Au Parloir - Épisode #99 - iSarah

Episode Date: July 20, 2025

Dans cet épisode, je reçois iSarah, elle nous partage son parcours à travers toutes les facettes du monde du S3XE, passant par la danse, la consommation puis la p0rno! Elle participe à Classé 3X sur ZTélé, et plusieurs autres séries documentaires mettant de l'avant cet univers tabou! Maintenant elle a repris sa vie en main et partage un message d'espoir pour s'en sortir. Hébergé par Acast. Visitez acast.com/privacy pour plus d'informations.

Suspense fans, get ready. The third installment of the original, audible and well-received series has arrived. Oracle III, Murder at the Grand View. After the success of the first two titles, Agent Nate Russo is back for a new investigation, as mysterious as addictive. An isolated island, a hotel, an unexplained death and a persistent doubt. Is it an accident or a murder? With the solo performance With Patrick Labé's solo performance,

which delivers an intense, captivating and acclaimed narration by the fans. Don't let your fears take over. Available now on audible.ca, in French and English. Listen to Oracle 3, Murder in the Grand View, wherever you are, whenever you want. Hello everyone, welcome to a new episode of the Podcasts in the Halls, Grandview, wherever you weeks, if you watch it in the video, the YouTube link we put, there is no YouTube ad that will be in the video. YouTube, if you're not subscribed to the channel, subscribe.

If you liked the episode, leave a little like, a little comment, share it on your social media, it will take you two seconds. For me, it makes a big difference. And the website RickHibergeron.com, which is my website where you have all my social media that are linked there. The clothes in the parlour, your hoodie shirts, le site RickHibergeron.com qui est mon site internet où t'as toutes mes réseaux sociaux qui sont liés là. Les vêtements au parloir T-Shirt ou D maintenant en collaboration avec Anro.

Vous me voyez souvent avec du Anro T-Shirt, casquette. Anro c'est un brand québécois que j'aime beaucoup. C'est un petit bout que je collabore avec eux autres. Maintenant c'est eux qui font les vêtements au parloir. Et avec le code promo PARLOIR15, sur le site d'Anro, queIR15, on the Anro website, whether you buy an Anro or clothes in the parlour, you have a 15% discount. Today, I received Sarah. Sarah, who had a predestined childhood,

she really became a killer, as we have often seen. You can see that she has a of life that many people have had. It wasn't necessarily easy either, even today, but we talk a lot about the universe of dancers, of the Quebec porn, a little bit, it was in there. And we hadn't really been there, especially in the universe of dancers and all that, why it started and all that. So I found that really, really interesting as a discussion. Once again, I repeat, I don't necessarily endorse

the ideologies, the terms used by my guests, but I am a person who takes the liberty of expression. I like frank people who speak with their hearts. Welcome to the speaking room. This episode is presented by the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra White Hot de Manscape. En fait, Manscape, tu connais pas Manscape, là, c'est tout ce que tu trases. Regarde, moi, je le sais, là, je me rase de la tête au coude. OK?

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PARLOIR15 to get 15% off and free shipping. Take care of yourself as you deserve it. And that taking a little break because we missed last week. We had to shoot this. Life makes sure that sometimes our schedules switch. So thank you for coming back. Thank you for being here, for coming to share your story with us. I do as I do with all my guests. I start from the basics, youth, you grew up in a corner, you have a family title, what family you have, and we go on until today. Okay, perfect. Well, thank you for the invitation.

My pleasure. So, well, we're starting to start. We're talking a little bit about the environment I grew up in. Well, I grew up with my two parents, I'm five years old. At the age of five, well, the last image I have of my father, the first image and the last one that I remember of him, it was quite a ruckus-like story.

My father was in the kitchen, I was fighting with my mother. It was quite violent, kitchen knife, in any case, it was a bit blurry. Finally, I remember the last time I saw my father, he was with the handcuffs behind his back and he went to prison. So, after that, it was my mother who raised me until I was about 7 years old. Which corner are you from? I grew up in Montréal-Nord.

Okay. Brother and sister? I have a 4-year-old brother. Older? In that time, yes. Younger. Younger than 4 years old. Younger than 4 years younger. He was a boy at the time.

So he didn't know him. No, he didn't know him. My mother met a man at one point. His name was François, and he was a Tannan. We moved into a big Belle-Euil. Écoutez, au début... C'est quand tu dis quand t'as sept ans ou... Oui, exactement.

Parfait. Oui, de l'âge de cinq à sept ans. Là, sept ans, ça a raconte François. C'est le total party, c'était la déchéance. Ma mère, je la voyais plus. Ça a l'air qu'elle travaillait dans les bars. J'avais quand même sept ans. Je commençais à avoir un peu conscience de ce qui se passait. I didn't see him anymore. It seemed like he worked in bars. I was seven years old. I started to be aware of what was going on.

The gentleman didn't get along with me. I didn't like him. He was quite aggressive in his way of being. At some point, I got angry and said to my mother, I want to meet my father. My father was released from prison. He had his apartment. My mother called my father and said, je te drop ta fille. Fait que le jour au lendemain, part de Belleuil, je m'en vais dans sa pointe au 30,

la 47e avenue. Elle me drop là avec mes sacs, tiens, prends soin de ta fille. Ton père était entré en prison pour violence conjugale ou c'était autre chose? Oui, il y avait autre chose aussi. Mais il y avait eu la violence envers ma mère, il y avait eu la violence euh... je sais plus trop à vert... I had other things too, but there was violence against my mother, there was violence...

I don't know, too much... There was a case... There were a lot of things, I won't go into details, but he was in the criminalization. He was in the criminalization? Yes, there were several things, thefts, etc. So he went in for everything. A melting pot... Exactly.

So from there, I'm 7 years old, I'm very happy. I meet melting pot. I was in the form of my hygiene, how I was dressed. So at some point, my lunches weren't done. So school started asking questions. It started getting a little less and less good either. Our relationship, listen, there's nothing to do. My father is just not there. All the time, he's always on the winter. I'll always remember, at some point, I was coming from school, I was hungry.

And he was sleeping, you know, he was sucking beers everywhere. He was sleeping, he was sucking up beer everywhere. I was 7, 7 1 half. I tried to cook a steak for myself. I never cooked a steak, I don't know how to do that. I know, you put a steak in a pot. It had been stale, smoke everywhere. It took time to unpack it at least. Yes, yes.

The thing is, you can't put the is running if you say it directly in the I was in school and my dad said we had all been stolen. So in the end, we had nothing left. They stole from the food court, they stole my Super Nintendo. Listen, that's it. The house is empty now. Well, empty. There are still buildings, but things that were of value, there's no more like a TV or the like. So, again, there was a signal at the school, at the DPSJ,

because we were homeless, because the owner had put us out of the house, and not paying us for the rent, I don't know. So... But do you work? My father works... He works in the dark, you know? But I didn't know that at that time.

I said that because now, you know, we're discussing it. But at that time... It's not eight years that you know your father works on the roof. No, he does that. Not very legit. So, yeah, that's it. So, yeah, now my aunt, she decides to host us. And it's still there, it's turning our vines at Christmas it's hitting its face, you know, in what it really is.

So we're still putting ourselves out there. Do you see your mother? No, at that moment my mother, zero. She's no longer in contact. So your brother, your mother, zero contact. Fuck off. Excuse the expression, fuck off. And it's fake, of course, here, I confirm it. So that's it. Finally, we move into a motel room, It was called the Jacques Cartier motel.

It no longer exists. It was really creepy. In Montreal? Yes, it was in Poitot-Trembles. It was an old motel. They destroyed it. It wasn't very healthy. It deserved to be destroyed. It deserved to be destroyed.

But my father had managed to rent the room for the month. But what's not normal is that we live in a room, there's a bed. I sleep with my father. I still have to go to school. At some point, I'm not feeling well. I'm not able to concentrate. At school, everyone rejects me because they see that I'm... I tell myself, you're in an apartment in front of the school,

and you don't have lunch, you're dressed all dirty, and your hygiene is not hot. In a hotel room, it must not be... It was even worse. That's what I'm saying. It was even worse. No, but it had degenerated my state. You know, we saw that my hair wasn't clean,

I didn't have clothes that made sense. Because your father was still in the drug use in that room. Yeah, yeah. My father didn't use drugs, fortunately, but alcohol was something that was problematic. As long as I'm one of the worst drugs on the planet. Yes, that's true. But I imagine it could have been worse.

And that's it. After that, I was really met by a social worker, an educator, I don't know. And then they asked me questions like, would you like that? Someone take take care of you, a family. And then they really made me unpack what was going on. There are quite dark details. I don't know if we can go there.

Listen, you can go as far as you want here. Well, my father, he was deaf. He brought a lady back to the room. And then, I was like, well, the girl sleeps on the floor. So I slept on the floor on the carpet. And I had heard everything girl was sleeping on the floor, so I was sleeping on the carpet, and I had heard everything that was happening next door. I wasn't very Catholic about what was happening. So that's when I got to school, I was so scared.

So they made me talk about what was happening. They didn't find it normal. It's a bit normal. And that's when they made the report. On the other hand, my father wasn't aware of all of this. normal. C'est un peu normal. Puis là, c'est là qu'ils ont fait le signalement. Par contre, mon père était pas au courant de tout ça. Puis il y a un soir, je suis en train de manger mon souper sur le bord de la table à genoux parce qu'il y avait pas de table dans une chambre de mon hôtel. Puis ils sont arrivés, toc toc toc, puis ils sont venus me chercher. Fait que là, ils m'ont emmené dans une famille, il y avait presque une famille d'accueil. Écoute, sérieusement, So, they took me to a family, I think it was a family of hostages.

