Aunty Donna Podcast - Important News But It’s Still Funny I Promise

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

We’re touring our new live show DREM across Australia, New Zealand, UK, Ireland, USA, and Canada in 2025.  Find out more and buy tickets here https://tour.auntydonna.com/ LINKS Follow @theauntydonnagallery on Instagram https://bit.ly/auntydonna-ig   Become a Patreon supporter at http://auntydonnaclub.com/   CREDITS   Hosts: Broden Kelly, Zachary Ruane, & Mark Bonanno   Producer: Lindsey Green Digital Producers: Nick Barrett, Jim Cruse & Tanya Zerek Audio Imager: Mitch Calladine    Managing Producer: Sam Cavanagh  Join The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A listener production. You're listening to the Honeydonna Podcast. The greatest fucking podcast in the world. Bro, Mike and Zach and sometimes some guests. We hope you enjoy the motherfucking podcast. Hello folks. The local time and date is 10am December 11. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 10am December 11. But you'll see that this episode is called special announcement. Yeah. Well, because there's an announcement that we have, I don't know what to argue,

is a little bit special. By the way, I'm going to be sucking on a yog, while we're doing this, and I hope that's not offensive to anyone. It's offensive to me. Why? We'll be joined maybe shortly by Zach, but listen, today was supposed to be a podcast that is coming out tomorrow, the 3AW episode that people love every year

where we do the voices of the Christmas. We're in the Christmas run in the moment. We're in the six episodes of Christmas or whatever it's called. But we've taken a brief break from that today. That's right, Broden, we have. We'll return to our regular scheduling tomorrow. Correct, we will. To the billions and billions of Donner fans around the world who tune in every Wednesday or on Tuesday, wherever you are in the world.

We want to thank everyone. Our podcast just hit three billion downloads yesterday. In a 24 hour period. Yeah, in a 24 hour period. And we want to thank all the people of the world. That's like a, what's that, like a third of the population, roughly, of the Earth. On the 40, 40, 40, 40, 40 percent-ish. 40 percent of the- And then there's 7 billion on the planet.

I thought it was getting to eight or nine. We have a special announcement. Yes. The special announcement is that for the first time... Ever. Ever. We are going on tour. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, we've done that before.

We have spent the last little period writing a brand new show. A new live show. We've spent a lot of time on this and we believe it to be the best hour of comedy we've ever made and tickets are officially on sale for that. It is a tour going all around the world starting in Australia. Starts in Australia, ends in Australia. Ends in Australia. It's Australia and then we go to the UK,

there's Ireland in there, a bit of Scotland in there, United States, Canada. The tikkies that are on sale right now that you can get for your Christmas lover. Yeah, so this is the Christmas thing. This is the gift for every Christmas friend that you want. And lover. I think there's a lot of people

that have Christmas lovers specific to during this time where they abandon their families and make love to their Christmas lover. That's how we've always done it in my Sicilian household, is we break up the family for a couple of days, we go to our individual Christmas lovers. It's the same lovers every year? We try to keep it the same lovers, but sometimes certain lovers, they are often dying. That's crazy. Are you betting pensioners, old people? We try to select people.

Why are you saying we? Because every family comes together your whole family yeah we try to select people who we think probably have a year or two left in them not necessarily because of age sometimes just because of lifestyle because we have talked together because of diet because of diet sometimes broden so you're with your Christmas lover. We might move on. Who may be on the brink of death. And you want to give them something special other than your, you know, your body. But why are you saying all this?

I do not know. I can't remember. We're going, we're announcing, this is the official announcement of our new tour. Our new tour. What's the show called? It's called DREM. And we are joined, we're going to be joined very shortly by one of the cast members of this show. One of the writers, one of the performers.

We are walking into the room right now. And they're going to come in and they're going to tell us exactly what is so hype and beast mode about this show. Yeah, it is beast mode. We're joined by Zach Ruane. Good morning, Zach. It's gonna be lit. It's not gonna be skimity toilet.

It's gonna be, it's not gonna be Ohio. It's gonna be baby Gronk risen up, Livy done. Yeah, and Zach, full disclosure, I already told the audience this. I'm sucking on a yog during this announcement. Yeah, great. I hope that's not putting anyone off. Here's all the information, Zach, that I've told them so far. So I don't know what you've been told by Auntie Donna, what you need to run through here,

but I'll tell you now. Just shut the fuck up about the yog. It's a good yog. Apologise for being late to all the listeners. I don't want my tartiness to reflect my passion for this project and this announcement. And I don't want this podcast to reflect the tartiness of his yogurt. Is it a tart yogurt? Yeah, there's a sourness to it that's really, that I know that my particular Christmas lover this year is going to really enjoy.

