Aunty Donna Podcast - Feat. BOB SAGET

Episode Date: June 13, 2018

Pls get around Bob: insty: @ bobsaget Twitter: @ bobsaget facebook.com/bobsaget bobsaget.com Thank you to Russell Weissman and All Things Comedy for hooking us up with a  space to record. See us live: auntydonna.com/shows Support us on patreon: patreon.com/auntydonna  Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A list-snuff production. You listen to the only-dollar podcast. The greatest fucking book I've seen a while. Buried my contact and sometimes I guess. We hope you enjoy the part of a fucking podcast. Mark, how are you feeling? How are you feeling? How are you feeling?

We've got to pitch this movie, guys. I know, I know. And thankfully we've brought our friend guys. I know, I know. And thankfully we've brought our friend along. Yeah, Bob's second, are you ready to pitch? Yeah, hell, I'm the bitch of Pitchin. You got. Who's our, who's the who we pitch into?

We pitch into a streaming service. A streaming service. That's all I know. That's all I would tell us. But I don't, I think that's- I'm always pitching a movie to a stream because that means that- You know what I'm gonna do. So so we make we make the movie and then

It's just a streaming service They have to spend money so it's not we're not talking a big one like HBO streaming or I don't know that you don't care No, they haven't told my concern is it's it says on the thing that it's a soda stream service Okay, well, we'll find it. What if it's a soda stream service. Okay, well we'll find out. What if it's just a stream? What if it's just a river? Yeah. Well we are out in the Hollywood wilderness.

Well it is scary up here. And the stream is... Why do we do this at midnight? I don't know, but the Hollywood sign lights up and all that bum urine looks like a stream. You know we could also... There are other ways to get it seen. Have you thought of view master? What's that? That's a little thing where you just click and you see another slide. Like put the movie on view master. Or how about CD-ROM? Are you familiar?

Yes, yes, Bob. Are you serious about CD-ROM? 3x5 floppy. I don't know new technology that well. We brought you in here as our big while are you yelling at me? I want to help you I'm not yelling. I know I can't. I'm just let you take a pill. We're gonna. Oh yeah I'll take a pill. It looks like you took a pill. Yeah, well, thank you very much. It looks like a certain world leader I could think of that I hear as a dictator dad or all but I won't say who it is it could be anybody Justin Trudeau. No, he's calm. He's Joan. No, yeah, he's on he only takes the positives now. No, I'm terrible. Yeah, I don't know. He's 50 points on words with friends. What about what about you? Okay, you want to the movie has to have a concept. What what is the concept? Well, that's where about are we about to pitch this move right now?

Yes, we're about to. We're talking for three weeks now. We've been trying to get a movie pitch. We're here. Those three week when they felt like a half hour to me. I just went by quick. I apologize. You're on Adderall. You're on Adderall. I'm not. It's Lexa Prok so I can focus. We all, let's just, let's just get one thing straight here.

Right? We're pitching a movie. Of course we have a concept you know the concept Yes, it says my own private Idaho. It's just us out on the road and and hit men pick us up in trucks And do stuff to our body. No, we never agreed to that But you and we do it real we do it for real and we don't film it No, we don't film it. I think that's a good idea because that's kind of an undressed rehearsal Yeah, yeah, and we'll just figure it out. Okay, I say we sell it to Amazon not the not the service, but the river river.

Yeah, and then back we're back to streaming. Then you're streaming on the Amazon river where people watch their babies and their buttholes and their dishes and their clothes. All in the same string. It's beautiful. And Predator is there. Yep, let's now we've got the exact, he's about to walk in for the string. It's beautiful. Predator is there. Yep. Let's now we've got the exact is about to walk in for the Amazon Never the Amazon well, why don't we why don't we actually say

Amazon maybe if he's if it's Amazon with two clicks you could buy the lotion that you could masturbate where the meeting doesn't go well Which I need which you know every time a meeting doesn't go well. I'm straight Through that not just cut through a bust the first that not. And it can't throw him bus the night. Right. Focus. If Amazon don't like it, could we go to Hulu? Not the streaming platform. I think we should go to Uber. Uber. They do a stream. They're looking for 10. Everyone's like, well, I saw an Uber

stuck in his stream once and it was horrible. The driver couldn't get out. He really was. He was just caught in a Netflix stream of Fuller House. He Netflixed into the Fuller House into the river. And it streamed right through his windshield and he's lucky to be alive. Fuller House is a great show and I think everyone should watch it, but not while you're driving in Uber. No, that's true.