Seriously, the hostages, they showed me that a family normally existed. I had a plantar vial, they went to get me treated, they went to get my teeth treated, comb my hair, dress me up. You came across a good family. I was really been lucky. Which unfortunately, I know it exists, but it's just that here, unfortunately, it's not something we've heard very often from good families. It happened, but not often enough. I think we've heard the opposite too much. When I hear good families, it makes me feel good. I've been one, so it's for sure that hearing a good family of welcome, it makes me feel good good to hear that there are still good families.

Yes, I've been lucky. Unfortunately, after a welcome. They had already decided from the beginning. It had nothing to do with me, it's just like that. It was a choice they made. It was so devastating. In a month, it was like the punks... You created a bond you had never known. Yes, and even they cried. And they didn't want to leave. You were already eight years old.

Yes, I was already eight years old. Yes, that's about it. And... I said that and after that, found myself in the wrong host family. So they transferred me to another host family. And then it started to deteriorate over there. They didn't like how I was. I still dress up as a tomboy today.

But it's... You're not wearing a big shirt today, but it's okay. No, but it was even worse. In my head, I really wanted to be a little guy. I don't know why, I've always had, you know, when we say that we don't feel in the body that we should be, well, at that moment, I don't know if it's because my brother had more love for my mother or because he must have something psychological in there, I don't know. But, so I really dressed up with the loose pants and the sandals, and they didn't like that. And especially... They wanted you to dress dressed as a little girl. Yes, that's it. It didn't suit them.

In the morning, I... I don't know why, but it was always like that. Even sunglasses, I often talk about them. The light was too bright. It hurt my eyes. Especially when I just woke up. So in the morning for lunch, I asked if it was possible to light up the big light. It hurt my eyes. It didn't work.

So we did the same thing. It started with the little... So, for breakfast, I asked if it was possible to eat the big sumirai, it hurt my eyes, it didn't work. So, I started doing it, and one day, the gentleman, he started loving me a little too much. It's never been that far, but you know, because I had a lot of character, fortunately, I didn't let myself be, but that's it. So, finally, it exploded. They put me in a group room because they said I had a problem. I was not normal. A child with difficulty.

The problem is not the family of the host, it's the child. Yes, because I didn't like what they wanted me to do. But yet, I didn't know you. It was small requests like that. And they didn't like how I was. So they didn't trust me. They put me in a group room. I was there and it was in the Schlager Maisonneuve. Imagine, they put me in a group room in front of them.

It was on St. Catherine and Davidson, in front of a crack house. That's not the top of the corner of the street. It was like, wow, it's degenerating. It's not a circus. It's like a motel room, with a nice family that gives you a lot of love for a month, then you're in a family where it's weird, and then you're stuck in front of a crack. Exactly. How well structured is our youth?

No, but that's exactly it. We're doing the same thing. But yeah, that's it. It was mixed in addition at the time. You have to be cool with the little guys, the little girls. It was just that at 11, 12 years old, after that, you had to go elsewhere, I don't know, I think I was in a reception center. Anyway, I started, how can I say,

to discover my side to the fans in this group. At 8 years old already, or 8 and a half, whatever? I was about 9 years old. I Or eight and a half, whatever? I was about nine. I'm talking about me because I... No, I'm going to about there. You said you were 12 years old. At nine or ten, I had already started games. We started little games, little doctor games, things like that.

So that's how it started. Besides, hi, Joliane. Hi, Joliane. Who was double-occupied. No, because it's her that... It It's her first time that something happened, so it's funny. We talked about it last time. Anyway, there were little boys and all that. It was really disorganized. One year, there was a priest who had become a educator.

He was very aggressive and all that. I was the first one who was able to make a complaint, to get this man out. He was really, really strange. And so, in short, very aggressive, he had grabbed my arm and it started to get worse because you have more and more educators, you know, like, it's not always the same, it's not like a family of hostages. So, you know, what happens is that you never know what you're going to fall for. Sometimes it's new ones. So it's... It's not your story, your journey. It's guardians who are their chief.

Security guardians. Like Mr. and Mrs. Tout de Mont, I could say. Like the priest, he talked about his religion. You can't come across young people of 9 or 10 years old. It's weird. When it didn't work his way, it became aggressive. I really started to dislike educators. I was very opposed to them. I was angry. I started to rebel. You were right.

Yes. But now it's like a storm. Let's say I'm 10 years old. I was there when I was 10. And at the end, I started to run away because I was accused of things I didn't do. I had bought a cross. It was a kind of cross, I would say ancestral, but it was like in the 1960s in a garage sale. I had had $5. And instead of buying candy, I had bought a cross. Because my mother said so much, I had to go to God and all that.

Because at that time, my mother, we saw each other again. That's it, I was going to ask the question. When I went to the club, she started to bring to God, because at that moment my mother, we saw each other again. That's what I wanted to ask. When I went to the church, she started to come see me from time to time. And your father? My father, no. He's finished. He stayed in his motorhome in Cuvée. None of what happened to him, none of it.

Still today? No, no, today it's something else, but at that moment, no, no, there, okay, okay. Okay, okay, 10 years old, there were young people who supposedly had brought drugs. So they searched my room, and while opening the door, they said there was drugs in the little box when it was water. So I was thinking for 48 hours because I said no, there's no drugs, no. And at one point, I was so annoyed to be in... What do you call it? I was so scared. I was in... what was the word? I don't know how to call it. I was in a state of punishment.

As a result, I couldn't get out of my room. I could only go to the bathroom during the 48 hours. It was long. I started to admit that I had done something wrong. I had to admit that I hadn't done. So at that moment, I fled the parachute. I was saved by my window. It's not normal that at 10 years old you accuse children of drug possession. I swear.

I'm not saying I don't believe you. I'm just saying that I think it doesn't make sense. It was a cross and it was holy water. I was like, let's see. I was accused of something that had no meaning, this controversy. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused.

I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was so confused. I was not sure. Speaking of that, it gives me... I saw your zipper, I'm like, if you want to take it off. No, I'm going to keep it.

Oh, it's true. So, no, that's it. You fled. I fled. I fled. I was 10 years old. I find myself in the street, in the world. I didn't know where to go. I will always remember. I was scared.

I thought the police would run after me, like they were going to find me. So I saw a construction site. And I was going to hide in a hole in the ground for hours and hours. And I was like, where am I going? And I was just scared that if I got out of there, they would find me. I'm 10 years old, so it's crazy. So one day I just said to myself, I'm going to call my mother. So I went to the subway. I knew where the subway was. At that time, I just said to myself, I'm going to call my mother. So I went to the subway. I knew where the subway was. At that time, I think it was the subway, Joliette. So I called my mother.

After she turned around, I said to her, Mom, you know, I'm on fire. I had this right. I'm going to go back there. And then, you know, the big thing. And then my mother was like, Well, come to my daughter. Like, I'm going to welcome you.

And finally, when I arrived, I called the police. So I went back there. So you have a trust bond that just broke with your mother? Yes, but it's not new. Not too much. Yes. And then I fled, I fled.

And at some point they just said, well, we'll send you to a closed center. Closed. How old were you? I was 11 years old. I started to like it because there were a lot of activities. We did tam-tam, jumpy. I was more alive. But still, I was more alive, but still there, I was locked up, not allowed to...

And at that time, they let us smoke cigarettes, even if we weren't major, if we had an authorization. My mother had authorized me to smoke. They let us smoke in the courtyard, I remember, it's not normal. Well, at 11 years old, no? Yes, at 11-12 years old. And that's it. And at one point, well, I don't want to dwell on it, but that was it. I started to run away, run away, run away. Even from there, you were running away from the closed center? I was always in a way, like he called me, out of dignity. You put me in a closed center where I didn't have access to my coat, my soles.

I'm still going to find a way. When I want to get out, I go out. You're from Escape Games, that's not a problem. I had nothing to do. I remember I ran away. The last time I ran away, we're going to do a big opposite. The last time I ran away was for Saint-Jean. Saint-Jean-Baptiste. How old were you?

I was 16. If you want to do a wrap-up, from 12 to 16, you run away, they beat you, they bring you back. If you want to do a wrap-up, from 12 to 16, it's a because there were a lot of young people, unfortunately. It's sad that... I heard a lot about it. That's why I wanted you to give us a little bit of your journey. I had a place, I had found it. It was a couple of friends. And in the end, they hosted me. And during that time, I was on fire.

The last time I ran away at 16 years old, that's it. I had a job under the table. I was working for a help. It was a little weird, but I was working for a local aid agency. I had an apartment, I wasn't in the street. It was still livable. I mean, I was a citizen when I was 16. I wasn't in the street.

And that's it. I think it would have been a normal journey, given your youth. It's a journey I've seen so much here. Well, that's exactly what made the game free me. I got there quickly, but I fled from the place where I told you you weren't supposed to be able to escape. And my mother, how is my mother, is quite funny.

That day, she told me, Ah, it's Saint-Jean, it's Eric Lapointe. Eric Lapointe is my favorite singer. I know you're a COVID-19 patient. If we go together, she knew I was on the run, she said, we're definitely going to be ahead.

I said, you're sure? I can trust you. You won't call the police. So we went. Finally, we were ahead during the Saint-Jean show at Parc Maisonneuve. And unfortunately, or fortunatelyusement, je sais pas,

la caméra nous filme, on passe à TV. Mais là, à travers social, elle voit ça. Moi, j'étais en feu avec ma mère. Hi hi hi! À Saint-Jean au Parc Maisonneuve. Avec ma mère, elle passe quand même pour que ce qu'elle passe. Je veux dire, c'est pas très... Fait que bref, elle reçoit un appel. À cause de ça, she called the police.

But I saved myself. And in fact, I was on fire for a month after that, after the fire. Until June, I had my comparison to the court. The end of June, that's it. Then, after that, I had a comparison. And it was quite my business. I said to myself, even if I was on fire, I would present myself at my court date in front of the judge, I was going to explain the situation, that I had a job, that I was going to do well in society.

