Aunty Donna Podcast - Is Zach a Professional Funny Man?

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

You be the judge, will this be Zach's final episode on The Aunty Donna Podcast?Also Hot Brown Hole... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Grouse House podcast. Oh, you go. Not a good start, Zach. Who's running this show? Who's running this show? Last week on Joe Rogan. Zach made a claim that he would leave this show forever under certain stipulations. Pointing. Broden is pointing at me.

Was that one of the... Is that one of them? No, I don't remember. He said, fuck you. He said that if he was could not, if he was not funny enough, he would. I would have loved to do with that job. No, I think it was professional funny man. If he could not prove he was a professional funny man, then he would leave this podcast forever.

Forever. Why you keep pointing at me? That was it. That was the end of it. I don't know. I can continue on. Will he, will he? Will he show up tonight and be funny?

Or will he not be funny and end his comedy legacy here? Forever. Forever on the Auntie Donna podcast. Brought to you by Sportsbet. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Stop the music.

Very, no, no, no, no. We would never. You are the most publicly. Do you remember when we turned down scratchies that time? Yeah. I don't remember. Yeah, we turned down scratchy's. Scratchy's one time.

I'll get myself a scratchy at Southern Cross Station from time to time. Yeah. Try your luck. Try my luck. Yeah, roll the dice. My memory was like $90,000 to promote... It was a lot of money. To promote scratches.

It was generational wealth. Generational wealth. If they died early. Yeah, yeah. If they got like... That's like a teen mum generational wealth. Yeah. But for a generation, like you were saying like a...

For a short-lived generation? Teen moms that die early. You might get two generations. Yeah. Hit it, Tom. Will Zach be eliminated? To continue doing the podcast, he must either prove that he is a professional funny man.

Yes. Or be eliminated over the top rope. We are ranking Zach's performance today with a list of four categories. Number one, professional list. Did he turn up on time? Is he wearing the right clothes? And has he just his general odour and presentation?

Two. You go. Don't point at me. Is he funny? Is it funny? Is what he's saying, doing, projecting, alluding to. Funny enough to make Broden Kelly,

who is known for being. stone cold and unshap. Apart from today, I just got out of the shower and I'm a bit flushed. That's true. You're warm, but that's a body temperature thing. Can you put some folk on?

Put some folk music on? Yeah. I think folk. I think something a bit chill. That stressed me out. Three. Three. What's his vibe, man?

What's the vibe of him? Is he coming in? And what's he doing for the community? Yeah, yeah. How much time has he spent at Collingwood Children? Farm. How much of his time is he donated to the kitties and the small lambs? And also, is he using sugar mulch? Is he using a mushroom compost? I did all of that yesterday, as you know, and I handed in all of my papers, so we're good on three. Great. That's good to

know. We're good on three. The community service elements of the contract is done. And four is choose your own adventure. This is where Zach picks his own category for us to judge him on, and he lets us know at the end of the podcast. Oh, I can tell you now, it's professionally funny. Okay, because the first one is professionalism. Yeah, and the second one is funny. Third is giving back to the community. Yeah, this is about being professionally funny.

Right. And that helps because you're just the first one and two. Because the first one is about being on time, being in the right costume. The second one is about being funny. Well, look, the fourth one, the third one is about contributing to the local community. of this podcast. Yeah, that's fine. And the fourth one is being funny in a professional way.

So the fourth, so already for me you've lost points on the fourth one because I was setting you up. Setting you up for something. I thought that was pretty funny. To take the first and the second thing, put them together. All right, agreed.

Let's get this motherfucker started. In three. Two, one. So earlier this week, I signed the contract. And that contract has those four stipulations. It also says that if these two guys decide that I'm not a professional funny man based on the level that they believe I need to be based on those four stipulations. Thank you.

I will retire. Professional. Professionalism. Funnies. Contributions to the community. And professionally funny. If I don't live up to the standards of those four things according to these guys, I will retire permanently from the Auntie Donner podcast.

but not from comedy You've got shows lined up Yeah I go some People hit you up We can people hit you up On You can see me at the Melbourne Comedy Festival Adelaide Fringe

It's a test show at the Adelaide Fringe Don't expect anything Too special But cheap tickets I imagine Brisbane Cheaper tickets But no script Brisbane

Perth And of course Hitting up Sydney I'll be improv in For all of Adelaide Hopefully there'll be something like a script By Melbourne classic clown approach to the Adelaide Fringe festival.

