Aunty Donna Podcast - Funny Mums & Dads feat. Wayne Kelly (Broden’s Dad)

Episode Date: August 29, 2023

This is the third instalment of our very funny series Funny Mums and Dads. This time around we’ve got a professional dad to lend some real world gravitas to the concept. It’s Broden’s dad who is not a comedian, but he loves a joke, and we (Broden in particular) love(s) him so what could go wrong. LINKS Listen to the first Funny Mums and Dads episode https://bit.ly/adp-funnymumdad-1 . Listen to Funny Mums and Dads with Jack Quaid by clicking https://bit.ly/adp-funnymumsdads-jackquaid .  Buy tickets to The Magical Dead Cat World Tour - https://bit.ly/auntydonna-worldtour . Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig . Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/ . CREDITS  Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno  Guest: Wayne KellyProducer: James Blake Digital Producers: Nick Barrett and Jim CruiseAudio Imager: Mitch Calladine Supervising Producer: Elise Cooper  Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh   Find more great podcasts like this at www.listnr.com/ Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A list-nuff production. G'day legends and welcome to another rip episode of the Anti-Donna podcast. It's time for another installment of one of our favourite improvisations, Funny, Mums and Dads. Brodans on Comtel will be cause for this edition, the boys are joined by Brodans Dad. No, not a hearted character, but the real deal, Wayne Kelly. Remember, you can get access to bonus episodes and the video version of the podcast over at anti-donaclub.com.

Hello everybody, welcome to the Anti-Donna podcast. Now, before we get into it, we thought everyone was owed a bit of an explainer, bit of an introduction, just so you knew who our guest was. So you know, this week we'll be doing an episode of our recurring series, Funny Mums and Dads, where I play a mum character,

Broden, Mark, played dad characters. But we thought, Father's Day is coming up, why don't we get in a special guest? And I just thought it was important for our guests to understand how this podcast worked, but also for you as the listener to to understand this isn't a comedian doing a bit. This is a real thing. Is it a comedian? Broden, do you want to introduce a special guest? Yes, this is Wayne Kelly, my dad. I won.

Well, thank you very much. Wayne, how are you today? I'm really good. I have a question. I always straight up with a question. Why don't I have an Aunty Donna Winch reader? Oh, well, this is a yeah, well this is a winch. Well, this is a winch. Well, this is part of our new swag. This is good. Glad we did the intro. Yeah, because it's not in well. Yeah, this is good. So if you would like one of these matching

brown tracksuits that has the anti-dona insignia on the embroidered onto the pant as well. Do you want to see that? Yeah, but that pair that you've got on is going to stain in the front. Where I piss my pants? Where are your PPs? Yeah, where are PPs? Oh, that's fine. Don't be rude. He made a joke that I piss my pants. No, I could joke. It's a good thing, it is, it is a piss could joke. No, I could just let you down. No, it is. It is a piss-state. Yeah, it's funny.

I piss my pants. So, do you have any questions before we get into it? Do you have any questions about the characters or the world? We do improvisation. Do you have any questions about our improv or anything like that? Why am I here? So we thought it would be fun for the authenticity to have a real dad in the mix. None of us are dads.

Get out. In real life. None of us are dads. Get out. In real life. We might be, but I don't know about it. And I'd like to keep it that way. Yeah. But Tom is a dad. Yeah.

You know, Tom, from the podcast. Yeah, I know, Tom. And you're a dad. Right? Yes, you are. Yes, I work with your elder son and I go to the gym with your youngest. Yeah, I don't know that I had anything to do with the conception. With the girl, really?

Oh, really? I used to travel a lot forward. Right, so I don't know. You don't know. You don't know. Well, I mean, I've got hair. Yeah, I've got a full hair hair hair hair hair. That's true, but apparently it comes from the mother's side. Yeah, she's hairy.

Yeah, right. Right. Well then, do you want to jump into it? Any other questions before we get into it? No, I think I'm okay. Yeah, yeah. I've got it. And you've done radio before, sir. Don't tell everybody. Oh, okay. We used to produce radio, right? I did, do you know that?

5.LA. In LA. 13.95. In 5.25. 5.25. Now we should... I make you a nepo baby, right? Yeah.

Are you a nepo baby? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. He rose through the ranks of Adelaide Radio. Holy hell. That is not true. It was a bit freaky though.

There were a lot of people there that had heaps of talent. Yeah. So I was always confused as to why I was there. Right. Oh well that's a bit self-deprecating. So I think you had it in you. I have what in me? I think you had the talent in you because Brodin is a talented guy.

He must have gotten it from somewhere. No. No, you didn't have any of the talent in you. No, no, no. So you can tell him when I did the charity? Oh, you did a 30 second community announcement for Westpac at the age of about, eight, nine, 10.

Yeah, and why take one take? I heard a rumor that you did it in one take. But I didn't, but I didn't. I didn't have to. Just walked in? No. No, that's not true. Was this a couple of years ago?

Like I said, yeah, just before he shaved. Yeah. Eight years old. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he didn't have to be. Yeah. Well, we're going to play characters now. We're going to play funny mums and dads.

Should we set up a scenario? Yeah. Maybe, Wayne, where's somewhere that you meet up with your other friends? Well, I mean, the caravan. Oh, no, we sold the caravan. Yeah, I know you sold the caravan. Oh, you sold the caravan? Yeah, when we car made at the caravan. No, we just make believe you.