And me, on the other hand, let's say the prosecutor, what she wanted was to put me up to 18 years old. And basically that's the judge, he counted all the movements I made, and he told me, he said, it looks more autonomous outside than inside the walls. So the next day, they told me, you're free. Emaciated. Yes, so they took my garbage bags and they said, you're out. From the youth center, that's it. So I found myself out of the youth center, but at that time, I had, I forgot to mention it, I had a secret relationship in the shelter center.

I met a girl, we were together, we weren't allowed to be together. We both went out at the same time to say that we took an apartment together. At that time, I worked at Subway for McDonald's. When I left the shelter center, I found myself with two young kids. I went back to school, I had an apartment. That's when it started to get tough. Okay. Because then I was like... Yeah, it was going well.

What are you doing here? No, no, no, no. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, but because... Until then, it was like, Chris, wow, someone is on a summer trip. No, no, but it started to... Yeah, wait. I know a little bit.

I have my freedom. I have the big lines, but I was like, ah, it's going well, it's not as bad as the beginning, but I mean, I think it's beautiful precisely when you're 16, 17, and Chris, it's despite everything you've experienced that you're there, but that's it. It's getting worse. So I take my apartment with her. She's not as hardworking as I am. So I have to remember her needs. It doesn't work anymore. I drop out of the adult school.

I can't afford to pay. Even with my subway and my backache, it doesn't work. We also start to fall into consumption at that time. Weekend, I work the week, weekend, I had to pay for the consumption of Miss and mine. So it's alcohol, we did the ecstasy, the speed, I started to know that a little bit. Dreams, we went to the Millennium, the Red Light,

I started to know what the drug was. And at one point, there were two neighbors upstairs who lived upstairs, and I was in a hurry, because I had to pay my rent, I was two months late. And they were dancers. So I was dressed... I'm not feminine. I had shaved hair at that time. Zero feminine make-up, I don't know that.

I wear 4X wide pants because I don't accept myself as a woman. So they talk to me, but there's a lot of money to do. Check all the money we make when we dance. I was like, what is this, Dancing? I didn't expect it. We danced naked and all that. So that's when one evening... I laugh, but it's not funny. I don't know what you're thinking, but the games you're able to laugh at, it's a good thing.

I'm going to do my thing again, I look like a transvestite. You look like a drag queen. I don't have hair. And makeup, but makeup, it doesn't have a good scent. My neck wouldn't be able to do makeup. I can tell you. Big blue, her eyes and everything. I've never put that on my heels. I walk like a guy.

And I go. I'm a crazy person. That's okay, I'm going to make the image and I want to laugh too. I never thought I could do that. I go to the dancers' bar, it was at Studio Sex, it no longer exists, I have another one there. I go there, but everyone, there are girls, but everyone looks at me like, what the fuck, who is she?

The little news is really weird. I find myself weird. I sit down, I don't know how it works. I observe a lot. I don't say a word. It's okay. It's okay. There's an old man with a white shirt, I'll always remember, he was a little weird.

And he said, hey, you want to go dancing? The girls had explained to me a little bit how it was. So I said, no, but listen, I was shaking. He was right in front of me. He was really touching me, I was shaking. I was really not feeling well. So yeah. So finally, I came home after spending $80.

I said to myself, I'm never doing this again. I was struggling with my life. I was really not feeling well. And I want to ask you a question too. This famous dance you did to that white shirt guy, was that the first time a man touched you? Yes, yes. In addition, so your first physical contact, if I may seem very sexual, with a man,'re touching? Yes, yes. So your first physical contact, I'm putting it in very sexual parenthesis, with a man, is that it?

Well no, I didn't want to talk about it, I already had a sexual relationship, I lost my virginity at 12 years old. With a guy? Yes, when I was on fire, but he was super nice, it's not a problem. I have nothing to say about it, it's just that later I discovered that it's not about it. But really, I have nothing to say about it. But to have a contact... If I think about it, from the beginning you were talking about girls, so that's why I was asking the question. Yes, because if you arrived, I didn't feel it was necessary to talk about... No, no, it's my curiosity, excuse me.

Well, then I arrived and I said, Hi Jonathan, thank you, you did well. Thumbs up Jonathan. It has nothing to do with it, but yes, to have a contact, but you don't want to. No. You have to do it because that's it. No, that was the first time. I was really not well.

So I came back and I cried. I was in L'Ambre. You were like, no, you don't have a choice. You have to go back. Because what are we going to do? So finally, I got acclimated. And there are girls, like, I went to another bar, a little more classy,

it was called Saint-Pierre. And then the girls were so nice, so chill, that they lent me some clothes, they arranged it, they showed me how to walk like a girl. Because when you walk, you're walking, you're pretty masculine. So no, but they me what it was like to be in the club. He showed me how to talk to customers. We started to give a click, a gain, a family.

So I continued on and I discovered, night after night, how much affinity I appreciated. So, you know, basically, what I was saying, I wasn't at ease in my body, but it seemed like it brought me more and more confidence. And I accepted much more of my affinity and I liked that. So I continued on, I had to last six years. Okay. Yes. Because also the look, having attention.

Yeah, that's all about attention. Seriously, there are incredible men who tell me how... My strength is the show, it's the show. So when I was on stage, I started learning how to do sport dancing, the show effect. And then, sorry, what I liked was being on stage. The girls didn't like that, they went. And I was like, hey, that's when I pass.

That's what I liked. It was the hot side, but the dressing rooms at one point, you know, you make a kind of barrier. You meet extraordinary guys. As much as you meet staloparts, we'll see. I met guys who pushed me, who encouraged me. You know, I mean, who gave me push in life, everyday. I'm in Gorchèche.

I thanked them. André was like a father. He showed me how to get my driver's license, get a passport, he took care of me. Without it being... I was friends for a long time, even until today. Even if it was a relationship, you know... There was no...

... clinging, you know... Yes, but it wasn't that clinging. It's hard to explain. I mean, it's nothing special. Well, some people will say, I'm a daddy, it doesn't bother me. I can call it that. But at least it makes you evolve.

It's not something that's going down, you know. I'll ask you a question. You tell me if you're happy or not, but were you a dancer or a dancer who had a lot of fun? No, I was a dancer and I really had something against girls who did that because it stole our money. When I started dancing, there were still the dance at the table for $5. I would say that at the time, the clients had more respect for women than today. I think it's a total mess. The girls do pretty much anything. I would say that men also treat women like they treat themselves. You know, at the time, you had to put your hand on on your ass, it was like wow, there was mutual respect.

But that's it, but I was anti, I couldn't work in bars like that. It didn't represent me, and anyway, the fact that I'm not for men either, I couldn't do that. But no, I've seen several, for example, do it. No, but I'm just, you wanted to ask the question, it was for... I'm saying no, no, but I'm talking about it because it's something important. I mean, if I wanted to do that, I would have stopped escorting. In my head, that's what I'm saying. I really liked the cabaret side. It's really spectacular. So you found your place and you still liked it?

There were evenings, it's hell. There were evenings when things weren't going well. And that's it, I started consuming cocaine. I started drinking more and more because when you're in... Sometimes you don't have time, you put yourself in the mood or something like that. The clients, do they want you with them? Pay a drink. They want you to drink with them. Sometimes it's just that or you're going to get a client and his trip is that you make coke with them in the cabin.

He's not going to touch you, but he just wants to make coke with you. I had never touched that. It's really when I started dancing, I was 18 years old when I made my first line of coke. And that's it. That's something you liked. Yes, that's it. It was the only drug where I could say that I had difficulty refusing. Coke, when I danced, it was like at hand, it was sociable, but I didn't buy it. I imagine that the side of not being attracted by men but being touched by men every night,

I mean, to get drunk with coke and alcohol, it becomes perhaps a necessity too, I imagine. Well, that's it, there's that too. At some point you don't realize it, but yes, it's a bit of that. There are guys who... And I'm not saying it's easier for a straight girl, it's not... No, but it's sure... I feel like it brings more layers, more barriers. But I don't know how to explain that, and I think several dancers could tell you,

I don't think it has to do with sexual orientation. It's really... There's really the barrier side. I don't know how we do that, but there's a barrier that you put yourself in. You're like more conscious. I don't know how to explain it. It's really complicated. Do you...

It's like you go into the... Excuse my little meme. Excuse me, that's you. You go into the bar and there's like my mind, my brain, like there, and inside I'm a... A character. I'm a character, but I'm a body, I'm a... I'm looking for the word, I'm... I don't like the word object, but I'm an article, like in a store. I'm like a bag of chips like on the other stores.

No, I don't even consider myself an artist. I think I'm a little bit off. But when you talk about barriers, because on stage I understand the artist. It's still a barrier for you. Because when you're on stage, you have looks everywhere that are on you. My thing is really my sunglasses.

I put on sunglasses because I was in my bubble. You're laughing. It's a bit of your way of... Yes, it's my way that I focus. I put on sunglasses because I was in my bubble. You were laughing a little bit like you. Yes, it's my way of focusing. I'm humorous, I love to be on stage, and I don't have to look at people. I'm dressed, you know what I mean? I have eyes to make people laugh,

everyone has eyes of people you don't even want to look at. I don't even realize it. You're in your head, you're doing your show. The choreography you planned on that tune, that's the... They all have, like, dark shadows. I don't see their faces. I see fuck all of what's going on later. There's just me and my universe and my four times that I have to go back on the right rhythm. And my good move at the right time. I'm completely...

I think that's dissociated. It's a certain... It's a character. You know, I call myself Isabella. I think Isabella, it's... it was... I don't know how to explain it. It's... I just... I should see maybe a psychiatrist or I don't know, an analyst. No, but I think I can understand... Give an example of... You know, a comedian that I like a lot, you know, there's Alex who is the person, and there's my great-grandson who is the character, I understand. So, you know, my great-grandfather, who is the character. So my great-grandfather on stage is not Alex in life.

Isabella is your character on stage, so it's not you. No, it's really not me. It was because of all this that I was able to make cabins. Until a certain moment where it happened like that. A snap of the finger, it's like the character and the dissociation were gone. I looked in the mirror, I was like, what am I doing? I'm not capable anymore. That was the last time I danced.

