Aunty Donna Podcast - A 3AW Christmas Special 9 - Part 2

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

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If you've come to our world tour already, thank you so much. You've all been, it's really so nice to see you all in person. It means so much to all three of us, whether it's in Glasgow or Seattle or Auckland or Christ, like it's so nice to see you all out there and it's lovely. I know you say that you're listening to the podcast and you bring up these references from this stupid show and it properly means the world to us. So thank you so much. If you are in Adelaide, Perth or Melbourne, we are doing.

the last three final stops of this tour. It has been an incredible show. I think if you speak to most people in all the cities, they really enjoy it. And I think we're probably in the mind frame now where we think it's our best show we've ever done. So please come and see this one. We're really, really proud of it. There's a one show in Perth and, Melbourne, at Perth and Adelaide, where there's tickets left for both. And Melbourne, two are sold out. We're doing seven, no, three are sold out. We're doing seven palais in total. There's a, there's some. left for four of them. So please come along this Christmas. It's going to be great. Enjoy this podcast. Just on a side note while I'm here, I think the run we're on now is the best run of

podcasts in my personal preference. So enjoy these and we'll see you soon in a show. If not, enjoy the potty. We're very grim news there, but we... But important. It's important to lighten the load because, you know, you're all at home this Christmas time. With your hams. With your batokie hams. Of course, your batoky hams.

Huge supporter of us and have been for 400 years. Yes, they have. And they make a ham like no one else. They're brine. I show up at 3AW at this time of year and I get that boot right open. Put that a big, but tocky hand. Are you going to be a tour of the factory? Oh, you said a few months ago, yes.

And let me tell you, never have us in. It's a trendy out there now. Never have I seen a brine as thick. Good brine. As that incredible brown. They do a thick brine. Oh, they're brown. Brown.

It's Brian Brown. I got a tour recently. Brian Brown is white. Brian Brown, one of a great Australian film actors. Brian Brown, yeah. Young movies anymore. Well, he's silly. a lot of them.

Well, that's wonderful. He was just recently in Cocktail. Oh, I thought he... Back in 1986. That's not that long ago. Oh, yes, he's made the jump to the US, hasn't he? Yes, he's become a Hollywood movie star Brian Brown. He's kept his Australian accent, which I think is wonderful.

Yes, he's also my favourite film with him, The Thorn Birds. Now, you're talking about a tour. I recently got a tour from... Rachel Ward. Not Rachel Ward. No, she didn't give me a tour. No, I was saying she's in that thorn bird. Ah, yes.

Christopher Plummer, God rest his soul. Christopher Plummer, a wonderful actor. Yes, he could, yes, he was good. A wonderful actor. So I recently got a tour of the War Memorial, their new wing, up in Canberra. He was obviously the star of Breaker Morant. Yes, absolutely, and I loved Breaker Morant, a story of a gallant Australian hero.

That is the only layer I consume that film on. Well, and you went to the War Memorial. think it is the best museum I've been to in the world and obviously Jane and I have been to the Louvre and the... Have you been to the new wing there building? Fantastic new wing of the...

Yes, so Brendan... Brendan Nelson has done a great job as the curator of the War Memorial. Very classy, big fucking figure. I thought it was Kim. No, Kim's on the board. And listen, I... Good old Kim. I've had my public

spats with Kim. I obviously don't agree. with everything he says politically. Throw throws, like the rest, better than the rest of them, I'll say for Kim. I've always said to my friends, before you judge Kim, have a beer with him. And I have to say, Kim, you know, he stands by what he believes in. And you can have a debate with him. And he doesn't try to do this and that. You throw all the punches who stand on his two feet and take it.

I went to the War Memorial, Brendan, gave me a tour. Brendan and a friend of mine, I got a connection friend of mine. I'm, of course, on the board of Lockheed Martin and a friend of mine from the board got me in contact with Brendan and we got a tour and it's just wonderful because you see, you know, it's obviously very respectful to the fallen soldiers down the front. But up the back, you see the big aeroplane.