And why'd you sing the theme to the Jetsons at the end there? With number... With number... With number... I once knew a girl named Uber. Sit, Uber,ber sit that's not i said uber normally i don't know what you're talking about do they have lift what i think people are beating the hell out of each other it was just about to go in yeah yeah but i don't know if anyone would have been

able to hear that uh... through these microphones okay you may come no i don't worry about it, but I'm scared about going in, but I'm ready to go in if you're ready. Yeah, I'm ready to go in. I mean, I feel really prepared. Do you think we should just walk into the room without really discussing what the show is? Well, someone has to let us in.

Yeah, that's right. Hello. Oh, hi. Hello, I'm the big executive at Amazon, I've come on to office. You are quite large. Is that a moo move? Yeah, it's almost half. You are quite large, is that a moo moo? Yeah, it's my big moo moo.

Well, you're about the size of 10 normal people stuck together. A very tall, very large boy. Are you on a balloon basket? You seem off the ground. Oh, yeah, I'm over. You're not walking. Your son had just flown to the ground. Well, you know suddenly just floating around.

Well, you know, ever since they brought me on, to Amazon last year, I've been so excited to get some hot new tent into the river, so. Guys, guys, quick meeting, quick meeting between us. I think this is an executive at all. I think it's 10 kids dressed up as a balloon basket. Like a big bag of bones. Yeah.

Guys, guys, I'll be the judge of this. I'll be the bag of bones. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a big bag of pie. I'll be the judge of this. I'll be the judge of this. Sir, to prove you're not a bunch of kids in a balloon basket, show me your penis. Oh, no. What do you mean no? I'm not going to do that. This is Hollywood.

Wait a second. I think in today's new culture, it's probably impolite to say show me your penis. So I'm just going to reach inside this basket here. No, that's probably impolite to say show me your penis I'm just gonna reach inside this basket here oh my god that's a baby's arm what do you have what do you have in here you've got hundreds of babies inside a giant balloon pants out of it no that's not a baby's arm that's my penis oh he's got one of them hot new Hollywood baby arm penises I've heard so much. So what do you date younger people? I mean what answer answer

I'm a big fat Hollywood Exession in with the babies arm for a penis. I like your hustle. We're gonna pitch a show to you Yeah, okay, all right, you must be very successful. What's the last movie you've made? The last movie I made was, it was three boys wearing hats. Three boys wearing hats. Sounds like the three amigas. Yes, but they were just normal hats.

Were they rising kids in a house in San Francisco? No, they were not doing that. They were the kids. Were they close? That were right. That were close. Okay, because what's inside of that basket is scaring me. Because that's really a basket and a basket.

I mean, to have a baby's hand and arm as a penis. Yeah. How do you go to the bathroom out of that? How do I go to the bathroom? That's a great question. I've really sent myself up for some difficult improv answers here. It's very simple.

I've got a palm. It comes out of the palm. Oh, I see. Like spider man. Like spider man. Like spider man. Like spider man. You have, I understand.

I'm sorry. When I said baby, I meant to be Maguaya. My penis is to be Maguaya's arm. Oh, I think you were technically entirely Toby McGuire's. No, well, because that would be a very big penis. Yeah. Is your, how, your penis connected to the film Seabiscuit? It is, my penis was once the arm of Toby McGuire and he was in Seabiscuit.

Now I read something in who weekly, confirm or deny, are the fingers just for Ticklin? The fingers are for Ticklin and they're also way to close up if I don't want to do the spider-means Like Venus flytrap. Oh, right? scratch your own balls Yes, I have a knuckle in it or an elbow my balls my shoulders like a shoulders for balls This is not a good pitch

So let's get let's yeah, it's not polite to ask your buyer. Yeah, I'm sorry sir if we offended you No, we want we want to be really I bought Toby McGuay's arm to become my penis for the it's a great conversation But there's a newer spider-man There's two there are two new ones Mm-hmm, and so the newest have you watched the newer ones? I have I mean I didn't I didn't have anything to do with it being the Amazon River, but I did watch it, yeah. It's so interesting that we're pitching up the Amazon River here.