The day after tomorrow like that? One night, I went to the cabin, I saw a man, he wanted to pay, he wanted me to continue, imagine doing 100$ at the time, it was 15$ the song. I just saw myself, I have a click,$ for the song, it was 15$. I just saw myself and I had a click. The wall was gone, the blocking was gone.

I said I was out of it and I finished. It was a click like that. It's crazy. I was out of it. After 6 years? No, always the next day. Finished. Out of it. I felt inside that it was the last time. What's great is that you were able to listen to yourself, to follow your instinct, to do that, I'm not able to anymore.

No, I was still there. But you start from there, in the right way, but you start from there with a lot of playing and sniff a lot of snuffing. Yes, that's exactly it. I met him that night at Paris. There were two gentlemen I met, businessmen. It was a funny coincidence, it was supposed to happen, it's fatal,

but he told me about real estate, and that there was a convention, and that I should should go, and it should be interesting for me. It's been a long time since I've been on the news with the speakers. And I keep them because I like human people. I say that at every beginning of podcasts. And an insurance life is something super important so as not to leave people you love in need when you're not there anymore. But unfortunately, if you have medical record,

if you're a little too old, if you have a criminal record, is life insurance easy to have? Not always. Compared to my premium, they're not going to refuse. They're going to take your file, they're going to talk to you like you're a human being. They're going to take you into consideration,

they're going to listen to you, they're going to find the company that will accept to give you a life insurance. They've been with me for a long time and I keep them because I have a lot of people who have been through it and who gave me positive feedback. Because it's humans who treat people not like customers, but like humans. Contact, compare my price. I went to school and I was happy. I thought, that's it, it, I'll come to dance, I'll take my life back in my hands, all that. But that school, excuse me, what school is it?

It's Courtier Mobiliers. To become Courtier Mobiliers, ok, ok. Yes, exactly, it was a big convention, it was wow, they gave me an invitation ticket, so I could go to the convention. What was the school? It was Lyom. It was Lyon. It was Lyon. Where was it? It was on Atwater. I don't remember exactly where. In Montreal.

I'm asking the question because I did a school for real estate agents at the time. I was the CEI in Montreal. But on the other hand, it was... The college was in real estate at the time. Be careful, I got caught. It wasn't accredited. It was a scam. So, I had already put $3,000 on the courses. attention, je me suis fait avoir, il était pas crédité, c'était un arnaque dans le fond. Ouais, fait que dans ça j'avais déjà mis 3000 sur les côtes ça, pis du jour au lendemain

les bureaux, tout le monde a disparu. Vous allez voir sur Google, vous allez voir, ils ont eu une amende de 500 000 pis ont été poursuivis. Oh shit. Fait que mon petit nuage venait de s'effondrer, fait que je suis retourné danser. Ouais, mais là attention be careful, be careful. Be careful. I went abroad. I didn't dance in Montreal anymore.

They told me that abroad it was different. Paying? I was more paying, exactly. And in a week, I was going to do 2,000, 3,000. So I started doing that. So I went abroad, I came back to Bugamo. I was just going abroad. I was doing, let's say... I don't know, I was going to... Saguenay, Abitibi, you know. Yeah, let's say I was at Bougamot, I came back. I was just outside, I was doing, let's say...

I don't know, I was talking about... Saguenay, Havitibi, you know. Yeah, let's say I was going around Quebec, it was River du Loup, Rimouski, so I was coming back. Excuse me, because there are a lot of bars in these regions that even have rooms specifically for girls. Exactly, there's the girls' room, the girls' house, and it's different, I had fun,

I went to the challenges. But the feeling you had when you dropped it... No, but I did it with a heart. That's my question. That's where it started. I was consuming more and more. Because you weren't feeling well. I wasn't feeling well.

So you were gulping down that kind of disgust of yourself, of that guy. You were just enjoying it with the con. I wasn't feeling well, but the money was coming in. And I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. Are you still with the same girl? No, no. Okay, I'm asking the question. No, actually, when I started dancing, it was like... Okay, it was a mess.

Okay, okay, okay. And I moved, and... Yeah. Did you stay alone, or did you have, I was going to say... Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Okay. It was like me and her, it was a blast. In fact, it was the girl I was with, my ex. I was two years old with her and she was cheating on me. So at one point, I was like... And since I was dancing, she was disgusted too, but she wanted me to dance because we didn't always pay rent. So one day, look, it was...

Plus the consumption, the chicane, it wasn't going. And I met a girl while dancing. She died today, Rest in Peace. And she, well, that's it, I stayed with her for two years. After that, I moved to my first apartment. Alone. Alone. That's when you invited Pascal, there was the big drama with my first.

Yes, yes, yes, it's true. And Jeanne, I remember you told me about that, but I forgot. Yes, that's right. That's what happened. Listen, I have a picture of his family. Pascal Therrien. Pascal Therrien. So if you go see, you'll understand this story.

We'll talk about it a little bit, but if people want more details, Pascal, who came to the podcast, I don't remember his episode number, Pascal Therrien. Basically, there was a situation in an apartment with two girls, so you were one of those two girls. Yes, it was my apartment. It was your apartment. Yes. And he was there with one of his guys.

In fact, Pierre Chard. Go ahead, wrap us up. I went to Mexico, first trip, it was a month. I became a model there, I came back. The life of a rock star there, a mental idiot. I came back, it was a week ago, and we played at Ouija. It's the same, my friend arrives with a firearm, we don't really know what happened,

he threw a bullet in the head, the police... From my memory, there was a bullet in the head. The police. From my memory, he talked about a girl who was there, who wanted to go, and she didn't let you go. Yes, that's Jess. It was my chum.

We danced together. We were in the chum at the time. We don't know what happened. It's quite special. we'll never know why. That's right. There are some who think it's a car accident. I have no idea why. You were in the apartment but you didn't see the gesture? Yes, I did.

Just before, he pulled me with the gun. It clicked and then it pulled. I was in front of him when it happened. So it clicked on him in advance, and then it clicked on you after, because you were eating the ball. Exactly. But the girl was a child, she was in my room. There was me at the table, there was him in front of me, and there was Pascal next to me.

And there was also some consumption in that apartment, because I know that Pascal was close to consumption at that time. Yes, consumption too. I was also a consulate in that apartment. Because I know that Pascal was also in the consulate at that time. Yes, I sold at that time too. But the story of the girl who was... The girl, it's just that the girl, he... He was having fun making her go crazy. He said he just wanted to make her go crazy. He had come to...

Like to fuck her. I don't know how to explain that. And then finally, there was the scandal and all that. But you know, it's so blurry. We were so disconnected at that time, we'll tell you. I don't even know when he arrived. He didn't look like one. There wasn't even a little exchange with me. I was happy to see him, and it's been like a month since I saw him.

And I said to myself, like, hi, he ignored me. You know, it's a really weird story. We had already played on the day before. All of this, it's hard to explain. It's inexplicable. It was just... it caused a big trauma, for sure. And the consumption too, well, it continued. You say you were also selling at that time? Yes, yes, yes. When did you start?

I was talking about a dance direction, but during that time I had met Pascal in the entertainment industry, in the dance industry, I danced in the Sexmania. And he sold too. He sold, so you know, it's guys who often came to the bar, and they were singers, rappers, so I was full of interest, a little bit not groupie, but I was, I've always wanted to rap and sing, so I went to their dressing room and at some point... Solo, solo solo. Solo solo.

Yes, solo solo. It bugged me to look for his name. That's what was funny because through the dancer world, the drug world, there's also music. When I got into the studio, I started making music with others, like so many things that happened. OK. You see, we're talking about the Coquilland.

Because it's part of your life, right? Exactly. I forgot that. The most important thing is the music. It really connected us, sorry, everyone. And Pierre-Charles too. So yeah, that's it. The soldiers, well, he sold, Pierre-Charles sold too, I sold.

And at the same time, I danced, and you know, that night. And at the same time, I danced. And you were drinking. And I was drinking. It was a nice melting pot. Exactly. That's why there are evenings, it degenerated. So that one, well, in fact, I think it was more in the morning than in the day, the next day.

It happened, no, it happened in the evening. It happened in the evening, ok. I'm trying to remember, it's still a nice boost, at least. Because me and Pascal, we were fighting for the girl. Okay. Okay. It was ridiculous because at one point it was my boyfriend, but we slept together. And then one day, one day you're a little irritated and we were fighting for the girl.

In the end it was ridiculous. There was nothing there. So he had called Pierre-Charles to come and fuck her. Come on, bro. And I was Yes, what's up. and your doctor had the opportunity to choose. If you have an order of life at large, where do you think you are? Talk to your doctor and ask him for information on the film Fiat Gras. And... I know you weren't found guilty of murder, but... No, no, no, no, because... But it's something to have accusations like that, following a trauma.

You just saw someone shooting a bullet in the head. They invaded my three enemies, I was living in Chagomaisonneuve when it happened. They invaded my apartment, very spaceless, I had no right to go back there. I even had a cat, there was blood everywhere. They took my keys, five crimes, I went to the street. I left with Jess, the girl I was looking for, who was my girlfriend. I was going to their place, but I didn't know where to go. I was fucked up because I didn't have a place to go.

After a week, I met a guy in a dance bar, his name was Steve. And he said, well, we didn't even know each other, it's fucked up. And I counted all that night, what happened, and I didn't know where to go. Usually, the clients, if they're on a project, they trust us, they don't pay us for that. Sometimes more psychologists than dancers. Yes, it happens often, and then finally, he found out that it was like, he paid me for me, I confided in myself. But the guy was a good jack. So he said, I'll come and help, we'll all take your stuff.