No, no, no, if we sold the caravan. Well, we do, you know, the caravan's gone. Yeah. That's just a chapter that's closed. This is a good thing to talk about. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. Oh, you sold the caravan. Yeah, I know you sold the caravan. Yeah, I know you sold the caravan. Yeah, I know you sold the caravan. Yeah, if we've sold the caravan. We do, you know, the caravan's gone.

Yeah. That's just a chapter that's closed. This is a good thing to talk about is the caravan being sold. Where's a place you might talk about having sold the caravan? We would go to numerous cafes in the immediate area.

Yeah. Which is very cafe at the moment. Let's not dox your father. Yeah. Yeah. I've got options. I've got plenty of options. Say a cafe. Where would you stay now now that you don't go? I don't want to dox your father.

Well, you don't want me to be dox. You don't want me to go. He would love to be doxed. No, don't dox. Maybe we could be at a cafe, trying to figure out why Wayne sold the caravan. Because the caravan's great to have. Yeah, we're just your friends.

We're not Mark, Zach and Broden now. Yeah, we're gonna be your friends. Yeah, you're dead to me. Although, yes. Okay. I've been thinking about, yeah, where did your friends are not? I've been thinking though about the caravan thing. There is something to enjoying a glass of wine

out the front of the caravan, out the front of the innings. I think you're right, Broden. I think we're out the front of the innings. I think you're right, bro. I think we're out the front of the anix. Can you imagine any soldier so he's not dozing him? Yeah, no. We've sold the caravan. You know, if you're sitting at the front of the anix,

on the foreshore, on the peninsula, looking at the ripples from the spirit of Tasmania going past. It's soothing. You guys are in touch with, with the earth. This is where we are. Hold on to this. This is what we want from you. Yeah, yeah.

I want you to hold on you are there. And that's where we are. And let's start. Okay. Under the play of song. Yeah. Fun improvisation. Yeah, not now, you know.

Set in a caravan park. We're about now the four-shall. Now the four-shall. Yeah, not the four-shall. Yeah, not the four-shall. Yeah, not the front page. Oh, the front page. Right. You know, he would never, he came down once. Oh, we were going to jump into it,

and then I find out Brody and then they came down one. I like it. Why didn't you go down? Because he's a pain in the ass and he wouldn't go down. He's that blind. Because I was busy. Yeah. And you get it, you don't get it in January.

When did you get it? When did you used to get it? At the end of January? No in February and March 26th When did you ever come down on my birthday? Yeah, and then it's not even a fucking tent. We bought your cake from Costco Right, that's you love Costco

That's very fun if anyone listening bro, and loves like big sweet things from Costco. I know He got the biggest bag of Doritos. Oh, he was. He was like a 10kG bag of corncheese. No, really. Of Doritos. Yeah. Dorito branded or just like.

Oh, no, no, Doritos. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm Costco. He imported from the US today. Yeah, yeah. When was this? Was this when he was eight? It was like four years ago.

No, no, it couldn could be two years ago. And he came to the, he came once, he brought a big bag of Doritos, and that's all he did. No, no, I bought the Doritos. You bought the Doritos. You bought the Doritos. And the Costco cake and he owned the candy.

And now he sold the caravan. Yeah, so now that, that chance is gone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no well in this world, in this world, your sons are Broden Mitchell, your Wayne camera. You're just you. You don't have to be funny. You hear that? He was like, you don't have to be funny.

No, I'm not. I'm not being funny though. I don't want to be funny. I'm not. I don't do funny. I don't do funny. No, I pissed my pants was pretty funny. No, I don't do funny.

Well, you know, that is what it is. We're not gonna be funny. You be funny. No, don't be funny. Don't be funny. I think, you know what, Wayne, well, I can just be yourself. Yes, and I have a feeling.

It's gonna be pretty funny. Yeah, that's what I think. Okay, let's, will we start it? Yeah, just thing on. Oh, it's on. Baby, it's been getting you this whole time. All right, that's please. All right.

Ready, set, go. What time of day is it? It twilight, I imagine. Great. It's twilight. Ready, here we go. Do you want to start us off? I'm actually, could you do a little monologue?

Could you open with a little monologue, just sort of saying, I'm sitting here and they describe what you are and just... Does that make sense? Is there a concert? Am I on the four-show? Yeah, you're on the four-show. Not the bed, then a... It's at the care of it. You're drinking...

Yep, totally. Brodin and Mitch, your sons didn't come again another year. I forgot the banana land, yeah. Dude! All of this, all of this, beautiful. Yeah, talk us through it. again another year. I've got the banana lounge out. Beautiful. Beautiful. There's beautiful. Yeah, talk us through it. Talk us through what you see and what's going on.

Next to me is my Cogan ice machine. Mm. For 150 bucks, it makes ice. That's cheap. It makes really good ice. 15 minutes it takes. Well, chance at its first. So I pull out a refreshing drink.

What's the drink? It's nothing like an icy cold counter coke. You guys have seen that? Well, see, rodeo stations give out icy cold cans of coke. Yeah, yeah, on the beach. On the beach. Yeah. So I'm just sitting on the banana lounge, I'm taking the ambience. Tell us about the ambience. Describe what do we see. You've got lizards running through the long grass. A few rats come out looking at people in bathing suits and speedos that shouldn't be in boat and suits and speedos. Right. Watching the spirit of Tasmania head towards McCray where it does the Brake and then heads towards the heads. So is that a winner of the bass straight? No, we need a best rate

We're in Port Phillip Bay, right, so But it used to come straight out of station here and it would go straight line straight to McCray Yeah, it would go straight line, straight to McCray, and it would use the lighthouse as a bit of an indicator, and it would do a right hand turn, sharp right hand turn, like you'd do on the corner of Brunswick Road and Sydney Road. Oh, I know, I know exactly that area. And then it had straight towards the heads, but it creates this backwash where... Yeah, waves for the gamers. And a toddler would be knocked ass over. And that's always funny, you see?

