Aunty Donna Podcast - A 3AW Christmas Special 8

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

M̶e̶r̶r̶y̶ ̶C̶h̶r̶i̶s̶t̶m̶a̶s̶ (Happy Holidays!) LINKS  Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig   Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/   CREDITS   Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno   Producer: Lindsey Green Digital Producers: Nick Barrett, Jim Cruse & Tanya Zerek Audio Imager: Mitch Calladine  Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A listener production. Hello, everyone. It's everyone's favorite episode of the year. The team at 3AW bringing you a very special Christmas episode. I'm sorry. in the world. Burning like a sack of soft talks and guests. We hope you enjoy the motherfucking podcast. The magical time of year spent with family and friends and every year as the years go on we lose more and more of our friends to the great Reaper of Death. But also the

warmness of Christmas is with us every year and as is tradition we join you our dear listeners for Christmas and we're loved and wonderful to have you here welcome and as always I'm joined by John. Good evening this Sunday evening. It's 11.30 p.m. 3 w and we're all sitting on a couple of potocky hands. Yeah using them as chairs. Sorry, I just interrupt for a moment. Lindsay, I can't hear John in my ear. Mike in the ear. Can you? He can't? Lindsay? I can't hear Lindsay's the young the young person he's a talented talented young producer but I can't hear either John or yeah John I can't hear either of the John I can hear myself but I can't hear the Johns in my ear so anyway we can make sure that the Johns are coming

through I can hear you Lindsay Lindsay. What about now? There's everybody. This is the nature of live, live radio. Oh, now I can't hear. Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's going in and out. Yes, but I can, ah, yes, I can hear them now. Well, let's continue on.

Magical time of year. That's the nature of live radio. I'm joined by John, it's 11.30 at night. We're sending on a few bit talky hams, which we're going to send out to some lucky callers a little bit later. I just want to say thank you to Lindsay there, if you're just joining us. We had a couple of tech issues. She's so young but smart at 49 years old.

We had a couple of tech issues there on the start of the top of the hour. I mean, that's the magic of being a broadcaster in this industry. I've been broadcasting since 1937. And that's the thing I think a lot of young people now they want everything now. They want everything perfect, everything now. I want my house now, I want avocado toast now. Back then of course. You can't have both. 3AW back then went by 3XY and I walked in as a young broadcaster covering the daily and my job would be to get the rural news out to the people. So you'd go down to the exchange on Exhibition in Swanston where there's a McDonald's there and you'd get the news

and bring it in and you'd read the natives from Vannella or Swan Hill or this and that and that was my I was a cadet at the time. Now at the time I was working down at the docks you know down what's now the dock lands beautiful place if you've not been down there beautiful hotels restaurants I think Geoff did a beautiful job with that area and but back then beautifully done a tributant. Back when I was 13 years old I was working there when they were docs and I would you know you'd go down there and and you'd gather with the other boys and they'd drive up in a youth that go you you you you and that's the sort of work you'd get and that was the hard work hard work that um then the

unions came along and ruined it. Yeah, absolutely. And John, you've been, you grew up in lots of different trades, you're a jack of all master of none. I've been a chippy mate, I've been a sparky, I've been a broadcaster. Broadcaster for the last 80 years you've been a broadcaster. Yes, yeah, since I was 32. That's why we call him Baby John. My Baby John Burgess.

Yeah, I know, I'm the little... Show after work catchphrase when a picture of a man or walking into a shop and there'd be a... They don't make TV like that anymore. You have to decipher some sort of catchphrase. Yeah. Oh, if Baby John Burgess is a television program... They don't make programs like that anymore. You don't have to decipher some sort of catch phrase. Well, maybe John Birch is a television programmer. They don't make programs like that anymore, do they? Wheel of Fortune, I remember.

Yes, yes, and you know, you'd spin the wheel and you'd get a letter. And you'd get bankrupt. But I don't think anyone knows how to spell anymore with spell check. That's why they can't do it now. They just look it up on their phones. The thing is kids today are not going through the same work that we would. They would go through school on an iPad and never learn arithmetic and rhythm. Last Christmas in fact, I'm excited for this Christmas, I saw, you know, they all came around to my house and we had the catering on and everything was wonderful and beautiful

and I said to my great grandchild, I said, you know, what are you learning? And they said maths. I said, well, you know, what's your favourite set of times tables? And they didn't know that they didn't know their times. No, but I get I bet they got out there a Calculator. Yes. Well, they had it on their own on their own, you know on their You know with the yes And what I said to that generation is good luck in your retail job counting out the change Well, let me tell you something when I went through and they're paying through on the farm, if I didn't know my times tables, your four fours are 16, five fours are 20, if I'd get one wrong my teacher,