The artillery and really feel that power, passion of war. Yeah, and of Lockheed Martin, I think, is one of the best defence factory, you know, engineers in this country. Now obviously before Media Watch comes at me again I will acknowledge on air that I am on the board of Lockheed Martin. Now last time I may have

forgotten to mention that when I talked about them. The death machines of war is the board of the country death machine. Well before Media Watch comes up the weapons of mass destruction reigning upon people of the world

he's on the board of that and I don't think there's a conflict of interest there. I'm not Not at all, and from time to time I talk about my opinions about Lockheed Martin. I don't think I need to disclose that every time. But apparently, according to the ABC's media, which I do. What you do in your personal time is your business and shouldn't be anyone. And I think people have a problem with the Board of the War Memorial, whether it's the Honourable Tony Abbott or Kim Beasley or Dr. Karen Byrd

or, you know, Sharon Brown or Lorraine Hatton or Glenn Keyes. Keys, yes. Now, I've got a question for you, boys. Obviously, we have leftovers on Boxing Day and watching the cricket have some leftovers. How do you like to enjoy your leftovers? If there's any left after my grandkids have got tuck it out of all of it.

Greedy guts. Greedy guts, yes, but they're growing, you know. They are growing, maybe they need to eat. You know, we make sure they're ready for, cricket, you know, this winter, this summer. You know, some of my youngest lad, Daniel of fast bowler for Q, and he does great, he's doing fantastic. Yes.

But what I would have a ham sandwich, I think, what would you have, John? You know, I don't mind a bit of a turkey sandwich. We've started doing turkey in the American style in the last 30 years. Oh, he's been dry, you found it dry? Well, we did, but then my wife obviously found a way to, she puts the butter, I don't know, but butter under the skin or something like that. It's quite a juicy turkey. Yes.

Keep that meat moist. A bit of, I heat up the gravy and I eat that sandwich. It's very lovely. You use a stove top of that gravy. Are you putting that in the microwave oven? I don't know. I'm watching the cricket. My wife does all of that sort of thing.

But I am, you know, warm. Yes. I'll use the barbecue. I'll heat up the barbecue. I'll do that from time to time. So this is important to know as well These are just echoes of a man who once lived Yes to be very clear if you missed last episode

I died 10 months ago These are just echoes in a cavernous space Of a man who once roamed this earth Now is dormant I live on here on the station on the program But I my corporeal form died 10 months ago These men attended the funeral Very sad time I think in all of your lives

I of course wasn't there I was there only in body but not in But what is it like... Public Memorial, the Athenayem Theatre on Burke Street? Oh, that's lovely. That's lovely to hear. What is it like existing in the space in between? Well, to be honest with you, I don't know. I don't know what's happening outside that studio.

These are things he has said or once said. For he is no longer a part of this mortal realm. Cruel. By memory, feeling and words, whispers. I worry that if we try... I think if we try to analyse it too much. This sort of soft, supple grasp I have this final remaining connection I have to this earth, which is this program will slip away. I don't want to analyse it too much or find too much why I think that will risk me losing this connection.

All I can say is I wasn't at the funeral. My body was. I don't remember, you told me earlier Anthony Collier performed. That's lovely to hear. I don't know if there's an afterlife. I don't know what's happening outside of the walls. Not even the walls of the studio. I'm not in the studio.

I'm in your earbuds. I'm in your car radio. I'm on this program. That's all I know. I saw your dead yellow body on that bed, and I can confirm you a cold to the touch. You are gone. There is a part of me that wants to know

when you leave this studio. Were you in here with me? But I don't think there's an answer to that question. I think all we know is I live here on the radio. There's very few certainties we have on this brief moment on this hurdling's rock that is earth. And one of those is one, we will all die and we will all leave. And the other is you better head to the top level of Chadston if it's December 23. Because there's not a lot of car parks there at this.

Because Christmas is that time when we all start running from two and four. row. Do you think there were enough car parks before the immigration? Well, I think I remember going there in 2008 and had ample parking for days and, you know, we would, you know, show up at peak hour at a midday and we had to find a park easy. But now

we had to, me and Jane went there the other day to pick up toys and trinkets. And we ended up saying, no, we're going home. And what do you put it down to? The Christmas rush or how many people we led into this country. I think we can't pin this one on immigration. I think that's the Honourable Albanese and the Premier of Victoria have a lot to answer for with that, absolutely with migration in the way that's been. It's just a damn shame.

