Aunty Donna Podcast - Kris Kringle 2025 (with Tom)

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

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A Listener Production Welcome to an episode of the Auntie Donna podcast that needs no other context or no other listening where we do Secret Santa, which is of course, where people give physical gifts to other people. That's the premise of it. So talking about the gifts, talking about the visual things that are going on are inherent to the fucking idea. are inherent to what we're doing. So it must be a part of it. And anyone that thinks otherwise and gets mad about that, it's kind of missing the fucking point. Please enjoy Auntie Donner's secret Santa.

And welcome everyone. favorite time of year. It's Christmas. And we are doing Chris Kringle, our Secret Santa. Now, all of us got names drawn from drawannames.com.com.

Which is a bit of a scam website that kind of pushes you towards Amazon intended products. But a fun way to draw names, Secret Santa, put down your little wish list and have a bit of fun. Are you getting a call, Tom? It's just a prank call, sorry. It's a prank. How do you know it's a prank?

Otherwise, I scam, a spam. A scam, a scam. Answer it. No, no, no. Can you intro Tom? They're a scam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want him to answer the phone.

No, they're scatine. They've been calling me four times a day every day. I call mutiny. Oh, God. Okay, so here's why I called mutiny. He should have introed Tom. He should have introed Tom. He should have let the buzzing phone go.

May I speak in my defense? No. You know the rules. Read out the rules, Lindsay? Not all of them. Not all of them. Is there mention of the person being accused of mutiny able to defend themselves? What is the rules around the person accused of mutiny?

Just a yes or no. I don't think there are any roles specifically about the person accused of mutiny, but you do need a unanimous decision to call mutiny. Was there not a rule that they're not allowed to talk until the decision has been made? Possibly. That is the rule. That is no. Check the scripture.

That is the rule. Was there yes or no? Yes. Yes. Yes. All right, so, no talking. Mark, I call mutiny, he didn't introduce Tom, he should have ignored the buzzing phone. I'm happy for that to not win the vote, but I vote, yes, call mutiny.

Tom, Briden? I believe a man deserves a second chance, particularly in this time of year. I am opposed to the meeting. No worries, buddy. No worries. Back to you, Mark. And may I introduce Thomas Saharu, whose phone was buzzing before from scam callers? No, that's totally fine.

You're the music man of Auntie Donna. That's what you do. That is your name and you are joining us here for this fun Christmas special as you always do. And you can feel that Christmas cheer. And Merry Christmas to you, Mark. And Merry Christmas to you, Zach. And to you, Broden, and to you, Tom. Merry Christmas.

Now, we all got on draw names.com. We made our little wish lists. We drew our names at random. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we've all gone out and hit that $10. or maybe we didn't hit that $10 limit. Let's go around the circle. Broden.

I think it was a little bit over. A little bit over this year. Zach. I was, I can tell you exactly, $6.50 over. Wow. Okay. Thomas. I was a little bit over too. A little bit over this year.

It's hard, isn't it? It's hard to get it. $10 is not a lot of money these days. And how about you, Mark? Were you over or under? This year, I was way, way under because I spent 500% more than I was supposed to last year. So I was trying to even it out. But what I did bring was a.

beautiful, thoughtful gift. One, something homemade, something from the heart, not the wallet, which is just as... I just think he's using his leadership to talk about his own present, and he'll have his time to talk about it, but I just don't think he's being a very

generous leader. Which way do you vote, Tom? I want to follow your leader. Because I'm ready to dump him. Look at those would be funny, but I also think it's very unfair. If it's unfair, you don't have to vote. I just want to go with the comedians in the room.

I think the energy of him having to come back and hosting it after being undermined twice is going to be good for me. That energy is going to be good. So I vote against mutineering. Okay, sure. I respect that. I understand. And we're back.

And we're back and Mark, can I just say I stand behind you? I support you. You've called mutiny twice. Oh, Mark, Christmas spirit. Come on, buddy. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. It's Christmas. Trees, gifts, presents, loved ones, too much dinner

I love your hat by the way Mark I love those little legs Now let's go I've got a present here Tom let's start with Tom I got a present here Tom has a gift from a KK and we don't know who it is and that's part of the magic

A KKK What did you wish for? I asked for Tim Tams Let's go through your wish list and see if your wish was met Let me just click on the fucking Mutiny He's going through the wish list It wasn't ready What kind of efficient leadership is this

Listen I've been thinking a lot About the two mutinies I called And my own leadership aspirations I vote no I vote Fair enough To let him continue with his leadership

I'd say Ye among us who has the list open Shall be first to cast the stuff Oh very good Tom Very good Yes yes All right continue And I have the list open on my phone.