Yes. Yes. Yeah, now it's in the sun setting, the sun will be setting. We're looking at twilight, paper six o'clock-ish. Six o'clock, you know. Just nice. Oh, this is nice. And then we might wander over to the Fish and Chip shop.

Oh, yeah, that sounds beautiful. No, we haven't brought it to the characters yet. So what happens at the Fish and Chip shop? Well, he makes home made potato cakes. Oh, and you've only been there once, bro. How do you know the process of what do you mean home? I mean, you're taking it when he cuts it. Yes.

End of story. You know, you put it in a bit of batter. Just half a potato on the. No, not half a potato. About the thickness of your. You said, all right, so Wayne is giving you the finger right now. About the thickness of the finger. But Wayne, the middle finger, to be fair, you said he cuts the potato in half and then that's it

oh now he drops it through the batter great flow you're gonna flow load the drag about the thickness of your fingers yeah right and then drops it in the deep fryer and the thingy is he's guy. Oh look, some people. Where are we with the fish and sheep shop? Over over the fourshall. Yeah, wherever you want. Where do you want us to be? Fish and sheep shop or the fourshall?

Oh, we'll go back to the fourshall with the fish and sheep shop. We met at the fish and sheep shop. Right, love you. Beautiful, it's all coming together. Oh. We've got fish, we've got sheep. Are we doing characters now? Oh, yeah.

Oh, why are you all right? This is lovely. Yeah. Why, take, thank you. Watch it out for the sea gals. Oh, yeah. I love your hot chips. I love hot chips.

Yeah, I want to bloody take my chips away from him, but I won't let him. No, no. No, you're here. Yeah, I'm here. I might just, I'm gonna sore throat at the moment, so I'm not gonna... Yeah, I'll come mate, what's happened? Oh.

Bloody kids make it, you just have to scream at all your kids. Yeah, right on the neck. You yell at your kids, Wayne? Never, never. No, just... Oh, I don't know if that's true, but... What, how would you know? Yeah, what, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Oh, the man's told us he's never yelled at his kids, man. Oh, take just a red wine. Take for his words for it then. Yeah. Just go straight to backhand. Oh, right.

That sounds cool. Discipline them. Yeah, yeah. No, I just a point wrong. That's wrong. Oh, yeah. No, the kids. I'm a kid for what?

No, it's fair to say we don't beat our kids enough these days. That's why they're running a mark. So Mitchell is... He's been ironic. Oh, Mitchell? He's the example of not being beaten. Is that your youngest? The correct. Yeah, he's joking.

Yeah. This one's the example of backhand. He's joking. Who's this one? No, I'm a different character. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm confused. Who's this one?

I'm a different guy. All right. So, wait and this is lovely This is lovely. I'll tell you what I would love a crisp glass of white wine Oh to take this in do you have a white wine in that is shardy in in the oh no it's all about Pino's that's all about um what brand is that on Blancney? That is the LB6 dollar That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that?

What brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? What brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? What brand is that? What brand is that? That's all about what brand is that?

That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that?

That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? That's all about what brand is that? $6 a bottle. He like their beer, no? Yeah, beautiful. Tell him about the beer life from there. Still in the cupboard. Yeah, what is it though? Piss, shit. It's piss shit. What? I don't think we bought you bought a bunch of it. How do you know this? I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not I don't want to he doesn't even visit I don't know why wouldn't you just met it? I just met it. Oh yeah.

Are we in character still? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, we made the switch. Yeah, and this is a, what switch? I don't know. I'm saying I made the Nintendo switch. Oh, did you?

Yeah, yeah. What one you made? This one is an off-bed. You got me. Yeah, no. This one isn't half-bed. Yeah, it's not. It's not malperous, I've bonked but it's nice.

I don't drink it, I give it to other people. Yeah, what are you drinking? I drink the good stuff. What are you drinking? Pepsi Max. Are you drinking the good one? You're like Pepsi Max one? Pepsi Max way, are they sponsoring?

No, you don't have to worry about that. Just say it. No, no, it's Pepsi Max is okay. I do like a diet cake. Yes, a diet cake. No, no, it's Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, it's okay. I do like a diet cake. Yes. Yeah, diet cake. Don't go. Kote no sugar.

Yeah, yeah. I don't touch the fizzy stuff anymore. No. A frosty, carton draft. Oh, no, you're talking. You know, and a nice frosty grime. Oh. It does like, it puts glasses.

Do you put glasses in the freezer? How do you know? I'm just asking you the questions. I just think it's really strange to just met this man. I'm asking him a question. When we went to the fish and chip shop, we ordered $30 worth of crab sticks.

And then, you know, and then we met this man who was getting a scallop family dinner pack. Although I think he had a crab stick. All four of them sell for the crab sticks. Did you have something to sell? I had nothing to do with crab sticks. No, no, no.

We ordered, I ordered for me and my friends here. $30 do with crab sticks. No, no, no, no. We ordered, I ordered for me and my friends here, $30 worth of crab sticks. What do you know? I make crab sticks and a tribe. And a tribe. Really? Out of the stomach line and from sheep. A beast. A beast.

What do you order when you go to fish and chip shop? No jokes, just what I'm wondering. So you fly for potato cakes? Yeah, minimum chips. What's your order when you get a pizza? Why you asking? I'm asking all these questions. What do you get?

