Aunty Donna Podcast - An Extremeley Rude Podcast

Episode Date: April 11, 2018

This podcast is extremely rude. Consider your surroundings when listening. See us live: auntydonna.com/shows Support us on patreon: patreon.com/auntydonnaJoin The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A list-nuff production. Good evening. Morning, it's 11.45. Hello. Evening, if you're listening to this past Five o'clock. Well, that's not including everyone is it? What do you why you I feel like you've come in and you've decided this podcast You've come in attitude. You've come in with a very

People listen to this at different times of the day. There's no need to yell. I'm not yelling. I feel like you're yelling I feel like you're yelling. I feel like you're yelling Well, I haven't I haven't raised the risen my voice at all. I've been in very calm the meaner and tone Fuck off. Wow now you're swearing. I'm not fucking swearing. You just you just swore. I think you're being a little bitch That's probably fair, I apologize for that. But I want you to be aware that not everyone is listening to this from midday to midnight. Is that fair to say?

I listen to it from midday to midnight. And you're not everyone. Isn't midday to five? I'm the noon. Listen, listen. Just shut up and listen. I met someone while we were on tour in America who said they listened to the podcast.

So we do have listeners. Yeah, I know. He was a guy who had blonde hair. Yeah, blonde hair, what was his name? I don't know. Was he wearing a hat? I don't know, I said he had blonde hair. I don't remember.

But was he wearing a hat over his head? No, he was not. If, no, but how would I know that? He was blind. He was sitting in that hat. He was making him in to have over his memory. Now, what do you know about it, Proto? If, no, but how do you know that? How would I know that his hair was black? That he would be wearing that hat. He would be wearing your hat. I don't remember. I just remember at one point someone said,

I actually listened to the podcast. Yeah. Which leads me to believe that someone listens to the podcast. Proto, I'm pretty sure I talk to that guy as well and he told me he listens to it after midday. But that's not my point. That's not what I'm getting to. I'm saying that I that by that by

someone telling us that they actually listen to the podcast it moves my presumption that no one is listening to this apart from us. So then by that conclusion. Yeah, but I just want to stop you there for a second. Do you listen to this? No, I don't listen to this. I don't listen to this. I don't want to be as listening to this. No, it's definitely not me. I listen to this. See, he listens to it. So, you know, two people listen to it. Zack and the blonde guy from somewhere in America, and he may or may not have had it on.

The original point of this whole little tiff between you boys was whether he's a good evening. A lovely evening. And I want to say one, I listen to it after midday. I talked to a blonde guy in America, probably the same guy, and he listens to it after midday. But by to a blonde guy in America, probably the same guy, and he listens to it after midday. But by that presumption, we can suggest that there are more people who listen to the podcast

because I know just beyond you that someone listens to the podcast so there could be more and you can't say unequivocally that he listens to the podcast, he, she or other, whether they listen to it after midday to midnight. 100% of the people, I know that listen to the whether they listen to it after midday to midnight. 100% of the people I know that listen to the podcast, listen to it after midday. Great. That's a great, but you can't say unequivocally. But it's like a pole. It's like a pole. I've done a straw pole. It is like a pole. You can bash your fucking head in with it if you're not careful.

Is that a threat? That's not a threat. I'm not threatening you. I'm just saying if you keep Lippin off I will smash your fucking face in with a trolley pole. It feels like a very subtle blanket of threat Not a threat at all not a threat at all. I'm only saying if you keep running your mouth in your sleep I will come into your house, and cut your fucking cock off. Oh. That's, that's my, that's my, that's on you. That's my, that's right.

I'm just heard what you said. That's all right. Can you at least meet me halfway? Sure. Okay. We need a high five there. We just halfway between us. That's how I say good evening listeners. No

Yes, well, yes, you're at with I'm on board with evening, but I feel like 12 to 5 is afternoon and post Fountains is evening. Is that correct? Yeah, no good night. You guys are in such a country. I was on your side. I'm not being a Cunt to you. I'm not being a fucking cunt. I was I'm not being a no I'm not being a cunt to you, I'm not being a fucking cunt. I'm not being a cunt. I'm not being a cunt. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, just wait, everyone. I'm waiting, I've been waiting for like two minutes. Shut up. Who's being a cunt? Mark's been a cunt.

