Aunty Donna Podcast - Feat. URZILA CARLSON

Episode Date: August 23, 2017

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A list-knife production. A big part of me wanted a bit of sting. Rock and roll, rock and roll, rock and roll, rock and roll. A big part of me wanted a better sting. A better sting? Yeah, just from you guys, like you kinda go, this is gonna be bitchin' and then, it's that. Okay. All right, okay, cool.

No, that's fine. All right, so you wanna try it, it's gonna be nice. I can just, yeah, no, just try it. Look, I wasn't gonna say anything, but I completely agree. I guess it's worse for us. That's worse for us. I was hoping for someone not as rude as a guest.

You were having to hand a Z1 because he's quite polite. Yeah, he's very polite. Very nice. Well then you've had that. Yeah, right. And now you've got me. All right. Okay, let's do this.

Dinner. Rock and roll. Sting and steam. Rock and roll. Very good. Very clever. Rock and roll. Sting and roll good Rock and roll Sting and a plan roll Rock and roll was that clear?

Well, Sting and the police or more commonly referred to as the police But but Sting was the main artist if you went for a solo Sting track In fact, could we actually line up a solo thing just one more can you feel? Yes, come on, you throw the shit out of it There's only you best joke You best joke you have I'm going to get a solo thing. Can you feel? Yes, come and see the other shit out of it. It was really your best joke. Do you want to give us your best five? Just a tie.

Just a toy five. That's my gala, I'll say for next year. So this fat South African lesbian, he's a giggle and stuff. All right, I've got the sting. Yeah, great. All right. I've got, I've got this sting. Yeah, great. All right. Oh, life. Oh, life. Now, is this, is this sting from Wolfpack from NW1?

Is that what you want? That's what you want to do. I, I'm starting to regret saying a thing. Actually, that rock and roll thing, if you want to do that again, that's, I'd love to do this again. That was his bit of a thing. Actually, that rock and roll thing, if you want to do that again. I'd love to do that again. That was his bit of a mission. You were talking about the entrance for Sting the WCW wrestler. No, no, no. We didn't know it was in the NW World Wolf Pack for a little bit.

Yeah, absolutely. I want to make that clear. Sure. Shall we go back to the original Sting that we all agreed upon? Please, please, please. One second. Oh, do you want to have one more go, brother? Yeah, I'd love that. Okay. We'll give Brotum one more go. Oh, do you want to have one more go brother? Yeah, okay? We'll give bro to one more go And if that doesn't work we'll go back to the rock and roll song that we spent last week working on I That's a bee that I can't reach him if you can just smack him in the head. I'll give it back to you later

I feel like I'm the only one that's on side of my mind. Honestly, it's like this is the this is the high IQ side of the room. Yeah, for anyone listening at home who wants to know where they can get this track. They don't. This is what you don't know that usually. Well, I basically can speak for everyone. They will click through to this podcast. They will not be able to sell the evergones museum. And as you can speak for. Yeah. Which is really a big chunk of that.

Well, I think what you forget is that there's 10,000 people who listen to this podcast and there's something deeply wrong with all of them. Well, I think that'll, that'll, the terror ride. Like the B population, so will you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I feel like Ursula doesn't know. For anyone who wants to know, this is just YouTube four hours of bee buzzing sounds. Yeah, that's fantastic. You can just get that on YouTube channel. Some people live some time on their hands. If anyone... If anyone wants the lyrics to my rock and roll sting from the start of the show, just hit us up on Twitter and I'm more than happy to PM, just ping you across the lyrics.

And if anybody is interested in my rage factor, just cut out the vitamin B out of your diet and that really gets your rage up so... That's great, that's good to know. What can you get vitamin B? In everything basically. But like if you're a aging lady, like me, and your hormones are going apesia, I take additional vitamin B, so my family can live long, healthy, lois.

