Aunty Donna Podcast - Lucy and a Ham Net

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Well, The Aunty Donna Podcast will never be the same. Zach's gone for good and we've searched far and wide for his replacement. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a Grouse House podcast. Welcome to the new era of the Auntie Donna podcast. Brought to you by Sam Boy Chips, if you're in World War II and you need a weapon, there's none better. I'm going to say this is the lowest point of the Auntie Donna podcast, 498 episodes in. Two of 500. Yeah. 500 and 2 off 1,000. Yeah.

You were, if you didn't listen to last episode, it's said, it's going to be a shock for you. Zach has retired. Retired from comedy. Left nothing but his boots and the stink of his feet behind. And the boots are still here. Yes. This is what you just said.

And I was say not just that, but the podcast itself is in a bad way because you are fucked. you you yeah oh why you're back your neck doesn't you've you've got an issue with the chair well i've uh i you know spoke to the team there's new chairs there's new set and just every episode there's been neck problems so now you've got a pillow i came down i sat in the first time we did some recordings here and at the end of it my neck was very tight very tense it hurt not a lot of back support with these chairs. Aesthetically beautiful. But when you're having a conversation with what used to be two people, now just one. It's just you and I. Now it's just you and me. Because Zach has retired because he just didn't make the cut. A professional funny.

Tom had something to do with that. It's not just you and my hands that are covered in this blood, Broden. Worth mentioning if you didn't listen to the last episode, go back if if, if, if, if only for Tom's joke about chips. It's very good. It's set off a little, a small riot within the Antidone. Downtown LA. Yeah. But now I have a pillow to help support me with my neck.

And I don't think it's that funny. Is it helping? Yeah, to some degree, yes. It's at least reminding me. It's at least reminding me of proper posture. it's not doing a lot to actually help it but it is it's reminding me that it's like if I sit if I sit a bit more proper maybe I'll not have the issues and what now what I'm going through now is does my neck hurt because I did a podcast without the pillow uh or is is the pillow

hurting my neck more than previously mark but yet to be told that tale is yet to be told we move on? We don't have to. I can keep talking about it if you want. No, I would rather not, but... But you could. I'm just giving you the option. And you should and will.

Yes. Continue? Yeah. Oh. Okay. There's not much more to say, really, than what I've already said. But what I will say is that Lucy called me a princess. And she said, I was getting the princess.

treatment, which was a little, I thought a bit much, because I asked for the earbuds, rather than over-ear headphones, and because I asked for a pillow because my neck was hurting. Both things that just helped me be a better podcaster. To defend, Lucy, apparently makes me a fucking princess. I think to defend Lucy, she said, you're getting the princess treatment, which is different to being a princess. No one's saying you're a princess. You are not a princess.

You are not of royal blood. No, that's true. More of a Podzilla. Am I right? What? More of a Podzilla like a Bridezilla. Like a fucking monster. Demanding all these things.

You're more like a Podzilla, like a Bridezilla. Yes, in the way that a Bridezilla is the Godzilla of brides of the wedding, like a kaiju, stomping through that ceremony, burning people with its plasma breath. I am like that to this podcast because I asked for earbuds that are gentler on my ears and something that will stop me from getting neck cramps. Well, thank you for going on. And you certainly could.

We don't have a third guest at the moment. No, and I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the weight of responsibility. Yeah, you wouldn't have usually brought out the Podzilla bit unless you absolutely had to. Yeah, that would have been like gun to my dick kind of stuff. So part of the podcast, Broden, is I say something. You say something.

Is that laughing at the corner of it. Part of it is like, and you should know this, we're 498 deep. I wasn't in all of them No you weren't But I would say other podcasts You've done outside of this Have filled in the You know you wouldn't do that on kick pod

I imagine I haven't been on kick pod No but if you were You wouldn't leave those two Wonderful girls hanging I can Broden It can't just be me Saying things that are unfun

And then you're not laughing at it and saying nothing to follow it up. That can't be this podcast without Zach. It can't be. I refuse. Tom, you're guilty here too. Yes.