Ah, good job with the list. Great job, Mark. We love and support you, brother. Christmas is sick. Woo. And I love my friends. Tom asked for a big packet of Tim Tam chocolate. Wait.

Banished to the zone. Tom, I banish you to the Phantom Zone. Don't. So the reason I banished Tom to the Phantom Zone. Can you? Yeah. I thought mutiny had to be called. No, mutiny is for leadership.

Phantom Zone is for anyone else? Check the list, Lindsay. Is that true? I thought it was only for the leader. And we're just looking at the letter of the law here, Lindsay. And there are two different scriptures. We're not asking you to interpret it. So we can check the other one.

We're not asking you to interpret it. Just what are the facts around mutiny calling and... I think mutiny applied specifically to the leader. So, phantom zone, phantom zone, but phantom zone, who does it apply to? I believe phantom zone applies to anybody in the room Oh yeah All right Lindsay has spoken

My apologies And I just want to So You timing Tom No no no There's a vote still There's a vote There's a vote

I banish you to hell Yeah you banished Tom He just was getting up in your grill man He was pulling out tin sands Before you'd set it up His gift I worry That sentencing him to the phantom zone

In the middle of his gift opening I wonder what that will do to that segment. Mark, can I just say, I trust that you can fill that two minutes, man. I believe in you. All right, I sentence here to the phantom zone. Tom set that timer. Remember, you got three moans and groans. All right, here we go.

What did you get, Tom? Tom, well, Tom can't speak. Why? Well, he's been sentenced to the phantom zone. And in the phantom zone, you're not allowed to speak for two minutes, but you are allowed three moans and groans. before being sentenced to the moan and grown phantom zone zone. Tom asked for...

I call mutiny. We got to... Now, here's why I call mutiny. Two reasons. Broden, you and I both have leadership aspirations. If you come on as my deputy, as my deputy, I will, in time, hand over before the third person gets their gift, I will hand over my leadership to you.

On top of that, on top of that, on top of... On top of that, I believe he didn't fill the two minutes well enough. What are your thoughts, mate? I will give you leadership. I believe Mark needs a second chance. I vote no. Wow. I'll remember this.

Oh, no. Christmas. So we're opening Tom's gift. Tom asked, I was going to go through his wish list. Before I do, is everyone okay with that? Yeah. Of course, man. Yeah, okay.

I love this. This is so fine and you've always been the leader of KK and you're doing a great job of it. Tom asked for... A Merry Christmas, Mark. A Merry Christmas, mate. A Merry Christmas to you all.

Thank you. A beautiful time of the year. Tom asked for Tim Tams. He asked for a bluey camping book. He asked for jolly ranchers. He asked for Malteseers. He asked for glass tumblers. Yep.

He asked for sour cola, a one kilo bag. Okay, what did he get? And he asked for a massage gun, an off-brand, maybe an off-brand massage gun. Now, Tom, who was in the Phantom Zone and can't speak for himself. He got a packet of timetams, a small packet. Oh, gee. He asked for a big one, but he got a second packet of double coat. That's pretty good. But he, you get three rows in but he did get three packets of timetams. This one white. And what else did he get? A chewy

caramel packet of timetons. Wow, that's he he keeps a timet. And we can, and a opened packet, and he looks confused in the phantom zone, flat as he is, in the 2D phantom zone. Is it two-dimensional, is it? Yes, that rotates in space. I love that world building. Yeah. What is it? What is it? It's a packet of Oreos that are Pascal marshmallow branded. Time's out of the Phantom Zone. I'm back.

I'm back. I'm back. And not a single moan or grown. It was sick in there. You know what I was thinking the whole time I was there? I was thinking I should do that thing. We do a double quarter pounder but with the Oreos. Mm.

You still got a bit of time. You got another 10 seconds, man. Okay. I'm going to eat the singular biscuit. In the Phantom Zone, did you learn anything? Yeah. It's good to just be quiet. Sometimes.

Yeah. The user wouldn't understand. No, no, no, wouldn't. So Tom's eating one biscuit. And now, are you making it a Big Mac or? No, not a Big Mac. He's doing it. A double quarter pounder.