Mr Johnson, would pull out a rifle and he'd hit me in the blunt of the nose with the base of the rifle. Now the brothers were cruel. I remember once I didn't do my times tables and the brothers said, well, they said, who's your best friend? I see you talking to this one. They killed him. Yes. It's we learn, you learn. I remember one time I had fruit on the mind

and I said my limes tables and it was put into an iron maiden for 36 days. But they never forgot again. Never, but I never called them my limes tables again. You think of these kids today in bike lanes riding around and you think maybe they're, if someone stopped them and said well firstly this should be a lane for the cars but secondly what's nine times seven? They wouldn't know where to begin.

Nine times seven, of course. Yes, of course. Of course, of course. 63, 63. Yes, absolutely. I remember once, when I first started school, I was riding with my left hand initially, just doodles and whatnot, and I'd just started. And they put me into an ancient,

I believe it's called the iron cow. It was an ancient Roman device where they would put me in the cow and burn the cow from below. Yeah, make you feeked hot. And then there was a horn and as I burned alive I was burned to death. But you never forgot how to do arithmetic. Yeah, you never forgot 9 times 12. There's no, I know the answer.

You asked me 9 times 12 is 90 18, so it's 100 mate. You'll never forget that. And I think these kids today running around with these gangs lighting up tobacco stores from left to right in the western suburbs, I think. If only you'd learned your times table. What happened to the three R's? What happened to the three R's? Arithmetic and writing and respect. Well yes, that's right. Now listen, I'm running.

This is a Christmas. They don't run anymore, the children. No, they expect everything to come to them. Well we drank from hoses, you see. Yeah, straight from the cows teat. I remember. Suckle the teat of the cow. I sucked Betty Dryer. I would say where's the mother cow. I would say I would get to the farm and I'd say point me to the mother farm I'm thirsty. Point me to the mother cow. I'm thirsty and I would suckle the teat of the mother cow like it's very, like it's very moot-cut. And if we wanted dinner, if we wanted a porterhouse steak and walk down to the local coals and buy it

plastic-wrapped, no, I slaughtered that cow. Upon the watchful eye of my father we would get a metal rod and creep up behind the baby cows and smack them inside. Well the kids today they wouldn't know about that. No they wouldn't know about cracking the skull of a baby calf and then you know cutting it up, bleeding it dry. And now they're all vegans. They're all vegans.

And they're like you know I thought about this the other day, I thought about vegan, you know the vegan thing and I thought Well, what are they gonna do if a farmer if you call up a farmer and you say well, no, no cows Everyone's a vegan now. Yeah, you know what? He's funny. You see all these the shopping centers are Mmm, I will get to that Full full to the brim all you. And most cars. You're driving around the shop. How are you finding a park at Christmas time? I think a lot of people listening today would be driving around. Probably looking for a park right now. And if you are, commiserations

to you there. Patience is a key. And don't believe those green down. And if you have commiserations to use, patience is a key. And don't believe those green lights. But if you, can I just say, if you have got one of those disabled stickers just because you're fat, just because you're fat, or because your brain isn't working, you are taking that from someone in a wheelchair.

Yes you are. And I'll kill you. Well I make sure to yell at anyone, anyone who parks in a handic. Yes you are. And I'll kill you. Well I make sure to yell at anyone who parks in a handicapped spot, I make sure to scream at them and then if they turn out to be illegitimate then I apologise but I always try to make sure to stay on top of it just in case. I don't apologise. I go well I didn't see. I didn't see. I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I tell you... Yeah, whenever I say apologies, I go, right, right, right, right, up.

I put my hand up and I walk away from the situation. I just want to say, we've been complaining a lot, but this is a Christmas episode. I want to bring a little bit of joy. I want to bring a little bit of positivity. While we still can. While we still can before it's... We've got that bloody time taking away from us.

Yes, that's right. I mean, the golden Mike John Laws is putting away last bastion in the north of normal speak. And I wonder how long is Christmas with us? Have you noticed something this year? I could be wrong. No, yes you could be wrong. This morning I was having Pataki sort of injected into my veins.

So you liquefied that Pataki? Liquefied the Pataki and put it straight into my left arm. But the nurse, she can't find the vein and I've had absolutely at wits end with her. Not from here. And she says, can't find the vein. Can't find the vein. Where does it go? And I'm sitting there thinking, is it just me or is it this Christmas no one's saying Merry Christmas?

