Aunty Donna Podcast - LAN Party 9 Feat. David Cross

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

This week the LAN Party boys are back and a joined by a cool new American friend who may or may not be comedy legend David Cross. Aunty Donna are going on a World Tour! For information and tickets for The Magical Dead Cat Tour head to auntydonna.comJoin The Aunty Donna Club: https://www.patreon.com/auntydonnaSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

LISTEN ART G'day legends are welcome to another episode of the Anti-Donna podcast. This week the Land Party boys are back and are joined by a cool new American friend who may or may not be comedy legend David Cross. Remember, if you're loving the Anti-Donna podcast you can get access to bonus episodes and the video versions at anti-donnaclub.com Alright, welcome to my house boys. Yeah thanks from bonus man.

Yeah sick, you know like I think last time was what did we do last time? Last time we we wanted to start a YouTube channel and then we found out that that I can't remember your name. Yeah that's alright. I think we can just call me Zach. Zach has 8 million all right. I think we can just call me Zach. All right, Zach. Zach has eight million subscribers, remember? What that made me realize was actually that we don't need to get big, what we need to just get back to when we hang out is grass roots,

which is playing video games online. Yeah, yeah, with our friends. And we met a friend. We did meet a friend online. Online. Now, you've been talking to him here, who is it? Yeah, their name was DJ Murdochila 69 online. And is it sick player?

Sick player, great at cod. Oh, your love's cod. Love's clicking heads. And that's why... Do you know what clicking heads means, eh? I'm guessing. Yeah. No, absolutely.

Yeah. Why don't you my what click and heads means? Oh, I just shooting shoot now pads Shooting head shooting heads with guns and cannons grenades Tank warfare That nation. Oh, that's pretty yeah, I knew that. Clean off clean off like with the yes. Yeah, yeah, we're playing now called a modern warfare. Yeah, yes to code yes.

Yeah, so I got worms for Christmas. The video game. Yeah, I got the video game worms for Christmas and that you can use choose any weapon as well. That's a very bombs or guns or I would imagine a worm head is easier to get rid of than a human. You think that, but it's actually less discernible from its body. So with the head... We just have to point to an end. But that could be the tail.

And you might not, you might only be getting the top of the head. He's our smart friend, just so you know, so he will always strip you up if you say, uh, said the wrong thing. Yeah, but said the wrong thing. Well, you apologize. Sorry. He didn't realize that. He's also very apologetic. Yeah. So what happened for anyone who's here, even though it's just the four of us in this room, just for just to just to store. Yeah, let's just talk about how online we've been playing with this guy, Sick. He recently, you know, been playing against me. PJ Murder Killer. Yeah, that's you. 69.

But how that was such a funny night. And you've flown down to Australia to hang out with us, which is just Sick. So welcome, Mikasa Soukasa. Thank you. I appreciate it. I, you're, you're how it's, your house is a little, we room, I should say, your room is a little... We room, I should say your room is a little damper than I was expecting.

What? Yeah, there's no great ventilation in here. I did mean to say that, man. Yeah, well, it's actually what I'm trying to create is a den from which creativity can flourish. Okay. So the eye... Just to, sorry to interrupt,

but it was a very expensive flight. Yeah. And it in Rupp, but it was a very expensive flight. It was a long, I had three stopovers. One was in the middle of the ocean. And they had to suspend a lot of the drink beverage service at that time while we refueled at a Some but naval thing and New Zealand No, it was like I was is New Zealand ship shaped

It is ship shaped, but if it was a ship that you were on yeah, then it was probably not New Zealand Yeah, New Zealand is ship shaped, but bigger than a ship is land as big as a land Is it again? So it's the shape of a ship, but it's as big as a land shape of a ship as big as a land It's a shape of a ship. It's as big as a land and it's as big as a land So if what you were on was a ship I will I was on the plane Right the plane was on a ship and the ship was on a land. It was dry. That was on the land. Dry Dr. New Zealand, was it? Oh. You tell me you seem to, you're the smart one.