It's a shame. A damn, damn shame. Listen, I was recently and I went on a holiday to Bali. Just one day. How was it? Yes. Hopefully not a day. Maybe a whole a month For me

A whole a year is what I need A month would have been a little too long No it was my I write that down for volume six What's that? For volume six of his joke book Oh yes I love the joke book

By the way Thank you so much Had me cackling What was your favourite joke My driver said to me Why are you cackling And I said Graeme's got another joke book

And he said Oh I'd love to read I said I'll give it to you Once I'm done And they're getting thinner Every year And more plicey I see them at Dimmix

Yes yeah Well, you know, the cost of printing is going up and you have to make a pretty penny. Well, I've got a jug for your drug book. What did you just say? The books are getting thinner every year. Much like Posh Spice. Very good.

Victoria Beckham. I believe that's a pop culture. That's posh spice. Oh, that's a real name. Have you ever had a Victoria Bitter? Well, of course. In my younger days. A cul-and-draft.

Now it's all... Give me a car. Asahi. Yes, these Japanese bees. Japanese be white ones. What's a Yvesa? Ho Garden and...

Nice Yuzu lemonade. Yeah. What's a usual lemon? 1 3, 130. What do they call a 138? The kids are drinking? 1.196. Yeah, you get them out of the 7-11.

I don't understand. It's called a 196 and then it's a strong zero. Well, make up your mind. What number are you? Hard-rated. Hard-rated solo. Yes. I accidentally thought, I said I'd have a can of soul.

and then I accidentally had a hard-rated solo was on the couch for days. I had a, I had a, I went to go have a solo the other day, and ended up having a solo energy. I was awake for a week and a half. Why are there so many solos now? What happened to the old days when you'd want a pub squash, so you'd get a solo? And you knew what you were getting. Yes, now it's some sort of solo dare ice coffee combination.

Energy solos and alcoholic solo. Orange solos. Lime. They put in lime. I'm in there. Too many solos. Too many solos, and that's what's wrong with this goddamn country. You're just joining us.

It's Christmas. Much like SummerSlam, for the first time ever. For the first time ever, the 3AW podcast is over two nights. We just had too much good stuff with the solo business. Well, it's very easy for you to say. I remember. You've been dead.

You haven't had to go. Go to the shops and try and buy a can of solo and you're picking this one here and that one there. I remember, sorry. There's still not opinions on both. I remember waking up on September 11, or September 12 in Australia and watching those towers fall in New York City. I thought the world would never be the same. And I opened a can of solo and I could chug it down fast because it had that wide berth. And it was low on Fizz, I believe.

Low on Fizz. Back in a day when you went to the... shops when you went to your Safeway. You're your Bilo and you bought your solo. You knew what you were getting. Yeah, there was one solo. There was one solo and none of this lime or this sort of low sugar solar. Hard or energy. I need not that from my solo. I need a pub squash. I can set my watched. What do you think about this new sugar-free sprite at McDonald's? I don't care for it at all.

Where you are in 2025, driving around Chadston, can't find a carper with a sugarless sprite. A sugar-free, I call them taste-free. Yes, absolutely. Where's the taste got? I've not tasted any. I've had no taste since I was 65. So for me, there is no discernible difference between sugar-free sprite and sugar-sprite. But I want the one I had the other day.

I'm on diabetes and I'm always in the Warringle private, you know, getting updates. and the nurses there can never find the bloody vein. They can't, they're poking around in there. There's one girl who knows how to do it, and the other girls will fiddle around and prick and prod. And they never find the vein. Never find the good vein. And I have a good one in my left arm,

and Jane says to them, look, there's a good one in the left and they won't listen. There's one good girl, but when she's not working, you're stuffed. Yeah. That's bloody terrible. I've got a little dog So tell me what do you think about Christmas boys I love Christmas

Is that time? Can you call it that? I don't you have to say Happy Merry Holiday or? Have you heard about this? Yeah you have to say it's bad as... Can't even do the... Can't even have the nativity scenes. Have you heard this? What's that? They've got the nativity scene in Melbourne

Okay, and they have that up and they've had that up every year But apparently, yeah, they all... Not diverse enough. Well, no, it's the right level, and it's never actually... It's not diverse enough. Make maybe Jesus a goat or something, I don't know. They're just not happy with it anymore. Well, you know, they want to do this now.