All right. Come on. Fresh start. I had some watermelon water. It's making me, I'm going to burp. Yeah, I've got a sore tummy from...

I've got a sore tummy. Yeah, from the pineapple water. You chose pineapple. Why did you choose? We'll present it with two water options earlier. A pineapple or a watermelon, and Broden chose the pineapple, and as Tom was eating a snick-a-doodle cookie. Is that what it's called, Tom?

Yes. Oh, man. I need help. I need help here. I can't do this on my own. I'm really to help. You're rarely to help. Great.

Let's... I want to say ready, and I'm raring to help. Raring. Ready and raring. Yeah, let's fucking, let's fucking, yeah, let's fucking kick in the gear now. No more horse shit, no more fucking around. All right, let's introduce our new host. Because we have a new host.

Back up, don't we, Tom? We searched long and far for this. We did. We held, we didn't hold auditions because we didn't need to, because we knew we went through our mind's eye, and we thought of all the comedians and all of the funny people and all the podcasters. And two names came up.

The first was Will Anderson. Will Henderson is a is someone who's been doing podcast for a very long time Really knows the media and radio and radio before that triple j was on triple j did you know that one of the What should look at me like that? Because I said and radio Yeah but you could have been talking about 101.1.1 tfm which is radio Yes but he wasn't on 101.1.1 tfm maybe as a guest at one point I don't know his full resume of fucking radio shows he's been on, cunt,

but he was on Triple J, and that is a fact. And you can't deny that. What happened to double, what happened to mix FM? One of one point one double T.FM is where I want to be. I think it's kiss now. Kiss.

Yeah. Kiss. Um, I miss 101.1.1. I miss it. Or do you miss being in the car with your mom and being, young. Mm.

Maybe that's what I miss. Did you hear me fart? Did you fart? No, I didn't. But you've exposed yourself now. I think it's the watermelon can. See, yours is at your bottom and mine was out my mouth. Isn't that so interesting the way different bubbles can come out of someone?

Tom? Is that a song? Yes. No, I don't think so. It's not a song, the way different bubbles can come out of you? Let's find out. No, it's not. Now, we have, we had a choice between two people.

Will Anderson from radio. Will Anderson from Radio from Triple J. Wasn't Triple J. Who would just be genuinely a perfect addition to this. Knows what he's doing, has been doing it for a long time, very funny, has hip, hip issues. So these chairs might. Yeah, and you could talk about it.

that. About hip issues? About, you know, not being able to do the pod because you... Because of a physical... I went to a sports therapist at 7am this morning. Jesus. No, their name was Shane. Nice.

And did they help you overcome your fear of golf? What are you talking about? They're a sports therapist. I thought it was like a bag of ants joke. What? Bag of ants. A bag of ants. No, bag of vans.

Will Smith, Bag of Vance. What the fuck are you talking about? Not bag of ants. What's bag of vans? Half 15 minutes. No, do them at 10. Right, that explains so much.

More revenue. We'll be right back after this to explain what bag of vance is. Actually, I'm going to get our guest to research what bag ofance is and to come in and tell us what bag ofance is. Did you want me to break down my sports therapist, Joe? Yeah. What's a therapist? Someone who helps you through things. You said sports therapist.

And I said, did they help you overcome your fear of golf? Yeah. No, this is a physical therapist. Obviously. Because I have calf issues after the sciatica. Oh,

does that affect cows? What do you say? What are you saying? Does that affect small cows? Syatica. Calf's, man. I'm asking. Firstly, a calf is not a small cow.

It's a baby cow Yeah Baby cows are small But I don't call Do you call a baby a small human Is your neck okay It's you know

It's getting better Surprisingly Great But if I don't think about it And now I'm thinking about it And it hurts Would you say hey Tom Has just had a small human

I think you would say A baby is a small human Yeah Yeah A calf is a small cow Because it's a baby regardless. But my calf muscle, the left one is so weak, I can't run.

