Aunty Donna Podcast - Bonus Ep - Michael Hing Pitches a Sketch

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

yeeeeee bonus episode where Michael Hing hangs around after last weeks episode and pitches a sketch. Follow Michael @ hingers. auntydonnaclub.com haventyoudonewell.com auntydonna.com/shows Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get a Legends and welcome to a little Monday bonus episode of the Anti-Donna podcast, where Michael Hing hangs around after last week's podcast and pitches us a sketch. I can't take it sometimes and guess we hope you enjoy the motherfucking podcast. Well, so that's basically how the games work for letters and numbers. I thought, though, because I'm on the big anti-donut podcast. It would be foolish, me not to use this opportunity to try and get back into the world of sketch comedy. I know. You're just a pitching sketch, aren't you? I'm going to pitch us another sketch.

Yeah, well, last time I was on, I pitched you guys some sketches, and obviously, and then I went and saw your show that you did the Melbourne Comedy Festival and the big theater, and none of my sketches kind of made it into your show. I was just wondering, first of all, I guess, why was that? One of them almost did.

I mean, we almost did Jurassic Park. Legitimately. One of them almost did. We were really gonna do that. We were so close. We fucking wrote it, and it didn't, What of them almost did? We were really going to do that. We were so close. We fucking wrote it and it didn't. But unfortunately, it still didn't make the cut,

even with the genius of us putting our layer on top of it. Even when the core is rotten, unfortunately, you can't. It doesn't matter what you put on top of it, it's still a turd wrapped in foil. Mark, when you say things like that sometimes,'re a mark when you say things like that sometimes. Do you know when you say things like that sometimes? It can come off as really mean. Oh, really?

Yeah, like I think I've got these have at our show. I've been saying it was pretty bad. She just up your ass, you fucking c*****. Yeah, yeah, it's come to the side of Broden. These, all I will say is if Mark had told that story, I would have been like, okay. And... And...

And... And... And... And... And... If I did go and let his numbers, I think I'd have an anxiety attack. The idea of doing maths on camera. Yeah, can you do the...

Can SPS do the version, the 20 20 dogs the cats and the dogs one? You know there's that you know there's yeah, because I think that's what it is That's like it was this season has comedians on it. That's what it is. That's what it is. Oh Yeah, that's well that's so well that hurts that hurts Well hurts that you went in by it. Yeah Well the thing is we just heard that um Why I've one of we were going to get on Aunty Donna as a group and we heard that one of them actually got quite violent

when it was ever he was confronted with maths so we knew well I don't want to say it's not fair for me to say who but there was just a room we're going around that one of the people in Aunty Donna it's probably Tom would get violent when he was confronted with maths. So... Well, we'll have to talk to that person and let them know that it's their fault we weren't on there. Don't put us on that show, but the real one. The first thing that was the show I was thinking of at the top. Look what we've done!

I was going to describe the host as having Geraldine Duke energy. Was it Geraldine Duke? Who was the host? No, no, it was looking up now. This is entertainment, isn't it? You'd be surprised. What's your sketch? Yeah, I could sketch. Well, I thought what I could do, instead of, I thought what I could do is instead of me just pitching the sketch, which is, you know, what we did last time and honestly we we shark-tanked it a bit and it made my ego feel quite bruised because some of the things you said about the sketches I was pitching, you said they weren't

ready, you said they were juvenile, I think at one point you said I was an unfunny cunt. I thought maybe what I might do is give you guys a script that you could read. Okay. Is that is that so would you be willing to do that? I don't think we have a choice. Yeah, I can't really say no. My instinct is no. But if you had sent us a DM asking about this earlier, I would have said, oh, maybe not. You've been like, oh, maybe, but fun. Now that you've been set it on the podcast, was that a panda bit? But what do you, ah, you guys love doing sketch comedy. You guys love doing sketch comedy.

I just feel like I've been cornered. I don't know the contents of this sketch. Is it a fence? What if you're in the mood? What am I going to get canceled over it? But now because you're asking me on the podcast, I have to create the impression that I'm a fun, happy-go-lucky guy.