I know. The school children, it is mandatory, I've heard a number of accounts. I had a couple of callers on my show. Well, that's enough to go by. Just some people saying random shit, that's enough to go with her. So I had two callers on my show say they knew someone who knew someone. Yeah. Who there are public schools.

on our taxpayer dime. Public schools, I wouldn't know. None of my children rent public schools. Public schools are my dime that are saying children have to pretend to be cats and dogs, transgender. But instead of gender, cats and dogs, they're pissing and shitting into little boxes, trays.

I heard that on 3AW before. Yes. Have you heard this? They're making them do it. I've heard it. Yeah, they said it this morning. Have you heard this? No. So they're making. children. This is the

sort of woke culture. They got cats and dogs shitting on the nativity of the children. The children are shitting on the cats and dogs. Because I'm okay for dogs and cats defecating if we can. Deficating in the garden. But they want they bring in the trays.

Now this is we haven't had we asked for comment from the I'll explain what happened and then I'll talk about the comment we got. So I've had two callers into my program who personally haven't witnessed it, but they've heard about it on the internet. You've heard

a couple of callers. On 3AW, so yes, yes. This is true. Well, I've extended it a little bit. Actually, I'll just say the truth. Yeah. That apparently, at public's not, not, this is not true. The 3AW thinks this is happening. Apparently.

This is outrageous, if it's true. The LG, if it's true, and the fact that it sounds believable to me, it is bad enough. Even if it's not happening, it's worse enough than I could believe it could be true. So, apparently, according to 3AW about six months ago, children at public schools identified as cats and dogs

and the public school teachers and the other children in the class were forced to acknowledge that identification, and those cats and dog children were allowed to defecate in kitty litter trays at the back of the classroom. Now that's true which in no way

hasn't been proven to. It's a disgrace. It can't possibly be true. But I believe it. So we got a statement here from, we got in touch with the public school, the peak body of public schools in Victoria.

Well, they said unequivocally there's nothing of the sort that has ever occurred at our schools. We've never heard any reports of the sword. But if it had... But then why? Where there's smoke, there's fire. And I would argue where there's kitty litter in

public schools. There's children. And there isn't. And they've confirmed. And they've confirmed it. But if there was... But if there was... Oh. Well, and you say that... When there's smoke, there's fire. Now, there is no smoke. No. But if

there was smoke... But there are fireless smokes. You tell me it's not true. They say it's not true. it's not true. And they've support, with supporting evidence. Right. But, but, if, if, to the people listening to this in their 80s with their cold, rock hard, falling apart hearts,

if that can get a high heart rate out of them, then surely there must be some truth and magic to that. Yes, surely. And I mean, you're listening here, and we are the arbiters of truth to a whole generation of people. Yes, we are trusted. And we're telling you that I've got to, I've had someone call in and two people call in.

But then also, I've seen Maya Window, which I love to take the grandkids to, the Maya Window, in Burke Street. If you don't mind a line, that's right, but it's a part of all, part of the tradition. Yes, it is. But I don't mind a line or waiting at all. But this year it's woke thing.

What is it? I heard someone call in say it's woke theme. Well, apparently each window is woke. Right. Now, we called Meyer and they said that's not true, but the fact that someone called in is worrying enough. Yes.

Yeah, they said, no, it's just based on some Christmas shit. Something that is willing to pay for half of it. Barbie or... But apparently this year, every woke. You know, so you go to the first window. It's woke this, woke there. So Maya windows, of course, for the listener who doesn't know,

of course you all know, because we're only going out to Victoria, but Maya windows and Maya... Rural South Australia. Oh, and rural... We do go out to them, so we will explain. The North... North parts of Tazzy. Meyer is one of the... two leading department stores in

the city along with David Jones and my, I... And Daimaru, I believe. No, they've discon... That's... That's Japanese shopping centre. No, it's not. No, they've redone. No, I do all my shopping at Daimaroosy. No, they've changed

it to Melbourne Central. You haven't shopped for 20 years. No, no. Four years. Leave their house. So, so the Maya, instead of the clothes, every Christmas for the last hundred years, they've put little story. It's sort of like a Disney animatronic sort of thing.