No, they don't say it anymore. They don't say it anymore. No, they don't say it anymore. No, it's happy holidays or... And Americanisms as well. They, them. They, them and America. We're not in America.

Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. Oh. I know you see the trick or treat isn't it, I say, well this isn't America love. I tell them to fuck off. Oh I don't know. No they come to my door. No.

Can you, no. Get out of it you bastard. Get out, get out. You know what you're fucking. No, listen, listen. You don't fucking understand. John. John.

No, it's, I've had a, they come as goblins and ghouls and they scare. Get out of the studio right now. That language is not acceptable in the studio. I want to apologise to any of the listeners. John is a little bit unwell at the moment, but you cannot use that language. Well I apologise. I don't recall him saying it. He used the F word.

I don't recall. And I just, I want to apologise him saying that. He used the F word. I don't recall. And I just, I want to apologize to the listeners. I just want to apologize to the listeners. I genuinely don't. And I don't recall that either. I don't recall that either. But isn't that a bit of a nanny state thing that you can't say anything in the end? Well no, I think that's okay.

Because all the kids today with their effing and jeffing, they're swearing and I just think they should ban those things. You should ban that sort of language. But isn't it annoying that they're banning Merry Christmas? Yeah, they're banning Merry Christmas, I just say free speech for all. But on another note, effing and jeffing this and I say, what happened to censorship? We won't be able to go to the cup anymore soon, huh? Yeah, yeah, soon they'll be saying,

Can't ban the cup. They'll lock you up if you put a fascinator on it, or depending on the size of your hat, that'll be 30 years, 40 years. On another note, I saw someone recently, just on a completely different note, unrelated, I saw someone make a joke about Jesus on television, and I say, get that person out of the country.

Yeah, yeah, they've got to go. They've got to go, we've got to censor that kind of language. But then, I funny you mention that and on a similar vein, I can't say Merry Christmas to my grandkids anymore. You can't anymore. No, you can't say anything anymore. It's offensive, they bring that into the schoolyard and all of a sudden. They prefer me to go light up a tobacco shop in a gang war.

Yes, yes, yes. Now, I just had a, I wanted to. Suck on a battery. I wanted to bring the. Sucking on these batteries. Exactly what they're doing. They're sucking on batteries. I'd ban.

Blowing out smoke. You've got to ban batteries. What happened to good old fashioned cigarettes? Ban cigarette shops. No, no, no, no. Get them back onto the good old fashioned tobacco. Remember the days of the tobacco. Remember when you could just smoke yourself silly and your doctor would...

I remember I had emphysema and my doctor said, well you should try some painted jacks. Well they're trying to ban cigarettes now, it's outrageous. Unbelievable. They're trying to take cigarettes from us. They're trying to take the promise of... They're trying to take them from us. It's a god given right, but these kids now are sucking on these batteries. Get these batteries out of their mouth.

No batteries if you're under 18. But you know what? It's funny when the Christmas day happens and the kids come downstairs and they're going through the paper and this and that and it just makes it all worthwhile. But all they want these days are your game boys and your bobbits. Nobody wants a good old fashioned... Kamikaze pilot. Oh yes.

I remember the days when you know, try telling that to your uncle who fought the Kamikaze pilots. I got my... But have you heard about this? I've just heard this now. Kamikaze pilots. I got my... but have you heard about this? I've just heard this now, kamikaze pilots, what's this? They're... they were pilots, they were sort of missiles. No, I know that, but what's the kids are doing? Kamikaze pilot toys? Performing seppuku and... Are they doing kamikaze toys? I've never heard this and and it might have just been a mishearing of what you said, but if this is true, if children are

playing with kamikaze toys, that is outrageous. You're married at first sight, toys, and you're watching the project with your Peter Hellier, and you're, but it is a special time. It's a special time. It's a time to take stock. Can I?

Yeah, not from the supermarket, and don't steal, and in beef or chicken stock. Have you seen these shoplifters? Yes, they're shoplifting. They had to put security on the gunning down tobacco stores. Quite right. The gouging from these shopping centers. We'll be finding out very soon from a special guest about how at IGA during this Christmas there is definitely no price gouging going on. We will get to them but I just wanted to bring a little bit of Christmas joy to the conversation. Put that Lindsay Chuck on as a song.