Really? So I've got to strengthen it up. Okay. And how did they, how were they doing that? I got to do stuff. I don't want to give it to you for free. This is costing me a bit of money to go to see the sports therapist. Yeah, right.

Let's introduce our new host, and we searched long and far for them. Yes, we did. Please welcome. Well, first of all, Will Anderson said never in a thousand years. And so then we went to us number two, which was Lucy, Bain. They used to be our office manager, and now they are helping Tom with the pods. Well, they are producer of all Grousehouse podcast.

I don't know what the official title is, but I'm pretty sure there would have been a pay rise. They moved from Sydney to Melbourne to work with us. And they cook, they bake a mean cookie. Let me tell you that much. They've come on with their own yogurt. And this is someone, so the microphone just fell over. But that's in some ways your fault. No one's better hand...

No one's better position to deal with the microphone. It's Lucy. Lucy Bain. Give her a round applause on the sound machine. Now Lucy, when you're... Because you bake many a cookie. I do. And you often bring them into the office.

Do you prefer the ones with the goo inside? I'm a big fan of a goo-filled cookie. That's the approach. I take to making cookies. Is you put a different goo in them depending on the flavor. because the goo in the cookie will depend on the, so for a Bueno cookie, what goo were you putting in?

So they've made a Nutella with white chocolate and it's like white chocolate. Who's they? Like, the cookie gods? No, like a, I don't know the name of the brand, but there's a brand of, it's like an off brand Nutella with white, but it's white chocolate Nutella. So I put that in the middle of the cookie as well as shopped up

Kinderbueno. To get that from the, Kinderbeno. Kinderbeno. Kinderbeno. You've had a kind of tronky? No, I can't eat those. Why?

Leo Coco. What? Leo Coco. Who's that? Is the brand of the off-brand? Thank you. Belgian white chocolate. Oh, it's Belgian.

So you're our new host. Wow. You're filling in for Zach permanently. You're like, you come from a very different background to Mark and I. Zach, and the three of us had this dynamic because we performed together for many years. What? Just the way you're wearing your headphones, the people at home,

very funny. If you're listening to see how silly Broden looks with his headphones, you're gonna have to pay. It's behind a paywall. It feels comfortable. Or maybe this is a clip.

But why you bring a yogurt on? She's sucking yogurt from a sack. This is my lunch. Oh, fair enough. Now, Lucy, you need to have more than that just for lunch. Tom didn't give me a lunch break. Tom. I did buy you a coffee.

He did buy me a strawberry marcher. That's not a coffee. That's not a coffee. That's a sweet milk. And then you're having more sweet milk. Mm-hmm. You need more than you can't have gluten. Yeah.

So you can't have lunch. That's why I can't have kinta tronky. Oh, you can't have trunky. Yeah. But why do you love making cookies? That's a really good question. I don't know. I've recently gotten into baking and I like making things for the office to share.

So I do. Top 10 cookies you make. Number one. This is a really good. question. Number one, I... It's less of a question, it's more of a list. In terms of how they've been received from people. Yes.

Or in what you like. I like kind of Bueno the most. Number one, Kinda Bueno. And that's got a Bueno goo. It's got a Bueno goo in the middle. It's not actually got Kin de Bueno bars in it because I can't have those because they've got gluten in them. Yes.

Gluten's becoming a recurring theme. Theme. Because you can't eat it. I can't eat gluten. Because you're gluten in tiseliac. Do you remember? that time I came in, I said, intolerant or celiac? Celiac.

Right, because I was setting you up for intolerant. You went for it. You stopped halfway through it. And then you went silly. Part of this podcast is, is if you fuck up your words, we will relentlessly bully you for it. Are you okay with that? Is that okay? That's okay.

Just know it's nothing personal. It just means you said something that we thought was stupid. Lucy reminded me of a story that Lucy and I had the other day. Yeah. where I walked into the office because Lucy, I think, sent an email or something was weird. Or something, I don't even remember what it was. But I was like, Lucy, do you want to confess to something? Like maybe a plate.