What I'm going to say is the Adelaide Fringe. I'm going to be funny. I'm not going to be professional. Hoping to get that professional funny man vibe happening by Melbourne. And what would you be doing for the community in Adelaide? Yeah. I wasn't aware that was an ongoing thing. I thought that was just for this contract.

Maybe you could volunteer your time and take tickets at the Garden of Unearthly Delights and let people in and out. I won't be doing that. It's just the way to contribute. I don't think I'll, I don't think I'll be doing that. You could street sweep, Rundle Mall. I don't think I'll be doing that. You could help the kids get to school.

Yeah, you could drive buses. I can't drive. You'd look great by on a big rig. I'm not able to drive. You could. I think the kids about 9-11. I've been offered a, well, actually, I have been offered a place on the board of the Adelaide Riders Festival. So I'm tossing up.

to take that on. Great. Now, this was recorded months ago, by the way. Stipulation. This was recorded

months and months ago. This was recorded in late 20, 25. Now, Zach, I think it's worth telling the people as well.

There's no guarantee with this show that they will be seeing a professional funny man. Tonight? No, your shows.

Adelaide. This could be coming out on a night. That's a show. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Calm the fuck down. I just got...

You need to go a glass of water? No, no, I'm a little dehydrated. I had a tuna melt before this. Okay. And I didn't have anything that, pardon?

I would say that a fish would be really hydrated, Mark. No. It's salty, quite salty. But they live in the water. But it's out of the water in the can in my sandwich. What? It's out of the water into the can, into my sandwich. You get a wrap for that.

If I'm, you know, if I'm eating a. That goddamn tuna melt. You want to know where that goddamn tuna fish comes from. Zach Elimination remix. Motherfucker. I'm here to tell you. Suck my ass. My ass is hot and brown.

Suck it. Oh, my fish from the tuna in the sea. Wait, I can't wrap. This one has lyrics. I can't wrap. You've set me up for failure. I'm so sorry. Let's just move on.

Let's this music. Can you just play this? I hated that. This has got like a, Euro. Oh no. Suck my hot brown ass. Why, you keep going to that?

Because the hole's brown and it has a higher body temperature. Here we go. I bought a temperature checker from the pharmacist. And when I check my forehead, it's cooler than my brown, my hot brown hole. It is because it's between the cheeks and underwear. I'm sorry to say, Zach, that you've lost points for this. Why do I lose points?

Because I'm spitting out the truth, the facts. I'm doing my community. I'm doing my community part. I'm doing part three here. And you shot me down and cut me down. I was going to say you've lost points because I'm, I was sickened by his hot brown hole song. I stopped it.

No, but like, did you know as a professional. That's enough? That's enough. Yeah. But I would say professional funny man needs to step in earlier. I shouldn't have heard two songs about a hot brown hole. Oh, I thought you were on my side.

I wanted a song about, I thought you were on that. It must be funny. With the hot brown hole. I got him off. That's okay, that's all right. No, no, no, that's all right. No, no, that's all right. You can do that.

No, no, I'm sorry, Mark. Let's put the spotlight on track. Because that's where it's got to be. Let's move on. No, Mark, I'm sorry. I didn't, I didn't, I loved your hot brown hole song. It's fine. Tom, put the music back on.

I'm going to refuse to sing. These are different track. I got to mix it up. Sing about. Magley. sing about your hot brown hole but I thought it was the song about the tuna fish Hot brown hole

Hot brown hole Between my cheeks There's a hot brown hole Check the temp Your forehead's cooler than your hole Why? Because your cheeks Are somewhere else Brodom was telling me to eyeball the camera

Or no pointing at Lucy There's confusion in the area Of my mind set up in this hot brown hole. I love to stop this. Hot, hot, hot brown hole. Hot brown hole. Cut me off again.

No, no. You told Tom to turn it off. Mark, there's a visual component to this podcast. Yeah, but not every have to pay to see that. Or it might be a clip. I think a hot brown hole is the clip of the week. It's a clip of the week. Is that why you're pointing?

I was saying, because what you're pointing is because Lucy's kind of you. Yeah. To listening to every podcast. Yeah. And you were singing Hot Brand Hole. I looked over at Lucy and she was very quietly just doing some admin work. Yeah.

And I found that funny. Yeah. She's trying to arrange butterflies in Canva for a rat pack, whatever the name of the Melvincent podcast. What are you talking about? Listen, I'm across what Lucy does because I show an interest. All right. I sit down with Lucy before these shows. I go, what are you up to today?