Put on some of that music. Chuck on. Don't chuck it on, you put it on. Oh, quite contemporary Lindsay. Yes, I like this. This is a little bit of a modern take on it. Miracle on 32nd Street. Oh, that was a beautiful movie.

That's when they... They don't make movies anymore. No, they don't. They don't make movies anymore and it's devastating what's happened. And I just want a wonderful life starring Jane Stewart and Frank Capra and Donna Reed. Now, she was beautiful, wasn't she?

Donna Reed was a stunner. She was a stunning. Now I just wanted to talk a little bit. Virginia Patton. They don't make mother and son anymore. They stole this Ricketts Lane. Ruth Cracknell. Ruth Cracknell, God bless her soul. Yes, have you seen the new one? The new one with um, No, don't bother. The first Miracle 34 show with a young Natalie Wood. Yes. Oh she was beautiful. Oh, and they were in...

Side story. Yes. When she played a young Latino. Latino. Yes. Yes. Not for that to do, but it wasn't an issue. No.

Now, I just want to, can I tell you a story? We can stop with the bloody music, Lindsay. Stop with the bloody music. I can't hear myself. I can't hear myself too much. It's too much. It's too much. Can I tell you a sweet Christmas story?

Oh please. So I tell you a sweet Christmas story? Oh please. So I took the family. I went with the family. I got some tickets as you know. There was a Christmas carol sort of spectacular show down at the Marvel Stadium. Oh beautiful. They did a big Marvel Stadium. Oh down at Marvel. I'm not talking about carols by candlelight in the city of Mayan. That's still yet to come. That's on the... 24th. 24th and of course I will be performing again at the performing...

What are you singing this year? I'll be singing, I'll be singing, oh holy night... No, I sang that last year. Let me... I'll check what's there... Do one of the classics, none of this... What would you like to see me sing at the... Maybe Jingle Bells Rock? Good For You by... You know, the... Oh, Jingle Bell Rock, that's a little bit fun, isn't it?

I'll leave that to the young ones. Olivia Rodrigo, Good For You. Oh yes, I like her. I went to her... But anyway, I went to Christmas... It was sort of a... Something from Hot Shoe Shuffle? Christmas Spectacular, you know, and it was a bit of a bye bye birdie maybe. Yes, maybe that. It was a Christmas spectacular.

The cast of Wicked are going to be doing jingle rock. Oh, that's lovely. Yes, no, but I went down to this Christmas spectacular. They had a sort of show at the Marvel Stadium. I got some tickets there and, you know, and I got some tickets there and you know and I got them you know of course I got them for free from the good people of Pataki in the Pataki box. The good people of Pataki in the Pataki box and don't get me started though on politicians getting free things but I got those for free. I've got 98 Pataki hams in my boot. Oh yes and me too. Anyway so I went down there and I thought you know always

so hard to get a car park. Oh god. So I didn't bother this year. I thought you know what? They should cut their heads off. They deserve to die. I thought no, always so hard to get a park, also I want to have a couple of drinks on the you know know, a buttocky hand with a nice sparkling wine, which I can call champagne even if they don't make it in champagne. That's my right! So anyway, I went there and this is the point I wanted to make. In a bike lane. I wanted to make this point. I got a train for the first time in 43 years. Don't give me that absolute disgrace, Dan Andrews.

No, no, I will say. Dictator, dictator. I will say on that absolute disgrace, Dan Andrews. No, no, I will say, I will say. Dictator Dan, I call him dictator. Chairman Dan. I will say, I had a lovely time. We were able to converse, we were facing each other. If you'd done this on the train, you'd face each other now and you can talk and a lot of people on their phones.

I've been like that for maybe 48 years. And I go, you can talk and... I got off the train at the Southern Cross. The old Spencer Street. That's down where 3A double used to be. What do you think of that roof? Let me tell you, that is meant to be the leading train station of Melbourne. That is the train station that people come in on on the bus.

Disgrace. They come in from Warrnambool. It is a bloody disgrace. And I'm, excuse the language there, it is a disgrace there. Have you seen it? They've got this architectural roof. Weavy, wavy, nonsense. Two or three shops selling chips, nothing nice. We wanted to get some food before we went to the show. Nothing, no seats. So what was the show about? No, I don't want to talk about the show. It was a bloody disgrace.

That is meant to be one of our leading train stations. Have you been to this train station there, John? No, I remember with 3W when I was a cadet working down there. Now Spencer Street, that was a perfectly fine train station. Well, this new one they've got. Nice flat roof. Nice flat roof. This new one they've got wobbly roof. Weavy and wavy. This was built in maybe 2003.