No, no, no, so we started the podcast. Brodom was a cunt right off the bat. I was a cunt initially, I was the initial cunt. And it was, you were very cunt, like, because there's this. Who is? You went full cunt. I was a cunt initially, I was the initial cunt. And it was, you were very cunty, like, because there's this. You went full cunt. You went full cunt. You went a hundred.

You went from zero cunt. I went full cunt. You went from no cunt where I couldn't see a cunt on you to you literally transform to a cunt before my eyes. You were just cunt. But now am I a cunt? Who knows who is the cunt now? Well, so.

Now you are relaxed. We resolved that evening issue. Okay, so I think I came in here. I helped out and we you're less of a cunt now. Yes, still a cunt. Yeah, definitely still a cunt. Being a cunt. I am a cunt.

I I I can't therefore I am. Yeah, but you're not being a cunt. Who's being you went from cunt level 10 to about countless of the cunt. You're about count level three? Yeah, yeah But who is who is the cut well? Well, well, you're the count. I'm a count. Well, you're a count who's the Conte well Donald the mark is being a Count mark is being a count. No, what happened? Well, I came into bat for him. All right. I don't really believe this all leaves a bloody Steve Smith So I came into bat for my right yeah, and but I just want to make clear that coming into bat

Fu is like a man with no hands. Yeah coming into bat for you at a base Can I say though and is that what you want or would you rather just have a fucking broomstick with the baseball bat? Well, I'm not ableists, so I invite that man to come and help me because you to win the game. Yeah, Mark Good luck that analogy made you a cunt. Why so you're now a cunt? No I was being factual if being factual is being a cut, then Stephen Hawking's was a cut. And Elon Musk is a cut. What's his disability?

What? Elon Musk. No, no, I'm not talking about disabled people. I'm talking about people who are being factual. So all I was doing was being factual. And then Zach has somehow transformed to that and and and and taken my words and then a snake is being a snake. You're being a cunt is what you're being when I think about it. Who's a cunt? Zach. Just let me just go through. Am I a cunt? Yes. So just to clarify,

you're a cunt. I'm a cunt. Mark is being a cunt. No, I came into bat for him and now he's being a cunt. Okay, and are you a cunt? I am a cunt. 100%. I'm very much. As long as you're willing to admit that you're a cunt, I'm happy to say that I was a cunt because I'm not going to be the only... I'm...

I'm going. All I'm saying is... I'm so sorry. Please go on. So you're being a cunt. Well, I don't want to be a cunt, but you're being a cunt. No, because what you just did then, that I would say is being a... Explo-Count.

The act of a count. So funny, because I was just about... The thing I was going to interrupt you to say was, we're all counts. You're a count. You're a count. I'm a count. We're all counts.

We're all saying count differently. Like, I'm hitting the tea. Well, I think you're hitting the tea for clarity, and I like, I like just, I'm just saying, count. That's a cutish thing to do it is I don't understand why did you when you woke up this morning You went I'm gonna walk in in this room and be a cunt today. Was that your no That's the time I woke up from the nightmare this morning. Yeah, did you yeah, I did what was the nightmare I came the nightmare was that I can't work, and I was working with two giant cunts, and it came true.

That's a, that is a nightmare. So, I was talking about that. I got it. So what I was gonna say, I'm so sorry, was that I was gonna say we are all cunts, but you two are being cunts, and I'm just a cunt, I've since discovered, that's why ironically, that I'm being a cunt too. And I want to apologize. That's better because if I'm being a-cunt. I've seen's discovered that's why ironically that I'm being a

cunt too. And I want to apologize. That's better because if I'm being a cunt I can not be a cunt and then at the end of the day I'm not a cunt. Where you inherently are a cunt. No, we're all cunt. No, no, no, no. We're born a cunt and you will die a cunt. Someone tweeters the other day that listen to this on the way to school with their dad. Yeah, I did see that. Yeah. So what we need to do is do a little maybe Triple J water

to get the start of this. Yeah. No. Or maybe just beep all the. The thing with Triple J. Yeah, I'm a little bit too people to call the car. I think with Triple J it's a national broadcaster that is broadcast to anyone with a radio.