Right, the vitamin B keeps your rage down. It does, actually. Wow. Yeah. So if you're listening to this and that B thing, my Joe's angry is a dead me. Crushed. Vomit and B and just smorted up. That's a pickup line. It looks like you need a little bit of vitamin B for Broden. And I'm happily married now 10 years. I've got three beautiful kids and I'm getting a melting. This isn't true. Some of this isn't true. I know this is Milton. This isn't true.

Some of this isn't true. I know for a fact. Some of these. Okay. I knew this. I was not aware of the fact that I brought in my three kids. Oh, yeah.

My name are three kids, ma. Jarenston. Like that? Jarenston, yeah. Is my favorite of the boys. Like that? I've never imagined. Yeah. And then this is. That's us. Graylic. Graylic the girl who we would Yeah, is my favorite of the boys. Okay, I've never imagined yeah, and then that's a lick

Gray lick the girl who we would no one love. She's obviously an AFL women's player. Yeah, I'm right Luke and Snond Snond snond the youngest of the boys Snond is I do no snond I just I do no snond you know snond? Yes, I do. I'm so sorry. He completely left my we met him at the Christmas function. Yeah, of course. On the good boy. Yeah. I did not do a Christmas party. Would you you and your family are more than welcome to this year? Wait, wait, the two of you made snond. Who made? No. The two. You know, snond is Broden's boy. I was a little overcooked

No, my family is busy every with Jewish When you busy because we we're very Malibu Because we're so international such an international family Yeah, that's when you come down for for channel 10 shows from time to time We can yeah, but it then it's usually just me and I'm so busy pointing for my family And I won't be able to attend it's usually just me and I'm so busy pointing for my family that I won't be able to attend a party. I feel like I'm cheating on them.

Right, so I mean, that's pretty bad. The party's awful, but the channel tends to do it. The answer's no. No means no. No means no. The usually. I'm going to need you to back the fuck up. I just invite you to a party.

Yeah, real forcefully. I just want to make it clear that while a child usually just invite you to a party. Yeah, real forcefully. I just want to make it clear that while a child usually takes nine months to a gestate, Snond took 13 years. Yeah, it's a bit overcooked. Let's just say, got home from work at Coles, someone's chucked in a bit of garlic bread and then they've gone, had a shower. Oh no, he comes snond

Here comes snond. I just wanted to make that close. Snond's a good boy. He's great. Could it geogrid little overcooked? So you hear the Adam Reversal. I am. Thank you. We are wearing that in bed right now. We are recording this on a on a laptop You know, just like on a four mics. Yeah. The laptops plugged into a wall, getting electricity from it. Oh, within adapter. Within adapter.

We of course have Australian power and Australia. Yeah, in on an electrician. And here they have English power. The other type, the UK. Yeah, the UK power, which is very different. Good power. But these guys have been really focusing on getting this podcast happening.

I've been focusing on the Christmas party. I've put a lot of work into that. Yeah, that's a shame. We're going on from that. But we'll move on from that. That's fine. But these guys have done a lot for this podcast. So we're really happy to have you here.

Can we just say that you are in a bell tower. It is the highest off-client in Edinburgh. And if I had known you were 40,000 steps up I would have said no We are in an apartment building and we're at the top level of the apartment building I feel like you know you should be a positive energy coming in to you know would have been nice like well You know that stay well did smell like human feces And there's no there's no light in there so I'm not sure if it was me or someone else that had a shithub. Every time, every time we fucking stayed in Edinburgh, we've always stayed on the top floor,

and it's beginning to be a bit of a joke. I would be happy with the second floor once. Just once. I agree with you. It was the third or the fourth, but my butt looks grey. It does, and your stink holes real tight. You can tell when you get in, you walk in the door and you're just the first five minutes,

you're just trying to like act like everything's fine, but you go, oh, I didn't even act. I was like, I nearly inhaled the front door. Panting and stuff, I sounded like it was, at that Christmas party. But this is your first time in this shit hole. And weirdly, I'm living in a basement. Really? I'm not kidding. I have to go downstairs under someone else's house. That's

great. And half of it is fully underground and the other, the back half you can see the garden. Right. That's beautiful. Yeah. But it's nice. Yeah, it is actually quite nice. but moist. It's a bit moist. Moist. Yeah, the country is a moist country. It's a very moist country. Moist. Yeah, they just looked around the way. It's very moist outside. Yeah. And I'd like to really capture that moistness on the inside. I've never been so damp in summer.