It's streaming platform. It's really, it's a streaming plan. You're not on a platform because you live on the river, so you're floating above the ground, which is, is that helium? How do you stay high off the ground? Three, four feet like that? It's a little bit of helium. Yeah, I buy my helium It could be a Harry Potter prisoner of ascoband situation where maybe you've said something about Harry Potter's mother

Maybe you called her a bitch and then he's gotten so mad that he's then filled you with some sort of magical Maybe he could he possibly take his wand and wiggle it at your regular penis and then it became Tony McGuire's arm. Yeah, it was that. Oh, it's not. You know that Bob. How did you know?

Is it the first rule of improv a bitch? Yeah. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's always. Oh, it's so cut through. So we have an idea for a movie for Antidona. It's great. And they're going to sell it to you. Yeah so Bob's come along. He's a big fan of us. Have you heard of Antidona before?

No I've not but I've heard of Bob's Hagger. So great move to bring him into the pitch. Have you heard of Nurse Salty? I've heard of Nurse Salty. I love all nine all nine of the nurse salt. We were the tenth nurse salty and then we changed our name very good But we're the biggest auntie Donna okay Bob sit the same where are we we we are in a tent with with a bunch of Middle-aged women and and one one man who's going through a middle-aged women and one man who's going through a transformation to become a woman, because they want to become the best, strongest army of women ever to bring justice to the whole world.

There's kind of the oceans' eight, but they're more like the Avengers, so it's just... And that makes the Simpsons. Yes, so it has animation in it. like the Avengers. Yeah. So it's just, and that makes the Simpsons. I got. Yes. And so it has animation in it. OK. But it's not a cartoon. We know.

We're very, we're very adamant that it would never be a cartoon. Unless you want it to be a cartoon, but we're going to, we're standing on our ground that it's not a cartoon. Unless you want it to. Unless you want it. We'd love cartoons here at Amazon.

It's going to be a cartoon. We could have just the one transgender person be a cartoon. That way it maybe will be lower budget as the transformation takes place throughout the year because the movie is full frontal nudity. Are you good with that? Yeah, if I'm with that. When you say an army of women, that sounds like Amazon, Amazon Army and we're in the back.

Well, we thought of that. Exactly right. We were inspired of that because of your company, the streaming company, literally streaming. It's the story of a superhero, one of these Amazon women is a superhero. And she goes to Earth and beats the shit out of all the Nazis.

And it's 1984. Oh yeah. And so she's got a George Orwellian feel to her. Yes. And she lives inside of her. Yes. In fact, she's a larger woman so the all the women live inside of her. She's more of like a mortal engine's type city on wheels. She's kind of like a beehive. Yes. And all the women live inside the family. Well, she's not fat. We don't call that. She's just, it's okay. She's just bigger, normal, normal, healthy size. Just giant. But giant and they are the best and they're very moral. And their goal is to stop all of the men and women who treat people badly and who hurt women on this planet. So they

will go to a house where they see an altercation where maybe a man is not treating his wife properly and they just beat the fuck out of him. They kill him. They kill him. They kill one man accidentally. Yeah, that's right. It's an accident there But the animated transgender person is also a brilliant surgeon. Yes, and brings him back to life so He he is so thankful that he was brought back to life. Yeah, that he decides to leave his wife and falls in love with the transgender person Who then we have a brief moment where the transgender person goes off and has the full surgery Yeah, yeah, and then they spend their lives together and they find true love. Beautiful.

And this is animated. So it's all of what we've just said, but it's also just a sketch show. Yeah, that's the most important thing is we know sketch. We've done our 10,000 hours. We know it. We love sketch, right? The three-man characters. Bob Sagitt.