I remember a great year it was for Barbie dolls. Well, this year... Christmas pudding. This. This year, uh, each window is a different type of woke. My God. You're joking. Well, you were the one that said it to me.

I heard of. You've just told me about this. Well, I heard of them too. I'm just hearing this now. And you're telling me that means... Well, you've heard it from two of us now. Wow. Wow.

Wow. What? I will confirm my influence. confirm that's not true, but yes, if it were true, I'd be making myself sick. Well, I don't know how woke, what, I don't think any of us have actually decided what woke means, but I know it's bad. You go to each window, my understanding, how I imagine it plays out, is you know how you've got the 12 stages of Christmas, on the days of Christmas, probably woke, you know, so, oh, this one's about this kind of woke and the next one's about that kind of

I imagine it's 13 days of Christmas now the 13th being being woke. What happened to people working for a living? Now they're woking for a living. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

People getting just sort of given jobs or expecting handouts. These kids going through union hours, they walk out and put their hand out and say, put that money in that hand. But I would never have expected that in my life. No, no. They sort of all expect, you know, I go, people who just want expects a job. I dropped out of high school at the age of 13 and I walked into the office of Channel 9 now. I said I'd like a job.

They gave me the job and I was working for only 15 cents a year at the time. And how long did it take you to save up to buy your first home? Well, homes were 15 cents. Right. So I had to get a loan of 15 cents. I paid it off at two years. It worked hard. You worked very hard.

I worked very hard. To ever think that I would expect anything that would be given to me is absurd. Absolutely absurd. The next thing, you know, they're going to be putting avocado and toast in those Maya windows. Now they're trying to tax me. Spend their money on. They're trying to tax me. Have you heard this?

No. For every dollar you make over a billion dollars, they're trying to tax over 30%. Insane. I've worked hard for my money. billion dollars. My father, when he was the head of the Liberal Party and, you know, and was the president and the owner of the Cardin Football Club.

And who organised this job for me. He said he would have rolled over in his grave had he known that they would be taxing like that. Because that's where the money comes from. What's the incentive to make money? I just think a lot of people now, they come after the Liberal Party and they say, oh, this.

that, the other, and I say, well, the Liberal Party used to be a broad church. And I believe it should return to that. It used to be a broad church. And this is what happened is, they got together and they said, you know, small business owners, small business owners, people that believe in small. Yes, but I do just want to say about the Liberal Party. Small business owners and people that believe in small government and vicious racists, they used to come together at a broad church. We can cut that if you want. I like that, but what are you singing at this... Yes, I believe you told us you're going to give us a bit of a teaser and reveal.

Would you like me to sing some of it now? I'd love to hear some of you get the lyrics in front of me and... This is a breaking news. You'll hear this on Channel 9 on... Make the screen big for me. Channel 9, you'll be hearing this on December 24th. And sing along if you want to, boys. As John Who's Dead sings Felice.

Police Navidado. Oh, love. Félis Navidad. Beautiful. It'll be great. Felice Navidad, prospero ano and felicitad. Gorgeous. Beautiful.

Felice Navidad. Lovely. Feliz Navidda. Beautiful song. Felis Navidat. Prospero, Anivalis Navidat. Fantastic. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Oh, beautiful voice. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Fantastic. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. You're in the whole song, I believe. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Fantastic.

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. Absolutely stunning. Felice Navidad. Awesome. Felice Navidaz incredible. Yeah. Feliz Navidad prospero. Oh, Christmas.

Felice Navidad. Felice Navidad. Yeah. Feliz Navidat. Oh, say it again. Helis Navidad, prospero, and me felicitad. Turn it English. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Well, do you too, John. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Oh, yeah. It's all they missed. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas on the bottom of my heart. It's going to be great. Fair. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.