Yeah, or cold. Like, because in this basement that I'm saying they've got a fireplace, I've lit it twice Wow, yeah, because it's so cold like I can cut glass with my nipples. It's in It's in teens and I've been doing a lot of I have been doing a lot of that Right, yeah, so really well here if that was the show. Well the best thing about that is you lock yourself out. Oh I mean you're in I'm never out. I mean, you're in. I'm never out, I'm always saying. I've tried to do that with my dick ones

and I cut myself up something rotten. Yeah. It's very rotten. Sorry about that. It's okay, mate. I don't know, it's more than rotten and dick. I don't think those two things should go together. Cutting a dick rock.

Just, yeah. Yeah, it's so much. If you cut it fresh, you're like, oh yeah, that sounds good. Cutting a dick fresh is quite a vocative as well. Yeah, you go. Oh, that reminds me of cucumber I always would imagine that the penis would be erect if you're cutting it fresh You would have to otherwise it would just roll that's right. I would roll like me. That's been too diffrosted. Oh No, oh

I haven't given it a lot of thought. But it's not some joy in my back. It's always easy to cut. Chink it if it's a little bit frozen. Just a little bit. Otherwise it rolls under the knife if you don't go for a super sharp knife. Yeah, yeah. Which unless you're a chef, why would you have it?

Why would you have enough that sharp? I just remembered we're talking about penises again. I sharpened my knives. They all have to steal at home and I sharpened my knives. I don't because I've got two little kids and you know when you've got two little kids there's a lot of pressure on your relationships I find a better not to sharpen eyes at home. I understand. Okay so don't make it through the knife. I wanted to work for an issue it should have just got to kill me in my sleep. You got to get it. I wanted to just...

I'm there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to... Damn it! Why didn't... That adds to her right? Why didn't you never sharpen these fuck knives? But at least give me a sporting chance to sort of wake up and go,

is that... What are you doing? Why are you prodding me with a blunt knife? Yeah, I don't want to wake up and go is that he's what are you doing yeah why you prodding me with a blunt knife yeah I don't want to wake up date from one cut no that's very true yeah yeah you're making married lives and very very feeling what was it Phil Hartman whose wife severed his penis I don't know I don't know it's Bob it's Bob it is a Bob it is something Lorena Bob it or something cousin has been stick off and chucked it in there one moment I'll I don't know, it's Bobbitt. It's Bobbitt. Something Lorena Bobbitt or something, cousin that has been stick off and chucked it in there.

One moment, I'm on it. Bobbitt. I know Philharmon's wife murdered him. Yeah, yeah, shot him, I think. Shot himself. I know there was another Hollywood where I was. Shot herself and then him. That's the wrong way, Ram.

Shot herself, not, yeah, I think it was that way. Oh yeah. Shot herself and then. Shot herself, they should remember she's so angry. She kind of begs. And you can feel the pain. That is deco. Oh no.

How embarrassing with that baby. So angry. You give way to me. I'm going to cut your fucking deco tonight. And then you accidentally shoot yourself first. And as you go up to pay the treat, like God damn it. I forgot to cut his deco. Send me back.

Yeah, send me back. You get to the fairly good school. Is there anything that you thought serves it well? I forgot to cut his dick off. And you send me back, I'll go straight to hell. I swear. They come back. That's a minute.