Yeah, double quarter pounder version is fine. I think, I think it's more fun than a Big Mac. I think, I think, I think just eating a Big Mac version of an Oreo just feels a bit like a burger. Big Mac is getting you, I have something to bring up. I have something to bring up. I have something to bring up. I have something to bring up. Would a double-stuffed Oreo

already be a double quarter-pounder? It's a pounder. Because, yeah, so someone withheld information from us about their little thing that they made. What are you talking about? I call mutiny. Well, can I just get through this? Well, that's not the law, I don't think.

That's not the law of the land, my man. I don't like, that was not Christmas Spirit. He was trying to attack you about. an episode we agreed we wouldn't talk about. I'm going to allow it. Really? I'm over it. Let's...

What a wonderful gift, Tom. Thank you so much for the biscuits, KK. What a wonderful experience you've had. Let's move on. Thank God. To Broden, to Zachary, Rewain. Zachary, you need to get your Christmas gift. We're going to need you to close your eyes.

Close your eyes, big dog. Close your eyes. and see if you get whatever gift. And everyone, make noise. So we don't know who got what. Ah, open your eyes, Zach. Oh. A gift you have been given.

Wow. What do you want to describe it for the listeners at home? Oh, let's have a look at his wish list. Yeah, let's describe what my wish list was. Let's see what the wish list was, a grand list, I'm sure. Zach wished. For three, only, no, six, six gifts. He asked for a go-sports range cage, so like a kind of a video, like a simulator.

Yeah. For hitting golf, how much is that worse? I will, I will admit that that was a little over the $10 asking prize at $514. Just slightly. $514, quite an increase there. I can't get on the on the cost of things No, that's right, Tom's pulling out. Yeah, I've got it for you, mate.

You asked for a holy stone GPS drone. Now, I will say that was a little over at $260. Wow, wow, wow. But 7% off. That's what I was thinking. Wow. And I know people have gone over in the past. Do you ask for a pressure washer?

Yes. I thought it would be good for cleaning my balcony. I will admit, yes, it was a little bit over. At $324.90. Okay. Throttle control. What does this do? Now, I don't know.

I think you put it in your car. And I will admit it was a little bit over. How much was it? It's about 100 and something. 215. 215, yeah. And then, I just thought, you know, I went over by 650. I thought maybe my KK would go over a little bit as well.

Yeah. Now, this is. This is a Woodford Reserve whiskey. Yeah. But it's described as both wine and whiskey. Is there a reason for that? I don't know. $245.

Jesus. And then a Vivo active smart watch. And what cost is that at? 382 on the top, but that's 23% off. Nothing in the range. A couple of little, yeah, they were all a little over, but I thought a creative gift maker might be able to figure it out. And also, you know, I went a little over with mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So, let's see. Let's have a look. So mine is, it's in a box. A little box that you put chips in With a note from KK Very beautiful handwriting We don't know

That's part of the magic of KK An insane amount of effort considering 24 hours Is what Mark does every year Gave it to the... Well we don't know if Mark does it Because it's fucking anonymous Read the front, Zach Can you solve the riddle?

Oh A riddle perchance has been given to Zab What a very special KK You do not like eggs, you don't like to drive, but cars go voom-voom when they pass by. And eggs, they had yolk, like, like, Doe Martens hold feet. Doc Martins. Doc Martens hold feet. So here is this box for your Christmas treat.

Is an egg with the word voom on it. What am I? Oh. What? So here in this box for your Christmas treat is an egg. with the word voom on it. What am I? Oh.

Do you want to try and solve the riddle? I reckon it's an egg with the word voom on it. Sounds interesting. She's crazy. How would you put voom on an egg? Why voom? Because that's what cars would go, it's an egg.

What is it, Zach? It is an egg with the word voom printed on it. Wow. Has that egg cracked? There seems to be some yellow hard yolk on it. It might just be like gunk from the body. bottom of a fridge. Is it hard work?

I don't know, but looking at it, looking at it, that looks to me to be a raw egg. Raw, not cooked. Not cooked. Does it say Vum on it? I might be wrong, but that stuff on the bottom of it looks like it was left out of the carton. A six, sick, five pounds. Oh, and a secret five pound note underneath. What's the Doc Martin's got to do with it?