It's Bob and I'm saying. It's Bob and I'm going to be in it. I spend the whole movie eating at a mommy. Okay. Yeah, it's crazy How much in mommy this man can think like fucking unbelievable? You've never seen this before you never people are gonna be like People in me. I've never seen Bob Sagitt ate in a month. Well, I'm much at a mom Well actually what straight what I should explain is I don't understand the concept my character of me as I'm playing myself Yeah, he plays wiki Bob sagget because he's dead. Yeah, I'm dead. Well, you're dead in the afterlife. Yes Yes, and he's wiki Bob sagget and it's kind of wacky so that keeps gives the movie energy

Yeah, but I'm also cannibalistic but I don't know that I am Wiki can't talk actually at a mommy. I actually add my mommy I don't know that I am. So it's actually at a mommy, I actually add my mommy. He's mommy. He's mommy. He's mommy's, that's the twist in the story. I don't get my twist.

It's turned out I'm a cannibal. You look down, there's all these skins of edamame. You've been, we've been seeing them, pans up. He's, oh no, pans down, he's mom. It's mom's, mom's mom's mom's mom's mom's mom's mom. It's mom's mom's mom's. But she's not deceased yet. And the transgender animated couple

Yes, come and rescue her yeah, and they're able to She's such a great surgeon. Yeah, the the man that became a woman And it's probably the noblest of all the characters and shows up My mother and we can actually get my mother who passed away three years ago to play the part. And then just move her head up and down and stuff like that. It's fine buts like crushed. Now I know what you think. I know what you're thinking.

We're resurrecting her for the film. But it's also, but Fox a pain for that. Fox studios assign a Fox, a Fox, a Fox studios. It's just a Fox in a studio. They're signed on. Now I know it. You know my question. Are you gonna be shooting on the Amazon River?

Because we'd like to have a degree of oversight on this film. Yeah, it's all set on the water. Truth be told, it's down to be fucked. Well, for you, my good, be shot here. Well, yeah, we would love for you to shoot it here on the Amazon River just because we'd love some oversight. Because this sounds like a pretty cooked idea. No, no, no, listen, listen.

I know, but here's the thing that grounds it. Right? There's not one Bubsagget, there, I know, but he's the thing that grounds it. All right. There's no one, Bob Sagitt, there's 10. That's why it's called Multiplicity 2. Because Bob Sagitt. Waky Bob Sagitt. Waky Bob Sagitt, who's 10 of you. Yeah, it's 10 of me.

So what's called Multiplicity 2? That's a word I love. And they all talk like this, like this, like this, like this. And they're always going, hey Michelle, hey Michelle, hey Michelle, hey Michelle. So every, we've only written about 10 pages. Yeah, and then it's just you wrote an extra 10 But I ran out of toilet paper. Yeah, it's all written last 10 Listen, because listen I get needed to shit

I accidentally pooped on the script and but I tell you the last act will have it was amazing It was the best I so good. I had to flush it Because it was a very I was so excited about the project. I crap my pants. You know what? You know what? Why keep up second? Well, you don't always go to walkie-bag eat my mom. I eat Both seconds. Tadamami. Momma me too. Edamami and then the two people that are animated the and mommy and then the two people that are animated the the French gender

uh... that aren't me the two the females yeah uh... they become real they become uh... not animated anymore and I become animated uh... yeah and I become more than ten I become a hundred uh... that's not that that's not what it is for some people either the biggest nightmare of all time so it is a lot of all that it's probably it is a lot of Bob's Saga. That's my little piece of shit. For some people, either as a biggest nightmare of all time, or Bob's Saga.

It is a lot of Bob's Saga. It is a lot of Bob's Saga. We're going to, we're open with that. This is a lot of Bob's Saga. If it's too many, we could kill some of them in the river. We could have them fall and die in the Amazon. I'm overbaptized them. I'm getting real sort of like sort of, I'm getting the vibes of the Michael Jordan basketball

All looney tunes. Yeah, absolutely. Get real space jam. It's fisteroldo right now. I had some space jam. I was at NASA And I was masturbating in a simulator and I got some shit. Oh, it's a GMI It was a space simulator. Was it a masturbation? It was a stimulator. I didn't know I got really excited They you get when I get wait list. I have to I think come out of me fluids Yeah, I realized NASA doesn't stand for national air and space Thing no natural a-ness Shit all over. Yeah, that's how

all over. Yeah, Nassau. Nassau is where all the proceeds from this movie will go. We want it. We want it. We want to help Nassau. That's right. And men with testicular cancer. It's also full November. It's called November multiplicity, too. But it's the so testicular cancer. But it's progesticular cancer. So it's that. All the assholes that should have it. And I want to get it. Yeah, we're trying we're kicking Bob balls every day And I go to a special doctor that in the movie In the movie, this is a real that is real he injects my testicles with cancer and we're just hoping it takes Yeah, we shot this last week. I gotta say he already shot I We got it. I was in the can when we were shooting it. Which is how we lost the third act. I gotta say, this is probably one of the strongest

pictures I've ever heard. I'm gonna send it up the Totem pole, which is a literal Totem pole over next to the river. And I'm gonna find out from my boss, and I think we've got a real shot. How much do you need for this film? Oh, how much do you have? You got it.