She's come back for one thing. To cut his dick off. And then you'll go. And it's like, just, you're only going to do 20 years in pergatory. You'll get it to heaven if you don't cut his dick off. That's fine, I'll take 20 years. There's the song that Ramstein did called Kind of Lust, which I believe is based loosely on the person who

put a thing in the paper saying, if anyone wants to eat me, they can do that and then someone's like, I'd love to. And then they got together and they ate his dick and then killed him. Yeah, ate him a bit. Did anyone go to jail for that? Did anyone go to jail for that? Yeah. Ramstein.

Ramstein. What I love about this conversation is that it all came from a funny little quip about how cold it is in Scotland. Yeah. Well that's the thing with comedy comedy. People think comedy comes from just, you know, trying to think of it. It's a rift, it's a rift. It's a classic rift. Yeah, a rift.

We're doing very dark. I'm setting fire. Well, no, to me, a dark and upsetting place is if we had gone from Edinburgh's quite cold in which to why the fuck don't they have asphalt and cement and we're still trotting along on cobbles. And the country that is so wet, as soon as they say it's like half a speaker water on those fucking cobbles, you're sliding to your gig and so many people were broken and sprained ankles.

I mean, yeah, we're different people. That's like you, that's all different people. That's like you that's that's all I mean slicing dick stuff Do you should I move the conversation back to Phil Hartman or should I just let I just want to know which famous Hollywood actor Had his penis sliced off by his wife. I mean, if that's too much to ask then, famous. Shut me down.

Acta. Keep talking. I think Phil Hartman we realized was shot by his wife. Yeah. I think she locked him, they, they, heroin was involved. Locked herself in the room. I think.

And they were like, come out, come out. So, very sad. John, John Wayne Bobbitt. John Wayne Bobbitt, who's dead got so back on and then he started doing porn but it's like that awful you know like porn is a hardly great act thing so now you've got a bogean and a caravan whose dick it's cut off for his wife and then sewn back on and then he goes hungry to star and porn so everyone just kind of clicked on to see if they can see the scars you know because that's kind of what it would drop off. Have you watched it? Yeah, of course, you know,

it's like, you have to, you have to sort of look into it, don't you? It's research. Yeah, it's just a good ring of scar tissue. Yeah, like if someone acts like a digger, a fucker bobbit, you know, but now it's a bit old for their reference. Right, right. Oh, there's a photo. I don't know if we can put it there. There's a photo of a court scene with a doctor holding up a photo of his 17th. Wow. They found it.

And I think a state trooper found it. I'm going to turn the photo around and show you guys. I've seen everything about that. If you're under 18 or you just don't want to look at sliced penises, don't search it. But if you do, then it's worth a look. Wow! Oh, it looks like the tip of the corn dog.

It doesn't it? It looks like a really good 12-year-old birthday party and everyone's loved the fray, the footy francs. Yeah. And there's just one left. One left. Yeah, mums overbaked it. Oh, you know when the sausage splits and it just gets bigger and bigger, that's what's mum. Yeah, the great thing about this is the doctorloids here. Look on his face, this was no joke.

He looks like Niles Crane. He does! It's like Niles Crane. He does! This is a funny one. I've never said the doctor looks like Niles Crane, not the penis. They've been hide pierced. It's just like, he's going to play in a movie.

It's a great, he simply sliced the penis off, Frater. The great thing about Google Image Search as well is there's a photo of just the guy holding the picture of the seventh deck and then next to it is the same picture, but the deck is blurred. It's right next to each other. That's in case if you click on that thing, are you sure you wanna see it and you go,

no, I'm not sure, then they give you that pixel.. He got both he got options. How do we get here? It's cold and it's cold. I just got the cuddles straight. Cables. Damn. Sam says and Sam says this he said this from the start Samling a male writer director. He said that he has to buy new shoes every time he comes to Scotland after he comes back. It's he has to invest in new shoes. That's why I got myself a pair of timberlands. I'm wearing new sneakers right now. How are you going?