Because I wear Doc Martin's. Yeah, but everything else had something to do with the present. You have that back. It said, I think from memory, it said like an egg holds yolk, Doc Martin's hold feet. Right. That's very beautiful. Yeah. I love the five pounds.

So, yeah, what do you, do you want to give it a, I say something nice about it? I said, I love the five pounds and I gave you the egg back. I don't know why you're giving it to me. Because I like eggs? You know, I like eggs. Yeah, hey, Mark, I got it. I would prefer not to have a raw egg. I don't know how long it's been unrefiguated.

Mark, I got given a raw egg by someone who knows I don't like eggs. And by I believe the riddle addressed that. Would you like an egg? Are you leaving the egg to stay here like all the other gifts? The egg is your gift. You do with it what you want. I cannot take someone else's gift. That would be against mutiny.

I'm calling mutiny. You can't call mutiny. You're the leader. You can call phantoms out. I'm calling it against myself because I'm getting upset. Okay. And the idea of... I don't think you can talk.

The idea of somebody... You can't talk, man. But I've called mutiny. Yeah. Yeah, but you can't talk. Because you're the leader. But there must be a double negative or something here. No.

I mean, we can... I must be a letter. All right. I retract it. No, you can't talk. All right. So here's my concern with a mutiny called on oneself. I don't know who then takes over the leadership.

I worry it will leave a leadership vacuum. Yeah. Because I think no one will take over. No. I think we'll be left with no leader. So I think we have to leave him in charge. I agree. Yeah.

Keep going. Well, God, Christmas is just the best fucking time of year ever. And I have so much fun doing it. This man has lost his mind. We can't trust him to be a leader. I will be a generous leader to you all. I will be good to you. Please let me give me this opportunity.

Tom? Yeah, I'm down. I believe this man deserves a second chance. Does not every man deserve a second chance at freedom, at leader? I agree. Welcome back. Welcome back, Mark. It's the race start and the race start.

Let's do your present to cheer. Dig in deep to find them for Christmas cheer after multiple mutinies. He is getting hard. I call mutiny. His job is to flip back. He's meant to come back with Christmas cheer. He's meant to not talk about this. The fact that he's doing that so consistently is upsetting to me.

Who is on your five-pound bill there? Queen Elizabeth and Winston Churchill. A great wartime leader. Sometimes. It's not good to the colonies. Sometimes it felt like cannon fodder. Yeah, young men is cannon fodder. But other times gave Britain that great, sprightly energy.

Keep calm and carry on. That's what we need. I think Mark has that in him. I think he has demonstrated time and time again and the inability to lead. Let's see what he has to say, because I vote no. I don't want a lot for Christmas. This is what I have to give. And I don't care about my presents.

One need the Christmas tree. I won't return my gift of egg. That's a rude thing to do. Make my wish come true Baby all I want for Christmas Isn't an egg that says Voo Very clever Voo baby

Well now Mutiny I call mutiny I can't have this I mean do we want to see what happens In a leadership vacuum No Okay leadership vacuum

Broden No I don't come back to it I want to that next time Brodin What's that? No I'm back He's back, he's back. Christmas!

Do you see the leader? Yeah. Still? Christmas! Broden! Chrisma! Close your eyes, Broden. For your gift is about to be upon you.

Who is it? Who's getting it and giving it to you? Well, here I have. Open your eyes. And what describe the way it's wrapped? Yes, this is an open, reusable bag. Oh, very nice. What it is for 2025, it's a plastic bag,

but they've gone, we'll just say it's reusable on it, as to continue to make plastic bag. What's a wonderful, wonderful, Broden, your name written in Penn, so they've gone to a little bit of effort. And Broden's wish list, a very unconventional wish list. That's here, Mark. Something I would say has never been seen in at least this KK for sure, but maybe this is... I didn't even know you could do this on the wish list setting. Nor did I. I'm discovering this for myself in real time. Broden has taken a screenshot

a screenshot on his phone at a very low pixel right that and I don't know whether that's because your phone's a piece of shit or just the conversion for the upload I guess draw names.com.com.aU hasn't planned for this sort of type of gift wish where people just take a photo on their phone and upload it

And at 50% battery, Broden has asked for at 11.53 AM or PM. That was earlier today. Great. A 2025 Polestar 3 long range, dual motor with performance and plus pack auto, all-wheel drive, make year 2025. So a new car. From a dealer in Queensland,

used car at just a little over 145K. Drive away. A little bit over. the, yeah, $145,000, a little bit over the $10. Yeah, as it done, it's done 560 kilometres, that's all it's done. It's a brand new 2025, yeah, it's a good car. And it's an electric vehicle. That's a good deal.