She said, I'm arranging butterflies in some social, in a social media way. for is it rat pack rat bag with melon sam rat bag the rat pack was frank sinatra talking to lucy a little more time getting across the slate now what

Lucy you're finding butterflies for rat pack I'm not on trial here okay yeah you are Zach yeah I'm ripping into him Lucy's finding that's good jokes you're catching butterflies I'm creating a Canva comment carousel

for Melon Sam's rat bag podcast and when I walked into the podcast studio today, I heard Lucy go, oh no, and then I looked over and one of the butterflies she was arranging, I think, didn't quite fit. And I said, did you say, oh no, because the butterfly doesn't quite fit? And she said yes. And then she told me she was making stuff for the rat pack. Great. The rat pack are all dead. Yeah, Dean. Sam died? No, Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra. Sinatra, Sammy David's studio. They are rat bags. That all makes sure. They're all dead. Yeah. No, they're the rat pack. Yeah. And you. And, you're a rat bag. And you. And you're,

You get them from IKEA and you do it at home yourself. Have you guys seen the original Oceans 11? Oh, you're thinking flat pack. No, he's not. He's thinking of the rat pack. Oh, wait, did I miss that bit? You don't get, you don't, you don't. Not a good stack.

Zach, Zach, not a good Zach. Zach's first half is over. We'll be back after this note from sports bet. Has it really been 15 minutes? No sports bet. No sports bet. Hey, welcome back. Zach's out of the building, but I'll tell you,

He's here, Little Johnny Howard. Oh, this is a great start. Oh, all right, hello there. I'm little Johnny Howard. How's your hot brown hole, Johnny? Oh, that's gross. I'm here to get rid of guns. Take your guns from you.

But you love to jog. You're always going on your morning jog in your green and gold. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You were very well known for that. Okay, okay. Yeah, I'm here to get your guns. I need to take your guns away.

Okay, so. All right, well, not off, not out of my cold, dead hair. Only out of my cold dead hands. That was John Howard. Is that it? I had more questions. Kevin Rudd. I had more questions.

Oh, fair shake of the sauce bottle. I had more questions for John Howard. Well, he's gone. Well, he's gone now. Now it's me. And I can't tell if that's professional because he knows the bit was running out of steam or if it was funny to cut it off early. Well, I'll go a question for Kevin Rudd. Yes, hello there.

Kevin. You have recently left your post early as the ambassador for Australia in the US. there's some discourse discussion that you have done this to make a play at the top job at the UN oh wow that's a fair shake of the source bottle it's probably more because i'm on the in the emstein files are you yes i don't think you didn't there's no suggestion anything bad just emailing with a petto just the just the correspondence i think this is lifeless i don't think i can say what i'm saying i think you could beep it but if That's what, is he email a petto?

Can someone fact check me? Lucy, Tom, can you fact check me in post? This is not a good start. No, this is our Norm Macdonald got banned from a... And let me know if I want to stand behind what I'm saying. This is our Norm Macdonald got banned from the view. So you're going down the right path to never be coming back on. But Norm McDonald's one of the funniest man alive.

Yeah, but now he's dead, Zach. Well, that's funny because here comes. I was Pauline Hanson. Oh, God. Oh, God. I don't like it. I know, I like this. I like this.

I like this. What did you think of all... I like this. What did you think of... Please explain. Pauline. Pauline, what did you think of Pauline pants down? I don't like it.

And hey, what do you... How's your fish and chip shop going? Please explain. Okay. No, well, you'd need to explain. Um, I'd just. I sell fish and chips. Oh, I got one.

I go one. What do you think of minimum chips going up to $10? That's too much. Do you like it? I don't like it. There it is. Bye, Pauline Hanson. No, I had more questions for Pauline Hanson.

Now it's time for... These are one-dimensional prime minister characters. But would you say that dipping into politics, kind of broadening... It's professional funny men, yeah. Well, is it professional? Is it giving to the community or is it professional funny? I can see Zach doing well in the home of professional funny men,

and that is in Talking Pictures, which is the segment at the end of Insiders on the ABC when they go through the cartoons of politics and talk through it. People still drawing cartoons? Yeah, they're still cartoons. No one's looking at them, but yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look at the Guardian cartoon from time to time.

Well, that's professional. But he, well, let's hear from Tony Blair on that. I think that that's a interesting point. I can't do Tony. I was more of a Hugh Grant in love, actually. Who plays the Prime Minister? Yeah, at that time. I think he's doing a rough Tony Blair.