I was like, Lucy, do you want to confess to something? But you were setting up for the email that she'd say? Yeah, like she'd send an email or the wrong person. Yeah. And she said, do you want to say? I said, oh, you saw that I crashed into something. Sam's car. Sam Lingam, headwriter and auntie Donner.

I hit Sam's car in the car park. Which I imagine Broan didn't know. No, no. It was like the first thing I'd heard that morning and I was like, I thought no one had seen. And I was like, I would have said it to Sam, but like. Oh, Lucy. Is this how Sam's finding out?

Did you tell Sam? I don't think I ended up telling you. Yeah. Well, fuck. I don't know how to respond to this. Yeah. How badly did you hit it? There wasn't like any damage or anything.

Not like when Tom hit my car. Yeah, I did hit. Well, okay. What happened? I just reversed into Lucy's car. I was in a real rush and I was, you know how you should never, you know, do things in a rush or panic. And I was rushed and panicked and I reversed into Lucy's car. Except escape a burning building.

Yeah. And did she, what? I would do that. rush. I'd get out of there as quickly as possible. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a fucking, it's just a fucking fact of life, can't. You had eight more cookies or so? Oh, yeah?

Red velvet. Would you take your time? Would you take your time? I think I would remain calm and exit the building. Yeah, but you, Lucy was in a fire recently. You were. Fire at work recently. Why are you always around these serious tragedies and events? The building next door to us caught on fire, we thought it was our building. I was in the Melonsam live stream. Why was there a fire? Someone had lit like a cigarette or something onto a big pile of rubbish.

And you know not to smoke? I do know not to smoke. And I was in the Melan Sam live stream. It was a 24 hour live stream. We were on hour 22, I think. I'd been awake for 36 hours at this point. Wow. And then you can watch it back on YouTube.

The building got evacuated because, It was like a massive fire. And so you can hear poor Beck's voice in the back just screaming, get out, everyone, get out. So then I... In a bit of a rush. We did run out. I didn't have shoes on.

We had to run out in our pajamas. Right. Ran out without their shoes on. Not something you'd do in a calm. I wouldn't do that calmly. Did you remain calm? Absolutely not. Would we all like to apologize to me, Ne?

I don't think what Lucy did is what we should do. Well, get out. Not really. Remain come. Sam ran back for her laptop. Did anyone die? No one died. So they did the right thing.

Okay. I don't know if that quite holds up. There's something about some people not dying and whatever you did resulting in that. That maybe means you did the right thing. Yeah. Yeah. Lucy, did you look up bag of ants? I did actually.

Yes. I'm chumping at the bit to know what this means. Do you want me to explain it? Yes. Explain Bagavans to Mark. So the legend of Bagavans is a movie that's available on Disney Plus. It's... Broden, is this what you were referring to?

Yes. The plot is a disappointed war expert half-heartedly agrees to play a game of golf with the help of his caddy, Bagavans, who helps him to understand the secret of mastering any challenge in life. It was directed by Robert Redford. Wow. How do they tell him by lining all up the ground.

I don't know. I've not seen it. Spelling the words out with their bodies. It's not bag of ants, is it, Lucy? No, it's the legend of bagger vance. Bagger is his first name. Will Smith plays bagger vance. And what does this have to do with cookie goo?

Or what was the context? You said I was scared of golf and this is about a guy helping a guy scared of golf. Was he scared of golf? Bagger vans. I've not seen it. Lucy, Lucy, he was scared of golf. He was scared of golf. He was scared of golf.

Don't let him bully you into the answer. I think for the audience who are going to need to get used to you as the third host of the Underhonour podcast, what can they have in store, Lucy? Yeah, what kind of heat are you packing that you're ready to, when the podcasts, when the mics turn on, when that red light starts burning in the camera, and you pull that valve, that comedy valve, and you let that steam out, what color is the steam and how hot is it? Will it burn?

It's actually in the corner of the room as well. Yeah, it is worth me. He can still be in the room. He can still be in the room. He's retired. He hasn't been banned from the building. Okay, he's still his workplace. I just put out.