And we've also found out that Mark every year, he has his lovers, he has his partners, but at Christmas time will bed someone who is in the last, is in the toilet of their life. The whole family does those, so it's the Christmas lover season. Beautiful. Yeah. Here's what we've told them so far is the show is called Drem, it's the best show we've ever made.

It's officially being made, you know, it's being announced. Tickets on sale now, a great Christmas present. We are, tomorrow's episode, we'll be back to regular scheduling tomorrow through AW. We've told them that we're going to, you know, starts in Australia and then goes to the UK and then US, Canada and New Zealand's in there too. Islands as well. Islands. Yes, but tickets aren't on sale yet for our beautiful fans in the US and Canada.

No. But get on the mailing list. Get on the mailing list. You can check that out at AuntyDonna.com I believe. You can subscribe to it there. Do we have that? Do we have that? I don't know.

AuntyDonna.com? I don't know. AuntyDonna.com? There'll be a link somewhere for you to get on that mailing list. You've got to have to do a little bit of digging. It'll be on Aunty Donna.com. It'll be on Aunty Donna.com. Yeah, maybe we'll do a different landing page.

We have a website. And maybe we'll do a different landing page. Yeah. Yeah. Now, what do people need to, can you do something, we'll go around and just say something that'll hype people and make them book this Chrissy ticket idea, you know, tickets to this show as a Chrissy idea. Starting with Christmas.

Christmas. Let's start with Zach. Before I do go into that, I did have one quick question. Did you hear what he said? He said Zach, but he pointed at me and this video evidence to prove that We I don't know. This is a small podcast. I don't think we'll be releasing. All right, you go first Broden All right. Well, I see what you did there. I was pointing to Zack. Oh, I see but you said Broden exactly Exactly. So don't we see that Chris- I think language takes primacy over physical action.

Oh, Broden went to throw a punch. Broden resorted to violence and- Proving that in fact, well, sometimes. Yeah. If Jake Paul tweeted you and went, let's get in the ring. Yeah. Would I fight?

$10 million contract. Yeah, I would fight. $10 million bonus if you win. You could die ring. Yeah. Would I fight? Ten million dollar contract. Yeah, I would fight. Ten million bonus if you win. You could die though. Yeah. No. Not because they're fake fights.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he doesn't want me to die. Oh right. He, you know, he could have killed. That's what the grapples are, when they get into a grapple, they check in. Are you doing alright man? Hey, pull back a little. That's, um...

OK. Before we start, Mark, you wanted to say something. Do you think people who build sheds for living and also fight other people one-on-one ever get confused when their partners ask them about what their schedule is? Say that again, Mark. That's why you delayed us talking about the live show. Schedule? Like, what is your schedule? Jesus, Mark.

Say that again, brother. People who build... Sorry, I was shooting a Nerf gun at the wall. Why? Because it was there. Let's go around. Destructive behaviour. Zach, what's something that we... I don't know, just say something about the show.

Piss. Something that I wee is piss. Okay, great. Zach, something you wee? I would love to talk about the show, if I may. Okay, sure. And then something about the what you wee. What I'll say is it's an original show.

Yes. Brand new, which I'm sure you've covered. No, we didn't actually. We might slip in, we always end up checking in a few fan favourites. I'll also say in some territories selling less tickets than we sold last tour just in terms of route routing and that sort of thing. Some more, some less. And we are, it is a strictly limited,

yeah, we're not adding. It is a strictly limited tour. So there are maybe a few cities here and there where we could maybe add one or two, but broadly speaking, it's a very, you're getting into the specifics, it's a very tightly routed or routed tour with a lack of ability to add shows in most cities. So if you miss out you will miss out.

And this will be the last time we're touring because internally we are falling apart. Absolutely. And something you wee? Something I wee? Got to be wee sports. Nice. Mine is also... Mark, something about the show and then something you wee? Also blood sometimes. Will you say that after you...

Oh right, yeah, something about the show. Something about the show. Um, you know, it's gonna be live, it's gonna be loud. Uh, and we're going to be... We tour with a sound person, so it will be as loud as we wish. Yes, yes. Also, beautiful VIP tickets, like we did last tour. You want to get a little chance to touch us with the VIP tickets, you get a chance to just touch us. Not wherever you want.

You're the least touching zone. There are street-countless people touching you and now you're encouraging it? There are touch zones that we're introducing. I haven't told you boys about this. Oh, I didn't know. We're for the VIP crowd. They get to line up, walk up on stage and then each of us have a different touch zone. And your wee?