What? Lately we're on to Hawaii and with capsicum. What do you get? Me. What do you get? What a small Aussie. Yeah, with what? Bacon and egg.

And extra egg maybe. Oh, yeah. It sounds like you know a lot about this. I'm just talking about the Helsing days of La Pauke, I'm just talking about the Helsing days of La Pauke, catering,

calp. I'm so sorry. But what the fuck is this? Yeah, is it concerning? Are you worried about the fact that this man knows your pizza order, knows your fish and chips order? I'm worried.

I'm worried that you're you're stalking this man. No, I'm a god. I've come down to McCray, I know everything about all of your characters. What's my pizza order? You just like cheese mate. Fuck, what's my pizza order? You like, you're just like a nice, simple one. Margarita.

Yeah. You do like. Margarita. Yeah. You know, do like a margarita. He knows. I'll just get whatever I'll just get whatever the kids are getting, you know, and I'll just, I'll just pick, I'll have a slice of this slice of that. You're saying new cars that are coming out lately. Good looking cars. What car do you like, Wayne?

Where's this going? When I'm just these we're just friends. Yeah, we're enjoying some, uh, some. Yeah, we're enjoying some fish and chips. We're having some crab sticks. What you test drove a few cars lately? Maybe. Maybe. What did you test drive?

How do you know this? I don't know, I've got a feeling. I saw a new car out there, the Honda. Are you sure? Yes, you like that? Yes, that's good. It's got a scratch on the door. Yeah. I do that. This is a, the Honda. Are you? Yes, yes, yes. You like that? Yes, that's good. It's got a scratch on the door. Yeah.

I do that. Is it a J-co? No, no, no, no, no. No, what is this? Can I just jump out of here very quickly to tell the Honda store at the store? Are you sure you've been selling it? I dropped them off at a cruise, right?

Yeah. They wanted a cruise. I dropped them off at the... It's a prudent test, man. And he asked me that. I took his car and he was like, all right, see ya. And then as he got out, he dropped his wheelie bag on the side and scratched it.

The door and he went, he was like, oh, bye. And he was throwing, oh, Jesus. And then walked onto the ship. How was that? I'm not done a cruise. I was packed in. I'm just broading, I think. I'm broading.

All right, you're packed in. You could just be waiting outside. The bag was packed in correctly. So I was a packer. I'm just a roadiner, I think I'm a roadiner. All right, you're a packer. You could just be way inside. The bag was packed in correctly, so it was way too drunk. So we're not doing a hand off at a topple, no. But the cruise, you did the cruise. I'm not done a cruise. I can't get my husband. No, I can't get my husband to do it.

I can't convince. I was gonna stop the improv just for one second, just so you know, a roadiner has changed gears. Broden is now your son, Wayne. So this is, so Broden has come to the caravan. Yeah, this night This is a fantasy. Oh, that was the one time. That was that no, but this in this fantasy world and this fantasy in Prove world Right now we're just gonna have the caravan. Yeah, I'm broding. I'm still the caravan. We're still on the foreshore. Okay

I got it, but Broden has come as your son. This is for Zach as well That's good for me and then it's good for me. That would be his second time then. Well, let's begin. Let's talk about that now. We're gonna begin now. Tell him about the... Tell him about the cruise. Oh, is this your boy? Who's this? It's the adoptive one.

That's your adoptive son. He's pulling your leg, man. What's your name? My name is Cran. All. What's your name? My name is Crand. All right, and your name? Oh, my name doesn't matter. I don't wanna bother you all with my name. You see, yeah, and then you're Wayne. Is this your oldest boy?

Tell him about the cruise you went on because she wants to go on the cruise. I'm trying to convince my husband to go on a cruise and I don't think he'll like, he thinks he won't like it, but he always has fun. Cruises, not for me. No. Well, this one doesn't like cruises either. He's in my husband Yeah, welcome. Did you like the cruise? I loved it. Which one's the lady?

And then I've got a husband who doesn't want to go on a cruise. I do I'm trying to convince him Could you might my character had a bad experience on a cruise once. But he's not my, he's not my, but so therefore doesn't like cruises anymore, but it was more of an emotional bad time. So he's, well with the peer. What, no, it was a break up.

Like the, oh, it was instigated on the cruise. On the cruise. Yeah, but we'll find that out. If you want to ask Mike out, it's just about that. Did I know that person? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just to be very clear, he's not my husband.

No, he's a friend of my husband. But you can ask. Oh, no, no, no, I'm friends with them. My husband is a meek man. He doesn't have a lot of friends. Yeah, yeah. If you want to know, yeah, if you want to know the lady I'm the lady I'm the lady I've got a meek husband he doesn't have a lot of friends I call them his friends but he's not really friends with yeah he doesn't want to go on a cruise also my husband doesn't want to go on a cruise

so we can jump back in sure ask him about the cruise where am I no you know what you're doing I'm not going to say this, but I've got a couple of dimis. I love a dimi. Freude us names. Freude. Freude. You know what you're doing? We're having a big, big, big fight. You're not going to be on the four-show. Yeah, we're on the four-show. And we're having a big fight.

And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight.

And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're having a big fight. And we're fish and chip shop. Oh, 30 dollars of crab sticks. Yeah. And at the last moment, I was like, put in some fried dimmies in there. And they did it for free.

You know, they tried. Yeah. So I said, I don't mind. Yeah, I don't mind. So when we jump into it, we're at the foreshore and we will talk about the cruise. Okay, I'm trying to convince my husband, but just be real.