Did he mentor you? He gave me some advice before I came on. What was that advice? To remain composed and look cool. Right. that's good that's good advice that's good advice sometimes um because lucy you want to do film and stuff that's why you work with us

yeah yeah and sometimes you'll be like the the the the Zach's and of the world and the weird like the weird film lovers will take you to a weird film what's that weird film they took you to that time they took me to house which is like in Japanese experimental horror um max and zach took me to say that and then i remember And then the next day, I walked into the office and she was just sitting there quietly watching the trailer confused. Like she was like digesting the film again. I was trying to make sense of what I'd seen.

If anyone's seen it, it's a very weird movie, but it's cool. Lucy, you lived in a house by yourself? I did. And then you moved, you wanted to slowly transition to roommates. Yeah. So you moved into a house with how many people? I live with five people. And how many bathrooms?

One bathroom. And how's that going? It's going great. I had a bit of a crash out to Tom about it yesterday, actually. But apart from that, it's good. Why did you crash out? It's not in a very great condition. I didn't help that.

I installed floating shelves in the apartment or the house, which you're not really meant to do. And the wall started caving in. The wall? Where did you get the shelves? Kmart. And what did you use to install? them into a drill not a not the right drill bit i didn't know you had to get a drill bit so i was drilling in the in the drywall in like a plaster yeah and you didn't use plaster screws no i used the screw

driver element on the end of a drill and just like put my body weight against it to drill a hole into the wall no lucid's not how you yeah look i'm the i've become the king of mounting in my home i can I've heard that about you. Yeah. I can mount anything to any wall pretty quickly, very cleanly. And depending on the size of the thing, I'll only get really upset and swear once or twice now in the process of it. Recently, I put up a projector screen. Whoa.

A motorized projector screen in my bedroom. Mounted that, and I did it properly. We can cut that whole bit. Why? Because it's not funny or interesting and I'm not saying anything good. I think it's, I think, I agree that at that length it felt wrong. Yeah. But maybe it need to be shorter or much longer.

Well, what I'll tell you is, if you need any mounting done and losing. You coming on to me? No, I'm not, not mount you like a wild beast on heat. I mean to your dry wall in your, in the property that you own or that you own or that you You're renting. Renting. Ranting. See, I rent.

And I mount like a motherfucker. Are you allowed to? Don't know. Don't know. Can you check that? Can you check if rental tenants are allowed to do now? I think you're allowed to, if you clean up the walls afterwards, and I know how to clean up the wall afterwards.

You put some little plaster in there? Yeah, you get like there's a little sealies. Lucy, how do you think this is going? I think it's quite poorly. Listen, we didn't bring you on here for your honesty. We brought you on here for your quick whips and entertaining tales. Well, you're going to get used to it. Let's, often, Lucy, what are you looking for?

Well, you just told me to look up. Oh, yeah, right. I found it for you. Oh, thanks, Tom. What is it, Tom? Changes that can be made without permission. Pitcher hooks or screws for wall mounts, shelves or brackets on all surfaces except for exposed brick, which I didn't know. Beautiful.

That's crazy. Congratulations. I go ham on this shit. Hamnet. No. No, not Hamnet. Have you seen it? No, I can't get past the title. I genuinely, every time it comes up, I just start laughing because I'm like, just call it Hamlet.

Don't worry about it. Hamlet already exists. Yeah, I know, but like, I would have seen a movie called Hamlet about Shakespeare's son that I didn't know existed. I can't see a movie called Hamnet. Do you know what I would have called it? What? Back in the old days. Why?

Well, it's not set now, is it? No, but lots of movies aren't set now. But that one's particularly, like, I haven't seen it, but it's set. Like, 1,500s? Yeah, so... Yeah. What would you call Hamnet? Probably Hamnet, because that's the name of the kid.

Yeah. But he called the play Hamlet. Yeah. In the very, the opening frame of the film... Have you seen it? I have. It was a... Oh, the title...

