 00:20:01 Exactly. I wanted to look like my cousin. He wanted to look like me. She didn't like me. She's impatient. Until now, I don't even want to talk about it with my mother, but I totally understand that she put me out. Even now, my mother always told me, when you go to jail, you'll have a car,

Starting point is 00:20:12 the first person who will help you is my mother. I respect her. That's it. Not because a mother will say that, but it's... There are parents who are able to give birth to children. It's probably... Well, it happened. I was talking about Ziad, there's a podcast that hasn't come out yet. But he was like that.

Starting point is 00:20:30 I think he saw... He also said to him, I don't know, I think Moroccan. I don't remember. And his parents came on 27 years old, I think they came three times. I think Moroccan Arabs are more strict. They have more the ability to cut the bridges. That's it.

Starting point is 00:20:49 They still have love after they get married. But at 16, if you end up in the streets, what do you do? I end up in the streets. Do you already make cash in the streets? Or do you go more out of the way? It burns. There are things I don't want to say, but there are flights that I did that brought me a lot of money. You understand that? But I'm someone who spent a lot on...

Starting point is 00:21:10 At 16 years old. At 16 years old, my first $1,000, it's like, oh yes, $1,000, what is that $1,000? $1,000, I get up in the morning, it speaks. But at 16 years old, I made my first $1,000, and after that, I think six months later, I made my first $10,000. Do you understand? So, I was like, okay, yes, money, easy money. I made several flights. The flight attendants, I can say, I made a couple of flight attendants.

Starting point is 00:21:32 That was regular, a couple of flight attendants. From the world. After that, there's one of my friends. I don't know what time it is yet, I arrived, I started to sell, really for a project in the city center. With a established network. A established network. The project is excellent. Do you know me? Yes, I know you very well.

Starting point is 00:21:51 I made a lot of money in the tabernacle. I'm not here to promote. It's a big corner known for people in Montreal. It's a corner, there are buildings, and that's where it happens. I didn't want to show it, but that's it. At 17, yeah, I was put there, and even for the little $5 I was doing it by the little packages. I brought about $500 easily per day. Yeah, no, no, that's it.

Starting point is 00:22:18 It's never the guy who's down the stairs in the street who makes the most money. It's the guy who's up there, to see the kids from 16, 17 who are there. That's exactly what they used to use me like that. But there, I saw probably my first guy, the first guy who got shot at and all that. I'm not going to go into details, but that's where I started to see a lot of violence. More violence, the violence of the street. For me too, I started to use more weapons too, you understand. I started doing much more violent stuff.

Starting point is 00:22:45 But you, what I noticed is that the more you do violence, the more violent you are. I think we consume more violent people. Because either we try to hide. When I was young, I didn't see that, you know. Either we try to hide the feelings we feel. You know, because doing violence... You're feeling those emotions there?

Starting point is 00:23:02 Exactly. Because doing violence, it do violence, we're proud. We're not proud. If you're angry, it's because you're relaxed. Yeah, I'm like, I was drugged in the head. I can't say I was drugged in the head. I went to Celeron, I walked around Celeron. I don't know, I just skipped some steps. You were 17. I'm going to go. You're going to really go into the street gang mentality.

Starting point is 00:23:28 Yes. Strap, violence, drugs, consul in addition. Exactly. Now we can give ourselves missions, for example. We give ourselves missions, we give ourselves missions and everything, and we did a few, like there are some that I didn't accept. And like there are a few, there I have my baby mom. I was 17, she was 16, and then we had another first daughter. I'm going to take my only daughter. Technically, I tried to leave. I like the technique, but he's not sure how many kids he has. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We took an apartment, we went to the living room, I furnished the place and everything.

Starting point is 00:24:05 I said to myself, you know what, I'm going to work at Ultramort. I went to Ultramort for a day. I spent a day at Ultramort, it was not a big deal. You said, okay, I'm going to be a dad, maybe it's time to put a little bit of placement in my life. Exactly. If you understand. I said to myself, I'm going to work at Ultramort. I went to Ultramort, it was not a big deal. I spent a day and a half, I was like, okay, no, you know what, I'm going to go out. I went straight in the corner right away. and a half, I was like, okay, no, you know what, I'm going to go out. I went back in the corner directly, right away.

Starting point is 00:24:25 I went there and then I was... No, it's not true. I mean, I started to consume less, it's not true. I just reconsumed the same pattern. Same pattern, same pattern. And I used that in the click, which was always excessive. At the time, I didn't do one speed, I did 24 speeds. I didn't have a gram of coke, I did 14.

Starting point is 00:24:42 I didn't have a bottle of cognac, I drank like 5. So, at one point, I did several psychoses. At the beginning, I thought that my psychoses, for example, I did a lot of molly, I thought that my psychoses were just like, to get me back on track, I'm thinking about all these things. They tell me, oh my life, how it is. You know when you put everything into question?

Starting point is 00:25:02 At the beginning, I thought it was that. At the beginning, I thought it was normal, but every psychosis is a cycle. It's clear. Every psychosis, more and more I started to notice, more and more I became familiar with it. They are dangerous. I received people here who committed suicide in psychosis. There are people who went far in psychosis. I was in the room, the last psychosis I did, it was going to jump far. I went to the doctor, I think I did 34. It was going to jump far. I was doing my final analysis. I did, I think, 34 speed.

Starting point is 00:25:26 I was in another apartment and... 34 speed. I was looking at my phone, as if people were laughing at me. I saw my phone moving, I saw signs. I did a subway... I did a subway, Côte-de-Vertue in Saint-Laurent. Côte-de-Vertue in Sauvé-Marché. My parents came to pick me up.

Starting point is 00:25:42 I think my mother was against me. I think everyone was against me. I think everyone was against me. At the end, I was at my mother's house because she had children. I thought people wanted to attack me. I called the police. I said, I'm going to do this for the child.

Starting point is 00:25:58 I called the police. I said, I'm going to pick me up. You were in camp for how long? We went back five years. Okay. Yeah, five years. It's been a long time since I've been with Haute Parloir. I keep them because I like human beings.

Starting point is 00:26:12 I say that at every podcast's beginning. And an insurance is something really important to not let people you love in need when you're not there anymore. But unfortunately, if you have medical disabilities, if you're a little too old, if you have a criminal record, is life insurance easy to have? Not always. Compared to my premium, they are not a refused case.

Starting point is 00:26:33 They will take your file, they will read it, they will talk to you like you are a human being. They will take you into consideration, they will listen to you, they will find you the company that will accept to give you life insurance. They've been with me for a long time and I keep them because I have a lot of people who have gone through them and they gave me positive feedback because it's humans who treat people not like customers but like humans. Contact, compare my price. But I still... Especially that you're... We're going to come because we're going to talk about your background and your files. So already, if they type your name, they're like, OK, we're going to come and get it.

Starting point is 00:27:12 They came like 40... They came like 40, frankly. But psychosis started at the end of adolescence, 17, 18 years old. 17, 18 years old, because I started doing a lot of speed at that time, the point G and everything. I had a lot of speed, but I didn't see it as psychosis at the beginning. I thought it was more of a revelation. I had a lot of speed in that moment, the point G and everything. I had a lot of speed, but I didn't see it as psychosis at the beginning. I thought it was more of a revelation. You understand? Oh Phil, you're wild, or calm down, or whatever.

Starting point is 00:27:31 Or this person, or the person following me. I thought everything was real. You also think there's a car behind you, even if the car wasn't there. You think someone is following you, you think it was real. Not with your lifestyle too, you understand? Your lifestyle is only violence, or at the same time your brain is going to program you a little bit of what you're going to think. So you always have to watch your back. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:48 For real. Yeah, I know. When you're in psychosis, it's even crazier. You've been... Because it's already a reality, you know, to always, you know, watch what's going on behind you.

Starting point is 00:27:58 First serious arrest? 18 years old. A serious first arrest? Yeah. Serious. Well, to me, you... The first arrest, the first time I got in in Bordeaux, it was at 18 exactly. Okay. In. 18. 18. 18.

Starting point is 00:28:06 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18.

Starting point is 00:28:14 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18.

Starting point is 00:28:22 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. 18. I walked around the street, I stopped everyone and saw everyone in the street. Do you just want to say what you mean by re-up? Re-up? Well, I was going through about 26 grams in my number card. 26 grams of hard. So re-up is like you're going to see the person and they give you back your stock. The dealer. You understand, they give you back your stock. I just say it to people, hard. Hard, hard, it's crap.

Starting point is 00:28:44 It's hard, it's crap. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.

Starting point is 00:28:52 I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it.

Starting point is 00:29:00 I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to say it. I don't know how your ass back. And the guy didn't answer the phone. I don't know what he was doing, but then I said, you know what, we're just gonna walk down the street. And the guys followed me. I put everyone on the street and they all ran away. I did that. You see the street Saint Laurent? We're gonna start from Saint Catherine to Despin. I did that non-stop. Non-stop, non-stop, non-stop.

Starting point is 00:29:20 And just the fact of doing like, give me your money, sell your shirt, show the box. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey a round, like, give me your money, sell your shirt, show me that. Hey, I wasn't like that. I was going out, I was going out in the streets, I didn't have a good head. Okay. Yeah, any weapon I had, I put it in the subway. If you point a gun at me, I'll give you my wallet, I'll give you my chain, I don't have to steal it for that. No, there are some who are stoned, there are guys who were with their wives and they were stoned and everything. But... It's not worth stoning for a world, for a world of your own. No, that's it.

Starting point is 00:29:43 I don't know if you're not alone. The worst is that you know what? When I finished stealing everyone, the police arrested one of my men. I was already far away. He arrested one of my. I can take the blame for someone else, but if you're with me, it's not necessarily you. You're ready to take someone's blame, but you don't want someone to take your blame. Exactly, because I'm able to make my time.

Starting point is 00:30:10 I was able to make my time. I'm not going to say anything. You wouldn't turn back? No, I wouldn't turn back. I was able to make my time. So you were arrested, I put a gun in my face, a girl's voice... Okay, okay, okay.

Starting point is 00:30:23 I threw them away, exactly. I've never stopped with someone. I'm not going to be able to do it. Okay, okay, okay. Exactly. I've never stopped with a guy. I always had the chance. He had the chance. But that's it. And then I did my time. Wait, wait, wait.