Tell me your real experience is going on a cruise. Fantastic. Well, not yet. But you know, wait till we start the cruise. Okay. But that's good. Well, not yet, but still we start the good. Right, right. But that's good, that's really good, because that'll really spark it. I remember my character, doesn't like cruise.

But let's, sure. So you're the man. I'm the man. He's not the man. Yeah. I'm the man. With a peace stain. No, I leave that.

That's my stop as my. Here we go. Here we go. I heard you like going on a cruise. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. the buffet. Oh, I don't like losers. And don't ask me why. Why? No, you don't ask. Well, what happened was we know about the divorce. Me and the ex, we went on the cruise together trying to save the relationship, you know. Last ditch effort to insist.

And it did not go well. And so we had a talk on the cruise and decided to go our separate ways. That was on day one of the cruise. This was a 58 day cruise. Oh, he, how long was yours? Three days. Oh, that was that we should have done. Three days in retrospect. Where did we go? We did La Patese. Actually, we didn't even do a lap.

We just went to Bernie's. And this is your eldest boy, is it? Yeah, did he come on the cruise? Did you go on the cruise, mate? I'm not going to do that for Tessie. Actually, we didn't even do a lap. We just went to Bernie's sort of... And this is your eldest boy, is it? Yeah, did he come on the cruise? Did you go on the cruise mate? Why did you go on a short cruise for? Well, it was a second-sea trip. That's right.

So you weren't excited. You weren't interested in going? I know, no. What do you mean by second-sea? Well, I don't want to spend a lot of money on a big cruise and then have a bad experience. I don't know if I'm a divorce law or you get on there and after day one you go, this is a mystery. My husband's a sickly man, he might get sick on the cruise. So that was a nice little touch to do the little three day thing?

Yeah, no, no. That's trial, yeah. And the buffet was good. Oh, magnificent. That's all the food. That was just a buffet. A buffet for breakfast, buffet for lunch, buffet for dinner. Would you like a buffet for supper?

They have comedy on there. Comedy? Yeah, comedy. There's a few people there that are flipping jokes. Yeah, that was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can relate to that. Did you like the shows, there were good shows there, yeah, who was having a full-fledged?

Lovely cabaret. Oh, yeah, love cabaret. Love a cabaret. Love a cabaret. Love a cabaret artist on the boat with you. Yes. Yes. My favorite kind of chair.

Did you compliment them? Oh, what's your favorite kind of chair? Is a caberace. A caberace. Oh, yes. You're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, I'm like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you like, wooden chair, wooden back. Is that a cabaret chair? It's a type of chair. Do you know how to fart? What are you teaching your son the other way?

Is that a French word? Cabaret? Yes, I think it is. Yeah, if you send him a name, Paris. Might be. I thought it was fun. Did you? Yeah, you.

What have you been watching? Emily in Paris. Emily in Paris. You're different, are you? Mm-hmm. Emily in Paris. Did you notice it was not much tell it in the show? Oh It was good scenery was good to promote Paris better than that bloody you know that girl What's that dragon what won the dragon was all the the the dragon done house of dragon house of drag house of drag house of drag

House of drag house of drag No, I did go to the House of Dragon. House of Dragon. House back it up to when you were talking about drag. Yeah, go do it again, dragons. Yeah, and I said, oh, I went down Chapel Street the other day. And you go, drag, dragging, drag races down there. Just, just, what was that, that was, that was gold. I said, you go, I get that, that's good. Yeah, yeah, straight through.

Yeah, it's good. You didn't like it, they did you the kids these days, I don't think anything's funny. Oh, that's a political correctness. Yeah, they don't get proper humor, proper jokes. Are you gonna keep Fox still? Are you gonna cut it when you move the game? Oh, I think we'll cut it.

Can I ask about the buffet? Yeah. What would tell me about that? Well, they'd make you ronely for you. No. And you scramble the eggs if you want to. Oh my god. Oh, I did.

And what else did they have? Did they have just the egg option? All these cakes. Uh-huh. And your waffles. We have to catch our own food on on my. You have what? I had to catch my own food on my cruise. Triedly? Yeah. Are you sure it was a cruise? Or a boat? A small dinner. It was a cruise. Maybe your wife divorced you because you promised her a cruise and you brought her out of dinghy. The boat was small.

The boat was small and it was just me and her. Yeah, because these are big ships. What's the one you went on? Yeah, the Queen Elizabeth. Oh! Oh! Not the person. So I, I don't know if you would mind entirely.

I would love to just hear from Wayne each about the buffet and each meal at the buffet. Oh absolutely. Oh well. So tell us about the breakfast. Well the highlight of the breakfast. Probably not so much from a vegan perspective. They would slice off. So like your German style. They have a piece of pork, and they call it sweat or chives of flesh. Oh, a nice slice. Yeah, yeah. A nice slice. And it is made in the sense of... Oh, no.

Nice to be able to. The Americans have it with maple syrup, which I think. No, that's foul. No, foul. No, foul was the, you had eggs. That's good. They come from the foul. Yeah.

Right. Please, a little bit of bacon. Oh, no. Still with no eggs. It was that, I picked up on that one. Yeah, no, the foul. It's right over here. Yep.

It's because I'm playing. So now, and then what would you, if you got hungry for a snack between breakfast and lunch, did they have any? Oh, come on down. They had your finger sandwiches. Yeah. Finger sandwiches. And this is your elder boy, is it?

