Aunty Donna Podcast - Charlie Bonanno's Pirate Adventure

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

Charlie Bonanno: Master Improviser  Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ah, oh, my name is pirate Pete and I'm a pirate looking for treasure. And I am pirate tan. I travel the seas looking for the most beautiful treasure, a consistent McDonald's. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm Sparrow McMunkey. I'm a, uh, uh, uh, Pete a little parrot, uh, on his shoulder. I'll tell you what's what. Uh, me crew. Uh, parrot, Pete and pirate, pirate, and what's your name, book and heir? Charlie. Charlie. Very good, Charlie.

And what are you? Are you a pirate? Not Jedi, I'm not yet a monk. Not yet? No. You're not a pirate. You're the father of Mark. But today you will be challenged on the Seven Seas. And maybe you too will be recruited into the pirate fold. Wait, and yes, because are you not a pirate yet because you haven't been initiated? I haven't. No. Will I be today? Oh well, we hope so. We hope so, Charlie, because we need, we're looking for a new captain.

We killed the last captain. Oh, alright. Send him over the ship, because that's what we do to captains. Do you want to be the next captain? Oh, I love to be the next captain. What are your skills? Well, I'm a rigour right or there's part of being a captain. What's a rigour? Well, a rigour is somebody that hooks up a lot of weight and climbs up a lot of ram scaffolding. Oh, where have you worked?

It runs up a lot of RAM scaffolding. Oh, where have you worked? Well, in construction of work, I've worked on the RAM tunnel in the A-Slink. Oh, you did work on it? Oh, A-Slink, didn't G-Slink. Yeah, yeah. I've worked on the D-South, sir. The D-South planted one thing.

Yeah, yes, yeah, one thing, yeah. And employed a lot of people from the Lattrol Valley, as well. My question to you, Charlie, is how all that help us on the Seven Seas? Well, you're gonna climb up the sails and all that. Yeah, the mast? The mast, the mast, the mast. And that'll help you.

You're right. Charlie, we got another issue. We got 17 butchered pigs here. But they will not last the entire journey. Does you have a way to preserve them? Yes, I have put them on the salt and they'll last forever. Oh, the salt I've never heard of such a magic. Oh, salt's like a preservative, so you can... Oh, it cooks the meat, right?

Now it just preserves it. It's part... Right, what do you know about that? It doesn't kind of like, doesn't the salt kind of like cook the meat in a sense. In the sense it does, and it preserves the meat as well. Right, yeah. So what, how do you recommend actually salting the meat? I know you have experience with salami, is that a similar? Yeah, well, you just cut the meat in portions and then just put them under salt.

Really, that's it. That's it. That's what it is. It just let it dry up and just take all the salt off after, after two or three days and just hang them up. Arr! Arr! Arr! Arr! That's really good, Charlie. Charlie. Yes it is. Soon you will be captain Charlie.

If you pass our tests three, we've got three tests that you must pass. What are I? First, do ten star jumps. Ten star jumps? Ah, we must see that you are physically strong enough to be a rigor captain. Yes I am strong enough. All right Charlie, give me ten star jobs.

Okay. Here we go. One, two, three. Ah, he wants to make it. Six. Seven, eight, nine, ten. Ah, he passed the first test. But little does he know, I want to be the captain. And if he passes the second, I will poison him. What-what you said that allowed?

You didn't hear that, did you? No, not at all. Oh, I didn't hear it! It's all good! All right. Second test. The second test of Charlie to be Captain Charlie. You have to declare your loyalty to the pirate tribe through the ancient pirate shanty.

Ah, Charlie! Me thinks you don't have the knowledge or the wherewithal to do the pirate shanty of loyalty. Yes I do and I write something for you as it gets like this. I am a poet. I use my skills as a rigger and a foreman salami maker to create a well-run ship with lots of yummy food for the boys. Well run and ship the floods of yummy food for the boys yummy yummy yummy Congratulations Charlie your past the second test, but before you but before you do the third test All right, you need your energy. So here have a nibble on me preserved pork. Thank you Just doesn't smell right oh no oh I

smell poison you rat I'm gonna kill you for that oh no I can go back to captain snooze and sleep it off because I feel good about it now oh no Charlie has stabbed me I will not be the captain! Charlie, I see to you you're a good man and I deserve this death! Ah! Well now it's time for the final test Charlie, and we're gonna play the compliment game, where you turn to the person to your left and say something nice about them, and it's my turn to say something nice to pirate Pete. Me?

Yes, pirate Pete. I've always loved that you give me crackers when I ask for them. Well, thank you. And that you keep your wooden pirate leg nice and varnished. Well, thank you very much, pirate. Now, Sam Simmon. Oh, yeah. I like your your mustache and your absurdist comedy. Oh great, I don't know Sam Simmons and now Ronda Birchmore. I love the fact that you use those wonderful legs to kick up high and your great big singing voice. Oh, thank you, Savesiv, I appreciate that. I'm Rhonda Burtmore.

Rhonda Burtmore. Charlie, but I know how do you do? Very good, thank you. That's very good. I remember you when you came and saw me at the Wereby Art Centre in the 1980s, Charlie, your authentic and lots of fun, and you go with whatever bullshit the boys throw at you. I can't do any more than that, boys. Hey, yeah.

We love you, Charlie. Now, Charlie, what do you have to say about me, Mr. Parrot? Well, Mr. Parrot, I like your little beak and your cheeky little beak and I think your feathers are soft and you remind me of the parrot from our mother. Oh that's so sweet, thank you so much. Well I'm going to step you's all down, put me up. Oh no, thanks. And now I feel very comfortable I'm going to go back to Captain's News and sleep it off in a nice doona cover and all that they've got to provide.

Thank you. I'm the captain now. I use my skills as a rigour and a former Salami maker. I create a well-running ship with lots of yummy food for the boys. Yum yum yum. I'm a loyal to my private. Poyote, so poet. They're your five. Thank you. Take me to the April sun in Cuba. Oh! Sing on Charlie.

Take me to the April sun gonna treat me so right