Oh, sorry. I want to be here. You know, I just don't apologize when people say you smart man. I told that he had a friend and that he told you that he was an adult and that he had a business opportunity. And that's why you're here.

And he said that if I fuck this up for him, that I'd be in a lot of trouble. So I'm sorry. And you said if he fucked this up for you. I did say that, yeah. Okay. But I didn't expect him to just start apologizing when there was no need to apologize and when he'd done nothing wrong. It is, it is a little uprooting. See now, now you fucking it up. Well, no, no, I mean, I'm okay at this point. I, you know, let's give you two more chances. Thank you. I like one.

I got one. I'm gonna take sorry. And that's also for me because I don't want to literally just get right back on the plane. It's a long flight with a lot of stopovers. And I still need to go to the gift shop somewhere and get something from a kid, something Australian-ish.

Is there anything you recommend? Well, we're all 14, so like, we don't have much of a, I could say maybe like, take you to like Northland and get you like, go to EB Games. And they've got some sick Pokemon stuff there, like memorabilia. Yeah, EB Games is like your game stop. Right, my daughter's more into like the princess kind of stuff. Oh, okay.

Yeah, so we don't really have princesses in Australia, but how do I... Fairies. This is not really fairies. No, we have all these things. You're just heavily religious. You know, we have fairies and elves and shit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you just find them ungodly so you don't it's not that I don't I just don't think they're cool

And I personally choose yes my parents think they're ungodly But I personally think they're not cool personally Yeah, and I think that I can consume media that's cool and not and does I doesn't even I told you I was reading Harry Potter and you cried For my soul. Yeah, you cried and you prayed for myself. Yeah. That's what about that. It's just an odd thing to do. It sounds like you're withholding information about where I can get my daughter, princess doll, Australian princess doll,

or fairy, or Elv, or what happy. Any kind of mythical creatures, okay? Because you don't have good feelings about that. Well that's that's if you if these guys weren't here I would have walked away thinking and now wait a minute Australia does not have princesses, fairies or or elves. And then I would have gone back to the United States of America to be a replacement and said that. And then I, you know, I'm very, very influential. And then people would have believed me. And then it would have gotten back to Australia eventually. And then Australia would be faced. Your country would have been faced with a really

difficult decision. Do we rewrite history, get rid of all of the princesses, fairies, and elves and what-have-use mythical creatures so that we don't look foolish to the United States America, one of our big don't't cry, one of our big, creating partners. I'm sorry, I didn't really fucking this up already. I didn't realize, please keep going. Please keep arriving. You gotta think, he needs to hear this.

He needs to hear this. He has to think big picture. I just, I don't, I don't personally, in my opinion, there's no elves and phares. It's not an opinion, it's not an opinion. In my opinion, there is it, and I just was wanting to express my opinion, but I'm sorry. I did that to you. I'm sorry to pull the adult card here.

You are much older than I thought. Well, yes, I mean let's not push it. I'm older. I'm not 14. I'm not 15. I'm not 16. I'm slightly older. Yeah, a little bit older. I can legally purchase marijuana. You look 36. Well, that's one of the sweetest things. I appreciate that. That's very nice. Now, I'm only a 14 year old gamer.

We're playing online with you. This may be a crazy question. Are you David Cross? I mean, look. You know, that's, it's neither here nor there. I mean, do I need to show some identity? No, no, it's fine. I'll be playing some like, same thing with someone.

You're talking this out. You look really familiar to me from like, media. Have we been playing, I just feel like, I don't want to, I don't want to press or anything. You got to learn to ask less questions, man. Me, my whole life, I'm all about go with the flow, figure things out, they can't roll for punches. Well, I'm about battling and fronting up

and getting it done. Can we offer you a drink? Yeah, I would. We've got beer, we've got whiskey, and we've got fanta. You all have beer in your, your mom and dad, let you have a... It's pretty chill, like, you chill, obviously not all the time, but with Friday night, fish and chips and stuff like that,

it's cool to just sit back and have a beer, and that's my family's pretty chill with it. Family and family, it's different. Well, I would imagine your family is not as cool with drinking, or are they? No, so obviously on Sundays, we drink the wine of the blood of Christ. So I'm we drink the wine of the blood of Christ. So I'm actually actually, I believe it's the blood of Christ.