You'll move to our place in Sainte-Thérèse, on the rue Oudel. You'll remember memories. It's not that you say, yeah, we're in your place, you say it's my old corner. It's my old corner. So he arrived, but it's fucked must because he's in the apartment. I think in the movies, when there's a murder or something, after that everything becomes beautiful again, but it's not like that in reality. You have to hire a cleaning team.

It wasn't the couple, I wasn't aware. And they didn't tell me anything about it. So everything went back in and... It was dirty, blood stains stuck to the ground. And then I said, look, I'm going to anything about it. Everything was in there. There were blood stains stuck to the ground. I said, look, I'll talk about it. And then me and Pascal, it's hard to talk about it. We scratched it with a knife, the blood and everything to try to clean it up. It's pretty fucked up.

And then that's it. So we all have... It's crazy that it wasn't taken over by the state, by the police. It doesn't make any sense to give back, go ahead, you, in a crime scene, not clean, it makes no sense. It's up to me either, but in addition to that, it's not just that, it's... Sorry. In fact, he had lost my keys, so I had to break them to get home. I said, here, we can't find your keys anymore. It was really disorganized, all that. But finally, I was

going to live with the guy, It lasted a couple of months. He's a punk and it lasted a couple of months. He fell in love with me so I had to leave. I found an apartment on the Rue Oadelle. So we met up. So you were with him. You moved in with him for a couple of months. Normally it wouldn't have worked because he was in love with me.

Do you still dance? Yes, I still dance. I stopped dancing in 2014. And it was in 2013. From 2012 to 2013. Because the drama came in 2012. April 16, 2012. Did you still go to the region or did you start dancing in the area?

I started dancing in the region in 2013 when I had my apartment in the River Waddell. Then my friend Steve and we stopped talking because he was in the same room with me. And then it all happened. It's not worse. Another rest in peace. Rest in peace. It's hanging. It's really weird.

It's another shock. I'm losing track. I don't remember where we were. We're here. You got your apartment in Waddell. I went outside. I made a lot of money, but I was really unhappy. But you're in the store because that's a job you were doing.

You did it by choice at the beginning, not by pleasure. You found a pleasure. You're not able to do it anymore, you stop, but you go back to it because you're being cheated on by the school. Exactly. So you're consuming more because you're not tripping. I'll give you a little bit of a break. That's good. It's good, that's it.

So at one point, I met a guy in a dance group. I'm not going to tell you more because you're not tripping. I'll bring you a little pop-up. Not worse, huh? So at one point, I met a guy in a dance group, who is still my best friend today, hi Max. And that guy saw that I wasn't capable, I'm not able to do hidden artists. So is there a way I could make money? He said, I have a proposal for you. I have to talk to my cousins.

He lived in the north, in the corner of Laurentine. I was a girl from Montreal. I never knew this corner. My life is Montreal. So one day, would you be willing to stay in that corner? I said, why? So he said, well, he's... My cousin and I are looking for someone to run a house. It's going to be, you know, you can't go out, you can't invite anyone,

you're going to be paid a lot, it's a lot of money, it's interesting. After that, you'll be able to get a haircut and do what you want at school. So I said, well, that's interesting. So finally I accepted, but you wanted to stop dancing. I went for all summer. It lasted three months until we got fired. There were thieves who came in. Were you in the house when it happened?

Yes, I was tied up. Ok, well, wait, Bing-Ballaboom, you're making me feel like I'm looking for a guy to be my client. No, no, Chris, wait. I'm not going to pretend that together. Cut the grass and do this together. I'm not a normal person. I have a life. So that's it. And at some point, his cousin, who was the one who was managing it, was caught for a boat ride.

So the next day, he goes to prison and there's no one to manage it. So I find myself wondering what's going to happen. There were about 50 lights, about 500 lights at the bottom. So I go to the, what's going to happen? There were about 50 lights, about 500 full at the bottom. So I asked my friend, Max, what are we going to do? He said, I don't know. And the next day, the person who was managing that house,

the person who financed all that project, he was really at the end of the world and he met two guys in a bar. They told him they knew what it was like to manage a house. So the next day, two guys came in, I don't know who they were, and they said, it's us who are going to manage. So it started the same, well, it's growing, I have the green thumb, everything is fine, the forest is growing, everything is fine. The forest, the forest grows, everything is fine. And just before, listen, it's ready.

I texted my boss and I said, I think it's ready. And I'll tell you the same evening, that's it. I was with my friend Max, we were playing Call of Duty. And at some point my dog started barking, but I feel that... Because what's going on? I don't know why, I took a dog and I said, if there's anything, it's going to bark at night, for sure. And then my friend said, well, no,

he was half asleep and he said, for sure it's a raccoon. Don't worry. So there he is like a big grandpa too, who comes out as if nothing was happening. And then I follow him back, you know, with the dog. There are four guys who jump, you know, the guys who are in the water, you know. They jumped on it and all. I just had time to run, sorry, to barricade myself with a 2x4.

And then I was shaking, I was like, what am I doing? And then I heard them screaming and all that. I was like, what's going to happen? I was so pissed off, finally I said, you know, I can't call the police if I don't open the door, they're going to smash me. It's going to alert the neighbors anyway, you know. So I was like, I'm don't open the door, they'll break it. It's going to alert the neighbors anyway. So I was like, I'll open the door, fuck that.

To see how my friend is okay. I was still quite brave enough, I opened the door, they came in. So I sat down, they cut my head off, they tied me up and all that. It's not going to be a tripping feeling. You don't know what's going to happen to you. Did you get rid of yourself? I had no idea what was going to happen to me. The thing is, I was confident that...

I don't know, I was confident that if I did everything they said, nothing would happen to me. I was thinking, I was on the ground, I waited. Then one day they took my earring off, and I recognized the eyes. I couldn't talk about it, but I recognized who it was. Just by the eyes. The eyes speak, you know. So, anyway.

Then after that, they escorted me outside. They made me walk, tie me up to the lamp. They left. There was a car that they came to pick up and they left. So after that, I started running to see if my friend was okay. He had cut everything that was ready and left the half that was not ready yet. So after that, the next day, I went back again, I don't know, I have to go, but I have to go. I wasn't going to stay there. So it was another episode. I'm sure you didn't get allowed to go back to reality.

So after that, I found myself in a long-term apartment. I went to live in the South. And now you're in the same pattern of, I have to work, I have to have money to get in? No, but that's not it. I was outside, I went back to the country. I didn't have a choice. To dance, you think? Yes, to dance. I didn't have a choice. I went back to the country. Your consumption is still constant. Are you less drunk? When I was in the house of thumb, no. I was really fine. I did what I had to do. I didn't consume. I started smoking pot.

You were in the right place for that. I started smoking pot. I started making songs. I had nothing to do. That's when I connected with my pen, my writing. I wrote a lot. I sang and I smoked pot. That was pretty much my life. I had really disconnected from everything. I was in the woods. I just spent the money. My dream was to make a10,000 and invest it. That's how it happened.

I went back to dancing. Every time I had a failure, I went back there. Did you manage to monetize something there or not because it went bankrupt? No, no. They stole what I was supposed to have in in my door, what I was supposed to have. So no. That's when I started all over again. Another failure. Then I went back outside and I met a girl. And she said,

she said, all your shoes are mentally ill. You should just be featured. And that, being featured, there's no dressing room. So basically, you're just doing stages, you're paid to do shows. So bars promote Isabella at such a date, you know,

it's the big show. There are a lot of pointsters doing that. Exactly, we're going to get to that. I have the same name in my mouth, it's because I talk a lot. That's right. That's right. That's why you have a glass of water next to you. You can empty it, I have a cork next to it to fill it up.

Yes. So, the girl talks to me about that. She talks to me about a Mr. Olivier Payard. He says, for example, he only takes porn stars. So I'm like, okay, but I'm not a porn star. Because to be featured, you have to be made of what? You have to have a certain fame, so because people want to meet you, to see you. Exactly, exactly. If we don't go to a bar, we don't know you.

That's it, and we're not going to hire... Don't give a shit to anyone. We're not going to hire a dancer like Out of Nowhere to do... To name, let's say, Vandal Vixen, for example. Well, at Crazy Moon on Saturday, Vandal Vixen. It attracts customers because people want to know about it. Exactly. I remember, I was talking about the situation,

and he said, I have a girl who has cancer in the evening, and he said, I'll make you a porn star and we'll try you. And then we'll see what we'll do. I was at Saint-Georges-de-Bose at the time. I was at the waterfront, the waterfront. A dance floor. Did you put a girl in bikini and a G-string and say it was a Pointe d'Histoire? Do you think so? Even if you've never seen it in a Pointe?

I think the Pointe d'Histoire is a seller. If you go there, you'll be sick. I left the Bosse and went to-Fermaine, at bar 55, which is a small region side. So people didn't know who I was, but they were all intrigued that I was coming. So he came to pick me up in Bosse. I don't know what the road was, maybe it was an hour-long distance, but whatever.

And during all that time, he was like, you have to find a name for Pornstar, find yourself a name. And he explained to me how it would work. So you're now a new character. Yes, I was in my third character, who became Bella Fire. Bella Fire, who is in the background, well that's what I wrote about,

oh, it's not important, but about the Twilight movie. Bella, okay, right. Bella Fire, and with Isabella, so it became my stage name after that. Then I became Feature. After that, I started making films. So you start creating a Porn Star name, you create a Porn Star life, which is not your case. Yes. But it worked out that night.

Oh yes, I understand. So he said, I understand. I want you to keep doing shows on all Thursdays. Except that, what is it? Is it the fact that you wrote this character that you want to make him viridic? That you're going in there? I don't know, it's because I really liked it. Just do the show, not the cabin.

I understand that, but... You spent 500 dollars on the show for 4 minutes. But there's a difference between doing a feature, just the scene, and going to the movies. Well, I was intrigued afterwards, you know, because I started... I met Vandal Vixen, Sonny Sparke, and all that, and I was doing shows with them. And at one point, it tempted me to go see what it was. Because the girl who can't be to get hit in a cabin, or get hit in front of a camera, I think... Wait, it's fucked up.