The other ones, I didn't realize I had no grip. So you don't want to be caining it on your first day. Did you buy them here? Yeah. I walked out the first day and I went, I'm going to die. Then I went to a shoe shop and immediately bought these and just left the old ones there. They weren't old yet but they had no grip.

We're sponsored by Luke Crate and movement watches and they're both wonderful things but we're not plugging your shoes but what are they? I did ask something. I did ask, yes. And they're going okay? Yeah, right. I did us, yes, and they're going okay. Yeah, right. I've worn them every day. Oh, no, actually yesterday, I wore dress shoes.

Oh, okay. I'm fancy. Do you have a fancy gig to attend? Do you have a gig to attend? No, I just felt like I had a really good hair day. You know, when you have a good hair day, you're gonna fuck. I can't wear sneakers, yeah.

No, no, no. I'm not wearing sneakers with this hair. Bro, that's right, across good hair days. I looked up John Wayne Bobbitt Pawn and it's an effroncing image. Yeah, but the scar is not that they did a good job They did a great job. So now it's just a normal man with a normal penis. Yeah Isn't that incredible that you can get your dick sliced off and then just sewn back on What is that? How many how many podcasts have you guys done?

Two. No, no. We're about a year now, like 52. The number, how many? 52. So I reckon for your 100th, I will come back and cut one of your dicks all. Oh, fuck.

If you bring one of your shower noise, I'll do all three of you for the same prize. Oh, yeah. And we get a side-up. And we see what the doctors are like in Australia. I would I would I mean There's nothing that frightens me about get my dick sliced off now knowing that you can get it just sewn back on like Why wouldn't you do it? Why wouldn't you do it? Yeah, I mean and then instead of you know adding say Assessing me to to the front because you don't know how that's gonna. It just added to the base added to the base

Yeah, yeah, the base, but then the problem was then that mine would be 50 centimeters Yeah, well you can probably hold you know, I just added an extra centimeter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've got a massive dick too That's all man We'll have a birthday, guys. Thanks so much, everybody. Thank you. In fact, actually, so me and Broden have actually chipped in because we know what chipped a birthday, guys.

Yeah, thank you. So, who birthday is it? Is it generally birthday? Well, you guys have shared a birthday, which is today, yeah, it is actually a tour. Of course it is. So So what a sad one. So we've chipped in. We've chipped in. Yep.

Here you go guys. Oh my. And it's a baby dick. You got it. Because the severed dick of a baby. Okay, I don't know. I just mean like a little one. No, no, it's not.

I didn't mean like actual humans. So I really regret handing the improvisation over to you guys. Yeah well I saw that. So what that is, is it's a baby dick. Oh. It's like kind of thing that once you're not ready to have a relationship, you just got out of a rough relationship. Absolutely.

You're not ready to have another relationship yet. So what I want you to do is I want you to raise that baby dick. I want you to water it. Wow. No, Trent. And when that baby dick... It's such deep, man. That's deep. And when that grows into a full grown baby dick, you can have another relationship. Okay. That's beautiful. That is beautiful. Yeah, that is beautiful. What a kind of thought. I want to put on a man.

And like, he can't just hand us a huge dick because you know I'm a lesbian and I'm used to you know handling the bigger ones We don't buy the small ones. I got no there's been discussions among straight people That's so it's matter when I'm buy small ones Right, that's all I'm gonna say I'm just gonna leave that on the table for you guys They're options small one. Yeah, fuck yeah You walk in there's like from the size of your pinky straight up to like fire hydrant Yeah, and all the small ones are still there with dust on them, but the big ones are all you and you like

Do you have like one and it's all purpose or is there like a variety? Are you fucking worth it? I'm just asking. No, I've got a whole literally a whole bag of them Because well, I don't like like and and and but why do you have a whole bag? Because a sex suicide is the gift that keeps on giving. Like, you know, you don't just want your average deck. Like, it's so boring. You can't do much with it. You should cut it off.