It's so, it's confused. I missed, I missed last time I was there. Last time I was there. Oh have you been there? This is the first time I've been there. What? And never again. Once and never again. I was on my way to Dymaru. Yeah. And got off. That's the centrepiece of Melbourne.

Well, you would have been to Spencer Street then. Yes. Dymaru. Dymaru. So you've not been to the new station. No, I've been to the new station. Built around the old shot tower. Yeah, it was where Dymaru was where, I believe, they call it Melbourne Central.

You were going to whatever that is now. Hop, skip and a jump from the statue of Sir Redmond Barry at the National Library. Hop, skip and a jump. You don't hear that enough anymore. No, what you hear is bloody tobacco shops lit up in flames again. Skibbidy toilet. Gang wars. Skibbidy toilet. Oh, the dark.

Ohio. These sorts of things. These sort of carry on. But it is Christmas time. I bought my nephew a wooden horse, rather than an iPad for Christmas. He said, suck my cock. But tell me... I would have shot him. I was absolutely... Oh, I belted him.

I belted him. I took off my belt. I said, come here. I took off my belt. He ran off. We didn't see him for three days. But when he came back... When he came back, I fucking was angry. I took off my belt. He ran off. We didn't see him for three days. Yeah When he came back I fucking was angrier I hadn't cooled down you see I was angrier than I was when he walked off so he copped it even harder Yeah, five times seven. I bet he knew it then. Yeah, he just ran down to the Werribee River and just slept under a log Under a log for a couple of nights., tell me your experience at Southern Great Strait. Oh, you know, I got up a little late to go to Dime-a-Roo

buy some new sheets for the bed, which of course had been soiled. So I was there at 6.30 in the morning and I get out and I see this monstrosity. Oh, it's ugly. Disgusting. And now does it even keep the rain in if it's all the wibbley and the wobbly pools of water I got you up there. You see they've got one sad bloody red rooster there. They've got one sad, miserable red rooster. Not even enough cheers.

And a sugar station like that's what the kids need more these days. What's this? Just candy and... Oh I didn't even see that! No fruits or vegetables available anywhere. We've got to go to a break very quickly. This is a message from our sponsors at Sunrazier. Introducing Sunrazier's Bram Presser and his Grandma Ruby.

Granny, what happens to all the pits from the prunes that go into Sunraysia prune juice? Well, Graham, I'll tell you, but you have to keep it a secret. It's okay, Granny. Each night, just before midnight, the prune pit plucker magically appears in Sunraysia pruneland and picks the pits, leaving behind a pile of plump prunes for Sunraysia to put in their prune juice. But what about the pits? The prune pit plucker takes them away

because it is only a gigantic pile of pits. We're going to come back in 25 links. The fabled prune pit peak. So you're saying that the prune pit plucker plucks the pits from the premium plump prunes Sunraysia Pick to produce their premium prune juice and paddles the piles of pits to the prune palace on prune pit peak?

Precisely. Sun Raja Prune Juice is available from the following caring supermarkets. You don't get funny smart ads like that anymore. You don't get comedy like that on TV. 25 past the hour on the 8th of December here. Christmas is fast approaching folks and can't you see it when you're out in the house? Less than you used to. You know, less than you used to. And I was at Southern Cross the other day and this is meant to be one of our leading train stations. Move on.

Well, have you been there? It's outrageous. Have you been there? It's outrageous what they've done. They don't have enough chairs. You've got one sad bloody red rooster, you get some chips. They're no chairs for you to sit in. But Christmas.

But Christmas time. Oh I love Christmas. I'll take your point. But have you been down to the Myer Window? Oh I love Myer. It's a great tradition that's still there for young and old. I took the great grandkids down now and we looked in the windows and the different themes every year. Do you know what this year's theme is? No, no, no. And I'll tell you why I don't know because I was, I was, I thought