Starting point is 00:30:40 I did my time. We're going to talk about it. He gave me two days. And the guy was in the hospital. There was one in the hospital. He was in the hospital. He was in the hospital. He didn't even have time to introduce himself. He gave me two days. I said, oh, now... Wait, he stops you. You don't promise to compare. He came to my place.

Starting point is 00:30:50 He took me directly to the post office. I was drunk. I slept all night. I don't even understand what happened. I gave him my number. I don't know if it's Goiath. It's Goiath who introduced me. There's a lot of people he knows here.

Starting point is 00:30:58 He introduced me. When I get there, he says to me, you, there's a guy who's been smoking. He's a guy who's been smoking. He's a guy who's been smoking. He's a guy who's been smoking. He's a guy who's been smokingait Goyard who introduced me to him. He introduced me to him. When I arrived, he told me that there was a guy who had beaten me up. He was almost on the verge of death. He was not even allowed to wake up.

Starting point is 00:31:17 He was in the coma. He was lucky if he couldn't come because no one could identify him. I was like, I hope not. He couldn't wake up. He couldn't come because no one else could identify me. I was like, I hope not, I hope not. And he didn't wake up. He couldn't come again. But he woke up. If he hadn't woken up, I wouldn't be here. You see, we received Maxime Aurelien, I don't know if you know him.

Starting point is 00:31:40 One of the founders of the Belanger. Wayback, you know. And one of his first arrests was that. It was a girl's voice. They pleaded guilty to the girl's voice. They had their sentence. The person died after the trial. He couldn't come back because it was for the same crime.

Starting point is 00:31:58 It doesn't sound right. No, no, no. I pleaded guilty. I pleaded guilty because they was sentenced to two days. Two days for a false charge in that case. I was sentenced to two days. Is that a false charge? Exactly. I was sentenced to two days, but at the same time, I was a young man who had just started. First offense, you were 18 years old.

Starting point is 00:32:17 But it's still a false charge in your case after all the other violence I've had. It's not two days. No, no, no. The last violence, I asked me for almost four years for that, you understand. But it was still serious, it was a big... So, it's going well, two days in Bordeaux, you know, what's up a little bit, but... No, but I was scared, the first time in Bordeaux, when you're in France... At least once, you start to get scared. When I got in, I was like...

Starting point is 00:32:40 A reality check anyway. It's like a jungle, in Boudera, at that time, the big wings, I was like... Wow, okay, what's going on? And I also thought about the people I did, others I stole, others, the other people I had problems with. Because in two days, you're going crazy. Yeah, I'm like, wow, I'm back in Jeanne. You're not in the mood, you're not in the mood. No, exactly, I'm coming to Jeanne, I'm like,

Starting point is 00:32:56 okay, I'm going back to a place where I can meet anyone. But I was lucky, it seems like everyone was approaching me. I have to say, my future is in my face. I don't have a face that says I have to come to Pileu too. And I was lucky to have met people that I had problems with. I was lucky to have met like everyone was approaching me. I have to say, my face, I don't have a face like that, that has come to the top too. And I was lucky to have met people that I have problems with too. I was really lucky.

Starting point is 00:33:12 It could have been because at the time, it was not ... It was not blue-red. I was not enough, and I still feel like a parent, but it was not enough important in the Quebec universe to separate. It was more important to separate Rock Machine, El's and Joll's, but Blue-Rouge at that time was...

Starting point is 00:33:30 Everyone was together. The only ones who separated, I think, were the beautiful guys. Yeah, there were the beautiful guys and... It was not the Crackdown Pussy, the CDP, I think. Yeah, yeah, CDP, exactly. The guys from 9, exactly. Yeah, listen, if I mix it up a bit... Yeah, CDP, exactly.

Starting point is 00:33:52 But you know, there are people with a daughter, now. No, but there are a lot of girls with a daughter. We don't even have any more. But, by the way, I'm not going to go to any gang anymore. Exactly. Exactly. So, it, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm a That It could be random, in a club, someone who looks at you as a hooker. Everything that made me stop, as I said, it was more random. What was your business?

Starting point is 00:35:08 I never... Except the one I had my first two years. Understand? That's me who made that watch because the person owed me what? They owed me respect. Sorry, that was it. Respect.

Starting point is 00:35:18 At the time, that's exactly what you were part of. That, I was in Alberta, I was with people and the person, I think she showed me respect for that person. And I met the person, I was really open and everything, you know what I mean? How did you get to Alberta? Well, because Montreal started to get hot! Okay, no, but you see, that's what I was saying. You see, that's my job, you know, like the guy who's 18, first 100 years old, I'm in Alberta,

Starting point is 00:35:38 I've been there for two years, wait a minute! How old were you when you got to Alberta? I think I was 25. Montreal started to first show. Okay, wait a little bit before we go. I'm trying to keep it on the line, because there are so many things going on. You're talking fast on the street. I'm trying to ground you a little.

Starting point is 00:35:56 So, 18, you got that, Pat. There are some conditions, but you keep going. You're in the street. I was with a guy. I was with a biker. I don't know if it's because of the school club, but I was starting with a biker, we had an escort agency. I had an escort agency with him. But after that, I thought that... At least my profit wasn't profitable. I started doing other flights and Montreal was getting really hot for me.

Starting point is 00:36:19 I'm going to ask you a question that you may not have seen that I'm asking you. An escort agency, was it an escort agency? Everything that girls want to do, to come work with you. I worked with Jonathan de Montréal, back in the day, Jonathan de Montréal, it was all about him, I was the booker. Do you consider yourself a pimp?

Starting point is 00:36:38 They're all pimp, you can't do anything about it. I'm talking about the pimp sense, there's a guy who attracts a girl, who has an autograph and who going to do a bad thing. No, but you're talking about, I'm talking about the Pimp sense. There's a guy who attracts girls, who has an autograph, and who gets locked up in a hotel room. No, no, no. He was... I don't know if you know René Deauville? René? That tells me something.

Starting point is 00:36:54 Yeah, the driver's agent who placed the dancers and everything, it was with one of the guys there. Exactly. So it was an escort agent, the one who brought the girls, and it was beautiful. It was really like an agent. It was like a friend, whatever, and all the others. And after that, I still found my profit, because it's still... I had a lot of money. It was like money. Like Accelme, Whatabit, and all the others. And then I found my profit, because we are several people,

Starting point is 00:37:10 I had to share the profit. So, it wasn't really my business. Moria did a lot of crap. So I said, okay, let's go to Alberta, to do some fraud, and then we'll start selling too. When I got there, the person I was with owed me money. I was supposed to work for free, you know?

Starting point is 00:37:25 But arriving there... He followed you to pay his debt in order to work and pay his debt. Exactly. When he arrived there, this person, technically, he started to talk to me. He started to talk to me when he had to do a certain job. After that, I have to say that I was already intoxicated and advanced. Because it stayed there for a long time. And I'm in my head, I'm talking to him? I saw that he was still there, he was still there. I was like, what am I going to do now?

Starting point is 00:37:46 I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now?

Starting point is 00:38:02 I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am I going to do now? I was like, what am. What the fuck? I looked at him and I said, okay, okay, okay. I was like, what am I doing here? I saw he was still standing there. He was like, what are you, are you crazy? I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay. You know what? I'm going out. I'm just going to go to you and when I get out of the hotel,

Starting point is 00:38:18 I'm going straight away. But when I was going out, he went downstairs, he called the police. I didn't know. But at the same time, I was on the stairs. I heard the walkie-talkies. I was like, oh fuck, the police is here. I left, but they rushed everyone who was in the hotel. Everyone who was with us rushed everyone who was in the hotel.

Starting point is 00:38:34 I went pretty far, I can say I went about 500 meters. From afar, I saw my friends stopped. Once again. I had to go back, exactly. Exactly. Is it like the mixture of gangsta mentality plus the psychopathy linked to the consumption in the form that you became? It's dangerous. You can be a psychopath and you can have the gangsta street mentality, but you have both together.

Starting point is 00:39:00 So the lack of respect, but instead of, I'm going to give you a few of times to get you on the street. But you, you... The psychopathic side was coming, and I'm going to beat you until you can't move anymore. It's like when I wake up and I'm like, oh fuck, I'm not a person anymore. It's like saying that in the meantime, while I was singing in the same version, I wasn't there anymore. That's it, it's the two of us, it's better for the two of us. I was in a delay bomb. I said, I'll continue like that, for the...

Starting point is 00:39:28 I did it in 2005, easy. Yeah, no, that's it, I'm listening to you. At that time, you could have... Six more points, you could have... I even hit my head, I was hit in the corner of the wall and everything. Sorry guys, it's not to show the violence. But that's it, I even hit a guy... I threw him like a doll, you know?

Starting point is 00:39:45 And then you got a number in Alberta? I got a number in Alberta. You got the number in Alberta? Basically, what happened, I started in the prison in Alberta. My friend, my lawyer, they let me out. So, since I was in Alberta, I'm not in the prison, I'm a flight risk. That means they gave me a caution, but I have to stay in Alberta. But I have nothing in Alberta.

Starting point is 00:40:03 I have no one, everyone is in Alberta. At least, my place is... To make my money back quickly, you know, I have to return to Quebec. They gave me a I started with a 5,000 or 2.5% share. Every time you make a bid in Alberta, what's good? Excuse me, what's good is that you make a bid, you can return, you can ask for a share, but it doubles. It doubles, it doubles, it doubles. So instead of... Instead of going up... So it's 2,500, condition bid, 5,000, condition bid, 10,000, condition bid.

Starting point is 00:40:39 Or you make your own choice. I went to... I went to... When they asked for 40,000, I said, no, it's nothing because I always broke them. Then I paid the culprit. Then they gave me my first contract, which was 2 plus 1. So you went to the federal in Alberta. Oh, I forgot something too.

Starting point is 00:40:53 Go ahead, let's go. Because what happened is that during all this time, I broke my leg. I broke my leg because someone put the apartment on fire. I jumped down and I landed on a tree. When I got to Alberta, I had a broken leg, you know? I did a little jump without my and I hadn't even done my physio.

Starting point is 00:41:12 I think I just broke my leg like a week before. So I started like that, with a pair of clothes. And I ended up with a pair of clothes. That's it. Because I don't want my parents, I don't want to contact the world. I don't want to be with my parents, I don't want to contact people. I don't want to... Because the world... I think it's harder for people outside to be in prison than for people inside.