What you got? What you got, baby? We got 23 bucks, And I think we've got some quarters in the well, if you come up with another, I think we need a guys. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm from LA and we have high standards and I'm thinking an extra million on top of those 23 dollars. You need one million dollars. You add one million and 23. Yeah, one million. I don't want to put down the 23 that you have. I mean, I realize you live on the Amazon rivers

are probably money and sparse, but you must have do you own property? I've got a little place up in the Hollywood Hills. Even though you're on the Amazon. Yeah, I just, you know, you bought it online. Yeah, I was there in the summer, but I put a little place the only way else my partner lives there She just flies out when I'm working. Yeah, that's nice. And then the rest of the time you're in this balloon with Tommy McGuire For a penis. Yeah, it's just

Amazon thing just so you know, we got a meeting with Netflix after this Yeah, but that's the other thing is that when we're pitching up the Netflix is set in the net Yeah, it gets flicked around a bit. Yeah, it's actually a me. Yeah, it's Bob Sagitt. In leggings and a onesie. Yeah, and I'm in a net and everybody just comes over and flicks at me. We have this in the movie for sure. find it, after that. Sure, you can come up with the million, $23,000, $23,000, a lot of money. Well, is there, but they're even bought L.A. It's not for movies.

But here on the Amazon, aren't there people that can be sold that you could sell? I mean, there are some places that still buy people. Yeah, the alligator people. But I'm not really, I'm not really like people but i'm not really i'm not really like a lot of people i'm not really an amazon person i'm a Hollywood person i just have my little badge here in the amazon world might be nice badge we love this badge beautiful it's like a beautiful serving tray

yeah during the holidays yeah it's a big badge million twenty three that's our final offer all right and the other thing that's magic about it that we might be able to save money is it is only a two-act movie. Yeah, shit. It is a third act, which means it doesn't get resolved which leaves open the sequel. I reckon if I borrow some money from my dad, I reckon I could get you $47.

Who's your father? My dad is Jeff Bezos, the CEO of the real Amazon. That's your father? My dad is Jeff Bezos, the CEO of the real Amazon. That's your father? Yeah, and then I'm sort of broke out of my, I started my own company called Amazon River. Amazon River? It's Amazon River, it's a different thing. Were you asked to leave because you look different

than other people? Because my parents would tell me what. And you're levitating off the river. Yeah, they'd ask it. And you're levitating off the river. Yeah, the basket. And put people off in the Amazon office, they're like, what is this giant temple tall floating bag of balloons? Do you ever get out of this setup or this is it?

I mean, do you change clothes? Yeah, like I got a couple of t-shirts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that? Um, with the- um? Well, the arm's quite long, so... No, I'm not- well, I didn't mean that you're- you're Toby McGuire. I'm saying that. I meant you're- you're the number two. Bob, Bob, Bob, this is not smart. Be very careful with two words here. I'm being mad.

He doesn't like being asked about how he does a shit. Oh. Because he's got the Tobig kid but McKeaness was calling time so sorry Your Highness Your high-ass He's high-nast careful Here would you like some a modium? I have I have a whole box here. Yeah, that'll close up your bubble So you won't maybe even have to poo anymore.

Oh, this is good. I love it. Yeah, because we put a lot of that energy into our film. Yeah, which you love. And we're off to Netflix in just minutes. How much is Netflix gonna offer you during this? Well, we can't really. Well, I would say $24, $1,024. $1,024.