Yeah, but it's by girls, not by guys. Okay, okay, ah, okay, I don't know. It's just movies with girls. Okay, okay. That's the difference. And I was like, hey, I'm... It's a good nuance, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Well, yes, it's good that we...

I know very little. I named Vanda Vixen, I know some... For shows, stuff, people I've met, but I'm not a true Quebec-born connoisseur. That's right. I was a single mother, a noble. I was like, why not? It was me, out of curiosity. I was like, it's not worth it, let's just say. My first experience of shooting, I hated it because that's not what I expected. I thought, I'm going to have fun with a girl, we're consenting, we're verified, we're tested.

But the side of having a guy looking at you while you're doing that, it's maybe a little less trippy? I was so used to it, it made me cry when people looked at me. You know, you see me naked, I was doing show features. At one point, I started creating a character around Bella Fire. It was crazy, I was doing tours around Quebec, you know, with fire. So I was the kind of dominant girl who chained the guy. I lit the fire around him, and I was holding him with my squirt, while it was really fucking, and it was really...

And it was really hot. And at one point, that was like a big hit. But still, the girls in that field are very much into consumption. So when we went to do events, we would often get into trouble. I wouldn't hide it. But it was really fun. It was still a small family. So that's what I was looking for every time.

To have a... I never had a family. I mean, I think it was the gathering side. In any case, what you had as a family, what I heard, it's... No, that's for sure. But I don't know, I'm trying to see why. I don't know. But I did that and listen, at one point, an idea came to me.

So I said to myself, I'm going to make music, I'm going to rap and I'm going to include porn in it. So I started making music videos, making songs that just talk about sex. So I created a buzz around it. The first time I heard about it, I was a fan of Rap Cup and I don't play anything against porn. It was partying with porn stars and with the I tried to, because the image that the guys I hung out with in music, that's what they wanted me to be a little bit, yeah, that I was a bad bitch, like Lil Kim, a little bit. And since girls, well, you know, I often looked like pretty girls, and with my side towards women, I would say that women made me... It's different in our relationship, it's, I don't know, but yeah, that was it. I was trying to be a bad person, and at that time I was a bad bitch. Like the...

Bad bitch. Like the girl who pimp, but you know, the American. I never pimp. I'm talking about the character. A little bit, yes. I looked like that. But never, never. Like the female Snoop Dogg. Because Snoop did that, there were years where he made a film where he rapped and there was porn behind him. After that, I met Mike Life.

I did a beat with Mike Life, the first rap with porn. Everything was connected. Were you in that clip? No, no. That's because it dates back to my youth. It seems that it dates back to the Mike Life clip. Since the concept was similar, I was the girl who did the rap with porn. We did a project together. The concept was that it looked like, you know, I was the girl who was doing the rap in the point,

and he did like, so we did a project together. But after that, that's when I did like, it's not me, that's not it. I want to make my music, finally, it's really, I still had a total debauchery of saying, you know, we'll also know that... Your artistic side was badly nourished. Yeah, I had a hard time exploiting that that side. It didn't seem like someone I was in real life. I told myself in the long run, later, I'd like to have a message behind my music,

and not say, look, party. The character took a lot of... Mrs. Metro. ... on Sarah. Yes, that's it. I couldn't find myself in there. That's it. At one point, I stopped. I didn't make any clips. Have you ever heard of the Viagra Aurodispersible film?

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If you have an order from Viagra, where do you think you should go? Talk to your doctor and ask him for information on the film VIAGRA. I haven't made any music at all. I have, but I haven't made any music at all. I did, but I didn't make any music clips because I really wanted to take my time to rebuild a project, to make an album that really looked like my image. What was the name of the artist? It was SD50, and now it's Isara. I collaborated with Mathieu Provençal, in fact a guy from La Voie. I released my first single. It was... October 2022, I think. 2023.

I'm curious, I can't wait to discover it. I'm personally probably an old rapper, not so many people know it. I'm a big fan of RAPCAB, I don't know them, so I'll go and find out. But anyway, all your links, description, YouTube, everything will be there. So we'll be able to follow you and discover your music at the same time. But that's it, so that's the way of life, porn star, dancer, rapper, pimp slash pimp character. But I've never pimped a song. No, no, no, I'm talking about the character. I don't know if he's already been Pimp4real, but he was known for the song Pimp.

In rap, there's a difference between being a real Pimp and an act of Pimp. Like Snoop Dogg who always acted with big hair and long little fingers, too long with the diamond and all that. But you know, I mean, a millionaire musician, he's not pimp, but he talks as if he was one of his songs. It's characters. Exactly. So even in the beginning, the character didn't represent me anymore. And he was too big?

Well, because I was thinking, if I keep going in that direction, I'll get stuck and I'll crack. I'll say, I'll crack. What do I want to do with my music? It has to stop. And I turned off. Well, I turned off. I stopped making music and making videos because even if I go out, I really want

people to see the new Sarah, who is really structured. And my message is not that it's because you've lived this, this, this, that you can't sing and be a good singer. It's always negative, it's always dark. Often it's square. We artists, when we're not doing well, we write, and we'll get the bad ones out. You know, like, I'm going to make references to Soulja.

Often it's an incredible artist, but his texts are dark. And I thought, well, I want to go more in one direction, more towards the light. In the positive. Which is a very beautiful thing. Which is more difficult to do. On the other hand, I often do white page pain, syndrome of the white page, whatever. But I want to take my time.

And even if, listen, I'm going to be 32, even if it takes three years to do it, well, at least I'm going to be proud of what I'm going to have written. Listen, I'm humorous and it's pretty good, but you know, I went on stage to do my first show of the world, I was 37. Oh, really? So I hadn't done much. I did rap, I did battles, all that, but it's at 37.

I've been at the age of 12, even before that, that I said I wanted to be humorous. but it's at 37. I've been doing this since I was 12, even before that, that I wanted to be a musician. And it's at 37, the first time I'm on stage, doing my first show in the world, you know. And I'm writing my second one-man show. I'm not Martin Mat, but it's a passion that lives in me. And I understand what you're saying, because the advantage of music is that you can write especially, and the important thing is to give a punchline.

I've always said that you have to write a punchline in a song, where humor is the same thing, you have to have a punchline. The only difference is that in humor you have to have one result and that's laughter. Whereas in music you can make people think, go and look for an emotion, a sadness, a negative. So I think that in music, me personally, for having done both, I find it easier to express oneself through music. But personally, I found myself soon at 44,

I'm more excited as a humorous artist, because I think that, it's sure that I ask you for a lot more work, and it's especially harder to go and look for certain elements because, as I said, you have the right to one emotion, and that's laughter. But you know... There's still sometimes, you know, there are sketches that still lead to reflection. Yes, reflection, yes, but you know, I can't make you a five-minute stand-up that will bring you a reflection and not make you laugh. Do you understand?

Yes, I can. There are numbers. The show I'm on right now that the poster is there, nice. The last thing I say, the show ends with the words I'm bringing you, personery. But everyone applauds because it ends on a... Ok, how much? Class, it's a wrap-up.

So my punch-out of my show is not funny. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I can make you do, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, As an artist, it's not easy to know what you want to project. You need to know what you want to do. You say, I'm 32, but I'm never too late. I think it's a great thing with the new generation.

Music, rap, before, it was like, if you were 28 and you were still rapping, it didn't make any sense. And today, you have people in their 40s, you have people in their 50s who are still rapping. I mean, if the audio comes at the end of their 30s, you have rappers, you know, Imposts who are in their 40s. That's it, but I think, honestly, there... It's such a democratized art. I was so under pressure that at 25, I didn't know.

And my music, listen, I wasn't signed and all that. My career was under pressure. I wasn't known at 25. My music... I wasn't signed. My career was over. I don't know why. I'm still 10 at 25. It's like... you didn't do anything that had good taste. I don't know why. I started with humor at 37. I'll be 44. I'm known not because of humor, but because of my podcast.

I'm not even known because of my art. If I were just humorous, I'd be a little known. humor, à cause de mon podcast. Fait que tu vois, je suis même pas connu à cause de mon art, parce que j'étais juste humoriste. Je serais un petit peu connu, j'étais un peu connu à cause du gang show qui est fait au bordel. Mais moi, la raison qui fait que je suis connu du grand public aujourd'hui, c'est mon podcast qui est un accident de parcours. Tu sais, c'est ça, des fois, tu sais, comme toi, t'as eu des accidents de parcours qui t'ont amené à des trucs qui t'a été connu pour certaines choses, desquelles

t'es moins fier. Moi, je suis chanceux, je suis reconnu pour un projet pour lequel je suis fier aujourd'hui, tu sais. You've been known for certain things, of which you're less proud. I'm lucky, I'm recognized for a project for which I'm proud today. But you know, some people will put a lot of judgment on it often, you know, because they're right. But I have my pride in all of this, for example. It's just that you're always in the dark, and the choices, even if sometimes, well, I made them,

it didn't bother me, but I made them for myself. I've never been, no one has ever, you know, decided or forced me to do it. I took my choices and I assumed them. And you know, I'll tell you, today I don't regret it, honestly, even if people... I don't know if you're laughing, but maybe less proud than some other projects, I guess. Well, proud. It's not a question of pride. I think the only thing that has really earned me is for the work. It's for sure that when there will be people who will go and say,

Oh, but you know, you know you've done a lot, well, you know, it's a little worried about my boss. But now, in the work I do, people are aware of it. They don't talk about it anymore. They're so angry. They're so pissed off. It's a good thing for me. But I'll tell you, in the past, I had problems with my employees. But not in the past. I had fun and I discovered myself. I was young.

Well, it's sure that if you want to be naked, it's up to everyone. So, it was the only thing that told for sure that you want to be naked, but it brought everyone. So, at that point, it was the only thing that said to me, in my relationships, it's a little ick, and in the side of my work. We'll put your links, but we won't put those. No, that's right. No, no, no.