It actually is. And I don't want to, I don't want to get into it. Well, I mean, I mean, he's, you have a chant, right? You have a transubstantiation chant that you invoke and you invoke the chant and then the wine turns into the blood. It actually is what blood has done studies. Your iron level must be through the roof. Yeah, we just have a little bit much blood. Yeah, we just have a little sip of it, but it's actually blood. They did a study in the 40s, I think, and like they found that it was actually blood. Can I ask question? Now, do you sometimes, if you have a lot of Jesus's blood, do you sometimes urinate blood? Does it come out? Is that passed through? No, no, it's often a

bit darker. When I urinate the next day, I drink a lot of it. Well, that's blood. That would be the blood. The iron is oxidizing in your system, yeah. There you go. So that's actually, so thank you for that. Because these guys sometimes tease me for that. And no, I don't drink a lot, personally. But sometimes I do drink capes. Now, when you are having the blood of Jesus,

do you ever feel a little dizzy? Mm-hmm. Of course. Like, maybe you're slurring your words a little bit, a little sleepy, a little, maybe you take chances, you might normally take. Yeah, I often find sort of the part of, I guess there's maybe a voice or something

that stops me from saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, that that kind of seems to be less present when I drink a lot of the blood of Christ. Yeah. Yeah. And how much blood of Jesus Christ, and also let's give a shout out to Jesus. I was giving everybody all of the signs of the blood.

Thank you so much. But how much blood do you think you could take before you got a little like I have up too much I've had too much of Jesus's blood. It depends if I've eaten or not If I've eaten I can probably have two cups of well, I feel a little bit Bluezy, you know, but I'm getting drunk off to two cups of Jesus blood. You're getting drunk Well, that's your words not mine. Oh sure. Sorry. It's a different kind of drunk. Well, that's your word, it's not mine. Oh, sure. Sorry. It's a different kind of drunk, I'd say.

Drunk was Christ. Yeah, drunk with love of Christ. Right, right. And when you fill up, is it the body of Christ that you're using to fill up? It's sometimes, yeah? Soke up the blood of Christ. So that's the body of Christ is a white, but that's just a small wafer of flesh. Well, that's how it goes.

You know, that's what we can see, but then when the transubstantiation happens and occurs, and do you any idea, I don't know, that you know the answer to this? Yeah, I so I really do. Do you know what part of this is the more more questions that I've ever asked about. That's some to think about. Yeah, food for thought as a word. Yeah. Is it, is it, do you know what part of Christ, what it turns into? Is it like a fingers, stomach, is it flesh, is it organs?

I always imagined it to be a muscle. I couldn't say more than that. I think I've always imagined it to be a liar of muscle, probably in the arms. But that's just what I imagine. I don't know. Yeah, you haven't had any conclusive proof. But it actually does become flesh.

They did a study. Yeah, I can say as I understand it, yeah. It becomes flesh on that. They did a study. Wow. I don't think we've ever asked him that many questions about things that he's interested in. Well, maybe give the guy a little credit.

Yeah, that was fascinating. Sorry. You know what the problem is? Why do you keep a bulletin' juzzing in? I don't know. If anything, you've redeemed yourself. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's sorry.

That's really nothing. I could see the apology before, even though it was a necessary, but that you absolutely is not necessary at all. I want to apologize anymore. Okay. But I can say in your eyes, you want to say sorry. Sorry.

I'm sorry. Sorry. But I don't have to apologize for that if you don't. If you guys don't want me, there's actually, there's actually, you're not, there's nothing to apologize for. Yeah, save it up. Save it, save it for, and do something in the, within the next 15 minutes that you're really going to have to apologize for.