Tony Blair. Tony Blair. There you go. Tony Blair. Tony Blair. I back the President of the United States and his invasion of Iraq. I'll be honest. I missed the whole brown hole.

Well, you can go back and listen to the episode if you want to hear it again. If you missed it. would I go back there when I've got the fresh fruit here? Well, I want to hear, you know what I, what? What? Why would I get froze? Did you describe Mark's hot brown hole as fresh fruit?

Some of you like, someone wants a little bite of Mark's the fresh fruit. Nice and juicy for you, bro? Not necessary. Not necessarily. Careful we don't burst it seems. I might be licking the juice of that fresh fruit. It's going to get all over your lips.

all down your chest if you ain't careful. What I meant. That fresh fruit juice from a hot brown hole. Someone can't resist a bite of that fresh fruit? Incredibly unprofessional. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. That you want to take a bite out of get juicy with.

What I meant was, I was wanted to eat like a fresh fruit. Don't eat that. Christopher Walken-seer. That's not a good thing to eat. That gets points for how I knew immediately who was doing. That's what I want to say. He's also John Travolta. I put this pocket watch up my asshole.

Yeah. Pulp Fiction. Yeah. I want, I loved your mother who makes Sarah Lee. We've had little Johnny Howard. We've had Kevin Rudd. We've had Pauline Hanson. We've had Tony Blair.

We've had Christopher Walken. Now, what that shows to me is a rindon. Can I explain why I wanted it about... No, because it's disgusting your preferred reasons. How are you the behaviour to his asshole. I'd like the chance to explain myself. Well, I'll tell you who you're going to have to explain yourself to. You're going to have to explain yourself to Supreme Court Justice.

What's her face? Ruth Peta Ginsburg. Ruth Gator Ginsburg. Ruth Gator Binsberg? Ruth Gator Binsberg. That's a character I want to see. Oh, this is good. This is great.

Snap, snap. It's Ruth Gator Binsberg. And what did you just snap upon? Snap not a bin? Not a bin. I snapped on a bin. Snap, snap, snap. Ruth, Gator Binsberg.

Yeah, that's what I, yeah, that's what I thought it was. Snap, snap, snap. Oh, well, there's an alligator in here. Snap, snap. Can I have to explain to the alligator in you? Yeah. About the bit I felt like a rich nourishing fresh fruit. Like a-snap-stap.

Like a mango or a melon. But what do you mean? Why would you refer to a bit about his anus with such evocative and dare I say sexual imagery? Well, Ruth Gat. Snap-Snap. Ruth Gator, Binsberg. Ruth Gator-Binsberg, I was nourished by that bit. I thought it had it all.

Okay. And I wanted to put my mouth on it. Are you done? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And why would I want fresh fruit? I would want fresh fruit over freeze, dried or frozen or... Not if you're on a hike. Which I'm not.

I'm on a podcast. Well, then just make that clear. That's what a professional does. Snap, snap. What are you saying? I'm a professional. There's no question over my professional funniness. You're lucky.

All I'm saying is you're lucky that I'm the one that signed the contract. I'm explaining this for Zach so that he gets an idea of what not to do. So next time he brings him. brings up eating fresh fruit. He says, unless I was on a hike, in which case I'd bring some more dried, some maybe gently baked fruit. What the fuck, are you talking about? Like a niblish.

What? Is it a brand? Niblish. Yeah, I love my niblish. Well, what is niblish? Look, guys, look. It's a brand of gently baked fruit. Gently baked or air dried?

Gently baked. If I meant air dried, I would have said air dried. Hey, step the fuck off. I like you. I think you're great. Thank you. You brought up one of my favorite bits, which is hot brown hole. Ruth Gator Binnsberg.

I've reached my finding. Oh, the Gator is also a judge. Snap. Yeah, it's Ruth Gator Binsberg. Go on. What was the case? In the many years of this court, decisions have been made that have fun.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm worried to meet you, the new couches are great and you can't get comfortable in a chair that doesn't have neck support. This chair is fucking. I'm so sorry. Can you only sit in astronaut chairs or gaming chairs? I just need a bitter neck support.

Just sit up. I'm trying. Just don't use any of the back. Yeah, that's it. Sorry, Ruth. That's okay. On your binny way. In the many years of this court, decisions have been made that have fundamentally changed the very nature of our society.