You put me in that position, Michael, do you understand? Yeah, I guess I do understand. And I, this sketch is called, put the link in the chat. Put the link in the chat. Hang on, I need to put it into a Google doc. Sorry, you'll have to. Well, so this is... Alright.

I'm really sorry. Do you do this on the fucking show? This is how you host letters and numbers. It's time to put it into a Google Doc and then send it to us. You're on the clock. You know, when we had the old letters and numbers guy, I needed to do this. When you have Richard, I got one from the show.

He's an I love number. Are you up? Are you up, Michael? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Sorry. We're, Michael. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Sorry. Wait, wait, look. I wonder if I can be the old host of ladies and numbers

and those out of two math source spell. I already used your three years old school. No, I'm not sure. Do you ever get, do you ever get to be like that, Michael? Where you're like, where you're like, where you're like, because you're the host and you don't have to answer the questions. And sometimes think things like,

oh, you're a fucking idiot. Even though you didn't know the answer, do you get a little like, you can be on a few boots? Does it, do I get angry at everyone for being bad at the shop? Yeah. Bad at the game?

You judge them harshly. Yeah, I'm a furious man. I'm a furious, furious man. Or are you good at letters and or numbers? I'm really fucking good at the games now Yeah, it's Oh, fuck. Sorry, too All right here we go here we go now this only has two this only has two. I can't copy it Fuck. Sorry everyone. This is actually a good. We can cut my

We won't edit any of this. No, you will. All right. So this only has just so I know it's got it's going to have two. There's only two people in it. I'm actually legitimately so excited. It's only to be so there's only two people in it. So who can't?

Yeah, I'm sorry. This is the one I want to do. You have to cast it. You have to cast it. That's the. And whoever you So who can, yeah, I'm sorry, this is the one I want to do. You have to cast it. You have to cast it. Okay. That's the, and whoever you don't cast, no, will be for your head at you about it. So make your pick wisely. Okay.

I understand. I'm looking at this chat. I can't see no link. Okay, I just need, yeah. So this is going to be, let's, let's, this is the edit point here. Okay. So I've got this link, this is the edit point here. So I've got this link, so I've got this sketch. And I'm going to put it in the chat now.

Now it only has two people in it. So one of the characters is called patient and the other kind of says doctor. And I want you to know this is genuinely a sketch that my friends and I wrote, and we put on stage. This is genuinely a sketch that my friends and I wrote, and we put on stage. This is genuinely a sketch that we performed. Are you, where? Michael.

What we used to do at uni when we had, because we had class sizes of about 74, and often most players only have eight people in it. So what we would do is we would double cast, and then put the show on different nights with a different cast so everybody got to go. Okay, maybe that's something we could do here. All right, well just just for this what we'll do is, Broden, you can play the doctor and Mark, you can play the patient, okay? I'm just gonna fully act as well by the way. See you guys, bye bye. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's fine. I'm not too, or B, this is A-cars. No, no, it's fine. I'm not. Can you read, Big Print?

This is A-cars. Are you exactly A-cars? It's fine. It's fine. Michael can read the Big Print. No, look, this is fine. I actually have to go to, I'm fine. I have to go to, um, I, you okay? You okay? I'm not. I'm off.

Did Ben Jenkins play the patient? Originally, yes. Yes. I thought he was the name of his dear Jenkins. You got the director of Wonder Woman 1984 to play the patient? No. I mean, there was a bit of a gap between 13 and Wonder Woman

but I didn't think she was doing Michael Ling's sketches. Are you ready? Who's reading Big Print now? Zach can read Big Print, please. OK, sure, sure. That's a good role, Zach. Yep. Requires diction, patience.

It's called, and read the name of the sketch, please. Do we read the name of the table? Oh, does that give it away? Or is that a time trial? I mean, I think at this point, everyone needs, yeah. So do you read the name of the town? Oh, does that give it away? Yeah. Is that a time trial? No, I mean, I think at this point, everyone needs it. Yeah. So do you read the title or save it? Yeah, no, no.

I put on a voice. I put on a voice. And am I the patient or the doctor? I can't remember. You're the patient and Brodner's the doctor. You're the patient, Mark. Some people would remember who they were playing. That's fine.