It would be small. $1,024. $1, four dollars. Yeah That would actually dollar we're gonna Here's the thing Amazon just bought the Lord of the Rings. Okay the big Amazon That real and we want to get and we want something that's gonna compete with the Lord of the Rings television series. Oh Yeah, yeah, we think that your Large Amazon woman with 50 Amazon's living inside her idea,

really could compete, but we really need to get it in under $70. Well that's not enough money. That's not even enough to buy the rings. No, no, yeah. You know, all right, well maybe this will sell it for you. You know the scene of multiplicity where Michael Keating is shaving his tongue,

the dumb one is shaving his tongue. Yeah. This whole movie is just that shot on loop. I reckon I can come up. So that would be, that would be a 90 minute piece of film of, of, of, maybe we could get Michael Keaton if we could pay him maybe 10 million. Maybe 10 million.

10 million. 10 million to get Michael Keaton shaving his tongue You said the movie now 90 minutes 90 minutes and what do you need on top of the 10 million 24 dollars 24 dollars a million 24 to shoot that I'm ready to take a kind of profits instead you could do the we could give you the back end. Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, don't bring that up. I forgot. Don't bring it back in. Oh, Bob! Oh, no! Oh, no. When you want to move around, I'm changing the subject.

I want to move around, and I'm trying to sell. Yeah, and I'm both. Don't tell us what you're doing. You just do it. Oh, I see. OK, but I'm nervous about it. No, no, no, no. But if you want to move from here to there,

because you're levitating over the river, what would you do just fart? I'm nervous about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, He exploded tomato. He's a tomato juice With an alligator swimming inside it Oh Sack this is Bob say hey Bob nice to meet you pleasure Zack from Arnie Donnell hey, um Bob say it's just recently shot the film Benjamin He's got a new stand-up special command 060 now's probably a good time to yeah we would like to make a movie well it's about these women that are enabled with pitching it to Zach yeah well I don't need to I'm still doing the voice I don't need to have this picture we are just where's the CEO of Amazon River did he explode yeah he's yes you see this

little piece of red, that little piece of like a side of a raspberry that kind of was moldy? Yeah, that's him. Let me just talk you through what's just happened. Is the man exploded? He had the, his penis was the arm of Toby McGuire. He had made sure he exploded and died in front of us.

And you walked out of the bushes, popped here, and then Bob say, I get immediately started pitching a show to you. Not a press. Because I'm grieving so much over what happened. My was my fault, and I can't really take the blame because it'll be in all the press, and I can't afford to have that kind of press

that he blew up because I can't bring up his anus and his bowel movement, and you can't do that. He can't do that. No, so he exploded. Does Toby McGuire still have an arm? Is there now threeby McGuire arms? I think I don't know. Oh my god. What over there? What is it? Hey Toby

Hey, you know what I Evidently is penis blew off and it's tubby McGuire back in action. Well, say just came back. Hey guys It's me to be McGuire Is that a good accent Bob? I think it's fantastic. Thank you so much Bob What's going on? Yeah, look at me shouldn't web when did you turn into a surfer? You know man like I love to us, you know when you know when my penis blew off Well, you were you were an entire penis and I was like my

Amazon streaming in the air that's right balloon thing and I was like I need to do a trap were you trapped in some kind of other did he like in prison you was he like a you kind of mystic big time so you were attached by the feet and he used you as a penis. How do you how do you know all this dude? Well he mentioned something surfor Toby McGuire. I mean how did you use as a urination vessel? People would pee into me. People would pee on to me. Oh what? What do you like? The accent, the character is good. Well what do you find a cyber rodent? No, the character is good. Well, what do you

find a say, Broden? No, I wouldn't do it. You're quite self-depicating about you just saying quite surprised. Yeah, because you are so you say that you don't do good characters. I never said that. I never said that about myself. Listen to one of this is the 100th podcast. This is your 100th. What did you do? Say this is your is your hundred? I think it is. I think this is our 100th podcast. And so so It's beautiful that you've done it with such respect You you you stayed in you stayed is Toby McGuire's penis that became Toby McGuire. Yeah, not to have a good screen is but he was a penis He was a penis and now he's back as

he was back as surfer to McGuire, but for some reason, because of timing, yeah, the bottom just had to fall out of it so that we could get back to the reality of what's happening, which is it's your hundredth something like podcast. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's at 100 number one. And I'm honored to have to have been on it and asked by you by you guys because it's a pleasure because you're gonna do something very great together You're gonna all get Climidia from the same woman. Thank you, and it's all koala or koala koala Kuala's have Climidia Two things koalas have two thumbs and Climidia where they're four thumbs four thumbs all out when they had up two thumbs on a chance