But then you get so many different things. Like, it's like, if you're a kid, right, and your parents go, do you want all the toys in the toy shop or just the Lego? You go, just the Lego or just the torch. No, fuck it, open that shop, let's get that shud out, let's play it. So that's sex toys. That's great.

It's how you're getting the best of the polyamory world and the best of the monogamy world. Yeah, it's, yeah, literally. It's what, what's those, you feel like, tonight, Jarl? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what country are we in?

Like, uh, how are you, Japan? Where'd you like to Brazil? Yeah. I'm dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Yeah, we're in Japan, where you go? Which feeling to Brazil? Yeah, we're in Japan, where you can look for it, or in our work. Have a special bag? Yeah, there's a special bag. So it's my love of bags.

I like it rather than a box. I'm a big fan of a bag. Yeah, I imagine a duffel bag. Is it a duffel like bag? It is a very duffel like bag. Yeah, it is a big bag, isn't it. I don't know why that's the detail. I've just clicked it. Yeah.

It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you.

It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you.

It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a shit for you. It's not a but he's just ready to fuck. Can you just bring that with you on trips on tours or is that his idea? No, that's a big discussion with the wife and I, I go, he has to put in your bag, because people know me, you know. And I don't want to go to a customs and they go, the fuck is this in your bag? I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. So, now we pick one or two. And you travel quite a lot, so you'd be priority luggage and everything. You're just straight out, man so you'd be priority luggage and everything. You're the straight out man. That'd be great. But we've got some that just stays in the bag. The bathroom bag.

Yeah, sort of. There was a famous racehorse. I think it was, well, Kirby, Debra, one of the famous racehorse, had a, had a, a, a Shetland pony that traveled with it because it just made the main racehorse feel good. It's the little racehorse, the name was Henry, was Henry and he was an assistant, Shetland pony. It's like you have assistant dildos that just go for the trip and that's all they do. I like that. They just get you through the dark night. When you get back home you kind of fire it up, you know, put the petrol and whew! and wherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr degrees Celsius is not too much to ask of a summer, like of summer. Yeah, like and they laughed. They laughed at me. They were like that's that's so funny that you think that's a minimum

for summer. Yeah, I'm like it's not. But do you think like when they have 20 degrees here versus 20 degrees in Melbourne? Yeah. And 20 degrees in New Zealand. It's all different. Oh very much. You know, like 20 degrees in New Zealand is warm because we've got the humidity. Yeah. Then 20 degrees in Melbourne is cold. Here they're all in the park with their clothes off. Like, yeah, so, yeah, like they've forgotten, they've got a ginger undertone. It's like you're not going to tan fuck again. of the sun No, it's not, I'm about to go hard here we go. I don't know why you shoulda get the window I'm scared

Yeah, I love that's my favourite layer is it's 20 degrees I'm still wearing pants and a jacket and they're in shorts and no shirt They're virtually naked on the way here People are barbequing in the park Yeah, and shorts with no shirts on and I've got a jumper on a full hoodie in the hoods up Like an I'm a big unit. So I sort of have a good core temperature Right, I know what the fuck these people are doing. It's so funny But you're just going to robbing people aren't you like you you're in with your hoodie on, that's the main reason. No, no, that's...

I'm not an animal, I do it after six at night. Oh, sorry, my bad, my bad. That's my bad, a clava. Those who are here doing shows and robbing people. Yeah. So, I saw it night, I've got about 52 iPhones that I'm selling. LAUGHTER Contact me on Facebook.

LAUGHTER You're the only person making a profit out of Edinburgh. I thought you got to do something. I thought a cell phone shot. We all get, we're like, that's a big thing in the company community. We all get our cell phones from you. Cell phones are our jewelry. Yeah.

And I can get a pass for any partners that you may or may not collect during a program. So, we toured New Zealand earlier this year and we went around to Christchurch and we did a Gala's and you were the MC for every Gala, it was fucking sick because New Zealand, you're not to blow smoke up your ass, but like New Zealand loves a share to you. And uh, it's fucking sick to see the fucking audience love you. Cause like, yeah, we were just, we're no one really knows who we were there. And I was fucking great to see you smashing them. It was so good.