All right, so big print. OK. OK, so don print Okay, okay, so The top of the top that with a bottle that with the title oh Just start with the big print Zach you you'll get it You for Jenkins dressed in attacks with the bow tie undone clearly has a bottle coming out of his fly Mr. Jenkins come in please take, take a seat. Thanks. I've got a wedding this afternoon, so I'll just be quick. Doctor looks at the fly, but being polite.

Now, what seems to be the problem today? Oh, I've got this chest infection that's been keeping me indoors, and that's not a problem. I'll write you a prescription now and you'll be back to full health in a week or so. Dr. Begins to write the prescription. Yeah, great. Also, I... I... I sprained my... My wrist and need you to have a look at it.

Oh, okay. Well, a physiotherapist would have a look at it. Oh, okay. Well, a physiotherapist would have a better understanding of that type of injury. If you like, I'll write you a referral as well. Um, yeah, yeah. Medical question. One of my friends was on a buck's night last night and got a tad drunk, very drunk, so drunk, and lonely,

and placed his penis in a bottle? Well, your friend should go seek medical attention, and immediately, if the glass has been on him for more than a few hours, who knows? Well, what are you think I'm doing? What? It's me! Yep, I noticed. But your friend too, he should probably... No, no, he didn't, he was going to, but then when mine got stuck, he decided it probably wasn't worth it. Oh. Okay, so we're just going to cut it there for a second guys.

So Zach, you were, you, I can't just say, I think, like, great work Mark, great work Broden, obviously the script is perfect. No notes on the script. Zach, I feel like when you were reading the big print, you really tank the vibe. I think it was just sort of... I think kind of what was happening was we were having a fun time and then there was some big print in the camera. Every time it just, it maybe feel bad. Michael, the one you got to worry about is the one that doesn't tell the stories of their childhood.

Okay. That's the one you have to worry about. No, no. Oh, no. So just have a think. Is that alluded to some pretty dark stuff before? I don't know if you've got that. Have a think, Michael.

About whether you want to give the direction that you're about to give. I just think, you know, in these kind of situations, when we're all trying to make something, you know, we're trying to make something beautiful and great and wonderful, and we're doing it as a team. Okay.

And if someone, if someone feels like, if someone's taking direction personally, they're not really paying part of the team, are they? You know? Sure, give me the direction, Michael. It was so close, it was going to kill you. It was so close, it was gonna kill you. It was so close. It was the first time I've had a line.

I just thought it'd be better if you did it to the funnier. Okay, sure. Yeah, I'll try to do it funnier. That's a subjective direction, but I'll give it a go. Should we go from the top? Oh, no, just keep going for what you were. Just keep going for what you were, yeah. No worries.

I'll do that now. Thanks for the direction. Actually, let's go to the top and get Zach to do it. Oh, God. His bit, just give me that first line again, the first big print, and do it just funny. Mr. Jenkins, dressing a talent. Oh, I can't see that.

That's not going to work. That's not going to work. OK, no worries, Mark. You're fucking coming down hard on Zach. Michael, man, just all I'm going to say, I'm going to do your courtesy. That's it. If you have any unfinished business,

any loved ones that you, anything you wish you'd said, you got 24 hours, I would recommend, sorry, I would recommend you call those people, get your affairs in order within the next 24 hours. Why is it just, with COVID protocols and crossing state borders and everything? It's gonna be quite a task for you in 24 hours. But I think he can do it. Yeah.

I'm not saying I'm gonna kill you in 24 hours. What are you gonna do? I'm saying you have 24 hours to get your affairs in order. Can we get to the bit where the doctor revealed that the person is in the office? And I'm saying in 24 hours time, you're gonna wish you were dead. Sorry. Because I'm not gonna kill you, Michael. I'm gonna leave you alive, but you're gonna wish you were dead.

That's much worse. Is it because you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna kill everyone. Anyone you love in Victoria. Okay, I'm gonna wish I was dead, because I was being locked down in risk. Get directors directions to me, and they're gonna do it badly.? I'm gonna wish I was Jack, but I was reading. Thanks to Lockdown rules. Get directors directions to me, and they're gonna do it badly. So I'm gonna wish I was dead, because I'm watching your fucking performance.