I will be asking your widow out for dinner. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Why don't we join here? I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart. Come on, you know the words. Police Navidad. Absolutely. Felice Navidad.

Believe that means wish you Merry Christmas. Police Navidad. Prosperinoi Felicity. John. Police Navidad. Graham. Police Navid. Everybody.

Felice Navidad Prospero Ani Policidad Don't know that means I want to wish you a Merry Christmas I want to wish you all A Merry Christmas I want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart

One more time I want to wish you a Merry Christmas Get those candles up Merry Christmas Those candles up I wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of Of my heart.

We're like finding a park at Chadstown. Police Navidat. Say Merry Christmas. Police Navidab. Get those kids' presages. Felice Navidat. Prosfer. No, any, valisida.

Lough poker face by Lady Gaga. Are you going to do that as well? Yes, yes. I'm going to do that. All right, here we go. It's quite a change in genre. Are you going to do this as well at Carols? Yes. Or is this just for a...

Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma. Ma-ma-ma. Ma-ma-ma. Ma. Ma. I don't know this one. Mum. Ma-ma-ma.

This is from the one. Yeah. I want to hold them like they do in Texas, please. What? Fold them, let them hit me raise it. What is it? What is this? What is this?

A love game in Jewish and play the cards of Spades. to start. John. And after he's been hooked, I'll play the one that's on his heart. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Oh, whoa. I'll get him hot. Show him what I've got. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'll get him hot. Show him what I've got. Can't read my, can't read my. No, he can't read my poker face. She's gotten me like nobody.

Can't read my. I can't read my, no, he can't read my poker face. She's got me like her, she's got their body. Popa, poca face, pop, poca face. Stop it there. Now, I'm not performing that at the... That was just for a bit of fun. Well, that came up next on the karaoke options on the YouTube

and I thought it would be fun to give it a sing. Yeah. Well... Well, this will be my last time. I feel every episode we do, I feel slightly less. in contact with this earth. So I do want to say, I think this is my last time. I think maybe I held on so I could do a Christmas at the two of you.

And we appreciate it, John. John, Graham, I've, as you know, in my will, I put in place and I talked, I knew I was going to go, and I put in place a succession plan with the producer. So next year, of course, you'll be joined by my, you'll be joined by my, you'll be joined by my protege, John. Oh, that's young. Young John. He's very young.

He's only 93. I imagine next time you tune in, if you only listen to the Christmas episodes, I'll be very established. He'll be very established then, and you'll be old friends. Would you like me to drift away and introduce new John like a Doctor Who episode?

That would be lovely. All right. So he's now as we watch in the 3AW studios in Docklands. The transparent blue ghost of John as he fades away into the netherworld. Goodbye. Goodbye. With Yoda.

Say hi to Yoda for me, mate. I'll say hi to Yoda for you. By the wonderful Frank Oz. But now it's time for me, John. I'm John. John. Hi. John, how are you?

Hi, John Graham. I worked with you in 1958 as a rogue, as a cadet reporter. Yes, and I was actually under John for a time, but also you, John. but also you, John. Yes. And now it's an honour to be here. The new John. You're a bit of a young whippersnapper here, John.

And so we've got a couple of things to show you and tell you, and we're excited to show you the ropes over the next 12 months. I'm a little bit different to John. You'll hear my voice is slightly different. My opinions are slightly different. My age is slightly different. But I endeavour. As long as you tell the truth, that's what.

To tell the truth. Yes. And to live on. the memory of John. But it's a new era. You look the same. I look exactly the same. It sounds very similar.

Sound very similar. The gap between me and John, the years of age difference, the difference is maybe discernible to John's like me, you know. But to anyone from the outside, I'm, yeah, very similar, yes. And to all of you, at this magic time of year, we wish you a merry Christmas. At least they didn't replace it. the woman. May that Christmas period be a magical one for you. Get that well-needed rest, but more importantly spend that time with family and friends. And to you and your loved ones,

this Christmas, we wish you a merry one. In the shadow and grace of Christ. And in memory of John. Good night. Good night, everyone. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie Donna Club.com. See you next week.