Okay, fuck. Oh my, we have never been anywhere. That is, that's great. That's great. That was Christ. That's the power of Christ. So you, are you So are you religious? Not in a in a Christ way. I'm I'm very what I let the man explain. No, you explain. I want to know from your best expert. Well, it's the faith

Well, you know like the home of bees Is it the home of bees? I don't know. I just I love the sound of it. It rolls up the tongue and and I also am I really not comfortable with I also am really not comfortable with autonomy and the idea that I can just do things on my own volition. So I want somebody else to tell me what it can and can't do, what's best for me and entity. And so I'm kind of picking, looking,

doing some shopping as a word. That's what I say though, that's the best part about it. And I infer that you're Catholic because of your parents. Well, they happen to be yes. But they're just coincidence. But I did a, I did a, I did a, what a happy accident. That's great.

Yeah, it was, it was, it was, but I was, so I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, No, first we played like a tabletop war games for half an hour. Playable Hammer. And that's what they told us. 40K or original. I don't remember. I was just sort of like little tanks and stuff. And that's what they had. 40Ks.

And then the next hour we veiled ourselves to God. So I did that in grade six. So actually I chose then at that point to become when I was 12. But had your folks had never dragged you along the mass? Yeah, every Sunday, yeah. Yeah. So when you accepted this after the game,

tabletop game, sixth grade, you said, what was your thinking? Like, now I'm really going do it or, I see. And in that moment as well, we vowed to be virgins until we got married. So I took that as well. That is a veil he has not kept, by the way. No, have you had that?

Nothing. You haven't had sex. I haven't had sex. Right, you don't have to like qualify it. It's sex. I haven't had sex. Right. It's just sex. No, well, I haven't had sex right there's a sex.

No, I haven't had yeah, but I think he's done that. He's done I know he's done. He's done he's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. He's done. You've you've inserted or you top or bottom?

I've taught what's that? So have you inserted into an anus or have you had your anus? I'm afraid you're anus. I'm an anus. Okay. So that is technically I that would be sex. No, technically, I think it wouldn't be. I think it's actually, you're familiar with the Bible, right?

Yes. So, sodomy, that would be sodomy. No. Yes, anal sex is considered sodom. And look, I'm not kinkshaming at all. Okay. Do what you want to do. Yeah. I mean unless it's not applicable in the Baha'i faith, then we'll have to look. But I'm not clear on what the Baha'i faith, what their practices and tenets are. So I

don't know, I'll get back to you, but you definitely you have had sex. But that's not one of the big sins is it? I mean look that sin as if you go by Catholicism, I think it's right up there with eating meat on Friday. I mean, it's about that bad. Okay Okay, sure, but it happened that camp right so that happened that ventures can happen repeatedly or just once with a few different people Right, so that right right right now who are these people were they within the church? No, so this is I do ventures, which is sort of off the scat so you do cubscapes and ventures So it's just different girls at adventures. Oh, it's with girls. Yeah. Oh, oh

What a that that's great. That's good to hear. Yeah. That's great. Because I explain them in Catholic, so we just did that, you know. And how, where do these girls come from? How? It's just the camp and stuff. Yeah. Just that good interest.

They're out of interest. Wow. This is not how I thought the LAN party would go. No, I don't know. No, my character doesn't get many words. But please keep drilling in. You're really fun. Yeah, I'm learning things about him. I don't know. I don't think my character doesn't get many words. But please keep drilling in. I'm learning things about him. I didn't know.

Sort of speak. Yeah. Sort of speaks. I mean, I always imagine this character to be meant to cost him, but I went with Catholic and I think that works. Yeah. Because Brontanoia, we're known amongst the school yard as catanovers. We've had our way with many a chick.

No need to say numbers, I think it's cheap. Now, yeah, body count and also of loss count. So there'd be no point. I feel like the, from this point forward, from this moment in time, the dynamic between the three of you is going to dramatically change because your friend here, your shy, smart, apologetic friend, has had numerous, anal sex with teenage girls.