Yeah. Oh, it's a very expensive car. And any KK worth their salt would have at least investigated. Of course. Yeah. Or maybe they did. And maybe they did. And maybe they did.

And then maybe they thought, okay, sure, can't pay for that, can't get that. But maybe I'll get something that I know will be treasured. buy Broden something special for Broden that he can enjoy in his own time. A wonderful way to gift as also something really personal and fun and cute.

All right, shall I? Yeah, open it up. Open the plastic bag. And what did you get, Broden? He got me lube and tissues. We don't know who. What's some tissues? They're hyperallergenic at least.

And look, and there's a number of things you can do with that. Well, we don't know who. KK. Water-based lubricant formulated for comfort. Water-based, can I say, a very thoughtful loop. For an oil-based lube gets sticky and it's hard to wash off. No, that's the stickiest loom there is.

That's so sticky that loop. The water-based, washers off easier, I would say. Yeah, washes off as sticky-ish. It washes off the thigh. Put a little on your hand. Try something now, Broden. And what are the tissues for? Do you have a cold, Broden?

that you would be to clean. It's for coming in, too. How do you know that? I'm just guessing. Very thoughtful gift. Hey, you could even, but you can make more of it. I know Brod's been very tired, overworked. Not invite me able to lay back, have a week.

Knock one out. You could also, Broden, as a thought, as a Christmas thought, open up the box of tissues, sort of cut a hole in it. What? It's with you. Fill that with Hulu. Mutiny. And you're fucking mooteney.

I vote yes. I vote yes to Broan being the new leader. I'm sure. I vote yes to Braden being the new leader. But how do you vote? I look across at this man as I rub lub into my age. Just to check. I've just met on the back of your hand.

You're just going to like, what's that stuff we used during? Loob. During, um, COVID? You're thinking a loob. Hand sanitiser. I'm using the loobers hand sanitiser. With these looby hand. And he's just, the box of tissues have slipped out of his hands.

Because they're all loomed up. He can't pick up the tissues. Well, you got to. Because he's got looped up hairs. This man deserves, does not every man deserve a second chance? If you can pick up those tissues, strike. If you can pick up those tissues, then I'll give him a second chance. Second chance.

All right, we're back. Brogan's lubey hands managed to ascertain or just attain the tissues. And so we're back on track with the same leadership but a fresh new toad. Who's left?

Whose KK. Give hasn't been given? Mark's going to close his eyes. That's me. Always save myself a last. Lucky last. I don't indulge in going last. I'd always like to go first to get that Christmas.

I call you. And I call mutiny as a favour to Mark. I want him to be able to just enjoy getting the present while someone else drives things. Okay, I vote yes then. Sure. Yes. Welcome back.

Mark, you have been a horrible leader. I summon you to the fandom zone. Yes, I agree to that. I agree to that. No one speaks ill of Mark in that way. Our previous leader, grand leader. Enjoy your leadership vacuum. That's, that's a moan.

That's a moan. It's very naughty. I will count that as a moan. You are two moans or groans away from being sentenced to the moaning groaned phantoms answer. That is a second fucking warning. That is a second fucking warning. So you watch yourself.

I really wish I hadn't put loob all over my hands. And it is a sticky loob. It's a sticky loob. If you wash it with water, I believe it will come out near instantly. But look, we're here, guys. We're here without leadership. We can do whatever the fuck we want. Brodin, if you want to lube up and have it, use your gift.

I'm fine. I mean, the gift was given to be used. The leader's not around, dude. No one's going to fucking have at you. Go for it, man. Open this gift, Mark. Wank. You can't make me wank.

No, no, I can't. But you have free will without the leader. Free willy. At least 90 seconds. Come on, man. Or, loob up. your mouth and swallow a tim-dam hole. Without, without chewing it.

Yeah, just loob it on down. No, I want this. I need order and structure. What's your Christmas wish? Peace. Peace? On earth. All right. I don't know. I don't know.

We need a leader. I think you should be the leader. Okay. There's 18. Shall we take a vote? In the absence of our leader who is unfortunately in the phantom zone. He's back in 30 seconds. Yeah.