Starting point is 00:41:32 That means that my parents, because they might think of their children or the blonde girl... You don't know what's going on. You don't know what's going on inside. They just want to make pictures. Exactly. That's it. I don't want to contact people, I don't want money, I don't want anything. I just want to make some money. Exactly. That's it. I didn't want to contact anyone, I didn't want money, I didn't want anything. I just wanted to make my time.

Starting point is 00:41:47 I don't have a choice, you brought up something that you were just telling me. We set my apartment on fire. I didn't say I went to the fire. We set my apartment on fire. It's the second one we set on fire. It's one of the reasons why you left in Alberta. Yeah, the first time. I was hot in all the centers.

Starting point is 00:42:03 It was hot with the police, but it was hot with other people. Because I'm not the police who wrote that in the apartment. No, it's the second apartment we've been in. The first one was when my baby mom was pregnant. Again, because we sent her to a bad person. Out of nowhere, we're at home, we're playing PlayStation. I don't know what's going on right now. Boom, we hear a monotov cocktail, the balcony is on fire.

Starting point is 00:42:25 And besides, there was the barbecue bomb that was there. I didn't have a choice but to take the barbecue bomb. That's one of the times. When was that? It was in the 5th, you were 17 or 18. Exactly, I'm around that. So I took the bomb and that's when I said to my mom, let's go.

Starting point is 00:42:41 I put it in the trap to center the place. I said, no, we have to move the whole thing. It was dangerous, but now I said no. It's not a trap house, it's not the best place for a young teenager in the field. Exactly. After that, I said no, you go to your mother's house. That's the second one.

Starting point is 00:42:57 The other one is the person I was not very happy with. He went in front of me. I was always in the door, I was usually in my white dress. I always had my door open. My door was always open. I had to open the door, the apartment on fire. I saw that, then I looked. I was just on the second floor.

Starting point is 00:43:18 I jumped on the two feet instead of the two. I jumped on one foot. I was on the ground, boom, it broke my foot. My little old man and my... I was on the ground, boom, he broke my little finger. I'm going to come back a little bit because all this is happening, bringing your baby mom to the bed, you told us about your daughter. If I trust the years you tell me, your daughter must be about 6 or 7 years old when you go to Alberta. No, but I had already let go.

Starting point is 00:43:40 When my daughter was born, after the first fire, we lived with her mother. I left my baby mom about six months ago because I'm someone who is toxic. I didn't want my daughter to live with violence. I wanted to live with violence and attention. So I left. Did you keep in touch? Were you still present in this? I was present financially, but I wasn't there. I can say that this is one of the parts

Starting point is 00:44:12 that the street and everything has done in a way that it's like I can say that I lost my daughter. Exactly. Still today? We talk, but it's not the same thing. It's not the same thing as if the parent had been there for a long time. No, I understand. Exactly.

Starting point is 00:44:25 At least you have a connection, you have a certain contact with her. It's already more than several of my guests who have lost a contact. And in addition, I want to say something. That's recently, that's four, five years ago, my daughter called my mother because I had no contact. My daughter called my mother and she cried. She said, what did I do to my father? Why? He doesn't want to see me. Do you understand? And then my mother carried him. And my daughter cried.

Starting point is 00:44:50 I love that we do activities. I love that we start to see each other. And from there we started to get together. It's hard for a father to hear his daughter. What did I do to her? What did I do to her? So he's done nothing. The problem is 100%. It's my problem.

Starting point is 00:45:05 That's it. We realize that when we age, our children, to what extent there is nothing more... I can't go on and on when I talk about her. For example, I can see her and she's a little cold. It's normal. Normally, she just turned 18. It's normal, she hasn't seen her father for 18 years.

Starting point is 00:45:21 Technically, she saw him in and out, but it's not him who was the first to be there when it was on the market, or when it was a shit like that, you know? Listen, it's going to maybe comfort you a little bit. This podcast brought families closer together, man. Honestly, because there are a lot of children who discovered the path of their parents by coming here.

Starting point is 00:45:41 Last week, I posted on my networks a son who who wrote me, thank you for having my father. Because I understood why he wasn't there. You understand? Because it's not easy to have tags. It's not us who are going to have it with our children, technically. It's good that it brought them closer. And how is it in prison in Alberta? I don't want to lie, I think it's better there. We say it's better, I think the world respects the rules more in Quebec.

Starting point is 00:46:08 In Quebec, it's nonsense. But you're in the federation, was it the first time you got caught in the federation? Yes, it was the first time I got caught in the federation. What I liked about Alberta was that when I got there, there were people from Toronto. It's like they were outlaws from Alberta because they said, they welcomed me well. And from there, that's it. Toronto. It was easy for them. It was easy, but the violence there is much more intense than in Montreal. It's real violence. Real violence, exactly. They won't let the little things go.

Starting point is 00:46:49 The world is more SS. I saw a lot more violence there. In Drummond, for example. Because I was in Drummond 1 there. I was in Drummond 1. At the end of my 100th year, I asked to be transferred to Quebec. Because I had to finish my course, I had a violence program. How do you call that? The violence therapy.

Starting point is 00:47:11 Yes, exactly. I had to finance this program because I thought they were going to give me my incision. Ok, you didn't do it for yourself, you did it to reduce the number. At first, I did it for the number. But after taking the course, I said, oh, from there, you know that I think it's at Penitentiary that I started to grow. At Penitentiary, I started to understand, to say, oh, whatever, see, understand, because I was often told

Starting point is 00:47:34 that I was empathic. No, someone who doesn't have the feelings of other people. The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the I'm like, I don't care about people's feelings. And I think that now I'm starting to work. If someone says something, they'll start crying. I'll hug them. And I think that with this course, I'm starting to understand the world. Understand. So your first sentence, you did, oh yeah, it's Yingsha. But your first federal government started working on...

Starting point is 00:48:08 Okay, there's something wrong. I might have a problem. Yeah, yeah. But I'm going to say that I already know I have a problem. Violence and all that. Some people say, oh no. No, I already know that it's very problematic. But I wasn't ready to work on it. I wasn't ready to work on it.

Starting point is 00:48:24 Well, already, being aware of a problem, when we talk about alcoholism or consumption, the first step is... Accepting. Accepting that you have a problem. You knew you had a problem, but you accepted it. I was like,

Starting point is 00:48:39 for now, I didn't really know what I wanted to do. Maybe younger, yes, I even took a very low school class. Yes, yes, yes. I took audiovisual, I did music management. It looked like I didn't know where to put myself. That's what I use now, what I've learned in podcasts. Now I'm starting to understand. It's a guess that sometimes what you learn comes back too.

Starting point is 00:49:01 No matter what steps you take in your life, whether it's positive or negative. So whether it's prison, whether it's a course, whether it's therapy, whether it's... So... There are things that I use in everyday life, that I learned on a job, that I learned... We never know... That's why I'm here. Stay open-minded. Open yourself to these things. That's what it's all about. That's it. For me, education... I don't like that. I understand you. With school, the food service, on a school bench, and there's a dose in the middle in the face, it's as pleasant.

Starting point is 00:49:46 Exactly. But, I tell people, have you ever thought of studying something that interests you? Exactly. I understand that going to do French and past participations, you want to get in the ass, but... But it's useful. But if manufacturing is an artistic side, it's hard enough. I mean, if you have a little bit of of singing, you can do a mechanical class.

Starting point is 00:50:07 That's what I think the school shouldn't do. They should give more art classes to people because everyone has talent. Where would they have taken it? At school, you would have known that if they had given a class to be humorous, the world would know how to direct it. I don't know if you understand. Exactly. I think they should give more art classes to the world so they can have their voice.

Starting point is 00:50:25 But all the little school bombs, all the tantrums, what is their favorite class? Plastic education, physical education. Exactly, it's all creation. Spending energy that creates, you know, it's... No, we lock ourselves in the chaos, you know, the past participle of the verb to have. Hey, my God, you know... But it's important, I tell you, I'm in there... There to have. Hey, my God! It's important, I'm telling you. You're black.

Starting point is 00:50:48 There are all kinds of children. I talk too much about me, but at that time, my daughters are in their fifth year. They have English homework. They have to conjugate verbs. Chris, they don't even know what the verb means. But you have to conjugate it. I didn't learn the verb before. You have to put practice with theory.

Starting point is 00:51:04 That's it. The verb run, run, you have to conjugate it. So she's like, okay, that's how you conjugate it. So she's going to conjugate it, what does that mean, run? I don't know. That's the problem. But conjugate in the past five, it's the same where I write it. Sometimes it's like, wow, Chris! I think someone learns at the same time as he practices the thing. So as you said, the verb running, I don't even know what the verbs are.

Starting point is 00:51:24 Look at it, you don't understand. So if someone learned it, for example, I don't know how he learned it. As you said, verbal learning, I don't even know how he learned it. The verbs that are in there, I don't know. If someone had taught me, for example, I don't know, I'm on a track, running, at school, I want to say, in physical education, things like that, the master of practice. No, but when you ran and sweat and burned, you have less desire to do the tata and send shit to the world. That's right.

Starting point is 00:51:42 You're going to be more focused on your brain. That's true. One day, if you see yourself on a election poster, don't vote for me, but I might eliminate education. You didn't want that. So you came to the Senate in Quebec? I came to the Senate in Quebec, and that's when I saw that the system...

Starting point is 00:52:00 I'm talking about different policies within the prison system, but it was still... You're talking about internal politics, not prison. I'm talking about the real prison politics. Internal laws. There's more flexibility in Quebec. They're still strict.

Starting point is 00:52:15 They don't steal, they don't knock on doors. That's what you're saying, but that's what they're saying. That's what they're saying. Because I think the older people are, the more they let it go. It's also true that you don't want to put someone on the table because they're going to knock on the door of the bathroom, and then you're going to have problems, you're going to have a relationship too. I understand that, but the world is starting to be...

Starting point is 00:52:35 I think... I wanted to say that. The world is starting to let you go, and I think there's starting to be a lot of people who say that it's gangsters in the majority, it's drugs, it's drugs. Ninety percent of our prisons are people with mental health problems. They don't really respect the system. You know, career criminals. There are no more.

Starting point is 00:52:56 In prison, there are not as many. Exactly, there are no more. Before, in Quebec, the Quebec Memorial was recognized as the bank robbers. Montreal was the master of bank robbery in America. Now it's all kinds of murder crimes. But today, I think we have problems with consumption, people with mental health problems, and young people who want to be something, they want to be a gangster, they want to show, they want to be a gangster.

Starting point is 00:53:25 They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove.