I'm a teenager as well for clarity. Yeah, yeah. I just, there's no reason to get the authorities involved. I'm just saying that that is probably going to change your dynamic. You would if we didn't get laid as much as we do, which is like heaps, man. Okay. I can't stop. I actually, I'm actually at the slowdown because it got to the point where I was like,

my dick was tired. Don't mean like that was tight. You get through that stage. Yeah, yeah. The stage that you'll go through and then you'll... Or you've been through it, have you? Yeah. I'm actually through it.

I'll back, I actually know what you're talking about, because I've... Or do you, but... I dealt with it years ago. So you'll know what it's like then when you get laid so much, which I've been through, where your penis muskialisers, and instead of... Yeah, basically, it's on the little... Because it had old strength. Yeah, yeah, yeah.es. And it's basically to become an adult strength.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's something that you'll go through. I can, it's called hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit.

Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit.

Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hokenit. Hoken muscle. Okenosis. And that's also a lot of people don't know this, that's where your kidneys are. So you're going to be. It's real. Yeah, and you got to, yeah, so it'll grow and that's called hooking it. Oh, hooking it. Yeah, like the whole character. Well, again, that is a coincidence because it is a scientific clinical name.

It just happens to, I don't know if it came about prior to the Marvel character, I'm not sure. Yeah, wow, that's really interesting. They know about all the six I've had, but they've made me feel like they've had more without going into it. Cause we have, it's crazy. It's crazy how much we've had.

And to be honest, he's a bit of pathological liar. Me. Oh, yeah. So some of your experiences, I just don't, I don't believe, I don't think it happened. That's not how it happened. Oh, you know, I have sometimes, I will admit that sometimes I'll say that I've watched an R-rated movie or I'll listen to an album to to blend in but I've never lied about anything else. That's yet to be saying. Okay. What's your favorite R-rated album? Album. Of all of the albums? Well just in the last 100 years. Last 100 years I rated album with like swearing and rude and adult themes and adult themes. What was the one we were talking about the other way? Lincoln Park Hybrid Theory.

I would say my favorite I rated album is the Lincoln Park Hybrid Theory. It's really rude and he's a lot of apps. And I'm a fuck you. I don't do what you tell me. Don't rage against the machine. Yeah, you swear again. Yeah, I don't give a punch. Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, you got it. I'm sorry. I was like, what? Oh, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, you. I was just going to say, I don't think there's any swearing on that album. I was going to question that as well. Oh, you know, I think about it actually. Yeah.

Yeah, I can't. I love that I'm swearing on that. When I started to win, he said the music was so aggressive that it felt rude. I actually listened to music that's more aggressive and harder than that. Like what? Um, creed? Creed. Yeah. actually listen to music that's more more aggressive and harder than that. Like what? Creed? Creed. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know about, I'm not sure about that one. They're like, no, they're hard. That's like water to me compared to what I listen to. What do you listen to? Corpse Grinder. Yep. Sure. Yeah. Fetus on the wheel. Yes. Blood Duster.

Yeah. Yeah. Her blood Duster. I mean, I've heard the covers. Yeah, I've been going to ban from Melbourne. Yeah, I've been I've there's a Emmertle Beach in South Carolina. There's a bar that always has covers of that. Oh, really? The band you just mentioned. Yeah, yeah, drink flight fuck. That's my favorite song of this. Yeah, Moins, that's got my three favorite things in the title. What do they say? Drinking? Oh yeah.

Fighting. Oh, okay. And what I say make and love, because fucking to me is base, that's like what an animal does in the dirt and make love. Well, people too, I mean, if you're moved, so moved. Yeah. No, but what kind of fight?

Tell me about your fights. Yeah, this would be interesting. Why? Why do you say that? Oh, it's interesting. Go on. Um, what have you seen? There's this house film that I really love called Fight Club. Have you seen that? I have seen it, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, a lot of people have. I think it was quite popular, actually. Really? Yeah. A lot of people I've talked to you never heard of it. Who were you talking to? Oh, kids at school that... Sure.

Little younger. Little younger. Yeah, they might not. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger.

Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little younger. Yeah, they might not be a little or? Yeah, they know, yeah, they know him, but they know him more as like, you know, the, the guy from snatch.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they don't, they're not into that kind of like indie 90s cinema scene. So you are, you're a member of a fight club? Well, we started, yeah, we started one after we saw that movie because we thought that we watched that movie when we thought that we watched that movie we went the government is Fucked yeah, you know, and we were at a fight club. Yeah, yeah, so now, you know, just a bunch of guys Why why What do you think you would never be invited to this fuck club? Yeah, I know why why so I'd come in

Sweep your legs, oh, but Yeah, I would have blocked it. I would have blocked it immediately. No. You would have gone for a sweep. I would have seen it coming. And I would have used my shin to block your leg and then open palm, straight to the nose, break your nose as you're looking up, kick to the groin, you're down, you're out.

That's fun. And first night at Fight Club, you have to fight. Yeah, that's fun. That'd take place really nicely in the What If series on Disney Plus. That's what I'd say. Wow. That would take place really nicely in the Watt-F series on Disney Plus. That's what I'd say. Wow. That's what I'd come in.

What? You're saying it's a fantasy world? Correct. That's exactly what I'm saying. So then I'd come in, gentlemen, hands up in the air. Oh, he's not ready. Come at me, legs sweep. You guys are down on the ground.

Jump it. Come in. But yeah. Just a basic choke hold. You're out. You're asleep. I'll leave you for later. I take care of the other boys. One, two, just some basic hand stuff. Take them down. Come back to you. Snap your neck in a position. Leave you there. And then that's when you realize that's actually a fake corpse that I prepared earlier. I dropped down from the roof. I'm on your shoulders.

I smack you. Both ears, your ears start ringing. And when your one sense is out, your other sense is lower, actually. In their devil, they say they hide and not true. Hit you on the... Smack you on the two ears, ringing in your head. You're like, where am I, what am I doing?

During your state of confusion, I get up behind you, right? Your fourth vertebrae from your coccyx, up, that's the weak spot, mate. Did you know this? No, I didn't, but I do now. I punch him like this, I caulk him, right? So it's a fist, but with the middle finger knuckle raised. Into the back vertebrae.

You're paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of your life. Wow. That's cute. That's cute. So yeah, those are the kinds of... Why didn't you do that? Just those kind of fights. But at the end, we will hug, we bro out and we talk about how the government is actually fucked. So your fight club is more like a talking about fighting club. Yeah, we don't actually do any physical fights. We are only 14. Right. And I said,

if there's corpses, then there's, I mean, there's gonna be, I'm turning up to some authorities are gonna come and I don't want my parents to worry. Prison, you have to worry about it. And also the librarians, like when I'm allowed to get to physical in the library, so that's what we do.

The five club is at a place. Where he started it. So we just get together and just talk about things and stuff like that. It was really very well described, very visual. I could imagine it. It was fun to follow. I draw pictures of it sometimes. I mean, I was, I was, you know, on pins and needles. Would what's what's what's the level. Would you like to have a fight club right now? Sure. All right, great. What's your move?

Okay, I come in on a penny farthing and you're distracted by that. And then you ask what that is because you've seen it before, you've seen it in old timey movies. And I say it's a penny farthing. And then you start laughing because you think the, the, it's a funny name. Can I ask just quickly? Yeah, one or two wheels at the back

Just one just one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you got one big one up front Yeah, then once one of the back and then I have noticed sometimes there are two at the back I haven't seen that that's maybe like a training for children potentially with little babies and then while you're Laughing about the penny farthing and the name and then you're thinking stuff and then one of you thinks of a funny joke

and you're like, oh wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and you're trying to get everybody to say, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I wait for the right opportune moment at the apex of when you're saying, wait, and your mouth is open, then I grab both the top part of your teeth and the bottom part of your jaw, and I wrench them, and then your mouth is like triple wide,

and it hurts, your jaw's gonna hurt, but it's triple wide, and then I take this thing that I brought, that's like kind of a mini fire extinguisher, that's like for under the kitchen counter, not a big one, but it's like a home, like a thing or something you might put in your car. Yes, I am. Just wide enough to go into your mouth. Uh-huh. And then I don't put it fire spray side in. Uh-huh. I use that to go out. Then I'm, uh, while you're going, woo-hoo. Uh, I take, uh, your arms behind you and I tie them up, uh, with some of you, I grab your anal beads out of your anal.