I do not take my role lightly when deciding if brother was referring to the bit or Marks. asshole, we're describing it as a fresh, juicy piece of fruit. Yeah. There are many things that I have to take into consideration, not least the fact that if I allow him to say that it was the bit, then anyone can go around calling anyone's assholes a fresh piece of juicy fruit, which is a weird thing to call it asshole. I'm okay with calling the whole bum a fresh piece of juicy fruit. Like a peach.

Yeah. But the asshole itself is a whole. Not a fruit. But fruit has some fruit, stone fruit, has pips. True. Your Honor, the arse as a whole. Oh, including the whole. The ass as a whole includes the hole.

The ass as a whole has a hole. No, includes the whole. While I am under no confusion, I believe that Broden Kelly was referring to the bit itself. I do not believe that. that he has the right to refer to the bit as a piece of juicy fruit for fear of confusion. I do not believe he has made an adequate argument that the people at home and the people sitting across from him understood that distinction. That is why I am upholding the death penalty. Wow.

You're always giving me the death penalty. You're always sentencing a death. You're always sent to me a death. I'm upholding it. It's happened like three times, three times. It was the state of Arkansas that gave him the death penalty. I'm just not removed. I'm saying yes, they were right.

You just love giving the death penalty. You were already up for the death penalty. I'm just hearing the appeal. Appeal of fruit. Yeah, no need to bring up fruit again, Your Honor. Appeal of fruit. See what I mean? This guy's are fucking deviant.

Well, how, okay. Tom, how long are we in? About 23? Well, I think it's time to. I've heard it. I've definitely heard enough. Is there any last things that you have? I'd love a rapid fire impressions round. I want you to throw them at me. Okay. Arthur Miller. Married Marilyn Monroe, wrote plays in the 50s.

I can't do Arthur Miller. All right. What Tutankham Carmen might have been like? I don't know the language. Samantha Jones from Sex and the City. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hi there. Oh, oh, I just fucked a bisexual man. Nice.

Samantha Voicek, who we went to uni with. I couldn't really nail that. Christopher Plummer. Christopher Plummer. No. What? Yeah, how do you do it? No, I was...

Christopher Plummer. Sorry, I just meant Christopher the Plummer. I missed... You go. I missed a word. So that makes it easier? No, I can't do. Russell Crowe playing Herman Goering.

Yeah, I think I could do that. I'd need time, but give me a go. It's Russell, I think you've got to do Rusty for a little bit. Then you've got to try and do a German accent on top of it. There's a German accent. This is the thing. I am more of a man than you will ever be. Rami Melek.

I didn't care for that film. I thought it was bad. Yeah. The chef, well, the waiter that John Ratsenberg plays in Ratatoui. Can't remember. I think I'm nailing this. You're skipping all of them. I did a pretty good Samantha.

That's true. Rupert Murdoch. Rupert Murdoch. He's a bit of that. He's got a bit of that going on. Hamnet. No, that. I've got the plague.

What? Don't ruin it though. And I think him doing an impersonation of Shakespeare's son would ruin the film. Is that Shakespeare? I put on a little play for you. Shakespeare's son. Hamlet. Hamnet.

Hamnet was the name of Shakespeare's son. Hamnet. Hamnet. Hamnet. Not Hamlet, but according to historians. That's what they called the film. Hamnet and Hamlet are the same word according to. Mother Papa, I'm a precocious little bit.

boy, uh, Papa How was putting on plays in London. Um, oh, Papa, I feel poorly. I've seen enough. Pretty good. I've seen enough. Yeah. Papa, I feel poorly. Papa.

We've seen enough. He's sick. This makes sense. To be fair, he's doing a very historically accurate job. Mama, one day I wish to go, when I am a man, I wish to go to London and do, be in the place with my papa. I've heard enough. Yeah, that's fair. I think it's time because that's now 40 minutes, yeah?

No, that's about 25 now. Pretty funny. It's time to now, and I need some like, I need some intense folk music now to judge, who votes? You two. Do you want me to fill for a minute while you go and make your decision? I think we, one of, we can judge in front of you, we can judge on Mike, Or we can leave. Yeah.

And maybe instead of filling, why don't you Dr. Phil for us? Sure. I can do a mad, Dr. Phil. You're fat. You're fat. You're fat. I'm going to send you to a place where they yell at you because your mother doesn't yell at you.

I've been down to those detention centers and I'm Dr. Phil. I don't have Dr. Phil. I thought I had... No, I thought it was good. I was going to say I was so captivated by that. I didn't need to leave and discuss with that. Yeah, great. I made my choice.