Starting point is 00:53:33 They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove.

Starting point is 00:53:41 They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. They want to prove. If the guys don't... No, no. The guys will use you to not get their hands dirty. You're going to get them shot on a house. You're going to get them smashed in a stash. You're going to get someone smashed. Not them. That's why people don't understand.

Starting point is 00:53:53 And now I noticed that since COVID, there are a lot of people who are in the criminal... They're about 18 years old. I'd be curious to see the analysis from the late 90s, the average age of the detainees. And in 2025, the average age of the detainees, and in 2025, the average age of the detainees. I have the impression that we will drop from half a 30s to early 20s. That's crazy. You're totally right. I don't understand why.

Starting point is 00:54:14 It's the older ones who send them down. They can prove themselves, but... It's the Internet, it's the networks, it's the gain. It's having guys with 500,000 chains in the neck and a lambo. You wouldn't sell your dimes in the corner of the street and have a 9 mm in your ass. No, there are so many people. It's the gain. It's a veil. It's half, not half, but 90% of what you see is social networks.

Starting point is 00:54:42 It's the death, it's not true. But you see, I think we're in a society now where we live too fast. We want to have everything too fast, and we want to believe everything people do. Now, we're doing anything, and young people are destroying themselves. But everyone wants to be rich fast. Too fast. But I mean, already, being rich is not easy. Legally and illegally, being rich. It's not easy. Legally and illegally being rich.

Starting point is 00:55:05 I know people who live fucking well from crime. It's like, you know, they're career criminals. I know some of them. They make a good living, but they're not guys. They're guys my age and they can't stop. They're not stalkers. There are not millions of stalkers. Because their way of life depends on the amount they depend on.

Starting point is 00:55:23 But I have a question for you. Do you think it would be better to be rich, legally? Let's say you started a job of 50,000 and you invested. Is it better to be rich legally than to be rich illegally? Because otherwise you'll turn your head and you can't sleep anymore. Do you understand? If you're rich illegally, the percentage of chance that all the wealth you've accumulated

Starting point is 00:55:44 is in the pockets of an advocate. Well, that's what happened to me. Technically, thank you, now you're saying that. But you're not the first, but how many people? And I repeated it over and over again. That's what happened to me. I have one in mind, I don't name it, but I often use this example.

Starting point is 00:55:56 This guy was a millionaire, a millionaire. And today, he lives in a 4.5, and he's a welder he's happy, and he sleeps well, and he doesn't have any more money. Because he's accumulated millions, and all you have is a ton of shit, and it's flies that you have around you. Exactly. They just go to the toilet. And once they took everything they had to eat, in a ton of shit, they put it in their camp, so you're still in a ton of shit, but empty. Exactly. And you don't have any flies. That's how I felt.

Starting point is 00:56:24 Well, that's it. My friend told me, he said, you bought so many houses, you gave them all to your lawyer. He said I had three causes. Tundebé, I had another one in Vancouver, I had one in Montreal. Each lawyer was about 50,000. It's easily 50,000. After that, I sat down, I was like, yo, the amount of money I made, the amount of money that my lawyer, my lawyer, presently, lawyer must be happy every time.

Starting point is 00:56:45 You have a big chain, a big machine, you live in a quest for enemies. There are plenty of them. I made them too. I have a Mercedes that I pay 3000$ a month because it has a plate and its location. I have my chain, I have this and I have that. You look rich. But you arrive at home, you live in a 4.5 with an individual, you're a 100-inch TV, in a 4.5, you hear your neighbors coughing on the 4th floor.

Starting point is 00:57:13 You understand? But you know, investing, what's the point of driving a Mercedes for 3000 bucks a month? It's stupid. You know, you're going to get what? You get a contract. You lose your Mercedes, it's stupid, but you're not going to lose it. Someone's going to sell your chain because you have to pay for your avocado. You need a canteen for that. Because don't think, my brothers are going to pay for my canteen.

Starting point is 00:57:31 In the first two months, you're going to have a canteen. And now, get out of here. Because people in the street think that making a million a year is money. Making a million a year is not money. All the expenses you have, making a million a year is not money. You have debts, you have to pay, your car, you have to pay for your house, you have to pay for your food. Everything costs more. Exactly. Because you're not an idiot.

Starting point is 00:57:50 You're not an idiot. I mean, if I decide to go and buy the same Mercedes as you, who is in the street, I'm going to pay 12, 13, 1400 per month, but you pay 3000 per month. Because it's not your name, because you're a rental company, and you have to pay cash. Exactly, and there's no credit, no credit, it hasn't been made. No, because you don't go anywhere. I'm paying interest. Because you're not in your name. Because you're a company of location. And you have to pay cash. Exactly. And there's no credit. His credit hasn't been made. No, because you don't go anywhere.

Starting point is 00:58:08 Exactly. So I have the same car as you. After Cadillac Escalade, they gave me a 20% land rate. The maximum. They gave me a few. At first, it's like, yeah, yeah, but at the end, you're like, wow. When you pay your rent every month, it's more expensive than your rent. You're like, wow.

Starting point is 00:58:19 For a climbing catwalk. Why did you give me an escalator? You could have taken a Honda. You're alone in your car. Exactly. But it's the flashie, it's what you have, it's the image you project. That's not it. We owe each other more than other things. And are you more proud of yourself today or with your climbing on Saint-Laurent?

Starting point is 00:58:31 I'm more proud because I understood that everything I can do legally, it's about investing in things legally to go further legally. There are a lot of people who say, yes, it's true that you work your way, it's not going to be rich, but in your way, it's up to you to decide, to go further legally. So there are a lot of people who say, yes, it's true that you work your life at 5, you won't be rich, but you work your life at 5, it's up to you now to decide what you can do. You can do events, there are all kinds of things, there are all kinds of things you can do legally.

Starting point is 00:58:55 I prefer now, because now I'm not working my life at the left or right, I'm working as a lawyer to pay, all my money will come back. I have debts to pay and after that, I want to stabilize myself. Do you need to sleep? No, exactly. You were scared that someone would stab you in the back?

Starting point is 00:59:10 No, no. Now I've solved all my problems. If you burn a stove and the police are afraid of you, you'll just get a ticket. Exactly. You're not scared of getting caught with a piece in your car or with a condition break? Exactly. I'm on the spot. I'm always on the spot. I didn't know I was on the spot. And strangely, I'm still on my bed. I didn't know I was on my bed. And strangely, I'm still on my bed.

Starting point is 00:59:25 Strangely, no. I'm not surprised. It's not strange. Vinil, you're doing this because you accumulate so much shit that... For me, it's hydrogen. Hydrogen for real. Go to school, find a new voice. Okay, and... Go do your 9-5. Find something that will make you profitable and invest somewhere.

Starting point is 00:59:44 But... Go do Route 95. Find something that will make you profitable and invest somewhere. Make a mess of a place, man. You have to make a mess. Often appreciate things in life. Make a mess. I'm going to be 44 today. And I'm living my best life today. But I made a mess for a long time, you know? I missed some money and I... I mean, I did some shitty jobs, man.

Starting point is 01:00:11 I noticed cars on the highway in the rain, lying down, taking off a drive shaft under 18 feet... 18 wheels, you know? That's what I call the grind. That's a real hustle, I think. That's it. And what did he do? Well, my wife and I, and with a bunch of guys, we created our... we got together. I built myself a credit card. I think. That's it. And what did he do? My wife and my husband Chris, we got together. I built a credit. My wife went to the credit. We have a little bit of cash.

Starting point is 01:00:31 Chris bought a small duplex that wasn't too expensive. And Chris, I bought my house. She took value. I'm going to borrow my house. I'm going to buy a house. But it's not done. Oh, Chris, you have three duplexes. I didn't buy three duplexes the same week. You see, they say that the gain,

Starting point is 01:00:48 even though you're in the criminal field, they do technically the same thing. They'll take a stock, they'll do shit. They have to find clients, they have to build their street credit. It's the same thing that they have to do legally. The same thing, if they give the same effort legally. But you know, it's not a cue,

Starting point is 01:01:02 and it's not a proposal, but what I'm saying is, if you're in there and you make illegal money, at least be bright with what you do. Mm-hmm, that's it. Place, you know, like I said, I know guys who have business, the jets, who have done this, who have done that, who have invested, who have bought a house. I've done that well.

Starting point is 01:01:21 You know, it's smart people who make smart moves, who keep having fun, but you know... They're smart, they have a discipline, they have a structure. You know, being a leader of an illegal company and being at the head of a criminal network, it's the same thing. It's not like, hey, I choose this voice because. I mean, we all know the big names, the Mums Boucher, the Risotto, the Risotto. These guys have made some time. I mean, Mums Boucher, he died in prison anyway. The other one, he still made a sentence in the United States.

Starting point is 01:02:02 It always comes back. The community will always have two ends. You still made a big deal in the United States. And you know, I mean... It always comes back... The community will always have two ends. And if you don't end up in there, but you end up in a parking lot... Exactly. You go out of the... Not to name names, but you go out of a store, you're with your wife and children, and they're going to make you a bulletproof box, and you go to the newspaper the next morning.

Starting point is 01:02:21 Exactly. So even if you moved, and once you came back, you did this shift following Alberta and all that, you did your therapy, your anger. You're in Quebec, you're out on the street. I came back. You're back in the starting line-up at the same place. Yeah, I've never been scared because I've always had the same contacts. I started in the starting line-up, but I was going back more

Starting point is 01:02:44 at that time, for now. I started more like, OK, now I want to build something. same context. a day to day. Yeah, exactly. One day at a time. One day at a time. So I started a project. Wow, okay, let's go. What I want to do is, I wanted to go into real estate. That's what was on my mind, I wanted to go into real estate, but I wanted to do vacation rental. I started again, vacation rental, MB&B 55. Are you still in the consulate? Are you going to continue to consume? That's what's going to happen.

Starting point is 01:03:22 Because there are guys who who consume and have projects. That's it. No, first I was at 1. You understand that. Everything started well. The first month everything started well. But after working all night, I said, you know what, I'm going to start taking half a speed to stay up.

Starting point is 01:03:34 I'm going to start taking half a speed to stay up. Half a speed to stay up. But then, even a few days later, I started doing 5 speeds a day. After that, it didn't even last a turn. Once again, it didn't even last a few days later, I was told to do five sweeps a day, you know? After that, it didn't even last a second, again, it didn't even last a second. Boom, I did that, I made money, but then all of a sudden I decided to go to the dancers, it was for the dancers' money, you know? The violence, I wanted to have lived too. The violence starts again. But at the same time, what I did was I cut myself off from my friends a little bit.