And then I, you've got, he's got, he's got beads in his anal right now. And I grab them, spin you around and you spin so much that you get really dizzy and you also start boring a hole into the earth. And then I take those anal beads and I wrap your arms, tie your hands around your back and then, and then the fire extinguisher, you start going, oh, and you accidentally trigger it.

And that makes the fire extinguisher shoot off and that spins you around in a circle. And then you start boring down a hole into the earth and then you all meet each other in the earth's core of 100 million, billion, gazillion degrees, and nothing can survive, except you're both of you don't know this, but you have titanium skeletons because you have where you were brought here a thousand years ago, and you were only just recently reanimated sleepersel thing. Right. And you need to commandeer the middle earth people. And then you do, but you decide because you're greedy, you, because you're capitalist and you decide, I'm going to mine all the lithium in the earth's core. Just to check, just so I know how to defend myself, when you say middle earth people,

are you referring to Lord of the Rings or a group of people that live in the earth's core? And you it's a group of Lord of the Rings, larpers that live in the middle of the earth's core. Okay, so they're full full on regalia and a way down to our titanium skeletons. Does everything else melt at that point? Yes, yeah, okay, sure. But you put on some bomb, some like lip bomb, yeah, so it doesn't hurt.

I can show you. Um, purple. And the only and that I you have that stuff, so it doesn't hurt. I can show, yeah, yeah, yeah. Popo. And the only, and the eye, you have eyes, skeleton, but you also have eyes. Yeah, that's cool. And then, I can't remember. What was the mining thing? Oh, then I, oh yeah, you're mining,

and then you make a lot of money. But at this point, at this point, I've got a board. Yeah at this point, at this point I've gotten bored. Yeah, yeah. At this point I've gotten bored because you've been down there for a long time. You don't just magically appear. You've got to spend and it takes a good day and I have to get down that far into the earth's middle

that earth's core. And so I went and got breakfast. And what I asked for because I'm not from Australia, I say, in a very polite way, not assuming arrogant American way. But I'm like, hey, I'd look to have something, some fruits or vegetables or something that I couldn't necessarily get back in the States, in a diner in Brooklyn where I am. And then the waitress who's who's pretty attractive. But she's also she's working two jobs. So she's a little groggy

and she's got kids at home and she's got a she's she's tired, you know, but she's also kind of takes a fancy to me, not in a sexual way, but just this is guys interesting. This is make change in my day a little bit. And then, so she starts asking me questions, but I'm taking it the wrong way. I'm taking like, oh, she's flirting with me. Yeah, okay. And then, but I still want the vegetables or any whatever it is, a vegetable or a fruit,

or something that I can go, when I go back to Brooklyn, I can go, oh man, have you ever had, you know, a frittata? A frittata, like, yeah, some exotic Australian vegetable fruit. Yeah. And I go, and she goes and gets me a frittata. And then, but she starts asking me all these questions about where he from. Oh, tell me about Brooklyn.

And I want to, and turns out she wants, she's been put there by the government to seduce me like a honey pie. Oh, man. And then to, so that I will marry her, which I do. She's been put there by the government to seduce me like a honey pie. Oh, man. And then to, so that I will marry her, which I do, and then go back to Brooklyn and take her as my wife. She becomes a citizen through me. Of course, a great card.

I help her get a job at the DMV, the Department of Motor Vehicles. And then she's able to, she eventually works her way up after a couple of years to taking the picture for your license. And so she has little teeny, meany timing, like nano-team timing roll. Nano-technology chips in her finger. And I'm always curious, I never sent anything, but like, why is she always doing her nose?