Is that why Zach? I just do better hope. All I'm saying is you better hope you don't have any loved ones within five kilometers of my home. He's a murderer, but he's over the corner. What is your address, Zach? What is your address? Don't dox? Oh, that's a lot of work to do. Don't dox me, Michael.

Don't dox me. Come on. Anyway, guys, so I think we've got the flavor of the sketch. It's about a man who goes to the doctor and he has his penis stuck in a bottle. Guys, obviously, we were hamstrung in that rating by someone who I won't name again. But what did you guys as professional sketching me

in this? Think of the sketch? Well, the punchline is the doctor's dick is in the bottle. Oh, that's a punchline. by someone who I won't name again, but what did you guys as professional sketching me think of? Well, the punchline is the doctor's dick is in the bottle. Oh, that's a punchline, is the- Should we finish it? I mean, were we gonna finish it? Oh, we can't, we can't finish it. Yeah, come on, this is good stuff. Because the doctor, guys, see the doctor.

The doctor, the doctor has, comes in, he doesn't say anything. He doesn't. He's clearly got a bottle on his dick, but he's talking about a friend with a bottle on his head. And this is like, I'm going to sketch comedy. I could bring two glasses of Riders. Do you understand? You know, this is the kind of stuff I can write.

I would like to know, Michael, how small is the dick or how big is the bottle? Oh, okay. So I think the genuine answer is, the bottle we used was a, you know that energy drink V? Of course. It's sort of like, I guess it's like Red Bull, but it's in a green bottle. And we use a V bottle as the bottle for the patient.

And I think for the doctor, we used a wine bottle because we thought it would be funnier if the doctor's bottle was bigger. Mm. Was that some context? Can I get some context? Was that Eric and it would have been? Eric and Bob, it was cost of both every night. It bombed every night? Yeah, yeah.

Can I ask Michael, is this like pre-career top of the show sketch? Or is this early career middle of the show sketch? So did you do this before letters and numbers or after? Oh, this is, I wrote this yesterday. I wrote this for the sketch and I wrote this for my parents. Alright, so we have a meeting, an anti-donna meeting starting now.

In half an hour, the guys fucked up. We changed it yesterday to 10.30. So for those of you who are gone, Tom and Sam both came into the Zoom meeting with Michael Hing and then we just shook our heads at them and they left in a hurry. I'll give you an apple. I'll stay a while, I will say.

Sam was like, up, saw us, left. Tom was just like, he lingers there, life's at us, so then left. I'll give you an edu. Three, two, one. No, I know, I like that. Right. Thanks for the edu. Well, thank you.

Thank you so much. We'll use that. Oh. I wrote this sketch to be on the show. I wrote this yesterday. I wrote this. I wrote this to, this is my pitch to, this is my audition for Auntie Donna. I love it. Can we just finish the sketch? Sorry, yeah, okay.

So, so remember, so there's a doctor and there's a patient. The patient has a, and they both have their dicks in bottle. Well, you don't know the doctor has a penis in the bottle yet. Do you right? How did you reveal that? He was sitting down I think Can I just say yeah the letters and numbers element of this podcast ended at the time that we would end this podcast and then yeah All the sun you start pitching this fucking sketch really how long does this podcast I thought this podcast goes 35 to 40 I want to say this then I didn't realize I'm sorry. We're not we're not cutting any of it. You're gonna fucking sit there

I don't know if it's the Hollywood with these time-to-end podcasts Maybe maybe will separate it. It'll be its own special little nugget of gold But it's not good cut Also see this letters a number. Well, it's not second cut. First of all, say this. Letters and numbers. Second bit, Michael does some fuck shit. We did something that we didn't ask for. We already kind of had said we won't do that. We'll do letters and numbers.

It's fine. It's fine. But that is in the chat. And I'm happy to show people that we landed on letters and numbers and not on the sketchbook. There's no, like there's no point where we needed it either. Like we did a round of words, we did a round of numbers. We got to like 35 minutes. And then I couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment where we're like all the sudden reading out this document.