This one. Did you come on the cruise? He's like me. I dropped them off. Yeah. That Mitchell's nicer. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Mitchell's the young, talented one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's good with. I dropped them off. Yeah, it michael's nicer. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah, and michael's the young Tell a little one. Yeah, yeah, just go with the music. Yeah. Yes, right. So what do you do for a job internationally renowned?

What do you do for a very successful fucking comedian? What do you do? What do you want? What have you done? I have a podcast Oh, you want to tell it? I'm Netflix show ABC show. I bet say oh That's not on the ABC I'm Netflix show ABC show. ABC. Oh, very nice. Oh, that's nice. You're on the ABC. What's that? What's that? Anti-Donna's coffee cafe. Oh, I think I've seen you in the, on the, on the sort of the year highlight.

Yeah. You're the one in the cafe. Yeah. Oh. That's fun, why? Then the Colesmaster cut-eds. Yeah, you'd be proud of him. Yeah.

You're proud of him. No, I am no interest in the Netflix thing, but the ABC and the Coles Master Cut ad, that would have been good. That's right, yes. We have a YouTube channel that's had 113 million views. What is that good? But Master Cut.

Oh, ABC! Amazing. Oh, have you been to the Oscars? No, they used to live around, no. I have friends who used to live around the corner from... Yeah, I've never been, I went to LA once, I hated it. Yeah, it's a shit all. It's just, it's cars everywhere, it stinks of smog.

But then we went up to San Francisco. Oh, beautiful. He's been to, he went to, he went to, he went to Las Vegas for a conference and then he watched the hangover every day for two months after. That's true. That's true. I don't think I'd like last Vegas. 30. Yeah. So lunch. Yeah, what did you have? Oh, really close. Oh, beautiful.

You'd have, um, are there were salads? Yeah, no. Two dolphins. Yeah. So you've a bit of meat, a bit of a salad plant. Oh, there were salads, you know. Yeah, no, it's kiddoffins. So you've a bit of meat, a bit of salad plant. Oh yeah. Some more Brazilian. Oh, yes, I'm a Brazilian. Yes, yes.

Yeah. Some iceburg lettuce, cosolace. Some bread rolls, with either the bread rolls. Yeah. I'm curious to have their machines for your busy, or did you have to ask for it? Yeah, and they were always out of order. Really?

Yeah. So that's a no. Body care. Saying rude things were they? Did you tell these shots? I did it. Out of order, you're out of order. Yeah.

Oh, and the soft serve machines. They had them. You could use that, order. Yeah, it's out of order. You could do a skid. You want to be my out of order joke? You could do a skid about it. Out of order is that you do.

Yeah, like that. Yeah, you could do the skid about it. Now who's great? Who? Rodney Dangerfield. Speaking of which, did you see Russell Gilbert on Channel 7 at the moment? Yeah, I've done that. That's a Summer's Carol production. Yeah. Oh, I wouldn't do that. Summer's Carolies? No. Explain to them what Summer's Carol is. Well, Summer's Carol was also the ostrich and a lot of them are ostrich. Do you think they are now?

Do you know, I just think it's so rude. You know, it's very necessary. Yeah, it's just unnecessary. You see the dragon? You see the dragon here? The dragon? The dragon? The dragon?

What is the dragon? It's the dragons and that they're effing and killing each other. Yeah, I was doing that down chapel street the other day. Does he still Wayne's joke? No, no, I came up with that. That was a good joke Yeah, I'm funny. Yeah, but it wasn't funny. So I used it in the context of sexual Wind out and he's talking about you know Mystical drag. No, I didn't I meant like drag racing drag racing. Oh. Oh. Like my fucking monarrow. Yeah.

What? Okay. Yeah. Right. This is the eldest, is it? Yeah. Oh, what do you do for a job? He, um, he's like Mitchell.

Ah, right, Mitchell's most. And Mitchell's your is the younger. Yeah, tell me, tell me. Tell me, tell me. Tell me, tell me. Yeah. I think we should mix this up. So my mum character is gonna go away.

And then I'm gonna introduce a new character if that's okay. Yeah, great. Okay, good. Anyway, I'm off. Say goodbye to her. See you, Wayne. Bye.

What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It doesn't matter. I'll catch up with you at wherever it is we talk. Okay, bye bye. Bye. Yeah, where'd be Plaza? Where'd be Plaza? Oh, hello there. Well, an Englishman. Wait, who's this? Oh, hello.

Is it Lord Duffdom? Yes, it's me. Lord Drafton fucked them. Yes, it's me Lord Drafton fucked them I should have met you you too, Wade All right, who won't you bring that character? I thought it might be a good prompt mix exactly got Lord Drafton fucked them Lord Hello. Hello. What's my name? Oh, you're a shitty pizza. Yeah, no, well, I wasn't really what I was going for. What are you knocking on the door to find just that coming. No, I come in. Trust me. Okay, come in. Trust me. Oh, hey there. Yeah, coming trust me. Oh, hey there Yeah, somebody's saying yeah

We're just doing some improv Do you want to do a character? Do you want to do a character? Tell me did you guys actually get a sponsor for these for these podcasts? No, we're struggling these podcasts. No, we're struggling to find the target. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's go back. Let's just go back to the foreshore. Sorry, I tried to go on top of it. It didn't work. And that's on me. No, it's really on me. It goes all the way back to, can I just paint the picture on the sand? It's getting comfortable now. Yeah. I'm on the sand. Uh huh. You've got the ice from the Kagan Ice Machine with a bottle of, he doesn't have long, he doesn't have a Kagan Ice Machine, he's very proud of it.