Starting point is 01:03:59 I cut myself off from my friends, it was all new knowledge. After the prison, I managed to go to prison for 4 years. After the prison, I managed to go to prison for 4 years. Have you ever heard of the Viagra film, the Aurodispersible? This latest addition to the Viagra brand takes the form of a band-aid that dissolves in the mouth. You will also be happy to know that the Viagra Aurodispersible film

Starting point is 01:04:24 is offered at the same price as the Viagra Compressed. This means that you and your doctor have the opportunity to choose. If you have a Viagra order, where do you think you should go? Talk to your doctor and ask him for information on the Viagra Aurodispersible film. Viagra. I had already put it back around 700. My crisis code. The crisis code. Exactly. So then I said, OK, perfect. But then I went to a person, a woman who had a lot of drugs. Then it started again.

Starting point is 01:05:13 Boom. Now I'm back. I even started to really make powder. It was my favorite drug. I started to make a lot of powder. Destroyed powder. That's where I started to do psychosis, in psychiatric hospitals. Okay, okay, at that point. I was in a psychiatric hospital. I didn't like my life anymore.

Starting point is 01:05:28 I was depressed. I never thought that... Did you ever think about trying to live your own life at that point? I thought about it sometimes. But I never did the action. No, no, no. But it was in my head.

Starting point is 01:05:44 You said, hey, get in there but... But it went through my head. You said, it went through your head. When the psychiatrist was talking to me, because he's a psychiatrist, like my friend, when he was talking to me, he asked me, have you ever thought, well, I haven't really answered him, but I saw in my head some scenarios. So, what made me take back my...

Starting point is 01:06:05 The story of the child, the child of my sister. Exactly that. Basically, it's the same girl I'm talking about. We're in an apartment. I don't know why I said 34 speed. Boom, one shot. Boom, boom, 34 speed. I said, all of a sudden...

Starting point is 01:06:22 The heart beats fast. I always said when I was young, I said, I, all of a sudden... Your heart is beating so fast! When I was young, I would always say, I still have drugs, I still have drugs, I still have drugs, and... When I got out of the hospital, they told me, I was surprised, that I didn't explode. They told me, I was surprised, that I didn't explode. And then all of a sudden, I took my phone,

Starting point is 01:06:38 I was playing hi hi hi hi, I was playing... I was playing songs that were going to come out, and I didn't trust them because there was money that I had, and sometimes it disappeared and everything. I didn't trust this because I had money and sometimes it disappeared. I didn't like that girl. I thought she was playing with my back and other stuff. But when I looked around, it was a Herbie and B's blog. Then I saw someone I knew.

Starting point is 01:06:54 I was like, you're with him, you made him come here. Now they're saying, you want to set me up? You're wrong, I went too far. I went too far. I left that blog, I left the blog, I left on a walk. I left the center, I only walked in Courte Vertu. I left the center, I just walked down the Courte Vertu. You know how I did that, I just walked down the Courte Vertu. I said, on the Courte Vertu, I called my mom.

Starting point is 01:07:10 She said, my mom is coming to pick me up because I was doing a cycle, my mom always said everything. I was doing a cycle, I was doing a speed tent. Even when my mom came, my mom was driving a bus, even when she came, I didn't even want to get on the bus because now I think she's the one who's in the bus. It went crazy. I walked, I ordered something from McDonald's. I bought five phones, got in the cell. It went crazy. I was walking in the store, I ordered something from McDo. I bought five phones, I threw them all away.

Starting point is 01:07:27 Because I thought that every phone, every phone, I thought someone had put something in it, and that they were trying to find me. I don't know why I was at that level. I can tell you, I'm a bastard, I do the job all the time, I got 34 speed. You have a good reason to be there. Ah, bastard.

Starting point is 01:07:44 I said to myself, I'm going to the store, I think the world laughs at me and all. But at the same time, I had to say something. I was also doing the trend. You were on the series. When I went to check recently, the trend plays on the aggressive side, psychological side, paranoid and all. We've already talked about it in podcasts, but that's the trend. Because often people say the sauce and we talk about the testo. They think it's the testo. It's not the testo that's the trend. Because, you know, people often say the sauce, and they talk about the testo.

Starting point is 01:08:05 They think it's the testo. It's not the testo that makes it. The trend, the debauchery, the super joke, that stays in the brain. If you want to make a project, trend, trend, trend, trend, trend, trend, trend, trend, but it's the trend, the trend. Go see the secondary effects.

Starting point is 01:08:19 I know because I went there, you make cuts, no, no, you go crazy on that. And even my strength, yes, no, you're crazy about that. And even my strength, yes my strength was made up of things, but my psychological side, paranoid, was made up of intense. Imagine that, honey. I would go crazy just on the train, I can't even imagine it on the speed and it's so much more. At first I didn't understand why I was super like more than usual.

Starting point is 01:08:41 For me, I thought my reactions were more aggressive than usual. My paranoia was made up of exaggerated things, like I was calculating everything. plus que d'habitude pour moi. Je trouvais que mes réactions étaient plus agressives que d'habitude. Ma part en a été rendue exagérée, comme je calculais toutes. On va dire, tu aurais bougé, on va dire, tu serais levé, tu aurais juste bougé. Comment ça, tu aurais bougé ça comme ça. Tu sais, quand je calculais tout, tout, tout, tout, tout, tout, tout. Ton téléphone, je le voyais de loin. Je savais juste pour dire ça comme ça. Tu sais, tout le monde. Oh, non, mais c'est littéralement une psychose.

Starting point is 01:09:01 C'est littéralement ça. Et puis à un moment donné, dans la même psychose, ben, on finançait la psychose là, on a promis. And then, at some point, in the same psycho, we were the first to finance this psycho. My mother came to pick me up. She put me back at her place, but she left me all alone. All alone at her place. I don't know why, I started hearing debates around, and nobody was at school, all the kids were at school.

Starting point is 01:09:21 I started hearing debates around, I went back again, I started walking again, I went back to the playground. I don going back to the market, I'm going back to the Verte, I don't know, I'm going to the Verte, because we say it's a mall, or is it a mall, or is it a Verte square, or is it, there's no one. But there's still a little bit of people, but there's no one. Yeah, but I admit that I probably have the best shopping mall in Montreal, I don't know how it's still alive because of the heat. So I'm going back there, but at the same time, I know I'm doing a psychosis. They say for me, it's because I've hurt a lot of people,

Starting point is 01:09:47 including my family, the people I've stolen, or the mayor I've spoken to, I think they wanted me anyway. That's what I understood in my psychosis. For all the people, even my mother, I was scared because she saw that I thought she was there, my sister, whatever. It's all the people I've hurt indirectly,

Starting point is 01:10:03 or we speak in a some way, or directly, we know more directly. You talked about it earlier, you still hurt a lot directly. Exactly, exactly. But they forgave me, but in my head, I'm like, no, I'm not a good person, I'm not a good person. You know, you understand, but I remember I called my baby mom because that's what I said,

Starting point is 01:10:19 I'm going to go crazy, I'm going to go crazy, I'm going to go crazy, you know, wait, wait, wait, I didn't say anything, but you know, you understand. I'm not going to be there this week. What did you do? I did 35 weeks. I just hung up the phone. Boom. So, my mother, she drops me off at her place. I leave, I go back to Côte-de-Vertu. She calls my sister. My sister could pick me up.

Starting point is 01:10:38 My sister comes with her child. Her child, at that time, was about 3 years old. It's the sister who's been in the cell for the moment. So when she arrives, I tell my sister, Yo, check my phone. His son, he was about three years old. That's the only one who's been able to call me for the moment. So when she comes, I tell my sister, yo, check my phone, they wouldn't have any net. My sister, I can't make a crisis. She does it at the same time. Yes, it's true, people are writing, they're laughing at you.

Starting point is 01:10:53 You can't be in the case that you're a fool. You know what I mean? But by doing that, I've got my phone thrown out the window. I've made five phones like that. Because she just confirmed what you think. Yeah, she just understands, because it's the same. We think we're talking normally, but when I come in, I understand. I used to laugh at people

Starting point is 01:11:08 I see in the subway who are in a delirium. I laugh at them. I hope I never see them like that, but now I see them and I understand. Yeah, that's right. I understand. She brings me back to the apartment. She brought me back to the apartment. I'm writing about sports because I forgot about sports.

Starting point is 01:11:24 She brings me back to the apartment and I was writing some papers because I forgot the spots. She brought me back to the apartment and everyone was coming. But suddenly, I started to laugh at my sisters. It's normal, everyone laughs when they get home, but they have a good time. But me, it was another affair in my head. It was horrible. At first, I tried to control it, I didn't say anything. All night, people were...

Starting point is 01:11:41 But I think people are a little bit suspicious. Except for my mother, because in a family, there are a lot of people who have schizophrenia. Okay. I guess that's another thing too, that I think that you're a bit of a jerk, basically, it's always... It sounds like hygiene. Exactly, it sounds like hygiene.

Starting point is 01:11:56 So, during the evening, I hear my sister on the phone, she was talking to her husband. I don't give a fuck, I thought she was talking to someone who was coming. Around the house, I heard people talking. People walking. I thought she was making people come to me. To come and shoot me. I don't know why. I had so many people in my head that I don't want to say anything.

Starting point is 01:12:16 Exactly. I don't want to say anything. You were closed at that time. You had enemies. Exactly. After that, I went upstairs and said, Vence, what are you doing? Because it's called Vence 1. It's called Vence 1. So I'm like, what are you doing? Who are you calling?

Starting point is 01:12:29 But I'm still on the phone. I'm like, who are you calling? Then I step back. So they start talking to me. I take the child and say, if you want to be advised, I swear. I swear, I'm going to do this for the child.

Starting point is 01:12:39 Everyone was looking at me. My mother was looking at her too. I go into my mother's room. I said, mom, call the police now. Then I started calling the police. call the police now. I know. My sister said, okay, she's taking the phone and calling the police. The police started asking 10,000 questions. They started asking 10 questions. My sister said no, he said live as if, let's go.