And my wee is, yeah, blood on a bad day. My turn? Your turn. What's something you're looking forward to in the show? And what are your wee? I think that, and this can be the clip, Nick, I think that when we, we've done a lot of, people mainly know us from our video stuff, or people might just listen to this podcast. But the one thing we've worked on and built more than anything we've ever done

is our live shows. It's the first thing we ever wrote together. We've made how many? One, two, three, four, five. We've made a fuck ton of live shows and hours and spent more time working on them than anything else. And I think in my opinion, it's the thing that we do do best and often what people say to us is it's a completely different thing what we do on stage. For a lot of people who perform on stage

it's a representation of what they've done on screen but for us it's almost the opposite. Some people tour their books and get interviewed by someone but we build these shows these are what we do best and so you know we're gonna be releasing a live special next year. So if you can't come to this, I recommend you look at that. Well, I can't talk about that just yet, but I will say that this is what we do best. And if you want us, and I think I'm most proud of,

as a member of Dawn, it's the thing I'm most proud of doing. So I'm very excited to be doing this again in 2025. Yes. Yes. How good is that for a clip? Can I give you a retort though? Yeah, okay, go against that, yep. So you just said it's the thing we've done most,

more than anything in our lives. How many shows do you think we've done? Let's go through them all. I'm not talking about the show overall, I'm talking how many times have we gotten on stage, performed for an hour? I can do this very quickly. So the first show we ever did was called

Pantsuits. Aunty called... Pantsuits. Auntie Donna in Pantsuits. Second one was called Auntie Donna and the Facts and Cheena Murder Mysteries. The third one was called Auntie Donna, World's Greatest Showbag. Fourth one was called Auntie Donna, Auntie Donna. This is the off time one. Fifth one was called Auntie Donna New Show.

Bad name. Next one was called Big Boys. Next one was called Glenridge Secondary College. Next one was called Magical Dead Cat. And Next one was called... Magical Dead Cat. Magical Dead Cat. And this one is called Dram. So we've made nine hours. No, well, but I'm not talking about how many of you made.

I'm talking about... Because I really want to like give you the benefit of the doubt here. I want to give you the strongest argument, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you've made this argument that it's we've done this more than anything else. How many... Just a rough guess, how many times do you think we've performed all of those shows those shows all up? Has to be close to a thousand. Yeah. Has to be close to one thousand. One thousand. How many times have you weed? Oh, more than that.

Yeah. Nearly every day, more than every day. Yeah. So, I would argue. Once a month for 36 years. Once a month? Yeah. How often do you? You only piss once a month? Yeah. Yeah, I wait till my bladder feels like it's going to burst. I hold it and I hold it and I hold it. And that's a month? Pardon?

And that's a month? Yeah, on the 15th of every month. How often do you drink water? Or liquid? Once or twice a quarter. Jesus man. And I drink like a big, like I'll have a, and so much water that like I feel, it makes me sick.

Wait a minute. I'm having a Kaiser So-Say moment. Wow, I don't know what that is. All these dots are joining in my head. Remember how Mark talks about how his parents spit everywhere and were originally from the Middle East and came over here in the 1800s and now they're wild in the desert? Right, yep. And you know how Mark is a camel?

Yeah. Mark is a camel. Mark's a camel. That's right, boys. And that's actually the big announcement. We're not going on tour. We don't have a new show. Because we can't travel with a camel.

Yeah. And that's how we found out. We found out because Mark, we had to get a visa for one of the countries we were going to in order to perform over there. And Tom, the guy that's like our tour manager was just like and now you're all humans Yeah, and I'll and yep. Yep. Yep. Yep And I was I just hung at the back and just and just let things play out wait that it was in that conversation Where where I said, wait a second

Marks got a big hump on his back to to be comes on his back. I Mark's got a big hump on his back. Two. Two big humps on his back. I raced him in the northern Queensland. Yeah. He looks like a camel. Yeah. He says I'm a camel quite often. He doesn't say anything. He just goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, good? I love sucking on the vlog. And that's today's episode so tomorrow we'll be back with the Christmas we returned to our... return to our regular scheduling. Yeah, return to our regular scheduling. So don't worry everyone thinking what's this app about? Tomorrow we return to our regular scheduling. And this episode was called important news but it's still funny I promise. Get your tickets at AuntyDonna.com for DREM, a world tour and if you're in the US and Canada, you're on the mailing list.

Christmas stocking stuffer. It's a little Christmas stocking stuffer for your family, your friends and your specific Christmas lover who may not be long for this world for much longer. If you're Mark. And I just want to say while Mark won't be performing in the New Zealand, UK, Ireland, US and Canada shows we will be bringing in a camel for each of those shows. Yeah, it'll be a localised camel. We'll have a local camel for each show. You will not notice. You will not be able to tell the difference, I promise you. Alright, we'll see you soon. Enjoy tomorrow's episode. It was funny to record.

You've been listening to the Aunty Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another RIP episode brought to you by AuntyDonnaClub.com. See you next week!