What do you, oh yeah great, makes ice in 15 minutes. It does, yeah. I can feel the freezer tray with ice. Four, 20 minutes tops. Oh my God, that's amazing. That's incredible.

It is, it's ideal. When you bring that with you, well tell me, pick it up, yeah, put it in the car, and then you bring that with you. Well, tell me, you know, pick it up. Yeah. Put it in the car. And then you just, yeah, not anymore. No, no, because I sold the band. Yeah. Yeah. What's this fan then? What's this fan? What's the van we're in then? Uh, he's jumped back into it. He said, he's jumped, we're in the improv now. Oh, okay. But you said we sold the van in the improv.

Yeah, so the only way that's gone. It's through improv. So, just say you've put a new one. We've got a new van. Yes. And it's got an ice machine. So I brought it from home. And I sit and I take ice from the ice machine

and put drinks in it, which come nice cold. Yeah, it does look like that. Yeah, I like that. Is this a J-co? Yes. Yes, this one is a J-co. 17 foot. That is my favourite brand. Wow.

Tell me about the J-co. It's got wheels and the pointy bit at the front that you lift up. Where do you leave it? Down the beach. No, you take it, you not take it back, you leave it craigs. Where do you leave it? Down the beach. You know, you take it, you not take it back, you leave it craigs. Where'd you leave it?

We left it, Mrs. Displi. Ah, yeah, right, yeah. Hair place. I thought you sold it. And then we sold it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Tell me about dinners on the cruise.

By fakes. Actually, they had really nice restaurants. Yeah. And a floor show that they're famous for. What's the floor show? Oh, it was the Cabaret. It was really, really good. And they had these four guys that they called like the Rat Packs. So you had Sinatra.

And you had, um, Sinatra, and you had, um, give me the name of the other guy. What was the other guy? The other guy. The Martin. The Martin. The Martin. And there's another guy. What was the other guy? The other guy. The man. The man.

And there's another guy. Francis Ford Coppill. No, Peter Loffen. Peter Loffen. Bobby DARREN. That was on the tip of my tongue, Peter Loffen. Yeah. So they did this little bit of a vagus sort of...

And this is on the floor of the boat. Yeah. It was a really big theater. Right. Theater was bigger than some of the boat. Yeah, it was a really big theater. The theater was bigger than some of the theaters you guys have played. I'm a real old-shit with five. I've never played in a theater.

I'm a librarian. I played big theaters, Wayne. Yeah, I'm a regga, I'm a regga, a new-e system. All right, yeah. Who are you now? The same, I'm back to the room. All right, here's the.

Now, the new-y system is where you... The old filing system with the cards. With the numbers and everything. And someone would pick up... Oh, I don't know. 1994 by George Orwell, I say this was taken up by Zachary Huwahan. Well, we use the Dewey for the non-fiction. We do alphabetical for the fictions.

You seem confused, Wade. So he's doing decimal for the nonfiction and then if you're looking for 1984 you'd go George Orwell. So you'd go Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Well, last book I read. Is it Ron Itles? I think it might have been. Yeah. What's Ron Itles do? Not much now, it should be fine. No, but what was it?

Well, how do you know that? We just met him at the fish and chips shop. No, I'm Broden. Oh, wait. Who are you? Who are you? What is Sun? What are you doing for work?

I'm a comedian. Right. Tell him about Ron Itles. You're a great guy. What does he do? What did he do? Well, he was at one stage. He was in charge of the homicide squad.

Oh, no. Oh, yuck. That sounds yuck. You don't like people in charge? No, talking about homicide. I know it happens. I just don't need to read about it. What was his case closure rate?

99. It was almost like Don Brebman's striker. Oh, he was 99%. Wow. Do you reckon they ever talked about that? Well, um, probably no. But two men with 99% strike rate getting together. Oh, tell them how we went to Don Bradman's funeral. We saw his. Yeah. Yeah. We were living in Adelaide at the time and Don Bradman's Courage, Drove Pass, the end of his street. And because in Adelaide there's not much to do.

Well, the current affair comes on 6.30, 7 o'clock, so 7 o'clock Simpsons. Well I actually channeled 10, that was probably the 5 o'clock news comes on at six o'clock and then there's the Simpsons from six to six thirty and then six thirty it'll seven and then seven to seven thirty it's just Shadow Ten. Yeah, yeah, and then I think it's in the 90s. So after the Simpsons comes on, you go, well, it's all the bedtime or don't grab all the panel. Or the panel. Or the panel. Yeah, that was 20 years ago, the panel was.

Beautiful. Well, my husband, he worked in IT even then. So he had computers and everything. We had a computer at the house then and that was quite weird then. And then the kids didn't understand it. And I said, this is special, you know.. Well you would have enjoyed dial up internet goodness yeah. I put that phone down don't make a call bring your mother later. Yeah otherwise I can't get on the internet. Oh good one sorry. I remember I found my my my elder son he on the on

the computer he, he'd been looking up pornography. No. And we had to sit him down and have the talk with him and I thought, God, I could not imagine anything worse. So, what I brought one of those bloody A-max back in the late, early, uh, 2000s, the color bubble line, right? The color thing.

Open it up. Yeah. Plug it in. Get out my floppy discs, go to put it. No floppy discs drive. I know. That's why I said you should have gone to my husband, he could have built you a flop. I just couldn't believe it, I was like, yeah, they're going backwards.