Yeah, is that they're four they have four thumbs and imagine what you can do Imagine me for doing that you could hitchhike everywhere. Oh, you would never be short of a ride No, you wouldn't because what direction are you going and they're vicious aren't they? Oh, yeah, the other koalas Yeah, you can't have sex with them. Well, it's that as a hat You can't has that ever stopped someone right is there any animal you think that people have not had sex with? No, maybe in a kid now maybe insects an insect yeah, but if you had a very very tiny tiny penis you could Have sex with a fly for example What if you would have got a lot of cuz you'd open your flight to get your penis to fly

to have a lot of more of uh... what is this arm and fruit gaff the c-o of channel nine oh i feel like censorship is coming up uh-oh no not at all bob saggett listen i'm andra gaff how many battles have you been in Uh-oh. No, not at all, Bob Sagitt. Listen, I'm Andrew Gaff. How many battles have you been in?

I've been in several battles across the hills of Malkalok. Great. The Great Australian television channel wars. Channel 9 is still the one who's been, and I love your show, what animals haven't we had sex with? And I would love to fund it. Oh my god. You know, it's not the show we were pitching. No, but I used to do that back in the day on the video show.

I'd be honored. We had, do you know, in Australia, we had Australia's funniest home videos. And it was hosted by Shelley Kraft. And Joe Beth Taylor. Oh, they're great. And you were on you were on too. Occasionally you would be on late at night. Yes, they would run it. Yes, and then but more people in Australia knew me from full house. Yes. And now fuller house. But back to what you were saying. I want to give you when you were in Gallipoli. What was it? Well rough on the beaches. We dropped, they dropped us there the British and we lived there for years.

Trailing the Turkish hill. As you turned into Sean Connor. Yes, I wish I had taught I turned into Sean Connor. I loved the hill a little we walked home. Oh my god, I love it. Bob, that's a very clean and $23. Yes! That's fantastic and we have Sean Connery in it now. Sean Connery's signed on that retirement. He's gonna play Gandalf because he was so upset that he turned down the role of Gandalf and the original one of the rings.

He's coming back to the end of the year. Sean Connery? And Morpheus. He's actually at the age now. He's going to be agent 140. Yes. It's a no 107. It's what I would love to do for the show. All right. Yes sir. Network note. I'm Andrew Gaff and I would love you. What's your name again? Andrew Gaff. It's a ninth time you've said it Gaff well, but it's a joke for me and Tom because he is a player in a NFL for the West Coast Eagles Anyway, it's just a little side joke. Is it a real person? It's a football player Australia who nobody knows

They're the voice name is Gaff voice Oh, um pre-tahab knows. Anyway, the voice name is Gaff voice of Peter half and he's the CEO of Channel Love. He's a midfielder. Anyway, I'm a Gaff. That's a rough name. Andrew Gaff. It's almost like laugh, but a Gaff is also a thing you hook something. Oh, yes. Anyway, I want I want it to be let's find animals to have sex sex with but then occasionally we just go now let's look at these funny home videos and then we throw you and you're showing videos Are you dying? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Peter Peter lovey He's back as Peter huh? Yes hello, I'm Peter Oh no

It's right Australian Oh no I really want to apologize for my Toby McWire The character wasn't very good No it was terrible I even though I tried to do that shit Oh I'm really sorry No it was great

No you were really good Thanks, Bob. No, you're wonderful Thanks, Bob, it's like playing around and and and yet you believe in it You haven't had a character yet No, I haven't You want to we want to close it out on a character? Sure What can you like tell us all about all your projects? Yeah, some wacky Australian Tim You want me to be Australian Tim? Yeah.

Yeah, you be Aussie Tim. Hello. Oh, yeah. I was Australian Tim. And I have very, very, very tiny balls. They're like tiny balls. Tiny balls was my name when I was doing musical theater in the Indian Tim puppet pedophiles show team. Puppet pedophiles show.