Should we vote? It's not necessarily a compliment or a positive thing. Just to be clear. Does Tom get a vote? Tom, do you want to vote? Yeah, great. To be clear. To everyone here,

if you vote that I was not a professional funny man, I am retiring from the anti-trial. on a podcast forever. Never to return. And just to check, how do you want this bit to play out? Because I can't remember. I think I remember. I think it's pretty clear how I want this to play out.

He wants to stay forever. I think there's no way to... Back from. All right. Hit it. It's time to vote. This is the worst choice of music ever. This is more country than folk.

The vote has come. The time. to vote. No, wait, wait. Can you save this? Just in case, like, this is really good, Tom. I want this is,

once we know the decision, that's the music. Do something a little more. I thought it was really raising the tension of the voting session. No, I reckon, because I just think that's going to be really. Great, this is better.

Beautiful. The time has come to vote. The time has come to vote. Time to vote. For see my mate. There's a. Macroane. Will he last?

Or will he be removed? This feels like music at a kid's birds documentary? Mother. You have to understand. The north and south, before the war, there was a lot of trade. There were people that would have known each other very well. There was a vibrant scene.

Mother, I call from the front. We've pushed back the British. But we get colder every day. John Adams. Your time to vote, Mark. All right, so everything... So the first one is out of 100. So what do you think out of 100 of Zach's funny?

Or professional. What do I need to get... Okay, yeah. All right? So what's that out of? Out of 100. 20. Professional.

Yeah. You're saying 20. Yep. Talked into the mic. For me, I'd go 90. Looking good. smelling good on time

today today no I didn't mean that is that bit I was more just yeah yeah I didn't mean I didn't mean I didn't mean I didn't like that so for me quite high

90 90 great 20 90 time logging these points Lucy will yeah Lucy will Lucy Lucy 20 90

and Tom you are 35. Oh, 20, 90, 35. Explain. Explain. You have to explain why. Because is it pretty professional. It's out of 100.

So 35 would... He didn't blow my socks off with his impressions. No, but that's funny. That's for funny. Oh, is it? Then I give him 100. No, but professional... Fucking out, Tom.

Professional is how... Think, just think. Take a breath and think. I was just really wanting to retire on a podcast. Well, you're... Well, no, you can't come into this bias. I'm taking the vote. You can't come into this with a bias opinion.

You have to... If he's not in it next week, Tom, you've put all this work in in this set. And we can't do the podcast without Zach. This is crazy. This is... That would be a shocking twist if I lose this. I could hire some famous comedian to replace it.

Oh, I don't know, man. Like Will Anderson. I think it would be... Will Anderson would make an interesting contribution to the anti-donner podcast. But I'm retired forever. Will would be a... regular guess, but then what happens in two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. Guys, think about this.

So, what did you land on 100 for professional? Yeah, I think so. Or I could be a tiebreaker. And why is yours 20? I thought he was good. He spoke into the mic, but I thought the characters weren't prepared. But that's for fun. But is that not?

The preparation of them. Okay, that's, but is that professionally funny? Yeah, I think that's more professionally funny. No, Robin Williams didn't prepare, but his preparation was years and years of professional. Of hardcore drug abuse. Yeah. Yeah.

That rodded his brain. Yeah. So where are we at, Lucy? And it was the genie. Oh, Lucy's, um, slacked it to me. But I think we've got a hundred and a twenty. So what's all that together? A hundred and a ninety and a twenty.

That's 210 out of 300. Hey, I'm looking pretty good. Yeah. It's looking pretty good here. Now let's go on to funny. This is out of five. Yeah. What?

This is out of five. Funny is out of five. five stars like a review like you were reviewing a show like you were part of funny ton okay three you give a three well and what does the review say it's a funny ton review so it can't be too long and you're doing a lot of reviews

let me uh funny time is when they uh can i be the guardian yeah you can be the garden let me start by saying I don't see comedy or like comedy great um Zach's audience looked stupid and so I didn't like it but it was clearly good three stars

from some fuckhead who fucking took a photo once and doesn't like comedy. Do you want to dig into that? No. Okay, great. So, uh, okay. So like your beef with someone else is affecting my score. I don't know about that.