How much did you pay for that? At the time, I think it was like two and a half grand. My husband could have built you something better with a floppy disc drive for that. At the time, I think it was like two and a half grand. My husband could have built you something better with a floppy disk drive for 1700. He does that in his spare time. Really? It's build computers. I fucked up.

Yeah. What about a USB stick back then? Oh, back then I'd never even bloody heard of it, mate. Somebody USB stick. I mean, a USB stick, the size of your finger. Size of your finger right there, right? Stop doing them, it'd be like 150 bucks. 150 bucks. Yeah. Yeah. And what could you fit on it? One JPEG. One JPEG. Um, we're, we're going to go into our fish and chips. Well, that's the end of the improv. Yeah. Great. Wayne, thank you so

much for joining us. That's a very good start When does it start? Oh, it's been going. Is it started? No, it's it started and finished. He's been. He's been. When is he being funny? We're riffing. No, we're just. We'll get that up. And who's this? No, we've finished the riff.

Oh, sorry. We're sorry about. Oh, I know. You never riffed. You're what? It's me. It's working. It's working. He's the God. Wayne Kelly. Wayne, do can have a review of your. It's me on. It's my case. It's the God. Wayne Kelly.

Wayne, do you have anything to promote? Any podcasts, anything? Yeah, do you have a show in the comedy festival? I'm showing the comedy festival. I'll probably I'd like to have a show in the comedy festival. Well, talk to your boy. He's no, no, he's the registration. Work with me.

Work with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Auditorium. Yeah. with me. Yeah, yeah, yeah Auditorium, yeah 250 seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you know what the act is what the act is right the guy who's doing the performing Yeah, he's the usher So he just brings people in and say takes him to this yeah upsells drumstick Upsells drumstick upsells drumstick. You know, would you like a drumstick?

Yeah, no, I understand I'm just confused as the white the words up. Oh, that's the show. That's the show. So people coming. They sit down, take some half an hour to bring everybody in. You're in the right. See, sorry. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a good idea. And he came up on the screen. Do you remember that? That was shocking What a top-com maverick yeah, yeah, and he came up for his skidows his Friday night movies at the leader Yeah, and he came up on the I went to see I went to see Tony Martin. Yeah, right famous comedian. Yeah, right Tom Cruise comes up on the screen. So we're waiting for Tony

Mahan to front. Because you're seeing Tony Mahan at the movies. At the movies. So there's a live standard comedy night at Lido. Oh, yes. Oh no, Tuesday or Wednesday. Me? I don't know. No, Tony Mahan. I think the comedy night's on a Wednesday, but I might be right. So I've got the chock top. Leanne's got her chock top. What flavors? Leanne's my boy. Boys and Berry. Oh, beautiful. Yeah. And the drink.

The boys and Berry. The super drink, right? The big drink, the big soft drink. By the time we've sat down, Lee looks at me, she says, where's your ice cream? And I said, it's gone. Yeah, so she ate it.

We're taking hers out of the wrapper. Yeah. So we sit down waiting for Tony Martin to come on. So anyway, Tom Cruise comes up on the screen promoting Maverick and all that sort of stuff. And then fuck me. I scared the live and day lights out of you. Yeah.

And you should have been a warning. You know, come up before. Just in case you know Zachary Wade, in case Zachary Wade works with your son, son heads up there will be a still image of him alongside some movie so we'll be presenting in the next three months. Oh it's just a still image it wasn't even the picture of me going like being like yeah I've seen it I thought maybe you met it was filmed content you know. I nearly brought my boys and buried chalk top back up because it was just a photo of me. It was sort of sat a little bit of

sick. I's promo. What do you remember what movies I was screening that month? No, I tried it. Oh, that's a shame. Well, this song is a lot of fun. I do a little fun intro. And then I don't talk over the movie. We all just enjoy the movie.

Do you enjoy a man with a sight of you makes him want to vomit up his boys and Barry Choctop? He's not coming to the scene. But I'm only there for the first 20 minutes. Then you can just watch the fun, man. That's true, you know what I mean? That's very true. We have to wrap this up.

Little bit of sick. Just right. Okay. Look, I appreciate it. Like as much as it... Right, it depends me that you big rude. I appreciate that you've... You've given me the opportunity to promote my side.

The best act I've seen you do was when you were doing the Romanian stuff. Yeah, he's talking about the worm. So we're gonna play it. I didn't know how to play it. We did in 2000. I never got to see it. No, but I remember that one. That was good.

That was good. Five lines. And that was good. Yeah, my mom still says the best thing we've ever done or I've ever done was the play I wrote in 30 at uni. That was a good play. That was a piece of shit. I don't know it.

Now you should come along and go on to my screenings. I'll get you a comp. Okay. Well, Wayne Kelly, thank you so much for being here to celebrate Father's Day. And what are you two doing for Father's Day? It's in when he's maybe head down to the father's day. Where are you talking me?

Head down to the way you. We'll go to the footy. We'll go to the foreshore. Go to the foreshore. Higher caravan. Go to the foreshore. Get a captain. September.

September will be in England maybe not we'll be in England we're at the footy we'll probably go to the footy I know the four-shot I know I got a fucking four-shot

he's got a fucking four-shot he's gonna surprise me surprise you little to London to see you that's very exciting what a good boy Singapore Airlines thanks dad thank you for coming on thank you so much London to see you guys. That's very exciting. What a good boy. See you, Paul Rieland.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks for coming on. Thank you, Zayn. Good night. Thank you for coming on. Thank you, Zayn. Where does the start? What are we?

Is he still on? Is he still good? You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip-away episode brought to you by Aunty Donna Club.com. See you next week! [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