Puppet pedophiles show, which was not a very popular show. No, because a lot of people. Puppet kids. And rightly so. Yeah. Well, the puppeteers were put their pinkies in our butts in order to operate. But you're a puppet.

You're a puppet. I am. And zero to 60 is Bob Sagitt's special that is on Amazon Prime, not the river. And it's also on iTunes, which is where I tune. And also, Bob Sagitt is on full a house because the house wasn't full enough. So Netflix, where you get in a net and flick it, is also how I keep my tiny balls in kind of like a hand net in a restaurant that a woman would use if she had a tiny little head and would put a tiny little net on it. I have that on my tiny little balls. I love Australian Tim. Yes, it's Australian Tim simply talking about Bob Sagitt's projects.

And he has a movie named Benjamin, which is very good about a little boy you think is addicted to crystal milk. And that really is the plot, really. That really is the plot of the movie. I think he's addicted to Chris but the people around him might have more of a problem than him but we don't know that's very for fail this trail it's incredibly it's an accent I've worked on for many years

and Bob Cratchett taught me how to do it oh Cratchett from Cratchett yes from a Christmas story yeah, Dickens Christmas Carol by Dickens. And there's nothing like Dickens, which is what the Mary and I operate are used to put inside my tiny little butt hole.

Oh, Australian Tim. You know what I mean, I'm Italian Tim. Look, you'll look, I'm dead of it. This is the only character Bob Sagittas, right now. And thank goodness for that. Bob Sagitt, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. It's my pleasure.

It's like, incredibly, same thing. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I look forward to seeing you guys just kick it. And you guys are awesome. You know why? Because you cut through. We cut through that.

We've had an original concept, original name. And no one can take this one except Uncle Frank. Uncle Frank. I would like to see him and Antidonna do it. Maybe that's your opening act. That'd be so hot. But we haven't had anything like you in comedy for a while. Because the other people will put to death

for doing, because I love the bodiness of what you do. I enjoy it, and I'm a bit body, but I just do it because it seems like the right thing to do at times, because it's funny. I just think it doesn't matter, and it can be completely clean also. I enjoy that also. So it's interesting that you're so talented you're you're really going to do really well once you get rid of all

this shitty technological problems you'll talk about this years from now and go remember when we were sitting in front of a cinder block wall in Burbank and it was a hundred outside and we had an iPhone. They don't even have iPhones now because it's the year 2030 and it was like grappled to a chair like you would a prisoner and a war camp and you guys went off and did all these great things. Just don't you know, don't split up and one of you think you're better than the others You all knew who the best is and And he left seven years ago. Yeah, well, he's a he's a barista. I believe no, I'm sorry He's a banister. He actually is as you walk up the steps. He's just a solid piece of wood

That holds up those steps. He's doing great. He's doing very He's doing great. He's doing very well. Oh, and it's really intense. Thank you, Paul. The testicles are so small. We know. They're very small testicles. Thank you guys. And safe travels on all your touring.

You're going to break a leg. Is a nice expression, actually. Yeah, wonderful. It came up, I believe, because John looks booths who shot Lincoln fell and broke his leg. That's it. And I was playing a play called Hand to God, which went to London, but didn't do that well because it wasn't performed the same way as this amazing Broadway cast. And they were a good cast, I understand, a really good cast, but the play didn't transfer because it took place in the South in the U.S. So during Luther,

and I was a Lutheran pastor when I filled in in the play. And it was in the booth theater, which was named after Edward Booth, who was the brother of John Wilkes Booth, who was more of a frustrated actor, so frustrated that he shot Abraham Lincoln. Yeah, my goodness. And I had a joke about it. Where did he shoot it? In and head. I don't know which theater.

I don't know, but I had a joke which was true and no one ever laughed at it and I think it's good to go out with one of those. Okay. My mother was born February 12th, Abraham Lincoln's birthday and to celebrate my dad took her to a play in shotter in the head and so that never has it really ever gotten alive because it's offensive. I mean it's like saying my dad murdered my mother and he didn't. They loved each other. And on that beautiful night. Thank you, Bob. Thank you, Dave. Dave travels and I will see you back home in the Aussie lab.

Yeah, please take care. See you in the air. See you, Bob. See you in ours. You've been listening to the Aunty Donut podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by AuntyDonutClub.com. See you next week!