He said he didn't want to go into it. Okay. Out of five for funny. I'll give him four and a half stars. Wow. Thanks, Mark. Because I count the entire spectrum. Not just one off day.

you lost half a star for today but in terms of everything you've done but I mean the contract okay yeah great no I'm not going to fight on this four and a half's very happy four and half stars so so far 210 points and eight and a half stars

Tom give you three stars for being very funny this is looking pretty good for me for being very funny does it read like a four yes so it reads like a four so it's going to eat you up at night Tom's review

it's A great review that you'll never be able to use. Lover reads like a four. So how many stars is that out of a possible 30 stars? Out of a possible 15 stars. Three plus 4.5. What did you give it, Braden? Three.

So that's six, 10.5 out of 15. Pretty good. I mean, I would really have to tank the next two to lose this. Well, the next one is contributions to the community. community and uh this one's out of 22. Why? Um, I just couldn't think of anything else. Great.

I like that. Yeah. I'm being honest. Yeah. This one's out of 22. Yeah. 22 hugs. How many?

Because 22 hugs is a lot of hugs for someone. If you gave someone 22 hugs. Not for John Lasseter. Not for John Lassiter. Not under the table. You have hugs under the table. the table. Little hand hugs.

Give his hugger. And he put his hands on people's eggs for the entire meeting. Broke my heart. I give Zach, well, his community documents were good. It was all put together. It's a good 15 for me. 15 hugs out of 22. Yeah.

And what he did is the series tomato patch garden and the watermelons and the chooks. And I set up a little solar dish that you can cook with. And that means you don't need any power. If it's a sunny place, they can cook eggs with a solar dish. Yeah. There's a reason it's 22 hugs. I didn't just make it up for no reason, by the way. You said you did.

I'm reassessing. My back hurts, actually. Tell me about it. Yeah, well. Because I would say there is no problem that 22 hugs couldn't fix. World War II. Imagine if they all, imagine if every soldier gave every other soldier 22, hugs. You think there would have been as many

murders? Yes. All right. That's fair. I can't imagine World War II going I mean, historically yeah, like maybe it would have gone longer because they would have had to slow down and give 22 hugs. A huge amount of... They probably would have gotten over it by the time. That were done. You know what, maybe. A huge amount of World War II was fought on the Pacific

theatre, which was like on boats. There was no way to reach the other side to give them a hug. So if they had to give them a hug. So if they had to give hugs, it would dramatically change. Exactly. The Pacific wars. And think of like the... Blitz.

Think of the Japanese who were hiding in the holes and jumping out. Like if they had to first give 22 hugs, they had to show their position. Oh, stupid Mark Bananao. Actually said something quite profound. No. If the... If the... If the pilots on the Enola Gay first had to go land in Japan and hug everyone before dropping the A-bomb.

Yeah. Huge change. Massively. Because that would have gone, well, firstly, this is going to take weeks to hug, gives Japan a long time to prepare. Plus there's a sign. Okay, they're intending to kill lots of people based on how many hugs they're giving. Could change the whole course of history. Do you know what I agree?

And this is where I feel it as well. And also, I mean, if all, instead of guns, they had a bag of chips. that would have changed the course of World War II Not as much though Because you can still pop a bag of chips So like the sound would have been very similar But it would have been a lot of Bags as many people

And they had grenades And they still had grenades No they're bags of chips too Well again The sound All artillery All artillery every Instead of explosives

They were just bags of chips For one side change the crossings. Very quick. Very dramatic. Very very dramatic. Very quick. But if you put the 22 hugs on top of that, they would have, I reckon they just would have gotten over the whole bag of chips or maybe it would have given time to weaponise the bag of chips.

Figured out how you'd like to kill. I hate this. But this is political discourse, Broden. This is what this is. And if that bores you, maybe you're not contributing to your community. Can you just give you a score out of 22? Bring it back. 22.

Just give me 22. 22 hugs for me. You get two hugs, Zach. I haven't felt any. Did you read my document? The only thing you've done for the community is suggest that in World War II they used bag of chips instead of guns for one side. For the Nazi side. Wow.

If the Nazis invaded Poland with bags of chips. They might have still. Well, Poland were very. Poland are very passive, but I still think that their tiny army would have just mowed down. Not a fell poison. What about their poison chips? No one would eat their chips. Maybe 10 to 15 would have eaten the chips.

That still leaves thousands of soldiers to mow down. They've had a 24-hour poison timer on the chips. 24 hours for the poison to activate. What? Would you eat chips from a Nazi, man? If they were coming in and they were like, we'll leave. If you eat my chips. I wouldn't eat their chips.

I would not eat their chips. I don't know. No. No. I would never eat a Nazi chip. I would never eat a Nazi chip. I would never eat chips from a Nazi. Sorry.