It is funded by the government. This is neither listened to by anyone anyone except for me and the blonde guy Nor is it funded by anyone no except for me and the blonde guy. I was gonna tell you I'm a He gave me 20 bucks. I'm a I don't know about you guys, but I'm a patreon. Oh, thank you so much That's okay. That's I've been supporting it from the start. Thank you I was doing the $10 but then I went up to 15 recently. Thank you Thanks man because I really love the podcast something that can I just say very unequivocally? That's a very not can't thing to do. I'm not a can I'm I was being a can't but I'm not a can't you are you are a can't you are a can't You're a can't for saying that you're a can we know that bro. I can only a can't we call another can I will sit here

and say unequivocally that I am a can I raise my hand I'm a can and cannot just say bro and that's a very not can't thing to do I think I'm not a can you've you've just saved your so I believe you're not saying it's not a can only I can't that is the biggest can't act I don't know saying not a can when you are a cunt. I'm not a cunt. Excuse me. It takes a truly good man to admit that he's a cunt, making him not a cunt. I just want to raise my hand and say, I'm not a cunt. I am a cunt.

It sounds like some cunt would say. It's like at the end of which film, which film is it where someone is the cunt film? Is it a cunt film? No. I think it's a comedy or an action film where someone is trying to become something and the truly selfless act makes the person get into the place. Like all of them? All of them?

That sounds like a lot of moves. The first one that comes to mind is this is the end, I think, Seth Rogen, but then they all go to heaven, yeah. So, like, he needs to stop trying yeah, oh Record Ralph record record. Oh, the crowd is a can't in that movie who record Ralph, but that's got nothing I'm trying to think and if you can if you know films where the main protagonist is trying to get into a thing And he keeps not getting into it all like like get a trying to get into a thing and he keeps not getting into it. Or like get a second play.

I think. Like get to ascend. Or her. Or her. Or the way. That I just said the protagonist. It sounds like you've been splinting. Like, that feels like every movie.

Yeah, but if you can name, if you can name some films where the protagonist is trying to ascend or elevate to a place and they can't and then by doing a truly selfless act. Oh, you're thinking of the elevator man. I'm not seeing that film. Yeah, so it's just about a guy working on an elevator and the thing that he gives up is his weekend to fix the elevator and then he just gets up to the second floor. Yeah, I've got some bad news, right? What?

This can't just made that movie. I mean, you're a can't for saying that. You're a can't. No, you know what, Mark? Yeah, I am a can't and I'm movie. I mean, you're a can't for saying that. You're a can't. No, you know what? Mark, yeah, I am a can't. And I'm sorry. I know you are. I don't need you to tell me that.

Sorry. I'm sorry, Mark. What did you just say, Zach? I just said I'm sorry, and I am a can't. Zach. Yeah? For truly admitting that you are a can't, you have become a not-can't.

Oh my God. And you're not not a can't, you're a not-can't. I'm a not-can't. I'm a not can't oh my god. You're not not a can't you're a not can't I'm a not can't I'm a not can't Congratulations hey bro, and well, thank you for welcoming welcoming me into the not can't community That's right, and now is a not can't you can't tease me for fucking that up? No, I'm not going to fuck you up for Mispronancing your sentence there to fuck you up for mispronouncing your sentence there. Uh, well, it feels like a beautiful... That was a beautiful...

I feel like the prodigal son right now. Just a little reference for all you Christians and ex-Christians listening. Hey, did you guys like Easter? I love it. What did you guys get up to on your Easter? I had some eggs and buns. Oh, really? Do you love eggs and buns?

I love hot cross buns. I love a hot cross bun. Um, I love my family. Hmm. I love my non buns. I love a hot cross bun. I love my family. I love my nonna. She's great. She's beautiful. Go on. What? Sorry, what? She's a beautiful woman. Beautiful woman. It's beautiful inside of her. And out. She's a beautiful woman. I can say you're not as beautiful as you are. How often do you talk to my non-na?

Oh god. So I say when she comes to your shows, you have to do some Facebook. You've been Facebooking my non-na. You've been Facebooking Josie. Yeah. What about? What do you two... she's worried about you know we talk about now you talk about me

Yeah, just talk about stuff. We talk about movie how often I most nights most nights night And that is between midday and midnight Yeah, why not are you fucking my non-no? Yeah. Yeah, one, uh, Are you fucking my non-na? You're a cunt again! Sorry, that's, you can't fuck your best mates non-na.