Should we vote for new leadership? Yeah. Okay. I put my hand up. I'm happy to be the new leader. I vote you, Mark. All right. I take this.

I take this not lightly, but when the new leader returns, what's the best way to deal with it? I feel like we have to kill him. I feel like we have to kill him so there is not a lot. there is not a coup, because if there is a leadership coup and I lose leadership, once we finally have power, are we doing it? Yeah. Yeah, it's going. After their 20 seconds, don't let him know.

What was your alarm? It sounded like, it's... My alarm was fun. There's a whole story there. I'll explain it in another podcast. But you've got 20 seconds grand leader. In the fans and zone, I realized something. I realized something.

I realized that Mark has always loved this more than anything. else in the world, and we should let him lead if you want to die. I call mutiny. Well, you're the leader. No. I know that mutiny was called on me. You're the leader. There has been no challenge for power outside of the phantomsome.

So you must stay silent. I'm clapping because of my hands all sticky. I'm lube. That's the opposite. Yeah, I just feeling the stickiness. Well, we need to have a discussion about this mutiny that you've called on yourself. Oh, for fuck, say, open the fourth present.

Mark has a guess wish list of 18 products that we need to read out. So we've got to get going. I'm taking leave. And I think it might be worth reading that list. I'm going to break this silence. You have to at least vote on whether... No, I don't. I'm happy for Zay.

I don't want to do the coup. Thank you. Welcome back. Hey, everybody. I'm having a great Christmas time. Did you enjoy your present time? So much. Are you excited to eat some Tim Tams?

How about you, bro? That's pretty funny. The loop. All right. Now, Mark, oh, very fitting with the lube and tissues. Mark, you ask for an adult sexual position card game, some sex dice. You ask for sexy metal handcuffs, a registered sex offender sticker. In case I see one.

A relaxing plug trainer. So that's a butt plug with a jewel. Very sexy. You ask for Jurex 2 in 1 massage lube. You also ask for KY Jelly personal lubricant Oh and look at this You ask for Lifestyles Silky Smooth The very brand that you see

Sitting across from you at the table You might be a jealous boy Depending on how this goes Wet Stuff Goldwater Loob A lot of lube Dirty Would You Rather You ask for Jurex Playfield gel

Lifestyles Lux Lube You ask for Get Your Mojo Back A book about Women Getting Their Sexual Mojo Back That's for me, though. Sex positions for couples, 69 sex coupons, naughty gift for him. Can't wait to cash those in.

You ask for Menines, five-piece sex dice. I guess that's where you roll the dice that says, do it on your belly. I ask for two different sets. Sided, three-pack extended dick rings. But all the way down the dick? Yeah. I didn't know you could have dick rigs for the end of your dick. If you cock's long enough.

And lastly, four seasons nude gel. Now, that looks like the nicest of the lube. Let's open up my... gift and see. Let's see what you got. Now, do you want to tell us about the bag? Give it a shake. See what you think might be in there, Mark?

Okay, it's a big Christmas bag with a reindeer going to put up their own stocking. A lot of money spent on the bag, I would say. Let's open this up. Okay, so it doesn't look like I got any of my requested items. Someone else did, which is, which fucks me off a little bit. But let's have a look. I got a Star Wars Tumblr, a warm, and I like, and okay, not only is it Star Wars themed, but it's also, because I'm a, you guys know, I'm a comedian, love comedy. We love Star Wars and you continue to love Star Wars, and you're a comedian and you love comedy.

I love both of these elements, and when somebody brings that together in my favorite type of beverage holder, what better Christmas gift could there be? And that's what's been done, because this cup has a picture of a cup. on it number one which is Darth Vader's head helmet fashioned into a cup and the quote on it written in like a childish handwritten kind of thing

I'm not the leader so I can have as much fucking fun with this as I want yeah please enjoy yourself it says I like my coffee on the dark side now does that need a little explaining for people out there the dark side of the force different to the light side of the force

embraced by the Jedi. The dark side is embraced by the evil Sith. And Darth Vader is a Sith Lord. And he likes his coffee on the dark side, which means, no, you know, like to add milk.

No milk. So dark coffee, dark And I love the implication there, Mark. You know, in the Star Wars universe, dark side, light side of the force, sort of polar opposites. Whereas This implies, I think, that it's really just the addition of milk. It's more of a gradient.