I, those, those garless, the one in Auckland was a bit, uh, you know, the first one, yeah. Fuck that. And they, it they so exhausted, you have to be there from like 11 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. And you only have seven minutes at, fucking the 11 o'clock at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go, why are we here all day? Yeah, it's the same, the biggest gala in Australia, the Melbourne comedy festival, the Oxfam gala, Will Anderson hosted this year. And the first time we'd ever done the gala, we've watched it for 20 years growing up

and having Will come out and be really on and like, you know, it's just fantastic, really good. And then when we came out at the end to Bale, he was just sitting in a chair, like with his jacket off, just like completely drained. It must be the most fucking full on thing to have to do that for like three hours. Because those gigs, the five minute set is so intense.

So to do a whole show would be... Yeah, I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't enjoy it. Because I've done the Gala in New Zealand for, I think, five or six years, and then I've done the Oxfam one five or six times. And then when they asked me to host that, I was like, yeah, how hard can it be? It was really... For a lot. And because the audience, you don't realize,

but then I look back at all the other hosts that have hosted New Zealand Gala, and I'm like, I can't even remember who they were. And people were sort of just like, get off stage, because I want to see the international's that are... Yeah, yeah, right, right. So you're sort of literally just there

taking up their time and they can't wait for you to fuck off. It's the thing It's the thing that I've started to gradually realize is we've got a few TV spots here or there is that When you're in an audience for a gala or a big TV spot like that I don't think you'll ever see a comedian give less of a fuck about the people in the room like for the people actually watching it. No one cares what the audience thinks because they just go it's literally for everyone at home hoping this looks good so I can go on TV. Fuck everyone here. Yeah we're looking over your head to the red light and the red light. Yeah you can't it's just you can't engage with them too much. When we first went in to do the Melbourne one we were like because we're all

theater trained we're like we'll use the whole space, we've got this big, beautiful stage, we'll spread out all across it, and then the director was like, actually, if you could just use this one meter by one meter square where the cameras are gonna be. It looks better for the wire. We'd appreciate it.

We just did a big one in North America and Montreal, and they cast the front row. So they get the pretty people to sit around the front. Because they were like, there's too much time and too much effort goes into this to just let any fuckhead sit in the front and they've made that mistake before. Well actually, now that you mentioned,

because I did it too, and I saw, because it was sponsored by air Canada and they had people that they upgraded, like winners. They upgraded to the front and everywhere they came with these hot couples And I'm like, oh shit. I'm so sorry. Only hot people get upgraded even in Like situation. Congratulations. You're better looking you sit up the front because when we were watching backstage and everyone's going on and doing a really good job And I was like, yeah, the crowd looks to be really happy and I I remember coming out, looking out from the other angle, and just seeing a sea of old people, just like five meters back. Yeah, there was just a six people up the front who were sexy and young. Yeah. And then just fucking dead cunts behind.

They were weird audiences. I mean, I was kind of weird coming out, but it's the same as with the gala because they so well lit Yeah, yeah, yeah, the audience is kind of they fucked, but they don't know it because they play for the camera almost You know, same as we do that and really just should about you They wondering when they're gonna be on camera Yeah, my favorite thing in the whole world is that reaction shot Yeah, just the look of a person with the fear of a camera on the light. Yeah. Because I saw a wear of it the whole time. With us at least 30 seconds in you sort of forget and you just start going for it. Yeah. And they don't. And especially if the cameras move

and you can see them the whole time. Like awkward like., yeah, you can see it right to the back, which is so good if you can't see them. It's the same with everyone. Everyone's Netflix Spursals. I really doubt that any of the people who like they're all just going to fuck these people here. We can make it sound like they're laughing later. It doesn't matter. Oh, yeah. My favorite species is when they just show the comic and every now and again, or at the end, they show them leaf. Yeah now and again, they're going to wait to end, they're showing them leaf. Yeah. You know, like the olden days, especially,