Yeah, I'm a cunt. You fuck your best mates non-na. That is 100% cunt. If I can get a word in, Zach, unfortunately, by having coitus with the last- That's the idea, old daughter. Mark's mother's mother.

Is that right? Yeah. Nonakasachio. Oh, that, yeah. Nonakasachio. Oh, God. Very specific. You, Zach.

Yep. Have de-sended back into cunt here. But you know what, you know what, Zach? Yep. I have descended back into Cunt here. But you know what, you know what, Zach? You know what? What? I forgive you, mate. Wow. Because, not that she's a single woman.

I know. Wow. Actually, we're owed. You forgive? Yeah. Mark, that makes you real good. Congratulations, Cunt. Anyway, I wanted to say... Sorry, I just wanted to double check. By forgiving me, does that put me back to Not-Count?

Yeah, you're not a Kant anymore. Yeah, great. Thank you, Mark. So just a score check for fucking Mark's non-art, but then being forgiven forgiven it makes you still a not can't mark good job for forgiving But you're still a can't and I'm a not can't Dan Rodin's a not can't Well help her out with her garden at least A lot of work to do it's a lot of manual labor. What's her favorite thing? Vegetable to garden to harvest garden, to harvest, to- Her favorite thing to harvest is the figs, the fig tree.

Oh, people love figs. They do. All the Italian people especially, really into figs. Well, let's not, let's not pigeonhole people who like figs. I just said especially- My late grandfather loved making fig jerks. Oh, no one gives up fucking mind. Shit about y'all.

My late grandfather loved fig jerks. Just because Broden's great. Late grandfather was a Irish descent, he can't eat figs. No, it's like I can't eat them. I was about to say desiccate his memory, like delicious coconut. Why did you take his memory and turn them into a delicious topping for chocolate cake? And rum balls. What's it with, and Master Kate is to chew? Oh, yes.

Yes. I'm Master Kate. My penis most nice. Master Kate is famous. Master Kate is famous. Yes. But Master Kate, there's also a sugar thing as well, is it? Yeah, you're thinking of muskopony.

I, no, I'm not. I actually heard this in queer over the other day. The idiot chef guy. Oh, what a deal. I actually heard this in Queerah the other day, the idiot chef guy. Oh, what a deal. He's alright. He's very good with avocado. He's an idiot. Oh, he's a beautiful guy.

Did you see the salad that he made that was literally just avocado and grapefruit? Yes. He's an idiot. It's a salad. It's not a salad. But then imagine the flip side. I remember the old Queerah guy. How he used to just be like

Hey, it's so simple and then he make really fucking complicated shit then the fat old guy There's one guy like it turned into the fucking mystery box challenge of master Then they left it and then fucked it. There's a guy He he he's like freest fancy tech launch startup party. He made him he gave him bread put Mayo on it And then some fancy ham and then he told him to toast it. Yeah, there was also the one where he just made everything for him. Remember that one where he's like, I just made a delicious feast for him, because he needs to be busy hanging out with his family. That guy's a cunt.

Okay, where were we? You're not cunt, I'm not can't mark not can't mass mass. Yes Not no no no not you said it Sorry lock it in cornering me like sorry. I pretty can't move me No, well, it's calling me a not can't and then taking it back And then taking a back and call me a can't that's the biggest can't act ever why are you picking on me man? I'm not picking on you just going at me i made one Mr. C. what you doing now it's such a cunt what you doing now is you being a sucky cunt oh man why you

can't you're being a sucky cunt so fair enough you're not a cunt but you have just claimed the title of sucky cunt this this guy is bullying me real bad bro and pretty cunt move in my opinion no that's a bully move, not a comp move. You're a con. You're a con. You're a con. You're a con. You're a con. You're a con. You are a con. You're a con. Hey, there's a, there's a,

there's a Twitter account called Antidon Effect Check, which has come up. And whenever we say something wrong, or she, he or she, whenever he or she, when we say something, or other, or the Twitter account says, you know, correct us in fact, check us. Can you please, aren't you on a fact check, if you listen to this account, how many times we say the word account? Thank you very much. Good luck.