Sorry if that makes me one. Two hugs from Mark. So what did you do? I can't remember how many hugs you go. 15. So that's a 17 out of a possible 44 hugs for contribution to community. Still pretty good. Tom.

How many hugs? I love Nazi chips with guacamole. Nacho chips Zero community And fuck Oh shit He's serious right now Yeah

Dead serious Okay Because of all the chips You should He's just What'd you say These he's having fun What do you say

Because of all the chips I ate What are you talking What do you mean What the fuck he's talking about Did I miss something No Because all the chips, you I ate. What?

Why am I getting zero? Because I gave you poison chips. I'm not a Nazi. And I never said the Nazis had poison chips. I said the Nazis chips were just chips. Tom, what the fuck are you talking about? Why did you say that? I should not riff.

Can we do it in a different order now? For the last one? Can we do it in a different order? What? A different order. A different order. For the last one For the last one.

Why? I don't know the number either of like There's no tension No tension Because you keep throwing out different numbers And I'm like If you say three Then like I've won it

Yeah There's the tension You should say a higher number now And do it in different order So there's some tension A higher number What How many professional

For professionally fun What do you tell me I found. You seem to know. A thousand. Okay. I'm so lost. So out of...

And I'd love to hear from you first. For me? Yeah. Is that okay? So, for professionally funny, which is different to professional or funny, it's how you go about being... Am I professionally funny? Am I funny like your mate at the shop?

Like at the bar shop? Yeah. Having a beer with your mate? Yeah. Who wears a hoodie, I imagine. Like you're like like Ricker Javees pre the office. The funny guy. Yeah.

Or am I professionally funny in the sense that I'm actually quite awkward and cold in real life, but only deliver here. Right. Or and when I deliver, do I deliver in a professional way? Right. Out of a thousand. Out of 1,000, I'm going to go 10. Okay. Because I'm, because I'm trying to.

Okay. Lower it. 10. I'm sure you get what you want. I don't. I want to stay, man. Oh, okay. Crazy.

10? I give you like 500. I call Tom 10. I just want to mark that. 10. I'm just really sorry. I thought you were just repeating what I said. 500, I guess, out of a thousand.

500 and half. 50%. Yeah, what do you need? I think I need like 900 from you. Hmm. Well, finally enough. My amount. Yeah.

Is 900. I vote. I give him 900 points. Out of a thousand. But there was an error. In? In the stars. Which was?

That it read like a four. But it was two and a half. Oh. You gave it three. So what does that mean? What does that mean? Well, if you listen to the whole. horn.

I think that means, Zach, you failed. Holy shit. Tom, hit that music. What? Fuck. Yeah. I guess I'm retired from the Auntie Donna podcast forever. Oh, man.

I didn't see it going. You don't have to take your shoes up. Folks, like John Sina. Like John Sina at the end of his career. Broda told me that's what you do I checked. Like John Sina. in his last Saturday night main event match against Gunther.

He's leaving his shoes in the ring. This isn't very professional. I changed my professional score based on this, if I'd known. Well, it doesn't matter now because that stipulation at the end with the stars that make sense. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you go.

Tom and Lucy. Tom, Zach is leaving. This is unbelievable. The Auntie Donna podcast has always been about the crazy adventures of Mark Zack. Broden. And now without Zach, and Tom's been there for some of it as well. So now this, what this means for the future of... Goodbye, Zach's leaving.

Goodbye, Zach. What this means for the future of the Auntie Donner podcast. He's saying goodbye one more time. He's saying one last goodbye. And it's very emotional. He's bowing deeply. It was an honour having you with us, Zach. He's, this is crazy. He's saying this is crazy. You got some gas?

I got the hicgups from the tuna sandwich. Well, we'll leave it on this cliffhanger. Will Zach? Zach's done. No way, he's done. So there is no cliffhanger. Who will be here next week? Sylvester Stallone.

If it's a cliffhanger. Not. What I'm just saying? Not a cliffhanger. It's not a cliffhanger. So, what is it? Maybe it's a true life. and what I have Arnie on?

Or maybe it's Dog Park and Celia Pachia's on. Seal Lippa Picola. Beat that name out. I think you can't

the person we went to uni with. But Cili Picola is on Dog Park. Yes. Davey Cisha. All right. We'll be back next week with our new third host. Or, bye, bye.

Wow. You've been listening to the Auntie Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another Ripper episode brought to you by Auntie Donner Club.com. See you next week. Welcome to the future.