It's not necessary. Anyway, I was so young, I don't even look like it. It was a joke. But I have no regrets. What I was going to do differently, listen, I can't even feel like it. It was a joke. I have no regrets. What would I do differently? Listen, I can't change anything because even my music that I made, it was linked to that. I also financed most of my clips and my music because it's expensive,

with videos that I shot. So I tell myself everything was linked. Today, I'm not a child, I'm sure I would have a child. I wouldn't want her to fall over. Small things, small things like that, but for the rest of my experience, I had fun. And when you decided to stop, when you, you know, that character you decided to let go, that type of music, with that type of clip, did you stop everything at the same time? Or did you keep going?

No, I stopped everything. At one point, I said, last shoot, I don't feel it anymore, I didn't feel comfortable in that shoot. I said, it's over, it stopped, I'll never come back. When you told me, your shoots, did you just do them with girls? Yes, I'll say yes, except one, because I had a bit of pressure from the producers. And from the fans, because I attracted a lot of attention, except that they were like, you didn't try to be a guy, and I was like, I'm not comfortable, but how can I compromise?

It's like half yes and no, the film is not what you think, it's not hard at all. Yes and no, but one film. It comforted you in your role of no, I... No, that's it. I tried it. I tried it, I didn't really get it. It's an experience from the theater. As long as I'm in a fugue, I had to make good fountains. Good fountains in place of Versailles,

to be able to pay me... Ah, the fountains! Okay, okay, okay! I'm not following you! I've been collecting money for a while! Okay, the coins and the scenes that people are picking up from the fountains to make the vows! I collected five in the coin... How much did we collect?

Like, five in the coin in 15 minutes? We were just collecting the 25 cents. I told you, there's money in your wallet! In these good fountains! There's no more money left! They all have to be taken away! You're going to make a... Yeah, that's it! And you. It's a good thing. There's no money left. You want to make a wish, Chris. I never changed. No, he didn't have any left.

I looked, but it's not because I wanted to go get some. I was just curious when I went looking. I said, there's no money left. I was going to say, there was consumption. You said, with the tours, the girls, the clips. And when you decided to give up on that, what happened to your consumption? I was lucky, I never stuck to consumption. It was really a way to escape and escape.

I was lucky. With alcohol, I would say that I had more difficulty with alcohol, but all the drugs... Still today? Alcohol is an issue. Alcohol is an issue. But yes and no. My issue with alcohol is that I can't drink for a week, I can't drink for a week and a half. I wouldn't need to drink, but if I decide to drink, I drink. It means that there's no... As long as it opens... Yeah, I don't know when it closes.

It opens until you almost fall. Yeah, I'm not sure. I would say that I drink to... If I drink, I tell myself, Christ, I don't know, I don't know, I would say there's no bottom. I have a tolerance for alcohol, until at some point it makes me pop. But now, you know...

Does it cause you problems? Yes, but right now, I'm in therapy and all that. Okay. Because of the alcohol, so... Right now, you're in therapy? Because that's what I'm saying, if you tell me, I'm able to not drink, but when I decide to drink, it's like, well, Chris decides not to drink. But it's not that fascinating, but that's why I'm drinking.

Yes, but wait, you know, I'm a girl who parties anyway. I've known a lot of parties in my life, so if I drink, I'm a good drinker. I'm the kind of girl who's going to be there, I'm going to say, full of shit. Oh, sorry. And I'm going to say full of shit, I'm the kind of girl who's going to have fun, I'm going to do niaises, I'm going to do roller skates in the snow, where I'm going to... You know, I'm not going to become someone an aggressive person. You're a happy person. I'm a happy person. I look like a sad person, but I'm never going to be a bad person.

When I drink, it's fun. But at one point, when you're in an alcohol environment, you attract people who are under alcohol, but it's a clash. Often, let's say, in alcohol, but it causes clashes. Often, let's say, in relationships, whether it's personal, I mean, even in relationships, even in friendships, I find that when you have a problem with alcohol, you attract people who have alcohol problems, and that's where the clash often comes from. So in my relationships, my problem was there. Do you do therapy to be able to control yourself or to stop drinking?

To stop. You can literally get that out of your life. Yes, to get the alcohol out of my life. For the moment, you ask why? Because I tell myself that at the moment I'm not managing. I want to be able to surround myself. If I ever touch alcohol, it's because I'm going to be able to take two or three glasses and it's going to be your title. I'm the devil's advocate.

Yeah, go ahead. But... probably it's a very bad thinking to have. Well, you see... No, but I'm telling you because... That's what they say to me. Well, I'm telling you because... Is that alcohol or not alcohol? That's exactly it.

That's what you think. Because you know what's going to happen? What? I'm confirming you, and all the people who, all the consumers who listen to this will agree with me. Because a little. You see, you, one, two, hey, I took two beers yesterday, it's cool, I'm capable. And then a week later, I'll do, I took them last week, I'll take three.

That's what I'm saying, it's all in therapy. And then, at the beginning, you'll say, maybe you've been doing it for a year, maybe you've been doing it for two years. I swear you'll end up getting away with it because you'll think you're controlling yourself. Yeah, that's it. Until the day you don't control yourself. And, maybe two years. I swear you'll end up getting away because you'll think you control yourself. Until the day you don't control yourself. And I swear to you, the downfall will be the worst. You'll never have all the strength. I'll never take a sip of alcohol again.

It depends on how much you help me. Look, I'll take myself as an example. Do you drink? I'm able to. I don't drink. I can't say no. Practically no. The reason is that I have 100% control. I've always been able to drink one, two. I'm capable, I've always been capable.

My problem, I don't have a problem with alcohol. I have a problem when I'm on alcohol. I become a problem. You say you have happy alcohol, which is not my case. I make the choice to... This summer, it's beautiful, I'm in my car, I love the white. If I want to take a big white with a little Cherche of Doron, I'm able to take one.

I don't go back to second state. I'm able to stop in second state. I'm able to. Why wouldn't I be able to? I've always been able to. Okay, you've never been... I've already farted, I've already... Well, but...

You know, it wasn't recurrent, I already farted in the face, I farted in the face, but it wasn't... I'm able to do it for a week and a half, and I never... Because... And I'm lucky, I already patted my face, but it wasn't like, I'm capable, I'm a week and a half, and I'm lucky, because it's in my genes, I confirm it, it's very, very in my genes. Alcohol, I grew up in it, I evolved in it, I saw people destroying themselves on it, so it's in me, but fortunately, I'm able to have control. Why? There are many things I'm not capable of., but fortunately, I'm able to control myself.

Why? There are many things I'm not afraid of. I'm an excessive in life. But as soon as I find myself in a second state, I'm very cool until the moment I'm cool, or I take too much space, or I become unpleasant, or I'm not a nerd, or I want to beat everyone. It depends. There are evenings when no, but it can happen much easier than in life in June. So each person is different. I'm not an example to follow. But I tell you, listen, it's your life, you do what you want. No, no, I listen, I hear what you say.

Like I told you, you're close to the 100 episodes. If you're not before, if you're not 99, you're maybe 101, 102. I've lost track of my episodes. But they tell me all that. But all the people, I've met people who have one of the problems of consumption and I confirm it to you. If you're not able to manage today, you won't be able to manage in 10 years. Okay, there's no exception to the rule. And listen, if you want to test, test yourself, you'll be in this game. It scares me what you're telling me, but at the same time,

I sometimes think that we could not be an exception. But at the same time, I admit that it's a dangerous game, double-edged, as you say, that it's even worse. What I can say, I'm not going to name names because of that, but I know some who are a bit of an exception. That is to say that, hey, I've been drinking for five years, but once or twice a year I allow myself to drink it. It's often the case that people just drink it once or twice,

but it's not once or twice that I drink two or three glasses. It's once or twice that I totally escape it during the year. Because they're not able to drink it. They're able to drink it twice a year, but they're not able to drink it normally twice a year. So, you know, it's... I'm in that trench, I they can't drink normally twice a year. That's it. I'm in that trench. That's the feeling I have.

But given that I'm not there, it's a piece of advice I give you. You don't take it. If you want to test yourself, that's your life. It's up to you. For the moment, yes. Go ahead. What I was going to say... I can't remember. Because I was in my head.

So you're following this therapy right now, it's an open therapy, what do you do? I do meetings, and it's open, it's like Dolor Cormi, but at the bottom. How long has it been since you last drank? It's been... not long. I couldn't say in terms of time, because... Oh, and I didn't want to put you on the spot, I was just... How long has it been since you started this process? Okay, the process...

This process. It's recent. Okay. Is there an trigger element that made you like, okay, that's it? Yeah, yeah, that's it. Well, I'm just going to fly over, let's say. No, I'm not asking you to go, I was just asking you a question. No, no, I'm going to fly over, I'm going to fly over lightly. It's that I had problems in my last two personal relationships, in fact, in my two... Lovers?

Yes, that's it. It ended badly, on the suis ramassée en prison. Ok, Christophe-Tan, on va y aller. T'es au parloir, tu peux pas me dire le mot prison, on va survoler. On va y aller un petit peu plus que survoler si ça te dérange pas. À moi que t'es pas à l'aise. Non, non, je vais juste faire attention à ce que je dis, mais on peut y aller. Parce que c'est pas terminé encore?

C'est en cours. Okay, perfect. So you know where you can go if you want to go, you're not going to... Yeah, we're going to go in bulk. I wouldn't name anyone. Anyway, my last two relationships were chaotic. In the end, we forgot to be together, but I had a realisation in the sense that I had really left the world of bars and all that. And me, who got me out of all And then I went to a course in security. I went up there until I was a federal agent.

Then I went to the paramedics or the medical department. Okay, that's cool. Yes, I went out. I don't know why we jumped on that. Anyway, I came back, a good citizen, you know. And because of COVID, it all made up for the beautiful work I had done. Because I worked at the Ropas Montréal, and it was closed. It was pretty closed.