I'd get the train in. Oh yes. And I got to Southern Cross Station. What do you think of that roof? Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly roof. A disgrace. Absolutely disgraceful. Now where is this country headed? I don't know why they didn't go to the people that designed Crown Casino. I was there for an event a few months ago. Beautiful. Sleek black walls. Beautiful. The pokies room, the high rollers room. Beautiful, beautiful beautiful I don't know what flapjack they got the designed that bloody southern cross-section, but I imagine he was fine Have you seen the big concrete buildings? They've been building in the city ever since the John I'm just gonna cut you off there. This is a Maya window is somebody 69 window is celebrating 69 years of Maya. 69 years of magic. Maya Christmas windows have been enchanting Australians for families and

families for generations. A magical tradition trip down memory lane. What are they doing this year? Well it's still yet to be announced but it's been in many years where it's mad hatter themed or... And not too white? I'm not sure. I don't know yet. Usually it's just sort of candy canes and that sort of thing. Imagine they'll put a bloody bike lane through the whole thing sooner rather than later. Well, yeah. If the man who designed Southern Cross Station has anything to say about it, it'll be waves and wobbles. But I know a lot of the wives at home are wondering where am I going to get the best price for prawns? Where am I going to get

the best fruits and lichies and peaches by the plenty? Where am I going to get these deals for Red Snapper or a prawn on Christmas Day? And so we've had old New Australian Toniado is coming in. Anthony, thank you for joining us from my GA store. G'day boys. How you going? Very good. Now, obviously we boycotted your store for a few months there at the start of the year because of the Australia Day flags, fiasco. You got to mate. But I've got to say, I've been back through the doors and what a beautiful, I love the

Christmas decorations and... Yeah, nothing gets me in the Christmas spirit more than a trip down to the grocery store. Yeah, and a bit of tinsel mate. And you've got to be careful. Wait, which one are you from? IGA. Oh no, you're alright. Yeah.

You're alright. Yeah. You're alright. You, this year, are telling us about the sales. Because you've got to get it at the right time. Obviously you've been talking ham and chrysalis and also the prawns and seafood. Why are you talking about prawns? Christmas time. Christmas. But why are we talking about prawns? Well it's a Christmas issue in Australia,

they have some prawns at the... Oh, you get them cheap. Hello. Hello, have you forgotten? What in John's face? Is that a bleed? Oh that's alright now, so we're probably here to talk about IGA.

That's absolutely right. And we have some... Hello. Hello there. Who are you? Tony. It's Tony, mate. Tony's here.

Who let you in? Tony's here to talk about IGA. I come's Tony, mate. Tony's here. Who let you in? Tony's here to talk about that. I come every year, mate. We talk about the specials. Oh, yeah? I'll come. I'll let you out. I'll let you out. No, no, no, no. Well, just let me get through. Have we talked about the prawns yet? Well, we're about to, mate. He's young. This young whippersnapper.

You can tell he gets in, does the sit-ups in the morning. Are you doing the sit-ups? Like on Street Boys. I'll look after myself don't get me wrong but I don't mind you know a bit of a treat. A bit of a treat every day. I can't let you out. No, I don't have to do the segment if you don't want me to. I'll open the gate up for you. No John, let him talk about the prawns. Well this year I know everyone's had a hard year. Because they're lighting up these tobacco stores like it's Christmas night,

they're blowing them up. Absolutely, yeah. These gangs. I know everyone at Christmas time gets to this time and you wish you had half the troubles you had, don't you? Yeah, yeah. Every year you always like, I wish I had half the troubles. I'll tell you my troubles.

I was hard. I was, yeah. That's why at IGA we're all about... Passports confiscated on a cruise ship. What? What's this? Car flipped on roof on the Monash. Yeah.

Bloody, they're cracking down on social media with the kids. That's good. That's good. Dairy farm figures are worrying. Dairy farm. Strange rainbow cloud in Melbourne this morning. Look out for your farmers. What's the price of prawns?

Well, first of all... Tony, you been down to Southern Cross Station lately? Don't do it, don't bite. Tony, you been down that way? I was the other day, mate. What did you think of it? Oh, thank God. It's beautiful, mate.

Disgraceful, isn't it? What do you mean? I was there yesterday. What did you just think of it? Oh my god. It's beautiful mate. Disgraceful isn't it? What do you mean? I was there yesterday. What did you just think of it? You know, beautiful shops, there's a... Three or four of them. Well there's a few more than that. Get a dim sim at if you're lucky.

Fancy burger place down the bottom. Mate when was the last time you were there? When was the last time you were there mate? I'm like can I just have a bloody burger? It's grilled. Why are you here? Just give me a bloody burger, none of you have sweet potato chips. What deal?

There's an IGA this year in the lead up to Christmas. Why are you talking about IGA? Well this is the man from IGA. Oh Tony, hello. We always get to this part of the year, we say, gee I wish I'd had half the troubles I had. Yes, yes. That's why we're all about half off. Oh, that's a great deal.

It's been a hard cost of living through the roof because of that bloody album. Yes, because of immigrant students. Omo. Usually $30. What? Omo. What?