Starting point is 01:12:55 No, it's not true, I'm the one who called the police. That's what you told me earlier. Yes, I'm the one who called the police. I said, yeah, I'm the one who called the police because after that she took the phone and called the police. Yes, I'm the one who called the police. I put the child on the bench, I went to the toilet, I locked myself in, I started crying, and called the police. Yes, I called the police. I put the child down, I went to the bathroom, I closed myself, I started crying, I called the police. Then the police said, oh, but you're so aggressive. I just told you that I was on the point of killing my nephew. No, no, that's for sure. Then I picked up the phone.

Starting point is 01:13:12 My sister took the phone and called, and she started panicking. She said, yo, he told you live, etc. Then when the police came, I guess they thought it was a joke, or whatever. Because it was the first time they came to arrest me for a little cause. So when they saw that, especially when they typed my name at the beginning, they were like, well, whatever, it's a criminal. Oh, a knife. The psychosis, after they saw it, when I was talking, they

Starting point is 01:13:32 saw that I wasn't necessarily there. So, I was lucky to have understood that they were all doing a psychosis. I didn't look at my eyes. It would have been longer. Oh man. Yeah. Do you understand? Yeah. And he would have been gone for a while. Oh, man. Yeah. It's true.

Starting point is 01:13:45 Yeah. And the family went through that? Yeah, the family went through that because they really saw that... And I told them that my state was terrible, but the world didn't know that either. While he was sitting there, I told them to stop laughing. I told them as if I wanted everyone to stop talking about it, you know? I imagine that given the lifestyle you have at that time, you have a mask, you have a character too. You can't really open up your emotions like you did in the past because you have to stay...

Starting point is 01:14:11 Yeah, and I can't tell you. You're in the street, you have to be respected, you have to be shown. I can't show my fragility. You never knew I had a hard time before. You never knew that at that time I was hard, or that I was... You don't know anything about that. And what happened with that psych psychologist when the police arrived? I asked them to take me to the hospital in Côte-des-Neiges.

Starting point is 01:14:29 I have a hospital for the psychiatric there. They took me there. They asked me how long I had been standing there. They said, I don't know. After that, with their calculations, they said it's been about three days. They said, you're lucky, you're great. You don't even understand that we're still standing. Even then, you know what, I panicked when a nurse came in.

Starting point is 01:14:49 I didn't want her to come in because I thought she wanted to be with you. It made me crazy, but I still trusted the psychiatrist. It was a psychiatrist that I trusted. Even when my mother came, I was shocked. Damn, Chris, there's a person who's trying to get into your head for real. Well, because basically, what I liked, what I liked is that he came into my head, he made me understand what my things are that trigger that, my lifestyle and everything. I saw that he understood why I...

Starting point is 01:15:13 You understand? He's not there to say, no, son, don't do that, whatever, no, son, that's your problem. Even when the person I had the problem with, the girl I didn't believe in, when she came in, he saw directly that I just changed one-shot. He said, get out. Get out of here. You know? That's why after that, I tried several times to have psychologists, but they didn't work out yet.

Starting point is 01:15:32 I like it when someone comes in. It's not easy to find the right one to be with you. That's it. He's the one I'm less afraid of. On the contrary, even when he wanted to change me to take me to Berne-Prévaux, I didn't want to move. They called him, he didn't answer the other phone.

Starting point is 01:15:47 He said, no, no, no, and then they took me, they took me to the chair. And when they got there, they took me straight to the psychiatrist, who was supposed to be waiting. And he was like... He was so excited. He was taking me like a patient. Exactly. And it's not... They told me... Basically, the psychiatrist is the one who prescribes the medication.

Starting point is 01:16:07 But at the same time, they're like psychologists, you know? There's a question I want to ask you too, because you mentioned that you were on the train, which is a steroid. And usually, when you do that, it's because you want to train, you want to take care of yourself, you want to go on a trip. But Chris, it doesn't fit with Victor's fashion. I know. But by the way, on the train, on the train, the thing too, it's still a little bit of a trick. Because on the train, you want to be extremely strong. You want to be extremely strong, but you still have to train.

Starting point is 01:16:35 But you have to train. You'll have a nice picket, everything you want. And it's good if you don't train as much as you want. I train anyway. Even if I was a fat guy or not, I would still train. I would still train. I want to have my two shakes, eat my training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training.

Starting point is 01:16:47 I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training.

Starting point is 01:16:55 I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training.

Starting point is 01:17:03 I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. I was training. Oh. I'm not even sure, but every time he makes me paint, I look at him and he says, I'm done. That's it. Gym, I got used to it, but I haven't adapted it yet. I don't know if that's what I wanted to do in the last course. I didn't want to talk about it. But because you told us about your first federal sentence that was in Alberta. That's where I started. But you had a big pain in big incident before you changed your life. Did you have that little incident or was it after?

Starting point is 01:17:51 That's what... I wanted to change my life. At your age of two, right? Because you were telling us that when you came back to Montreal, you had a plan, you wanted to invest in real estate. I wanted to change my life. There are events that we do in which I went back to consumption, but during consumption too.

Starting point is 01:18:13 Before I consumed, I didn't have any remorse. I always had remorse. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. But I didn't put if you understand, I think I was supposed to do, oh no, I'm not going to waste my time. You don't know if you understand, but I didn't put the steps forward. You understand? I didn't put the steps forward. That's why the depression started there.

Starting point is 01:18:29 Before, I didn't have depression. There, the depression started. It was more and more that I was singing, that I was putting a bullet in my foot, and then I was consuming. You understand? And... I guess it was going to be over.

Starting point is 01:18:41 You were assuming less and less what you were doing to make your living. So the violence events, the sale of stupendous, all of that. You continued but you were assuming less and less. You weren't good with what you were doing. Exactly, I wasn't good with what I was doing because for me, it was like... I wanted to play the parkour. I was tired of all this lifestyle. I didn't know how I was going to get into it. I always didn't know how I was going to get into it.

Starting point is 01:19:02 I knew I had to train. I put some videos on YouTube,. People liked it. But even then, it wasn't consistent. It wasn't consistent. It wasn't consistent. What happened was that after we were released from prison, after we were released from prison, that... I beat someone, it was another time. And what you're telling me is that you...

Starting point is 01:19:22 It's not that you're four years old, you're telling me you got caught for a serious crime? Yeah, that's what I got caught for. That's not the last telling me, the one you... It's not that you're 40, you're telling me you got caught for a serious case? Yeah, that's what I got caught for. That's not the last one I got caught for. Okay. I got another one after, but... I understand why you did so many A&L numbers. Exactly. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:19:38 The last one I did was in... ...Tormund? That's before that psychosis you just mentioned. Exactly. So that was your first federal number in Quebec. I'm not. Five thousand, ten thousand, but it's not that. The stupid thing I did, I texted... I texted the person I said the driver would come and pick up the case. The one I texted, my name is not Rol. There's no guy in the game who's gonna do that. When I did... It's like a guy who texts his wife when he thinks he's texting his boss.

Starting point is 01:20:22 You understand? He calls me, he usually texts me directly, he doesn't answer, he's at 8 o'clock, he texts me directly, he says, I need to go to the office tomorrow. I didn't understand. Because what were you doing? I didn't even know why I was using the same phone call. I was deleting my messages.

Starting point is 01:20:34 Yeah, that wasn't strong either. I was deleting my messages. I didn't see that I was texting. When I was at the office, he showed me the message. So, ouch. I was like ouch. What am I doing? He got me back up. So I was like, ouch. What did I just do? I went back up. I've always been back up.

Starting point is 01:20:48 I'm going to turn off your mic, please. I've always been back up. I've always been back up. I've done it technically. You've done it completely. Exactly. Was it a revealing sentence? Or not so much yet? I guess not, because it was after that

Starting point is 01:21:04 that there was still construction and this little thing came after. But it's still terrible. We're a little... we're a little in the middle of the earth. I'm trying to keep up. There's always been drugs. I'm not even going to lie, it's recently, it's been a year since I've done drugs. Were you still in prison? No, I never consumed drugs in prison. Why? Because we're going to say, it's not never consume. Why? Because you can't consume in prison?

Starting point is 01:21:27 I can consume. I have money. I can consume. I can do whatever. In prison, when I go to prison, I see it more as... Wait, I'm saying this for a year now, I don't consume speed anymore. It comes straight to me today, but... In prison, it's more a place where I come to find myself. Sometimes I even deliberately made certain moves, certain aggressions to be able to return to prison. It was a bit of a pause, you got to...

Starting point is 01:21:51 Because in the street you couldn't get to... No, I moved too fast, it was too fast. It moved all the time, that's it? Even I moved too fast, not anymore. Even when I had my plan in mind, I slept four hours, three hours, three hours a day. In prison, it's there, the moment I sit down and I'm like, what do you want to do? Are you going on vacation? No, because at the same time I'm like, what do I want to do?

Starting point is 01:22:11 It's in jail that I wrote what happened, the relationship with all the pop-cats, the things that happened in jail, I wrote my collabs in jail. I didn't even know the present, I saw them on the networks, it's in jail that I wrote all that. It's in jail that I wrote, well, that's how it's going to happen. That's what happened in the last sentence. Exactly. That you wrote a directive line that you didn't even respect at all. We'll tell you that.

Starting point is 01:22:36 You know what? In prison, I had a phone call. That's when I did my coach's class. Okay. With my phone, online. That's when I did my coach's class. I finished there. I did it in a month. I'll remember well. Usually, it my coach. I finished there. I did it in a month. I'll remind you, usually it's supposed to be six months, I did it in a month. I thought you had nothing else to do. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:22:49 So I still had... You can study quickly in Chris' house. Exactly. Once you eat and you play a game of ladies, the player will be with Chris to study. So I had the will to do that, you understand. But again, the consumption, the consumption. You see, earlier I said it's been a year that I stopped consuming. No, it's not true. It's been a year that I stopped the speed.

Starting point is 01:23:03 And I want to say that after another month, it's not a month that I really touched the cup. It's been three months. Okay. Exactly, it's been a year since I stopped consuming, no, it's not true. It's been a year since I stopped speed. And I'm going to say, the next year, it's not going to be like, I really didn't touch the coke, it's been three months. Exactly, it's been three months. So, it's been, it's stayed there for a long time. The coke, now, I'm really trying to not touch it at all. It's because alcohol can easily lead to... Exactly. Because, oh, Chris, the glass is too much, I'm not filming.