You should be ashamed of yourself. I'm really sorry guys, I just want to, I'm just such a big fan of you guys. I finished the sketch. It would waste. It would waste the sketch. My time if I didn't try and get on Aunty Donna by pitching a sketch that I wrote when I wrote

with my friends when I was 18. And I just, I feel really bad. I think it's funny. And I feel really bad. I really like it. I feel really bad. And I, let's finish it. OK really like it. I feel really bad and I let's finish it Okay, I'm undecided. Let's see. Where were we up to? You were up to He would be patient and he was let's go from patients saying no, he didn't actually he was going to all right

So this is for context. This is about my friend who probably didn't actually put their dick in a bottle. I did put my dick in a bottle. I've been this whole time to the doctor. I've been like, my friend has a dick in a bottle, but actually I was talking about me. Can I just quickly ask about intention here, Michael, just for my understanding? Yep. Your motivation is?

You're trying to. No, no, I'm the big print motivation. I get it, I'm shit, I'm coming for your family. But for the doctor, does the doctor, is the doctor like playing along? Or is the doctor genuinely believed the friend also has a dick in a body? You know what I'm saying? I think the doctor is trying,

I mean that's really up to Broden, Broden, how have Broden wants to do it? But I would say in my reading of this, the doctor is in a prison of politeness. The doctor feels entrapped by social niceties, you know? So he's having to, in good faith negotiate this exchange. If I was a director of your show, when you were 18, and this sketch wasn't working on night two,

I would say by night three, I'd say, hey, why don't we just try Flipp and the script? Maybe the doctor genuinely believes him, see if that works. Twist is still wouldn't work. All right. I've it, it's bombed every night, anyway. I love it. Mark is strong. I love it. Mark is strong. Yeah. All right.

No, he didn't actually, he was going to, but then when mine got stuck, he decided it probably wasn't worth it. Oh. There's a beat there for comedy, a sort of a comedic beat there. You have to. You have to. You have to. Just to be clear, that's why I didn't rate it.

I saw it, I'd let the actors play it. And I have made a choice. And I have. Yeah, I know, but some people will criticize me for not rating it. Doctor, you have to help me. Well, I... Flipping through his notes or a folder. I can't. I can't. I just want to know.

I'm not supposed. But you're a health professional. You swore an oath. or a folder. I'm not a bad player, but I just want to know. But you're a health professional. You swore an oath. It's got to be covered by Medicare or my health insurance. I'll give you cash in hand or something. Absolutely not. Well how the hell am I supposed to get it off?

Sorry, and then on the bottom of the page. Doctor, come on, Zach, come on, man. Sorry, we were all there. Sorry, I don't really care whatever. Dr. reveals he also has a penis in a... Oh! Oh! And then I say, you tell me.

He also has a penis in a bottle. Michael, you've done it again. Like to create some of the other writers on this, Ben Jenkins, Stin Rescopolis. I think Alex Lee was involved with this show. Wow, there's some big names. You know, and they all went on to be famous elsewhere. And this was, this is where they started. So if you guys wanted this sketch, you know, and they all went on to be famous elsewhere and this was this was where I started

So if you guys wanted this sketch, you know in your show could really turn things around the old Auntie Donna crew You guys all uni buds. Yes University Sydney. Yeah You like anyone else from university Sydney You said they were like, I don't know. Who are we going to be at? Nothing. Close friends, I think. Close friends from you.

You said days. Tom Walker is a friend. Where did you meet him? He's a comedian. Don't tell him names. Don't tell him names. Is there someone else I should be thinking of? He's going to kill you.

No, he's going to kill them. He's going to kill you. He's going gonna kill you? Yeah, he's gonna kill them. He's gonna kill you. He's gonna kill you. Oh my gosh. My girlfriend, Humb. She went to Sydney, and he was like, I'm gonna kill Humb. Humb?

I'm gonna kill Humb. I can't kill Humb. I love her pictures. Humb. Gosh. I bring me a little bit of joy in my... Yeah, I think, Tom. So, Tom, if you're listening, I think you cut the sketchplash at a point

where there was a natural conclusion. I think cut there and then a few days later, Tom, release Michael does some fuck shit as a separate episode that week. And that's what this is. Thank you for coming on, Michael! Michael Hing! Everybody! You've been listening to the Antidona Podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by AntidonaClub.com. See you next week! you