Omo. Oh, Omo for the washing machine. Concentrate or powder? Yes. What, what, what, is it white for your whites or mixed? Mixed. Fourteen bucks mate. Save fourteen bucks.

Half off. That's more than half. No, that's half. Well, how much was the original price? Twenty-eight. I thought you said thirty. Can I just say, I don't do my washing anymore. I'm very lucky.

I'm a lucky man. I've been blessed. You're a had man. Well obviously, yes. Your wife's got you by the long and curly. My wife did do it for a time. But now I've got a nice young lady who does it, who comes in. She comes in.

The ironing lady. Yes, takes it. But I always say to young men, they say, why do I have to learn? And I say, you've got to bloody learn how to do your laundry. Because when I walked into the National Service in the 50s at Bangham. When I walked into Channel 9, GTV in those days. GTV back then. And I walked in, I had a crisp white shirt, I had a crisp white shirt and I had a good attitude and on that alone they had me working, they had me directing The Tonight Show.

I'll buy a crisp white shirt and I say that to young men, they say, oh I'm feeling, you know, I'm not smart enough to get a university education, I can't get a job, I've got a drug addiction and you know pain and I say well bloody get a crisp white shirt, go to Channel 9, they'll give you a job. My first thing I did with my grandchildren, I'm going to get you two things, I'm going to get a brush and a comb for your hair. Yes. Because if you have those two things you can, you start to look sharp.

That's what I said to my nephew, my great nephew, he said, I can't get a job. And I said, get a crisp white shirt, get a nice brush and a comb, I'll call Kerry Stokes, I'll organise a meeting and he bloody got the job. And that's why I don't know why people are complaining. All you need is a brush and a comb and a bit of Bril Cream through that hair and you'll look sharp. Nice crisp white shirt.

Sharper than a Milaide. And not jeans,ans are working clothes. They're alright for casual wear. I wore when I went to this show at the Marvel Stadium. I don't have to. No, we'll get to it. We're talking about your OMA. So I'm those on special.

Yeah, it's usually... What do you got? Prawns and things like that. I can, you know, if I just get through it quick, then I can go. Tony, that's not how it works. That's not how it works here. What have you got for us? Blue V. What's a blue V?

What? What? What? Blue V. Blue V? Usually a pack of four, $11. What is a blue V? What is a blue V?

That's not Kirk's. All I know is that when I have one, I maintain an erection for up to three days. What is a blue V? So stay away from him if you are... I don't know what he's talking about. What is a blue V? It's a drink.

Blue V? It's an energy drink. Blue V? Blue V? What is a blue V? Blue V. Two separate words. It's V, but it comes in a blue...

What's a V? What's a blue V What's V? What's a blue V? A drink. What's a blue V? No, a blue V, it sounds absolutely delicious. You're thinking a sous-vide. I'll tell you, no, we've talked about this in the past. Sit down on Christmas Day with a blue V. Yum, yum, yum. Oh, yum, and I've said this on the radio before.

I love a Coca-Cola on Christmas Day. Well... I love it. Well, Pepsi, a can of Pepsi, a box of 24 Pepsi Max this year down over at IGA, bloody beautiful mate, that'll set you back 20 bucks. Can I just say something the other day? I was at the restaurant. Just let me say the savings. Just let me say the savings please. Then I'll talk about Pepsi. I'll talk about Pepsi. Yeah.

Well you saved $12.50. Yeah. So I was at the restaurant the other day and I said, you know, I'm not drinking at the moment because I've got some surgery coming up. Your leg's numb. And I said to the girl there. Just for visual purposes. Just for visual purposes. I've got some surgery coming up. Your legs numb. And I said to the girl there, I said... Just visual, it's only their visual purposes, your left leg.

Get those varicose veins out. I said to the girl there, I said, I'll just have a Coca-Cola. And she said to me, and they do this now, she said to me, we only do Pepsi, is that alright? And I said to her, listen here, you stupid... It scums up off them. B, you know, I said the B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, listen here you stupid little B.

If you only serve Pepsi, then that's what I'll have. I'm in a cola. Oh, so you didn't... Oh, so you didn't have any issue with the brand. No, of course not. I don't mind, they only serve Pepsi. Why is she wasting my time talking to me? Now what would you have preferred she say in that circumstance then?