Kind of kind of kind. Now, Mark, you've prepared something for this podcast. Oh, that's right, I have. All right, so the thing is that a lot of people say that our podcast is a little ramshackle, which is unfair. It's very unfair, but to appease the normal. To appease. To appease. To appease.

Hello. Hello. Where to appease? My name is P number one. And I'm, and my name's Lyle No, we can we have been yeah previous times but I moved to a small studio Yeah in Brunswick oh cool Brunswick East right Right

A lot of interesting people live in Brunswick, yeah I'm Lyle, and he's P number one. Right. He used to be called P number three, but at the memory of P number two broke his little heart. Yeah, P number two. Change his name to Lyle. Yeah, so P number two. Is that right?

No. P number two's dead. What happened there? So why would he change his name if his name was P number three? He reminded him of P number two. But it wouldn't P number one also remind him of P number 2? No, I'm stronger, I thought in the war. No, but wouldn't it remind him of P number 2?

If his own name reminded him of listen, shut up, can't listen. Wow. If you've been a bit of a P-Cunt. OK. If his name was P number three, P number two died. And he was like the name P number three reminds me too much of P number two. I'm gonna change your name.

Why would he continue living with P number one? Wouldn't that name also be as triggering? That's fair, I think it's fair what you're saying. And it's irrational, but grieving is not rational. And grief is a personal journey. And for me, whenever I heard Pn 3, I thought of Pn 2, and I thought of the trauma that he went through in the last six months of his life. Bed riddened. It was very hard. Just watching him slowly die. Did he have cancer? No, no. He called it eat a dog in a pasta.

Yeah. Did he have cancer? No, no, no. He's a dog in a pastor. Yeah. So we just to watch him. Right, slowly die. It was so hard for us. So just for my journey, can I call you Mark? I mean, of course. Great. What else would I was going to call you P number four? Oh, it's just cause Mark. Can I just say it's a very it's a very in the peak community. It's a very good, very huge compliment to be to be named a numbered piece. Thank you. So we know you're a human. It's a symbolic symbol symbol symbol symbolic gesture. Thank you so much, P-N-O-M.

It's a symbol symbol symbol symbol symbol symbolic gesture. I was okay, I was gonna say symbolical, which isn't a word. It's English is our second word. Talked to Lionel for a second. Yeah, it's a Lionel. It's not. One always been such a fucking cunt.

He's a big cunt. He's a cunt. But he's a, he was a not cunt. Right. And then he became a cunt again. I hate when that happens. I've lost. Excuse me, we're having a private conversation.

What are you doing? Yeah. That's a cunt move. Yeah, just coming in, listening to someone else's private conversation, general kind of paid us that? A pay cunt. I'm a pay can't? Oh, it's being a sookie I to Mark. Oh, I've been really trying.

I never caught you pay for. I've been trying really hard to keep it together ever since we lost P number two. Yeah. And I'm sorry I've been a cut. It's okay. And I'm sorry. I think it was a really cut move.

I can't push it me like that Mark. No, you are a peacon now Mark. Even though I'm not a peacon. I'm not a peacon. But you can be a peacon. You are a peacon. So I'm a cunt and a peacon. Yeah.

That's a cut. But you would pronounce it cunt peacon. Cunt peacon. Yeah. So you don't go peacon to cunt. How caught that on the chin? Now guys, I'm a peacon. Yeah, it's an obelisk peacon.

A little green P. P to, I don't know, you remind me of P2 who died in that mint, past it in like P. It was a creepy mint with a ricotta cheese in it. Oh, you know, they simple kind of, It was so delicious. It was so yum. I ate it.

Guys, Yes. A lot of people claim that this podcast goes off the rails. We've not listened to it before. I have no interest in it. So what I thought we would do is search Google for topic prompts for podcasts. So what are the best to do? What are the best in the biz do?

There's the popular podcast Serial There's which is about breakfast cereal breakfast cereal that murder is eight. Yeah And then there's allegedly Allegedly I hear a lot of them skip breakfast They do they replace it with murdering the thing. That's how you get diabetes. If you don't eat breakfast, you get, it's not good for your diet.