She's always going to get a quote unquote, manicure, and aure in all the time. And she's getting more of these little chips. She puts them into the driver's license photos that she then, the ideas that gives people Americans. And then the Americans become a folk brand. She went for Australian government. Yeah. There's like, you know, the most potent government, you know, on the planet.

And then, and then makes everybody, so these chips, when she gets a signal from her overlord, the prime minister. And he gives, he goes on TV and he gives a really seemingly innocuous speech about, you know, agricultural stuff and the situation with the lamb farmers and all that stuff.

There's a trigger word. Right. And when he says the trigger word. Sleeper agents. Sleeper agents. Everybody in America who's had the chips and the nanotechnology who have the driver's license. All of a sudden. Oh my god.

Yeah. Oh my god. and nanotechnology, you have the driver's license, all of a sudden, oh my God. Yeah. A duck. Oh my God. So they start salivating. There's saliva glands are triggered. Yeah. And they're, and everybody's like,

and they can't, they're just salivating a little bit more than normal. And there's just a little bit more. So people have to start getting little hankies. And, and, and, you know, like, uh, that's the last thing. With that, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's So, but what's happening in the meantime is Australia is cornering the market on hankies. And then we are left having to buy, use all of our precious monies. Hey, sources, yeah.

And we have to deplete our defense budget, which is like almost a trillion dollars. Yeah. All that has to be spent on hankies from Australia. All our money goes to Australia. We lose all our money and then Australia eventually takes over with the robot lamps. Wow. Yeah, well, I block that.

Yeah, all right. I would block that with my right arm. Okay. And then I'd sweep under, trip you up, then open fist up to the nose. Break your nose. I don't think so. Oh, damn. All right, okay, up, then open fist up to the nose. Break your nose. I don't think so. Damn.

All right, well, shoot. All right, that's a hard gap. I did the exact same thing last week. That's why you was prepared. Yeah. Well, no, yeah, but you would actually seen that from a movie that I fight choreographed. What?

You saw that in a movie in a film that I did the fight choreo. You didn't fight choreo for you didn't you did fight I'm your spare time yeah when would when did that happen Uh what company years ago? I'm a little bill couple of years ago so you talk when you're nine or eight Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm that advanced pretty sure that is a good move And I'm gonna I'm gonna well apparently not I mean you got me with the legs we Yeah, but no you almost got me and that's rare that someone would almost get me.

He always goes second. And he always wins. Because he goes second. Is that, do you think he's able to negate everything with a leg sweep? Yeah, he always goes second. And he always says the same thing. That's an incredible job.

Well, just that, I mean, that block is unstoppable. And I can teach you that block if you'd like. You don't want to let it? Because your your move was good, little complicators. Yeah, there's a there are a lot of parts. Yeah, I can edit it trim it down, but yeah. Hey, thank you so much for coming to our LAN party. You must come again sometime. Thank you for coming. Well, and thank you so much for coming to our LAN party. You must come again sometime. Thank you for coming. Well, thank you. This didn't, this really didn't pay off

for me in the way I wanted to. You should probably shouldn't have flown here. Boat? Oh, yeah, boat. Yeah, boat. Next time do a boat, I think. I do. Well, it would take longer.

Sick. David, thank you very much for coming on our podcast. Thank you for having me. Life long face. Thanks for coming to LA. Kind of meet me halfway. Yeah, thank you for coming to LA. Yeah, I came to LA.

You came to LA. Your part, your leg was a little longer, but yeah, it was. Yeah, we've done the LA to, Melbourne LA to LA, New York is the worst thing in the world. So never do that. Yeah, that's brutal. What, what, what, what would you like, what have you got going on?

Well, I start going out on tour. It's called the worst daddy in the world tour. The first leg is up available to get tickets on my website, official DavidCross.com. And then, and then keep going back, because we're about to announce a second leg, which will be more of America, Canada, and Europe. You've been listening to the Aunty Donna Podcast. Thanks for joining us for another rip-amp episode brought to you by AuntyDonnaClub.com. See you next week! Listen up.