Starting point is 01:23:21 A little key, it replaces you quickly. Exactly. You know, especially you, you say it, it replaces you quickly. Exactly. It doesn't take... Especially, you say it, it starts with half a speed, since I worked at night, and then it says I did 34, and then I did it in a psychotic way. Because it's the alcohol that brings the other drugs. It's the alcohol that brings the other drugs.

Starting point is 01:23:34 I know that the drugs are totally off. If we say it's a drug, we'll say it's fragile. No, no, no. I know in my brain that it's totally off. Because I know it's me who made the effort to get there. I have future projects. Sometimes, when I go to events, I even make myself not drink because I just had my own presentation. I don't know if you understand.

Starting point is 01:23:55 Before, what did I do? I drank. But today, it's because before, you were selling something. Now, you sell yourself. You are your product. Exactly. I need a monument. When you're in the street, your product has to be of quality for people to come back. Today, it's you, your product, so if you're not of quality, people will come back. Exactly, that's what I have to sell.

Starting point is 01:24:17 And since you're a coach, I can tell you, you're a guy who's in good shape even today, and it's discipline, it's life structure. And well, there's a guy who's in good shape even today. It's discipline, it's life structure. And there's a nice Congolese genetics. But you know, you have a life hygiene, but to be a gym guy, and know gym guys, and be an intense guy, the intensity is there.

Starting point is 01:24:41 You have it all, that consumption. Often, people who will have been big consumers, if they invest in other things than that, they are intense people. So if they invest in a legit project, no matter what the project, they are people who will go all out because they are intense. I'm not turning my head, it's directly,

Starting point is 01:24:59 I swear it's done like that. It's not bad to be intense in life. That's why you use, now I use my past, my intensity, my aggressiveness, in my projects now. The last time you put your feet in prison, what year was that? The last time I put my feet in prison? I did it three months ago.

Starting point is 01:25:19 This year, two years. Two years. Exactly. In 2022-23, I think. It was for one. It. Two years? Exactly. In 2022, 2023? Yes. It was for one? It was all my old business. Okay, old business that was hanging, and then you...

Starting point is 01:25:32 Yes, old business. Old business, old mandates. I put everything together and that's it. You had to pay your debt. Exactly. As you said earlier, you came back, I paid my... You paid your debt to society. Yes, to society. Now, the question is... Do you still have parole or are you... I paid your debt to society. Yes, to society.

Starting point is 01:25:46 Do you still have parole? I don't have parole anymore. You're out of the system. Exactly. You have no conditions to respect. No, because I've done serious violence, I'm 14 years old, I'm 14 years old, I have to introduce myself,

Starting point is 01:26:02 I have to tell you where I'm from. Because I was... a dangerous situation. Dangerous just before dangerous. I don't know the term. I'm 14 years old. I have to tell you when I move. I'm just saying that I move from Montréal to Longueuil, from Saint-Yves-à-Saint-Tille.

Starting point is 01:26:24 I'll come back to Montréal if you want. If I stayte-Eau, I come back to Montreal if you want. If I stay here for 54, I can ask you to let me retire. Because I've always had violence, always, always, always, always. And today, violence, can you control it? Yes. Always? Always. Because this base, I mean, before when I was young, really when I was young, before I started all these things, it was zero violence.

Starting point is 01:26:49 It didn't even beat me. On the base, for real, I was someone, not a saint, I was someone who didn't have violence. It wasn't violence. It was a kind person. It was love and everything. On the base, now, yes, it's clear that when I get angry, I may raise my voice, but I'm able to control myself. Oh yeah, but if the hand is on the side, it's self-defense and not attack. Exactly. And I'm going to allow your situation to be self-defense too. Don't look for trouble.

Starting point is 01:27:16 And I'm not going to let the world look for trouble. If there's someone who's starting to get sick, just get me out of here. Just get me out of here. It's much better to do that because... But it's funny because I experienced a situation yesterday where I had to talk to myself. Because I was in a situation where I took my ring off my right hand

Starting point is 01:27:32 to put it in my left hand. And I said, no, I took it off my left hand, I put it in my right hand, and I just moved from where I was. Because I had a slight verbal altercation with people who were drunk. And just wanted to be cool. Say, hey guys, just cool down a little bit,

Starting point is 01:27:49 that would be respectful. And then I was singing that Sarah could climb up the stairs. But you know, my old reflex of... Let's go straight to the point. I was like, hey, I just went further, I wouldn't hear them. In less than two seconds, you managed to put that in your head. Oh yeah, but you know, the first reflex was...

Starting point is 01:28:04 I wasn't going to jump, it was just in case. I was just ready for what it was generating. I was like, hey, you're 44 years old, go somewhere else, go talk to someone else, put yourself in the bar, that's it. That's because of the habits, but you see, we can manage directly. It's necessary, you know, you can do that. Yeah, because someone will disrespect me,

Starting point is 01:28:23 but they'll change my direction, but at the same time, I'm in your head, you're going to say, oh, that's nothing. But you have the reflex too, you know? Because your product is you. If I'm building something right now and I go to jail, that's not a problem.

Starting point is 01:28:35 No. That's it, I have to start again. I have to start again. I'm going to be old by the end of the project. First, I think I'm late. First, I think I'm technically late. First, I'm late. project. No. No, it's not wrong. Was it a regular consumption or was it more occasional? Occasional, regular. Occasional, regular.

Starting point is 01:29:08 Occasional, regular. Every two days, you know what I mean? Okay, well, no, that's regular. We're going to remove the occasional. I'm confirming you, it's pretty regular. But occasional, it's Friday night, another week, two weeks. No, no. And after that, I don't know why, here are three months, I just cut one shot.

Starting point is 01:29:16 I don't want to be so short, I don't want to be paranoid, I just say, and the person who also I meet, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why, but for three months, I just cut one shot. I didn't want to be a psycho, I didn't want to be paranoid.

Starting point is 01:29:26 I just said... And the person I met... Actually, I've always met people who do drugs. You know what? Get out of here. I changed everything and I said, no, that's not it. Because at the same time, I thought that... I often had collabs because I was too... I don't know what I was thinking.

Starting point is 01:29:44 People didn't want to work with you? No, on the contrary. They booked me and everything. And it's me who, for example, I'm too discredited, I can't go. Exactly. I'm too discredited, I can't do that. I'm too discredited, I can't do that. There are many concepts, there are many collaborations. And that's why I guess that when I put it publicly that I'm an addict, everyone understood that too.

Starting point is 01:30:02 When I said, relaunch, OK, yes. Because you talk about it openly. It's a reason why you're here too, because you're comfortable with your past. Did you manage to do it yourself, or did you go get help to say, okay, I'm done? It's a lot of work.

Starting point is 01:30:17 Okay? Yeah, it's a lot of work. You've come with someone. Is it your partner? Exactly. It's a lot of work. But I mean, you didn't go to... Well done for that. To support is important.

Starting point is 01:30:28 To have people close to you when we need to be is important. But you didn't turn to therapy or professionals. You were able to make that decision yourself. Yes, because... And... Listen, I don't see the negative side of it, but it was a failure. It was a failure. Because if you tell me it's been three years, I haven't taken a pill, but it's been three months, I haven't taken a coke.

Starting point is 01:30:52 I mean, sometimes breaking up with professionals, if it can help. I'm just a psychologist. I take psychologists. I don't take for the addiction, I'm just a psychologist. I don't want to talk about it, I want a psychologist who is always critical of everything. Why? Why? Because like I said, I had abuse when I was young, I didn't even say that, I said it myself. I had abuse when I was young, I had to be critical of all of that to be able to make peace with all of that, do you understand? I wouldn't go into details, but when you talk about abuse, you talk about abuse... Abuse when you're young.

Starting point is 01:31:25 Perfect, okay, that's it. I let you have it, okay. So after me, I think that's it, maybe that's it, because you were nervous or whatever. Well... So there's a lot. I would say that, listen, I don't want to go out of percentage, but if there are not 60% of people who went to the CETA stage, who often have their child's share, we don't freeze. I often say it, the term freeze is not used for nothing. Because you say, I put myself in a state of sobriety,

Starting point is 01:31:59 but I freeze. And today, do you live coaching 100% today? I live coaching 100%. 60,000 per year. That's correct. That's correct. But you probably already did 60,000 per month. Yes, but that, like you said, the lawyers, the left and right watchmen,

Starting point is 01:32:22 the drug life, the dancers and everything. But do you have more pride in making $60,000 in a year by helping others, by doing something you love, than making $60,000 a month by being in the all? I have more pride now because now there are a lot of people who write to me, Oh thank you, because I don't just train them. I'm here for their psychology, I'm there for their mental health, if they're feeling sick or not. A coach, with time, the client ends up telling you everything. With all these problems.

Starting point is 01:32:50 It's like that, it's like that they change, but they can't come. And if they want a transformation, they have to change mentally before the physics follows, you know? And I think I help them a lot more than the others. I respect that a lot. It's funny because, listen, an hour before we met, I was at the gym with my coach. And it's funny because I had this talk with him in the morning,

Starting point is 01:33:09 and it's one of the things, I was saying, we were talking about certain coaches that I see on TikTok, and he asked me, he said, you see me how to compare to that guy? But I said, you know, he, I see him on a person who won't focus only on the physical. Because I had a coach who took me, who was with me for the physical

Starting point is 01:33:26 and who took me on a stage. He died today. He took me. I had the shape. But I wasn't well before, nor after. I crashed following all that. And the coach I'm with won't put the shape at the expense of health or psychology. Exactly.

Starting point is 01:33:47 So if you're a coach like that, I respect you. He's the one you had before, he thought more about his reputation, if he didn't have other people, but he didn't think like that. No, but it was the shape. It was the shape. I'm here to bring you on stage, I'm here to create a shape for you. Which is what I was looking for, it's what I wanted, but I didn't know where I was getting into, and I quickly realized how much it was going to be a support more than physical. In any case, it's something.

Starting point is 01:34:11 As far as the console is concerned. What made you think that four months ago, it was still in your life, and that it hasn't been in your life for three months? I think it's really the next day that I dream of, it's always like... It's always like... Technically, I'm always like, I feel like shit, I feel like shit, I feel like shit. I have projects and it doesn't end, it doesn't end, it doesn't end. I said to myself, the thing that really started me is that I wanted to move forward in my projects.

Starting point is 01:34:40 It's really just that. I don't know why it was there, but it was at that time. But I woke up in the morning and I looked at the person I was with. I was like, I'm going to go out of my time here. And I see that the world, that my creators are like my clients and everything, that the world sees my content, it's like wow. Like, I'm an example, but I'm not an example, you know what I mean? 100%. I'm not an example, I'm a little bit hypocritical in what I preach to people, you know? It's like if I had this podcast and I sold dope in%. I'm not sure if you understand. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%.