Tell us. Listen, I'm gonna joke aside seriously. If you don't wake up and get something in your tongue before you start doing things, that is how you get sick. Because your metabolism starts. And even though you might not feel hungry, it's very important. It's going to mean that when you have lunch and dinner, that your metabolism is breaking it down much healthier if you're not starting the day with food.

I have an eaten today. Not good for you. Not good for you. I have an either. I have an either, but that's because I'm a little p without a mouth. But you should be eating five and maybe just a simple sultana brand for breakfast. I can't, I can't, I'm a little p. Yeah. All I can eat is a little p. The best I can do is have a little bottle like some water. Yeah, like pop tart, so you even just to get something in your tongue. No, just a spray of water is

the best for me. I'm a little pee. Are you in the garden? No, I'm in the fridge. Are you a single? Who keeps pees in the fridge? So you're not a frozen pee, you're a fresh pee. Are you a frozen pee? I was a frozen pee. I've recently been cooked into a fried rice.

And I'm in the leftovers in the fridge. Of the fried rice. Of the fried rice and I'm in the leftovers in the fridge of the fried rice of the fried rice. So there's bacon and carrots and rice all around you. And egg, is there any egg? A little bit of egg, yeah. That was cooked in sort of an omelet and added later, which is not my ideal for fried rice, but it was how else would you do it? Oh, it was just I think it was cooked a little bit late in the process. It didn't absorb the flavors of the fried rice. Are you talking about a fried rice that you made recently?

No, me, no, I mean it. Right. I mean the fried rice. For him to create the fried rice in which he is a member of the dish would be an incredible feat. Quite a feat. That would be quite a feat. Especially considering I don't have feet or You are a sort of what would you say a a little bit of spherical spherical

Very green green bridge so much smaller than the walk I would need to use Tiny tiny little pee hmm Sarah go on. So I'm part of a roast. He, oh like Comedy Central roast? Yes. One. He's a hoon.

Pemalorean. Yeah. Right. We got it. Did you? Yeah. I did a lot of jokes about her norks. Very orthobic, you're routine.

Yeah. I'm not, I've dropped off in recent times and not people that are not like telling it hard. But I, you know, I, yeah. Go on. So I'm a P. Topic prompts for podcasts. Okay. Great. Just so you know, I'm only a few months old being a P. Yep. But I don't remember the time I was frozen. That could have been for longer.

So I don't have a great world knowledge. So some of these topic prompts I might struggle with. Well, the first one is talk about a study you've read. A what? A study. A study that you've read. Oh, I've not. Oh, no, sorry.

Sorry, I did read about, um, have you recently come across a study that you believe that took you by surprise. Now I've got one. Apparently it's good for you to have a glass of wine doesn't hurt maybe a couple of blocks of dark chocolate. Ah, for me it doesn't work being a little bit but you know for people it's a little interesting fact for the ladies of it. I think it's red and glass of red and actually I don't know what's got some antioxidants in there and ladies, maybe you're not doing so bad after all So is it something that you believe would interest your audience? My audience is peace what we could do to get this What do you mean your audience is peace?

Well, sometimes peace they gather and they wonder hear my word So I I stand a good place they just get hear me and I talk to them. I talk to them about my father I talk to them about Rules and ideas I talk to them about rules and ideas, ways that they can better live their life. It's like a church. But to me, if there is more than one pea gathered in the freezer, then that is a... Sorry, sorry. You're in the leftovers. Right, you... Isn't the only other peas that you have access to the other piece in the left over fried rice?

No Mark, this was before this time when I was sent to the fried rice where I died in the flames of the of the So you're dead? Not anymore. A brison. Oh, that prison. This is by the way, I forgot to mention, sorry, I forgot to mention. Um, he goes by P number one, but his real name is Peasus. I am Peasus. Peasus has risen. I'm going to tell Lee that you are forgiven.

Well, not you. I'm just the son of the God of peace. And do you know what? That is by far and away the country issue of what. You are such a gun. Thank you everybody for listening to two P's and a pod with Ma. That is the podcast for this week. If you want to subscribe to the P Patreon, then sign up now. Thank you P's and thank you Ma.

You're a very welcome. You're a gun. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to brought to you by Aunty Donna Club.com. See you next week!