Not very good? No, it was incredible, in my opinion. Was Hamnet particularly good? Well, Hamlet. and Hamlet are played by brothers. That doesn't mean much to you because you've not seen it, but I thought that was a cool fact. What are you talking about?

Amnet. Are they the same person? No. Well, technically, like in the story. Hamnet. Hamnet. So there's a Hamlet in Hamnet. Yeah.

And a Hamnet. Yeah. But it's about Hamnet. Yeah. Is it about writing Hamlet? Yeah. Why do you call it Hamlet? Well, that's the opening frame of the movie is like Hamlet and Hamlet are the same word.

is what Zach was going on about Yeah All these people who seem to know so fucking much about Hamnet Because they saw Hamnet Whereas you and I have not seen Hamlet If they're the same word Fucking call it Hamlet

That would have been one extra ticket But then do you see if it's called Hamlet Instead of Hamnet Then people think they're going to see Hamlet Not if it's not if they're watching the trailer And they go okay it's about If I see a movie and it's called Batman Yeah

I'm going to go and what do you think that movie's going to be? be. It's going to be about Batman. But if I see a film and it's called Bat Ham. Right. But it's about Batman. But it's not Batman. No, but it's about Batman. But is it about putting on...

It's about Bob Kane and Bill Finger coming up with Batman, but it's called Bat Ham. Because they have a son called Bat Ham. Yeah. Bob Kane and... I would call it Batman. But Batman are the same word. Let's not forget. Let's not forget.

What? They're the same word. But they're not. Are they? No. Twins aren't the same, but they are. What? Twins aren't the same person, but they are.

Right. DNA wise. Yes. What are you saying? I've gotten lost. Hamnet. I just think Hamnet is a stupid word. Lucy, set us straight.

What's your opinion? On... On Hamnet. The Bat Ham thing works, right? Yeah. But Batman and Bat Ham are the same word. Yeah. So a movie about Bob Kane and Bill Finger

about their illegitimate child called Batham opens with the phrase that says, Batman and Batman and Batman are the same word. And then it goes on to tell the tale of these, two comic book writers in the 30s coming up with Batman. They have a son called Batman. But if the movie's about Batman. But Batman's in it.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's also about Batman. But it's about Batman. In ways, is the movie, who gets more screen time? Hamnet or Hamlet? Hamnet. Hamnet.

Hamnet. It's pretty even. It's pretty even. Well, it's the same word. So wouldn't it be the same amount of... Tom's waving his arms. That means the podcast is over when you're right. And I would like to say bat ham from Gotham.

Right. Why? Because this is your chips again? This is my chips again. Zach's saying I should be on the podcast. Well, you are. I don't think the audience to be over here, Zach. That's my opinion.

You think Do you reckon we're going to get this on mic? Can him yell? No, Zach is yelling in the corner. Just to wrap it up, I thought it was stupid. It was called Hamnet.

Made me laugh every time I saw it. I was like, if I go to this movie, I'm going to be laughing a lot every time they say the child's name because it's too close to Hamlet, which is a word I know. And Hamnet,

one to call a boy Hamnet is not. kind when Hamlet is the same word and sounds way better. That's true. And two, was it named after his son? Yes. Yeah. Kind of. That's what they're asking.

Yeah. That's not enough. For me, that's not an interesting question. What would you, what do you think of Marty Supreme? Marty Supreme was cool. I couldn't take the guy from Shark Tank seriously. I thought he, but also he wasn't, it wasn't a bad performance. Yeah.

It was pretty cool. And what did you think of no other choice? Oh, that's insane. That first scene with that Korean song in the background, I've been playing it for Tom all week. It's so sick. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Have you seen The Dark Night? No. What? Lucy. You haven't seen The Dark Night. No. You call yourself a filmy and you haven't seen The Dark Night? It's one of the best Bat Ham films.

That there is. Or Batman. It's the same word. You've been listening to the Auntie Donna podcast. Thanks for joining us for another Ripper episode brought to you by Auntie Donner Club.com. See you next week. Welcome to the future.