Nothing. Just bring me my Pepsi. Why is she wasting my time talking with us? Now what would you have preferred she say in that circumstance then? Nothing. Just bring me my Pepsi. And I said that to her and I called up the owner of the restaurant. Oh God. Who's a dear friend. A friend I imagine. And I said you need to check the attitude of your staff and I told him how she was working and the event she was working

and I got her fired. What's your favourite? I love fired. What's your favourite? I love Christmas. What's your favourite kind of chip? What's your favourite potato chip to have at a Christmas time? What ones have you got? We've got Pringles, Doritos and none of that American crap. Kettle.

Yes, I don't mind a kettle. Well, half price. I love a Samboy chip. How much is a chip going for now? Is it $2? $3 for a bag. Whatever you say, we're gonna go. We're gonna go off. Oh really?

How much is a bag of chips? Well, if you're going down to your Woolies or your Coles, mate, you're paying $6. But at IGA, $3. $6? Going down to your Woolies or your Coles mate, you're paying six. But at IGA, three. Six! Well three's not... Three's very reasonable for me.

When you compare it to six mate. But six, I wonder why that is. I wonder who I can scapegoat for that. Yeah. Nah, I'm good. I think a Samboy chip is my favourite. As a young lad going down to the shops and get a Samboy chip. Have you ever had a chip buddy?

Oh yes. That's a British thing. I'm perfectly fine with British culture. I want to be British. British culture is perfectly fine. What else have you got down at the shops? That's all. No prawns.

No, no prawns. Not this year mate. Times are tough, you know why. Tony, oh yes go on. Just that bloody bloke on Channel 9 in the morning. Can I ask you Tony, you wear very tight shirts and sometimes they're pink. Well yeah, salmon. Yeah salmon, tight pink shirts and whatnot.

What are you asking? What are you asking? What are you asking? You're a very fit young man. Yeah. Tony, thank you for coming in. Yeah, all right. Um, and, uh, you know, all the best with the Christmas time. I know. I totally love you, mate.

Yeah. I'm going to get back to my partner. Um, and I want to see you. What was that? What? Tony everybody. Very good to have Tony. John, I like Tony's. I like Tony. I went to the Marvel. Who were you? I'm John. I went to Marvel and then I mentioned the Southern Cross. Then I went and saw the show at Marvel. Then the Pataki. Pataki gave us little ham, like a

brought out of tray little ham biscuit. I was watching the show, there was a young lady performing, I can't remember her name, a little young lady, a little blonde. Passing music. Yes, that's right. And she was singing a song, Christmas Carol, and I thought what a wonderful talent she is. But I've got to, I need your help deciding what I'm going to sing for um, for uh, for the um Christmas carols. Well it was something that's a message to the songs of time and old.

Yeah. Yes, well what would you like? What would you like me to sing? Well, well, well, well, well, well, er... Something that brings that Christmas joy without being too political or woke. me to sing. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, If you pull that up I could see it close. I don't like that. I don't like that one is true Uh, I don't like the idea that it's beginning to look like Christmas. Why can't it just be Christmas? Oh, you gotta put the...

Why can't it just... Huh, closing it. Any final thoughts before I start seeing... Have a wonderful Christmas. It's a magical time and we hope as always that spent with the ones around you that you love. That Christmas is spent in tidings, grace, good and cheer. Because it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Everywhere I go They look out ahead As glittering as a game

We can't decay to silver like the glow It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little bit of a lazy man, I'm a little pair of overlocked moors and a pistol that chooses the wish of Barney and Ben Those are toilet walls out of jellison gin Mother and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again Beautiful old ladies blood Everywhere I go There's a tree in the Grand Hotel One in the park there as well

It's the silly car that doesn't want the sun His brain isn't going everywhere He's getting softer and softer every year As soon as the bells, the bells will start. He's adding words now. And the things that will make you ring is a carol that we all ought to sing. Right within your tiny little heart. He's looking at the lyrics and he's still adding.

Merry Christmas everybody from down at the GW. Bike lanes. Say something about bike lanes Bike lanes bike bloody bike lanes. I'll drive over them. I'll drive over the bloody cyclists. I like gang wars Here we go Merry Christmas Happy Holidays I'm bringing along my river

Find that kid Going to the merry way single cape In every single store Not every single store, just every store But the prettiest sight that you will ever see Is a holly that will be Right up there, right there on your earth In front of the little door Little door

On your Oh, sure, it's Christmas. Ha ha ha ha ha. Why is mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo No, I don't think I'll do that one. Oh. No, no. No, we were done. There's another one. No. Oh.

Oh. Oh. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another RIP episode brought to you by AuntieDonnaClub.com. See you next week!