So I ended up moving elsewhere. I had a head of luck in the head and in the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a federal place, and I was in an intervention, and I got hit in the head. Basically, on my back, during an intervention. And then, that's when all the beautiful work I had done, since I had fallen on the need, and I had nothing to do in my days, I started going back to bars, to remember myself with people of consumption. And then I went back. That boot is important to you, isn't it? of consumption. And now I have a lot more.

That's important, that bottle. It's because I didn't know where we were. No, but listen, because you say we went over it. Well, no, you, I don't know. No, that's what we talked about. It's correct, it's correct. That's what it feels like. We're getting there.

It's super interesting, that bottle. I'm going to need it again, really. Again, me. I'm going to put you in my place, Chris. Word game. So, that's it. If I work, all of this, my life is worth it. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework.

I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a set of framework. I'm a girl who needs a training. I said that in a joke, but it's true. If I work, my life is like...

It's a stable routine, it's fine. A stable routine, it's fine. As soon as I don't know what to do, that I'm destabilized, that I don't work, that's when the problems happen, because I'm going back to work, because of the boredom or the search for social work. So I started drinking again,

but then, like every weekend, I was like a subscriber of the bar. I didn't do anything but that. It was crazy because I didn't see that I was already making a waste, it fell back. It lasted, I think it was necessary I didn't see that I was already making a breakdown, falling back down. It lasted, I think it was necessary for about a year and a half. Did you intend to go back to dancing?

No, that's never happened. It was over, it was out of question, there was nothing left. Normally I ask a lot of questions. You're not the only one, there are several people around me who have asked me if I had thought about it. And no, really, when it's over, it's over. It's a bit like in my relationships, I do in-and-out, and one day when I say it's over, it's over. It was really that. But then I met a person who was often in the bars, as much as I did. So we got along well and we became a couple. And then the consumption came back.

So it was like... I was thinking at that time about my worst toxic relationship, because I had never lived in violence. Prison and all that stuff, at All of these things were quite intense. And then the other relationship was almost a copy and pasted. But it was in the first relationship that you were in prison? Yes, in both. In both? Yes.

So, cases of conjugal violence, if I may say so. It's you because it's... It looks like the image. I hope I don't look like a sexist or lesbian, or whatever, but it looks like it's not an image we have of a couple of women. I don't know what you mean, because we rarely talk about that. Exactly. It's an interesting point. I think it's a shame. I wanted to bring it to you. For me, it's important. That's why I talked about it. I try to overcome it without going into too much detail. But what I experienced, I think, was a little bit of discrimination

because I'm a more masculine girl, who's still more robust. I think that in justice, I was judged a lot, while I was the one who was living the criminal violence. I wasn't victimized, but I was the bad guy when I was the one who was victimized, but I was the one who was beaten up. It was hard to see what kind of image I had. I would have liked to have stopped a little girl, a girl who was five feet tall, two, a little girl like that. How would I have stopped more as a victim or in consideration.

Well, listen, I talked to a beast. That's it. You're wearing a cap upside down, it's you, the guy. We're going to put it on their finger. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about the mentality they have. Yes, that's it. I'm telling you, yes. I think they will...

And it's flat, the human being is like that. So these are causes that are still there. Can you find yourself... The two are still there. You haven't found yourself guilty of anything yet. No, I haven't. So, you defend yourself, and they keep their complaints active. No, the first one, she was able to take her time.

She declared herself guilty, and she did her time. Okay. Except that it's just to settle that, but it's already in court. Yes, but it's just the judicial processes in Quebec. But thanks to that, it still brought me to therapy and all that, and a plan of life, and restructuring what I had escaped for two years, you know. That I had, if we talk about before COVID, it's... A kind of reality check a little, making like, oh, it's not okay, it's going far, it's not going well.

It's not going well. I realize that you're on a slope that doesn't fit. All the way you went up... Well, I went... You realize that when you're going to slide, going up the mountain is rough, but not long you're at the bottom of the coast. I think I went to the end of the coast. For real, as you say, that's said, I slipped on a time crisis. And honestly, I didn't even realize it.

And today, apart from that case that's still left, how are you? Look, I'm having a big soup. A lot of introspection. It's better. How much more on you? I'm working on myself. Learn to get to know yourself a little more. And that's exactly why I moved away from consumption. Because I attract, it's a pattern. When we're in consumption, we attract people to consumption, and it makes relationships that aren't healthy.

And I got lost in that, and I take my time because I'm still not cut out, but I still fed this consumption, fed this relationship, that's how it is. And I just want to make that mistake, you know, I wouldn't feeding this consumption, feeding this relationship. It's like that. And I just can't make that mistake, you know. I mean, I wouldn't come from that, relationships like that. Speaking of relationships, relationships with your parents, your father, your mother, your little brother? Well, I'll tell you, my father, it was the war recently, but I'm trying to make peace with that.

It's useless hatred. So, you know, I've done things that I'm really make peace with it. It's useless hatred. So I've done things that I really don't agree with. There are still big, bad alcohol problems. So I'm just talking about these news. I try to keep it as neutral. Not to be too close, but not to be in the hate either. To try to make peace with it. But I don't want to take it back in my life right now, no.

And my mother, well, it's okay from time to time. We talk a lot more than before, we save each other. Do you talk about your childhood, your youth? It's still very delicate, it's very hard to discuss. Even for her, it's a sensitive subject, she has a lot of problems. I said on one side I forgave her, but I feel that maybe it was a process that is not yet triggered in all because I would say that it makes me ashamed. Yes and no.

Did you have any ties with your brother? My brother, our relationship is very neutral. You didn't have a young bond, you know? It's often in childhood that you have brother and sister bonds. Marie Lachicane, who can have in adolescence, you know, to have a brother after, we have a different year. That's it. The fact that we were separated, it's a bit trans. It's hard to create bonds.

Yeah. But on the other hand, we get along really well. The only thing is that we're not close. Oui. Mais par contre, on s'entend super bien. La seule chose, c'est qu'on n'est pas proche. Mais quand on se voit pendant les fêtes, à ma fête, Noël, quoi que ce soit, ça se passe super bien. Tu sais, au D2D en ce moment, travail, vie, relation, tu t'en sors bien quand même. Es-tu heureuse en ce moment? Are you happy right now? I wouldn't say I'm happy, I'd say I'm in reconstruction. If you can live moments of happiness, I live moments of happiness, but to say I'm happy right now,

I don't know where I'd like to be, but I'm in reconstruction. Do you write a lot right now? I don't write as much as I'd like to. I'm not bad at writing, but I'm like I'm not saying I would like to. No, I'm not having a hard time writing, but I'm saying I'm stuck in my emotions right now, so that's something I have to take back. But I'm not able to. I'm not going to sing, let's say,

or write right now. I have to sing vocally, but write... No, right now I'm stuck. It's like not being able to talk, but having the need to shout. Yeah, that's not crazy. Sometimes you just have a... What's going on? You can't stop saying it, but you plant the arrow in your ear and you shout. Like, that's it.

The words don't come out yet, but you shout that. It comes out. I can't wait to hear it. Yeah, I hope so. I can't wait to hear it. That's the goal. It's my dream. And you know, I'm not a fet, my goal isn't that, but you know, you say to yourself, I'm 25, I'm not signed, I'm not that. And you know, being an artist, it's fun to live by your own art.

That's for sure, every artist lives by his own art. But even if you don't live by your own art, express it the same way. Because you'll never be a good artist who doesn't express himself. Even if no one listens to you, go out there, write your songs, record them and keep them in your computer. Well, you know what? It's funny to say that. At first, I wanted to do it for fame, to say, I'm going to be signed, I'm going to make money, I'm going to do tours around the world. And now, today, if I just have it for myself, as my trophy. I have my album. I'm going to be proud of what I've done.

If people like it, they like it. If they don't, they don't like it. But it's going to be for myself, I'm going to have it done. Art is like therapy. Exactly. You have to do it at the base for yourself. If you do art for others, if you do therapy for others, it won't work. Exactly.

Involuntary. These are nice words. Sarah, honestly, I find that cool. You know, we had stories, Megadie, here and there. I have girls who did prostitution, and so on. I received Sonia Vant-Sacher, I imagine. I don't know, it doesn't ring a imagine. No, I don't remember. She's a girl who, through sex, among other things,

I had a lot of girls who went through PIMs and forced prostitution. And she's a girl who does it by choice. To have the universe of a point star dancer, at the same time, I find it beautiful to have the journey of a beginning of life that could have brought you so far, even if it wasn't glamorous all the time, but you had so many elements to fall down and find yourself really, really low. I find that your strength, your mentality to say, not to let yourself, even if you let yourself be involved in the construction of all that, but without falling too deep, without, you know, I mean, making porn, you know, it might be better than making a pipe in the back of a slightly cracked wall to...

No, that's for sure. You know, I think it's nice that you had elements of a start of life that could really bring you deep. And I think the path you've gone through will make you an artist that people will want to hear. Because you certainly have things to say, you have beautiful things to say. And beautiful things don't necessarily mean that it's going to be beautiful. I think you have beautiful things to say,

even if they're dirty. OK, I understand what you mean. She said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she

said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she

said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she said she I'm really looking forward to it. I hope people will discover and appreciate what you're doing. So, I'm going to say a big thank you. Yes, thank you very much.

And good luck. And don't give up. We want to hear your music. Work on it. Focus on yourself. It feels good. Work on yourself. And then work on your music. But I think writing will help you work on yourself. Yes. A you very much. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed this conversation, as much as I enjoyed having it in the studio. The Did you hear about the Viagra Aurodispersible film? This latest addition to the Viagra brand takes the form of a band-aid that dissolves in the mouth. You will also be happy to know that the Viagra Aurodispersible film is offered at the same price as the Viagra Compressed. This means that you and your doctor have the option to choose.

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