The light side of the coffee is just about how strongly you've brewed it and how much milk you've added, implying that the light side of the force is rather not the opposite of the dark side, but just a milkier, weaker version of the dark side. I mean... Which supports, I suppose... We all come from dark... Yeah, yeah.

...position... If you want to suck the fucking fun out of it, sure. Yeah, anyway. What else did I... What else did I get? A t-shirt. There's a fucking zip, man. There's a zip lock to rip the bag open?

I call... Mark, I banish ye to the Phantom Zone. And here's why he should be silent for two minutes. Well, Broden, who knows how to unzip bags, opens his presents for him. Yes. Give me that bag. Tom?

Do you vote yes? Yes, I vote yes. Oh my God, there's more. This is like, Tom, this is like 50 bucks. I didn't want to go to Club X. Thought about it. You didn't want to go to Club X? I'll just go get some funny stuff.

Well, Mark's really sad. I feel really bad about this. I've got to unzip and open up. I think he's going to cry. He's got a large t-shirt here that says it's, well, it's, one, two, three, four, five, six, eight Darth Vader's. And in the middle, it says, the many moods of Darth Vader. And it has like angry, bored, excited, happy, nervous, sad, relax and tired. And the joke there for this one is if you know the Star Wars series, he has a mask on

or a helmet that helps him breathe. And so his facial expressions are not clear at any point. I'll tell you that much. Mark, you could wear this to the midnight premiere of Grogu and Pascal. No. When Groker Fiscal comes to the movies, you can wear this t-shirt, maybe you can go to gold class with a midnight premiere, and you get to be the first in the world to view it. How exciting is that? How much to make Mark wear this to a thing? And this comes out six months later, but we just get some

phone. It has to be before this content. But just and occasionally just photos, hey Mark's getting coffee, and he's just wearing this t-shirt. We just get it canonically out there in posts for like six months. We can take them all today But just lots of Mark If you have a problem with this Saying I don't want to do that

Oh well I think he's voting yesterday And the last thing which I would also love him to wear In the photos that we put out Is a Minecraft A green Minecraft Adventure Club Baseball cap A fucking Tom

It's just $29. No no no read again Five dollars Thank you It's a Minecraft hat It's a snapback Minecraft hat What's that? What's that?

Gamer bar that Mark really loves? It's called, oh, Fortress. Fortress, and he has a good working relationship. Maybe Mark could put on this shirt. What is that? Go down the Fortress, his favorite gamer bar. Take a couple of photos, post that on Instagram. Welcome back, Mark.

Welcome back, Mark. How is your Phantom Zone time? 20 seconds, go. Spending time in Phantom Zone, you have to reflect on a number of things. Yeah. Like, you know, the merit of a shop like Zing. And should they, should they exist?

Should they be called landfill? They should have just be called, yeah, Zing, a place for landfill. That's mainly what I was thinking about. I was thinking about where Tom went past the Zing on his way to work this morning. It's mostly what I thought about in the phantom zone. And the bullying that has resulted from my inability to, uh, uh, uh, Are you excited about that content thing we've decided for you? Maybe you could go to the ice bar.

Where are you? Your new Minecraft at? What's the Seinfeld mug? This is Broden was drinking from this. Yeah, your mug? No, it's just from here. Is that Kramer's hair? It looks like.

That's funny because of the razor stuff he said. I think a shot of Tom having Tim Tams. I think a shot of Zach having. What did you get again? He got a beautiful riddle. He got a beautiful riddle. Cash and a wonderful egg. And me having a fucking wank.

And you going, are you wearing your cool hat and t-shirt? My new swag. Would be very funny. I got married recently. I wanted the sex stuff to spice up my marriage. Now she's never going to think I'm sexy with all this nerd swag. You put on his Minecraft adventure. I'm never going to get late again.

It's funny shirt. I reckon you should go, oh, he's funny. He is hoping. Well, close us out, leader. Oh, yeah, no worries. I would like to, Mark, if you'd like to challenge me for leadership, I'd like to hand it back to you, my man. No, I'm good. And let it rain for many years to come.

Oh, no. What have I done? I did this just to punish him and then at the end there's a gift to him. And now I must suffer with the burden of leadership. I do think it's fair. Shut up, I'm the leader. Fair cop. I respect you, humble man.

Merry Christmas. You've been listening to the Auntie Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie Donner Club.com. See you next week.