all I want to know about the fucking people laughing, I can picture what you look like laughing. Robick Donald starts with him just talking and ends before the show finishes. So he never says hello or thank you, it just starts when he starts telling jokes and then it cuts out, goes to credits when he's really, that's, that's, that's, that's, we have a promoter, we have this massive conversation about it, he's like, the whole point of a live taping

is to capture what it's like to be in the audience. But there's no point when you're in the audience where you just go into the aisle and look at the audience. And people are laughing. LAUGHTER Not a thing you do. Often what I do though is I often hover above the audience and pan across the room.

Yeah, I sweep into the stage. Because I'm a vampire. Then reset, and then come in and sweep in at another appropriate time. This was the quickest podcast I've ever gone for me. This was Love You or the Best Get. That's the end of the podcast. Well, I'm gonna stay here now, so I'll be, I'm, I'm phoning. You're gonna live with us with us yeah cuz I'm not going down the seas again

we can like carry you down if you need to do a show or something Tom cleaned before you came over because before you came over there a lot of dishes and a lot of rubbish Tom cleaned up it looks pretty good actually yeah so let's say's let's go. Yeah, do you want some? No, no, we've got my mind mate Is that a Kiwi thing? Yeah, yeah every Kiwi they've got my my fan Person that preferred bovral I I grew up in South Africa, that's our Marvada Vizma Weed Ballroom. Is that the real-edit, Bob Rool? Yeah, we know our first ever show.

We were obsessed with Bob Rool. We were just really obsessed with Bob Rool. And our first ever show we were applying for a thing called an FMV forever at home. That's a festival-managed venue, which is like a night. But we were never done comedy before. There was no way we were ever going to go to festival-managed venue.

So we really pulled out all the starts and Sam, for our application, drew a picture of a bovral station where we were going to give out hot cups of bovral after the show. That was our whole picture. And you give us a FMV, everyone who comes while I show you, gets a steaming hot cup of bovral. And you were like, and the earn will be tested in tags.

And it will be safe Everyone gets bogged We got it and then we bailed on the bog Yeah because that's a shit idea We wrote some jokes instead Yeah it was much We wrote an award nominated show Oh yeah

I prefer just funny Superb viewers, but really funny Thank you. Thank you so so much No one thanks for having me. I'm doing this. We are you will meet up in six months time And you can fly to Dixon. Yeah, just want to check the time on my movement watch. God. It's beautiful Yeah, now it's all good. We're all good just chucking in a little We're just gonna watch thating in a little Little bit of it. This is gonna Apple Watch that Oh, wow

I'm gonna say that Oh, no, no, they suck Ah Apple Watch, you Apple Watch, shit Too expensive, they're not great like movement watches I love my movement watch That's a bit of free fucking avatar But you do so much on that watch, I don't who boring

No strep though, hey Six very cool straps, six up with you Love is love is Australia, fucking vote right Much on that watch, I don't who boring. No strep though, hey? Six very cool straps. Love is love is Australia, fucking vote right. What? Yeah, fucking hell. Yeah, you get on that again, I think we should do it anyway. Love is love, love is love.

I'm gonna come right out and say it. Love is love. Love is love. I'm not gonna come, not yet. Just yet. We should probably plug have you been paying attention. Yeah, let's do that. Watch that, have you been paying attention? Or next year's festival show is a two early now.

I don't know. Not if you're probably already sold it. Yeah, well let's sell it out before anyone goes on sale. I think that is the way to do it. That's what you are. Our Dorgis rang for Daniel Slaus's cover up. He's gonna be for another guest. For our next podcast. Well good luck with that. Thank you so much.

Thanks guys. Thanks guys. Have a good one. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip-apisode brought by antidonaclub.com. See you next week!