Starting point is 01:35:05 I'm not sure if you understand. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand.

Starting point is 01:35:13 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand.

Starting point is 01:35:21 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. 100%. I'm not sure if you understand. I listened to a lot of motivational stories, people who motivate the world and everything. I thought to myself, why do they seem so natural? They're there, they're in the society, they're super natural. I understood that's what they're living for right now. They're letting go of hypocrisy.

Starting point is 01:35:35 They want me to let go of all of that, and they're not joining. It's just going to give me another crash afterwards. Not because for now I'm in the middle of the road, and I'm not going to have a crash, and it's all the same thing again, and then I found myself again, you know? Did you see a big difference in your life since the last three months?

Starting point is 01:35:50 Yes. Because there's no substance that's altering your brain. Yes. I think I think better. I can think better. You know, before the world was freezing or drinking because they thought

Starting point is 01:36:00 they were more efficient for anything, less awkward and all, I think I'm clearer. I think my ideas make more sense. And I think I attract a lot more different people from the circle I had before. We say that, we say that they feel it, I don't know why. Even if I drop some content,

Starting point is 01:36:17 we say the world that comes to write me too, we say that I feel that now I see the diversi... how do you say that? Diversity. Exactly, exactly. And I see a lot I see diversity. I see a lot more love messages. Because also when I did, I don't know why I said that, I just wanted to tell everyone that there's a genetic. I saw that the world supported me, and from there I said,

Starting point is 01:36:38 OK, don't worry, there's people behind me too at the same time. When we're transparent, I think people know it, people feel it. Let's go. You know, nothing good. It's not true that you're going to be more efficient. It's not true that you're going to have these projects. You're going to have to be verbal about your projects. The next morning, these projects that don't have alerts. You have a good project in hand. You can be an inspiration for others. What I love is the fact that you said, I felt hypocritical.

Starting point is 01:37:22 Yes, it's hypocritical. That's nice to say. Yes, it's hypocritical. That's beautiful to say, listen, to what extent, you know, the realness, you know, we're talking about the gangster vibe, and you know, in the street, I was a real.

Starting point is 01:37:38 I was a real. Now, I consider you a real. Because I love you because you're real. When you're in the street with the boys, you're not real. You're not real. You know? The guy, the big thug who's in the street

Starting point is 01:37:54 and who plays that. That's the guy, in the evening, he's going to be full lover with that nice guy. That's the real guy. Exactly. The one who makes his family move forward, the one who makes his family cry because he has a feeling or whatever. The street will never take us anywhere.

Starting point is 01:38:11 Did you have other children over the years or just a daughter? No, I had a daughter. Because I thought I wasn't a father. Does it part of your project to create a family? That's exactly what I want. I want to create a family and I don't want my daughter to live with them, first of all. project de créer une famille. Exactement ça que je veux. Je veux créer une famille et je veux pas qu'ils vivent ce que ma fille a vécu, first of all. Et qu'ils vivent...

Starting point is 01:38:30 Comment ça? Qu'est-ce que ma fille a vécu? Comment ça le père était n'importe quoi. Pour transmettre les valeurs que t'as aujourd'hui à un enfant. Là je suis chanceux parce que ma fille, j'ai une bonne mère, j'ai une bonne bébé-momme qui avait rentré dans l'architecture, tu comprends. My daughter has a good mother, a good baby mom. She wanted to go into architecture, you know. I'm lucky to have had that, but there are others who are not lucky, you know.

Starting point is 01:38:53 There are others who may not be in their shoes, but the child ends up in a disadvantaged neighborhood. A father is not present, that's it. But there's one thing you said, for which I'm going to give you some respect. You see, that's a real respect. That's an important respect, is that you said something, I wasn't physically present,

Starting point is 01:39:10 but monetarily, at least you didn't just do like, I'm flying, so you gave tools to your baby mom to not find herself in a hot, disadvantaged neighborhood where she will be in contact with a neighborhood like the one you grew up in. We know the majority of the girls who will drive in there, we know where they will be driving after. The majority of the time.

Starting point is 01:39:28 We can't put everyone in the same boat. There is a pattern that can be repeated quite easily. I know the street, I never really wanted that. I wish it to no one, but everyone chooses their own path. At the beginning of the podcast, you were presented as Coach Dreams. I will allow myself to speak to Phil. At the beginning of the podcast, I introduced you as Coach Dreams. I'll let Phil talk. Phil, I think it's crazy, the parkour. I liked it. I felt very nervous at the beginning.

Starting point is 01:39:56 It's like the last 15, you talk to me, it's more cool. And it's fun. I think you have a nice message to convey and all that. What I want to say is that you're in the first steps of your rehabilitation. Because three months is short. I don't know if you'll agree with me, you're a person at the moment still very fragile compared to that. And I wish you could find someone. You say, I'm a psychologist, and it's not always easy to... Especially when you go to the public, it can be very long, you know, CLSI, and trying to see someone. It's like when I go to the private sector.

Starting point is 01:40:37 That's it, but even in the private sector, I'm telling you, it's... It's been months since we've been looking for a girl. And finally, God bless, we have one. But that's not easy. But I wish you, man, just stay focused. You told us about your partner. So don't hesitate to open up to her. Don't hesitate to talk to her before...

Starting point is 01:40:58 I'm going to do a line. Have you ever thought about having a meeting? Meeting? I've already had one. Yeah, that's it. But I don't think it's going to get me. I don't think it's going to get me. I'd rather have a one-on-one meeting with someone who's really capable of putting the truth out there. I understand perfectly, but I don't understand anything.

Starting point is 01:41:21 I'm not a guy who does it anyway. What I mean is that, you know, Simoton, the desire is real. Just go and listen to the stories. You don't have to share. Just go and see. You say sometimes, you're like, just sit down, just a little stretch. Wait, go listen to the world.

Starting point is 01:41:39 Or else, I'll tell you something. I'm Etienne Boullé, the former football player, who told me that, and it's something he repeated often, and it came from a girl in therapy who said that. And I'll tell that especially to people like you, who can still be fragile at that moment. If you want to take it, go to the end of your story.

Starting point is 01:42:02 Don't think about the end of, I'm going to go look for a little house, just sitting, just that. Go back to the... Because you know that's not what's going to happen. You're going to look for a house, you're going to look for a half, you're going to look for a three and a half,

Starting point is 01:42:15 you're going to be all night. Go back to the next morning. How did you feel? When you wake up, and how are you going to feel? From your evening yesterday, when you said, I just bought a little house, and you ended up with a three 3.5 in your nose.

Starting point is 01:42:26 You understand? Go back to your... Go back to the little thrill of, I'm going to see my guy, I bought a little shit, I arrived, I'm going to do my little... Go back to the end. Go back to... There's a client of yours tomorrow morning who's going to write to you,

Starting point is 01:42:42 Hey coach, check this out, I'm looking you a picture, and when the abs are starting to come out, I'm like, I was on my own. I was like, yeah, make a twin mid-boot. I'm like, go to the end of the... Oh, I like that, thanks. Because I want, you know, you're such a tough parkour,

Starting point is 01:43:00 such a rock'n'roll, to become... Listen, you could have, you could have caught a 25. I'm supposed to be there. You could have been much deeper. Rock and Roll. You're lucky not to have pushed the limit. Who's your nephew? We can hear each other. You'd have lost your family. You'd have lost your life in prison. You'd have lost your whole family. I was right to tell you that the first person who came to visit me in prison was my mother. But your nephew wouldn't have come. I'm not sure he would have come to see you.

Starting point is 01:43:36 You were lucky in all this life. I think that through everything you've been through and the path you're building, hang on to that. You know, you have projects, and my goal is not to be in them, but there are some that will fail. Exactly. Sometimes I'm like, wow, something doesn't work. It's not so bad, but that's how I understood life. But you have to fail in life. You know, people say, my package, I lost money at the beginning

Starting point is 01:44:04 with this project, you know, I lost money at the beginning with this project. I almost dropped it and moved to a studio to save money. I didn't let myself be crushed. If this project hadn't worked, I might have been part of another company. That means it's not made for you. Exactly, it's not made for you. You can't let the defeats... We learn from defeats.

Starting point is 01:44:27 Exactly, that's how we learn. So, don't let a defeat crush you and say, Hey, it didn't work, fuck it, I'm going back. Exactly. Because the legit defeat that will happen to you, if it returns to your old patterns... That's what I said before. It's going to be a much worse defeat.

Starting point is 01:44:41 Much worse. Because then it's going to bring you back, it's going to bring you home in a van. Now you're saying, hey, I'd like to go out with a family, a house, my business. But you're going to build, you know... That's what I was doing before. I thought it was going to be bad. Even if I had a project, I was like, I was going to stop.

Starting point is 01:44:56 Because the project, we're going to say, I had an obstacle, you know? Boom, it hits the wall, you know what? I'm going to go to the bar, I'm going to go drink, I'm going to make a line. You know, you understand? I do that before. Obstacles, sometimes, it's not bad. It's done. It's not bad, it's a bit of a reground.

Starting point is 01:45:13 Exactly. Like a psychosis, you can be grounded, but less rough. No, but it's true, what's the worst that can happen, let's say, is that your network doesn't work as well as you lost a certain clientele. But it's more of a If you behave like a psycho. That's right. There's always a possibility. That's because if you die, you've done something wrong.

Starting point is 01:45:33 You'll go back to UltraMormon. There's nothing. But I wish you, man, You have the help to be on a nice launch. Your networks are rolling. You have customers. This podcast will maybe bring them. And I think, you know, go see the networks, I think you have a nice talk, you have a nice message,

Starting point is 01:45:51 besides the coach, you have a nice message on your networks too, and that's the reason for the call. I want to understand everyone that even if it's dark, even if it's dark, there is light. Light, that's all. I couldn't say better. Thank you very much. Bill, thank you for your sincere presence. There's light. Light. Nothing else. I couldn't say it better. Thank you very much.

Starting point is 01:46:06 Bill, thank you for being here. And listen, on this beautiful line of saying, when it's dark, when it's dark, and the darker it is, the easier the light is to see. Exactly. It's flourishing. It's flourishing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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Au Parloir - Épisode #98 - Coach Dreamz

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